Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

Fri Mar 14 2025

Episode#713: Bryan & Krissy discuss St. Patricks Day and all things Irish. Like Michael Flatly, Lord Of The Dance. This leads Bryan to imagine himself as a stage dancer himself...Lord Of The Acid! Then, the gang try to decipher what is or is not Irish. This somehow leads to Bryan recalling the time he discussed The Celtic people with the drummer from Tool? MAYBE! TCB Bit: Crabapple's #1 Operatic Techno Festival is back! Watch episode #713 on Youtube Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath "TCB Bits" are all written, performed and produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad cho...

Transcript

Narrator (0:03)

This weekend only, experience the chills, thrills and skills of Crabapple's largest operatic techno festival. The Polyolygon Ultra Fest is back and hotter than ever. Seriously, it's gonna be 95 degrees. So pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack and put on your best sparkle tutu. Because this three day fest has it all.

Brian Green (0:27)

Ah yeah.

Narrator (0:28)

With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet, Nickel Mix featuring Toddle Pocket, Italy's shortest operatic techno singer, Rigatoni. And one very special late night set by saxophone beatmaster Poodle. Plus exciting performances from Mike McCroney and his fire breathing dance ponies, Jill the Go Go Clown Lady, Dirty Dave and his amazing flying Bible Beaters and Tantra prostate massages by hand magician Raphael. Three long sweaty days and three never ending smelly nights. Glamping with thousands of overly strangers. You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night. Free water from the community hose and two communal showers. You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel. And new for this year's festival, free yoga provided by the misguided youth stretchers. An art market with over 30 artists peddling terrible art they bought on Temu and plenty of food from random food trucks no inspector has ever had time to inspect. Your tummy will be begging for begging for the door. So go to REI and buy an expensive tent you can't set up. Load up on craft beer that'll go bad by Saturday morning. Pack your best neon tights, put on your strongest deodorant and head to Crabapple fairgrounds where you'll be parking two miles away from your crowded tent site. Gates open on Thursday night to get the hangover started early music starts early Friday morning to wake you up irritated. And the party won't stop until Sunday because who doesn't love to party on Sunday? The fifth annual Polyoligon Ultra Operatic Techno Festival. Come on, grab apple, drop the be Absolutely no glass or outside food will be allowed inside of festival grounds due to previous incidents. No Y Brian 3000 is allowed inside the gates. All ball gags must be checked at the door. No swimming allowed inside of the drinking water. Please refrain from sleeping in front of the stage. All children must be accompanied by a service animal. On this episode of the commercial Break.

Brian Green (2:45)

So the question is, Trey, are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no again.

Chris Joy Hoadley (2:52)

I'll get drafted.

Brian Green (2:53)

Bookhead. If Jeff books me a Memphis to do. Lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a Heart monitor, Bootsy Collins and schools from Widespread Panic.

Summary

The Commercial Break – “Bryan, Lord Of The Acid”

Date: March 14, 2025
Hosts: Brian Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

This St. Patrick’s Day-themed episode of The Commercial Break is a classic example of Bryan and Krissy’s chaotic, irreverent improv comedy style. They weave through topics ranging from Irish identity, traditions, beards, debauched holiday parties, and the enduring enigma that is Michael Flatley’s Riverdance empire, to Bryan’s highly questionable brush with alleged rock stardom. The show brings together personal anecdotes, pop culture riffs, and spontaneous tangents, all topped with their signature dark, self-aware humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Crabapple Polyolygon Ultra Fest Satirical Ad (00:03–02:45)

The episode starts with a hilarious (and very detailed) parody ad for a fictional festival, loaded with absurd acts like “DJ Sex Puppet” and “Tantra Prostate Massages by Hand Magician Raphael,” skewering festival culture and event marketing.

2. Cheers to St. Patrick’s Day – Irish Stereotypes with Love (03:31–07:14)

Bryan, proud of his Irish descent, riffs on the “drunken Irish” trope with a tongue-in-cheek embrace of Irish attributes: “We’re not the best looking people. We’re not the smartest looking people…But we figured out how to make things work when there were no potatoes…we went to making whiskey and Guinness.” (05:01)
The duo debate whether Guinness is best served cold or room temperature, with Bryan reflecting on bartending days: “Even then, it’s a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness. In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated.” (06:03)

3. St. Patrick’s Day: Fact vs. Myth (07:17–19:03)

Is St. Patrick’s Day really Irish?
- St. Patrick was British, not Irish; the holiday is “not an Irish holiday.” (07:31)
- The “driving the snakes out of Ireland” legend is likely an allegory—Bryan: “Snakes being Protestants. That’s right…that’s not my belief, I’m just sharing that with you.” (09:11)
- Fun fact: St. Patrick was kidnapped by pirates as a teenager.
Tradition of Guinness and Beards
- Spirited debate about facial hair, stereotypes, and the impracticalities of long beards: “I could, I saw what he had for dinner last night because it was still stuck in his fucking beard.” (14:53)
- “I am not a huge fan of unkempt beards. Like the wild beards that some of these dudes wear. Grizzly Adams type.” (14:17)

4. Holiday Debauchery & The Evolution of St. Pat’s (19:03–25:00)

Krissy reminisces about Savannah’s St. Patrick’s Day, green fountains, and accidental spring-break tourism.
Both agree St. Patrick’s Day (and spring break) have turned cities into cautionary case studies of public intoxication: “They do…they lose all sense of decorum. They lose their fucking minds is what happens.” (20:55)
Discussion on why cities clamp down on wild parties: “All the good parties get killed by the old people.” (23:49)

5. Leprechauns, Merchandise, Riverdance & Michael Flatley Mania (27:10–37:37)

Leprechaun lore and the infamous viral “leprechaun in the tree” video gets a nod. (25:08)
Riverdance & Michael Flatley:
- Krissy: “I would love to learn to do that dance.” (29:30)
- Bryan jokes about combining Phish’s Trey Anastasio, Riverdance, acid trips, bagpipes, heart monitors, and himself for an LSD-fueled super show:
  
  “Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley in Lord of Acid…Michael’s moving his feet and Brian’s moving his arms. Together they are Lords of Acid.” (30:12-31:07)
They riff on the stiff-armed Irish dance style (“the Irish sports bra”), stereotypes, and cultural crossover.

6. What’s Really Irish? Game Show Segment (45:54–50:22)

Bryan quizzes Krissy on “Irish or Not?” with celebrities (The Rock, Mariah Carey, Brad Pitt), food (shepherd’s pie, Shamrock Shake), and instruments (bagpipes).
- Example: “The Rock... is. Surprisingly, his dad has Irish ancestry.” (46:10)
- Corned beef and cabbage? Not Irish—it’s an Irish-American invention.
- Black and tan? Not Irish; bagpipes? Scottish.

7. Irish Cultural Insights & History (38:18–44:12)

Why do Chicago and Savannah dye their rivers and fountains green? It’s more about spectacle and city tradition than heritage.
A candid look at Irish immigration and prejudice in America:

“My grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives... were discriminated against.” (40:49)
- John F. Kennedy’s election as an Irish Catholic president was seismic for Irish-Americans: “He was given 0% chance...” (41:08)

8. Bryan’s “Tool/Celtic” Story: Of Drugs, Porches, and Questionable Encounters (51:54–66:52)

Bryan’s Legendary Anecdote:
- As a 17- or 18-year-old, Bryan, living on a screened-in porch after work at a restaurant, embarks on a coke-fueled, guitar-playing night with a friend. Thrown out by annoyed housemates, they relocate to a park by the river, where Bryan believes he meets the drummer from Tool in the dark (“…I am high as a kite. I am driving snakes out of my own head.” (61:34))
- The only thing Bryan could think to ask:
  
  “What do you think about the Celtic religion?” (62:36)
- The Tool “drummer” launches into a diatribe about the Celts and Druids, only to be scared off when Bryan claims, “I was in a band too.”
- Decades later, Bryan isn’t sure if he was truly in the presence of rock royalty or just a clever imposter—“In my mind, for years, I met the drummer from Tool one night ... but as I got older, I started to wonder…” (64:13)
- Krissy supports the legend: “I say go with it.” (66:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Irishness & Drinking
“You could live off Guinness. You could. You’d have a bad headache, but you could. I’ve tried.”
—Bryan Green (05:06)
On Bearded Stereotypes
“If you’re gonna do the beard, just give it some management. That’s all I gotta say.”
—Bryan Green (14:30)
On Cultural Appropriation
“The four leaf clover... it actually isn’t tied to St. Patrick’s Day specifically. Although we think of it now...”
—Bryan Green (43:17)
On Tool/Celtic Religion Encounter
“All I could think to ask him... ‘What do you think about the Celtic religion?’”
—Bryan Green (62:36)
On St. Patrick’s Reputation
“So God bless you, St. Patrick, wherever you may be. I think being kidnapped as a teenager probably made him hallucinate.”
—Bryan Green (27:18)
On Riverdance Costumes
“I’m not in love with nylon pants... but there’s a cumberbun involved. Yeah. It’s like Renfest takes it even a step further.”
—Bryan Green (36:49)

Segment Timestamps

00:03–02:45: Satirical Polyolygon Ultra Fest ad
03:31–07:14: St. Patrick’s Day intro, Irish pride, and Guinness talk
07:17–19:03: St. Patrick facts and myths, beards, and Catholic traditions
19:03–25:00: Party culture, city crackdown, Savannah stories
25:08–27:10: Leprechaun folklore and viral videos
27:10–37:37: Michael Flatley, Riverdance, and outrageous show concepts
38:18–44:12: Dyeing rivers, Irish immigration, American history
45:54–50:22: “Irish or Not?” game segment
51:54–66:52: Bryan’s Tool/acid legend and Celtic religion misfire

Tone & Atmosphere

The show’s tone is zany, playful, and brimming with irreverent banter—a trademark blend of improvisational comedy and candid life stories. Bryan and Krissy shift gears seamlessly between emailed listener trivia, pop-cultural detours, absurd hypotheticals (“Tool in the Sand!”), and personal tales of youthful wildness and misadventure. Everything is delivered with comic exaggeration, good-natured self-deprecation, and a conversational feel that invites listeners in on the joke.

Summary Takeaway

“Bryan, Lord Of The Acid” is quintessential Commercial Break: a St. Patrick’s Day special as much about Irishness and nostalgia as it is about youthful misadventure, pop-culture riffing, and Bryan’s unforgettable, possibly hallucinatory encounter with “the drummer from Tool.” Despite the wild tangents and winding conversational roads, the episode remains deeply rooted in camaraderie, relentless self-mockery, and their ability to turn even the smallest moment into an epic improv bit. Tune in for laughs—and perhaps a bit of accidental education.