Episode 63- Damon

Summary

The Collage Podcast: Episode 63 – Featuring Damon

Podcast Information

• Title: The Collage Podcast
• Host/Author: Feed My Sheep
• Description: Produced by Feed My Sheep in Temple, TX, The Collage shares stories and experiences of people in our community, from all walks of life, showcasing our shared humanity.
• Episode: Episode 63 – Damon
• Release Date: February 19, 2025

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Summary

The Collage Podcast Episode 63 features an in-depth conversation between host Jeff and Damon, a dedicated member of the Feed My Sheep community. The episode delves into Damon's personal journey with mental health, his professional involvement in the mental health field, and his insights into coping mechanisms and societal perceptions of mental illness.

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1. Introduction

Jeff opens the episode by welcoming listeners and introducing Damon, whom he describes as more than just a guest, highlighting their long-standing relationship of approximately two years. Damon works with Feed My Sheep, a local nonprofit organization based in Temple, Texas, focused on supporting community members from diverse backgrounds.

2. Early Life and Background

Damon shares his roots, being a sixth-generation Texan born in Denton, Texas. He grew up in the West Cliff area of Belton, Texas, and attended Tyler Elementary School—the first all-around school in Belton, notable for its historical significance and architectural features like a two-story structure with a fire escape slide.

Notable Quote:

Damon [03:11]: "I was the last class to graduate from that elementary before they decommissioned it. So I consider that significant to some extent."

3. Childhood Mental Health Struggles

From a young age, Damon grappled with mental health challenges diagnosed by his doctor as psychotic or schizophrenic since he was five years old. He reflects on how this condition set him apart from his peers, leading to difficulties in forming long-term friendships and experiencing frequent bullying.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [04:10]: "I don't let that define me, but it is a factor in my life."

Damon [04:47]: "I was bullied a whole lot."

Damon describes himself as the "toughest nerd in Bell County," indicating a blend of intellectual interests and resilience against repeated bullying. He likens his experience to being a chameleon—constantly trying to blend in while feeling inherently different, which made him an easy target for predators both physically and emotionally.

4. Adolescent Years and Further Challenges

During his junior high years, Damon faced increased isolation as acquaintances moved away and his behavior became erratic. This period culminated in Damon being labeled a "difficult patient" by his psychiatrists, which significantly impacted his self-perception and willingness to seek help.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [07:37]: "I thought I was like the Messiah. I had a messiah complex from back then."

Damon [09:30]: "I was on Social Security disability, and I had to get on Social Security, which was another for me at the time. I thought it was humiliating."

5. Diagnosis and Treatment

At sixteen, Damon received a formal diagnosis from psychiatrist Gail Eisenhower, identifying him with major depression with psychotic features. This diagnosis provided a framework for understanding his experiences, though it was also the beginning of a complex relationship with mental health treatment. Over the years, Damon underwent multiple diagnoses, ultimately being identified with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [20:29]: "Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, which is basically being psychotic, being schizophrenic and bipolar at the same time."

Damon [21:49]: "I was grateful because I had something I could put a pin in."

Damon discusses his treatment regimen, which included early antidepressants like Prozac and antipsychotics such as Haldol. He emphasizes the importance of medication as a foundation for recovery, though he acknowledges the challenges when medications become less effective over time.

6. Professional Life and Personal Loss

Balancing work and mental health, Damon worked as a janitor and later as a biohazard specialist at Scott and White, a major healthcare facility. The untimely death of his father when Damon was nineteen forced him to take on additional responsibilities, including moving back home to support his mother and manage family debts caused by his father's involvement in Ponzi and pyramid schemes.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [25:03]: "My dad had gotten into some Ponzi schemes and pyramid schemes in his life, and he caused some debt in our family."

Despite financial pressures, Damon maintained a strong work ethic instilled by his mother, who emphasized the importance of education and self-sufficiency.

7. Institutionalization and Recovery

Between ages 24 and 28, Damon spent significant time at Austin State Hospital (Ash), facing the harsh reality of diminished prospects as conveyed by his psychiatrist, who told him he would never be a functioning member of society again. This pronouncement deeply affected Damon, leading to a period of despair and multiple hospitalizations.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [43:35]: "He told me, with all compassion in his heart, that I would never be a functioning member of society again."

However, Damon eventually made a concerted effort to work on himself, shifting from a passive recipient of care to an active participant in his recovery. This transformation included advocating for himself with healthcare providers, which was challenging in an era lacking shared decision-making practices.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [46:35]: "I made a concerted effort to work on myself and not let others work on me."

8. Current Role and Philosophy

Today, Damon serves as a peer support specialist with Feed My Sheep, dedicating his life to assisting others facing similar mental health challenges. His personal experiences lend him unique insights into the struggles of those he helps, making him a compassionate and effective support figure.

Damon advocates for self-determination, emphasizing that while faith and external support are valuable, individuals must actively engage in their own recovery processes. He believes in the importance of multiple approaches to mental health, rejecting the notion of a one-size-fits-all solution.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [47:25]: "You've got to have a strong foundation to build upon."

Damon [55:13]: "Everybody is worth the bother."

Jeff echoes these sentiments, highlighting Damon's resilience and the transformative impact of his work despite dire prognoses from mental health professionals.

9. Insights and Conclusions

The conversation culminates in a powerful affirmation of Damon's role and worth both within the Feed My Sheep community and the broader societal context. Damon embodies the belief that every individual matters, challenging stigmas and misconceptions surrounding mental illness. His journey from isolation and diagnosed limitations to active community support serves as an inspiring testament to human resilience and the potential for recovery.

Notable Quotes:

Damon [58:20]: "Take advice from people, but remember, you're your own best expert."

Damon [59:04]: "Even when we're going down the wrong path, sometimes we know we're going down."

Jeff and Damon reinforce the message that mental health struggles are universal and that with the right support and self-advocacy, individuals can lead meaningful and impactful lives.

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Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in the Face of Adversity: Damon’s life story underscores the importance of resilience and self-advocacy in overcoming mental health challenges.

• Importance of Support Systems: Both professional treatment and community support, such as that provided by Feed My Sheep, play crucial roles in mental health recovery.

• Rejecting Stigmas: Damon’s narrative challenges societal stigmas surrounding mental illness, advocating for the inherent worth of every individual regardless of their struggles.

• Personal Agency: Emphasizing self-determination, Damon highlights the necessity of individuals taking an active role in their own recovery journey.

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Final Thoughts

Episode 63 of The Collage Podcast offers a profound exploration of Damon's personal and professional life, providing listeners with valuable insights into the complexities of mental health. Through heartfelt dialogue and candid reflections, Damon not only shares his own experiences but also serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration for others navigating similar paths.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [03:11] Damon: "I was the last class to graduate from that elementary before they decommissioned it. So I consider that significant to some extent."

• [04:10] Damon: "I don't let that define me, but it is a factor in my life."

• [07:37] Damon: "I thought I was like the Messiah. I had a messiah complex from back then."

• [20:29] Damon: "Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, which is basically being psychotic, being schizophrenic and bipolar at the same time."

• [43:35] Damon: "He told me, with all compassion in his heart, that I would never be a functioning member of society again."

• [46:35] Damon: "I made a concerted effort to work on myself and not let others work on me."

• [55:13] Damon: "Everybody is worth the bother."

• [58:20] Damon: "Take advice from people, but remember, you're your own best expert."

• [59:04] Damon: "Even when we're going down the wrong path, sometimes we know we're going down."

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Conclusion

Damon's story is a compelling narrative of overcoming immense personal challenges and turning adversity into a force for community support and advocacy. His insights offer valuable lessons on resilience, the importance of self-advocacy, and the critical role of compassionate support systems in mental health recovery.

Transcript

[Jeff]

Foreign to the Collage Podcast and thank you for making us a part of your day. If you enjoy the podcast, please like rate and subscribe. Hey, we want to welcome you to another edition of the Collage Podcast. Very good to have you all here today. As always, we are excited. We have a guest with us today. So it's not really a guest to me because I've known Damon for a while here. He works up here at Feed My Sheep. And before we get to meet Damon, let me explain again. So we are recording out of little place Temple, Texas is where we're out of. Not that that matters. Anything. And we're in a little place called Feed My Sheep and Damon is up here and he works Monday through Friday up here. So that's how we've known him been for gosh, a year. Two. And we're getting. We've been here. Golly, time goes quick. Okay, so we will get into that. I just had the old man moment there. I'm like, golly, two years.

[Damon]

Yeah. That's a long time.

[Jeff]

That's a long time. So with no more of that, we're going to get in. I'm intrigued by this, what we're going to discuss today. I don't even know what we're going to discuss. So Damon. Okay. Tell us a little bit about you. Introduce yourself to the world so they know you.

[Damon]

Well, I work for a business called or a non profit called Central County Services which is a local mental health authority for the area. And we're officer to Feed My Sheep. I've been doing working for them for 14 years. Volunteered with them for 10 years before.

[Jeff]

Then been involved with them for 24 years.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay, got it.

[Damon]

I'm a person who has a chronic disability. It's called. It has to do with mental health. I don't let that define me, but it is a factor in my life. I don't know. That's. That's about it for now.

[Jeff]

Okay, so we'll backtrack just a hair. Where were you born?

[Damon]

I was born in Denton, actually.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

In Texas. I'm a sixth generation Texan.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

We date back to the founding of the Republic and also to the German immigration that happened right after that.

[Jeff]

Okay. And then how long have you lived in Temple?

[Damon]

I've lived in Belton.

[Jeff]

Oh, Bell. Okay.

[Damon]

I live in Belt.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Yeah. I'm about Nelly.

[Jeff]

That's going to be a problem.

[Damon]

It's always a problem. There's always a little bit of rivalry.

[Jeff]

Okay. To. So he grew up in Belton Tech.

[Damon]

I Grew up in Belton, Texas. Yeah. I'm actually what you call. Some people call a lake dweller because I live out by the lake.

[Jeff]

Oh, do you really?

[Damon]

Yeah, I live out, you know. Do you know? Well, I live out in an area called West Cliff.

[Jeff]

I know where West Cliff is.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Very good hybrid fishing there in the fall.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

It's a west West Cliff one and two.

[Damon]

Yeah. It's some good sized bass there.

[Jeff]

Yes. Right off the. So I know that area well. So you grew up in the West Cliff area?

[Damon]

Yeah, yeah. And I went to Belton. I went to actually a school when I went to elementary. I went to a school called Tyler elementary. And it's an. It was an old school. It was. It started out as the all around school for Belton. It was the first all around school. It was a two story school with a little fire escape slide.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

It's off of Main Street. It was.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And the monument for it is still there. It was built in 18.

[Jeff]

1982. Really?

[Damon]

Yeah. And I was the last class to graduate from that. From that elementary.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Before they decommissioned it. So it was. I don't know. I consider that significant to some extent.

[Jeff]

Well, great. For sure.

[Damon]

In my childhood because I actually dealt with mental health since I was five.

[Jeff]

What does that mean? Tell me what, when you're saying those that I've dealt with mental health.

[Damon]

I've had a. I, my, my doctor thinks I've been psychotic actually, or schizophrenic since I was five.

[Jeff]

Okay. So you've been. This is a component in your life. It's a very big like, like dealing. You work in the mental health field, but you also experience mental illness. Mental illness as well. Okay. So got it. So like that you think you may look that you have struggled with this since you were five years old.

[Damon]

Yeah. And you know, makes you very different from other children.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Put it that way.

[Jeff]

Tell me about that. So tell me what was our struggle as a child?

[Damon]

Like, I remember I was not popular, of course. I had, I had off and on friends is what I would call it.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

They were, they, they didn't have any long term friends really until much later in life. I got bullied a lot.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

A whole lot. Okay. Nowadays you could not get in as many fights as I did in school.

[Jeff]

Well, okay.

[Damon]

And, and actually stay in school.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Damon]

I never started any of my fights. I, I just getting picked on and I was not the type to stand there and take it. At least not after a while.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I, I guess I stuck up for Myself and my friends use the, the, the people who knew me best called me the toughest nerd in Bell County.

[Jeff]

Okay. Okay, so then out and what, we're going to rewind just a bit. Okay. Not rewind, but I find it interesting and I, I will say Bobby, because he has to listen to all these. Okay, it is intriguing to me. Almost everybody who comes on here, almost everybody. If they say, hey, tell me about your childhood. If they have a significant memory of the childhood, some will be, ah, nothing like if you said. Okay. Almost every single one. If you listen to the different people, they will always say when I was five.

[Damon]

Really Always. I think that's because memories really start developing about that.

[Jeff]

Agreed. It intrigued me to no end. Okay, so like I was like that. We met with this one. And yes, when I was five. So until my parents started abusing me when I was five. This happened when I was five. This happened when I was five. Okay. In here. And I have some very vague memories.

[Damon]

From when I was 3 and 4. But most of my, most of my core memories start when I was five.

[Jeff]

Yeah, don't to me. I like, I, man, I couldn't even tell you. Only any memory. I don't even know anything as a child, I don't think.

[Damon]

No, no, not as an, especially not as an infant or anything.

[Jeff]

So I don't, I don't know. And I mean remember first grade? I remember when my parents got divorced. But okay, yeah, so we'll go, we're now to your childhood.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And so tell me, what, how did you realize at 5, like your recognition looking back that maybe, you know, you don't.

[Damon]

Okay. Unlike some people, I have pretty good self awareness. I like to think so. So I thought, you know, I think I, because I think I'm a Martian or I think I'm here to save the world or something like that. I, I really did. I thought I was like the Messiah. I had a messiah complex from back then. But at the same time I also.

[Jeff]

Was telling myself, well, tell me what that means.

[Damon]

Messiah complex means I'm like here, I'm like the, I would be like the Messiah. I would be here to save the world from, from itself.

[Jeff]

Okay, so you knew truth that nobody else was aware of.

[Damon]

Yeah. At the same time I was aware that that truth in my head was not kosher. Does that make sense?

[Jeff]

Okay, tell me what that means.

[Damon]

Well, I, I, I just. Because I knew these truths, I knew, I knew I shouldn't share them.

[Jeff]

Okay, got it.

[Damon]

Because I knew I, I read people pretty well.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And you say certain things and people give you a look.

[Jeff]

Okay, fair.

[Damon]

And I, I say, well, maybe that's not for Sherry.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I, I did that a lot. I kept my, I, I, and I spent a lot of time white knuckling my, myself.

[Jeff]

What does that mean?

[Damon]

Well, white knuckling is like, you know, when you ball up your fists and just clench them together to, to restrain yourself.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

So I spent a lot of time restraining my emotions and my thoughts over my life.

[Jeff]

That seems difficult.

[Damon]

Yeah. I, I, I spent a lot, a lot of time as a chameleon, actually.

[Jeff]

Okay, now what does that mean?

[Damon]

That means I, I, I, I blend, I tried to blend in with whatever crowd I was in.

[Jeff]

But you knew you weren't that crowd.

[Damon]

Yeah, I was always different. I never felt a part of anything.

[Jeff]

That's right. So chameleon has an unbelievable ability to blend in with its surroundings.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

But when it's on a brown tree, it has a cognizant awareness to realize I'm really not the tree. And pretty soon the predators that out to see me is going to notice I'm not the tree and then I'm in danger.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

It's a very stressful and difficult way to live.

[Damon]

Yeah, it was very difficult. And I lived that way most of my life. And I had, I had a couple of predators find me over my life. Not just abuse, not just physical abuse, but other things too.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I don't really go into that.

[Jeff]

No, no, no. Okay. Fair.

[Damon]

Yeah. But I've had some, you know, less than good things happen to me in my life. Yes.

[Jeff]

Why do people pray? Like if you were looking back at you. Okay. Because you said you got bullied a whole lot and you got picked on your whole lot. And then now you've said that some of the predators that were out to hunt for you found you. And why would you think they were looking, were they looking for you more than others?

[Damon]

I think because sometimes when you're not a part of the herd, I guess we were talking about the animal herds and animals when you are separated from the herds, certain predators find it easier.

[Jeff]

To pray you are the easiest prey.

[Damon]

Right. And I being even though I was a chameleon at the same, at the same time I was not directly a part of anything, therefore I was easier to single out.

[Jeff]

Okay, agreed. So like in it biologically, like if you look at, okay. Animals that are slightly different, that, and we're not saying slightly different is not a negative term.

[Damon]

It's not, it's different, just slightly different.

[Jeff]

So A white tailed deer, a one that is slightly different color than the.

[Damon]

Rest of them may not blend in.

[Jeff]

With its round does not blend in and it gets picked out the quickest like of a predator looks at a herd of an impalas and there's 5,000 impalas and one of them happens to have a little bit of a black patch. I guarantee it. Every one of them eyes that is going to focus on that. That's right. School of fish. All the fish want to be all this schools function and schools as a whole together. That's all. And so then the, the idea is that we're all safe because they can't really pick one of us out and you don't have focus. Right, Right. But one of the fish that swim slightly different than the rest, guess what? You pick him out of the school.

[Damon]

It creates a turbulence in the whole thing.

[Jeff]

That's it. Okay, so what about that? Like I'm interested on that because I was a youth minister for a long time so I've watched like kids intrigued me to no end. Adults we learn how to sort of handle our differences a little bit or we're more aware but like a junior.

[Damon]

High very, very not cruel per se.

[Jeff]

Horrifically cruel.

[Damon]

Well I call it brutal.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Damon]

Brutal is a better word.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

Brut is not intentionally cruel.

[Jeff]

You're nicer than me. I've like I would say I've watched junior high kids, junior high boys. Okay. And girl I don't I only I'm. But I watch junior high guys that are honest. They're unsure about their own self. Okay. At that juncture in life. And as I would say men don't grow out of that at all. That's still part of what men are about but they pick that one out that is a little bit different and they incessantly go after after them.

[Damon]

That and that is. I find a lot of people do that and actually a friend of mine taught me this. He was. He was older than me. He was a good guy. His name was Dennis. And he. He told me, you know, most of the time those people are either feeling so small they're trying to bring themselves up to your level or they feel that you're so big that they're trying to bring you down to their.

[Jeff]

Well agreed. But in that and that's true like that's 100% anybody who's doing that behavior A if you're hearing this, it is 100% wrong. We are not saying it is acceptable at all to prey upon other people and to do Anything like that. Right? Not at all. No. No, no. I am more going to the place of looking at that young person who is the victim of getting on that. It's all right to be an adult now, looking back on that and to go, ah, I have clarity of under. But to be that young person that you go to school and you're like.

[Damon]

Oh, yeah, I never got a swirly, believe it or not. But that's because anytime anybody ever tried to give me a swirly or something, you know the swirl.

[Jeff]

Yeah. You dump your head in the toilet and you flush it.

[Damon]

The reason I didn't. That's. I talked about getting in fights a lot is because I was not getting that swirly.

[Jeff]

Right. So out of it. Sounds like to me you learned at an early age. Okay. That I have to control things inside of me that I really don't know how to control.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. I am different than everybody else in my brain, works differently, and I can't. I don't yet know how to handle that. And I've got to fight.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

That's tough.

[Damon]

Yeah. It was not easy. And, you know, I spent most of my childhood like that. I did. There were good points and bad points. I did finally, by the time I was 15, start making actual friends.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

How did that occur?

[Damon]

The stoners took me in.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Fair.

[Jeff]

Okay. So I. It's ready. Without fail.

[Damon]

Yeah. I've never done drugs in my life. It's not my thing. I don't, I don't. I, I, I will actually. I smoked weed once in my life. I won't deny that. But otherwise, you and President Clinton.

[Jeff]

Didn't that what he did? Like, yeah.

[Damon]

Oh, I didn't inhale. I didn't inhale. That, That's. That seems a bit. Yeah. Never mind. But yeah, I did smoke weed once in my life. And actually what happened is, is, is I was taking medicine at the time, and it caused my medicine was a horrible experience.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Damon]

It was a really horrible experience.

[Jeff]

What it was interesting on that is I could have bet money, like watching youth stuff. So we've got one of my old youth comes to the line. Some had struggles with mental health. You. You could see it at an early age and in junior high. This is a fact. And we'll come back his sixth grade year. I will never. He was at Belton. Okay. I won't say who it is or what. His whole entire sixth grade year. This is truth. Okay. Whole entire sixth grade year, he was spoken to not one single time at school. Nobody spoke to him. He didn't get picked on in the way you did. Nobody spoke to him. He had no body. Came visit him.

[Damon]

I can relate to that to some extent. It was more of my seventh grade year that I got. Okay, my eighth grade year, I got ignored eighth grade year, I got ignored 8th grade year.

[Jeff]

Tell me about that.

[Damon]

I was in Belton Junior High at the time. And this went back in Belton Junior High was just the only junior high in the whole town. I lost some acquaintances of mine to moving and my behavior became erratic for a while. So just nobody wanted to deal with me.

[Jeff]

That's right.

[Damon]

Actually, teachers didn't want to deal with.

[Jeff]

This young man that was the teachers. Well, a. He was not easy to deal with.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

Okay. Because his behavior was not normal. Say nobody wanted to be around him. And he was the. A. Like he was not even fun to pick on anymore because he was. Okay.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Whole year of that. And then guess what happened to him. And so his ninth grade year, okay, 15, guess what? He found a friend group to fit in. And so if you were going to guess what friend group took him in.

[Damon]

The stoners, probably.

[Jeff]

That's right. Okay.

[Damon]

Stoners tend to be a bit outcast himself.

[Jeff]

That's right. Because they're. I mean, so then they get taken in. And him, he did not have the luxury of not partaking into the activities. Right. He wanted to fit in. He had friends, he had people that spoke to him. He had places to go. He had interactions with other human beings. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have to have a drug addiction come along with it. But hey, that's worth the cost, you know, because I got friends, I got place I can. Got belonging.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And people that. Okay, I'm at sarcasm. The drug addiction he still carries with him today, unfortunately, that's.

[Damon]

That's a hard thing and it's a really difficult thing. But, you know, strangely enough, in Belton High School, in my class, um, the stoners were probably the least of the continuous drug addicts.

[Jeff]

Okay, fair. Tell me, what does that mean?

[Damon]

Well, our. It was. Alcohol and drug use was actually pretty rampant.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

In my. In my year in the football team.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah.

[Damon]

In the. In the nerds even. And you know, even in the. In the kickers, which we called them or the Cowboys.

[Jeff]

That's right.

[Damon]

Yeah. I. We've lost a lot of people in my class actually, to drug addiction. Sometimes to prison, sometimes to death. And I. I don't understand. Personally, it's this. This doesn't really register with me. Why. But it just seemed Very prevalent in my. In my ear.

[Jeff]

Okay. So interesting. Like this discussion is. So we. We're now in high. We. We hang out with that group. And so. And we're. We may go into addiction and stuff like that, but like the mental health side of it. So we. We finished Belton High School. So then what did we do?

[Damon]

Well, when I was 16, I wanted to go into that. I was so my psychiatrist for the first time.

[Jeff]

Okay, so you started getting professional help at.

[Damon]

Yeah, I had been seeing therapists over the years, and that was. That was hit and miss.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I saw a psychiatrist, and she was really good. Her name was Gail Eisenhower, and she was a really good psychiatrist.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And she's the one that told me I'd probably had. She. She. She. Well, first of all, she said, you have a mental health disorder.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And I was actually, unlike most people, I was grateful.

[Jeff]

Really?

[Damon]

Yeah. Because I had something I could put a pin in.

[Jeff]

So 16 was the first time I.

[Damon]

Somebody gave me a label, I guess you could say.

[Jeff]

That's right. That they're going, hey, you know what?

[Damon]

But that label highlighted a lot of what was going on in my life that I didn't understand.

[Jeff]

Okay. Really? Just 16, you get diagnosed with.

[Damon]

With. And she diagnosed me initially, she said with major depression with psychotic features.

[Jeff]

Major depression with psychotic features. What does that mean?

[Damon]

Means you're really, really, really sad or angry a lot of the time, and you have some unusual thinking.

[Jeff]

Okay. Okay, interesting. So that. And then out of that. And you said that was sort of.

[Damon]

That was a relief for.

[Jeff]

Okay. For.

[Damon]

Oddly enough, it's like I said, now I had something I could have put a pin in.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

So you got this board of this collage of everything that's gone on in your life, and he has something you can connect all those different threads with now.

[Jeff]

Oh. Oh, okay. Okay, interesting.

[Damon]

And now that. That. And. And it was also in the initial road to my recovery for a while.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

For time being. Huh.

[Jeff]

So then. Well, we're gonna have. Because that word time being is intriguing to me. Okay. So we're gonna. We're gonna definitely come to that one.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

But so this. So you were cognizant to go, man, I got like, before 16, you're looking at all these different pieces that together.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And you're going, I know these are me.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Because they're me. And then you're trying to figure out how do these things.

[Damon]

Yeah. It gave me a. It gave me a. Not in non necessarily bad ways, like it does with a lot of people, because I didn't take it negatively. I just said, now I can work with something.

[Jeff]

Okay. Okay. So then your road to health. Tell me what that started looking like.

[Damon]

Well, you know, I started taking what was known as Haldol and Prozac. Prozac was a brand new medicine at that time. It was the very first antidepressant of its kind.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

They were called SSRIs.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Which stands for selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. I know that's a lot. That's a mouthful.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

But. And. And Haldol is an antipsychotic. Okay. So it dealt with my. It dealt with the psychotic features. And she also told me, by the way, which was a really insightful thing for a doctor to tell you, this diagnosis is not permanent. It will change over your life.

[Jeff]

Really?

[Damon]

Yeah. She was. She was. She was realistic enough to tell me that I would not be that. That, that depending on who I met and how my life was going at the time, my diagnosis would change.

[Jeff]

What does that mean?

[Damon]

Well, I've had seven different diagnosis in my life. Mental health diagnosis.

[Jeff]

Okay. Really?

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. So the dad is absolutely. Golly, I was ignorant. I. I did not realize that fact.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And believe it or not, the diagnosis I have now, which is called schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, which is basically being psychotic, being schizophrenic and bipolar at the same time.

[Jeff]

Schizophrenic and bipolar at the same.

[Damon]

Yeah. It's basically like, okay, okay. Not, you know, the psychosis is considered more prominent than the mood. Bipolar being the mood and schizophrenia being the psychosis.

[Jeff]

Okay. And that's the. Currently, the chapter you're in right at the moment.

[Damon]

Right. I deal with that. I take medicine and I do a lot of coping skills. I have a lot of coping skills that I use because, you know, but anyway, going back. So you told me I. I would have multiple diagnosis in order to have this diagnosis that I have now, you have to been diagnosed with five different mental health disorders before you can even get to it. That's in the. That's in the dsm.

[Jeff]

In the playbook. Like in the playbook.

[Damon]

It's actually in the playbook. It says you have to have five different diagnosis before we can actually give you this diagnosis in the world.

[Jeff]

Okay, interesting. So, okay, we're going to. We're going to. We're going to definitely keep down this road. So you get diagnosed with this first year on medicine, and it helped because you. I. I did.

[Damon]

I got a job, I became a janitor. At Scott and White. Actually, I started out as a janitor at the three Core headquarters building at a Fort Hood.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay.

[Damon]

That big? Yeah, it's a nice building and everything like that. And so I worked there for a year, and I went to school, and then my dad died.

[Jeff]

Your dad died?

[Damon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeff]

At early. I mean, that's.

[Damon]

He was a very early age. He. He was not young when I was born, though. He was 42 when I was born.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

But he was 60. 60. Let's see. I was 19. So he was 61 when he passed away. He was 61 when he passed away. That's still a young age.

[Jeff]

So your dad. So you are working. You're getting. And your dad passes away.

[Damon]

And I told you before we started this, dad had gotten into some Ponzi schemes and pyramid schemes in his life, and he caused some debt in our family. So I had at the time, not been living at home. I had been living on my own. But after he died, I moved back home to help my mom get us out of this rut.

[Jeff]

To help with income. To help your mother?

[Damon]

Yeah. I was. Guy. In brief, I've only lived away from my house for six months in my life. Unless you want to count my hospitalizations, man.

[Jeff]

I'm telling you, your conversation is absolutely intriguing to me. So you have stayed like your home setting?

[Damon]

Yeah. Five months. The one. The helmet belt. And I have lived there since 1979.

[Jeff]

Golly. Okay. And still live there now.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. Okay. So dad dies.

[Damon]

Yeah. My mom. Digger, dig out of the rut.

[Jeff]

That's a whole lot for you.

[Damon]

It was a lot.

[Jeff]

That's a lot for.

[Damon]

Yeah. So I had to drop out of college at the time, but I still worked.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I just worked more, you know, and then did less college, did no college. So I dropped out of college, and I started working for Scott and White at that time. I started out as a janitor. Then I became waste management. Just slightly higher. And became a biohazard specialist for a while.

[Jeff]

Oh, I didn't want to know.

[Damon]

It's not as dirty as it sounds because you don't have to look at the stuff most of the time.

[Jeff]

Oh.

[Damon]

It's just, you know, you deal with. But you do have to learn how to work on autoclave and an incinerator, and you have to wear special gear and stuff like that.

[Jeff]

Okay. So then you're working at Scott and White and taking care of. Trying to pay back bills for. And you've lost your dad.

[Damon]

Yeah. And I. So. So my entire life, the My entire adult life. I may have lived at home, but I paid rent the whole time to help out. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. Okay.

[Damon]

I always, I always tried to pay my way. That's. That was ingrained in me. My mom told me, you can live here even before I moved to. What? Moved out. You can live here, but you have to go to school and you have to work.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

That was ingrained in me from early life. There were exceptions to that rule. Just like she also made. She. She also said to me, you get one get out of jail free card.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

In other words, she would, you know, which. I never. I. I got arrested once, but that was. The police dropped the charges and everything like that. Well, I'm not going to get in that one.

[Jeff]

Okay. Fair enough.

[Damon]

It was, it was a. Interesting incident, but I. It was actually right after I'd gotten diagnosed, but. So you only get one get out of jail free card and you have to earn your way.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

That was, that was ingrained in me from very early on. My mom was an accountant and she was. She always handled the family finances. So she was very responsible and very fiscal.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

My dad's irresponsibility was in his back in the 80s in Belton, a man could commandeer a woman's bank account quicker than lightning.

[Jeff]

Okay. And so he got you all in.

[Damon]

In plenty of trouble. Multiple times against her will.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Even though she was normally in charge of the finances.

[Jeff]

So let me ask you for your family. So we're talking to just your perception. Well, let's just. Your mother, how did she handle or deal with the fact that you had mental illness difficulties?

[Damon]

She handled it very rationally. I mean, she'd been reading Psychology Today since I was 14, before I was even seeing a doctor.

[Jeff]

To try to figure out.

[Damon]

Trying to figure out what. How the best to help her son.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

She saw something also.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

She was very perceptive. She didn't ignore these things and, you.

[Jeff]

Know, they're working on the wall.

[Damon]

Oh, okay. Anyway, so she would. She. She was insightful. She. And she handled me as well as she could, all things considered, you know, and I work like I said, and by the time I started working and everything like that. That was good. Things started to. About five years into working at Scott & White, or no, six years into working at Scott and White. Things started to fall apart, though. My illness, my medication stopped working properly.

[Jeff]

Okay. Why is that? I don't know.

[Damon]

So mental health meds are like, for lack of a better term, they are a mind altering substance. Okay. They're just a Positive mind altering substance.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Damon]

Rather than a dangerous mind altering substance. Although they do have their drawbacks. I won't deny that.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Damon]

So when your medicine stops working, your mind starts doing things and telling you things. And your behavior changes based on what your mind starts telling you.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

So I got lost my job at Scott and White due to unforeseen. My. My. My symptoms made me more aggressive and made me perceive things differently. So I got in a confrontation with my boss.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I did not. Nothing physical.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Damon]

But that incident led to me being fired eventually.

[Jeff]

That's right.

[Damon]

He was a good boss. He really was. He wasn't. He was. He was a good guy. He was patient. He tried, but there was just nothing he could do.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

You know, it was. If you couldn't handle me, then you couldn't handle.

[Jeff]

But what's interesting to me and like this, like you just said, mind altering. And we have these drugs that can. Okay. What is always intriguing to me is like you. I sit here. I believe you are here. Why? Because I. I can see you.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

Okay. I believe you are here because my mind says, oh, I touched you.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

And I believe you are here because my mind says, oh, I can hear. And we're interjecting in a conversation here. This thing up here is the only thing that's really confirming what I believe, which is you're here.

[Damon]

And despite all the abuse and everything I had as a kid, I actually was a very arrogant young adult for a long time.

[Jeff]

What does that mean?

[Damon]

I was full of myself.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I guess all.

[Jeff]

Well, if you had massage, I guess.

[Damon]

Yeah. Okay, I get. But all 22 year olds are a little full of themselves.

[Jeff]

Well, they know 22, you know everything.

[Damon]

Yeah. Like you had it all throwing a messiah complex and grandiose delusions with that.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And imagine what I was like.

[Jeff]

Well, so at 22, so you are. You're pretty like in your. Your illness. Tell me if this is accurate. You are pretty sure you know the answer?

[Damon]

Because the medicine was not always working all the time.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Because the medicine only does so much. The rest is up to you.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I describe medicine as a foundation that I build my recovery on.

[Jeff]

Okay. Nice. Okay.

[Damon]

It is not a whole other structure that you got to be. Got to complete though.

[Jeff]

Okay. But you got to have a strong foundation to build upon.

[Damon]

You have to have a strong foundation. And luckily my medicine works well for me.

[Jeff]

But it changes.

[Damon]

Yeah. Over time.

[Jeff]

Over time.

[Damon]

Yeah. I've lost. I've lost track of time, of how many medications actually made me worse, how Many medications didn't work at all. And how many medications wore off? I've lost track. I really have. And I've been on. I've never not been on an antipsychotic in my life. And I've been on up to probably eight or nine different antipsychotics.

[Jeff]

And then out like so, if I'm understanding correctly. So then you would get prescribed a medicine. Hey, Damon, I'm Dr. Blah, blah, blah. And. Right. Right. Here's. I think this is going to work great for you. Here's your medicine. Good luck. I'll talk to you in two months and let me know how this is working. Then you're supposed to go and let's pretend like, when you say it doesn't work, what does that mean?

[Damon]

It works.

[Jeff]

Okay, let's say it makes it worse. What does that mean to Damon?

[Damon]

Hell. That's hell. And no offense.

[Jeff]

No, no, you're not going to offend.

[Damon]

Me, but that's my own personal hell.

[Jeff]

Tell me what that is like when.

[Damon]

It'S not worth, your mind abuses you. In my case, my mind tells me I literally have hallucination. I would have hallucinations. I have delusions. I don't just have auditory and visual hallucinations, though. I have what's called tactile hallucination.

[Jeff]

Okay, tell me what that means.

[Damon]

Imagine bugs crawling up your legs all the freaking time.

[Jeff]

You wouldn't feel with 100% certainty when you were not. Well, I'm just.

[Damon]

Spiders or ants are crawling up and down my legs.

[Jeff]

Then you would feel this and you would know it's occurring.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And then what other? Like, so then.

[Damon]

Oh, I'll be swatting my legs sometimes it's. It's so convincing.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And then the voices are hostile.

[Jeff]

Usually the voices are hostile.

[Damon]

Yeah. They're not really good. They're not really good.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

There rarely are. And sometimes they would escalate to where I was hearing this deafening sound of, like, cicadas, you know, you got.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Damon]

Skaters are really loud. Imagine tripling that.

[Jeff]

Okay. And you can. You can hear this with complete certainty.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And then you're hearing voices that are telling you negative things. They're not uplifting. Like. Yeah, Damon is good.

[Damon]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The voices. Okay. And I had to learn to address my voices, actually, is what I did. There's a. There's an organization. This before I learned about. I learned about this afterwards. But there's an organization now. It actually tells people how to address their voices. It's called the Hearing Voices Network. It started out of the uk okay. And it's in America, too. But. And it teaches people to relate to their voices in such a way that they can cope with them better. And in my case, I got. I got my resolution actually came to the point where I don't hardly hear voices.

[Jeff]

Okay. But when you heard voices, a recognizable voice. Like, I mean, I have a certain voice.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

You go, oh, this is.

[Damon]

It would be like hearing you, Joe.

[Jeff]

That's right. Well, I could. Yeah, that. That would be.

[Damon]

It wouldn't. It wouldn't be your voice.

[Jeff]

But, I mean, but it was real recognizable. Over. Oh, I recognize this voice. And this is this male, female.

[Damon]

Like, it was. Sometimes it was three or four or five voices at a time that you hear. Yeah. And they were very distinct, but they were also, at the same time indistinguishable because there were so many of them.

[Jeff]

And yelling negative stuff to them. Huh. Okay. And then you are supposed to be.

[Damon]

Sometimes the voices would even coincide with my delusions is, why haven't you done these things yet?

[Jeff]

What things?

[Damon]

Save the world.

[Jeff]

Okay. So we still. We're still struggling with that.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

That you are certain the world at this. Not healthy. The world is coming to an end, and you were the one tasked with saving it.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And so then all these lives are dependent on.

[Damon]

Yeah. And I. Not only are the voices questioning me, but I'm questioning, why have I not.

[Jeff]

Achieved my goal, which was to save the world.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. Holy moly. Like, I'm not saying holy moly on. I'm saying holy moly. That's a whole. It's a lot of weight to carry. A whole lot of weight. Whole lot of weight. And then, like, let me just. So I have a understanding. Like, would it be a. Okay, I got 30 seconds. And these voices are going to yell, but that's it for the day. Or is this.

[Damon]

No, it's constant.

[Jeff]

Constant.

[Damon]

Yeah. There's actually a YouTube video by a woman named Pat Deegan. She talks about that a lot. She was on Anderson Cooper one time.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

She has a simulator that lets you actually. And it's basically just a Walkman type concept. You know, ipod.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

But it tells you it has. It has those voices muttering and talking to you. Not. Not my voice per se, but like anybody else.

[Jeff]

But what it would feel like.

[Damon]

But it would feel like. And you have to go throughout the.

[Jeff]

Day like that and function. What in the world. Okay.

[Damon]

In other words, buy your coffee, have a conversation with the coffee guy while you're paying for your coffee. While you're hearing these voices all the time.

[Jeff]

And then having to discern. Hey, this one with Jeff is really occurring. These are not occurring. Yeah.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And then to go. And then have this and be.

[Damon]

And then have things sometimes come out the side at. Corner your eye and. But my. My. My most. My hallucinations for, like, peripheral. So I'd had to be looking to see what the heck was going on to. To nothing. Be like a shadow in the eyes.

[Jeff]

But then you. You would think you saw a person.

[Damon]

Yeah. Or something. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Or a car or anything. And he catch my attention. And I'd look.

[Jeff]

Huh.

[Damon]

And there. That's. That's odd behavior if you're not. If nobody else is seeing what you're seeing.

[Jeff]

But it's so perplexing to me because everything that I am seeing right now, I am sure everybody else is seeing it the exact same way I'm seeing it.

[Damon]

I was aware that I was not seeing what everybody else was saying.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I was aware. Which how it is. I don't know. A lot of people aren't aware of this.

[Jeff]

I agree. Yeah. Like I'm saying, it. It seems.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

A gift that you were aware of. Now everybody's not always.

[Damon]

It's a gift and a curse to so agree.

[Jeff]

Yeah. But to understand that, you know what? Jeff's not seeing the same things I'm seeing, and he's not here at when this juncture or nobody else is hearing the same words. And it's intriguing to me that it's the same voices over and over and over and always never positive, always negative.

[Damon]

Never positive. Yeah, always.

[Jeff]

And what you were doing wrong. And. Yeah.

[Damon]

It was always pointing out what. And. But at the same time, I don't know why. But in the long run, it made me a better person.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

It humbled me, and that was a good thing.

[Jeff]

Okay. So then let me. That we're not gonna. I. We could stay on this. Because it. It is intriguing to me, like, at this discussion of reality and such like that. So. But let's. Let's move. Okay. So then.

[Damon]

Because we finally did get much better, I was on. So I had to be on Social Security for a long time, though. I had to get on Social Security, which was another for me at the time. I thought it was humiliating.

[Jeff]

Oh, Social Security disability.

[Damon]

Yeah, I was on disability.

[Jeff]

Okay. Got it.

[Damon]

I was on ssdi. You know, I worked long enough that I could get on Social Security, not on ssi.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I made enough money and all that, so I got on Social Security disability, and I. I Lived my life that way for a while. And actually when I. I lived my life on disability for a long time, even when I was getting better, I was not better. Quite better enough, I guess you could say.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

But I did volunteer for Central counties for 10 years.

[Jeff]

Okay. So then I was better in the process. So then you're on disability, you're getting. You're working on your own, and then you decided you wanted to help in the mental health field.

[Damon]

Yeah. Well, what was going on is we had this thing called psychosocial rehab.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Back in the day, which is a group program based on having groups of individuals with mental health disorders have day programs is what they were.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

They were not the most positive thing all the time, but they were not bad either. They were kind of par for the course, I guess you could say.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

You know, say, you know, par is even.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

It's not great, but it's not bad.

[Jeff]

Okay. It's not a bogey, so.

[Damon]

It's not a bogey.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Okay, so fair enough. But you're still. You're still on the course, so we're doing that. And so then you're now volunteering with ccs and my.

[Damon]

By the way, I had mentioned, I. For about four years, I'd spent nine months out of the. I would spend nine months out of the year in Ash for about a four year period.

[Jeff]

Wait, wait, wait. What is Ash?

[Damon]

Austin State Hospital. Okay, so for the area.

[Jeff]

Hold on. So back up.

[Damon]

I was institutionalized for a long time.

[Jeff]

So tell me that sentence again, what you just said. You said for four years you would spend nine months out of the year.

[Damon]

Out of the year in Austin State Hospital or I would be institutionalized.

[Jeff]

And you were how old at this chapter, your Life?

[Damon]

I was 24 to 27.

[Jeff]

24 to 27.

[Damon]

28.

[Jeff]

Okay. Yeah. Voluntarily?

[Damon]

Not always.

[Jeff]

Okay, okay. Fair, fair. Okay. Yeah.

[Damon]

Most of the time, yes. Because I would just wanted to get rid of what was going on with me.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And I thought. But at the same time, I also had a doctor tell me about my psychosis. You will never become a functioning member of society again.

[Jeff]

You had a what?

[Damon]

He told me with all the compassion in his heart that I would never be a functioning member of society again.

[Jeff]

Okay. So a mental health doctor.

[Damon]

A psychiatrist.

[Jeff]

A psychiatrist in this area in Ash. Oh, okay. Ash. Because the reason, like what's interesting to me and is we're tiptoeing in it is we won't go there. But my. My stepdad, my upbringing, we're about the same age yeah, yeah. Okay. My stepdad and all of his friends. So he was a psychologist and worked with all the psychiatrists here at Scott and White and all the different hospitals. And they made. So I'm like, man, I keep waiting for the next second and you're going to say, and I was seeing Dr.

[Damon]

So and so. And I'm like, I'm not telling you.

[Jeff]

My doctors aren't going to know. Okay.

[Damon]

So I'm going to take my doctors.

[Jeff]

A doctor in mental health said, hey, guess what, Damon got some good news for you. You're never going to be a functioning member of society again.

[Damon]

And he said it. He really did. He said it with all compassion in his heart. But I knew he believed it.

[Jeff]

He said it heartfully.

[Damon]

Manner.

[Jeff]

Why would you not be able to be a functioning.

[Damon]

Because people with a severe mental illness were not supposed to be functional at the time.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

That was in 1996.

[Jeff]

Not that long ago. Yeah, well, that's what we're old. Golly.

[Damon]

But young.

[Jeff]

I wouldn't count that as that long ago.

[Damon]

No, it's not that long ago. It's not. I don't know. You know, It's. It's almost 30 years ago.

[Jeff]

You're right.

[Damon]

We're old.

[Jeff]

Okay. Yeah. It's a long time.

[Damon]

Yeah. It was 29 years ago. Oh my. Was a person with severe psychosis could not recover.

[Jeff]

Can I ask the sentence. Do you remember what does it feel like to hear that?

[Damon]

Yeah, it made me give up for a while. That's probably one of the reasons I spent all that time in ash.

[Jeff]

How could it not?

[Damon]

Yeah, I did. I gave up for a while. And you know what? I Basically, by the time I was 28, I was saying, I'm sick and tired of this. I'm sick and tired. I'm fed up. I'm. I'm. I'm fed the freaking A. Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

Huh.

[Damon]

And I said, you know, and I walked out of that hospital that one time and I said, I'm not coming back here. I made up that. I made that decision.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

I did come back. I won't deny. Two years later, I may. I did a one month visit and another year later I did another one visit. And that was all though.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And so it says spending three months on and three. A month off and three months on and a month off on a constant basis, though. I only did those two visits that time.

[Jeff]

Okay. Time. Okay.

[Damon]

So I made a. I made a concerted effort to work on myself.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

And not let others work on me.

[Jeff]

Agreed. Interesting. Say that sentence again.

[Damon]

I made a concerted effort to work on myself and not let others work on me.

[Jeff]

Interesting, interesting.

[Damon]

I'm sure the power of prayer is a good thing, I will say, but universal faith in God without working on yourself is not a good thing.

[Jeff]

Tell me about that.

[Damon]

I've dealt with.

[Jeff]

Man, you got some big sentences.

[Damon]

Sorry, sorry.

[Jeff]

No, bring it.

[Damon]

I've met a lot of people who think that if they just have faith, their life will be better.

[Jeff]

And faith. And faith alone. That's right, right, right.

[Damon]

They need to make no effort in themselves on their part.

[Jeff]

Okay, okay.

[Damon]

I'm not a highly religious person, but I do believe the. In the concept that God helps those who help themselves.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

In other words, you need to make a concerted effort in your life and show that you are a part of your life in order for your life to be better.

[Jeff]

Yeah. You are an active participant in your own life.

[Damon]

And I am a walking, talking realization of that, in my opinion. Because when I started working on myself, I started getting better. When I was expecting others to fix me, I never got better.

[Jeff]

Okay, interesting. So like. And I would. I would agree.

[Damon]

Yeah. Like now, by that time, after that time, you see, I was a really good patient at that time because I always listened to what everybody had to say and had to tell me.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

When I started taking an active role in my own recovery, I was not considered a good patient anymore.

[Jeff]

What does that mean?

[Damon]

I argued with my doctors. I. Oh, my therapist.

[Jeff]

Okay, okay.

[Damon]

I said, I stood up for myself partly. I said, this medication is not working right. I want something different. Or I would say, this is not how it's supposed to be going. I would actually say these things. And that is in his program at the time, at the time, okay. There was no such thing as what's called shared decision making.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Shared decision making is a philosophy that the doctor or the therapist is an advisor and you are the best analyst of your life. That didn't end. Exist back then.

[Jeff]

What?

[Damon]

No. As a medical practice. Shared decision making is a brand new concept. It's only about 12, 15 years old.

[Jeff]

And we function on. In the mental health. We would function under that umbrella now.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yes, now. Now.

[Damon]

Fifteen years ago, though, it was not there. It just. It was just being introduced 15 years ago.

[Jeff]

So by you saying, no, this doesn't make me feel.

[Damon]

Whenever I would say you wrong, they would say, I can't be wrong. I'm the doctor.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we now know. I'm sorry to tell all the medical professionals out there, they can be wrong.

[Damon]

Everybody can be.

[Jeff]

Everybody can be wrong. That's not. That's not a negative statement on doctors or mental health.

[Damon]

So I was a difficult patient. I was called a difficult patient at the time. I was getting better, but I was a difficult patient.

[Jeff]

Hey, so let me ask then. So that we're now peer support. This is what you do every day. You are now working with daemons every day. Like, so the people that we deal with here. Well, hey, I think it is an absolute gift what you do now that. I mean, if anybody. If I go to.

[Damon]

If I. Right.

[Jeff]

If I go talk to Damon and tell him, here's how you should feel and here's how life should be, I am going to miss the mark 1000% because I don't.

[Damon]

You're not the expert on my life.

[Jeff]

I don't understand, like, even. There's components of it, even here. I'm just sitting here going. I'll give you credit. I am just stunned. I'm going. I. I can't even imagine trying to function in this. I. I hear voices. Mine whisper, like, so I. I can. I can hear them and. But it's like other conversations that are going on at the same time.

[Damon]

Like I said, I don't hear voices anymore.

[Jeff]

Thank goodness.

[Damon]

I still have tactile hallucinations.

[Jeff]

Tactile means what?

[Damon]

That's the feeling.

[Jeff]

The feeling.

[Damon]

The crawling on your screen.

[Jeff]

Okay, got it.

[Damon]

I still have those on occasion.

[Jeff]

And is there. Are they triggered by something or they usually.

[Damon]

Idleness.

[Jeff]

Idleness.

[Damon]

Yeah. If I'm laying in bed or I'm just sitting for a long time and. And not doing anything, then. Then, Then. Then that's when I start feeling the crawling.

[Jeff]

That would. Well, I was gonna say something really dumb. I said that would drive me crazy. That would be crazy.

[Damon]

That's final. Right.

[Jeff]

I understand what you mean, but, golly, that would absolutely flip me out.

[Damon]

It doesn't do it all the time now, but it does still do it sometimes.

[Jeff]

Okay. Wow. So in it, this has been an interesting, interesting discussion, and we're definitely going to have to take up part two of this one, because I want to. So now. So tell me, Damon, that is sitting right here with me right now, Tell me about you right now.

[Damon]

I'm reasonably happy individual. I believe contentment is a relative term, though. Okay. I believe I'm happy. I am happy with myself.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

But I always believe I can go better.

[Jeff]

Fair enough. Fair enough.

[Damon]

I have ambition, I guess you could say. And I mean tent. But I have ambition, and that's good.

[Jeff]

That's Being a human.

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I mean, in a healthy human, like we're never at the final place where we're supposed to be. We're always growing and learning and expanding.

[Damon]

I still have those days where I kick myself for my past. Everybody does.

[Jeff]

Yeah, that's for you.

[Damon]

It's just being human too.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Damon]

But I get over them much more quickly. I say, well, you know, that's what it was. And I can't. I just have to move on.

[Jeff]

And then one not lasting but nearing the end is to whatever doctor that said, I'll tell you this. Hey, somebody we sort of mutually know. I knew that component about you, but I didn't know that, that you weren't even supposed to be able to function as a member of society. Somebody told me that to say, you know, when you see Damon, he's an absolute miracle because he wasn't even supposed to be able to fit into society as we know it. And I'm like, what the heck do you mean? And they've been diagnosed in his mental difficulties are such a struggle that the odds were against him even being able to get to this place. And so I would say first to hear nothing else. So everybody out there listening to this. Okay? Damon is an unbelievably strong member of society and he is working and helping people in this struggle and helps a lot of people every day in this journey. Okay? So what he does is absolutely incredible here. Very difficult, very difficult job that he has every day.

[Damon]

It wears on you emotionally.

[Jeff]

It does. Okay, so like in, we know this, okay, when we're done with this. But the sound is irritating me to no end. But we're going to walk outside the door and there's no telling what is going to come our way as far as far as mental health issues with the people that we serve. And Damon and the people that he work with, they are ground zero, front line of the lifeline for many people here that have nothing. They have nothing as far as help in this. So what they do is nothing short of a miracle here.

[Damon]

Try to help the people that, no offense, I think the world has given up on. Bartley.

[Jeff]

They have like, you know, and they've said in a non professional way, hey, by the way, you're never going to be a functioning member of society again. Be done with your life and get out of our way. It's not true.

[Damon]

No, it's not. And you know, everybody is worth the bother, I guess you could say.

[Jeff]

Fair. I like that sentence. Is that in. And if nothing else is, Damon is living Testimony right now to go. Everybody is worth the bother. Okay? And out of this. And I do like what he says about, you know, there's not one fix for it. Mental health is.

[Damon]

There's not one fix for anything.

[Jeff]

That's it. There's not.

[Damon]

You have to take things from multiple points of view. I mean, you know, one string one, one straight one. One line of logic is, is, is fine. Yeah. For one person. But we have millions of people out there. So you kind of have millions of lines of logic. That means you have to have million, not millions of approaches, but multiple approaches.

[Jeff]

That's right. Yeah. It's not a one size fits all. Mental health is not. Unfortunately, pharmaceuticals companies might would say. Yeah, they would, they would, they would disagree.

[Damon]

They would like to disagree.

[Jeff]

Yeah, they would like to disagree.

[Damon]

I would like to disagree with some of the medicines I've taken too.

[Jeff]

Agreed, agreed. And then there's no, well, we won't go down that rabbit trail because I'll go, I'll go way down. But in it, we are definitely going to come back to the discussion because we now have met Damon and his perspective on mental health is, let's just say, unique. Okay. And, and very good. What he does here is amazing. And I have many. I am overjoyed that I know this, Damon. I am so sad and hurt for the five year old who realizes, huh, I'm not like everybody else. And for the, the young kid who's like, huh, wow, nobody talks to me this year. It's not easy, you know, and then to then try to get well and go to some doctor. Hey, by the way, Damon, I know you're young, you're only in your 20s, but by the way, your sentence is terminal. You will never fit into this world and you'll never be any part of it. Really?

[Damon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

What in the world, what in the world as far as reckless things to say to a human being until you look at that and you go ridiculous. And what I do appreciate is like Damon's awareness of where he is today and then. But the struggle that he fights for every day in these people and that we look at. And I do appreciate that. So let me ask you this. This is the obligatory really dumb question at the end when you talk about mental health and all of that stuff. So this is absolutely juvenile. What would you tell somebody right now who is struggling with mental health issues? They've sitting right now, they're going, maybe they don't have the same one as you, but man, they go, golly, I'm not sure I see the world the same way or feel the same things that everybody else in the world seems to feel. What would you tell them?

[Damon]

Take advice from people, but remember, you're your own best expert.

[Jeff]

Okay, and what does that mean?

[Damon]

It means listen to what people have to say to you, but at the same time, you know where you're at.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And you have a voice.

[Damon]

Right.

[Jeff]

And you are the, let me see at. Gee golly, I would, I'm hearing voices in my head. Okay. I would argue the sentence, I'm arguing it with myself in it, before I even say it, is that Jeff is the best advocate for Jeff. But I'm not sure I completely agree with that sentence because sometimes Jeff is the worst advocate for Jeff.

[Damon]

Well, we all are, but we know ourselves better than anybody else.

[Jeff]

That's right, we do.

[Damon]

Even when we know we're going down the right path. I mean, even when we're going down the wrong path, sometimes we know we're going down.

[Jeff]

That's right. Oh, I've walked down plenty of paths. I'm like, I know this sucks. Yeah, I'm a walk down inside for sure.

[Damon]

But at the same time, it's our decision to make.

[Jeff]

That's right.

[Damon]

I'm big on what's called self determination.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

Which means you are free to make your own choices as long as you're not hurting anybody, as long as you're not impeding everybody else's choices. You know, you're not restricting somebody else in your choices. You are free to make those choices, however self destructive they may be, sadly enough. Okay, I hope they're not self destructive. I hope they're constructive. I really do.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Damon]

But you have the right to make your own choice.

[Jeff]

That's a whole other podcast right there. That's it. You've got like eight. Your sentences are extremely heavy sentences.

[Damon]

Like, I do a lot of thinking.

[Jeff]

You do? Like, so anybody out there who's listening to this, I mean this nicely, you would have to sit there and go, I'm, I'd go, Damon is supremely intelligent, highly, highly intelligent person. Your mind is very, very, very high functioning.

[Damon]

I try. I, I don't, I, I've, I've, I, I don't always see myself that way because I was called stupid a lot. But that's, that's, that's a whole nother story.

[Jeff]

Right. But highly intelligent.

[Damon]

Yeah, I, I, I, I tried to think of myself as, as reasonably intelligent anyway.

[Jeff]

Okay, well, I'm gonna go on the record. You're highly intelligent and in your intellect is Is very deep. So I will say this. Enjoyed our conversation. We got a little tiny glimpse of Damon and we're going to go more in depth to look at that and to see, you know, about the struggles that we see out in the people that we have here. We're going to look up and back and go, tell me. Because we would agree that it's a. It's a difficult. The mental health in the world that we live in is. Is a huge issue, Huge issue at hand. And it is affecting all over every cross section of the population. So it is not limited to the rich, not limited to poor. It's not limited to color, skin, gender, anything. Mental health is a universal thing. It is, and it's one. We're just now truly starting to become aware of its grasp and its power within the world. It was an unspoken taboo years ago, but no longer. It is now. We understand its weight. So everybody out there, I do hope you found it intriguing. Like, if you just listen to anything, you'd have to be sitting there going, every man. Oh, holy moly. I can't imagine any of this stuff functioning this way or that way or to get a glimpse on. Realities are different for everybody out there. They're different. And so we would look at that and to be aware of that. And I hope you out there understand the reason, like, we'd look at this, you know, like, Damon, we said you're of worth and like, that's an amazing life that we have that we're going through right now. And we would say to everybody that every person, they matter. There is nobody that is right offable. Okay. And so we don't. We don't agree with that philosophy that somebody up. By the way, you're just done with this.

[Damon]

Very true.

[Jeff]

It's not. And so we would go, every person matters. And what we do is because they matter. Right? And so out of that, we would say the same thing to you. If you're listening to this, if you're able to have listened to this, you are really this crazy thing it's called, you're a person and you matter.

[Damon]

Right?

[Jeff]

Okay. And you matter and on different sides. And we would go, you know, to realize that the burden that comes with saying I matter and that you might be asked to facilitate change and to help make the world a better place, you matter for that. And then also to realize in your insignificance of going, well, nobody talks to me. We're going to say that's a lie and you matter. And to hear that truth and like that person who told Damon and said, oh, by the way, you're stupid. You don't matter. That's a lie. We want people to hear the truth, that they matter and that they are wonderful, wonderful creations all differently woven together. Okay. And we would say, by God, that loves us in ways that we can't even imagine. So out of that, Enjoyed our discussion today. That was. I'll give you, I'll give you props. That is a new high water mark for me to have to have the explanatory sentence of what? What are you saying by that? I must said that at a new high water mark of going, I don't even understand what you're saying. So appreciate it, Damon. Good. Good having you. Good having you here. Even more so than just our conversation here. Yeah, it was good. I enjoyed that. So, everybody, I hope you have a great day and we will talk to you all later. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Collage Podcast, a production of Redcord Media. For more information on this and other podcasts, please visit redcordmedia.org.