Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

Summary

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The Commercial Break – “Bryan, Lord Of The Acid”

Date: March 14, 2025
Hosts: Brian Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

This St. Patrick’s Day-themed episode of The Commercial Break is a classic example of Bryan and Krissy’s chaotic, irreverent improv comedy style. They weave through topics ranging from Irish identity, traditions, beards, debauched holiday parties, and the enduring enigma that is Michael Flatley’s Riverdance empire, to Bryan’s highly questionable brush with alleged rock stardom. The show brings together personal anecdotes, pop culture riffs, and spontaneous tangents, all topped with their signature dark, self-aware humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Crabapple Polyolygon Ultra Fest Satirical Ad (00:03–02:45)

• The episode starts with a hilarious (and very detailed) parody ad for a fictional festival, loaded with absurd acts like “DJ Sex Puppet” and “Tantra Prostate Massages by Hand Magician Raphael,” skewering festival culture and event marketing.

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2. Cheers to St. Patrick’s Day – Irish Stereotypes with Love (03:31–07:14)

• Bryan, proud of his Irish descent, riffs on the “drunken Irish” trope with a tongue-in-cheek embrace of Irish attributes: “We’re not the best looking people. We’re not the smartest looking people…But we figured out how to make things work when there were no potatoes…we went to making whiskey and Guinness.” (05:01)
• The duo debate whether Guinness is best served cold or room temperature, with Bryan reflecting on bartending days: “Even then, it’s a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness. In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated.” (06:03)

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3. St. Patrick’s Day: Fact vs. Myth (07:17–19:03)

• Is St. Patrick’s Day really Irish?
  • St. Patrick was British, not Irish; the holiday is “not an Irish holiday.” (07:31)
  • The “driving the snakes out of Ireland” legend is likely an allegory—Bryan: “Snakes being Protestants. That’s right…that’s not my belief, I’m just sharing that with you.” (09:11)
  • Fun fact: St. Patrick was kidnapped by pirates as a teenager.
• Tradition of Guinness and Beards
  • Spirited debate about facial hair, stereotypes, and the impracticalities of long beards: “I could, I saw what he had for dinner last night because it was still stuck in his fucking beard.” (14:53)
  • “I am not a huge fan of unkempt beards. Like the wild beards that some of these dudes wear. Grizzly Adams type.” (14:17)

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4. Holiday Debauchery & The Evolution of St. Pat’s (19:03–25:00)

• Krissy reminisces about Savannah’s St. Patrick’s Day, green fountains, and accidental spring-break tourism.
• Both agree St. Patrick’s Day (and spring break) have turned cities into cautionary case studies of public intoxication: “They do…they lose all sense of decorum. They lose their fucking minds is what happens.” (20:55)
• Discussion on why cities clamp down on wild parties: “All the good parties get killed by the old people.” (23:49)

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5. Leprechauns, Merchandise, Riverdance & Michael Flatley Mania (27:10–37:37)

• Leprechaun lore and the infamous viral “leprechaun in the tree” video gets a nod. (25:08)
• Riverdance & Michael Flatley:
  • Krissy: “I would love to learn to do that dance.” (29:30)
  • Bryan jokes about combining Phish’s Trey Anastasio, Riverdance, acid trips, bagpipes, heart monitors, and himself for an LSD-fueled super show:

    “Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley in Lord of Acid…Michael’s moving his feet and Brian’s moving his arms. Together they are Lords of Acid.” (30:12-31:07)

• They riff on the stiff-armed Irish dance style (“the Irish sports bra”), stereotypes, and cultural crossover.

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6. What’s Really Irish? Game Show Segment (45:54–50:22)

• Bryan quizzes Krissy on “Irish or Not?” with celebrities (The Rock, Mariah Carey, Brad Pitt), food (shepherd’s pie, Shamrock Shake), and instruments (bagpipes).
  • Example: “The Rock... is. Surprisingly, his dad has Irish ancestry.” (46:10)
  • Corned beef and cabbage? Not Irish—it’s an Irish-American invention.
  • Black and tan? Not Irish; bagpipes? Scottish.

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7. Irish Cultural Insights & History (38:18–44:12)

• Why do Chicago and Savannah dye their rivers and fountains green? It’s more about spectacle and city tradition than heritage.
• A candid look at Irish immigration and prejudice in America:

  “My grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives... were discriminated against.” (40:49)

  • John F. Kennedy’s election as an Irish Catholic president was seismic for Irish-Americans: “He was given 0% chance...” (41:08)

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8. Bryan’s “Tool/Celtic” Story: Of Drugs, Porches, and Questionable Encounters (51:54–66:52)

• Bryan’s Legendary Anecdote:
  • As a 17- or 18-year-old, Bryan, living on a screened-in porch after work at a restaurant, embarks on a coke-fueled, guitar-playing night with a friend. Thrown out by annoyed housemates, they relocate to a park by the river, where Bryan believes he meets the drummer from Tool in the dark (“…I am high as a kite. I am driving snakes out of my own head.” (61:34))
  • The only thing Bryan could think to ask:

    “What do you think about the Celtic religion?” (62:36)

  • The Tool “drummer” launches into a diatribe about the Celts and Druids, only to be scared off when Bryan claims, “I was in a band too.”
  • Decades later, Bryan isn’t sure if he was truly in the presence of rock royalty or just a clever imposter—“In my mind, for years, I met the drummer from Tool one night ... but as I got older, I started to wonder…” (64:13)
  • Krissy supports the legend: “I say go with it.” (66:00)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Irishness & Drinking
  “You could live off Guinness. You could. You’d have a bad headache, but you could. I’ve tried.”
  —Bryan Green (05:06)

• On Bearded Stereotypes
  “If you’re gonna do the beard, just give it some management. That’s all I gotta say.”
  —Bryan Green (14:30)

• On Cultural Appropriation
  “The four leaf clover... it actually isn’t tied to St. Patrick’s Day specifically. Although we think of it now...”
  —Bryan Green (43:17)

• On Tool/Celtic Religion Encounter
  “All I could think to ask him... ‘What do you think about the Celtic religion?’”
  —Bryan Green (62:36)

• On St. Patrick’s Reputation
  “So God bless you, St. Patrick, wherever you may be. I think being kidnapped as a teenager probably made him hallucinate.”
  —Bryan Green (27:18)

• On Riverdance Costumes
  “I’m not in love with nylon pants... but there’s a cumberbun involved. Yeah. It’s like Renfest takes it even a step further.”
  —Bryan Green (36:49)

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:03–02:45: Satirical Polyolygon Ultra Fest ad
• 03:31–07:14: St. Patrick’s Day intro, Irish pride, and Guinness talk
• 07:17–19:03: St. Patrick facts and myths, beards, and Catholic traditions
• 19:03–25:00: Party culture, city crackdown, Savannah stories
• 25:08–27:10: Leprechaun folklore and viral videos
• 27:10–37:37: Michael Flatley, Riverdance, and outrageous show concepts
• 38:18–44:12: Dyeing rivers, Irish immigration, American history
• 45:54–50:22: “Irish or Not?” game segment
• 51:54–66:52: Bryan’s Tool/acid legend and Celtic religion misfire

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Tone & Atmosphere

The show’s tone is zany, playful, and brimming with irreverent banter—a trademark blend of improvisational comedy and candid life stories. Bryan and Krissy shift gears seamlessly between emailed listener trivia, pop-cultural detours, absurd hypotheticals (“Tool in the Sand!”), and personal tales of youthful wildness and misadventure. Everything is delivered with comic exaggeration, good-natured self-deprecation, and a conversational feel that invites listeners in on the joke.

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Summary Takeaway

“Bryan, Lord Of The Acid” is quintessential Commercial Break: a St. Patrick’s Day special as much about Irishness and nostalgia as it is about youthful misadventure, pop-culture riffing, and Bryan’s unforgettable, possibly hallucinatory encounter with “the drummer from Tool.” Despite the wild tangents and winding conversational roads, the episode remains deeply rooted in camaraderie, relentless self-mockery, and their ability to turn even the smallest moment into an epic improv bit. Tune in for laughs—and perhaps a bit of accidental education.

Transcript

[Narrator]

This weekend only, experience the chills, thrills and skills of Crabapple's largest operatic techno festival. The Polyolygon Ultra Fest is back and hotter than ever. Seriously, it's gonna be 95 degrees. So pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack and put on your best sparkle tutu. Because this three day fest has it all.

[Brian Green]

Ah yeah.

[Narrator]

With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet, Nickel Mix featuring Toddle Pocket, Italy's shortest operatic techno singer, Rigatoni. And one very special late night set by saxophone beatmaster Poodle. Plus exciting performances from Mike McCroney and his fire breathing dance ponies, Jill the Go Go Clown Lady, Dirty Dave and his amazing flying Bible Beaters and Tantra prostate massages by hand magician Raphael. Three long sweaty days and three never ending smelly nights. Glamping with thousands of overly strangers. You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night. Free water from the community hose and two communal showers. You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel. And new for this year's festival, free yoga provided by the misguided youth stretchers. An art market with over 30 artists peddling terrible art they bought on Temu and plenty of food from random food trucks no inspector has ever had time to inspect. Your tummy will be begging for begging for the door. So go to REI and buy an expensive tent you can't set up. Load up on craft beer that'll go bad by Saturday morning. Pack your best neon tights, put on your strongest deodorant and head to Crabapple fairgrounds where you'll be parking two miles away from your crowded tent site. Gates open on Thursday night to get the hangover started early music starts early Friday morning to wake you up irritated. And the party won't stop until Sunday because who doesn't love to party on Sunday? The fifth annual Polyoligon Ultra Operatic Techno Festival. Come on, grab apple, drop the be Absolutely no glass or outside food will be allowed inside of festival grounds due to previous incidents. No Y Brian 3000 is allowed inside the gates. All ball gags must be checked at the door. No swimming allowed inside of the drinking water. Please refrain from sleeping in front of the stage. All children must be accompanied by a service animal. On this episode of the commercial Break.

[Brian Green]

So the question is, Trey, are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no again.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll get drafted.

[Brian Green]

Bookhead. If Jeff books me a Memphis to do. Lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a Heart monitor, Bootsy Collins and schools from Widespread Panic.

[Narrator]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best you, Chris.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Best you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best you out there in the podcast universe, how the hell are you walking into a St. Patrick's Day weekend.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Of festivities and fun, where you certainly will puke on your shoes and lose your underwear. But that's okay. We're here to support you at the commercial break. We're here to encourage you to get as intoxicated as possible. Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail. This is the weekend to do it. The cops will be occupied with other idiots. You can go out and be yourself. It's that kind of weekend.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

There's a big parade going on downtown.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, you know, in some places they have actually kiboshed the St. Patrick's Day parade because it's just too unmanly.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Debauchery.

[Brian Green]

Yes. What is wrong with you people? You're not supposed to besmirch the good name of the Irish people. We are not all a bunch of drunks. Just most of us. Leave it alone. And if you came from Ireland, you'd drink, too. That's all I gotta say. Ireland's a beautiful place, but it's up there. It's up there and it's an island. You're on an island, you get island fever. You got to do something. The Irish are the Irish. I'm proud to be of Irish descent.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know you are.

[Brian Green]

I'm proud to be of Irish descent. Thank you very much.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Good job.

[Brian Green]

We're not the best looking people. We're not the smartest looking people. We're not even. No one ever claimed that the Irish were super intelligent human beings. But we figured out how to make things work when there were no potatoes. And we went to making whiskey and Guinness. And I think. I think we should be proud of ourselves for that. It's nutritional. You could live off Guinness. You could. You'd have a bad headache, but you could. I've tried. Well, Bud Light, not Guinness, right? I never had the stomach for Guinness, actually. I used to love a good Guinness.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I like a good Guinness, but one or two?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you can't go.

[Brian Green]

Because a Guinness drunk is a different kind of drunk. And I think that's part of the reason why Guinness is kind of attractive to some people just because they can drink it. But you got to sip it. It's got to be something you do over the course of a couple, I don't know, at least 10 minutes. You got to give it. I could drink a bud light in five. But you got to give a good Guinness 10 minutes because it's a heavy drink.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's true. It makes it look like it's very popular right now amongst the kids.

[Brian Green]

It's always been popular. It's always been. But it's. But you're right. It's been contained in its popularity. It has its moments. And then it goes away. In the. I think in the early aughts, the 2000s, when I was out there hitting the bar scene, it was very popular to have again as. But could you pour a Guinness correctly? Was the question.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's always the question we had.

[Brian Green]

When I was a bartender, we would have our. The Guinness reps would come in once a year and they'd teach you how to pour a Guinness. But even then, it's a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness. In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's not.

[Brian Green]

It's a warm Guinness. It's a room temperature Guinness. And that's a different kind of experience. The kind where you're sure you're gonna throw up at some point. You know what I'm saying? I do. And I just. It's just that the way that that liquid falls into the glass and the creamy foam on top, it's a whole thing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's a ritual.

[Brian Green]

It is a ritual. It is a ritual. And I've had a Guinness in Ireland, and it was quite the experience, I do have to say.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Was it the warm temperature? Room temperature?

[Brian Green]

I think it was room temperature, but because it was so cold outside, it had a little, like, a little crispness to it. It wasn't completely flat. I mean, like completely room temperature. I think just the lines were cold, and that's why it made it a little bit cold. But happy St. Patrick's Day to you, however you decide to do it. And I thought this was a good time to review some of our St. Patrick's Day knowledge, because, yes, I would love to. We all have our. So what is St. Patrick's Day? Let's start there.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It is celebrating St. Patrick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Thank you. Are you Irish Saint named Patrick? The same name. Patrick.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But I am not Irish.

[Brian Green]

But I will tell you this, the. That St. Patrick's Day is not even Irish. It's not an Irish Holiday. No, it's not. St. Patrick was actually British and not Irish. So you are celebrating. So St. Patrick's Day. You're celebrating essentially arrival, right? Yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But it is all part of the UK Though, right?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was all kind of part of the United Kingdom. Parts of Ireland are still part of the United Kingdom, and we all know that from our history lesson from Des Bishop. Hi, des. Happy, happy St. Patrick's Day.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Dez Bishop is our. By the way, our most streamed episode on Spotify.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Isn't that amazeballs?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That is interesting.

[Brian Green]

Can't figure out why, but I'm not arguing. People love Des.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

We love Des.

[Brian Green]

We do love dez. And this last episode was very politically charged. We talked about American politics and Irish politics, and he's our Irish correspondent. He is our Irish correspondent. Anyway, happy St. Patrick's Day. This is a. It is the. The holiday of St. Patrick.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But for years. What did he do up until about. He drove. Supposedly drove the snakes out of Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

But of course, Ireland is a island where there are no snakes. Snakes don't live in Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No snakes in Ireland.

[Brian Green]

No. Snakes are native to Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Fun fact for me.

[Brian Green]

That is a fun fact. So a lot of people believe that what he. The. I guess this is just a way of saying he drove the religious zealots, the Protestants, out of Ireland, but in fact, he did not. There were lots of people who were protestants to live in. In Ireland, but some people believe that. That's why they say that he drove the snakes out of Ireland.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Snakes being Protestant.

[Brian Green]

Snakes being Protestants. That's right. And I don't believe that. I'm just telling you what the. What some people believe. The reason why we say he drove the snakes out of is just another word that's being used for Protestants. Again, that's not my belief. I'm just sharing that with you. I want to make sure that we don't get any Protestants up our ass right now because, you know, I like the Protestants. They're good. Yeah. So it's probably just an allegory for either driving the snakes out or converting pagans or whatever. Whatever it was. Anyway, fun fact about St. Patrick. He was kidnapped by pirates as a teenager. Why has this not been made into a movie? I don't know, but this sounds like perfect fodder for a television show or a movie. St. Patrick, the, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean. St. Patrick. Yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

@ least the limited.

[Brian Green]

Series. Yeah. Why don't we get Johnny Depp on.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That? I.

[Brian Green]

Know. Yeah. What other Irish people. Could we get to play. Who's there? Some famous Irish actors and actresses. No, I'm saying who all. I'm trying to look and see if my notes. If I put any names. Liam Neesom. Tom Cruise is Irish, in case you were wondering. Yes. Yeah, he's Irish. So Colin Farrell is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Colin Farrell would be good at.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Anything. Yeah, he would. We can get him on the.

[Brian Green]

Pirate. Yes, that's what I vote. But he's not a teenager anymore. But you know, we can find a teen. What is that? Timothy Shalalameh. I know he's not Irish, but.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Couldn'T we get him, convince him, Dye his hair.

[Brian Green]

Red? That's right. He could be a 3 year old or a 30 year old. It just depends on whether or not he has a mustache. Speaking of Timothy Shala. That's true. We were having a debate with our friend Rachel last night about a guy, a musician that played at the Grammys. I can't remember his name. Dungaree or Dungeous or whatever his name is. The guy that came out in the 70s. Bell bottoms as tight as they could be to sing that. I'll give the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Name.

[Brian Green]

Okay, let me do my homework as a noted national podcaster here. Give me one second. He is. What was his name? Benson.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Boone. Oh, Benson.

[Brian Green]

Boone. Benson Boone. Beautiful things is what he sang.

[Astrid]

At.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Grandson. That's very.

[Brian Green]

Popular. So Benson Boone, he's going the route of Timothy Shalala May by wearing these outrageous outfits and having this weird stash. Yeah, I got to say, the young kids with the. Just the mustache. Not my favorite thing in the world thing, though. It's a thing, but it makes them look like young kids with mustaches. Mustaches are for old men in the 70s, not in their 70s. Back in the 70s or 80s. Or if you live in Chicago or Green Bay, Wisconsin or something like that, where you got to protect your upper lip from the cold weather, then I can understand. Yeah, it's allowed. But Timothee Shalala May, one of the best looking human beings on earth. One of the most famous human beings on earth. That stash ain't doing him any good. It makes him look like Pedro from the Fully and dynamite. It.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Does. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about.

[Brian Green]

That. I love Tim. I love Timothy. I think he's a great actor. But that chat, that stash, that's cheese tastic, man. You got to let that shit.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Go. I know. We were discussing it with. I was discussing with a friend of mine and her son has One and she's like, I.

[Brian Green]

Hate. Oh.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

God. It's just like, you got to go with it. It's the.

[Brian Green]

Trend. Well, listen, you don't have to go. Buck the trend, kids. Buck the trend. Go full goatee. Go Abe Lincoln. Go Flavor Saver. Do something. Be Eddie Vedder. Have a little weird Flavor.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Saver. Beards are still.

[Brian Green]

In. Beards are always being. I think. I think that if you. As long as it's managed correctly, you know, and this is like Irish. I think people think of Irish people and there's, you know, stereotypes. Just like everything else in the world, they think of guys. Guys or girls with red hair, freckles, blue eyes. But that is a genetic trait. That is not an Irish trait. So there, of course, there may be a gene pool that's more susceptible to red hair as an Irish person. And I don't know what all the genetics, you know, I don't know. I'm not a geneticist, but I. You go over to Ireland and of course you see people with red hair and freckles or light skin and freckles and stuff like that. That is part of the gene pool of Ireland. But that's not the majority of people, right? The majority of people are like a good representation of everybody else in the world. And the one thing that I noticed when I went to Dublin, which was years ago, is that most of the men there are clean shaven. Like there's not a ton of facial hair running, at least when I was there, running around Dublin. Now that could be a trend. That could be the. I don't know why, who knows? Who fudgeing knows? But some of these guys here in the United States, they are outlandish with these beards. It's like a political statement. Do you know what I'm.

[Astrid]

Saying?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's like they're wearing the beard to let you know how they feel about the rest of the world. And it feels a little strange to me. And I am not a huge fan of unkempt beards. Like the wild beards that some of these dudes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Wear. Grizzly Adams.

[Brian Green]

Type. Yeah, yeah, manage that. Go Dollar Shave Club, kid. I mean, that's cheese tastic. And if you're gonna do the beard, just give it some management. That's all I gotta.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Say. Those kinds of tools and oils and things.

[Brian Green]

Now. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. The whole.

[Brian Green]

Market. I know our friend Rachel loves a guy with a beard. She loves the guy with like a. An unkempt, unmanaged beard. But anytime I look at one of those guys, Like I was at Starbucks the other day and it was a dude that walked in and he had a. I mean, he was. He had it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Right. Beard in.

[Brian Green]

It. Yes. But I could, I saw what he had for dinner last night because it was still stuck in his fucking.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Beard. Yeah. Now you gotta keep.

[Brian Green]

It. No, there was like pieces of stuff in his beard. Yeah, you got to keep it clean. And I think the longer and the bigger and the un. More unkempt that it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Gets. The.

[Brian Green]

Harder. Yeah, the harder it is. Listen, there is something that drives me crazy about my cream and cereal habit. And I'll share this with you. Even though my beard is really more like a five o' clock shadow. It always has been. I never have grown it out very much. I keep it high and tight whenever I drink milk and a little bit gets on my, on the hair of my beard. After two or three minutes I start to smell the milk coming. Even if I wipe it, even if I clean it, really, I can smell it. It like sticks in my nose hairs. And I, I. It drives me fucking crazy. I don't understand how with a big unkempt beard that you can do anything dairy related without having a big.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Problem. I.

[Brian Green]

Know. So I don't know what this has to do with St. Patrick, but I'm just telling you right now, manage that beard. Manage that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Beard. So what did he do besides drive the snakes.

[Brian Green]

Out? That's what he did. He was a saint. Yeah. He converted the pagans and the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Protestants. Then they made him a.

[Brian Green]

Saint. Then they made him a saint. Yeah, he created. It was a miracle. I think part of why it's an allegory also is because if you follow the Catholic Church, then you know that they are in love with ridiculous rules and, you know.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Regulations. Oh.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Traditions and all this other stuff, they are an old. A bunch of old codges that are just holding on to these silly traditions that may feel important but probably aren't. One of the ways that you become a saint, you have to. You have to have. You need to create a miracle. And a miracle can only be defined by the church itself. And what is a miracle? A miracle is an otherworldly godlike thing that happens, you know, I don't know, one loaf into 30 loaves, or 10 fishes into a hundred fishes, or whatever it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Is. Water into.

[Brian Green]

Wine. Water into wine. That's right.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Chrissy. That's my favorite.

[Brian Green]

One. That is my favorite one too. Water to wine. So you had to create this miracle, but that can only be defined by the church itself. And so I guess there's a lot of flexibility as to what it is. But even, like, you know, converting people to Catholicism is not necessarily a miracle in and of itself. Lots of people have done that. So I think they had to create this story of driving the snakes out of Ireland, because when you drive the snakes out of Ireland, how convenient is it that there are no snakes native to Ireland, do you know what I'm saying? So the miracle has been performed forever and ever. No more.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Snakes. No.

[Brian Green]

More. Yeah, but true. Yes. No, there's no native snakes to Ireland. I don't think there's. I don't think there's cold weather snakes because they're, you know, cold.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Blooded. Yeah, that's.

[Brian Green]

True. So they just freeze and die. Right? I think. I think that's how that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Works.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't know. You know, here's a funny thing that's happening with my kids. Speaking of cold, cold blooded, one of my kids is super interested in everything. Like, you tell her something and she wants to know how it works. She asked why she can see her ribs, and I. Or what she's seeing when she's pointing to her ribs in the mirror. And I'm like, oh, those are your ribs. Those are your bones. They protect your lungs and your heart. And, you know, that's blah, blah, blah. And this is how it works. Show me a video. Show me a video of how it works. Right? And I'm like, oh, okay. So I go on YouTube and I find a kid friendly. You know, explain it for idiots, explain it for children kind of video. And I am learning more from watching those videos than I ever did in school. Like, simple, basic, scientific stuff. I'm like, that's how it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Works. Yes. That's.

[Brian Green]

Great. Your heart is a muscle. That's crazy. What do those bones do? That's amazeballs. You have a bone there. Wow. I'm just as excited as she is about figuring all this stuff.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Out. That's.

[Brian Green]

Cute. Again, we're Irish, so we got. We have an uphill climb here, but we're working on it. We're not so good. We're not so good at some stuff. So, you know, St. Patrick's Day, drove the snakes out, kidnapped as a teenager. Now we all. And by the way, a dry, traditionally religious holiday until about the 1960s or.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

70S. Oh, it was a dry.

[Brian Green]

Holiday. It was a dry.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Holiday.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yeah. Because it's a religious holiday. So it's a dry holiday. Yeah. I mean, you think of Easter, you don't think about everyone going out and Getting smashed. Yeah. Ah, he's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Risen. Crazy bunnies. Like drunk.

[Brian Green]

Bunnies. Drop the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Eggs. Drop the.

[Brian Green]

Eggs. Drop the eggs. Oh, wait, hold.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

On.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Go Easter. Go, Easter, go. Go, Easter. Go, Easter.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Go. We could start.

[Brian Green]

It. We could start it. Hey, listen, I don't put anything past the. I don't put anything past us. At this point. We're selling Teslas on the front line of the White House. Why not make Easter a drinking holiday? Why not? I mean, Christmas isn't a drinking holiday either, but plenty of people get smashed. Yeah. So it was a dry holiday until it was just kind of taken.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Over. Like a marketing thing, like with the green.

[Brian Green]

Beer. Of course. Yeah. And there you go. And there's another holiday tradition that of course, we all know about or have heard about, which is a lot of towns will dye their rivers. Yes, I.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Think. Well, Savannah did it for a long.

[Brian Green]

Time. Savannah did it for a long.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Time. They stopped.

[Brian Green]

It. They stopped it because it got. The party got out of.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Control. Yeah, well, they still have a big. I was down there for St. Patrick's Day one year. Not specifically for St. Patrick's Day. It's just my vacation backed up into.

[Brian Green]

It.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay. So we were leaving the day after St. Patrick's Day, but they did. They have these beautiful squares in Savannah and these beautiful fountains in each of the square. And it was a dying of the.

[Brian Green]

Fountains. Oh.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Really? And you could go around and the kids were out. It was like a, you know, school day, and the kids were out there and everybody was dying the.

[Brian Green]

Fountains. Yes, that's right before 3pm Everything's fine. But after 4:30, lock your.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Doors. It was like spring break. It was.

[Brian Green]

Nuts. Oh, I've been. I can tell you the story about that. I mean, I've been to St Patrick's Day and it scared.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Me. It's in.

[Brian Green]

Savannah. In Savannah, it scared me. Me. I was legitimately nervous about what was going on. They do. They. They lose all sense of decorum. They lose their fucking minds is what happens. And it's because. And I was one of that. Like I was one of the people that was contributing to the fucking bullshit. Yeah, I was in the mix, but at some point, I just got a little nervous about how many people were out of control. Like everybody seemed to be out of their gourds with no one checking them. Do you know what I'm saying? Except for the. A few bouncers and a couple police officers who really had their hands full. They were arresting people. Every time I saw a police officer, they had someone in handcuffs Taking them away. And I think that's also why a lot of towns, a lot of people, a lot of places, they are really not interested in spring break or St. Patrick's Day any longer. They're just not interested in it because it brings nothing but.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Trouble. Because.

[Brian Green]

Destruction. No matter how hard you try to talk sense into people and say, listen, come to Miami, have a good time, enjoy yourself, there's a line, don't cross it. Just be cool. That's it. There's all. If there's 10 people in a room, two of them have no fucking common sense. The second the liquor hits their breath, it just does. They just don't. And we all know people like this. I was one of these idiots, right? I mean, I think I knew where the line was most of the time. But you know, there was an occasion where you just kind of get a little while down a little.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Bit. Yeah, exactly. Amongst other friends that are doing it too.

[Brian Green]

Woo. Yes. You think, you know, running in the fountain and taking your shorts off is funny, but everybody else is like, what is. What happened to Brian? Like, everyone else is talking like, what's he should probably cut, probably no more cocaine for Brian. Let's pretend like we don't have any more left and we'll do it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Secretly. We're.

[Brian Green]

Out. Yeah. You got any more, man? Got any more? Oh, dude, funny thing. It fell in the toilet. But we'll be right back. Six of us are gonna go to the bathroom. You stay here, you stay in the fountain. We'll be over.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Here. We'll be right.

[Brian Green]

Back. Yeah, but I mean, Miami, Panama City, Daytona beach, all of these places, they have absolutely said, do not come, we are not interested. Miami had television campaigns that they would run in other cities. I saw that being like spring break, not here. Don't do it here. We're not interested. We're closing the bars down at 11 o'. Clock. There is a curfew at midnight. You're not able to be on the streets wilding out. It's not going to happen, so don't come. And that is ballsy move on behalf of a town that really makes most of its revenue from parties. From parties. That's it. Yeah, I mean you can have that fucking whatever it is, Ultra Music Fest there every year. But there seems to be less trouble with the Ultra Music Fest than there is with spring.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Break. And that's spring breaks always been just kind of a wild and crazy.

[Brian Green]

Time. I know all the good parties get killed by the old people. That's what happens. And if it came to my front door, I'd kill it, too. If that was, like, outside of my house, I'd probably be like.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. On spring break a.

[Brian Green]

Lot. No, I told you, I only went on spring. I mean, as a actual. At the age where I was supposed to be. Spring.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Breaking.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. No, when I got a little bit older, I went down to Miami a couple of.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Times.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Daytona beach once, Panama City. And that was, like, in my mid-20s. But in the years when I would, like, spring break years, I only went one time to Panama City. And we ended up getting a hotel 15 miles from the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Beach. That's.

[Brian Green]

Right. And we got kicked out of that party. We got invited to a party that quickly got kicked out. It was a whole shit show. And we ended up doing whippets in a fucking Howard Johnson 20 minutes from anything. Yes. It was so weird. It was the weirdest spring. It was the. But I was weird, like, you know, I was a weird kid. That's just the way it was. All right, so we'll talk a little bit more about St. Patrick's Day in Savannah, some more traditions, and we'll play a game. All coming up on this episode, St. Patrick's Day episode of the commercial break. How do you. How do you feel about that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Chrissy? I love.

[Brian Green]

It. All right, good. I'm just killing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Time. I'm trying to find the.

[Brian Green]

Gold. Oh, yeah, Chrissy brought a lump of.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Shit. Brian thinks it looks like a lump of.

[Brian Green]

Shit. That.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Looks. It really. It looks. It's a rock that has been painted gold. And it looks like the sketch.

[Brian Green]

From the famous video from the leprechaun video. We all know it. It comes around once a year, like St. Patrick's Day. That video comes around once a year where all the people are looking at the guy in the tree and thinking he's a leprechaun. It is pretty funny. It is pretty funny. Did we find out that was a sketch? I think we found out that was a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Sketch. No, I think it was.

[Brian Green]

Real. You think people actually thought there was a leprechaun in the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Tree? They were looking. Somebody saw a leprechaun, and then everybody kind of got whipped up about.

[Brian Green]

It. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that first guy, I.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Don'T. They thought he was a.

[Brian Green]

Crackhead. I think he had plenty of leprechauns in his life. Little green men that brought him crack. All right, let's take a break. We'll be.

[Astrid]

Back. Hey, podcast universe, it's Astrid. While Brian and Chrissy are here messing around in the studio, I am here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to tcbpodcast.com and check out the website I helped design. Then hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-4333, TCB and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, follow us on Instagram. Hecommercial break. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts. You can watch the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and see how I made Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to.

[Brian Green]

Work. All right, and we're back here in a St. Pat pre St. Patrick's Day episode. God bless you all my children. We just figured out that St. Patrick was never a saint. Actually, he was never canonized by the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Church. Yes, he's not canonized by the.

[Brian Green]

Church. Well, he'll always be a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Saint. Today I give a.

[Brian Green]

Shit. Yeah, I don't give a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Shit. He's known for holding a.

[Brian Green]

Shamrock. Oh.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well. Carrying a cross and repelling serpents.

[Brian Green]

Where there were no serpents. So God bless you, St. Patrick, wherever you may be. I think being kidnapped as a teenager probably. Probably made him hallucinate. There's another thing that's distinctly. Do you remember Lord of the Dance? Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance. Let's see if I get it to work. Oh. Oh. Man down. Man down. Let's see if I can get it to. Let's see if I can get it to.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Work. Oh, there you go. I should be dancing around, kicking my heels.

[Brian Green]

Up. Irish dancing like you've never seen it before. 55 redheaded women never moving their.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Arms. I feel like those were on tv, the.

[Brian Green]

Commercials. Oh, forever. Yes. PBS played that thing nonstop. That was like. It took the world by.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Storm. Oh, it did. And did. Riverdance, was that, like, the.

[Brian Green]

Competitor? Riverdance was created by Michael Flatley. Lord of the Dance was Michael Flatley's own. He's the breakout.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Star. He.

[Brian Green]

Was. And that foot movement, I gotta be honest with you, that's pretty.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Amazing. It.

[Brian Green]

Is. There's like a. Yeah, crazy. There's a guy from Kentucky. He's like a redneck dude, right? He's like a backwoods country.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Dude.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But he has perfected like this country version of it, this bluegrass version of it. And I'm telling you what that. Thank you for just shutting off, like, that piece of equipment. Some piece of equipment. I think it's your piece of shit sitting next to it. It's made it not work. Some kind of magnetic coming from it. The electromagnetic waves coming from your gold piece of shit. Your poo.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Poo. I know you told me it looked like a turd, but I said, I haven't seen a turd in a.

[Brian Green]

While. Yeah, well, unfortunately, I live in turd. It's just a turd factory around here. So. Yeah, I think Michael Flatley was like the breakout star of the River Dance. Yeah, he was like the director of the Riverdance or whatever the fuck, but he is still around. He is still. That River Dance is still doing tours. Just an update on Michael Flatley in case.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You'Re. I would love to learn to do that.

[Brian Green]

Dance. I'd love to too, but my feet barely move in general. You see me at a fish show and my feet are frozen to the ground. My butt might.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Wiggle. Your.

[Brian Green]

Body? Yeah, my butt wiggles and my hands make small waves as the LSD courses through my veins. Get it to play on this one. There we.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Go. They wear tap.

[Brian Green]

Shoes. Live Nation presents Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley in Lord of Acid. Special dancing guests star Brian Greene. They put me in boots that are, like, tied to the floor and I'm like, Michael's moving his feet and Brian's moving his arms. Together they are lords of acid bagpipes and 15 minute jazz.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Solos. Noodling on the.

[Brian Green]

Bagpipe. Free form jazz exploration by bagpiper Brian.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Green. Live.

[Brian Green]

Nation, You've heard of Riverdance. Now experience ayahuasca dance with Brian Green, Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley. One night only. That's all the doctors will.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Allow. You've seen the rest, now see the.

[Brian Green]

Best. You've seen the rest now see the chest of Brian wired to a heart monitor. Will he or won't he survive the night? It's a life or death electrifying experience for the same people who bought you fake St. Patrick. Watch Brian drive the imaginary snakes out of the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Stadium. I would pay to see that.

[Brian Green]

Show. It's fun for the whole family. I can see it now. I.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Can. With your heart.

[Brian Green]

Monitor. I know. With my heart monitor. Yeah, on the screen, like a live heart monitor. It's showing you what's going on with, like a line. Watch Brian's heart.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Explode. Oh, my.

[Brian Green]

God. Oh. So the question Is Trey. Are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Again. I'll get Jeff to book it at.

[Brian Green]

Mempho. Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Asses. I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor. Bootsy Collins and Schools for Widespread.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Panic. Maybe you could do a.

[Brian Green]

Flute. You've heard of Tool in the Sand? Watch this. Tool in the Sand. That Dominican Republic. Oh, that should have been called Tools in the Sand. Oh, Lord. Yeah. I mean, listen, for a very long time, that Lord of the Dance was all the rage. I mean, it really was. I don't care who you were. You had to be under a rock. Not this rock, because that's just a piece of dung that's colored gold. But you had to be under a rock not to have heard of Lord of the Dance. It was Crate or River Dance. It was.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Insane. It.

[Brian Green]

Was. And that type of dancing is nuts. The way they're flickety flogging their legs around and bouncing up and down, but their arms never move. And that's the crazy part to me. Yeah, they just hold. Fold their arms like that. That's the Irish way of dancing. It's the Irish sports bra. They call that the Irish sports bra. You just hold your boobs, hope they don't show too.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Much. The Irish sports.

[Brian Green]

Bra. Yeah, because, you know, that's another, you know, a genetic trait, I guess, of the Irish and the. And the English, is that the boobs are big over there. Okay. I mean, I noticed. I don't know if anybody else noticed, but I noticed. But, yeah, a lot of those girls that were doing that river dance, I mean, they were, you know, endowed and so you could. I think that was part of the keeping modest thing because, yeah, it was very, very family friendly. There was no shenanigans going on there. But I don't think Michael Flatley was into it anyway. I think Michael Flatley was light on his feet. I don't know that for real, but I think he was. And now he's got his own around. He's still around. He's got his.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Whiskey. He'll kick.

[Brian Green]

It. Yep, he's still kicking. No pun intended. He's got his flattery whiskey. Irish whiskey that you can buy. He's also got merch for sale. Lord of the. Yeah, I mean, you know, you gotta be a really diehard Michael Flatley fan to be wearing the shirt around, but okay, whatever you're into, I.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Guess. Yes, you do. You really have to be a.

[Brian Green]

Fan. Yeah. I feel like if you're wearing Michael Flatley merch around, would it have.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like, tour dates on the.

[Brian Green]

Back? Yeah. Where it has tour dates or, you know, I. Hard flattery or, you know, I mean, I flatly. I think if you're. If you're. That you're in your 70s and visiting Walmart often and drinking the whiskey. Yeah. If I'm getting the Michael Flatley shirt for Christmas, it's the kind of thing I'm wearing when I'm changing the oil in the car. And I never change my oil in my car. Just letting you know.

[Narrator]

That.

[Brian Green]

It. But I was just as amazed as the next person about the dancing because when I first saw it, I was like, that is a crazy form of.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Dancing. Yeah. It was really quite.

[Brian Green]

Remarkable. And I guess that is a traditional Irish jig, right? I guess when you think about an Irish jig, that's what it is. Here it is. Here's the girls dancing. Yep. That's what I remember. It was. One guy in the crowd was really.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Excited. Yeah. And it's so.

[Brian Green]

Fast. So.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Fast. Their feet are moving so fast. Gotta have special shoes for.

[Brian Green]

That. Yeah. I don't think I'm in love with the guys outfits, though. I'm not. I'm not in love with nylon pants. Yeah. But there's a cumberbum. Yeah, there's a cumberbun involved. Yeah. It's like Renfest takes it even a step further. Fest is a whole different animal.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Renfest.

[Brian Green]

Ah. You know, and listen, Renfest also in certain Renfests, I've been to a few, and they certainly celebrate the Irish culture there too, I guess because of the Renaissance. I guess the Renaissance had something to do with Ireland. I'm not sure. But it seems to be kind of amalgamated into it there. And, you know, I'd be up for doing a little river dance, but I'm not buying that. Cumberbun is out for me. If you ask me to wear a cumberbun, I'm.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think because of band, where we, like, the uniform was with a cummerbund and a bow tie. I was out. And it wasn't like a black cummerbum. It was like a bright blue cummerbund and a bright blue tie. And so as if we couldn't be nerdy enough, as if it was hard enough to find a prom date, then had to wear the cummerbund. That's right. But so saint. Some St. Patrick's Day traditions around the world do include Dyeing the river's green and the fountains green, stuff like that. Believe Chicago still does it. I think they send about 70 pounds of food.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Coloring. That's the biggest.

[Brian Green]

Right? That's the biggest one. Yeah. And when I grew up in Chicago, that was a big deal. There would be a whole day affair, live coverage on the news. They would dye it green down at one of the canal locks, and then they would release that food coloring, and for about a day, that would be some form of green. Right. And so I saw this funny joke, and I can't remember where it was, but. But. And so it's not my joke. I don't want to take credit for it, but it's like, if they can dye the Chicago river green for a day, why can't they dye it blue for the rest of the year? Because that water is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Murky. Is.

[Brian Green]

It? Oh, yeah, it's murky. But it's a big deal to go down there. Gotta be St. Patrick's Day parade. Everyone goes and looks at the river, and it's a whole fun thing to do. Chicago is one of the places where the Irish people emigrated, because when they got to New York, I mean, if you've ever watched the gangs of New York, that is an interesting snapshot of a period of time in the United States of America when New York was very much separated out into cultures. And one of them was Irish. But the Irish. And my grandfather used to tell me these stories because I think he was old enough that his grandparents would tell him the stories. The. The people who actually came over from Ireland over here, that they would tell the stories that you would get to a place like New York or one of these major cities, and they would often have signs in the window that said, Irish need not apply. And that was kind of a rallying cry for the Irish people, because a lot of people thought of the Irish people as much less than right. And so they were very much discriminated against when they would come over in certain places around the country. And I think Chicago was one of those places where they kind of had a little bit of a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Foothold. They.

[Brian Green]

Were. Yeah, yeah. And so there's a lot of, you know, the Irish traditions and culture is strong up there in Chicago. And it was, as is the Italian and the Polish and a lot of other cultures that found solace in Chicago, I think. But, you know, it wasn't always easy for the Irish people. And I'm not saying it was harder than these, this or that. I'm just saying that the Irish people Also had some tough times when they emigrated over to this country. It wasn't the melting pot we'd like to think it was. It never has been. But it wasn't the melting pot that we like to think it was. And my grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives, his. His grandfather, his father, they were discriminated against because of.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Whatever.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. As a matter of fact, John F. Kennedy, as an Irish Catholic, the Irish were so disliked Even in the 60s, the Irish and the Catholic, that there was. That he was given 0% chance of winning the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Presidency.

[Brian Green]

Really. Because having an Irish Catholic president was a big deal. Like, people just didn't think of the Irish Catholic people as people who should be leading the country, even though in the background they were pulling a lot of the strings like his father was pulling a lot of the political strings. It was a big deal. First Irish Catholic president. And, you know, that was a big milestone, I think, for a lot of. For a lot of people who were of Irish descent or people straight from Ireland. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about leprechauns. Wrote a whole bunch of notes down here about stuff that we can talk about. Yeah. So. But leprechauns, are they Irish? Kind of is the answer. Right. There was Irish. Irish folklore created them. But they were originally mean red wearing shoemakers, not the cute, like lucky charms, like mascot we think of today dying. The Chicago river green is not actually an Irish shoe tradition. But Chicago plumbers dyed the put dyed to track.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Pollution.

[Brian Green]

Really? Yes. And that was originally how the river got dyed green. But then it kind of went in the 70s when everybody started and this kind of became a partying. That's right. Four leaf clovers. If you believe in a shamrock symbolizing the holy Trinity, the four leaf clover is just a rare and lucky symbol. It actually isn't tied to St. Patrick's Day specifically. Although we think of it now as top of the morning to you is something that an Irish person would actually never say. It's leprechaun. Fanfiction, essentially, is what it is. Created by fan fic. Fanfic for leprechaun. You people are freaky. You are freaky. And the name Patty for St. Patrick's Day. The correct term is Patty, not Patty. Patty ddy. Yes. Because St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day. Irish name is Padraic. And so you would say Patty, which is short. Patty is short for Patricia. Patty is Padrick. So there you go. There's correcting some things that may not be.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Necessarily. Well, I wonder how the, how did the clover get associated, the four leaf.

[Brian Green]

Clover? Well, some people associate the clover with the Holy Trinity. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. The four leaf clover is said to be a rare version of that. And lucky if you find one. Truth is, if you look hard enough, it's actually not that hard to find a four leaf clover. I, when I was a kid, I was all wrapped up in this because I, of course I was Irish Catholic, went to Catholic school and so there was like, if Irish, you know, clovers were all over the place around St. Patrick's Day. It was just one of these things. And we had clover growing in our yard like a lot of people do. It's like it's a weed. So it's everywhere. Right. So I was all fascinated with whether or not I was going to be able to find a four leaf clover. It didn't even take me 15 minutes to find a four leaf clover. And then I found another. And yet another. And yet another. Yeah, I found a bunch of them. And then I realized it's not that lucky to find a four leaf clover. It's just whether or not you're willing to look for one because it's a weed and so you don't look for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It. I had a guy bring me a four leaf clover on a date one.

[Brian Green]

Time. That's a cute little.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Thing. I know. It's.

[Brian Green]

Different. Yeah. Here's to me getting lucky. You know what this means? Corned beef and cabbage is not.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish. That is.

[Brian Green]

Not. It's Irish Americans that made up this because corned beef was cheaper than bacon. Real Irish people. Or the Irish dish is actually bacon in cabbage. Lucky charms. I think you can probably figure out that this one has nothing to do with Ireland. This is an American marketing team came up with. Yeah. Came up with the lucky charm terms. Guinness, of course is Jameson. Whiskey of course is Bailey's. Is. Which I just.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Love. I love Bailey's.

[Brian Green]

Too. I love a good Bailey's. It's so great. And then there's one more interesting thing that I wanted to point out that I read here. Truth about New Orleans throws out cabbage from parade floats. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing like getting hit with a vegetable to say Happy St. Patrick's Day. That sounds like it would hurt. It does. Throwing a head of cabbage at you. What's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That? Maybe it's.

[Brian Green]

Shredded. I sure as should hope.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

So. But. But that's.

[Brian Green]

Messy. Yeah, that's like that tomato day in, in, in Italy. You know, in Sicily it always feels like that Would not be something I want to be involved in. Why would you. Why would I want to get struck in the head with tomatoes? Some tomatoes are really heavy. I don't want to be any part of that. Like that. Running of the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Bulls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna name some things. You tell me whether or not it's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish. Okay, I'll.

[Brian Green]

Try. Hold on one second. Okay, here we go. I'll start with people. The Rock, Dwayne Johnson. Irish or not.

[Astrid]

Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No. Yeah, I want to. I want to say no, but because he's randomly on this list, let's go with.

[Brian Green]

Yes. He is. Surprisingly, his dad has Irish ancestry. Yeah. Imagine him in a leprechaun hat.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like a tiny little.

[Brian Green]

One. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the little tiny ones. I have one of those somewhere. You do? Yeah, I put it on your head. It's a hair clip that my daughter has. And I tried to put it on my head, but it didn't work. I know, but it wouldn't. I don't have any hair to put it on. I could staple it to my head, I guess. Or staple it to my head. Is that Harrison Ford who used to staple the. The Indiana Jones hat to his head for stunts? Yes. There's. There's film footage. Yeah, there's film footage of it. Google it. He real staples, like a staple gun. He would staple it to his head so that it would stay there while he was doing it. I gotta imagine there's a doctor on set giving Harrison some pain medication or something, because how do you staple stuff to your head and not feel it? Unless he's just getting. Unless he's drinking Bailey's and whiskey. Mariah Carey, Irish or.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Nay? I'll go with.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Irish. That's right. Our mother's side is Irish. John F. Kennedy, we already know. Is Irish. Beyonce.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish. I'll go.

[Brian Green]

Yes. She's not. No, no. So there you go. But she did a record called Irreplaceable with an Irish sounding accent in a viral video. I have no idea what that's all about. Robert De Niro. Irish or.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Nay? Robert De Niro. Let's. No, he.

[Brian Green]

Is. He is. He is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish.

[Brian Green]

Okay. That's right. But he's, you know, he's best known for his Italian mafia.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Movies. Yeah, and I'm listening to the Al Pacino autobiography right now. And he's definitely.

[Brian Green]

Italian. Okay, thanks for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That. Well, I always think of those two together for some.

[Brian Green]

Reason. They've done a few movies together. Lady Gaga. No.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes. Oh, I thought she was.

[Brian Green]

Italian. No, you're right. No, I'm saying yes, you're right. Yeah. She released the song Poker Face, but make it. I. I'm. Never mind. That's just a joke that I was trying to make. Didn't work out. I was actually thinking of a bit that I could do. Yeah. These are my notes. Paul.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Rudd. Paul.

[Brian Green]

Rudd. Yes, he.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Is.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yep. Brad Pitt. No, no, no, it is. He is Irish. His great grandparents were from County Downs. County Downs is where my family is from. The Green family. But of course, there's probably a million green families from Ireland. Yeah, you gotta imagine. And of course, Ed Sheeran, we already know. Does the McDonald's Shamrock Shake get sold in Ireland? I'm gonna go with no, it does not. You're right about that. Is shepherd's piece Irish? Yes, it is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But. But that's got potatoes in it.

[Brian Green]

Right? It has a bunch of shit in it. The Irish version is actually made with lamb. Other ver. Excuse me. Yes, the Irish version is made with lamb. Other versions sometimes have beef. And that beef version is called a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie. Are potatoes Irish? No, you're right about that. Potatoes actually came from South America. That's right. They're associated with Irish people because of course, that's what they ate in the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Famine. The.

[Brian Green]

Famine? Black and tan. Is that an Irish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Invention? The black and Tan?

[Brian Green]

Yes. No, no. It's a pale beer made a pale American beard. Pale ale and then served with British. But I think back in the war, they started mixing those two beers and they realized that they could separate them and make a cool looking drink. A black and tan. Never my favorite drink. I thought that it kind of tasted a little bit weird. Yeah, for sure. Are bagpipes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Irish?

[Brian Green]

Yes. Scottish.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Scottish. That's right. God, I knew.

[Brian Green]

That. Okay. Halloween, some people say is iris originated in.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Ireland.

[Brian Green]

Yes. True or.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No? Yes.

[Brian Green]

True. It is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

True. Because there's a certain pagan. Yes, Celtic. Pagan.

[Brian Green]

Holiday. Celtic. All right. Yesterday we were talking about Tool. Today we're talking about the Celtic traditions and the Celtic quote unquote, religion. It's not really religion, but okay. I mean, maybe it is. I don't know. Who knows? But I will now tell you an interesting story about the Celts and Tool. Are you ready for those two stories to make their way.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Together?

[Brian Green]

Yes. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and when we get back, Brian will tell his tool.

[Rachel]

Story. Rachel here, while Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring. And we know you care, don't you? Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCB. Disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same day@your YouTube.com the commercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now, bitches.

[Brian Green]

Bye. Okay, are you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Ready? I think.

[Brian Green]

So. All right. I am. I think I'm 20 years old. 19 or 20 years old. Okay. If you say no, then I've got yet another story to bore you with. It just depends on which story you want to get bored.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

By. Let's choose your own.

[Brian Green]

Adventure. Choose your own boredom. Which one do you want to fall asleep to? Which one do you want to pretend like you're listening.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

To? Let's go. Let's go with your.

[Brian Green]

Original. You want to go with my original? Okay. It's story time with Brian. Oh, we got the noise back. There you go. I like that. Okay. All right. I'm 19, 20 years old. I don't remember exactly what I am. I am living out on a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Porch. Uh huh. This is your.

[Brian Green]

Porch. This is my porch years. Brian Green, the porch years. I didn't even think it was a year. I think it was the porch days, like the porch weeks. I think I got kicked out pretty quickly. It was a tight. It was a tight squeeze. So for those of you who haven't heard, there was a period of time when I lived with my best friend who lived with his good friend in a two bedroom apartment in which there were already two people living there taking up the bedroom. So my best friend moved into the screened in porch that was no bigger than the size of this area we're recording in right now. And he put like a small single bed in there, a record player, all kind of tchotchkes. I mean, he made. He did it up. He even put like a little sheet tapestry. Yeah, Tapestries. There was a rug on the floor. It was a whole.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Thing. Wine bottles.

[Brian Green]

Candles. Oh my God. He Was a weird guy. So he had a lot of tchotchkes. Like just. He'd put tchotchkes everywhere. He'd go to. He was the guy who walk into an antique store and buy the strangest, cheapest thing he could and make a whole, you know, I don't know, altar out of it. I mean, it was like weird stuff. But he had an impeccable taste in music and he was just a weird guy. So for him sleeping out on the porch, he was saving a few bucks. It was camping to him. Right? Well, when Brian was living under a porch, he invited me to come live on the porch. So yeah, these are. I. So I'm probably a little bit younger, 17 or 18, but you know, so this is like one of those times and I'm there sleeping out on with him and the thing. And him and I would often after work, we both worked at restaurants, two separate restaurants. But when we were off together, that would be real trouble. This is the same guy where I collected like six weeks worth of narcotics into a box to go to the Further Fest after Jerry Garcia died. And we didn't even make it to the actual festival grounds, to the concert grounds before we had done all six weeks worth of stocked pile draw. We were such a mess. He was such a mess. He passed out for the entire day. I managed to float on. He passed out for the entire day. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't me that did that. But anyway, all right, so we have a night off and we decide we're gonna get a bag of blow and we're gonna go back to the house. And like we often did take out the guitars. We had this big whiteboard on the wall of the apartment in the dining room, which the dining room glass doors then led to the screened in porch. So we had often sit at the dining room table playing guitar. And then on the whiteboard we'd be writing lyrics to these songs that we were making. Okay, brainstorming ridiculous song. I mean, just like, you know, just imagine two coked up 17 year olds without any musical talent whatsoever creating songs out of the same guitar like abc, abc, abg, abd and then writing lyrics to it. It was. And we'd go back and forth like he'd write a line, I'd write a line. He write a line, I'd write a line, he'd do a line, I'd do a line, he'd do a line, I'd do a line. It was like a whole thing that we used to do. It was like an obsessive behavior that we had. But this time the other two people in the apartment also had the day off and they were having none of it. We got to like 10, 11 o' clock at night. And they were done. They came. They came out. When I remember the guy who, like, with the head guy, the guy who signed the le. Yeah, he came out and he was like, guys, I gotta be honest, this isn't working out. I am not doing this. So either you guys pack up your shit and go, like permanently, or you pack up your shit and you go now. But I want to have a quiet.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Night.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I can't take this guitar. Playing it like this is too much for me. I don't know what you guys are up to. And he didn't, like, completely disapprove of the drugs, but he also wasn't partaking. So I think for him it was just a big fucking annoying. Yeah, okay. All right. 10, 4. Well, being the good roommates that we were, we understood the mission. And we were like, okay, we're really on thin ice here already. Anxious because of all the drugs coursing through our system, already paranoid that we're gonna get kicked out of this place, we decide to pack up and go. We put a guitar in the back of this old Ford Taurus that my friend had, and we had a Ford Taurus. I know. Ford Taurus with the dancing Hawaiian.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Girl. Oh, on the.

[Brian Green]

Dash. Yes. And the pine scented. You know, the pine scented thing. Mirror. Oh, my God. If I. I smell that again in my life, I pass. I hate that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Smell. Yeah, it's a bad.

[Brian Green]

One. But it was overwhelming in his car, in my friend Eduardo's car, because he had four of them in there. Not one, but four of them. Oh, my God, it was obnoxious. But anyway, that was just his OCD manifesting itself, I think. So we decide we are going to go to a very famous apartment complex here in Atlanta that sits on the river. This is the same apartment complex that is in Catch Me if you can. The Movie Pilots live there. The Pilots live there was a big swingers community, big party community for a long time. Now it's just an apartment complex, but you can still get to these beautiful. Like, there's these areas that sit right on the river, big green areas that sit right on the river, have picnic tables, you know, almost like stadium seating that you can sit on overlooking the. The river. And we knew somebody that lived in this apartment complex, but they weren't home. We couldn't get a hold of Them. But why not go to the park our cars in front of their house and then go sit on the river? And at least there were far enough away from the apartments and other drama that we could play our guitars quietly and just sit there for the rest of the night drinking beer and doing cocaine. You know what normal teenagers are doing? Unbelievable.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Brian. Up to no.

[Brian Green]

Good. Okay, so we're there, we're hanging out. We're on this riffing. We're riffing. We're on this picnic table. The merry gun goes round and round, round go, go, go and round, round, round. The most ridiculous lyrics you ever heard of in your entire life. 33p reboot. And we notice that there are a couple of people at the picnic table in the next section down. Probably like half a football field. So we kind of tone it down a little bit. Right now we're getting a little paranoid that we're going to get busted because we're over here doing drugs and drinking and playing guitar. We don't live here. And our friends. Moment. Whatever. In about 15 minutes, after we had noticed and kind of toned it down, a girl came over from that table and she asked if we had an extra cigarette. And I was like, you know, I'm fumbling around all twisted up, and I'm like, chewing my face off. And I give her a cigarette, and she says, if you guys want to come hang out with us, you can bring your guitar. I'm over there with some musicians, too. And we were like, okay. I was not about it because I just wanted to stay in my little hole. I didn't want to move. My butt was planted on the seat because the panic attack that the drug is putting me into makes my body unable to move. But Eduardo is all about it. He's like, oh, let's go. Let's go hang out with some other.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

People.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And we go over there, and there are a couple of girls and two guys that are sitting there. So I think it's like four or five people. It's pitch black. It's really dark. I can't see much, much. And they start talking, and we start having some small conversation. But it's kind of like weird and awkward a little bit. Now we're all sitting in the dark next to the river. We don't know each other. I have a guitar in my hand. It's a weird scenario. You know, Dave's got an eight ball burning a hole in the pocket. Like, all I want to do is go back to that picnic table so we can get more High. But the conversation is going on and I'm kind of in my own head. I don't. I'm not really following the conversation. I remember until this girl says, says, well, this guy's in a band. And Eduardo goes, oh, yeah, what band are you in? Like, is it, you know, local band? What do you. What kind of do you play? And he responds, it's kind of rock. It's kind of rock. And he says, oh, yeah, what band is that? And he says, yeah, I don't know, you probably never heard it. He's like. He's like. He's like, trying not to answer the question, but the girl goes, you may not have heard of them, but they're pretty famous. The name is Tool. Tool. And I was like, what? Like, I popped up right away. I go, tool, you are in Tool. And he goes, well, I don't, like. I don't want to say, you know. And she's like, he's being humble, but he's the drummer from Tool. And I'm like, you're the drummer from Tool? And he's like, yeah, I play drums with Tool. And I don't know if this is real or not real in this moment, right in this moment. But I am so young, young and so naive that I instantaneously, I fall for it. I'm convinced now we're sitting next to the drummer from Tool. I am high as a kite. I am driving snakes out of my own head. And I'm like, holy. And all I could think to ask him, because I am high, I am discombobulated, and I don't know shit from Shinola. The only thing that Brian thinks to ask him is, what do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? I want to have a conversation about the Celtic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Religion. Why did that pop into your.

[Brian Green]

Head? Because I had. Because I knew enough about Tool and the symbology that they use and the tattoos that some of them have to know that they believe in the Druids and the Celts and all this other stuff. Like, that's a. There's a lot of themology that goes on throughout their music about these things. Yeah, right. And here I am, 17, 18 years old, fucking brain fried. You know, it's now it's like 2 o' clock in the morning in the dark, sitting next to a bunch of strangers. One just claimed to be, you know, Dana Carvey or whatever. Carrie or whatever his name is the drummer from Tool. And all I could think to ask is, not House Maynard. When's your next album coming out out. I love you guys, you know. Cool. Nice to meet you. That could have been another one that I said. I like your music. Yeah. What do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Religion? What did he.

[Brian Green]

Say? He went on a three minute diatribe about the Celts. Then he got into the Druids. It was, I say three minutes. In my head, it felt like 40 minutes. Because all I wanted to do was gab back at him about the little that I knew about all of this, which was nothing. I knew nothing. Except that Tool might, might or might not be into the Celtic or Druid religion. I mean, I was so fucked up that it was like all that my thinking was incongruent. So all I could do was just like, sit there, listen while my nose is running, and hope that I could get a word in edgewise. Well, he goes into this and then, okay, and then I. And then I blabber something back to him about some knowledge that I have. Have.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And. Which was.

[Brian Green]

None. Which was none. Nothing. I was like, I hear they worship trees. I heard they sacrifice babies in front of trees. I hear that Mother Earth is.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

God. Oh, my.

[Brian Green]

God. I was thinking about getting a tattoo one time in the Celtic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Religion. Oh, yeah, There's Celtic Circle.

[Brian Green]

Things. Yeah. So I say a few things about that and then I say, I was in a band too, Chrissy. This almost dead stopped the entire conversation because once I mentioned that I was a musician too. He says, oh, yeah, great. Like. Like dismissing it completely. And then he says, well, it's been nice meeting you guys. I think we gotta.

[Narrator]

Go. And they.

[Brian Green]

Left. And to this day, in my head, I don't know if this is real or not real. I have no idea. I know what he looks like. I didn't back then. Because back then was a different time, right? You didn't have images of every single human being that ever lived at your fingertips, disposal. You had to work in order to find out what someone looked.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like. Well, I wonder, like, if you did, you find out if they were like, playing. They were in.

[Brian Green]

Town. That was the other thing, is that I think that Eduardo went and did a little scout outing. And I don't think they were touring at the time. They may have been in town recording an album. Who knows, right? Could have been a million things. Maybe he was dating this girl. Maybe there was some connection there. Sisters, brothers, I have no idea. I really don't. But in my mind, for years, I met the drummer from Tool one night, dark In a dark corner in front of the river. Right in my mind, I did. But as I got older, I started to wonder if in the age of no Internet, Internet was. I just. Did I just get hoodwinked by somebody who's claiming to have been the drummer from Tool? But because it was so dark and because I did not know what he looked like at the time, could I have just been imagining things essentially still to this day when I talked to my friend, which is. It's been a while. But when I. When we. When we review that evening, neither of us can really remember enough of what these people look like. Because of how dark it was, because of the. It's just. You gotta imagine there's no city lights, there's no street lights, there's no nothing. There's just a river and a huge green space with big trees. So even if there was a moon out, it could have been covered. We just didn't see and we didn't. It's hard to go back to that moment in time and not see the person that we know now to be the drummer. But who fucking really knows if that's the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Drummer? I say go with.

[Brian Green]

It. But I do know that they do believe in stuff that's Celtic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's. That that still holds.

[Brian Green]

True. That's what I do know that for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Sure. I'm glad you brought.

[Brian Green]

It. Thank.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You. To him. What do you think about the Celtic.

[Brian Green]

Religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? What a dumb thing to say, Brian. You know, if you had some moments back, you would go back and do things differently. That's one of those moments I would go back and do differently. I'd be like, oh, really? So why are you here in.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Atlanta?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What are you guys doing? What's the next thing you know? There are so many questions I could have. There's so many things I could have said. Oh, I'm a fan. I like your first album because I think at that time they only had one album that was maybe two that were available. And I would have shared that. You know, I'm a fan. I'm not like a Die Hard fan, but I'm a fan of the music. But I just blurted out the first thing that came to.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Mind. I think the only thing that you can do now is go down to the beach. Tool.

[Brian Green]

Beach. Show Tool in the.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Sand. Find the.

[Brian Green]

Drummer.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's. And you know, talk to.

[Brian Green]

Him. That's.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It. Get a.

[Brian Green]

Redo. I want a redo. Hey, Tool drummer, if you're listening, which you're not but if you're listening, do you remember that night? He probably does. Let me tell you about the time in Atlanta when I decided never to go back to Atlanta, right. I met this moron who asked me about the killer Celtic religion. I thought I was.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Being. Well, he had some things to say about.

[Brian Green]

It. Yeah, he did. He went on a little diatribe, right? And so that lends a little bit of credibility to. Maybe he was the drummer for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Tool. Maybe you were going, you may be in your head too quickly. You thought you were going deeper. You know, you didn't want to be like, I'm a fan, I love you, yada, yada yada. You wanted to.

[Brian Green]

Connect. I think that's what it was. I think I'd like it. I'd like to think that I was asking a question that other people won't ask because it's not the first thing on their mind when they meet a famous person. But really, I think I was just so fucking high that I couldn't think of anything else to ask. All right, well, there's my story. TCB podcast.com that's where you get all the information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location, go get your free sticker. The drop down menu on the contact us button says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address. And away way it'll go. 212-4333 tcb 212-433-3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas at the commercial break on Instagram YouTube.com the commercial break for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Today. I think.

[Brian Green]

So. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chris and I will say, we do say and we must say goodbye.