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- [00:03]
A
Kick this mule. What's happening, beautiful people? If it's a church of. What's happening now? New edition with my little Bruce Lee Lee syat. And we have a guest right off the top because we're getting ready for the holidays. And this is the only way to get ready from the holidays with my girl Christina from Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying? What's up, beautiful?
- [00:23]
B
Bianca.
- [00:23]
A
Bianca. What did I say?
- [00:26]
C
Christina. Oh, my God, that sounds like my cousin's name.
- [00:29]
A
I'm telling you. No, because this fucking guy told me to send a text to Steve. Myrtle. My brother and his wife is Christina. That's why. So I was thinking, like, it's my fault.
- [00:37]
B
It is my fault. I apologize.
- [00:40]
A
You're just.
- [00:41]
B
You're also. But this is how we know he's going to like you. Cuz everyone he likes, he calls them by a name that's not their name.
- [00:47]
C
So you're doing a bit of Christina. It's not too far off.
- [00:49]
A
No, Bianca. I'm very sorry.
- [00:51]
C
Bianca from Brooklyn. All good.
- [00:52]
A
Jesus Christ. How fucking embarrassing is this right off the bat? What's happening?
- [01:01]
C
What's. We're good. I'm happy to be here out of Brooklyn.
- [01:05]
A
Holy. Yeah, I'm happy that you're here. First of all, I love your accent.
- [01:09]
C
Oh, thank you.
- [01:10]
A
This is real and old school. You know, when you see these Brooklyn movies, actors have to go to like a. A linguist to sound like you. You're the. That's the. The best accent ever. And your videos, you know, you're the man.
- [01:24]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [01:24]
A
What's happening?
- [01:26]
C
Listen, the first. I have to. I'm gonna give props for. Props to do. My husband introduced me to you and Lee when we first started dating. And we would just sit there on the sofa cracking up for fucking hours. Okay. And I'm a little offended because I know you guys are professional comedians, but I think I'm a little funny. But I never got my husband to do that deep laugh like when he watches you guys. He fucking cracks up so much. And I've never heard that laugh. But that held a special place in my heart when. But yeah, and then, you know, once you talk about your food in the videos, I'm like, you know what you're talking about. You know what I mean? And I love it. You're great. And. Yeah, now we're here.
- [02:02]
A
Now we're here.
- [02:03]
C
Now we're here.
- [02:03]
A
Well, this is gonna be a good night because we got three. Well, two foodies and one guy that'll eat lizard meat from Time to time. Listen. And now he's married. I'm trying to protect. For 15 years I've been trying to get him on the program.
- [02:17]
B
I'm on the program.
- [02:18]
A
He's on the program. Good for a week or two, then he slips off into the horizon.
- [02:23]
B
Everything. I was, I was on your page. I was doing research today.
- [02:26]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [02:26]
A
I just.
- [02:27]
B
Looking at your page. You made, you make. How many chubby dudes hit you up? Your DMs must be full of chubby dudes because you made. You made Italian wonton soup.
- [02:37]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [02:38]
A
Oh my God. I saw that.
- [02:39]
B
Yeah.
- [02:41]
A
Oh my God. What was in the wontons?
- [02:45]
C
No, the. Say I put the same filling that you put like in. What is that? Totally.
- [02:50]
B
Yeah, totally. Ravioli.
- [02:51]
C
The wedding soup. Wonton soup. So whatever you put in like the, the chicken meat that you put in Italian wedding soup, I put it inside the wonton. I love. It's Chinese food, the wonton. So you know, you mix it up with multi cultural over there.
- [03:03]
A
Let me tell you something. There's a guy in my town at Osteria that makes lobster. Shrimp fried rice with risotto.
- [03:10]
C
Wow, that sounds.
- [03:13]
A
Another place around the corner makes lobster fried rice. But my boy over there chops it up, dog fills it with the risotto and he calls it Italian fried rice. Right, right, right, Risotto. He's opening up another restaurant. That's gonna be. He calls me JD. It's JD's rice. Oh, shit. At the other place.
- [03:31]
C
Wow.
- [03:32]
A
So it's like a steak rib place. So he's gonna have that as one of the side dick. Cause I always torture him for that. And he has to make it for me. And then customers like, you don't make it for me. He's like, you don't ask. It took me a year or two to get him to make it. Somebody whispered to me one day, if you wanna try. He made kung pao chicken. No General Tao one night. Steve Border. Unbelievable. Italian chubby dude. Brooklyn, you know, you Brooklyn people just that last, you know, the last couple weeks, the last five years. For me since I moved back here, Bianca, it's been really weird because I hadn't seen these people, whatever. But I realized how old I was. Like I'm still three generations, you know, even before me. Like I grew up with a time when everybody was older. And everybody complains now that Brooklyn doesn't exist.
- [04:22]
C
Yeah.
- [04:23]
A
The old Staten island doesn't exist. It's all this. It's all that, you know?
- [04:27]
C
Yeah.
- [04:27]
A
And then we See your videos and you're like, fuck. Feels good to be a gang.
- [04:33]
C
Well, listen, everything changes, you know what I mean? And someone said something to me the, Like, a while ago and stuck with me. You can either embrace it while you're there or run away. And I'm still there in Brooklyn. And, you know, I gotta embrace the changes, you know, and gotta do what I was, you know, taught when I. From a young age, you know, everything's changing. That's life, you know? And I feel like I'm also stuck. I forget how old I'm getting, even though, like, yeah, I'm in my 30s, but still, you know, like, I still think about my childhood, the way I was brought up. And you. You want that to exist, but it's not there no more. You know what I mean?
- [05:05]
A
Who taught you how to cook?
- [05:07]
C
Honestly? My mother. My mother, you know, she always cooked for us. We. Every night we had dinner at home. She was always cooking. We always had Sunday dinner. And, you know, she learned from her mother as well, you know, but it's just in our blood, you know, Like Italians. We cook, we cook, we eat. You know, I feel like it just runs through our blood over there. So it's just something I grew up with, and it just comes natural almost.
- [05:28]
A
You know, when I was really young, I moved here when I was 10 to North Bergen, to this neighborhood that surrounds Cliffside, and I started going to Italian people's houses. You know, I like Italian.
- [05:39]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [05:40]
A
And I still remember something. When I was really young, you said something. You said, my mother cooked every night.
- [05:45]
C
Yeah.
- [05:45]
A
Tell you something, that generation, that mother, they wouldn't pay for Italian food.
- [05:51]
C
Oh, yeah, they would.
- [05:53]
B
Why would they understand?
- [05:56]
A
Every once in a while you want to try something different. No, no, no, no. And there's a. I've heard it for years. And then there's a movie that actually such a great. It's called 29th street with Danny Aiella.
- [06:06]
B
Okay.
- [06:06]
A
And he would complain, I pain for the pizza. I'm making my own pizza. And the pizza was terrible. But he kept making it, make it, because he go, it's cost 10 cents to make.
- [06:16]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [06:17]
A
You know, but. Yeah, but that generation would not go out to eat Italian food if they ate exotic Chinese. Yeah, that's as exotic as they got.
- [06:29]
C
Yeah. Okay, listen, when growing up, we were trained. If we had to go to anywhere, like an Italian restaurant for dinner, you don't order the pasta. You don't order the pasta because, number one, it cost them nothing to make. And their sauce will Never be as good as the sauce you have at home. And now I find myself, even when I go to, like, Italian restaurants, we never order the pasta.
- [06:49]
B
So what do you get?
- [06:50]
C
You. You get a chicken, you know, you get something with meat. Like, you just never order the pasta. Like, I have never ordered pasta with, you know, sauce and a meatball in my life from a restaurant. Never.
- [07:01]
A
Right?
- [07:01]
C
Never.
- [07:03]
A
No.
- [07:03]
C
Like, oh, no.
- [07:04]
B
Would it just depress you if, like, you took one bite and it wasn't as good as yours or your mom?
- [07:08]
C
That's. Listen, everyone's got their recipe, you know, I make my own. My mother makes her own. Of course, it tastes a little bit different, you know, but you go to a place and everyone's red sauce. Like, I feel like that's the number one thing they can kind of get, not get wrong. But you could be like, ah, no, not for me. And then, you know, know turns you off. And we have so many restaurants in Brooklyn, Italian restaurants. Once one place, you go there, you have a bad experience. Like, I'll go to the next one. I've got to, you know, keep going back, you know, especially if you want to try them out and stuff like that, but never order the pasta.
- [07:36]
A
Now what's the. I mean, in your opinion.
- [07:39]
C
Yeah.
- [07:40]
A
Of what you've heard, what's the. And let's just say your area. What's the best Italian restaurant? Where it's still mom and pop, the daughters there once a week. The son went to jail. The fucking. You go there and they still give you bread with butter. You know, just that old feel. You still feel that anywhere.
- [08:01]
C
There's definitely a couple that stick out to me. We actually just went to Ortho Bello the other day. It's this little. Little restaurant on the corner. You go in there and you're like, this is old school Italian small place. Every. You know, the waiters are there, the owners there right on top of you got the bread and butter and everything was delicious there. Michael's of Brooklyn was another place that we absolutely love. Brooklyn Roots is another place. They're more like old school. They have the big portions, you know, family style, you know, run, you know, these all run by families and stuff. But every Italian restaurant has a different vibe. Who wants to be a little bit more upscale? Who wants to be more of that homey vibe, you know, with the big portions and stuff like that. But those are definitely, you know, some of our favorites. But when I go out, I never want Italian. I always, you know, we're going to the Chinese Restaurant, That's. That's where we go.
- [08:46]
A
You know, the only Italian dish I crave on a roof, regular. And then it goes away for a month, and I crave. And then I break down. I go somewhere. I don't. I'm not supposed to go, but just eat it. And that's lasagna. Oh, I still like a nice piece of lasagna the next day after collage. And it settles. And you put a little sausage in there too. Papa, Papa. There's something about that. And when I was growing up, that's what you made on Thanksgiving. That's what Italian people made with everything else. But I would go, I don't know, Turkey lasagna. I'm moving over to the fucking lasagna. Because that shit was. And they put the extra sauce on it with a couple of pieces of sausage. Stop it, stop it. And you start hugging up to that pillow. You start grabbing that pillow real hard.
- [09:33]
C
Yeah.
- [09:33]
A
It's the best giant game I've ever watched.
- [09:38]
B
Do you, like, do that? Does everyone make you cook on Thanksgiving or do you like to do it?
- [09:42]
C
It's 5050. I always help out. My mother still host most of the time, or my mother in law, so I always do the side dishes. But, you know, they got cooking in their blood too, so they're not ready to let go of the reins over there.
- [09:52]
B
Do they make fun of you for social media? They're like, oh, Ms. Chef now or no, they're no.
- [09:57]
C
My mother's like, oh, you're making me look bad. You know, I'm not cooking nothing good over here. I'm like, all right, listen, it's okay.
- [10:05]
A
You cook every day.
- [10:07]
C
Listen, I usually cook during the day, like by myself when I'm at home. But by the night time, I'm like, listen, go, go. What is something? Like, the kitchen's clean, the kitchen's closed. But for the most part, I do cook. You know, like sometimes you order this takeout. Tastes like shit. Anyway, I was like, I was better off cooking myself, you know, But I, for the most part, every day. Yeah, yeah.
- [10:30]
A
You know, it's crazy that this area is just the fucking king. Yeah, you could say whatever the fuck you want, mandami this, that, this, that. But at the end of the day, what you have here is a fucking. And some of it is really bad, and some of it is really good. But it's. They all got to be in a certain area because you're selling slices and shit.
- [10:56]
C
Yeah.
- [10:56]
A
So if your slice is shitty, you're not Going to last that long?
- [11:00]
C
100.
- [11:00]
A
100%. You last that long. And look at how, like, I know you're from Brooklyn. Did you ever eat Spanish food growing up?
- [11:08]
C
I mean, probably when I was older and, like, I wanted to, like, try new things. My parents weren't cooking nothing, you know?
- [11:13]
A
No.
- [11:14]
C
Once in a while, my aunt's Puerto Rican. She would make her rice and pernilla. Like, that was like, on a holiday, you know, And I was like, oh, give me a tub away of that. We don't get that at home. No, you know, it's good. Yeah, it's good. But, yeah, not. You know, my mother wasn't cooking. My mother was cooking Italian. A couple recipes she got out of the Fam. A family magazine, you know, Americana taco ring, this and that, you know. But my mother's. Even though my mother. My mother's first generation and the way she wanted to raise us, like, what her parents was. Be proud to be American, you know what I mean?
- [11:43]
A
So, like, absolutely.
- [11:44]
C
They were always, you know, trying to teach. They didn't speak Italian. They wanted them to speak English, not Italian. You know what I mean? So my mother regrets us growing up. She didn't teach us Italian, but to them, it was like, we're here now. We're going to speak English. You know, stuff like that. So even though we're Italian, she still. We were still American, you know what I mean?
- [12:00]
A
Like, she still didn't make Kraft macaroni and cheese.
- [12:03]
C
No, no, we didn't do craft. Maybe there was a box in the pantry that on sale for. You know, my father was like, oh, for desperate times. We'll keep. And then he made it himself when he was home by himself, you know, in secret.
- [12:14]
A
I wasn't even allowed.
- [12:16]
C
When my mother wasn't home, I wasn't.
- [12:18]
A
Allowed to look at that shit. My mom would not allow Mac and cheese. I didn't like it. And then the Italians around me were like, not in a million years. So I was like, okay, they don't even like it. It's bullshit.
- [12:32]
B
What's, like, the biggest. Like, what would upset you the most? Like, I'm. I'm thinking of, like, you know, that shaky, like, Italian parmesan cheese.
- [12:41]
C
Yeah, yeah.
- [12:42]
B
Like, is that allowed? Like, what. Like, what would piss you off? What would piss your mom off the most?
- [12:45]
C
Oh, come on. You can't. That. That's not cheese.
- [12:52]
A
It tastes good. But. Yeah, I had that. Say something to my wife because she's from Tennessee. She kept buying that. She had to pull her aside.
- [13:00]
C
Yeah.
- [13:01]
A
When we get to Jersey, don't you go, well, I made a mistake. Listen, ain't mistakes when it comes to that crap cheese, because that is. It's like crap shaving. Yeah.
- [13:11]
C
It's not even in the refrigerated section. So what? You know, it's on the shelf next, right next to the dry pasta.
- [13:17]
A
Yeah.
- [13:17]
C
You know, that's not cheese.
- [13:19]
B
Do you ever do anything to piss your mom off? Like you bring something home, like.
- [13:22]
C
Nah.
- [13:22]
B
Like frozen pizza.
- [13:24]
C
Nah, she's not that crazy. Like. Okay, yeah, no, I mean, like, you know, what am I gonna say? Oh, George. Sauce. Listen, she has a secret stash of the jawed sauce Golf for pizza night. Like, oh, you don't wanna make the whole sauce, but there's different levels to the. The jawed sauce. You know what I mean?
- [13:38]
B
She's not bringing. What's that, Ragu.
- [13:40]
C
No, no, you're not going around. This kid in college try to insult me by saying, yo, your mother uses ragu like that. Yeah. Like we're trying to rile me up.
- [13:48]
B
You know, that's a Brooklyn insult.
- [13:50]
C
Yeah, because they're from all Long Island. They, you know, try to get me riled up on a bad night over there. Your mother uses ragu.
- [13:59]
A
The Capuchis never made a pizza.
- [14:03]
B
Yeah, that's amaz. What do you think about, like, the Cuz? One of the Joey's least favorite things is people waiting in line. So, like, in Brooklyn, they have a couple pizza places that are like tik Tok famous and you're supposed like, wait hours in line.
- [14:17]
A
What do you.
- [14:17]
B
Or is it just any pizza place is fine.
- [14:19]
C
I don't go. I don't go to. Listen, my local pizzeria is Crispy Pizzeria. You might have seen them. They've. They're viral now, social media, and good for them. God bless them. I will.
- [14:28]
A
Crispy.
- [14:29]
C
Crispy.
- [14:29]
A
They're around the corner and they're an old bridge and a Freehold.
- [14:32]
C
And are there places crazy out there too, with lions now.
- [14:35]
A
O Bridge. It's a fucking zoo. Yeah, it's my favorite fucking pizza.
- [14:40]
C
Well, my hands down, they do something.
- [14:43]
A
The brother's really good looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the black hair. And then that's his brother in Oak Bridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then that burnt down. Then I had to go to Freehold and they were all over there. Oh, my God. And you know what I like about them? They got so many different types of pizza.
- [14:57]
C
Yes.
- [14:57]
A
So you get one cheese to keep everybody happy. You know me, I got a plain cheese because if the cheese ain't gonna be good, what the. Am I wasting my time with all this other 100?
- [15:08]
C
And they have, like a 9th Avenue, 13th Avenue. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So it's like, you like the square or the regular?
- [15:17]
A
The square. Yeah.
- [15:18]
C
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
- [15:19]
A
Oh, my God.
- [15:20]
C
It's just, like, chunky. And it has, like.
- [15:22]
B
I like that.
- [15:23]
C
The caramelized onions, I think. Like, the sauce is so different with the little dollops of ricotta. Right. The regatta.
- [15:29]
A
Oh, my God. It's real.
- [15:32]
C
That's a good one.
- [15:32]
A
And I would go. Let me tell you something. I would go. When I first moved from California, I was a fucking gavon. I'd go in there, like, without my wife and daughter. And I get in Secret, two cheeses, 1 13th Ave. Two fucking meat pies.
- [15:49]
C
Meat pies.
- [15:50]
A
Like, why would I eat the meat pies?
- [15:51]
B
The Jamaican meat pies.
- [15:52]
A
Yeah.
- [15:53]
C
Oh, Jamaican beef patty.
- [15:54]
A
So while I'm eating, I'm a fat fuck. So while I'm eating the pizza, the meat pies are cooking. By the time the pizza's over, you know, like, when you're finishing, like, what else? He's coming in with the two fucking meat pies. And I would drink as much fucking Coke Zero with ice as I could.
- [16:10]
C
Like, they're the best. And I get pissed now because, listen, God bless them, I'm happy for them that they're doing so well. But now we gotta do driveways and see. Cause if there's a crazy line, we're not waiting in the line. Then on a Friday night, you try to call up, you're not getting no delivery. You're not getting nothing. So, like, oh, when we order Michigan, we got to wait for the middle of the week, you know, because they're wings too. Underrated. They have great wings there. Their food.
- [16:33]
A
I tell you what I get from them. Yeah, the potato and egg sandwich with a couple of fucking peppers on the Italian.
- [16:39]
C
That from them.
- [16:40]
A
Fuck it. I tell them, burn the potatoes. Oh, my God, I love all that shit. I fucking love it.
- [16:45]
C
They got the quality. I say they got the quality.
- [16:48]
A
They do.
- [16:48]
C
They got the consistency. Every time you get in the same thing always. And they got the selection. You know, they're fucking nice. Yes, 100%.
- [16:57]
A
Those guys treat my wife like she's the fucking queen of our B. My wife puts an order in and she'll come back and go, joey, you should have seen it tonight. It was jammed, but I went to the side. He called me over. He didn't even take my money. Next time was too busy, like their family. He told me, I'll deliver to your house. I'll come up here night. I'll deliver. I'm just ashamed, you know what I'm saying?
- [17:24]
C
Like, I can't deal with it no more than I said my husband, the line. No, I can't. It's wild. It's good for them, but, like, holy. Now, their pizzeria in Brooklyn is by the dike Christmas lights, you know, where people, everyone's coming now for the big Christmas. Have you ever heard of the Diker Heights?
- [17:41]
A
Yeah, yeah. Like, so it's that neighborhood, right?
- [17:44]
C
So that's like, if you're coming there to see the lights, you're going to crispy, even though it's a couple blocks over, you know, so that's it. Christmas season is out. We're not getting no pizza, you know, but good. I guess it's a good problem to have.
- [17:56]
A
So I just went. We didn't get it this time. You know, I grew up on pizza. Ever since I moved back. If I get a pizza slice, two a month, like, if I eat mushrooms, yeah, I'll eat pizza.
- [18:07]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [18:08]
A
Because you put the mushrooms in the crease. You can't taste them with the cheese. Fucking delicious. But what wasn't I say to you? You know, every place has, like, I went to Philly last time and they had the tomato pie, but it was Calabrian chili sauce.
- [18:26]
C
Okay?
- [18:26]
A
Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sweating profusely and shit, but the flavor and the heat all hit together nice. When I was shooting a movie and we shot in all different locations in Brooklyn and they would bring pizza from the neighborhood, and I can't, you know, they were all fucking good. I'm not one of those guys who's gonna go, well, this one had too much tomatoes. What are you, a pizza expert? Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. Like. Well, I went there and I didn't. I didn't give a fuck. I live in California. Go out there for a month and then come back here and tell me, well, I had a little bit too much sauce for my liking. How about I fucking stab you the neck? At least it was a fucking Italian making you a fucking pie. His name is Jul, but that's for ice purposes, you know what I'm saying? He's Giovanni today. So what's the other? I mean, lnb, right? What is it?
- [19:24]
C
Lnb, this square, of course. You know what I mean? But crispy. Each place, like, there's a place, Nino's on Third Avenue. Their grandma slice. It's a. One of the best grandmas. It's paper thin. You know, I used to live down by the. Down by there, so we always get that. But you know who else? That was a Mr. Phil's on Utrecht Avenue. Very good. Plain, you know, slice run in there. But. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Those are some of the top ones, but crispy, man. You know? Crispy. Yeah.
- [19:56]
A
All right. Now I just go to crispy because for some reason, I can't eat that many pizza slices anymore. But now I just go right for the Sicilian.
- [20:06]
C
Yeah.
- [20:06]
A
A nice piece of Sicilian that sets you. You know, it's like. I don't know about you. You regress an Italian food. Like, that's a good thing about Italian food. Same thing with Chinese food or any culture for that matter. But, you know, I could go to the same Italian place every day. And it's weird how you get hot on something and then you get cold on some. You know what? I'm gonna get the tomato and mozzarella sandwich. You do that for, like, three weeks, and that gets boring. And then you go, you know what? Let me try the ravioli. And then fuck the ravioli. Good. Oh, shit. And now you're back on that. And then, you know, and it's so weird. Like, I go back and forth on it.
- [20:45]
C
Yeah. Honestly, even from crispy, one of my favorite slices, believe it or not, is their chicken balsamic slice. And it's a salad slice. You start off with that, you feel good about yourself, then you move to. Then you move to the 13th Avenue. But, like, people like, oh, salad on pizza. No, they do. They do it a certain way, man. That I. I'm always getting that. You know what? That's the first slice. We wash it down, you know, to start with. But. Yeah, no, but then, like, you know, after a while, you're like, oh, I want this. Then same thing. You switch it up.
- [21:13]
A
You know, it's 2019, and I'm back here shooting a movie.
- [21:17]
C
Yeah.
- [21:17]
A
And we would shoot in Brooklyn. On the days off, I was in New York City, and I'd walk around, and I had a gym I went to. And one day I go to this gym, and I'm just like, fuck it. I'm tired. I don't have to work tonight. I'm just gonna walk home and maybe get Sophia's Cuban kitchen. Cuban kitchen. I cross the street and I look in this pizza place, and they had something I had never seen before. Because, like, again, I hadn't been coming here that often. They had a beautiful cheese slice with an inch of marigold on top and cheese. And I remember just. I ate it for him.
- [21:52]
B
Thank you.
- [21:53]
A
Just for him.
- [21:54]
B
He sent me a pic. He didn't used to text pictures. He just texted me. He's like, look at this, look at that.
- [22:01]
A
He kept, like, salivating. I could hear him texting, like, tongues.
- [22:04]
B
And you have no idea how much anything. Ricotta I love. But you made something again. Another thing you made. You made pasta salad with ravioli.
- [22:13]
C
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [22:14]
B
And he actually got. That was one of the first things. One of the first times I ran with him, and he got. He's still mad about it. Today we went to a place called Rudy's, which is an Italian place near here. It's the first time I went there. It's apparently known for seafood, but I'm a child. I was 20 something, 22, and I wanted to be. I don't want to get the most expensive thing, but then be. If you give me cheese ravioli, I could eat, like, you know those butoni things? That's, like a whole plastic. Like, it's, like, in the actual refrigerated section.
- [22:42]
C
Okay. Yeah.
- [22:42]
B
The green I used to just take when I was £300. I would just take the whole. Like, pour the whole thing and eat it. Give me ravioli, and you'll never hear from me again. So the fact that you made ravioli. Pasta salad.
- [22:54]
C
Yeah, I would have. If I would have known, I would have brought a few.
- [22:57]
B
Thank God for. You didn't, because I didn't eat all of it.
- [23:00]
C
Next time. Next time.
- [23:01]
B
Do any Italians get mad at you for this stuff or.
- [23:04]
C
No, Some people. You know, there's always gonna be someone who has a stupid comment. You know what I mean?
- [23:08]
B
Right.
- [23:08]
C
But I'm like.
- [23:11]
A
Do they get mad. Do they get mad at you because you're being progressive with the recipe?
- [23:18]
C
Yeah. Oh, it's not authentic. What are you doing? Using this and that.
- [23:21]
A
All right, well, I'll tell you what. If I'm going through your page and I see something authentic, I won't talk to you for a week either. I'm one of those fucking dudes. I just pissed off at people for the dumbest shit.
- [23:33]
C
That's all good, though. Everyone's entitled to. You know what I mean?
- [23:36]
A
But I love, like. Listen, I. I love food. So sometimes I don't know what to eat, and I'll just go on Instagram and get a reel. That's food. And I'll just spin it and something will happen. Something will happen. Like, you're like, holy shit. Maybe I should go to an Arabian restaurant. That little chubby belly dance is there. I haven't seen him lately. The chubby guy.
- [23:59]
B
There's a chubby guy dancing.
- [24:00]
A
An Arab dude that.
- [24:01]
B
Oh, I haven't seen that.
- [24:02]
C
In the middle of the restaurant.
- [24:03]
A
No, on the street, with like a platter.
- [24:06]
B
Oh, I've seen that guy. He's. He's huge.
- [24:08]
A
He's huge. Yeah, he's got like a stomach and he makes a wiggle. He does like a wiggle dance instead.
- [24:13]
C
Or in the neighborhood here. What are you talking.
- [24:15]
A
No, no. On Instagram.
- [24:16]
C
Oh, I thought, like, there's some guy around everybody.
- [24:19]
A
Everybody's cooking on Instagram. They're all cooking something. Yeah, some is garbage, you know, Some. Let me give you 110 grams of protein. I got abused cottage cheese. You lost me. You lost me. All right. I ain't eating. No, I don't need protein that bad. We can eat steaks or pork chops. That's what I'm gonna move for. That's another thing. I don't eat a lot, but when I'm in the chops with. With cherry peppers and you stuff it with a little something. The problem is, I go to these restaurants and they give you a. You know, they give you a gigant woman's calf and you're like, what the do I do with this? And it's stuffed with. And you know, and the pet. You know, I love all that stuff. But again, it's. It's not something I could eat anymore.
- [25:06]
C
Yeah, yeah, the peppers.
- [25:07]
A
I stay up, I have dreams. I ate something. Dog. What the fuck? Oh, a couple weeks ago, I ate a steak, like, at 11 o' clock at night. I was dreaming I was a cowboy. Like I was watching that show with the Costners and shit. Montana. I woke up the next day like I was riding a horse. My back hurt my drapes.
- [25:28]
B
Who made you a steak at 11 o' clock at night?
- [25:29]
A
Osteria.
- [25:30]
B
Oh, you went to a restaurant.
- [25:31]
A
I just imagine I called him up. I go. I goes, it's still open. He goes, yeah, what do you need? I go, throw me a 20 ounce New York strip. Damn. With a garlic clove and a half. A little. No, no, no, no. I like baked potatoes, but they don't have. They're upscale Italian. They say rustler. You know what I'm saying? The same. Even though I love a baked potato. Don't get me wrong, but I Always get the half a Caesar salad.
- [25:55]
C
Okay.
- [25:55]
A
A steak with salad. About a couple spoons of mashed potato to keep everybody in balance.
- [25:59]
B
But you would. I don't imagine you doing that at 11 o' clock at night, dog.
- [26:02]
A
Me neither. When you get real high. What happened is I take the edibles at 6, I want it to activate at 8, and they don't. I forced myself to eat, but then they activate at 10:30. I mean, all cylinders are gone. And I go upstairs and she's got like, entamin cake. I ain't eating that shit. I ain't eating that shit no more. Tastes like dick. All the things I grew up on that used to be fucking sensational and you can't eat them. I don't even know what chemicals are bad, but I look at it now, if I see a couple glaucoma meanings and shit, I'm out. I ain't eating that stuff. My wife bought Yodels. I go, dog, this is like eating cancer. That's a stick of fucking cancer Yodels now. She bought them when I first got here, I bought them, threw the fuck away. So I've been a lot cleaner about food. Like, this is the shit. Like, if you keep eating, you know, this whole fucking country is concerned about fast food. Everybody. Some of this fast. I just read the fucking best protein fast food is the Chinese joint Panda. Panda Express, the chicken teriyaki. That's the highest protein dish you get on food. I never even think of Panda Express.
- [27:14]
B
Yeah, I love Panda Express because they.
- [27:16]
A
Got creepy people working there. It's always like, you know when you go to Chinese restaurant, there's Chinese people. When you go to Panda Express, I don't know what they're like. They're like from a different Asian country. They're not like. They're not from Taiwan, China, Japan. They're like those people in that move with Clint Eastwood when he was 80. Remember those?
- [27:35]
B
Yeah, Filipino or something.
- [27:37]
C
Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [27:41]
A
Gran Torino, Mongols or whatever the they are. No, they're not Mongolians. They're like Mongols or something like that. I don't know what the they are.
- [27:50]
B
Oh, my God. You said. You said that you and your husband used to like to watch Joey and I. Yeah. Was any of this at all marijuana, like, infused?
- [27:58]
C
It was BC before children, so I'm.
- [28:01]
B
Not saying now, but yeah.
- [28:03]
C
No.
- [28:03]
B
Some of the stuff you make looks like marijuana. Want to have to be involved somewhere?
- [28:07]
C
I got a creative mind. What do you want me to tell you?
- [28:10]
B
That's amazing. You do it sober. That's even, that's even more impressive, cuz like some of the stuff you invented, it's like, this is someone's high doing this. You have like a chicken marsala orini.
- [28:20]
C
Oh, that was good though.
- [28:21]
B
Yeah, I love chicken marsala. Yeah, I never thought about deep frying it. That's.
- [28:26]
A
That's a different texture.
- [28:27]
C
Yeah, I did, I did marsala eggplant rolatini before. No, you would like that because it's got the regatta.
- [28:34]
B
I like everything.
- [28:35]
C
Yeah. Yeah. And listen, going back to saying how, like, everything tastes, like now it does. So, like, when I cook myself, like, okay. Quote unquote, it's not the healthiest, but I'm like, you know what's going in there? You know what I mean? Like, I just made a crumb cake. You know when you eat intimates crumb cake now, it tastes like just like you said. So I made. I'm like, is it the best? No, I'm not gonna sit here and eat the whole thing. But at least you know what you're putting in there. You know what I mean? But yeah, every. Yeah. Eggplant rollatini masala.
- [29:06]
B
Does your husband ever get like, is he ever on a diet? And you know, he's like, you gotta.
- [29:09]
C
Stop this recently, because now, like, it's the holiday season, so I'm cooking a lot of, like, baked goods and stuff like that. He's like, what the hell? I was doing so good. And I said, well, you gotta get it out of the house because I can't eat it. Bring it to work. Something, because. Yeah, and that's another reason I don't cook huge portions. Because if that shit's in the house, you're gonna eat it.
- [29:26]
B
Oh, my God.
- [29:27]
C
You know? Yeah.
- [29:28]
B
You couldn't stop me from eating. I would, I would tell you, I'd bring you to the office. Just eat it in the car myself. Oh, my God. Because like, I, I, My favorite apartment ever was in the north end of Boston, which is like in the Italian section. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I had never had a steak and cheese with, with a tomato with red sauce on it.
- [29:46]
C
Oh, wow.
- [29:47]
B
That shit's.
- [29:48]
C
I never had that. Yeah.
- [29:49]
B
Oh, Italian food is like. I don't know, it's. I think it's like the fat man heaven. Like, I can't even. I. There's nothing when you're fat, there's nothing you want more than something like that. But you know what? You know what does bother me, and we've talked about it, is like, I, I'm done with chicken parm. I love it. Chicken parm is great, but it's like. It's the same everywhere, and it's kind of boring.
- [30:11]
C
Yeah.
- [30:11]
B
Like, is there anything that's, like, you're sick of?
- [30:13]
A
You know, you use a fried diablo sauce.
- [30:16]
B
Oh, that would be great. Yeah.
- [30:18]
A
Somebody uses something. It may not be fried diablo, but.
- [30:20]
C
It'S vodka or vodka sauce.
- [30:22]
A
I was gonna say vodka with a little spice.
- [30:25]
C
Yeah, yeah. Spicy vodka sauce.
- [30:28]
A
It's not bad. Not bad. Oh, man.
- [30:31]
B
Anything. Anything boring to you. You're like. If someone's like, hey, you want to come over and have penne? Or, like, what. What do you.
- [30:37]
C
The same thing. The pasta. You know, I don't want no plain pasta, but chicken parm's a safe meal. You know what I mean? If you go somewhere you're not too sure. I don't know how this is. I don't know. That is. Give me the chicken parm. That's like the safe meal without ordering the pasta, because we know the pasta, you know?
- [30:51]
B
Oh, but that pisses me off.
- [30:53]
C
Yeah.
- [30:53]
B
If I get chicken parm and there's no. It doesn't come with pasta.
- [30:55]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [30:56]
A
I get angry.
- [30:57]
C
Yeah. Because they need a little something.
- [30:58]
B
You need something.
- [30:59]
A
Yeah, A little bit of sauce on the pasta.
- [31:01]
C
Not a lot, no. Yeah.
- [31:03]
A
Just a little squirt of sauce. Mix it up nice.
- [31:05]
C
Yeah.
- [31:05]
A
If you don't want drowning cheese and very. You know, again, I'm way older than anybody in this room, and when I was growing up and I go to Italian person's house, they always offered you something to drink. But come on, they didn't even offer you nothing to drink. You're hungry. You know you're hungry. Don't ask him if he's hungry. Just give them a dish, you know? And everybody gave you baked manigote. They made it on Sunday, and they put it in a fucking tub of Tupperware. And your mom froze half of it and she put the other.
- [31:38]
B
I didn't even think about freezing it, dog.
- [31:41]
A
Geniuses. Italians. So sometimes you go over there, like, you hungry? And you're like, yeah. They're like, well, it's frozen. It'll take 20 minutes. But you know what? I got nice cold cuts and olives. And you're like, what the. I came over here for a midnight snack. Look at me.
- [31:54]
C
Exactly.
- [31:57]
A
Yeah.
- [31:57]
C
Always got a stash in the freezer because you never know.
- [32:01]
A
Baked ziti, no meat you don't need. I love baked ziti. Just put it in the microwave oven at 2 in the morning when you get home, let me tell you something. That thing starts wiggling away like the thing from the Little Rascals. Oh, my God. And you take one fork. Like, when I eat ziti, I don't fuck around. Okay. Okay. When I eat ziti, I'm in Rome. I eat one piece at a time. I put the fork in one hole. Takes two hours. I love ziti.
- [32:30]
B
Oh, my God. Because, like, I grew up. I don't know if any of. If either of you guys watched it. They just had the 30th anniversary reunion of Everybody Loves Raymond, which is like. It's a silly sitcom. But to me, like, Marie in that is like. I don't know. I just. That's, like. When I think about New York, Italian, that's what I think of.
- [32:47]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [32:47]
B
Like, was your grandma involved at all? Like, was she around?
- [32:50]
C
She was around. She unfortunately passed away, and I was younger, so I never got to experience her as, like, an adult. You know what I mean?
- [32:55]
A
Yeah.
- [32:56]
C
But, yeah, like, I remember going into the basement, you know, and it just had that smell of, like, that cellar basement smell, you know, and she would try to be, like, you know, cool and make us the pizzas on the English muffins. You know what I mean? Yeah.
- [33:11]
B
That was an Italian grandma.
- [33:13]
C
Yeah.
- [33:14]
B
And so I've been looking the whole.
- [33:15]
A
And I'm not.
- [33:17]
B
Do you cook with nails like that?
- [33:21]
C
I do. I do. I'm. Sometimes they're a little bit shorter, but yeah.
- [33:25]
B
That's crazy.
- [33:26]
C
You gotta. You put on a little gloves. If you're dealing with the meat.
- [33:28]
B
It doesn't come through. Like It's.
- [33:30]
C
Oh, they 100. Do I gotta double up here?
- [33:33]
A
You ever leave a nail on the meatloaf? Your husband's shook.
- [33:39]
C
Thank God.
- [33:39]
B
No, that's never happened before.
- [33:41]
A
Speaking Korean the lady who put the nails on there. I'm eating a hamburger.
- [33:47]
C
Red nail across the room.
- [33:49]
B
Oh, man.
- [33:50]
A
What about.
- [33:51]
B
Do you ever. Like, I've always thought, like, if you ever get pissed off at your husband, do you mess up on purpose or cook something he hates? Nah.
- [33:58]
C
No, no.
- [33:59]
A
Everything you.
- [34:00]
C
Him in other ways.
- [34:01]
A
Like, you know, everything you cook, he pretty much enjoys.
- [34:04]
C
Yeah, sometimes.
- [34:05]
A
Like, no allergies? Not allergic to peanuts?
- [34:08]
C
No, no, thank God. No, no, no.
- [34:12]
A
Toma.
- [34:14]
C
Thank God. No, we're pretty good. But yeah, no, for the most part, whatever I make, you know, he has to say, too. He does a little cooking. So, you know, I'll give him a little credit there, but yeah, not everything.
- [34:26]
B
You know, you let him in the kitchen I'm surprised.
- [34:29]
C
If you want to go, go do me the favor. Like, you know.
- [34:32]
B
Oh, I thought you'd be like, get the. You do the dishes.
- [34:35]
C
Well, it depends on the meal. If it's something that, like, I know I can handle. And he may be a little shaky. I'm like, what the. Like, I try to be calm, you know. You try, like, okay, you know, over the shoulder, you know, start sweating. And then I'm like, stop controlling everything over here.
- [34:51]
B
But you seem nice, but, like, I feel like you could, like, throw down if you wanted to.
- [34:55]
C
Oh, yeah. I'm the evil one in the house. My daughter. Yeah. He's missed the nice guy.
- [34:59]
A
I'm the sister lives downstairs. That's always a party, you know? That's always a party. You know, I don't even need to be there. I just. I just know that style. There's yelling.
- [35:11]
B
Yeah.
- [35:12]
C
My mother's 10 minutes away. She comes over. I'll clean in the basement. What are you doing? I'm like, why are you here?
- [35:19]
B
Oh, she's in your house without you knowing?
- [35:20]
C
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- [35:22]
A
This is real type family shit. You can't leave. You can go to your mom and go. You know what? I'm thinking of moving to California. It's not even in your DNA.
- [35:33]
C
I did that during my college years. They make fun of me. I was finding myself. I wasn't finding myself. I just went. We went.
- [35:41]
A
Where'd you go?
- [35:41]
C
I went to Italy.
- [35:43]
A
Okay.
- [35:43]
C
Because I studied abroad when I was in school there. And then after I graduated, I had my degree in teaching, so I was like, oh, I'll go teach English. You know, I'll be esl, whatever. I was like, no, English is the second language teacher. You know? And I go there. I'm looking for jobs. Like, oh, $4 an hour. You're illegal there. And I was like, oh, I didn't think of, I need working papers. I thought I was just going there and getting a job. So that didn't work out. I was there for, like, two, three months.
- [36:07]
B
Yeah.
- [36:08]
C
And then I went to Thailand for a month to teach English, too. And now. And now as an adult, I'm like, why did I do. First of all, God bless my parents, but now that I have a kid, I'm like, you think you like. Where do you think you're going? Absolutely not. Yeah. Yeah. But it was cool. It was nice. Yeah.
- [36:27]
A
At least you got out.
- [36:28]
C
Yeah.
- [36:29]
A
There's most people from Brooklyn that don't leave the neighborhood.
- [36:31]
C
Yeah.
- [36:32]
A
And they stay there till mom. Real quick. I Gotta take a breather. I gotta talk about some things. Toothpicks. You're gonna love all this stuff tonight. Nicotine toothpicks. Who's better than you? What's next? That's what you have to think about. What are they gonna put in toothpicks next? Anyway, we'll be right back. Stay put. Hey, Uncle Joe. Here. Listen. Satisfy your nicotine craving anytime, any place with Zipix Toothpicks. Listen, Zipik Toothpicks are nicotine and flavor infused. You could try the sweet whiskey like this one. Peppermint watermelon or mocha. Available with either 2 or 3 milligrams of nicotine. Zippers lets you pick how much kick you want. Listen, I love this little one right here. You pop it in your mouth with a cup of coffee, start the day off beautifully. But if you want something nicotine free, check out Zipper energy toothpicks with B12 and 30 milligrams of caffeine. Zip Energy Toothpicks are great for midday pickup. Get some nicotine infused toothpicks today at zippixtoothpicks.com again. Zippix toothpicks.com. it's like a tongue twister. Zippix toothpicks dot com. You're going to get 10% off your first order by using Code Joey J O E Y at checkout. That's code joey@zippixtoothpix.com. get 10% off your first order. Listen, you got to be 21. Older. Warning. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less. With Zipix Nicotine Toothpicks. What up, you savages? Uncle Joey here. Listen to all the Blue Chew fans out there. I'm pleased to announce you. Ready? Blue Chew Gold. Blue Chew Gold is a 4 in 1 tablet with ingredients to increase the blood flow and your arousal. You know what I'm saying? Blue True Gold dissolves under your tongue. And since it works in as little as 15 minutes, you won't have to wait for the fireworks. I mean, listen, you pop a Blue Chew, the wind blows, it's over. You know what I'm saying? Somebody's getting smacked in the face with the polar death. You know what I'm saying? Listen, if you want to blow some caps in that ass, you gotta hook up with Bluechew. You follow me? Feel like a big man with a little Blue Chew. I love it. Make life easier by getting harder. How easy is that? Listen, if you slung dick three nights a week, would the Epstein files matter to you? Did you ever think about that? No. Discover your options. @bluechew.com and you don't worry about nothing. You'll never turn on CNN again. You'll be slinging too much dick. There'll be bodies. You'll be burying freaks. You know what I'm saying? We got a special deal for church fans. Get 10% off that first of your first month with Blue Chew Gold with cold Joey. Did you get that 10% off your first month with Blue Chew Gold with cold Joey? This is the move you need to make right now. Listen, this package will be in your house in a couple days. I guarantee when Santa crosses the door, you'll have mommy in the 69. You know what I'm saying? So visit Blue Chew for more details and important safety information. And I want to thank BlueChew for believing in the show and for sponsoring the show. Happy holidays. We're back. Jack, I want to talk to you about something because we're very old school. I'm probably your parents age. How strong, how fucking crazy is this? That the way we eat Chinese? You know, the other day I was just watching in the afternoon. I don't know if you guys notice, every day the Godfather 1 is on and Godfather 2 is on, and for two minutes a day, I get sucked in to see what part is on, you know, if it's something coming. And the other day I turned it on. It's when they're gonna go shoot the police chief in Sollozzo. And he has six Italian guys at the table, you know, old school Italian. And they got open containers everywhere, Chinese food. And I'm like, wow, what the. You know, all the. You know, because 1972 Italians were a little bit more racist, you know what I'm saying? So those Chinese, you know.
- [41:03]
B
But they make a good fried rice.
- [41:05]
A
But it's like, I'm Cuban, you know, George Panamanian. Nick's Italian. Lee's Jewish. How much of an influence does Chinese food have in you, do you think about it?
- [41:16]
C
Listen, it's something I could never recreate perfectly, you know what I mean? Like, not even close to it. So of course it's gonna be one of those things that you're like, holy. Like, I want Chinese food. I will say the number one restaurant that we go to the most in my neighborhood, Red Bull Chinese Restaurant, 86th Street, 3rd Avenue. Shout out to them my daughter's favorite place, best Chinese food. It's fucking great. You know what I mean? Like, nothing beats it.
- [41:41]
A
What was the name of the place that you ate at as a child? Like, your mom went to one Place the Wing Fong.
- [41:48]
C
Yeah, yeah. Szechuan Delight. Wing Fong. Szechuan Delight.
- [41:52]
A
Yeah.
- [41:53]
C
But you never. That Red Bull is a place we go. You go there and eat. You know what I mean? But growing up as a kid, it was always takeout, you know, you had in the house. I would always do the ordering to walk around the notepad, you know, write it down. All right? I had the money. We put it by the radiator when the guy came to the door, you know?
- [42:08]
A
Yeah, My mother loved Chinese food.
- [42:11]
C
Yeah.
- [42:11]
A
And you know, you got. When you. When you're a kid, you can't say, well, I really want a hamburger. She just fucking backhand you in those days.
- [42:19]
B
Well, let me ask you guys, because I've never heard this before, and I don't agree with it, but something going around now is. Like, right now is apparently Chinese food season. Like, you're allowed to get it when it's cold, but, like, you're not allowed to eat Chinese food in the summer. Like, is now Chinese food season or what? Do you eat Chinese food year round?
- [42:35]
A
Look at your face, you white kids.
- [42:42]
C
Listen, I get it. I know, I know. Barada, babe, she sorted it. And I get it to an extent, because let me ask you this, okay? Imagine it's August 13th. You're sitting there, it's hot as balls out, right? Sometimes don't you feel like it's a little too heavy for a hot day like that to be having, like that greasy, heavy Chinese food?
- [43:02]
A
Or no, steak on a stick appetizer.
- [43:05]
C
Oh, you know what? You're right.
- [43:07]
A
Okay?
- [43:08]
C
You're right.
- [43:09]
A
When in doubt. When in doubt. Yeah, yeah. Steak on a stick, on a can of Coca Cola and call me in five minutes. Yeah. That's when you used to take them. Talk to a Chinese guy, he'd have him in the back. You heard like an animal make a screech, and all of a sudden he came out with smok. You went, three steaks on a stick when you broke as a comedian?
- [43:31]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [43:32]
A
I knew. In 93, I came back to do comedy. I knew protein, you know, things got bad. You got the stick as a sword, whatever the fuck it is. But that, you know, Chinese has everything. Listen, I'm not gonna go on an August day and get egg drop soup, the big bowl, and a fucking fried egg roll. But they have light. You know what I love in the summer? Like that lettuce with the. With the Chinese dressing and some wontons.
- [43:57]
B
In it, the chicken stuff you like.
- [44:00]
A
Lettuce wraps why are you always going to say chicken?
- [44:02]
B
You like chicken.
- [44:03]
A
I like chicken. But.
- [44:06]
B
What else is lettuce in Chinese?
- [44:08]
A
Chinese chicken. Chinese chicken like pork fried rice. When I eat it, I know there's something in there I shouldn't be eating. You know what I'm saying? Some type of animal. There's a lizard, mouse. There's got to be something in there. But you don't think about it. Even though you, you know, you've gone to pick up food. One time you saw a mouse jump on top of a bird.
- [44:27]
C
You know, the pigeon. The pigeon population in Brooklyn has greatly declined. Where the pigeons go.
- [44:34]
B
He's been. Because I love dumplings, and he's been torturing for me for years that people make it with cats. You grew up in Brooklyn. Oh, do they do that? Don't tell me they do that like a.
- [44:45]
C
It's maybe a joke, but I don't think they're cooking cats out there.
- [44:48]
A
Let me ask you a question.
- [44:49]
C
If they are, I don't want to think about it or know about it.
- [44:51]
A
No, me either. You're very intelligent. I. When it comes to the kitchen and life. But you ever taste something, it doesn't taste right. No. When you eat a dumpling, you're eating in a rush.
- [45:02]
C
Yeah.
- [45:02]
A
You dope it up with something. You never really ask yourself the question, what exactly is in that dumpling? Well, I tell you, it's pork. Okay? So is a hot dog, right? When you get an all beef hot dog, it's like 82% beef. They got like a bone in there. That's where they get the flavor from. You know what I'm saying? Like, they just got shit in there that it's not gonna kill you, but it ain't bad for you. And that's what I feel with dumpling. I don't know what it is. It's not a chicken. It's not a piece of fish. It's not meat. So we eat it and we just eat it and we trust it.
- [45:40]
C
You can't think about it.
- [45:42]
A
No. So I think it's the leftovers from the chicken they just put in a fucking blender and a little something in there they've been doing for 2,000 years. We're in there fucking eating it like it's ravioli and it's some poor cat's eyeballs and shit. Some fucking chicken hoofs and shit. I'm not saying nothing bad about nobody, but people got to make a living. It's tough out there for a pimp. So if you're going to look with the food prices and shit right now. You better watch what the fuck you're eating when you see fucking halal meat on 42nd Street. On the street, three little dudes looking around like they could be selling halal or they could be making a bomb in that little fucking place. Okay? So please look at fucking. It's expensive. You can't get away with 99 cent burgers no more. That those days are done. So if you see a 99 cent burger, you better have Alka Seltzer or brioche or fucking. You know, you got to be really careful with food prices, how they are. So I'm not saying nothing bad about Chinese. I eat Chinese food once a fucking week even if I don't want because like every Sunday night.
- [46:55]
C
Really?
- [46:56]
A
Yeah. Last night we had Japanese, we had Samporo and fucking. I had the beef. My wife didn't tell him to do it well done. So it came gooey. Whatever the. I still hate it because I was hungry as a. But on Sunday nights is the plan. We sit at about seven football and we watch Landman. And then in between landman at 8, we go get Chinese food, devour it. I smoke some dope. And then we watch Mayor Kingston. And it's 10 o'. Clock.
- [47:26]
B
Oh.
- [47:27]
A
See the small details.
- [47:30]
B
I do miss that. Like did your family ever do something like just a, a, like a weekly tradition like. Yeah, a meal in a show. That, that was, that was it. Everything growing up, I feel like there.
- [47:41]
C
Was always like, you know, Sunday we had our Italian food but we would look forward to the Chinese food, you know, if we got crazy. My mother finally splurged for the pizza because you know, you make your own pizza, you know, and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean nothing like weekly like set on the calendar there. But of course, you know, you don't know.
- [47:59]
A
So it's always, it's lingering.
- [48:01]
C
Yeah.
- [48:02]
A
I would always make. I always dog. I came from the time when it was 4.99 for a soup. A soup.
- [48:13]
B
Chinese are coming.
- [48:14]
A
A soup. A thing of noodles, Egg roll. A fucking entree.
- [48:20]
C
The combination platter. Yeah.
- [48:22]
A
$4.95 with a can of coke, you know.
- [48:24]
C
Yeah.
- [48:24]
A
Now try to get that, that. Okay. So yeah, lunch specials are 20 some dollars. I still try to get one lunch special a week. You know, my blood is shrimp and lobster sauce. That's my. If it's made good with the pork.
- [48:39]
C
Yeah.
- [48:39]
A
You throw it on the pork fried rice and you stir it in. It's like eating rice with egg and the place I go, they're from Staten Island.
- [48:47]
C
Oh, really? Okay.
- [48:47]
A
Yeah. It's not. I don't go to Staten island, but they have one at Crown Palace.
- [48:52]
C
Okay. All right.
- [48:53]
A
And they make big prawns in that. You cut the. Oh, my God. You eat that and you get the pork from the lobster thing and you get the pork from the pork fried rice. Tremendous. Good.
- [49:05]
C
Yeah.
- [49:05]
A
This is Independence Day. When we get out of here, there's going to be Martians and.
- [49:11]
B
I don't know.
- [49:11]
A
Hopefully.
- [49:11]
B
I don't think they'll be able to hear it. Hopefully not. We'll find out.
- [49:14]
A
What's your Chinese to go to right now before. You know.
- [49:18]
C
So this place, Red Bull, they make a crispy honey beef, and it's like thin strips of beef that is like, kind of has like a general Tao flavor to it, right? I know, but it's nice. It's nice. Or even just like classic chicken and broccoli when it's done right. And it's not like slimy and weird nice, you know, Pork fried rice and egg roll. Maybe a little wonton soup, you know?
- [49:41]
A
Yeah, man, I've omitted the soup lately. No. Yeah, lately. Just. I don't want to. My wife bring it in the car.
- [49:49]
B
What's wrong with soup in the car?
- [49:50]
A
Soup? Because it might spill. Now the car smells like egg drop soup, so forget it. No soup in the car. Yeah, yeah.
- [49:59]
B
Oh, you gotta take food to go the.
- [50:01]
A
The Uber game. Four stars that night. The Uber driver, an Arab guy, gave him one star. He stunk worse than a Uber. He brought Greek food.
- [50:10]
B
They got me up. We ate everything in this place and I was still hungry. And they found a gyro place and I'm. Hey, I'm fat and I'm Jewish and there was leftovers. I took it home.
- [50:21]
C
Yeah.
- [50:22]
B
And. And like, apparently there's no. You get. You get to go food.
- [50:25]
A
Right?
- [50:25]
C
Of course. Yeah.
- [50:26]
B
You got to have. What, are you going to throw it away? You. You throw it away?
- [50:31]
C
Listen, Sl. Stipulations there for me.
- [50:34]
B
No, listen, there's no. I. I've.
- [50:36]
C
One time that you brought home the gyro.
- [50:40]
B
They were like, the meat. It was like. It was like. But like, listen, this is how fat I am. My ex and I, we went to Philly for the weekend. We got so much food at the market, we bought a cooler for the drive home. And like, all respect, I gotta be honest. I have to. I don't know much about Brooklyn, okay. Because, like, to me, Philly is like Italian fat guy heaven. Like Philly, but like, what a Brooklyn Jack. I need to know. I need. Oh, like how? For people. Because people come into new, especially right around this time of year, people come to New York. If you're gonna go to Brooklyn, like, where. Where's your, like, day and best day in Brooklyn, food wise? Do you have anything?
- [51:15]
C
Listen, I'm always gonna be. My neighborhood, I don't venture out too much because a lot. Not that I don't venture out, but like a lot of these neighborhoods, you got all the transplants now. There's so much gentrification that, like.
- [51:26]
A
Sorry.
- [51:27]
C
Yeah, listen, it's different, you know what I mean? So know, I stick to the neighborhood spots that I know that have been there for a while, still doing their thing. Because you go, you know, go to Williamsburg. Oh, this gastropub with this. And now not for me, with. With two different breeds. And that's okay, you know, but so come to my neighborhood. You go to Crispy, you got some Italian restaurants. You want to go see the lights? You can stand there like a dundaloom with everyone else. Because now it's. It's insane. It's insane. The lights over there, they bring them in by the bus load. You could take a tour.
- [51:57]
B
Why don't you just start selling some food out there?
- [51:59]
C
They got food trucks now on the avenue. The people are complaining. People are hopping people's fences to go piss in their driveway. Oh, there's no bathrooms now. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild.
- [52:10]
B
That's crazy.
- [52:11]
C
Yeah, yeah. Okay, listen. The local Facebook page for Diker Heights, you have to hear these people going off. And I get it, because if you live on that block, like those blocks, you can't get in your house. Like, you're standing on your block in your car for like, over an hour just because there's so many tourists now looking at these houses, you know? And I've been going there since I was a kid. We have pictures. Like, they used to have the people dressing up in costumes. You know, you take pictures with them, like the little characters and stuff. But now, like, I go with my daughter before it even gets dark because you can't even freaking go near there. It's insane. It's insane.
- [52:42]
B
I've never had a problem with it with Italians. Italians and Jews always get along.
- [52:46]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [52:46]
B
But, like, what would happen if a Jew tried to move in a Diker? Would that be.
- [52:49]
C
Oh, you're fine. It's all mixed now. It doesn't even matter.
- [52:52]
A
Yeah, that don't matter.
- [52:53]
B
But even with like. Because we're not going to put up lights.
- [52:56]
C
No, you got a couple miserables on the block. They don't put up the lights either.
- [52:59]
B
Oh, yeah, yeah, those houses.
- [53:01]
C
Yeah. Listen, people. I get it. People, you know, because people don't have any respect nowadays. Some of these people that come, you know, imagine you're in your house and you see this person pissing in your driveway, taking a shit in your driveway. You might say, next year, I'm not putting up one goddamn light because of that.
- [53:16]
B
What would you do, Joey, if someone pissed in your driveway?
- [53:19]
A
I mean, honestly, I'd blowtorch a food truck every time somebody pissed my driveway. And that's how you get that hand.
- [53:28]
C
Yeah. No, last year someone put a porta potty and they were charging $3 a person to go in.
- [53:35]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [53:35]
C
And they got in trouble, but that was.
- [53:37]
B
They got in trouble. That's.
- [53:38]
C
Give them respect. The hustle. But yeah.
- [53:40]
A
No American ingenuity.
- [53:42]
C
Yeah, yeah.
- [53:42]
A
Somebody ratted on them.
- [53:43]
C
Yeah, of course that's what it was.
- [53:45]
A
That's rats.
- [53:46]
C
You know, but that prevented the driveway. Nonsense. Yeah.
- [53:50]
B
Oh, my God.
- [53:50]
C
Oh, my God. We had a video once when I was living at home. Some woman went into our driveway. My parents car was still in the driveway. She pulled out her pants, she took a shit in our driveway.
- [53:59]
A
Yeah, I remember.
- [54:00]
C
That was like one of the first TikToks I ever posted years ago. And it got taken down. I was like, this is pure gold over here. Someone just shitting in my driveway. She left her. She left her shopping cart right in front and went in, pulled down her pants and shit my driveway. I don't know why I'm sharing this story, but.
- [54:14]
A
Yeah, it's crazy.
- [54:15]
C
Welcome to Brooklyn.
- [54:16]
A
It's really crazy. That wouldn't have happened 30 years ago.
- [54:20]
C
No.
- [54:20]
A
Somebody takes a shit on your street in Brooklyn.
- [54:22]
C
No. Yeah.
- [54:23]
A
It's crazy how now there's, you know, like there's all these sections now obviously I don't know where the deep Italian section is anymore. Who knows? But I forgot what I was gonna tell you. Holy.
- [54:39]
B
I know. I saw your face when you. When she was telling the story about the woman in the. It looked like the numbers were flying around your head like you couldn't compute to you to see that woman in your driveway. That was.
- [54:49]
A
No, no, no. I wasn't even concerned about that because I've taken some shits in some weird places. I'm not gonna be hypocritical. Okay. And tell you I haven't been in weird places and Stuff, but not in somebody's driveway.
- [55:04]
C
Yeah, I mean, listen, the last year.
- [55:06]
A
I took behind a Jewish daycare center in the back about two months, three, four months ago, it happened close enough to the house, had some wagyu beef. That shit goes right through me. That fucking.
- [55:20]
B
Can't imagine one of those kids walking around just seeing that.
- [55:23]
C
What's that smell?
- [55:24]
A
You know what's really. I knew what I was gonna say to you. You know all these areas that are kind of gentrified, there's always one old school pizza place, old school Italian place, and there's. Look again, I'm a fucking old man. But can you imagine having a pizzeria 30 years. You maybe bought it off your uncle who had it for 22 years, but he lost an arm in the oven. Yeah, they put his head in the oven cause he owed on the Knicks. And then, you know, you picked it up for all those years and you're sitting there busting your hump, working hard, and you see these three college kids walk by with two Domino's Pizzas. And that's what I don't. That would take the heart out of me to keep seeing young kids or even adults with kids getting Domino's Pizza. You know, that's no respect for anybody involved. Like nobody's getting respectful and okay, if you live outside of this area, you want to eat Domino's, that's your prerogative. But even I remember coming here from California, working Long island, being in a hotel Long island, and a kid came in with his dad with fucking sandals on and a Domino's pizza. I had to do everything I could not to kick the kid in him in the fucking stomach. Because I mean, come on, you're in Long fucking Island, there's gotta be something. And there was. There was something right down the block from the hotel. So that type of shit is gotta be like. That shit kills me.
- [56:55]
C
I feel bad. I see a lot of that. Yeah. In the neighborhood. Just because, like I said, there's very few. Like, like the businesses, like, just like you said, the business that had been there 30 years. Like, like some. I feel like hanging on by a couple strings, you know, just because the neighborhood's changing so much. And then, you know, social media has, you know, is very powerful in the sense that like, people go there, promote it, it may help them out, you know what I mean? But then there's these places that like, people are just hyping up. That just popped up, you know what I mean? And then the old guy gets overshadowed. Maybe they don't know how to use social media. Maybe they don't believe in it. You know what I mean?
- [57:26]
A
I get that too.
- [57:27]
C
It's like, I feel bad because like, I see some businesses out there that are older and like, they're pushing, they're pushing the social media. They're getting it, they see it works. It makes me happy for them because like. But then there's some of these old school guys are like, ah, make a video. You know what I mean? Like, they don't understand the power of it. And I feel bad for them because it could possibly like help them out, you know, because when the neighborhood changed like that, like, you're not gonna have your customers that we hear 30 years ago coming to you. Like, if they all moved out, who's coming to you now? You need to get a whole new audience, you know, in there. And that's hard. That's hard. And I feel bad, you know, but that's why, you know, people laugh at these influences all going here. They're going there, they're sharing this, you know, makes a difference for these small guys out there that, you know, need that extra push, you know, I would.
- [58:11]
A
Love to go out there one night a week.
- [58:14]
B
Yeah.
- [58:14]
A
Catch like a 4:30 in a restaurant.
- [58:16]
C
Yeah. You know, listen. Yeah.
- [58:18]
A
Put a camera on and talk shit. I would love to be able to do that. My problem is, number one, I don't, I don't know, like you got.
- [58:29]
C
Let me. They're missing. You need. I know you're a busy guy. I know you got your own thing going. But you would shake up the freaking food review world, let me tell you. You would give everybody a run for their money.
- [58:42]
A
But here's the problem. Like I feel I don't mind you talking about food. I don't mind you talking about whatever the fuck you want to talk about. But you know what? You better know what the fuck you talking. Okay. You know, I don't know ingredients, guys. I'm not a cook. I hate the kitchen. If I have to pound the chicken cutlet out, I'd rather slice my jugular than have to look at that chicken raw. Really? Oh my God. And over the years it's gotten worse. I just have like a food phobia.
- [59:11]
B
You touch raw chicken or no.
- [59:13]
A
What's that?
- [59:13]
B
Can you touch raw chicken or you know, like.
- [59:15]
A
I don't like any of it. I'll eat what you fucking cooked. If you put in the refrigerator and you got leftovers, I'm in. But I ain't touching those leftovers. I don't like taking the lid off. It makes me fucking sick. It makes me gag. It'd be my favorite dish in the world, dog. I don't know what happened over the years. After I went to prison, you know, I was the, I was in charge of the kitchen. I had to sniff the foods and I just destroyed. I don't know. I really don't know, guys. I just do not like it. I don't like it. I don't mind doing dishes and all that I make, you know, every once in a while I make nothing, you know?
- [59:52]
B
Make nothing.
- [59:52]
A
Yeah, if it wasn't for my wife or restaurant, I wouldn't eat.
- [59:56]
C
Yeah, but you got credentials from going to places, good places, you know what I mean? So even though you're not, you're not going to go and, and talk about the technicalities behind making a dish, but just knowing good food, like the people that come here from freaking Iowa and they've only been to Olive Garden, now they're coming here telling me the best Italian restaurants in the city, it's like, what are your credentials there? You know, respectfully, I like thank you for putting these businesses like, you know out there, but you got credentials just because you're not cooking, you know, listen, they, they, we need you out there because you're going to tell it how it is.
- [60:28]
A
Well, number one, I can't do Italian because I'm Cuban.
- [60:31]
C
Doesn't matter. You got the credentials. No, I, I think you give it a go once.
- [60:36]
A
A lot of people being there, disrespectful out there. I don't want to see an Hindu kid talking to me about pizza. I have nothing against Indian people. I really don't. They're sweet people, you know what I'm saying? There's just certain things I don't want to see. And that's what you see. Some kid from. And I'm not badmouthing Chicago, you know, I love Chicago. But a kid from Chicago bad mouthed in New York, pizza, eating it, you know, you don't really know. I want you to go to the five suburbs. I want you to go to Staten Island. I want you to go to Brooklyn. That's a, that's what I'd have to do. And I wouldn't do that on camera. I wouldn't do that on camera. Pick one day a week, Staten Island. I ask around. I wouldn't go online. Yeah, that's losers. They got billy goat cheese. Go your mother. All right, but I'm not gonna go ask fucking, you know, dude, as he's getting chased by ice. Hey, where's the best Italian restaurant? You know? I'm saying, like, this. It's gotta stop. So that's my other beef. Like, I could go do samples of, like, sandwiches, but I don't even like fucking sandwiches.
- [61:51]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [61:52]
A
Fucking don't. You know, I could go do, like, roast beef or cats. Everybody does that shit. I want to find that little Italian dude.
- [62:00]
C
Which one?
- [62:01]
A
Anyone? Oh, that special dude that built off the top.
- [62:06]
C
Yeah, no, I know.
- [62:07]
A
Not Tony Soprano Jr. No, I know.
- [62:09]
C
What he's talking about.
- [62:10]
A
You know, I want that guy.
- [62:13]
C
I know who you're talking.
- [62:14]
A
I want. During the video, he yells that his son calls him a retard. Natalia, what are you. Yeah, you know, the whole thing. That's the guy I'm looking for.
- [62:22]
B
You know what you should do? You should look and find. Like, just go for one thing. Like, if I know you, you. You should just do reviews of only chicken cutlets.
- [62:29]
A
I'm sick of fucking eating chicken cutlets.
- [62:31]
B
You're sick of that?
- [62:32]
A
Because my wife has murdered me with her chicken cutlets.
- [62:35]
B
What does that mean?
- [62:36]
A
That means that my wife butchers recipes. She doesn't know. Listen, okay.
- [62:46]
B
Uh.
- [62:46]
C
Oh.
- [62:48]
A
We had this conversation a couple weeks ago. I don't know about you. I grew up when I went. I only trusted two or three delis. But when I went in that deli and I got a fucking cup of macaroni salad, it tasted like macaroni salad and it smelled like macaroni salad. Fast forward 40 fucking years, I go to an Italian deli. Now any salad in that fucking thing smells like everything fucking else. The chicken cutlets. When I came from California, I was buying chicken cutlets everywhere. If I went to a supermarket, labotes, whatever. I was buying chicken collards. I threw them all away.
- [63:25]
B
Yeah.
- [63:26]
A
And I go, what the is going on here? They got Mexicans cooking chicken cutlets. Okay, Again, I got nothing against Latinos. Everybody got to make a living here. But they don't understand what a chicken cutlet is. They don't understand how long you really have to dip it in the egg and bring it back in the flourish and go back. They got learned old school. Like, here, dip it. Like, I would do a chicken cutter, dip it in the egg, thripping that, and then throw in the frying pan. There's levels to a chicken cutlet, Jack, if you're gonna. And you know what? I'm the type of motherfucker, I'll pay top dollar for a chicken cutlet. Believe it. Or not. This motherfucker here makes the best chicken cutlet.
- [64:09]
B
Really?
- [64:09]
A
Oh, my God. He still uses 1940. Whatever. It's love. It's different things. You eat a chicken cut. It's just breadcrumbs. Come on, man. You even asked the guy, did you put Italian bread? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, they're not. This is. What's that? We were kids. You put the pork chop in it.
- [64:27]
C
Shake it, bake.
- [64:29]
A
Oh, shake and bake. Yeah. That's what it is. Shake and bake. Shake and bake. So all that. That doesn't cope anymore. Deli salads anymore. It's over. It's over. It's. They all taste like cardboard chicken cutlets. Anything in that fucking freezer tastes like dick and fucking. I love sandwiches. But again, how many fucking sandwiches can you eat before you die?
- [64:54]
C
I know. I know.
- [64:55]
B
A lot.
- [64:56]
A
A lot. Yeah, a lot. I know. I get it. So I would love to do that. But you know what I like to do? I like to go to your restaurant every week and preview something different. I feel weird going into a restaurant, getting something there, and then going to another restaurant and hyping them up and then another week over here. Like, I don't trust you.
- [65:18]
C
I get what you're saying.
- [65:19]
A
You know what I'm saying? I don't trust you. You jump around too much, trying something.
- [65:24]
C
Different that they got. Yeah.
- [65:25]
B
Do you just want to be loyal to one place?
- [65:27]
A
I'm very loyal.
- [65:28]
B
Have you ever thought about opening up a place?
- [65:30]
A
Yeah. Yeah. That's what I want to do, is struggle cooking. That's what I want to do, is put my life, saving things into a restaurant to compete with, you know, people gonna go in there to see me for a year.
- [65:48]
B
Yeah.
- [65:49]
A
You know, and then they're not gonna come no more. The food's got to be exceptional. And would you open up a restaurant in this climate right now?
- [65:56]
B
I don't know.
- [65:57]
A
Eight feet, New York, there's something to eat.
- [66:00]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [66:01]
B
That's true.
- [66:01]
A
You know, I love Italian people. I love Italian. Italians are the only people in this economy grand opening to our pizza place. And you sit there and you're like, I'm sure it's a great recipe. They're so proud of the way their grandmother made food that now they want to sell. And I ain't mad at you, but, dog, your grandmother will get eaten alive today because they don't even eat grandmother's food. They'll eat anybody's fucking food. I just heard that Nona's in Staten island, isn't really? Italian grandmothers. Some weeks.
- [66:34]
C
Oh, it's a mix.
- [66:35]
A
Yeah, it's a mix. I didn't know that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not the mix we're talking about. Okay. So again, you know, I just. I'm so old school.
- [66:50]
C
Yeah.
- [66:50]
A
I like what I like, you know? What do you want me to do? Going to the city and go to a place that the chicks throwing knives up in the air, and there's a chick dancing in a cage with that John Wick movie, you know, with the music in the back. Oh, and hold on, it's Chef Armando, you know, and he comes out talking, you know, God knows, you know, and you're like, I don't need this. I just need a good fucking meal.
- [67:17]
B
Yeah.
- [67:18]
A
And if you know anything about me, I'd rather have that older dude that comes over, you know, Everybody today is an investment. Oh, come in to eat. Listen, if I go in, I gotta buy, you know.
- [67:29]
C
Yeah.
- [67:29]
A
And I take a picture. You. What if I get agile from this food?
- [67:32]
C
Yeah.
- [67:32]
A
No, I look bad.
- [67:34]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [67:36]
B
How many times does it take you guys, both of you? Like, if you go somewhere, how many times you have to go there and to be good, to, like, make it a recommendation? If you go like three times, two, like, what do you, like? What's the minimum amount of times you have to go before it's like, it. This is cool. Now.
- [67:51]
C
If I go once and I'm blown away. Like, I'm like, okay. Like, you could tell right away if a place is making good stuff. You know what I mean? If you get like.
- [67:59]
B
I. I agree, but sometimes I've gone one. I've, like. I've gone to, like. There's a breakfast place in Massachusetts I went to two days in a row because the first day was amazing and then the second day wasn't good. So, like, sometimes I think you need a couple visits to, like, really confirm that it's good.
- [68:14]
C
A valid.
- [68:15]
B
Yeah, just a couple times. Because, you know, because if I. If I. If Joey's going to Boston and I recommend something, that's why I only ever recommend illegal seafoods. Like, because if I recommend something to him and it's not good, he'll get pissed at me. He won't call me.
- [68:31]
A
I'd rather you not say no.
- [68:32]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [68:33]
A
I'd rather get up there yourself and ask. Yeah, ask as you're getting off the plane.
- [68:38]
B
Yeah.
- [68:38]
A
But again, look at that person. You know, if you go, I don't eat that kind of. You know, I don't need that I'm gonna go to somebody who's talking about food on the flight. He lives in Boston. He lives in San Antonio. Wherever the fuck he lives is, I'm flying into. And then you get to the hotel. You ask some questions there. You're not gonna ask the chick with the fucking missing teeth, where does she eat? She just blew it all on crack, okay? And you're gonna ask her directions to, you know, whatever the. You're gonna ask her. It's like, my wife, we went to lunch today. My wife is the king of that shit.
- [69:09]
C
Yeah.
- [69:10]
A
And you gotta stop it. You gotta see who the fuck you're talking to. The waiter is right there. We're at the bar. The bartender is right there. But in between the bartender, a Mexican walked right by that. I mean, you could tell he was right off the boat. He's like an ice replacement. How long he's gonna last till ice gets him? In the middle of all this, my wife, who was white, stops this poor Mexican guy, goes, do you know where the sugar is? The kid, it was like chocolate. Yeah. He didn't have a fucking clue. And my wife's like, joey, I just hit a leg. She goes, what? I go, terry, that guy don't know a lick of English. And you're asking him for the sugar? Well, why is he working? Listen, I don't fucking know, okay? Don't start a ride with me over a poor little busboy here. I don't know how it works. People look at him, him. When you told him sugar, his head almost fucking blew up his fucking shoulders. I mean, it's fucking crazy. I don't even know what my point was. Uncle Joey here, listen, the Octagon isn't just in Las Vegas. It's in your hands with DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the UFC. Get ready for Drazzleville and Yan to face off again at UFC 323. Every punch has the potential for a payoff. Listen, new customers again. New customers bet $5. If your bet wins, you're going to get instantly paid 200 in bonus bets just like that. Okay, for all you guys who live in the Show Me, the Show me state DraftKings sportsbook is now live in Missouri. Show Me State. We're here. It's time to lift the rock. Jack, stop eating ribs. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app right now. Use promo code Joey, J, O, E, Y. That's Code Joey. To turn five bucks into 200 in bonus bets instantly. And if your bet wins. Listen, you know Me, I'm always in partnership with DraftKings because I love them, I'm loyal to them, and they're the best out there. So with DraftKings, remember, the Crown is yours. Love you. Happy holidays. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny467-369 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas. Pass through of per wager tax may apply in Illinois 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void. In Ontario, restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required four additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See DKNG CO Audio Limited time offer.
- [72:01]
B
Beyond how many guys. Like, when from where you grew up, how many guys are like Joey? Because that's what I hear a lot. It's like, oh, Joey reminds me of my uncle. Like, I didn't grow up around a lot of guys like him, but, like, it's like half of Brooklyn, like, just mini Joey.
- [72:15]
C
Yeah, the old school guys like my uncles, like my father. Like, you know, I laugh because, like, some of your stories are so wild. You know what I mean? And I think about the stories like my fathers and uncles told me, they always definitely told me, like, the PG13 version. You know what I mean? And, you know, so here. And it's like, it's crazy because shit's like, not like that nowadays. And like, you know, it was funny to hear. And now what are you hearing? Nothing, you know, but yeah, no, definitely all the old school guys that you know around the neighborhood, but a lot of them are gone.
- [72:46]
A
It's so weird. I'm attached to food, like, to have that diet. What's that diet? It's not white watches. It's one. That's the mental one. I lost solo Noom. Noom, okay? Like they did. Listen, that ship sailed, Noom. You could send in your top fucking team of frogs. They're not gonna get it out of me, okay? I'm never gonna fucking eat broccoli. And I'm not gonna reprogram to not eat Chinese food. You know? That's what it is. You have to reprogram your mind. I appreciate it, but this mind has already been covered. And you can ask George. I was the same way when I was 21. And he would look at me and go, what are you talking about? I don't give a fuck what you got to offer. I knew when I was 1985, the best Szechuan beef was the Enchanted Lilly in Fort Lee. I ended up robbing that joint and went back in there two weeks later. Okay? That's how strong they were in there for lunch. And people always. Because Fort Lee had a ton of Chinese food. Everybody had great Chinese food. Not the fucking Szechuan beef. How do you know, Joey? Because I've had Szechuan beef all over fucking Hudson County. It's all I eat. And I'm telling you, I still think about them. Like, I still have little dreams about them. Like I could get that particular Szechuan beef. Even my favorite chance could not duplicate that Szechuan beef. It was fucking perfect with white rice.
- [74:15]
B
And what happened? They closed.
- [74:16]
A
Yeah, I left and I went to prison. I came back, they were closed. You know what I'm saying? It's a Chinese flower place now, whatever the fuck it is, you know? But it doesn't really matter. I'm just saying it's. It's just I've always been very stubborn. Even when I had nothing. Like homeless. Like, I was fucking stubborn, you know? I remember being like, having dollars in la. And the worst thing I ate was I'd have a bowl of chili from Chili's with the Junior Wendy's, Wendy's. Wendy's.
- [74:49]
B
Yeah, the Junior Bacon cheeseburger.
- [74:51]
A
No. No bacon. You motherfuckers love that shit. That ain't bacon.
- [74:55]
B
You don't eat. Since when don't you eat bacon?
- [74:57]
A
Not from those fat food places, okay? I eat bacon that my wife fucking gets from a nice place.
- [75:04]
B
Gotcha.
- [75:05]
A
Not shavings from some guy's dead foot that they spray paint brown. And you're in Burger King. Oh, this is great bacon. I don't trust bacon on the odds. I want to see that. You cover up bacon. It's a different. You ever fly out? You'll never. Everybody has that cancer egg. It's just powered egg. Yeah, the hockey puck.
- [75:27]
C
Yeah.
- [75:28]
A
I want to see the egg. I won't eat it. Even the Mexicans, like, when you fly, if you eat tacos, they give you like half a cancer egg. But I'll take it because the salsa kills the fucking cancer. You know what I'm saying?
- [75:42]
C
Cancels it out.
- [75:43]
A
Yeah. You have to stick, you know, And I totally this that when I was out in California all those years, you had to stick up for something, you know, in your life, you have to believe in something. I don't believe in politics like most people. I don't believe in a lot of hocus pocus, but I believe in food, you know? And here's the other reason why I can't be a critic. Because there's very few restaurants that when you go there after the. You go to a restaurant, we're really excited. We go to a restaurant on Monday night, and then we fucking all love it. And we can't wait to go back to following Monday. Then we take a breather. The holidays this, that, and we don't go back for a while. Then you go back the third time. And while you're there and you're eating and everybody's moving around and you're looking at the wait staff and the owner's coming out talking to people, and the chick's coming out with wine. And at some point, somebody comes over to you and says, joey, do you want us to take this jacket? And you're like, you know what? Yeah, thank you. And you're sitting there, you're like, oh, my God. It's not even the food. It's the magic in this restaurant, okay? There's just a magic where at one point you're like, you know what? I'm with family. Even if I don't know, these strangers, these people that own this restaurant treat me like I'm family. Like, how do you want that? We could take the eggs out for you. You know what I'm saying? Like, that type of shit. And that's the magic of a restaurant that as people anymore, we don't give a fuck. We want to go to see the belly dancer. Had to pay 19 for the martini, and to tell people we're expensive and we're cool. That's it. Everybody forgot that little corner joint that you take a corner table and they say, I don't give a fuck who's in there. Chinese people, whatever. We're all eating as a family. We're all eating as a fucking family. Whether it's meatloaf, a basic spaghetti and meatball. Listen, spaghetti and meatball ain't the type of shit you leave the house thinking about. Nobody leaves the house going, today, I'm gonna have spaghetti with meatballs. But wait till you go to somebody's house and listen, I just made a fresh batch of spaghetti and meatballs. And even though you wanted Chinese or you want to go your grandmother's cooking, you know, I'm here and it's ready. You know what I'm saying? She's pouring right now, and she's gonna Give it to me whether I like it or not. And even though I'm not eating that much meat these days, I can't tell her I'm not eating three meatballs and a hunk of sausage and a piece of brajo. That fucking dish better go back like I just got out of prison.
- [78:23]
C
Yeah.
- [78:25]
A
You ain't gonna go in that kitchen and say, mama. No. The meat. No, the meat no good. Yeah. Yeah. You sit down, they just pile it on you. You eat it. You fucking eat it. I can't do that no more.
- [78:39]
B
No.
- [78:40]
A
No. I can't eat like that. But my point is, that's what I look for in a restaurant after the third time. I'm family, him and I. There's a restaurant. We grew up in a Chinese joint called Chance. They knew us. I didn't know their names. I knew the fucking bartender. But every time I sat in that corner table and I looked out at the door, they had fucking. You know, the. Then the fucking. The set was from 1940 in Hawaii.
- [79:10]
B
Oh, I love those.
- [79:11]
A
There wasn't Hawaiian in there. You went to Chan. You remember? Yeah. You know, but there was something about it. I'd gone there for so long, first time I went in there was probably eighth grade, freshman year in high school. What are we now, 50? And we're still going in there. That's what. That's what I like in a restaurant. That if I want to take my shoes off. In fact, I'm not going to take my fucking shoes off. But if I want to, because I got a corn on the right foot and I want to scratch it on the table, I could. And if you ask him, listen, my foot's on fire. You want a piece of. What do you want? You want a line of coke? What do you want, an ice cube? What do you want, a cigarette? You know what I'm saying? And that's what we're missing now. We're not doing that. We're going to this restaurant in the city. It's got a name, it's fancy, the food ain't bad, but you're shipped in and out of there. Unless you're a sports celebrity or an actor. That's big time, you know? So that's what I miss, guys. So when I do go to Rudy's all the time, George, I'm talking to you. That's why I feel kind. You're gonna shoot me? Shoot me at Rudy's, because the guard is completely down. You know what I'm saying? My guard is down. I like Las Brisas My guard is down. I like it. Listen, I know. Yeah, yeah. There's a place on Declan. I know, I know, but I could park outside. Double or triple park. We show up with eight cars and everybody double parked. Okay? I mean, not once did they come in and said, move your car. We're gonna. What do you want me to tell you? I got a valet now. I gotta pull up in front of a bunch of people. I come in, they hit a big drum. You know, I'm high, as if you want to start yelling in Japanese behind my back. I'm doing tower. I don't. You know, all that. Like, I'm too old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That. The glamour and the food has ended for me, you know? Do you want sparkling water or regular? Water? Just give me water. I grew up in Jersey. Yeah, just give me whatever the fuck you're drinking. Give me water. Oh, no. You know, I will give you half and half. Listen, what'd I just tell you, Bruno, whatever your fucking name is.
- [81:25]
B
Is there a place that you take your. Your daughter to that you went to as a kid?
- [81:31]
C
Honestly, like, all the old school places that we would go to, they're not there. Really?
- [81:36]
B
All of them closed?
- [81:37]
C
I mean, I'm trying to think. I mean, Spumoni Gardens, we used to go there on the weekends. We would play soccer, and then after soccer, we would go to Smally Gardens. I was like a little treat. Yeah, we've been taking her there. But a lot of the places, New Corners was a place we used to go to, was an old school Italian place. They're closed. I'm definitely missing a few, but not. Not too many from my childhood, you know?
- [82:00]
B
Do people ask you to start a place since you do all the cooking, or you just want to do it on social media?
- [82:04]
C
I just, you know, everyone comments this and that, you know, oh, cookbook this that, you know? But whatever feels right will feel right. You know, I'm not the restaurant. Restaurant's a whole different ball game. Not for me. You know what I mean? That's. It's a lot. It's a lot to run a restaurant, you know? You think a lot cooking online. Oh, yeah. No, no.
- [82:24]
A
I mean, you build up your name with cooking. If she opens something up in Brooklyn. Yeah, you open something up in Brooklyn. But it's just, you know, we live in a different world, bro. Because the first three months, it's gonna be standing room only. Now we go into a different zone. Now, guess what? There's a martini bar that opens up down the road. And they jump up and down. And now that's what happens. We lose our attempt. And everybody's always like, oh, you like the chicken from there? Have the chicken over here. No, no, this is where I grew up. This is where I'm eating the fucking chicken. I know these people. I know the people who were here before them. I feel. Because someday they're all going to be fucking gone. They're all going to be replaced. And I don't want to tell you who's going to be running those fucking places, okay? And yeah, so you better dig in now while you can. Instead of fucking around with fucking Olive Garden and all that stupid. A man in my position who's a fucking felon and a bum, I don't make mistakes when it comes to that. I don't even give it a chance. I don't want it in my fucking realm. My girlfriend wanted to go and she goes by herself with her friends. She's got friends, right? Let her go by herself and you know, whatever. I don't want to step foot in there. And I don't. And I don't. That's just life the way it is for me.
- [83:54]
B
And it is crazy when a place like that closes. I get sad like an actor died or like, like someone, like a family member died.
- [84:01]
A
Me too.
- [84:01]
B
Like if a good.
- [84:02]
A
When Chance closed and I was going through all the other shit in my life when I got this knucklehead, well, I got another restaurant, Lynard, listen, it's over. It died. It's never coming back. He's going every day, sending me pictures like it's never coming back. Stop taking fucking pictures. It's over. That taste will never be there again. The ambiance, the egg roll. And let me tell you something. I got arrested one night, 40 years ago, April of 85, I got arrested. I was getting transport to Bergen County Jail and I told the cop. I started dropping cop names and shit. And he goes, what's going on? I go, listen, man, I haven't eaten since fucking. And now you're going to take me to night court at midnight. I'm not going to eat. And he goes, what do you suggest? I go, why don't you stop a chance dragging it? And this cop started telling me shit that they want to stake out one night looking for. They were waiting for a guy who broke safes and they were all in there. And after 10 minutes I had to put the lights on. It felt like somebody was breaking in. And it was all the rats in there.
- [85:05]
C
Oh my God.
- [85:05]
A
Now, I knew this, but I'm still going to argue with you because I'm not going to be f changz when I eat there. I omit that story from my mind, okay? I omit that story from my mind because that's where I grew up. That steak on a stick, you think I invented that? They were the best. You went in there for an appetizer, you got a steak on a stick, maybe a said bessa, a nice little cold beer. And after a couple minutes, the steak on a stick will propel that appetite. You know what I'm in the mood for? Chicken chow mein. Then I'm in the mood for this. That. That's. That's how it works. So I don't fucking know what I'm saying anymore. I just love to eat and I love food. Are you a fusion person? Like, you like Italian? If you like, you'll cook it?
- [85:57]
C
Yeah.
- [85:58]
A
In 1984, there was an Italian Chinese restaurant. They closed down. Yeah. It was too early for fusion in those days. No, but I forget what they had. That was kind of chinesy.
- [86:12]
C
It's got to be done right. Like, it's got to sound appealing to you. Like, I don't know if I would go there, like, on a whim, you know what I mean? I would have to look into it because I'm not sure if it's done right here. But I don't know. There's not too many places like that around there. Especially with. Around us. Especially with, like, Italian food. Fusion. Not too many, no. Yeah.
- [86:31]
A
Who would eat that?
- [86:32]
C
For a good reason, I guess the.
- [86:33]
A
Same people eat Domino's. Yeah. Those idiots. We wanted something different. So it's an Arab Italian place. Oh, my God.
- [86:43]
B
I went to Des Moines and there's a place like, well known in Des Moines that does like orange chicken pizza. Like Chinese food pizza. Look at his face. Yeah. Sometimes I do like to piss him off. But let me ask you tried it.
- [86:56]
A
No.
- [86:56]
B
No. He'd kill me. He'd find out. He found. He used to. I used to live two blocks from a subway. He had spies in the neighborhood. If I. If I used to walk next to the subway.
- [87:09]
A
Within. Because it was Laurel Canyon. So everybody that lives in the valley went up and down Laurel Canyon. There's Lee with like an overcoat on, going a subway, trying. And that whole block was food debt.
- [87:22]
C
Yeah.
- [87:23]
A
Venus Fitzel.
- [87:25]
B
Yeah. That Popeyes.
- [87:27]
A
Popeyes. It was just death.
- [87:29]
C
Yeah.
- [87:29]
A
And I think back in the box, Jack in the bottom. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. He was the king of all that shit. You can't keep eating that shit. Another thing. That's my other problem. We can't go into it now, but I get the people who piss me off the more. Like when I walk into it, like, crispy. Crispy. I fucking love crispy. I don't want to see creepy food on pizza.
- [87:57]
C
Creepy food.
- [87:58]
A
Yeah. So when I walk in a pizza joint, if they have all those different pizzas, I don't look. I make believe, like it's somebody I love and they died. They got hit by a fucking helicopter. When I go into crispy, I already know what the 13th Avenue looks like. Yeah.
- [88:13]
C
Yeah.
- [88:13]
A
So I zoom in on it, and I know what the cheese looks like. I don't try to look that way or this way because I know I'm gonna get pissed off and walk out. That's how pissed. Because they're not serving chicken. Money going.
- [88:30]
B
I see a ton of them, like, buffalo chicken pizza. Does that piss you off?
- [88:33]
A
Buffalo chicken pizza in Naples. If I go to Naples, nobody has buffalo chicken pizza. Why are you selling that? You're catering to a whole different audience that in reality, you really don't want in here. They put ranch on pizza enough. I don't want that person in my store ever. Ever. And I'm Cuban. Can you imagine if I was Italian? I'd be in prison, in and out. Because I'd be shooting kids in the head. Don't spread this ranch on pizza. There's just so many things I don't believe in. Like, not that. Well, it's cool now. No, it's never been fucking cool to put ranch on a fucking pizza. Okay. Okay. In California, for example, and this is how picky I am. What's this? What's your definition of a slice?
- [89:20]
C
A slice, plain slice.
- [89:23]
B
What is the experience?
- [89:23]
A
That's a different definition. What's your definition of a slice?
- [89:29]
B
He's asking you, like, what your experience is when you go to order a slice.
- [89:32]
C
You go. You get. It's. It has to have a crispy undercarriage, Right. Has to have a nice hold to it. Good amount of sauce, good amount of cheese. You get one slice.
- [89:41]
A
I agree with you.
- [89:42]
C
Yeah.
- [89:42]
A
But you walk in, some guy's wiping his hands on his apron, right? I don't give a fuck. You think when I was growing up on pizza, people weren't picking their noses and whatever. Who gives a fuck? That's the. Yeah. Lighting a cigarette as they made the pie. The smoke is going right into the pie. Okay. They're flipping it around.
- [90:04]
B
What were we talking like ordering a pizza.
- [90:07]
A
So to me, and I grew up in 88th street, and then we moved to North Jersey. To me, walking into a place is, hey, what's going on? How you doing? What are you having? Let me get a slice. Let me get two slices. They're brand new out of the oven. All right, let me get two of those and let me get a Coke. Anything else? No, no, no. Let me get some extra cheese on one of the slices. Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. He turns around, he puts them in the oven, slams the oven, he turns around, that's going to be $8.50. Boom. You throw a dollar fifty in the tip jar was a small ten. He says, here you go, this slice to go. No, I'm gonna eat it right here. On the move. I was always an on the move guy, not to go on the move. I got things to do and people to see. That's a slice. Go to a pizza place in California. How you doing? How are you? I want a cheese slice. You know what I'm saying? They take your money, they take the tab, the check, and they put one slice and they put it on some and they send it to the back. And the Mexican, now he's got to read it, think about what's going on in his life. Take the slice, put it in the oven. Now, that takes whatever, eight minutes. Because he don't know the temperature of his slice. He don't know what a crispy slice is. He doesn't understand that concept. You just hired him to make pizza. We don't understand that concept. Then he takes it out, puts on a dish, and leaves it there for another three minutes. And then fuck all. The vegan comes to the back and finally decides to give you a slice of pizza. That's a 13 minute experience when it.
- [91:43]
B
Should be, what, five, not even five.
- [91:46]
A
Six if there's two people ahead of you. Because everybody knows in the east coast is step to the fucking side. You got a ton of people behind you. And I'm outside, there's 20 below. You know what I'm saying? Move, move. And when you get your pizza, I don't want to hear, hey, tell Nikki I said, but. Yeah, I'm gonna stop and get the out of here. Tell Nikki later. Send him a fucking email when you want to talk to Nikki now. Go yourself. Talk to Nikki.
- [92:12]
B
Honestly, like, a slice isn't even a meal. Like, a slice is just like, I'm a little hungry now, but it's time to go. Oh, it's great.
- [92:18]
A
I'm taking the bus to Jersey. You follow me as I'm passing Penn Station. Whatever.
- [92:25]
B
Yeah, there's a little joint.
- [92:27]
A
There's a little joint in there. The guy's Italian. He's training two little Mexican dudes. But they got it. They're spinning the pizza. You go in there once a week, and the pizza's gotten better and better and better. You know what? Your body becomes acclimated to it. I think the kids said it one time on the episode of Sopranos, and people have no idea. It's true as fuck. You know when you're a kid and you eat that slice every day? Because we ate slices every day when we were kids. Two slices a day. That goes into your fucking DNA, dog. You could drink all the NAMM 1500. And all that shit they sell you now, that's in your DNA. You're raised with that. Touch that sauce. That's why when we go to college or you go to prison or whatever the fuck you decide to do, you come back, you go to Roma's, you taste a slice, and it takes you through a fucking adventure. Like eating 20 pounds of mushrooms. Yeah, you know, it really does. It's like a psychological, spiritual. This is what you grew up on, guys.
- [93:26]
C
Yeah.
- [93:27]
A
So for me, that. That's what it is. I didn't grow up on crispy, but I grew up on pizza. Like, crispy.
- [93:34]
B
It's important to you. Like, was it hard for you when you were dating? I don't know. When you met your husband, did you date a lot or.
- [93:40]
C
No, we were dated for, like five years, and we were married five years.
- [93:43]
B
Was it hard before? Like, have you dated? Would you ever date a transplant who's like, let me take you to this place? And it's like Olive Garden.
- [93:48]
C
No, no, no. Different breeds.
- [93:53]
B
You had to be someone from the.
- [93:54]
C
From Brooklyn. It's just not my thing. Like, different breeds. I don't understand them. They don't understand me, you know, but, yeah, because it.
- [94:03]
B
It makes you. Like, food makes me happy. Like, it. Honestly, you could take everything else away when you were talking about food. There's a pizza place down the street from where I grew up called Rossini's. I have no idea if it's even still open. It probably isn't good compared to New York, but, like, I take a bite and. Oh, it was like. And you're gonna laugh, but like Ratatouille, that Disney movie where the. Where the food critic takes a bite of the. The whatever the vegetable thing is, and he's a kid again. Like it like that one little taste of something, like, it just brings you back for a second. It really. It's important.
- [94:38]
A
What do you think I'm talking about?
- [94:39]
B
That's what.
- [94:40]
A
Even though I'll go up there, I go, lee, this pizza tastes like fucking dick. Tastes like shit. Who made this? Fucking Jody. Arab.
- [94:52]
B
How did he know, man?
- [94:55]
A
We're doing this podcast for our love of food. Nobody could just. I could go another eight hours. Oh, I know. You could take it to different locations in the Bronx and do video checks. You know, we can do all that shit too, but we ain't got enough time. But that's just what we love. And I can see that in your videos. The first time I saw you doing the fucking slit. Sliced lettuce thin and shit. You got it.
- [95:19]
C
Because it's so true. Like, like, not even. Like, it's just so true. Like, have you ever got, like. I think about places. I saw a place making a sandwich, they put a whole piece of the freaking iceberg and you're like, imagine biting.
- [95:34]
A
Into that shit and the whole slice comes out. Yeah. And it's sandwiches all up. And you gotta eat it all at once like a fucking animal. Because if you do put it down, you're not gonna pick it up again. Yeah, it's already broken, so you gotta hold on to it and take bites and. No, no, no, no. I don't like none of that.
- [95:51]
C
Yeah, so that's why that one made me, like, die laughing. Because, like, it's just so true. And if you know, you know, you know what I mean? If you don't know, you got to feel bad for them because they don't know. Like.
- [96:03]
A
Yeah, I don't understand how, like, as a. Like, I gave. I give my daughter every experience, you know, like, whatever, Brian. Now, you know, little by little, you're not going to get them to eat sushi and all this shit when they're eight, so stop it.
- [96:19]
C
Yeah, yeah.
- [96:20]
A
Your kid eats it. Good for him. Some people have to get in the quiet days, but you want them to. You know what I'm saying? But the other thing, you want them to eat good. Yeah, of course I get pissed off. My wife lets her get fast food. It drives me insane. I'm trying to raise a racehorse.
- [96:36]
C
Yeah, yeah.
- [96:37]
A
You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to raise a thoroughbred. You're giving a shitty fucking fuel.
- [96:42]
C
Yeah.
- [96:43]
A
So all that shit pisses me off. Like, I'm just such a. An old school food dude. But you love. I could tell in your eyes. When you. Like when you said, you know, even when I go salt, light with the salt, heavy with the pepper, a lot of people understand that concept. You want to give a little flavor, but you want the salt to take you over the top.
- [97:08]
C
No, you don't overdo it.
- [97:09]
A
As a matter of fact, put the lettuce on it and then put the pepper on it. Okay. So it tastes.
- [97:14]
B
Makes a difference.
- [97:15]
A
I go to get a sandwich today. Everybody goes for the big sandwich. He makes me a sandwich like this. You take two bites, it's on your fucking lap. I need a fork. Make me a customized nice sandwich that I could eat like a gentleman on a nice roll. Cock. I put it down, I take a pepperoncini. I take a bite of that. Right or wrong. Am I lying to you?
- [97:36]
C
Right?
- [97:37]
A
But no, you're gonna make me an ad. Look at this sandwich. It's fucking tremendous. I got broccolini, I got roccolini, I got dickerini, I got pecorini. I got every rainy. Okay, that's not necessary.
- [97:51]
B
No, honestly, I feel like they do that now. Like, they do that. They think fat people, like. But we don't need that. No, it's too, like, as much as, like. And I know where's Rutgers? Like, where they have those, like, the fat sandwiches with, like, mozzarella sticks inside every once in a while when you're, like, stoned. Yeah, maybe, but, like, on Instagram, like, because that's your food actually look good. And it was like, maybe a little bit of a take on an old thing.
- [98:14]
A
They.
- [98:15]
B
I'm a fat ass who will eat anything. But they, like, when they. There's a place in the city that does, like, chocolate sauce on the outside of the cup of the milkshake that pisses me. I'm like, I don't want to lick you the cup of them.
- [98:25]
A
Oh.
- [98:25]
C
I'm like, yeah, I'm too.
- [98:27]
B
I'm too embarrassed to lick the side of a milkshake. I can't do that. I think. I honestly think there's, like, some Instagram people, like, do stuff that they think is gonna make me, like, come in my pants. And it's not like that. It's like, I. I would much rather have just, like, really good, simple. I love a simple, just basic food. Like, you said, no one.
- [98:51]
A
No one.
- [98:51]
B
Like, you know what you said earlier? That baked ziti. Baked ziti is like, if I only had one Italian thing for the rest of my life and it was baked, I'd be happy.
- [98:58]
A
And it's quick. It's in the Refrigerator. Let's rock and roll.
- [99:01]
B
It only gets better in the fridge because you can.
- [99:03]
A
Ain't nobody dying. And you can always dope it up with something because the big ziti's there. But maybe your mom made two pork chops. They're hidden behind the fucking table. It goes with everything. And now you're taking. So big ziti is a fucking staple. Yeah, big ziti. I had a friend that I lived with for a year. I loved him dearly from North Bergen. And he used to make tuna fish with elbow macaroni and fucking mayonnaise, salt and pepper. Okay, Again. You know, when would I want that? Okay. Get home from work at 5. See what the first thing you go for. It's fucking. It was delicious. I don't know what he put in there. Lemon. Something else. It was fucking delicious.
- [99:40]
C
Like a tuna pasta salad, right?
- [99:42]
A
A tuna pasta salad. Really fucking good. He put some peppers in there. Nobody does that. No. More like. I don't know. I don't fucking know what's going on. Let me know, man.
- [99:53]
C
All right, I'll let you know.
- [99:55]
A
Listen, before we get off, I really, really want to thank Royal Crown, Staten Island. They hooked us up with a six pound chocolate bread, okay? Not one pound, not one loaf. Six pound chocolate bread. You'll see the pictures. They're on my IG feed. Look at Lee. Lee's already having fantasies and shit. Fantasies?
- [100:16]
B
We already got into this.
- [100:17]
A
They sent a tub of butter. Whipped fresh butter. A tub of butter. They sent jelly. They sent prosciutto bread, Everything. Bread. I've been digging on Royal Crown for the last five years because my neighbors all are from Staten Island. They dropped it off. And then I didn't know that Bianca from Brooklyn was in with fucking them. She realized how great they were, too. How long have you been eating the chocolate bread for?
- [100:45]
C
Honestly, every Christmas, the bread basket always had chocolate bread, olive bread and your Italian bread.
- [100:53]
A
So.
- [100:53]
C
Because it used to be a royal crown in Brooklyn, right by me on 13th Avenue, and that was. That was the go to in the morning. You got all three. And that was there. We always had it for Christmas. Christmas Eve, actually. And then the leftovers for Christmas Day.
- [101:06]
A
For me to put butter on it, it's got to be like, I have to box for two hours now.
- [101:12]
C
You have the butter and jelly do a nice little combo.
- [101:14]
A
No, no, no.
- [101:15]
C
Just. Oh, sorry. Just the butter.
- [101:20]
A
He gets business. Cuban American. Not American that we eat jelly on. I don't put jelly on shit. Okay? Jelly only runs with fucking peanut butter. Because my Wife is from the South. She thinks she put jelly on everything. Chicken. And you know that other shit, marmalade? I used to throw it away like the.
- [101:39]
C
Like orange, right?
- [101:40]
A
Oh, no, I throw that shit away. Yeah, she'll come in the room. Did you see what the. What happened to the gel? She knows every six months I throw the fucking jelly.
- [101:48]
B
You would not throw it away in the house. I thought. You mean at the restaurant.
- [101:51]
A
You.
- [101:51]
B
If she buys a jar of it, you just throw it away.
- [101:53]
A
Couple days. I keep looking in the refrigerator. One day I keep looking at it and one day I go, fuck this. And I just throw it away. She don't know nothing.
- [102:01]
C
What do you even put that on? Orange.
- [102:03]
A
She puts it on bagels. Not the marmalade. The marmalade's something she bakes.
- [102:08]
C
Oh.
- [102:08]
A
Huh. I don't fucking know. I don't. I don't even want that around me.
- [102:13]
C
I can't believe that.
- [102:14]
A
It's disgusting.
- [102:15]
C
Do you like seven layer cookies, like rainbow cookies, Cookies with the jelly in it or Italian cookies?
- [102:20]
A
Yes, I like all that stuff. You see like a nice jelly donut from time to time. Yeah, but when I'm eating eggs. Oh, sunny side up. You know me, dog. I'm an old school gangster. You and your egg whites and your. Another thing, everybody thinks because they eat an egg white, they put broccoli to healthy. Go yourself. There's nothing healthy in that egg yolk right there. Okay? With a piece of bread with a piece of butter on that, who needs bacon? Three egg yolks, four egg yolks, with some Italian bread. That's 28 grams of protein. An egg. Where you going? The bread. The little cholesterol. A little bread to get the pep in the step. If you're an old school Savage, a 16 ounce Coke over eggs. No, you can't do the Coke. Omit that, you know, water with lemon, whatever. But I love, you know, that type of. Yeah, like that Italian bread. That's my. That's my junk. Yeah, I'm the type. I'll wake up tomorrow, put that bread in the oven and ask my wife to make six egg yolks. And when that thing comes out, I'll take a whole tub of that butter and put on Italian bread and I'll just eat one yolk on the bread. But I want the yolk to break so it drips. So after I eat this loaf, I did this loaf with butter and I dip it in that little yolky yolk. And after I break three or four yolks, there's a little pile of egg yolk.
- [103:44]
C
Boom.
- [103:44]
A
You know what I'm saying? You go in the shower. I love all. You like eggs?
- [103:48]
C
Yeah.
- [103:49]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [103:49]
C
I've been. Listen, I would make myself eggs since I was a kid, like in junior high, high school in the morning. Damn. Never really into cereal, you know.
- [103:57]
A
How do you like eggs?
- [103:58]
C
Scrambled.
- [103:59]
A
I like scrambled.
- [104:00]
C
Yeah. I can't do the yolk. I can't do the yolk things.
- [104:02]
A
I don't have time. It's not for everybody.
- [104:04]
C
Yeah.
- [104:04]
A
A little scrambled egg with a little Italian bread.
- [104:07]
C
Yeah.
- [104:07]
B
You put ketchup on it. I'd get in trouble for putting ketchup on it.
- [104:10]
A
Oh, my God, look.
- [104:11]
C
Ketchup.
- [104:12]
A
A little.
- [104:12]
C
Have a hot sauce.
- [104:13]
A
A little hot sauce. A little Frank's hot sauce.
- [104:15]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [104:18]
A
A little pieces of. Maybe some fried potatoes.
- [104:21]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [104:21]
A
That you bake the night before. You chop them up into little cubes and you flatten them down and you put them in there.
- [104:26]
C
Potato and eggs are so good.
- [104:27]
A
Yeah. We don't around here, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't. Wouldn't have a professional if I wasn't a fucking professional. You know what I'm saying? Like, I see these places now. You go in and they have the. In Jersey, they have a lot of these places where it's like 12.95 for the kitchen sink bagel. Who eats that? Two eggs, a potato pancake, sausage, bacon, Canadian ham, tomato, cheese. It's like this.
- [105:05]
C
Oh, no.
- [105:07]
A
Avocado. No. Who eats that?
- [105:08]
B
Sounds. That sounds good.
- [105:09]
A
You can't fucking listen. Just push me and you let. No disrespect you and I got big fucking heads, okay? That means we got a big fucking bite. There's no way I could bite into that bagel legitimately. Even if I cut it through the middle and cut it again. There's no way. I agree with you if you bite that bagel. We're taking you tonight to 42nd Street. We're opening up our own review because if your mouth could bite one of those bagels, then you're wasting your career. You know what I'm saying?
- [105:38]
B
Don't test.
- [105:38]
A
You're wasting your career.
- [105:39]
B
Hash brown on it. You're not a fat. In my opinion. You don't earn fat guy status until you're getting an egg sandwich and you get two hash browns. Because one goes in the sandwich, one goes on the side. A hash brown has to go inside.
- [105:52]
A
What are you talking about?
- [105:53]
B
A hash brown has to go inside.
- [105:54]
A
Who invite what a hash brown when you go to A bodega in Brooklyn, or Sulaminati, whatever the fuck they call them. And the guy may show that they know. They know. Potato pancake. What are you talking about? There's a nice fucking seated roll, a kaiser roll. And some dudes make you the tight. I don't like my. My fucking scrambled eggs soggy.
- [106:16]
B
No, they gotta be.
- [106:17]
C
They gotta be tight.
- [106:19]
A
Prison wounds are soggy. You don't know what you're eating. But when they're tight.
- [106:24]
C
Yeah.
- [106:25]
A
And then you put that salt and pepper on and mix it up nice. Then from there, the world's yours. Yeah, you could document that. You'll put a little ketchup on it. But again, don't put Dollar Tree ketchup.
- [106:36]
B
No heinz.
- [106:37]
A
Put Heinz 50C. You know what I'm saying?
- [106:39]
B
Yeah.
- [106:40]
A
Put the best. You're the best, right?
- [106:42]
B
Yeah.
- [106:43]
A
Why are you around with packets that you stole from Taco Bell? Oh, this ain't hot enough. Thank you for coming on. Where can they find you?
- [106:53]
C
Thank you for having me. Bianca from Brooklyn on Instagram, YouTube. Tick tock, Bianca from Brooklyn. Yeah.
- [107:01]
A
I appreciate you. Happy holidays. And this is it. It's official. We broke it down from September. How many Mondays we got? You're down to like two and a half Mondays and you're going Christmas shopp.
- [107:14]
C
It's all over.
- [107:14]
A
We told you to be prepared. We told you to open up a Christmas club to put $5 a week away so you can at least have 75. Some for grandma. Did you listen to me? Fuck no. You bought tickets to go see the Rangers. Go fuck yourself.
- [107:29]
C
Now.
- [107:29]
A
Now you got to pull in your fucking guitar and your drum kit and the ring your grandma gave you. Disgusting slob. Anyway, we love you motherfuckers with all our heart. Lee, where you at this week?
- [107:40]
B
This week? Tonight, the second. I'm at Sheba's at the Three Monkeys. But the most important, this week, on the fifth, we're in Virginia, the Pantheon.
- [107:48]
A
At Caesar's Palace, Danville. Are you nuts or what? 9pm, 9 o'. Clock, show late. Perfect.
- [107:58]
B
Have some dinner, get relaxed. You don't have to rush from work.
- [108:01]
A
Smoke some dope, go play some blackjack, shoot to the stage and then. No, there's no blackjack, there's no lottery tickets, there's nothing.
- [108:08]
B
There's nothing at the casino.
- [108:09]
A
No, we go right from the stage, right to the car, all I know, us, right to the fucking helicopter. We're back in Belmont at 1am Dog, taking a fucking helicopter. We got Chuck Norris shooting people.
- [108:22]
B
I'm telling the Nice people in Virginia to do that.
- [108:24]
A
Nah, come on out Friday night. It's going to be a great show. We're going to have a good time. I just got Becky's passport. Keep your fingers crossed, you know what I'm saying? She could be an operative for Lioness or one of those fucking organizations. I'm not affiliated with them, but that's it. I love you. Thank you very much. Happy holidays.
- [108:43]
C
Thank you.
- [108:44]
A
Thank you for introducing us to your family.
- [108:45]
C
Of course.
- [108:46]
A
And for bringing us some raw. Look at the piece of that chocolate bread. Holy fuck. I love you guys. Have a great week. See you next week. Stay black. Hey, Uncle Joe, here. Listen. Satisfy your nicotine craving anytime, any place with Zipix Toothpicks. Listen, Zipik toothpicks are nicotine and flavor infused. You could try the sweet whiskey like this one. Peppermint, watermelon or mocha. Available with either 2 or 3 milligrams of nicotine. Zippers lets you pick how much kick you want. Listen, I love this little one right here. You pop it in your mouth with a cup of coffee, start the day off beautifully. But if you want something nicotine free, check out Zippered energy toothpicks with B12 and 30 milligrams of caffeine. Zip energy toothpicks are great for midday pickup. Get some nicotine infused toothpicks today@zippix toothpicks.com again, zippix toothpicks.com it's like a tongue twister. Zippix toothpicks.com you're going to get 10% off your first order by using Code Joey J O E Y at checkout. That's code joey@zippixtoothpix.com Get 10% off your first order. Listen, you got to be 21, older. Warning. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less. With Zippix Nicotine Toothpicks. What up, you savages? Uncle Joey here. Listen to all the Bluetooth fans out there. I'm pleased to announce you. Ready? Blue Chew Gold. Blue Chew Gold is a 4 in 1 tablet with ingredients to increase the blood flow and your arousal. You know what I'm saying? Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue. And since it works in as little as 15 minutes, you won't have to wait for the fireworks. I mean, listen, you pop a Blue Chew, the wind blows, it's over. You know what I'm saying? Somebody's getting smacked in the face with the polar death, you know what I'm saying? Listen, if you want to blow some caps in that ass. You got to hook up with Blue Chew. You follow me? Feel like a big man with a little Blue Chew. I love it. Make life easier by getting harder. How easy is that? Listen, if you slung dick three nights a week, would the Epstein files matter to you? Did you ever think about that? No. Discover your options@bluetooth.com and you don't worry about nothing. You'll never turn on CNN again. You'll be slinging too much dick. There'll be bodies. You'll be burying freaks. You know what I'm saying? We got a special deal for church fan. Get 10% off that of your first month with Blue Chew Gold with Code Joey. Did you get that? 10% off your first month with Blue Chew Gold with Cold Joey. This is the move you need to make right now. Listen, this package will be in your house in a couple days. I guarantee when Santa crawls through the door, you'll have mommy in a 69. You know what I'm saying? So visit Bluechew for more details and important safety information. And I want to thank Bluechew for believing in the show and for sponsoring the show. Happy Holidays, J.