12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

Summary

12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa – A Deep Dive into Influencer Woes and Bizarre Holiday Fantasies

Episode Release Date: December 17, 2024

In the festive episode titled "12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa" from The Commercial Break podcast, hosts Bryan and Krissy, along with co-host Christina, embark on a rollercoaster of humor, satire, and candid discussions. This episode masterfully blends improv-comedy with sharp commentary on influencer marketing, bizarre holiday fantasies, and the intricacies of sponsorship, all while maintaining the show’s signature irreverent tone.

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1. The Inflated World of Influencer Marketing

Timestamp: 08:21

The episode kicks off with a humorous yet insightful examination of the skyrocketing costs associated with influencer endorsements. Bryan presents a mock “Top 20 Paid Influencers of 2024” list, highlighting the staggering fees demanded by mega-celebrities. Names like Cristiano Ronaldo ($2.6 million per mention) and Kim Kardashian ($2.1 million) dominate the list, painting a picture of unattainable sponsorships for smaller entities.

Bryan quips, "If we paid Cristiano Ronaldo $3.23 million, we would get some flack" ([05:36]), underscoring the impracticality for niche podcasts like theirs to engage with top-tier influencers. Krissy adds to the banter, reflecting on past sponsorship attempts, “They didn't do it with all their gusto. Conan did a good read” ([06:22]), highlighting the challenges faced in securing meaningful endorsements.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [10:18]:
"If we had a million dollars, Kevin Hart might be a good fit for us."

This exchange not only showcases the financial hurdles but also satirizes the influencer industry's exclusivity, resonating with listeners who understand the struggle of competing against well-funded giants.

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2. Unwrapping Santa Claus Erotica: A Holiday Offense

Timestamp: 33:47

Embracing the holiday spirit with a twist, Bryan introduces a satirical read of "Santa Claus erotica," aiming to lampoon the commercialization and unexpected niches that emerge during festive seasons. The explicit narrative offers a stark contrast to the traditional, jolly image of Santa, eliciting both shock and laughter from the hosts.

Christina remarks, "I think the joke is Santa Claus was dad” ([35:29]), while Bryan cynically comments, "Santa Claus is the epitome of goodness and richness and wholeness, and we've just made it impossible for anybody to think about Santa in the same way again" ([43:38]). This segment serves as a comedic critique of how commercialization can distort beloved cultural icons.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [43:27]:
"You've defiled Santa. Christmas Eve, Kris Kringle has been torn apart by your throbbing slot."

The audacious humor not only entertains but also provokes thought on the lengths to which holiday narratives can be pushed for comedic effect.

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3. The 'Semen X' Supplement Parody: Raising Eyebrows

Timestamp: 58:07

Continuing their foray into satirical advertising, Bryan and Krissy delve into a mock promotion for "Semen X," a fictional supplement purported to enhance semen volume and orgasm intensity. This parody takes a jab at the often outrageous claims made by real-life supplement advertisements.

Reading a fake testimonial, Bryan mocks, "My dick. I mean, this is amazing. I have to tell you, this stuff works like a charm" ([58:07]), while Krissy humorously critiques the authenticity of such endorsements. Their exaggerated disdain highlights the absurdity of some marketing tactics in the wellness industry.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [59:53]:
"Do you want to see Santa Claus's sleigh tonight? Because apparently, that's part of his fantasy."

This segment underscores the podcast’s commitment to pushing comedic boundaries while commenting on the manipulative nature of certain advertising practices.

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4. Diving into Documentaries: Paid Sperm Donations and Reproductive Fantasies

Timestamp: 33:47

The hosts pivot to discussing a Netflix documentary that explores the unsettling phenomenon of men offering paid sperm donations to women aiming to repopulate or spread their genes. They dissect the motives and ethical quandaries presented in the documentary, revealing a darker side of reproductive fantasies.

Bryan notes, "They were found out. And there was a small town in Denmark... with 120 children all related" ([54:24]), highlighting the real-world implications of such practices. Krissy reflects on the participant's obsessive behavior, stating, "He was taking a cadre of vitamins to increase his chances of getting a woman pregnant" ([55:25]), drawing parallels between actual events and the fictional "Semen X" supplement.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [54:24]:
"They went around doing this... it's a weird dominance fantasy that they had."

This discussion not only provides comedic fodder but also sheds light on complex social and ethical issues surrounding modern reproductive practices.

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5. Charitable Appeals: Giving Back During the Holidays

Timestamp: 65:27

Amidst the humor and satire, Bryan and Krissy take a heartfelt moment to encourage listeners to donate to two crucial charities: the St. Jude Foundation and the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund. They emphasize the importance of supporting these organizations, especially during the holiday season when donations can make a significant impact.

Bryan passionately states, "And Chrissy would like the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund..." ([49:47]), while Krissy adds, "They do a lot of good research and advocating for breast cancer research" ([49:56]). This segment underscores the podcast's commitment to social responsibility, balancing their comedic endeavors with meaningful causes.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [65:28]:
"We have nothing to do with this. You go directly to their website, you pay what you want to pay."

By advocating for these charities, the hosts encourage their audience to engage in altruistic activities, reinforcing the true spirit of the holidays.

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6. Upcoming Content: More Documentary Breakdowns

Timestamp: 60:37

Looking ahead, Bryan teases future episodes that will feature multi-day themed breakdowns of longer documentaries. Topics include paid dating coaches and mail-order brides, promising an ongoing blend of humor and critical analysis.

Bryan enthuses, "We've found two already that are just amazeballs and you're going to love them" ([60:37]), hinting at more content that blends investigative discussion with their unique comedic style.

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7. Final Remarks and Closing Banter

As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Krissy engage in their characteristic playful banter, reinforcing their camaraderie and the show's lightheartedness despite delving into controversial topics. They reiterate the importance of their charitable appeals and promote their social media channels, maintaining engagement with their audience.

Notable Quote:

Bryan at [65:29]:
"Best to you and your jingle out there in the podcast universe. Until next time..."

This friendly sign-off encapsulates the show's blend of humor, sincerity, and community-building.

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Conclusion

"12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa" masterfully intertwines humor with sharp social commentary, offering listeners a mix of laughter and thoughtful critique. From dissecting the exorbitant costs of influencer marketing to lampooning bizarre holiday fantasies and advocating for charitable causes, Bryan, Krissy, and Christina deliver an episode that's as entertaining as it is insightful. Whether you're tuning in for the laughs or the occasional thought-provoking moment, this episode exemplifies The Commercial Break's knack for blending comedy with real-world issues, all wrapped up in the chaotic charm of their twisted holiday spirit.

Transcript

[A]

This episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up, you can use it to check in on your pets when you're and with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name youe Price Tool from Progressive, it works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey Grissy, Best to you.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy Holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the Great Clark Griswold once said.

[B]

Holy. Where's the Tylenol?

[A]

Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the Commercial Break. That's why you're on the Naughty List. I swear. Trust me. Well, that's why you're on the Naughty list. Because you're being naughty right now. So you're going to be on the Naughty list if you keep talking like that. No, because 5 of Christmas is not being very nice to me because you're being naughty. So you're on the naughty list. No, I'm not. I'm on the good list, actually. You're not. You're not because you ain't being good. I am on a good list. If you keep saying that word again and again and again, I'm not on the way list. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Loathe early. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Ellen Demike Clark, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. 12 days of TCB day number what the fuck ever. Who cares? Welcome back. We appreciate it. Happy holidays to you and yours, whatever it is you choose to celebrate. We choose to celebrate financial stability. So you get 12 episodes of the commercial break and you get 12 episodes of the commercial Break. And you get 12 episodes of the commercial break. Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Chrissy, the other day you surprised me with a fact about Cristiano Ronaldo, Ronaldo, as they call him, CR7, being the highest paid influencer in all the land at $303.23 million per post per mention. And I thought to myself, you know, we could give ourselves the gift of followers this Christmas season if we could just get somebody like Cristiano Ronaldo to mention us on their Instagram.

[B]

There you go. Fantastic idea.

[A]

Yes. We would have to do 12 days of TCB for another 120 years to get to $3.2 million by my math. So I thought, there's gotta be somebody out there, someone that would do this for us. Let me see. Maybe we can't get CR7, but maybe we could get someone in that neighborhood that would be willing and able to give us a mention on their Instagram.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Cause you gotta imagine if you pay Cristiano Ronaldo. Here's the thing. I went to TikTok yesterday and I started looking at videos of CR7. I tried to find his actual TikTok account because I had heard via the Internet, via the Google AI, that he had 423 million followers on TikTok. But it is unbelievably difficult to actually find his real page on TikTok because.

[B]

There'S so many fan pages.

[A]

There's so many fan pages and a lot of them have nothing but a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo. Like literally one post, Cristiano Ronaldo, 6.6 million followers.

[B]

Really yes.

[A]

I'm not even kidding you. Because they probably. Because people are probably having just as much of a hard time finding the actual Cristiano Ronaldo as I did.

[B]

So that's what we need to do.

[A]

That's what we need to do, is pretend process somebody else. So here's my. Okay, so let's put. Besides having a finsta. What if we pay somebody to talk about us? Because if we pay Cristiano Ronaldo $3.23 million and his fake accounts are getting 6 or 7 million followers, wouldn't it stand to reason that if we pay him to actually mention us, we would get some flack? We would get some slap seconds? Yes. How many followers do you think we would get if we paid him to do a mention for us? If he said, like. One of my favorite comedy podcasts is the commercial break?

[B]

Oh, lots.

[A]

Yeah. Millions.

[B]

Millions.

[A]

Probably millions. Okay. But we can't afford him, so let's put him aside. What if we find someone a little less expensive?

[B]

Okay, I'm into it.

[A]

All right. Okay, you're ready.

[B]

I'm up for ideas. I'm open for ideas. Well, I guess my thinking is, didn't we pay people to talk about it? Smart list guys. Yes, Dr. Phil. Yes, Conan, we did.

[A]

All of those people aforementioned is probably the reason why some people are listening to us today. Actually, without their help, we would be nowhere.

[B]

Chrissy.

[A]

So let's piggyback off of that thought and go 21st century, get on social media and get them to get an influencer to mention. Not that Conan or smartless guys aren't. I will say this. They didn't. They didn't do it with all their gusto. Conan. Conan did a good read. But I can't say. And I love Smart List. I absolutely do. I think they're wonderful.

[B]

It's phenomenal.

[A]

And I'm. I'm just. I feel honored just to have had.

[B]

The fact that they accepted our money.

[A]

Dr. Phil. Not so much in hindsight. Probably wouldn't repeat that, but here's the crazy part. Dr. Phil brought us a lot of listeners, and that's how I know a lot of our audience is not.

[B]

Well, I was going to say the mentally unstable, but Dr. Phil, we did.

[A]

Like, like, five commercials with him, and the first four were just, you know, hey, it's Dr. Phil. Do you enjoy ghost stories? People who date chickens? Listen to the Commercial Break, available everywhere. You listen to your other podcast, the Commercial Break, now available three days a week. Do you enjoy fucking your grandma and writing in about it? The commercial break will take your text message. That was the first four and then he got it. And then all of a sudden on the fifth one, he had some drinks or something. I actually, I know he doesn't drink, but something happened. He was huffing, you know, paint cleaner or something. Because he goes, you know those guys at the commercial break, they're fantastic. I love those fucking. Do you like talking about ghost fuckers and mountain monsters and horse chickens?

[B]

We did make him read that.

[A]

I have that ad somewhere. We should pull it out. We'll pull it out on one of these episodes. Yeah, there's probably not. I probably can't, but I will. I'm probably not allowed to, but I will. Actually. I paid for it.

[B]

Yeah, I know, exactly.

[A]

Yeah, I paid for it. I will not be rerunning the smartless ad. However, I'm not going to let our audience know just how disrespected we are by everybody else in the podcast community. Here's Smart Lizzette, the commercial break on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Thanks to the commercial break for advertising with us. It was supposed to be a minute. It was less than 10 seconds. Okay, so let's go through the top 20 paid influencers of 2024.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And let's see if there's anybody that's gettable for us. Okay. Kevin Hart, the American stand up comedian, actor, pitch man extraordinaire. Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart, 4 foot 2 and worth $1 billion. Everybody loves Kevin. It's hard not to like Kevin Hart. I mean, he's just one of those guys. He's like Tom Cruise, you know, I mean, not Tom Cruise. Uh, who's the other Tom? Tom Hanks. It's like Tom Hanks. Tom Cruise.

[B]

I was about to say. Well.

[A]

If Tom Cruise would accept influencer money, I bet Tom Cruise would instantly be the highest paid influencer ever. Now I know he does like, he won't do commercials here in the United States, but he does lots of international commercials and apparently he gets paid like 10 million, 50 million.

[B]

I can only imagine.

[A]

Yeah, to do one of those, you know, silly. I don't know, the perfume ads. You know, we're just standing there with his hair whipping back.

[B]

I'm picturing it now.

[A]

Rock by Villager Rock.

[B]

Wind Sand Wind.

[A]

By Saint Laurent zv. Those, those people must sell perfume like celebrities must sell perfume. Because every perfume commercial has celebrities. And the only one I've actually ever enjoyed is the Miley Cyrus one. Just because I like that song. Anyway, Kevin Hart, take a guess at how much Kevin, I'm gonna have you guess at how much these people make increasingly till we get to Christian.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Christiano. Excuse me, Not Christian. Christian. Like we're buds. Christian.

[B]

Chris.

[A]

Hey, Chris. CR7.

[B]

So we're going from bottom to top. In his top 20, Kevin Hart. I'm gonna say 500,000 more. Okay. A million.

[A]

A million dollars for a Kevin Hart mention? I think Kevin Hart. If we had a million dollars, which we don't. But if we had a million dollars, Kevin Hart might be a good fit for us.

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Because everyone likes him and therefore gives us a shot at getting there.

[B]

My association, yes.

[A]

Neymar da Silva. Nemar da Silva is a Brazilian football player who plays forward for the national team and the Saudi club. He was once a world phenome and quickly risen to fame. Some of the biggest names in the sport were once his equals, including legends like Messi and Ronaldo. He's a good option for the sports and fitness brand that are looking for a celebrity to endorse their product. Take a guess how much he's got. 227 million followers.

[B]

227. And how many did Kevin Hart have?

[A]

He had 178.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

God damn. We don't even have 200 followers on TikTok. Not 200. I mean, to be fair, I never post on there until like last yesterday, but okay, all right.

[B]

And you're not like a famous good looking footballer.

[A]

Well, I'm not famous, but good looking is an. It's subjective, Chrissy. If Christina wasn't gay, she would think I was good.

[B]

You're good looking to me.

[A]

Okay, thank you.

[B]

I'm going to say 1.2. 1.1 million.

[A]

1.14. $1.41 million. Katy Perry. Katy Perry. 1.41. 1.41.

[B]

Okay, 1.

[A]

Excuse me. 1.14. 1 point. Yes. 1.1. Yes. Whatever. Who cares? It's a lot of money. Too much. We don't. Katy Perry comes in at number 18. She's got 205 million. So he's got 278, she's got 205. But I guess she probably has more of an international flavor to her. Like everybody kind of knows who Katy Perry is. This has not been the greatest year for Katy Perry, I will say that.

[B]

Well, she did have the baby, so that's good. Was that this year or last year?

[A]

That was this year. She had the. I think so. Was that the. Would she have that with Russell Brand?

[B]

No, God, that's her old husband, Russell Brand.

[A]

This is the year Russell Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom. Yes. Russell Brand officially went off the deep end. Okay, Katy Perry, average price per post is what?

[B]

Oh, 1.2.

[A]

$1.2 million. $1.22 million. And she will give you a mention. Next, at number 17 is the aforementioned Miley Cyrus. Miley, who's got 214 million Instagram followers. Mention from her will cost you a cool 1.3. 1.276. So pretty close. What about Kourtney Kardashian? What do you think she costs?

[B]

Oh, gosh, she's up there. Of course she is.

[A]

Wait, is Kourtney Kardashian hanging out with Machine Gun Kelly now? What is going on there? What happened there?

[B]

I don't know, because she got married to dude and had a baby.

[A]

Who is Dude?

[B]

Oh, God. It was all over the news. But it's the guy from. Please, Christina, help us out.

[C]

I'm trying. Hang on. I can't remember his name.

[A]

The guy with all the tattoos on his head. Yes. Blink 182. Yeah, okay. Okay.

[B]

Travis.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Barker.

[A]

Travis Barker. Travis Barker's wife gets $1.35 million per post. She has had. She. This year. A couple of months ago, she had one post that had three and a half million likes. Three and a half million. I got excited the other day when I posted on TikTok for the first time. And you know how you can watch the little counter if you go on, like the. If you go on your desktop version, I just figured this out. You can go in the analytics and watch the little counter as you get your views. When it got to 50, I had to tell my wife. I was like, I think it's going viral. It's got 50, 50, and then it. And then it ended at 56 and.

[B]

It went off to the clip.

[A]

Yes, because TikTok said, no old white men here.

[B]

Also, you're on a desktop.

[A]

Yeah, well, fuck you. I'm on desktop. I got seven desktops over there. I just bought Christina a new desktop. I've never had so many screens in my entire life.

[C]

I feel very special. I love all of my screens.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Take care of them. Nicki Minaj plays in at number 15.

[B]

I like Nicki Minaj.

[A]

Good old Nicki.

[B]

1.3.

[A]

Yeah. You're just going up the ladder, aren't you? 1.35 for Nicki Minaj. Virat Kohli. Kohli is a current captain of the Indian cricket team. Many regard him as one of the best contemporary batsmen in the world. Never watched cricket in my Entire. Actually, that's not true. I've watched like, five minutes of it.

[B]

I have not.

[A]

But for the life of me, I can't understand it. It's huge. And it goes on for months. There's like, games go on for months.

[B]

Games go on for months.

[A]

Now they go on for days. But they go. I understand. Days. Games go on for days. Really? Yes. They will go on for days and days. And I don't know why. Why can't it be wrapped up in a single sitting? I mean, that's one day. One day or five hours. I mean, take a look. Take a page out of the American baseball book and just get them to hustle up a little bit more. Get it done in one day. Anyway, he's got many followers. Doesn't say here how many he has, but he makes about $26 million a year earning 1.385 per post. That's crazy. $1.3 million to make a post. And when you're that famous, and I don't know that anybody this famous, like, I don't know anybody on this list is listening to the commercial break. But if you are, write in and tell us, do you accept, like, two or three of these a month? Or do you just be. Are you really choosy and only do three or four a year? Yeah, because if I'm one of these people, I am literally sitting in the studio all day long doing posts for sponsors.

[B]

I know. Well, it must get the return on investment if people are paying that.

[A]

Oh, for sure. And no one's spending $1.4 million like.

[B]

A super bowl commercial.

[A]

Yes, that's true. Jennifer Lopez gets one 1.5 million per post and doesn't say here how many she's got. How many. Let's see here. How many followers does she have? Jlo. Oh, she does, like, coach and stuff like that. God damn, Chrissy. Why can't we just do one of these? I mean, why can't we just do. Why can't we have 250 million? Why can't we have one sponsor? Just. We have over 300 Instagram followers. We're taking $20 per post. Chrissy will sit in the studio for the rest of the day and do nothing but Instagram posts. Taylor Swift is number 12. This is surprising to me. I would have thought she would have been much higher on the list. But T. Swift, with over 285 million Instagram followers, you can get her to mention your shit for $1.6 million. There's another one. I know. It's not Christina's favorite musician in the world, but there's another one where I think the rubber would meet the road, because unbelie, most of our audience is female. Or maybe not believe maybe totally, believably, most of our audience is female. Kendall Jenner is number 11 with $1.75 million to make a post. I can understand that. Kendall's very beautiful and popular. 290 million followers. Justin Bieber.

[B]

The Biebs.

[A]

The Biebs. Even though you don't hear a lot about the Biebs anymore.

[B]

Yeah, the Biebs. The Biebs has had a baby.

[A]

He just had a baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think about the Biebs and Diddy? Do you think Biebs is like, a victim of Diddy?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

There's so much speculation.

[B]

Yeah, there is. The talk, the chatter, I would guess.

[C]

Yeah. But I feel bad talking about it.

[A]

I'm not going to talk about that. No, I know, but I'm just curious. I'm so curious to see how this all plays out. And obviously that's his private business. If he chooses never to share anything about Diddy, that's on him. Right. But it seems if you go back and watch a lot of those interactions that are public, like ones that were videotape him on Ellen and stuff like that, it seems highly suspicious the way that Diddy is acting toward Justin Bieber. But Justin, lick your wounds with $1.75 million every time you post on behalf of somebody else. Khloe Kardashian. Ooh, Chloe being the highest paid of the. Or maybe not the highest paid, but one of the highest paid.

[B]

What about Kim?

[A]

She. We're gonna get there, I'm sure.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

305 million Instagram followers. $1.85 million for a mention from her. Beyonce comes in at 1.9 million at number eight. Number seven is Kim. $2.1 million. The queen will always be the queen. 359 million Instagram followers. If that doesn't tell the aliens all they need to know about life on Earth in 2024, then I don't know what will. Ariana Grande comes in at $2.25 million. 377 million followers. That's probably going to go up after that turn in Wicked.

[B]

The Wicked.

[A]

Dwayne Johnson, guys. The Rock. Are we really going to pay the Rock this much money for a fucking advertisement? 2.3 million people are paying it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's a Voss Water mention that he did. Voss Water has been a staple in My life for over a decade. For 1999 plus 1999. Shipping and handling. I'll send you Voss water straight from my own fridge. Refrigerator. So much after. Oh, he acquired a stake in the company. That's how you do it. You do it. You do it. I'm telling you this, you do it the Shaquille O'Neal way. You know what Shaquille O'Neal did when he started getting famous? And people were like, I want you to pitch my product. I want you to pitch my product. I'll pay you money to pitch my product. He said, no, I'll tell you what, you know what you can do? You give me a piece of the company.

[B]

Give me a stake in the company.

[A]

You give me a stake of the company. And now he owns like a. A steak and footballer. Krispy Kreme. That fucking car insurance commercial that I can't stand.

[B]

The General, I think he's involved in there.

[A]

He's Domino's or some shit like that. Isn't he the new CEO of Domino's or something? And that bonehead. Go away. Kylie Jenner. Oh, Kylie Jenner gets paid more than Kim.

[B]

Kim. That makes sense.

[A]

Uh huh. Kylie Jenner comes in at $2.4 million. She's got 423 million. Okay, here's the top three. You ready? Selena Gomez, $2.6 million with 423 million followers.

[B]

I like Selena.

[A]

Leo Messi comes in at number two.

[B]

Leo Messi. And Ronaldo at the top.

[A]

That's it. $2.6 million. He's doing a. What commercial is this? Oh, he did a lay's potato chip commercial, I think. Like selling your soul to lays.

[B]

Cristiano Ronaldo, you sell your soul for 2.5 or whatever.

[A]

2.5.

[B]

You would hawk some Lays.

[A]

Yes, with 10 behind it. 2.50 dollars. And I would be doing Lay's commercials all day long. I am not too proud of lay's.

[B]

Like a crisp chip.

[A]

Here's my. Here's my thing about like, I was talking to one of our network representatives the other day.

[B]

He's like, that sounds important.

[A]

It does sound important, doesn't it?

[B]

One of our network.

[A]

One of our network representatives, which means Brian incessantly emailing the sales team, wondering when the next dollar is going to come in the door. Hey, when's that check coming? Hey, it's been an hour. Is that check here yet? So I was talking with this guy and he said, can you do me a favor for one of our sponsors? Of course I can. And he Said, oh, it's so nice and refreshing to have that kind of attitude. And I said, well, what else? Gonna be a dick?

[B]

No.

[A]

About you bringing money in the door. And here's my opinion about sponsorship. Well, I know somebody. Most people don't like to listen to ads or watch ads. I'm one of those people, too. The truth is, that's the reason why we can do 12 days of TCV is because they're sponsors who pay us to do it. I mean, they pay us to support our creation of that content. And since we don't take sponsors who we don't, you know, use or would use, then what's. Honestly, that's the way people communicate their products, right? That's how they get the word out there.

[B]

It's been around for forever.

[A]

And that's why. Okay, and now let's look at the least paid influencers of 2020.

[B]

That's a picture of us.

[C]

Everyone sitting in this room.

[B]

Yeah, I was gonna say it's a picture of us.

[A]

Okay, so let's see here. They're called nano influencers. Let's see how much Big Ed gets paid per post. Oh, yeah, Big Ed paid per post.

[C]

I've seen some stuff on TikTok about micro influencers with, like, under a thousand followers on Instagram, and they do pretty well. Like, they make a good salary.

[A]

Listen, the. We used to say this on Clubhouse when we were incessantly babbling on that stupid fucking app forever during the pandemic. We used to say, there's riches and niches, bitches. Because there is riches and niches. Here's how I liken it to. If you want to advertise on the commercial break, you can probably advertise anything. I mean, most things, right? There's some things I don't think you'd want to advertise, like kids products or Disney toys or whatever. But you can advertise insurance, beer, you know, online sports betting. You can advertise anything. Because our listeners are listening to a very broad topics. When there's topics at all, when there's content at all. Brian's doing. But let's say you have a Model Train podcast or a Model Train Instagram. When you do that, there might be a model train store out there that sells expensive model trains to people. That one customer could spend five, six, $10,000 on those model trains. So for you, paying $1,000 to get at those 10 or 15 people that watch the Instagram feed or listen to the post might be well worth it. Where, if you're Advertising on the commercial break. Paying $5 to be here for six months on our show might not be worth it.

[C]

It's just.

[A]

You just have to. It's a matter. You gotta figure it all out. Big Ed gets paid. Are you ready for this?

[B]

Yes. Well, I'm very curious.

[A]

Business videos. So.

[B]

Business videos.

[A]

Business videos.

[B]

He's doing business.

[A]

He's doing business videos.

[B]

Like the guy that we used to talk about that would do the sales.

[A]

Yes. This reminds me of that sales guy. Yes, the sales guy.

[B]

Who was that guy?

[A]

He was fantastic. We had him on for a while. We're gonna find him. Maybe we'll put him on. Maybe we'll check in with him. Okay. Business videos. Where you can do business with Ed. 1.

[B]

What kind of business?

[A]

Thousand dollars per post. I don't know. He's on that campus like everybody else.

[B]

The business of getting on reality shows.

[A]

Yeah. That's what he does. Listen, Big Ed last year made $250,000 on cameo alone.

[B]

Really?

[A]

250 grand on cameo?

[B]

I'm surprised you didn't do one of those cameos. You love Big Ed.

[A]

Listen, I love Big Ed. And if I. If I could play it here on the commercial break, I would pay for it all day long. But as I mentioned the other day, I can. Angela's on there. Angela made a hologram. Of course.

[B]

Angela is Soulja Boy.

[A]

Angela, Soulja Boy. Angela, Soulja Boy coming at you live from Nigeria, man. $5.25 per postman. Do business with Soulja Boy. What are you guys talking about? TLC. TLC.

[B]

OK. Yeah. 90 Day Fiance.

[A]

Nothing anyone under 60s can understand. We got our own language, too. Christina.

[B]

Instead of saying what the kids saying these days, you can start saying, what are the olds saying these days?

[A]

What are the. What are the old. Are we like those people in Dune? Like the old ladies and Dune who run around controlling everything and speaking their own language? So just a little note here. Since we did the top and we're doing the. This is really what's gettable for us. Soulja Boy will do a read for us. $50, okay? In 2024, he's done 1200 of these. Soulja Boy. He has not been on TLC in at least three years. And Soulja Boy is doing. That's $56,000 he made this year alone, telling people happy birthday for being on 90 Day Fiance. Fuck you. Fuck it all. We're giving up 12 days of TCB, my ass. We're cutting it short.

[B]

I mean. Wait, I just had an idea. You do love tlc so much. And those reality shows, I mean, you've got one right here. You've got a gold mine.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Between all of the kids and the podcast. If you knew and Astrid have that international flair too.

[A]

We do.

[B]

There's got to be some kind of 90 day niche. I think you could get into that in the right 90 days, 10 years later.

[A]

Yes, 90 days after. Thousands after. That's right. 90 days, 9,000 days after. If I think in the right producer's hands, this could be a gold mine. Reality trash.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

For sure, number one. Number two, I think I've blown my chances to be on TLC after I told the girl who brought Pimple Popper to the TLC networks her show was shit.

[B]

Oh, that's right, you did say that.

[A]

Pissed off the TLC executives. Well, that makes. That's one of many. All right, let's take a break and we'll get back Santa porn. We'll be back.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

What do you mean you don't know our phone number? I only tell it to you twice a day, four times a week. Fine, if you insist, I will tell it to you again. It's 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822 and don't you forget it. Now, in case you can't remember, our Instagram handle is the commercial break. A tough one. I know. And our TikTok handle is CBP podcast. And that one is the same as our website, tcbpodcast.com and one last thing, go to YouTube.com thecommercial break for all of our video episodes. Got it?

[A]

Good. This episode is sponsored by pre alcohol from ZBiotics. I am not one to imbibe a whole bunch anymore. I've got 13 to 15 children, checklists to get done and jobs to do. But even with moderation, I don't bounce back like I used to from a night of drinking. I find myself having to make that choice. Can I have a great night or a great responsible day tomorrow? A tough choice to make indeed. That is, until I found Pre alcohol zbiotics. Pre Alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by a PhD scientist to tackle rough mornings after drinking. And here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for that rough next day. Free alcohol produces an enzyme. Time to break down this byproduct and just as long as you remember to take pre alcohol as your first drink of the night, then drink responsibly. You'll feel your best tomorrow. We've now been out for a few nights of drinking where pre alcohol is the first thing that I drink. Let me tell you when I can get up in the morning, take care of my 12 to 13 children, still record an episode of the commercial break, and make it to bedtime with a little bit of energy left in the tank to watch bad television. I know that pre alcohol has done its job and with the holiday season upon us, I know I'm going to be consuming just a little bit more alcohol than usual. But with pre alcohol I can stay on track and not let the holiday season throw me off course. Go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to ZBiotics.com commercial and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout out for 15% off. Thank you to ZBiotics for being a sponsor of the commercial break and for making my mornings after drinking just a little bit easier. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, the year is early 2000 and something and I got my first real office job at a company that was selling websites and search engine optimization. We came up with this pitch that the website was the business card of the Future and now 20 something years later, it's not the business card for your business, it's just your business. And that's why I highly recommend Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to succeed online. You don't have to be a programmer or a coder or a designer to develop your presence online. Just as unique as you and your business are three really important reasons why I believe Squarespace is the leader in this industry. Design Intelligence. They combine two decades of industry leading design and expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Number two Squarespace Payments. This is the part that befuddles a lot of people who go out and try and build their own website. Onboarding is fast and simple and you can take payments from some of the most popular payment methods. Klarna Ach, Apple Pay afterpay clearpay. If you're going to put your business online, people have to be able to pay you online. And number three, but no less important, SEO tools. If you want to be noticed, you have to be found. And with Squarespace's integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code Commercial Thanks Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. And good news for you. Some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter, it's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okadzka, and the literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world's stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show. Ville Commercial break All right, Chrissy, what do you want for Christmas? What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

[B]

Let's see, a new coat.

[A]

How about a long hard cock?

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well, I mean, you know, depends on who's dressed up like Santa, Right? I guess at the end of the day. Jeff, is that you? I did write ho, ho, ho yo ass up on that bed.

[B]

I did write that on my list.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right, well, tmi, but. All right. Sometimes she shares nothing, and sometimes she shares everything, folks. Depends on what kind of mood she comes in the door. All right, so I don't know. Don't ask me how I got on this, but somehow, through the magic of my social algorithm, somebody was reading Santa erotica. I was like, is this a thing?

[B]

And, oh, yes, I'm sure that it's a thing.

[A]

Santa Claus erotica. Now, I gotta imagine that that white beard and that big belly just turned a lot of people on. I'm assuming that. I mean, the thought of bringing you a special package under the tree just gets me.

[B]

Well, I saw mommy Kissing Santa Claus as an old song.

[A]

Oh, that's true. I didn't think about it.

[B]

So it's been a fantasy for a while.

[A]

But I think the joke is Santa Claus was dad. Right? You know what I'm saying? Oh. Like I said, like, from the child's perspective, I saw mommy kiss Chrissy goes. Oh, really? Now I'm thinking about that song in a whole different way. I think that song might be the reason why I started suspecting that Santa Claus was not. Not in fact, real. Is that I was like. Wait, hold on one second. Santa Claus erotica is real. It is alive and well. It is in the dark corners of the Internet. And yes, I have found it. All right.

[C]

The lyrics to a Sabrina Carpenter song.

[A]

And what is her. Sabrina Carpenter.

[C]

Well, don't you remember last year I had you read the lyrics to a Nonsense Christmas.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[C]

I was listening to it on the way here.

[A]

Oh, you were?

[C]

And one of the first. There's lines. It's like when you sliding down my chimney. Ooh, it feels so good.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Sabrina Carpenter loves slutty Christmas, which, as you know, is my favorite genre.

[A]

Well, there you go. If for a cool $2.6 million, we can get Sabrina to mention our show along with her Christmas polling. Okay, here we go. You ready? A little sample of Christmas erotica from out there. This is by a person. I don't want to steal their content, so I want to make sure that I'm shouting out that this is on Life lit erotica. And this is by the author R. Beamer. R. Beamer. Probably their real name. Probably not. Okay, here we go. You wake up with a start, a startle. I'M assuming was what they meant to write. Was that a sound you heard? You roll over to look at the clock. 11:03 Christmas Eve. Not a creature was stirring. You look out the where? What do we. What are we going for? There's a lot of flavors going on in this first paragraph. You look out of the bedroom door and notice a light was left on. Must have missed it when we went to bed. You get up, silent and slow as not to wake your partner, and pad softly into the living room to turn out the light. You are surprised to see a man in the living room. He has his back to you and is placing his presence under your tree. Santa? You ask slowly. He straightens up quickly and turns with a jerk, his fingers held to his lips. Well, hello dear, he says quietly. Shouldn't you be in bed with your pasty nipples? No kidding. His blue eyes look over you and suddenly you're conscious of what you are. What? He's conscious of what you are wearing. And it's not much. A pink satin buttoned up pajama shirt that just barely hides your red panties. It's a chill as you're pink satin.

[B]

As you're red satin.

[A]

Yes. What? Pink satin. Pink. Yes. Okay, pink satin, red panties, button up pajama shirt. It's a little chilly and your perky nipples are pressing through your shiny top. Wait, you're wearing flannel. Okay, I don't get it, but all right, I'm just gonna roll with it. He wrote it. I didn't. He doesn't look at all like the traditional Santa Claus you see everywhere this time of year. He's wearing a red velvet coat and a hat, of course, but he's also wearing black leather pants, heavy black boots, and a red satin shirt. He looks to be in his 50s, and he's not fat at all. He seems to be fairly good shape for his age. You figure this makes sense, considering all he has to do on this evening. His hair is silver gray, his beard short and a little wild. His eyes sparkle with delight. He's just the sexiest Santa you've ever seen. I heard a sound so I arose from my bed to see what was the matter. Are you really Santa Claus? Of course, my dear. He laughs a little in spite of himself. Have you been a good girl this year? I've tried to be, but I might end up being on the naughty list. That's okay, my dear. Some people move from the nice to the naughty list and back all the time. It's not hard to be naughty once in A while. That makes you smile. Well, I'm just. Well, I'm just finishing up here and I need to go. Lots to do tonight. He bends up to pick up his sack. You glance at the clock. 11:03. Strange. It looks like the clock is a little slow, but. Santa, I never had a chance to tell you what I wanted for Christmas. This is not entirely true. You tried to visit at least one mall Santa every year. You like to flirt with the Santa and make him a little uncomfortable as your husband takes pictures. He likes it too. Oh, it's a cuckolding Santa fantasy. I love it. Well then, would you like Santa to bring you this year? Another eye twinkle. This man is starting to turn on you. Should I be sitting in your lap from this as you give him a wicked smile? Of course, my dear. Santa makes his way to the couch, sits down and pats his knee. You slink over, knowing that he is watching your body move under your silky top. You sit down on his legs and feel this smooth, cool leather on your hot cheeks. You put your knees together in your hands, in your lap. You start to list all the things you would like Santa to bring you. But it's pretty clear they are things for other people to get. Your friends, your family, all the people you love. I can see you're a giving person and you care for others more than yourself. That's a great way to stay on the nights. Listen. But what can I do for you, young lady? Santa's blue eyes stare deeply into your green eyes. He holds your gaze for several heartbeats. You feel your private parts start to tingle and warm. Your pussy is getting excited and wet. Very excited indeed. You think to yourself, I'm gonna give Santa Claus a huge present. You reach up, gently slide his stocking cap from your head and run your fingers through his long thick gray hair. You scratch his beard lightly with your long fingernails. You reach down and take his hand. He's wearing a soft leather glove. You pull at all the fingers, removing the glove from his right hand. You place his fingers on your lips, never breaking eye contact. You start to kiss his fingertips and then you lick them slowly, like the disgusting human that you are. You slowly insert fingers into your mouth and then suck on them, gently rolling your tongue around and getting them soaked with your saliva. I'm already grossed out.

[B]

I know.

[A]

His cheeks start to flush, his breathing getting shallow, and he moves his pelvis underneath you, obviously becoming uncomfortable. But he doesn't break the stair. You spread your legs a bit, fit the bottom of your night shirt and Guide your wet fingers into your panties. You press them against you and hot, hot. And slowly rub them into your slot. His strong fingers take over and you grind your ass on his legs. His fingers parch your lips and enter your vel canal. They find your button, pinch it and tease it. You arch your back with pleasure, and suddenly you're moaning. His strong fingers probe deeper. Suddenly you orgasm. It's gentle, easy, but very intense. Visions of sugar plums dance in your head. You relax after waves of pleasure have passed and lay your head on Santa's chest, still quivering and shivering with delight. Santa pets and strokes your silver, your silky hair as you recover from this passionate experience. But you know it isn't over. Okay, I'm gonna skip over this one.

[B]

Oh, that's what you're gonna skip over?

[A]

Yes, that's what I'm gonna skip over. You. You. Let's fast forward. You remove your mouth from his throbbing hard on, stand slowly and drop your sopping panties to the floor. I would like to go for a ride on your sleigh this Christmas, you say, and then lick his earlobes and gently massage his head. Of course, my dear. You've earned it. You are suddenly concerned with the amount of time Santa has spent with you. And he's worried about all. And you're worried about all the others he'll need to visit tonight. But you look at the clock, and it's still 1103.

[B]

The magic of Christmas.

[A]

That's how he does it. You say to yourself, I love you, Santa Claus. I love you, too. Ho ho, ho. You people are disgusting. You disgust me with your filth.

[B]

Defiled.

[A]

You've defiled Santa. Christmas Eve, Kris Kringle has been torn apart by your throbbing slot.

[B]

Also, 1103 Velvet Canal.

[A]

That was my favorite, the Velvet Canal. As you shiver and quiver. This is amazing. People will literally get horny over anything.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

This is proof. Santa Claus. Never in my wildest dreams, I imagine, has any. I mean, honestly, Santa Claus, he's kind of like the epitome of goodness and richness and wholeness, and we've just made it impossible for anybody to think about Santa in the same way again. How sick do you need to be to sit around imagining that Santa Claus is gonna. You're gonna ride Santa Claus's sleigh on Christmas Eve? I mean, that said, we did read one time that people had dolphin fantasies.

[B]

I know. And dragons.

[A]

And dragons and aliens are pretty. That's a pretty common theme. Yeah. Watch any hentai? That's pretty vanilla. Hentai is all dragon tentacles and octopus and going in and out of every orifice and ripping people apart. That shit's intense, by the way. Hentai is. But I just thought I wanted to give you a taste of how unwell some of our fellow human beings are. Oh.

[B]

Oh, I believe it.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

I believe it. I think I've even heard of, like, Easter Bunny porn, too. So.

[A]

Easter Bunny porn.

[B]

It's all out there.

[A]

Well, we'll get to that in Easter.

[B]

Leprechaun. I mean, name each holiday.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know. In. You know, like, I under. Like, erotica is a huge literature category. Yes, erotica. It's been forever and ever and ever. There's, like. I think those books sell very well. The ones that have intensely detailed descriptions of lovemaking, they still sell like hotcakes. And they're, as evidenced by entire websites where people can write their own, you know, romantic porn, essentially. Not all that well, but, Grant, you.

[B]

Know, I don't know if I call it romantic.

[A]

But you don't think that. I think that she was. He or she was trying to add a little romance in there. It wasn't as graphic. Listen, there were some choices that I made leading up to this, and I'm telling you right now, I went the route of safe.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, good. I went the route of save. And I'm sorry if I ruined anyone's Christmas, but I just. If I'm going to know the world is so fucked up, I want to share that with the rest of you, especially during the 12 days of Christmas.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Let it. Let it be known far and wide. Santa Claus. North Pole is not the only pole. Santa Claus is. It's rubbing this here, you know, I'm saying.

[B]

Yes, that's.

[A]

To be fair. I do remember when I was a kid and they still had magazines, you know, what's that? Girly magazine. What's that? We used to look at women on pieces of paper with nipple pasties. I used to read the J.C. penney catalog.

[B]

That was your favorite.

[A]

The brassiere section. I mean, listen, you're impressionable when you're young and the JCPenney catalog comes in the door at 12 years old and there's girls in bras. Oh, my God, forget. Long before Victoria's Secret started sending out that stuff. But I will tell you this. When there were girly magazines around, I'm sure they still exist somewhere. But when there were girly magazines around, inevitably, every year during the holidays behind that shitty little, you know, mini mart, you know, cashier that you were Getting your gas at. There would be Mrs. Claus in some kind of negligee.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Like Santa. Maybe Santa is not the most popular version of erotica, but Mrs. Claus has certainly been bastardized by every member.

[B]

Oh, yeah, there's definitely sexy Christmas outfits.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And that's a good time to remind everybody. 21 EPMs, make sure you get all of your ejaculations in.

[B]

And we have an Update on the 21 EPM sticker.

[A]

Oh, yeah, again, listen, house cleaning. The Astrid heard our siren song about the browning of the 21 APM stickers. The controversy currently gripping the web that our 21pM stickers are cheap and they don't last. And they're turning brown. Well, they turn brown. Brown in the sun because they are environmentally friendly, eco friendly, biodegradable. So we are. And, and we actually found this on their website that we found that because they're biodegradable they're only going to last for a couple days and they go away outside. Yeah. If you put them in the sun, which we have suggested that you do, if you put them in the sun then they are going to degrade and.

[B]

And then you're just going around with a brown stick. Yes, 21, that's right. I was like, it's perfect for us.

[A]

Ruining your bumper sticker just like we're ruining your Christmas here on the commercial break.

[B]

Happy holiday.

[A]

Happy holidays to you and yours. All right, this Christmas, Chrissy and I are asking you to donate. We're going to talk about this charity one more time. Then we're going to bring in some you've suggested. We're going to talk about two charities that we would love for you to send some, you know, some payola their way because they do good works out there in the world and it's that time of year and these charities, most of them really depend on this, the giving this time of year to make them go all year round. It's like everything else. Everybody spends that money here in the holiday times for tax benefits or just because they're feeling good or because they're thinking about others. The St. Jude foundation, the St. Jude Series of hospitals provided treatment to terminally ill or long term cancer patients, children who typically have serious and complicated types of cancer. They provide that treatment at no cost to anybody for anything. And they do that because of the donations from people like us. So please, we'll put a link in the show notes. We have nothing to do with this. You go directly to their website, you pay what you want to pay. But if you do decide to donate to one of those, send us a screenshot to 212-4333TC and we'll be happy to send you some additional swag, just as a thank you for even listening to the show, quite frankly, for paying attention to what we say. Also, Chrissy would like the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund.

[B]

They do a lot of good within that research of all things to do with breast cancer. In fact, they're coming up with a, they're in trials right now for a vaccine.

[A]

That would be amazing. I know.

[B]

And they do a lot of good research and advocating for breast cancer research.

[A]

Yeah. If you could avoid getting breast cancer or you could any kind of cancer. Right. If there was a vaccine for, for cancer that did not include mutilating part of your body, then that would be like one of the most amazing breakthroughs ever. So please donate to one or both of those great causes, the National Breast Cancer Coalition fund or the St. Jude Hospital Fund. Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be back.

[C]

Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess. CVP podcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new [e-mail] thecommercial break. So check it out and throw us a follow a like a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. Now I have one last request. During the 12 or for 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[A]

Instacart's Deal Week is coming up from December 17th to December 23rd. That means you can get up to 25% off holiday gifts for the whole family from stores like Best Buy, Bath and Body Works, PetSmart and more. And you can get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Just think of it as Instacart's little gift to you. And while we're on the subject, why not get a little something for yourself too? Shop deal week from December 17th to 23rd and save up to 25% on gifts. Discounts minimum spend maximum discount and exclusions apply.

[B]

Looking to improve your Diet. In the new year, try seeing a personal dietitian with Nourish. Nourish has hundreds of dietitians who specialize in a variety of health concerns, including weight loss, gut health, and meet with your dietitian online and message them anytime through the Nourish app. Nourish accepts hundreds of insurance plans. 94% of patients pay $0 out of pocket. Find your personal [e-mail] that's usenourish.com.

[A]

Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas with my fog machine. Okay. Hey, do you remember earlier this year, I wanted to. Since we're kind of reviewing the year during the 12 days of TCB, I wanted to bring it back to a story that we talked about way at the beginning of the year, maybe, like, maybe spring. We had both watched a documentary about guys that were going around everything. Okay.

[C]

I was just really excited.

[A]

Oh, you're really excited to talk about this one?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember this?

[C]

Well, is this the Russian one?

[A]

The.

[C]

Oh, maybe I'm wrong. I thought this was going to be the documentary you guys watched about the, like, Russian brides.

[A]

Oh, okay. We can talk about that, too. But let me get to this one first. So the, the Russian, the documentary we watched on Netflix, I think a lot of people watched it about the guys who were going around trying to repopulate the earth with their own genes. So it was like a triangle, a triad angle. I don't know. Six guys that were going to sperm banks and then convincing people to get private donations that included handing semen out car windows, meeting at malls, grocery stores. They were basically. They were in it for sex, I think, a lot of times. But most of the time what they were really in it for is repopulating the earth or populating the earth with their genes. It's like this weird fantasy that they had, this weird, like, domination fantasy that they had. And they went around doing this now.

[B]

So terrible, terrible.

[A]

They were found out. And there was a small town in Denmark, I think it was Denmark. Yeah, Denmark or Sweden, that had realized that, like, 120 of the children in that town were all related. Because the women who wanted to conceive either by themselves or they couldn't conceive with their husband took semen from the same person. But they did not know this until, like, the cat got out of the bag. Everybody started doing DNA tests to realize that if they had gotten a private donation, it had likely come from this one particular person that then they discovered was not even one particular person. It was multiple particular people. In other words, guy would. You would call the dude or meet him on a website.

[B]

Yeah, there was a website dedicated to it.

[A]

He would say, I've only done this once or twice, but I'm really dedicated to giving women children when they want them, regardless of their circumstances. So I'm happy to provide you my semen. I'm college educated, I'm good looking. He would provide, you know, pimp. He looked like, you know, I don't know, like a blonde Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, he had kind of flowing hair.

[A]

Yeah, he was just like a handsome guy. And then they would meet him, inevitably get the donation one of two ways. Either he would give them the semen that was just made either in their house, like in their bathroom.

[B]

Yeah, he went to their bathroom.

[A]

Yeah, he'd pump and dump, essentially. Or he'd provide a live donation, which means you have sex with the person and then they conceive that way. Which is also apparently a way that you can do this too, which really surprised me. Okay, so listen so loosely. In this documentary, a gentleman, as part of this quad of guys that were doing this was mentioned. And at the exact same time, this guy was on 90 Day Fiance. Before the 90 days he was dating a woman. And his job that he made clear from the beginning of him being on this show was to provide live sperm donations. It was only one way that he did it and that was to have sex with the woman. And he'd get paid to do this. They'd like pay for his travel and give him a couple thousand dollars each time he donated sperm. And sometimes he'd have to do it multiple times. And when the girl that he was dating that he intended to marry asked for him to wear a condom, he refused. When she then got nervous that she was pregnant, asked for the morning after pill, he refused to buy it for her. She went out and got it perfect, got it herself because he really wanted her to have this baby. It was like a sick, weird fantasy. This guy at that time, one of the things that they showed in that show was that he was taking a cadre of vitamins to increase his chances of getting a woman pregnant. Like supplement supplements to make his semen stronger and more virile and all this other stuff. There is now a actual supplement on the market called Semen X. Semen X that you can take to make your semen strong for, you know, the clearly.

[B]

I mean, listen, the supplement market is very loose. It's not regulated.

[A]

There is zero regulation about the supplement market. I could.

[B]

That's why Y. Brian 5000.

[A]

Why Brian 3000. Now available everywhere you have sex. Why Brian 3000? I'll personally give it to you right now. 30 day free trial of my penis. How semen X works. You ready? From their website, the only thing better than sex is amazing sex. But what if you could make the sex last even longer with intense orgasms and great semen? Order your semen X today. Yes. Seminal vessel fluids constitute 70% of your load income. Increase. The prostate gland fluid comes. Prevent that forms.25% of your load increases. Your seminal plasma load increases. I mean, this is. This is something Alex Jones should be selling. Oh, yeah, immediately, if not sooner, because. Oh, wait, there's a commercial. I don't know if I want to play the commercial because then I'm just giving him a free commercial. But I. The funniest thing is the testimonials that are on this website. I want you to take a look at the picture of one of the guys that's giving the testimonial, Neil W. Okay. Do you see that guy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does it look like Neil W. Will ever be called upon to load increase? No. No. He's 70 years old. What does Neil need his load increased for? What is he looking for? Neil, My orgasms are way more intense. I've been taking semen X for a little over 60 days now. Saw your ads and decided it's exactly what I needed. You will not be prepared for what comes next. My dick. I mean, this is amazing. I have to tell you, this stuff works like a charm. My orgasms are way more intense and my semen volume is more than. My semen volume is more than doubled. Who cares?

[B]

Did they ask the advertiser? Us?

[A]

Well, they might now. Let me talk to the network executives and we'll see what happens. Our network liaison, who care. Unless you're actually trying to get someone pregnant, which I guarantee Neil is not. Who cares what the load volume is? Is that really a problem or do we care about the load? Have you ever cared about the load volume?

[B]

No. Never tried to get pregnant. So it's a whole other situation.

[A]

I don't think he needs trying to get it. Yeah, dropping loads. I mean, this is just unbelievable to me. This is one of the vitamins that that guy was taking. Was this semen X?

[B]

Semen X? It really was.

[A]

It really was one of the ones that he was taking. I'm surprised his picture is not on the website. No, because if there's ever been. If there's ever been someone that should be. Look at these guys, Chrissy. Look at these men on the front of this website. If these are not guys that you want to make sure that their load increase.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Do you want to see them have more intense orgasms? Do you want to see any of these guys have more intense orgasms?

[B]

Look like the guys from the 21 convention.

[A]

Oh, my God. Look at this guy. He's right up your alley. It's so funny. They couldn't have paid for stock photography. Steven X. You couldn't have. You couldn't have sprung for a couple extra dollars to make it look like anybody buddy decent would want your product. Yeah, pan in on that. Chris, give. Give us a shot of that. Look at that guy. Look at that guy. No, no, it's okay. We'll have. We'll have our guys zoom in on that. That's unbelievable. What about the Russian documentary? What was going on with the Russian documentary? The Mail Order Brides or you just want to talk about it?

[C]

Yeah, I just really liked it.

[A]

It was really good.

[B]

The one that we did for like three days.

[C]

Yes. I love those episodes. I was like, give me more commercial break. Watches documentaries.

[B]

It was pretty interesting.

[A]

Well, stay tuned because there's two more documentaries of equal shenanigans that I have found that I would like to do. This is actually one of the things in season number six that I would like to do more is that we do a multi day themed breakdown of longer, like, longer episodic documentaries videos. And I've found two already that are just amazeballs and you're going to love them. And one of them is very much in the same vein as Mail Order Brides. But this has to do with the paid dating coaches. So the paid people, but not the men. The women who take rich guys and they put them together with a gaggle of geese and then they try and hook them up. Do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like that lady Patty, whatever her name was, Remember her?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember how she did that show? Whatever happened to her?

[B]

I mean, that show went on for so long, so I think she just went away for a little while, but she's still around. I mean, she's still got a little celebrity cache.

[A]

Oh, she does. Oh, okay. I always thought that would look like a scam from the beginning. To me it was like she just put a bunch of really hot young girls in front of a bunch of really old white rich guys.

[B]

Oh, man. She was operating out of la, so.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Nothing unusual going on there. No knockout la. I Actually love la, but it's just a different world out there. Things just happen different. Kylie Jenner gets paid $2.6 million to mention you on her social media out there. Here in Atlanta, we do things different. We mentioned semen X in the hopes that they'll pay us money someday down the line. That's how it works here in Atlanta. We for real. No, no, no. Do you think we're all still getting used to each other in the same space and that's okay? Christina. Christina was so lost in the moment.

[B]

Talking about the mail order bride.

[A]

Well, she was ordering semen X over there. She was hoping it would increase her load. I don't know. Where did you put it? Did you replace it? No. No. Okay. It's usually in a green. No, it's all good. It's all good. I, you know, the reason why I pointed to you is because I thought that's what you were. That's what you had done. And so I was.

[C]

No, I was. I thought we still had 10 more minutes on the clock.

[A]

I was loading. I was loading my load.

[B]

We were loading.

[A]

I was loading my load. Loading now. Loading. Se. Give him a shout out. We just did a free commercial for them.

[B]

We really did.

[A]

Yeah. There's probably half the audience is running the semenx.com right now to either check out the pictures or order it sick with your Santa Claus porn and your semen X. This has been a rowdy episode of.

[B]

The commercial days of tcb.

[A]

Well, when I saw the Santa erotica, I just couldn't pass it up. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. That's commercial break material.

[B]

That absolutely is. All right, let's get Dr. Phil to talk about.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Dr. Phil. I'm gonna get that commercial. We'll see if we can play it for you. All right, do us a favor. Go to the, go to the St. Jude website or the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund website. Donate for Christmas. Give a few bucks. You know that every dollar really does matter when you're talking about life threatening illnesses. And let's be honest about it, the health care system, system in America is really as we're seeing.

[B]

Yeah. And everything, everything really stops when something's wrong with your health. As you know, you just went through this year.

[A]

Yes, it stops. And when you're really sick, there's nothing else that matters. It's just. That's all. That's it. And sometimes you can't even function. And I know that for a fact. And Chrissy knows that and Christina knows that we all know that. Get old enough and you're going to know that if you get sick, you need health care. You need it now, and you may not have the money to pay for it. So these people are doing good work out there. You may need them someday. Hopefully you don't, but you may need them. Pay it forward. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you find all the show notes, all the information about the show, audio and video. Every single episode of the Commercial break now available on YouTube.com the commercial break add the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock and 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments? Concerns? Content? Ideas? If you donate to one of those causes, send us a screenshot. We'll send you free swag. If you need another 21 EPM sticker, let us know. We'll send it off to you. No mus, no fuss, no problem. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

And I love you.

[A]

Say best to you, best to you. Best to you and your jingle out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say and we must say goodbye.

[B]

Where'd you get those shoes?

[C]

Easy.

[B]

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[A]

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That keep.

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