An old school Christmas and Hanukkah episode with Joey and Lee

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode: An Old School Christmas and Hanukkah Episode with Joey and Lee
Hosts: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt
Date: December 23, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this old school holiday special, Joey “Coco” Diaz and Lee Syatt broadcast live from NYC, catching up on life, reflecting on changes from the past year, and bringing their signature blend of comedy, nostalgia, and real talk to the table. They dig deep into traditions, man-code discipline, how social media has changed culture, and the value of living life on your own terms. It's an episode about honesty, hard-earned wisdom, and the joy of finding your own path—holiday-style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter: The Importance of Discipline, Old School Codes, and Wedding Week

• Joey welcomes listeners with his usual humor and musical references, joking about classic tunes getting stuck in his head. (00:00–01:14)
• Lee talks about his upcoming wedding week, poking fun at his green tuxedo and culture clash, while Joey riffs on wedding attire, never wearing sandals, and his “code” about personal rules.
  • Notable exchange:
    • Lee: "I gotta make sure I fit into the tux."
    • Joey: "Dog, I'm coming in there with a gas mask on..." (02:22)
• Joey emphasizes living with a sense of personal discipline—rules about what to do or eat, and never deviating from them out of principle. (03:26–06:57)
  • “There’s got to be a code to your life... You just have to pick things and test yourself.” – Joey (03:03)

The Value of Rules, Standing Your Ground, and Sticking to What Makes You Feel Right

• Joey shares his “disciplines,” like never eating certain foods or wearing sandals, and the deeper life lesson about not compromising your values, even in seemingly trivial matters.
  • “Every time you deviate, you’re taking a beating in life somewhere else. You have to stick to something.” – Joey (05:22)
• Stories illustrate sticking to personal boundaries even at the cost of social opportunities or comfort (e.g. not eating Thai food, never snorting coke on New Year’s). (06:57)
• On life choices: being a man means standing for something—even if that means not going along with the crowd.

Social Media, Modern Culture & Raising Kids in a Changed World

• Joey and Lee share perspectives on how Instagram and the Internet have changed the culture, criticizing performative lifestyles, fleeting trends, and lack of authenticity.
  • “We’re creating more billy goats than ever.” – Joey on the impact of social media and trends (11:55)
  • “The youth today... we’re so stuck on our phones... we take the phone out to tape it. Stop it. You’re not going to watch it later.” - Joey (15:47)
• Joey discusses parenting challenges: seeing his daughter copy online trends and feeling disconnected from his own childhood, which was more independent and less influenced by trends. (12:46–13:53)

Personal Change, Health & Recovery, and Cutting Toxins Out

• Joey shares his experience of being hospitalized multiple times in 2025 and the resulting life changes—no computer in the morning, healthier habits, better self-care, eliminating negative connections.
  • “I eliminated like eight people out of my life... wasn’t going nowhere.” – Joey (19:14)
• Emphasizes the discipline required to heal, avoid negative thoughts, and focus on meaningful routines for both mental and physical health.
• “I don’t have anything weighing me down no more, nor intrusive fucking thoughts.” (19:52)

Reflections on Work, Life Paths, and Societal Expectations

• Joey unpacks the rapid pace of life, how tradition has shifted, and the trap of following conventional paths just to end up unfulfilled.
  • “You work all your life, they give you a watch, and a year later you’re shoveling snow and die in your driveway at 66. What the fuck was the glamour of that?” – Joey (31:09)
• Encourages living for yourself, reminding listeners that “there’s no debtors prison” and that conforming for security can mean missing out on authentic happiness or fulfillment. (32:13)

The “Happiness” Question and Embracing an Unconventional Life

• Joey and Lee banter about what happiness means, with Joey contrasting fleeting pleasures with deeper fulfillment.
  • “Everybody talks about... be happy. I know what makes you happy. You know what makes me happy? Snorting coke and holding my knees like that and some chick sticking a tongue up my ass. That’s what makes me happy.” – Joey (34:01)
• Discussion about not being afraid to be yourself, setting boundaries in personal relationships, and why Joey chose stand-up: for freedom, not just money or women. (36:25–36:56)

Commitment to the Craft, Growth in Comedy, and Discipline

• Joey and Lee discuss the seriousness of pursuing stand-up comedy: how it demands commitment, self-honesty, and perseverance through difficult stretches.
  • “You see them, they all drop off. They just drop off like flies. Because... if you want to be good at it, it’s a fucking commitment.” – Joey on comedy (45:18)
• Lee shares his personal experiences with growth in stand-up, learning to adapt his set to different crowds, and the satisfaction of improvement. (56:18)

The Lasting Message: Do What You Love, Even if It’s Unconventional

• Joey closes with heartfelt advice:
  • “I’d rather you be broke and be happy... My mission was just to do what the fuck you want to do, dude.” (41:44–41:58)
• The episode ends with the message to find your own path and not settle for “work” that feels soul-crushing, as well as a call to reflect at year’s end on what truly brings joy and meaning.
  • “If you love your job... it’s already 12 o’clock, I haven’t even got my day started yet.” – Joey (63:24)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “There’s got to be a code to your life... You just have to pick things and test yourself.” – Joey (03:03)
• “Every time you deviate, you’re taking a beat in life, you’re losing in life somewhere else.” – Joey (05:22)
• “We’re creating more billy goats than ever.” – Joey (11:55)
• “I have changed my life. I moved so many pieces around and one of the pieces I moved was no computer in the morning.” – Joey (17:12)
• “I eliminated like eight people out of my life... wasn’t going nowhere.” – Joey (19:14)
• “You work all your life, they give you a watch, and a year later you’re shoveling snow and die in your driveway at 66. What the fuck was the glamour of that?” – Joey (31:09)
• “Everybody talks about...be happy. I know what makes you happy. You know what makes me happy? ...That’s what makes me happy.” – Joey (34:01)
• “My mission was just to do what the fuck you want to do, dude.” – Joey (41:44)
• “You see them, they all drop off. ...if you want to be good at it, it’s a fucking commitment.” – Joey on stand-up (45:18)
• “If you love your job... it’s already 12 o’clock, I haven’t even got my day started yet.” – Joey (63:24)

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Important Segments by Timestamp

• 00:00–01:14 — Opening banter, songs, holiday mood
• 03:00–06:57 — The importance of discipline and sticking to your “code”
• 11:15–15:18 — Social media, modern culture, and the performative nature of today’s youth
• 16:31–19:52 — Joey’s post-hospital lifestyle changes, self-care, and eliminating negative influences
• 31:09–34:01 — Reflections on conventional life vs. choosing your own adventure
• 41:44–45:18 — The true definition of success and happiness, why “doing what you love” matters
• 56:18–59:28 — Lee’s comedy growth story and Joey on the joy of getting better, staying disciplined
• 63:03–63:55 — Finding fulfillment at work versus feeling stuck or bored
• 69:13–End — Holiday wishes and episode wrap-up

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Tone & Style

Joey and Lee bring their signature blend of East Coast bluntness, humor bordering on the outrageous, and deeply honest self-reflection. The conversation shifts seamlessly between raunchy comedy, old school wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement for living authentically, not settling for less, and finding joy—even when it means breaking from convention.

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Summary Prepared For:
Anyone curious about Joey Diaz’s philosophy on life, the realities of a creative (and sometimes messy) path, or simply in search of unapologetic holiday humor with a dose of real talk.

Transcript

[A]

What up, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here with my favorite motherfucking Kato, Lee Syed, for another fun filled episode of the Church of what's Happening now, new edition. It's December 23rd. It's a jingle bell edition. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Anyway. We're back. Jack. What's up?

[B]

You've been.

[A]

What?

[B]

Why do you. How do you do that? You're the only person I know with songs. They just get stuck. You've been singing that like. Like. Like an autistic kid for like 20 minutes.

[A]

That's all you need is just.

[B]

That's all you've been saying.

[A]

Message after that. Jimmy crack corn. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

You don't care.

[A]

That's all you need to know.

[B]

My favorite one is the Asian one.

[A]

Oh, please. I got like 20 songs I just sing to myself. I have a good time, people. I have a good time. I have problems, but who gives a.

[B]

And you look like we were talking about you. Torture. And there was one. I'm thinking back. There was one in LA that you would do like I wanted. Do you want to be a gypsy or something? That you would just break into? Like, I would love to spend 10 minutes in your head and just see what you just sing songs that no one's ever heard of. Like, do you want to be a gypsy?

[A]

What is that? It's Black Sabbath song. Is it? Yeah, the Gypsy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have no idea. You want to be a gypsy every. Come on now.

[B]

Oh, my God. I love it.

[A]

It's a great thing. What's going on, man? How was your weekend? What's happening?

[B]

Everything's good.

[A]

It's Christmas week. It's wedding week. You got a big fucking week.

[B]

I got to make sure I fit into the tux.

[A]

You got days you can run. You can make it to Toronto. Who's gonna. And you can hang out with Mindua's parents up there.

[B]

Oh, if I just. Listen, if you're out there and you're thinking about getting married, elope. Just. Just do it. Just elope. Just you, her and yourself into.

[A]

I told you. I specifically told you.

[B]

You did not tell me to elope. You told me don't get married.

[A]

I told you don't get married right now. Give it till some time because everybody would go into shock. And they did. And now. Now you have, you know. So we'll deal with it at the end of this week. See what's really crackalacting.

[B]

Oh, my God, he's wet.

[A]

He got a green tuxedo. It looks Like a Jewish Kermit the Frog.

[B]

And I look like. I look surrounded by Indians.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

It's gonna be great. I look. I look good as hell. Oh, yes, I do.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

You can't wait to see it.

[A]

Knock.

[B]

I can't wait to see where you show up in.

[A]

Dog, I'm.

[B]

You never know you're gonna wear an Indian outfit. Oh, do we?

[A]

I'm coming in there with a gas mask on. You know those gas that people like in. In Lioness when they throw? Wait till they see me with that gas mask on.

[B]

With a little bong hanging out on the side.

[A]

Covid. And the sandals.

[B]

No one wears sandals. You wear more sandals than I do. I've always seen you wear sandals.

[A]

Anybody see me wear sandals?

[B]

Yeah, around the house.

[A]

You're kind of fucking being stupid again. Nobody wears fucking sandals. Fucking sandals. I wouldn't put a pair of fucking sandals on if you paid me. Not the ones with the strap, not the other ones. What about. I don't even fucking put on flip flops.

[B]

No. Never.

[A]

No. That's disgusting. We live in a real world, dog. I look at me with flip flops. I'm headed to a bar like I'm headed to the beach. What the fuck? What are you, a retard? What are you, fucking idiot?

[B]

But your whole thing is like, you can't run. And what if I stomp on your feet first? How often do you get your feet stomped on?

[A]

Listen, listen. Don't worry about the stomping on the feet. Don't worry about nothing. We just don't wear sandals where we come from. Okay? That's it.

[B]

That's it. What does that even mean?

[A]

That's what that means.

[B]

No one from New Jersey wears sandals.

[A]

My fucking people. The people I hang out with. Those baggy sandals. Not one of them that I grew up with or hang out with. Wear those faggy sandals with the straps or Birkenstockings. That's not allowed. That's not in your code. You know, you fucking young generation, you don't think about shit. I don't want to sound like an old guy, but there's got to be a code to your life. Things that you'll do and things that you won't do. And you just have to pick things and test yourself. When I was a kid, everybody went to Quintessence. I was the hot bar Pussy Quaaludes. I made a fucking point that I was not gonna go to Ridgefield park and make believe I was in New York City. That's what they were doing. They were going to Ridgefield park, everybody.

[B]

Hey, is Ridgefield park nice?

[A]

No, it's a fucking armpit across from fucking. You know, it doesn't really matter where it is, George. It just. What matters is that they were trying to do this fucking disco, this New York City studio in Ridgefield park, and I refused to go. And you have to, like you said to me with joy. What was the point of it? Just a discipline. I ain't going in there. I'm not going in there.

[B]

I get having discipline.

[A]

Listen, regardless of what happens, you forget I was the dude that they called from the Thai restaurant to have a meeting from cbs. And I turned the meeting down because I was not walking to eat in the Thai restaurant. I got nothing against Thai people. I just don't want to smell that fucking food. I'm a very unique kind of fucking character.

[B]

Yeah, unique is one word.

[A]

What do you mean? Because when I say something, I stick to it and that's it.

[B]

When have you ever said anything about Thai food?

[A]

I didn't. I just. I'm just throwing that up so you understand how deep my fucking jimmy runs. There's no, you can't. There's no. Well, she wanted to do it. In my world, there's no nothing.

[B]

So what happens if Scorsese calls and says, I want to eat Thai with you?

[A]

Listen, let's be fucking realistic, all right? I think there might be some that. I don't eat Thai. I'll say around the phone, I don't eat die. And I can't smell that smell. That's it. That's it. We don't deviate. Every time you deviate, you're taking a beat in life, you're losing in life somewhere else. You have to stick to something.

[B]

I agree with.

[A]

You have to stick to something in your life. You have to have some fucking respect. Like, I'm not going to eat that because my grandmother didn't fucking feed me that. Like, something. You have to have something. You have to stand for something. As a man. We're not women and children. We're fucking men. So, you know, you do something, we do it. We don't take the one o' clock flight because it was cheaper. When your wife is a gazillionaire and owns a building that. That's not even fucking in my thought process to wait for six hours because that's how our business is done. Our business is not fucking, you know, will I leave it to be? That's our business. We're comedians. We have A business. And we stick to that code every fucking moment of the day. I don't deviate. I'm getting hit up by Cameo. They think, I don't want to do cameo.

[B]

I'm not letting you out.

[A]

I'm not gonna deviate. He'll ask me once, you want to do a card show. I'm not. I'd rather not sit there and say, oh, really? You like the longest yard? Me too. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing that. It's not worth it. For me, it's agenda. But there's things as a man that you have to stick to.

[B]

See, I get like, I don't eat ranch.

[A]

So if you order ranch at this table, you have to move. You have to go to another table, and that's it. And later on in life, when you get older, you'll see. I had a bro in the middle of all my junkiness. When I was a dead cold junkie, I had a rule. I did not snort coke on New Year's since 1980. I'd snort Coke 364 days of the year, just not on New Year's. There was just something not snorting coke on New Year's, and I stuck to it.

[B]

So here's my question, though, because I get, like, the professional stuff. But like that. Like, you, like, there's strange things that just are, like, life things. You're like, no sandals, no coconut. Like, you. How do you pick these things?

[A]

Discipline. This is a discipline you're making. I don't want to look like that guy. I don't ever want to feel or look like that guy. I don't want his look on my fucking face. You can tell he's broken. He's just. His wife's fucking fingers are bigger than my hand. She weighs 400 pounds. She's got a Starbucks this big with whipped cream. And he. But he never had the chance to say, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. We feel as Americans, we got to do everything. I'm not doing that. I'm not. And people get mad at you for three days, but then they'll respect you later. I'm not doing that. Why not? Because I don't want to fucking walk up two flights of steps. Really? You can? Yeah. I'm against fucking steps. And I'm just saying there's rules as a man that you have to stick to. This is what we do. There's no, like, well, I'll go this time. Oh, I'll go to the Arab pizzeria. No, no, no, no.

[B]

Have you had to break any rules with, like, because of mercy or anything? Or do you like, you. You just don't break your rules?

[A]

No, no. Because I know every time I break the rules, I'm gonna fucking pay for it. Maybe not here, but three steps down the line. So for me, that rule will never be broken. And there's things I do like that people don't even know and they don't even have a. They wouldn't understand. Like, I'm old school. I'm an old school Marlon Brando guy. Tom Hanks got an Oscar for having AIDS in that movie. And he went up there and started crying. I didn't fucking fuck with Tom Hanks for 10 years after that because of.

[B]

The age of the crying, because of.

[A]

The crying at the Academy Awards. I just. I'm just not tolerating that. Because he wasn't crying for him. He was crying for people at aids. Whatever the. He was doing on that part. Whatever the. You know what I'm saying? Like, to all the guys that have died with spots on their eyes, I don't give a. You know, So I didn't. This is just personal.

[B]

I get it. But have you lost, like, friendships or girlfriends because of this stuff? Because, like, some of your rules are unique.

[A]

Very unique. And at least I'm not mind fucking myself.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

George has a business, okay? He'll think for three hours what pizza he's going to get today.

[B]

That's a long time.

[A]

What new fucking haunt he's going to go to just because he thinks he's in the area. He's got to stop at the popular pizza place and talk about Italy and all this shit. That's three hours of his day. That's in his mind. That lives in his mind. I only go to one pizza place.

[B]

So you don't have to make that decision.

[A]

I don't have to make that decision. I don't get mind fucked.

[B]

But what are you doing?

[A]

I'm living in the moment. I'm not worried about fucking. Well, let me catch Clemenza's. They have good pizza. Well, Dave Portney went there. I'm not going in there. I'm not going in there on principle. Now that Dave Portnoy went in there.

[B]

What's your issue with that?

[A]

Just. Just cause he's a skinny fucking Jew. What's he know about fucking pizza? He knows about business and a lot of other things, but he don't know about pizza. But we Just bought into it cuz he's a white dude on a website. I gotta stop this shit. We gotta stop this shit. This behavior is fucking God awful.

[B]

Has it gotten worse?

[A]

Oh, yeah, look, on Instagram. Just go on Instagram. Every third thing is Dua Lipa. I don't even know who Dua Lipa is. She's beautiful. But does she even sing or she just does this with her hand and jumping jacks with fucking. A bikini on. Everybody's got a fucking bikini on. Nobody forgot about singing and just singing. Get a flute or ukulele. No, they go up there with a bikini and right away they fuck. She's 6 foot 1. She got pussy for days. She.

[B]

She's 6 foot 1.

[A]

I don't know. But look at it with the boots and the whole thing. I mean, you know, that's.

[B]

Would you think the Internet's made it worse? Like, is that what? What.

[A]

Oh, fuck. Yeah. We're creating more billy goats than ever.

[B]

Is that what you.

[A]

I don't have to. Yeah, I don't have to go out to get recruited now. You could get radicalizing your living room. And when I mean radicalize. I'm not even talking about terrorist shit. I'm just talking about. Oh my God, that's. I love Birkenstock. You know, you don't. You never had him on. You just see him and your girlfriend has them with the red, you know, that's it. We just created a. It's like Nick said, people don't go out to get fucked up no more. They go out, they get a bottle and they sit there and do VIP pictures for Instagram and they flag gang signs. They never even broke a bottle. And they. All these little black kids never done nothing. They grew up in a fucking white neighborhood and that freaking gland. Gang signs and shit. Who's in a gang? Who's in a gang? None of you.

[B]

Yeah, it's getting like social media is pretty.

[A]

Like it's. It's created retards. And the youth buy into it. They buy into it like my daughter. My daughter's an idiot. She's 12. You know, she's 12.

[B]

We're all idiots at 12. Yeah, well, different kinds.

[A]

You were not me at 12. I was doing things.

[B]

You were genies at 12.

[A]

I was making things happen at 12.

[B]

Weren't you robbing bikes off of trains?

[A]

Everything. Weren't robbing. Shoveling snow. Fucking doing dirty jobs in North Bergen where they had no fucking permit to do it. Fucking. We did everything.

[B]

Holy shit. So. But do you see like the Internet and stuff. Messing with Mercy.

[A]

Yeah, like she started wearing those glasses like Tom Segura and I had a towel like three, four times. Don't wear those glasses no more, please. You look like a fucking idiot.

[B]

What glasses? You need glasses?

[A]

No, they buy those fake glasses to look intelligent. Like. Like they fucking read books for a living. And I gotta sit there. Oh my God, he looks so smart. Or goofy. In LA they get the goofy glasses so they look even goofier.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's what they wanna do. When you see them at interviews, they wear the glasses. They're huge with the frames and shit. And you know, what about the ones.

[B]

With cameras in it? Those glasses?

[A]

What do I know? What do I want a camera. My thing for.

[B]

You don't want to like, you can record.

[A]

What am I, a secret agent? I'm not James Bond. I'm gonna walk around with a little apple and I'll tell you. It's a great idea. It really is. I saw, I saw Brian Redbands. Oh yeah, he has all that red band.

[B]

Has like. I don't know how old he is, but he's like 15 year old me. Like he has everything that I would want at like 15. He has every cool toy. He has like four different cars that are just. Each one's cooler than the. It's red. Man's living a. Awesome. It seems like he has all that tech stuff and I love all of it. It's amazing. I would love to see you try. Have you ever tried like VR or any of those goggles?

[A]

Oh, all the time. You got to see me at night. That's why smoke pot. Because I have memories of my mind.

[B]

And you just turn on that.

[A]

And that's virtual reality for you. VR and fucking make believe. No, no, I got. That's a good thing. That this youth is not gonna have memories because everything's in their phone. They're telling you they're making memories. Let's make memories. Who says make memories anyway? Yeah, we've become a fucking disgusting faggy fucking system. Let's make memories.

[B]

They always say tonight was like a movie.

[A]

The best memories I've had was when I had $3 in my pocket and three idiots got together. And we walked from 80th street and got a bottle of vodka with Gatorade and you drank and then you fucking got picked up over here and you ended up in the city snorting coke till 4 in the morning. That's the best night I had. So you can't plan a memory, right? Yeah, not plan A fucking memory. The concerts I was excited for. I have no memory of the concerts that I went on a whim. They were the best concerts of my life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so all that shit, like, we're so stuck. The youth today. And a lot of people, we're so stuck on our phones, like anything can happen. We take the phone out to tape it. Stop it. You're not going to watch it later?

[B]

No.

[A]

If you come up to me with that phone and show me like this is a little kid crossing the street. Put that away.

[B]

I don't think I ever look at pictures after I take them. No, I was going through my phone.

[A]

Today at the fucking concert with the thing.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm number one. And then. And then on the way home, the car breaks down. You can't call nobody. Cause you got no fucking power. You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's just. Jesus, it's too much. It's a lot on your system. I think that the Internet is a lot on your system.

[B]

Fuck, yeah.

[A]

And I feel a lot. Listen, today is the 18th. Yesterday it was two months that I got let out of the hospital.

[B]

It's already been two months, the last month. Jesus Christ.

[A]

Okay, October 17th. I was in the hospital from like the 11th, whatever the fuck. I was in the hospital from like the 13th to the 18th. So today's the 18th. It's two months. And I gotta tell you something, guys. I have changed my life. I moved so many pieces around and one of the pieces I moved was no computer. In the morning after I come back.

[B]

You think that was affecting your health?

[A]

I wanted to change things around, okay? You can't end up in the hospital four times in one year and you keep doing the same shit.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

You know, if you notice, I told George to stop making hot dogs. You know, I was 300 and something fucking pounds eating four hot dogs on Monday. And then we go eat again.

[B]

They were good hot dogs, too.

[A]

Yo. They're great hot dogs. I miss them, but.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

We'll give them a break to the fall, the spring, you know. You know, I get up early now. I'm fucking napping a lot. I've stuck to this fucking workout to the tee. And like these boxing workouts I do, I look at the whoop afterward and it's amazing.

[B]

You've been talking about boxing the whole time I've known you. You like boxing?

[A]

I like the workout of boxing. That heavy bag is fucking tremendous for you when you're an old man and you drill Boxing, it's great because you have to remember numbers. So you start with a one, two, three, one, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, one, 2, five. You know, you always have. As I'm getting older, that's good for my cognitive health.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

I'm remembering those things, you know, I'm remembering numbers and combinations, and that's what a lot of people don't do. They start talking about dementia. Well, you didn't do nothing, right? You fucking sit at home at night and you think your mind works because you get three things right on Jeopardy. And that ain't it. No, that ain't it. So everybody compliment dementia that. Well, you got to work on it. If you don't want dementia, you got to work on your fucking memory. That means you got to write every morning. You got to fucking. You know, this is it. I've taken supplements to the T the last two months. All my medication. Like, I don't miss. Like, I get lazy. I'm like, I'm not taking my medication at night. I don't want to open up another water. I'm one of those idiots, right? No, I stuck to all that shit. I eliminated like eight people out of my life. Wow.

[B]

What were. They were just bringing you down.

[A]

They were just. It wasn't going nowhere. Wasn't going. Let's get together. You're never going to call me. I got no babysitter. What are we doing? What are we doing? Every two days you call me. Let's get together for dinner. It ain't going to happen. My house starts percolating at 6 o'. Clock. I ain't got time to go to dinner with my wife and. And my daughter. She got practice. She got this, she got that. I got time for it. So what are we doing? Oh, I can't wait to see you. Yeah. Oh, you're not doing nothing.

[B]

And, like, how do you feel differently than you did before you went in the hospital?

[A]

I feel fucking the best I felt in 2025.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

I don't have anything weighing me down no more, nor thoughts. No intrusive fucking thoughts. I was still recovering. Listen, man, the reason why I'm sleeping a lot is because I'm healing. I was still recovering from just a change of scenery. I'm just learning this now that. That was a whole fucking different world I was in when I got off the plane. Just the change of scenery, having the Comedy Store 15 minutes from your house for 23 fucking years and going there whenever the fuck you want. That got pulled from me. I Had a couple things pulled from me. 23 years of living in LA and then moving somewhere is very hard.

[B]

It's hard. It was hard because when I was up there a couple weeks ago, I was like, oh, because we left quick, we were gone. Like I think you told me in March. And then in August we were gone or some. It was like only a few months. But like also for you, like the scenery, I'm sure. Hurt or like made broken. But even, even just like, to go from like, you were non stop between the podcast and comedy and acting world and then like, you just. It was like someone pulled an emergency brake on your life.

[A]

Two worlds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My friends, my relationships. You had people that you knew that we went to eat there. Like, all that shit went out the fucking window. So I had to make adjustments. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea at first I couldn't do comedy. So it was like the last five years have been fucking like a mental health fucking test. And there was a lot of times that's why I stopped eating the mushrooms last year. Cause I'm like, shit's not right. I'm hearing voices and stuff.

[B]

Well, when you don't measure it and you eat it by handfuls, that's also a different story. Most people don't eat it by handfuls.

[A]

I took the. I have an addictive personality, as we all know. I can say we all have an addictive personality. Yeah.

[B]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

And Doug, I'll take this party from one thing to the next, you know, and that's what I've been doing all my life. Take it from one thing to the next, you know, Fucking Valium. And then we switched up to Quaalude and then you. I don't do quailos no more. Yeah, because they don't make them. You know, everybody's like, oh, I don't do quail. Oh, yeah, because you're eating acid, you're eating Percocets, you're eating this. So I went from like one drug to that. You know, it's like lately I haven't really smoked a lot of reefer.

[B]

No good. What about. Do you think you ever got addicted to work? Like, you, like, that's how you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that.

[A]

You know, now I know why. Cuz life is boring. Life is boring, man. This is, you know, it's like, it's very.

[B]

It's very different. We're like a normal everyday life to like touring, doing like just comedy. Even when you're not touring. I. I Don't know if it gets monotonous to after you do it for 30 years, but you know, it gets more normal for you. But most people, like everyone I work at 9 to 5 still like people, usually they get into the office between eight and nine that are home by six and then they're done and it's just. And like that's when our night's just barely starting at 6 o'. Clock.

[A]

Listen, let me take a breather here real quick, okay? Let's talk about Bioma and some fucking blue bioma and some bluechew because New Year's is coming. You want to set bitches straight, you know what I'm saying? Let's take a breather. We'll be right back after Bluechew and Bioma. Yo, Uncle Joe here to talk to you about bioma. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of yourself in 2026 with Bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics and postbiotics. So you can get everything acting like it should, if you know what I'm talking about. What you do is you take two capsules before breakfast and you're good to go for the day. I've been on biomass, a little science project for eight weeks. My color's better, my poop smells healthier and I'm feeling so much better, even my gut has flattened a little bit. I've dropped 13 pounds, so I don't know if it's BYOMA or jumping up and down. Byoma also calms your brain fog and anxiety and mood swings. So when your gut is better, your life is better. Feel like hell by Almost got your back. To get started, just click the link in our show notes and pressing code Joey J O E y to get 15% off your guts comeback. Who's better than Uncle Joey and who's better than byoma? Nobody. That's 15% off your first order when you use code Joey J O E Y. Why? Just press the link in our show notes. Happy holidays. Hey, Uncle Joey here for Blue Chew. Listen guys, it's time to level up your dick and ball game. You follow me? The holidays are coming. You got to get those things fucking on fire. Bluechew has just dropped Blue Chew Gold. Tremendous. Blue Chew Gold is a four in one tablet. You ready? With the ingredients to increase the blood flow which is always good and arousal, Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue. It takes as little as 15 minutes and your dick is at attention. You understand me? Your balls are hurt like you're 13. Remember when you were 13, you were going to whack one out because your balls hurt and you had to cross your legs. That's what fucking Blue Chew Gold does for you. Listen, I love Blue Chew Gold. It's easy to eat under your tongue. Bam. Next thing you know, you're slinging dick like a black pimp in the 70s. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your [e-mail]. listen, I got a special deal for church family. Get 10% off your first month of Bluechew Gold with code Joey J, O e y. For 10 years we've been giving you a month supply of Bluechew for free. Just so you understand what you got now with Bluechew Gold. If you think you slung dick before, forget about now. You're going to have. You know how people say they got skeletons? That's what you're going to have in your closet. A bunch of skeletons like that dude in Milwaukee. Anyway, visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. I want to thank Bluechew for the sponsoring the podcast and for always having my back. And don't forget, if you want to sling dick with three hands, Bluechew is the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Happy holidays. Kick this mule. We're back. And don't forget the probiotic bioma for the January 1st. Jump on it right now. Start that. Because I started them.

[B]

Yeah, I've been on it. It's been great.

[A]

My God, it's tremendous.

[B]

I feel good.

[A]

No. And when something bad goes in there, like lizard meat by mistake, it comes right out, dog, and it smells horrible. The biomass surrounds it and just takes it out of your fucking muffler.

[B]

But anyway, that's an infinite.

[A]

Thirty years ago, I had a dear friend that was involved in rehabs and whatnot.

[B]

What was he, a doctor?

[A]

No, this fucking mooc, you know, he's in a rehab, telling me, listen, you got to stop smoking pot because you can't accept your reality. And I'm like, you want a fucking rehab? Okay, give me a fucking. And he would say that to me like. Like the way I'm singing Jimmy Crack Corn, right? Every time he get high as I'm leaving, hey, you gotta stop smoking that weed because you can't handle reality. Well, let me tell you something. That statement was always true with me, okay? I can never handle reality, but not in the way that most people can't handle reality. I couldn't handle life's reality. Life is fast, okay? You know? And I learned, one minute you're 52, and the next minute you're 63 and you got two teeth in your mouth. And you know, it's fast, guys.

[B]

It's fast. But it's also slow, doesn't it? Like, isn't that.

[A]

No, it's fast, okay? Because you. It's fast. It could be slow if you're a fucking mutt.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Okay, now think about the term of life. This is what made me fucking change completely was going to prison and looking at people. And I love American people. I fucking love them. This is what this country was built at. But this country isn't that country anymore, okay? So, you know, Ford, Chevy, you had all these American industries, and they're fucking great. You made a bunch of money. You had great benefits, fucking insurance. You could own the doctor. It was like $5 to go to the doctor. It was fucking amazing, okay? And then somewhere along the line, who knows what happened? But I still remember being 25 and out of prison and taking classes at the University of Colorado and going, you know what? I can't wait to get my degree. I'm gonna move right back to New York, get away from these fucking idiot ski people, and I'm gonna get a job on Wall Street. Here I am with this felonious mind of mine and I took those classes and I was all fired up and I got out of prison and I tried to go back to Colorado, and I was upset. I was like, I can't believe I got in trouble. Now I can't go back to college. And all of a sudden, I fucking got, like a break game. And it was like, Joey, you're 25 fucking years old is what you're trying to tell me. You're 25 years old. Let's pretend you got a pretty good job if it's corporate. In 1985, there wasn't a lot of corporate work. Not like everything is corporate now. You could just walk into a pet shop and go, I need a job. And they'd say, when can you start? Right now. Now I gotta go for a piss test, right? Fucking do a background check. They gotta check my pupils, you know, a blood test. No. How many times I walk out on a construction site and go, dog, you need help today? Yeah, come on. We need help for six weeks. Okay? We got a job for six weeks. Can't do that no more.

[B]

No, that's crazy that you could do that.

[A]

Yeah, I could just walk into a place, shop right now. You gotta go Union, you gotta do this anyway, it doesn't matter. But think about. You're 25, you're going to be in 25 years, you're going to be 50, and then 15 more years after that you're going to be 65. I really want you to think about what you really want to do, number one. And I want you to think it all the way through. Don't look at the Department of Statistics to see what's going to be the highest paying job in five years, right? You know what you want to do. And then remember that this is the reality of it, okay? The reality of it is whatever you decide to do, you're going to have to do from nine to fucking six for a few years. Then you get more responsibility and you're going to be there from nine to nine. You're going to have a kid, you're going to be married. And guess what? What? This is it. I know that was your time on this fucking planet. That was your time on this fucking planet. And then you work all your life, they give you a watch, and a year later you're shoveling snow and you die in your driveway at 66. What the fuck was the glamour of that? You were always waiting to fucking pay bills. You were always worried about paying a light bill and a water bill and being an outstanding fucking civilian. And what the fuck just happened? You're at the funeral going, what the fuck? I'm in my own casket. I'm like, what the fuck was this? I worked all my fucking life to get a watch. Right?

[B]

And you don't even like watches.

[A]

$2600 a month from fucking a pension and I'm still gonna be fucking short. What the fuck? So I decided right there, this is drugs. No drugs, whatever. That if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do what the fuck I want to do and not worry about any of that shit. And if it happens, it happens. Remember, there's no debtors prison. They will not throw you in jail for money.

[B]

They won't.

[A]

No, you just won't talk to people. People won't give you cards and shit. You can't go into a hotel room because you got no credit card. But there's no debtors prison, right? Okay? So you're going to live your whole life chasing that mortgage. Chasing. Okay, that's like. That's like, welcome to your new home, Lee. Say at. Okay, so we got you a fixed rate of 3.8 and it's.

[B]

Oh, shit, fuck somebody for 3.8 right now.

[A]

Shut up and it's a 40 year mortgage. That is the scariest fucking sentence that you'll ever tell a guy like me. Why 40 years? It's a long time every night you go to bed, huh? I got 38 more. Nothing's gonna change. The mortgage is 2,800. That's what you can afford. Your wife's got a set budget. That's it. I got 40 years till I become an owner. All these little things are fucking positive, but at the same time they should make you think about it. Like I'm not going to owe shit till I'm fucking 50 or 60 unless my mother or grandmother or father or somebody co signs a loan for me today. Today. What are you going to get?

[B]

Oh, and dude, what are you going to get today?

[A]

No.

[B]

20 year olds are buying houses now. They're lucky to buy a house by the time they're 40.

[A]

So these are things you got to think about before you make any fucking decision. Well, do I want to live a conventional life and go to meetings every Tuesday with a shirt on? Hi guys. We brought donuts and bagels. Okay, today we're going to talk about sales tactics, you know.

[B]

Well, here's the thing though, and I know you're not talking about them directly, but like I would say that's probably 95% of the people listening. Have like a date. Like do you think everyone should work for themselves? Or like what do you, what do you think they should do?

[A]

Everybody talks about two words, everybody. You could talk to anybody and they'll say, and nobody really wants to do it, and that's be happy. I know what makes you happy. You know what makes me happy? Snorting coke and holding my knees like that and some chick sticking a tongue up my ass. That's what makes me happy. That, that, that's it. What else?

[B]

Dude, I can't tell you.

[A]

I love playing with my children. I love throwing them in the air. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're talking about getting your ass eat here with a coke rock and you're talking about playing with your kids. What are we talking about? So everybody has different needs and wants.

[B]

I guess so.

[A]

But I want you to know what you're signing up for.

[B]

Where's the coke rock go in your.

[A]

Oh, it melts in there. You put like a little cup in there and then she comes and fucking goes out all mouthed in there. I'm sorry, that's not my point, Lee. My point is that fucking. These are the things I was a fucking. Listen, I'm still a loser. I Just laugh at people now because they haven't figured it out. When you're a loser and you know it, but they haven't figured it out. You like these poor fucking bastards, they have no idea. Okay. Oh, this was all luck and fucking hard work, but it was lucky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not gonna tell you that. God put an extra chromosome in my brain to make me think, no, no. There's 200 people funnier than I am. I just did it a little differently. And I'm very proud of that. I learned from the best. I had Ralphie, I had Rogan. I had a lot of great fucking people around me. But think about beside comedy, like, what else did I want to do?

[B]

Sell things, I guess.

[A]

Sell? You were going to sell. I didn't want to be married. I know I didn't want to be married. I know that once you get married and you get that green light to go, it's like fucking. You go nuts. You go nuts.

[B]

Like, oh, when you get divorced, yeah.

[A]

I'm surprised I married Terry.

[B]

It took you a while.

[A]

Oh, nine years. But I'm surprised. I'm fucking. Till this day. I'm like, I don't know. I did, because I was so turned off by that. Like, that was not gonna. Listen, I'll be married, but don't ask me no questions. Like, you just can't ask me questions, man. It drives me fucking crazy. I'll be home by 5. You'll get the rent. But just please don't ask me a question.

[B]

I would love to. Like, I wish I had the balls to tell people stuff like that.

[A]

You have to, because if not, your life is gonna fucking be a nightmare. And I'd rather pee, piss two people off, then walk around wounded, because whatever the fuck. Yeah, and that was the decision in getting into standup. It wasn't because broads or money. It was because I was gonna be in a car by myself.

[B]

Yeah, that's great. Isn't that great?

[A]

Smoking pot, going from city to fucking city. Why would I want somebody in the car? I don't feel good. I'm cold. I don't really want to drive to Iowa tonight. I don't really give a fuck. You could get out of the fucking car. I'm one of those people. I don't have time. I have a mission. We have a mission. We're on and on that mission, when you get there, you got to be serious. It's a fucking serious mission. I was in LA five or six years before I realized what I was involved in. Like, I didn't know. I always knew about the Comedy Store and I knew about. But I didn't know. And then one day I was like, wait a second. This is not the minor leagues.

[B]

No.

[A]

If you got problems, go back to the minor leagues and learn how to pitch. Recuperate the ankle. If you got problems, don't come here. If you go there, it's because you're setting that motherfucker on fire and you're doing it for four fucking years straight. And if nothing happens in four years, then you quit and you go back home and stop putting yourself through this drama. But give it everything you got. Tell everybody to shut their fucking mouth. Shut up. Because you don't know. Shut up. Shut up. This is my fucking life. And that. I don't think people really think about that anymore. Like that depth of what do you really want to do? We have a country that is the worst. Because I expect an 18 year old to make his mind up for his career decision for life. I know that is the biggest sack of shit ever. This is why I like St. John Vianney. By the time she graduates high school, she's got an associate degree. No way. Go work, bitch. Go work for sure.

[B]

I need you to do two years.

[A]

What do you want me to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You get free rent, I'll pay for the car. But guess what? You have to get a full time job. I don't know what to do. Go sell fucking cars. Go get an education in the real fucking world and then come back and you'll tell me what you want to do. But for me to tell you, hey, you should become a psychologist. And also you junior year college. Now you met the girl of your life, right? But you didn't look at her mother because her mother weighs 500 pounds. So now you marry her, you knock her up. She's £500. You can't go home and fuck her. You pick psychiatry. You hate your clients. You hate what you do. You own 30,000 in fucking student loans at least. You might as well shoot yourself. You're not getting out of that unless you hit the pick five or what isn't a billion three this week? 1.3 billion. That's what you're going for, right? You're not getting yourself out of delivering packages at ups making cheeseburgers. You know you're not going to get yourself out of that dilemma.

[B]

You know what the crazy thing is, is delivering packages for ups, they probably make more than the psychologists. They make A lot of. And like, that's. I gotta be honest, like, I grew up in a place where like, those kind of jobs were looked down on.

[A]

Yeah, this is what? North Bergen, Cliffside. Hudson county, blue collar. There's nobody here driving a Lamborghini or, you know, everybody gets up in the morning and works. Whether it's that car wash behind Meguiar Chevrolet that's been there for fucking ever. Bubble car wash has been there. And he would never hire none of us. So we started breaking the signs.

[B]

That guy was pretty smart.

[A]

He's a fucking dickhead. I don't know what his name is. Did he. He was a young guy when we were kids. No, no, no. Who the fuck happened?

[B]

Fuck it.

[A]

It's dead. But think about it. Like, these are the things that. I was a fucking retard. I was out of prison and already I was thinking of these things going, look at this guy. He fucking. It's brutal. George and I were talking on the way here, okay? So I'm going to own a business. Listen, these geniuses opening up restaurants now. You might as well take your money and light on fire. We drove past 22 restaurants on Bergen Line Avenue, okay? 22, three, four people in there, but they're not rocking. So what's the use? Peruvian this that they got. You could get a thousand milkshakes on Burger Line Avenue.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

I don't even think there's enough milk for Hudson County. All the fucking milkshakes on Burger Line forget. If you go to Cliffside, all the Arabs are making milkshakes and fucking banana boats and they switch. The Palestinians make the best hot chocolate in fucking dig that.

[B]

Don't tell me that I'm have to go in there with a trench coat.

[A]

And a hat on, dog. I heard the fucking. He was telling me and George, they give you a big whip of whipped cream. Oh, nice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They put marshmallows and Hershey bars.

[B]

They're trying to get me. They're trying to lure me in.

[A]

But that was my decisioning. In this glorious life, my decision was not to fucking be successful. My six. My mission was just to do what the fuck you want to do, dude.

[B]

I can't tell you.

[A]

Fucking nut low. Instead of being Johnny Bananas, just buy an $800 car. They're not paying your bills, so they don't need. Who gives a fuck? As long as the car takes you from point A to point B. It's got a green bumper. Joey, listen. All right, get the bus. No, no, no, no. I'll take the car. All right, then, right, you know, you keep your fucking. A one bedroom fucking apartment or studio, you know, and you tell. You get bitches that have a big apartment like you did, you know, that's it.

[B]

I had no idea what I was doing. But whenever I tell people, like, everyone's been pretty supportive about me doing comedy, but everyone, like whenever I'm talking about eventually when I get to just do it full time, how great it'll be, and everyone's like, well, you have this job, this and that. And I'm like, well, it's not. I have so much more fun doing comedy. Like, what I love is. And people like, oh, no one likes their job. I'm always like, wait. Like, I have nothing against people who work job, but because there's people at my job who like, love what they do. Like, they, if you genuinely like George, you've been a framer for I don't know how many decades to three deck. Like, hopefully you love. If you love what you do. I don't know why people just accept that. They're not going to. That to me is the, is the problem. Because you can love a job, but if you, like, are just accepting that, you're gonna hate every job that you have, like waking up and being like, fuck, I gotta be there in an hour.

[A]

It's called work. Because it's not called play.

[B]

You might not always have fun.

[A]

Okay, it's called work, right? It's called work. And then those are the same people that go, I can never get a raise because it's, it's a job for you. It's not something you love. I wish I had that blessing. Like, I trained with this guy for four years, no more. But it was 40 minute block. That's what you paid for. It was 40 minutes of workout. I don't know how many times I was there. And it was an hour and a half and he's fucking pushing down my shin with a fucking stick and I'm yelling, holding onto a ball. You know, I admire that. That's a certain love for a job. There's no, there's no money on it. You, you want to pay me, what, 30 grand? I'll do it for $2.

[B]

Yeah, this is fun.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like, that's when you go into your job and go, I wish if they didn't give me any money, I love this because you're swamped, you're busy. You have people you're talking to all day. I love that shit.

[B]

Oh, being busy is way Better than having way too much time on your hands, you know? Yeah.

[A]

When you do stand up comedy, man, it's. Or any art, whether you painter, you're an artist, like you fucking draw pictures and shit. It's a different world, It's a different discipline, you know, Great comics, not me, but great comics. Fucking Mitch Hedberg would get up at 8 and right till 10 facing the sun, and then take an hour break and then write till four, you know, but that's a certain. Everybody has their own thing.

[B]

Have you heard what Eminem does? I saw like a clip or something about it. He's like in the studio like nine to five, just every day.

[A]

It's your job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whether it's stand up, you know, I love these guys that they think that stand up is going to a bar at night and picking up chicks. And you see them, they all drop off. They just drop off like flies. Because it's like anything else. If you want to be good at it, it's a fucking commitment. So it's a commitment. People just think there's. When you're doing comedy, zero to three years, there's a bunch of people in that room that you're not gonna see after four or five years because it becomes something else now. They have to look at this differently. It's called either shit or get off the fucking pot. People.

[B]

People get stuck, I think. Don't you look like they just like they're waiting for something or like you were saying, like they have a mortgage or whatever, so they can't leave the job right.

[A]

Now, listen, I read that book twice a year, so I don't get stuck. And I still get stuck. So I can't imagine the regular American with shit getting thrown at him all day. This, that, this, that. Politics, your fucking insurance bill, you know, I can't imagine. And that's resistance. We have natural resistance. I'm not good at jujitsu. I'll never be good at Jiu Jitsu. I'm too old, I'm too fat, you know, whatever. But I enjoy it. But I'll never be good at it. But I already know that going in. There's people. I know that for me to get to the level I need to be, I have to be there seven days a week. And my body could recover from that. I'm too old for that. I'm not shooting testosterone or any of that shit. When I did comedy like you, my first 25 years, I didn't even ask him what I was getting paid.

[B]

I still don't.

[A]

I'M doing comedy. I know it's not going to pay my bills. Whatever you're going to pay me, whatever you're going to pay me is not going to change my life. So. Yeah, I wouldn't even ask him what you're paying me. It's either going to be 100, $150, $75 with a cocktail drink or dinner. You know, there was no reason to ask because I loved it. You know, after I got 15 years, you have to start managing. You know, everybody will ask you, hey, come do this for 100 bucks, bitch. I get two grand now. You know what I'm saying? I'll do it one time, but that's it.

[B]

Nice. Yeah, and it's. It's not even that I don't care about the money. It's like it just does. I get so happy when someone asked me to do a spot. I'm like, oh, shit, fuck it, I'm.

[A]

Going to do stand up.

[B]

Yeah. It's like someone asked, like, asking me for if I want a blowjobber. Like, it's just like.

[A]

Because usually we put a price on everything.

[B]

Oh, yeah, right.

[A]

We want you to go to Brooklyn Tolls. You know, everything's got a price on it. When somebody tells you about comedy, even if we're losing money.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Until I met Terry, I lost money. Terry was one that said, this don't happen here. We got to tighten that ship up. We got to tighten that up smart, Pedro. Anyway, real quick, the fucking Christmas holidays coming. You got a lot of fucking games this week, a lot of sports action. This is it. This is it, Jack.

[B]

Oh, it's.

[A]

You got an NBA thing. You got football, college football championships, hockey. This is when the world you want to be with. DraftKings. We want to talk to you about DraftKings. We'll be right back. Hey, Uncle Joey here for DraftKings. Listen, the holidays are heating up on pick six. DraftKings newest fantasy. Pick them game. Tremendous. Make sure your NBA picks and get a shot to win big cash prizes this holiday season. This is how it works. You ready? You just pick more or less on two or more player stats. The better your picks, the bigger your payout. Big draft Kings pick 6 is now available in most states. They just joined the party in Texas, California and Georgia, Jack. So download the DraftKings Pick Six app right now. Ariba and pressing code. Joey. J O E Y again J O e y new DraftKing customers, I'm talking to you. You could just play $5 and I'm going to give you 50 in pick six credits with code JOEY J O E Y Ride the upside in partnership with DraftKings. Pick six where the crown is yours. Fuck that. You're going to put the Santa hat on. That's what's yours. Happy holidays from Uncle Joey the Church, lee Cyat and DraftKings. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-Gambler Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be 18 and over. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick six not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Voice where prohibited. One per new customer bonus awarded as non withdrawable. Pick 6 bonus picks that expire in 14 days Limited time offer See [e-mail] promos we're back, Jack. Two more days till jingle bells.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Jesus Christ almighty. Where the did this year go? That was quick, dude.

[B]

It just started. I remember like it was Christmas last year, like and like two weeks ago. And that's, that's what I think it is about being busy. Like we were talking about before the break, like it was a busy. We did a lot this year. Like you did a lot this year that you had weren't doing in 2024. Your 25 was very different, very different in many ways.

[A]

And I'm happy, I'm happy that we put together a nice little crew and you know, we got the Titan aviation, who's great, you know, that was crazy. And that helps a lot, you know, because I'm. Listen, guys, that airport one. Anyway, let's not talk about that. I was telling you before that I read that book, the Art of War, the War of Art by Steven Presley, whatever his fucking name is. And I started reading it twice because this year I felt like I was giving myself bullshit excuses a lot. And I was. So I read it again and I felt a lot better. My first three years of comedy, I had no idea. My first two years of comedy, I had no idea what I was doing. And I told somebody, I told Becky last night at the dojo, I go, you could do eight spots or you could do two stop spots with a purpose. So for years I did comedy with no purpose. And then I started doing comedy with a purpose. Everything led to something. Everything was a bridge to something else. And that's. Those are the nights you have to perform, every fucking night and all that shit. But what I'm trying to say is even though I was stuck, I really wasn't. So people sometimes in life think they're stuck, but they're not stepping away to look from a different direction. There's a different. There's something different there.

[B]

I've been thinking a lot about that recently because I'm. I'm basically where you are.

[A]

I just.

[B]

I'm really loving stand up and I'm getting better, but I'm just doing every spot that I can. And I've. I've been just. I don't even know the answer at all yet. But I just keep thinking, like, how do I turn this? How. How do I become actually more professional with this? Because I'm not even. I'm not trying to headline and tour.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

I'm having a lot of fun with what I'm doing. But just to make. Because I'm not really. There's not really like a business other than getting funny right now. I don't really have never. I haven't done any of that yet.

[A]

I think that you have the right attitude because I think if you get into stand up now, there's so many bases to cover that you don't know what to work on. Do I work on social media? Do I work? Do I work on my special? Do I do this? Do I do that? And the rule number one is just get funny. Well, Joey, when do I know I'm funny? I don't fucking know. You'll know when people are fucking dropping in your shows. Yeah, you'll know. But even then, like, you know, I'm doing comedy. 12 years, I'm as funny as all these dudes at the Comedy Store. No, you're not. Cause now we're going into experience. Now we're taking something else. You got funny. You figured out how to write jokes. You figured out how to put a set together, okay? Now guess what else? Now we gotta work on this, now we gotta work on that. So there's always something to work on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So for people to think that they're stuck. Like, if somebody says to you, I feel stuck in my life, and you're having lunch with them and you could go, well, let's take a look at what the fuck's going on here.

[B]

But it's. It's hard to find the right people to tell you what's going on. Because, like, a lot of times, because I've been lucky to be around you and headliners, I hear people at my level say things that I just don't seem right coming from what I've heard. But, like, they're giving each other advice. I'm sure I give shitty Advice to some young comics. Like, it's. It's hard to know who to trust, especially when you're new at this.

[A]

Listen, man, there's a lot of people out there posing like whatever, you know, and they take kids money and they fucking.

[B]

There's a guy who teaches the class.

[A]

I see it on Facebook. I see it on Facebook. Comedy, where people always teach in classes. I've never heard of these people in comedy. Over 25 years, I didn't bump into this person one fucking time, okay? I bumped into almost everybody at least one time. Even Cosby one time. Yeah, in Colorado. In Colorado Springs.

[B]

Dude, did any of your friends start a class and, like, they were just terrible? There's one guy that I know, very nice guy, one of the worst open micrs that I ever met.

[A]

Started a class. Yeah. Now listen, I'm not gonna knock him because again, sometimes those guys see what we don't see. Their genius is that. And they didn't have a genius to do it themselves.

[B]

Maybe I see what you're saying. What's the guy? The guy from the Lakers, and.

[A]

Yeah, the guy. I always think.

[B]

Riley. No, not Riley.

[A]

No, the guy from Chicago.

[B]

Jackson.

[A]

Jackson.

[B]

Phil Jackson.

[A]

So you can't. But I think people. I don't like people who take open micrs. I don't like that. I don't like. I was an open micr, and nobody ever took me for a ride because I had street sense. But a lot of people tried. And the people who tried are the people who don't last long. They're just trying to get $2,000 from you or a thousand for material, and you're like, what do you perform, Bitch.

[B]

Across the country. I love when that. When that's someone's intro. He performs across the country, you know.

[A]

And it's like, that's why when I did this, I wanted to do it correctly. I want to do every state I want to host. I wanted a feature. I wanted, you know, whatever you got, I did. I didn't care about the money. 500 is good, but 750 is better. Yeah, of course, you know, 800 is good, but 950 is better, but the plane's 300. But who.

[B]

Because, like, isn't it fun when you see yourself getting better? Like, a couple weekends ago in La Jolla, the first night, I didn't do well. Like, I did well in San Diego the night before, and then Friday night in La Jolla, it was an audience that I wasn't used to. Like, just a type of person, I guess. And I did. I did not very well the first show. Second show, I got him a little bit better and I went back and like, completely changed my set for Saturday and just not like trying to force certain jokes on them if they didn't. And Saturday went great. So it was cool because I've had weekends where it's just like, if I, if they don't get me, they, like, I'll just keep doing the same material over and over again. And they, they. I'm like, they'll like it this time. And they, they still don't like it. So it's, it's just, it's fun. Even though, like, the money's not great or whatever, to see, like, little. Growth is fun.

[A]

Growth is fun, man. Listen, right now, what I was just, you know, telling you guys, the last eight weeks for me have been phenomenal.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

They've been painful at times because I had a fucking back off. But at the same time, I did everything I had to do. And I'll tell you, that's why I'm really good with the boxing. It's not that I'm a better boxer. It's not like I'm gonna beat somebody up. No. I'm working out more proficiently. And I'm. I'm working in zones three and four, which I never did before. Like, now it's like, that's like a heart rate. Yeah. Like, you went up to Zone 5 today, and now I understand. And I'm like, holy shit. When I got out of the hospital, I went into that fucking boxing gym two days later, three days later, and I just did three three minute rounds. That's all I had. And now I walk in, I do 10 minute walking on that hard fucking one. Not the regular one, the one that you propel yourself.

[B]

Oh, I hate that one.

[A]

Have you been on those?

[B]

I've been on the bike version of it. I hated the one with the arm thing, the fan bike. I have seen the treadmills that just. Yeah, it just moves.

[A]

You just move.

[B]

I've never, I've never.

[A]

10 in the beginning and 10 at the end.

[B]

10 minutes?

[A]

Yeah. And then I do like in a row.

[B]

You can run for 10 minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

When I first walked in, I could only do two minutes.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Now I could open up with 10 and close with 10.

[B]

I've been way too scared.

[A]

No problems, no nothing.

[B]

Did you ever fall?

[A]

I take my fucking things. What?

[B]

Do you ever fall in that, that contraption?

[A]

No, I hold on.

[B]

Oh, you can hold on.

[A]

I hold on, but I stand straight so I don't slouch.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I stand straight so you don't look down. It's a lot easier when you wallow up that thing.

[B]

See those Olympians and stuff? Like, speed running on those treadmills that, like, they don't have no motor. I thought I would die. I. I hate the treadmill.

[A]

So I saw the growth right. Today when I was reading it. I even showed one of the trainers because he keeps asking me about, whoops. And I go, take a look at this feature they have. They'll show you where you were the last three workouts, the last three boxing dates. Then compare them and say, this is what you did this time. So next time when you work out, work on this more. I'm really proud. I'm fucking ecstatic, man.

[B]

Dude, this time last year, you were about to be in the hospital.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

So you weren't feeling really well?

[A]

No, I wasn't. And I remember when I went in the hospital last January, I wasn't feeling fucking good at all for a while. And somebody showed me a picture that we took. I just bumped into her. She goes, do you remember this night? Where was this? Like, oh, I think that was a cousin's. It was a lunchtime dog. It was a picture of me pale, like, I haven't gotten no son. Like, I was living in a closet. I'm like, that was last December. Were you.

[B]

What was.

[A]

Was.

[B]

Were you having breathing issues or, like, what was the issue?

[A]

Remember when Josh played that the day we went. Yeah, yeah. And we ate the mushrooms and stuff? That night was the beginning of it. That night I must have pissed. No shit. 10 times from my house to that thing, back to my house. I had to pull over on the fucking turnpike and hide behind my thing and pee. I was on fire that night. And then it just went throughout that, and then it just. And that's what I was doing. I was pissing. Since I'm outside, I'm just getting the top off, but I'm holding it, and then it just builds and builds. So who the fuck knows? I'm just happy we ended the year off healthy.

[B]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

We could do the fucking podcast. And, you know, we did some dates this year, and it was great, man. I'm already working on my goals for next year. Very excited for next year. I took a break from writing the book. I'm gonna restart that in January, I have to call it.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Yeah, dog. I had too many things going on for eight weeks. You know, guys, my body's to a point where I do what, I get up early, I jump on it at about one o', clock, dog. 12:30, if I don't go to Jiu Jitsu and I come home 12:30, I go back to the computer room, I make some notes. There's some people I still gotta call by one o', clock, if I get up, you know what, I'm gonna go eat lunch and I'll get up and go, I'm going to bed. That's okay, I gotta go to bed. I'll sleep till 2 o'. Clock. I'll get up, take a shower. Mercy comes in at 2:40. I'm looking like Frankie Valli, you know what I'm saying? Nobody gets mad.

[B]

Yeah, no one. No one needs you to work 12 hours a day anymore. But do it. And this is, do what you find fun and you love riding.

[A]

I'm gonna fucking bring. We're gonna show these people. I'm gonna bring one of my notebooks from 2018.

[B]

Oh good Lord.

[A]

And I want to show you Monday through Friday. Oh, your schedule Monday through Friday was like. And you guys will fucking die. And I was 57, 56 and I was fucking putting in hours, Jack. Hours. I remember that the week would end when I lifted on Thursday morning. I was going home to take a shower, eat lunch, get my luggage and get to a plane. And I would go like, fuck. I didn't even do anything the whole week. Like it was one thing to the next. I had to take Mercy to Martial arts. Remember at 5? Yeah. So we'd get out of there at 6, eat dinner. By 7:30, I was in the shower. You had to be at the store at 8:30 or whatever the fuck. We were doing a podcast Monday and Wednesday, Sunday. I mean it was constant. And I think that making that move and all of a sudden being around all the fucking time just did something to me, man. I'm not used to. I like being busy and I like my mind off things. The only time I ruminate on losing things is when I'm bored. Like I'll ruminate on something that happened 1995 for two hours.

[B]

Oh yeah, two days.

[A]

I'll go, what the fuck is going on? You know what it is? I'm bored. I'm sitting here like an.

[B]

Uh huh. You ever have like a shitty minimum wage job when it's slow? It sucks. It's fun for a little bit because you get to hang out, but then it takes eight hours to finish one minute when it's busy. And like the like the restaurant or whatever is busy. The whole day goes by like nothing. It's. It's great again.

[A]

It's like anything else. If you hate your job, you look at the clock every 15 minutes and go, God damn it, only 15 minutes went by. If you love your job, right? You're like, it's already 12 o'. Clock. I haven't even got my day started yet.

[B]

Who was. There was a scene of that in the Sopranos. Who was the gay dude who got. Who had to go on the run. Veto. When he was on the run, working at, like, the place, construction. He was talking to himself.

[A]

Don't look, don't look, don't look.

[B]

Save.

[A]

It's gotta be an hour. The sun moves. 18 minutes.

[B]

It was great.

[A]

So you hate your job. That's how it feels when you like your job. I mean, listen, if I paid you 30 bucks an hour to come in here in the daytime at 6 and sit here till 3 talking to Noah and just tell you the phone's gonna ring. But this is a laundry operation. Like, you know, phone's gonna ring today. Anybody call? I come at 12, I bring you a sandwich. Anybody call? Nah. All right, they'll call. Three o'. Clock. After six months, you're gonna go, joey, not for nothing, I'm making the best money I ever made in my life. But I can't do this no more. I just sit down there or you'll go, fuck this Cuban fat fuck. I'm gonna start my own business down here and start calling bitches. In the meantime, I'm gonna bring a kettlebell here. I'm gonna do some kettlebell swings. In the meantime, I'm gonna bring the little midget bicycle that George got outside and do the bike for eight minutes. You follow me? Right. So what the fucking idiot looks at as a losing proposition, the Savage goes, you know what? I'm getting that money. I might as well do something else. This is the time, what I want to do. I want to call businesses and sell ovens on the phone. It's the time to do it. I keep getting these fucking things from jobs for some reason, like Christmas jobs.

[B]

You get, like tax alerts. Oh, yeah, fucking.

[A]

They make 500 a day.

[B]

I don't know if they actually make 500.

[A]

Even if you make 250 because you're a retard. That's 1250 fucking dollars a week, okay? That's 4800amonth.

[B]

It's not bad. You can't live in New York. No, you can't live around Here.

[A]

No, but you listen. But it's at least part of time. Yeah, you combine it with something else. If you got one part time job that makes that type of fucking guidance.

[B]

Yeah, that's nice.

[A]

You might as well get your night job delivering booze or whatever the fuck you do because it all goes to the same place. Can you imagine having a great job part time that makes guidas and then you had another job that paid your cash. Nobody knows nothing.

[B]

All cash is. Dude, I remember the first job. I got tips. I was like 17. To me, I was rich because like.

[A]

Much was a tip.

[B]

Dude, it was, it was the best honestly paying job. I got paid $10 an hour to work takeout at Legal Seafoods, which $10 an hour to me back then, like it's not even minimum wage now. That was way over minimum wage. Minimum wage was like 8, 25 and I was getting 10 plus tips, like, and I would walk with like 20 to 40 bucks a night, which when I was a teenager, plus the 10 bucks an hour just to serve out clam chowder. It was awesome.

[A]

Think about getting 10 bucks an hour. After three hours, you just rob the joint. That's the easiest money I've ever made.

[B]

Oh, is that.

[A]

How about I go fill an application and rob the joint while I'm filling the application?

[B]

What name do you put down on the application?

[A]

I didn't. I just robbed the joint.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Why not? You know, but these are all the things you have to look at the end of the year. Like what I want for my life, if this is what I want to keep doing, you know, I'd rather you be broke and be happy. And like I was telling George on the way here, people have this, you know, this belief that, well, if I put my money away, I open up a business, then I'll be rocking. Well, guess what? It doesn't work that way. That's going to take 10 years of hard fucking work. And yes, at the end it's yours.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

At the end that is yours. And nobody could take that away from you. But how many people have the patience to do that before they go, fuck this?

[B]

And also a lot of brother in law, you know, like to rent a space. I can't tell you how like walking around New York, I go to the same places all the time. There's buildings that have been vacant the entire time I've been here. There's a lot of open spaces for like restaurants or bakeries or that In.

[A]

New York, a lot of people shut the down, man. Yeah, they shut down after the pandemic or before. You know, operating costs are too. They fluctuate.

[B]

You know what they put in Grange Village? They put a Randy's Donuts from la.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, they put a Randy's Die. Gonna try it. You go there?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go over there and just to get a Randy's fucking Donut. Leave me alone. Okay? You gotta get your priorities straight. Two hours to get a donut. This is good. Yeah, let's take an IG picture so we could show everybody. We came over to the city and wasted four hours of my fucking life to get a fucking donut to be cool. Look at me, I got a donut.

[B]

But it's from la.

[A]

Look at me. Have you been there? I was there last week. Everybody wants to be Johnny Goomba.

[B]

Not me. That place.

[A]

All right, so next time we do a podcast, you'll be a married man.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Or no podcast for two weeks. And we'll do it via Zoom, via Toronto. When you run, when mom breaks the news to you, Mom's gonna break it heavy to you, so.

[B]

Oh, my God. No one's breaking.

[A]

Yeah, you're going up there Sunday. Yeah. Wait till she fucking lets you know what's cracking. You're going to go. Oh, shit. You're going to go. Yeah. So get your passport and let's do this.

[B]

We won't passport here. I'm always ready.

[A]

I'm going nowhere with his Indians, just in case.

[B]

Oh, Jesus, John Wayne.

[A]

What do you mean, not like Indians? You know what I'm saying? John Wayne don't like Indians. Merry Christmas to all you motherfuckers and your families. Uncle Joey and Lisa, I love you. If we don't see you next week, Happy New Year. And we'll be back ready to rock 2026 with a whole different fucking attitude. All right, Have a great holidays. We love you. Say you love them, Lee.

[B]

I love you guys.

[A]

Love you. Cocksucker. Stay black. Yo, Uncle Joe here to talk to you about Bioma. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of yourself in 2026 with Bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics, so you can get everything acting like it should, if you know what I'm talking about. What you do is you take two capsules before breakfast and you're good to go for the day. I've been on Bioma, a little science project for Eight weeks. My color's better, my poop smells healthier, and I'm feeling so much better, even my gut has flattened a little bit. I've dropped 13 pounds, so I don't know if it's Byoma or jumping up and down. Byoma also calms your brain fog and anxiety and mood swings. So when your gut is better, your life is better. Feel like hell. Byoma's got your back. To get started, just click the link in our show notes and pressing Code Joey J O E y to get 15% off your guts comeback. Who's better than Uncle Joey and who's better than byoma? Nobody. That's 15% off your first order. When you use code Joey J O E Y, just press the link in our show notes. Happy holidays. Hey, Uncle Joey here for Blue Chew. Listen, guys, it's time to level up your dick and ball game. You follow me? The holidays are coming. You got to get those things fucking on fire. Bluechew has just dropped Blue Chew Gold. Tremendous. Blue Chew Gold is a four in one tablet. You ready? With ingredients to increase the blood flow, which is always good and arousal, Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue. It takes as little as 15 minutes and your dick is at attention. You understand me? Your balls are hurt like you're 13. Remember when you were 13, you were going to whack one out because your balls hurt. You had to cross your legs. That's what fucking Blue Chew Gold does for you. Listen, I love Blue Chew Gold. It's easy to eat under your tongue. Bam. Next thing you know, you're slinging dick like a black pimp in the 70s. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your [e-mail]. listen, I got a special deal for church family. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with Code Joey J O e y. For 10 years, we've been giving you a month supply of Bluechew for free. Just so you understand what you got now with Bluechew Gold. If you think you slung dick before, forget about now. You're gonna have. You know how people say they got skeletons? That's what you're gonna have in your closet. A bunch of skeletons like that dude in Milwaukee. Anyway, visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. I want to thank Bluechew for the sponsoring the podcast and for always having my back. And don't forget, if you want to sling dick with three hands, bluechew is the Captain Kirk of the enterprise. Happy holidays.