96.7 The Girth

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Episode: 96.7 The Girth
Date: May 8, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic The Commercial Break—an unfiltered, comedic deep-dive into Bryan and Krissy’s past radio escapades, internet oddities, and current pop culture weirdness. The major through-line is Bryan’s hilariously chaotic start in classic country radio (station 96.7 “The Legend”) and their irreverent but strangely insightful discussion about online fame—from Facebook’s forgotten corners to the meteoric rise of viral creators like the “Girth Master.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Feedback and Leslie Liao Shout-Out

• The duo riffs on a snarky listener text that read, “Been listening for a while, just waiting for the funny to catch up,” (01:24) to which Bryan retorts, “Thanks for listening. It'll be here soon. Don't you worry about it.” (01:33)
• They heap praise on recent guest Leslie Liao, noting the arc of her career from HR to breakout stand-up comic (01:46).

2. Bryan’s Wild Journey to Classic Country Radio

• Bryan reminisces about pursuing a radio gig, not for love of sales but because he just wanted on-air glory (03:18–06:08). His roundabout entry included a serendipitous Target encounter with a former interviewer.
• He describes “the cluster” of radio stations as “like a rash—irritating and sometimes painful. And you couldn't get rid of it.” (06:33)
• His ambitions to get near a microphone led to ingratiating himself with the company’s SVP of programming (07:33–08:18).

3. Infamous 96.7 "The Legend" Radio Stint

• Finally allowed to DJ on a “tiny stick” AM station with almost no listeners, Bryan’s excitement quickly evolved into on-air anarchy—stretching talk breaks, running bits, and flagrantly ignoring time limits (09:25–11:05).
• “Before you know it, we're doing 28 minutes of talk an hour. But no one notices because no one listens… They did not care. They did not listen. They did not know.” (11:05)
• Memories are triggered years later walking through Kroger hearing “Islands in the Stream,” prompting an impromptu station ID in the cereal aisle (12:49).
• Disaster strikes after an off-color segment and political joke, leading to an angry tsunami of upper management texts. “I was like, oh, it must have been a mistake. Sorry, I pressed the wrong button…The great news is Cam got fired. I managed to stay on with a good talking to.” (15:57)

Memorable Quote

“That same lady who had interviewed me is all of a sudden, she's like running up to me. Brian… I've been looking for your resume everywhere. Why? Because we're starting this new division at the company for streaming radio… I remembered you, but I couldn't find your resume. I couldn't remember your last name.”
—Bryan Green, (04:35)

4. Social Media Tangents—Facebook, Exes, and Unboxing Insanity

• Bryan reflects on Facebook’s evolving approach to ex-relationships—once severed, forever separated, until suddenly his ex pops up as a “friend suggestion” after 15 years (21:11–23:29). Krissy muses on Facebook’s persistent grip, especially for people entrenched in its culture.
• Discussion shifts to Facebook Marketplace oddities, obsessive unboxing livestreams, and creators making small fortunes opening luxury goods for a few seconds at a time (24:50–26:10).
• The spectacle of “people literally driving themselves mad to make a few dollars” is both baffling and slightly enviable, as Bryan quips, “We have 6,000 hours of this show. We make less money in four years than these people make in four hours on Facebook.” (28:53)

Notable Exchange

Krissy: “So once again, we got into the wrong field.”
Bryan: “I know. What in the [expletive] is wrong with us? …I will do it for Walmart sweatpants. I mean, I am not, not proud.” (26:13)

5. Unboxing Craze & Societal Materialism

• The hosts dissect why mass audiences love watching strangers unbox items, from toys to luxury bags. Bryan theorizes, “We're so materialistic. We lean on those materials to give us some kind of value or worth. They don't, but we lean on them too…” (30:40)
• They also lampoon overlong, pointless unboxing videos: “It was insufferably long. It was like 15 minutes long. And I was like, God, get to the point!” (34:19)
• Krissy appreciates short demos (a la Nordstrom), but both agree the unboxing phenomenon mystifies them.

6. Viral Fame: “The Girth Master” Case Study

• The episode pivots into the viral story of “Girth Master,” a young man with a “Coke can for an appendage,” making up to $80,000 per week as an OnlyFans star—prompting the episode’s title (39:48–44:35).
• Bryan summarizes the phenomenon, referencing his skyrocketing search numbers on Pornhub and celebrity shoutouts.
• Krissy erupts with laughter at the coverage: “His penis is apparently the width of a wine bottle. Jesus Christ, have mercy on a stick.” (43:44)

Parenting Dilemmas: If Your Kid is a “Girth Master”

• Bryan ponders how you’d counsel your child if fate handed them such a career path. “I have to agree with you, son. I have thought since the day that you came out of mommy's woohoo, you were a special kind of kid with a big old fucking dick and you should go out there and make a living doing that. I’m proud of you, son.” (45:57)
• Krissy: “Just be safe.” (46:21)
• The segment turns into a comedic play-by-play of hypothetical supportive parenting, reverse psychology, and how pushing back usually makes kids rebel harder (47:28–50:41).

Bryan’s Closing Philosophy

“As long as they are happy and they are safe and they are treating themselves and other people with kindness, then I have to say, hey, okay, I guess, whatever, you know, what are you going to do? You're going to lash out?”
—Bryan Green (47:35)

7. Final Chatter & Audience Engagement

• The hosts invite listeners to participate by asking questions, pitching topics, or coming on the show (54:07–55:54).
• Hints are dropped at possible future live shows.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Listener roasts show (“waiting for the funny to catch up”): [01:24]
• Bryan’s “radio cluster” metaphors (chocolate nosh/cluster rash): [06:17–06:33]
• Bryan’s grocery store “Islands in the Stream” radio impersonation: [12:49]
• The Facebook ex-relationship recurs (21:11–23:29)
• Bryan on social media hustle: “We have 6,000 hours of this show. We make less money in four years than these people make in four hours on Facebook.” [28:53]
• “Girth Master” recap: “His penis is apparently the width of a wine bottle. Jesus Christ, have mercy on a stick.” [43:44]
• Hilarious parental advice: “Since the day you came out of mommy's woohoo… go out there and make a living doing that.” [45:57]

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Episode Flow & Tone

The tone is loose, explicit, and gleefully self-deprecating, with threads of genuine reflection about fame, parenting, the perverse appeal of viral media, and the randomness of opportunity. The episode is a freewheeling hangout, packed with laughter, sarcastic wisdom, and the kind of well-worn chemistry that gives the show its devoted fanbase.

For newcomers: You’ll get a sense of the show’s signature blend of radio tales, unfiltered banter, and fearless skewering of internet absurdities—plus a recurring theme: sometimes, destiny really does just hand you a “big one.”

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Key Timestamps

• [01:24] — Listener text and Leslie Liao mention
• [03:18–06:08] — Bryan’s radio job origin story
• [09:25–12:00] — On-air chaos at 96.7 “The Legend”
• [21:11–24:00] — Facebook, exes, and algorithm commentary
• [24:50–28:53] — Unboxing content, Facebook hustle, and viral earnings
• [39:48–44:35] — “Girth Master” saga
• [45:57–47:57] — Parental perspective on viral fame/OnlyFans success
• [54:07–55:54] — Audience invites & show wrap-up

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In short:
This episode is a tour of Bryan and Krissy’s comedic roots, a meditation on viral fame (both baffling and enviable), and an ode to the weird ways the internet—and life—can make you famous for just being yourself… or, as in the case of “The Girth Master,” for what you were born with.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

So before you start gossiping about me, love, scratch your menge, sniff your fingers because you have got bigger fish to fry. On this episode of the Commercial Break. When my kid comes to me at 18, 19, 20 years old and says I'm not going to college, but what I would like to do is take the incredible talents and gifts that God has given me and I want to go out there and show the world what I can do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Monetize it.

[Brian Green]

I think it would be hard as a parent not to say, you know, you know what, in this situation, I have to agree with you, son. I, I have thought since the day that you came out of mommy's woohoo that you were a special kind of kid with a big old fucking dick and you should go out there and make a living doing that. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. The 30 in the morning. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beanie baby of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the PODC universe. Thanks for joining us. Another fantastic episode of the Commercial Break on deck for you. I'm not sure when that'll happen, but just stay tuned. It's in the queue. It's somewhere coming up in the future. We got a, a rather naughty little text message from someone on our, one of our old phone lines. Remember we've had 12.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Green]

And they said, been listening for a while, just waiting for the funny to catch up. And I was like, oh you. But I.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Thanks for listening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, thanks for listening. That's what I said. I said thanks for listening. It'll be here soon. Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry about it. Leslie Liao, our guest this week, what a brilliant young comic she is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I was just doing a little Google search because I like to, you know, Internet stalk our guests because having them on the show, I like to follow them around just praying that they'll give us that Instagram follow we so desperately need. And Leslie's all over. She's all over LA Times, Dateline, Hollywood Reporter.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She's huge right now.

[Brian Green]

Sydney Telegraph. She's all over the place.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Good for her.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. That story of being a HR manager turned stand up comic at and then doing a special for the company you were working for.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Is actually quite an amazing story, I do have to say. It really is. I would like to make some parody between my getting on Air at, you know, 94. Well, no, not 94, but nine. The bolt, 96. Seven. The legend. The legend in the greater southwest. Atlanta country classics. Country classic. Man, did I love that. I did. What's going on with my microphone? I'm so sorry. But it keeps popping in and out. I wonder. It just seems finicky. Maybe it doesn't even like me anymore. Maybe it's also waiting for the funny to show up. Yeah, stop. I felt so good about doing those that, like, as soon as they let me in that studio. And Lance, if you remember, Lance, of course, was teaching me how to do the, like, you know, hit the post, run the boards, run the boards, hit the post. Make it sound professional. I mean, he didn't have. He really did not have to give me much tutoring. And even he said so he's like, you're kind of a natural there. And I was like, great. I have a future in talking in and out of classic country songs all over this great country, or at least.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Just a tiny little part of the Atlanta area.

[Brian Green]

I'll be in Chattanooga now. Chattanooga, Tennessee, doing the morning show in no time. Watch out. And then. Okay, so here. So this will lead to a story. Ready Story time with Brian. So for those of you who haven't heard this story, Chrissy and I worked at a radio conglomerate, like the largest in the country. And that's how we met. We started working there basically around the same time. And the reason why I got the job at the radio station was not because I was particularly enthralled with radio stations or, you know, the business side of radio. It was because I thought they were going to somehow put me on air. But when I showed up to the. To, like, this blind interview, like, I had no idea what I was going in for. I thought I was going to go to be on air. And even I made my resume. I beefed it up with some things I thought might be pertinent to. On air.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You did?

[Brian Green]

I did, yes. Because I had been on another radio station in Atlanta for, like, three days. Right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay. So I didn't know that.

[Brian Green]

But when I walked in, what I realized by all of the people sitting around in these cubicles was I was going to be nowhere near the microphones of this radio station or any of the radio stations in the building. This lady wanted me to be on the sales side of things.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I. We agreed that it just wasn't a good fit. Like, I wasn't. I didn't want to do radio sales. Three months after I went in for that interview. I'm at a Target here in Atlanta. And that same lady who interviewed me, I wish I could remember her damn name. I give her a thank you. That same lady who had interviewed me is. All of a sudden, she's like running up to me. Brian. Brian Gregory. Brian Greenback. Brian Greenwald. What's your last name? And I'm like, green. And she's like, I have been looking for your resume everywhere. Why? Because we're starting this new division at the company for streaming radio.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's going to be. All our stations are going to be on the interwebs, and we need somebody with your experience. Because I had had experience in Internet marketing.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And selling advertising online. She said, we need. We need experience. We need people who can even pretend to understand what's going on here. And I've been looking. I remembered you, but I couldn't find your resume. I couldn't remember your last name. And so I said, oh, okay. So she. She writes on my phone number. Someone's going to give you a call. So I go in, here it is. But the only thing that I want to do is get on the radio. I really don't give two shits about working in the business office. Even though it was fine. I worked there and we did fine.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Looking back now, this makes way more sen.

[Brian Green]

I didn't. Yeah, I didn't show up there because I wanted to be, you know, in radio sales, guy extraordinaire. There are lots of people that are really good at radio sales. Brian is not one of those people at all.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So that was part of the sales.

[Brian Green]

Staff, and she was part of the sales staff. We all worked on the same floor. And so there's like eight radio stations, seven radio stations, whatever it is, in our quote unquote cluster, which.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The cluster.

[Brian Green]

The cluster cluster. Sounds like we're about to have a, you know, a chocolate nosh on some. Henry's chocolate she bought for your mom, and it's got strawberries in it. She don't like strawberries. You know what I'm saying? Here, mom, have a radio cluster.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I was thinking about a cluster rash.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, cluster rash. That's probably more accurate, actually. It was like a rash. It was irritating and sometimes painful. And you couldn't get rid of it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

You just couldn't break away from it. It's like a crazy ex girlfriend. You just keep going back to the web. So after a couple of months at the radio that. Working in the business side of things, of course, we got to know the People that were on air, we were all working together on a daily basis. And so we were on one floor, they were on another floor. And I would make it a point to get my ass up onto that radio floor to meet and greet with whoever, be friendly, say hello. Some way, somehow I'm going to get behind that microphone.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I was always up there too. Going to Rachel's studio.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, Rachel. Geez. I was scared of her at first. She was scary.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So we bonded right away and I wanted her to do all of my commercials because I loved her voice, which now of course has proven to be, yeah, very lucrative profession for her. And yeah, I loved it because I was so. I'd see you up there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'd all be mingling around and you know, I think Taylor Swift came up one time. All of us were sitting there, saliva falling off of our mouths, waiting for this gorgeous 20 year old. The show. Anyway, so I got a hold of the senior vice president of programing for the entire fucking company is working in our building. And I. Every Thursday or Friday I'd come upstairs, a couple of beers in my hand. I'd be, hey man, let's shoot this shit. And he was, I was always irritating him for some, you know, he was like, I don't have time for all this, you know? And I'd be talking about what? Radio programming? I know a little bit about that. Oh really? Do you, Brian? Let's just try to stay in the office long enough to say, what do you think? So finally one day it came out of my mouth.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

What do you think you'd have enough beers?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, we're like four beers in. What do you think about me being on the radio? And he laughed loud enough for the entire building to hear it. And he was like, what do you mean you on the radio? You're like the streaming dude downstairs. Like, no, no, no, it takes perfect. You got to work your way up into this though. You can. I can't just let you on the number nine market in the country. Just Brian's on the, you know, Brian's the morning. You're still a guy now, you know, old Hambone. Yeah, Hambone and Ho in the morning, that's what you want. But I just don't think he trusted that I would actually. Not the whole thing up. I think that's really what it was. I was young and dumb and we were all running around like idiots down on the sales floor. But persistence paid off in this situation. And he said, okay, we've got this radio station 96.7. 9.6.7. It's what's called a small stick station. You have big stick stations. You have small stick stations. You have tiny stick stations that literally only reach, like, in a huge city like Atlanta, maybe it only reaches 15, 20,000 people. And that's what this was, a tiny stick station playing classic country. No DJs whatsoever. It was all either piped in or, you know, they were just. There was nobody. It was just because no one listened. No one gave a.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It was bundled in with the Bull.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You didn't sell 967.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We kind of threw it in.

[Brian Green]

Now you just throw it in. Yeah, okay, $5. Whatever. Who cares? Gives a. And he says, all right, listen, I want you to go in there with Lance. He's going to teach you what to do. I'm going to let you go on from. I forget. At first it was like midnight to 3am yeah. He's like. But you don't actually. You're not actually there. Midnight to 3am you record it whenever you want to. And then it plays, right? And he says, talk in and out of the station. Talk in and out of the songs. Talk in and out of the weather. Talk in and out of promos. That's it. No more than three minutes of talk an hour. You want to say something interesting, put it in 15 seconds. That's it. Don't fuck this up. That's all you got, right? So I go in there and I'm talking in and out and I'm hitting the, you know, trying to hit the post and all this other stuff.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember when you started doing this, you were so excited, and I was excited for you. And around this time was when the Olympics were going on.

[Brian Green]

The Olympics in China?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes. And you invited me to be a part of that show.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. So, yeah. So this starts off, I'm playing the good boy. Like I know what I need to do. I'm really excited to be on air. I actually remember the first time that I ever recorded like that, three hours. And I remember sitting outside in my car so as not to bother my wife at the time and the dogs and all this other stuff. And quite frankly, who has a radio in their house? I mean, the only radio I had was in my car. I remember sitting out in that driveway, midnight to 3am Drinking beer. I mean, I didn't have keys in the car. Just drinking beer, listening to the radio and listening to myself talk. I thought it was the best thing in the world.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I quickly realized that, you know, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. I felt like I would be, you know, hambone and Hoadi in the morning within a couple days. So that's what I did. I started to extend the breaks, you know, 30 seconds by 30 seconds. Before you know it, we're doing 28 minutes of talk an hour. But no one notices because no one listens. Not even the senior vice president of programming. No one could give a. They don't care. They didn't care. There was no monetary value to this radio station. They did not care. They did not listen. They did not know. They. Whatever. It just went on forever. But I got really. I felt like I was really good at talking in and out of those posts, you know, Islands in the Stream, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, the 1967 classic, the weather's gonna be 77 funny. Here's Clay Clamshaw with, you know, whatever. Riding on your back. I don't know, whatever. The country song.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

On your horseback.

[Brian Green]

Riding on your horseback, Riding on your back. Slash horse. All right, You know, here's David Davidson with White Country. It was the best. I loved it. That couple of weeks that I just stayed to hitting the post. I was really enjoying it, actually.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So now anytime, for whatever reason, it doesn't happen a lot, but I go into a grocery store, I go into Walmart or something, and they're playing a classic country song. I mean, there were like 300 songs on rotation. And when you did this for three or four or five weeks, whatever, however long I was kind of playing it. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Over.

[Brian Green]

Over and over and over again. You'd be talking in and out of some of the same songs. And so I was at Kroger. I don't know what it was three weeks ago, four weeks ago, I'm at Kroger. And Islands in the Stream is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, a classic classic.

[Brian Green]

That is classic country that I can get into. There's a lot of stuff that I just didn't care for, but. And luckily, I didn't have to listen to all of it. But there were some where I was like, ah, it's a good song, you know, And Islands in the Stream was one, you know, great song. Ran away with me and we rely on each other Thinking love to another so Islands in the Stream is on. And I'm walking down the cereal aisle by myself. Just walking down the cereal aisle, and I'm like, 72 and sunny. Look out for traffic on 85. Here's I was in the stream with Dolly. Kenneth 9607, the legend.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Nelly. Yeah. 28 minutes to talk, and then it all came crashing down as it was.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They figured it out.

[Brian Green]

Well, they figured it out when we started getting. When we did one particular show where my co host at the time, Cam. God bless him, Cam. God bless you, Cam Hunter. My co host, who I had brought up or who Lance had told me to bring into the studio and work with, he just. It was the election of Barack Obama, the first election of Barack Obama. And he said something about the vice president, you know, what's her name? The Alaskan governor.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. John McCain. And what was her name?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

John McCain. Well, Sarah Palin.

[Brian Green]

I know, but John McCain and Sarah Palin were together. They were running against Barack Obama.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They were.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So Palin, I don't know, she had a daughter or something that got pregnant, got out of wedlock. And my co host made a joke that I didn't think it was particularly offensive, but apparently it hit a 19,000 of the 20,000 people that could. That this stick could reach, were totally offended by what was said because we recorded it. It fired off at. Oh, and the other thing was, is that it started 12:00am to 3:00am but Brian slowly moved it up without permission. Right. And pretty soon we're on, like, six to midnight. We're doing six hours, 28. 28 minutes. 28 minutes an hour. We're doing three hours of talk a night. It was crazy. We were taking phone calls for the other radio station. I mean, we were just being stupid, I guess. But we ended up going to the bar, and the. The segments are firing off, and I'll never forget how many text messages I got from one particular person just, what the fuck is going on? What are you doing? You're in huge trouble. I just got a phone call. Yeah, you're in huge trouble. You'll be lucky if you survive this one. I mean, he was so pissed off. And he's like, what did you say? And I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Right? And he's like, I'm listening right now. There's 28 minutes of talk in the hour. What are you doing? Why is this on now and not at midnight? And I was like, oh, it must have been a mistake. Sorry, I pressed the wrong button. Yeah. So you don't know how quickly we went back up into that studio, just started putting songs in. I was like, whoopsie daisy. Whoopsie Daisy. The great news is Cam got fired. I managed to stay on with A with a good talking to. If you do more than three minutes of talk an hour, this is coming to an end real quick. One more chance. That's it. I want you to issue an on air apology. On air apology to the one lady who put it on Facebook that I offended somebody. Come on. It wasn't even me. It was Cam. I blame Cam. I threw him right under the bus. I was like, cam, It's Cam. It's all Cam's fault. And you told me to have him in here, by the way.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Is that how you met Cam?

[Brian Green]

That's how I met Cam.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay?

[Brian Green]

That's how I met. I mean, he was kind of, you know, milling about upstairs, right? He was helping with some programming and some promo stuff. But Lance came in one day. You know, I'm three weeks into my broadcasting career, and Lance comes dragging Cam in, and he's like, brian, teach Lance. Teach Cam how to do this. And I'm like, what? I should have been doing this for two weeks. What are you. Three weeks? What do you want me to do? And he's like, ah, you two figure it out. And so Cam was. Cam was good, but I think he was having probably a little bit of nervousness around talking on the microphone himself. So I said, well, let's just do. Let's just banter back and forth together. You'll get the feel for it. And then, you know, let's just do it. One won't. We won't air it. Let's just do it. But it ended up being funny, so I aired it, and five weeks later, we got yanked off the air for.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like, a cane.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I mean, it wasn't that offensive. I don't think the joke I can remember, but I'm not gonna sell it here. But. But, yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, that was the thing. We did a whole segment on, like, what it would be like at the. At the Olympics.

[Brian Green]

Well, that was the other thing that got. I got in trouble for was pretending that I was at the Olympics. I was pretending I was at the Olympics. I had, like, crowd noise in the background, you know? This is late night on the Legend, live from Beijing, China. I'm here with a couple of Americans. It was so weird. I'm sure anybody that was listening was like, yeah, I just want to hear some Johnny Cash. You got any Willie Nelson in there? Who are these two fucking morons? I could guarantee you it was not funny. And then, like, people would come up to the radio station. This happened a couple times. People would call into the radio station because the, you know, when you're in a station like this, all the stations can be accessed from one central computer. And in every studio, all you have to do is just flip a button. It's like getting on a web page. And so we could hear. If we tuned into it, we could hear what was going on on the very large country station that was going on. So I forget what happened. Somebody dumped a couple of tickets or something on my desk and was like, you know, hey, you want to give these away? Give them away or whatever. And so we managed to get people to call into the station, even though they really, I think, thought they were calling into the other radio station to the big one. Yeah. We would pick up the phone, and they would, you know. And so I never forget that one time we were giving away. I think they were Braves tickets. We're giving away these brave tickets to this young couple comes. They come to pick up the. The tickets, and they're like, oh, can we take a picture with you? And I'm like, sure, yeah. And they're like, are you Cletus T. Judd? Cletus D. Judd. Now, you got fired about six months ago. He's not around it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Who is the other guy? Brian in the morning 96. Who knows? I don't know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've chosen to block some of those.

[Brian Green]

I've chosen to block out all of my Clear Channel memories, actually. And listen, this is many, many years ago. The company is not the same as it was back then, but it. There were great things about working at Clear Channel, like meeting Chrissy and.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

A lot of other people that we met that have stayed friends, friendly with us for years.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I know, right?

[Brian Green]

Two decades almost.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's insane. You know what?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I got some good bonds. When you're in the trenches like that.

[Brian Green]

You do? Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

When you're drinking every night.

[Brian Green]

Yes. When you have to drink yourself sober, because that's only way to deal with your day job. Yeah. You know, you're gonna. You're all going. You're experienced trauma.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

It's like a. We're all sharing in this trauma together. All right, let's take a break, and then I want to share with you something that's, I think, is interesting about that time period and how Facebook is handling it. All right. Okay. I'll be right back. I mean, we'll be right back. Not me. I'll be right back. 96. 7, the legend. You're listening to Late night on the Legend will be back.

[Christina]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcb podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Green]

Many years ago, Facebook said that they were going to start handling ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends and ex partners, the relationship status. They were going to start handling those breakups in a different way. They weren't going to suggest that you be friends with your ex. They weren't going to pop up memories if you didn't want them to. You just have some measure of control over this now. Right. But many, many years ago, I will probably never forget. I might forget just right after we get off air. But I'll probably never forget the fact that Facebook was going to handle relationships differently because a lot of people were concerned that when they broke up with somebody, then all of these pictures and tagging and everybody was tagging everybody else. People were getting mentally with essentially because they were getting on Facebook and seeing that their ex girlfriend was out with her boys. Yeah, yeah. And so Facebook updated their algorithm to make a little change. So you. It wasn't so in your face. Now, my ex wife and I were Facebook friends, of course, when we were together, but she went on to get remarried and we weren't Facebook friends at some point. Right. I think in the fog of war, sometimes you just do things like, you know, disconnect from social media just to help your own sanity.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And that's what we did. I think it was a collective decision. I don't think anyone was particularly more angry. We were just equally angry with each other. But I have never again seen, ever since we stopped being Facebook friends. I've never again seen my ex on Facebook. Never been tagged in a photo that I have seen. Even though we share some still, some friends never, you know, popped up as a suggested never ever. Until last weekend when people you might know and my ex showed up and I was like, wow, that's interesting. Is that the line of demarcation, you know, 15 years 15 years long enough. Is 10 years long enough? What's long enough in Facebook's algorithm mind about how long it you should be disconnected from your ex. And so I think they did an incredible job of keeping me keeping it quiet until now. And now every time I open up Facebook, which is like once a week, you know, twice a week, whatever it is, once or twice a week, it's in my suggested feed. You know, friends, you people, you might want to be friends with that. I'm like, well, I don't think we're there. I don't think we're there.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, even though you don't even post anything on Facebook anymore.

[Brian Green]

No, I haven't posted something since 2021. I don't think. I mean, honestly, I just can't get into Facebook anymore. I really can't. And I, I fail to see what other people see in the platform. Of course, I don't have 65,000 followers like a lot of people do on any platform altogether, all of them added together doesn't equal 5,000 what I'm doing. But I just don't see any point in posting on Facebook anymore. It's. I see it as a place a.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Lot of people still do it and a lot of people still look and, and see what other people are up to.

[Brian Green]

I see if you got people posting.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I think if you got used to it and it just became a part of your everyday thing, then that's what you're. You're on there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Plus there's the whole shopping part that I told you a little while back that the kids are now using.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna do something about this later on Marketplace in the week or next week. Yeah, we're gonna do something about the Marketplace. We're gonna review some videos, but there are a lot of people who are making good money on there selling their wares or selling other people's wares. And one of the things that I've noticed on Facebook, I think I mentioned this maybe a year ago, is the crazy, you know, they scooping marbles up into a bag and selling them for $5. You know, the people out in. I think I'm gonna assume this is somewhere in an Asian country. Right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, we watched that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we watched that. Yeah, they put on this like 13 hour long live where they're just crazy scooping gems out of this weird pool.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Of jet like a drum.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This keeps on swishing them around or something. But this is happening a lot. There is one young lady who is making millions of dollars a Year opening up super high end gifts. We're talking like Coach, Burberry, Cartier, Yeezy, like the highest of the high end brands. I don't know. The Yeezy is the highest. The highest, whatever. You get what I'm saying. But she opens them up and she spends less than three to five seconds on showing them. She's. She's at a table, she's in some huge closet or a shop or something with all these dresses behind her, shoes, purses, watches, right? Some assistant off camera throws a box across the table. She rips it open, shows it for one second, throws it back in the box, pushes it along, really. And she does this for hours at a time. And she gets paid by these brands to do this because these brands are seeing a huge lift every time she opens up one of these boxes, one.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Of their boxes, even like kind of display it and talk about it or anything.

[Brian Green]

She, she says three words, right?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

But she's not the only one. There's lots of people that do this, this version of it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So once again, we got into the wrong field.

[Brian Green]

I know. What in the is wrong with us? I mean, honestly, Chrissy, we could do this. You could throw me boxes. I could open them, say one word, let's do it. I will do it for Walmart sweatpants. I mean, I am not, not proud. I don't care. I really don't. I. I will open up, literally the cat that you found on the street the other day. You send it to me, I'll open it up, I'll pick up the cat, I'll throw it to the side.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Did you hear? Speaking about the cat real quick, I was reading a story where the cat was missing from this couple's home in like the Midwest somewhere. Turned out the cat was in California and had gotten there because it had snuck into the box that they were returning something.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really? And so they sent it off.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They sent it off.

[Brian Green]

It off. Wow. Really?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So anyways, talking about boxing, unboxing, I got a cat.

[Brian Green]

I just had an idea. Blue, blue. I gotta return this to the Amazon fulfillment center in Thailand. Let's see you get across that ocean. So Facebook has become like this kind of weird.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And that's where she's displaying these videos, is on Facebook.

[Brian Green]

I'm sure that they're on other platforms also, but they are displayed on Facebook because that's where I saw it happen. And then I, and I saw it had millions of views and I was like, you got to be kidding me. There's. What are you viewing Just some lady ripping open a box and throwing it in the trash. Like, I don't know. But then I got fascinated by it. There's also the people on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok, and I think a lot of these people are distributing this across multiple platforms. There's lots of applications that allow you to do that now, but there are people. So let's take like a 20 year old dude laying in a bed, lots of lights and sirens around his head, and you can pay whatever it is, $0.10, $0.50, $10 to make those lights and sirens go off. So essentially you're controlling what happens inside his bedroom. And the whole point is to keep him awake until he goes bananas. But at least he's got a million dollars in his pocket, you know what I'm saying? And so they also have the, I guess an updated version of the dunk tank. They have people that you can pay $10, dunk them in cold water. It's insane what people are thinking of. And they're making money doing it. We have 6,000 hours of this show. We make less money in four years than these people make it four hours on Facebook. How do we get into this?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We need to. We need to put our brains together.

[Brian Green]

I know. I think the Facebook algorithm is coming apart, quite frankly, showing me my ex wife. They got people in the dunk tank. People literally driving themselves mad to make a few dollars. But hey, you got to get that bag. You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's that hustle the bag.

[Brian Green]

That's right. You got to get the bag. And I can't blame anybody who's fat, who's found this kind of crack in the collective consciousness. Yeah. How? I want to know, from anybody who has done this, I want to know why a young lady opening up a box that takes less than five seconds, how that appeals to you as the purchaser when you can barely even see what she's opening. Boot this brand, throw it off to the side. Coat this brand, throw it off to the side. How is it just cool to watch them open it, I guess, and take. Such cavalier attitudes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The whole unboxing thing has been around for a while with the kids doing the unboxing, you know, the toys.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That kid Ryan, who's making a billion dollars. There's a kid on, on the platforms, YouTube and now he's got. And he's on Facebook too. That Ryan kid is making a hundred million dollars a year or something on that channel.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Crazy money.

[Brian Green]

And that's all he does is just sit there and unbox toys that were sent to him by those companies. So I've been telling my kids, hey, put some makeup on. Let's go. Chop, chop. You gotta get on that Facebook. I don't care how old you are. I don't care if it ruins your future. I want money now. That's what I want. Yeah. And, you know, but I'm just interested. I'm interested to know what the appeal is there. Because part of me thinks.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That people are extremely bored.

[Brian Green]

Not that they're bored. We're so materialistic. We lean on those materials to give us some kind of value or worth. They don't, but we lean on them too. We're all guilty of this. You feel guilty good in that brand new shirt. You feel great in those shiny shoes. You love that new car smell and the way that it looks. The reality is none of that's going to fill the hole in your soul, but it. But you can try. I have, you know. You have. We all have. You'll learn as time goes on. That's really not the way to do it. But what is so appealing? Why would you buy a $4,000 pair of shoes that some girl just literally flashed for two seconds and then threw away? I think part of it is her cavalier attitude toward it all. I think people are attracted.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like, this doesn'. Matter.

[Brian Green]

This doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't. You've been, you know, you would spend an entire year's worth of savings on this, but to me, I'm just throwing it to the side. And the up part about this is, you know, she gets all of those products for free. Oh, yeah, all of them. Every one of them. That young lady has millions of dollars probably in these, you know, fine jewelry and watches and clothing. And she makes additional money on top of that by being the brand ambassador. And she does it for just five seconds.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And then she probably sells it or has her assistance.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, of course. She's making money coming and going. This young lady is a badass. She knows exactly what to do with all this stuff. I. I know I'm too old to do anything like this. I know I'm too old to break through in this way. Like, no one wants to see what Brian's on about, right? Ah, Super Beta Prostate formula. Look, here's a little saw. Palmetto Centrum. Silver. Yeah. Bran flakes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Cream.

[Brian Green]

Cream. Levi's, Jeff. Oh, man. Adidas. Runners, socks up to your knees, shorts that don't fit you. That's right. I got that dad vibe.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You never know until you try.

[Brian Green]

You don't know until you try.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's the thing.

[Brian Green]

But the thing is, is that we've tried that social media a million times. It just doesn't work for us.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This could be your main, your, your breakthrough moment.

[Brian Green]

This could be my breakthrough on I. Well, listen, this show is going to be my breakthrough moment. If it's going to happen anywhere, it's going to happen on this show because I'm just too tired to do anything else. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Throw up some unboxing there on Instagram and see what happens.

[Brian Green]

Here's the crazy part. I have friends. Yeah. It's not. I'm going to tell you, because I have friends that do this, that have done this, not do this for a living, but have done this. And there's one guy in particular, and then he's always posting on social media about his show, about his podcast, which is what you should do, Right? He's posting about it. But then sometimes he throws in these random posts that you're kind of confused as to. As to what's going on. And one of them was like an unboxing for. I. I don't know. It was some kind of nostalgic TV item that someone had sent. It's obviously a 15 trinket. You could probably get it anywhere else. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's not particularly desirable or sexy, but he unboxed it as if it was like, you know, the best thing in the world. The hat from Indiana Jones or something. The hat that got stapled to Harrison Ford's head or something. I don't know. You know, JoJo's swizzers bra. I don't know. He. He unboxed it as if it was gold.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I watched this insufferably long video as he, you know, every little string that he pulled to take it off was important and he was going to save it. And you know, this is going to be the. And then he pulled it out and it's like some Disney trinket. It's like literally a keychain from Walt Disney World. I'd like to thank Disney for sending this to me. Fuck you, man. I could go buy that at the gas station. I could go buy that at a, you know, I four down on Florida's turnpike. Like, I. You don't need to show me that. It was the most ridiculous thing. And it did not get a lot of traction socially. Now listen, if Disney sent something to me, I might also do an unboxing just to be pleasant to Disney, but this was. It was insufferably long. It was like 15 minutes long. And I was like, God, get to the point. Just open it up, for fucking Christ's sake. What are we doing? How much more time do we got to spend on you carefully unboxing a literal piece of crap? Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I don't get the unboxing craze.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, like, Nordstrom has a. When you go on their site, they. If you like something, like a dress or something, they will have a little video where a person will. Will pop up and kind of tell you about the dress, feel the dress, show the dress.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Talk a little bit about the dress. I like that.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's cool.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But I don't like just an unboxing and then bam, Move on. Bam.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, bam, bam. I think if I got excited about, like, there was something I was excited to see about an unboxing, I get the sexiness of it. I understand why people are attracted to watching these videos, especially if it's something you're interested in. Like, if you're a Disney collector and they send something. One of a kind.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right, the one of a kind stuff.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But something that you can clearly get anywhere else. It's not really all that fun to watch. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you unbox something and cardi b popped out, then I. Then dad I could understand. But if you, you know, got a flake of her, you know, her flingy dress, like, if someone cut out a little piece of her cloth from one of her dresses and put it there, and you're unboxing it as if it was the holy grail. It's not that interesting to me. I don't know. Unboxing to me, not. Not a thing. Not a thing for me to watch. But I know that there are plenty of other people that are clearly bored and have too much time on their hands that would love to watch unboxing. Millions and millions of people. This is coming from the guy who makes no money doing so much content. And this young lady who's unboxing a pair of Coach, you know, or a coach bag is making millions and millions of dollars every year. I'm just jealous. Us.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Maybe we should get some rocks from your yard and.

[Brian Green]

And unbox them, swirl them up. Oh, that'd be a good idea. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, try that.

[Brian Green]

Or maybe I could unbox them and.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Then swirl them and put them in bags to sell.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy, this is an idea whose time has come. Maybe I'll just put my children in there and just, like, scoop one of them up and be, yeah, like, there you go, off to San Diego. It's going to be lovely there. You're going to love it. You get a job, you get a kid, and you get a kid, and you get a kid. And the truth is, because you have to give. There's some level of admiration about these really enterprising people who have found this incredible crack in the human brain that decides it needs a bag full of, you know, plastic, artificially manufactured rocks. Right. I mean, I don't get it. But maybe the point isn't the bag of rocks. Maybe the point is I got the bag of rocks from something that I watch a lot, right? They're just getting interested in what they're doing. And I can see because I did this for hours over a couple of days. Watch. I did. I was glued to this. I know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I came into the studio, you're like, you've gotta watch this.

[Brian Green]

You gotta watch this. It's incredible.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I was like, what?

[Brian Green]

So unboxing? No. Putting cheap gems in a netted bag. Yay. That's more interesting. By the way, the people who were doing this video do not speak English in any way, shape or form. So I was literally trying to figure out what they were saying. Also, I had my translate out, and I'm like, what'd she say? What'd she say? What was that? I just need closed captions. And I would stay there all day. I really would. What can I say? I'm easy to please. All right, let's take a break and then we'll be back.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Welcome.

[Brian Green]

Well, welcome back to the commercial break. Another fine episode brought to you by no. 1. The legend 9667. The legend.

[Christina]

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TC. BDO. Give us a follow on Instagram, Instagram, hecommercial break and on TikTokCV podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube [e-mail] the commercial break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

I know you're probably well aware of this, but are you following the Girth Master story?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Girth Master.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Girth. Oh, how did I miss this?

[Brian Green]

Here we go. The Girth master is a young gentleman who apparently has a real Coca Cola can for an appendage. Like he is the Girth master. Oh, that's what they call him. And he's a social media sensation. He's an only fan sensation. The guy is blowing up big time. He's all over the place. I saw it on TMZ in the New York. I mean, I saw it everywhere. Right? All the reputable outlets. New York Post, tmz, buzzfeed.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I like to peruse the New York Times.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I do that too. But you know, there's not much I could talk about from that one here. Yeah, it'd be way too serious if I just started reviewing the New York Times and the Washington Post. But the girthmaster here, he is nice young, nice young guy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Nice looking young man. Yeah. And then he's apparently got a Coke can for a penis.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I like the pictures you're showing me. It's just him, like with the sunset in the background.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's your typical social media post. Right. And then. But there are a couple pics of him. Let me see if I can. Oh, no, that's not going to be on this one. But there's a couple of pics of him in like, sweatpants. And you can tell.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I mean, it's clearly obvious. It's. It's obvious to anyone with eyeballs that this guy is hanging hard. I mean, this dude is huge. It's huge. It's like. It's like the size of my fist. I mean, it's unbelievable. Just naturally laying there. So you can only imagine once it gets filled up like a fucking hot air balloon that it's going to be huge. And there are. He does only fans. He's working 60 to 80 hours a week and he's making $80,000 a week.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

A week. A week. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He just has to do this for a couple of months and be set for a while.

[Brian Green]

He's making $3 million a year, $4 million a year just hanging out. I mean, not just hanging out. I'm sure that there's a lot of work involved hanging out. If I had that girth, I'd be hanging out too. I swear to God.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The girth bastards. That's like his social media handle.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's like the only fan social media handle I.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

What's TMZ saying about it here?

[Brian Green]

You want me to read the.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Just that it's happening, he says.

[Brian Green]

Well, the byline here is star Girth Master. Pornhub searches explode after viral income reveal. Girth Master's audience is growing quickly, with searches for the name exploding in the aftermath of a viral video, widening his audience significantly. The popular porn star and only fans creator stuck on everyone's mind recently with a rep for pornhub telling us yesterday he was the most searched on the most searched name on the platform ever. He previously set highs and searches in March and then earlier this month, but Tuesday's number blew both of those days out of the water. We're also told Garth Masters consistently growing in popularity, swelling to higher and higher totals. Part of that of that may be due to the clip catching eyes all over social media, featuring Girthmaster talking with a social media team behind. Get ahead. Get ahead. Oh, these are the people that say, how much money do you make? Like, you know, how much money do you make? How much money is in your bank? And then they say, what do you do? This is where I found out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right, right.

[Brian Green]

These are the people that did the video where I found out about the foot finder feed.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Finder, yes.

[Brian Green]

Described as a Tinder like app for prospective employers and applicants. In the clip, Girthmaster explains who he is and says he makes somewhere between 40 and 80 thousand dollars per week showing off his impressive package. And it's got many people on the Internet natizzy, including megastar musicians. His penis is apparently the width of a wine bottle. Jesus Christ, have mercy on a stick.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Wow. That's unbelievable. Girth Masters most popular day on PH pornhub comes on the heels of Cardi B acknowledging him on actual posting the monstrous Alaskan bullworm from SpongeBob SquarePants. Pretty clear what she's referencing here. In response, Girthmaster fired off a tweet asking Cardi to give him a chance. Wow.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Give him a chance for today, I guess.

[Brian Green]

Give him a chance to have sex. I'm not really sure. I mean, there's lots of. And then that's why I did further research. He does porn videos. He does a lot of porn videos with. He's very tall. He does porn videos with girls that are ladies that are much smaller than him. Right. And so I think there's this kind of kink, weird fetish thing going on. But, you know, listen, if that's pretty fucking impressive, I would say the width of a wine bottle Is unbelievable.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The DD Cantor takes on a whole new meaning.

[Brian Green]

Oh man, that's the DD DD decanter the size of a wine bottle. Now let me ask you as, as a parent, right, when you have children, you have certain aspirations, like, it's just hard not to. You, you try not to like, you know, inject your will or your thoughts about who they should be into their lives. But especially when they're young, it's hard not to see all the possibilities and all the tragedies that could go wrong. Like, you sweat about the tragedies and you wonder about the possibilities. And also, you know your kids, kids, you know them inside and out, you know what I'm saying? They run around naked all day long, all night long. What are his parents thinking when he's real young? Are they thinking, holy, something went, something went horribly right or horribly wrong here and this kid's carrying around a Coke can, you know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then what's that conversation like? Because if my kid had a wine bottle for a penis, and you would probably notice that relatively early on.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

When my kid comes to me at 18, 19, 20 year old. 20, 20 years old and says I'm not going to college. But what I would like to do is take the incredible talents and gifts that God has given me and I want to go out there and show the world what I can do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Monetize it.

[Brian Green]

I think it would be hard as a parent not to say, you know what, under normal circumstances I would absolutely freak out. But in this situation I have to agree with you, son. I have thought since the day that you came out of mommy's woohoo that you were a special kind of kid with a big old fucking dick and you should go out there and make a living doing that. I'm proud of you, son. I'm proud of you. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Just be safe.

[Brian Green]

The apple does not fall far from the tree trunk, you know what I'm saying? From the baby arm. That's all I gotta say. I mean, this is one of those things where I think if you're a parent, you have to agree that this is a. You were born with this. Why shouldn't you go out there and, you know, do everything you can with it? What are your. What say you, Chrissy?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Give it the blessing?

[Brian Green]

I think you have to give it the. Be safe.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's what I would say.

[Brian Green]

Be a good human.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But yes. Don't get into the right way.

[Brian Green]

Don't get into anything too crazy. Yeah, right. It's a Slippery slope out there. And keep yourself as sober as possible when you're doing all of this. Exactly. Don't do tawdry stuff. Don't do stuff where people are getting hurt. You know, whatever. You as a parent. Parent decide that you think you should tell your kid. Yeah, but then you say, but it's hard to argue with you here. It really is hard to argue with you. What are you going to do? Keep that under wraps for your life?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You watch it.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, I don't think so.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I think that'd be hard to watch.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I don't as. As a father of 15 to 20 children, I don't really give a shit what they end up doing in life. And this sounds so cliche.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You say that.

[Brian Green]

I say that. I know I say that. I'm nowhere near the point in life where to be doing something for a living. And God bless, they get into porn. But I have to believe that whatever they do is the right decision for them. And as long as they are happy and they are safe and they are treating themselves and other people with kindness, then I have to say, hey, okay, I guess, whatever, you know, what are you going to do? You're going to lash out?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No. Yeah. I don't think you just cut things off with them, you know, I know there's a lot of parents that would. But. Yeah, I think you just have to be supportive.

[Brian Green]

That's the only thing you can't. I never forget I had a friend, a good friend, when I was in my early 20s and he had a sister. And the sister was two years younger than us, and she was a beautiful girl. Right. But it's a sister, so it's off limits. It's a sister. It's younger, you know, it's totally off limits. We didn't think much about her. She would show up at parties and stuff like that. As, you know, as she. As we were all growing up, she would increasingly be part of the social lab or that we were all around. But you didn't think about her in that way because she was my best friend's sister. And I'm not gonna with my best friend's sister. But one afternoon I get a phone call from him and he says, you're gonna come to the strip club with me? And I was like, oh, okay, here we go. Yeah, it's the same guy that threw pennies on a stage. That change on the stage, it got us thrown out. So he says, you're gonna come to the strip club with me. Me, my sister, whose Name I won't give here. My sister, I just found out, is dancing there. And I was like, what? Your sister? Your sister is dancing there? Yes. So I'm game. Let's go. Big drama. Why not? We've already gotten kicked out of this place once. Why not again? Same place, by the way. Same fucking place that we got kicked out of we're going back to because his sister is dancing there. And I will never forget the confrontation that happened at that dance club.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Awkward. And do you know what? But it didn't dissuade her, not one bit. It actually, I think, drove the point home even further. She was going to stay there and she was going to dance. She was going to make more money. So I say this because. And this happened with me as a kid, too. Probably happened with you. The first thing you tell your kids not to do is the first thing they want to do, right? So you got to be careful about what you tell your kids about life, you know? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, you. You might think that, you know, showing your body on only fans is a way to make money. God. But I'm going to promise you, you cannot do that. You know, I'm going basement. That the first thing they're going to do is go on only fans. The first thing they're going to do. Why? Because that's the natural progression of things. You want to lash out against control and lash out against your parents, and everything they told you is. And it's all a lie. That's the. That's like Human Psychology 101. It's been going on forever. It's always going to go on because you just want to be your own independent person. You can't dissuade someone from doing something they really, really want to do. And if you try to dissuade your children from doing something they really, really want to do, it just makes them dig in even more. They're going to do it behind your back. They're going to do it in dangerous ways. They're going to figure out a way to say fuck you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So with that, with, like, reverse psychology, would you then want to encourage things?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm on set. Let's go. Girth Master 2. I want to be on set. What about dad coming in on the action? What about GirthMaster and GoothMaster Junior? What do you think? A catchy tune right there. Right, let's go. I'll be in the background. What if I narrate it? You want to be on the commercial break. Let's do it. You be my guest on the commercial break. Come on. Fine. Dad, I'm going to Columbia to get a law degree.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

Fine. I guess I'll take the straight and narrow. I mean, yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the way you do it. I love this. I've been watching your porn videos every night before I go to bed. You're so good at this. I love it. You're awesome. I was just showing the neighbors your only fans account.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm so proud.

[Brian Green]

Come on over. Hey, do me a favor. Come on over for dinner. A bunch of the neighbors, people from the church want to say hello and get a signed copy of your dick. Oh, yeah. You know, I didn't read anything about this guy's parents, but you gotta appreciate the fact that if you are born, there's. What other explanation could there possibly be that is fate literally landing in your life? Yeah. I mean, there's no other explanation. You're. You have a God given gift. If. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You kind of just have to do that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And get that bag while you can get it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That dick ain't gonna look good forever. Well. Right. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And it probably can't even get hard forever, you know, before you have a stroke. Because all the blood rushing down to your. So I say go get it. While you getting is good. Go get it. You're hot right now. Go get it. Fame is a fleeting. Except for only a few of the most, you know, like, gifted of human beings out there or notorious human beings out there. Fame is a fleeting gift. Attention is a fleeting gift. And so what you need to do is take advantage of it while you got it. And as a parent, if my kids are just like regular kids and they decide to go into porn, we might have to have a conversation about that. That.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But if one of them has a wine bottle or a tree trunk in their pants, I would have.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You might have to have a conversation.

[Brian Green]

I might like, you know, pull them aside at 18, son. You're 18 now. Got to register to vote. You got to register for the draft. And you got to register that dick on only fans.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's time for papa to make some money. Got to pay me back for all those diaper changings. Come on, get in there. Let's go get that wine bottle. Work it. Go find you a 3 foot 4 woman that you can make some weird porno video. Oh, hey, listen. Yeah. When you're. When you're born with it, you're born with it. She's Born with it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He's born with it.

[Brian Green]

He was born with it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

All right, all right, Girth master.

[Brian Green]

There you go.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I need to look it up now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, my parents must be proud of you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Got to add to the, the searches now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, send me some pics. I haven't seen any actual pics. Like I've just seen pics with pants.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

On but with the Walmart sweatpants.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they look good on him. Not on me. He's the girth master. I'm the dearth master. I have a dearth of penis material. That's okay. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna have to apologize to my kid when he turns 18.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They're that conversation.

[Brian Green]

I'm sorry, son. It's not, it's not what you got. It's how you use. Use it. Just remember that. Just. All right, so listen, we would love you to be a part of the commercial break. We want to hear from you and we'd love it if you would come on our show. We've already got a couple people lined up. I think that's going to start over the next couple of weeks. But you know, the more the merrier. So come on board. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can text us, give us a little information about what you'd like to discuss. Discuss question. You have to ask some topic you think would be interesting to bring up. Send us a message, tell us you want to come on air and then we'll figure out a way to get you on air. Also you can text us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, all to that phone number. Or you can leave a voicemail if you are so inclined. TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I. All the show notes, audio, video, it's all there. One location. TCBpodcast.com plus you can get your free TCB bumper sticker. Whichever one we have right now, we win. This airs. You can get that by hitting the contact us button drop down menu. I want my sticker. Send us your address, we'll send you a sticker. Kisses and hugs all the way to you at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for clips and all. All of the interviews are up there right now. Selected episodes. We'd love if you would go watch that Kyle Canane getting a lot of traction right now on our YouTube channel. And then and maybe and possibly look out for what, Chrissy? Maybe a live show or two before the end of the year.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

In selected cities. We're in negotiations. It could actually happen. Something in the Notebook might actually come true.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I don't think I put it the Notebook.

[Brian Green]

Well, put it in there now. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today, but I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say. We do say, and we must say goodbye, Sam.