The Collage Podcast: “Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others”

Host: Feed My Sheep
Guest: Nancy
Date: December 18, 2025

Episode Overview

In this thought-provoking episode, Feed My Sheep and guest Nancy delve into the nuanced and often challenging nature of "helping" others—particularly those experiencing homelessness. Drawing from years of hands-on experience and personal reflection, they examine the line between genuine assistance and enabling, the motivations behind acts of giving, and the importance of relational (versus purely transactional) support. Peppered with honest anecdotes, candid dialogue, and practical insights, this episode challenges listeners to reconsider what it truly means to help—and when “helping” can, in fact, do harm.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Help: Is It So Simple?

[04:04 – 05:45]

• Nancy’s Initial Definition:

  • Improving someone’s circumstances to the best of our ability.
  • Specific actions: Feeding the hungry, warming the cold.
  • Quickly admits the complexity: “It kind of gets a little fuzzy. Is figuring out what an improvement of circumstances really means, and also the intention… sometimes we can look at a situation and think, I need to do this… because I know better… and that can be very ego driven.” (B, 04:45)

• Host Reflection:

  • “So then in your first sentences, we got about five different launching off points that we could jump into.” (A, 06:07)

2. Motivation: Helping for Others Versus Helping for Ourselves

[05:36 – 06:58]

• Recognizes that charitable acts can be driven by a desire to feel good or alleviate personal guilt, not just to truly help another.

• Quote:

  • “There's many people out there that say people... help because it fills this need inside of them. It really has nothing to do with the other person.” (A, 06:41)

3. When Help Is Harmful (Enabling vs. Assisting)

[07:23 – 09:31]

• Panhandling Example:

  • Nancy shares that most panhandlers are not in desperate need; giving money frequently enables harmful behaviors.

  • Quote (Nancy):

    • “Nine times out of ten, those folks are making anywhere from three to $500 a day... But it feels good for you to dig into your wallet and hand them some money... In reality, you are funding really bad activities... That is hurting.” (B, 07:35)

  • Host’s Response:

    • Raises the common retort about responsibility ending at the point of giving. Nancy responds with a parenting analogy: “As a parent... would you say, I'm going to give this $20 bill to my teenage child and what they do with it is their business? ... Would you feel culpability if [they harmed themselves]?” (B, 09:31)

4. The Limits of Cash Assistance & Real Needs

[11:26 – 17:42]

• Firsthand Experience:

  • The host, immersed in homeless outreach, rarely gets asked for cash. Needs such as food, clothing, tickets home, IDs can all be met through services, yet those panhandling rarely accept deeper offers of help.
  • “Do you know how many people have asked me for money in all of this time?... Pretty close to zero.” (A, 11:26)
  • “I run a homeless [service]. I've never met one of them [panhandlers] here. ... They don't take us up on the offers.” (A, 14:02)

• Anecdote – Buying Groceries for Panhandlers:

  • Nancy provides groceries for a woman who then disappears, reinforcing the preference for cash over genuine aid. (B, 14:50)

5. On Enabling: The Parental Analogy

[20:04 – 21:37]

• Parallels parental care with acts of charity:
  • “If I truly care about my [adult] son or daughter…I don’t set them up in positions that truly bring them harm… There's no way that I could justify... I did right by her today. I gave her 50 bucks...” (A, 21:01)
  • Applies the same logic to strangers: Even though they are not our children, basic human compassion should preclude us from enabling self-destructive behaviors.

6. Guilt, Self-Satisfaction, and the Illusion of Impact

[23:26 – 25:01]

• Many acts of giving, like paying for a hotel stay, are more about the giver feeling good or alleviating worry. The actual help to the individual may be minimal or even counterproductive.
  • “If you put them in, you’re really doing it just so that you’ll feel good for the weekend… That's really what it boils down to.” (A quoting self, 24:54)
  • Nancy admits: “That is literally the only reason why.” (B, 33:05)

7. The Good Samaritan: A Model of True Help

[27:16 – 29:12]

• Dissects the biblical story:
  • The Samaritan didn’t just provide a temporary fix but saw to the man’s long-term needs: “He took him there and he says, whatever else he needs, I’m coming back…to get him well and get him where he can get on his way. I got it. Different.” (A, 28:05)
  • Contrasts this with one-off, no-plan aid which leaves “no end game.”

8. Relational vs. Transactional Giving

[37:21 – 41:32]

• Mini-Course Example: Nancy shares about a program highlighting the need for relationship-focused assistance:

  • “Transactional giving... compared to relational giving... You walk with them through that situation... You can only do that through relationship and conversation and not a transaction...” (B, 37:44)

• Host underscores:

  • “That sucks, Nancy, because that is way more effort…far easier [to] give 10 bucks.” (A, 39:06)

• Nancy: “It’s easier to get volunteers to dig a ditch in the middle of August than...to sit down on someone’s couch and talk for 15 minutes.” (B, 39:31)

9. What Do People Really Need?

[41:23 – 42:28]

• Questioned about the biggest need among the unhoused, Nancy answers:

  • “Community.”
  • Host agrees: “Community, relationship. The thing we would say here, the number one thing...is that.”

• Handouts—even with money—miss the deepest need for connection and belonging.

10. Action Steps and Practical Advice

[46:57 – 53:16]

• Not Everyone Is Called to Relationship:

  • Nancy: If you don’t feel called to personal involvement, support organizations that specialize in relational, long-term aid and accountability.
  • “Be sure to give to organizations that could use that funding in a way that does create that relationship and help in the right way.” (B, 47:28)

• The Math of Philanthropy:

  • Directing panhandler income toward organizations could meaningfully feed hundreds, even thousands, and connect people to lasting resources.
  • “We feed 175 people today... That’s almost a thousand people will eat this week ... That’s 45,000 plus meals [a year].” (A, 50:08)

• Relational Interactions Change Lives:

  • “The Samaritan person on the side of the road was profoundly touched not just by the hotel room. He was profoundly touched by the person that cared for him, that really didn't have any reason to care for him.” (A, 51:19)

• Host’s Closing Challenge:

  • “Relational interactions is what we’re looking for. That's how the world will be changed. Period.” (A, 56:39)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Motivation
  • “Many people just help because it fills this need inside of them. It really has nothing to do with the other person.” – Host (06:41)
• On Enabling
  • “You may feel good about it in the moment...but nine times out of 10...that is funding really, really bad, bad life choices.” – Nancy (07:52)
• On Real Needs
  • “It's not necessarily bad, just accept the reality of what [the action is].” – Host, on short-term giving (25:01)
• On Planning and End Game
  • “If there's no plan, you just left that person without a next step.” – Nancy (32:43)
• On Relational Help
  • “Transactional giving... lands differently than having a conversation...building a relationship...help navigate those and point them to resources.” – Nancy (37:44)
• On Community
  • “Community. Relationships. The number one thing.” – Nancy (41:30)
• On Relational Change
  • “Relational interactions is what we're looking for. That's how the world will be changed. Period.” – Host (56:39)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:00: Defining help and what it means in different contexts.
• 09:30: Parental analogy about culpability in giving.
• 11:26: Firsthand stories from homeless outreach.
• 14:45: Panhandler grocery anecdote.
• 20:04: On guilt, self-satisfaction, and the illusion of helping.
• 27:16: The Good Samaritan as a model of help.
• 37:21: The importance of relational versus transactional giving.
• 41:23: The true greatest need: community.
• 47:30: Advice for listeners: support relationship-based organizations.
• 50:08: Impact math: how pooled resources can feed many.
• 56:39: Closing: focus on relational change.

Takeaways

• Giving is good, but true help requires intentionality and relationship.
• Ask yourself: Is my help effective, or is it about me feeling better?
• Biggest need for marginalized individuals is community and connection—not just financial aid.
• If you’re not able to build relationships yourself, support organizations that do.
• The world changes not with isolated acts of giving, but through commitment to walk with others in tangible, caring relationships.

Summary prepared for those seeking actionable insights and honest perspectives on effective, meaningful ways to help others. Listeners are challenged to reexamine their definitions of “help” in light of these real-life experiences and reflections.