12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

Summary

The Commercial Break

Episode: 12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa
Release Date: December 17, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Kristen Joy Hoadley (with Christina)

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Overview

This festive episode of The Commercial Break is a wild ride through internet influencer culture, the economics of celebrity endorsements, and the obscure world of "Santa erotica." Bryan and Krissy, with their signature chaotic, irreverent energy, riff on everything from the absurd cost of influencer shoutouts (Cristiano Ronaldo rates, anyone?) to reading steamy, over-the-top Christmas-themed erotica live on air.

The hosts blend genuine friendship and comedy, seamlessly swapping between lampooning internet trends, sharing real stories from their podcasting journey, and indulging in some of the most bizarre internet rabbit holes—this time, Sexy Santa smut. The show also highlights charitable giving during the holidays and closes with a look back at some of their favorite weird documentaries and product endorsements.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The (Absurd) Economics of Social Media Influencers

00:49 – 25:38

• The hosts kick off reflecting on holiday traditions, then launch into a hilarious (and slightly resentful) breakdown of what top-tier influencers are paid for social media mentions.
• Cristiano Ronaldo commands over $3.2 million per post— a staggering figure that makes the hosts consider (facetiously) raiding their unpolished show budget to get a bump in followers.
• They explore why it's so difficult to find the real CR7 on TikTok, noting the proliferation of fan accounts.
• A rundown of the Top 20 Paid Influencers 2024, featuring:
  • Kevin Hart ($1M/post), Neymar ($1.4M), Katy Perry ($1.2M), Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, Jennifer Lopez, Taylor Swift, Kendall Jenner, Justin Bieber, Khloe and Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, Ariana Grande, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Kylie Jenner (top earning woman), Selena Gomez, Lionel Messi—culminating at the peak with Ronaldo.
  • “You gotta imagine if you pay Cristiano Ronaldo...wouldn’t it stand to reason that if we pay him to actually mention us, we would get some slop?” – Bryan (03:00)
• They roast celebrity endorsement prices, joke about their own follower count ("not even 200 on TikTok"), and recall having paid for Smartless and Dr. Phil ads—with mixed results.
• Memorable moment: Dr. Phil's progressively more unhinged ad reads for the podcast:
  “...do you enjoy fucking your grandma and writing in about it? The Commercial Break will take your text message.” – Bryan imitating Dr. Phil (04:44)
• Hilarious sidebar on perfume ads featuring celebrities: “The only one I’ve actually ever enjoyed is the Miley Cyrus one, just because I like that song” – Bryan (07:12)
• Commentary on Instagram’s influencer tiers, ranging from million-dollar celebs to “nano influencers” like Big Ed from TLC, who makes $250,000/year on Cameo (“riches in niches, bitches” – Bryan, 20:58).

2. Exploring "Santa Erotica"

26:30 – 38:45

• After the break, Bryan segues awkwardly (and gleefully) into the topic of Christmas erotica, specifically “Sexy Santa” stories.
• Krissy jokes about what she wants for Christmas:
  “Let’s see. A new coat?” to which Bryan deadpans:
  “How about a long hard cock?” – Bryan, 26:39
• They dissect the genre's appeal, mentioning everything from the “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” song to explicit modern versions like Sabrina Carpenter’s “Nonsense Christmas”:
  “One of the first lines is like ‘when he’s sliding down my chimney, ooh, it feels so good’” – Christina, 28:29
• Bryan reads a steamy, over-the-top Santa erotica excerpt live—complete with cringe-filled lines involving “velvet canals,” “slot,” “sopping panties,” and more.
• Memorable quote:
  “You people are disgusting. You disgust me with your filth. You’ve defiled Santa and Christmas Eve. Kris Kringle has been torn apart by your throbbing slot...” – Bryan, 36:16
• Krissy and Christina riff about the pervasiveness of holiday erotica (“If there’s Easter bunny porn, there’s everything”).
• Genuinely horrified yet fascinated, they connect Santa smut to the broader world of internet-generated erotica and trap-lit.

3. Year-in-Review: Bizarre Documentaries & Products

44:04 – 55:13

• The hosts reminisce on documentaries they've covered, specifically one about men trying to "repopulate the earth" by fathering children via sperm donations (some involving live sexual encounters, some via shady sperm handoffs at malls).
• Detailed takedown of “Semen X”—a real supplement promising increased semen volume and “intense orgasms”—with the hosts lampooning its testimonials and goofy marketing images.
  • “My orgasms are way more intense. My semen volume is more than double. Who cares?” – Bryan, 50:35
• Discuss potential podcast partnerships with weird supplement companies (facetiously), and reflect on the parade of oddballs and scams featured on their show, from “nano” influencers to 90 Day Fiancé personalities.
• Christina hints at wanting more breakdowns of strange relationship-industrial-complex documentaries in the future, with Bryan promising multiple themed deep-dives for Season 6.

4. Emphasizing Charitable Giving for the Holidays

41:18 – 43:17; 55:42 – end

• Bryan and Krissy promote two favorite charities, encouraging listeners to donate:
  • St. Jude Hospital (pediatric cancer care)
  • National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund
• They promise show swag for listeners who provide a donation screenshot.
• Discussion on the importance of giving, referencing personal health struggles and the importance of access to care.
• Show contact info, thanks, and a reminder to follow their social media for more chaotic comedy.

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Notable Quotes

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|--------------|-------| | 03:00 | Bryan | “Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if we pay [Ronaldo] to actually mention us, we would get some slop?” | | 04:44 | Bryan (as Dr. Phil) | “...do you enjoy fucking your grandma and writing in about it? The Commercial Break will take your text message.” | | 20:58 | Bryan | “There are riches in niches, bitches. Because there is—riches in niches.” | | 26:39 | Bryan | “How about a long hard cock?” (Holiday wish list) | | 28:29 | Christina | “One of the first lines is like ‘when he’s sliding down my chimney, ooh, it feels so good.’” (on Sabrina Carpenter’s song) | | 36:16 | Bryan | “You people are disgusting. You disgust me with your filth. You’ve defiled Santa and Christmas Eve.” | | 50:35 | Bryan | “My orgasms are way more intense. My semen volume is more than double. Who cares?” | | throughout| Bryan | “We mention Semen X in the hopes that they'll pay us money someday down the line. That's how it works here in Atlanta.” |

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Key Timestamps for Segments

• 00:00 – 03:45: Opening banter, influencer pay discussion kicks off (Cristiano Ronaldo, fan pages, buying mentions)
• 03:45 – 13:30: Top 20 influencer rundown, celebrity endorsement jokes
• 13:30 – 24:35: Nano-influencers, Big Ed, riches in niches, realities of podcast sponsorship
• 26:30 – 38:45: Sexy Santa erotica, Christmas smut reading, reactions
• 41:18 – 43:17: Charitable giving plug: St. Jude & National Breast Cancer Coalition
• 44:04 – 55:13: Year-in-review: Sperm donor documentaries, “Semen X” lampoon, future documentary plans
• 55:13 – end: Closer, contact info, another push for charitable giving, classic chaotic sign-off

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Tone and Style

• Highly irreverent, self-aware, and loose—embracing their “just FINE” brand of improv banter
• Unfiltered, sometimes absurd, and often gleefully vulgar (“North Pole is not the only pole Santa Claus is rubbing this year”—Bryan, 38:46)
• Inclusive, off-the-cuff friendship with meta-podcast jokes and frequent callbacks to earlier episodes or podcasting experiences
• Underneath the snark, an earnest desire to support good causes and poke fun at internet culture

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Summary Takeaway

If you love comedy podcasts that blend pop culture absurdity, friendship-fueled improv, and occasional dives into the bizarre depths of the internet, The Commercial Break delivers in spades. This holiday episode’s mix of influencer economics, Santa smut, and charitable reminders is a perfect reflection of their “Cheesecake Factory of comedy” identity: eclectic, overstuffed, and never dull.

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Transcript

[Brian Green]

That's why you've got. That's why you're on the naughty list. I swear. Trust me. Well, that's why you're on the naughty list because. Because you're being naughty right now. So you're going to be a naughty list if you keep talking like that. No, because Father Christmas is not being very nice to me. Because you're being naughty. So you're on the naughty list. No, I'm not. I'm on the good list, actually. You're not because you, you're not because you ain't being good. I am on a good list. If you keep saying that word again and again and again, I'm not annoying it. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Loy and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Ellen to Mike Clark, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe, 12 days of TCB day number what the ever. Who cares? Welcome back. We appreciate it. Happy holiday days to you and yours, whatever it is you choose to celebrate. We choose to celebrate financial stability. So you get 12 episodes of the commercial break. And you get 12 episodes of the commercial Break. And you get 12 episodes of THE commercial break. Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Chrissy, the other day you surprised me with a fact about Cristiano Ronaldo, Ronaldo, as they call him, CR7, being the highest paid influencer in all the land at $303.23 million per post per mention. And I thought to myself, you know, we could give ourselves the gift of followers this Christmas season if we could just get somebody like Cristiano Ronaldo to mention us on their Instagram.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go. Fantastic idea.

[Brian Green]

Yes. We would have to do 12 days of TCB for another 120 years to get to $3.2 million by my math. So I thought there's got to be somebody out there, someone that would do this for us. Let me see. Maybe we can't get CR7, but maybe we could get someone in that neighborhood that would be willing and able to give us mention on their Instagram.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

You gotta imagine if you pay Cristiano Ronaldo. Here's the thing. I went to TikTok yesterday and I started looking at videos of CR7. I tried to find his actual TikTok account because I had heard via the Internet, via the Google AI that he had 423 million followers on TikTok. But it is unbelievably Difficult to actually find his real page on TikTok because.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There'S so many fan pages.

[Brian Green]

There's so many fan pages, and a lot of them have nothing but a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo. Like, literally one post, Cristiano Ronaldo, 6.6 million followers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. I'm not even kidding you. Because they probably. Because people are probably having just as much of a hard time finding the actual Cristiano Ronaldo as I did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So that's what we need to do.

[Brian Green]

That's what we need to do, is pretend process somebody else. So here's my. Okay, so let's put. Besides having a Finster, what if we pay somebody to talk about us? Because if we pay Cristiano Ronaldo $3.23 million and his fake accounts are getting 6 or 7 million followers, wouldn't it stand to reason that if we pay him to actually mention us, we would get some flack? We would get some slop? Yes. How many. How many followers do you think we would get if we paid him to do a mention for us? If he said, like, one of my favorite comedy podcasts is the commercial break?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, lots.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Millions.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Millions.

[Brian Green]

Probably millions. Okay. But we can't afford him, so let's put him aside. What if we find someone a little less expensive?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, I'm into it.

[Brian Green]

All right. Okay, here we go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm up for you.

[Christina]

Open for ideas.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm hoping for ideas. Well, I guess my thinking is, didn't we pay people to talk about us? Like the smartless guy?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dr. Phil.

[Brian Green]

Conan. We did. All of those people aforementioned is probably the reason why some people are listening to us today. Actually, without their help, we would be nowhere. Chrissy. So let's piggyback off of that thought and go 21st century, get on social media, and get them to get an influencer dimension. Not that Conan or smartless guys aren't. I will say this. They didn't. They didn't do it with all their gusto. Conan did a good read. But I can't say. And I love Love Smart List. I absolutely do. I think they're wonderful. And I'm. I'm just. I feel honored just to have had.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just the fact that they accepted.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Our money.

[Brian Green]

Dr. Phil, not so much in hindsight. Probably wouldn't repeat that. But here's the crazy part. Dr. Phil brought us a lot of listeners, and that's how I know a lot of our audience is not.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I was gonna say the mentally.

[Brian Green]

Unstable, but Dr. Phil, we did, like, five commercials with him. And the first four were just, you know, hey, it's Dr. Phil. Do you enjoy ghost stories who date chickens? Listen to the commercial break. Available everywhere. You listen to your other podcast, the Commercial Break Now, Valuable three days a week. Do you enjoy fucking your grandma and writing in about it? The commercial break will take your text message. That was the first four and then he got it. And then all of a sudden on the fifth one, he had some drinks or something. Actually, I know he doesn't drink, but something happened. He was huffing, you know, paint cleaner or something because he, you know those guys at the commercial break, they're fantastic. I love those fucking. Do you like talking about ghost fuckers and mountain monsters and horse chickens?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He did make him read that.

[Brian Green]

I have that ad somewhere. We should pull it out. We'll pull it out on one of these episodes. Yeah, I probably can't, but I will. I'm probably not allowed to, but I will. Actually, I paid for it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I know, exactly.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I paid for it. I will not be rerunning the Smartless ad. However, I'm not going to let our audience know just how disrespected we are by everybody else in the podcast community. Here's Smartlizette, the commercial break on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Thanks to the commercial break for advertising with us. It was supposed to be a minute. It was less than 10 seconds. Okay, so let's go through the top 20 paid influencers of 2024. Okay. And let's see if there's anybody that's gettable for us. Okay? Kevin Hart, the American stand up comedian, actor, pitch man extraordinaire. Kevin Hart, 4 foot 2 and worth a billion dollars. Everybody loves Kevin. It's hard not to like Kevin Hart. I mean, he's just one of those guys. He's like Tom Cruise, you know, I mean, not Tom Cruise. Who's the other Tom? Tom Hanks. It's like Tom Hanks. Tom Cruise. If Tom Cruise would accept influencer money, I bet Tom Cruise would instantly be the highest paid influencer ever. Now, I know he does, like, he won't do commercials here in the United States, but he does lots of international commercials and apparently he gets paid like 10 million, 15 million. Yeah. To do one of those, you know, silly, I don't know, perfume ads. You know, we're just standing there with.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

His hair whipping back, picturing it now.

[Brian Green]

Rock by Vidya Flager. Rock, okay. Wind Sand Wind by Saint Laurent. Those people must sell perfume like celebrities must sell perfume. Because every perfume commercial has celebrities and the only one I've actually ever enjoyed is the Miley Cyrus one. Just because I like that song. Anyway, Kevin Hart. Take a guess at how much. Kevin. I'm gonna have you guess at how much these people make increasingly till we get to Christian.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Cristiano. Excuse me, Not Christian. Christian. Like we're buds. Christian.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chris.

[Brian Green]

Hey, Chris. CR. 7.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So we're going from bottom to top. Okay. In this top 20, Kevin Hart. I'm gonna say 500,000 more. Okay. A million.

[Brian Green]

A million dollars for a Kevin Hart mention. I think Kevin Hart. If we had a million dollars, which we don't. But if we had a million dollars, Kevin Hart might be a good fit for us.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I think so.

[Brian Green]

Because everyone likes him and therefore give getting there my association. Yes. Nemar da Silva. Nemar da Silva is a Brazilian football players who plays forward for the national team and the Saudi club. He was once a world phenomenon and quickly risen to fame. Some of the biggest names in the sport were once his equals, including legends like Messi and Ronaldo. He's a good option for the sports and fitness brand that are looking for a celebrity to endorse their product. Take a guess how much he's got. 227 million followers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

227. And how many did Kevin Hart have?

[Brian Green]

He had 178.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

God damn. We don't even have 200 followers on TikTok. Not 200. I mean, to be fair, I never post on there until like last yesterday, but. Okay, all right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And you're not like a famous good looking footballer.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm not famous, but good looking is an. It's subjective, Chrissy. If Christina wasn't gay, she would think I was good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're good looking to me.

[Brian Green]

Okay, thank you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna say 1.2. 1.1 million.

[Brian Green]

1.14. $1.41 million. Katy Perry. Katy Perry.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

1.41.

[Brian Green]

1.41. Okay, one. Excuse me. 1.141. Yes. 1.1.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

1 point.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Whatever. Who cares? It's a lot of money. Too much. We don't. Katy Perry comes in at number 18. She's got 205 million. So he's got 278, she's got 205. But I guess she probably has more of an international flavor to her. Like everybody kind of knows who Katy Perry is. This has not been the greatest year for Katy Perry, I will say that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, she had. She did have the baby, so that's good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This year or last year?

[Brian Green]

That was this year. She had the. I think so. Was that. Would she have that with Russell Brand? No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God, that's her old husband, Russell Brand.

[Brian Green]

This is the year Russell.

[Christina]

Orlando Bloom.

[Brian Green]

Orlando Bloom. Yes. Russell Brand officially went off the deep end. Okay, Katy Perry, average price per post is what?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, 1.2.

[Brian Green]

$1.2 million. 1.22 million, and she will give you a mention. Next at number 17 is the aforementioned Miley Cyrus. Miley, who's got 214 million Instagram followers mentioned from her, will cost you a cool 1.3. 1.276. So pretty close. What about Kourtney Kardashian? What do you think she costs?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, gosh, she's up there. Of course she is.

[Brian Green]

Wait, is Kourtney Kardashian hanging out with Machine Gun Kelly now? What is going on there? What happened there?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know, because she got married to dude and had a baby.

[Brian Green]

Who is Dude?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God. It was all over the news. It's the guy from. Please. Christina helped us out.

[Christina]

I'm trying. Hang on.

[Brian Green]

I can't remember. He's the guy with all the tattoos on his head. Blink182. Yeah, okay. Okay. Travis. Travis. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Barker.

[Brian Green]

Travis Barker. Travis Barker's wife gets $1.35 million per post. She has had. She. This year, a couple of months ago, she had one post that had three and a half million likes. Three and a half million. I got excited the other day when I posted on TikTok for the first time. And, you know, you can watch the little counter if you go on, like, the. If you go on your desktop version. I just figured this out. You can go in the analytics and watch the little counter as you get your views. When it got to 50, I had to tell my wife. I was like, I think it's going viral. It's got 50, 50. And then it. And then it ended at 50 cents.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it went off to the cliff.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Because tick tock said, no old white men here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also, you're on a desktop.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, fuck you. I'm on desktop. I got seven desktops over there. I just bought Christina a new desktop. I've never had so many screens in my entire life.

[Christina]

I feel very special. I love all of my screens.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Take care of them. Nicki Minaj plays in at number 50. Good old Nicki.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Mm. 1.3.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You're just going up the ladder. 1.35 for Nicki Minaj. Virat Kohli. Kohli is a current captain of the Indian cricket team. Many regard him as one of the best contemporary batsman in the world, never watched cricket in my entire. Actually, that's not true. I've watched like five minutes of it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have not.

[Brian Green]

But for the life of me, I cannot understand it. It's huge. And it goes on for months. There's like, games go on for months.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Games go on for months.

[Brian Green]

Now they go on for days, but they go days, days. Games go on for days.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. They will go on for days and days. And I don't know why. Why can't it be wrapped up in a single sitting? I mean, that's one day. One day or five hours. I mean, take a look, take a page out of the American baseball book and just get them to hustle up a little bit more. Get it done in one day. Anyway, he's got many followers. Doesn't say here how many he has, but he makes about $26 million a year earning 1.385.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Per post. That's crazy. $1.3 million to make a post. And when you're that famous, and I. I don't know that anybody this famous, like, I don't know anybody on this list is listening to the commercial break. But if you are, write in and tell us, do you accept like two or three of these a month or do you just be. Are you really choosy and only do three or four a year? Yeah, because if I'm one of these people, I am literally sitting in this studio all day long doing posts for sponsors.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. Well, it must get the return on investment if people are paying that.

[Brian Green]

Oh, for sure. And no one's spending 1.4 million.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's super bull commercial.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's true. Jennifer Lopez gets one 1.5 million per post and doesn't say here how many she's got. How many. Let's see here. How many followers does she have? Jlo. Oh, she does like, coach and stuff like that. God damn, Chrissy. Why can't we just do one of these? I mean, why can't we just do. Why can't we have 250 million? Why can't we have one sponsor? Just. We have over 300 Instagram followers. We're taking $20 per post. Chrissy will sit in the studio for the rest of the day and do nothing but Instagram post. Taylor Swift is number 12. This is surprising to me. I would have thought she would have been much higher on the list. But T. Swift, with over 285 million Instagram followers, you can get her to mention your shit for $1.6 million. There's another one. I know it's not Christina's favorite musician in the world, but there's another one where I think we would. The rubber would meet the road. Because unbelievably, most of our audience is female. Or maybe not believe. Maybe totally believably most of our audience is female. Kendall Jenner is number 11 with $1.75 million to make a post. I can understand that. Kendall's very beautiful and popular. 290 million followers. Justin Bieber, even Biebs. The Biebs. Even though you don't hear a lot about the Biebs anymore.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Biebs, he's the beef, has had a baby.

[Brian Green]

He just had a baby.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Haley, what do you think about the Biebs and Diddy? Do you think Biebs is, like, a victim of Diddy?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

There's so much speculation.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there is the talk, the chatter.

[Christina]

But I would guess. Yeah, but I feel bad talking about it.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna, like, talk about.

[Christina]

No, I know.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But I'm just curious. I'm so curious to see how this all plays out. And obviously that's his private business. If he chooses never to share anything about Diddy, that's on him. Right. But it seems if you go back and watch a lot of those interactions that are public, like ones videotape him on Ellen and stuff like that, it seems highly suspicious the way that Diddy is acting toward Justin Bieber. But Justin, lick your wounds with $1.75 million every time you post on behalf of somebody else. Khloe Kardashian. Ooh. Chloe being the highest paid of the. Or maybe not the highest paid, but one of the highest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Paul, what about Kim?

[Brian Green]

She. We're gonna get there, I'm sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

305 million Instagram followers. $1.85 million for a mention from her. Beyonce comes in at 1 point million at number eight. Number seven is Kim. $2.1 million. The queen will always be the queen. 359 million Instagram followers. If that doesn't tell the aliens all they need to know about life on Earth in 2024, then I don't know what will. Ariana Grande comes in at $2.25 million. 377 million followers. That's probably going to go up after that turn in Wicked.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Wicked.

[Brian Green]

Dwayne. Dwayne Johnson. Guys, the Rock. Are we really going to pay the Rock this much money for a fucking advertisement? 2.3 million people are paying it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Here's a Voss water mention that he did. Voss water has been a staple in my life for over a decade. For 1999 plus 1999 shipping and handling. I'll send you Voss Water straight from my own refrigerator. Raider. So much after, oh, he acquired a stake in the company. Oh, that's how you do it. You do it. You do it. I'm telling you this. You do it the Shaquille o' Neal way. You know what Shaquille o' Neal did when he started getting famous? And people were like, I want you to pitch my product. I want you to pitch my product. I'll pay you money to pitch my product. He said, no, I'll tell you what, you know what you can do? You give me a piece of the company. Give me a stake of the company. And now he owns like a. A steak and footballer. Krispy Kreme. That fucking car insurance commercial that I can't stand the General, I think he's involved in there. Domino's or some shit like that. Isn't he the new CEO of Domino's or something? And that bonehead. Go away. Kylie Jenner. Oh, Kylie Jenner gets paid more than Kim.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That makes sense.

[Brian Green]

Kylie Jenner comes in at $2.4 million. She's got 423 million. Okay, here's the top three. You ready? Selena Gomez, $2.6 million with 423 million followers.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like Selena.

[Brian Green]

Leo Messi comes in at number two.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Messi and Ronaldo.

[Brian Green]

That's it. $2.6 million. He's doing a. What commercial is this? Oh, he did a lay's potato chip commercial, I think, like selling your soul to Lays. Cristiano Ronaldo.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You sell yourself for 2.5 or whatever.

[Brian Green]

I would say 2.5.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You would hawk some lays.

[Brian Green]

Yes, with 10 behind it. 2.50 dollars. And I would be doing Lays commercials all day long. I am not too proud of Lays.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like a crisp chip.

[Brian Green]

Here's my. Here's my thing about, like, I was talking to one of our. Our network representatives the other day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's like, that sounds important.

[Brian Green]

It does sound important, doesn't it?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One of our network.

[Brian Green]

One of our network. Which means Brian incessantly emailing the sales team, wondering when the next dollar is going to come in the door. Hey, when's that check coming? Hey, it's been an hour. Is that check here yet? So I was talking with this guy and he said, can you do me a favor for one of our Sponsors, of course I can. And he said, oh, it's so nice and refreshing to have that kind of attitude. And I said, well, what else? Going to be a dick?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

About you bringing money in the door. And here's my opinion about sponsorship. Well, I know somebody. Most people don't like to listen to ads or watch ads. I'm one of those people, too. The truth is, is that's the reason why we can do 12 days of TCP is because there's sponsors who pay us to do it. I mean, they pay us to support our creation of that content. And since we don't take sponsors who we don't, you know, use or would use, then what's. Honestly, that's the way people communicate their products, right? That's how they get the word out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's been around for forever.

[Brian Green]

And that's why. Okay, and now let's look at the least paid influencers of 2020.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Picture of us.

[Christina]

Everyone sitting in this room.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's a picture of us.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so let's see here. They're called nano influencers. Let's. Let's see how much Big Ed gets paid per post. Oh, yeah, Big Ed paid per post.

[Christina]

I've seen some stuff on TikTok about micro influencers with like under a thousand followers on Instagram, and they do pretty well. Like, they make a good salary.

[Brian Green]

Listen, the ye. We used to say this on Clubhouse when we were incessantly babbling on that stupid fucking app forever during the pandemic. We used to say there's riches and niches, bitches. Because there is riches and niches. Here. Here's how I liken it to. If you want to advertise on the commercial break, you can probably advertise anything. I mean, most things, right? There's some things I don't think you'd want to advertise, like kids products or Disney toys or whatever. But you can advertise insurance, beer, you know, online sports betting. You can advertise anything. Because our listeners are listening to a very broad topics. When there's topics at all. When Brian. When there's content at all. Brian's doing. But let's say you have a Model Train podcast or a Model Train Instagram. When you do that, there might be a model train store out there that sells, you know, expensive model trains to people that one customer could spend 5, 6, $10,000 on those model trains. So for you paying $1,000 to get at those 10 or 15 people that watch those, the Instagram feed or listen to the post Might be well worth it. Where if you're advertising on the commercial break, paying $5 to be here for six months on our show might not be worth it. It's just. You just have to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a matter of things out.

[Brian Green]

You got to figure it all out. Big Ed gets paid. Are you ready for this?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. Well, I'm very curious.

[Brian Green]

Business videos, so.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Business videos.

[Brian Green]

Business videos.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's doing business.

[Brian Green]

He's doing business videos.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like the guy that we used to talk about that would do the sales.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This reminds me of that sales guy.

[Brian Green]

Yes, the sales guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That guy was great.

[Brian Green]

He was fantastic. We had him on for a while. We're gonna find him. Maybe we'll put him up. Maybe we'll check in with him. Okay. Business videos. Where you can do business with Ed. 1.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What kind of business?

[Brian Green]

Dollars per post. I don't know. He's on that camp video like everybody else. Business.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The business of getting on reality shows.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's what he does. Listen, Big Ed last year made $250,000 on cameo alone.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

250 grand on cameo?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm surprised you didn't do one of those cameos. You love Big Ed.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I love Big Ed. And if I. If I could play it here on the commercial break, I would pay for it all day long. But as I mentioned the other day, I can't. Angela's on there. Angela made 100 grams.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Angela is Angela.

[Brian Green]

Soulja Boy. Angela. Soldier Boy coming at you live from Nigeria, man. $5.25 per postman. Do business with Soulja Boy.

[Christina]

What are you guys talking about?

[Brian Green]

TLC. TLC.

[Christina]

Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

OK. Yeah. 90 Day Fiance.

[Brian Green]

Nothing anyone under 60s can understand. We got our own language, too, Christina.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Instead of saying what the kids saying these days, you can start saying, what are the olds saying these days?

[Brian Green]

What are the. What are the old. Are we like those people in Dune? The old ladies in Dune who run around controlling everything and speaking their own language? So just. Just a little note here. Since we did the top and we're doing that, this is really what's gettable for us. Soja Boy will do a read for us. $50 in 2024. He's done 1200 of these. Soldier Boy, he has not been on TLC in at least three years. And Soldier Boy is doing. That's $56,000 he made this year alone telling people happy birthday for being a 90 day fiance. Fuck you. Fuck it all. We're giving up 12 days of TCB, my ass. We're cutting it short.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, wait, I just had an idea. You do love TLC so much. And those reality shows, I mean, you've got one right here. You've got a gold mine.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Between all of the kids and the podcast, if you and Astrid have that international flair too.

[Brian Green]

We do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's got to be some kind of 90 day niche. I think you could get into that in the right 90 days, 10 years later.

[Brian Green]

Yes, 90 days after it. After. That's right. 90 days. 9,000 days after. If I think in the right producer's hands, this could be a goldmine. Reality trash for sure. For sure. Number one. Number two, I think I've blown my chances to be on TLC after I told the girl who brought Pimple Popper to the TLC networks her show was shit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's right, you did say that.

[Brian Green]

Pissed off the TLC executives. Well, that makes. That's one of many. All right, let's take a break. And we get back Santa porn. We'll be back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Christina]

What do you mean you don't know our phone number? I only tell it to you twice a day, four times a week. Fine, if you insist, I will tell it to you again. It's 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822, and don't you forget it. Now, in case you can't remember, our instagram handle is hecommercial break. A tough one. I know. And our TikTok handle is CBpodcast. And that one is the same as our website, tcbpodcast.com and one last thing, go to YouTube.com thecommercialbreak for all of our video episodes.

[Brian Green]

Got it?

[Christina]

Good.

[Brian Green]

All right, Chrissy, what do you want for Christmas? What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's see. A new coat?

[Brian Green]

How about a long hard cock?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, you know, depends on who's dressed up like Santa, right? I guess at the end of the day. Jeff, is that you? I did write ho ho, ho, yo ass.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I did write that on my list.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay. Well, tmi. But. All right, sometimes she shares nothing, and sometimes she shares everything, folks. Depends on what kind of mood she comes in the door. All right, so I don't know. Don't ask me how I got on this, but somehow, through the magic of my social algorithm, somebody was reading Santa erotica. I was like, is this a thing?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And, oh, yes, I'm sure that it's a thing.

[Brian Green]

Santa Claus erotica. Now, I gotta imagine that that white beard and that big belly just turned a lot of people on. I'm assuming that. I mean, the thought of bringing you a special package under the trees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I saw Bobby kissing Santa Claus. It's an old song.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I didn't think it's been a. Been a fantasy for a while, but.

[Brian Green]

I think the joke is Santa Claus was dad. Right. You know what I'm saying? Oh, like, I saw, like, from the child's perspective. I saw mommy kiss Chrissy goes. Oh, really? Now I'm thinking about that song in a whole different way. I think that that song might be the reason why I started suspecting that Santa Claus was not, in fact, real. Is that I was like. Wait, hold on one second. Santa Claus erotica is real. It is alive and well. It is in the dark corners of the Internet. And yes, I have found it. All right.

[Christina]

It's the lyrics to a Sabrina Carpenter song.

[Brian Green]

And what is her. Sabrina Carpenter.

[Christina]

Well, don't you remember last year I had you read the lyrics to a Nonsense Christmas?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Christina]

I was listening to it on the way here.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you were?

[Christina]

And one of the first lines is like, when he's sliding down my chimney. Ooh, it feels so good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Sabrina Carter, who loves slutty Christmas, which, as you know, is my favorite genre.

[Brian Green]

Well, there you go. If for a cool $2.6 million, we can get Sabrina to mention our show along with her Christmas polling. Okay, here we go. You ready? A little sample of Christmas erotica from out there. This is by a person. I don't want to steal their content, so I want to make sure that I'm shouting out that this is on light lit erotica. And this is by the author R. Beamer. R. Beamer. Probably their real name. Probably not. Okay, here we go. You wake up with a start. A startle, I'm assuming, was what they meant to write. Was that a sound you heard? You roll over to look at the clock. 1103, Christmas Eve. Not a creature was stirring. You look out the is where. What are we. What are we going for? There's a lot of flavors going on in this first paragraph. You look out of the bedroom door and notice a light was left on. Must have missed it when we went to bed. You get up, silent and slow as not to wake your partner, and pad softly into the living room to turn out the light. You are surprised to see a man in the living room. He has his back to you and is placing his presence under your tree. Santa? You ask. Slowly, he straightens up quickly and turns with a jerk, his fingers held to his lips. Well, hello dear, he says quietly. Shouldn't you be in bed with your pasty nipples? His blue eyes look over you and suddenly you're conscious of what you are. What? He's conscious of what you are wearing. And it's not much. A pink satin buttoned up pajama shirt that just barely hides your red panties. It's a chill as your pink satin. As your red satin. Yes. What? Pink satin? Pink. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Pink satin, red panties, button up pajama shirt. It's a little chilly and your perky nimbles are pressing through your shiny top. Wait, you're wearing flannel. Okay, I don't get it, but all right. I'm just gonna roll with it. He wrote it. I didn't. He doesn't look at all like the traditional Santa Claus you see everywhere this time of year. He's wearing a red velvet coat and a hat, of course, but he's also wearing black leather pants, heavy black boots and a red satin shirt. He looks to be in his 50s. And he's not fat at all. He seems to be fairly good shape for his age. You figure this makes sense, considering all he has to do on this evening. His hair is silver gray, his beard short and a little wild. His eyes sparkle with delight. He's just the sexiest Santa you've ever seen. I heard a sound so I arose from my bed to see what was the matter. Are you really Santa Claus? Of course, my dear. He laughs a little in spite of himself. Have you been a good girl this year? I've tried to be, but I might end up being on the naughty list. That's okay, my dear. Some people move from the nice to the naughty list and back all the time. It's not hard to be naughty once in a while that makes you smile. Well, I'm just. Well, I'm just finishing up here and I need to go. Lots to do tonight. He bends up to pick up his sack. You glance at the clock. 1103. Strange. It looks like the clock is a little slow, but. Santa, I never had a chance to tell you what I wanted for Christmas. This is not entirely true. You've had it. You tried to visit at least one mall Santa every year. You like to flirt with the Santa and make him a little uncomfortable as your husband takes pictures. He likes it too. Oh, it's a cuckolding Santa fantasy. I love it. Well, then, what would you like Santa to bring you this year? Another eye twinkle. This man is starting to turn on you. Should I be sitting in your lap from this as you give him a wicked smile? Of course, my dear. Santa makes his way to the couch, sits down and pats his knee. You slink over, knowing that he is watching your body move under your silky top. You sit down on his legs and feel the smooth, cool Lego leather on your hot cheeks. You put your knees together in your hands, in your lap. You start to list all the things you would like Santa to bring you. But it's pretty clear they are things for other people to get. Your friends, your family, all the people you love. I can see you're a giving person and you care for others more than yourself. That's a great way to stay on the nights list. But what can I do for you, young lady? Santa's blue eyes stare deeply into your green eyes. He holds your gaze for several heartbeats. You feel your private parts start to tingle and warm. Your pussy is getting excited and wet, very excited indeed. You think to yourself, I'm gonna give Santa Claus a huge present. You reach up, gently slide his stocking cap from your head and run your fingers through his long, thick gray hair. You scratch his beard lightly with your long fingernails. You reach down and take his hand. He's wearing a soft leather glove. You pull at all the fingers, removing the glove from his right hand. You place his fingers on your lips, never breaking eye contact. You start to kiss his fingertips and then you lick them slowly, like the disgusting human that you are. You slowly insert fingers into your mouth and then suck on them, gently, rolling your tongue around and getting them soaked with your saliva. I'm already grossed out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

His cheeks start to flush, his breathing getting shallow. And he moves his pelvis underneath you, obviously becoming uncomfortable. But he doesn't break the stare. You spread your legs a bit, fit the bottom of your night shirt and guide your wet fingers into your panties. You press them against you and hot, hot and slowly rub them into your slot. His strong fingers take over and you grind your ass on his legs. His fingers parch your lips and enter your velvet canal. They find your button, pinch it and tease it. You arch your back with pleasure and suddenly you're moaning. His strong fingers probe deeper. Suddenly you orgasm. It's gentle, easy, but very intense. Visions of sugar plums dance in your head. You relax after waves of pleasure have passed and lay your head on Santa's, still quivering and shivering with delight. Santa pets and strokes your silver, your silky hair as you recover from this passionate experience. But you know it Isn't over. Okay, I'm gonna skip over this one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's what you're gonna skip over?

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's what I'm gonna skip over. You. You. Let's fast forward. You remove your mouth from his throbbing hard on, stand slowly, and drop your sopping panties to the floor. I would like to go for a ride on your sleigh this Christmas, you say, and then lick his earlobes and gently massage his head. Of course, my dear. You've earned it. You are suddenly concerned with the amount of time Santa has spent with you. And he's worried about all. And you're worried about all the others he'll need to visit tonight. But you look at the clock and it's still 1103.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The magic of Christmas.

[Brian Green]

That's how he does it. You say to yourself, I love you, Santa Claus. I love you too. Ho ho, ho. You people are disgusting. You disgust me with your filth.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Defiled.

[Brian Green]

You've defiled Santa. And Christmas Eve Kris Kringle has been torn apart by your throbbing slot. Also 1103 Velvet Canal. That was my favorite. The Velvet Canal. As you shiver and quiver. This is amazing. People will literally get horny over anything.

[Christina]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

This is proof. Santa Claus. Never in my wildest dreams, I imagine, has any. I mean, honestly, Santa Claus, he's kind of like. Like the epitome of goodness and richness and wholeness, and we've just made a. It impossible for anybody to think about Santa in the same way again. How sick do you need to be to sit around imagining that Santa Claus is gonna. You're gonna ride Santa Claus's sleigh on Christmas Eve? I mean, that said, we did read one time that people want to add dolphin fantasies.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. And dragons.

[Brian Green]

And dragons and aliens are pretty. It's a pretty. That's a pretty common theme. Yeah. Watch any hentai. That's pretty vanilla. Hentai is all dragon tentacles and octopus and going in and out of every orifice and ripping people apart. That shit's intense, by the way. Hentai is. But I just thought I wanted to give you a taste of how unwell some of our fellow human beings. Oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I believe it.

[Brian Green]

It's great.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I believe it. I think I've even heard of like, Easter bunny porn too. So.

[Brian Green]

Easter bunny porn.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's all out there.

[Brian Green]

Well, we'll get to that in Easter Leprechaun.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, name each holiday.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, I know. In. You know, like, I under. Like. Erotica is a huge literature category. Yes, erotica. It's been forever and ever and ever. There's, like. I think those books sell very well. The ones that have intensely detailed descriptions of lovemaking. They still sell like hotcakes. And they're as evidenced by entire websites where people can write their own, you know, romantic porn, essentially. Not all that well, but, Grant, you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Know, I call it romantic.

[Brian Green]

But you don't think that. I think that she was. He or she was trying to add a little romance in there. It wasn't as graphic. Listen, there were some choices that I made leading up to this, and I'm telling you right now, I went the route of safe.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

All right. I went the route of safe. And I'm sorry if I ruined anyone's Christmas, but I just. If I'm gonna know the world is so fucked up, I want to share that with the rest of you, especially during the 12 days of Christmas.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

Let it be known far and wide, Santa Claus, North Pole is not the only pole. Santa Claus is. It's rubbing this year. You know, I'm saying.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, that's.

[Brian Green]

To be fair, I do remember when I was a kid and they still had magazines, you know, what's that? Girly magazine. What's that? We used to look at women on pieces of paper with nipple pasties. I used to read the JCPenney catalog.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was your favorite.

[Brian Green]

The brazier section. I mean, listen, you're impressionable when you're young. Yeah, the JCPenney catalog comes in the door at 12 years old. And there's girls and bras. Oh, my God. Forget long before. Before Victoria's Secret started sending out that stuff. But I will tell you this. When there were girly magazines around, I'm sure they still exist somewhere. But when there are girly magazines around, inevitably every year during the holidays, behind that shitty little, you know, mini mart, you know, cashier that you were getting your gas at, there would be Mrs. Claus in some kind of negligee.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Green]

Like Santa. Maybe Santa is not the most popular version of erotica, but Mrs. Claus has certainly been bastardized by every member.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, there's definitely sexy Christmas outfits.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And that's a good time to remind everybody. 21 EPMs, make sure sure you get all of your ejaculations in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And we have an Update on the 21 EPM sticker.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, I get house cleaning. The Astrid heard our siren song about the browning of the 21 APM stickers. The controversy currently gripping the web that our 21 EPM stickers are cheap and they don't last. And they're turning brown. Well, they turn brown in the sun because they are environmentally friendly, they are biodegradable. So we are and we actually found this on their website that we found that because they're biodegradable they're only gonna last for a couple days. They go away outside. Yeah. If you put them in the sun, which we have suggested that you do, if you put them in the sun then they are going to degrade and.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then you just go around with a brown stick. 21.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like it's perfect for us.

[Brian Green]

Ruining your bumper sticker just like we're ruining your Christmas here on the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Happy holidays.

[Brian Green]

Happy holidays to you and yours. All right, this Christmas, Chrissy and I are asking you to donate. We're going to talk about this charity one more time. Then we're going to bring in some you've suggested. We're going to talk about two charities that we would love for you to send some, you know, some paola their way because they do good works out there in the world and it's that time of year and, and these charities, most of them really depend on this, the giving this time of year to make them go all year round. It's like everything else. Everybody spends that money here in the holiday times for tax benefits or just because they're feeling good or because they're thinking about others. The St. Jude foundation, the St. Jude Series of hospitals provide treatment to terminally ill or long term cancer patients, children who typically have serious and complicated types of cancer. They provide that treat at no cost to anybody for anything. And they do that because of the donations from people like us. So please, we'll put a link in the show notes. We have nothing to do with this. You go directly to their website. You pay what you want to pay. But if you do decide to donate to one of those, send us a screenshot to 212-4333TCB and we'll be happy to send you some additional swag just as a thank you for even listening to the show, quite frankly for paying attention to what we say. Also, Chrissy would to love like the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

National Breast Cancer Breast Cancer Coalition Fund. They do a lot of good within that research of all things to do with breast cancer. In fact they're coming up with a. They're in trials right now for a.

[Brian Green]

Vaccine that would be amazing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. And they do a lot of good research and advocating for breast cancer research.

[Brian Green]

If you could avoid getting breast cancer or you could any kind of cancer. Right. If you had there's a vaccine for cancer that did not include mutilating part of your body, then that would be like one of the most amazing breakthroughs ever. So please donate to one or both of those great causes. The National Breast Cancer Coalition fund or the St. Jude Hospital Fund. Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hi.

[Christina]

You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess, CB podcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our bio brand new [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak so check it out and throw us a follow a, like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now, I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB. Check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a look, listen to our sponsors, and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas with my fog machine. Okay. Hey, do you remember earlier this year I wanted to. Since we're kind of reviewing the year during the 12 days of TCB, I wanted to bring it back to a story that we talked about way at the beginning of the year, maybe, like, maybe spring. We had both watched a documentary about guys that were going around everything. Okay.

[Christina]

I was just really excited.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you're really excited to talk about this one.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember this is.

[Christina]

Well, is this the Russian one?

[Brian Green]

The.

[Christina]

Oh, maybe I'm wrong. I thought this was going to be the documentary you guys watched about the, like Russian brides.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay. We can talk about that too. But let me get to this one first. So the rush, the documentary we watched on Netflix, I think a lot of people watched it about the guys who were going around trying to repopulate the earth with their own genes. So it was like a triangle, a triad angle. I don't know, six guys that were going to sperm banks and then convincing people to get private donations that included handing semen out car windows, meeting at malls, grocery stores. They were basically, they were in it for sex, I think, a lot of times. But most of the time what they were really in it for is repopulating the earth or populating the earth. With their genes. It's like this weird, weird fantasy that they had. This weird, like, domination fantasy that they had. And they went around doing this now, so terrible, terrible. They were found out. And there was a small town in Denmark, I think it was Denmark, Denmark or Sweden, that had realized that like 120 of the children in that town were all related. Because the women who wanted to conceive either by themselves or they couldn't conceive with their husband took semen in from the same person. But they did not know this until, like the cat got out of the bag. Everybody started doing DNA tests to realize that if they had gotten a private donation, it had likely come from this one particular person that then they discovered was not even one particular person. It was multiple particular people. In other words, guy would. You would call the dude or meet him on a website.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there was a website dedicated to it.

[Brian Green]

He would say, I've only done this once or twice, but I'm really dedicated to giving women children when they want them, regardless of their circumstances. So I'm happy to provide you my semen. I'm college educated, I'm good looking. He would provide, you know, pictures. He looked like, you know, I don't know, like a blonde Jesus.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he had kind of flowing hair.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he was just like a handsome guy. And then they would meet him inevitably get the donation one of two ways. Either he would give them the semen that was just made either in their house, like in their bathroom. Yeah, he'd pump and dump, essentially. Or he'd provide a live donation, which means you have sex with the person and then they conceive that way, which is also apparently a way that you can do this too, which really surprised me. Okay, so listen so loosely. In this documentary, a gentleman, as part of this quad of guys that were doing this was mentioned. And at the exact same time, this guy was on 90 Day Fiance. Before the 90 days, he was dating a woman. And his job that he made clear from the beginning of him being on this show was to provide live sperm donations. It was only one way that he did it, and that was to have sex with the woman. And he'd get paid to do this. They'd, like, pay for his travel and give him a couple thousand dollars each time he donated sperm. And sometimes he'd have to do it multiple times. And when the girl that he was dating that he intended to marry asked for him to wear a condom, he refused. When she then got nervous that she was pregnant, asked for the morning after pill, he refused to buy it for her. She went out and got it perfect, got it herself because he really wanted her to have this baby. It was like a sick, weird fantasy. This guy, at that time, one of the things that they showed in that show was that he was taking a cadre of vitamins to increase his chances of getting a woman pregnant like us. Like, you know, supplements. Supplements to make his semen stronger and, you know, more virile and all this other stuff. There is now a actual supplement on the market called Semen X. Semen X that you can take to make your semen strong for, you know, the. Clearly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, listen, the supplement market is very loose. It's not regulated.

[Brian Green]

There is zero regulation about the supplement market. I could.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why Y. Brian 5000.

[Brian Green]

Why Brian 3000 now available everywhere you have sex. Why Brian 3000? I'll personally give it to you right now. 30 day free trial of my penis. How Semen X works. You ready? From their website, the only thing better than sex is amazing sex. But what if you could make the sex last even longer with intense orgasms and great semen? Order your Semen X today. Yes. Seminal vessel fluids constitute 70% of your load increase. The prostate gland fluid comes, Prevent that forms.25% of your load increases. Your seminal plasma load increases. I mean, this is. This is something Alex Jones should be selling. Oh, yeah, immediately, if not sooner, because. Oh, wait, there's a commercial. I don't know if I want to play the commercial because then I'm just giving him a free commercial. But I. The funniest thing is the testimonials that are on this website. I want you to take a look at the picture of one of the guys that's giving the testimonial, Neil W.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Do you see that guy? Yeah. Does it look like Neil W. Will ever be called upon to load increase?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, no.

[Brian Green]

He's 70 years old. What does Neil need his load increased for? What is he looking for? Neil, My orgasms are way more intense. I've been taking Semen X for a little over 60 days now. Saw your ads and decided exactly what I needed. You will not be prepared for what comes next. My dick. I mean, this is amazing. I have to tell you, the stuff works like a charm. My orgasms are way more intense and my semen volume is more than. My semen volume is more than double. Who cares?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did they ask to advertise with us?

[Brian Green]

Well, they might now. Let me talk to the network executive, right? See what happens. Our network liaison who care unless you're actually trying to get someone pregnant, which I guarantee Neil is not. Who cares what the load volume is? Is that really a problem or do we care about the load? Have you ever cared about the load volume?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Never tried to get pregnant. So maybe it's a whole other situation.

[Brian Green]

I don't think he's trying to get it. Yeah, drop in loads. I mean, this is just unbelievable to me. This is one of the vitamins that that guy was taking. Was this semen X?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It really was.

[Brian Green]

It really was one of the ones that he was taking. I'm surprised this picture is not on the website because if there's ever been. If there's ever been someone that should be. Look at these guys, Chrissy. Look at these men on the front of this website. If these are not guys that you want to make sure that their load increase.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brian Green]

Do you want to see them have more intense orgasms? Do you want to see any of these guys have more intense orgasms?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Look like the guys from the 21 convention.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. Look at this guy. He's right up your alley. It's so funny. They couldn't have paid for stock photography. Cx. You couldn't have. You couldn't have sprung for a couple extra dollars to make it look like anybody decent would want your product. Yeah, hand in on that. Chris. Give. Give us a shot of that. Look at that guy. Look at that guy. No, no, it's okay. We'll have. We'll have our guy zoom in on that. That's unbelievable. What about the Russian documentary? What was going on with the Russian documentary?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The mail Order Brides.

[Brian Green]

The mail order brides or you just want to talk about it?

[Christina]

Yeah, I just really liked it.

[Brian Green]

It was really good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The one that we did for like three days.

[Christina]

Yes, I love those episodes. I was like, give me more commercial documentary.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pretty. It was pretty interesting.

[Brian Green]

Well, stay tuned because there's two more documentaries of equal shenanigans that I have found that I would like to do this. Actually, one of the things in season number six that I would like to do more is that we do a multi day themed breakdown of longer, like longer episodic documentaries videos. And I've found two already that are just amazeballs and you're going to love them. And one of them is very much in the same vein as mail order Brock. But this has to do with the. The paid dating coaches. So the paid but not the men. The women who take rich guys and they put them together with A gaggle of geese and then they try and hook them up. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Like that lady Patty, whatever her name was, Stinger. Remember her?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember how she did that show? Whatever happened to her?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, that show went on for so long, so I think she just went away for a little while. But she's still around. I mean, she's still got a little celebrity cache.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she does? Mm. Oh, ok. Okay. I always thought that would look like a scam from the beginning. To me it was like she just put a bunch of really hot young girls in front of a bunch of really old white rich guys.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, she was operating out of la, so.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's true. Nothing unusual going on there. No knock on la. I actually love la, but it's just a different world out there. Things just happen. Different. Kylie Jenner gets paid $2.6 million to mention you on her social media out there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Here in Atlanta, we do things different. We mentioned Semen X in the hopes that they'll pay us money someday down the line. That's how it works here in Atlanta. We. For real. No, no, no. Do you think we're all still getting used to each other in the same space and that's okay? Christina. Christina was so lost in the moment.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Talking about the mail order bride.

[Brian Green]

Well, she was ordering Semen X over there. She was hoping it would increase her load. I don't know. Where did you put it? Did we. Did you replace it? No. Okay. It's usually in a green. No, it's all good. It's all. All good. I. You know, the reason why I pointed you is because I thought that's what you were. That's what you had done. And so I was.

[Christina]

No, I was. I thought we still had 10 more minutes on the clock.

[Brian Green]

I was loading my load.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You were loading.

[Brian Green]

I was loading my load. Loading now. Loading Semen X. Give them a shout out. We just did a free commercial for them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We really did.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There's probably half the audience is running the semen x.com right now to either check out the pictures or order you sick with your Santa Claus porn and your Semen X. This has been a rowdy episode of the commercial. Well, when I saw the Santa erotica, I just couldn't pass it up. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. That's commercial break material.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That absolutely is. All right, let's get Dr. Phil to talk about.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, Dr. Phil. I'm gonna get that commercial. We'll see if we can play it for you. All right, do us a favor. Go to the, go to the St. Jude website or the National Breast Cancer Coalition fund website. Donate for Christmas. Give a few bucks. You know that every dollar really does matter when you're talking about life threatening illnesses. And let's be honest about it, the health care system in America is really as we're seeing y and every day, every.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everything really stops when something's wrong with your health. As you know, you just went through this year.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it stops. And when you're really sick, there's nothing else that matters. It's just. That's all. That's it. And sometimes you can't even function. And I know that for a fact. And Chrissy knows that and Christina knows that. We all know that. Get old enough and you're gonna know that if you get sick, you need health care. You need it now. And you may not have the money to pay for it. So these people are doing good work out there. You may need them some day. Hopefully you don't, but you may need them. Pay it forward. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you find all the show notes, all the information about the show, audio and video. Every single episode of the commercial break now available on YouTube.com the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram, tcb, podcast on tick tock and 212-4333 tcb. That's 212-4333. 3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. If you donate to one of those causes, send us a screenshot. We'll send you free swag. If you need another 21 EPM sticker, let us know. We'll send it off to you. No muss, no fuss, no problem. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you. I love you, say best to you. Best to you. And your jingle jangles out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say and we must say goodbye, Sam.