TCP: We're Just Like You!

Summary

The Commercial Break: Episode TCP: We're Just Like You! Release Date: December 6, 2024

In this engaging episode of The Commercial Break, co-hosts Bryan Green and Chrissy Hoadley navigate through a whirlwind of topics, blending humor with insightful commentary. From holiday festivities to controversial political decisions and peculiar social trends, the duo ensures a captivating listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

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1. Embracing the Holiday Season

Timestamp: [01:35] - [03:08]

Bryan kicks off the episode by announcing the show's commitment to the holiday listeners. Despite the seasonal lull many podcasts experience, The Commercial Break is set to release brand-new episodes throughout the holiday period. Bryan enthusiastically introduces the "12 Days of TCB," scheduled from December 13th through Christmas Day, promising daily fresh content.

Notable Quote:

Bryan Green [01:52]: "Jingle, jangle your dingle dangles. Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB."

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2. Thanksgiving Tales and Tastes

Timestamp: [03:08] - [12:35]

Bryan and Chrissy reminisce about their Thanksgiving celebrations, highlighting the successes and mishaps of their holiday meals. They discuss the variety of dishes, with a particular focus on ham legs and the delectable homemade rolls from Sister Schubert's.

Notable Quote:

Chrissy Hoadley [10:24]: "They're like a cult favorite, too. People love them."

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3. The Biden Pardon Controversy

Timestamp: [08:06] - [17:56]

The conversation takes a sharp turn towards politics as Bryan addresses President Joe Biden's controversial pardon of his son, Hunter Biden. He dissectsthe ethical implications of a presidential pardon within a familial context, weighing personal loyalty against public perception.

Notable Quotes:

Bryan Green [13:35]: "You can't yell and scream that the house is on fire when you're the one that lit the match."

Chrissy Hoadley [15:37]: "Or if you're in a snowstorm. Okay, In Atlanta, that happened."

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4. Atlanta’s Traffic Troubles

Timestamp: [13:35] - [14:09]

Shifting gears, the hosts lament the increasing disregard for traffic signals in Atlanta. Bryan shares his frustrations with drivers ignoring red lights, making the streets feel perilously unsafe.

Notable Quote:

Bryan Green [14:09]: "People are not paying attention to red lights or they are ignoring them altogether."

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5. The Viral Trend of Men Peeing in Bottles

Timestamp: [22:51] - [28:09]

One of the episode's most memorable segments delves into a bizarre social trend: men storing bottles beside their beds to urinate in them. Both Bryan and Chrissy express their disbelief and disgust over this habit, sparking a humorous yet critical discussion.

Notable Quotes:

Bryan Green [23:03]: "You can't even be bothered to sit up to. I mean, to stand up and get next to your bed."

Chrissy Hoadley [25:07]: "This all do that."

Bryan shares a personal anecdote about an incident from his youth where he accidentally soiled his couch, reinforcing his stance against such practices.

Bryan Green [28:09]: "I have the only disgusting habit I think that I have regarding the bathroom, besides the actual bathroom. Going to the bathroom part."

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6. Cruise Ship Catastrophes

Timestamp: [31:02] - [43:45]

Bryan and Chrissy recount harrowing experiences and notorious incidents aboard cruise ships, with a particular emphasis on the Carnival cruises. They discuss issues like engine failures, sanitation problems, and the overall mismanagement that can turn a vacation into a nightmare.

Notable Quotes:

Bryan Green [36:10]: "A lot of the electricity. So you're in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico... you’re going on this essentially hell journey for seven, eight days."

Chrissy Hoadley [39:43]: "The overwhelming majority decided they didn't want to cruise at all."

The duo criticizes the lack of proper facilities and emergency responses, painting a grim picture of life at sea when things go wrong.

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7. Doppelgangers and the Brady Feigel Saga

Timestamp: [43:45] - [59:00]

A fascinating and slightly eerie segment discusses the phenomenon of doppelgangers, spotlighting the case of Brady Feigel. Bryan narrates the story of two individuals sharing the same name, birthdate, and strikingly similar appearances and professions, raising questions about identity and coincidence.

Notable Quotes:

Bryan Green [50:47]: "This is really freaking me out. It gives me goosebumps because are we in a simulation and the simulation has glitched and it made a doppelganger."

Chrissy Hoadley [57:19]: "That's wild."

The conversation extends into the realm of pop culture, comparing personal experiences and societal obsessions with finding one's look-alike.

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8. Technical Hiccups and Studio Banter

Timestamp: [59:00] - [66:21]

Bryan and Chrissy navigate the challenges of their new studio setup, particularly grappling with technical issues related to their cameras' Clean HDMI feeds. Their banter provides a lighter interlude amidst more serious discussions, showcasing their chemistry and improvisational skills.

Notable Quote:

Bryan Green [53:30]: "Here's the dumbest thing in the world. Look back to Brady Feigl."

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Conclusion: Extending the Fun through the Holidays

Timestamp: [66:21] - [68:49]

As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Chrissy tease upcoming holiday content and encourage listeners to engage with the show through various platforms. They maintain their signature humor, ensuring that the holiday spirit remains vibrant and entertaining for their audience.

Notable Quote:

Bryan Green [65:16]: "12 brand new episodes of commercial break for the Christmas season. You didn't ask for it, but we're giving it to you."

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Overall Insights:

• Humor with Purpose: The hosts adeptly blend comedic elements with genuine discussions, making complex or sensitive topics approachable.

• Personal Touch: Sharing personal stories, such as Bryan's accidental mishap or Chrissy's perspectives, fosters a relatable and intimate connection with listeners.

• Current Events Commentary: Their take on political decisions and social trends provides listeners with thought-provoking content wrapped in humor.

Utility for New Listeners:

For those unfamiliar with The Commercial Break, this episode encapsulates the show's essence—improv comedy interwoven with candid conversations about everyday quirks and significant societal issues. Bryan and Chrissy's dynamic ensures that each topic is both entertaining and insightful, making it an excellent entry point for new audiences.

Engagement Prompt:

Listeners are encouraged to interact with the show by texting their thoughts to 212-4333 (TCB) and connecting via social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok. Additionally, the announcement of the "12 Days of TCB" promises an extended period of fresh and festive content.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections have been intentionally omitted to focus solely on the core discussions and insights of the episode.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive, it works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law this episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive, and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey Chrissy. Best to you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's the holiday season and a lot of times podcasts like ourselves will take off, but not us, Chrissy. We have bills to pay and miles to feed. So we are going to be producing brand new episodes of the Commercial break this entire holiday season, and I thought it was important to let our audience know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Jingle, jingle all the way home.

[Brian Green]

Jingle, jangle your dingle dangles. Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB. Our first ever 12 days of TCB. That's right, December 13th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes every day. What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. On this episode of the commercial break. I always make it sound much more lame than it actually is. I'm like, yeah, it's just me and my friend and we're talking, we're talking.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

About each other's lives.

[Brian Green]

It's like you and your friend when you talk about, you know, the inside of an. When you talk about the poop cruise.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right? Your friend peed in a jar.

[Brian Green]

That's right. When you and your buddy get together and talk about all your sex. Actual exploits live on air. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of the show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on this Friday edition of the commercial break from our brand new studio that's right here somewhere north of Atlanta, Georgia. You figure it out and I've given you all the clues. All you have to do is piece the puzzle together or google my name on one of those shitty websites. You can now request Google take off your personal information. Really from the search engines. Did you know that like all identifying information, phone numbers, addresses, Social Security numbers, if those are available. You can now request that Google take all of that information down like automatically in all you have to do is put submit a request to Google, which I did the other day because I.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

May google how to do that.

[Brian Green]

I'm now notably famous and I don't want the throngs of fans finding out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Where I am showing up at your door.

[Brian Green]

No, Astrid would not be cool with that. First fan that shows up at the door, this show is over. So it's a threat and a promise because Astrid will not have it. So welcome to the new studio, Chrissy. It looks really good.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It looks really good. Everybody did a good great job.

[Brian Green]

Well, thank you. I'll take credit for all of it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Even though it wasn't on me, it was mainly Astrid.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But I'll have a brand new neon sign.

[Brian Green]

We have brand new neon sign. We've got a table.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Table.

[Brian Green]

We look more relaxed. You can now see my socks. You can see your shoes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

My shoes.

[Brian Green]

That's. What are you wearing today? What's. What do you got on?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've got all my air Jordans.

[Brian Green]

Look at you. Are how much are those? What are those? Run you. What are those? Cost you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Those. They weren't that good. Nike was having a sale. I think they were like, I don't know, 100, 120.

[Brian Green]

$120 at that. I mean, making the big bucks, people paying.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I am moonlighting on another one. No, those, you know, sneakers. Sneaker sales are crazy.

[Brian Green]

I know. There's that website where they resell the. The sneakers. What is that? Oozle, boozle, snoozle.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I don't know. I'm not making that kind of money yet. On my other podcast.

[Brian Green]

If you're making money on another podcast, I want in on that podcast. Which podcast is that? And do they need a host? Yeah, there's a who trend where guys, girls, they go out, they buy these shoes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The limited edition.

[Brian Green]

The limited edition, and then they resell them on a website, which now I'm seeing commercials for. You know, that Astrid and I went. I think it was in. I want to say it was in Los Angeles, and we were down on Rodeo Drive, and we went to a store.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Fancy.

[Brian Green]

Very fancy. Rodeo Drive is really big mistake. Huge, huge mistake. And then we went to, like, the cheesecake factor. Honestly, we went to something.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Did you see Kanye?

[Brian Green]

No, I think we went to Brio. You know that. That place? Brio.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Brio, yes.

[Brian Green]

Did not see Kanye. Or Bianca. Bianca. And her nipples. Did not see that. Damn. Or her vagina. So we went to, like, a Brio. Like a. Like a nice porch on Rodeo Drive. And it was beautiful.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I love Brio, actually.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Brio was very good. And I found it to be pleasant on my wallet. So everything else on Rodeo Drive was crazy. Some places it said. There was, like, a place that said the front door. Reservations absolutely required. Don't even ask. And I was like, that is like, a really fucking shitty thing to say. Wow. I know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Don't even think about it.

[Brian Green]

So don't even think about it. We went to a store, and Astrid's like, I gotta go to this store. It's all the rage. Everyone's talking about it on Instagram. So we go into this store, and it's all weathered clothing, used shoes, and, like, everything has a hole in it, has dirt, has mud, and nothing. And I mean, nothing is less than $1,000 W. Nothing. And Astrid's like, it's all the rage to buy jeans from here, to buy these shoes. And I was like, these. These motherfuckers. These motherfuckers buy a parachute, tennis shoes from Fibu or Emu or whatever that Japanese Chinese website is. What is that? Japanese website. Everyone's into Temu. Is it Teemu?

[Christina]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Christina here in the studio with us?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes, she's able to help.

[Brian Green]

Hi, Christina. Yeah, thank you, Timu. Am I right about it, Timu?

[Producer]

Yeah, that's that website.

[Brian Green]

I think we got our first Temu package the other day. I saw it. It said from team. Anyway, so these motherfuckers are buying, you know, knockoff designer clothing on Temu. They're running out in the street in puddles, and then they're bringing them back indoors, scuffing them up a little. And you're paying $1,000 markup to get used shoes and clothing with holes in it. I'm going to get Astrid to tell me what the name of this store was because I want to shout them out as a place to never go. It's fucking ridiculous. So anyway, I like your shoes. That's good. Good for you with the Air Jordans again. I don't know how you're affording those. Jeff must be bringing in revenue. How is Jeff? How was the Thanksgiving holiday now that we're back?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The Thanksgiving holiday was great.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I think we've already recorded our post Thanksgiving show, but we have.

[Brian Green]

But now that we're actually back from Thanksgiving, now that we're not pretending to.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Be back from Thanksgiving anymore, it was wonderful. Super low key. And there were just five of. That's the way I wanted it. And less. Less stress because we ordered everything.

[Brian Green]

You guys are.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You know, there are a few homemade.

[Brian Green]

Pies hipsters down there, but that's okay. You're such homemade pie.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

First of all, there's five of us. That's just the way I like it. Is. That's what she said. Second of all, they're homemade pies. That's what she said. That. You are so hipster. You are just the new. You are new and fresh and living itp, getting everything created and made for you. It's probably very delicious. I will say.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

How did yours go?

[Brian Green]

I'm not sick.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It's a win.

[Brian Green]

I am not on the toilet right now. We're not taking time off. I haven't lost any weight. I've gained it. So I consider that a W all round.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

The food was delicious. Listen, there was.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There was a turkey.

[Brian Green]

There was no turkey.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You were going to do it.

[Brian Green]

Somebody was going to do a turkey. And I guess that. Abort. Yeah, abort. Abort the turkey. It's terrible. So we had a ham Leg.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

We had two ham legs, actually. One was like the sliced ham that you would get at a place, but they cooked it. And I would say that that one probably fell short of expectations. So then my dad had, like, a backup ham leg that had a bone in it. It was like, you know, he backed up the. He backed up the food with additional food, and thank God he did, because then he said, come over here and get this ham. And I did. I just ate a little bit of it. Just enough to taste it and make sure that it was pleasant.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. And it was good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, sure. No, I did a good job. Everybody did a good job cooking. I have no complaints about the food this year. Mac and cheese, stuffing, potatoes au grat, and rolls. The kind that you like to eat. The homemade, yeasty. Put a pound on every time you eat one kind of rolls.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, we did. Sister Schubert's. Love those.

[Brian Green]

What are Sister Schubert's?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You don't know Sister Schubert's?

[Brian Green]

I never met a Sister Schubert in my entire life.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm going to bring you every little pan of them. There's delicious.

[Brian Green]

They're like, what?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They're like a cult favorite, too. People love them. Yes.

[Brian Green]

Really?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, they come in a round little pan, and they're small. They're like that big.

[Brian Green]

Oh. And they're all packed together. Oh. And then you cook them and they bloom.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They don't. They don't bloom too much. But yeah, they. You do cook them and then they. You eat them and they're delicious.

[Brian Green]

My aunt. My dad's sister, Babs Barbara. We call her Babs Babs from Chicago. She used to run the. There's a famous grocery store chain up there named Jewel. And so Jewel Osco, I think is what it's called now. Jewel Osco. And she used to run the bakery in Chicago for Jewel. And Jewel is, like, based in Chicago, so it's the. Or maybe. And maybe now they're in Ohio. I'm not sure. I think they're owned by Kroger now. But Jewel had this huge bakery, and the bakery would run like 24 hours a day, creating all of the breads and the muffins and the morning cakes and the coffee cakes and the. And the rolls. And so first of all, my aunt always smelled like bread, which was delicious to me.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

I wanted to eat my aunt sometimes. I didn't say, eat out my aunt.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Everyone settled down.

[Brian Green]

I said, eat my aunt. I wanted to eat her. I wanted to take a bite of her. You know how that goes sometimes people smell so good. You want to eat them like babies. Baby's little toes. You want to eat them.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I know. Or the cheeks.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but don't do that in public. People think it's weird when you start biting your kids toes in public. Give me those little nubs. So we would go to work sometimes with Babs, Aunt Babs. And Aunt Babs would. She had this big office, but in the office you could see right out this glass window all of these dinner rolls that were just freshly baked coming down the little conveyor.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

You could run over there and take one. This was the time when the, you know, food quality was different. Back then if you, if no one was dying or if you didn't get a rat in your food, then you know it was acceptable. So you would just go and just grab a roll off the, off the conveyor belt and on some of them.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But it was so good.

[Brian Green]

We had them at every dinner. Every dinner Babs would bring over those jewel rolls. A coffee cake for dessert. It was delicious. I loved it. And so it's hard for me to replicate that exact taste of those jewel rolls. But I'm going to try sister Schubert's because it sounds like a thing that could be like the jewel rolls.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. They're delectable.

[Brian Green]

So. Okay, well, good. I'm glad you had a good. Thanks. Guess who else is having a good Thanksgiving, is that Hunter Biden is having a good Thanksgiving. I just thought I'd mention this as we're recording this and it just happened. So it's coming out on Friday as we're recording this. Hunter Biden has now been broadly, broadly pardoned BY his father, Mr. President Joe Biden, for all criminal activity in a certain period of time, which is the power of the president. That's one of the. Yeah, that's one of the king like powers that survives constitutionally for our president. You can pardon him. And of course, we all, some of us up in arms when President Trump started handing out pardons like candy. And I'm sure he'll do it again because now Pandora's box is officially opened. Here's my personal opinion on this. You can't yell and scream that the house is on fire when you're the one that lit the match. Right. And so I don't, I know, I get it. Joe Biden is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Or Hunter Biden, Gerald Ford pardon Nixon. So it started back then.

[Brian Green]

But I agree, I. But he did that for the good of the country because the country really was very divided. A lot of people a Lot of people.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And it's not now.

[Brian Green]

No, it's not good. Yeah. I feel good driving on the streets. I feel like it's so much more pleasant these days than it was even just four years ago. So much more pleasant. Not. People are not trying to murder me with their car at every turn because. And by the way, red lights have now just become suggestions here in Atlanta. You have to be careful. This is insane.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Stop signs.

[Brian Green]

Where are the police officers to pull somebody over and make an example out of somebody? Everyone is ignoring red lights in Atlanta, and I'm sure this is going on nationwide. And I know in Atlanta, like, anger driving, driving pissed off is a sport. I do it. But I gotta be honest. Like, it's really dangerous. People are not paying attention to red lights or they are ignoring them altogether. It's like when the light turns red. It used to be when the light turns yellow, that means go faster. It used to be when the light turns yellow, that means four more cars. But by the time the light turned red, used to be most people had stopped on the line. Not anymore. Light turns red, it's six additional cars. Go. You have to really pay attention getting out there in the middle of an intersection, because people. I don't know. I guess we've just all lost our sense of law. I have no idea. But this goes back to, like, Hunter Biden and Joe Biden. I think this is a big mistake on Joe Biden's behalf because you can't claim to be the good guys living up to the standards of this and that and the other thing. And then when nobody's looking and everybody's looking, by the way, just go ahead and pardon your son for criminal activity. I know Hunter is a big target of the right. And there's conspiracy theories left and right about the laptop. The laptop, the laptop, which is, you know, I don't. I don't know, but I think this is not a great move on Joe Biden's behalf. But I also understand where Joe's coming from. It's his son. He's lost children before, and he's lost.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The election, and Kamala lost too. So he's like, fuck it. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He's like, fuck it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's the way I saw it.

[Brian Green]

He's like, fuck it. He's also 98 years old, so he's like, I'm gonna live two more years. What do I care? I don't want my son to have to carry this weight on his back forever and ever. But I just think it's not a I just don't think it's a great look. But if I was president, I'd probably pardon my kid. I think I'd need a little crack. Some hookers, $500 million from Ukraine. I mean, what are we talking about here? What's a little crack amongst friends? I don't know exactly. But, you know, just to like. I don't want to cast aspersions, as I used to buy cocaine out of a kid's margarita cup and Chili's, but, you know, I gotta get some cocaine. Driving me crazy. Driving me crazy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Good job, Christina.

[Brian Green]

Good job, Christina. That's Christina on the button. Thank you. That was hard. Christina's like, I've been waiting all show to use that one button. But, you know, Hunter did have a bad, bad addiction problem. I think that led to a lot of poor choices. I don't know how much criminality went on. And, you know, when you're a famous person and you are on the wrong side of the irs, you're going to be made an example of. That's just the truth. They can't go after everybody, so they go after the famous people so that everybody else is scared to fuck with the irs.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

And, you know, so I get it. But at the same time, you know what's good for the goose, Chrissy, has got to be good for the gander. If that is in fact what we're calling it. A gander, isn't it? Is it a flock or a gander?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

A flock of geese.

[Brian Green]

Have you ever figured that out? It's a flock of geese. Is it a. Christina says it's a flock of geese. I think we should trust what Christina says because she seems like someone that might know information that we otherwise just guess on. This has been a show of Brian's musings and complete misinformation. And now we might be fact checked here and there.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think I like it.

[Brian Green]

Can I just tell you?

[Producer]

A gander is a male goose again.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so what's good for the goose?

[Producer]

I've been waiting to tell you guys that for a really long time.

[Brian Green]

All right, thank you. We've finally know what's good for the goose. A female goose. Right? Okay. It's good for the gammon.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The male goose.

[Brian Green]

The male goose. Okay, There you go. All right, well, listen, we have lots more exciting stuff to talk about here on today's episode. I'll figure it out on the break.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We'll just let it flow. This is kind of our first foray.

[Brian Green]

This is our first foray into the into the new studio, new setup. It's weird not to have a table to put your hands on. It's weird not to be pressing buttons. I don't know what to do with my hands. So if I start grabbing my crotch at any point, Chrissy, remind me that's impolite at the dinner table.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I will let you know.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. And the jewel rolls. I will not be putting my hands on my jewel rolls. Okay, let's take a break and yeah, we'll be back.

[Producer]

In a shocking turn of events, it's me again, Christina, your producer and resident rom com lover here at the commercial break. And I just have one thing to say. I'm just a producer standing in front of an audience asking you to follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast, text us or call us and leave us a voicemail. Because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with tcb, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And while you're at it, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com but you don't have to, because we like you just as you are now. If you immediately got those references, you're my kind of person. But it's time to take a break and listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by Free alcohol from Zbiotics. I am not one to imbibe a whole bunch anymore. I've got 13 to 15 children, checklists to get done and jobs to do. But even with moderation, I don't bounce back like I used to from a night of drinking. I find myself having to make that choice. Can I have a great night or a great responsible day tomorrow? A tough choice to make indeed. That is until I found pre alcohol zbiotics. Pre alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by a PhD scientist to tackle rough mornings after drinking. And here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for that rough next day. Free alcohol produces an enzyme to break down this byproduct. And just as long as you remember to take pre alcohol as your first drink of the night, then drink responsibly, you'll feel your best tomorrow. We've now been out for a few nights of drinking where pre alcohol is the first thing that I drink. Let me tell you when I can get up in the morning, take care of my 12 to 13 children, still record an episode of the commercial break and make it to bedtime with a little bit of energy left in the tank to watch bad television. I know that pre alcohol has done its job and with the holiday season upon us, I know I'm going to be consuming just a little bit more alcohol than usual. But with pre alcohol I can stay on track and not let the holiday season throw me off course. Go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to ZBiotics.com commercial and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout for 15% off. Thank you to ZBiotics for being a sponsor of the commercial break and for making my mornings after drinking just a little bit easier. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, the year is early 2000 and something and I got my first real office job at a company that was selling websites and search engine optimization. We came up with this pitch that the website was the business card of the Future and now 20 something years later is not the business card for your business, it's just your business. And that's why I highly recommend Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform for on entrepreneurs to succeed online. You don't have to be a programmer or a coder or a designer to develop your presence online. Just as unique as you and your business are three really important reasons why I believe Squarespace is the leader in this industry. Design Intelligence. They combine two decades of industry leading design and expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Number two Squarespace Payments. This is the part that befuddles a lot of people who go out and try and build their own website. Onboarding is fast and simple. Simple and you can take payments from some of the most popular payment methods. Klarna Ach, Apple Pay afterpay Clear Pay. If you're going to put your business online, people have to be able to pay you online. And number three but no less important SEO tools. If you want to be noticed, you have to be found. And with Squarespace's integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code commercial. Thanks, Squarespace, for being a sponsor of the commercial break. All right, so we're. We're back. Hey, guess what.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

Have you ever known a man to pee in a bottle next to his bed because he finds that it's too much to get to the bathroom?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I have not.

[Brian Green]

Christina, have you ever run into a man who does this? No. That's disgusting. It's absolutely horrid. And I cannot believe that what I am reading. Are you ready for this? New York Post, trusted source of all information. Women are venting that men store water bottles beside their beds so that they can urinate in them instead of getting up to use the bathroom. This disgusting hack has become a viral conversation online where women are coming together and sharing stories about their partner who used the concept as a lazy excuse to stay horizontal. Hannah confessed that she thought it was customary for men to urinate in bottles. I thought it was acceptable for him to piss in the bottle.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So you don't even, like. You can't even.

[Brian Green]

You can't even be bothered to sit up to. I mean, to stand up and get next to your bed. This is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of in my entire life. And I want to talk to the boys out there. Guys, where did we learn this? Who picked this up? On a road trip? When your dad says, I told you to go to the bathroom before we left. Okay? Pissing in a bottle is then and only then acceptable because your father is telling you, I'm not gonna stop the car, and you better not piss yourself.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Or if you're in a snowstorm. Okay, In Atlanta, that happened.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Okay. People were on the side of the road. I saw it. I saw a trucker taking a dump on the side of the road. It was really. But at that point, I understood. I felt everybody was, yeah, what's he gonna do? He's been eating bean burritos from Q night long. He needs to get it out. But there is no acceptable version of. I am not like, no, you're in.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Your own home and you're having to do this and not sit up.

[Brian Green]

I'm not motivated enough to walk 22 steps to the bathroom. It's probably not even that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It didn't even work because you would have to turn the bottle to then get.

[Brian Green]

I guess you turn to the side and then stick your dick in the bottle and then just pee. And then what? Put the cap on it for the rest of the night.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So gross.

[Brian Green]

What the fuck is going on in here? I can't even believe it. It is absolutely, fantastically gross. And guys think, stop.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This all do that.

[Brian Green]

This all started with Joe Rogan, I bet. I'll tell you why it started with Joe Rogan. Because he probably had some shithead on that said it was okay to drink your own piss. And now everybody thinks piss is just yet another liquid we can keep around. Piss should go down a toilet, on a tree, or in the backyard like every other good human being does. This is a not an acceptable thing, guys. Get with it. Get up, pull your morning boner together and go fucking pee in the toilet. And that's the other thing. You got a morning morning boner. That thing's sticking straight up. What are you doing putting the Gatorade bottle upside down and pissing in it? I. I've never even. I've never even heard of.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, it shouldn't be an option, but it should be off the table.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely, Totally agree, Chrissy, on this. We agree. And so I thought to myself, this cannot be a truth. Like there clearly is. This is not true. There are not got many guys that are pissing next. This is New York Post fending for content like we do here at the commercial break.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

From them.

[Brian Green]

Yes, from them piggybacking off of yet another piece of content that we need. So I go, okay, I'm going to do a little research on this. And I didn't find one or three or 10. I found 30, 40 different posts where women were complaining about this or men were responding that, yes, I do this, it's acceptable. And I just am blown away. This is a generation. Whoever these degenerates are that are pissing in bottles and leaving them next to the side of the bed until the morning. Do you clean them up in the morning or do you just collect them until the. Until the end of the week when the trash guy comes? This is an unacceptable plus.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Think about the planet. Look at the bottles you're using.

[Brian Green]

Well, you already used a bottle. I guess, you know, at least you're reusing it in that sense. I guess you're recycling. I don't know. Maybe there is some good bottle away.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And that goes into the landfill.

[Brian Green]

Listen, if it's yellow, leaded, mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. That's what I got.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

I never. For two reasons. This is the only disgusting habit I think that I have regarding the bathroom, besides the actual bathroom. Going to the bathroom part. I do not flush the toilet at night when I pee. I flush it in the morning because, number one, I don't want to wake up the baby.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

They never wake up a sleeping baby. And number two, there's no need if it's just number two, there's yellow.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There's no number two.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there's no number two. There's nothing to do. No number two. No number two.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's right. No, I'm on board with that.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's approved.

[Brian Green]

I gotta say, guys, if you're one of these nudniks who are pissing in a bottle and leaving it on the side of the bed, it's amazing that a woman has even seen this. It's amazing that a woman has even been in your bedroom, let alone seen it and accepted it as a part of living with you. This is not a good look. There are a few things that you should just do, and one of them is actually going to the toilet.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I mean, unless there's some kind of medical reason that you're doing this.

[Brian Green]

Have you ever been so fucked up that you have pissed yourself? No, I have. I have. One time.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

One time.

[Brian Green]

One time I was at a guy. This is. I was very young. I was probably like 18 years old, 19 years old. We went to a friend's house. That friend lived with an older gentleman. The guy was probably in his 30s. And the guy hated my friend, hated this guy I was hanging out with because he was this young, obnoxious alcoholic who would just run around, bring people home late at night. And this guy had, like, a real job. He had, like a 9 to 5 job. Yeah, he was really. And here's why I say this. I'm saying this not to point or poke fun, but I'm saying this just to point out for the story. This guy was, like, morbidly obese. He was really, really big guy. Very, very sweet man when I met him. But you could tell the look of disdain on his face when he saw this guy that I was hanging out with, this other guy named Brian that I was hanging out with. So two Brians causing trouble with this.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Guy running around town. Causing trouble, yes.

[Brian Green]

And the guy, he did not have an easy time moving. So when he was in bed, and then the couple times we would go to his house at night rather than get up and, you know, say, hey, it's time to go to sleep. He had a megaphone next to his bed, and he would scream into the megaphone. He would scream, you know, shut up. Which it was an apartment, so I never understood. Now you're just causing more. But anyway, he. That's what he would do. And it. So we would. So one night we come in and we're twinkle toesing around because I'm like, I don't want to hear that megaphone. Like, it freaks me out. And it's one of the only times before I was 21 years old that I was actually really inebriated on alcohol. And I. We go to sleep. I sleep on the couch. I wake up on the couch and I am. It's just sopping wet. And I realize that I have peed myself, but I didn't pee myself, like, in the traditional sense. What I realized had happened because the couch cushions were kind of wet, but the. Under the couch cushions were really wet, right? And so what I did was I stuck my dick in between the couch cushions. God, I pissed under that couch cushions.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

I was just.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You, like, thought that was the toilet?

[Brian Green]

I guess I thought that was something. A vagina. I don't know. I thought it was something I was. But that's the only time. The only time that I have ever peed outside of a toilet or a tree. And good job. As a grown man, I've never found it. I've never even thought of pissing in a bottle. So you don't have to get up and walk around.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Christina, would you be with a man.

[Producer]

That would just stop right there? Would I be with a man?

[Brian Green]

Would you be with a man?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So there we go.

[Brian Green]

All right. If you were with men at this time in your life, would you find it. Would you find any reason to stay with a guy if he was pissing in a bottle and leaving it on the side of the table? Table?

[Producer]

That's a deal breaker for me. Absolutely not.

[Brian Green]

That is the biggest red flag.

[Producer]

First of all, I also don't want to touch your dick hands. You know, like, if you're laying in your bed and then you're like, putting your hands on your penis to go pee, and then you got probably pee and penis on your hand. I don't turn around and touch me.

[Brian Green]

Yes. That's disgusting. It's all bad. It's all bad. And I. And I'm just. I'm pleading with the guys out there. Learn a little bit of manners. It goes a long way. Manners and a little bit of chivalry. I know not everyone loves chivalry, but I still think it's. I still think it's not a bad. To hold the door and be polite and say please and thank you and all that stuff. And for God's sakes, don't piss in your empty Diet Coke can. What the fuck are we doing? Jesus, Chrissy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

If I could get ahold of these guys. It all starts with Rogan. That's what I have to say. It all starts with him. He says, remember those people that were drinking piss and bathing themselves in the piss? No, you don't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Do I?

[Producer]

I do. I couldn't forget it if I tried.

[Brian Green]

Was that Tina that did that episode? Maybe because they were gone.

[Producer]

Oh, I don't know.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. Anyway, you remember that? Yeah, that was. There was horrible. There was a couple and they would drink and shower in their own urine because it was life giving, basically. They were crazy people who needed mental help. And they were like. He was like, living with their. And they were two really attractive human beings. I'm talking like, really attractive young human beings. And they were like staying with their parents for a period of time up in the Hamptons. Of course in the Hamptons, because that's where all the kooky shit happens. They were in the Hamptons and they were bathing in their own urine. They were like pouring it on themselves and drinking it every 15, 20 minutes. It was really highly disturbing. And I think that's where maybe we get the sense that pee is not that bad and we can keep it next to our own.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, I mean, if you're stuck in a desert, you know, and you have to. Or like on a. Stranded on a boat, you have to. But. But that's the only case.

[Brian Green]

I don't think they're. I think even if I was stranded on a boat, I don't think I'd go there. I think I just start drinking seawater. Yeah. Or eating fish and hoping that the liquid from the fish.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I see myself as one of those guys who just reach down on, like, if I was on the life raft, I could just reach down and grab like a swordfish and just take a bite. I've had live octopus, you know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You have had live octopus with that.

[Brian Green]

Why not take a bite out of a swordfish? Why not take a bite out of the belly of a swordfish?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like a dinghy, you know, out in the middle of the ocean, stranded, just grabbing swordfish.

[Brian Green]

Brian falls off a cruise ship.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I just. I don't even Grab it. I just stick my head in the water and come up with a swordfish on my mouth.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, you gotta do something to survive out there. And without, you know, without the tools and resources. You just have to get smart. But I don't think drinking my own urine would be an option. I just don't. I have no desire to drink my own urine. But I say that. But I've never been stranded.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, I was gonna say you never know what you're gonna do when you have to survive.

[Brian Green]

There was the. I just read that there was a fisherman, like 30 of them, that survived out in the Ocean for like 38 days. I read that in a dinghy or something like that. I don't know what the whole story was. I read it about a week ago. But that, to me is an ultimate nightmare. I love the ocean. Love it when it's connected to a beach where I can see clearly how I get back to land. Unless I'm on a huge cruise ship or a pretty solid boat, which I've been out a lot. I've been out in the middle of the ocean a lot. But I don't care to think about being stuck out in the middle of the ocean.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That is definitely a nightmare space and.

[Brian Green]

The middle of the ocean, those two places seem very scary to me. And I don't feel like there's a great reason to be out there. You know what I'm saying? So if I'm crossing, if I'm on my way on a huge cruise ship where it's unlikely something bad, terrible, tragic is going to happen, I feel comfortable.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Except a sickness on board.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. That's another thing. Well, yeah, I mean, there is a case of that Carnival. Yeah, I just remember there.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I feel like there was a bunch of them that happened kind of in a row a while back.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Carnival Cruises is the Kmart of cruising. Do you know what I'm saying? If you look at Carnival Cruises videos, they're. It's. It's a certain price point and that leads to a certain crowd and it's a lot of fun and they encourage drinking and it's. It's a party boat, basically. And it's for young couples and adults that like to really zhuzh it up. But I feel like Carnival is where all the terrible things happen. Guys jump off the boat for TikTok, you know, they're doing TikTok videos. Remember that the guy jumped off the boat for a Tick Tock video and a bunch of other stuff. But then Carnival has Like a series of mishaps they've not handled all that well. Like the time that they were leaving Cancun, the engine blew. There was a fire in the engine room, and they got stranded out in the middle of the ocean being towed by essentially a tugboat. And it took them like eight days to get from where they were back to a port that could accept them. And because the engine had blown, they had to turn off all of. All of the. The necessary plumbing.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

A lot of the electricity. There was no WI fi, no air conditioning. So you're in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, the south of the southern part of the Gulf of Mexico, and it is blazing hot. It's the summer. And then you've got no plumbing, no electricity, no wifi, no ac. You've got food, but it's scarce. And now the guy, the. And I saw a documentary about this. The captain comes on at some point, right after the fire happened where everybody thought they might actually have to jump off the ship. Luckily, they don't. But then the captain comes on and says, you're going to have to pee in the shower and you're going to have to poo poo in a bag. And then I want you to put it out in a trash can out in the middle of the hallway and we'll do our best to keep up with it. But of course, they don't have an incinerator because they've got no power. So. They've got no power. They can't burn the poop like they normally do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's a nightmare.

[Brian Green]

That was a nightmare. And the documentary, because this happened just a couple of years ago, there's lots of footage of what was going on. And so people were taking blankets and pillows and sleeping outside. It was miserably hot. Everybody's sweating. A lot of people were eating barely enough to stay alive because they didn't want to shit.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Why didn't they have enough food?

[Brian Green]

Because you can't cook it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Right. I think they had gas stoves, but they, you know, they have food like they have non perishables that they can, you know, pass out. No one starved. But they are not eating. Not because there's not food on board. There was. And they could get like a. You know, I think at one point there was like a cargo ship that came and brought some supplies and water or something like that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Imagine, there you go, like throwing.

[Brian Green]

Here's what I'm saying. I'm walking up to the top of the ship and I'm saying, hey, Doc, Captain Docter here. Let's. Let's think about this reasonably. If you can get a cargo ship to bring us.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Can't you get a cargo ship to take us off? Can we go somewhere else? Can you. Can you get another Carnival cruise? Just butt up next to us and we'll walk over and we'll get on that cruise and finish our drinking and gambling, please. But no, for some reason, Carnival makes the incredibly dumb decision to just leave everybody on board and go on this essentially hell journey for seven, eight days where shit's collecting in the middle of the hallways, everybody's sleeping outside, and they have no stabilizers. So the boat is literally at the mercy of the waves.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Everybody's getting sick.

[Brian Green]

People are getting sick. No one, you know, everyone. No one has had a shower. So it's really becomes kind of this hellish landscape in this Carnival cruise, which is otherwise supposed to be like, you know, the fucking Bonnaroo of cruises. Everyone's out there, you know, having fun and smelling like patchouli and drinking themselves silly. But no, Carnival says no, wait, we. We can't afford to get you off the boat back to safety. So what we're going to do is we're just going to let you shit in a can for the next seven days and tow you back to wherever it is we're towing you to.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That is another place where I think it would be acceptable to go ahead and pee in that box bottle, because then you have to pee in the shower. Doesn't that get a little weird after a while? You have no running water, you're peeing in the shower.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, God. The whole thing's. Maybe I'm not cruising anymore. I know I'm not taking cruises.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

This was a big discussion, actually, because my dad just went on this cruise. And so, you know, people over at Thanksgiving and the place that I went to afterwards were asking like, oh, how's your dad? Where's. What's he doing? And whatever. And so I said he was on a cruise. And it became a big topic of discussion amongst everybody about if you would cruise. Do you cruise? Da da da. The overwhelming majority did not want to and did not.

[Brian Green]

The overwhelming majority decided they didn't want to cruise.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

At all.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And what were the. What were the reasonings? Why?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, a couple of people said that they didn't like the fact of being just out in the middle of the ocean like that and not being able to see land. I, I cited the sicknesses that have happened on board. Plus, I don't think I want to be shuffled around. Like if I like a place, I want to hang out, enjoy it, explore it, not be like up time to get back at 5:00 to the boat.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And if you're not back at 5:00, it's leaving your.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

There are so many videos out there. It's fun. It's a game. You can go Google it. There's so many videos of cruise ships leaving people because they didn't get back on time and they think they're special. They think they're the, you know, the hero of the story and that they're going to be allowed back on the boat if they're at 502. It doesn't work that way. They are going regardless if you're there or not.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, I see how it's a good way to see a lot of places in a short amount of time. You know, you kind of get to touch on things and I'm sure there's some beautiful scenery. But yeah, for me, and don't get me wrong, if someone gave me an all expense paid trip on a cruise, I'd go and I would make the most of it and have fun.

[Brian Green]

But here's what I would say about.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's not my first choice.

[Brian Green]

Here's what I would say about cruising. Having been on a number of them, I didn't think I would be a cruise person. And then I became a cruise person, but I didn't become a cruise person. We went on a Mediterranean cruise for 10 days. Incredible, lovely. But there was a lot of rushing back and forth. But we made the choice to stay out of the crowds. We didn't go on like the tours and stuff like that. We made our own way. But that in and of itself presents its own challenges. But since we were in Europe and some places we had been, we felt like, okay, we can navigate this, but there is a clock and it is ticking and it doesn't allow for a ton of time to do anything. You're there for like 10 hours. Hours max. 10 hours. And you gotta get back. There's not a lot of time to go to Rome and see a bunch of stuff. Maybe you go to the Trevi Fountain, you come back, right? That's it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Did you have any people on that cruise that were late to get back?

[Brian Green]

We had one couple that there was consternation because the couple was not found. They didn't come back and they weren't in communication. And I remember the captain coming back, but something. But he let us know later that everything was fine.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We're saying.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think that's what happened.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Go without me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, go without me. I'm done. I didn't like cruising, but like, their luggage was on board, but they were gone. It was something, some kind of event that happened on the. On the cruise ship that was talked about. But I remember that it all. It all turned out okay. I've never been on a cruise where like someone died or anything like that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

But I will say this. The cruise ship in and of itself has to be the thing you. You don't go. You can go for the locations, but the locations are not going to be where you're spending the most amount of time.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I was going to say it's kind of like a hotel on sea.

[Brian Green]

I find that to be fascinating. I find it to be fascinating that you're floating on the Empire State Building, essentially, or an entire city and you can. We went on that Oasis of the seas. I think it was at the time the second largest cruise ship in the world. And they've built even bigger cruise ships since then. It. I was.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It is fascinating.

[Brian Green]

I did not get to every corner of the ship. I was on it for 10 days. I didn't get to everything there was to sea. Certainly didn't do everything. 17 restaurants, just so.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Nightclubs, theaters, bars, theaters, ice skating, game.

[Brian Green]

Rooms, roller skating, multiple pools, shows, aquatic center, park in the middle of the boat. Not only do they have a huge atrium where there's like a shopping mall, but they have an actual park growing trees and flowers and manicured bushes. And then around it there's like walking trails and then there's restaurants around it. It's like you're in a little, like New York City village. It was really quite amazing.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I guess you're right. That has to be what you're going for.

[Brian Green]

You have to go for that. You have to go for that because you're not going for the poo poo in the middle of the hallway. That you're not going for sure. Anyway, we're here to talk about more pee and poop on your Friday afternoon. So let's do this. Let's take a break and then we'll get back with more shit talking. Literally. We'll be back.

[Producer]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I might have never to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast and go to our website tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes now, please text us at 212-4333, TCB. And tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care about or yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little bit more attention this time of year. Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday smarter spending partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about our shopping for the holiday seasons. So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your smarter spending partner for the holiday season. California Resident Loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Mission limitations, terms and conditions do apply. This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. Then good news for you. Some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room. It's the infectious laughter. It's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's, there's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reagan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny atsuko Okadzka and the literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.com comedy to get your tickets today. That's Live Nation. Times are tough. The entire world's stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Live nation.com comedy. And thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show, the commercial break. Oh, man, that's funny. The Brady Feigles. Have you heard about the Brady felt about the Brady Feigles? All right, here's the. Here's the story. I want you to imagine that you go to a doctor's office to go to get a treatment for a problem. Okay? You're a professional athlete, you're playing semi pro baseball, you're a pitcher, and you've got to get Tommy John surgery. So you walk into this brand new doctor's office you've never seen before. You're going to get this surgery because you know this doctor has done it before, the surgeon's done it before and he's good. But this is your consultation appointment. You walk in and the nurses and the staff and the doctors all welcome you as if they've seen you before and swear up and down, We've seen you before and your name is Brady Feigel. Your birthdate is the same. You are the same person we have seen before. How have you not been here? And this Brady Feigl swears up and down, I have never been here. Here I. This is the first time I'm coming. But no, everybody insists you have been here before. We have a picture of you. We have your name, we that you're the same person. How are, how. What are you talking about? Is everything okay? Are you mentally unstable? Have you lost your marbles? You're already being treated for this condition. No, I'm not. I've never been here before. It turns out out that Brady Feigel, a very distinct looking human being, has another doppelganger named Brady Feigel who is a very distinct looking human being.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No way.

[Brian Green]

And in fact, and same birthday. They look like twins. They are exactly the same human being almost. There are little differences in their face that I can see. Can you see it, Christina? Yeah. You can? Here, I'll show you the picture of this.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Were they in fact twins?

[Brian Green]

They were not.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They were separated at birth.

[Brian Green]

They didn't know Here is the weirdest thing. Of course, everybody says they must be twins. Yeah, they both play professional ball, semi pro ball. They both are pitchers. They both had the exact same injury at the exact same time, went to the exact same doctor to get the exact same treatment, looking exactly the same with the same name.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's wild.

[Brian Green]

They are both the same height. They. They are almost exactly alike. I mean, there are a little bit of difference. Yeah, you can tell the difference, but not much. My twin brother looks less like me than these two look like each other. This is an amazing, amazing story that really fucking freaks my hairy T's out. It gives me goosebumps because are we in a simulation and the simulation has glitched and it's made a doppelganger. It's made two of the same, and it forgot that it made two of the same.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Could not handle two Brian Greens.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But we've all. I imagine we've all been somewhere at some point and someone has said you look exactly like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Act exactly like. You talk exactly like a guy I knew in college, a friend I had somewhere, a lady I met at the bar. This has probably happened to every person on earth because there are doppelgangers out there. And I guess at the end, usually.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Not with the same exact birthday.

[Brian Green]

I think you just don't run into your doppelganger most of the time. I think you're not like, you're not running into the. This is like, I think the way in which this happened and the fact that they have the same profession, they're the same height and have the same name and they are not related. There is no DNA connection to them whatsoever, really. Which is what you would assume the Brady Feigls are connected by jeans, but they are not in fact connected by jeans. They are just two really similar people that in fact play the same sport, have the same imagery, are the same height, have the same name, have the same name.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Geez.

[Brian Green]

Fuck. The same girl. I don't know. I mean, at the end of the.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Day and live in the same town, I guess.

[Brian Green]

Well, I guess they must live around each other, right? They went to the same doctor. Now it's not, I guess it's not unusual that when you're in a semi pro league that there's a surgeon that everyone goes to, they trust, they like. Right. I mean, that probably happens in a lot of sports. Like this is. This guy's the best. You gotta go to this guy or girl. But yes, at the same time to have the same injury, to go in for the same treatment. And to find out this way, to have everybody look at you like you're fucking crazy. Like, no, dude, you have clearly been here before is really, really strange. And I would. I guess, posture. I would say that maybe we all have a doppelganger out there. Not the same name, not the same height, not the same, you know, width. Hold on one second. We're in the studio. This is all part of getting used to a new studio, too. You got it. There you go. You got it. This is all part of. We're kind of stumbling around our words here, because Christine is, like, on her on fire, is running around the studio pressing buttons. He's like, it's not working. It's not working. We have, like, now we have multiple camera angles, but here's the dumbest fucking thing in the world. Good job, Christina. By the way. It's these two. It's one and two, by the way, that go out. So you just press the shutter button. Here's the dumbest thing in the world. Look at. Back to Brady Feigl. Here's the dumbest thing in the fucking world. It is almost nearly impossible to find a camera with what's called a clean HDMI feature that is good enough to use in a studio. Now, they make them very expensively, but to get an inexpensive one, one that's under $1,000, you can get like we have. We use Canon here in the studio. We use these Canons, and there are only a few that actually do the clean HDMI feed, meaning they don't have all of the information that's on the screen, like the exposure rate, you know, the lighting.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay. So it's called the clean HDMI feed because it allows for a clean image without any writing on it. In Europe, there is a law that you cannot have a video camera and a camera be the same thing. So the camera companies, to get around this law, have installed a time limit on how much you can record with the video camera. I think it's like 42 minutes and 60 seconds. Some bullshit random number that makes it not a video camera, but just a regular camera. I guess when you only take 30 minutes of video, that means it's not a video camera. I don't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So in order to sell their cameras all around the world, the camera companies have to make their cameras shut off at a certain time. So in order to find cameras that don't shut off in a certain time limit is really difficult. And so we have these cameras in the studio. They Shut off. After a certain amount of time, they essentially go dark. And so that's why Christina has to run around and reset them. Well, this is the first time this is happened because this is the first time we're recording an episode in the studio. Very well done by Christina. I like to watch her run around.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Makes me feel good when I'm European cameras.

[Brian Green]

Well, they're all European cameras. I guess we're all European at the end of the day. It's kind of like people. We're all European at the end of the day. So these Brady Feigl. This is really freaking me out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That is a freaky thing.

[Brian Green]

And would you want to meet your doppelganger?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You think you'd want to meet the person that looks exactly like you, talks exactly like you?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It would be very strange, but why not? I'd have the curiosity.

[Brian Green]

There's got to be there. You know what? I think it would be a good idea to put like a website together like a Tinder for doppelgangers. Put an image. AI goes out there and finds similar looking people and then you just flip through it until you find one that's exactly like you. And then you connect with them. You say, hey, doppelganger. Like the doppelganger website. I think this is a brilliant idea that someone's going to take and they're going to make a billion dollars. Of course they are still be here doing the 58 days of TCB.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's like the Dee Dee Cantor.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the Dee Dee Cantor. Yeah. That one's gone. That idea's already gone. Someone took that one.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, that was us.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but you know what? I don't want to have to go to my family functions and be like, so what do you do? I make dick. I make dick wine distributors. I make dick shape wine canters. Yeah, exactly. Oh, do you? Oh, well, congratulations. I already feel embarrassed enough about the commercial break. But, you know, I don't have to say I talk about dick shaped decanters. I can tell them I talk about something else. I always make it sound much more lame than it actually is. I'm like, yeah, it's just me and my friend and we're talking.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We're talking about each other's lives.

[Brian Green]

It's like you and your friend when you talk about, you know, the inside of an. When you talk about the poop cruise. Right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You know your friend peed in a jar.

[Brian Green]

That's right. When you and your buddy get together and talk about all your sexual exploits live on air. Right. Yeah, I think. I don't know if I'd want to. I was thinking about this. I don't know if I'd want to meet my doppelganger. I don't know if I'd want to connect with my doppelganger. I think that'd be a little freaky if there was someone that looked exactly like me and talked like me and had same mannerisms and stuff, and they were sitting down. But there was this one girl that I worked with at the steakhouse, and she was from. Oh, no, no, no.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Too soon. We can't do that one anym.

[Brian Green]

Sorry, Diddy. Big Baby Oil. See what Big Baby Oil has done to us? Censorship. That's what's going on. It's all Big Baby Oil's fault. Big corporate Baby Oil. So this girl was from New Mexico. That's where she had grown up. And she had moved, I don't know, a couple years earlier, and she got this job. She was a waitress. And she swore up and down, and, I mean, if she didn't say it at least once a day, she swore up and down that I had a doppelganger that looked like me, spoke like me, had the same mannerisms as I did, was just as animated. She was like, I swear, this guy that I knew back in New Mexico, he was you. And, you know, you take that on faith. You take that for what it's worth. It's like, you know, it's a. With a grain of salt, essentially.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Some people say that, though, too. And then I would see the person and be like, I don't think they really look like me, but that's, you know, so could be a perspective now. This Bracelet Brady situation, they really do look exactly.

[Brian Green]

They really do look exactly alike. I've had people tell me I look like Jason Statham is what I get a lot, especially if I wear a certain type of clothing. People were like, oh, you look so much like Jason Statham. And I'm like, yeah, no, that guy is a man of action. I'm a man of inaction. That guy's motivated. I'm unmotivated. That guy has a career. I. I have a middling podcast that I'm trying to make a living doing. But, I mean, besides the obvious discrepancies in body type with Jason Statham, I really don't think I look anything like Jason Statham, but some people claim that I do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It has a resemblance.

[Brian Green]

What is the weirdest person that you've ever been, like, famous? Have you ever had someone come up to you and go, oh, my God, you look exact. Remember that girl on Love is Blind who claimed that she looked like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, right. What did she claim she looked like?

[Brian Green]

Kim Kardashian. Kardashian. Megan Fox. That's right. Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember that?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes. Oh, of course.

[Brian Green]

And then everyone was.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That was a big deal.

[Brian Green]

You looking at Jason Statham. Yeah. Clear. Yeah. Clearly not Brian. So you're just bald. Yeah. Besides the receding hairline, I think me and Jason don't have a lot in common. He's handsome. I miss. I fell off the turnip truck. If you need somebody to come up to you and say, oh, you look like. And then you're like, I don't look like that person.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. Who did I used to get. It was the Ashley Judd. And I think it was just the way my, like, eyebrows were or something. I don't know. There was some good.

[Brian Green]

I could see Ashley Judd.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I've gotten that quite a few times. But I don't think that I look like her. But. But I love her.

[Brian Green]

But I could see that.

[Producer]

I could see that, too.

[Brian Green]

I could see that she's got a picture of Ashley Judd up on right now. And I think there are some similarities. Like your cheekbones, your noses. Yeah. Maybe your eyebrows, your hair certainly kind of looks like. Like Ashley Judds. Who did I get one time? And I was like, you're out of your mind. What was that show? My so Called Life.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember that? There was like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's my wheelhouse.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Google that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Who, Jared Leto?

[Brian Green]

No, the other guy. Jason.

[Producer]

Devin Gummersall?

[Brian Green]

No, the crack gal. The guy who was in all. The guy who shows his penis in all those movies. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Jason. I can't remember his name. Was it My so Called Life or was he in that other one? I can't remember.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I don't know. You're giving us little clues to work off of.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. No, it's not Jared, though. I'll find it and I'll tell you. Yeah. Penis showing. He shows his penis and all the movie. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He's in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, that Jason Siegel.

[Brian Green]

Someone told me Jason Siegel. And I was like, jason Siegel. What are you talking about? Besides the obvious comparison of the two small dicks? I really.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Did he show his dick in a lot of movies?

[Brian Green]

He's shown his dick in, like, three movies. Yes. And, you know, it's nothing to. It's nothing to laugh at, but it's certainly nothing to show off either. But I always appreciated that Jason showed his dick in movies.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He went for it.

[Brian Green]

He went for it. He went full frontal. And I thought to myself, the first time you see it, and forgetting Sarah Marshall, you're like, wow, that's a real penis. Like, there's no prosthesis about it. That is a real. Because if there's a prosthesis, they would make it look much more impressive.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

But then you think to yourself, okay, Jason did it and now it's out there. And there's. Now there's some parity between the men and the women because Jason went full frontal despite his shortcomings.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, we talked about that before. There should be equal, equal nudity.

[Brian Green]

Listen, watch any of those shows that what's his name puts together, that. Who's the guy who did Sam Levinson?

[Producer]

Is that what you're talking about?

[Brian Green]

No, not Sam Levinson. By the way. Love Sam Levinson. I think he has. He has their hypersexualized shows. You don't like it?

[Producer]

I don't like him.

[Brian Green]

You don't like him. Okay, well, him. Do you like his shows?

[Producer]

Yeah, but I think they're exploitative.

[Brian Green]

I agree. I think they're hypersexualized. Right. I don't think that's representative of how teenagers.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

What are the shows? I can't remember what Sam. I can't.

[Brian Green]

The HBO one, that, that he's.

[Producer]

Euphoria.

[Brian Green]

Euphoria.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, that guy. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I think it's the best example of hypersexualized show. And I love Euphoria, but I think I didn't get into it full on fantasical. I mean, fanciful drama. It is not. It is not an accurate representation of what happens as a teenager. Not everyone's beautiful and getting laid 24 hours a day and going to parties that clearly. I mean, if I went to one party, like Sam Levinson puts. Makes people seem like they're partying, it would have been the best night of my life. I mean, it just would have been magic. But not every party happens like that. There's not, you know, dark ambient lighting and great music and everyone's beautiful dancing with each other and you get laid by snapping your fingers. I mean, it doesn't happen like that in high school. It's embarrassing and clunky and weird and I just don't think he does a good job of, like, making it very accurate. And Sam himself has, you know, some issues. But anyway, Zendaya is great in euphoria, by the way. Zendaya is great. I fell in love with her watching that show. So now we're in love.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Zendaya, I saw. I saw your eyes go off to Zendaya.

[Brian Green]

Zendaya. You saw me float off.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I saw that. Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, she really parlayed her that career into huge. Lots of stuff now.

[Brian Green]

She did, but not Sam Levinson. I was talking about the guy who made the Aaron Hernandez story.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The Ryan Murphy.

[Brian Green]

Ryan Murphy. Ryan Murphy is an equal opportunity nudist. Nude shower. Because he. There's a lot of dicks and men's asses in his shows. And while it can be a little much for me, like, that's not what I per. You know, I'm just a guy, right? That's not what I prefer to see. I appreciate it. I'm like, okay, well, there you go. For a long time, it's been all tits and ass. And now we got a little dick and balls.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Let's bring it in. I said, hey, bring in the balls.

[Brian Green]

All about it. There should be more penis in shows. And so that's why the commercial break is now every episode is on YouTube with Brian. No pants.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Pantsless.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to do pantsless.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Episodes of the commercial instead of Smartless were pantsless.

[Brian Green]

The 12 inches of TCV. The 12 inches of TCV now available on Spotify video.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Gather around the tree.

[Brian Green]

Gather around the Christmas tree and watch Brian's penis shrink. It's cold outside. What can I say? That's it. It got cold in Atlanta.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It did.

[Brian Green]

It did get cold in Atlanta. You know, talking about weather is like the lowest form of conversation. But when it gets this cold this quick, everybody talks about, yeah, I went to the bank. And every, you know, she's like, oh, it's so cold outside. And I'm like, yeah, you're inside. What are you talking about? And then my kids refuse to wear outer layers. They just refuse.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Why do kids do that? Ours used to do the same thing. You need a jacket.

[Brian Green]

I know. They hate it. They hate bundling up. And then they get outside and they're like, I'm. Hold me, Daddy, I'm cold. And I'm like, I told you two feet ago to put on a jacket and you refused because it didn't go with your outfit or whatever reasoning you have. God bless my daughters, daughters, daughters, daughters, daddies and their daughters. Lifelong trauma. Lifelong trauma for both parties, I might add. Lifelong trauma for both parties. All right, well, 12 days of TCB right around the corner. Don't miss it. 12 brand new episodes of commercial break for the Christmas season. You didn't ask for it, but we're giving it to you. Text us 212-4333 TCB 212-433-3822 if you thought so. You like something that went on this year in 2024 and you like us to touch on it again, we just might do that because we're running out of content ideas.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So yes, please do right in Hurry.

[Brian Green]

Up and get to me. 212-433-3822 Text questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas we take them all. Voicemail or text message now available on YouTube.com the commercial break every episode of the commercial break Moving Forward on YouTube. All camera angles provided by Christina and her brand new toy over there. Don't break it. It costs a lot of money. So go to YouTube.com thecommercial break or at the commercial break. You can put that into the you can put at the commercial break into the search bar. Up will come Please subscribe like comment on your favorite video at the commercial break. Also on Instagram, please go ahead and follow us. I'll say it for the 50,000th time. Please put us out of our misery and give us a Follow TCB podcast on tick tock and tcbpodcast.com is the website. All the audio, all the video. Okay, Christina. Christina Chrissy I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, I love you.

[Brian Green]

I'll say best to you, best to you, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christy and I do say we will say and we must say goodbye.

[Christina]

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[E]

We gather with loved ones this holiday season, consider how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences. What are your goals for the upcoming holiday season? Whether it's traveling internationally or connecting with family and friends, a new language can open doors to meaningful conversations and cultural appreciation. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak, and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach, there are no English translations, you're fully immersed, and the built in True Accent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just that's right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a short time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's Lifetime Membership Holiday Special. This offer will not last long. Visit rosettastone.com Rs10. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your Holiday [e-mail] Rs10 today for yourself or as a gift that keeps giving.

[Brian Green]

SA Ed I have it have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree, and listen to brand new episodes of the commercial break.