Podcast Summary: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode: The Public Urination Tour
Date: October 14, 2025
Hosts: Joey "Coco" Diaz, Lee Syatt
Episode Overview
In this episode, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are live from New York City, riffing with their trademark blend of raw humor and truth-telling. The discussion weaves through nostalgia, life lessons, social commentary, and hilarious personal anecdotes—particularly centered on themes of focus, not getting distracted by the noise of modern life, and, as the title suggests, public urination mishaps.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Marking Time: Dates, Memories, and Personal History
- Joey reflects on October 15th: The anniversary of his ex-wife leaving him, a turning point he equates to winning the lottery.
- Importance of remembering crucial dates—good and bad—for perspective.
- “If you don’t know your past, you’re not going to know your future.” (Joey, 00:47)
- Reflecting on pivotal moments: Sometimes unexpected losses become the luckiest breaks.
2. Modern Society’s Focus on Distractions
- Commentary on America’s susceptibility to distraction—be it drugs, social media, or outrage over trivial pop-culture events (e.g., Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show).
- “You wake up in the morning, go on the Internet, and see a bunch of people talking about shit early in the morning that doesn't affect their lives at all.” (Joey, 06:54)
- Critique of outrage culture and misplaced priorities.
- “I've never watched the Super Bowl to see who the musical fucking guest is… You're watching a game, trying to get a blowjob from some chick at a fucking bar and you’re worried about Bad Bunny?” (Joey, 08:11)
- The Epstein List, political distractions, and the vanishing of real issues in the noise.
- Lee offers the perspective that social media engagement is an easy, addictive distraction from real life stressors.
3. Living With Purpose vs. Drifting
- Joey contrasts people driven by want and discipline (example: his friend working three jobs to build something) with those stuck in routines or absorbed by unimportant things.
- “That’s want. Everything else…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” (Joey, 18:38)
- Anecdotes about people passing up opportunities for trivial reasons (like skipping a paid show for a game or a birthday).
- Disdain for adults overly invested in sports teams or pop-culture, to the detriment of tangible goals.
- Reference to Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art”: “It’s all procrastination. ‘I’ll do that later.’ There ain’t no later.” (Joey, 21:54)
4. Comic Con, Weakness, and Old-School NYC
- Joey’s comic dismay at adults attending Comic Con in costume in the NYC streets—contrasting it with his own youth.
- “If I ever go to Comic Con, it's to do this country a favor. And it's to get an M40 and shoot them all as they come out…” (Joey, 22:32)
- “We went to get our dick sucked and to eat Quaaludes. That was our Comic Con.” (Joey, 23:16)
5. Drugs, Aging, and Regret
- Self-deprecating humor about substance abuse in the past, missing the chaos, but also reflecting on the limits and wisdom that come with age.
- “If God ever came down to me in a bush and said, 'You got five years left,' watch my smoke.” (Joey, 26:05)
- Regrets about never attending an orgy, jokingly running down what he'd do differently with advance notice of death.
6. Adapting and Growth: Crime, Comedy, and Character Change
- Tales from Joey’s criminal past, working at Foot Locker, outsmarting the cops, and transforming from a life of crime to comedy.
- The importance of drawing a line when pursuing a new path:
- “I wasn't gonna let my shit character ruin my destiny.” (Joey, 49:19)
- Setting new standards for himself upon entering comedy (no stealing, earning his way).
7. On Standup, Professionalism, and Getting Paid
- Joey's attitude about getting paid for gigs, not tolerating being jerked around (especially when needing “coke money” back in the day).
- “I don't care how they do it. This is not unacceptable. I do a job for you...Go do yours.” (Joey, 53:22)
- Transition from unreliable, chaotic days to more reliable professionalism, even if the urge to rant persists.
8. Keeping Life Simple, Blocking Out Noise
- The strategy for progress: ruthlessly cutting out unnecessary conversations and focusing on tasks that build towards tangible goals.
- “How is this putting money in my pocket? How is this conversation putting money in my pocket? How am I profiting from this?” (Joey, 61:02)
- The analogy of the “addicted mind”—waking up each day and being singularly focused on attaining one’s goal.
9. Medication, Health, and (Literal) Public Urination
- Joey describes worsening health, especially breathing problems, which now cause him to pee constantly—hence the episode title.
- Graphic, hilarious description of urinating in a mall after failing to find a bathroom in time.
- “I just took my dick out and it just hit the glass and then it just started dripping… I put my pants back in. I looked down. I had a stain this big on my pants.” (Joey, 71:36)
- Discussion of tricks and tactics for peeing discreetly in public; anxiety and embarrassment around aging body functions.
10. Family Moments and Parent Humor
- Warm but irreverent stories about parenting—letting his daughter and her friends stay out playing late, taking them for dessert and joking about “Sex and the City.”
- Dealings with his daughter's increasing access to social media, independence, and impending driving lessons.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “There's a difference between winning the lottery and living the lottery. We didn't win shit. We earned the lottery.” (Joey, 02:18)
- “Everybody who has the free time…and it's only going to get worse because when AI takes over, it's going to be nothing but people with time to be upset online.” (Lee, 12:37)
- “You wouldn't worry about Epstein if you were getting your dick sucked.” (Joey, 16:13)
- “If you got a favorite team at 40, just kill yourself.” (Joey, 20:10)
- “I'm not gonna let my shit character ruin my destiny.” (Joey, 49:19)
- “How is this putting money in my pocket?” (Joey, 61:02)
- “Nothing. The bluebird of happiness is not going to knock on your door and give you what you want.” (Joey, 64:42)
- “I just took my dick out and it just hit the glass…” (Joey, 71:36)
- “If mercy leaves, there's nothing to talk about. I walk upstairs and in that shower, in that 20 minutes… I start thinking…” (Joey, 13:20)
Timestamps for Key Segments
| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:26 | Joey remembers his divorce anniversary—luckiest day of his life | | 06:45 | Rant on overblown social outrage, especially the Bad Bunny Super Bowl debate | | 13:20 | Joey's meditative, problem-solving shower routine | | 18:38 | Difference between people who want something and those who just complain | | 21:54 | Discussion of procrastination and “The War of Art” book | | 22:32 | Joey’s Comic Con rant | | 26:05 | What Joey would do if told he only had five years to live | | 49:19 | On not letting his character flaws ruin his new life in comedy | | 61:02 | Ruthless pragmatism: “How is this putting money in my pocket?” | | 71:36 | The infamous mall public urination story | | 81:10 | Hilarious story about his daughter and her friends at the bar |
Episode Tone & Style
Joey and Lee keep it raw, raucous, and unfiltered. Joey’s style veers between brutal honesty and raunchy humor, frequently punctuated by wild analogies and spontaneous story tangents. Lee plays the straight man, often prompting Joey’s stories and chiming in with a dry wit and the occasional devil’s advocate take.
Conclusion
This episode is classic Joey Diaz—equal parts standup, storytelling, and real-world wisdom delivered with biting humor. The stories are personal, the lessons hard-won, and the laughter constant. Listeners unfamiliar with the show will come away with a sense of Joey’s philosophy: focus on what matters, block out the bullshit, and never be afraid to share an embarrassing story for a good laugh.
Tip top Magoo, motherfuckers. See you next week, same bat time, same bat channel.