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The who's down in who Newville were making their list, but some didn't know. Walmart has the best brands for their gifts.
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What about toys? Do they have brands kids have been wanting all year? Yep. Barbie, Tonys, and Lego.
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Gifts that will make them all cheer.
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Do you mean they have all the brands I adore? They have Nintendo, Nespresso, Apple and more.
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What about so the who answered questions from friends till they were blue. Each one listened and shouted from Walmart. Who knew sharp gifts from top brands for everyone on your list in the.
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So if they misunderstand you, if they think you changed, if they talk behind your back. Welcome back to the Chisma corner. I'm your host, Viv Rivera, your Latina amiga. And go to Chismosa for all the chisme that actually matters. You already know Latina motherhood, beauty, navigating life in our 30s and keeping our mental health in check. We're keeping it raw, relatable, and a little spicy. We'll also be getting into pop culture topics and all the best reality show tv. I love me some tea. So get comfy because the cheeseman starts now. Okay. Happy November, Cheesmosas. Jesus. I feel like time is just flying by. I feel like as fast as October came and gone, like now we're in November and oh my gosh, we're already planning for Thanksgiving and the holidays. I feel like just when I was like, starting to find my footing again, it's about to get crazy. It's about to get crazy. But me and Joe decided that we are not hosting Thanksgiving this year. Like, I literally looked at him the other day and I forgot what exactly we were talking about, and I looked him dead in his. In his eyes and I was like, I do not feel like hosting Thanksgiving this year. Like, do you? And he was like, hell no. Cuz it's so much like I already host a big Christmas here. Like my family comes his family comes like, cuz, you know, we have the house, we have. It's just, it just is better for everyone to just be able to get together here. So that's already a huge thing and it's a lot of planning. It's a lot, it's a lot. Like I host a lot here and there's just so much that goes into hosting. But I was just like, I don't really want to. And also my mom was like, we didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with my mom last year because my mom always has to work on Black Friday. Like she always has to go into work so she can't come down here and then leave the same day. Like it's just a lot. So we didn't get to spend time with my mom last year and my sister. I don't know what my sister was planning on doing, but I asked her and she was like, I don't know, I'm thinking about just going down to Jersey cuz Mom's going to be out there and I feel bad that we didn't spend time with her last year. And I was like, you know what, I feel like if you go, I'mma probably want to go too because like Janet's also not going to be down here for Thanksgiving. She's going to be in Jersey anyway. So I was like, it makes sense that we just go down there and we can spend time with mom and we can probably still see Janet too. But yeah, I was just like, I'll do anything. I just don't want to host. So if my, if we're, if the plan is to go to my mom's house, then that's what we're going to do. But yeah, so that's like what's going on with Thanksgiving. And we recently celebrated Halloween. We had so much fun. And let me tell you something, I feel like. Do y' all remember when we used to go trick or treating all the time? Times were so different. Like times were so different. I remember we used to like, I used to live in Newark, New Jersey. So we used to go to like the better parts of, you know, the better neighborhoods. Because we never wanted such a treat in Newark. So we would go to like Clifton or like Belleville, like the nicer, nicer areas. And I feel like the streets were always full. It was always full of people. Not one house did not have a basket of candy. Like there was so much going on all the time. And this year, like we saw it a little bit last year too, but I think this Year was so different. Like, I feel like there was just nobody really contributing to trick or treating. Like, no one was really giving out candy. We passed houses on houses on houses and no one was giving out treats or nothing. And I was just like, this is so sad. Like, I mean, my sister were just like reminiscing and we're like, this is sad. Like, remember when we used to go out and we would be out till like 10 o' clock at night? Like we would be out trick or treating all night and there will be haunted. People will put, you know, crazy stuff in their houses. And I remember this one house that we used to go to used to scare the out of me every year because they would have like a Michael Myers and they would play the music and he would come and literally run after the kids. Like he, he was, they were traumatizing us. But I was like, we don't get that anymore. Like, they're not traumatizing our kids no more. They're not doing nothing fun. Like there's not really anything going on. And I told my sister, I was like, you think it's because like the price of candy and like people are just number one, we're burnt out and is so expensive to be buying like five, six bags of candy is a lot. Like maybe one or two, whatever. But I was like, maybe people are just like running out of candy fast. I don't know. But I just feel like the Halloween spirit is just not there anymore. And me and my sister were just really sad about it. We took the girls actually like two weeks ago to this place and it was, it was a bunch of little like shops and stuff, like a little pop up, whatever. And they each like every little pop up had a bucket of candy. So the kids were able to trick or treat there basically. And I looked at the bag that BB got there compared to the one we got trick or treating, and she got way more candy there than what we did, trick or treating. And that place was small. Like it was like a small, like little vendors, like. And I was just like, that is wild as hell. I told my sister and she was like, that's crazy. But yeah, I just, I miss. I don't know, I think I'm just a 90s baby that just misses how we used to celebrate and how we used to do things. But it is November. It's November. So we're saying no to what drains us and we're saying yes to what makes us feel good. Okay, I want to start this on a positive, positive note. I Want to go into November with a clear mindset. Like, I just want to. I just want to enjoy the last two months of this year. Like, I feel like there has been so much going on this year, and I just want to enjoy. And I actually, I came across something. I think it was like a TikTok or a real. I don't remember where I reposted, but I felt like we can all relate to this because I feel like, especially living in times with social media and stuff like that, like people are looking to compare themselves in their lives so much. Like everyone is just comparing themselves to what, you know, what this person got going on and everything and keeping up with the Joneses. And I have to look this way and I have to, you know, people have to look at me this way, and it's fucking exhausting. And even not even just in social media, I think just in real life, you probably have co workers you work with, friends, like family, like always trying to keep up with shit. And I just, I saw this and I thought it was so real. And she said, you have to be okay. That letting people think what they want about you, the idea that you need to be liked, validated, or accepted by everybody is an illusion. But your peace, your mental health, and your happiness is way more important than anybody's perceptions, approvals, or opinions of you. So it's basically like, at the end of the day, who cares? You know, like, you got to be good with you. And that just opened my mind so much to a theory that I have. Like, I. I don't know if I talked about this before on any platform, but I have a theory. And this isn't no Mel Robbins, let them theory. Like, this is my own that I made up. And it's called the Quesejola theory. It basically means it like Quesejola. That is my actually, that's actually my favorite Spanish catchphrase because I say that all the time. Like Casseholder. Like, who gives a. Like it. And I cannot tell you how much this has helped me in life. And, And I. And I just want you guys to adopt this theory as your own. Like really use it as your own. It's the mindset that literally saves my piece every single time. Like literally just saying, just saying to myself, like, who cares? Even if I'm tricking my mind into thinking I don't care. It. It is what it is. It's about not over explaining, not begging to be understood, and not letting someone else's perception of you control your mood or change how you think about you or how you feel about you. So if they misunderstand you, if they think you changed, que hoda. If they talk behind your back, que hoda. So I guess a hola theory is just what I use when I start overthinking what people might be thinking about me or saying about me or whatever. Or even, like, when I catch myself trying to prove that I'm a good person or if I even feel the urge to, like, explain myself, explain myself to people who already made up their minds about me. Because here's the. Here's the truth. People gonna think whatever they want about you. It don't even got to be true. They want to think it. They're gonna think it because they already see you how they want to see you. And sometimes you just can't change that. Some people are just dedicated to not liking you, or maybe they're intimidated by, you know, like, the vibe you bring. Like, it's. It's very much a thing. Like, a lot of people don't have that within themselves. They don't have that confidence or they don't have that. You know, sometimes you just got it. Like, there's a lot of people that I meet, and I'm just like. You know when people, like, compliment you on, like, your vibe or you're. They're like, oh, my God, you're such a light. Like, you're such a vibe. Like, I love being around you because you uplift me. Or, you know, like, I just. I love the feeling I get when I'm around you. People. Like, it don't even got to be your looks or nothing. That alone will have people shook. Like, they will have. They will be so mad about that because it's like, they want people to see that in them, you know? So if they see people seeing that in you, girl, they will try so hard to dim that or take that shine away from you. And it's like, you can't. You can't. And you got to just be like it. You got to be like. Like, you can try all you want, but, like, it's not going to dull my shine, you know? Like, this is not going to bring me down. Like, if anything, you're just. You're showing me who you are, and I'mma handle that accordingly, and I'mma distance myself from you, you know? But y' all have to be careful, because that's very much a thing. People hate when you shine bright like a diamond. Like, they do not like that, especially if they're not being complimented in the same way, they will see you as competition, and you will have. You will be in competition with someone who you don't even know you're in competition with. Like, it's all in their head. But like I said, people are going to what they want to think. And you can be. You can be the kindest, sweetest, most genuine person. You can be the. The best. The best person to somebody. But there's somebody out there that will still twist your intentions, that will still make it seem like, no, you're. You're not a good person. Like, they'll try to make it be like, oh, you're. Maybe you're being too nice. Or they. It always just seems like there's another reason for you doing something. Or like, oh, there's. You know, she's only acting this way for a reason. Like, God forbid, you're just a good person. So instead of draining your energy, like, literally just trying to correct the narrative, you got to learn how to just let that be. You have to release. Cannot be something that bothers you that much. And you can't live freely and you can't live authentically. If you're always trying to manage how people see you. Sometimes you truly have to say it. You got to say. And you have to just move on gracefully. And when I say quesajoda, it's not. It's not about being cold. It's not about being, like, mean. Like, you don't have to change who you are to adopt this theory and to, you know, take this into your life. It's not about being cold or bitter or anything like that. It's about choosing yourself. It's a way of saying to yourself, I love me. I love myself enough to not carry what's not mine. Like, they don't have anything else better to do. You don't have to carry that. Let it be. Let them talk about you. Let them think what they want about you. Saying is protection. It's not bitterness. Okay? So next time someone misunderstands you, or maybe they project their opinions onto your life, all you got to do is take a deep breath and please remember. Remember this theory. I promise you. Like, it's changed my life in ways that I can't even tell you. And I don't know if it's also just an age thing, because you know how we always say in our 30s, we care less. Like, we just don't give a. Like, we're just so. We're just so much more focused on the things that we know we want to dedicate our energy to and what deserves our energy, your peace will always be louder than perception. And please understand that misunderstandings are often mirrors. So don't ever feel like you got to dim your shine and your light and your energy to match somebody else's. Like, don't feel like you got to lower your frequency. And don't. Just don't meet people where they're at. Stay where you're at. And the truth is, not everyone's going to understand your heart, right? And that's okay. Not everyone's going to get it. Cuz the. The ones who are meant to understand you truly, deeply and know your heart, the ones who are meant to will. We're in weird ass times right now. And Mal is real. Let me tell you, it's real. So your mental health, your peace, your happiness, that's the real flex, mama. That is the real flex. And if you're listening to this and you can relate or you have, maybe you have a person in mind or maybe even people learn that those people are probably not the best example of anything. People really sometimes just be at war with themselves and it has nothing to do with you, I promise you. Like, sometimes you really can't even take things personally because it has nothing to do with you. Remember when I said before, like, misunderstandings are a mirror. The problems are much deeper than you, babe. Like sometimes that's just what it is. But just remember, like the world, social media, other people, they don't get to define you. You define you, Your story, your worth, your boundaries. That's you. So yeah, I just had to like preach one time to y' all on this fine Wednesday because the quesa theory is real. At least to me it is. And it's helped me with a lot. Sometimes you gotta let people do whack shit and you move on and you say, and if you're the person doing whack ass to somebody, seek therapy, go get help. It's never too late. Like, I am a huge advocate for therapy and we are not all perfect. Like we're not. But if you feel like you're becoming a little toxic, like you're doing some toxic, you not treating your friends right, you're not treating your family right. You talking about XYZ and this person. Look a little deeper, take a little look inside what you got going on and be like, you know, like, what's, what's really wrong with me that I feel like I have to project all my opinions and everything onto somebody else. Like this. Their life has nothing to do with me sometimes. You really. It's about self reflection. So I'm tying this into the Casajola theory too. So follow me on this. Okay. So recently, do you guys, you guys, most of you probably know Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast. She did like a solo episode a couple weeks ago and I actually listened to some of it because I was really intrigued. I went on Instagram and saw a reel and she was talking about rock culture and. And she basically was just like, oh, rock culture is ruining our lives. And I was just like, whoa. Like, what the. Like that's such an out of touch thing to say. I was just like, wait, like.
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Rewind.
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So I went and listened to the episode and a lot of the stuff she was saying, like, I, I do agree. Like, I feel like she was saying how basically like doom scrolling and we constantly need like some kind of stimulation. Like we're always on our phone. Like think about how when we brush our teeth or something, like we're on tick tock or things like, I mean, I don't really do that. When I get up, I try, I do not go on my phone. Like, I try my best to not go on my phone as far as like apps like tick tock and stuff like that. Like I'll check my emails or whatever. But I really try to take that time to not even engage on social media and take too much in, like right when I open my eyes. Like that's too much sometimes. But yeah, she was basically saying like doing that all the time and constantly needing something, like not just being with yourself, like constantly needing like a TV or you know, scrolling, doom scrolling and needing something, it creates more anxiety. And I do agree with that. I agree with that to a certain extent. But it's also like sometimes you can't like every. It's all in moderation, right? Like we can set boundaries for ourselves when it comes to screen time and things like that. A lot of us don't, but that's within us. We have to learn how to control that. But I'm going to talk about my own opinions. Like, aside from her, it is a good ep. It is a good episode, I think, you know, if you want to listen to it, it's called doom scrolling is. I think it's called doom scrolling is r ruining our lives. But she does touch a little bit on like rock culture. And I was like, you know what? I want to talk about rock culture because number one, that's not the thing that's ruining our lives. I can tell you a Few things that's ruining our lives, and rock culture is not it. Okay? Like, baby, if rock culture means I can stay in my sala, on my couch, eating my snacks, eating my chips, watching and binge watching my shows that I don't have time a lot of the time throughout the week to watch, having zero responsibilities for that day, sign me the up. Sign me up. I don't think rock culture is what's ruining us. I think it's hustle culture. Like this whole boss babe that we put on us. Like, you have to be doing something every hour and every second of the day because our worth is tied into how productive we are. Like that it sucks. And that's what's exhausting everyone. We're is tired and even growing up Latina, like, I feel like when you want to rest, oh my God, it's such a big deal. It is such a big deal. Like, if my mom decides she wants to wake up early as in the morning and start cleaning the house, like, if I want to sleep in a little bit, I should be able to sleep in a little bit. Like, I'll pitch in. I'm gonna get whatever I need to get cleaned. But like, it was always like, you have to. You have to be cleaning and doing from the minute you wake up to, like the minute you go to see, you got to be doing something. And it's like, no, I can rest. Like, you can rest. Like, sometimes I want to look at my mom like, like, put the broom down and rest. Tranquilita. It's okay. But I feel like that's ingrained in our minds. Like, if you don't, like, they equate. Like, if you're resting, it's. You're lazy. Like, oh my God, you're lazy as, like, God forbid I rest and like, have to refill my cup. And I hate, I hate when people brag about not sleeping. Like, oh. Like, when people are like, oh, I. I didn't sleep in God knows how long and I got this done and look good for you. And what award did you get for that? Like, what are we celebrating right now?
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You you being burnt out and tired because you couldn't literally close your eyes. So at some point I had to say casse holder about that and like, be like, I'm gonna rest. I don't know what you're gonna do, but I'm gonna rest and I'm gonna have my little raw day, and I'm not gonna feel guilty about it. You can never make me feel guilty about it. Nobody can make me feel guilty about it. My daughter rots with me. Like, we'll have a whole marathon of movies and. And we'll eat and we bonds, but she needs rest, too. That girl does cheer, she does drum, she does school. She does so many things. Like, she's always doing something. So if we want to have a little ROT day, you will be fine. Like, please, I encourage y', all, have a ROT day and don't let anybody make you feel guilty about it. One day of rest is not going to let the. The world's not going to stop. Like, it's gonna be okay if you have to not clean that day. Your house is a mess. It'll be fine. It'll get done. You know, like, some we just gotta. We gotta take this pressure off of us that, like, we gotta do it all, all the time. If we get a weekend just to relax, that's survival. I'm sure other people can relate, too. But me, as a Latina, we were conditioned to feel you always got to be doing something. What else can I be doing? I tell you what you could be doing, babe. Take your ass to bed and rub your feet together. That's what you can do. Get your finest, softest, fluffiest blanket. Throw that, Throw that on and rest your eyeballs. That's what we can do. Sometimes you just need to be. When I'm having my raw day, too, and I'm just watching my shows, like, just. Or watching a movie with baby. I'm not on my phone. Like, I leave my phone alone. This is why you will barely see me. I don't be posting on Sundays like that. Barely ever. If I do, it's like a scheduled post that goes up. Like, I don't. I'm just taking my day and I'm just being. I'm. I'm just gonna be. That's it. And so I. I'm a huge advocate of rock culture over here. If you're not rotten, what is you doing, period? So I'm gonna give you all homework assignments this week. Take a day. I don't care what day it is. It could be Saturday, Sunday. Take a day and rot. Just rot. Don't be on your phone. Don't do anything. Maybe read a book, catch up on your books. Catch up on something. But relax. Relax yourself and refill your cup. You guys write into me. Let me know and let me know what you're going to do and let me know how that works out for you and let me know how amazing you feel after. Okay, so moving on. It's time for Cheeseman Confessions and we have a story here that I think a lot of people will be able to relate to. So let's hear it. Hey V, I just want to say that I truly love your vibes and how real you are. I don't have many of any female friends. I lost faith in those relationships after being burned too many times. I'm going to be 42 this coming March and wanted to know some tips or ways to make new connections slash friends. I work from home, have three kids. My girls are 23 and 24. My son is 15. My husband and I started out as teen parents and have been through hell and back and are still together 25 years later. I also struggle with trust. I was bullied as a kid in grammar school, then went to an all girls high school and you can imagine how that went when I got pregnant my junior year and had my first child October of my senior year. I wouldn't change a thing about that. I definitely think I was meant to be a teen mom because I feel my daughter saved me and my husband. Not saved us as in a couple, but as individ lost teens due to what was happening to our own family slash homes. Do you have any advice on how I can meet new friends? I would really appreciate any advice you have for me. I will soon be an empty nester and my husband has his own guy friends and I feel he sometimes stops himself from going out because he feels bad leaving me alone. I have tried to make friends with the wives of some of his guy friends but most of them are not in good relationships or the females and I just don't vibe. I'm a real person just like you and I feel like we would get along. I just need to find more V's in the world that I can be friends with. Lol. Respectfully yours first of all, thank you so much for writing in. I really appreciate your honesty here and you know, talking about how hard it is to actually find friends, especially at the age that we're at and especially now as adults. It's very hard. So I feel that. I feel like. I feel like so I think so many of us have gone through a season of loss when it comes to friendships or just losing faith in people, especially women. Because I feel like friendships can hurt and cut just as deep as, like, romantic, you know, relationships. But you have to be open to it. You have to be open to the experience. You have to be open to being vulnerable again and open to trusting. And it's not easy when you've been hurt, when you've been over so many times, or when you've been like, I never thought I'd be in a situation with X, Y and Z or this person, person, like, going from, like, sisterhood to just straight up shadiness or anything like that is hurtful. And I think it's okay to admit that being hurt changes you. Like, it really does. It changes how you look at people. It changes how you go into other friendships or other relationships with anyone else, even though it's not their fault. But it does change you. But healing doesn't mean you have to be more closed off. I think it just means, like, you get to be a little more intentional about who gets access to you. So if I can give you any. Any, any advice, I would just say start where you like your energy flows. Start where it already feels natural to you. Like, if you like to read books, maybe check out, like, a local book club that you. That they might have in your area. If you like to do, like, crafts or anything, look up any classes that they might have. Like, they always have local events and classes like pottery. There's so much that you can do, you know? Or if you're into, like, exercise, maybe start doing, like, fitness classes at a gym or sign up for yoga or something. Like, I. I know when I did yoga, there were so many, like, great women in there that I, like, connected with, so that's, like, a good place to start. Or, I don't know if you're, like, religious and you go to church, like, maybe church groups or even just volunteering. Because a lot of the times, like, the people that volunteer there, they have the same, like, morals and, like, the same kind of, like, that same heart that you have. You know, like, people are volunteering because they want to help, you know, So I feel like you can find good people there. And then there's also, like, you can try, like, Facebook groups in your area. I mean, I don't know if that'd be something that you'd be interested in, but there's always something, like, wherever, whatever area you're at. Like, look things up on Facebook. You know how they have, like, the events tab and stuff. You can go look there and start there. I know they always got going on here in Delaware all the time. And then there's. If you want to take it a little step further, there's also an app, there's like the Bumble BFF app. This is not sponsored by the way, but I think it's actually great for finding people who are like in that same stage of life as you are. Maybe like, maybe you can find people who are also empty, about to be empty nesters or are empty nesters, you know. So yeah, I think those are good places to start. Like just go where your energy feels more natural, you know, and like don't, you don't have to force anything. But if you do want to connect with like minded women like you, you know, people who are loyal and genuine and honest, be that way, you know, like be that way towards them. Like maybe compliment somebody, you know, like start a conversation, like invite some, invite a woman out for coffee, you know, like you never know. Sometimes these little things that we're sometimes afraid to do, you take a chance on it and ends up being like a really great, a great experience and you're like, oh, wow, that turned out way better than I thought. But I think it's important to just get out of the mindset that every friendship is going to end like the last one or is going to hurt you because I mean, I'm assume, I assume, you know, you've grown, you've gotten older, like things happen, people change, but you're not the person that you were, you're not who you used to be. So you're not going to attract those same kind of people. Just because it didn't work out with other friends and other women and you know, in the past doesn't mean that there aren't genuine souls waiting to, to love you and, and build that friendship and that connection with you. In this next chapter. Sometimes real talk, like we meet our tribe later in life. Sis, I hope this helps. Don't give up on sisterhood. We're not meant to do life alone. We're just not. And I promise you there are women that are craving that deep, genuine, honest, caring, loving friendship that you are. So I hope that helps. Let me know. Maybe write in a, an update. I would love to know if you do form a friendship and hopefully you'll be able to write back soon and be like, hey, like I found a really good friend and you know, like we're forming this sisterhood and this bond and, and I really love it. So I'm praying for that for you because I know that you deserve it. So yeah, guys, that's a wrap on today's Chisme. But don't let the conversation stop here. Let's keep it going. Make sure to subscribe on our YouTube where you get to watch the podcast every Thursday. Leave a review, make sure you subscrib, and follow me at Beautify Me on Socials and thechisme corner on Instagram as well. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And remember, there's always room for more Chisme here at the Chismet Corner. Bye.
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