He's A Honda Guy...

Summary

The Commercial Break – "He's a Honda Guy..." (May 16, 2024)

Main Theme / Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break is a hallmark of the show’s signature chaotic, irreverent banter between longtime best friends and hosts, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley. Kicking off with the provocative question "What kind of car do you look like, and what kind of car do you f*** like?", the duo weaves through stories of office party antics, awkward run-ins with swingers at strip clubs, memories of their dysfunctional radio careers, the absurdity of the ticketing industry, pop culture breakdowns, and the joys and pitfalls of friendship. It’s a frothy blend of explicit humor, storytelling, and sharp, unfiltered commentary that makes listeners feel like they’re sitting in on a conversation between two hilarious, endlessly relatable friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Car Metaphors for Personality and Sex Life

• Bryan introduces the episode’s icebreaker: If you were a car, what would you look like, and what kind of car do you "f*** like"? (00:03)

  • Bryan: “My old Honda Accord is what I look like. And for me, I would say I also f*** like my old Honda Accord.” (00:23, 16:23)
  • Krissy picks Jaguar, because it "purrs" but also "breaks down a lot," a nod to high maintenance masked by style. (19:31, 19:38)

• The segment is inspired by Bryan’s awkward encounter with a swinger at a strip club whose wife whispered:
  “I may not look like a Cadillac, but I f* like a Ford Ranger.”** (15:16)
  This punchline becomes a running joke for car/sex comparisons.

2. Stories from the Radio Days: Partying & Odd Co-Workers

• Discussion of the party-heavy, sometimes drug-fueled culture of radio sales in earlier years (07:39-09:49).

  • Bryan describes a colorful older coworker whose main clients were strip clubs—and who famously facilitated wild "client outings" (09:55).
  • Anecdote: The aforementioned co-worker tries to recruit Bryan and his wife for swinging at the Purple Elephant, leading to a hilarious, awkward refusal and escape from the scene (12:17-15:16).

• Radio office culture: everyone’s experienced “letting off steam” after hours, especially in high-pressure sales environments (07:39-08:54).

• Krissy & Bryan reminisce about terrible radio station parking lots and car collisions:

  • “There were probably like…250 spaces. Plenty for everybody. But they were bicycle parking spaces. It was like being in Spain. I had a Honda Accord and I couldn’t fit into…” (18:10)

3. What is The Commercial Break Actually About?

• Bryan reflects on the challenge of describing their show—ultimately sharing that the heart of TCB is friendship:

  • “A listener once told me, ‘I’ve come to realize that your show at the end of the day is really about friendship. And that’s why I like it.’... It is like me and my friends sitting around shooting the sh*t.” (06:00)

• The content is described as a grab bag: weird internet stories, pop culture, mundane life, and whatever feels right in the moment (05:31–06:30).

4. Swinging, Orgies, and Missed Opportunities

• Bryan recalls being approached for an orgy by a group of attractive, meth-smoking chiropractors—now looks back with comedic regret (“Maybe I should have…”). (16:26–16:29)

• Insight into the swinger mentality: “If you’re a swinger, it’s all about batting averages… you gotta approach enough people that someone says yes. It’s like that ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ show I’m watching now.” (31:20)

5. Riffing on Sponsorships & Fake Ads

• Self-aware bits about their low priority on corporate ad bundles, with mockery of where TCB fits into podcasting’s comedy scene:

  • “They have a new Apple category called ‘Comedy – Crap Comedy’ ... we’re at the top of that chart!” (05:14–05:31)

• Bry and Krissy brainstorm fitting sponsors—land on the “Y Brian 3000” gas station erectile pill, inventing a mock commercial:

  “Made with bull semen, taurine, Red Bull and pure cocaine. You'll have a boner for days.” (25:47–26:41)
  – With the punchline,
  “The Ford Ranger of boner medications.” (26:17)

6. Pop Culture: TLC Shows and Polyamory

• Detailed updates and humorous analysis of TLC’s "Seeking Sister Wife" and "Sister Wives":

  • Bryan walks Krissy (and the audience) through convoluted plotlines of Garrick, divorce, God-ordained polygamy, and disastrous love affairs (32:14–36:29).
  • Takeaway: Polyamory on TV is a hot mess and most participants are delusional; it’s all about male satisfaction and “batting averages.”

• Glancing blow to "MILF Manor" and general TLC shows:
  “DLC, the Jerry Springer of channels.” (40:16)
  “If you’re watching MILF Manor, turn off my show. I’m not interested in knowing you.” (40:43)

7. Madonna’s Chronic Tardiness & Ticket Industry Rant

• Madonna’s lateness at concerts sparks a conversation about fan frustrations and a class action lawsuit (42:03):

  • “I think I’m on the side of the ticket holders here… Something’s gotta give. Be respectful of your audience!” (42:09–45:54)
  • Comparison to music festivals and Taylor Swift’s exemplary punctuality (43:01).

• Bryan explains how Ticketmaster and Live Nation monopolize ticketing, drive up prices, and exploit both fans and artists.

  • “Artists will often be in cahoots with Ticketmaster and Live Nation and will dedicate a portion of their tickets for what they call resale…” (53:59)
  • “This drives tickets artificially up through the roof, and now with surge pricing, it drives them up even further.” (56:44)

• Story of early ticket brokering in Atlanta and how the industry’s logic and corruption have evolved (51:40–58:07).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bryan (cold open, 00:00):
  “People always ask me, are you an extrovert or an introvert? Actually, I’m a pervert.”

• On the show’s essence (06:00):
  “A listener once told me, ‘Your show is really about friendship. That’s why I like it.’”

• Strip Club Confession (15:16): “I may not look like a Cadillac, but I f** like a Ford Ranger.”*

• Swinger Mentality (31:20):
  “If you’re a swinger, it’s all about batting averages… you gotta approach enough people that someone says yes.”

• On TLC’s train-wreck reality shows (40:16):
  “DLC, the Jerry Springer of channels.”

• Mock erectile pill commercial (26:17):
  “Why Brian 3000 – the Ford Ranger of boner medications.”

• Ticketmaster Industry Exposé (53:59):
  “Artists will often be in cahoots with Ticketmaster and Live Nation and will dedicate a portion of their tickets for what they call resale…”

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Timestamps to Important Segments

• 00:00 – Opening car/sex metaphor banter
• 05:31 – What The Commercial Break is “about” (friendship)
• 09:55 – Story: The eccentric strip club-ad man, swinging invitation
• 15:16 – The “Cadillac/Ford Ranger” line
• 16:26 – Regret over declining a crystal-meth-fueled orgy
• 19:31 – Krissy’s Jaguar analogy for herself
• 25:47 – Parody ad for “Y Brian 3000” erectile pill
• 31:20 – Batting averages and swinging (“Seeking Sister Wife”)
• 42:03 – Madonna’s concert antics, broader ticketing industry complaints
• 51:40 – Early Atlanta ticket scalping explained
• 53:59 – Deep-dive: Ticketmaster/Live Nation and artist resale scam
• 56:44 – The consequences of surge pricing and artificial ticket inflation
• 58:07 – Story: Bryan’s old ticket broker friend, the evolution of the industry

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Tone & Style

Consistent with TCB’s self-described “chaotic, unpolished charm,” this episode is loose, explicit, and often self-deprecating. Stories are told with a blend of exaggerated detail and wry, confessional asides. The hosts’ chemistry and shared history create a sense of eavesdropping on a private, unfiltered conversation rather than a formal podcast.

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In Summary

“He’s a Honda Guy…” epitomizes The Commercial Break’s improv-comedy energy: car metaphors for sex and personality, candid recounting of awkward and hilarious life moments (mostly from failed office and strip club adventures), playground-level mockery of sponsors, pop culture rants, and real talk about the value of friendship. The episode also skewers the concert ticketing business and the absurdities of modern media, all buoyed by the natural rapport between Bryan and Krissy. As always, nothing is sacred, everything is up for roast, and the vibe is hilarious, relatable chaos.

Transcript

[A]

People always ask me, are you an extrovert or an introvert? Actually, I'm a pervert. On this episode of the commercial break, if you're ever in that situation, you need to have a line ready to go. That line needs to include what kind of car you look like and what kind of car you fuck like. So for me, I would say my old Honda Accord is what I look like. And for me, I would say I also fuck like my old Honda Accord. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Kids and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, and this is the Notorious K. Chris. Enjoy. Only best to you, Chrissy.

[B]

Best to you.

[A]

Best to you out there on the podcast K IG Kitty Cat in charge. Kic is what I said. Actually, did I say G or did I say C? I can't remember.

[B]

It threw me off.

[A]

You're the kitty cat in charge here. How's your sex life? How's the sex life with Jeff? How are you guys doing over there? I need a check in. I need a check in from the cameras that I pretend they're at your house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you guys doing over there, romping and rolling? Well, he's doing a lot of traveling right now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So what is it? So you guys, sex messages and stuff like, hey, tip pick. Or, hey, dick pick. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. Tell Jeff to miss forward me Jeff's dick fix. I just want to see what's doing over there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I gotta compare. I gotta compare. I want to see what's going on.

[B]

I want to see what he's working with Jeff.

[A]

It's all for this show. Jeff's like, I swear to God, talks about my dick one more time. We're gonna have to have a tough conversation in this house about who actually makes money and who doesn't. In that. In that size competition. I promise you, I'm not winning. That's okay, though. Never been particularly good with business. Here I am today. You know, it was funny because Odyssey is our network.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And, you know, we've. We've said a lot on. We always talk about how we're broke as a joke and all this other stuff. And that is true. I'm not. I'm not exaggerating in any way, shape or form about that, but, you know, we've had a couple of podcast networks now, and they've all been wonderful in their own way, but Odyssey really has been good to us. It's a. It's a.

[B]

It's an upper Echelon.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, they're a big company and they know how to, you know, they really know how to tackle things in general, like business. They get the business. Right. They got stuff and things that I like.

[B]

They're professionals.

[A]

They are professionals through and through. So I. The other day, I get onto a sales phone call. It's like a meet and greet. It's like, hey, how you doing? And, you know, how's everything going? And here's the sales team that's out there trying to get people to jump on your podcast. Here's the people who are mysteriously slipping in the commercial break on the invoices. Hey, what's bundling? Bundling. That's right. Save 30% or more when you bundle. The 30% you save is the commercial break. Hey, it's Jenny over here at the podcast agency. I just reviewing These last kids one invoices, and I see something called TCB. Minus $1,000. What does that mean? Means we're giving you a discount for running on the commercial break. Yeah, I think we'll save the discount. Go ahead. Charge us full if you can take us off that. We'd appreciate it. But there are, like, number three comedy podcasts in Atlanta. Yeah, we're really not. We're not. We're not interested.

[B]

Thanks, though.

[A]

As a matter of fact, pull all our business. If they're on your network, just go ahead and pull all the business. So great, Great group of people. But the question is, like, it's a meet and greet. So it's like, hey, how did you and Chrissy meet and become a podcast? And so then I gotta go through the embarrassing conversation about how we met at your competitor. And so I make this really. I have this really boneheaded line that I say, and it's been with me all weekend. I swear to God, it has been. I said. I said, you know, I got into radio because I wanted to be in radio, not because I wanted to do radio sales. And then I realized I'm sitting in front of, like, 30 radio sales people. That's not how I meant it. You know what I meant? So I said, because I'm not good at radio sales, you know, but I just felt like all weekend I was like, God, Brian, you know, if there's an open mouth, you sure do know how to stick a foot in it. I mean, honestly, I didn't want to get into radio. Yeah. But they. No, they were. They. They were great because they're. They're really good to us and they're really Smart about how they go about selling the show, which is. Don't mention the commercial breaks.

[B]

Like I said, bundle it.

[A]

Just say, we got. We got a great comedy podcast. It's comedy. It's crap comedy.

[B]

It's comedy comedy.

[A]

Yeah, they're. They. They have a whole new way of doing things. They've got a new. They've got a new Apple category called comedy, and it's just got the commercial breakout. Crappy comedy.

[B]

We're at the top of that chart.

[A]

We're at the top of the comedy podcast chart, and we have been for years, I will have you know. So then I say this, and this is something that is true. I'll share this with you. So I say, they, what is the podcast all about? That's a pretty typical question and a very difficult one. Yeah, I don't know. Mountain monsters, Teresa Caputo, Brian washing his ass. You know, leg soap. I don't know what it's about.

[B]

Sex.

[A]

Chris. Chrissy and Jeff's sex life. I'm not even sure. But I did get an interesting text message from someone months ago, probably late last year, and they said, you know, I've come to realize that your show at the end of the day, is really about friendship. And that's why I like it. It's about friendship. It is like me and my friends sitting around shooting the. And it reminds me of that, and that's why I like it. I feel like you're my friend and we're just having a rap about whatever, and that's how friendship goes.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Yeah. You just sit down, you have a beer, whatever it is you like to do. Beer, an eight ball of cocaine. Heroin. Right? Yeah. And then you just. Then you just have a ketchup, a quick catch up while you're nodding out or your nose is bleeding, Whatever it is, you know, Whatever. Yeah. And so I repeated. So I've started to tell that the show is just about friendship. That's really what it's about. It's about Chrissy and I's friendship. And as weird as it may be in the stories that we have. And then I said, then I go, you know, it's about whatever you want to talk about. Weird Internet oddities, you know, timely, topical stuff, news articles, things you did in the past. That one time you threw up in the garbage can. And then I go, don't pretend you didn't throw up in the garbage can because you work in radio and I know you did. And everybody was like, swear to God, it was like this.

[B]

Crickets. Yeah.

[A]

So Anyway, so you probably won't be hearing many sponsors in the show from now on, but I just wanted to thank you for your patience.

[B]

I wonder if we were on, like, the kind of the tail end of the wild and crazy radio sales partying. Do you think so?

[A]

I think that in any industry where there are, you know, people 20 to 60, where there's close, intense working going on, especially in sales, there's always going to be that bit of I have to let loose.

[B]

The pressure.

[A]

Yeah, the pressure. It's got to. It builds and it's got to let loose somewhere. And I think that lets loose when you go out at night or at a bar. Yeah, at a bar. You know, three. Three in the afternoon on a Monday. I don't know if it's anything like where we worked. You know, 1:00pm on a Sunday, we'd all be in the office. But just because someone happened to get a gram of cocaine. Rochambeau, buddy. Rochambeau. So I, you know, I do think that to a certain degree, I think everybody has experienced this in some way, shape or form. If you've been in an office environment or a restaurant or a place where you work closely with other people, if you're the social type, you want to get out there and talk about the manager, that sucks.

[B]

And you kind of have to be the social type to be in sales.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that's true. Well, I don't know. People we worked with, I think they were in the social type. Like, you know, let me go meet somebody I could chop up and bury in my basement later.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Do you remember. I'm not going to say the name, obviously. And I do. I did end up liking him, but do you remember the older, weird gentleman that we worked with that had all the strip clubs as his. Okay. And as his clients. As clients, yeah. And the. And he loved me. And I loved him eventually. But at first I didn't know how to take him because he was really an odd character. Very odd. He had weird mannerisms. He spoke in a weird way. And he would come in and be like. He would, like, twitch and he'd be.

[B]

Like, yeah, I never formed a close bond with him.

[A]

He'd be like, hey, the Purple Elephant wants $50,000 worth of advertising on the Internet. What can you put together? And I was like, I don't know. I don't even know what we're selling yet, so never.

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

What are we doing here? I thought I was going to be on radio, so. Sure. Take that 50,000. Put that on the projection. Double it and put it on the projection.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So he. The first time. The first time he invited me out, he invited me to the Purple Elephant or whatever it was. Right, let's go to the Purple Elephant. They're my client, they'll take care of us. My wife and I go there all the time. I thought to myself, well, that's pretty liberal relationship. Good for you. He's older gentleman. He's probably in his, like, late 50s. When we knew him and he had been in radio, he was the one who would tell us the stories. Yeah. That there was a fax machine at some point in the 90s. There was a. I keep on throwing my pen across the room and I really don't know why. It's like I have tarted dyskinesia or something.

[B]

Yeah, there was a fax machine where orders would just fly in, flow through. The money was flowing.

[A]

Yes. He said there was a time when he would get there at 9am There would be orders already on the fax machine and it would not stop rolling. People would just be faxing in, you know, po after po. And. And he also said, yeah, we missed those days. We. We missed those days. And now we had to beg people to advertise on this medium. So he invites me and I said yes. And I don't think you and I were quite like BFFs yet. Right. Because I'm sure you would have been there with me. Have you been? I actually think I was still married at the time. And he said, come with me. It's going to be a fun time. So I talked to my wife, who had also. Ex wife, who had also, at the time, been to strip clubs with me, and I said, hey, let's go to the Purple Elephant. This guy's got like a, you know, VIP treatment, the whole nine yards. And for whatever reason, she was like, no, I don't want to go. Probably because she was with a divorce attorney planning the paperwork.

[B]

I can't make it.

[A]

Can't make it. Got to sign the divorce paperwork. Don't worry, I'll send it to you just as soon as I can. Okay. I go, I show up. No shit. VIP treatment. He's in the VIP booth, all the girls are around, drinks are flowing, the whole shebang. So I thought to myself, wow, he was not lying. Yeah, wow. I've never been treated. The last time I had this many people around me at a strip club, I was getting thrown out. So. Yeah, that's right. Because of the change that My friend threw on the stage, so I got excited and I'm sitting there and I'm with him and his wife and everyone, you know, the girls are dancing and they're dancing with his wife and they're dancing with him. Even though it was a weird, you know, as a weird thing to think about in your mind if you knew who this guy was. But anyway, he's having a great.

[B]

Is it three on a Monday, Right?

[A]

Yeah, this is. This is like noon on a Thursday. Not even kidding. It's like lunch hour. And that's why everybody's getting the royal treatment. But it doesn't matter what time you go to a strip club. There's always people in there, at least in Atlanta, at least in my experience. So we're all sitting around and then I get the weirdest request that I had heard up until that point regarding my sex life. He said, you know, me and my wife are swingers. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. In my mind, it's like, aboard. That's. That's what's going on in my mind. I'm like, oh, no. But I said politely, hey, thanks, anyway. Well, did he get married?

[B]

Did he say, would you like to join us?

[A]

No, he didn't have to say.

[B]

It was because.

[A]

Yeah, in the, in the declarative sentence was also a question. You just had to read between the lines. Or at least that's where my mind went. And so I use my wife as a convenient excuse. First of all, no fucking way. I mean, there's just no fucking way. I. We are all getting older. We're all going to be there at some point. But this was not the point at which I needed to go there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Take the next step.

[A]

I. I am not in the. What's that place down in Florida that we're going to go retire? The Villages. I am not in the Villages quite yet. So I say, hey, thanks, man, but I'm married and that's not in the program. Like, I. Well, at least it wasn't in my program. Yeah. At least I wasn't aware it was in the program at the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I said, no. And so afternoon goes on. Now we're like, shift change, 5 o'.

[B]

Clock.

[A]

Now I'm nice and saucy. Right.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And all of a sudden, his wife, like, we were sitting next to each other at the table, girls dancing. And while this girl was dancing in front of me. I'm not a huge lap dance guy. Like, you know, I don't need you to get on my lap and everything. I'm not sure if you wash your legs or not, so. But the. The wife starts sliding her hand into my inner thigh. And for the first time and the last time because now I'm at an age where I would welcome that kind of attention. But I. I took my hand and I was like, oh, no. Yeah. And she leans over and she says this. I may not look like a Cadillac, but I fuck like a Ford Ranger. And I had no idea what that meant. None. It made no sense. And I'll never forget the line. And I'll never forget how quickly I asked if I had a tab if I needed to pay it. I excused myself from the glitter soaked, wonderfully smelling woman that was in front of me and I left the building and I was so. I remember I got a cab. Like I left my car there and I had to get my ex wife. I think my ex wife drove me the next day. Or maybe I don't. Maybe it was you. I don't even know. Yeah, but it was the weirdest. I may not look like a Cadillac, but I fuck like a Ford Ranger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you like power. Yeah, like power. Eight cylinders, all wheel drive. Comforts. Yeah. Massaging seats. Yeah. Chrissy, I'm telling you, I don't know. If you were a car, what would you like? That's the question. Here's the question I pose to everybody out there. If you were a car, what would you like? Because you need to apparently have that, that line ready if you're ever a swinger. Yeah, for sure. Unfortunately, I wasn't a swinger. I missed that one. That's another one. Remember telling the chiropractor story about how I was in a room full of crystal meth smoking chiropractors who were very attractive and they were like, hey, get it on this action. Like all of a sudden the women were nude and I was. And the guys were looking at me and they were like, hey, you want to hit this pipe? And then get. You want to hit this pipe? And then lay some pipe? What do you think? Hit this pipe. Lay some pipe. I'll suck some pipe. What do you think? How you think it? What do you think it? And I was like, I'll. But do you have any cocaine?

[B]

But looking back, we discussed this. Looking back, you might should have just gone ahead and gone for it.

[A]

Looking back, I think that might have been the one. Opt. Not the one, but that might have been the orgy that I could have taken part in and I didn't. And maybe I Should have. I'm not saying I should have. I'm saying maybe I should have. Maybe if I had been more clear headed or wasn't at the age where I was scared of pussy, maybe I would have gone for it. But at that time I just. I was scared. That's just the reality. I was just scared. I was scared of what was gonna come and was I gonna come and was he gonna come and where was his come gonna be around me. That's. Those were all the questions running through my mind. Yeah, but if you're ever in that situation, you need to have a line ready to go. And that nine needs to include what kind of car you look like and what kind of car you fuck like. So for me, I would say my old Honda Accord is what I look like. And for me, I would say I also fucked like my old Honda Accord.

[B]

With the bashed door.

[A]

Yes. With no left hand side of the car, the driver's side just completely gone. I literally would drive and there would be no door. I'd be like, hey.

[B]

Speaking of, I remember I had bashed my side of my car too, remember?

[A]

Yes, I did.

[B]

And I did that pull in work at the radio station.

[A]

Well, to be fair, that was the most ridiculous parking lot I've ever been in my entire life.

[B]

Sharp turn around this hole.

[A]

Yeah, like the foundation post. It was underneath the building.

[B]

I cut it too close.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You're like, oh, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hopefully it's not as bad as it sounded, but it was.

[A]

Listen, they had a lot of parking in there. There were probably like, I don't know, 250 spaces. Plenty for everybody. But they were bicycle parking spaces. It was like being in Spain. I had a Honda Accord and I couldn't fit into. Was crazy. All right, more talk about car to come.

[B]

I'm gonna think about that.

[A]

Yeah, think about it and let us know when we get back from the break. Okay, we'll be back.

[C]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212433. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors, so thank G. And here they are.

[A]

All right. What kind of car are you? And what kind of car would you. What kind what. What kind of car do you look like? What kind of car?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know about the look like part, but I'm going to. I'm. I feel like a Jaguar is going to be somewhere in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Smooth.

[A]

You break down a lot, but it's smooth driving when. Smooth driving when you. When you get out of the shop.

[B]

That's right. I purr.

[A]

Oh, you purr. Wow. My aunt. My deceased aunt, who I loved very much, Aunt Sandy. Aunt Sandy was a kabillionaire in my mind. And Aunt Sandy made a lot of money in her lifetime. She lost a lot of money in her lifetime. She was one of these that risked risk was an adrenaline rush for her. I believe this is my take on it. Now that many years have passed, she would risk everything. And she won a lot. She won a lot. She had a huge pharmaceutical company. Like all this different stuff for my Aunt Sandy, but she also lost a lot. She had some issues with. I'm not going to get into all the details, but she had some issues. She lost a lot of money. She was gay. She had a. A girlfriend that I also loved was part of the family that no one acknowledged. No one acknowledged that this woman she lived with for the entirety of my time alive was her actual partner. No one. Because that's the kind of family I grew up in, a Catholic family that just ignored the fact that every time we went over to Aunt Sandy's for a party, this woman who had lived with her for 20 years in the same house was her roommate, quote, unquote.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Maybe they just didn't want to have to explain it to the children. I'm not sure. But at the end of the day, I knew the G. I knew the gig from the moment that I was able to understand what was going on. I remember knowing in my mind those two are together and good for them. Never cared one bit. I loved, loved, loved my Aunt Sandy and her partner, for that matter, still alive. So I won't mention it by name, but here's the thing. Aunt Sandy used to shower us with attention, love, and gifts.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

One time for our birthday. Yes. One time for our birthday. And Sandy came to the house in Chicago and she looked at Kevin and I and she says, toys R Us, let's go.

[B]

That's Fun.

[A]

Anything you want. Anything you want. Now I think I believe my exciting was a kid. My mother was with us and so she limited like we remember. I forget the show, but there was a show in Nickelodeon where if you won, you could run through the Toys R Us and grab whatever you could into a cart.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is what, this is what happened to us for real. Because of Aunt Sandy. But the. It was only one cart. Right. I. I really want to get everything. But anyway, Sandy always had a Jaguar. Always, always, always had a Jaguar. As did my grandfather. He had a Jaguar too. They drove Jaguars. Even when probably they couldn't afford to, they drove Jaguars. But I never. I will never. And I. So let me back up for a second. So I will always be a Jaguar fan. It's imprinted in my head, in my brain, in my mind. I have a Jaguar dealership like a couple miles from my house. I love the Jaguar.

[B]

I know. I love those older ones too, you know.

[A]

Oh, all of them. Yeah, the ones from the. The 70.

[B]

They're beautiful cars.

[A]

And now they're beautiful cars again. But my aunt always was complaining about how much that Jaguar was in the shop. Always complaining about it. Every other week that Jaguar went into the shop. And so I don't know why, why can't they get that, right? You would think if you spend $100,000 on a car that you'd. You'd get it right. You'd figure it out. And that's always made me shy away from buying a Jaguar. That and because I could never afford one.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I would walk into the dealership. Yeah. They probably have a, you know, like one of those Chinese surveillance detection systems. It would be like facial recognition. Yeah. 317 credit, Not a Jaguar owner. It's like a club you have to belong to to own a Jaguar. But I do love those cars because of Aunt Sandy. And I really wish that I could afford to have one.

[B]

Maybe one day.

[A]

Maybe one day. But then you have to afford to be able to maintain them too. That's the other thing is that if they really are in the shop. And I do remember my. Both my grandfather and my aunt complaining a lot about how much those cars were.

[B]

Maybe they've improved.

[A]

Now you have to imagine. And I don't see a lot of them on the road, you know that. I was just thinking about this, about Atlanta. Atlanta is a Mercedes town. Everybody has a Mercedes. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you can afford to have a Mercedes or.

[B]

Well, they move their headquarters here.

[A]

They did their USA Headquarters are here in Atlanta. And so therefore they put a lot of newly used. I say newly used. Right. Newly used meaning the people who work at the headquarters, they're always turning in the cars before 10,000 miles so you can get a good deal. And I think that Atlanta, because of the big RBM dealerships that we have here, has really papered the streets with a lot of Mercedes. But I was thinking about this the other day. I was. Oh, I was at the little. And walking through the shop, I probably counted, just out of curiosity, counted 13 Mercedes Benz in the little shopping.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

In the parking lot. Yeah, well, it's a little. You know what I'm saying? It's like known for discount foods. And everybody is driving a Mercedes because this is a Mercedes Towns, Mercedes Benz stadium. We have the USA headquarters here. We have three really large dealerships that pump out vehicles. And so maybe I don't see as many Jaguars as other places do, but I don't see a lot of them on the road. Yeah, I really don't. And you know, if you want to give us one, I'll. I'll be happy to take it.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I always thought, and one of the questions too, that the salespeople will often ask you is, what do you think are the best brands to buddy up to your show? And I'm always going like, you know, Walmart sweatpants. Yeah, Walmart sweatpants and little. But maybe I should aim higher. Jaguar. Yeah.

[B]

Jaguar 3000.

[A]

Why Brian 3000. That is the perfect. If there was ever, ever a sponsor that would be good on our show. Why Brian 3000?

[B]

The gas station erectile pills.

[A]

Yes, that's right.

[D]

Are you having trouble getting a boner and keeping it up?

[A]

Don't worry, so are we.

[D]

That's why we use Y. Brian 3000. Made with bull semen, taurine, Red Bull and pure cocaine. You'll have a boner for days. Are you ready? To your brains out. Literally out of your head. 3000 now available in cherry flavor. Let her suck your dick. She'll get hard too. You'll both be hard for weeks. Fly 3000. The Ford Ranger of boner medications.

[B]

Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, the Ford Ranger.

[D]

You like men. That's okay too. You'll both be so hard, you'll be spinning on each other's asses. Don't worry.

[B]

It'll be fun.

[D]

3000 has not been tested on anybody but monkeys. Those monkeys died. Please check with your doctor before you using library in 3000. Library 3000 class action lawsuit is now closed. You can't get Any money from us.

[A]

Why?

[D]

Buying 3,000 being pulled off shelves everywhere. Please buy quickly.

[B]

Yes. That is the perfect fit for our show.

[A]

Pun intended. Pun intended.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

What did I.

[B]

When they asked what I left.

[A]

I just laughed.

[B]

You left the sales meeting?

[A]

Oh, no. When? Oh, I thought you were talking about when she asked me if I. When she was, like, giving me this whole thing in my ear. Back to the strip. No, no, no, no.

[B]

I was thinking about the advertising.

[A]

Now, that's a problem with adhd. You can't remember the first or last thing you said. I said lots of things.

[B]

I like that you just left the conversation. What brands do you think would be good for the commercial break?

[A]

Gotta go, gotta go.

[D]

See you later.

[A]

Zoom over.

[D]

And meeting for all.

[A]

And meeting for all. See you later. I basically said, anyone who's willing.

[B]

Or not, Vicky.

[A]

No, no, I said, you know, I. I felt I don't want to name the brands here because, you know, whatever. We may or may not be in conversation with them about sponsoring the show. But, you know, I said nice things about certain brands and then I said other things about other brands. That's what I said.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I did share with them that I'm not even gonna say. I don't want to get into it. Can we. Will. Let's leave this conversation in meeting and meeting. End meeting for all. Leave meeting. End for all. End for all. Quickly. That's probably what the guy who brought me onto the conversation wanted to do the second I opened my mouth. He's probably like, end meeting for all. End meeting for all.

[B]

Okay. But going back to the strip club talk was there. How was that then, the next time you saw this gentleman.

[A]

Well, the funny thing about this gentleman is, is that he was just odd enough that you could get away with it and it would be as if it never happened.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

But I did get many, and I say many more invites to come to the Purple Elephant or other strip clubs with him. It wasn't the first time or the last time I had gotten an invite. As a matter of fact, one Halloween, there was a. There's a strip club here called the Pink Pony. And the Pink Pony is legendary. It's like where everybody goes. Right. I'm not every. There's other clubs that everybody goes to. The Gold Club used to be a huge famous. Yeah. Until everyone learned it was run by John Gotti. And now it's like a club for hire. You just, like, rent it out or whatever. We went to a party one time with Scambodia.

[B]

We did.

[A]

So I ended up going To Pink Pony 2 was another location, right?

[B]

Well, there was like the east and west one or something.

[A]

South, South. North and south, yeah. So I ended up going.

[B]

You and I went to that south one.

[A]

Yeah, but we went for the grand opening, didn't we? On Halloween.

[B]

It wasn't Halloween. This was just one night.

[A]

Well, I went to one for Halloween and it was like their grand opening, the grand opening week or whatever. And they had this big party and it was Halloween and I went with a couple other people that we worked with and. And he was there also because of course he was. He had to be there. He's like. I don't know, like, who's somebody who's always showing up on the red carpet that, you know, maybe they shouldn't be showing up on the red carpet? I don't know. I can't think of anybody, but you know what I'm saying? Like hangers up like Andy Dick, you know, just shows up out of nowhere for no reason. And you're kind of like, well, he's famous, but should he be here? Probably not. So that was this guy, you know, okay, he's strip club famous, but should he be here? Probably not. But he was there on Halloween, if I remember correctly, with his wife. And there was also an odd interaction there. And at the time I was with one of our co workers and I asked that co worker to kind of buddy up to me a little bit, like, get a little close, let's pretend, so I don't have to deal with any weird questions or anything like that. And I remember that particular night evading any odd questions. But of course, when someone asks you, propositions you for a threesome or whatever was intended, and then you just leave without saying anything. You do an Irish goodbye, gotta go to the bathroom and never come back. Maybe she got the hint, you know, maybe that was it. But, you know, I guess if you.

[B]

Throw it out enough, though, you know, there's gonna be some takers.

[A]

I do believe that's.

[B]

This is true, right?

[A]

I do believe if you're a swinger, it's all about batting.

[B]

It is, yeah.

[A]

It's like that out there. John Anthony Lifestyle has got 100 closing rate or whatever, you know, if you're a swinger, you just don't know how many people are going to be receptive to your conversation unless it comes up in conversation and they say they're receptive. So if you're out there cold calling dicks to come to bed with you, then it's really all about averages, isn't it? Right. You got to approach enough people that someone says, yes. It's like that seeking sister wife that I'm watching right now.

[B]

Oh, you're still watching.

[A]

Oh, God. It's just such a fascinating show. It's a fascinating show for one couple and one couple only. I mean, there are other couples that are fascinating, but there is. There's two couples I'm kind of fascinated with. One is that Garrick guy who. His wife is obviously and desperately trying to keep his attention. Keep him married.

[B]

That's the one that you told me about, how they flew down to the place with the younger girl, and her mother was there.

[A]

Her mother showed up. Okay, now, so let me catch you up to speed. Okay, so Garrick on the show is married to a beautiful. Was married to a beautiful woman who agreed because it was God's plan. God told them in quotations. God told them directly with his mouth. God's mouth, that they should have more wives. And she seems to be just going along with it. And Garrick is saying, you know, God told me one afternoon that I'm supposed to have multiple young, beautiful wives that don't speak my language. Right. And it's just was. It's so obvious to anybody that's watching this show that Garrick wants to get his dick wet. And this poor woman that he was married to is just going along with it because she loves Garrick. She thinks the world of Garrick, and she doesn't want Garrick to leave. Well, guess what? After on season number two, or whatever it was when we first got introduced to this couple, they got a divorce so he could legally marry his South American girlfriend and bring her back to the United States. That means she doesn't have rights to alimony. Parental right. I mean, so many reasons not to get a divorce, but she went along with it. She was crying at the divorce hearing, and it was taped for tlc. Oh, God, I felt so bad for this girl. But at some point, you got to say, what's wrong with you? Yeah, get out. So that relationship falls apart within a month. He's dating, virtually dating other beautiful young South American women.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They pick one, they go down there. This woman is nothing like the other woman. She is like, really just paying attention to Garrick. The first woman. The first Latin American woman was at least into both of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the ex wife, now ex wife felt good that she really wanted to be in, like, a communal.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This.

[B]

A sisterhood.

[A]

A sisterhood. A sister wife. They call each other's sister. It's so disturbing. Sister. I. I know some people don't like the word moist. I don't like when you say sister when you're referring to another adult woman that's not blood related. Yeah, so anyway. Or brother, it's just like. It's all a little bit disturbing. But anyway, so they go down there, they go to Mexico. They all meet in Mexico in this beautiful location. And Garrick's just desperately trying to get the ring on this woman's finger so he can get in bed with her. Well, it doesn't happen the first trip. So guess what he does a month later? He takes off by himself to go back down to be with this woman. And he leaves for a fucking month. And during that time, Danielle, who is the ex wife, finds out she's pregnant.

[B]

What?

[A]

Now Garrick is running around South America trying to get a marriage license so that he can marry his young, beautiful Latin American fiance. And he's not. He's barely talking to Danielle. He's not telling her anything. And so Danielle says to the camera, I don't even think they want me down there. I don't think this woman wants me down there.

[B]

Yeah, that's the way it seems.

[A]

So she decides to get on a plane, flies down there. I know. So she decides to go down there, right? If it was me, I'd call a divorce attorney. But nope, she goes down.

[B]

They're also already divorced.

[A]

Yes, they're divorced. They're not even married. It's now. Listen, I'm not saying marriage is right for everybody. The piece of paper doesn't mean a lot to a lot of people, and that's perfectly okay. I don't care. It's 2024. No one gives a shit whether you're married or not. If you're together, you're together. If you're not, you're not. There's good reasons to have a marriage license. There's other reasons you shouldn't. Right. But if you have children and the life that you've built this entire time and the thing that's giving you legal cover is that marriage certificate, don't give it up. Don't give it up. But she did. To please her nudnik husband who uses God as an excuse to get more twing twang. And listen, I just gotta say this. Just have an open marriage. Yeah, just let him go. Fuck other people. This is not about God. This is about Garrick getting his knocks off.

[B]

Rocks off. Yeah.

[A]

So where we ended it, this, this last episode, is that Garrick is trying to. The people down in. I can't remember the country they're in. I think it's Brazil. The people down in Brazil found out that Garrick is on this TV show, and they found out that he has multiple wives, and they denied him a marriage certificate because they said it's illegal to be married to two people.

[B]

Picturing the stamp denied, Denied.

[A]

Denay, though that's not even a Spanish word. But I made it up, and it sounds cool. And Danielle is now down there with them, has told them that she's pregnant. And you should have seen the look on this woman's face. The other woman, the Latin American woman, she was like, oh. Like, yeah, now it's not going to be about me and Garrick. This woman is just. It seems. It appears. And also there's. This could be TV editing. You never know, right? But it appears that this woman just wants Garrick to herself. And Danielle is rightfully upset and worried and concerned. I don't know how these things work. I really don't either. Okay, but now let's circle back so this all makes sense in the conversation. The second couple that. That I'm interested in is a couple where the wife is encouraging. And when I say encouraging, I mean, get out there, little buddy. Like a soccer mom on Saturday afternoon. She's like, get out there, little buddy. Get your dick wet.

[B]

Time to go.

[A]

Time to go find some pussy. Come on, let's go. She's approaching other women on his behalf. Yeah, he is like a child. I don't know how he survives in life, but he's like a child. He has to have everything done for him. She folds his clothes, she makes him long. You know, all this other stuff. And she goes, and she finds chick for chicks for him to fuck. It's really weird. So that's the other couple that I'm interested in, because what. We were just talking about batting averages.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

She says the same thing. It's about batting averages. You got to get out there and talk to enough women that someone will eventually take you up on the offer. And I thought to myself, it's so much fucking work. It's so much work for what? For an extremely jealous spouse that's gonna. Clearly. It's gonna blow up. These things don't work. You know how I know this? Look at the other fucking TLC show that's on Sister Wives. None of them are married anymore. It all. It took was nine years, and it all fell apart for that guy. And God bless America, because he's an asshole. So Anyway, there's your TLC update for the day. Yeah. Okay, good.

[B]

Thank you. How the little Johnson.

[A]

Little Johnson's are not interesting this year, I gotta say. It's like very formulaic. It's a little uninteresting. So I'm just kind of. I listen to it in the background.

[B]

In the background.

[A]

I know that something interesting is coming because one of the little people, the little children, is pregnant with her average sized boyfriend's child. And last we heard, they had broken up. And now this episode coming up, they have to tell her parents that she's pregnant. And I just can't wait to see how that goes. Yeah, well, they're. They quote unquote, were broken up, but obviously they weren't broken up because he's her and she got pregnant. That's the other thing is that like, is anybody worried you're gonna get pregnant or STDs or like, does anybody. Is anybody thinking about this? Now? If I was to say yes to the pony threesome or the elephant, the, you know, purple elephant threesome, I wouldn't be so concerned because I think that that woman was probably out of birthing age. But is anybody concerned about what's gonna happen with all of this?

[B]

Yeah, you should take precautions. Then again, they're on a TV show, so. Well, this is the fun in that.

[A]

Yeah. If you get a.

[B]

What's the fun? And precautions.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. And if you get pregnant, that's just a spin off show. Exactly. My Seven Little Threesome Johnstons. And that's a show I'll tune into for sure.

[B]

100.

[A]

You know I got your back, TLC. Go for it. You keep sending the United States down some morality pitfall and I'll follow you right behind going, yeah. Dlc, the Jerry Springer of channels.

[B]

Riding horse.

[A]

Go, go. MILF Manor. Yeah, we need more MILF Manor where you fuck your son or whatever it is.

[B]

That was bad.

[A]

It's on for season two.

[B]

Oh, it is.

[A]

Who's watching this? Fuck you. If you're watching MILF Manor, turn off my show. I'm not interested in knowing you. That's too far. You took it too far. Tlc. My Seven Little Threesome Johnsons. I'll take that all day long. But MILF Manor, where you're fucking your best friend's son. That is weird. That's just weird. All right, we'll be back.

[C]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us. Hecommercial break and then follow us on TikTokcbpodcast.

[A]

Done.

[C]

Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCV. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcdpodcast.com because that means Got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[A]

Okay. Excuse me. Geez. Excuse me. To cough in your ear. Everybody. I really apologize. I wanted to ask you, have you been keeping up with like the Madonna concert?

[B]

A little bit. I've heard, I've heard a little bit about the. Her coming in, going on late. Right.

[A]

There's like a class action lawsuit. Oh. By people. Wow. Saying that they misled them. You know, the show was the ticket shows. 8 o' clock and she didn't start till midnight or whatever it was. That lady is notoriously late to every, to every show. It's insane. And I, I gotta say, I think I'm on the side of the ticket holder here. Like, I know Madonna's older. She got to get prepared. She's got to do her vocal training. But do you think it takes four hours to do your vocal warm ups? I mean, you've been doing this plan ahead. Yeah. Like, okay, get started at 3 o' clock in the afternoon instead of 9 o' clock at night for your show.

[B]

I know. Well, speaking of, you know, we just did the Riverbeat Music festival. Oh yeah. And the Fujis were there. Lauryn Hill.

[A]

Oh, tell me.

[B]

So we were all thinking, you know, what, how late?

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

What's gonna happen? She was prompted 20 minutes after.

[A]

20 minutes late. Not bad. No, I could. That's. That's perfectly expected. I go to any.

[B]

It was a great show.

[A]

Yeah. The only concert that I've ever been to where it started exactly on time. Taylor Swift. That's the only show because they have a big countdown clock. So you can't do it. It's part of the show. Right. Plus Taylor knows what's doing. She's got to make the next show. She wants some sleep. She's got to get it. Let's do it. Let's get it over with. Let's go to the next show. And that's professionalism at the highest order. Because when you have like where we were in LA, when you have, I don't know, 80,000 people sitting there waiting for you. And they're all getting wound up about seeing you. You need to be on time because that energy's got to go somewhere and it can turn real quick. And you don't want a bunch of, you know, 12 year old girls trampling themselves or getting 12 year old girls. First of all, they can't be out till three in the morning, you know what I'm saying? Their parents brought them there, they went there by, they got dropped off or whatever. You got to be prompt, be respectful of that, your audience, who they are. And she was. Astrid dragged me to that. Who are those guys? The Jonas Brothers. She dragged me that Jonas Brothers show. They were on time, I gotta say.

[B]

Yeah, like it's, it's courtesy to the people who paid money to go see you.

[A]

Thank you. I go to like, I don't know, you go to a fish show or a Pearl Jam show or you know, whoever, you know, music midtown, Shaky knees, whatever. You're going to a festival like that, you got to be.

[B]

You're on. They're on a schedule.

[A]

Yeah, you're on a schedule. And you can get fined big money or lose big money if you're not on that schedule. So in that sense, I think there's a lot of pressure to get you there on time and cut off the set on time and all that. But I fully expect there's going to be an hour delay from the ticket time. Ticket time says 8. I expect they're going on at 9, so. And I know that it's built into my brain. Midnight, not built into my brain. One o' clock in the morning. That's insane. If you're starting going on at one o' clock in the morning, she's going on at like midnight, like 11:45 or I think, think I read somewhere she went on at one in the morning. But I believe that was the concert in Rio de Janeiro. Did you see that? She gave a free concert on the beach at Copacabana Beach.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She gave a free concert there with the help of the city or Rio de Janeiro, whatever. One million people showed up. One million. Now I know if you're going to do it in any city and get a million people to show up, it's going to be Rio de Janeiro. Because there's like 600 million people that live in that one city.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But that's insane.

[B]

That is insane.

[A]

A million people come to see you and I can't imagine how, how big your head must be after that. You're like, holy, I just got a million People to show up to my front door and listen to me perform.

[B]

And hence, now that's why she doesn't care about being late.

[A]

I think that's it. I think she knows that people who.

[B]

Like what I want to do, people.

[A]

Who like her, they love her so much that I think she can get away with basically murder. Right. I think that's kind of true, but I still believe that you need to be somewhat respectful of the audience.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

An hour late, okay, we get it. You're back there doing whatever. You got to meet and greet celebrities, you got to do your vocal, warm yoga, tantric sex, whatever Madonna's doing back there. But you got to show up within a relatively decent amount of time. And these people who bring in this class action lawsuit say, we had babysitters, we had plans, right? We have work the next day. We cannot be out until three in the morning. Because you decide, are they bringing it.

[B]

The lawsuit against, like, Ticketmaster or just everybody?

[A]

There's an old saying, when you sue, sue everyone, right? So when you sue, you sue anybody you think could ever be potentially liable for this happening. So it's like management, Ticketmaster, Live, Nate, whatever it is, and Madonna herself, of course. And so I don't know. I'm interested to see how this one plays out.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Because I think if I'm. If I'm a juror, I'm saying. Yeah, I get your point. Now, I'm not going to award you $200 million because Madonna was late by an hour, 2, 3, 4. But I'll give you your money back, a couple thousand dollars for, you know, the inconvenience. But enough of those people get together and do that, then that's a big deal, and you get a.

[B]

That would be a judge changing.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. And now, speaking of industry changing, Congress is looking into Live Nation and Ticketmaster as monopolies. And I think this is. This time has come. We did this back in the 90s. Pearl Jam was the only band that would publicly say, Ticketmaster is a monopoly and they are bad for live entertainment. They took a stance. They went up to Congress, they talked about it back when Pearl Jam was like the number one band in the world. And everybody said, you're never going to play this town again without Ticketmaster. What are you doing? Why are you standing out? And the truth is, they lost that battle because three years later, they were back with Ticketmaster because that's the way that Ticketmaster monopolizes this industry and charges ridiculous fees and makes you wait in line. Then Resells tickets for thousands of dollars more than they should have originally been for. Now they have this surge pricing or whatever it is. Yeah, it's all insanity, right? They're trying to act like concert tickets are airplane tickets. And you know, the more demand, the higher you should pay. Which I get it, you know, supply and demand. But it really ruins it for everybody who is not in the upper middle class or millionaires. The divide between the have and the have nots gets further and Ticketmaster is one of the companies that is putting a wedge in between those. Kids want to go see music, adults want to go see, everybody wants to go see live music. It's one of those things. And the truth is, is that live music in 2024 is starting to take a little bit of a hit. Not as many concerts are being sold out. Many people are having to cancel shows because of poor ticket sales because I think people are sick of it. It was all fun and games and shits and giggles in 2022 and 2023 when all that pent up demand was there. But now people are like, I don't know if I want to go pay $78 to go see the commercial break at some comedy club. Do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Are we going to use Ticketmaster, do you think?

[A]

I think we have to. Or maybe not anymore. I don't know. I think that's part of the gig. I don't think. I think it's live nature. I don't think we have any other choice. I don't think we have an. I don't know that for sure, but I believe, having done some research about a few of these clubs that we would play is. That's part of the gig. That's who you pay. But I would love it if you could just go to the comedy club website, buy it directly and then save everybody the save. Save your $50 in ticketing fees. I mean, what could we possibly charge? 5, 10, 20, $30 for a ticket? I think $30.

[B]

I mean, we might have to pay.

[A]

Well, we're going to pay in some way, shape or form, proverbially, or actually we're going to pay in some way, shape or form, that's for sure. But I mean, how much could we charge? $30 a ticket. Okay, that sounds reasonable. $30 a ticket for a couple hours of, you know, low brow entertainment. 30 bucks sounds like a great price for me. Dial me in, keep me posted. But then you add on all the service fees. Well, it ends up being 70 fucking dollars. I Mean, if you're using one of the. The big ticket brokerages, right? Like ticket mass. And that's what they are. They're just brokers. They're just in the middle between you and I. And they have the technology and the platforms to make that work. And I applaud them for making, yes, that technology so good, because it is so good. But when you charge exorbitant fees and drive ticket prices higher because of manipulative practices, it makes everybody dislike the experience. So your wonderful technology really gets overshadowed by the fact that you're highway robbing everybody by the time they get to the continue screen pressing a payment. It's ridiculous. And so now that Congress is looking into this, I really hope that they can do something. Something about this. I don't know what it is. Break up the companies, allow for other companies to get in and use technology for a fee or whatever it happens to be. I think they need to do something about it. And I saw a meme the other day, and I thought it was great. It said, congress is looking into Ticketmaster and Live Nation. And it was. It was like a, you know, congressman or whatever like this. And then on the bottom, it was one of the guys from Pearl Jam. And it's like, pearl Jam, be here, like. And he had his hands like, right. What took you so long? Yeah, and. And I agree with that. I think it needs to. I think things need to change. For sure.

[B]

I. I agree with you.

[A]

Agree. Jeff uses Live Nation and Ticketmaster because he has to, right?

[B]

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, you kind of have to. There's a lot of different companies, too, that fall under the umbrella of Ticketmaster. So.

[A]

Yeah, I knew. I'll. I'll tell a story because I always do story time with Brian. Everybody calm down. Get your chai.

[B]

Settle in.

[A]

Get your chai tea, and let's have a conversation. When I was a teenager, I met a guy at a restaurant, and he owned what is now one of the very popular visible ticket brokerages. We're talking about places like StubHub ticks, you know, those places that resell tickets. And he owned it. And it was a little shop here in Atlanta, office in Buckhead, and they would basically broker any popular tickets across the nation, but they were really focused on what was happening here in Atlanta. So here's how it works. He would pay people to go stand in line, because that's when you had to stand in line or pick up the phone and call, use his credit card to buy tickets. And they would get a payment for doing that. They would get whatever it was, let's just call it $10 an hour, forever long it took them or a flat fee, 50 bucks a ticket, 20 bucks a ticket. They would bring the tickets back and he would send out, you know, 50, 60 scalpers to go out and stand in line. And it was expected. Yay. It was anticipated that these brokers would have a certain amount of the business, let's call it 2 or 3% of the tickets in the room would be owned by brokers. They would then resell those tickets. At that time you would actually have to call them, ask them if they had these tickets available or they could get these tickets and they had a network of other brokers around the country and you could get tickets to them and they would charge you whatever the going rate was. But it was never, and I mean never, not in all the years I knew this guy. It was never more than a hundred percent of the ticket value unless it was like the super bowl or, you know, the National College football championship or whatever. This guy made lots of money and in my opinion, he was a stand up dude. He was just found a way to make a little extra cash for rich people who really wanted to pay extra to go see the concert. That was it, right? And then of course there were the scalpers on the streets who would sell the tickets that they had, right? And all this other stuff to make it, make a couple bucks. That's always been going on. Ticketmaster and Live Nation have now in, in I guess made this into an industrial practice. And now Ticketmaster is one of the largest, largest brokerages.

[B]

I know, I know. It's so crazy to think about that.

[A]

This, the secret about all of this for you out there listening that may not know this is that artists will also be in, will often be in cahoots with Ticketmaster and Live Nation and they will share, they will dedicate a ticket, a portion of their tickets for what they call resale. Here's how it goes in the contract. I'm just going to use Toby Keith as an example. I don't know that he does this, but let's say Toby Keith, Toby Keith signs a contract with a promoter that's going to pay him to do a show. And in that contract, the promoter gives Toby Keith 2000 of the 70,000 tickets available or 10,000 of the 70,000 tickets available, whatever it is, and Toby Keith then sells those tickets right back to Live Nation, where Live Nation or Ticketmaster will put them on their open brokerage site. We've all see it. Official certified resale tickets in the red dot. And then they're 180, 200, 300% more than the other tickets around them. But because the show is getting sold out and he has the really good tickets, they resell them, then they give a cut. They sell them on consignment. They give a cut back to the artist. That is the sad and terrible truth of this, is that the artists are also now in on the game. And my belief is not because they necessarily want to be. Of course, that's more money in their pocket, but because they have to be. That's the way the game is played. You want to maximize how much money you take out. Instead of playing a really good show at a reasonable price and making $100,000 in a night, I can make $180,000 in a night if I just sell some of my tickets back. And that's what happens time and time again. And if you're not the. If. If you are the only one doing. I'm not saying Toby Keith does this. I have no clue. But if Toby Keith is the only one doing this, then we can point to Toby Keith and say, you're the bad guy. But he's not. Almost everybody does it because that's part and parcel of the promoter game right now. This drives tickets artificially up through the roof, and now with surge pricing, it drives them up even further. And that's why people are paying $25,000 to sit in the nosebleed seats at a Taylor Swift show. It's insane. It's insane. And I understand Taylor can only play so many shows, and there's many more people that want to see them than seats available. I get all that. And I'm not saying Taylor does this either. I have no idea. But it's all a part of artificially inflating the value of the tickets. And that's why you pay so much fucking money to see a live show these days. And everything from the comedy clubs to the biggest of the Taylor Swift events are handled by Live Nation or Ticketmaster. It's one of the few that have the technology and the ability to handle the traffic and get people in seats in a way that makes sense. But with those two companies working together to corner the market, 99% of the venues are booked and sold by them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, by the way, all dirty Little Secret Number 3, Ticketmaster and Live Nation are often the promoters of the show. They promote it, they manage it, they make the money, they resell the tickets. They give you ticket fees.

[B]

I don't even know everything.

[A]

Yeah, so here's what I'm saying. All I'm saying is tickets on sale soon to our live shows. $30,000 a pop, 40 seats available at Yuckel's Comedy Club, Jacksonville, Florida. Can't wait to see you.

[B]

Story time with Brian.

[A]

Ah, story time with Brian. I love that guy. Bill. Bill was his name. I loved him. I loved him.

[B]

Is it past times?

[A]

Yeah. Well, not. He's dead. Dead? He moved.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

He sold the company. Like a lot of. He sold the company to a larger.

[B]

Ticket broker, probably Ticketmaster.

[A]

I know who it was. I'm not gonna say it, but yes, essentially somewhere along the line, Ticketmaster probably was involved. I'm not 100 sure, but yeah. Yeah, but Bill moved to California. When he did, I kind of lost touch with him.

[C]

Yeah, good for him.

[A]

Yeah, but man, did he get me a lot of good concert. Yes, he did.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, he would often times just give me free tickets to the shows that weren't selling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, the shitty shows and no one wanted to go see. I'd have a ticket, he'd give them to me across the bar. But a few times he got me into some really good shows in really good seats for almost nothing. It was like, nice. He was such a good guy. Such a good guy. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I. All the show notes, all the the links to our guests. Thanks. Mo Gilligan, this week's guest. Go check him out. Tuesday's episode. We'd love it if you would give him some love and support even though he doesn't need it. He's blowing up everywhere. So good for Mo. I love Mo. Don't say no to Mo. Gotta go. Okay. Or you can get your free TCB bumper sticker by going to the contact us page on the website drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and away we will send it. Most importantly, 214333 tcb. That's 212433, 3822. Text us, let us know how you're feeling, ask us a question, talk about the show. You want to come to one of our live events in the southeast? Let us know you'd like to come and where you're at because we would love to. You know, we're going to tour every city in the entire Southeast, so eventually we'll get there just to pay our ticket master fees.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So dial that up. 212-4333, TCB quality questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, all that stuff. You know how to do it at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. All right. Well, Chrissy, what an eventful episode of the tcb. I mean, I can't get any better than that. All right. So I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I will say best to you.

[B]

Best to you.

[A]

And I'll tell you best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, we just love you to death. So until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. I get asked.