← The Collage Podcast
The Collage Podcast
Episode 49- Claire
00:51:30
Claire joins Casey to share some of her story including topics of addiction, abuse, faith, identity, and much more.
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A
Foreign.
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B
Welcome to another episode of the collage here at Feed My Sheep. The collage is where we just share different people's stories. That could be the mayor. It could be the president. It could be someone in the line here at Feed My Sheep. But today, we have Claire with us. She is from Texas A M. Commerce. In what? Nope. Okay. Yeah. That's not correct. That's not. That's not where she's from, actually.
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A
Central Texas.
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B
Central Tech. Yep. Go ahead and tell everyone what school you're with Claire.
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A
I go to Texas A M. Central Texas. In Colleen.
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B
Y'all were acting like I was so far off. That was so close.
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A
You were close.
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B
Yeah, it was. It was close. So as I was saying, we have Claire here. Part of the collage is we just want to share stories because every single story matters. Every single life matters. And you never know what your story, like who. Whose life you can impact by sharing your story. And I just wanted to start this one off by saying that my daughter's name is Clara. So, like, we've already got, like, a connection there, so that's really great, but we'll just go right into it. Claire. So if you could just. Just tell everyone right now exactly who you are. Just spill everything. No. Who is Claire? What are you majoring in? School. That kind of like. We met when y'all came and did a tour through the.
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A
Counseling program.
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B
The counseling program here at. Not here. Definitely at the Central Texas Texas A college branch of Texas A M and Central Texas in Killeen. So that's how we met. And now it's your turn to just tell everybody who you are. Thank you for coming to the collage.
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A
Thank you for having me. So, yeah. My name is Claire. I'm from Minnesota originally. Born and raised in 2020, though I found out about this teeny weeny little school, A and M, this small branch that nobody knows of, nobody's heard of, really good price. And it was one of the only schools that had school psychology, the exact program I wanted. And I actually have an aunt and uncle. My uncle actually just passed, but my aunt lives in Temple. And so I was like, hey, maybe that's meant to be, because what are the odds that that school and my aunt are going to be that close? So I came out here during spring break in 2020 just for a tour. And I think the second I toured it, I fell in love the views. Oh, my goodness.
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B
On the third floor. Oh, are we talking about the same place?
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A
Yeah. So it's in the edge of Killeen, though.
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B
Yeah. Okay. Nothing wrong with Killeen. It's a beautiful place.
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A
No, the campus is, like, kind of in the hill areas.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And it's, like, way on the edge of Colleen Town by, like. What's that? Youngsport?
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B
Oh, yeah, yeah.
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A
Or whatever that city is.
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B
Oh, yeah, definitely.
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A
But on the third floor, you can just see, like, for miles, and you can see all, like, the hills and everything. It's beautiful. But, yeah, I toured it, fell in love. I was like, I'm pretty determined to go there. I. I think I'm gonna do that. And then flew home and everything shut down.
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B
Yep.
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A
And we got spring break for one more week, and I was like, dang, I could have still been in Texas. And then we got spring break for another week. And, yeah, that kind of just changed the course of everything.
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B
Just kept spring break. Just. Just kept going.
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A
Yeah. Because I only got semester and a half in person in undergrad before COVID happened. It was funny because our professor, we left marketing psychology, and we said, don't bring Covid back with you. And we never saw him again.
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B
Because.
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A
We were kind of just joking about COVID And then it turned into a real thing.
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B
Yeah. So you said that you were going to school. This was the only school that had a school psychology program. Correct. And I know I've already asked this question, but. And maybe other people know what it is, but if they don't, what is school psychology?
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A
So school psychologists are the people that meet with the student, with the parents and the teachers and just kind of gather data and evidence of the student. What, how they act, their attendance, behavior, grades, things like that. And then we test them for, like, psychoeducational assessments. So it's kind of a blend of mental health and learning disorders. So if somebody said, hey, I'd like you to test my child for autism. I would be the one doing that. Or I'd like to test my child for dyslexia or any realm of special education. I would be the one who says, either, yes, they qualify under federal and state criteria, or, no, they don't. And this is why. But also, if you've heard of 504, the 504 program is under the Rehabilitation act, so that covers students with, like, ADHD or other medical diagnoses. So if somebody's, like, temporarily injured, they still get help at school. They get special accommodations if they would need that.
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B
So I think we need to be tested for some of these things whenever we're down here.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So what. What made you want to do that? What made. What Got you interested in that, in that field?
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A
It's a good question. So I was 16 and high school had been really rough, so I decided I was done with that. And luckily, Minnesota has this program called pseo Post Secondary Education offering. And that's where you go to community college for free. And so I said I would much rather do that than ever go back to high school. Jumped in there, took an intro to psych class, realized that I love kids and I love education and I love mental health. And the way that I could put all that together was school psychology.
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B
Very cool. What is it like, what is it about those. Those fields that you like? What about, what is it about mental health? What is it about psychology that really, like, piqued your interest? What is it that caught your attention? Just asked the same question in two different ways. Super impressive.
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A
I guess just kind of like how mental health is never talked about. It's so heavily stigmatized. Nobody wants to talk about going to therapy. Nobody wants to talk about their childhood or any traumas they experience. But I think as a generation, we're starting to get rid of that stigma and I want to be part of that change.
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B
And so are you current. I know you're going to school for that, but are you currently able to do that anywhere? Like, are you working in a school or anything? Are you able to put the things that you're learning into practice or.
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A
So I'll start doing that with the Salado school District.
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B
Okay.
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A
Next semester. And I'm super stoked about that, but it's like getting real. So I'll have to get some liability insurance in case I make some mistakes. But yeah, right now I'm a.
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B
You're just kids. Just kids.
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A
Yeah. But I just want to cover. Cover my butt just in case. Right now I'm a private nanny for two different families, so I do two different part time jobs and then full time grad school.
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B
Do you ever, like, psychoanalyze those kids? Like, I mean, you're being a real big jerk right now.
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A
This is probably why they're way too young. Got three under two and one on the way.
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B
We wouldn't have. We wouldn't agreed to that anyways, because the parents might listen later on. Okay, that's awesome. That's really cool. Is there anything. Because I know, like, we had another conversation with a student in your class, Jessica, that we talked to last week, you know, and she said a lot of the things that she went through as a young teenager really kind of helped mold her into what she wanted to do and why she wanted to do it. And I know that a lot of people that go into this field, into the any kind of psychology, any kind of mental health, any kind of helping people like that, a lot of times they've been through a lot of those circumstances and they want to either help prevent that or at least help walk people through those same circumstances that they have been through. So would you say that that is true for you or is this something that was just totally random and then you just really wanted to help people?
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A
Now that's also true for me. It's true for almost anybody you meet that's a therapist or in counseling or psychology in general. They're usually neurodivergent or they've experienced some traumatic life events that they would like to help others through because they probably weren't helped through it themselves. Starting at 12, I was getting groomed online. So and I didn't realize that because I was 12, I was too young. And then at like 14, 15, I tried alcohol for the first time. And man, this first, first sip, I immediately was like, when's my next one? How am I getting my next one? Because it was just all I could think about. And I knew that alcoholism ran in the family, but I didn't think it would happened to me. And I just kind of went head first into that and became an alcoholic at 15. 16 was drinking myself to sleep every single night. Parents had no idea, would drink at school, would skip church because I was hungover, had thrown up the night before. And I was just in such a dark, deep depression that I was thinking, well, alcohol would solve this. Well, let me tell you, it does not, it does not solve anything.
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B
No, no. And in fact, a lot of times it makes things quite worse because it's.
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A
A depressant and I didn't know that. So if you think it's going to make you feel happier, you're going to escape reality. That's not the case. It's going to make you sadder, but it's going to make you think more about what you don't want to think about in the first place.
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B
That was like at 15. Most people probably wouldn't consider themselves alcoholics at 15 or 16. So that's, I mean, that's a pretty strong, strong statement. How long, how long did that go on?
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A
Went on for about a year or so. There is a. Looking back at it, this is so wrong, but there is a 23 year old that was taking advantage of my friend and I, and he knew that I had a Problem with alcohol. So he would get us alcohol for free in exchange for some inappropriate things that he should not have been asking of 15, 16 year old girls. So that happened. It's like he saw the opportunity to exploit us and take advantage of us and he took it. But there was an instant spring break of my sophomore year in high school. I was 16. I had already gotten on antidepressants, started seeing a therapist, was trying to deal with like the depression aspect. And my doctor had told me that antidepressants actually make you like drunker quicker because I had asked him if you could mix them. And that's what he told me. And I was like, oh, sweet, this is awesome. So I took eight shots of tequila that was maybe like 50 proof or something. And I was at a party, not a party, but like a little gathering with a guy that I had already previously been sexually assaulted by when I was 15. So before the alcohol came into play, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wish that he wasn't there. After the alcohol came into play, I couldn't sit up on my own, I couldn't speak, I couldn't walk. Like, I literally got scars on my knees from crawling around on the floor. And only one other friend of mine was there, was also drinking, so everybody else was sober. And he ended up sexually taking advantage of me at this gathering or whatever in front of two of my closest friends. And when I finally came to the next day and kind of understood, like this just happened and this wasn't right, my friends said, no, it's your fault. You were drinking, you asked for it, it's your fault. He did nothing wrong. And I didn't like that answer. And I didn't want that to keep happening in my life. I felt like that would be a pattern if I kept drinking. So I tried to stop. And I eventually did in October of 2017. So I'm coming up on seven years of sobriety. Nice, nice.
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B
Well, that really upsets me. And people suck.
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A
People do suck.
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B
Just to be people, not all people suck. I didn't mean to say that some people are great, but honestly, I mean like that we hear, you know, really terrible stories pretty much every day. We see, I think in, especially in this field, whether you're, you know, here at fema, sheep, when we're trying to help people in your field, you just hear terrible stories and they're like, you cannot walk around and pretend like there's not just darkness in the world, you know, I think most people know that, but I feel like a Lot of people just kind of walk around with their head in the sand or just don't realize that, man, this stuff is happening. Like, we hear about it, we hear the stories on the news, we hear all these stories, but it's like it's happening to your neighbor. These things are happening to your kids. These things are happening to your children at. You know, when you don't even realize what's going on, you might never know, right? So just be aware. I mean, we, we said it a lot last time. You never know what people have gone through. That's why we love sharing these stories. That's why we lie. We love having guests on whether we, whether they're here every day at Feed My Sheep or not. Like, we just want to hear people's stories because no matter how bad, no matter how awful these things are, they like, they give us an opportunity to, to grow, to learn to be able to make impact in other people's life as well. If we let obviously, like, no one is happy that these things happen. I, you know, I was brought it up last night like I was a drug addict for many years. It did terrible things to people. Lots of terrible things happen to me. You can either live in those things. You can either live in the, in those moments and never grow past them. You can become bitter. You can not forgive anyone. You can not forgive yourself. Or you can, okay, this happened. Terrible things happen. There's darkness in the world. How can we change this? How can we bring light to this situation? How can we really make an. Like, how can we use this for the good of not only our own life, but others around us? How can we, how can we help others grow? And so what would you say, because you said you were 12 years old and this, these people were grooming you online, you know, I mean, my daughter just turned 11, you know, and it's terrifying. Say it all. Like, growing up, I remember when Internet first started. It was awful then. Like, the Internet has just always been kind of terrible. But now everyone has it, no matter. Like if you've got a phone, you've got the Internet. I doubt there's 12 year olds listening, but there's parents out there listening right now. What would you for probably tell people, like how, like, what would you say to avoid some of these situations? You know what I mean? Like what, what do parents need to look out for? What do they need to. One, why do, why are dudes gross? Like, why are they like that? You know, you're a psychologist. Tell me why guys suck so much.
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A
As a parent, I. And what I wish my parents would have done is like, closely monitor who I was talking to, what I was doing online. Because there's no reason at all, any child, 12 year old or younger should have unlimited access to the Internet, do whatever they want. There's a lot of dark stuff on the Internet. This guy that I was dating when I was 12, said he was 15 and from California. And now that I'm an adult and I look back on that, I'm like the odds that that was a grown man that was not a 15 year old. And it's just children are very naive. We don't know what's true, what's not true. So if we were able to sit down with our kids, teach them, this is what consent is. This is what consent looks like. This is what it means. There's some bad people in the world. So this is how you can like properly vet that that's a real person that you're talking to. But we just. That was the time when the Internet blew up and everybody started getting it. Like, ipods were really like, popular. So had we had that discussion of like, what's possible on the Internet, that would have helped. That would have saved me a lot of anguish. But I definitely think social media and other like chat apps need to be monitored. And I wish mine was. I wish I was saved from that because they were just some evil adults on there trying to like, prey on children. And it worked.
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B
Yeah, yeah, it's terrible. So you said that you are a parent. That's what you said.
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A
I am not.
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B
Oh, I thought you said that you were.
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A
As a parent, I would like to do. But in the future for sure.
- [18:57]
B
Yeah. There was a question that I was gonna ask. What was I gonna ask Bobby? Read my mind. Got it. No, that wasn't it. We're gonna have to edit this part. Dang it. I forgot the question that I was gonna ask. I had something specifically that I was gonna ask you.
- [19:25]
A
I think another big reason that a lot of this happened and like, why I was so naive and vulnerable to these things was because I recently self diagnosed with autism. And granted this spectrum is huge, it's super wide. So autism can look different in everybody. It looks very unique for each individual person. But now that research has finally come out about what it looks like in women particularly, I'm like, wow, that fits and that fits and that fits and that fits. And I do all those things. So had they caught that for me back in elementary school and said, hey, you know, you're a little bit different. You're not stupid or anything, you're not non verbal. But we think you might have autism and tested me for it and found out, I think that would have changed a lot of things. So disappointed that there wasn't proper research back then because they only study autism on men and boys and that doesn't translate to females and women. So had they found that out, things would have been different. So that's also partially why I wanted to go into this field. Because I don't want children to have to struggle with a mental health disorder or learning disorder, intellectual disability, and just think that it's just them, there's something wrong with them. When there's a reason, there's an explanation that could really fit everything nicely into a bow.
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B
Yeah, I want, I want to come back to that point. I've got some questions on that. But I did want to talk about whenever. So, like, whenever all this stuff happened and you realize, I know you said you quit drinking. What was that process like? Did you talk to your parents about it? Did you talk to your friends about it? I know your friend, you know, wasn't much of a friend at that, at that point, after everything had happened. But what, what was the process of you getting sober and what were those conversations like, you know, I mean, because I know that's. I remember when my family found out, you know, that I was using and everything and not fun conversations, but, you know, necessary over time. But did you have someone that you could depend on? What were, what were, what were some of those resources that you used for yourself, you know, and just talk about that a little bit.
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A
I didn't really have any resources and I'm one of those people that just was able to give it up cold turkey. And the last time I drank was with my brother and sister because they were already in college. And I was like, well, let's have this one last hurrah. But I think had I continued to drink, I knew that I was either going to end up in one of two places, jail or dead. And I didn't really want either of those. So I just took the initiative of, I don't want my life to go down this road. If I keep drinking, that's where it's headed. So I just kind of gave it up cold turkey. But the big thing was when that sexual assault happened when I was 16, over spring break, I eventually did sit down with my parents because they had already been questioning me about my knees of like, why are your knees all bandaged up? What were you doing? And I told them, like, hey, while you're out of town, this is what happened. This is what I went and did. And that following Monday, we were supposed to go back to school. And I told my mom, there's some drama going on and I don't want to go to school today. And she said, okay, and let me stay at home. And she went off to work. And that day I tried to kill myself because I had found out that the boy that had assaulted me went to the high school and told the entire football team and track team that I slept with him, which I did not, and that I was this, like, easy, like, whore and just saying some really awful, awful things. And I had a best friend, a boy best friend that I had confided in who was there that night, but left early so he knew what really happened. And he stood up for me and spoke up and said, are you going to tell them how drunk she was? Which, while he was trying to help, that kind of corroborated the story in a way. So me being 16, melodramatic, depressed, I was like, wow, life is just not going to get better. And this is it. I don't want to live anymore. Tried to drown myself. That doesn't work. Tried to overdose on my medication, and luckily I didn't have enough, so it didn't do anything. But that was a dark, dark low point. So when I finally sat down with my parents and told them what happened and told them that I did try to kill myself, then they were really panicked and crying. And you never want to see your parents cry. You don't want to be the cause of that ever. But my mom was like, do we need to put you in a. In a hospital? And I think that scared me. I was like, whoa, no, please don't do that. I don't want to go there. So I tried to, like, put my. Together.
- [24:52]
B
Yeah. One of the things that we spoke about last time and we've talked about before, but it's just identity, you know? I mean, like, we. A lot of the things that people call us, a lot of things that we call ourselves just because of the things that we've done again, or the things that have happened to us, and we kind of. Sometimes we tend to take those things on and we just, oh, yes, I'm a failure. Yes, I'm a whore. Yes, I'm. These things. Yes, I. You know, this is all my fault. I did. And we start living these things out when those things. That's not our identity in the first place, you know, so what. Who do you say that you are? Who do you. Like, who do you say that you are now? Who do you say that you are today?
- [25:34]
A
You know, first and above all, I'm a child of God. That's my first identity over everything. That's the only reason I'm here, is I'm trying to spread joy and light and love to the world. And despite, excuse me, despite things that may have happened, I want to use my experience to help others or just use my smile to, you know, make other people smile or bring laughter to other people. That's. That's all I'm here for at the end of the day. But I'm not gonna say, you know, oh, I'm bisexual and I'm autistic and I am an ex. Alcoholic. And because that's not. If you were to look at me in its entirety, I'm just a child of God.
- [26:18]
B
Yeah, no, that's. I mean, that's. That's great. That's. That's what it's about. And like, let's not. I wanted to say this too. Bringing joy, bringing laughter to people, bringing. You know, you don't realize how much of an impact that makes on people. Just like even here at fema. Sheep, just one. Knowing people's names, saying hello to them, recognizing them, speaking to them. Uh, just being recognized as a person sometimes gives someone the reason to live. You know, I mean, there's a lot of people that go weeks without even being spoken to, without their names being called. And so you don't know what that. A lot of people think that you got to do all these extravagant things to make an impact on people's lives. And that's just not the case, you know, I mean, just just being kind to people and just just listening, just being there for people can make a huge impact on people's life. I did want to maybe switch gears just a little bit and ask a question about. So when people are being tested for like autism and all of these things, do they. Is the best route to go through the school districts? Is that, like, how that usually is? Or how could a parent, if there's a parent listening right now, and maybe they have questions about their child, like, what is the best route for someone to go to get tested for these kinds of things?
- [27:51]
A
It's a good question. So the best route is through the school because it's free. You have not a right necessarily, but a free, accessible public education is a right for all children. So that's part of it. If you suspect your child has autism, all you have to do is go up to your administrators and say, hey, I'd like my child tested. And they actually legally have to test the child within 30 days of that request. So there's a lot of different, like, federal guidelines on it. You can't be denied unless they have, like, a super valid reason. But that's a very, very slim amount of cases. But if you want to go outside of the school and get them privately tested, that's expensive. It would have cost me $550 with insurance to get diagnosed, and I just wasn't going to do that. I don't want it on my record either, because who knows what could happen in the future if they've got it on my record that I'm an autistic female and they make assumptions or think that I'm not going to be good at my job, or God forbid the police get called and they take that however they want to. So if you're doing it in a school setting, it's not like a diagnosis necessarily, but it's a diagnosis for school purposes, just to help them do the best they can in their education.
- [29:19]
B
So I've got two questions. We'll do this one first. So it can be pretty overwhelming one for you, like, for a person to learn. Okay, we're gonna switch questions now. So, like, as an adult realizing, like, being diagnosed, because a lot of adults now are being diagnosed later in life, and while it explains a lot, um, what would you say has benefit, has been a benefit to you to really kind of navigating that and kind of learning your own behaviors a little bit more and just kind of navigating that as an adult, is there resources for people that, like, that could help them. Help. Help. Help them understand a little bit more? And then with that question for parents that maybe their children are just now being diagnosed and they're totally overwhelmed and don't know what to do. Is here in Central Texas or just beyond. Is there books or whatever that you would recommend for those situations?
- [30:32]
A
Yeah. So a community that I've really prospered with is. Can't exactly remember, but it was women with autism or autism in Women on Reddit. And with that community, once I joined and started reading through everybody else's experiences, I was like, yeah, I relate to that. And I relate to that. And that makes a lot of sense. You do that, too. I thought that was just me. So just finding any kind of, like, group, even if it's parents of autistic children, nobody's really going to understand that unless they've lived that experience. So finding those people. But for me, it's especially been helpful to understand, like, friendship dynamics and stuff, because I might be rude or, like, offend somebody and not know and not acknowledge that I did that because I have no idea that I did that. And then they get really upset with me and eventually are like, I don't want to be your friend. And then I sit there, like, in the dust, really confused, like, what did I do? But they never tell me either. Like, oh, you did xyz. And that's why I don't want to be your friend. So I've had a lot of, like, female friendships crash and burn, and it's usually, like, I'll get very, very close to them, and then I'll do something that they don't like. Or maybe I'll start, like, letting my autism mask fall off and start being more myself. And then they're like, oh, never mind. I don't want to be your friend anymore. So it's very hard as a child thinking that it's just you.
- [32:13]
B
Yeah.
- [32:13]
A
That it's all your fault. You can't keep friendships because something's wrong with you. But had I been diagnosed and explained, like, you don't always understand social cues. You don't understand sarcasm. Sometimes you do things or say things to others that might hurt them, but you don't realize and apologize, and they don't like that. So it was definitely eye opening to be like, oh, this makes a lot of sense now.
- [32:44]
B
Yeah. And so, like, the other thing is, we've already talked about identity, but a lot of times, like, getting something, getting a diagnosis like this, with. With. In any of the diagnosis, it can be like, oh, now I am autistic. You know what I mean? Like, I am autistic. And so we take that on as an identity as well. And like, yes, that is a part of who we are, but that's not all we are. So it's not that it doesn't have to be this, like, negative thing. And it's a very, like, beautiful thing. Like, it is very amazing. Like, it's not a negative thing. And I think there's still kind of that, like, scary and negative connotation that comes with it or like, oh, this is. This is weird. This is different. And it's just. It's just not the case. You know what I mean? Like, I think it goes back to just every single person is so unique and has their own unique qualities and we can put a name on Whatever it is. But it's just. They're just people, you know what I mean? And, like, all of those characters make that up. Maybe you have. Maybe you have autism, maybe you don't. Maybe you have adhd, maybe you don't. It doesn't make you literally any less or more than anybody else. It's just. We're just different. And so it doesn't have to be this huge, scary, scary thing. Like, it can be something to be celebrated. It can be something to be to. What's the word that I'm looking for? To be valued, to be. You know, there's great things about it. And so it's like, dig into it. You know what I mean? Dig into who you are. Dig into these. Into these qualities that come and, like, celebrate those things in yourself and in others.
- [34:36]
A
What we try to do in counseling and school psych is called person centered or person first language. So instead of saying an autistic student, you'd say a student with autism, because autism doesn't define them. You wouldn't say an ADHD student. You would say a student with adhd. Is there a person first above all else? And they might be suffering with a condition or their brain is neurodivergent, and they just think differently than you do. That doesn't make them any less of a person at all. So my hope is getting into this field that I can help get rid of that stigma. Yeah, that it's okay to be different. And then I had such a hard time growing up. I was like, man, I just see the good in people, and I'm so naive, and I always keep getting screwed over, and I thought that was a bad thing, but maybe that's just a strength. I'm just inherently naive, and I'll assume that everybody's got the best intentions and why would anybody want to do. Do me harm that would never happen. But, yeah, it's not necessarily a bad thing when you look at it.
- [35:46]
B
Yeah, I mean, I think it's a. I think that's a good quality to have because, I mean, especially, like, coming to places like feed my sheep or like, there's some. It gives you an opportunity to reach people that a lot of people are either afraid to reach. They don't want to talk. You know what I mean? Again, it has a stigma with it. Like, we have people that. I don't want to go over there. Homeless people are scary. Homeless people, you know, they're crazy. They do all that. They're drug addicts or, you know, I don't Want to go around people that have been to prison. I want to go around people that have been here. And it's like, no, like. Like, that's fine. That's a valid. That's a valid thought. That's okay to. It's okay to think that way. But if we stay that way, then that can be kind of an issue just because we're not allowing ourselves to really see past. Like you said, like, this isn't a. Like, you're not a felon. Like, you may have. You're a person with a felony. You. You know what I mean? Like, you're not an addict. You. You're a person that has a drug addiction that's been. You know, I mean, so it's like, we got to look past those things. You know, one of the things we say here is that we see people, not problems. It's like, yes, these things are issues. Like, these are. These are problems. But there is a person behind those things. There's a person to get to know. There's a person with a story. There's a person that has lived through all of these different experiences that have made them this way. And if you just take time to, like, really sit and listen to them, you'd be amazed at who they really are. And we just don't do that enough. Just in general, as a society, we don't do that enough. We don't. You know, we're not good at relationships, really, when that's what we were created for was relationships. We're not great at it. We're not great at communicating all the time unless we just kind of create these little bubbles in our life, and that's kind of what we stick to. And I think just overall, as a society, we need to expand that a little bit more. I know that's real cliche to say, but just need to just reach out and touch somebody. You know what I'm saying? Just reach out and love somebody and be kind to them and be nice to them. And I'm looking right into the camera so that people know that I'm talking to them. So the other question that I ask on here is, what is your greatest fear?
- [38:10]
A
Oh, rejection, abandonment. If I. If I'm really being introspective about it, I really hate that.
- [38:20]
B
Yeah, no, that's. I don't like those either. If I feel like somebody doesn't like me or somebody's, like, mad at me.
- [38:26]
A
Man, that's a. I will sit with that for a long time.
- [38:30]
B
Yeah. Try to figure it out and then try to do everything you can to fix it. And they. Then it makes them feel like you don't. They really don't like you. You're trying too hard.
- [38:39]
A
And that's another thing, is I do not take negative feedback well. I take it, like, to heart, and then it makes me feel like I'm just a bad person or something. So, like, I went to a Michoacana, which is like, a Mexican ice cream shop, and I ordered, like, a banana split in a cup, and it said granola, which I could do, but then they gave me the granola, and it had nuts in it. And I'm not allergic, but I can't do the texture because I have a lot of, like, sensory things when it comes to food because of autism. So I was like, hey, I'm allergic. Can you remake this? And when she gave it to me, remade without the granola, she was like, next time you need to tell us before we make it. And I. It was such a simple comment, but it lived in my head rent free for, like, two days.
- [39:29]
B
Yeah.
- [39:30]
A
I was like, oh, man, I feel so bad. I should have said something.
- [39:33]
B
I probably would have cried right there. Like, please don't yell at me.
- [39:36]
A
I know I'm so weak. Like, raise your voice. I'm gonna cry.
- [39:42]
B
If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be?
- [39:51]
A
Just to, like, love and accept myself for who I am, for all my quirks, and just as a unique individual. I think it's hard growing up in the social media era and comparing yourself to all these, like, beautiful women online and people that have, like, these Personas that they've created on social media, and you think, like, oh, I don't look like that, or I don't act like that person. I think comparison's the thief of joy.
- [40:20]
B
Yeah.
- [40:20]
A
So if I could tell myself not to compare myself to other people and just embrace the person I am, that would have been good to hear.
- [40:30]
B
Along those same lines, if you had one, like, last. You're on. You're about to die. Right. Okay. Or you're being launched into space and you're not ever coming back. Okay. What would be the last message that you would want to tell the world for, like, generations? What would be your last. Your last word to everyone?
- [41:03]
A
I would want everybody to know how loved they are by God, but also loved by people. That everybody is valuable and worthy of happiness and joy. And that should just be the end goal, is to spread love, happiness, and joy.
- [41:21]
B
So we have talked about all kinds of things all over the map. I feel like, we know you well, we know your past quite a bit. We know what you want, we know what you want to do in the future. What are some things that you, you know, you're from Minnesota, way up north, way colder than here. What are some things that you found here that you are currently doing to, you know, help your mental health, help you keep, know, stay motivated in school, that kind of stuff. What do you do, like, what do you do in your free time for fun?
- [41:58]
A
Yeah. And I highly advocate for doing this. I got rid of my social media in January, so I just jumped off of that entirely, like all of them. And I said, you know, if my family wants to connect with me, they've got my phone number. They want to send me pictures, they've got my phone number. If they don't, that's okay too. I'm just getting sucked into the social media hole.
- [42:25]
B
Yeah.
- [42:26]
A
Being out of that has been so freeing. I've read 18 books since January and my goal was 20, so I've got.
- [42:33]
B
Two more left, but I gotta get off social media.
- [42:35]
A
So just reading a lot, but reading different genres. Like you can learn from reading, of course. So just reading memoirs and learning about other people's stories and how they overcame mental health or eating disorders or things like that. I do puzzles.
- [42:52]
B
Cool.
- [42:52]
A
I'm on my second a thousand piece puzzle. I'm almost done. But just really getting into your hobbies because people forget that hobbies are a thing and you should enjoy the free time that you do have, spend it with loved ones or do something you genuinely enjoy.
- [43:09]
B
Is there. So I know, like, I've known, you know, several people that are on the spectrum somewhere. You know, my sister, she has Asperger's and every, like every person has just things they're interested in. You know, is there certain hobbies or anything that you would recommend for people that are, that have just gotten diagnosed that, hey, this is really helpful for my mental health. This really help. Is it drawing? Is it? You know, I know you said reading puzzles, that kind of stuff, but would you say that you've seen kind of. Is there anything that you have seen that's a commonality between people that like, oh, crocheting seems to be really helpful for people, painting seems to be really helpful. Is there anything like that that you would recommend for maybe kids or adults or.
- [44:03]
A
So I like to paint and draw and color and just be creative and get it all out. Because not saying that I'm a great artist, but like, it's just fun and just getting your, like Inner child out. That's a good one. But it's all so different because with autism, it includes hyper fixation. So you could hyper fixate on a food. Like you only eat dino chicken nuggets for a month.
- [44:27]
B
Those are great.
- [44:28]
A
Those are delicious. They have to be dino shaped. Yeah, but I've read of, like, other people reading, like, manuals or they're hyper fixated on a show. It's just anything that you are into, other people will be into it. So even if you think it's so bizarre, nobody's gonna want to talk about birds. Yes, they will.
- [44:51]
B
Somebody will. Birds are cool. Awesome. Well, is there, I think, you know, some of the lessons that we can take from this is men, don't talk to young girls. Just in general. Just don't do it.
- [45:09]
A
Don't do it.
- [45:09]
B
Don't be. Don't be weird. Don't be weird. Parents, communicate with your kids. Let's have more conversations with people. Humans, have more conversations with each other. Parents, if you're going, you know, if you're. If you're concerned about your children a little bit, just talk to them. Talk to the school. Use the resources that Claire talked about, and just be kind to people. Be nice to people. Is there any. Anything else you want to talk about or closing thoughts or.
- [45:46]
A
Be very, very, very careful about movers. When I moved from Minnesota to Texas, I hired some movers and ended up losing everything.
- [45:58]
B
Wow.
- [45:59]
A
Like, all of it. And I. If you're moving, make sure you pack your things, your important documents with you. Do not pack them with the movers. I know now I don't have a Social Security card anymore. I don't have a passport anymore. My original bachelor's degree was lost. All of my sentimental items from family members are gone. So be very careful. Make sure you're looking them up. They're refutable, they're real. Check the Better Business Bureau. Make sure they're legit. Because while it was devastating, it was very humbling experience to just pack up me and my animals in the car, had a duffel bag and slept on an air mattress for over a month. So I learned that you can do more with less. You can be okay. You can live off of the same five outfits. And I explained to my boss, you know, this is what's happening. And so sorry if I'm wearing the same clothes all the time, which really isn't a big deal. But, yeah, be very careful.
- [47:04]
B
And that's a. That's a big change. You know, moving from Minnesota to here with really only Knowing your aunt and uncle. Yeah. And so a lot of people really try to avoid change as much as possible, and they really hate it, but it's possible. And would you say that it's been a great thing for you? Correct.
- [47:26]
A
Yeah, it's been a humbling experience. I got down here and I actually lost 50 pounds, so a lot of my clothes didn't fit anyway, and my clothes were, like, falling off of me, and it was really annoying. So I think it's almost better to have less material items than more because it really doesn't matter at the end of the day.
- [47:48]
B
That is true. That's a good lesson in life. Get rid of all your stuff. You can bring it to me, donate it.
- [47:55]
A
Don't ever throw clothes away. Please don't ever throw clothes away. If you have clothes that you don't like, you don't wear, there's. Heb has those, like, donation boxes. Goodwill will take it. Feed My Sheep, I'm sure, would take it. Like, please donate it. Don't just discard it because you don't like it anymore.
- [48:13]
B
Yeah, that's true. There's always somebody that needs it. And if we can't. If we can't take it, we'll take it to the places that can use it. Don't bring us your clothes right now, please. No, we'll take it. If you need to get rid of clothes, we will. We'll distribute it as needed. I'm. I think this was a. This was a good one. This was. This was very interesting. I'm really enjoying just one meeting you, meeting new people. But I think. I think your story is just so important, and I think people will learn from it and can learn from it. I think you're doing awesome, and I think that what you want to do in life is awesome, and I think a lot of kids are going to be. You just never know. You never know what. When we're just obedient, when we step out and what we believe we are called to do, you never know what's going to happen. Not that it's super easy all the time. In fact, it's really difficult most of the time. But, man, you just never know what impact you're going to make on someone's life. So I hope you're proud of yourself, and I hope you. Like, I just hope you're really proud of yourself. Thank you. And thank you for listening to us ramble. Well, me ramble, but thank you for listening to the collage. If you want to learn more about Feed My Sheep, about What all we do here, you can go to feed my sheep temple.org you can follow us on Facebook. You can't because you're not on social media anymore. Facebook, Instagram, I think we might have it. We do have a TikTok tick tock. I was gonna, I was gonna pretend like I didn't know about it, but we do have a tick tock. But. And we just want people here. So if you want to, if you want to get involved here, if you want to be on the podcast, you can contact Bobby B O B B Y at feed my sheep temple.org you can email me. If you just want to send me an email at Casey C a s e yeedmysheeptemple.org if you have any questions, if you have like really long questions that you want to ask people, you can email Jeff J e f f edmysheeptemple.org but other than that, we are here seven days a week. We feed every single day. You can come and be a part of what we're doing here and see and be a part of the. Just changing people's lives, changing how people view themselves. We want to speak life and everybody that comes here, it's not just about feeding people. It's not just about like doing tasks. It's about getting to know people. It's getting. It's about listening to them. And so we would love to have you here. That's it. Thanks for coming. Oh, also, this episode was not actually sponsored by Waterloo. So if you were thinking, why, wow, they got sponsored by Waterloo, we didn't. It's just the sparkling water that we had. So thank you for coming.