Podcast Summary: The Code To Winning

Episode 49: THE POWER OF CONNECTION: BREAKING FREE FROM ADDICTION || JOEY STONE

Host: Kagiso Dikane
Guest: Joey Philip Stone
Release Date: August 27, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features Joey Stone—business owner, IT expert, army veteran, and founder of Refined You—who shares his deeply personal journey from addiction, trauma, and self-loathing to healing, transformation, and connection. The discussion centers around the root causes and misconceptions around addiction, the extraordinary power of human connection in recovery, navigating life as a veteran, and Joey's unique methods that underpin true and lasting transformation. The conversation balances raw vulnerability with practical tools for healing and self-development, offering hope and actionable wisdom for anyone facing personal struggles.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Addiction and the Brain: Understanding the Compulsion

• Neuroplasticity & “Brain Grooves” (00:00, 19:38)

  • Joey shares how addiction carves deep grooves in the brain, creating powerful triggers that can override rational thought:

    “If I saw a woman I thought was attractive, my brain, that lust thing would take over...images or thoughts…would come into my mind absolutely unwanted.” (00:00, 19:38)

  • He emphasizes the physiological force behind addictive urges, likening it to survival instinct:

    “Your brain is only wired to survive. And it tells you: if I don’t do this, I will die.” (19:38)

• Shame Cycle & Misconceptions (19:38, 18:26)

  • Joey dismantles stereotypes around sex addiction and addiction in general, explaining that addiction is a tool to escape pain—not a character flaw.

    “There’s this misconception…about what a sex addict is…What it actually is, is the drug of choice in the moment to cover the pain you have in your life.” (15:29)

  • Shame and isolation perpetuate the cycle, making recovery harder for many.

2. The Healing Power of Connection

• Connection Over Sobriety (19:38, 24:31)

  • The main message: Connection is the healing force for addiction.

    “It’s not sobriety. Sobriety is a byproduct of connection.” (19:38)

  • Joey describes his recovery method:

    “When I get triggered… I pick up the phone and I call one of my buddies. I’m like, ‘dang, I just got triggered.’” (19:38)

  • Surrender to a higher power—be that God or “Gravity”—is crucial. The act of “handing off” the painful compulsion enables true change.

• Transformative Results (19:38)

  • With continuous connection and "doing the work," Joey notes triggers become “incredibly rare”:

    "I've been consistently doing the work for years now, nine years daily, minute by minute sometimes… The triggers don't happen anymore." (19:38)

3. Life in the Military: Lessons, Trauma, and Brotherhood

• From Adversity to Discipline and Purpose (03:48, 05:50)

  • Joey recounts how joining the army offered discipline, belonging, and a life-saving sense of purpose:

    “Changed my life. The army gave me purpose and direction and the ability to accomplish incredibly hard things...” (06:55)

  • Lessons learned: “I can and I will. There’s literally nothing stopping me from doing what I want to do when I’m ready.” (07:50)

• Brotherhood and Connection in Service (09:06)

  • He reflects on brotherhood transcending backgrounds—“we were brothers and sisters…it didn’t matter about race… only the person at your side.” (09:06)

• Transitioning to Civilian Life & Vulnerability (15:09)

  • The struggle leaving the tightly-knit army for a world with more vulnerability and less structure—magnified by addiction and PTSD.

    “I’m a disabled veteran… My family has had to grow up with a dad that sometimes they’ve got to be afraid of… The cost is, if I didn’t do my work, the cost would have been my family.” (15:29)

  • Open communication within Joey’s family is shown as crucial for navigating recovery and trauma.

4. Facing Pain and Breaking Free: The Work of Recovery

• Recognizing You're an Addict: The Turning Point (27:31)

  • The relief Joey felt when first diagnosed, understanding that there’s a path forward:

    “…the best news I ever heard… I found out there’s joy, there’s somewhere beyond addiction if you’ll use the tools that work.” (27:31)

  • Emphasizes the societal shame around the term “addict,” and the importance of overcoming it. (30:06)

    “It’s that shame… society has painted that as like, degenerate… And I think perfection sometimes is Satan’s tool…” (30:06)

• Tools for Change (19:38, 24:31)

  • Joey outlines practical steps: recognize triggers, immediately connect with another human (accountability partner), surrender compulsion to a higher power, repeat consistently.
  • Healing is physiological—neuroplasticity means the more you choose connection, the more the brain’s “grooves” heal and the triggers fade.

• Facing Emotions, Not Just Understanding (35:47)

  • Knowledge alone isn’t healing—“Understanding doesn’t create healing.” (35:47)
  • True healing requires “catharsis”—feeling, processing, and releasing emotional pain at a body level.

5. Refind You: A New Model for Transformational Change

• Why Joey Created Refined You (43:51)

  • Dissatisfaction with traditional therapy and even group programs that became profit-driven:

    “What I did was go out and find more processes that work… We don’t make it about me… It’s about people connecting with each other.” (44:40)

  • Refined You emerged from personal and familial crisis, with a focus on helping people rediscover ("refind") their authentic self.

• The Program: Structure and Philosophy (54:34+)

  • Part One: Peeling off “masks” (inauthentic personas developed in youth), identifying what you truly want in life, and re-learning honest self-connection.

    “Part one is about taking off the masks… Not through talking, but by doing.” (54:34)

  • Part Two: Anchoring positive identity, trust, and connection. Unlearning learned biases (including race divides), confronting pain, and reaching a new, even higher “10” in living.

    “Part two is about who you are. Not a lecture—processes and feedback… the masks are gone and you’re showing up as who you are…” (56:15)

  • Results include improved relationships, better mental health, and for some dramatic physical changes (e.g., a stroke survivor regaining speech).

• Real Stories: Proof of Transformation (45:38, 51:56)

  • Joey’s cousin, a survivor of severe abuse, finds hope and declares, “I want to live. It’s my turn.” (45:38)
  • The message: Change begins with the decision—the willingness to show up and “do the work.”

6. Emotional Connection & Self-Love: The Ultimate Outcome

• From Self-Loathing to Self-Love (62:23, 64:20)

  • Joey movingly describes seeing himself in the mirror and, for the first time, feeling genuine liking—and then loving—himself.

    “For the first time in my entire life, I looked in the mirror… I like myself… and then… I loved myself.” (62:23, 64:20)

  • Emotional connection is not arrogance, but a state of being rooted in self-worth and openness.

• The Magic of Connection (75:08)

  • Joey’s succinct definition of “winning”:

    “Connection.” (75:08) “Human connection is the answer to everything you’re looking for. Self, higher power, and the people around you. It’s the freaking answer to everything you’re looking for.” (75:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Need for Connection:

  “It’s not sobriety. Sobriety is a byproduct of connection.” (19:38, Joey)

• On Facing the Root of Addiction:

  “Not dealing with the root causes…perpetuates the problem endlessly, because there is no mask that will…take care of it for you.” (15:29, Joey)

• On Healing and Surrender:

  “No amount of holding on as tight as you can… has ever worked for me… It’s a surrender. It’s giving it up to a higher power. And that heals your brain.” (19:38, Joey)

• On Personal Transformation:

  “For the first time in my entire life I loved myself. And reconnecting to me and that little boy… that’s changed everything.” (64:20, Joey)

• On Winning:

  “Connection.” (75:08, Joey)
  “Human connection is the answer to everything you’re looking for.” (75:15, Joey)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Addiction’s Compulsion and Neuroplasticity: 00:00, 19:38
• Military Origins & Lessons: 03:48, 05:50, 07:50
• The Power of Brotherhood: 09:06
• Transitioning to Civilian Life & PTSD: 15:29
• Pornography, Shame, and Modern Male Addiction: 18:26
• First Recovery Meeting & Breakthrough: 27:31
• Perfectionism and Childhood Lies: 30:06, 32:05
• Facing Pain vs. Understanding Pain: 35:47
• Forgiveness Practice: 36:49–41:00
• Refind You – Origin Story: 43:51
• Refind You Methodology – Structure and Results: 54:34–61:45
• Self-Love Breakthrough: 62:23, 64:20
• Defining Winning (Connection): 75:08

Further Resources

• Refind You Website: refindyou.org
• Listeners can access free tools for connection and transformation on the website, as announced in the episode.

Tone & Takeaways

The tone is honest, at times raw, and permeated by hope, humor, and steadfast belief in human capacity for change. Joey’s blend of military bluntness, candor about struggle, and passion for transformative work creates an episode that is as moving as it is instructive.

If you’ve faced trauma, addiction, or the pain of self-disconnection, or you simply want to unlock new levels of connection in your life, this conversation offers not just understanding, but a roadmap for real change.