Chrissy (2:41)

Oh, my gosh. It was paradise. Paradise. Jamaica, man. Yeah, man.

Brian Green (2:45)

Jamaica, man. Yeah, man.

Chrissy (2:46)

We're doing some. I drank a ton of Red Stripes.

Brian Green (2:51)

That's it.

Chrissy (2:51)

Smoked a ton of weed.

Brian Green (2:52)

That's it.

Chrissy (2:53)

And learned how to play dominoes.

Brian Green (2:55)

You learned how to play for the first time. You never played dominoes before?

Chrissy (2:58)

Not. Not in the way they're supposed to be playing. I guess I just, you know, stacking them up and knocking them down.

Brian Green (3:05)

Yeah, that's how I do it, too. Yeah, I thought that was the game you played with dominoes. Until I went to jail and they taught me how to actually play dominoes. Yeah.

Chrissy (3:15)

Blast. Ate a ton of seafood, saw beautiful sunsets, listen to the ocean.

Brian Green (3:19)

Yeah, you.

Chrissy (3:21)

I know.

Brian Green (3:21)

I'm sorry, but I'm sitting here slaving away in the studio and Chrissy comes back all sun kissed. Not from a tanning. Not from a tanning.

Chrissy (3:29)

I knew you were going to be a little jealous.

Brian Green (3:31)

I am a little jealous. Because no matter. It's like, I don't know, I've never smoked K2 or K12 or whatever the that is, but I imagine it's like the cheap gas station knockoff weed you get and then the real weed that you get from. From an actual. Yeah, you know, weed dispensary. There's no comparison. Sun in the sun is so much better than sun in a can.

Chrissy (3:55)

And it's just so much better with. With electric lights.

Brian Green (3:58)

Electrical lights. The glowing disco ball of the lure. Last time I went to the T. Last time we went to the tanning. But they're supposed to alert you if they put in new lights. Like, hey, there's new lights in there. So you got to calm it down. You can't go the full 10 minutes and then try and stretch it for an extra 3. You can't do this this time, Brian. You got to settle down. Take it down a couple of minutes. And they didn't tell me that. So I came out like, ah. I could feel it when I left.

Chrissy (4:27)

We were pretty diligent about doing sunscreen.

Brian Green (4:29)

Good for you.

Chrissy (4:30)

Yeah. And we still got a tan, so. And we didn't get burned.

Brian Green (4:33)

Well, you're in Jamaica.

Chrissy (4:34)

I did get like approximately 100 buck bites my legs. Yeah, well, I didn't realize I shouldn't be putting on the smelly lotion.

Brian Green (4:42)

Yeah, yeah, you got to put on.

Chrissy (4:44)

The the no sense.

Brian Green (4:46)

What is that? That they got the, like, the all natural. Ever tried those wrist things to keep the mosquitoes away? No, I put them on my kids and it worked wonders. I put them on me, and it doesn't work at all. I'm not sure.

Chrissy (4:55)

Well, I was gonna say, I. It's no different than sitting out in the backyard in the middle of summer.

Brian Green (5:00)

For me in Atlanta.

Chrissy (5:01)

They just love my legs.

Brian Green (5:03)

They love that sweet, sweet Hoadley blood. That sweet. Those drippings. Those Hoadley drippings.

Chrissy (5:08)

What I was laughing at because I looked at my hand, I' like, oh, they just went directly for. To the vein.

Brian Green (5:12)

Yeah, that's what they do. They're smart. Yeah, they're smart. Christine, not Christina, but Tina and I were talking about this. I saw an Instagram video where in some countries in Africa, they make meat patties out of mosquitoes because of how much protein the mosquitoes have in them. And so they capture them with a net. They have, like, the season, the season of mosquitoes, where literally it looks like a black. Like kind of like a gray black cloud because there's so many mosquitoes, and they just take big nets and they have the kids catch them, and then some guy makes them into the little patties and they put them on bread, and there you go.

Chrissy (5:44)

I'm not at that point yet new.

Brian Green (5:46)

But I'm getting close. Right. For other reasons. I found myself going from Whole Foods to Publix to Kroger to Costco to Aldi to the Chevron gas station.

Hannah Berner (5:59)

Right.

Brian Green (6:00)

With a broken sign and fake weed. If you ask the guy nicely, he's got a special meat store in the back. Yeah, I got you covered.

Chrissy (6:09)

Now, those little Jamaican stores were interesting. We went to. To two of them.

Brian Green (6:16)

Like the little bodegas.

Hannah Berner (6:17)

Yeah, yeah.

Chrissy (6:18)

One wasn't even open. But then when you saw a guy on the side of the road and he was like, come with me, come.

Brian Green (6:23)

With me, come with me.

Chrissy (6:25)

I guess this is okay.

Brian Green (6:26)

Sure. Yeah. When you're high and drunk, it doesn't matter. You're like, why not?

Chrissy (6:32)

Oh, yes, it was hard. It was like entering back into reality through From a cannon.

Brian Green (6:38)

I know. That's the worst part about those vacations where you're off the grid. Like, if I go down. If I go to New York for vacation or I go down to Orlando. Not vacation, but to take a couple days off or for whatever reason, I'm not getting away from the. My. My head's still in the. But when you leave the country, especially someplace that's sunkissed. Yeah. And you generally are disconnected from your everyday. It is literally like birthing. It's like a birthing process. It is. It's like you cry, you whine, you kick, you scream.

Chrissy (7:08)

The night before we were leaving, I was like, I don't want to leave.

Brian Green (7:12)

You're like, I don't want to check my email inbox. I got 30,000 emails and everybody wants money for me.

Hannah Berner (7:21)

Yes.

Brian Green (7:22)

Well, I'm so glad that you guys had a good time.

Chrissy (7:24)

But I did come back. Yes, yes. And I. We did. We had an amazing time.

Brian Green (7:28)

Yeah. And we'll talk more about this on yesterday's show, the way that we're recording this. But we are super excited to have Hannah Burner. It's very nice of her to come in and spend some of her very valuable time. She is the it girl of the moment in comedy, as you may know. Chrissy.

Chrissy (7:43)

Well, look at us getting the it girl.

Brian Green (7:45)

Hey, listen, I. Again, it's certainly a mist, but we'll take it. She's probably already done all of the. The. I bet she's been on Smart List, Conan, Joe. Yeah, she's been on all the other ones. So they're like, well, I guess I have an extra hour on Tuesday. I guess I'll go with the commercial break. Yeah. But you can check out Hannah on Hannah. Hannah. I'm gonna say Hannah, and she's gonna make fun of me for saying it like that. But that's my speech impediment coming into play right there. Hannah is on Instagram. She's on TikTok. She's got millions of followers. You should follow her. She has the upcoming Netflix is a Joke and a comedy special on Netflix. She's got lots of stuff out there on YouTube. And we'll talk to her about all of it if we can. If she'll allow us enough time. We'll talk to her. We'll talk about most of it. Let's put it that way. We'll talk about most of it if she'll allow us the time. And it certainly is nice of her to come on the show. So let's do this. Let's take a break. And then a TCB infomercial coming up with the TikTok comedy sensation herself, Hannah Burner. What do you think?

Chrissy (8:48)

I love it. Let's do it.

Brian Green (8:49)

What do you think? Like, I'm asking, like, I'm ready. You ready? All right, let's see if we can technically figure out how to get Hannah. Let's see what we get. Hana on the line. We'll be back.

Hannah Berner (9:06)

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us the commercial break and then follow us on TikTokCBpodcast.

Brian Green (9:15)

Done.

Hannah Berner (9:15)

Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out TCVpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

Brian Green (9:50)

Hana, thank you for being here. Thank you very much. Does that seem weird?

Hannah Berner (9:55)

We were just talking about the pronunciation of Hannah.

Brian Green (9:59)

Hannah. Hannah.

Hannah Berner (10:00)

I do. I could give less of a shit what you call me. It's. That's close enough.

Brian Green (10:05)

Hannah.

Hannah Berner (10:06)

Thanks, Heather.

Brian Green (10:06)

Hannah. I'll now go into my Midwestern accent. Hannah was just explaining that sometimes people call her Heather on emails and how they get Heather from Hannah, I have no fucking clue. But congratulations to you for having so many names.

Hannah Berner (10:21)

I feel like Heather is even like, I'm like, oh, they think I'm prettier than I am. I love that. Heather. No one's ugly named Heather.

Chrissy (10:31)

That's true once I think about it.

Brian Green (10:33)

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Hannah Berner (10:36)

Beauty is an eye of the beholder, though.

Chrissy (10:38)

That's true.

Brian Green (10:38)

Fact. You are such a superstar right now. You're like the TikTok queen of comedy. You're an Instagram sensation. You are really. You know, I know it's hard to see the forest through the trees, and I don't know if your agents told you yet, but you're a bit of a thing. So thank you very much for joining us here on the commercial break. As we say often, you've either done the rest or you're now coming to the best. So, like, you know, hey, we got to make that at the commercial break at some point. I have to tell you something that has been on my mind for the last couple of days. I. Or the last day or so. I completely agree with you. Yeah. Since I just checked your Instagram sound way more important than I am. I have to agree with you about something because I. I do this. I think more men should cry in the shower. I think that should just be a thing. We should be allowed to just let it out.

Chrissy (11:26)

Let it out.

Brian Green (11:26)

Whack off, cry. The shower should Be our place of solace. And then we can meet up with our bros, as your Instagram does, and say, what's up, dude? Just jacked off and got a good cry.

Hannah Berner (11:39)

I definitely have been thinking a lot about, like, the male emotions, the woman emotions. And my husband will joke with me because he's like, men are hormonal. As hormonal as women, just in such different ways. And I'm like. And we don't talk about that. Like, sometimes men are just having a PMS moment and they need to deal with it differently, and we should just talk about it or, like, they just channel it all into anger because it's more social. Socially acceptable. Yep. So I'm out here, like, trying to figure stuff out for everyone because we're all coping with emotions we don't want to deal with. And, yeah, jerk off and cry at the same time. And, like, maybe that's how you become, like, Gandhi.

Brian Green (12:15)

Been there, done that. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm just a different kind of boy.

Hannah Berner (12:23)

Yeah, that's iconic.

Brian Green (12:24)

I'm built different. I'm built different than most boys.

Chrissy (12:27)

And you love your showers.

Brian Green (12:28)

Most people think I'm on the down low. I'm really not. But most people think I'm on the down low. Let's just be real about it. I love it. I think. I think it's a great idea. Here. Are you into the Crown? If you watch the Crown, this. This little Reed Hastings did some of.

Hannah Berner (12:43)

It I haven't watched. Oh, he did?

Brian Green (12:47)

Okay. So the other night, Astrid, my wife, and I are watching the Crown, and there's a. There's a gentle scene between William and Prince Philip, and they're, like, talking about the Charles or whatever. This scene that's about five minutes long. My wife fell asleep during. And I literally wept like a baby for 15 minutes after the episode had concluded. And so Astrid wakes up, and she's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, prince Philip. It was so great in that moment. And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'm like, great. And my wife was like, you're such a girl. You are like, such a girl. What are you doing? Crying over the crown? And I'm like, it was just a moment. It was a touching moment. I had to do it. I gotta be honest. Crying makes me feel better. It's a thing.

Hannah Berner (13:32)

You shouldn't cry about it. I love that. I love that so much. My husband is not a crier. Except, like, we can't Watch Love on the Spectrum without him sobbing the entire time. That's a great show. When he sees the parents be like, I never thought my kid would be able to, like, find a connection with someone. And the kids hugging, you know, the guy, his body starts shaking. I'm like, what are you shaking for? And he's sobbing. And I find it hot.

Brian Green (14:00)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (14:01)

Not. Not the person necessarily. It's him just like.

Brian Green (14:05)

Yeah, yeah.

Hannah Berner (14:06)

Like, being in touch with his emotions. I find it so fucking hot. Because then a second later, you know, he's jacking off.

Brian Green (14:13)

Yeah. Jerking off.

Hannah Berner (14:14)

Cursed about the Mets. I like a full spectrum. I love all that. No pun intended.

Brian Green (14:19)

Yeah. No, no. So your. Your husband is. Is quite the thing, too. I. I have to say, I am an admirer of your husband's. I think he's really funny moment right now. He is also having a moment. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (14:31)

He. He's a huge comedian in Ireland who. When we met during COVID it was because he, like, wanted to spend Covid in Long island where he has a place. And he. We met, we fell in love. And then he's like, I guess I'll, like, stay in America and build a comedy career here.

Brian Green (14:49)

I love that.

Hannah Berner (14:49)

And he's like, I guess I'll just. He plays at the Cellar all the time. He's like, I guess I'll put out a special on YouTube. And it's kind of popping off right now.

Brian Green (14:59)

And. Yeah, I love him. I just think he's great. I think he's so funny. I think his comedy is so. It's like, observe. He always has an angle on something. There's, like, always an observation there that makes me laugh. And he is from across the pond, and I. I just am jealous of everybody from across the pond. I don't know why I'm into British comedies and not into their food, but I think he's.

Hannah Berner (15:18)

I think he, like, men from the UK make me cry. He. So he's actually from Queens, New. I know.

Brian Green (15:25)

I read this. And then he moved.

Hannah Berner (15:27)

Yeah. When he was. Look at me. Just like, I'm his spokesperson.

Brian Green (15:30)

Go for it.

Hannah Berner (15:30)

But he was really naughty when he was 14, so his parents just sent him abroad to go to, like, a school in Ireland.

Brian Green (15:39)

You're an asshole. See you later.

Hannah Berner (15:41)

Like, I don't want to deal with you. The mom had, like, three boys, and she was like, you're, like, voted off the island. Ireland. And he just stayed there and then became, like, an incredible comedian in Ireland. Speaking of kind of that, like, fish out of water type thing. And now he's like, has a thick queen's accent, which not a lot of people still have. But then he'll say words like bloody and quite and like, lovely. Which guys don't say lovely in America. He's just like, yeah, he's very fascinating. He's an interesting person.

Brian Green (16:16)

He's a very. He's. He's very interesting. Go check him out. We actually wanted him and we got Hannah instead, but she's his spokesperson. You, my wife and Chrissy all have something in common. You're all attracted to senior citizens. So I'd like to apply a. Senior citizens would like to applaud you, gentlemen. He's a silver hair fox.

Hannah Berner (16:37)

But it's funny because I never was, like, into older guys growing up. I wasn't. I never had, like a crush on a teacher, but he was a random. I actually had a psychic tell me I was gonna fall for someone who wasn't my type.

Brian Green (16:48)

No way. Really?

Hannah Berner (16:49)

And I met this. He's older and I. At first I wasn't sure, but then I now, like, have all these comedy bits about just how I love an older man. Because they're tired and, like, they're just like. They're not even gonna fight with you. They're, like, exhausted. They're just like, yeah, whatever you want. I'm gonna take a nap and can you hand me my Advil? And I'm like, yes, babe. And it's like a simple, beautiful life that we live.

Brian Green (17:12)

You are so right about this. You know, I'm too ex exhausted to fight with my wife about anything. If there's. I'm glad that my wife and I met as I got a little older and I had children as I got older, because I think that I now know which hills not to die on, which is almost everything. Anything that my wife could possibly be upset about. I'm like, no problem, babe, I got you. I'm an gonna go hide in the corner, gonna take the kids out for a couple hours. Go do your thing. Manicure, pedicure. What do you need? Because.

Hannah Berner (17:38)

Because you've been pre trained.

Brian Green (17:40)

That's right.

Hannah Berner (17:40)

You've had previous relationships that just pummeled you to the ground. To be like, I've done this fight and it doesn't end well and I don't care. So it's like, I don't know if we're even compatible. Just, like, tired. I'm the person who's decided to rest his tired head on my shoulder.

Brian Green (17:58)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (17:58)

But I also, like, I learned things from him, which is cool. And I just feel like young guys, like, they have so much. I always compare them to, like, a young puppy. Like, they're cute, but they're just, like, untrained. Peeing on everything. Every time you touch them, they're a little red wiener pops out. It's. It's a Tuesday at like 2:00pm like, what are we doing?

Brian Green (18:18)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (18:19)

So I love an older man. And I. And I think, like, older men are like. Yeah, they're just. They know who they are. Yeah, they're trained.

Brian Green (18:28)

Yeah, they're. We're trained. You're. And you're so right about this. We've been not, I would say, beat into submission, but probably beat into submission. And then also. And then also. We've just learned our lessons that time and time again, knocking our heads in a wall. Our wieners don't work. Like, they used. Like, I'm not getting a fourth grade boner at the chalkboard. You know what I'm saying? Like, I have some measure of control over my own body parts.

Hannah Berner (18:49)

Poked all the time. And also, like, he's seen enough boobs. He's like, I got it.

Chrissy (18:53)

Yeah, exactly.

Brian Green (18:56)

I don't attack my life.

Hannah Berner (18:57)

I personally am not a caretaker. Like, you know some girls who are like, well, he basically went from his mom to me. Yes. That's not me. Like, I was never that person. I'm not doing your laundry. I don't do my own laundry. Like, I don't know what's going on. So I think I had to find someone who was really, like, independent on his own. And I think when two people live two independent lives, it's like, it's. It's healthy. Unless you find, like, your perfect fudgeing match. And you. You grow together from, like, childhood and just like, more one human, which we're not. We're just two people who happen to both be, like, messy and enjoy similar things.

Brian Green (19:31)

I think that's such. I think you're you. I think you found the one. I think you found the one. And you can tell him I said.

Hannah Berner (19:36)

So pretty early on.

Brian Green (19:38)

It's early on. You guys only been married for what, a year and a half? And call me in six years when you're finding us nursing homes.

Hannah Berner (19:48)

Well, that's the thing. We don't have that much longer to last.

Brian Green (19:50)

No, you don't.

Hannah Berner (19:51)

I think I could do it.

Brian Green (19:52)

I think I can outlive him. I think I can outlive him.

Hannah Berner (19:55)

Also, he's 48. I'm not talking about like, a 72. No, no, no, no, no, NO. He's young, 32. And I really think anytime you're like over 26 and your brain is fully formed and you're like, independent in your own way, it could be fun to like. Like, I recommend an older man, maybe.

Brian Green (20:12)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (20:12)

Like, when you're younger, I think there is a weirder power dynamic because you don't know what's going on. Right. Like, he has money, you don't. You're like 22, so that could be weird. But I. Dating in your 30s. I'm like, let's see, you guys in their 40s?

Brian Green (20:25)

Yeah. Do you. I have a question. But you mentioned it. You touched on it. But I get. I get the sense. Do you believe in, like, psychics, tarot card readers, zodiac signs?

Hannah Berner (20:36)

When I'm going through a dark time, yes.

Brian Green (20:38)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (20:39)

It's like.

Brian Green (20:39)

It's comforting.

Hannah Berner (20:40)

You start praying to God when times are hard. I'm the kind of person that says, I know that. I don't know. Like, I. I don't. I was raised not religious from Brooklyn, New York. I'm not going to tell anyone what to believe, but I'm also not going to tell people things don't exist because I don't know.

Brian Green (21:01)

Fair enough. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (21:02)

And there are moments where, like, if someone wants to, like, it's kind of fun to think about, like, spirits or like, intuition and like, if someone has a feeling and. But I'm not gonna base all my life decisions on it. But I just. I know that I don't know a lot is all I know.

Brian Green (21:20)

Fair enough.

Chrissy (21:21)

That's a great way to look at. We have, like, the same way.

Brian Green (21:24)

Yeah, we have like a little running tit for tat with Teresa Caputo. She doesn't know it, but we don't. She doesn't know it.

Hannah Berner (21:30)

My husband famously doesn't support any of. But a psychic told me that my husband was a psychic. So I'll ask him advice and he'll give me really good advice. And I go, because you're a psychic. Psychic. I'm like, that's what a psychic would say. That they want me to know he's a psychic.

Brian Green (21:47)

He's like, in the Matrix, he's like.

Hannah Berner (21:50)

I don't believe in that shit. And I'll be like, should I film my special in March or December? And he's like, march? I'm like, thanks, thanks.

Brian Green (21:57)

You're the oracle. I don't know. I don't know if you remember the scene in the Matrix where he gets in the elevator after seeing the oracle and he's like, like, yeah, he told me I wasn't the oracle. And she goes, he know she told you exactly what you needed to hear in that moment. You are the oracle. He is the psychic oracle. He just doesn't want to admit it, doesn't want to know it.

Hannah Berner (22:16)

So I love to. I don't like being that person that's like, focus, trolls. You don't fucking believe in that shit. Because everyone has things that they believe in to keep life more interesting. But my thing is, like, if a psychic is like, you should do this, and I don't do it and things go wrong. So I don't believe in psychics, then I'm going to feel like an idiot. She told you I. What to do. You didn't listen.

Brian Green (22:37)

So that's how I feel about religion. I'm like, I think anything's possible. Muhammad, God, Jesus. I'm not sure. I just. I. I'd like to say they're all really nice people, so that way I'm covered in case. Case.

Hannah Berner (22:50)

I'm not denouncing heaven.

Brian Green (22:52)

No, I'm just not currently there. I just that.

Hannah Berner (22:56)

I know you haven't seen me in church in years, but I'm not saying it's not a thing. Look, I. Whatever people need to do to survive this meaningless life.

Chrissy (23:03)

Yeah, that's right.

Brian Green (23:05)

To give some meaning to this Meaning. Meaningless life.

Chrissy (23:07)

Yeah.

Brian Green (23:08)

You, I think, have predicted my divorce, by the way. I just wanted you to know that you, I think, are a psychic in and of itself. And I haven't told Astrid yet, this yet. I'll get around to it when we're signing the papers. But here's the thing. You said that a guy on. The guy is sus. On Valentine's Day, when he sends you lots of roses, he puts a picture up of you two tongue kissing. Or he uses the following words, we've been through so much together, or our ups and downs. I have posted that literally every Valentine's Day, birthday and Christmas for the nine years that we've known each other.

Hannah Berner (23:42)

Why have you posted it? I was about to get into it. I'll be like, let's talk this through. I know a divorce lawyer.

Brian Green (23:50)

Yeah, I. I always feel like I'm. I'm so grateful that this woman is even in my life. Like this super powerful human being decided to come rescue me from the drudge of my, you know, former life. And so I feel like I want to say something nice. I want to let the world know that I don't use the words. We've been through so much because that's our personal. How much we argue is our personal business and no one else.

Hannah Berner (24:16)

I'm not saying you can't post anything. There are just certain things, which is like an absurd amount of flowers. He cheated. Saying the ups and downs thing again, like you guys hate each other and then like the over kissing. But, like, I so support, like, being proud of who you're with and sharing it. To an extent.

Brian Green (24:36)

Yeah, to an extent. I agree with you. These friends on Facebook and Instagram and they're like, literally post everything that they're like, they're together for 10 years too. And it just seems to me to be a little strange. There is no picture without the two of them together. There is no picture where they're not madly in love. There is no picture where their children are not going to the best private school and certainly getting into Harvard. There is no picture where their world is broken. And it makes me upset. It makes me upset.

Chrissy (25:01)

Oh, it's not real.

Brian Green (25:02)

Yeah, because it's not fucking real. Because I see them together and they're like two miserable human beings just dogging around their house. I hate it.

Hannah Berner (25:10)

Exactly. So I think I posted that because on Valentine's Day, I know that it causes depression. Like, there are people who either single or you're in a relationship that, like, you. You, like, enjoy, but you're like, but should it feel like that? Like, we're not, like, we're not like that.

Brian Green (25:26)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (25:26)

So I just try to, like, like, with a little comedic tone, raise awareness that people are full of shit.

Brian Green (25:32)

I love it. I love. I like your brand of humor. It's. I think it's a good. Like, your crowd work is good. I just. And I don't want to get into the technicalities because I don't want to bore everybody to sleep, but I. I like your brand of humor and I think you're super hilarious. Obviously, social media has done wonders for you, and that's. You've kind of become like the comedic queen of TikTok. I think that's my. That's my term for it. I'm gonna. You're welcome to put that on your website if you'd.

Chrissy (26:00)

Incredible.

Brian Green (26:00)

Brian Green the commercial break. And then you can. You can put in parentheses, we don't know who they are either.

Hannah Berner (26:08)

And he also mispronounced my name the whole entire pod during the chat. Hard.

Brian Green (26:15)

Nah.

Hannah Berner (26:16)

No, it is. It is crazy because I. I think subconsciously that was a dream of mine to be like, TikTok became my TV show and I felt really free posting on It. And I felt like it was hitting the right people, and I was like, if I keep posting here, maybe, like, people will enjoy my comedy. So for someone to be like, wow, you're. You're really, like, being seen in this space. It's, like, cool, because that was the goal.

Brian Green (26:41)

It's super fantastic. And so when you get invited to. You're doing Netflix as a joke, right?

Hannah Berner (26:46)

Yes, in May.

Brian Green (26:47)

And where are you filming that?

Hannah Berner (26:50)

So I'm actually not filming. I'm just doing a show.

Brian Green (26:53)

Okay. At.

Hannah Berner (26:54)

It was the East Theater, but I think they just changed the name. But it'll be like a really, really. My first ever. Netflix is a joke show. And then I'm filming my special in March in Philly at the Fillmore. So it's. It's all happening. It's all happening in the next couple of years.

Brian Green (27:11)

This is crazy for you. This is crazy for you. Okay. So I asked that question because Chrissy and I were curious. We were talking about this. Do you. I know you were at one point a professional tennis player, by the way. Are you knocking down a house? Is someone, someone. Are you okay? Is everyone. No, no, no. I'm making funny. I'm just making. I'm just having fun.

Hannah Berner (27:31)

Most quiet place in my mouth right now.

Brian Green (27:33)

I'm sorry.

Hannah Berner (27:36)

Knocking down a building next door. That's just.

Brian Green (27:38)

Just giving you.

Hannah Berner (27:39)

That's just casual. My favorite thing about New York I was other night, they started drilling at like midnight. And I know that's illegal, but I also don't know, like, what I'm like, do I? I'm not going to. Should I call? I've never called 31 1. I'm not. Who do people actually call 3 1, 1, and then someone like, five minutes later just yells, shut the fuck off. And they stopped. And I was like, that was the most New York City moment. So I can't tell these people, shut the fuck up. If you want me to do that.

Brian Green (28:08)

No, no, no, no, no. You probably literally, that guy stopped someone from chopping up a body or something. Shut the fuck up.

Hannah Berner (28:14)

Something really bad was happening, and the New Yorkers were like, I'll handle this. It's funny. I realized, though, I haven't done a comedy many podcasts to talk about. So, like, I have since the announcement.

Brian Green (28:25)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (28:25)

This is actually a cool moment. I realize I've just had my own pods just, like, not talking about it.

Brian Green (28:31)

Well, we're like. We're like, proud of you by Osmosis. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Hannah Berner (28:35)

Thank you.

Brian Green (28:36)

Yeah. I Think it's. I'd love to watch people succeed at what they do. I think comedy, not that we do it well, we're just sitting behind a microphone. We don't stand up in front of people and actually talk. But I also think it's a bit of a noble profession. I think it allows people. People the relief that they need from their everyday drama and stress and God damn, do we need that right now. I mean, really fucking crazy world that we live in. But let me ask. I want to go back to, like, the Netflix is a joke moment when you secure that special or you get that Netflix is a joke invitation. You were a professional tennis player at one point. Is that. Is that correct?

Hannah Berner (29:10)

So professional is a strong word. I played professional tournaments when I was, like, 16, and then I decided I wanted to go to college, and I got a full scholarship to University of Wisconsin. The thing with becoming a professional tennis player is that it's. It's so financially draining and difficult because if you're not top 100 in the world, you're not making a living because you're paying for your own travel. You're an entrepreneur, your own coaches, your own stuff. So I got to the point where, like, I played a little, then I decided to go to college. And after college, I could have gone on tour, and I just. But I just felt burned and empty. Even though I spent my whole life to become a professional tennis player. And like, yeah, I played pro tournaments. Not enough to. You don't make money.

Brian Green (29:56)

Yeah. And. And that's like.

Hannah Berner (30:00)

That's like failure.

Brian Green (30:02)

Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (30:02)

It was definitely a moment of, like, this is all I cared about since I was 7 years old, and it wasn't making me happy anymore. And it took, took, like, years for me to admit that to myself. And then I was like, I want to move back to New York and just figure out who I am without tennis.

Brian Green (30:20)

And then. And then you kind of find some success in the. In the comedy world is when you think back on it, like, would you. If you had to make a different choice? And I know this is a difficult question to ask any human being, but if you had to make a choice, if. If God came right now, whoever she is, and says, hey, listen, you can be a professional tennis player or you can do this whole comedy thing, what would you have chosen?

Hannah Berner (30:44)

This is what I'm meant to do right now. It's crazy because tennis, I was very athletic and I won a lot, and I was like, good. And it's. It's a weird thing to preach but just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's what you're meant to do. But, like, I. I really had, like, so much anxiety when it came to performing with tennis. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I felt a lot of pressure from external forces from, like, my parents, like, financially me draining them to, like, be a professional tennis player and try to make it on tour. And, I mean, I did get a scholarship to college, thank God, but, like, it wasn't easy. And then in general, just, like, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, and I'm a perfectionist, and I was just. Just. I kept thinking I was crazy because I was just struggling so much on the court, but I was also winning a lot. It's just. I wasn't happy.

Brian Green (31:40)

You weren't happy?

Chrissy (31:41)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (31:41)

I thought that's what you have to be to be a champion. Like, you have to push harder than other people. And, yeah, you're gonna be miserable. Sorry. There's. But, like, that's the thing with sports. They're just like, push yourself beyond belief, and that's how you become a champion. So I had a lot of voices that I was very confused about in my head of, like. Like, what's. Me being, like, this isn't right for you, versus me just being a pussy. Like, I don't want to do that. So, like, I just learned how to mute my brain and just, like, work like an animal. And finally the universe. Like, I got hit by a car in my senior year of college.

Brian Green (32:15)

Oh, my God.

Hannah Berner (32:15)

Like, things happened that I was like, okay, like, this is becoming a little too difficult. And also, I just. I was. So. It became like a drug where the. The only time I'd be ha. I wouldn't really be happy. I just. If I lost, I'd be miserable. And if I won, I'd be like, thank God I won. And, like, that's not a way to live. But that. And I. I'm watching. I have a tennis channel on right now. Like, I always.

Brian Green (32:38)

You're obsessed with it.

Hannah Berner (32:39)

I love tennis. It's my favorite thing. But I. I don't think it was who I was meant to be, but it. I definitely didn't catch. I almost quit a couple times, but I, like, loved the sport. Long story short, people are like, oh, how do you do comedy? Like, in front of thousands of people? That's my biggest fear. Like, my biggest fear was, like, second serve playing, dude. Like, I would just fucking crack all the time. And I was. But I feel like I got. I actually Pushed myself so hard, considering my mental state where I actually didn't love competing. Like, I just wanted to make everyone laugh on the team. Like, if you said, hannah, you have to make your doubles partner smile and keep her positive during this match, I could do that in my sleep. But if they're like, hannah, you have to make sure you hit solid forehands and, like, don't get tight, I'd be.

Brian Green (33:27)

Like, it crushed you.

Hannah Berner (33:28)

Yeah, I could never. But I. And I also, like, I don't have a driver's license. Like, I have, like, parts of me that, like, I can't handle. But, like, comedy, for whatever reason, I feel at peace with it. And I remember my first show being like, oh, my God, I'm gonna find out right now. Am I this anxious, can ever perform under pressure person? And I walked to do my first ever set, and I. This calmness came over me, and it was like the universe was like. Like, this is what it was supposed to feel like when you were serving.

Chrissy (33:59)

I love that.

Hannah Berner (34:00)

But I never felt that on the court. I mean, I did. Sometimes you'd have moments. But I also would argue that tennis is similar to standup in terms of traveling every weekend, being on your own out there. So, like, all the struggles I dealt with with tennis that, like, I really did cry myself to sleep at night being like, why did you waste all this effort and time on. I was. I think that's why my comedy career has had this kind of quick acceleration and arc, where. Because I feel like it's not my first career, it's like, my third, my fourth.

Chrissy (34:32)

The pressure is all served its purpose for that time.

Brian Green (34:34)

It served its purpose in the moments. And I. I've said. Said this to you, probably. I've said it to a lot of people, including myself, which is. Expectations are sowing the seeds of our own misery. Like, when we put so much pressure on ourself, it smothers us.

Hannah Berner (34:47)

Oh, my God.

Brian Green (34:48)

And when it's clearly not the choice, when you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something and do it well, that it's miserable, it feels to me like that's probably not the right thing for you to be doing. Right.

Hannah Berner (35:00)

And I think when I was on the court, I really didn't know who I was playing playing for. Like, I needed for my coaches. I needed other players to think I was good. I needed my parents to be proud of me. Like, I. Sorry. So loud. No, I had no idea who I was playing for.

Brian Green (35:13)

Where.

Hannah Berner (35:13)

With comedy, no one made me do it. No One even my parents don't even didn't even know that I wanted to do it. I never even wanted to do it. So I had this kind of like very not ego filled relationship with it. Where tennis was very ego for me. Where comedy, when I ever, I get off, I'm like, like, wow, like that's pretty cool you just did that. Or like if something goes wrong, I'm like, wow, you just like grew as a comic and you learned from that like difficult situation. So I talk to myself the way I wish coaches talked to me when I was a kid.

Brian Green (35:43)

Very interesting, Very interesting. Do you still. Do you get nerves when you walk? I mean, I know that's a ridiculous question because I think the nerves probably drive the ambition. Right. There's something about, it's like people that like to jump out of a plane, right. It's like there's something about that adrenaline, that moment, that seven, what do they call it, the seven foot walk or something like that.

Hannah Berner (36:02)

Need a little adrenaline. I do have to say sometimes my husband gets worried by how little nerves I get.

Brian Green (36:09)

Ah.

Hannah Berner (36:10)

Part of it is because I'm always, I'm tired.

Brian Green (36:12)

So tiring.

Hannah Berner (36:14)

Like you're. When you're doing two shows night after night and I'll do like because I'm doing a city each night sometimes like you've like, you don't know what's going on. But you need that little, you get the natural adrenaline from the crowd. Like it really. Is that a dance? Like it's not me giving a speech. It's. It's this connection with the audience that like wakes me the fuck up. I do get nervous for things that are filmed or things that have like industry involved.

Brian Green (36:40)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (36:40)

Because comedy so funny where like something could literally not matter at all. And then they're like, oh, this one person's here and they're going to, they're.

Brian Green (36:47)

Going to make a break. Your career, you got to get out there.

Hannah Berner (36:50)

They're always like, this is the most important set of your life. And you're like, okay, so it's like you, you kind of at the end of the day, what they always said with tennis is just like let muscle memory take over. But I would have trouble with that because I was so in my head. But what, what I think made me too in my head with tennis is good for comedy. Because when I'm in my head I know exactly like that guy with the backwards hat over there. And I know which joke I was finishing and what joke I want to say next about like, so my Add stress. Almost as good for comedy.

Brian Green (37:18)

Yeah, I totally agree. I think, like, I think for the best comics in the world. I'm making this observation myself. Nothing that they've said, and we've talked to quite a few of them and I think we even talked to Heather McMahon about this.

Hannah Berner (37:32)

Oh, my God. I really look up to her. She's another one who's just so talented in so many ways.

Brian Green (37:37)

She's a champ. We loved her. She was on a couple months ago and we just fell in love with Heather. But I think that God is really flows through in those creative moments of those comics. It's like that's where God is. God is not in the church. God is in the creation of things that touch and affect your life or other people's life. And comedy is one of those places where I see the best comics in the world. It's almost like they're not there. It's coming through them, right? They're not coming through them.

Hannah Berner (38:07)

Well, I always. They say, like, people don't remember what you say. They remember how you made them feel.

Brian Green (38:12)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (38:12)

And I try to remember that with comedy that it's not about, like, obviously there's all the, like, nuances of my voice and my tone and my timing, but that comes with just like, over and over again.

Brian Green (38:22)

That's muscle memory. That's muscle memory.

Hannah Berner (38:24)

That's muscle memory. But the way you're making someone feel is. Yeah. This magical connection that is honestly such a high. Like it's giving Cult leader. Like you're just. And it's like. It's preachy and you're making dick jokes. But it's like all. There's a meaning behind it. But yeah, I do feel like with comedy, I'm. I'm like kind of a comedy nerd where I do feel like the people. You get to kind of say things and be free and be unfiltered and say things that other people are afraid to say. And I just kind of get off on that a little bit.

Brian Green (38:54)

I think it's awesome. And you are free and unfiltered on stage and. And that's why I think you may be channeling her energy while she's going through there. Because you say some outlandish shit. But the fact is, like, in your crowd work especially, is that it's always seems. At least I don't think you would post anything where someone, like, got up and told you to fuck off and walked away. Or maybe you would, I don't know. But in that crowd, work in what I'VE seen is like, you, you're really punchy and good at that. And you, you. You have a way of saying it that most people, they don't seem all that offended. They're just like, this is funny. I like this. Roast me. Most people don't like being roasted. How many people take offense to your. Like, does this happen often where people are like, dude, what are you doing? Have you ever had, like, an interaction in the crowd where it just went south?

Hannah Berner (39:43)

I do think, like, old school crowd work was, like, looking at people and just being like, you look fucking gay. Like, it was very, like, just like a high school bully, like, pointing shit out.

Brian Green (39:54)

Yes.

Hannah Berner (39:54)

I do think, especially nowadays, it's like, being mean is such a cop out. It's passing stupid. Being mean is, like, the lowest form of comedy. And especially since I've had podcasts and I talk about people, I realize, like, being mean is just like, oh, you're being mean for clicks. Like, that's so lame.

Brian Green (40:14)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (40:15)

So I just. My thing is, I like people to feel like they're in on the joke with me. And I also talk to people like. Like, they're my friend. Like, we're just two people, and I happen to have a microphone and a lot of power with that. But, like, you're. You're a person that came to the show and, like, we're having this experience together. I do. I. I definitely have that mindset where, like, I see someone who I could tell, like, maybe, like, the boyfriend who, like, maybe doesn't know who I am, who isn't sure if he's having fun. And I like to, like, be like, I'm gonna win that motherfucker over poking this guy.

Brian Green (40:46)

Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (40:47)

And then I like to say, I build them up. I break them down. I build them up so, like, they don't even know how they're feeling. And then people be like, girls started. First my show was all women. Then they started bringing their boyfriends because they wanted me to make fun of them.

Brian Green (41:00)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (41:00)

Then I started joking that, like, at the end, they're always like, she wasn't wrong about something, and I'm, like, growing the relationship. And now, like, more guys are coming to the show. And I think it's fun because there's always that battle of, like, do guys think girls are funny? But it's like, I never tried to sell it like that. It was more like, this is my shtick. And if you want to enjoy it with your girlfriend, you can.

Brian Green (41:24)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (41:24)

And if you don't want to, you don't have to, but I do have to commend the Internet because being a woman in stand up in New York City and coming up is fucking brutal.

Chrissy (41:35)

I can imagine.

Hannah Berner (41:36)

I think of, I know so many funny girls who are like, I want to try stand up. And they, they sign up for a couple open mics. One in the Bronx, one in Brooklyn. It's always like 2am all these like dudes who are drunk.

Brian Green (41:48)

Drunk ass clowns. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (41:50)

They go, you know what? I don't think this is for me. And that's why it ends. It's not because they aren't particularly funny. It's because the scene is not necessarily.

Brian Green (41:59)

Like, friendly to them. That's not a safe space. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (42:02)

I do think me coming from a sports environment where I trained with a lot of guys a lot gave me a little bit of an edge where I felt like, oh, I'm like, like I'm like competing with the guys. I've done this before, I can do this, I can hang. I. But like, you shouldn't have to feel that way to make it in a career. So that's where the Internet's so important because a lot of these girls are like, okay, I don't want to go to the Bronx at 2am But I do. I can post a TikTok today and then next thing you know, you're posting TikToks and then the algorithm's going to girls. And I'm very lucky that a lot of the girls who come to my shows have never seen comedy before, never.

Brian Green (42:36)

Live comedy before, because they're intimidated, I think, by the scene, the setting and the comics themselves.

Hannah Berner (42:42)

Exactly, yes. So it's, it's actually like more girls, I think are going to show up to comedy clubs if they can have this experience. Like, how many times are you like, oh, let's go to the comedy club. Like I remember I did when I was younger because I was a nerd. But like, most girls are like, let's go to a nice cocktail bar.

Brian Green (43:00)

Yeah, fair enough.

Hannah Berner (43:01)

But it's, I, it's an exciting time with the Internet for more people to have a voice and you don't, like, you don't have the traditional ladder that you had to climb that had so many, like, blocks for certain people.

Brian Green (43:17)

Right.

Hannah Berner (43:18)

So I think it's just a really exciting time and some people blow up and then they don't like performing live and it doesn't work out. So there's just a lot of different avenues now.

Brian Green (43:27)

But that's okay because maybe that's the Medium upon which, like, we don't go and do stand up because they start.

Hannah Berner (43:32)

A podcast, they write.

Brian Green (43:34)

Exactly.

Hannah Berner (43:35)

So I think it's actually like such a freaking fun time.

Brian Green (43:38)

I think the Internet is like the Shiva, destroyer of worlds and equalizer of worlds. You know what I'm saying?

Hannah Berner (43:44)

The worst thing that's ever happened to us.

Brian Green (43:46)

Well, but it is the great equalizer. It is the great equalizer in a lot of ways is because it. I think it has just. The world is so small because of the Internet that it's, you know, traditional stereotypes. People who may not have gotten the attention from traditional media outlets and they're able to embark on a journey and give themselves a chance because of the Internet. I was watching one of my favorite. This is. And this is. I'm just giving you an example. One of my favorite Instagram accounts is a gentleman who is in Bangladesh who fixes burners. You know, like the cookers, the burners. He fixes them in this weird, wacky, really fast way. He'll test it, it, he'll throw it on the table, he'll chop it up, he'll make it better. He has two and a half million followers. And his videos are hypnotic. They're hypnotic. And I'm like, this dude is in the. One of the poorest countries in clearly making $0.05 per whatever burner he's fixing every single time. He is an Internet fucking sensation. Tell me that his father or his grandfather ever had that opportunity. No. They fixed burners, lived and died with no one knowing them except for the people on the street who. Who had broken burners. Broken burners. And I think that's like so great. I'm like, I'm following this guy in Bangladeshi fixing.

Hannah Berner (45:05)

But it's like, can you, can you fix a burner yourself?

Brian Green (45:08)

Now, I have to be honest with you. This is a bit of a running joke on the aye. But I am. My father in law is MacGyver and I am the opposite of whatever that is. I will be happy.

Hannah Berner (45:21)

Creative.

Brian Green (45:22)

I am creative. Yeah. I'm creative in the sense that I pay other people to do my handy work for me. If my wife has to hang a painting, first of all, she'll do it herself because she's so much better at it than I am. But if there's like a really tricky, complicated painting to hang, you know, one of those three posters or something like that.

Hannah Berner (45:38)

Yeah.

Brian Green (45:38)

You know what she'll do? Literally wait until my father in law flies from Venezuela to visit us. She has a list going. Well, Brian can't hang a painting. So could you do it for.

Chrissy (45:48)

No, you can't. You can't fix the burner.

Brian Green (45:49)

I can't fix a burner. That's Hannah burner. I cannot fix a burner.

Hannah Berner (45:53)

Yeah, that's. That's like me watching, like, one of these cleaning shows, you know?

Brian Green (46:00)

Yes.

Hannah Berner (46:00)

I love it. While my place is a mess. Yeah, exactly. There's going to be an osmosis or like a cooking show. It's very relaxing. Like, if I only could. Yeah.

Brian Green (46:12)

So let me ask you just a couple more questions. So are when you get the invitation. I'm sure your agent sends you the invitation or something, you know, hey, Hannah, you got Netflix as a joker. Hey, Hannah special. You want it? You got it. It. Are you just, like, so proud of yourself that you did this? You killed it. You made it. Here you are. Because I think. I think having a Netflix special is the equivalent of.

Chrissy (46:37)

It's a big deal.

Brian Green (46:37)

I don't even know. In the 80s, I guess. HBO specials, I'm not even sure what they did back then, but yeah. Are you proud of yourself? You should be proud of yourself.

Hannah Berner (46:44)

I def. I'm definitely proud of myself. I do think I'm worried about.

Brian Green (46:48)

I'm worried about you. I'm like, is she proud of her? Yeah.

Hannah Berner (46:51)

Not really. To relate everything back to tennis, but I think it's. I learned a lot in terms of. With tennis. I was very result oriented. Like, I was like, if I don't win this match, I am going to be depressed. I'm not worthy. I suck. And I think I went into comedy. Like, I don't. I want to just be happy and I want to enjoy what I'm doing. And I really fucking love creating content. I love writing, I love performing. And that has, I think, the reason why I've started to actually get results. Like, because I'd see other tennis players, like, all these good things were happening to them, and I'm like, what are they doing differently?

Brian Green (47:24)

I'm working so hard. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (47:26)

But I do think that I really do love the process. Like, when TikTok first started, I was like, I'm posting. Or I was actually late to TikTok, but I'm like, I'm posting three to four videos a day and we're gonna do it. And I, like, really got lost in the sauce of, like, loving the process. So I got my first, like, big get was getting JFL new faces two years ago where I was like, like, oh, the industry is like, they like what they see.

Brian Green (47:50)

Yes.

Hannah Berner (47:51)

And I never cared to get industry approval. But I was like, but this is. This feels fucking good.

Brian Green (47:55)

I'm pretty happy about this one.

Hannah Berner (47:56)

Yeah, this is nice. And then. But times have changed so much where I was fully expecting, like, I'm gonna put out a great YouTube special. And, like, that's how Shane Gillis did it. That's how, like, so many other great comics have done it.

Brian Green (48:08)

Sure.

Hannah Berner (48:09)

So when I got. I think some Netflix had seen me. They've been watching me over time, and they finally saw, like, my full hour, I think, like, a year after New Faces. And that's when they were like, we're interested. But I also. I told them I want to wait as long as I can before I put it out, because they were like, do you want put out now? And I basically was like, I want to finish my full tour. Because the crazy thing with stand up is that because it's art, it's never, never really.

Chrissy (48:39)

Right.

Brian Green (48:40)

Yeah. You're always creating. Yeah.

Hannah Berner (48:42)

Yeah. Like, there's no win or loss. Like, I can keep doing this hour forever and keep cutting fat, adding more. So there's a point where you just have to be like. Like, come March 23rd, I'm going to be like, that's it. This is when I'm going to present it to the world. Because up until that point, I'm still, like, testing tones and cutting. And I could think of a tag the day before and I'll add it. So that's the weird thing about comedy. Like, it's never really done, but you just are kind of like, this works.

Brian Green (49:08)

It's like the brushstroke. Right. What is the last brushstroke? And I'm. And I know people who paint. Yeah. And they're like, the last brushstroke is. It's literally can drive you crazy because you go to sleep at night and you say, it's finished. Look at it. It's beautiful. It's finished. This is one guy that I know. He's a beautiful painter, and he's just like, he's so good at it. And he's always talking about the last stroke. Like, and I talk about the last stroke in a different way. That's when I'm crying in the shower. But this guy. Which is also a beautiful moment. But I know when I'm done. Like, I know when I'm done. That's the difference.

Chrissy (49:38)

I got it.

Brian Green (49:39)

Yeah. He's always talking about the last stroke. I think that this is just wonderful for you, Hannah. And like I said, we're proud of you. And I have one more thing to say to you before I know that I always feel like we have such little time with these people. I wish, Hannah, that I had two hours with you, but my wife is slyly angry with you because you got within three feet of Joe Jonas, and she has not. So who's. Who's your favorite interview so far? You know, you've done the kind of these funny, clippy interviews and interviews. I mean, you don't, like, I don't want you to, you know, make anybody feel bad, but I also am interested to know who your favorite interview so far.

Hannah Berner (50:20)

So it's crazy. I was doing these Hand on the street videos where I was interviewing comics, and then randomly, some, like, celebrities would be like, can she interview a celebrity? And, like, that never was the plan like that.

Brian Green (50:30)

What?

Hannah Berner (50:30)

I wasn't trying to be, like, a celebrity host. I was just, like, talking crap with comics on the street in New York.

Brian Green (50:37)

We know the feeling. Hannah.

Hannah Berner (50:40)

The Jonas were my first big interview. So I will always, like. I just remember you go into a room, there's like, 15, like, people working there, the Jonas Brothers standing there, and they're like, you have six minutes with the Jonas Brothers. Do whatever you want. Because this is a new time where like. Like, the press don't, like, I'm the press and I'm a TikTok.

Brian Green (50:59)

Yeah, there's no junket. There's no, like, press junking it.

Hannah Berner (51:02)

Yeah. Like, I didn't even know. I freaked out. I forgot to get a photo with them. Like, I finished, and I was like, thank you. And then I was like, how the didn't I get a photo with them? But the funny part about me, the Jos Brothers, was I was. I had to ask them some questions about their new song, Waffle House. So I was like, do you prefer sweet or savory for breakfast? Kevin was like, savory. And I think Joe was, like, savory. And then Nick was, like, savory. And finally I was like, nick, like, you're not. Not manly if you have something sweet for breakfast. He looked at me and he goes, I have diabetes. And I was like. And the whole room went silent for a little too long. And I remember feeling that, like, moment, like, with crowd work, where I'm like, I could lose the crowd right now. I immediately start dying. Last night, the guys started dying laughing. They had such a good sense of humor. And I was like, oh, my God, I just made fun of your diabetes. And I was, I'm so sorry. And then afterward, I, like, saw them they were leaving. I was like, I'm sorry about the diabetes thing. And he was like, dying, laughing. So it's like embracing the awkwardness that comes with meeting celebrities because, like, I, I. Then I met Jennifer Lawrence, and I was. She knew who I was.

Brian Green (52:12)

She knew who you were.

Hannah Berner (52:13)

She's like a Bravo fan. And I had. I did some Bravo in my past life. And she, like, my phone buzzed, and she was like, is that DEZ your hu. And I was like, I can't. Like, I couldn't. You can't process right? And then I remember just I, like, knew someone she knew in the podcast world. I dropped the name. And she was like, amazing. And I was like. And Amy Schumer. I know you're friends with her. And she was like, oh, do you know Amy? And I was like, no, I don't know why I said that. So, like, I've embarrassed myself in front of everyone. Hailey Bieber was, like, amazing because I spent, like, an hour with her.

Brian Green (52:44)

Yeah.

Chrissy (52:44)

Wow.

Brian Green (52:45)

But she's super interesting. Interesting.

Hannah Berner (52:47)

Chelsea Handler was probably my. My most fun interview because when I first graduated college, I was teaching tennis in Long island, and I randomly was hired to, like, play doubles with a bunch of people. And Chelsea was one of them. Really. And I. And I was a huge. Lately was at its height. And I. I didn't even know I wanted to be a comic at that time. I was, like, 22, and I spent all day with her. I was shaking. Like, I asked her, like, do you have any advice to be, like, successful in general? And she was like, I got lucky. And like, we were laughing. Fast forward. She asked me to be on her podcast, and I'm like, Chelsea, we've met before because I. I was your tennis pro 10 years ago.

Brian Green (53:30)

Oh, my God.

Hannah Berner (53:31)

It was this, like, beautiful full circle moment. But it just. It's honestly the whole celebrity stuff, it's very hard to process.

Brian Green (53:38)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (53:38)

And then having them say something nice to you, you're just like, okay. This is okay. I don't know what's happening.

Brian Green (53:43)

Yeah, we know the feeling. It's a little weird. For three and a half years, we did this show and purposefully did not accept invitations or give invitations to come on the show because we were like, who the is going to come on this show? It's so stupid. Why would anybody come on our show? And then we get Hannah Burner in here.

Hannah Berner (54:01)

The commercial break, I feel like. Like, I hear about it all the time. I feel like it's a very.

Brian Green (54:06)

Yes, we pay people to do that.

Hannah Berner (54:09)

He's like, we have bots. We have a lot of bots.

Brian Green (54:12)

We have a. Yeah, we paid. We pay Conan a lot of money to talk nice about us.

Hannah Berner (54:16)

It's this crazy time where, like, when you're putting out content, celebrities are consuming content.

Brian Green (54:21)

Yes. Just like everybody else. That's right.

Hannah Berner (54:23)

They're arguably seeing someone who's going viral on Netflix more than, like, someone who's in an Oscar movie.

Chrissy (54:28)

Yeah.

Hannah Berner (54:29)

And it's this very weird time. But I hope anyone who's, like, an entertainer listening, it's like, keep creating.

Brian Green (54:34)

Go for it.

Hannah Berner (54:34)

You never know.

Brian Green (54:35)

When people ask me, like, you know, inevitably, everyone asks you if they learn you're a podcaster, they're like, you know who? How. How do you do that? I really wanted to start a podcast. How do you do this? Seems so complicated. And I'm like, get a microphone, turn it on, do it until you feel good about it, and then go, just run. Just run as fast as you can. And if you're meant to do it, it'll turn out. And if you're not meant to do it, it'll be a fun thing for a little while.

Hannah Berner (54:54)

You're so right. The hardest thing is starting it.

Brian Green (54:56)

It is. The hardest thing is pressing record. And, you know, remember, we don't do that very often. Oh, no.

Hannah Berner (55:03)

It's happened to the best of us, Hannah.

Brian Green (55:07)

We have 500 additional episodes. They're just somewhere else, but they're in the ethos to be come back to us.

Hannah Berner (55:12)

So you stayed together through that trauma, because I could see one of you being like, you know what? This. It's not meant to be.

Chrissy (55:20)

It just happens that we were really best friends for years before this.

Brian Green (55:25)

We didn't realize the podcast world was going to be worse than the radio world as far as money and talent was concerned. All right, Hannah, I know you got a lot of things to do, and we appreciate your time. You are such a superstar. We'd love to.

Hannah Berner (55:39)

Thank you for having me. You guys are great interviewers, and I love talking shit about comedy.

Brian Green (55:44)

We love having you to talk shit. So when you get done with all of your big stuff that we'll be watching and applauding for you, we invite you to come back and please put in a good word with us for your husband and with Chelsea Handler both to come on this brother. I. I went and saw them in concert. I'm good. I'm good. I mean, unless Nick wants to come on, then I've had enough. Yeah. I feel like Nick's the one who needs to we need to talk to Nick. Let's talk to Nick. I'll go. I'll. I'll be like, I know Hannah offended you with the whole diabetes thing.

Hannah Berner (56:13)

Would never do that.

Brian Green (56:14)

We are syrup free. Hannah Burner. She's got a Netflix special coming out at. Toward the end of the year. Netflix is a joke. She's on tour currently. Go to. It's hannahburner.com, right? Hannahburner.com. and if you can find a ticket, then go, boys. Don't be afraid. She's gentle. She's a gentle lover. She's a gentle lover. She'll be gentle, I promise. And she likes the older guys, so, you know, don't. If you're in your 40s, don't be afraid. Hannah Burner. Check her out. Thank you so much, Hannah, for spending.

Chrissy (56:43)

Thank you, Hannah.

Hannah Berner (56:44)

Thank you.

Brian Green (56:52)

The amazing Hannah Burner. Hannah Burner.

Chrissy (56:54)

No.

Brian Green (56:54)

I was gonna do that. Me and my fucking lazy tongue. How can you be lazy on the A's, lazy on the R's, maybe lazy on the Athens, maybe, but lazy on the ass.

Chrissy (57:04)

Some people do wanna be called Hana.

Brian Green (57:07)

Well, I think it sounds much more sophisticated, if I'm being honest. It sounds like I'm British. She's probably used to it at the house since, you know, DEZ is running around probably saying, hana, dear. Wakey, wakey, eggs and vegie. Hana.

Chrissy (57:19)

Yeah. She was like, call me whatever.

Brian Green (57:21)

Call me whatever.

Chrissy (57:22)

Heather.

Hannah Berner (57:22)

Hannah.

Brian Green (57:23)

Oh, she was so sweet. I love her. And I love when she lied to us and told us. I hear about the commercial break everywhere, and I'm like, but do you? But do you? We don't hear about the commercial break everywhere. We're on the show. How do you. Oh, Lord.

Chrissy (57:39)

We're known in some circles.

Brian Green (57:40)

We're known in some circles. I imagine this is how it goes. Ready? Hannah's agent is probably like, okay, well, I gotta drop the good news. And I got some bad news, too, so. Hey, Hannah, great news. Read Hastings once an hour on Netflix. And she's like, oh, my God. Best moment in my life. And don't worry about this, but the commercial break is coming up tomorrow. What? I thought we agreed to this. No commercial break. I know, but we got to do it. It makes Reed happy. Maybe. Maybe Reed is watching us.

Chrissy (58:11)

Maybe.

Brian Green (58:11)

Maybe that's where she hears from it. Well, she didn't even know who Reed was, so. And you know what? To be fair, I don't know who the CEO of Odyssey is. So I should maybe. I don't know. I like you very much. Whoever you are. You're a really nice guy. Thanks for hiring us.

Chrissy (58:26)

Or a girl.

Brian Green (58:26)

Or a girl. Oh, yeah, that's true. I think it's a guy because I saw it in, like, a magazine. He was like. He's been. He's been the seat. It's like a family thing. Anyway, Hannah. Hannah was awesome. I think she just. We have had a string of really very cool comics on the show, and I couldn't be more jazzed about it.

Chrissy (58:45)

I love it. I love it. It's always fun and it kind of breaks up some things and gets us out of our comfort zone.

Brian Green (58:52)

Yeah, it's easy.

Chrissy (58:52)

You're a little nervous.

Brian Green (58:53)

What's that?

Chrissy (58:54)

You get a little nervous.

Brian Green (58:56)

I got nervous about Hannah. I'm just going to be honest. Like, I didn't get nervous about Heather. I wasn't nervous about Felicia or Joanna. I got a little bit nervous about Reggie. But Reggie is a guy you should be nervous about. He could go any which way at any time. You know what I'm saying? Knowing Reggie, being a fanboy of Reggie, I knew this could go any direction at any time. But we found our groove. Drugs, Which, hey, if all else fails, talk about drugs.

Chrissy (59:23)

Yeah.

Brian Green (59:24)

Which I thought was great. He ended up being fantastic. Loved it. And then. But I got a little bit nervous about Hannah. And here, let me explain why, because I've been keeping up with Hannah on her social medias, and she's a very sharp comic. She's, like, sharp mentally. But then she does such great crowd work that I felt like she may have. Could have come in here and done a master class telling me all the things that were wrong with me.

Chrissy (59:49)

Well, but she kind of explained that, though, with. When we were talking to her.

Brian Green (59:52)

Yeah. She's not being spirited about it.

Chrissy (59:54)

No, no. But she said too, you know, a lot of women were coming to the show and they were bringing their boyfriends, and she just kind of made it her mission to get them to like her.

Brian Green (60:03)

Yeah.

Chrissy (60:04)

And so she would build them up, tear them down, build them up, tear.

Brian Green (60:07)

Them down, build them up. I love it. I love her philosophy. She was. I think she was a really interesting guest to have on. And what. In what, like a super. You know, everyone talks about, like, Shane Gillis and all these other people who are blowing up in comedy, and I think Hannah should be right there with them. And I think she is in a lot of circles because she is. Is fantastic. And so you should go check her out. You can go to her Instagram or her Tick tock. She literally can't throw a rock into the tick tock comedy world without hitting a Hannah post. And then on Instagram, she's just really funny. Go check her out. Hannah burner. And then hannahburner.com where you can find out about her dates, her tour dates that are upcoming. She's gonna have a few more shows. She's gonna do that Netflix thing and then she's gonna change it all up. She's gonna send it to the world and change it all up. And we'll be, we'll be right there rooting her on, I think. And hey, thank you for, for, for being here with me. Just wanted to tell you that I appreciate that. No, no, no, thank you. People get all upset when you leave, and so I get, I get nervous. I'm like, well, they don't like me, so I better get Chrissy back in the studio as quickly as possible.

Chrissy (61:08)

I have no more time off plans.

Brian Green (61:11)

Okay, that's good because we are now contractually obligated to do so many more episodes. But I do, I do want to say this. Thank you to Christina, thank you to Tina, and thank you to Asterisk for being in here while Chrissy was away. It's not the most natural place for, for especially Astrid to be, but you know what? People love her. They like texted in and they're like, go bust his balls. You know, get on him. I. Here's what I think. Like, in my life, I think we have a lot of female listeners, and I think those listeners generally have a, like a kind of a love hate relationship with Brian. Like, Brian's a big dumb oaf, but he's one of us. And so we'll just like pat him on the head. He's good. He's one of the girls. Don't worry about it. But then when you know, you or, or Christina or Astrid or Tina, you know, they kind of bust my balls a little bit. People go wild. They love it. They love it when people are dressing me down. That's just the nature of the show. Maybe that's where she's hearing. Maybe that's where Hannah's hearing about it. That asshole. Yeah, I listen to his show. I listen to him sound stupid. That's what I do. The guy doesn't check a fact. He doesn't know anything. And he just bloviates for 38 minutes at a time. That's us. That's the commercial break. Chrissy and I, we blovier. Thank God you were here. I thank God you're here from the beginning, because otherwise this show would be terrible, terrible. Now it's just mediocre. But it could have been terrible, Chrissy, had you not come. So it's good to have you back. Don't ever leave again. Don't ever leave again.

Chrissy (62:34)

Okay.

Brian Green (62:35)

Yeah, but take out insurance on you. I want to clone you just in case.

Hannah Berner (62:38)

I know.

Brian Green (62:39)

I'll keep her in the corner. It won't be unnerving. I promise.

Chrissy (62:42)

This living one that can come back from vacation.

Brian Green (62:45)

Yes, she can come back from vacation. You can go on vacation. She can stay here with me. That's the way we're going to do. All right. We got all the information on Han. I don't need to give it out again, but I will, just in case. Hannahburner.com Tik Tok Instagram. Few shows left. Go check it out. Go check out her husband while you're at it. Does Bishop. He's really, really.

Chrissy (63:02)

Yeah, we're gonna try and get him on the show, too.

Brian Green (63:04)

I think we just. I think we might have secured an angle there because I think we've asked him before and he has said no. No, that's not true. I don't think we've asked him before. But I. I didn't even know the two of them were married married until recently when we were doing some homework and they're just newly married. But I was like, oh, I love dez. I think he's so funny. And he's British. So I instantaneously have a little bit of a, you know.

Hannah Berner (63:27)

Yes.

Brian Green (63:27)

And across the pound boner for him.

Hannah Berner (63:29)

British.

Brian Green (63:29)

Yes. I have an over the pot hopping the pond boner for him. And I'll tell him so when he comes on the show. That and Chelsea Handler and okay, I guess if the Jonas Brothers want to come on, we'll suffer through 50 met ads. Could you imagine? Can you imagine the Jonas Brothers? No. Either can I.

Chrissy (63:49)

No.

Brian Green (63:50)

They have no reason to come on the commercial. Right. Their agent is like, stay away. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more about the show. Chrissy and I. You can also watch all the video and watch all the audio that's available out there on the Internet. One location. Tcb, podcast dot com. Here's what else you can do. Get your free piggy front and sticker. It's available to you right now. Now you can have this beautiful one by one inch sticker. It's larger than that of Brian with his Teresa Caputa hair.

Hannah Berner (64:19)

Huge.

Chrissy (64:19)

21 EPM.

Brian Green (64:21)

No, I like that size. But we couldn't get that size. We didn't get that size. No, we couldn't. We didn't get that size. It's like 2 inches by 2 inches. You can get it by by going to the website at the contact us but button. I want my free sticker on the drop down menu and then send in your address. I'll wait. It will go straight into your loving arms to forever be shat on 212-4333, TCB. That's a brand new phone number. 1212-4333, TCB. Questions, comments, concerned guest ideas, content ideas, whatever you got, send it our way. If you have a question for one of our past guests, we'll put it in the book and we'll ask them next time they come on. Add the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on Tick Tock. Please don't start comparing numbers between us and Hannah because 100 versus two and a half million.

Hannah Berner (65:11)

Yeah.

Brian Green (65:11)

Is not a fair fight. No, we should actually post something on there and maybe that would make it better. But anyway. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

Chrissy (65:18)

I think so.

Brian Green (65:19)

But I love you.

Chrissy (65:20)

I love you.

Brian Green (65:20)

Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy. And I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. I gotta get some cocaine. Gotta be crazy.