Sweet, Sweet "Justice"

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – “Sweet, Sweet ‘Justice’”

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green (A) & Krissy Hoadley (B)
Date: May 17, 2024
Episode: Sweet, Sweet “Justice”
Duration: ~55 min

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Overview

In this rambunctious and irreverent episode, Bryan and Krissy dive into topics ranging from wild school bus tales and childhood neighborhood adventures to modern driving disasters, viral internet oddities, the insanity of big city “justice”, and bizarre news stories. The hosts riff with their signature blend of unfiltered nostalgia, self-aware rants, and absurd observations, touching on everything from road rage and reckless driving to the darker undercurrents of city life and the fate of quirky public art.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Childhood Memories & School Bus Chaos

Timestamps: 00:01 – 13:33

• Bryan shares a wild childhood memory about rowdy kids and strict bus drivers, reminiscing about the notorious Eric, a redhead hell-raiser who would cause endless trouble and stare down the driver in a miniature hostage negotiation.
• Quote: “That bus driver, she was mean as a witch…you can't let those little nightmares take over.” (03:16, Bryan)
• The perils and hilarity of 1980s/90s bus riding (no seatbelts, pleather seats, kids being menaces), and a tense personal childhood story involving venturing down a forbidden dirt road, being chased by a guard dog, and getting unintentionally rescued by Eric’s older brother—who then traumatized Bryan with more urban legend than comfort.

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2. Rants on Traffic & Modern Driving

Timestamps: 13:33 – 21:23

• Bryan and Krissy vent about how “Maycember” brings school graduations and out-of-control traffic.
• They reminisce about how strict bus stops were, bemoan “pampered” modern kids, and especially lament Atlanta’s increasingly lawless, dangerous driving culture.
• Quote: “All driving decorum has gone out the window...Red lights no longer mean in this town.” (15:12, Bryan)
• The discussion turns to the apparent lack of police enforcement, new levels of road rage, inattentive (and texting) drivers, and the host’s internal “monster” who wishes for instant karma for traffic offenders.

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3. Road Rage, Highway Stories, & Sweet “Justice”

Timestamps: 18:49 – 22:35

• Bryan admits he becomes a totally different person in the car, wishing for “justice” against reckless drivers.
• Notable Moment: Bryan recounts the time a dangerously speeding car “almost killed everybody” on a family highway trip, and his dark confession:
  • Quote: “When that kind of happens, I just pray for justice somewhere...I come up on an accident and that guy is on the side of the road with, you know, legs sticking up and sticking through his anus or something.” (21:23, Bryan)
• Krissy gently urges him to “rev down”; the hosts acknowledge how traffic brings out the worst in people.

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4. Internet Oddities: Mets Viral “Big Dong” Story

Timestamps: 23:16 – 28:07

• Bryan introduces a viral sports story about a supposed Mets pitcher, Marv McGillicuddy, supposedly recruited solely for his massive genitalia, not baseball skills.
• The hosts question the veracity of the story, ponder the spectacle of marketing around sexual attributes in sports, compare to past “big dick” legends, and joke about “bobble boner night” at ballparks.
• Quote: “I have a hard time believing that anything is that big in life, really. I’ve seen skyscrapers that are blessed.” (25:19, Bryan)
• Ultimately, Bryan’s “internet savvy brain” doubts it’s true, but finds the meme hilarious.

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5. Braves Game Observations: Public Hentai & Social Commentary

Timestamps: 28:07 – 35:04

• Bryan recounts attending a Braves game, focusing less on the game and more on the strange behaviors of fellow attendees.
• He describes two older brothers in the stands—one of whom spends the game watching softcore Japanese porn (hentai) on his phone in plain sight.
• Quote: “Just pulled up his Japanese porn while we’re sitting here at the Braves game. You do never know what people are up to.” (32:43, Bryan)
• Reflections on how people can act so differently (polite and friendly at games; maniacs in traffic), and the double-edged feeling of city pride.

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6. Improvements in Baseball: The Pitch Clock

Timestamps: 36:11 – 40:08

• Discussion of baseball’s new “pitch clock,” accelerating the pace and making games more enjoyable.
• Comparisons to soccer and golf—lamenting overly slow play and opining more sports and life events should come with a “pitch clock.”
• Quote: “We should have a pitch clock on most of the things that we do in life.” (39:02, Bryan)

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7. “Random Punching” & Justice Gone Mad in NYC

Timestamps: 41:59 – 45:15

• Spotlight on the disturbing NYC trend of strangers being randomly assaulted, including Steve Buscemi and Bethenny Frankel, especially while victims are looking at their phones.
• Quote: “What a terrible, terrible thing...just gets knocked down for no reason by a guy who’s just walking by him randomly.” (43:41, Bryan)
• Krissy: “It's mean and dangerous.” (44:47)
• The hosts lament this senseless violence and the general state of urban chaos.

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8. NYC–Dublin “Portal”: Art, Technology, & Ruined Wholesomeness

Timestamps: 45:15 – 49:58

• Bryan explains the new Times Square–Dublin live video “portal” installation, which started with innocent cross-continental connections but devolved into a platform for public debauchery: flipping off the camera, public urination, OnlyFans stunts, Nazis, and graphic porn.
• Quote: “We can’t have nice things...Thirty years ago, I also would have had similar ideas. But can we have one thing nice?” (46:22, Bryan)
• They mourn how sincere attempts to bridge cultures are so quickly hijacked by trolls.

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9. More Disturbing News: “Come and Go” at Whole Foods

Timestamps: 50:44 – 53:19

• Krissy reports a bizarre Atlanta news story: A woman at Whole Foods is randomly ejaculated on by a man who flees (“come and go”).
• Quote: “She got a come and go at the Whole Foods. Oh, my God. What’s wrong with people? Really?” (51:41, Bryan)
• The hosts riff on the terms (“come and go,” “come and run,” “D and dash”) and the absurdity of “crimes” escalating in public.

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10. Closing: Love for Atlanta & Calls to Listeners

Timestamps: 53:29 – End

• Despite all complaints, Bryan expresses deep affection for Atlanta (“I love it, but I hate it”) and invites listeners to connect, request stickers, or weigh in on live show locations.
• Off-beat banter about bumper stickers, Dr. Phil impressions, and a genuinely warm send-off.
• Quote: “Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say… goodbye.” (55:36, Bryan)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Bryan on Atlanta drivers: “All driving decorum has gone out the window here in Atlanta. I don’t know if this is happening in your town, but red lights no longer mean in this town.” (15:12)
• On instant karma: “When that kind of happens, I just pray for justice somewhere… I come up on an accident and that guy is on the side of the road with, you know, legs sticking up… I have a monster.” (21:23)
• About the “portal” debauchery: “We can't have nice things because after two weeks it turned into total debauchery.” (46:22)
• On NYC violence: “It just makes things very scary for everybody that wants to just walk around unmolested.” (44:50)
• Whole Foods crime: “She got a come and go at the Whole Foods. Oh, my God. What’s wrong with people? Really?” (51:41)
• Krissy’s balanced take: “I just go back to my nice news in the mornings…and think about all the nice things.” (50:18)

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Episode Tone & Style

• Chaotic, candid, improvisational: The hosts veer from high-energy rants to heartfelt confessions, with jokes landing as often as social commentary.
• Self-aware and unpolished: They poke fun at their own mediocrity and delight in the messiness of everyday life.
• Listener participation: They repeatedly invite the audience to share stories, feedback, and join ongoing show-tangents.

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Takeaway

This episode perfectly encapsulates The Commercial Break’s ethos—hilariously turbulent, sneakily thoughtful, and invitingly loose. Its main theme: the world is getting weirder—but laughing about it helps, and genuine connection (even through chaos) is still possible if you don’t take life—or yourself—too seriously.

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Transcript

[A]

Evening falls on the lush grasslands of Croydon as the humble tortoise gently mounts his chosen mate. And in a dance as old as time itself, it rears its head and emits the mighty mating call. On this episode of the commercial Break, when that kind of happens, I just pray for justice somewhere. I pray that I come up on an accident like that. All of a sudden, we're in stop and go traffic. I come up on an accident and that guy is on the side of the road with, you know, legs sticking up and sticking through his anus or something. I mean, I'm serious. Like, I don't know where this monster comes from, but I have a monster. I'm like, praying for someone else's dismemberment. I'm like, I, Hobie, flipped that truck 75 times. The next episode of the commercial Break starts now. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green and this is my dear friend and the co host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Kirsten Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us hanging out here on a lovely. What is it, Friday afternoon? I'm not even sure.

[B]

I don't know what day it is.

[A]

I don't know either. Who fucking knows?

[B]

It's a revolving door for me lately.

[A]

I'm like, and it's, you know, they, they have this term that they use some moms and teachers and stuff. They use it, call it Mayber because December. Yeah, because May seems like the second busiest month of the year behind December with Christmas and all the jazz. You know that thing about Jesus being born and like that, and who, who determined his, his birthday was on December 25th? Did they have a calendar back then, like December 25th?

[B]

I, I don't.

[A]

I mean, I know the Romans were using calendars long before Jesus apparently appeared. Yeah.

[B]

Isn't there, there's a, there's like the Augustan or something calendar. There's a couple different calendars.

[A]

Yes, the St. Augustine calendar, which is where nobody keeps track because we're all at the beach drinking ourselves.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That's the St. Augustine calendar. But anyway, May Sember is in full effect because the kids are getting out of school and there's just a lot of things to attend to. Right. They have field graduations, graduations, and the traffic is crazy on the streets because everybody's running to there. But I look forward to the summertime when the traffic dies down a little bit because there's no school, those buses. I'm telling you right now, I dislike school buses with a passion. And it's not because I, I don't like the kids that are inside of those school buses. Although I don't like those kids that are inside of the school buses because they're always giving me, like, if I'm behind them, there's always some smart ass kid like, I'm like, where did you, who are you? Did you live in a barn? Who raised you? Who raised you? Anybody who's at the back of the bus is bound to cause trouble. How do I know this? Because I was at the back of the bus the one year that I, the bus. And I, I remember that that bus driver on multiple occasions stopped the bus. It was back in the time when, you know, kids weren't bringing AK47s to school. And yeah, bus drivers had some authority. That bus driver, she was mean as a witch.

[B]

I had Herb and.

[A]

You had Herb mean, Yeah, I forgot. Oh, man. Like, what would Herb do?

[B]

Oh, he's yelling.

[A]

Shut up. Sit down. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, he was just a dictator. Which, you know, looking back, makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, it does. I mean, there's only one way to rule that roost and it's just to get control.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like an army lieutenant. You have to have total control from the moment. You can't have chaos, you can't show weakness. Do not look at the, the tits of the Sphinx. I'm telling you right now, they will open up and they will shoot lasers out of their eyeballs and kill you. You can't let those little nightmares take over.

[B]

No, because, I mean, it'll be like I said, chaos. Kids running around back in the bus, the front of the bus to this, that, the other, shooting paper straws. I don'.

[A]

Listen, I, I tried to, you know, go the easygoing philosophy with Blue and look how she turned out. Yeah, she. So I'm. No, no, no, with the children. I mean, I am the fun guy. Astronaut always says I'm the fun guy. Like, you know, she has to tell the kids what to do all day and sit down and shut up and don't do this and stop doing that. And then you come in and I'm like, hey, let's play. So, so that bus driver, though, I remember a number of different occasions pulling over to the side because there's one kid, Eric, I won't say his last name, but I still remember him. Eric was a terror on feet. He was like Satan incarnate. He would cut holes in the Back of the sea.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Remember those tall seats?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Leather. Yeah.

[A]

With no seat belts. I mean, what was anybody thinking back then? I don't even think they still have seat belts on school buses. Because they figured, oh, they had the tall seats.

[B]

That's why they had them. Because I guess if you slam, you would just slam.

[A]

Yeah. But all they were was a piece of pleather with these iron bars. If you hit that stick seat, you were gonna hurt. And Eric, he would trip people and grab their bags and take their hats off their head and flick people off while he's driving down the road. I mean, this kid was a redhead, and he really gave the. He really lived up to the stereotype. You know what I'm saying? He went all in. Redhead. I get it. You're angry. You're a redhead. You got right to be angry. You didn't choose that. Just came to you. But Eric got us stopped multiple times. And that bus driver would come back, and she was big and burly and nasty. I think she had a mustache. And she'd be like, you don't sit down, Eric. I'm gonna. You're gon be right here until you sit down. And we were all like, oh, man, it's a standoff. Eric. Eric. And I remember one time it got stopped in my neighborhood, like, you know, half a mile from my stop. And this went on for like a half an hour. Eric and the bus driver were just at an impasse. And I don't know what was going. Some kind of negotiation was going, like hostage negotiation was going on between Eric and the bus driver. And she was like, I'm going to call your parents. You never. And he's like, go ahead, call my parents. They don't give a shit. And I'm like, oh, God. He said, shit.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And half an hour, I think in my. In my brain, it felt like a half an hour. And then finally I. I just raised my hand and. And I.

[B]

Can I get off?

[A]

Yeah. I go, can I get off? Because I can walk home. And Eric turns around, he goes, no one's getting off this bus. And I was like, oh, wow. I sat right back.

[B]

What happened to Eric?

[A]

Eric's probably in jail. That's probably where Eric is. Eric's dead or in jail. I don't think you just turn around and make a turnaround.

[B]

That.

[A]

Yeah. If you're 12 and causing 50 people on a bus a nightmare because you just decided to be a shithead that day. It's not like you wake up one day and you're you know, I don't know.

[B]

I think I'll be nice.

[A]

Mother Teresa. Yeah. When you turn 21, it's just a life of misery. I don't think Eric had a great home, so I think he had. He actually lived down the street from me. And I'll tell you something about Eric. 1. We moved into this house in here in Atlanta. My dad built the house. He had gotten a job. We stayed in an apartment for like the first two months. Then we moved to this brand new house that he had built. And the house was in like Atlanta blew up really around the 96 Olympics. And we moved here before the 96 Olympics. So we're pretty. We're in a, like a nice suburb, but it wasn't as populated as it is now. And so the area around us, it was a neighborhood behind my house, another neighborhood. But then there was this dirt road on the side of our house. And that dirt road ran about a mile back to a house on a creek. Like a beautiful house on a creek. But it was a dirt road and it had do not enter private property on it. It said that dirt road sat right next to us. So in the exploration of my new neighborhood, one day I'm on my bike and I'm riding around and I'm like, let me go give a gander to what's going on trail. You know, I'm a kid, I don't know, I'm just one of.

[B]

I would have done it too.

[A]

Yeah. It was like pretending I was a bmx, you know, superstar or something, I don't know. And explore kicking jumps and all this. I barely knew how to ride a bike anyway. So I take my little BMX and I go and I decide just to go down the path a little bit. And as I get it, it was kind of this dirt road that went up and took a left hand turn down toward the house that was way back in the woods, so. But it was downhill. So I took the turn and then I'm going down.

[B]

Where was the creek?

[A]

The creek was. The creek literally ran in the creek. The creek ran literally the length of the neighborhood. But they had the house built like. Like one of those beautiful houses. Just sits on a ledge on rocks over this beautiful creek. It was gorgeous. So I take this left hand turn. I'm gaining some speed. Now I'm really into it. Now I'm really a BMX biker. And I'm like, yeah. And in my mind, my imagination is going crazy. Yeah, Now I'm the guy, you know. Now I'm Bruce Willis from Die Hard. You know, I'm gonna get the bad guys. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just daydreaming, as I always do, riding down.

[B]

You're in BMX Bandits.

[A]

Oh, I remember that. Oh, yeah. BMX Bandits. Sure do. Radical rad, dude. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I'm not sure what I'm doing. But anyway, I'm riding down, I'm picking up speed, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a German shepherd running after me. And, I mean, this German shepherd did. Meant me no good. He meant me.

[B]

He was a guard dog.

[A]

He was a guard dog for this house, and he was after me. I mean, so I'm pedaling, pedaling down the thing. The dog's barking right behind me. And of course, the German shepherd, I'm sure if he had wanted to, could have caught up with me, right? But I think he. Maybe he was playing. Yeah, maybe he was playing or chasing me out or whatever. I kept going down the hill, down the hill, down the hill, past the house, through this little creek. Right. You know, riding through the creek, back up this little hill, and all of the sudden, out of nowhere, comes this older teenage kid, and he's got a bat in his hand. And I thought he was coming after me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, oh, my God, what's going on? I fall off the bike. The dog is probably. It is a horror movie trap in the woods. Yes. You got to understand that this really. I had PTSD over this for months and months and months afterwards. I never even looked at that dirt road. For months afterwards, this guy, older kid with a bat is running toward me, and I'm like, oh, my God. I fall off the bike because I don't know what. You know, I almost purposely fall off the bike because I don't know what to do now. I have to defend myself from a dog and a teenager with a bat. And this kid has got bright red hair, bright red hair. And he runs past me, and then he's swinging the bat wildly toward the dog. He's like, get away, get away, get away, Rufus. Or whatever, you know? And, yeah, the dog. Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. And then I hear somebody calling the dog, whatever his name is, right? So the dog runs back up toward the house, and this kid comes by, and he goes, you shouldn't ride your bike down here, man. And I'm like, oh, I'm new to the neighborhood. Whatever. I just saved your life. You owe me. And I'm like, okay. All right, thank you very much. Or you go to school. So I named the school. He's like, yeah, my little brother goes there, man, you almost got killed. And I was like, I, I, I'm, thank you very much. He's like, if I were you, I'd follow me back to the street and get your ass back to your house and never go down this path again because that dog will eat you alive. He was like, scaring the out of me.

[B]

Was it their dog?

[A]

No, it was somebody's. Because eventually this little path ran out just into the woods and then into someone's backyard, into another part of the neighborhood, into a cul de sac. And his house was in that cul de sac. And he must have heard the fracas or saw it from his backyard and came running to my aid, but then scared the whole out of me by telling me I was about to get eaten alive by this guard dog that, you know, killed people in the woods. And I was like, holy shit. Oh, my God. And so I rode my bike when I was riding through the back or, you know, carrying my bike through the backyard, and I got on to ride it in his driveway. I saw Eric. And Eric goes, He says this to me. He goes, you picked the wrong day to go biking in the woods. And I was like, okay, thanks. I think I know you from school. He's like, whatever. Two redheads just scaring the shit out of me down the street. But I will say that they did probably save me from at least a very scary event.

[B]

Bad bite.

[A]

I'm sure the dog could have called up with me if it wanted. There's a fucking German shepherd. You think me riding a bike, I'm going to get away from the German shepherd? I think it's just there to scare people away. But, man, I'll tell you what. Thank God for Eric and his bigger brother. But that was seared in my brain for years. I mean, even as I was an older teenager, like 15, 16, 17 years old, I would still be scared to go down that dirt road. And I would never, I never went back there. Never, ever went back there.

[B]

Did you know the people that lived in the house?

[A]

No one knew the people that lived in the house. We only saw the cars coming at night. Actually, maybe they came during the day, and we just didn't hear it. But my room, my bedroom had two windows on the side of the house, so I was like, at the end of the house, right? So these two windows overlooked the small amount of woods between us and the dirt road. So when it was fall or at night. You could see the car lights coming in and out and that. To me, they only ever came in and out during the nighttime. Maybe that's because I just noticed it. But we never met those neighbors. They never showed their face. They weren't even spoken about, like, with other neighbors, like, who lives back there? Don't speak thy name.

[B]

Don't look in the direction of.

[A]

Don't look at the direction of the dirt road. Yeah, it really was scary. I mean, you know, you're just. I was just a little. Little Brian. Just a little bee.

[B]

You need to ask your dad. Mom about that.

[A]

Well, I mean, even if I asked my dad to this day, like, I. A couple years ago, you know, I was doing some reminiscing, and I'm like, what? Remember that time we went here? Remember that? You know, as a kid? So I don't remember all the color clarity that my dad probably did. And I did ask. I was like, you remember the dirt road over there? And he goes, yeah. And I go, who lived back there? And he's like, I don't know. I met the guy once. He was, you know, trolling around outside, cutting the. Cutting the weeds down off the dirt road. And he said he was never very pleasant. He never really said anything. He goes, but he also never bothered me. I go, dad, his day, his dog almost ate me. His dog didn't almost eat you. Stop exaggerating, Brian. No dog almost ate you. What are you talking about? I'm like, dad, there was this whole incident. He's like, I don't remember that incident. And I'm like, you're such a good father. You don't remember the incident that seared your. Your child's mind forever? I think I mentioned it in therapy one time. I'm lucky I don't have a fear of dogs. I do have a fear of dogs. That's why I got blue. Because she's not a dog. She's a very loud cat is what she is. That. That. Yeah. So there you go. There's the story of Eric and the bus driver. Anyway, summertime comes, I don't have to deal with the buses anymore. Yeah, well, listen, those. Those buses, they're just ridiculous these days. I remember when I was a kid, there'd be like miles in between. A bus stop, you would have to get dropped off, and then you'd have to walk a mile and a half home because that's the way it was. A bus stop wasn't stopping every 50ft at your house. Now these Kids are so pampered, they literally stop at every house. So they pick you up. Do you. Do you. Do you see this? I do. All driving decorum has gone out the window here in Atlanta. I don't know if this is happening in your town, but red lights no longer mean in this town.

[B]

I just saw that on my way over today. It was. Somebody just completely blew through it.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Where are the need to stop and look even when it's a gleam? I do.

[A]

I have noticed this especially since probably the pandemic maybe a little bit before that, 20, 17, 18. I noticed that people got. Listen, in Atlanta, it's always been a rule that yellow light means go faster. Right. It means speed through. But now it's the red light. Literally six or seven seconds after a light turns red, people will still drive through the intersection.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's incredibly dangerous and scary, and especially when you got some youngsters in the back of the car. Listen, if just me and blue hit. Hit the passenger side, I don't care. But it's. I got my kids, all 30 of them, in the back of this family roadster, and I don't want to be killed.

[B]

No.

[A]

It's as if everybody has just lost all common sense and decency. And I'm not saying that I'm a prude. I'm not approved. I get it. Yellow light. Go fast. Make that light. You know, you've been sitting in traffic for an hour. All you want to do is make it home a little bit sooner. Yellow light, perfect. Go. But when it's red and you purposefully run through it and you know, it's ridiculous, especially when they're in the turn lane. The turn lane is the worst. Turn arrow comes on, turn, arrow turns yellow, then the red. Then, you know, everything turns green. They don't give a shit. They'll just keep on riding through the. Through the intersection.

[B]

Stop signs can be the same way where you have a stop sign right outside of our house and people just blow through it all the time.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm like, stop sign, please.

[A]

That's such a suggestion. Stop is a suggestion. It's not an actual law. And by the way, I would have been afraid just 10 years ago to run a red light that I would get pulled over, but I'd never see anybody getting pulled over. I can't hardly blame the cops. The cops get, you know, killed for pulling somebody over for a little bag of weed or whatever. And vice versa, by the way. People get killed having a little bag of weed. So there's a Little, you know, tension, I don't know if you've noticed, between the cops and civilized society, but at the end of the day, like, isn't that the job of the police officers to kind of, like, keep everybody in a little bit of check? Like, make an example of one person that runs the red light check. Oh, they did. Oh, I'm telling you.

[B]

What, texting.

[A]

Yes, they did.

[B]

The kids.

[A]

Yeah. As the kids are admitting that I was texting. He's like, were you texting? And I was like, no, I don't think I was texting. I just checking the map or something. Yes, you were, daddy. Yes, daddy. You were. You were texting somebody. The cop was like, well, guilty as charged, so I gotta give you a ticket. But he gave me a ticket for phone in my hand. He didn't give me the text. The actual texting one. It's like looking at the phone. Distraction while driving or whatever. But, you know, also when I got my license, which was until I was like, 22 years old when I got my driver's license, I was on the straight and narrow. I wouldn't go 5 miles per hour over, you know, mainly because I'd had so much drama around driving and the police that I was just so scared that I was getting anything wrong. But I just remember 10 years ago, it seemed like, okay, yellow light. All right, I get it. But everyone generally followed the rules of the road. There was always one, but now it's everybody's an grandma's an. You know, this guy's an. That guy's an Kids that just started driving our assholes. It's. It's fucking ridiculous. One of two things happens when I'm driving around this town. Either everyone's driving like an absolute maniac, and you gotta drive like an IndyCar racer and get around, or people are purposefully going exactly the speed limit to piss you off. Because this is my neighborhood, and I'm gonna make sure no one's going fast in my neighborhood. I'm Mrs. Nancy, patrol officer. You. You stop it. Stop with your pious. There's a medium there.

[B]

I've also noticed a lot of road rage, which.

[A]

Not me, not this guy. I am two different human beings. I am one person outside the car, and I am a different person inside the car. And I'm trying. I'm trying my best. Listen, I don't want to get, you know, killed over some.

[B]

No. And that will happen.

[A]

It will. When we were driving to Charlotte that, you know, you 85, which runs all the entire length of the country, I think up and down the East Coast, 85 is terrible because it's two lanes. Oftentimes it's in the middle of nowhere. And those trucks, they play games up to the Carolinas.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

They play games. They play games with you and your time. They get next to each other, and then they just ride for 30 miles next to each other, pretending as if they're trying to pass each other, but we really know what's going on. They're on that CB like, let's with them today. Great. Yeah. See the guy in the gray family roadster without a headlight on the left hand side? He's driving a little fast for my taste. So I'm gonna pull over here and I'll get next to you and yeah, big buddy, we'll keep him. Keep him in check, big buddy. And then you know that they're just talking to each other while they're driving right next to each other. I know you got us pass slow because of the wind, you know, the. Whatever you call the aerodynamics or whatever, but it gets a little ridiculous. So we're driving back from Charlotte, and I love to take the back roads, but on this particular occasion, I decided not to get in an argument with my wife and just go on 85. Well, here we are, you know, behind two trucks just being. And I'm not the one right behind the truck, but the traffic is slow, go. Slow, go. Slow, go.

[B]

It does do that.

[A]

It does do that. Yeah, because the trucks do that. And they're doing it on purpose to piss you off because they have a lot of time on their hands and they don't give a. And I love my truckers. I love my truckers. A lot of truckers listen to this show. I love you guys, and I know the games you play, and that's okay. You want to have some fun and that's fine. Just don't do it with me. So anyway, so we're driving because I fast all I can. I'm looking at my rear view mirror, checking all my mirrors, you know, my three points. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Always looking at my mirrors. And I could see miles behind me because it's like up a hill. I can see this guy is riding on both shoulders to get around people, and he's going a hundred miles per hour. He is coming so fast, it's crazy. So I'm watching him, watching him, watching him. People are swerving out of the way like it's. He's causing chaos, Chaos. And he's gonna Cause an accident. He's gonna kill somebody. And I'm like, holy. Well, the guy finally gets up toward me. He's in the right hand lane. I'm in the left hand lane. He goes around on the shoulder, and the truck pulls into the shoulder to block him.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So he cuts behind the truck, and then he cuts in front of me. Chrissy, I've had lots of people cut me off. I have never come so close to getting into an accident. Never come so close and getting in a terrible accident. Well, you know, I just. When that kind of happens, I just pray for justice some way. I pray that I come up on an accident like that. All of a sudden, we're in stop and go traffic. I come up on an accident, and that guy is on the side of the road with, you know, his legs sticking up, sticking through his anus or something. Yeah, I mean, I'm serious. Like, I don't know where this monster comes from, but I have a monster. I'm, like, praying for someone else's dismemberment. I'm like, I Hobie flipped that truck 75 times. And Astro's like, Brian, settle down. She knows when I'm getting worked up, too, because I'm like, I hate this guy. She's like, just let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go.

[B]

Rev down.

[A]

Oh, I can't rev down. That guy's revving up and almost killing everybody. Leave us alone. All right, well, I guess that's enough complaining for one day. I guess that's enough complaining for one day. No, it's not. I'll complain when I get in the car later. Yes. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

[C]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail. And we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcb podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors, so thank G. And here they are.

[A]

Oh, my God. I saw this story on Instagram. Let me Play it for you. Hold on. And I'm just trying to. Okay, ready?

[B]

I'm ready. Blue's ready too.

[A]

Yeah. Why is that not playing? I don't understand.

[D]

Baseball has nothing.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[D]

Particularly the craziest story in all of baseball. It has nothing to do with Shohei Otani and nobody is talking about it. What if I told you the New York Mets added a pitcher to their opening day roster who literally cannot throw a strike. Meet Marv McGillicuddy. This guy had a disastrous spring, yet the Mets, who are starving for wins, added him to their opening day roster and he's set to come out of the ballpark. Why are they adding Marv, you might ask? Plain and simple, he has a massive dong. Marv is so terrible he literally can't find the strike zone. Yet people are coming far and wide throughout spring training to see Marv Dong. Thanks to the see through pants provided by the mlb, the inseam fastball throb Gibson is attracting fans far and wide. MLB and Mets owners are thinking this guy could be the tail of swift baseball.

[A]

This is fucking insane. Now, to be fair, Marv, big dong. Mets, big dong.

[B]

Long duck.

[A]

Dong. Long duck dong. This is a crazy story, but I have been unable to verify this through my Internet research because he says the name of this guy Marv McGillicuddy, which to me sounds like a made up name. But this reel is getting a lot of traction and a lot of people are, you know, saying, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can't find this guy anywhere on the Internet. But they do have pictures in this reel of a guy named Marv with a big. You can clearly see how big his johnson is through his pants. It's unbelievable. Remember we were talking about Mr. Girth or the amazing God or whatever his name is. This guy has a dick that I have. I. I have a hard time believing that anything is that big in life, really. I've seen skyscrapers that have. That are blessed.

[B]

It might not be real. You know they use the prosthet in movies now.

[A]

They do. But what this guy is saying is that there is chatter on the Internet and chatter in the Mets front office that Marv McGillicuddy is going to bring people to the ballpark to see his big schlong. Well, and that will bring people to the ballpark to see the bets.

[B]

And listen, people have been doing it with girls for years. Oh yeah, why not?

[A]

Beautiful women with big. Listen, I'm not arguing the marketing strategy here. I think it's a good one. And I don't disagree with the Mets front office. If you're not going to win games, might as well have people come out to see a big dick. I mean, let's have, you know, OnlyFans fans night where we just show 18 and over, but we show Marv, you know, having sex with people on the big screen. That's what I think needs to happen. I want to find Marv McGillicuddy. And this is why I'm making a call to the podcast universe. If you know if this story is true or not true, please write in, let me know and send me a link to where I can find him. Because I didn't find him on the roster. I didn't find much information about him. There's not. It doesn't even seem like there's someone named Marv that's ever been with.

[B]

Well, then it's probably not true.

[A]

Well, but this guy is, like legit sports guy.

[B]

I think this guy just was pulling a prank.

[A]

I put in. I put in Marv. Oh, Mets mar. Mar. Marv McGillicudi. Here he is.

[B]

How old are you?

[A]

Okay, here, let's see. I love Harry Potter. And this turns you into a Harry Potter Terr. No, that's not him. I have to know whether or not this guy is. Is. Exists. Is Marv McGillicuddy real or not real? My Internet research and my. My very Internet savvy brain tells me that it's probably not real, but it's coming from a very legit source that knows a lot about baseball. So I'm just wondering it. Did he, like, fade off into the distance? They decided maybe his dick wasn't as big as they thought it was because the pictures are amazing. He's probably got two feet of dick. Two feet of dick. And unbelievably, the guy with the longest dick in the world was at one point a Mets. Huge Mets fan. And so what he used to do.

[B]

Is a huge method.

[A]

He's a huge Mets fan, and he used to be on public access in New York, and he would do this, like, vlog or whatever, you know, this show on, talking about the Mets, and people would call in and be like, show me your neck. And I think he might have been a little autistic. So he'd be like, I'm not showing you my dick back to the Mets. But he was on the Howard Stern show once, once, and he showed his dick, and apparently it was like three and a half feet long. So Marv McGillicuddy and this guy should get together. Do A little porn and then throw it on the screen and have Marvin McGillicuddy night. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah. Bobbleheads abound.

[A]

Bobble dicks, bobble boners. What about a bobble boner night?

[B]

I know, I like it.

[A]

I went to the Braves game last night, by the way. Saw the Braves trounced the Cubs seven to nothing. That was all right. That was a lot of fun. Fun? Yeah. Braves games are fun. You know, everybody's into it, but I'm.

[B]

Going to one in a couple weeks.

[A]

My twin brother has. Has season tickets. And I think way back when the show first started, I had an opportunity to go to. Or not. When the show first started, 2022, I had an opportunity to go to the playoff games and then a World Series game, which I have never been to a baseball game like that in my entire life. It was insane. So loud, so boisterous. Every pitch was, you know, energy. Yeah. And it was a good game. Like, it was a good back and forth. This was not by the. The braves are up 7 to nothing. It didn't matter anyway, so we just kind of sat there and talked. But Kevin has season tickets, and he's had the same seats for a while. So I hadn't been there since the World Series game. Hadn't been to these seats since the World Series game. So Kevin points out, oh, yeah, that's this guy. And I know that girl. And these people have seasons.

[B]

Yeah, you get to know people around.

[A]

People, know people around you. So he points out that these two brothers are sitting in front of us, like, in front of us a little bit to the right. He's like, oh, yeah, those. Those two guys are brothers. So they're probably in their 60s, these brothers. And he goes, they have. Have three seats, but there's only two of them. And they only. Only two of them ever come. And I said, why is that? And he goes, look at them. And these guys are the epitome of. I don't know what to. How to say this old white man belly. Do you know what I'm talking about? Where you could, like, literally lay a plate of food on the belly and it would stay perfectly. It goes all the way over the pants. And then they got tiny, skinny little legs, but they're huge. These bellies are huge. So these. Both of these brothers are sitting one seat away. There's a seat empty in the middle. They're kind of laying, you know, lazying over the chair. And I don't know, these guys are probably very nice People, but my attention gets focused on them because both of them have earphones in. Not uncommon. A lot of older people like to listen to the game on radio. They like to listen to the color commentary on the radio. So that used to happen all the time.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen that before.

[A]

Back before iPhone, you would have your, you know, fm, am. You know, those. That's little. I had one of those ones.

[B]

Yeah, it was like a can type thing.

[A]

Yeah, cans. But then they had little dials on the side of them you could dial in, you know, fm. Yeah. A little antenna sticking out. I had one of those for years. I would walk around the park with one of those, and it was long after iPhones were around. I was such a dipshit. But I did it for the same reason, listen to the Braves game, because I didn't, you know, I didn't want to stream it on my phone because back then it wasn't like it is now. So, anyway, so I noticed they have their earbuds in, and I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And then I'm just, like, kind of keeping an eye on what's going on in this guy's phone. I swear to God. At first, he's, like, playing some game, Dungeons and Dragons, not really sure. Then he's checking Instagram. His Instagram account looks a lot like my Instagram account. It's all boobs and butt. It's just girl after girl after girl. You could tell this guy is just maybe lonely. I don't know. But that's. You know, I always put a story to someone when I. When I don't know them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I give them.

[B]

Create them.

[A]

Yeah. Backstory. I feel like there has to be a plot line in everything that I do in my life, you know? So I create a plot, you know, oh, he's lonely. His wife probably left him. You know, he just. He. Maybe he has a kid that doesn't talk to him anymore. He comes to the brains game out of habit. He's been doing it since he was five. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, so these two brothers don't say a fucking word to each other the entire time, the entire game. They didn't say a word to each other, both on their. On their headsets and on their phones, but I can't see what the other guy is looking at. I can only see the guy closest to me is looking at. At some point, like, sits here on the sixth inning, he all of a sudden, he starts watching. Like, I. I'm. I'm assuming it's Japanese television. With subtitles on it. And it looks like a. Like a. A show, an hour long show. And I'm like, oh, okay, there's a nice, handsome young guy dressed like a student talking to a girl in a little skirt. You know, they're maybe at school or whatever. And I'm like, wow, that's. That's cool. But at some point it turns into like hentai. Like all of a sudden, all of a sudden it turns very sexual for. And he's like. Like, he's like putting his phone closer to his face. And they're going like this. Meanwhile, 30 rows behind him, include. We're sitting right in front of the press boxes. And everybody could see this guy's phone. He's just like watching this softcore porn, Japanese movie on his phone, Japanese show on his phone at the ballpark, kids. And everybody could just see it. And he's just enjoying himself. I mean, he's not like really enjoying himself, but he's in. You know, you could tell he's into it. He's paying no attention to the game. That's okay. Seven to nothing. I'm not paying attention to the game either.

[B]

But you're paying attention to him.

[A]

Yeah, I was paying attention to him. I was so fascinated with what was going on. I'm like, this is fascinating. Look at this guy. Just pulled up his Japanese porn while we're sitting here at the Braves game. You do never know what people are up to. It just goes to show. You remember that guy, Jeffrey Toobin, who was whacking off during the zoom phone call? I thought of Jeffrey during that moment. I was like, it's just easy to get caught up in stuff and not really realize that everybody else is watching you. Yeah, he had no clue. Clue. And I was. I thought to myself, wow, that's interesting. I didn't even point it out to my brothers because I was like, I just want to enjoy this for a moment. If I say something to Kevin, he might say so, you know, Kevin might say, hey, cut that out. Because Kevin's one of those guys he likes, you know, sometimes he likes to get loud at the baseball game. Come on. You're like, all right, dude, settle down just a little bit.

[B]

Well, it's part of the fun of the game.

[A]

I do, I do agree. Yeah, I do agree. He. He's calmed down quite a bit back in, you know, maybe his 20s or 30s. I mean, he would really get into it. He'd be like, go yourself. That was a strike. And people would be like, huh, huh. Now he just Occasionally makes the offhanded comment. For a while there, I was like.

[B]

Kev, it's still in.

[A]

Either you're way too excited or you're trying to get attention, but either way, it's not a good look. Let's calm it down a little bit. But I went with Dan, Danny and Kevin. You know, it was a good game. It was a lot of fun.

[B]

Oh, nice. Atlanta, little brother time.

[A]

As we're walking out of the stadium, most people stayed till at least the seven thinning stretch. Then it thinned out a little bit. But, you know, it was certainly full in the stadium and it's a lovely area over there. Now, though, I do have to say that even though they're the Cobb County Braves now, they're not really in Atlanta. They did make a good move. It's a beautiful ballpark. It's a wonderful area. There's a lot of entertainment and restaurants, as is on trend right now for all of these ballparks. They just make a whole district out of it. Right. But as we're leaving the game. Game's over. We're leaving the game. And, you know, it's the crowd, the rush, everybody. And everybody is so calm and polite and nice. And I do have to say something about Atlanta. I'm really proud of Atlanta in that way. This is not Philly. This is not Chicago. This ain't the New York Jets. This is, you know, the Raiders. People aren't just beating each other up in the parking lot for no reason. Like, it's just a very, very chilled, relaxed, warming. And listen, I get it. You love these.

[B]

They just turn into crazies on the road.

[A]

Yeah, they're just idiots on the road. They're all running the red light.

[B]

They go from nice and polite at the ballpark.

[A]

Yes. Literally there's, you know, they have all the roads blocked off in different ways. Who knows how they do that? Traffic path. Yeah, it all seems very confusing to me, but whatever. They have a plan, I guess. Just follow the lines. But there's all these cones that are set up in one of these access roads to the back of the stadium where. Where I believe probably the players are parking. So there's this guy in this beat up old Ford Taurus and he's just standing in line for traffic. Sitting in line. We're walking to the car and he just takes a right, rolls over a bunch of cones and just starts driving down the road. He has no clue. I'm like, hey, dude, what way to do it? Yeah, I wanted to see if he was Going to get arrested or not. But he did.

[B]

Might as well try.

[A]

But I say this to point out that, you know, know, there's. It's such a cool town. Like, everybody's just like, yeah, cool, whatever, you know, Braves 1, or. I mean, I guess there's no stakes in the game either. So it's not like we just had a hard, fat fought battle with the Phillies or something like that. It's just a regular game and we won seven to nothing. And I love the Cubs and I love the Braves.

[B]

I know Jeff's a big fan too. And I used to be like, oh, sorry, the Braves lost. And he's like, yeah, there's a ton of games.

[A]

Yeah, 200,000 games a season. If you lose one, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, honestly, baseball is the most ridiculous sport. It's, it's. I love it, but it's the most ridiculous sport. And. But they added that pitch clock. You know what that is? Yes. All right, so for those of you that don't know who aren't into professional baseball, used to be that you would go to a game and depending on who was pitching, it could be two and a half hours, three hours, or it could be five hours long. And that had to do with a lot of different things. But the main cause of the drag was who was pitching on the mound. Because some pitchers pitch out of the stretch. That means it takes them a long time to get ready. And it takes them like a minute and a half for each pitch. They're cooling down their arm a little bit.

[B]

They're thinking about adjusting their package.

[A]

Yeah, adjusting their package. Spitting some stuff on the dirt, making sure that the plate is clean. Because the. The plate is clean. We can do slip off. What is that, an oil slick? Are we in a cartoon? Are you gonna slip off the mound, fly across the stadium? No, it's a little bit of dirt. You're on a mound, who cares? It's like, you know, whatever, you know, and then check the first. Whoever's on first bait. Come on, guys, let the catcher worry about that. You pitch the ball. But this incredibly painful and long process. And a. People liked it because it was part of the tradition of the game. It kept things the pace slow and methodical, like a chess game. But it's not a chess game. It's a professional sporting event. And you can't spend five and a half, six hours. I mean, Chrissy and I went to a ton of Braves games, last for so long, we go to a businessman special at 3 in the afternoon. We get out of the stadium at 11:15, swear to God we would, because it'd be a five and a half hour game followed by two and a half hours of throwing up in the chop house.

[B]

Because we'd taken shots.

[A]

Yeah, we were just shot after shot.

[B]

That our manager gave us.

[A]

That our manager put on his tab. His never ending tab. Braves up by 35 runs middle of the third inning. It's 9:00pm at 3:00 clock game because you know, Smoltzy is taking seven hours to get his bag ready or whatever he's doing. His bags ready? I don't know. So that pitch clock, they, they did a trial run last year with the minor leagues. What they did is they give everybody, I think it's 20 seconds, 20 seconds between pitches. So as soon as the pitch is thrown, as soon as you start the stretch, meaning you start to make a motion toward the bag, then they stop the pitch clock. And so most pitchers take all of that 20 seconds. They really have it down to a rhythm, but it keeps the game moving. Yeah. And I do have to say that watching the games on TV and watching them in, in, in real life now feels better to me. It's like I didn't, I didn't know if I'd like it or not. I love it. I think it's great for the game and I do too.

[B]

That's what I always liked about going to soccer games too, is they were quick.

[A]

Oh yeah, it's always quick. It's fast action always going on. Well, it's only 90 minutes too, you know, it's, it's very quick. They, they got to do that to golf too. We got, we got to get rid of some of these golfers who take seven hours and they're talking about the wind and which way the grass blades go. I love golf. I really do. I'm all about it. But man, if I have to dedicate an entire weekend, I mean an entire weekend from two in the afternoon to midnight to watch this because Tigers, you know, worried about which way the wind is blowing the pine. It's like, come on. Does the wind really affect your ball that much? Yes, it does, it does. But can you really accurately predict which wind is going to happen when you're standing in the middle of a big field? No, you can't. So, you know, take your best guess and throw it out. That's what I have to say. Say we should have a pitch clock on most of the things that we do in life. That's my opinion. A Pitch clock on putting the kids to bed. A pitch clock on the batting on the bathing. The bathing. Bathing. What was that, Brian? Bath on the bathing. If we put a pitch clock on the commercial break, that might be a good thing, too. 20 seconds to get from commercial to commercial. Three segments. That's it. Minute long commercial breaks. Oh, man. Anyway, had a good time at the braids game.

[B]

I'm so happy you had a good night out. Out.

[A]

It just reinforced that, you know, we. Everyone who lives in a city knows that you love the city, but you hate the city. I forgot who told us that. Was it Leslie? Leslie. Leo said, I think everybody feels the same way about their city. They love it, but they hate it. And I feel the same way about Atlanta. I love it, but I hate it. And I've been here for a long time, probably longer than most. But the truth is, I do love our city. I think our city's just a group of cool people. Drive like a bunch of. You Drive like a bunch of. Yes, but they're also driving like on. In North Carolina on 85 too. So much more dangerously, I might add. So, anyway, thanks, Atlanta, for being a cool town. I really do appreciate it. From my heart to your heart. I love you. Now watch. We're gonna do a live show in Atlanta, and six people. I know, they're gonna be like, the feeling is not mutual. We, as in Atlanta, have gotten together and decided leave our town.

[B]

We don't like you.

[A]

Yeah, you can continue to record here, but just mention somewhere else like Huntsville or somewhere like. Like that. Can you pretend you're in Huntsville? We would appreciate it. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

[C]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on TikTok@TCB podcast.

[A]

Done. Perfect.

[C]

Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcdpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[A]

Okay. And we're back. Hey, did you. I. I want to talk about this, like, disturbing trend that's going on in New York about people getting randomly punch God.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I just saw the thing about Steve Buscemi. Yeah.

[A]

It's like a national treasure.

[B]

I mean, I know.

[A]

I know you may not know who Steve Buscemi is when you're walking down the street. You. You know, you could probably walk by him a million times and never recognize that it's Steve Buscemi. But what a. What a terrible, terrible thing to be. Two things in New York that are going on right now that are really kind of unnerving to be. Number one is the random punching in the face. And now it's happened to, like, Bethany Frankel and some other people.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy. I don't understand why.

[A]

I don't know. It's like a game people are playing or. I don't know if they're just getting their aggress out on random human beings. Because the guy who supposedly punched Steve Buscemi looked like a perfectly normal dude. Like, he didn't look like he was crazy or anything. He was, like, wearing a jogging outfit, and, you know, he looked buff, like he had been working out, and he had a bag on his shoulder. It looked like any guy. Random person you would walk by on the street. And apparently, he just knocked the. Out of Steve Buscemi for no reason while Steve was on his phone. And apparently that's the common denominator amongst all of these, is that it's people on their phones. People, when they have their head down on their phones, are getting punched randomly. And why? For what reason?

[B]

There is no reason.

[A]

There is no reason. Punch a punching bag.

[B]

You know, I know Steve had to go. I saw you had to go to the hospital and had, like, a whole eye situation going on. I mean, it's terrible.

[A]

Steve is not exactly a spring chicken. I mean, he's got to be in his 60s, mid-60s, if not late 60s. The guy's been around forever, ever. And he's been in a lot of things that I just love. Big Lebowski, all the Coen Brother movies, I think, except maybe. Except for Fargo and. And.

[B]

But, I mean, he's Boardwalk Empire.

[A]

Boardwalk Empire was so good. Anyway, you know, Steve Buscemi, you know what he's been in? He's walking down the street in New York in a upscale part of town down in lower Manhattan, and he just gets knocked down for no reason by a guy who's just walking by him randomly. And Steve's got his head in his phone and just gets knocked. And that apparently happened to another number of other celebrities, but probably more disturb to just random human Beings, women mainly. But a couple of guys apparently have had this happen to them, too. That. What the fuck, guys? Rev down, rev down, rev down. Guy in the Ford F150 driving like a fucking idiot in North Carolina and people who are punching people randomly in New York. Can you guys just, like, give it a break? The. The world is tough enough right now. It really is.

[B]

Living in 2024, a freaking punching bag. Get your aggression out on that.

[A]

Punch a wall. Punch your own dick. I hear some people get off on that, you know? Know, like, why are you punching random people who are undeserving of it, at least from your perspective? Because you don't know them. They're undeserving of it. And quite frankly, it's just highly disturbing. It is scary.

[B]

It's mean and dangerous.

[A]

It's mean and dangerous. And listen, I think the, you know, crime is everywhere in the big city thing is overblown. Crime is actually lower than it has been, you know, in since the pandemic started. But the truth is, is that just that. That just makes things very scary for everybody that wants to just walk around unmolested. I mean, that's the truth. So leave it alone. But here's the other second thing that I think is disturbing that's going on in New York right now. Did you hear they put a portal to Dublin in New York?

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[B]

No.

[A]

So in Times Square. Yeah, let me explain. For those of you that don't know, and you can go Google it and see it in Times Square, they put up an art installation. That art installation essentially looks like. I don't like, a portal, right? A big portal. It's got a huge bubble, like a. A bubble donut thing around it. And then it's got a screen in the middle, and it's huge, right? It's probably 10ft tall, 10ft wide. It's a big circle screen. And that screen, that art installation, is in Dublin also. So they have two of them, and the screen shows the other one. So when you're in New York, you can see straight into downtown Dublin. When you're in downtown Dublin, you can see straight into New York. New York. And so people have been going by, waving to people. You know, apparently there have been a couple of people who have connected romantically because they saw each other on the New York. The Dublin portal. Yeah.

[B]

So, saw you on the portal.

[A]

Saw you on the portal. Loved your tits, calling me up. What's going on? Hey, saw you, Mr. McGillicuddy, on the portal. Thought I'd call about that two foot dick.

[B]

Meet me at the portal.

[A]

Meet me at the portal. So let me tell you something. We can't have nice things because after two weeks it turned into total debauchery. Let me guess, People flicking each other off. People pissing on it. People flat only fans, Models going out there and flashing people. You know, sexually suggestive stuff. People holding swastika flags. People showing hardcore graphic pornography on their phones. Going right up to the camera and showing hard hardcore pornography. So they had to shut it down. Down. They had to shut it down. Something that apparently everybody really thought was a cool idea. And then a few jack holes decide they got to ruin it. Now I get it, you troublemakers. I'm just like you. I have been just like you. Thirty years ago, I also would have had similar ideas. But can we have one thing nice? Can we have one thing nice? One thing that's un. Tainted, untainted by absolute drama. Like swastikas. Really? Swastikas. Or we. Is that. Is that how we want to let Dublin know that we're good? I don't know if it's coming from Dublin or to Dublin or whatever, but it doesn't really matter where it's coming from. Swastikas are pretty much a universal. There's a universal agreement that swastikas are a bad sign of anything. Yeah, right. Nothing good ever came after a swastika. I'm just letting you know that right now. If you can think of something, text me. But I don't know, I. I don't think so. And then hardcore pornography. People are in Times Square, their children are around, around. It's just like shitty all together. It's just shitty. Why are you doing that? Like the random occasional flashing if you're at night and there's adults around. Okay. Cute, right? Funny. You did it. You showed some tits. That's great. Or you, you mooned the camera. I get that stuff. Okay? Everyone's gonna act out a little bit. But all the, like violent and weird and, you know, sexually explicit. It's like, come on, guys, let's not do this. Let's not do this. This Dublin has one of the best television shows I have ever seen. Dating naked.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So why are we gonna. With Dublin like this? We need that portal. If they would show dating naked on there 24 hours a day, that is like a clinically, scientifically unsexual show.

[B]

It really.

[A]

It's hard to get worked up when you literally have a close up of someone's genitalia where they have like pimples and stuff on their leg. I know, it's crazy. We should review it again. I know know it's on hbo. Max know that's crazy. I saw it like we talked about. I mean, not that we did anything, had to do anything, but.

[B]

No, but it was after we talked.

[A]

About three months after we talked about it on Max. Yeah, for sure. But now everyone's running around like, you know, flashing. And I just find it like, just feels so shitty to me. Life is so tough as it is. People are punching each other for no reason and, you know, showing cum shots on the Portland, the dumb. But listen, cum shots look the same all around the world. You don't need to show them they know. Know they get it. They got what a cum shot looks like. The money shot looks the same anywhere in the world. And you don't need to show that kind of stuff to prove a pointer to make yourself cute. And by the way, who fucking cares? Like, do. Does anybody really care that you show? I mean, yes, people care, but what I mean is, is it important? Did it do anything? Did it further any conversation? Are you helping anybody in any. Any way? No, you're just being an. That's all you're doing. Leave it alone. Alone. Honestly, leave it alone. Can we. Can we pull ourselves back together just for a minute? Can we sit down and take a deep breath, Pull ourselves together for one minute? I wish I felt like when I first saw that port, the portal to Dublin, I thought, what a. Interesting idea. What a cool idea. I mean, I. I realize it's not like groundbreaking technology to have a video camera somewhere and a television screen. I realize that, you know, live. Live streaming has been around for a long time. This is nothing new too, but it's just a cute idea.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Have the kids wave to the other kids and, you know, say hi and, you know, show your breasts and, you know, that kind of stuff I think you can get away with. But all the other stuff is just too much. It's too dramatic. What's going on?

[B]

I wish I knew.

[A]

I wish you knew too. I.

[B]

It's really. It's disturbing, you know, when I think.

[A]

Of stuff like this, I think Chrissy's gonna have an answer for me. She's gonna understand.

[B]

I just go back to my nice news in the mornings. I know, and think about all the.

[A]

Nice things Chrissy has, like all the happy articles sent to her. She's like morning affirmations. Meanwhile, Brian's like swastikas in Dublin money shots in the Dublin Portal.

[B]

You the nice news. So it's a good balance.

[A]

Yes. Go ahead and send it to me. I'll be happy to take a look.

[B]

There's some interesting things.

[A]

You know I would think would be interesting is if someone actually came on the camera. Like, that would be something I would say, hey, well, it's art. It's art. It's modern art. Because I look at some of these.

[B]

Well, speaking of cum shots, did you read the story? It happened here in Atlanta at the Whole Food. There was a Whole Food Foods where a woman was bending down in the Whole Foods, like in middle of the day on a Saturday, and all of a sudden felt something on her back. And she said that she thought it was coffee had been spilled on her. And she turned around and the guy was pulling up his pants and ran outside and got in his car. And everybody's trying to figure out where this guy is. But come.

[A]

It was jizz. Yeah, she got jizz.

[B]

Yeah, she was disturbed. She's like a plastic surgeon.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It was bad.

[A]

Bad. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wsb.

[A]

She got a come and go. You know what a come and go is? I come and then I go.

[B]

I guess that's it. Yeah, that's.

[A]

She got a come and go at the Whole Foods. Oh, my God.

[B]

What's wrong with people? Really?

[A]

Seriously?

[B]

Yeah, no, it's in the news. I just read it yesterday.

[A]

Where did this happen?

[B]

At the Whole Foods in Atlanta, downtown.

[A]

The Ponce de Leon one.

[B]

Now, I don't even know if it said exactly which one, but I think it might have been in this area.

[A]

Oh, my Christ. For God's sakes. Come and go is strictly reserved for one night stands. That's a come and go, guys. I just made that up. By the way you feel, feel free to use it at your house party. At your housewarming party. Hey, are you here for the come and go? But that's terrible. That is terrible. That is highly disturbing.

[B]

Yeah, she was. And yeah, somebody got a picture of the plate and the. The store had cameras.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

So I think they're gonna find this guy, but that's just awful.

[A]

Yeah. You know, this is gonna be on some porn channel eventually. You know, like one of two things.

[B]

Either guys find that as porn.

[A]

No, but some people are into that. They're into that like, voy, you know, crazy crap. And listen, whatever you're into, cool. But when it includes not telling another human being you're about to jazz on them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, hey, come on, Guys like, you know, you can go on chatterbait and do the same thing. You don't, you know, with some random stranger that's expecting it, by the way. That is expecting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That someone would just jizz on you and go. Yeah, send me the story. I'd like to read about that. I'd like to see if they got my license plate. Plate right. Oh, yeah. I don't know what's going on in the world, but it's sad come and goes. It's all sad. The come and goes. Ah, the good old come and go.

[B]

Come and run.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of a hit and run's a come and run.

[A]

Was that the dining dash? Yeah. Now it's the D and dash.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, well, if you want to come and go, let us know. 212-433-TCB. That's 212-433-TCB. If you're here in the southeastern United States, Tennessee, North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, maybe even Alabama, let us know because Huntsville specifically, because I think that's where we're going to be banished to after the come and go story. Let us know because we're putting together some live shows, a little tour, if you will. I don't know if I want to call it a tour because I don't think that's the accurate word for it, but you know, some live shows and we'd like to know who's interested in coming and going. So 212-433-3822 questions, comments, concerned content, ideas from anywhere in the world. Soul free. Just give us your. Yeah. What am I saying? Don't give us anything. Just write us. We love you. Write us. Leave us.

[B]

Write us.

[A]

Yeah, leave us a message. What you can do is you can get your free TCB bumper [e-mail] all the audio, all the video, all the show notes.

[B]

Doesn't have to go on the bumper.

[A]

No, put them people. I've seen people send us pictures on the refrigerator, on the backpack, on their computer, whatever. Put it anywhere. But you can get your free sticker by giving us your physical app address on the website. On the Contact Us page, drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us that address and away it'll go. You can also send us an email through there. And we would additionally like to let you know that you can find us on Insta now. On Insta now at the commercial break. What's that? Insta. Back in my day, it took 72 years, years to get film developed. You took a picture as a baby, you'd have it by the time you're 90. What's that? DCB podcast, Tik Tok and YouTube.com the commercial break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. You're welcome, Brian. Today is going to be a changing day in your life.

[B]

You've got the voice down.

[A]

I sure do. All right. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

Best to you.

[C]

Best to you.

[A]

Best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say, and we must say goodbye. I get asked.