Que Se Joda Theory - The Chisme Corner with Vee Rivera

The Chisme Corner with Vee Rivera

Episode: Que Se Joda Theory
Date: November 5, 2025
Host: Vee Rivera

Main Theme / Purpose

In this heartfelt and candid episode, Vee Rivera explores the power of letting go of others’ opinions through her personally coined “Que Se Joda Theory,” a philosophy about prioritizing your well-being and peace of mind over seeking validation or worrying about others’ judgments. Along the way, she discusses holiday plans, changing traditions, the importance of rest (aka "rot culture"), societal pressures—especially within Latina communities—and closes by offering advice for making new, meaningful friendships later in life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Season: Setting Boundaries & Changing Traditions

Thanksgiving Plans ([01:00-03:00]):
- Vee shares that she and her husband, Joe, have decided not to host Thanksgiving this year, choosing instead to spend it with her mom and family in New Jersey.
  - “I looked him dead in his eyes and I was like, I do not feel like hosting Thanksgiving this year. Like, do you? And he was like, hell no.” (Vee, 01:32)
- Emphasizes the importance of not overstretching yourself during the holiday season—doing what feels right for your own happiness, not just tradition or expectation.

2. Nostalgia & Shifts in Community Spirit

Halloween Reflections ([03:00-07:00]):
- Vee and her sister reminisce about the lively Halloweens of their 90s childhood—trick-or-treating late into the night in busy neighborhoods, haunted houses, and high community participation.
- Observes today’s Halloween is much less spirited; fewer houses give candy, and community engagement is low, possibly due to rising costs and burnout.
  - “The Halloween spirit is just not there anymore… it makes me sad.” (Vee, 06:45)
- Shares a story about her daughter, BB, getting more candy at a small pop-up event than trick-or-treating, symbolizing the changing times.

3. The “Que Se Joda Theory”: Letting Go for Your Own Peace

Origin and Explanation ([07:30-15:45]):
- Inspired by social media snippets about self-acceptance, Vee introduces her personal “Que Se Joda” (Spanish for “Who cares/Let it be”) theory:
  - “You have to be okay letting people think what they want about you… your peace, your mental health, and your happiness is way more important than anybody's perceptions, approvals, or opinions of you.” (Vee quoting, 07:55)
  - “The Que Se Joda theory is just what I use when I start overthinking what people might be thinking about me or saying about me.” (Vee, 09:40)
- Advocates not over-explaining yourself or seeking to change people's minds; their opinions often reflect their own issues, not your worth.
  - “Sometimes you just can’t change that. Some people are just dedicated to not liking you, or maybe they're intimidated by...the vibe you bring.” (Vee, 10:30)
- Encourages listeners to let go of guilt and continue to “shine bright like a diamond” even if others try to dim that light.
  - “You will be in competition with someone who you don't even know you're in competition with. It's all in their head.” (Vee, 11:15)
- Emphasizes that misunderstanding or negativity from others is more about them than you; protect your peace and don’t let it dictate your energy.

4. Self-Reflection & Choosing Yourself

Healthy Detachment ([12:00-15:45]):
- “When I say que se joda, it’s not about being cold or bitter...It’s about choosing yourself. It’s a way of saying, ‘I love me. I love myself enough to not carry what’s not mine.’” (Vee, 12:09)
- Advises self-reflection for those who find themselves projecting negativity onto others; recommends therapy and growth instead of toxic behavior.

5. Social Media, “Rot Culture,” and Rejection of Hustle Culture

Critique of "Rot Culture" Criticism ([16:01-19:45]):
- Responds to Alex Cooper of “Call Her Daddy” podcast, who argued that “rot culture” (embracing rest and lounging) is ruining lives. Vee disagrees, stating:
  - “If rot culture means I can stay in my sala, on my couch, eating my chips, watching and binge-watching my shows…sign me the fuck up.” (Vee, 17:10)
  - “I don't think rot culture is what's ruining us. I think it's hustle culture…like, our worth is tied to how productive we are.” (Vee, 17:40)
- Critiques the cultural pressure within Latina households to always be busy, shaming rest as laziness. Advocates for guilt-free days of doing nothing to recharge.
  - “Look, if I want to sleep in a little bit, I should be able to sleep in a little bit...Put the broom down and rest. Tranquilita. It's okay.” (Vee, 18:36)
- Encourages listeners to schedule a “rot day” for themselves: reading, relaxing, not being productive, and especially not feeling guilty about it.

6. Making Friends in Adulthood: Listener Question

Chisme Confessions & Friendship Advice ([19:45-28:30]):
- Listener shares her struggle finding new female friends after past hurts and entering a new life stage (soon-to-be empty nester).
- Vee acknowledges friendship grief is valid and can be as painful as romantic splits: “Friendships can hurt and cut just as deep as, like, romantic, you know, relationships.” (Vee, 20:35)
- Offers actionable advice:
  - Start where your energy feels natural (book clubs, classes, yoga, church groups, volunteering, Facebook local events).
  - Try apps like Bumble BFF to meet likeminded women.
  - Be open, vulnerable, and proactive—don’t assume every new friend will hurt you like old ones.
  - “Sometimes real talk, like we meet our tribe later in life, sis.” (Vee, 27:35)
- Encourages holding onto hope for true sisterhood: “We're not meant to do life alone...there are women that are craving that deep, genuine, honest, caring, loving friendship that you are.” (Vee, 28:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“It’s about not over explaining, not begging to be understood…If they misunderstand you, if they think you changed, que se joda. If they talk behind your back, que se joda.” (Vee, 09:00)
“Your peace will always be louder than perception.” (Vee, 13:29)
“Girl, they will try so hard to dim that or take that shine away from you…You gotta just be like, que se joda.” (Vee, 11:02)
“Saying que se joda is protection, it’s not bitterness.” (Vee, 12:57)
“If you're not rotting, what is you doing, period?” (Vee, 19:18)
“Don't give up on sisterhood. We're not meant to do life alone.” (Vee, 28:00)

Timestamps for Key Segments

[01:00] – Thanksgiving plans and holiday boundaries
[03:00] – Halloween nostalgia and the loss of community spirit
[07:30] – Introduction and explanation of the “Que Se Joda Theory”
[09:00-15:45] – Overcoming validation-seeking, letting go, projection, and self-love
[16:01] – Discussion of “rot culture” vs. hustle culture
[19:45] – Importance and defense of guilt-free rest days
[19:45-28:30] – Listener question: how to make new friends as an adult
[28:30] – Encouragement to maintain hope in finding true friends

Tone & Language

Vee is as raw, relatable, and unfiltered as always—warm, humorous, and deeply affirming. She blends English with Spanglish in a way that’s authentic and conversational, sometimes punctuated with spicy language and playful directives to her audience (“sign me the fuck up,” “what is you doing, period?”).

In Summary

This episode of The Chisme Corner is a much-needed permission slip to choose yourself—your peace, rest, and authentic glow—over outside expectations, cultural conditioning, or the pursuit of universal approval. Through her unique “Que Se Joda” perspective, Vee empowers listeners to detach from negativity, set boundaries, embrace rest without guilt, and open up to forming new, genuine sisterhoods later in life.

Chismosas, let go and let yourself be: “Que Se Joda”—because your happiness is the real flex.

Transcript

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B (1:00)

So if they misunderstand you, if they think you changed, if they talk behind your back. Welcome back to the Chisma corner. I'm your host, Viv Rivera, your Latina amiga. And go to Chismosa for all the chisme that actually matters. You already know Latina motherhood, beauty, navigating life in our 30s and keeping our mental health in check. We're keeping it raw, relatable, and a little spicy. We'll also be getting into pop culture topics and all the best reality show tv. I love me some tea. So get comfy because the cheeseman starts now. Okay. Happy November, Cheesmosas. Jesus. I feel like time is just flying by. I feel like as fast as October came and gone, like now we're in November and oh my gosh, we're already planning for Thanksgiving and the holidays. I feel like just when I was like, starting to find my footing again, it's about to get crazy. It's about to get crazy. But me and Joe decided that we are not hosting Thanksgiving this year. Like, I literally looked at him the other day and I forgot what exactly we were talking about, and I looked him dead in his. In his eyes and I was like, I do not feel like hosting Thanksgiving this year. Like, do you? And he was like, hell no. Cuz it's so much like I already host a big Christmas here. Like my family comes his family comes like, cuz, you know, we have the house, we have. It's just, it just is better for everyone to just be able to get together here. So that's already a huge thing and it's a lot of planning. It's a lot, it's a lot. Like I host a lot here and there's just so much that goes into hosting. But I was just like, I don't really want to. And also my mom was like, we didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with my mom last year because my mom always has to work on Black Friday. Like she always has to go into work so she can't come down here and then leave the same day. Like it's just a lot. So we didn't get to spend time with my mom last year and my sister. I don't know what my sister was planning on doing, but I asked her and she was like, I don't know, I'm thinking about just going down to Jersey cuz Mom's going to be out there and I feel bad that we didn't spend time with her last year. And I was like, you know what, I feel like if you go, I'mma probably want to go too because like Janet's also not going to be down here for Thanksgiving. She's going to be in Jersey anyway. So I was like, it makes sense that we just go down there and we can spend time with mom and we can probably still see Janet too. But yeah, I was just like, I'll do anything. I just don't want to host. So if my, if we're, if the plan is to go to my mom's house, then that's what we're going to do. But yeah, so that's like what's going on with Thanksgiving. And we recently celebrated Halloween. We had so much fun. And let me tell you something, I feel like. Do y' all remember when we used to go trick or treating all the time? Times were so different. Like times were so different. I remember we used to like, I used to live in Newark, New Jersey. So we used to go to like the better parts of, you know, the better neighborhoods. Because we never wanted such a treat in Newark. So we would go to like Clifton or like Belleville, like the nicer, nicer areas. And I feel like the streets were always full. It was always full of people. Not one house did not have a basket of candy. Like there was so much going on all the time. And this year, like we saw it a little bit last year too, but I think this Year was so different. Like, I feel like there was just nobody really contributing to trick or treating. Like, no one was really giving out candy. We passed houses on houses on houses and no one was giving out treats or nothing. And I was just like, this is so sad. Like, I mean, my sister were just like reminiscing and we're like, this is sad. Like, remember when we used to go out and we would be out till like 10 o' clock at night? Like we would be out trick or treating all night and there will be haunted. People will put, you know, crazy stuff in their houses. And I remember this one house that we used to go to used to scare the out of me every year because they would have like a Michael Myers and they would play the music and he would come and literally run after the kids. Like he, he was, they were traumatizing us. But I was like, we don't get that anymore. Like, they're not traumatizing our kids no more. They're not doing nothing fun. Like there's not really anything going on. And I told my sister, I was like, you think it's because like the price of candy and like people are just number one, we're burnt out and is so expensive to be buying like five, six bags of candy is a lot. Like maybe one or two, whatever. But I was like, maybe people are just like running out of candy fast. I don't know. But I just feel like the Halloween spirit is just not there anymore. And me and my sister were just really sad about it. We took the girls actually like two weeks ago to this place and it was, it was a bunch of little like shops and stuff, like a little pop up, whatever. And they each like every little pop up had a bucket of candy. So the kids were able to trick or treat there basically. And I looked at the bag that BB got there compared to the one we got trick or treating, and she got way more candy there than what we did, trick or treating. And that place was small. Like it was like a small, like little vendors, like. And I was just like, that is wild as hell. I told my sister and she was like, that's crazy. But yeah, I just, I miss. I don't know, I think I'm just a 90s baby that just misses how we used to celebrate and how we used to do things. But it is November. It's November. So we're saying no to what drains us and we're saying yes to what makes us feel good. Okay, I want to start this on a positive, positive note. I Want to go into November with a clear mindset. Like, I just want to. I just want to enjoy the last two months of this year. Like, I feel like there has been so much going on this year, and I just want to enjoy. And I actually, I came across something. I think it was like a TikTok or a real. I don't remember where I reposted, but I felt like we can all relate to this because I feel like, especially living in times with social media and stuff like that, like people are looking to compare themselves in their lives so much. Like everyone is just comparing themselves to what, you know, what this person got going on and everything and keeping up with the Joneses. And I have to look this way and I have to, you know, people have to look at me this way, and it's fucking exhausting. And even not even just in social media, I think just in real life, you probably have co workers you work with, friends, like family, like always trying to keep up with shit. And I just, I saw this and I thought it was so real. And she said, you have to be okay. That letting people think what they want about you, the idea that you need to be liked, validated, or accepted by everybody is an illusion. But your peace, your mental health, and your happiness is way more important than anybody's perceptions, approvals, or opinions of you. So it's basically like, at the end of the day, who cares? You know, like, you got to be good with you. And that just opened my mind so much to a theory that I have. Like, I. I don't know if I talked about this before on any platform, but I have a theory. And this isn't no Mel Robbins, let them theory. Like, this is my own that I made up. And it's called the Quesejola theory. It basically means it like Quesejola. That is my actually, that's actually my favorite Spanish catchphrase because I say that all the time. Like Casseholder. Like, who gives a. Like it. And I cannot tell you how much this has helped me in life. And, And I. And I just want you guys to adopt this theory as your own. Like really use it as your own. It's the mindset that literally saves my piece every single time. Like literally just saying, just saying to myself, like, who cares? Even if I'm tricking my mind into thinking I don't care. It. It is what it is. It's about not over explaining, not begging to be understood, and not letting someone else's perception of you control your mood or change how you think about you or how you feel about you. So if they misunderstand you, if they think you changed, que hoda. If they talk behind your back, que hoda. So I guess a hola theory is just what I use when I start overthinking what people might be thinking about me or saying about me or whatever. Or even, like, when I catch myself trying to prove that I'm a good person or if I even feel the urge to, like, explain myself, explain myself to people who already made up their minds about me. Because here's the. Here's the truth. People gonna think whatever they want about you. It don't even got to be true. They want to think it. They're gonna think it because they already see you how they want to see you. And sometimes you just can't change that. Some people are just dedicated to not liking you, or maybe they're intimidated by, you know, like, the vibe you bring. Like, it's. It's very much a thing. Like, a lot of people don't have that within themselves. They don't have that confidence or they don't have that. You know, sometimes you just got it. Like, there's a lot of people that I meet, and I'm just like. You know when people, like, compliment you on, like, your vibe or you're. They're like, oh, my God, you're such a light. Like, you're such a vibe. Like, I love being around you because you uplift me. Or, you know, like, I just. I love the feeling I get when I'm around you. People. Like, it don't even got to be your looks or nothing. That alone will have people shook. Like, they will have. They will be so mad about that because it's like, they want people to see that in them, you know? So if they see people seeing that in you, girl, they will try so hard to dim that or take that shine away from you. And it's like, you can't. You can't. And you got to just be like it. You got to be like. Like, you can try all you want, but, like, it's not going to dull my shine, you know? Like, this is not going to bring me down. Like, if anything, you're just. You're showing me who you are, and I'mma handle that accordingly, and I'mma distance myself from you, you know? But y' all have to be careful, because that's very much a thing. People hate when you shine bright like a diamond. Like, they do not like that, especially if they're not being complimented in the same way, they will see you as competition, and you will have. You will be in competition with someone who you don't even know you're in competition with. Like, it's all in their head. But like I said, people are going to what they want to think. And you can be. You can be the kindest, sweetest, most genuine person. You can be the. The best. The best person to somebody. But there's somebody out there that will still twist your intentions, that will still make it seem like, no, you're. You're not a good person. Like, they'll try to make it be like, oh, you're. Maybe you're being too nice. Or they. It always just seems like there's another reason for you doing something. Or like, oh, there's. You know, she's only acting this way for a reason. Like, God forbid, you're just a good person. So instead of draining your energy, like, literally just trying to correct the narrative, you got to learn how to just let that be. You have to release. Cannot be something that bothers you that much. And you can't live freely and you can't live authentically. If you're always trying to manage how people see you. Sometimes you truly have to say it. You got to say. And you have to just move on gracefully. And when I say quesajoda, it's not. It's not about being cold. It's not about being, like, mean. Like, you don't have to change who you are to adopt this theory and to, you know, take this into your life. It's not about being cold or bitter or anything like that. It's about choosing yourself. It's a way of saying to yourself, I love me. I love myself enough to not carry what's not mine. Like, they don't have anything else better to do. You don't have to carry that. Let it be. Let them talk about you. Let them think what they want about you. Saying is protection. It's not bitterness. Okay? So next time someone misunderstands you, or maybe they project their opinions onto your life, all you got to do is take a deep breath and please remember. Remember this theory. I promise you. Like, it's changed my life in ways that I can't even tell you. And I don't know if it's also just an age thing, because you know how we always say in our 30s, we care less. Like, we just don't give a. Like, we're just so. We're just so much more focused on the things that we know we want to dedicate our energy to and what deserves our energy, your peace will always be louder than perception. And please understand that misunderstandings are often mirrors. So don't ever feel like you got to dim your shine and your light and your energy to match somebody else's. Like, don't feel like you got to lower your frequency. And don't. Just don't meet people where they're at. Stay where you're at. And the truth is, not everyone's going to understand your heart, right? And that's okay. Not everyone's going to get it. Cuz the. The ones who are meant to understand you truly, deeply and know your heart, the ones who are meant to will. We're in weird ass times right now. And Mal is real. Let me tell you, it's real. So your mental health, your peace, your happiness, that's the real flex, mama. That is the real flex. And if you're listening to this and you can relate or you have, maybe you have a person in mind or maybe even people learn that those people are probably not the best example of anything. People really sometimes just be at war with themselves and it has nothing to do with you, I promise you. Like, sometimes you really can't even take things personally because it has nothing to do with you. Remember when I said before, like, misunderstandings are a mirror. The problems are much deeper than you, babe. Like sometimes that's just what it is. But just remember, like the world, social media, other people, they don't get to define you. You define you, Your story, your worth, your boundaries. That's you. So yeah, I just had to like preach one time to y' all on this fine Wednesday because the quesa theory is real. At least to me it is. And it's helped me with a lot. Sometimes you gotta let people do whack shit and you move on and you say, and if you're the person doing whack ass to somebody, seek therapy, go get help. It's never too late. Like, I am a huge advocate for therapy and we are not all perfect. Like we're not. But if you feel like you're becoming a little toxic, like you're doing some toxic, you not treating your friends right, you're not treating your family right. You talking about XYZ and this person. Look a little deeper, take a little look inside what you got going on and be like, you know, like, what's, what's really wrong with me that I feel like I have to project all my opinions and everything onto somebody else. Like this. Their life has nothing to do with me sometimes. You really. It's about self reflection. So I'm tying this into the Casajola theory too. So follow me on this. Okay. So recently, do you guys, you guys, most of you probably know Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast. She did like a solo episode a couple weeks ago and I actually listened to some of it because I was really intrigued. I went on Instagram and saw a reel and she was talking about rock culture and. And she basically was just like, oh, rock culture is ruining our lives. And I was just like, whoa. Like, what the. Like that's such an out of touch thing to say. I was just like, wait, like.