← The Chisme Corner with Vee Rivera
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- [00:00]
Fan
So I was just parking my car and then I saw you.
- [00:03]
V. Rivera
The Gecko.
- [00:04]
Fan
Huge fan.
- [00:05]
The Gecko
I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.
- [00:08]
Fan
The honor is mine. I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.
- [00:12]
The Gecko
Well, the Geico app is top notch.
- [00:14]
Fan
I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?
- [00:18]
The Gecko
Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure.
- [00:20]
Fan
Oh, that means so much. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again?
- [00:25]
The Gecko
Anything to help, I suppose.
- [00:27]
Fan
You're the best.
- [00:28]
Geico Announcer
Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.
- [00:30]
Talkspace Announcer 1
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace.
- [00:44]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need.
- [00:47]
Talkspace Announcer 1
With Talkspace, you can go online, answer.
- [00:50]
Talkspace Announcer 2
A few questions about your preferences, and.
- [00:51]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare.
- [00:57]
Talkspace Announcer 2
You can.
- [00:58]
Talkspace Announcer 1
You'll meet on your schedule wherever you.
- [01:00]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Feel most at ease.
- [01:01]
Talkspace Announcer 1
If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a.
- [01:03]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one.
- [01:08]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Support, Talkspace is here for you.
- [01:10]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code SPACE80@Talkspace.
- [01:31]
V. Rivera
Ever feel like you're so damn loyal and clapping for people who secretly hope you fail? Because same. I'm sure we've all been there, but let's talk about it. Cheesmosas. Welcome to the Chisme corner. I'm your host, V. Rivera, your Latina amiga. And go to Chismosa for all the chisme that actually matters. Latina motherhood, beauty, navigating life in our 30s and keeping our mental health in check. We're keeping it raw, relatable, and a little spicy. You know how it is. We'll also be getting into pop culture topics and all the best reality show tea because dos. I love me some tea. So get comfy because the Cheeseman starts now. Okay, we're diving right into it today. I don't know if y' all saw, but A girl got her hair cut. You know what they say? I feel like they always say, or at least I've always heard that your hair carries trauma and it like carries, I don't know, it just carries a bunch of negative just as much as the positive, you know, like, it carries memories and trauma. Like, it's so weird. I was already saying to myself, I need a little change because y' all know I get bored with my hair so much. And I feel like the long hair was just becoming way too much. Like it's the summertime, I'm hot, I'm sweaty all the time. And it takes me a lot longer to do my hair when it's long, which takes a lot of time out of me doing what I need to do in the mornings, getting to getting my ass to work, doing whatever it is that I need to do on time. So I decided I was just gonna randomly do the chop and I hit up my hairdresser and I was like, girl, I need. I send a picture actually. And I was like, I need to do this. And she was like, hey, I have a spa open. It was like two days after I hit her up. And I was like, I will take it. So I went straight in there and no looking back. I think this is the, the best cut, at least the one that I actually like and enjoy the most. Like, I know I did my big chop about three years ago, but for some reason, this one just feels so much more different. And the way I've been styling it, I'm just obsessed and I'm in love with it. I feel like it goes with me perfectly. I can definitely say that I'm going to be a short haired girly for a while. Okay. It's just easier. Especially if you're a mama and you're listening to this. I'm telling you, short hair is the way to go. It takes me like two seconds to do my hair in the morning. And that's all you need to know about that. Let me know if you have short hair or if you did the big chop too and how you feel about it, if it's easier or if you miss your long hair. Like, of course I feel like there's going to be times where you miss the long hair. Like, there's certain hairstyles you can't do with long hair. There's certain hairstyles you can't do with short hair, you know, so. But that's why there's extensions. If I ever get that little itch, I can always throw something in My hair. But I don't think that's going to happen. I promise you I'm loving the freeness. You can call her Bobiana, cuz I'm just flipping this Bob around the way I'm supposed to. Okay. But anyways, I don't know if you guys remember at the end of last week's episode I said I was going to pick up on episode two with pick me behavior, loyalty, burnout and frenemies in the skies. And you damn right we're gonna jump right into it. So this episode is for anyone that feels just emotionally exhausted or straight up disappointed or just done with fake support. So I hope a lot of you guys can relate to this. I feel like we've all been there before, right? Like the damn pick me pandemic. What is that about? What is that about? I feel like it happened a lot to me in my 20s. I was such a pick me in my teenage years and just going into my 20s I brought that with me. And pick me energy really isn't just in the dating scene. I started to realize this over time. Like it's in workplaces, it's in friendships, it's in even family. But when it comes to dating though, the ultimate pick me behavior is a woman who thinks like being chosen by a man is the ultimate achievement. Like that is, that is it for them. And that's even if it means stepping on another woman's toes to get what they want. That will never sit right with me. And I feel like that goes deeper than pick me energy. Like this is, this is literally internalized misogyny. It's that scarcity mindset and it goes, it just goes on and on. I feel like we live in a generation where men feel like they're the prize. And while that can be okay for them to feel that way, it must never be one sided cheese Mosas, you are the motherfucking prize. Okay? Put a ribbon on it, put a bow on that. You're the gift, you're the goddess. Like come on now we know this, but I think for generations they've been men have been told, okay, you're the providers, you're the protectors, you're this, you're that. Like you're the leaders, you know? So that translates in their mind, I think it translates to them being like, okay, you should feel really lucky to have me, like that type of energy. Cuz I feel like just the world in general makes it seem like women need men to survive. And even going back decades prior, like it seems like women needed men to survive, right? So I genuinely believe that men believe there are fewer good men out there than good women. So when they literally do the bare minimum, they get expected to be worshiped. Like they literally expect a cookie when they do the goddamn dishes. And it's like, sorry sir, I'm not giving you nookie or cookie because you clean the goddamn bed sheets that we both sleep on all the time. But it's like in reality, a man's ego needs to be fed. It needs to be, it needs to feel needed, it needs to be adored and even chased after for him to feel super secure in his masculinity so pick me behavior. So going back to being a pick me and having these pick me behaviors is basically when a woman goes out of her way to distance herself from other women. So practically downplaying her own needs, values, boundaries, whatever that may be. And this is all in the hopes of being chosen chosen by a man. Ill think about the phrases when women say often because I know we probably all heard this shit like I'm not like other girls.
- [07:50]
Talkspace Announcer 1
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, you talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace.
- [08:05]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need.
- [08:07]
Talkspace Announcer 1
With Talkspace, you can go online, answer.
- [08:10]
Talkspace Announcer 2
A few questions about your preferences, and.
- [08:12]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You'll meet on your schedule wherever you.
- [08:20]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Feel most at ease.
- [08:21]
Talkspace Announcer 1
If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a.
- [08:23]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one.
- [08:28]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Support, Talkspace is here for you.
- [08:30]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com, match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code space80@talkspace.com I don't wear makeup.
- [08:52]
V. Rivera
I'm naturally beautiful. I don't need makeup. Which there's no problem with that. But this is just an example. I don't have female friends. It's too much drama. Like what are you doing? You're giving off hella pick me energy. And I'm not here for it, it's giving internalized misogyny and the fear of not being chosen. And don't feel guilty or called out. If this is you, we've all been there, okay, but pick me culture really does pit women against each other though, and it does the opposite of what we as women should be doing. So if we're trying to out loyal each other or be the one that's not like other girls, quote unquote for other man to love or attention, we're not holding men accountable. We're really not for their behaviors or their actions. We are just failing miserably. The cycle continues. Chismosas unfortunately. So if you're caught up in pick me culture, you probably think, oh, he picked me because I'm not needy, I'm not loudly opinionated, I'm not high maintenance. But often it just means he picks someone who he knows won't call him out on his own and most likely tolerates the bare minimum. And that's not a win, baby. This is going back to episode one. Be loud, be bold. Even if that scares him or a few people. Who cares? You deserve everything but the bare minimum. Free yourself from the shackles of the bare minimum. Get that out of your mind completely. I'm really high maintenance in my relationship. And when I say high maintenance, I'm not talking about materialistic things. I'm talking in terms of needing a lot of communication and compromise, loyalty, appreciation, love. Because I know I deserve all of those things and so does my partner. I. My husband is very deserving of all of those things. So it's like if we don't give those things to each other and put it at the top of our list, like, that is. I'm just, I'm really high maintenance when it comes to that. Like, I need a lot of assurance and a lot of words of affirmation, like, I want to know how you feel. Because then it opens up for me to be able to express to you how I feel. But pick me culture really is just a symptom of being told for years and years that our values come from being chosen and not choosing ourselves. But let me tell you, women are waking the up. We're waking up and we're not falling for the propaganda anymore. A lot of women are realizing we don't have to shrink ourselves to be loved. Because who wants to be loved like that? If I can't be loved in a way that is authentically me and myself and how I express myself, that's not a love that I want. And it's certainly not a love that you need. And you certainly don't have to compete with other women to truly be valued. The minute you feel like you have to compete with another woman to be valued by a man, let that sit in your head and your mind and think, if he gets enjoyment out of this, if this. If this is what fulfills him, is this really the man, the type of man that you want to be with because he will continue to put you in that situation. And that. That gives major ick, babe. Like. And choosing male validation over female friends will never sit right with me. I don't give a fudge. Girls, we have to have each other's backs, okay? Be the girl that tells the other girl to know her worth, and you both walk away. And maybe y' all both date each other. Who knows? Okay, but. No, but in all reality, just remember, you're not made to be picked. You're the one doing the choosing. But like I said before, this doesn't even show up in just dating. It really does show up in friendships as well. And it's really sad. You might experience friendships where, like, people compete with you in subtle ways or disappear when they get into a new relationship, which I've had friends like that, and I can't even tell you how much I hate that. I do not. That is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. And I understand you're in love. And, you know, like, I think it's my biggest pet peeve, because I've been in. I've been the girl that did that. And I look back and I'm like, ill. Like, why did I do that? You know? Like, I was literally that friend at some point. So I think that's why now I'm like. Like, oh, my gosh. Like, I can't believe I did that to my friends. Like, I can't believe I sometimes isolated myself from my friends and the people that I really love for a man. If it was me today, I would never, ever do that. But in workplaces, for example, there are women who will throw other women under the bus to get to where they need to get to or just align with male anyone in power or with authority in the workplace. There's also the family dynamic, which is my favorite, because think about Allas and Yahelitas and how they're always, like, telling you to just stay in your place and be quiet. And they praise women in the family for being that way. I've noticed that they kind of shame the younger generation for, like, wanting more out of their life. Like, just because I don't want the things that maybe my abuelita wanted or even my mom wanted in her life. Like, that should not be weaponized against me. But this all comes from somewhere though. Like it all, it doesn't just happen for no reason. We're just conditioned to believe that getting chosen immediately equals like, security. Some women were just conditioned to be this way. And that's when it is our jobs to evolve and to learn and to grow from that. I always used to think I had to be super chill. I had to be the chill girl. I had to be cool, you know, I had to be really low maintenance because I don't want to be like too much or I don't want to have people, you know, not want to be around me because I'm too opinionated for them or anything like that. And annoying. Oh my God, like, if anyone ever called me annoying, I would immediately probably cry like, I hate that word. I hated that word so much. Like, I never ever wanted to be looked at as annoying. But now at 34 years old, if you think I'm annoying, bitch, I don't give a fuck. But in reality, I was really falling for that propaganda that, you know, I. You got to be low maintenance. And if I'm low maintenance, I'm cool. I'm a cool girl. And that will equal me being loved and accepted. I am so glad. I'm so glad. I'm a fun, outgoing spirited, like free willed, just opinionated, sometimes loud ass boricua as like. And if anyone can't handle it or can't appreciate it, in the words of a Maya papaya, I am not. I am not the drink that you should be drinking. I am not the tea for you. I'm not your cup of tea. Because, baby, I am cafe con chrome. Oh my God. So crazy. If you. Have you ever caught yourself just giving this pick me energy, be for real with me and let me know. Because like I said before, we've all been there. There's no judgment here at the Cheeseman corner. I want to hear all your juicy chisme on this topic right here specifically. But here's another thing about pick me energy. It's. It's draining. It is really draining. And it doesn't hurt others. It just drains the life out of you. And the more you abandon yourself, you are doing yourself such a disservice. You're abandoning yourself and your needs for validation. And like, girl burnout is real. It really is. Which brings me to the next thing we need to talk about cheesmosas, because that emotional and, like, physical exhaustion that comes from being the one there or the one that everybody else calls all the time, but no one seems to really be there for you. Like, you're that person for everybody around you every single time. And I felt like this plenty of times in my life. I. I still feel like this a lot of the time. And if anyone in the world listening can relate to this, like, sis, I spent too long being the reliable one, the one that's always there to help no matter what. Like, I've always felt like deep down inside, this is. This is what I was put on this earth for. Like, this is what I was put on this earth for. To help others. And while two things can be true at once, like, that can be a thing. But I don't need to abandon myself in the process of doing that. I don't need to be the peacemaker between so many people. I don't. I don't need to be. And I realized I stopped checking in on myself. And that's when you're doing. That's. That's when you have to really well, like, take a step back and reevaluate because you're the one that truly matters. At the end of the day, you can take care of xyz, all these people, but if you're not taking care of yourself, what's the point? You really start to feel tired. You start to feel resentful. You feel really bitter towards the world. But you're pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring. And you've been pouring from an empty cup for so long like this. What. What else do you expect to come out of this cup? A quote that I heard and that I really love. And I hope this sticks with you guys because it really changed my perspective so much. Being loyal should never mean betraying yourself. And, girl, that is so real. But I really want you to check in with yourselves. Like, if any of these things that I tell you guys at the moment feel. If you feel any of these things, you're definitely burnt out from being way too loyal. If you feel obligated to constantly show up for others when you're mentally and emotionally tapped out, that is something that I do way too often. Like, even if I don't have the energy in me, if someone needs me, I will drop anything for them. Like, it doesn't matter. I could literally be having a terrible mental health day, and I will stop because I feel like I owe it to them because I love and I care for you right So I feel like I genuinely have to do this for you and be there for you, but that's not. Once again, you're abandoning yourself. You're abandoning your needs. If you have, if you're sick or you're having a bad mental health day, a lot of the times while you take a day off or you try and like reset. Right. So why would you immediately just jump? Why would you immediately jump at someone else's needs and just totally abandon yours? It doesn't. Can't work that way. You are the go to default therapist. Like, everyone talks to you about their problems. Everyone talks to you about their relationship, their family issues, friendship stuff, everything. You've probably even been the emergency contact for just about every friend you've ever had. But no one checks on you. Maybe not that they don't check on you, but it's it. It's rarely an occasion where you get checked on. This is my favorite one. You defend people who would never defend you.
- [19:32]
Geico Announcer
I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service.
- [19:36]
The Gecko
Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.
- [19:39]
Geico Announcer
Yeah, I'll let you get back to your food.
- [19:43]
The Gecko
So are you just gonna watch me eat?
- [19:44]
Geico Announcer
Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.
- [19:46]
Talkspace Announcer 1
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace.
- [20:01]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need.
- [20:04]
Talkspace Announcer 1
With Talkspace, you can go online, answer.
- [20:06]
Talkspace Announcer 2
A few questions about your preferences, and.
- [20:08]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You'll meet on your schedule wherever you.
- [20:16]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Feel most at ease.
- [20:17]
Talkspace Announcer 1
If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a.
- [20:19]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one.
- [20:24]
Talkspace Announcer 1
Support, Talkspace is here for you.
- [20:26]
Talkspace Announcer 2
Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist. Today at talkspace.com save $80 with code space80@talkspace.com you keep giving people one more.
- [20:50]
V. Rivera
Chance out of love or guilt or simply because you have history. And this is something that I 100 agree with. It doesn't matter the history you have with someone. It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, the time. That does not matter. You could meet someone tomorrow, you can meet someone within a month. And that relationship could have so much more depth and so much more like it. It could just be the one that you're like, wow, like, this is what like a friendship really should feel like. Or like this is, like this person is really pouring into me the same way I pour into them. Like it's reciprocated, you know? And I think a lot of the times we do stick around in either relationships or friendships because it's like, oh, like, oh, we have so much history. I've known this person for so long. Like, longevity does not equal loyalty or love for that matter. And I'm not saying that you just throw those things away, but I am just saying, like, how long you've known someone or like the time. Like, to me, I don't think any of that stuff matters because there's relationships that could come along that could be. Be exactly what you need and have more meaning than someone or someone you've been with or someone you've known for 10 years. And that's just what it is. And the last one is you feel like setting boundaries, but it makes you. You feel like setting boundaries makes you mean or disloyal or you feel bad about it. This is something that I really used to struggle with because I was not a boundary setter. I was very much just a people pleaser. So everyone was pleased around me. I had no boundaries. I had no inst. Stink. To say no at all. No was not even in my vocabulary. And draining, draining. Don't want to deal with that again. Bye. So if people only love you when they can get something out of you or when you're available and when it's just simply convenient for them, sis, that's not love, that's just access. And I think it's time to revoke that. Sometimes you just need to revoke access from whoever feels that they immediately have this hold over you that is clearly not healthy. I just started to say to myself, like, I don't owe to anybody who would never do the same for me. I've been beyond loyal to people who were like, checked out of friendships, relationships, whatever that may be. I would keep trying to show up and like, do the work and like, make it work because that's just the type of person I am. I believe in fixing things rather than just walking away. But sometimes it is okay to walk away, but I was thinking, like, because to me, loyalty equals love, you know? And it was really just me avoiding the grief of letting them go, like, letting this friendship go. And a lot of the times that's really hard to come to realization with. But ultimately, like, letting go is the best decision for the both of you, for your mental health. But I know I'm a great friend, and I will literally ride for mine. But I'm glad I realized, like, I don't have. I don't owe blind loyalty to just anybody, and I definitely shouldn't have to abandon myself for it, you know? Like, I have a really hard time with abandonment. Like, y' all know I don't have a relationship with my father, and that happened at a very young age. So as much as I try not to bring that with me into other relationships and in my adulthood, it does follow. And, yeah, it does require a lot of work and a lot of therapy, which I have been through, but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect me. So loyalty almost becomes like a defense mechanism for me, because if I'm good enough or I'm just, like, needed enough, then I won't be left or abandoned and. And in most cases, disappointed, which is absolutely wrong. It is not the way to think. It's not the way to go about life at all. Sometimes we just stay loyal to people because we just fear the emptiness that comes with letting go. And that is. It's so real because there is an emptiness that comes along with it, you know, and you have to deal with that. But I think it. It is putting you in the right position to open up yourself to more meaningful relationships and relationships that are just healthier and better for you overall. And I feel like a. I feel like a very good example of this is the whole. Do y' all remember the whole Jordyn woods and Kylie Jenner situation? That whole freaking scandal, which was insane. It was crazy because I feel like Jordan was canceled so hard after the Tristan Thompson scandal, and she was bullied all over social media. Like, in hindsight, it was very clear that she was kind of scapegoated the whole time. While Trist. While Tristan, who was, like, the master manipulator, he got chance after chance. Like, I feel like it was. It was so weird to watch. Like, I feel like Chloe just gave him chance after chance after chance, and the whole family loved him even more. Like, even after he totally. Like, he played a part in that, too. Right? Like, I can't be blind here. Like, He. But they were treating him like he was just some king and it was just so weird. But, yeah, the man gets this treatment, but the girl got X'd out. She got bullied. She got. It was terrible. And I feel like we still, till this day don't know exactly what happened. Like, she was like, what, sitting on his lap? I don't even really remember. It was just. I just know I felt bad about the whole situation because of the girls. Like, Kylie and Jordan's friendship overall, I think the way she got iced out from the whole family felt really performative. And even though Jordan had been a loyal ass friend for years, like, she was loyal as shit to Kylie. Think about all of the shit, all of the secrets, all of the scandals that she probably knew about. And that girl never opened her mouth up, not once. But now look at her. Like, Jordan, I love to see her. She's glowing. She's thriving. She is. She's truly unbothered. And. And then they quietly get, like, cool again. It was so weird to me. You guys have to let me know what you guys think about that whole situation. I know it's a little old, but I just feel like it really does seek to the fact that, like, women are punished more than the men involved sometimes. And I feel like some friendships really only last when you're just, you know, complacent and silent and you don't stick up for yourself. Yeah, that was. That was a time in pop culture, wasn't it? One of the hardest truths I've really had to learn was that the closest ones to you will be the ones who disappoint or hurt you. You really. You say it all the time. Like you're. Like, this person would never. They would never. Like, I would never expect this behavior from this person. And then it smacks you in the face and you're just like, what? Like it really throws you for a loop. Like you feel like you're going crazy. It's friends who pretend to support us, but secretly just hope you don't rise too, too high. Like, you can do good, but not better than me. And. Me and my sister actually had this conversation the other day because we've been in so many situations lately where we. Where we feel that way. And not even just by friends, but family. Like, families. It'd be family, like, the most important. These people are supposed to be the most important people in your life. And you feel that way about your own family. And it really sucks because to me, there's so much room for everyone at the top, especially women. Like, I think we're just better off when we collaborate rather than competing and putting each other against each other. Like, I've never been about that and I will never stand for it. But I mean, let's be real. Not every relationship or friendship ends in a full blown betrayal. Sometimes it just ends in those little, those little dismissive comments or those little snarky remarks. And also just the one sided silence when you're doing well. It's not that they hate you, it's just that they probably don't really like the version that you're becoming because it shows them what they lack or makes them reflect on their own growth or lack thereof. So that's probably why it gets silent when you win, you know? And you have to learn how to just not take things personally. Like, I don't take personally in my 30s. It just is what it is at this point. Like, I'm just not gonna make it my problem. Especially if you're not communicating it with me or you're not telling me how you feel, feel in our friendship, whatever it may be. It's null and void, babe. And don't expect other people to, like, just cater to you and your needs. Like, you have to learn communication. But overall, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though, right? But I think it sure as hell doesn't mean that you need someone like that in your corner. And you shouldn't, you shouldn't have a quote unquote friend like that in your corner. Like, you should constantly be hyping up your friends. Like, I like to say that I cheat my, my friends like I'm their man. Like, I treat my friends with princess treatment. And that's why any man they're with, I'm like, especially my friend Maria, she's always like, you have big shoes to fill. Like, V has to be 100%, like, okay, he's good enough for you. Because the. That I've been doing for my friends, I don't know, I make a real good boyfriend. I think my girls deserve the world. Like, I look at them and I'm like, you don't deserve anything less than the world. So I want to see a partner do that for them. I want to see them in friendships and all their relationships around them. Like, I want, I want you to be treated that way. Like, I think everyone deserves that. But in case you can't really see it out the gate and maybe you're having those little feelings, but you're like, I hear V, but I Don't know. I need. I need more proof. Here it is. Here are some subtle signs to look out for of passive jealousy or even a straight up fake support. So if you feel like any of these you can relate to. You gotta start getting your together, okay? Get it right, get it tight. Backhanded compliments. This one gets me all the time. Because it's like, you could have just said nothing. You could have said nothing and kept it moving. Like, wow, you're doing all that. I could never. Good. I could. Good for you. Like, girl, shut up. No one loves. I hate a backhanded compliment. I think that is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's definitely up there. The silent treatment. Whenever you share good news. Oh, all of a sudden, they're John Cena, we can't see you. Okay, I got it, sis. They downplay your achievements. Like, if they're like, oh, that's cool, but it's not that big of a deal, right? Like, no, every achievement is. Is an achievement. It needs to be celebrated. I feel like us, as women, we need to stop downplaying our achievements. I don't care if you won a. A hot dog eating contest. Celebrate that, please. Like, brag about it. Like, I want to see you with 10 hot dogs in your mouth on Instagram. I want to see it all. Like, I think we only think accomplishments need to be these big, huge things, and it's like, no, it can be something as small as, like, hey, I got out of bed and I showered today after my depressive episode. Go celebrate that. If that's a big deal to my friend, like, I'm gonna make it a big deal for me, and I'm gonna hype it up too. That's just how it is. Like, it's kind of like one of those things that's like, if you like it, I love it. Like, I don't have to like anything that you like. Like. Like, I don't love all of the things that my friends like and stuff, but if I see that passion, I see how much they love it, and they're, like, so into it, and they're happy and it brings them joy. That is what makes me happy. Not, like, the initial thing. It's just, like, the happiness that comes from them and, like, knowing they're happy about it, you know, if that makes any sense. Okay. They're suddenly MIA when things are going right for you, but they want to be right there whenever you're in the trenches. Like, no, we do not need friends like that. Like, I don't want to be just going through misery with you all the time. Like, we can't both be miserable ass bitches. Like, we have to cheer for each other and get each other out of these trenches sometimes. Like, that's just not. I'm not a good friend to me. Like, if they seem supportive when you're struggling, but then when the energy shifts when you're winning, like that's an issue. That's really weird. And that's probably because they're talking about you. People like to celebrate when you're miserable, but then God forbid that you know you're winning and it's known to the world that you're happy about it. Like two and two together. They probably can't be happy about it cuz they've been talking about you. But these behaviors, they. They hurt so much and they cut so deep because we expect this energy from strangers. Not the people that we call our. Our friends and our besties and not the people that we love. And we hold so much space for them. And it's just sad that they can't hold space for us too. Like, there's so many times in life that I felt like I did something major and I'm like, hey, turn up. Like, let's celebrate. And a lot of the people that I thought would be there turning up with me, Not a word. Definitely not a word. But once you pay attention to the silence, you can't really unhear it. So that's when you just have to distance yourself. You know, it's all. We're all learning, we're all growing, we're all evolving. And a lot of these relationships and friendships can't make it past season one. And that's just what it is. So I want to know what's a red flag that you might have missed in a friendship that eventually fell apart? Because here at the Cheeseman corner, we have open conversation, baby. Like, I want to hear it all. I want to hear. I want to hear y' all friendship tea. Cuz I think. I think I give pretty good advice. Like I. I'll. You know, you guys know, you guys know. I will keep it real with you. So. But okay. Cheese Mosas. So if this episode hit a little too close to home, please know this. You don't need to dim your light for people still trying to figure out how to shine, period. Let them misunderstand you. Just let them go. Let that shit go. The ones meant to be in your next chapter will never be intimidated by your evolution and your growth. Keep glowing. Keep growing. That's the best that we can do. So that's a wrap on today's Cheeseman. But don't let the conversation stop here. Let's keep it going. Make sure to subscribe on our YouTube, where you get to watch the podcast every Wednesday, leave a review, and follow me at Beautify Me on socials for even more real talk. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And remember, there's always room for more chisme here at the Chisme corner. Bye.
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