The Commercial Break – "Cold Call Pau Is Back!" (August 20, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley revisit one of their favorite recurring characters—“Cold Call Paul”—by dissecting his latest sales training videos. Along the way, they riff on Taylor Swift’s album announcements and Super Bowl rumors, the Oasis reunion tour, internet oddities, and the hilarity of “martial arts” sales strategies. As always, the vibe is irreverent, self-aware, and packed with off-the-cuff banter.

Main Discussion Segments

1. Cold Open: Rusty Crosswire & UFOs ([00:04])

• The episode opens with a comedic parody featuring Rusty Crosswire (“host” of “Freedom Frequency”) investigating alien abductions in Crabapple.
• Bryan Green impersonates Nancy Yedelstein, a supposed repeat UFO abductee, with over-the-top delivery:
  "Every day I'm abducted by an alien and I say I want to not be abducted by an alien for once in my goddamn whole life... My boss asked me why do you smell like a whole lot of hell?" ([01:50], Bryan Green as Nancy)
• Rusty uses the bit to hawk "colloidal silver" as alien abduction protection.

2. Taylor Swift Mania: Album Teasers, “Showgirls,” and Super Bowl Hints ([03:47]–[13:40])

• Bryan and Krissy dive into the Swiftie phenomenon after Taylor announces her 13th album, "Showgirls," on her boyfriend’s podcast.
• Discussion of Swiftie detective culture: fans decode supposed clues from concerts and interviews—like upside-down colored lights that were supposedly Braille love notes to Travis Kelce ([08:40]).
• Quote:
  "To be a Swifty is to be a detective, a MacGyver of the coded messages that she’s always sending." ([04:18], Bryan Green)
• Speculation about Taylor’s cryptic comments possibly indicating she’ll headline the next Super Bowl in San Francisco: "If Taylor’s involved, name another artist that could bump Taylor Swift." ([12:37], Bryan Green)
• The hosts praise Taylor’s business savvy while joking about her ultra-managed image.

3. Oasis Reunion Tour: The UK’s National Singalong ([14:06]–[22:43])

• Bryan expresses regret at missing the Oasis comeback, recounting viral videos of massive crowds, record beer sales, and spontaneous singalongs (“Champagne Supernova”, “Half A World Away”).
• Discussion of Oasis’s role in UK pop culture and nostalgia for '90s British TV (the Royal Family) and its Oasis theme song.
• Memorable riff:
  "I think it might go down as one of the best musical events of the year... You realize that Oasis has a lot more songs that you like than you think they do." ([17:01], Bryan Green)
• Nicknames the TCB fan community: "If we could get all our fans here in this room, which is about how many fans we have, seven..." ([22:03], Bryan)

4. Cold Call Paul Returns: Martial Arts Sales Training Take-Down ([23:49]–[65:13])

• Bryan and Krissy react to Paul's new “Martial Arts of Sales” YouTube series, lampooning his rambling, buzzword-filled advice.
• Paul’s Approach:
  • Branding himself as a "venture capitalist," Paul outlines a “social media investment strategy” with little actionable detail.
  • The strategy: Know your audience, make authentic content, and comment/follow (bordering on stalking).
  • “Sales martial arts” compared to having a plan of attack, but provides no specifics.
• Recurring jokes:
  • Paul's habit of stretching his credentials (“I was a venture capitalist”) ([29:34], Paul)
  • Confusing MySpace, Bing, and other platforms as mutual funds or directories ([34:42], Paul)
  • “Smash the like button”—hosts joke about his generational language ([29:05])
  • Paul’s endless, convoluted series and power director video edits.
• Bryan’s summary:
  "He is giving... literal thin air. I love you, Paul, you’re my brother. You’re a lovable guy. But this is gobbly gook. This is really gobbly goop." ([59:15], Bryan Green)
• Krissy on Paul’s sales approach:
  "Are you following it is advantageous to have the phone number, I guess?" ([35:55], Krissy Hoadley)
  • (Both hosts frequently voice confusion and delight at Paul’s non-strategy.)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Taylor Swift:

  • "To be a Swifty is to be a detective, a MacGyver of the coded messages that she’s always sending." ([04:18], Bryan Green)
  • "I think Taylor is a badass girl boss. I think in order to be a badass girl boss, you got to step on a couple heads along the way." ([06:34], Bryan Green)

• On Oasis:

  • "You realize that Oasis has a lot more songs that you like than you think they do." ([17:01], Bryan Green)
  • "Music will do that. Yes, it will, you know, it'll change your mood entirely." ([18:54], Chris Hoadley)

• On Cold Call Paul:

  • "You got me riled up, Paul. I'm ready to go." ([26:40], Bryan Green)
  • "You must be instructive. You must have details. You must give an example... You must connect the dots with something you did in your life." ([62:25], Bryan Green)
  • "He is giving... literal thin air. I love you, Paul, you’re my brother... But this is gobbly gook." ([59:15], Bryan Green)

• Visual Gags:

  • Joking about Paul’s fashion (tie too long, odd hats, cargo pants with accessories):
    "Why do we keep our tie below our belt? That to me is like fashion faux pas numero uno." ([29:16], Bryan Green)
  • On Paul’s lack of examples:
    "You have to understand the roundhouse kick." ([57:37], Chris Hoadley)

Key Timestamps

• 00:04 – Rusty Crosswire’s UFO Parody / “Crabapple Hour of Power”
• 03:47 – TCB Main Show Kicks Off; Taylor Swift’s New Album & Hype
• 09:40 – “Swiftie Decoding” & Rumored Super Bowl Performance
• 14:06 – Oasis Reunion Riff & UK Music Culture
• 23:49 – Cold Call Paul’s Sales Training Video Breakdown Begins
• 29:34 – Paul Claims to Be a Venture Capitalist
• 34:42 – Paul Explains Social Media as ‘Modern Day Telephone’
• 45:48 – Part Two: “Martial Arts of Sale” & Cold Calling
• 53:51 – Cold Calling via Social Media: The Five Steps (according to Paul)
• 59:15 – Hosts’ verdict: “This is really gobbly goop.”
• 62:25 – Importance of Instructive Teaching
• 65:13 – Closing out, recapping Paul’s unique sales style

Episode Tone & Style

• Language & Humor: Casual, playful, and filled with ad libs, running jokes on internet culture and over-the-top parody. The banter reflects the hosts’ chemistry and irreverent approach.
• Engagement: The hosts bounce sharply off each other, voicing honest confusion, laughter, and exasperation as they watch Paul’s videos.

For New Listeners

This episode is a perfect entry point for those who enjoy:

• Pop-culture deep dives (Taylor Swift, Oasis)
• Roasting motivational content and sales “gurus”
• Absurd internet finds and improv comedy

If you love comedians riffing on viral personalities, or want to hear the wildest “sales training” you’ve ever heard, don’t miss this one.