A Starbucks Boyfriend Birthday!

Summary

The Commercial Break – "A Starbucks Boyfriend Birthday!"

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Date: September 3, 2025
Episode: "A Starbucks Boyfriend Birthday!"

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Episode Overview

This energetic episode celebrates Bryan’s birthday with the show’s signature blend of offbeat banter, irreverent pop culture commentary, and comedic rambling. Bryan and Krissy riff on their wildly different attitudes about birthdays, celebrity media drama (Howard Stern, Taylor and Travis, Burning Man’s billionaire takeover), and recall their latest awkward interview moment with comedian Patton Oswalt. As always, the conversation veers into personal anecdotes, sharp pop culture observations, and delightful tangents, making listeners feel like they’re hanging with two wisecracking best friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bryan’s Birthday Attitude and Family Traditions

• Bryan admits he’s a "birthday Scrooge" who doesn’t like to make a fuss. His parents didn’t celebrate much growing up, making the day "no big deal" except for “maybe a homemade cake” ([04:12]).

  "I am a birthday scrooge. And it all goes back to... there are two types of parents in this world: those who give a shit, those who don't give a shit about birthdays."
  — Bryan ([04:13])

• Krissy contrasts, loving birthdays and celebrating them (hers and others) for the whole month ([05:28]). Bryan jokes that his wife's family does the same and that his kids now get excited, picking out "adorable but random" gifts.

  "They're celebrating a birthday family, too... I get really excited about other people's birthdays, too!"
  — Krissy ([05:28])

• The “Starbucks boyfriend” saga:

  • Bryan describes a platonic, endearingly intimate friendship with a man he meets for coffee, whom even his own daughter teases is his “Starbucks boyfriend” ([02:25], [29:54], [31:01]).

  "We're a little couple."
  — Bryan ([30:43])

  • On why he didn’t get his free birthday Starbucks:

    "My app hasn't worked in years. Oh, I've called Starbucks. Starbucks tech support is exactly what you'd expect out of Starbucks tech support. It's not support or tech. It's like somebody telling you to redownload the app on your phone. Which, don't you think I thought about that?"
    — Bryan ([02:03], [30:04])

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2. The Patton Oswalt Interview: Behind the Scenes

• Recap of their rough interview with Patton Oswalt, a comic hero to Bryan. The tech glitches, time delays, and sick hosts almost tank the interview, but they recover and Patton remains gracious—though Bryan jokes he asked the worst “Remy from Ratatouille” question possible ([08:33]–[13:53]).

  "The first thing that Brian goes for is fucking Ratatouille... He probably gets it every time somebody under the age of 30 says hello to him. It's all about rata fucking tooie. And he's like, you know, I've done something else besides Remy from Ratatouille."
  — Bryan ([12:27])

• Both hosts highlight Oswalt’s quick wit, authenticity, and their own sense of being “outgunned” by his intellect:

  "Guys like Patent are so incredibly intelligent and sharp and quick witted that you really feel outgunned when you're interviewing them, right? ... At any moment he could realize what a dipshit he's talking to."
  — Bryan ([09:32])

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3. Industry Gossip: Entertainers Taking Breaks & The Howard Stern Contract Saga

• Discussion of many celebrity hosts (e.g., Andy Cohen, Jimmy Kimmel) taking time off due to modern stress and the "dangerous time to speak out," referencing political and cultural pressures ([14:31]–[15:45]).
• Howard Stern’s uncertain future at SiriusXM:
  • Bryan provides a deep-dive into the rumors about Stern’s massive contract expiring, potential retirement, and the palace intrigue of media negotiations ([15:47]–[25:25]).
  • Speculation on his dwindling audience and Sirius’ willingness to pay, with pointed cultural commentary:

    "If you only have 200,000 people listening, you can't pay somebody a hundred million dollars a year. That's just, that's never going to make math sense."
    — Bryan ([18:29])

  • Bryan theorizes that Stern himself is fueling the media drama to keep leverage and attention before making a big return announcement ([21:10]).

    "Howard is just yanking the media around... dropping this in the press himself or people in the show... to drive ratings for his return."
    — Bryan ([21:10])

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4. Pop Culture: Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce’s Engagement

• Taylor and Travis get engaged; Bryan and Krissy analyze its cultural impact ([31:01]–[35:22]):
  • They predict an inevitable media circus (“the royal wedding for America”), merchandise, and prenup drama.

    "There’s gonna be some documentary or special or something about the wedding that will come out on Disney plus or Amazon—guaranteed. Because this is our version of the royal wedding."
    — Bryan ([31:54])

  • Both hosts appreciate a feel-good story in anxious times:

    "Here's why I'm happy. It's good news. And we need good news."
    — Bryan ([32:27])

  • They joke about what the prenup might look like and the anticipated speculative headlines.

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5. Burning Man Rant: From Altruism to Billionaire Playground

• A major segment skewers the current state of Burning Man ([26:26]–[54:46]):
  • Bryan and Krissy reflect on the festival’s origins as an altruistic, creative event, now “eaten alive” by Silicon Valley elite, luxury RVs, and influencer culture.

    “It has become a ridiculous... embarrassment of riches. Where a bunch of billionaires and millionaires get together in huge RVs... pretending money doesn’t matter and that the outside world isn’t there.”
    — Bryan ([36:13], [36:49])

  • They lambast the hypocrisy of its “leave no trace” ethic when billionaires are arriving in helicopters, requiring landing pads and massive logistical support ([52:47], [54:18]).
  • Notable moment: Orgy Tent logistics

    “I was disappointed to see that the orgy tent blew away. ... That orgy tent is insane. I saw this a couple years ago and I couldn’t believe that it actually existed.”
    — Krissy & Bryan ([38:39])

  • Outlandish/sad festival moments:
    • Burners die (lighting themselves on fire, murder, unidentified persons)
    • Someone gives unexpected birth in an RV ([43:07])
    • Endless lines for entry; losing money on every ticket—massive billionaire bailouts ([45:31])
  • Sharpest critique:

    "When four billionaires are essentially funding your party, it's not the altruistic event you believe it to be."
    — Bryan ([48:16])

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6. Tangent: The Charlie Sheen Netflix Doc & Wild Years

• Bryan and Krissy react with glee to a new Charlie Sheen documentary, eagerly anticipating wild stories and unfiltered chaos ([56:41]–[65:40]).
  • Reminiscing about Charlie’s “winning” era, scandalous two-and-a-half men meltdown, and his penchant for oversharing (confirmed by the doc’s “no limits” stance).
  • Quote:

    "If there is one guy I want to know more about... it’s Charlie fucking Sheen. Because never in the history of entertainment has anyone been such a public train wreck without any apologies."
    — Bryan ([57:18])

  • Bryan shares the Trump fake watch anecdote Sheen famously tells—illustrating both men’s public personas ([63:54]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On birthday indifference:

  "I wish it was 3 9, I really do. I'm getting closer to 50 than I am to 40. But I will say this. I hate my birthday... I don't care about birthdays."
  — Bryan ([03:57]–[04:12])

• On Patton Oswalt’s intelligence:

  "You know he's smarter than you. ... At any moment, he could realize what a dipshit he's talking to and just roll over you. ... Not because he's mean, but because that's how fucking smart he is."
  — Bryan ([09:32])

• On Burning Man’s billionaire transformation:

  “You gift each other, you barter, you—there's no money... meanwhile, the art is kind of shitty in general. ... It's just an excuse to go sit in your car for 38 hours to get into Burning man to sit in your car for another three fucking days because there's a sandstorm outside.”
  — Bryan ([44:54], [48:16])

• On pop culture escapism:

  "It's good news. And we need good news. ... There could be worse things to get excited about."
  — Bryan ([32:27]–[33:05])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:01 | Starbucks boyfriend birthday story begins | | 03:54 | Bryan’s birthday scrooge confession | | 05:28 | Family birthday cultures – Krissy loves birthdays | | 08:33 | Patton Oswalt interview recap | | 14:31 | Celebrities and stress: time off in show business | | 15:47 | Howard Stern contract saga explained | | 26:26 | Burning Man, pop culture “jerk-off fest” | | 31:01 | Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce engagement discussion | | 35:45 | Burning Man origins and critique continue | | 38:39 | Orgy tent at Burning Man described | | 43:07 | Woman gives birth unexpectedly at Burning Man | | 45:31 | Festival funding: billionaire bailout, ticket economics | | 56:41 | Transition to Charlie Sheen Netflix doc discussion | | 63:54 | Sheen’s "Trump fake watch" story recounted | | 68:19 | Listener messages, merch, show wrap-up |

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Episode Tone & Style

The hosts maintain their usual rambunctious, irreverent, and self-aware style—loud, playful, full of swearing and off-color asides, but always rooted in a close friendship and mutual ribbing.

• Bryan is self-deprecating, sarcastic, willing to play the grump, but shines with pop culture obsession and a tendency toward meta-commentary on media and fame.
• Krissy provides the “life-loving,” slightly chaotic foil, keeping things upbeat, poking fun, and embracing the absurd.

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Summary Takeaways

• Bryan’s birthday prompts reflection on family, celebrating rituals, and sentimental gifts from kids.
• Pop culture and celebrity media cycles—from Howard Stern to Taylor Swift—are both mocked and dissected, exposing the performative, self-promotional nature of modern fame.
• Burning Man’s evolution from anti-capitalist utopia to influencer-rich, billionaire-funded chaos is roasted in detail.
• Personal anecdotes and listener engagement (merch, texts) keep the tone personal and fan-friendly.
• The episode is classic TCB: meandering, sharp, gleefully off-topic, and inviting listeners to join the conversation in the spirit of two longtime friends making fun of everything.

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Best to you! — "The Commercial Break"

Transcript

[Chrissy]

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[Chrissy]

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[Chrissy]

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[Brian Green]

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[Chrissy]

They don't know. It's like on the app.

[Brian Green]

No, I don't. My app hasn't worked in years. Oh, I've called Starbucks. Starbucks tech support is exactly what you'd expect out of Starbucks tech support. It's not support or tech. It's like somebody telling you to redownload the app on your phone. Which don't you think I thought about that?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Come on. I mean, honestly. So my app hasn't worked in years. But anyway, I didn't say, oh, okay, I didn't say that. But my Starbucks boyfriend knew it was my birthday because I did tell him and he said, happy birthday.

[Chrissy]

Oh, when did you tell him?

[Brian Green]

I told him today. Yeah, I said, I said it on a text message. I was like, oh, tomorrow's my birthday. So I'll, you know, I gotta do this and then I'll, I'll be up there. We make plans to meet.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I love this.

[Brian Green]

We're a little couple. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is My dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

Best to you Brian.

[Brian Green]

Happy birthday. Fuck it, fuck it all. Bye. Humbug.

[Chrissy]

I got you.

[Brian Green]

I know you did. And I like your glasses. YouTube.com TheCommercialBreak if you wanna check out Chrissy's LED glasses where she can spell stuff out on it. Currently it's scrolling. Happy birthday.

[Chrissy]

Happy birthday, Brian.

[Brian Green]

You look like Max Headroom.

[Chrissy]

I know, I kinda do. I forgot how many different like things you can do with these glasses. There's lots of choices.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's really cool. It's like imagine one of those signs at like a cleaners where they put like you know, special and it scrolls different letters in block type. That's what Chrissy has on her glasses, which is really cool. Where did you get one of those things?

[Chrissy]

Amazon. Amazon, where we get everything.

[Brian Green]

Amazon for everything, kids. Amazon for everything. Well, thank you very much for the salutation.

[Chrissy]

Welcome.

[Brian Green]

It is my birthday as we record this September 2nd.

[Chrissy]

The big three nine.

[Brian Green]

The big three nine.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Again and again and again and again and again. I Wish it was 3 9, I really do. I'm getting closer to 50 than I am to 4 0. But I will say this. I hate my birthday. I don't sometimes I hate my birthday. I don't care about birthdays.

[Chrissy]

You're a birthday like you do.

[Brian Green]

I am a birthday scrooge. And it all goes back to there are two types of parents in this world. I do believe it. Those who give a shit, Those who don't give a shit about birthdays. For some reason, my parents just never made a big deal about our birthdays. I mean, of course we would get a happy birthday occasionally, a card, maybe a cake if you were lucky. But it was certainly going to be a homemade cake. There were no birthday parties. I think once or twice we got to invite a friend over. They did. Of course they did. Well, my mom was like one of 30 and when I say I have 12 to 13 children, I really don't. But my mom's parents, they had a lot of kids.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so I can understand that maybe birthdays had to be a little bit subdued so it didn't get out of control. Yeah, my dad was one or two, but I just think that he just grew up with parents that were like that. Right. They were, they were of a different age, a different mindset. They did not celebrate birthdays. And, and so then therefore we did not get a lot of celebration. Of course there are happy birthdays Brian, of course we get a card, but the card usually says, happy birthday. You know what I'm saying? It's not like a big deal, but my wife is the exact opposite. Birthdays are a huge deal.

[Chrissy]

They're celebrating a birthday family, too.

[Brian Green]

And I, like, celebrate for a month.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it's my birthday month. And I get really excited about other people's birthdays, too.

[Brian Green]

I know you do. You've always gotten excited about my birthday. Astrid, of course, made it special. You know, I always wake up to something. A big happy birthday and a post and all this other stuff. And then the kids, now, they are. Get excited about a birthday. My kids bought me birthday presents. My wife said they're sitting on the table waiting for them to get home. They pick them out. And she's like, just know they picked.

[Chrissy]

Those are the best, though. They're so cute.

[Brian Green]

And I said, so they're for them. And she goes, well, they tried their best. It's gonna be like a Mickey Mouse toy. A dress, a princess dress. A birthday mug. She told me a story. She said one of the kids really wanted to get me a mug. I drink tea every night at a. You know, they like. They have all bought me a mug at some point. They like when I use their mug. Are you gonna use my mug? Use my mug.

[Chrissy]

That's cute.

[Brian Green]

It is cute. And so she said that they went shopping and one of the girls wanted to get me a mug. And so she runs up and she's just learning how to read. She doesn't know how to read all that well yet. And so she runs up and it's like, you know, Christ blessed you on this day, oh, Lord, or something like that to tell her, listen, child, if there is one mug that your father is not to drink out of, it is the one with Psalms 39 on it. Fucking forget.

[Chrissy]

Oh, the mugs are sweet, too. I know. I have some mugs that are Jeff. And I have some mugs that are piling up from my nephews. It's like, best uncle, best aunt.

[Brian Green]

I got it all. I got best dad, you know, dad of the dad of the world.

[Chrissy]

I love my dad.

[Brian Green]

I know. I've got more Disney mugs than I know what to do with, but I like them. I. I mean, I. I'm not collecting them on purpose, but I like them. I like to go through. And when I say, hey, I'm using your mug. And they get all excited.

[Chrissy]

Swee Ritual.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Very exciting. Long Labor Day weekend after a long week off, because I got the inevitable first week of school shits the o. The schmutz, as we call it, back to school virus that is also known as a back to school flu.

[Chrissy]

I know that. Yeah. I was talking to somebody else and he said, h. My. My son is home. He's got back to school.

[Brian Green]

Back to school flu.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think that one of the. One of the kids at one of the kids schools. I went. He went to school and then I picked him up and he explained that there were a number of kids missing from class because that's what happens when kids. When the young kids go to school and they don't have all the defenses that the adults do. They come home with the virus that never ends. It is a peach tree dish here in Atlanta.

[Chrissy]

We can call it a peach treatment.

[Brian Green]

So we got the schmutz and then I just. I couldn't really talk. My voice was killing me. So we took the week off. So thanks for sticking with it. TCP Classics.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, we won.

[Brian Green]

I know. We didn't do anything last week. We took the entire week off. So I celebrated my birthday.

[Chrissy]

Did we do patent?

[Brian Green]

We did Patton. Patton. That's the only thing we did.

[Chrissy]

That's the only game.

[Brian Green]

We did Patton and you left and didn't.

[Chrissy]

What a great interview too.

[Brian Green]

I loved Patton. Oswald is just a champ. I really was. I don't. I haven't gotten starstruck too much on this show. Maybe take Notaro, Margaret Cho, Tom Papa, Reggie Watts, because I'm a big fan, at least at first. But Patton Oswald was one of those people that I was a little starstruck because he has done so much. He has done it all. And he has one of these storied careers where he has managed to navigate an entire lifetime worth of TV cartoons and movies and still be relevant and still be doing a lot of work. The guy is doing everything. And so he is like a rare creature in Hollywood, in the entertainment industry. And he's also authentic. He's also honest. He's also calls it like he sees it. I think the guy is in Mensa.

[Chrissy]

I mean, the guy is really quoting things. I was like, dad, I wish I could do that.

[Brian Green]

I know. I wish I could be. I wish I could be.

[Chrissy]

The philosopher from the 1700s once said.

[Brian Green]

I know he was talking about Greek mythology. And I'm like, yeah, I think I took a class on that. Seventh grade. Yeah. He rem. The. The thing about guys like Patent is they are so incredibly intelligent and sharp and quick witted that you really feel outgunned when you're interviewing them, right? It's. It's a bit intimidating because, you know, he's smarter than you. You know he's quicker than you. And you know, at any moment he could realize what a dipshit he's talking to and just roll over you. He really could make you look stupid. Not because he's mean, but because that's how fucking smart he is.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And luckily, I think we managed it, right? I think we managed it, but the beginning of the interview was so fucking rough that I didn't know how we would recover. And I don't mean talking to Pat. I mean, let me explain. Little like palace intrigue here. On occasion. Things happen. People are late, they forget, we forget, you know, it's the wrong time, the wrong time zone. That's happened a million times. The equipment doesn't work. There's some shit doesn't happen often, but it does happen, probably more than it should because we're the commercial break. I mean, honestly, probably more than it should. Our booking agent is just about sick of us, but anyway. And then, of course, I'm sick for the rest of the week. So we had to cancel all these interviews. She was, God bless Bella. God bless you, Bella. I love you. Kisses on your face. So. But Patton, we were not going to miss. So Chrissy comes in. I'm sick.

[Chrissy]

And then the air purifiers on.

[Brian Green]

Air purifier, yes. Fans blowing hand sanitizer everywhere. So five minutes goes by that's late when someone's. Because it's a setup interview. You expect someone to be on time, but it happens. And it's Patton, we're going to hang. We're going to hang tough. 10 minutes goes by, 15 minutes goes by, and we call his agent. And then his agent says, shit, I'll try to see if I can get a hold of him. 25 minutes, of which we have an hour with him. 25 minutes is eaten up because Patton just. He just. Something got mixed up, like, of some kind of scheduling issue. But he says, I'm going to get there. Hold on, hang tight, five minutes, I'll be on. He comes on. And then the equipment is not working. So for the. So now we're 30 minutes into a scheduled hour, and I am running around the studio like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to figure out exactly what's going on. Meanwhile, Patton is like, what is going on?

[Chrissy]

I mean, and he can't figure out how to, like, see us both at the same time, too. And, like, it was the whole Thing I am just.

[Brian Green]

I know he's gonna bail. I'm feeling it in my bones. I know Patton's gonna be like, well, when you guys get your shit together, let me know and I'll call back. So when it starts off rough, you're like. And then you have to have your senses about you, because it's Patton. And so of all the things that Patton has done, of all the wonderful characters, television shows, movies, writing, production direction, all the things that Patton has done in his storied career, and the first thing that Brian goes for is fucking Ratatouille. Ratatouille. Yeah, Remy.

[Chrissy]

And he was so gracious to talk about it.

[Brian Green]

I know because.

[Chrissy]

Because you did say. I bet you've talked about this so many times. He was like, yes, I.

[Brian Green]

Thanks for bringing it up. Fourteen years later, I know. Poor fucking Patton. I mean, honestly.

[Chrissy]

Well, you wrapped it in with the kids.

[Brian Green]

I did. You did. I did. Well, it's the only thing that could come to mind afterwards. 25 minutes late and then the equipment doesn't work.

[Chrissy]

A little thrown off.

[Brian Green]

It was a little. I was off my game. I wasn't prepared. And so I just had to go straight to Remy. I was gonna wrap it in the end of the conversation, but why not start with the worst possible question, something he has talked about the fuck to death about? He probably gets it every time somebody under the age of 30 says hello to him. It's all about rata fucking tooie. And he's like, you know, I've done something else besides Remy from Ratatouille. My face wasn't even in that, Brian. So God bless Pat Doswell. Go listen to the interview. And you can make sense of it if you. If you will. But we eventually hit on something that was of interest to both of us, all of us. And I think that it. I think we've. I think we landed the plane okay.

[Chrissy]

I think we did take off was.

[Brian Green]

A bit rough, but we landed it. Okay. And so patent. You know, I just. I love him. I really appreciate any time he'll. He'll never be back. But, you know, we got our 30 minutes, and that was good.

[Chrissy]

But that's the only thing we did last week. That's it.

[Brian Green]

That's all we did. Yeah, that's all we did last week was do that every day.

[Chrissy]

I was on standby, but, yeah, I just couldn't manage.

[Brian Green]

Well, my throat is. So when you. The thing about. The thing about talking for. The thing about talking for a living is that when you're sick and Your throat. You get throat like you eat in the ashtray. It's kind of disconcerting. Not only to me it hurts. It can be like painful after a while to like talk when you have that kind of throaty, weird sore throat. But then I think it sounds kind of gross and nasty. Like I'm a little concerned that the listeners are like, God, Brian, clear your throat.

[Chrissy]

Plus, everybody's taking all this time off this year. I mean, I know, I noticed Andy Cohen took three weeks off.

[Brian Green]

Andy Cohen took three weeks off.

[Chrissy]

Good for you.

[Brian Green]

I think Jimmy Kimmel took time off. Jimmy Fallon has taken time off. Let's talk about Jimmy Fallon for a second. We got so much to talk about.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And we might have to stretch into two episodes, but everyone is taking time off. A lot of the entertainers are taking time off. And I. And I think applaud that. I applaud it. And I think I understand why. I think life is very stressful. I think there are a lot of targets on a lot of backs. And I believe that people have decided now is the time to just take a breath and let's see where things are going. For all the reasons that we don't, you know, we don't usually talk about here on the show, but you know, the reasons why it's a heated political climate where people are being targeted for what they say. So all the people who scream and yell about freedom and freedom of speech and cancel culture and woke bullshit, all those people are now canceling everybody and put, you know, putting people in jail and fictitious search warrants and all this other stuff. So it's a very dangerous time to speak out. And I think the summertime just in general for entered the entertainment business, people do take time off, right, because everyone's out on their vacations.

[Chrissy]

Vacations, school, starting back, all that stuff.

[Brian Green]

The palace intrigue that's really got me going of all the entertainers that are taking time off right now is the Howard Stern thing that's going on. And I think.

[Chrissy]

Do tell.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Howard Stern is at the end, at the end of this year, he will come up on the end of the last contract that he signed in 2020 five year contract, $500 million. Very similar to the one he's been signing ever since he went to Sirius back in 2006 or seven.

[Chrissy]

And similar to ours.

[Brian Green]

Very similar to eyes, minus eight zeros. Yes, the 500 contract.

[Chrissy]

Actually below 500.

[Brian Green]

Yes. The $50,000 contract that for three years, which is about right, actually. Yeah, very similar to ours. But when you're negotiating at that level with a company like Sirius, who has become quite a behemoth media company, podcasting and media company. You know, there's. It's got to be a very nuanced, difficult negotiation. About two months ago, or maybe a month ago, me, a month and a half ago when I was on vacation down in Naples, a story started to come out that Sirius had canceled Howard, that they had decided not to re new his contract, even though the guy who heads up Serious Talent Division, Scott Greenstein, had repeatedly said, if Howard wants to stay, we're always going to find a way. Because he's like Johnny Carson.

[Chrissy]

He's Howard Stern.

[Brian Green]

He's Howard Stern. But there's a lot of speculation that his audience one time slated to be 20 million people tuning in every morning on Sirius XM has dwindled down to 200,000 people. Now, I think that is exaggerated. I can't imagine that only 200,000 people tune into Howard Stern every morning. It's got to be in the millions. Maybe it's not 20 million anymore. It's probably shrunk because Howard has been a very big critic of Howard, of Trump and the Republicans. And that's not in fashion or hasn't been in fashion in the media business. It's all the people on the other side of the aisle who have been getting all the attention, like Rogan and I could go on and on and Schultz and all these other guys. So people have believed for two reasons. Number one, he's a critic of Trump and it's hard to make that call for serious, to give him another huge contract when he's been such a huge critic of Trump. And Trump has targeted media companies who have been critical of him.

[Chrissy]

I know once again, he's like, what?

[Brian Green]

Abc, abc? Yeah. He wants to now find ABC again and MSNBC should be off air and you know, Rachel Maddow is going to go to jail and all this other stuff, all this other craziness. And at the same time also then saying that we need free press. Free press only if it's.

[Chrissy]

If it's. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Shines a light on the favorabilities of Trump is insanity. And it is the furthest thing from conservative thinking that I have ever heard in my life because he's not a conservative and I could go on and on. But anyway, number one, Stern has been critical of Trump. That has fallen out of favor. And many people have left the audience because they are Trump fans. And you can see how this makes sense. Howard is largely a male driven audience for the most part. And that male audience has largely run over to guys like Rogan. Right, Rogan. And Theo Vaughn and all these other guys who are sucking Trump's cock during the election. So that, number one, number two, if the numbers have fallen that much, how could they possibly pay him the same amount of money and make it make sense to the stock, to these shareholders and to any investors inside of the company? I can see that just being a business decision. If you only have 200,000 people listening, you can't pay somebody a hundred million dollars a year. That's just, that's never going to make math sense. And number three, Howard's old. He's 72 years old. 71. 72 years old. How much longer can he do?

[Chrissy]

Well, am I wrong in thinking, I thought he was just going to be done after this pastime, but he didn't announce that he.

[Brian Green]

He always has played with the. Now, I haven't listened to Trump, I mean, listen to Stern. I never listen to Trump. I haven't listened to Stern religiously in a long time. And I think a lot, I think I'm like a lot of other listeners, is that we were all caught up in his palace intrigue and his day to day stuff that was going on inside of the studio. But during the pandemic, he left the studio and he's never come back. He's always been, now he's been remote. He's taken some of the juice out of the show, I believe, but he's always talking out of both mat. Talking on both sides of his mouth. If I leave, what are you going to do when I leave? When at the end of this, I'm done? Because he's trying to juice up Sirius xm. He's threatening them, he's negotiating on air. He is extremely talented at this, making people, making his bosses believe that he will leave so that they fawn over him and then allow him, and then, and then give him some huge paycheck just so he'll stay. But I'm not sure it's going to work this time because I don't know if the numbers are in his favor. So let's take a. How much time do we got? Okay, we have a couple more minutes and then we'll take a break. So a month and a half ago, they're canceling him. He's gone.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

About three weeks ago, reports start coming out he's already signed a contract. He's putting this press out himself to drive interest around his return from summer vacation on September 2nd. Today is. We're recording.

[Chrissy]

Okay. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All these rumors come out. He hates Alex Cooper, call her Daddy, who's at SiriusXM. She gets all the attention. He doesn't, you know, he's gonna be canceled. He's not gonna be canceled. He's not signing a new contract. He signed a new contract. They didn't offer him a contract. They've offered him contract many times. All this, like, conflicting information. Insiders say, sources close to the situation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Howard is a master manipulator of the media because he has been doing this for 40 fucking years or 50 years. I don't know how long he's been. He's been doing this since he was a kid. So my belief, of all the information that I read, I start to believe this following line, that Howard is just yanking the media around. He's putting it. He's dropping this in the press himself or people in the show, around the show are dropping this into the press to drive ratings for his return on September 2nd when he will announce that he has reached some kind of agreement with Sirius XM to stay around for a little while, maybe a year, maybe two, and then he's. And then he's done. Right. I'm gonna do this for another three years, and then I'm done. I'm done. It's never. I'm not. I'm not coming back. See you later. Or I'm going over to the next company, Netflix, Apple, somebody else, and I'm going to do a podcast, whatever it is. Some big announcement was going to be made today. Howard's not done, but he's going to announce, I'm going to do this, and then I'm done. Right.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And Apple, Spotify, Netflix, Amazon, they would all drop him a pile of cash. All of them, a big pile of cash. But I think he likes where he's at because he built where he's.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Green]

When he went over to Sirius XM, they had like 120,000 subscribers.

[Chrissy]

That was such a big deal. He was like the only big thing.

[Brian Green]

He was the only thing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Besides music and a couple shitty sports shows on there, he was the only thing no one cared about. Satellite radio. No one gave a shit. They had Sirius and they had xm, and those two were competing for no one's attention. No one cared.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, no one except, like, that would be driving for a living or something that, you know, couldn't listen to the radio.

[Brian Green]

Correct. And then he made the announcement that he's getting paid $100 million a year to go over to Sirius. At the time, the two companies were split. Sirius and xm, two different companies. He's going over to Sirius for a hundred million dollars a year for five years. And people were like, where did Sirius get the money? And how the. Are they going to make that back? And guess what? Now, if you don't get a car with a Sirius XM radio in it, you're like, what the. Why don't you have SiriusXM in the car?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It is part and parcel of every auto, automotive transaction. I guarantee a lot of people have that app downloaded on their phone. I promise you. A lot of people listen to their podcasts that way. They. They listen to news, sports, talk, whatever it is. It has become ubiquitous with radio. Now, radio, FM and AM still gets a lot more listeners, but there are hundreds of millions of these radios out there and hundreds of millions of subscribers, and it's largely the house that Howard built.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Anyway, so September 2nd, he's going to be back on air 6:00am until at 4:00am when Sirius puts out. And Howard put out a social media post that scratches out September 2nd and says, Stay tuned. September 8th, Howard returns, and no one knows why. So the palace intrigue of the Stern show continues. And it's very. I don't know if this is a PR stunt everyone's playing. Some people have said that there was an email that went around his office explaining that there was a family emergency and he needed to take an extra week off. Okay, his mom is 93 years old. Maybe she passed away. Maybe she's sick. He's talked about it on air. His dad's dad passed away a couple years ago, so maybe that is it. Or maybe they're still negotiating a contract. Or maybe he's going somewhere else and Sirius is telling him he can't talk about it. They're trying to stop that from happening. I don't know. But Howard Stern, when many people have called him dead year after year after year, like, he's dead. He's gone. He's a. Has been. Has managed to drum up publicity.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Every single time that he needs it, every single time he needs the public to pay attention, he finds a way to string them back in. And. And because of that, I. I admire. I admire the. The chutzpah of Howard. Or is he doing this just to get additional attention? Like, he knows this is going to throw people off?

[Chrissy]

Maybe it's a combo.

[Brian Green]

Maybe it is a combo. Anyway, that's the Howard Stern saga.

[Chrissy]

Okay, there's thanks for filling me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There's no saga in the commercial break because no one wants us except for Odyssey. So please, keep us honesty. We don't. We don't shit on our overlords and tell them we're never coming back. We say, please. Please have us Odyssey. Please, will you?

[Chrissy]

Please, please. And thank you.

[Brian Green]

Yes. All right. So much more to talk about. Including Taylor, Travis. I mean, what do we have to say about Taylor and Travis? And it's my favorite time of the year, Christy. Not because it's my birthday, but because the annual jerk off fest known as Burning man happened.

[Chrissy]

Oh, God, there's so much. Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

I've been following.

[Chrissy]

I've been following that.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You want to know what's dead? Burning Man. It's dead. I will call it right now. Jump the shark. Three years ago, but we can officially put a pin in it. Who the fuck wants to go to Burning Man?

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Bunch of idiots, that's who. And if you went. I'm sorry.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No one. No one who went to Burning man is listening to the commercial break. I can promise you that. They're too rich. All right, we'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail]. want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial Break.

[Brian Green]

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[Chrissy]

Big moments or small moments, they all deserve great style.

[Rachel]

Our over 800 stylists are here to help you look and feel your best. Visit your local Maurices to find fashion fit for you with a little help from us.

[Brian Green]

My coffee's too sweet.

[Chrissy]

It is, yeah, you know it is. You like it sweet too?

[Brian Green]

I don't like it all that sweet, but I. Because I get so much coffee, I put a lot of sweetener in there. But you know, I put stevia in there. But I think they put Splenda instead of sweet Stevia.

[Chrissy]

Oh yeah, that's sweet.

[Brian Green]

Splenda is much sweeter than Stevia is, so. But God bless him. I love those girls. All the girls and guys up there. So I was with my Starbucks boyfriend this morning. He's about to go to Italy because his daughter is getting married. So they're going to spend two weeks in Italy. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

How fun.

[Brian Green]

Why am I not going? I don't know. Why has he not invited you? Well, I mean, it's a small wedding and I don't know his daughter, like, why would I be invited anyway, Right? But if I was invited, I would. I would not go because I can't afford it. But I would think about going.

[Chrissy]

Yes, for sure. Definitely.

[Brian Green]

I like him. I like my Starbucks boyfriend very much. Did you get his dog?

[Chrissy]

Did you get your free birthday coffee?

[Brian Green]

I didn't tell them it was my birthday. Oh, yeah. Because I don't do that.

[Chrissy]

They don't know. It's like on the app or whatever.

[Brian Green]

No, I don't. My app hasn't worked in years. Oh, I've called Starbucks. Starbucks tech support is exactly what you'd expect out of Starbucks tech support. It's not support or tech. It's like somebody telling you to redownload the app on your phone, which. Don't you think I thought about that?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Come on. I mean, honestly. So my app hasn't worked in years, but anyway, I didn't say.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I didn't say anything, but my Starbucks boyfriend knew it was my birthday because I did tell him and he said happy Birthday.

[Chrissy]

Oh, when did you tell him?

[Brian Green]

I told him today or. Yeah, I said it on a text message. I was like, oh, tomorrow's my birthday, so, you know, I got to do this. And then I'll. I'll be up there. We make plans to meet. You do? Yeah, we have.

[Chrissy]

I love this.

[Brian Green]

We're a little couple.

[Chrissy]

I need to meet him.

[Brian Green]

He's very cool. I like him a lot. I like him a lot. And I don't know his daughter, but I've spoken to her on the phone, like when he's been on the phone on a speakerphone, and this just seemed lovely. Yeah. And she. She refers. Yeah, she refers to me as his star.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

It's a whole thing. We got a whole thing. Okay. So I don't know where to start, but I think we'll start with Travis and Taylor. Now, Travis and Taylor got engaged last week. And I'm just gonna say this. I think this is great. Besides the fact that I'm now gonna have to buy a bunch of additional having to do with Taylor Swift and her wedding, there's gonna. I. Astrid said, do you think they. I go, I bet there's going to be a pay per view wedding. And she goes, do you think there really would be a pay per view wedding? And I said, no, I don't think there's really going to be a pay per view wedding. But there's going to be the People magazine and the, you know, like, whatever the magazines are, and there's gonna be some shit. And I bet there will be some documentary or special or something about the wedding that will come out on Disney plus or Amazon guaranteed. Because this is our version of the royal wedding.

[Chrissy]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

And it's the biggest deal in many years in pop culture. Right. Since Labubu, nothing has struck off our fancies more than Taylor Swift and Travis getting engaged. And it is exciting for many generations, not just for the young, younger folks. Some of the older folks. I mean, I saw so many reaction videos to this, and I made one myself, but I got very excited. But my wallet was even more excited because it was gonna get a workout.

[Chrissy]

I'm happy for their love. And then it worked out.

[Brian Green]

Here's why I'm happy. It's good news.

[Chrissy]

It is.

[Brian Green]

It's good news. And we need good news.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

We need a little. I guess we need a little escapism right now. And this is good escapism. And I know that there's many people who will say this and that about Taylor and Travis. And there's always negative. We can always find the negative in every situation. But I choose to look at this in a positive way. Number one, I have a bunch of swifties in my house, so I can't look at this in a negative way. Usual pessimism has to be buried if I want to live in a quiet, calm household. But number two, there could be worse things to get excited about. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, of course.

[Brian Green]

I find this to be just fine. Congratulations. Chrissy and I said at the beginning we hoped that this would all work out.

[Chrissy]

We really did. I think they make a really cute couple from what I can see. And they seem really in love. And love. The heart wants what the heart wants.

[Brian Green]

The heart wants what the heart wants.

[Chrissy]

I love love.

[Brian Green]

I love love, too. And so here's to you, Taylor and Travis, under remarkably stressful situations. You have managed to navigate this world beautifully. You seem to love each other very much, and I hope everything works out swimmingly for you. I have been rooting for you since the beginning. I continue to root for you. Marriage, it doesn't cure anything, doesn't solve any problems, doesn't make life any better. But it gives you some comfort that your soulmate is now legally obligated to be with you.

[Chrissy]

Contractually.

[Brian Green]

Contractually obligated. I'd like to meet the team of lawyers that is going to find a way to navigate this documentation of their marriage. Because, you know, and it can only be said to be fair, that Taylor will have a prenup of epic proportions, thousands of pages long as she should. Or maybe she just simplifies it into one page. What's mine is mine.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What's yours is yours.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And anything we do together will be documented further down the line. You know, maybe that's just the way you do it. Yeah. Keep it simple. Stupid. But if she doesn't have a pre. I can't imagine that anybody. She's so smart. As far as business is concerned. I can only imagine this conversation was had long ago between the two of them.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

If we ever get married, you understand that I need to protect myself because I know things will work out. But in case they don't, I have to protect myself and any future earnings I Might have my family, our kids, if we decide to have them, whatever it is.

[Chrissy]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

So that is the kind of palace intrigue I'm into. But I want to see what the prenup says. And you know those stories are coming. You know that those stories are going to be dropped in the news sooner rather than later. But where will they get married? How will they get married? When will it be? Who's taking the photographs? What will we be wearing? All of that stuff we will be reporting on exclusively here at the commercial break. We have the inside track.

[Chrissy]

Yes, we do.

[Brian Green]

Sources close to Taylor say.

[Chrissy]

As we read from People magazine.

[Brian Green]

As we read from People three weeks ago. Yes, you heard it here last, folks. All right. Speaking of crazy billionaires, let's talk about the shitty shit festival known as Burning Man.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God. This year seems to be extra bad.

[Brian Green]

I think it's extra bad because I think people have caught on about really what a bunch of smoke and mirrors this kind of dumb festival really is. I applaud the idea of Burning Man. I really do. But, like, any idea that gets too big for its britches, it becomes the thing it always fought against.

[Chrissy]

And also, it needs a new location.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I mean, why do you have to have it there?

[Brian Green]

It used to be in San Francisco. Like, when it first started, it was in San Francisco. And one of the. I think, if I'm not mistaken, I know it was not always in blackrock. But for the love of all that is fucking holy, it has become a ridiculous. It's just a ridiculous, I guess, like, embarrassment of riches. Where a bunch of billionaires and millionaires get together in huge RVs that cost more than three of my houses and drive them out into the middle of the desert and get them full of sand, mud, dirt. Where they.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Sit around for an entire week and drug themselves to death and pretend that money doesn't matter and that the outside world isn't there and that there's nothing more important than what's going on at Burning Man. Because we have decided there is nothing more important than. Than what's going on at Burning Man. Burning man is not the ideal world shunning the reality of life. It is the opposite. It is the thing that we all should be steering away from, which is billionaires and millionaires living in their little cocoon for a week, drugging themselves to death.

[Chrissy]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

And showing off the opulence that is their own riches. I'm not against people having money, but the show off that, like, the absolute, like Flip that this has become. It kind of makes me a little bit ill to my, like, sick to my stomach. It's just a bunch of influencers and their millionaire friends taking pictures of each other in a sandstorm.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And let's be real, no one, no one wants to be out there in a sandstorm or a mudstorm or whatever the, like, getting electrocuted or dying or, you know, high on LSD for seven days. And no one wants that. That. This is a difficult thing to do. This is a. It's, it's just a big jerk off. That's all it's become is a big jerk off. Look how cool my thing is. Look how cool this is. You can't be here. But I'm here with all these millionaire billionaire bad boys and girls. And then they go back to their real world jobs where they are sucking the life out of everybody else around them in their AI companies right now. They're developing AI that takes away the jobs of everybody else who couldn't afford to attend Burning Man. And it drives me crazy.

[Chrissy]

Well, I was really disappointed to see that the orgy tent blew away.

[Brian Green]

Well, I did. I was disappointed by that because the best pictures come from the orgy tent. Actually, there's no photography allowed, but I've seen some. Yeah, that orgy tent is insane.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I saw this a couple years ago and I couldn't believe that it actually existed. But it exists and it's insane. It is a 300 by 400. It's huge. They have like 150 beds in there. And they're beds. Some of them together, some of them separated. There's curtain walls and all this other stuff. And here's how it goes. Based on Reddit posts that I read. Ready?

[Chrissy]

Okay, you go.

[Brian Green]

You check yourself in. Right? There is some version of, Are you clean? Have you been tested? Blah, blah, blah.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

You are given condoms. You are asked to wash. You are then presented. You must come presented. Then you are then presented with an opportunity to go somewhere. Inside of the orgy tent. You are given a number, and I guess you go to a bed or whatever it is, but there are. There are places for group play. There are places for. I'm open to. There are places for. I just want to have sex with my partner.

[Chrissy]

It's like a sex club.

[Brian Green]

It's a sex club, but in the.

[Chrissy]

In a tent.

[Brian Green]

Tent. In a tent. It's crazy. And you gotta like, check in. That's the weirdest part. I've been to a sex party and I did Check in. And you can, like, check your clothes and stuff. It's really weird. So I guess it's very similar to this, but that orgy tent, I mean, listen, I hate Burning man and everything it stands for, but at the end of the day, and I know people are gonna go, you've never even been there. You know what it's like. I'm sure that there are magical experiences anywhere you go. I have been to Burning Man. Not called Burning Man. I have been there. I've done it. And I felt the same way. After years of reflection, I felt the same way. Now, these weren't millionaire and billionaires. As a matter of fact, these were the opposite of millionaire and billionaires. These were dirty fucking hippies. A lot of us, right? Poor broke bastards getting together. But at the end of the day, it's the same kind of like, we're living concept. It's the same concept. We're living in an. It's fun to party and relax. I like that part, right? And if that's why you go to Burning man, cool. If that's why you go to Burning man, these people are spending millions and millions of dollars putting up tents and erecting things and, you know, driving these huge RVs around and in the middle of a fucking Indian reservation where it bothers everybody else around them. And then all it is is bad weather and a shitty opportunity for a fucking photograph for Instagram.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, really.

[Brian Green]

And I agree with you. Get it somewhere else. Like, get it somewhere else. Let's go somewhere else.

[Chrissy]

Start new. Start a new place. Because I don't want to keep it Seems like every year now it's just about, like, how everything's flooded out or blown away.

[Brian Green]

That. Because that's what it is. The weather out there is extremely unpredictable and. But you can predict that every year it's going to be unpredictable and it's going to blow shit away and it's going to become a mud pile and there's going to be some rainstorm and there's going to be. People are going to get electrocuted, which they do. It seems like every fucking year somebody gets electrocuted.

[Chrissy]

There was somebody that died.

[Brian Green]

Someone got murdered.

[Chrissy]

Murdered. And they hadn't been able to identify him.

[Brian Green]

That's crazy.

[Chrissy]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

How fucked up are you? How fucked up did you get during the murder? When you can't be identified? I know two years ago, some dude ran into the fire. Like, he committed suicide by running into the Burning Man. He was the burning man inside the Burning Man.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God. That's not funny.

[Brian Green]

That's not funny. But it's kind of, it's. I mean, I guess it's the ultimate fuck you to life. I don't know. I mean, that's what happens. Now reports say that there was no drugs or alcohol in his system, which makes it even a little bit wilder of a story. But he like ran past security and people who are supposed to keep people away from this huge burning effigy. He just ran past all of them and ran into the fire. Like what? I don't know.

[Chrissy]

There was another woman that had a baby and did she this and. But she didn't know she was pregnant.

[Brian Green]

How do you not know?

[Chrissy]

I just don't know.

[Brian Green]

Wasn't it like a 19 year old girl was with her mom and then there was like.

[Chrissy]

No, it was a couple.

[Brian Green]

It was. Yeah, I thought it was like a young girl.

[Chrissy]

It was in the New York Times. I'll pull up the.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, pull up the thing. But she, yes, she did not know she was pregnant. But luckily there were doctors and nurses there to deliver the baby in the same manner. Surprise. I came to Burning man to do K and cocaine all weekend long and I came home with a baby. That's crazy.

[Chrissy]

I know, it's really crazy.

[Brian Green]

I watch these videos, these endless torrent of videos around Burning man and they all seem to say one thing. I am miserable, but my life is better than yours because I'm here. You know what I'm saying? And it's just.

[Chrissy]

Isn't that the ultimate. It's the ultimate Instagram.

[Brian Green]

That is what Instagram has become. It's like my life is miserable, but this picture shows that it's better than yours. I can appreciate the escapism of Burning man and I understand. I've never been there, but I've been there.

[Chrissy]

She was 37.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she was 37.

[Chrissy]

Yes. Ms. Thompson was giving birth to the first. Minutes later, Ms. Thompson was giving birth, the first child, a 3 pound 9 ounce baby girl in the bathroom of their camper. The couple had not been planning for a child and had no idea that she was pregnant.

[Brian Green]

How do you not know?

[Chrissy]

Even if the nurses at the hospital were like, you don't look like you were pregnant at all. Ms. Thompson said she works in medical billing. Geez, I didn't have any symptoms.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, isn't like not having a period for nine months a symptom?

[Chrissy]

Right? And yeah, like, I don't know, I don't get that.

[Brian Green]

Your boobs are getting bigger, your nipples hurt, your getting Hair on your back.

[Chrissy]

I mean, something you're kicking around. I don't know, I mean, Jeez, I.

[Brian Green]

Mean, 3 pounds, 9 ounces, that's on the small side, but yeah. So I guess that it was a premature baby and thank God the baby's okay. And I feel really bad about anybody who passes away anywhere of terrible circumstances like getting murdered or electrocuted, but this has just become like a sign of everything. In my opinion. That's kind of wrong with society, right? You go there and it's supposed to be a self sustaining community of people.

[Chrissy]

Leave no trace.

[Brian Green]

Leave no trace. You gift each other, you barter you. There's no money. Doesn't mean anything here. It's all about your abilities and your talents and it's all about the great art. Meanwhile, the art is kind of shitty in general. I mean, it really is. It's kind of weird and shitty in general. And some of it's nice, but you know, whatever. And I'm not an artist or an art critic obviously, but then what you've got is a bunch of billionaires funding a week long party essentially because didn't you read something about it's been insolvent.

[Chrissy]

For years and there's like four, four or five major dollars or something.

[Brian Green]

It was, there was a $20 million shortfall. They put out a call to the community. Can you donate 10, 20, 30,000, $10,000 to keep burning man going? We. The. Here's the thing. They've always kept the cost of regular tickets purchased like a month, a month or longer ahead of time at $575. So they're trying to keep it reasonable for the week. Okay, I appreciate that. But it costs over $800 in costs for every person of the 80,000 that can attend. They cap it at 80,000. And that's probably for good reason because it's already like you see people, they're waiting in line for 38 hours to get into me. Yeah. That dude. That if I'm waiting three hours, I'm out.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Ex.

[Brian Green]

I'm finding the local Hilton and I'm going there.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

So 38 hours they're waiting in their RVs and waiting to get in because of whatever. And every person has to be checked in and you know, to check for drug. All this other. And me.

[Chrissy]

Check to be sure you have drugs.

[Brian Green]

Check to make sure you have drugs. Because it apparently isn't working. It's insane. So, so 800. So they're losing $300. 200. $300 on every person that attends the festival times 80,000. I don't know my math, but that's a lot, right? Their $20 million shortfall two years ago, they put out a call and no one answered. They didn't raise even a. A percentage of the money that they needed to keep it going. So they went to their billionaire donor class and they said, hey, we need this money. Or, seriously, we're not even. The porta potties alone are, like $3 million every year. They said, we're not going to be able to do this. And you know What? There were six people. Six people. And four of them donated over 80% of the funds needed to keep the festival going. And it happened again last year, and it happened again this year. And so there's just four people or five people, according to this article that I read, that are. Are continuing to fund this huge party. Great for you. But honestly, like, have a party in your backyard. I mean, just have a party in your backyard for a week.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What do you do? Go rent out an island somewhere and have a party for your friends all week? What are we doing? Leave no trace. You're bringing generators and barrels of water and entire propane trucks, helicopters and private planes. Huge RVs riding over this incredibly desolate area.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

For what reason? So you could burn some dude at the end of your fucking ayahuasca trip?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Mean something? You can find meaning in any party anywhere. Any party. I haven't been to Burning man, but I've been to Burning man. And I will tell you right now, it's not as important as you think it is. And when four billionaires are essentially funding your party, it's not the altruistic event you believe it to be. What it is is. It's just an excuse to go sit in your car for 38 hours to get into Burning man to sit in your car for another three fucking days because there's a sandstorm outside that's gonna kill everybody.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. God.

[Brian Green]

God bless America. Take more cocaine. Let's take a break. We'll be back. Okay.

[Rachel]

You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCD. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything, or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid. The first few weeks of school are in the books. Now it's time to keep that momentum going. IXL helps kids stay confident and ahead of the curve. Teachers move fast, but IXL keeps your child right on track, building skills at the same pace they're learning in school. IXL is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're brushing up on math or diving into social studies. It covers math, language arts, science and social studies from Pre K through 12th grade. With content that's engaging, personalized and yes, actually fun, it's the perfect tool to keep learning going without making it feel like school. If your child is struggling, this is the smartest investment you can make. A single hour of tutoring costs more than a month of IXL make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixcelerning.com audio visit ixlearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Ready to level up? Chumba Casino is your playbook to fun. It's free to play with no purchase necessary. Enjoy hundreds of online social games like blackjack, Slots and Solitaire anytime anywhere. With fresh releases every week. Whether you are at home or on the go, let Chumba Casino bring the excitement to you. Plus, get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus. Join now for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void board prohibited by law 21 TNCs. Apply.

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[Brian Green]

Maybe I'm just Miserable because it's my.

[Chrissy]

Birthday and I'm getting older scrooging at your birthday.

[Brian Green]

I would say maybe I'm out of the target demographic of Burning man, but I actually think I'm right in the demographic of Burning Man. Seems like a lot of those people have been going for a long time. And by the way, I'm not the only one saying something very similar. There are people have been going to Birmingham for a long time who are saying something very similar to what I'm saying, that it's really changed. And, and I also understand that when you have a good idea initially, like, let's go somewhere. Yeah, the burning community started by a few people, like it always is, who like to set stuff on fire and then they have this kind of altruistic version of what it means to be setting things on fire, I suppose, and that it means, you know, new life, ash to ashes, dust to dust, all this other stuff. Stuff. Let's celebrate Mother Nature let's, you know.

[Chrissy]

Mother Nature seems to be saying something different.

[Brian Green]

Mother Nature seems to be saying, you get out of my desert. Yeah, take your man and go burn it somewhere else. Yeah, burn it in your backyard. So I mean, you know, I understand that at the beginning this is probably a very good hearted, well intentioned thing that they are doing, but it has eaten itself alive. And now it's just the thing that I'm sure that no one ever wanted. But the people who started it or who are currently in control of it or whatever, and I don't know those people, I have no idea who they are. I'm sure they're trying their best. Somewhere in their heads and their hearts they're trying to do something good for the larger community. But you have attracted a bunch of people who are doing the opposite. I don't mind billionaires. I am not one of these people who's all angry with a billionaire. But to be a billionaire there, and there are many of them now, I don't think you always have. I think sometimes you have to make decisions that are not in the best interest of the people around you in order to get to accumulate that kind of wealth. These are people who are creating AI companies with no guardrails, who are running social media companies with no guardrails, who are, you know, probably have some environmentally disastrous company with no guardrails, you know, and they're policing themselves for one week at an event where they will pay someone else to pick up their trash, bring their water service their RVs, you.

[Chrissy]

Know, set up their tents, set up.

[Brian Green]

Their tents, put their helicopter landing pad together, make sure that the. The private plane can land on a strip, all that other stuff. Think about that. Leave no trace, but make sure the landing strip can put my Lear jet on it. It's incredibly stupid and it. And like everything in 2025, just like me, just like you, just like Chrissy. We're all a little bit hypocritical. And this has jumped the shark, as far as I'm concerned. Has jumped the show.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I mean, I. I saw pictures years ago and I was like, why is. Why. Why are people doing that? I mean, I like a good festival, but.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I knew a guy who went to Burning Man. This would have been.

[Chrissy]

Well, we know the couple that goes there that used to go.

[Brian Green]

Who? Oh, yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah. They're in, like, Sardinia.

[Chrissy]

Right, right, right.

[Brian Green]

On their summer break. Yeah, exactly. You know, mom and dad gave them a lot of money and. And I love that.

[Chrissy]

Them, yes.

[Brian Green]

When you're with them, they're beautiful and they're big, beautiful family and lovely, lovely, lovely. But they have accumulated wealth not through a lot of their. They work hard, but they are not wealthy because of their own hard work. They're wealthy because they got a head start. That's just a luck of the genetic draw. And I ain't angry with them about it. I'm really not. But I think they also kind of epitomize this little, like, you know, eating your own young thing that I'm talking about, which is, you know, we talk a big game, but then, you know, we don't really. We talk a big game, but we don't separate our own trash. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's just one of the. Someone else does that for us. It's. It's. We pay somebody, right?

[Chrissy]

And then we take beautiful pictures and put them on Instagram.

[Brian Green]

That's exactly what they do. But of all the hypocrisy that runs in this world right now. We can, I think with confidence, say that there is one person, one single human being who speaks truth to pile, speaks truth to power, who runs the flag of honesty. No matter where he goes, he tells it like it is. He calls it as he sees it. He is a man of integrity.

[Chrissy]

Brian Greene.

[Brian Green]

Charlie Sheen. Close, close. Charlie fucking Sheen.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my. Win. Winning. We were just talking about this. This is so funny. It really crazy because we were just.

[Brian Green]

Just talking about it because I was.

[Chrissy]

Like, what was the saying? I couldn't remember the same winning.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Thing. And I don't Even know what made us talk about this. And I don't know, all of a sudden there's a freaking documentary coming out.

[Brian Green]

That's it. I think we were talking to one of our guests about Charlie Sheen, weren't we? I think we were. Charlie fucking Sheen has a tell all documentary that is coming out on Netflix. I think it is.

[Chrissy]

I think so. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That is coming out on Netflix. We have watched the trailer. It's to millions of views already. It is supposedly a no holds barred look at the life and times of Charlie Sheen. And if there is one guy I want to know more about, I want the videos, the receipts, the images. It's Charlie fucking Sheen. Because never in the history of entertainment has anyone been such a public train wreck without any apologies. Maybe with the exception of some of the rock and roll bands in the 70s who were like fucking women with fish and stuff like that. But there are no pictures and videos of them that Charlie Jean. However, there are. I know there are. And I think we're about to see.

[Chrissy]

I cannot wait.

[Brian Green]

His drug dealer is in the trailer of the documentary. His drug dealer confirming that Charlie was buying 8 gram crack rocks and smoking them at one time.

[Chrissy]

God, I just, I cannot wait for this. I did see though too that I did notice that he's got a new movie coming out too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it's all timed. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Tied in with that. It was a Hot Shot Shots. Hot.

[Brian Green]

Hot Shots part do Hot Shots part do?

[Chrissy]

I think so. Wow.

[Brian Green]

Okay, listen. All right, cool. Hot Shots 1. Not my. Not the funniest movie. I think Naked Gun was. Did it much better, but still a good movie, you know, watchable, serviceable. So Hot Shots too, maybe. We'll see. This is all a big PR stunt to get Charlie back in the limelight. And of course he's got to do the Maya Copa first. He's got to say, I've sobered up. I'll take it too. Yeah, especially when you're drug dealer.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Showing up at the commercial break. I mean, honestly, I'd have to have like a seven page document to tell him what he can and cannot discuss. But it seems like this guy's pretty willing to say anything.

[Chrissy]

Well, yeah, one of the things on the doc, on the trailer, it was with Charlie saying, you know, they were asking him, is there anything off, you know, off limits? And he's like, no.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. No fucking way. First of all, Charlie looks good. Yeah, he looks like he. And apparently he has been sober. I said that Charlie wasn't sober. I was mistaken. Charlie is sober or According to him, he is sober. And so many celebrities show up in just this trailer to talk about Charlie Sheen and how talented an actor he was. And. And he was.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

A talented actor.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And he did that. Two and a Half Men.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. I thought he was being paid like.

[Brian Green]

$100 million a season.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because it went into syndication and he signed a contract. And like, three years into this hundred million dollar a year contract, season, contract, whatever it was, he blew up. Because literally. He literally blew up full.

[Chrissy]

And we watched it real time. I mean, that's when Twitter was kind of really just getting going.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

And I mean, he was tweeting.

[Brian Green]

I was so fascinated by all of it at the time.

[Chrissy]

Everybody was, you know, captivated.

[Brian Green]

He was on that. Like, Diane Sawyer was interviewing him and he's like, I smoke eight gram rocks. I gotta go, baby. His mind is so fast. He talks so quick. I mean, he's just like. I'm not saying any of this is to be lauded or applauded. I'm just sharing with you that it is ultimately fascinating to get inside of the mind of a guy who first of all comes from a storied family of entertainers. His dad was very much the same way. If you don't know the story of Martin Sheen on the set of Apocalypse now, then you don't know anything about entertainment because it is one of the craziest fucking stories. Let me share a little bit of it and then we'll get back to Charlie. Martin Sheen. A young Martin Sheen gets cast in the movie Apocalypse now, which in and of itself was apparently there. Are there a documentary about the making of the Heart of Darkness?

[Chrissy]

Yes, I watched it. It was great.

[Brian Green]

It's. It's fantastic. Crazy when the documentary about your movie is more fascinating than the movie, which won Academy Awards. And so did the documentary because it took so long to make so many millions of dollars. And so many crazy things happened on that set, including Martin Sheen having a heart attack on set.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

He had a heart attack on set.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. They had to stop the production for a little while, right?

[Brian Green]

Yes. In the beginning of the movie. The End by the Doors. This is the end, My only Friend, the end, which is one of the craziest, creepiest, and most incredible songs ever put on celluloid is playing. And Martin Sheen is running around a hotel room throwing things against the wall, cutting himself, bleeding all over the place, going bananas. Us. Do you want to know what? Not in the script. It was Martin Sheen running around the hotel room, cutting himself, banging his head against the wall, thrashing about a bed, bleeding all over the place. That is unscripted. They just ran the cameras while he was literally having like an alcoholic breakdown. He. So Charlie comes from a family who knows all about it, right? Yeah, he went bananas. He had prostitutes, porn stars.

[Chrissy]

He went just all out and he.

[Brian Green]

Was inviting people in to watch it all happen. Yeah, we all got invited in to watch Charlie smoke 8 gram crack rocks while he was having sex with porn stars and living in the lap of luxury, all the while making a fabulous amount of money doing this Two and a Half Men until he wasn't and they kicked him off.

[Chrissy]

They frowned upon that.

[Brian Green]

They frowned upon the crack rock, but they still paid him the money. And now he's back and he's here to tell us all about it. And you gotta appreciate the guy's honesty. I mean, I appreciated the honesty back then.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But now to come back and say, let's revisit all of that and I'll tell you what's really going on a little more clear eyed than I was before is just amazeball. Good for Netflix. One of the things about Netflix is we get to see all these stories. All the documentary genre of moviemaking has exploded under Netflix.

[Chrissy]

I'm a huge fan of documentaries because.

[Brian Green]

I love to hear some of these stories and I don't think they would be told otherwise or they'd be at some weird art house cinema that you'd never seen. You'd have to go to Blockbuster, you know, look for days to find it. Yeah, I mean, just lovely, Charlie. God bless America. God bless you. I hope you tell it. I love the story that Charlie Sheen tells about Donald Trump. Have you ever heard this?

[Chrissy]

I don't know that I have.

[Brian Green]

He told us on the Graham Norton Show. And I hope I'm getting this right. I'm sure people will correct me if I'm wrong. He tells the story where he goes out with Trump somewhere. He meets him, sees him and Charlie admires his watch. He says, that's a nice watch you got there. Trump says, you like it? It's one of a kind. It's a million dollar whatever. It's $100,000 million dollar ola bolo. You know, watch engraved, fancy, blah blah blah, yada yada. And at the end of the conversation, Trump takes off the watch and he hands it to Charlie and he says, here, have it. And Charlie, no, I can't take that. You know, that's crazy. And he said, now you're the great Charlie Sheen. I want you to have it. You admired it. I want you to have it. And he's like, it's too much. It's a, you know, know, million dollar watch or whatever. And he said, nah, it's nothing for me. Take it. And Charlie takes the watch. And then during all of this turmoil, right when he was going through this Two and a Half Men thing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He was high on something, and he's having a party, and the guy comes over and the guy is like a rare collectible appraiser. And he's appraising some things in Charlie's house probably so he can pawn it to get crack. Right. I'm going to give that to the.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like I used to do. Hey, D. I'll give you my cell phone for a week. And so he goes, tell me about that watch. He's got. He's got the watch sitting on his dresser. He says, tell me about that watch. I think it's worth a couple hundred thousand, whatever the number is. And the guy looks at it and he goes. And on the bottom it says, made in Taiwan. It's like. He looks at it with a. Like one of those little monocles. Monocles. It says, made in Taiwan. And the guy goes, I don't think this is worth 35 bucks.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Fake to the end. Fake to the end.

[Chrissy]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Brian Green]

I hope we hear all the stories. I really do. I hope we get all the stories and all the juice. I'm gonna watch it twice. God love America. Hey, real quick. I wanna say thank you to a lot of the listeners who texted in to say so. People are so sweet. They're like, take as much time as you need. Don't worry about the commercial break. Shut up for a little while. Take as much time as.

[Chrissy]

Give that voice a rest.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And they said, please get well. And I really appreciate it. It's hits at the heart when you're sick, and then there's a bunch of people out there that you don't really know all that well, except for texting. And they say, get well. That.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There's a special kind of warmth that comes from that. It gives me a tickle. Right. Of my pickle. Thank you very much. And also, we got quite the reaction to our story about the Appalachian Trail. So I told one of our listeners. I've told that story so many times. I know, because it's one of those life stories that you have in your back pocket that you know will get a good giggle and. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I mean, it's one I'll Never forget. It's just so funny.

[Brian Green]

It is funny. It's a good one.

[Chrissy]

Like, I mean, I'm picturing us. Like I said, did we. We went to like Fresh Market beforehand and picked up like nice cheese and crackers. We were taking like a whole picnic.

[Brian Green]

I think we were all over place the. That. I mean, honestly, we thought we had a thing going on and then got lost. Y. Yeah. And I also think they were talking about the other Appalachian Trail story where I got lost.

[Chrissy]

Oh, where you're. Yeah. And your Doc Martens and Chain Wallet.

[Brian Green]

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Wonder whatever happened to those two girls. I know what happened to one of them.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But I don't know what happened to the other one. So. Very interesting. All right, well, hey, listen, those of you who purchase merch, your merch is on the way, so it should be. I just want to let you know that it'll be on the way. 212-4333 TCB 212433, 3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We'd love to hear from you. Get involved in the conversation. Give us a text message. I will text you back. Or Asher will or Chrissy will. Somebody will.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, we'll text you back.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'll respond. Respond. We try and do it quickly. I usually like to think that two days. Yeah, every two days I like to sit down and respond to all the messages. When I came back from Labor Day, we had like 58 messages. And I was like, holy. At the commercial break on Instagram. Please follow us. We put clips up there every day. Behind the scenes. Not yet, but we will.

[Chrissy]

We're gonna think about trying.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna think about trying to do that. We have a Twitter. I don't know what it is. We had a TikTok. I'm not sure if it's still open. Just go to add the commercial break on Instagram. Also YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here. On the audio, you can go check out the patent Osmond video, which has just patent. So there you go.

[Chrissy]

That'll give you a sense of the tech difficulty that we have.

[Brian Green]

There you go. TCBpodcast.com all the audio, all the video, and your free TCB sticker. Okay, Chrissy. After a long vacation week not planned, I guess that's all I can do.

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

Say that I love you.

[Chrissy]

I love you, and happy birthday.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. Best to you.

[Chrissy]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best you out there in the podcast universe on until tomorrow, Kirsty. And I will say we do say and we must say goodbye. Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real and so is the relief from EBGLIS.

[Rachel]

After an initial dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch.

[Brian Green]

Relief and clear or almost clear skin.

[Rachel]

At 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[Brian Green]

EBGLIS Librekizumab LBKZ, a 250ml per 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a LYV vaccine seen when treated with Epgis. Before starting Epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection searching for real relief. Ask your doctor about Epglis and visit.

[Rachel]

Epglislily.Com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Chrissy]

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[Rachel]

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