Podcast Summary: The Code To Winning

Episode 061: LET’S TALK MENTAL HEALTH: WHY SHAME IS THE REAL ENEMY

Guests: Jake and Joe Sharp (J Duo Fit)

Host: Kagiso Dikane

Date: October 13, 2025

Episode Overview

This powerful episode of The Code To Winning explores the connections between mental health, shame, and fitness, centering on the deeply personal story of twin brothers Jake and Joe Sharp—founders of J Duo Fit. The Sharps bravely share their journey through the tragic loss of their younger brother Sam to suicide, how it shaped their mission, and the philosophies behind their shame-free "Lean and Confident" program. Host Kagiso Dikane guides a candid conversation on male mental health, community, the dangers of shame, and methods to create lasting personal change.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Genesis of Purpose: Loss and Transformation

• Backstory: Jake and Joe recount how the loss of their brother Sam by suicide in 2020 galvanized their purpose, transforming them from fitness enthusiasts to mental health advocates and entrepreneurs.

  • “We never thought we’d do something like this until a life changing moment … we ended up losing our little brother. His name was Sam. He died by suicide in 2020, March 13th. So until that point, I don’t think we had such a huge purpose.” – Joe [00:00]
  • Profound emotions surface as the brothers recall “nightmare” calls from home and the subsequent emotional fallout: “When I heard his name, I couldn’t control myself. I legit started screaming and … trying to deal with it the best I could.” – Jake [00:26, 08:05]

• Impact: This loss shifted their life trajectory from traditional healthcare to creating a mission-driven business combining fitness and mental health awareness.

2. Shame: The True Enemy in Men's Mental Health

• Statistics & Social Forces: The panel discusses the alarming rise in male suicide rates and the cultural conditioning that discourages emotional vulnerability in men.

  • “The inability to maybe express emotion, to feel safe around other people, to talk about things … comes back to shame.” – Joe [12:46]
  • “As guys or as men, we’re always told that ... nobody cares. Just keep working harder ...” – Jake [14:12]

• Shame-driven Behaviors: Shame is identified as a driver of unhealthy coping, including overeating and addiction: “They don’t think they’re worth the healthy lifestyle. That’s what we see a lot.” – Joe [37:22]

• Breaking the Cycle: The importance of environments where men feel safe to speak openly is emphasized.

  • “It’s okay to talk to someone. It’s okay to form up ... societies that involve people opening up.” – Kagiso [16:08]

3. The Lean and Confident Program: Science-Based, Shame-Free

• Philosophy: Rejecting rigid, dogmatic fitness advice, Jake and Joe’s program meets clients where they are.

  • “... it’s science-based, it’s science-backed, and it’s shame-free. Once you know the science behind it, you can do that.” – Joe [16:29]
  • “We want people to live their way, their lifestyle … what works for them.” – Jake [18:10]

• Tackling Overeating: Overeating and obesity are framed as deeply connected to shame and systemic psychological issues—not laziness or lack of discipline.

  • “Someone who may be obese and struggling with an overeating habit … These people are not always lazy ... it could be caused by trauma, grief, environment, financial factors ...” – Joe [37:22]
  • “Lifestyle, habits, and patience ... that’s how you become someone lean and healthy.” – Jake [36:37]

• Approach: Focus is on sustainable change, not perfection or quick fixes—a step-by-step program building victories and resilience over time.

  • “Getting those individuals winning as fast as possible and celebrate the small wins ... not about perfection.” – Joe [47:15]

4. Community and Connection: Vital Tools for Health

• Weekly Group Calls: Building real connection between members is fundamental for positive change in both mental and physical health.

  • “Connection is such a big answer to mental health, physical health, building a healthy lifestyle ... with our community ... we open up topics that are deep.” – Joe [25:29]

• Universal Vulnerability: Warning that those who appear outwardly fine may still be struggling.

  • “It’s often the people that feel like they have it all together ... it’s those people [who...] are not talking about something that they’re going through.” – Joe [30:53]

• Practical Support: Sometimes, presence alone is enough. “Sometimes it doesn’t even require you talking, it just requires your presence. Because your presence is a present.” – Kagiso [32:22]

5. Overcoming the Plateau: Mindset, Patience, and Internal Change

• Managing Expectations: The team calls out the “30-day push” mentality and emphasizes long-term change.

  • “This is a journey. It’s not some get-rich-quick scheme ... This is like, hey, I’m changing who I am.” – Joe [43:04]
  • “It’s going to take those slip ups ... But uncovering that shame, those beliefs that keep holding you back and get them to unconditionally commit ... is where it starts.” – Jake [45:37]

• Diet vs. Exercise: Nutrition is deemed the biggest factor for sustainable weight management.

  • “Diet drives like 70, 80, 90% of your results.” — Joe [39:58]
  • “It is just being more aware of your calories and protein ... Simple.” — Jake [40:42]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Purpose & Grief:
  “You never forget the, the pain of that first, like, first realization that something like this could happen. Like our, our best friend, our little brother that was at home alone, felt that much pain to choose to take his own life.” – Joe [09:24]
• On Vulnerability:
  “We see it all the time ... it’s being able to have people to open up to and work through those emotions and not be shamed about it.” – Jake [15:05]
• On Shame and Change:
  “An overeating habit is driven by shame.” – Joe [37:18]
• On Confidence:
  “A confident man can conquer anything.” – Kagiso [24:26]
• On Community:
  “Being around people that are on the same journey, building this lifestyle, has helped me see the light more ... when you really feel like, aha, this is it, like, I’m gonna stay in this dark place forever ... reach out to someone.” – Jake [29:36]
• On Success:
  “Winning to us means focusing on the things that matter most in life: connection, making an impact in people’s lives, showing people that they matter and approaching life with more love and belief.” – Joe [52:05]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–06:21]: The tragic loss of Sam and its impact
• [12:46–15:07]: Shame and its outsized role in men’s mental health
• [16:29–18:10]: Lean & Confident program: science-based, shame-free approach
• [25:29–32:22]: The vital importance of genuine connection and community
• [33:50–37:22]: Obesity, shame, and the origins of overeating
• [39:49–41:44]: Diet, exercise, and sustainable change
• [43:04–45:53]: Managing expectations—overcoming plateaus and shifting mindset
• [47:15–50:07]: Program walk-through: onboarding and building victories
• [50:07–53:12]: The mission, purpose, and definition of winning

How to Get Involved

• Instagram & TikTok: @jduofit
• Facebook: Jake Sharp / Joe Sharp
• Programs: DM on Instagram for info about the "Lean and Confident" program
• Weekly Group Calls: Fostering connection and addressing both fitness and deeper issues

Conclusion

Jake and Joe’s message is as much about healing and connection as it is about health and fitness. Their story is a testament to resilience, the fight against shame, and the power of purpose—and their program aims to empower others to conquer both physical and emotional obstacles.

For anyone struggling with mental health, shame, or starting over in fitness, their advice is clear: Community and connection are lifelines, and overcoming shame is the real code to winning.

Host’s Final Thought:
“A confident man can conquer anything. But more importantly, they can be able to provide for their family. They can look in the mirror and overcome the challenges that they're facing. Confidence is such a big part of a man’s attribute. And once it’s fully gained … confidence is of utmost importance.” – Kagiso [24:26]