B (8:23)

So.

C (8:23)

Yeah, I just hate that. I just hate that. Like, they have to come Home from school and just like still do homework, still do all these things. And like you barely get to like spend time with them. So on the weekends I just be trying to soak everything up. And spring break, summer break, like just soak up every single minute that I can. But if you listen to the last episode, you know, at the end I was talking about how I wanted to talk about non negotiables in your 30s. This is something that I've been really thinking a lot about lately because I feel like my life has changed so much in the past couple years. I think I've been through some really life altering experiences. I've lost a lot of people. I wouldn't say I lost because at the end of the day I don't feel like I lost. I feel like I've gained more than anything. But I. There are relationships that have been, you know, that had to end and it was, you know, for the better. But so many of these things like have changed how I look at life and how I go about and just my relationships with people in general and how I set my boundaries and how I respect myself. You know, I think a lot of the issues that I used to have was from people pleasing and just being like a too much of an empathetic person and always giving people chance after chance after chance. And that is something that I had to learn, is not okay to do. Like if you are too much of a, of a people pleaser, people start to take that as a weakness and they will use that against you. Like they will constantly get whatever they want and need out of you because they know you feel a soft spot or you feel like, you know, you have to do this for them just because you know that they're going through things or you know what I mean? But I have been in, I've been in a ton of situations like that my whole life where people have abused the fact that they know, like, it's like they know like V is going to be going to do it or she's going to, she's going to, you know, she's going to come through for you regardless. Like, don't even worry about it. And it's like, bitch, no, I'm not that person anymore. I can't be. These are some of my non negotiables in my 30s that I realized I really had to implement in my life. And I am better off since I have started like being like, nah, these are, this is it it, that's it. I had to write everything down. So. Because it's a lot. But my piece is always going to be my top priority over proving a point at this point. Like, I don't feel like I need to prove myself or prove a point to anybody. Everyone that knows me knows me. And honestly, once you reach the point where that's enough for you and you don't give a about anything else, you don't feel like you constantly have to prove a point or prove that you're a certain type of way to be. I feel like sometimes when people constantly feel like they have something to prove, it's because you're. You're genuinely trying to hide the fact that you're really not like that or like you really, you. You're overdoing it. You know, like constantly having to put a point or proof to other people is like, are you really proving it to try? Are you really doing it to like, to show other people or is it to convince yourself? And I just don't. I'm not, I'm not that person. Like, I'm just never going to do that. For me, it's like you can think. If you want to think that way, then go have at it. I know I no longer explain myself to people who are 100 committed to misunderstanding me and don't know me honestly. That has nothing to do with me. At the end of the day. Like, I don't have to sit here and prove myself to anybody. And my peace is always going to be priority to everything. I'm not about to go back and forth with nobody. Nobody. Not at the big age of 34. I will blink my eyes twice, look you up and down and walk away so fast like you are out of your damn mind. If you think I am choosing to sit here and have to prove a point, well, I'm this, like, I'm not going to talk myself till I'm blue in the face. For you to understand me or for me to prove a point, like, out of here. Hell no. Another one is setting boundaries without guilt. I don't owe access to anyone just because we have history. And I think a lot of people think this, like, it's like, like, oh, we go way back or we've known each other for so long, so it's like immediately a thing where because I've known you for so long or because you've been in my life for so long, like that boundary doesn't apply to you. And it's like, it doesn't work like that. If, if someone sets a boundary, it's for themselves and it doesn't exclude anyone. Like, you're not excluded from that, you know, And I think people like to make people feel guilty for setting boundaries. But that's the thing. Like, it doesn't. You don't have to agree with the boundary. Not everyone around you sometimes is going to respect it or even understand it. And sometimes people will be like, oh, well, you're being too cold or you're being to this. Like you're being too. You're difficult. Like people love to say, like, people are difficult when they don't agree with something that you're doing. Or, you know, you set up a boundary and it's like stupid to them or something. And it's like, that's the thing. It doesn't have to make sense to you. It makes sense to me. And I respect myself enough that I'm gonna imp that. So I think that also has a lot to do with just being grown. Like, why do you want to be in spaces like.

A (13:39)

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B (14:09)

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C (14:39)

Around people or places where you're. You feel disrespected or your boundaries are being crossed at that point, I think it's grown and it's mature to just take yourself out of the equation. You know, like, I'm not going to sit here and argue with anybody about boundaries and, and lines that I don't want crossed for myself. That just doesn't make sense to me. I am simply going to remove my every single time. And you might be blindsided, you might not understand. To me, that's, that's not my problem. I Am going to remove myself every time and you don't have to understand it. That's for me to understand. No more one sided relationships. I feel like I've always been the one to like reach out, set up dates, like hey, let's get together for dinner, let's do this. Like there was a time where I was constantly the one doing that and I had going on in my own life and I was just like, why? Well why do I have to be the one? And I think after a while people just kind of expect that from you or you just become that friend, you know, like it's like, oh, she's, she's the planner, she's the one that gets everyone together. But that doesn't mean like it should stop on your end too. I think friendships and any type of relationship you have with anyone should be a two way street. Like you should both be trying to give the same kind of reciprocation, the same kind of energy. And I understand it's not always going to be 50, 50 all of the time. You know, like everyone goes through seasons of life. Like a friend might have just had a baby or just got married or maybe she's in her, you know, just started her masters like a little more busy, you know, like it's always going to be different but still keeping that line of communication open is, is really important. But I just think always being, always being the one, the one reaching out and being the one that has to fix things or being the one that carries the emotional load all the time is so draining and it's not healthy. I think I've started to learn. I just have to meet people where they meet me and I can't be mad about it because I used to get, I would get so mad and I'd be like, I would even tell my husband, I'm like, why do I feel like I give so much to friends and I love, like love them so much and then I just feel like a lot of the times I become like an afterthought or I don't feel as important. Like my friendship doesn't feel as important until you know, somebody needs something. But, but other than that it's like why don't I feel this way? Like I would feel that way a lot. And I did realize, now I realize, you know, they probably just the wrong friendships or for me or maybe we were just not meant to be in each other's lives anymore. Like sometimes you're really just in someone's life for a season and for a reason. And that's it. But now I feel like at 34 years old I'm like, okay, I'm, I'm starting to feel like, okay, the people that I have in my life, the friendships that I have, the relationships that I have around me do feel reciprocated. And it's because I'm just, I'm. I learned to meet people where they meet me. Like I'm not over extending and I'm also not over expecting anything anymore. Like I kind of had to take because I would, I think I feel like I was putting these invisible expectations on people. And I say invisible because they have no idea that these expectations are there. Not everyone's emotions towards you or how they feel towards you is going to come out the same way that yours might, yours might show and yours might come out in a relationship, a friendship, whatever that may be. Just because someone doesn't love the same way you love or give in the same ways that you give does not make them a bad person. And I had to really come to terms with that because I, I don't know where that stemmed from. It might just be like my abandonment issues with my dad. It probably is so much traumatic from my childhood. But I cannot put those standards on other people and expect them to meet them when they don't even know like where I'm putting them, you know, like it's, it's just weird. And now that I look back at it, I'm like, oh, like I kind of get the ick. And I'm like, I kind of cringe because I'm like, why would I do that to people? So once I just stop doing that. And like, not really. It's not that you don't expect much from people because I feel like that's a bad thing to say. But you're not putting them on this pedestal that they never asked to be on basically. But yeah, I just, I don't want any super one sided relationships anymore. And I feel like meeting people where they're at, that is something that really helps too. And just not like I said, like not over expecting because I mean everyone's got going on. Like there's. Life is hard. Life is as hard as it is right now even to just exist as a human living in this world right now, being in the human experience, being a woman, being a wife, being a mom, being an entrepreneur, being all the things like, like being everything to everyone and still having to give your all and putting your all into all these relationships while still forming a relationship within yourself, still Getting to know yourself, having a relationship with your children, having a relationship with your spouse, having a relationship with your co workers, having relationship with your. Your immediate family, your mom, your sister, your. Your father, your friend, like your. Your cousins. Like, we are trying to cultivate so many relationships all at once and we be forgetting about ourselves. We're forgetting about ourselves. This one is also really important. And I think this has changed my life, like, for the better. But being selective with who has access to me, that one hits. It hits hard because you have to get to a point where you realize not everyone deserves your vulnerability. Not everyone deserves your time. Not everyone deserves your knowledge, not everyone deserves your love. Not everyone deserves your respect. And there's a lot of people who will feel like they immediately get that access to you just because they know you. And it's like, just because you know me or you think you know me, because people will think they know somebody. They think they know everything about somebody's life. You haven't talked to you. We haven't spoken in two years. We haven't talked. Like, we don't even see each other. We know nothing. You know nothing about my life and I know nothing about yours. It's like if you're like, you're texting someone and maybe you don't text them back, but they see that you're on social media and immediately is like, oh, they expect. Like, you need to. Why aren't you responding to me when I see you on social media? Because you don't get that kind of access to me sometimes. Like, people will text me or call me and I will, yeah, I might be on my phone, but that don't mean I'm gonna pick up or text back right away. Like, I don't need to give that immediate access to anybody. But yeah, even just to protect yourself and your energy, you have to be very select with who you even keep around you, who you keep in your space, who has access to you. Like, it is so important. And you gotta also remember a lot of people are just monitoring spirits. People just want to be around you just to see what you're up to, just so they can go and go and chirp to the next person. But I'm telling you, like, they are. It's everywhere. It is everywhere. People don't want to be that close to you. They just want to know. Want to know. People just want to, like, know things about you or just have that access and just be close to you just because it's so weird. Not up in here. Like, I don't I don't play that. Like, the only people that I want in my life are the people that I'm actually going to spend my time with and like, grow with and. And I want to have and build friendships and relationships with. I think I'm very picky now where I don't want just associates in my life. I don't want just, just people that, like. I don't know how to explain it, but I just. Yeah, I don't want just associates and random people in my life who don't really, really give a about me. Like, you know, trusting my intuition. This is something that I feel. I have always been very in tune with my intuition, like my gut. And it's almost like this little pinpoint in my stomach that I can feel all the time. My gut will tell me how I feel way before my heart or my brain does. It's right there. It's that intuition point. Like, knows everything. And when I ignored it, I realized that that's when things would get bad. Like, that's when I would be put in positions where I'm like. Like I should have listened to my intuition the first time, the second time, the third. Like, I should have just listened to my intuition when this was telling me what it was, when it was, rather than trying to give people the benefit of the doubt or, you know, like listening to my heart and just being like, no, you know, like. Like giving people, making excuses and like, once I started listening to my intuition, I felt like I didn't need proof of things anymore. You know, like my body and my spirit already tell me everything that I need to know. And once I started really listening to that, it guided me to so many different things in life that I feel like I was aligned to be with in the first place. Like, this is where I was meant to be. Like, this is what but my intuition and like, trusting that would have taken me so long ago, but I chose to ignore it, you know, so now I do not ignore my intuition at all. Like, I. Some people might think it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, your body, your body keeps the score. Like your body knows and you're into. Like, that is your intuition telling you way before anything. So if something ever feels off to me, me. And that's how it always is. Like, that's how I can put it into words. Like, I. If. If things feel off or like the vibe is weird, like I get that feeling and it's my intuition and I know. So I'll be like, okay, I see what's going on here. Like, vibes are off. I just. I. Something feels off. I listen. I don't even question anything anymore. I listen to what that is telling me, and I act accordingly. And that's something that I had to learn. I had to learn to trust that. Because it is also very scary. Like, you can't really put into words what you feel or what it is. Like, it's just your intuition. Like, how do you explain that to somebody? Like, oh, I just have this feeling, or I don't. I don't know. I just. I have this feeling. And usually when I do have this feeling, it's right. Like, that's what it is. This is also really important to me. And some people might not agree and I don't give a. But privacy is a luxury, and people like to dumb this down, especially when you're, like, in the public eye or they immediately just want to see you as a character, and they don't want to see you as a human being. People love to look at you like, you don't have the luxury of having privacy or experiencing life and not having to give those experiences to other people. That is one thing that I cannot be tricked into, too. I don't give a. And y' all know I'm. I'm a Virgo through and through. Whereas I already don't talk to people about my life. I don't tell people. I don't do. Because I'm the type person that I feel like not everyone is. Not everyone wishes the best for you. And this is everyone, not even just me. I'm speaking from my experience. But people are looking at you, and they are waiting for something to happen. They're waiting for your downfall, or they're waiting to see you fall, and they want to see something come out about you. Or they want to see gossip, or they want to see this and they want to see that. Like, there's people out there that are so miserable that they will wait and ride on that. No, you ain't going to get any of that here. I'm not ever looking at somebody. Like, if I'm ever having a conversation with someone, I look at it as this. Like, if I'm having a conversation with someone, somebody that somebody that I love, and there's some things that they don't want to talk talk about or they don't want to tell me.

A (26:42)

OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps on Deck's loans up to $400,000. Make it happen fast. Rated A by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five star trust pilot reviews. Ondeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes@ondeck.com depending on certain loan attributes. Your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtic Bank. Ondeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans in amounts subject to lender approved All.

C (27:11)

I'm never going to push them to talk about it. I'm never going to, I'm. I. That conversation is going to end right then and there. And that's every relationship that I have. Like, I am never, ever going to force someone to talk about something that they don't want to talk about when they're not ready. And I think that's like how we have to look at it. Like, I think if people don't want to talk about something that they're going through for a moment or whatever, it can be be months, it can be days, it can be months, weeks, it can be months, it could be years. Like, there's a reason for that, you know, like, people go through life and people handle things a lot differently. A lot of people don't want outside opinions and outside noise affecting their judgment or affecting how they go through situations, you know, and a lot of people just don't want people in their business. And either way, that's okay. You know, I think everyone just, everyone is just going through life and just trying to get through life in their own way. But for me, like, I truly feel like not everything needs to be a post or a story or like I can enjoy things and have things that are sacred to me and that stay offline and stay not even just offline. Like, there's that people, like there's that my own mom, my sister, like my family don't even need to know about, about, you know, about things because I don't. That's for me. That's for me only. So, yes, I feel like my privacy is always going to be looked at as a luxury to me. And it's the one thing that these are the things that I can keep sacred to me and keep with just me. And I don't need to have a million other people's opinions. And I don't want, like, I don't like that. I'm gonna keep it for myself. And there's this big difference between being secretive and being private. And I think that's where people be having up, up. And this going into this I think is perfect, which is mental health is not optional to me. Having rest, therapy, staying prayed up, having boundaries, experiencing joy, like full blown joy. And like living in those moments like you need that for life, you know? So anything that even close to triggers my mental health. If I feel like you are gonna make me spiral or I'm about to be in some mess with my mental health because of you, like I'm pulling myself out immediately, you will not be in my vicinity, you will not be in my life because I do not play about my mental health at this point in my life. I'm not letting no person, place or thing with my mental health. And that's where I'm at. Like the minute I see that, that is where it's getting to. I am on the this, I'm on this earth for such a small amount of time. If I'm not giggling, laughing, dilly dallying, enjoying life, smiling, having fun, laughing till my stomach hurts, I don't want it stay far the away from me. And yeah, I know life isn't always about laughing and smiling and happy. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that I need to allow the in my life, you know, so anything that triggers your mental health or you just feel like it's, it's just not for you, you have every right to get rid of that thing or person, whatever. Because at the end of the day your mental health is, is not an option. And don't be scared to put yourself first. Like this is something you had. This is something that I really had to realize. Like I have to choose myself every single time, every single time. Because I know, I know what happens if I don't. I know what happens if I don't. And I've been there and I've been depressed and I've been at my worst and I've been at rock bottom and I've been to a point where I didn't want to be on this earth. I've hit that point. But yeah, those are some of my non negotiables in my 30s. Let me know what some of yours are in non negotiables in your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, whatever it may be, I want to know and maybe I can implement some of them. You can implement some of mine. We can do a little switcheroo. We can do, you know, we can like go a bit little back and forth with it. I take, you take mine, I take yours, you know, things like that. But I also did want to get into intentional parenting, especially as a Latina, because I am a Latina mother and I feel like there's so much to be said with that. And I am also. I'm running all. Everything that I want to talk about as far as it, I think needs like a full episode. So I'm going to talk about it on the next episode because there's just so much. There's a lot that I like wrote down about it and it's minutes. I don't want to be cut down to like 10, 20 minutes. Like, I really feel like I need a whole episode. So with that being said, next episode we're gonna do intentional parenting. And I'm really, actually really excited to talk about that and touch on that. But thank you guys for being here. Do your homework and please send me your non negotiables because I just, I love getting to know you guys more. I love getting to know my listeners and yeah, I just thank you guys for being here. And just to let you know, I'm all caught up on the YouTube. I'm going to be very consistent with uploading when I need to on there because I know I was backed up like three, four episodes and I know you guys like to actually watch the YouTube. I'm actually very surprised. Like so many of you like to actually just watch it more than listen or you. You listen and you also like to watch it on YouTube. So we're all caught up with all the videos. On my YouTube. I have another weekly vlog coming out which I'm going to be more consistent with my vlogs too because I just love YouTube. I feel like YouTube is one of my favorite social media platforms. So if you guys follow me on YouTube, it's @the V. Rivera. I have so many vlogs on there. You get to see more of like my family life and the kids. And Joe appears on there sometimes. You know, he can't really get away with me when I'm like vlogging. But yeah, I just feel like it's more like. I don't know, it's just so like. No, I wouldn't say intimate, but it's definitely more me and my life and I just, I love it. Like, I love vlogging and everyone is so amazing on there. Like, I swear there's like no trolls on there. I don't get like bad comments. Like, everyone is always so nice and just, I don't know, like the community there is so just genuine and I genuinely love it. Like, I love you guys so much. YouTube is, is true. Ride or die, I swear. But yeah, everything is all cut up on YouTube. And yeah, so that's a wrap on today's Chisme, but don't let the conversation stop here. Let's keep it going. Make sure you guys subscribe on the YouTube, and you'll be able to look forward to watching the podcast every week. Leave a review, follow me on socials, beautify me. And we also have the Cheeseman Corner on Instagram. Until next time, guys. Take care of yourselves. And remember, there's always room for more Chisme here at the Cheeseman Corner. Love you. Bye.