The Cucking Break

Summary

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The Commercial Break — "The Cucking Break"

Episode Date: October 22, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Overview

In this lively improv-comedy episode, longtime friends and co-hosts Bryan and Krissy riff on everything from Bryan’s recent brushes with traffic law, “good deeds” sparking more kindness, and the ever-fraught topic of celebrity plastic surgery. Their trademark irreverent banter brings humor to relatable life mishaps, pop culture, and cutting critiques of influencer and podcast drama. The episode also takes a pointed look at the pitfalls of fame, wealth, and staying “in touch” with your audience—as filtered through their comedic, self-aware lens.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Bryan’s Close Calls with the Law (05:50–14:58)

• Bryan recounts a harrowing day: Nearly gets murdered, divorced, and loses his driving privileges—all in the span of a few hours.
• School zone trouble: He’s colorblind, misses the flashing yellow lights, and gets pulled over for speeding without his license on hand.
• Cop recognizes Bryan: The officer recalls a previous incident at Bryan's house involving a woman experiencing a mental health crisis; Bryan had called the police and apparently “saved her life.”
• Consequences dodged: The officer lets Bryan off with warnings, referencing Bryan’s earlier good deed.
• Reflection: Multiple speeding tickets lead Bryan to ponder if it’s time to “slow down,” both literally and figuratively.

“Some good deeds do go unpunished. You get — I don’t know why — but had I gotten that third ticket in three months, I would have been… Astrid would have said, I want a divorce, before sticking a knife directly in my throat...”
— Bryan Green (12:00)

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2. The Good Samaritan Chain Reaction (16:34–18:59)

• Bryan helps a stranded driver: Instead of driving around a woman whose car blocked traffic, Bryan pulls over and helps push her to safety.
• Chain reaction of kindness: Others begin offering help after witnessing Bryan’s actions.
• Message: Kindness inspires more kindness; society is not a lost cause.

“Everybody else was driving around this lady. Then I stopped... You don't know how many people rolled down their windows, like, ‘Hey, man, can I help you?’ ...A good deed in action, and it caused a chain reaction. There is hope.”
— Bryan Green (18:47)

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3. Hollywood Plastic Surgery: The Good, the Bad, and the Bizarre (24:47–41:40)

a. The Jenners/Kardashians (24:47–26:22)

• Praise for Kris Jenner's face: Hosts marvel at Kris and the Kardashians' transformations—remarkably “youthful” and “well done.”
• Observations on wealth and access: Top plastic surgeons make all the difference.

“Kris Jenner has literally made a deal with the devil. She is drinking from the fountain of youth…”
— Bryan Green (25:14)

b. Tom Cruise: Dorian Gray of Hollywood (27:03–27:48)

• Tom Cruise's ageless look: Discussion on whether it's plastic surgery, Scientology, or just genetics. “He’s 64 and looks great.”

“Is that because he’s drinking alien blood in that Scientology workshop of his?”
— Bryan Green (27:06)

c. Bradley Cooper: Surgery Gone Wrong (28:26–31:16)

• Cooper’s drastically changed appearance: Hosts share shock at “what happened to Bradley Cooper,” noting he now looks “like Robin Williams, or Skeletor.”
• Humorous speculation: Should have gotten Kris Jenner’s doctor.

“God damn, Bradley. ...He murdered his face.”
— Bryan Green (28:38, 28:43)

d. Deeper Concerns: Youth, Botox, and Trends (31:31–34:55)

• Botox at younger ages: Worry over a generation starting cosmetic work at 18–19.
• Long-term impact unknown: Fears about botulism and fillers “migrating” or health studies with concerning early results.
• Pop-culture reference: Housewives and reality stars reversing procedures after trends go wrong.

e. “Permanent” Beauty Risks & Regret (37:11–40:51)

• Plastic surgery fads, permanent makeup, BBLs: Numerous horror stories of procedures gone wrong.
• Warning about unlicensed practitioners: Particularly in Miami and spa settings—“You need a license to go fishing, but not to inject botulism next to your eyeball.”

“I don’t want my face migrating... I don’t want to wake up and find my cheek filler went to my ear.”
— Bryan Green (34:10)

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4. The Age Perception Rabbit Hole (34:55–36:47)

• Comparing TV generations: Presenters laugh about how 40-somethings on old TV shows looked 70, while today’s 40-somethings look much younger.
• Social pressures: Youth obsession pushing ever-earlier interventions; hosts advocate “aging gracefully.”

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5. Podcast Drama: "Two Bears One Cave" & the Perils of Fame (45:39–64:17)

a. Drama in Comedy Podcast Land (49:30–56:47)

• Audience backlash at "Two Bears One Cave": Tom Segura (now “fabulously wealthy”) is accused of becoming egotistical, out of touch, and dismissive toward less wealthy people.
• Podcast switch-up aftermath: Audience loved fill-in hosts Stavi and Chris; they directly challenged Tom and Bert’s behavior, sparking a discussion on the influence of fans.
• Pattern recognition: Audience revolt often comes when podcasters act above their listeners, no longer the “everyman.”

b. Reflections & Promises to TCB Listeners (57:33–61:47)

• Lesson: Once hosts start boasting about wealth, they risk alienating an audience that originally related to their “just like you” humor.
• TCB’s tongue-in-cheek vow: To stay “relatable” by remaining semi-broke and always craving listener attention.

“We promise to you to keep begging for your attention so that we can pay the power bill. ...If you ever hear us talking about driving that 2018 Honda Civic with our 12 kids in the back, getting too big for our britches, just text us.”
— Bryan Green (58:22, 58:40)

c. Wealth, Relatability & Cultural Sensitivity (61:47–64:17)

• Examples of “wealth done right”: Oprah and (sometimes) comics like Bill Burr—hosts note how being relatable is key (even if, in Bill Burr’s case, it’s complicated by controversy).
• Final word: Listeners don’t want to feel talked down to, even if you have just “one more penny” than them.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Plastic Surgery:
  “Someone really did a number on Bradley Cooper and it doesn’t look good. ...He would have been the Harrison Ford of our time, truly, if he just would have left it alone.” (30:54–31:16)

• On Fame Going to One’s Head:
  “When all your audience is the everyman and the every woman, then you start talking like you’re anything but... They can’t relate.” (61:34–61:36)

• On the Dangers of Cosmetic Trends:
  “You can’t unfuck that shit... When you get an eyebrow the girth of my penis down your forehead—you can’t unfuck that.” (38:32–38:54)

• On Good Deeds:
  “Do a good deed. It has more effect. There is hope.” (18:59)

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Memorable Lighthearted Tangents

• Bryan jokes about doing a sex tape to get Kardashians-level fame and wealth (“The Cucking Break” title riff, 05:06–05:28, 26:24–26:32).
• Krissy and Bryan riff on driving courses at luxury car tracks—both terrified and tempted (15:33–16:44).
• Running gag about aging, failing bodies, and the impossibility of keeping up with Hollywood standards.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Bryan’s Law-Skirting & Good Samaritan Moment: 05:50–19:00
• Celebrity Plastic Surgery Deep Dive: 24:47–41:40
• Podcast Drama: Two Bears One Cave: 49:30–64:17

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Takeaways

• Kindness is contagious: Doing good may save your butt later (or spark others to do the same).
• Vanity comes at a price: The quest to look young is eternal, but trends and surgeries may backfire—especially when performed by unqualified people.
• Relatability is key in new media: As podcasts and influencers rise, flaunting wealth or losing the everyman connection risks audience backlash.
• Stay grounded: The Commercial Break pledges to always be authentically themselves—a little chaotic, a little broke, but always in on their own joke.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Brian Green]

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[Narrator/Reporter]

WSHIT cares about the crabapple community. And that's why each year during the holiday season, we partner with Crabapplians to spread joy and cheer. For the 35th year in a row, the Jingle Jangle Dangle will be hosted by WSHIT and the local Dingle Dangle choir. The Dingle Dangles, an association of volunteer musicians, has been serving up holiday tunes for almost 100 years. This year, the Jingle Dingles welcomed a brand new choir lead, Lavon Delray. Lavon is a longtime crabapple citizen and one third of the locally popular 1980s boy band Houndstooth Corduroy. Lavonne and the other choir members are holding open auditions this Thursday and Friday in conference room A at the Holiday Inn off of Highway 76. Levan encourages volunteers to come prepared. Each audition will be less than three minutes, and due to popular demand, spots are limited. We got an early sneak peek at some of the tunes that will be sung at this year's Jingle Jangle Dangle. Here's Lavon in early rehearsals with Silent Night.

[Brian Green]

Oh, did you say East Atlanta? That's where you're. You live in East Atlanta? Interesting. I think one of our night nurses, our nannies lives holy night. All is calm.

[Chrissy]

All.

[Brian Green]

Is bright Round your virgin O my mother and child.

[Narrator/Reporter]

I've been saying it for years. Each season they get better and better. And with Lavon on board, I'm sure this will be the best Jingle Jangle Dangle yet. We'll be back after this commercial break.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break and Chris is the most remarkable transformation I've ever seen on an older woman. Ever. And I say older. I mean past the age of 50 years old. Yes, and that's a good thing. She's looking great, right? In my. In my infantile judgment, she's looking good. Chris, call me. I need some money.

[Joy Hoadley]

I know. Manage us.

[Brian Green]

Seriously. Can you manage us to some level of success? The fuck is going on? I can do a sex tape. I'm good with that.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm good with it too. Jeff would be fine.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy will do a sex tape. Jeff will do a sex. We'll all do a sex tape together. The tcb. Pounded tcb.

[Joy Hoadley]

Tasty tea.

[Brian Green]

The cuckold break. That's what it's going to be called. The cuckold break. Watch it happen. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Don't start me. In the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Chris.

[Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I. Yesterday. No shit. Two things. Almost. Three things almost happened to me.

[Joy Hoadley]

Almost.

[Brian Green]

I was almost murdered. Oh. I almost got a divorce.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

And I almost lost my driving privileges. All of those things happened in.

[Joy Hoadley]

Are they related?

[Brian Green]

They're all related.

[Joy Hoadley]

Uh huh. I thought so.

[Brian Green]

They're all related.

[Joy Hoadley]

Do tell.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Another ticket.

[Brian Green]

Well, I got out of this one, but I was this close. I know, I'm coming up a corner. There's a high school in front. You know, it's a hill, the hall, nine yards. And I don't see the flashing yellow lights. I'm sure that they were on. I didn't see them.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, you're colorblind.

[Brian Green]

I am colorblind. That's true. If it were there were flashing on that, I wouldn't know. Anyway, it just looks white to me. I come coasting down the hill, and I'm going, I think it's 37 in a 25 or something like that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And as soon as I turn the corner, I see one guy pulled over further down the road with a motorcycle cop. And then there's a motorcycle cop and a guy in a car sitting right there. And he had his lights on before I even passed him, and he zipped right behind me. The motorcycle cop did.

[Joy Hoadley]

Were you alone?

[Brian Green]

I was alone. And he comes up to me, and I realized that my. Sometimes I put my wallet in the console of a car if I go to run or doing something I don't want to. Like, who needs a wallet anymore? You got iPhone, you know, pay for everything with Ipay and all this other stuff. I don't have my wallet with me.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

I know. So now I know that I am in trouble. I'm getting at least two tickets in my mind. And so the guy comes in.

[Joy Hoadley]

You have that thing now where you can have your license on your phone.

[Brian Green]

And I have it, but for some reason, I couldn't find it. Like, I got it. I went through the whole process.

[Joy Hoadley]

I need to do that.

[Brian Green]

You have to get mailed a code in order to put it on your phone. I did it all, but then I switched phones, and it didn't transfer over, is my assumption. So I'm furiously looking through the phone, and the officer is like, are you on the car? And I go, yeah, I'm with my wife on the car. And he goes, okay, well, let me see if I can find you that way. Just stay here. See if you can find it. I said, okay. He. He goes. He's back real quick. And he says, you're not on the. You're not on the tag. And I go, okay, But I think I'm on the car. And he goes, I. I can only see the tag. And I was like, yeah, I'm not on the tag. That's my wife. And. And I go, but I know my driver's license number if you want it. And he goes, all right, if you got it, let me know. And so I give him my driver's license number, I tell him my name and my birth date, and he goes, all right, hold tight right here. And then he comes back lickety split. He wasn't even gone, like four minutes. Three, four minutes tops. And he comes back and he goes, warning for the speed, Warning for the driver's license. You need to carry your driver's license or have it on your phone. And you need to slow down, especially in the school zones. I thought for sure that he was going to give me a ticket based on the fact that I've had two tickets in two months.

[Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

And seeing me speed a third time, I thought for sure he's just gonna go, this is the guy we need to give a ticket to.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, right.

[Brian Green]

He needs to slow the down. But he didn't. He let me go. And here's why. So he says, let me wrap this.

[Joy Hoadley]

Story up because it's related to Astrid's tag.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

He goes like this before. He says, warning with the ticket. Warning. He goes, you still live at Da da da da da? And I said, I do. And he goes, that's that house. And he describes a little bit of my house. And I go, yes, sir. And now I'm like, what the fuck? Now I'm like, oh, God, are they waiting for backup now? They're waiting for like, I don't know, ice or something. You're that idiot. On the commercial break, some guys in unmarked cars without badges are on their way to arrest you. He goes, well, I actually came to your house a while back because there was a lady suffering from a mental health issue, right?

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

And he goes, you probably. He goes, you were the one who called, right? And I said, yeah, I must have talked to him. I don't remember. There are a bunch of cops out front and I talked to some of them that night. This was two Christmases ago.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Lady pulls out, I hear a horn, just like on the horn. I mean, she's just on the horn. Here, let me see if I can. If we can. If we can recreate the scene there. So it's late at night. It's probably not late at night, but it's probably 8 o'. Clock. It's dark, it's cold. It's around the holiday time. And I hear just like some lady is laying on the horn. And I pull back the shades and there's a minivan rolled up off this kind of busy street that I live on. Rolled up on my grass. Not her whole car, but like Half her car on the grass. Grass. Like, she's pulled over, and she's just laying on the horn. And then I can see her in the window, clearly upset, like, banging her hands, throwing her hair around, like this whole nine yards. And I. All of a sudden, I got concerned that, sure, you know, I wasn't gonna go out there. Like, no way.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, it's best.

[Brian Green]

So I called the cops. I said, hey, I don't know if there's anything. Maybe her car broke down, but I'm a little afraid to go out there and talk to her because she seems very upset. No, stay there. Cops came. They're out there for probably 30 or 45 minutes talking to the woman, and finally they pulled her out. They smashed the window, and they pulled her out of the car.

[Joy Hoadley]

Smash the window.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they did. They smashed the window. I think they. They thought that she was going to hurt herself.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I watched the whole thing go down. No one was, like, super rough with her. They smashed the window. They opened. They unlocked the door. They opened it, and then they guided her out of the car. Right. And she. It didn't. They didn't throw to the ground or anything. I would have called that bullshit out. I taped the whole thing, by the way. Well, you know, turns out she was having a mental health episode. Her family was concerned about her. There were issues at home. You know, they managed to reach out to somebody, whatever. She was suicidal. That's what happened.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Right.

[Brian Green]

She didn't. She wanted to end it. And I think that the car wasn't cooperating with her in whatever was going on. So he says, yeah, I was there if you called. And I said, I did. And he goes, you probably saved that lady's life. And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I just called. She was upset. And he goes, all right, well, you know, that was the right thing to do, was to call warning on the warning on the. On the speed warning on the driver's license. And he let me go. So some good deeds do go unpunished. You get. You get. I don't know why, but had I gotten that third ticket in three months, I would have been. Astrid would have said, I want a divorce, before sticking a knife directly in my throat and then claiming to the insurance company she didn't know who I was.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, right. Because isn't there something bad that happens if you get a certain number in a certain time?

[Narrator/Reporter]

It's like, it's not.

[Joy Hoadley]

Is it js on jail that close? Something like that.

[Brian Green]

For the original one, the super speeder he could have taken me to jail. You can take a super speeder to jail. That's your choice. Like, it's the cop's choice. It can be. And I think if you're going over 35 miles per hour, if I was going over, like, 100 miles per hour, it's like, mandatory. They take you to jail. You got to bond out the whole. You got to pay the ticket and bond out now nine yards. But in this case, the officer was very cool, but he gave me a super speeder ticket when I didn't think he did. But he did give me a super speeder ticket because I got a nice notice in the mail. That's.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's the Disney one.

[Brian Green]

That's a Disney. Okay. That was on the way to Disney.

[Joy Hoadley]

With the whole fam in the car.

[Brian Green]

All the kids fly 92 miles per hour down the highway at like, 6:45 in the morning. I wasn't the only one. Oh, man, was I? I'll tell you what. I wasn't the only one. Everyone else was going just as fast because there were two idiots playing Pokemon go with each other down the highway for about 60 miles. They were just going 52 miles per hour right next to each other. I don't know if they were doing it on purpose. I don't know if it's just two slow pokes, but they really were aggravating. About six of us in a line trying to maneuver flash. The guy could. The guy in front of me, to get two cars in front of me, was flashing his lights. I could see it against the thing. Like, everyone was trying to make. Make it known to these two that we would like to get going a little bit faster.

[Joy Hoadley]

Exactly. You guys do your thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Then 30 miles below this, it was 70 miles per hour, and these people were going, I'm not kidding. 60 to 63 miles per hour. There's nothing more frustrating than that in the world. And when it's going on forever anyway, so as soon as there was a break, as soon as one of them moved, all six of us just kind of, you know, room got around. I was not going the fastest. I was. I don't. I was one of six that were going caught. I just got caught. As soon as I. As soon as that guy moved and we swerved around, I went up and over the hill, and there he was. And I even told the officer, I said. I said, all of us tried to pass this guy. He goes, yeah, but I got you, right?

[Joy Hoadley]

That's correct.

[Brian Green]

I got you. Anywho, Anyhow, then another. Then a couple of weeks after we got back, I was local. I was coming down another hill and I was going like 63 and a 40. I mean, I was going super fasting again and then again. So I'm glad that I didn't get that ticket because. And thank you to whichever police officer that was. But he didn't seem to want to bother with me for whatever reason. Maybe he was looking. Maybe he's looking for the high school kids that are coming out of there driving fast. Yeah, maybe he had another agenda. Maybe got on another call. I don't know. It was a super quick interaction. The whole thing maybe lasted 10 minutes total. But I was shaking when I was waiting for him.

[Joy Hoadley]

Imagine.

[Brian Green]

Because I'm like, Astrid is going to kill me. And like Astrid has a. A trouble dar. You know, it's like kind of like gay dar. But it's tr. Trouble dar. Because anytime the two. You know, anytime I seem to be in any kind of trouble, my phone rings and it's asterisk. Hey, what you doing? I don't know.

[Joy Hoadley]

She does have a trouble dar.

[Brian Green]

She does. I didn't answer it though, because I could. I just couldn't take it. I was like, I gotta. I gotta think about what I'm gonna say to her. How did this happen? Somebody pushed me. There was somebody else in the car.

[Joy Hoadley]

I feel like you need to go. I don't know if this would help, but I feel like, you know how.

[Brian Green]

They have those defensive driving courses.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, no. Well, that too. Excuse me. No, the, like the Porsche, you know, has a headquarters here and they've got tracks.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

That you can go down. It's expensive. I've checked it out.

[Brian Green]

Very expensive.

[Joy Hoadley]

And like they have the other track somewhere near here too where it's the Ferraris and the things and whatever. And you can really go and just get your speed on Patrick.

[Brian Green]

We bought that for Patrick for his 30th birthday or 35th birthday, something like that. We bought that for him and he took a Ferrari around. You know, you got. There's someone in the car with you. But he zipped that around and I think. I think he got to like 135 miles per hour. But he said it's like once you get above 100 on those tracks that are, you know, like this, it's. He said it's very. It can be a little bit unnerving. We tried to get him the Porsche one, but it seemed like the Ferrari one was a better deal because you got to pick the Car and you got to kind of open it up. The Ferrari, the Porsche one, there's just a set track and you're just like going over hills and through puddles and stuff like that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But he enjoyed it immensely. I did not, however, do it because it was so exciting. It is, yeah. 7, 800.

[Joy Hoadley]

I thought about getting it for my.

[Brian Green]

Dad, but yeah, for a hour.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's like for rides.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, for an hour. And you don't even drive the whole hour. It's like you drive for 20 minutes and half. Like one. It's like the first couple of laps are somebody else's driving, like a professional driver's driving, and goes really fast. And then the next part is you drive, but you don't go so fast because you think you're a badass until you're going 115 miles per hour. Right. And it's very fast. So maybe you might be right. I might need to go get my tickles out somewhere else. But I think this, I have decided, even though I decided this the first ticket and then the second ticket, I've decided on the third ticket that this is some kind of sign from the universe to slow down. Brian, something bad is going to happen if you don't slow down. So I've been taking these. In a matter of fact, I'd like to say that I was a good Samaritan today because I came out of the Starbucks and a big six lane state highway down the street from where I'm at. You know, one of those thoroughfares that goes through a lot of cities with a divider and everything. There was a lady in the middle of the road, blinkers on, causing a bunch of traffic because she was just stuck there.

[Chrissy]

Oh, no.

[Brian Green]

And so rather than drive around her frustrated like everybody else did, I pulled into the nearest parking lot. I got out of my car, I walked over and I said, hey, what's going on? And she said, I don't know. Company car. It was like making this beeping noise. I was like. And I said, okay, put it in neutral and I'll push you over.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that was so nice.

[Brian Green]

Well, yeah, I mean, I, you know, you can't push a car by yourself, right? That would be almost impossible to do. You could probably lose the car down the hill.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But luckily there was a close, like parking lot that had a slight down, like decline. So if I could push her to that opening, then she could coast down into a spot. But the other thing was, is that, and this is the part that I think I want to share is not necessarily about me being a good Samaritan. But everybody else was driving around this lady. Then I stopped and I do this. And then you don't know how many people rode down their windows. And we're like, hey, man, can I help you? You know, you need some help, brother. Like everyone else saw.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's nice.

[Brian Green]

A good deed in action, and it caused a chain reaction. Now, I. Luckily, it was kind of a smaller car. I was able to push it on my own. But, you know, do a good deed. It has more effect. There is hope.

[Joy Hoadley]

There is hope.

[Brian Green]

There is hope. And Brian. It starts with Brian and his very heavy foot.

[Joy Hoadley]

Get the lead out.

[Brian Green]

I will. I'm gonna get the letter. All right. I want to ask you a question. This might have to continue into the next segment. I've been wanting to ask you this since you were at Mempho. Have you seen. Well, maybe I should ask this after. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break, and then I'll show you a picture.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And then I'm gonna ask Kevin, our video editor, to put up that picture. And I wanna ask if you have seen one very famous act and what has happened to his face. I want. Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

We'll be back.

[Joy Hoadley]

But I want to see the picture.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're going to show you the good, the bad, and the ugly plastic surgery. We'll be right back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212433, 3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll Respond. Now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial Break.

[Brian Green]

I'm probably just a little bit too excited to explain that Joe's Jeans sponsors this episode. Finding a pair of jeans. A good pair of jeans. Those jeans, the ones you wear everywhere, the ones you want to wear everywhere, the ones that fit you perfect just like a glove, is like finding a soulmate. You may only find one or two of them in your life if you're lucky. And almost a decade ago, I fell in love with the one and only soulmate of my life, Joe's Jeans. No joke, these are the best jeans the universe has ever provided me. Joe's Kinetic 2.0 jeans are rugged on the outside, but honestly so soft and stretchy you may forget you're wearing denim. All it's got style and versatility. I can get up in the morning. I can go grab my coffee in them. I can go to a concert. I can put on a button up shirt and maybe go to a semi fancy restaurant with my 12 to 13 children. They use premium materials, designed with purpose and built to last. My favorite is the Brixton in Nod or the Asher and Doheny. Both styles are timeless and they're ready to live in your closet for years. I have pairs that I have had for five or six years. Still looking great. Do yourself and the people you love a favor and go to Joe's jeans.com and use the code BREAK at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. That's Joe's jeans.com code BREAK for 20% off. It's the one thing in my closet that I evangelize to all my friends, family and anyone who will listen Joe's Jeans. Go to Joe's jeans.com and use that code break for 20% off. And thank you to Joe's for being a sponsor of the commercial break. What's up guys? It's Candice Dillard Bassett, former Real Housewife of Potomac. And I'm Michael Arsenault, author of the New York Times bestseller I Can't Date Jesus. And this is Undomesticated, the podcast where we aren't just saying the quiet parts out loud. We're putting it all on the kitchen table and inviting you to the function. If you're ready for some bold takes and a little bit of chaos, welcome to Undomesticated. Follow and listen to Undomesticated, available wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is sponsored by our Longtime sponsor Squarespace. I am working on a new project information tbd. It's very secretive, it's very hush hush around here because, you know, podcast secrets are a thing. Anywho, there is only one all in one website tool that's designed to help my new project stand out and be successful. And that one tool is Squarespace. Squarespace can help me through every step of the process. The launch, the scaling, the branding, and the growth. No matter what part of the journey I am on. Squarespace is an all in one website platform, so it'll cater to my needs every step of the way. There are so many benefits services and tools built into Squarespace, I would need a 10 minute commercial to name them all. Cutting edge design, search engine optimization tools, domain management, analytics, email campaigns, the ability to host videos, and most importantly, the ability to get paid. So if you've been thinking about building or upgrading your website, now's the time to head to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, make sure to use the offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com commercial then be sure to use the code commercial when you're ready to launch. Squarespace has been with the commercial break for a long time, and we have been with Squarespace for even longer. This is a company we trust, it's a product we use. And there's one overarching reason why it makes my life easier. Go build yourself a beautiful website, squarespace.com commercial and thank you to Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Okay, Usually I'm not here to make judgment calls about anybody's appearance. I am the last person who needs to make judgment calls about anybody's appearance. But I'm, I'm watching this trend, talking about this online, and it's really interesting. We all know Ken. Kris Jenner.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Okay. The very famous mother, the mominger of all of the Kardashians hands. It is clear to me that whoever is doing their plastic surgery work is the best.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

In the world.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, I just read that she spent like $100,000 on a facelift.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy. It was worth every dime. I would.

[Joy Hoadley]

She doesn't look changed at all. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Turkey neck gone. No wrinkles.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No lines. No hair pulled back.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

None of that.

[Joy Hoadley]

That is the best.

[Brian Green]

The best in the world. She looks like eight. She looks 20 years younger. And you can't tell in the highest resolution and the closest of close ups. Kris Jenner has literally made a deal with the devil. She is drinking from the fountain of youth, as are all of the girls, because they all look remarkably different than they ever did at the beginning of their careers. Now at the end of their. Now more in the middle of their careers. They look amazing. Yeah, but they look different. They're different. But it doesn't look bad, right? It's good. It's good plastic surgery. Good genes are good docs. Probably good docs, Right. Look at Kim Kardashian when she made that sex tape with Ray J. And then take a look at a picture recently.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, totally different.

[Brian Green]

Completely different. Same with Kendall. Same with Kylie. Same with all of them. All of them. And Chris is the most remarkable transformation I've ever seen on an older woman. Ever. And I say older. I mean past the age of 50 years old. Yeah. And that's a good thing. She's looking great, right? In my infantile judgment, she's looking good. Chris, call me. I need some money.

[Joy Hoadley]

I know. Manage us.

[Brian Green]

Seriously. Can you manage us to some level of success? The fuck is going on? I can do a sex tape. I'm good with that.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm good with it, too. Jeff would be fine.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy will do a sex tape. Jeff will do a sex. We'll all do a sex tape together. The TCB pounded the cuckold break. That's what it's going to be called, the cuckold break. Watch it happen. If I could just have one tenth of the wealth of the Kardashians. Yeah, okay. All right. Now, Tom Cruise, another example. Another example of someone who is clearly.

[Joy Hoadley]

To not be aging at all. I know.

[Brian Green]

Now, is that because she's drinking alien blood in that Scientology workshop of his?

[Joy Hoadley]

Could be.

[Brian Green]

I'm reluctant to even talk about it because this episode won't go out. Yes. But something's going on there. And he looks also pretty amazing.

[Joy Hoadley]

He does. And doesn't look different than what we know him.

[Brian Green]

Right. He's one. Like Kris Jenner. Looks different. But Tom does not look much different.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, he really doesn't.

[Brian Green]

And he's in his 70s.

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't think so, but I think.

[Brian Green]

Like 67 or something like that. How old is Tom Cruise?

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't think he's close to 70.

[Brian Green]

Tom Cruise.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's the other thing, too. When all these people get this stuff done, you. You.

[Brian Green]

He's 64.

[Joy Hoadley]

64.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. So not. He's not there yet, but he's 64.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. I mean, 64.

[Brian Green]

He looks great. Great. And he's still jumping out of the.

[Joy Hoadley]

Planes and, oh, doing all his stunts.

[Brian Green]

Hanging on to camels as they get parachuted out of helicopters. And he's doing all kind of crazy shit, that kid. Unbelievable. And I have aches and pains when I wake up. When I edit the show.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm like, I like sat the wrong way in the car the other day on the way home and down.

[Brian Green]

All right, now, okay, all the riches in the world, they can afford it, right? But so can Bradley Cooper.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And what the fuck happened to Bradley Cooper?

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, I know this was kind of going around the other day on one of my group texts and I mean, hold on, let me see.

[Brian Green]

He murdered his face.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my gosh. What did happen?

[Brian Green]

Crazy. I don't know.

[Joy Hoadley]

He kind of resembles Robin Williams now.

[Brian Green]

Robin, like a. Yeah, it's like. Or Skeletor. One of the two.

[Joy Hoadley]

I mean, like that nose and the chin.

[Brian Green]

He's got the. It's me mark for Mork. He does like something happened there. It's bad, it's bad. He got the whole hair thing. He got the whole face thing. Yeah, but this, now let me remind you, this is Bradley Cooper a decade ago.

[Joy Hoadley]

I know, it's different now. He does have a mustache on that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's true. A Mustachio.

[Joy Hoadley]

And that other one.

[Brian Green]

But I mean, he looks completely different.

[Joy Hoadley]

I have another one to show you.

[Brian Green]

God damn, Bradley. You know, he's dating that. Is he dating Gigi Hadid? I think still. I think so.

[Joy Hoadley]

I think so too.

[Brian Green]

And she's like 32 years old. Gigi Hadid is. Let me see here. Gigi Hadid. Age. Gigi had us. Why won't you take hadi? Okay, age. 30 years old. Okay, she's 30. He's 53. 54 years old, I think.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. He wants to keep up.

[Brian Green]

He wants to keep up. He's trying to keep up appearances. He wants to still be sexy and good looking and who knows, maybe behind the scenes she's poking him and prodding him. You know, hey, you're one of the, you know, leading actors. You got to stay on top of it. But he should have called Tom Cruise or Kris Jenner and he should have gotten their face people. I'm not, I'm not arguing that he should or shouldn't have done it. Okay, cool, dude. You want to look younger, that's cool with me. That's. That's part of your gig, is to look young and dumb and full of calm. I get all of that stuff. So go do the surgeries, have the Botoxes get the fillers, tastefully get the fillers, all that other stuff. But someone really did a number on Bradley Cooper and it doesn't look good. I know it looks bad.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's bad.

[Brian Green]

He. He would have been the Harrison Ford of our time, truly, if he just would have left it alone. I guarantee Harrison's probably had a nip here and a tuck there at some point. I don't. I don't know for sure, but Harrison is almost 80 years old. So there's a little bit of a difference there. Because Harrison at 55 looked better than most men did in 25.

[Chrissy]

Harri.

[Brian Green]

Harrison was a handsome man. Some for sure. And Bradley would have gone that direction had he just left it alone. He just could have gotten a little grayer and a little older, a little more wrinkled, and he would have been okay.

[Joy Hoadley]

Wrong with that either. I like. I like some age.

[Brian Green]

I think I'm just gonna leave it alone. Yeah, I think I'm just gonna leave it alone. I gotta be honest, like, I've considered the Botox and all that other stuff, but now I'm getting really concerned that these girls are getting Botox at 18, 19 years old.

[Joy Hoadley]

Earlier. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And now they're starting to do research and finding out that that Botox is seeping in to brain cells like that Botulism is seeping in and killing brain cells. They're doing all this research because now Botox has been around long enough. Botox came out in our lifetime, in our lifetime as a plastic surgery tool, as an enhancement. It came out in our lifetime and it made big waves. It did everything that the Botox people wanted it to do. It sold kabillions of dollars worth. Now there are many r. And you know, you can get generic and all this other stuff, but it's. Botulism is what it is. I'm not saying it's right or wrong or different, but I get, I'm. Now I'm concerned about, like, studies that I'm hearing about. I've not read them myself, but there are doctors that I follow online and they're sharing these stories and kind of synopsizing them. Synopsizing them. Synopsizing. It's synopsizing a word. I don't know.

[Joy Hoadley]

It should be. If it's not synopsis.

[Brian Green]

Synopses. The synopses of the synopsis. What's that? I once had synopsis of the penis. It didn't go away. The synopsis that these doctors are giving is, you know, less. Less than encouraging. Let's put it that Way. Way. And the young kids getting it.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it seems like it's younger and younger now. I don't. That's sad.

[Brian Green]

I think so.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well, what's sad is it's. It is really. It's less of about life choices or it's more about. It's like an indictment of the world that we live in. That These girls at 18, 19 years old are so afraid to get one wrinkle or one frown or one smile line that they are willing to go to these lengths very early and that. And that they don't have people around them telling them that, hey, you get started on this now, you're never gonna stop. And no one knows what happens 35 years down the road when you're gonna be the tender age of 55, still plenty of life to live, and full of fillers and.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, yeah, a lot of those fillers. I remember seeing that. The. You know, a lot of those housewives got all of that done.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

The ones from OC I think, are the ones I'm thinking of. And then they had to have it removed. There was a trend going around a while back to have all of that removed.

[Brian Green]

Sucke. Because it was migrating to different places in their face.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Did. Yeah. I got problems. You know, whatever attractiveness I have, I'm going to let it naturally fade away because. Because at the end of the day, I don't want my face migrating. That's just one concern I don't want to have. I don't want to wake up in the morning and find that, you know, my cheek filler went to my ear or something like that. Like that. Just. It doesn't feel good to me. And, you know, the one thing that I also get a little bit. I don't know, I get a little bit concerned about with the younger generation is they believe that they are looking older than the generation before them. See, our generation, I think we've aged pretty well, if I'm being honest. We.

[Joy Hoadley]

Unlike the. Unlike the Love Connection generation.

[Brian Green]

Holy shit. Holy shit. Those people look 80 and they're like 20. Yeah. My favorite thing to do. My favorite reels that people are putting out right now are the ones that these television characters. When you realize these television characters were younger than you. Yeah. And it's like, Mr. Drummond. Remember Mr. Drummond. 47 years old. And it's like, holy shit, Alice. The lady who did the. Alice. Or who's the lady from. Give me a break.

[Joy Hoadley]

Or Nell.

[Brian Green]

Nell Carter. Not Nell Carter.

[Joy Hoadley]

The.

[Brian Green]

The white lady. Do you know what I'm talking about, okay, she was like 39 years old when she did that show. And I would have thought she was 70 years old when she did that. All these actors and actresses were young, in some cases younger than we are, and they were playing characters or seemingly playing characters that were much older than us. I think we've done a good job. We've aged well. We're like the last great generation of aging well.

[Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But these kids that are, and I say kids, people that are the younger generation, the 18 to 25 year olds are really having a hard time with like their own mortality and the way that they look.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, what was the, what was it mewing that was going on a while back?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

The people that do the kit with the cheekbones.

[Brian Green]

So that it forms a cheekbone that's higher. Yeah. And you get your, your lips out, your lips puffed out. It's.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And don't be this. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you what's not gonna be trendy 10 years from now, five years from now, three years from now. What's not gonna be trendy or a year from now is the Trump girl look. And you know what I'm talking about. The ladies in their 50s and 60s who all seem to have the plastic surgery that makes them look almost exactly the same. The same facial features.

[Rachel]

Right?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't need to, I'm not gonna like pontificate about it. You can go and Google it. It's a well known trend phenomenon that they all seem to go to the same plastic surgeon and ask for the same thing. Huge lips, high cheekbones, big forehead, you know, and voluptuous everywhere. Right. But it all ends up looking like the same thing. We're all like transmute. They're transmuting into the same human being. And it's fucked up.

[Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

And it's not gonna look good five years from now. I'm telling you that if it looks good now, which that's up to your personal judgment call if it looks good now or if you think it looks good now. Now it's like picking the right color of car. Right. You don't want to get the trendiest color of the car. You see the loaner that I'm driving?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes, I did.

[Brian Green]

That gray car. That gray car. Beautiful. Right? There's that stylish, silky gray that's out right now that every fucking car in America seems to have. That's silky gray. Yeah. Including you. Including me, even in my real car is that color. Right. But I, I I was telling Astrid, we got. We have a loaner that we never buy because we can't afford it. But I was telling Astrid, I'm like, I love this car on the inside and I love the way it looks on the outside. But five years from now, is that the color we're going to want? Five years from now, It's. You have to buy the right color. White, black, red. There you go. Those are three colors.

[Joy Hoadley]

We were doing the lease. We decided to lease this past time.

[Brian Green]

And flip it out. Yeah, flip it out, Chrissy.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Smart.

[Brian Green]

Think it. Yes. But you can't flip out your fucking tits. You know what I'm saying? So be careful. Just be careful that, you know, you don't do anything that's irreversible, permanent. Right. I'm not here.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's like the permanent makeup. I mean, I. Unbelievable. I get it. Like, if you just really want that. But that's forever.

[Brian Green]

That's it.

[Joy Hoadley]

Your eyebrows will be like that forever.

[Brian Green]

You can't unfuck that shit. Yeah, yeah. When you get an eyebrow, the girth of my penis. Eyebrow down your forehead. You can't unfuck that. That's not something you can undo. And I've seen those videos too, of the people that, like, do the reveals from the. What do they call that? The. What do they. When they tattoo that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. Tattoo brown. Okay. I don't know if. Tattoo brow. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

I call it, you know, tattoo makeup.

[Brian Green]

You don't need a license. You need like one day of class to do that kind of eyebrow.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

And I know there's plenty of people who probably are a master at their craft.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But there's lots of people just like the dental implant thing. There's lots of people who should never be doing eyebrows. And I've seen the videos of the reveals that have gone terribly wrong. Like where people have, you know, three and a half inch thick eyebrows.

[Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's with anything, really. I mean, God, the horror stories of the bbls, the Brazilian butlers.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man, you can die. Of course you can.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

When you are putting foreign substances in your body. And this is very trendy in Miami. I'm not going to get into it, but I know that this is very trendy in Miami. To go to your mom's best friend who learned how to do this, and she's been doing it. And I think this, you know, this is. Might be cultural. Right. I know these people. It's safe. They've been doing it for a long time. They did it My friend and his friend. And it's $10,000 to get the real Brazilian butt lift or get injections or whatever it is. Is. But it's $3,000 if you go to a friend of a friend and they're getting the same stuff, and they're getting it from China or whatever.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's scary.

[Brian Green]

There are so many nightmare stories about people who get sick, hospitalized, or die because these people are not doctors going through the professional license channels to get the stuff that they need. These health spas, I could do a whole episode of after the break about these. These health spas, they're not licensed. And most of them in most states don't need a doctor involved in any of the procedures as long as they are staying within some guidelines. It's. It's the whole. You need a license to go fishing. You need a license to drive a car. Brian should have his taken away from him. But that's besides the point. You need a license to do a lot of stuff.

[Joy Hoadley]

Not have a gun.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, not have a gun. That's right.

[Joy Hoadley]

Which is crazy.

[Brian Green]

It's just crazy. Right?

[Joy Hoadley]

Anyways.

[Brian Green]

But you don't. You don't need, in some states, a license to put botulism right next to your eyeball. That's it. You don't need it. And so then people, you know, and then everyone thinks it's gonna be hunky dory, because that only happens. That doesn't happen to me until it happens to them.

[Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And so I'm just sharing. Take a look at Bradley Cooper. Let this be a warning, you know.

[Joy Hoadley]

Another one I was gonna bring up, and I can't find the pictures, but okay, so I was. There's a show on Hulu about Lilith Fair. Remember Lilith Fair?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Joy Hoadley]

Looking back on that, that was so cool that they did that.

[Brian Green]

It really was.

[Joy Hoadley]

And this documentary is great. It's got Sarah McLachlan, who started it.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Joy Hoadley]

She's the main person in it. Of course, they've got Sheryl Crow and many of the other ones.

[Brian Green]

Melissa Etheridge. Yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Many of the other people in it, they're showing footages. It's a great documentary. I highly recommend it. However, I did see, and I think she's beautiful. She looks great. But Sheryl Crow looks different.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Sheryl Crow is another one.

[Joy Hoadley]

She does, and I love her. I love her. Nothing wrong with it. And whatever she wanted to do. But I was watching the documentary, and I'm like, that. Is that her? It doesn't. There's something that's Happened like in the. Some kind of facial difference.

[Brian Green]

Let me know.

[Joy Hoadley]

And she looks great, though. Nothing wrong with the way she looks. She looks beautiful as always, but just different than she used to.

[Brian Green]

No, she's always been a beautiful girl.

[Joy Hoadley]

I love her music. I love her.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Is that her? Is that what you're talking about? She just looks different.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's just a difference.

[Brian Green]

But I mean, listen, and I can understand when you are famous in the public spotlight and you're a woman. I'm not. So, I don't know, but I already feel the pressure to look good for this stupid fucking camera where there's less than 100 people that ever are going to view this particular video. Right? Yeah, six. I mean, maybe a couple thousand if I talk about Venezuela. Right. I mean, that's it. But the, the, the reality is, sure.

[Joy Hoadley]

We all want to look our best. And it's hard to age.

[Brian Green]

It is, you know, of course it's scary. You don't want it and you want to beat it back.

[Joy Hoadley]

Can you think of the people that, when you were younger, that looked old and then. Am I going to look like that? What's that? You know, But I think there, there's got to be a balance. Balance.

[Brian Green]

There has to. I, I agree with you there. And the one thing that, like, again, I don't care. There's no judgment. There's not even judgment on Bradley Cooper. I wish he would have gone to a different doctor, but I have any judgment about the guy wanting to look younger. He's dating Gigi Hadid. He's one of the most famous actors ever. Everyone's going to expect him to look his best in every role that he does. There's probably an immense amount of pressure, especially when you're named like, you know, the most handsome man in the world 70 times in a row and all that other stuff, you know, and you, you, you don't win it for three years in a row because you realize your own mortality. It, it must be in a, a weird life to live in. When you look in the mirror and say, you know, how do I keep this up?

[Joy Hoadley]

I think you have to be ready to give that up. I think you have to be ready to say bye, bye. That was me then.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Joy Hoadley]

And that's hard, I think, for a lot of people.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Let's look at example, a Corey Feldman. He looks terrible, but he always has. And so the guy just looks that way. Listen, Corey Feldman. I think that's all natural. Go the Corey Feldman ring. Just leave it alone. Go the Corey Go the Cory. Do a Cory.

[Joy Hoadley]

Hey, doc, can you give me the Cory?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, can you give me the Cory? Just tape my face back for a couple hours, and I'll hope that the wrinkles go away. That's what I can afford.

[Joy Hoadley]

I heard about something called threading, too. And I'm not saying the threading of your eyebrows, like taking the hair off, but there's some kind of threading you can get in your face.

[Brian Green]

This is what Frankie B. Was talking about. The barbed wire that pulls the skin back, and you leave the threads in there, and it pulls the skin back. So Frankie B. Was Hot Topic. Hot Topic, dude.

[Joy Hoadley]

On the top of the curve before.

[Brian Green]

Kris Jenner, there was Frankie V. Pulling his face back. He looks terrible, too. Yeah, I mean, he's looking different. Also. He also had.

[Joy Hoadley]

He checked in with him.

[Brian Green]

Him. Yeah, I did. There. There's a new shorter video, which I hope means a longer one's coming, but, you know, you never know.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm happy with. For him, then that means he's still with his girlfriend.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that means that there's a romantic relationship that's occupying his time. It seems like when he's.

[Narrator/Reporter]

He's.

[Brian Green]

When there's no girl, he's romantically involved with YouTube. When there's a girl, he really focuses on her. I can appreciate that. It. It makes me think about just how lucky we have it with Frankie and. And that Frankie might actually be the coolest pickup artist that has ever lived.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he definitely is.

[Brian Green]

He might be.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's for sure.

[Brian Green]

All right, I want to talk about another podcast, which I don't often do, but I want to talk about another podcast. Let's take a break, and we'll talk about two bears, one cave. Is it the end? Are we done with it? We'll see. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Brian Green]

Be brief. Brief.

[Rachel]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult. Now what it. You're welcome.

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[Brian Green]

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[Joy Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Seriously, it's $15 a month. 3. No big contracts.

[Joy Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

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[Chrissy]

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[Brian Green]

It is Literally insane. What are we gonna do?

[Joy Hoadley]

Did we just pull up. Who's the guy that does that? Where he's talking when he comes back on?

[Brian Green]

Howard Stern.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, no. Oh, no, the other guy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I don't want to say his name. Yeah, our friend. Our good friend on Instagram. Yeah. But we're actually talking to somebody. Each other. Yeah, he's talking to nobody.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, man. His Instagram has been good lately. It's been good, but it's really. My. The. The Catfish girl. It's really the best Instagram account. And I. I'm not. I'm never going to give her name away. I'm not here to personally shame anybody, but I will say this girl. Girl has got to be one of the crazier human beings I've ever seen on Instagram. And the things that she says into the camera and then just leaves up there. It's. It's crazy. It's racist and bigoted, and she hates people who have weight on them, and she hates skinny people, and she hates people that think and she hates people that don't think. And. And then she talks about how, you know. And then she. I don't know. She reads from a Dr. Wayne Dyer book and talks about how mindful she is. It's just so transparently weird. And I. It's like performance art. It's so good. I love it. I love when there's a new post. I'm like, oh, what crazy thing is she gonna say now? There's a lot of people on this earth. Most of them aren't well. And it's confirmed. Okay. Bert Kreischer. Tom Segura. I don't usually talk about other comedy podcasts because I don't have anything against any other comedy podcasts, and I don't have anything against two bears in one cave. I want to make that absolutely clear. Clear. I don't know them personally. I've never interacted with either of them. I've only admired their success. That's it. They've done a great job. They have millions and millions and millions of people that are listening to them and watching them. Tom is selling out huge.

[Joy Hoadley]

Didn't we interview him?

[Brian Green]

Tom Segura?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I thought we did.

[Brian Green]

No, I think supposed to. There was some conversation about Bert coming on the show, actually, but I don't think that. Obviously, that. That hasn't happened yet. And he's welcome. I mean, Tom and Bert welcome to. Come on the. If that. If you so choose. But they don't need to because they have, you know, they're making really good money doing their stand up and their movies. And I know that Bert was, Bert was here in Atlanta doing some filming for a television show. And I think there was some conversation about us talking to him, but it, you know, he was filming the TV show, so it just didn't work out. But whatever. That's neither here nor there.

[Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

What happened was, is that 2 bears in 1k have been around for a very long time time. And really Tom and Bert just kind of got together and did that podcast. They had known each other. They. I don't know if they were like super great friends beforehand. The word on the street is they just kind of got together and decided to do this show based on the popularity of Tom's show with his wife called your mom's house. Right. And that show also was fabulously successful. So Tom's got two really successful podcasts, one with his wife, one with Brad. Heard. I had no idea about all of the drama happening in the audience of Two Bears and one cake.

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't either.

[Brian Green]

That people are really upset at this podcast. They like, they're, they're getting like fiery upset at the podcast and the fact that, you know, listen, okay, here's what, here's the, here's like the bottom line of it. Tom went from self effacing every, every man standing up and doing, you know, 30 minute sets and shitty clubs all across America, you know, touring all the time, kind of comics, the same people that we talk to, to fabulously wealthy comics selling out arenas like Nate Bargazi Stout. Right. One of the top comics in the business. And people are angry because of the way that he now talks. Like he has turned in from self effacing into this according to them, them into a braggadocious, egotistical, you know, talking down to people who don't have money, telling them that it's their fault that they're poor. And I've heard some of the clips like that's what he says. And I don't know if he's going for the joke or he's. Or what he's doing.

[Joy Hoadley]

That seems strange.

[Brian Green]

He could make it into a self effacing joke, but he doesn't. Okay, so Bert has one Persona and one Persona only, and that is get drunk, have fun, good time. God. Right. He's got a very specific kind of laugh. It's very loud and oftentimes it can go on for minutes at a time and it can be distracting. I've Listened to the show, can't be distracting. But that's his Persona. He's always been like that, right? He's the guy who does all of his standup sets with his shirt off. And he also sells out big like baseball stadium, like, you know, minor league baseball stadiums. Like, the guy is no slouch in the standup comedian world either. He has made a name for himself. He's got TV shows and specials and all that other good stuff. So both of these guys have seen huge success since the podcast started and the audience is growing angrier and angrier with them because they are apparent they are seemingly out of touch with what got them popular in the first place.

[Joy Hoadley]

Which happens.

[Brian Green]

Which does happen. And we have seen this with other podcasts also. I know. Well, there are, there is a podcast with a couple of girls that do podcasts that also are now getting the same radio rap too and have fallen out of favor with the audience. So I, I knew none of this until some guy online did like this whole expose about two bears one cave and that video got like 680,000 views and likes and likes and comments and all this other stuff. So apparently, you know, he hit on something and the, the title of the video was is this the end of Two Bears One Cave.

[Joy Hoadley]

Hmm.

[Brian Green]

So expose. Yeah, he. The guy in the video.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm taking that word.

[Brian Green]

I know, Expose. It's really just a guy on the guy with a computer cutting clips of Two Bears One Cave and showing shitty comments from listeners.

[Joy Hoadley]

Expose, though sounds very sexy for some reason. The word. It's like expose. Exposure.

[Brian Green]

With an A. With an a. Expose. A Expose. A. It's like a Canadian expose. Expose. Eh?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Diamondbird. Expose. Expose. So he claims in the video that they went. That they had to take some time away from each other. Like, you know, reset the, reframe it, the podcast and all this. So they took a six week time off and they invited two other comedians, Stavi and this other guy, this other very. Who was it? Nick. Nick Stefano, I think to Stefano A Stefone Stefano who filled in on to. Okay, so.

[Joy Hoadley]

So they had, so they had.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so they had take this planned six week. But the guy in the video I think incorrectly said they needed to reframe and reset the table and take some time apart. I actually think that I know why this was and that's because I think Bert was going to film his shirt show. I think that is why they actually took the. The time off the reality. So I, I say this because not to like knock Bert and Tom you can go in the comments section and there are plenty of unhappy people about the show. These two other comedians fill in and people go crazy. They love it. They love it. They loved it. Right. And these two comedians really went at Bert and Tom Stavi and they really went at that.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh. At their own show.

[Brian Green]

On their own show.

[Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

But, you know, I guess you, you mess with the bear, you get the horn. I mean, you can mess with the bull, you get the horns. Mess with the bear. Special host. Hold on one second. I want to make sure I get the, the. Yeah, I said it. Right, Right. Stavros and Chris. Stavros and Chris, they go at, you know, they kind of poke at Tom.

[Joy Hoadley]

They poke the bear.

[Brian Green]

They poke the bear and the cave.

[Joy Hoadley]

And in the cave.

[Brian Green]

They poke the bear in the cave and the fans go crazy and they love it and they want more of it and they're hoping that they're going to stay. This is really, I, I share this because I think this is really shows the power of the audience.

[Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And that when you're making a living doing something like this, when you're doing a podcast, you're never going to be able to make everybody happy.

[Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

And there's always going to be people who tune in and tune out. There's always going to be churn in the audience. There's always going to be folks who stay for a minute, get unhappy with something, you say, leave and go to the next podcast. And then there's going to be your die hard fans to stick with you. Ride or die. But I'm sensing a little bit of a, like, kind of a through line with some other podcasts that I've seen this happen to. And it seems to happen when people get rich and famous and start talking about all their rich, their riches and their fame. So I want to make a promise here to the audience. Chrissy and I are neither rich nor famous and it's unlikely we're ever going to be.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So we promise to you to keep begging for your attention so that we can pay the power bill.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's it. That's all we want. Just to pay the power bill. That's all we want. We don't care about anything else. As long as the lights go on and the Internet works for our guests, that's all we care about.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's all we need.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If there ever comes a day when Chrissy and I start talking too much shit about all of our riches and our fame, know that you're in an alternate universe. First of all that something's gone wrong. You may have died and gone to heaven, I don't know. But second of all, let us know, like text us and just be like, hey, dude, you know. Yeah. You talking about driving that 2018 Honda Civic with your 12 kids in the back. It's getting a little too big for your britches, buddy. Too bougie for your britches, my brother. This seems to be the rub. The rub is when, you know, they start flaunting it, right? When they start rubbing it in the listeners faces or that's how the listeners feel. And I think you do have to be careful.

[Joy Hoadley]

You absolutely do. And especially too with the world that we live in and the level of inequality and wealth is bad. It's real bad.

[Brian Green]

It's super disgusting. It's really bad. You know, when there's like 180 guys and I say guys, maybe one or two women during their guys. Guys who like control 90% of the wealth in the country, there is a huge gap and most of us are living well below it. Well below.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah. And then with AI and with drones, we were just looking at something with drones.

[Brian Green]

Drones, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

I mean it's taken away jobs. It really is branding. It's just what's happening.

[Brian Green]

Brands are now paying AI influencers to do their stuff on social media rather than pay real human beings. So we don't think it's coming for us, but it probably is. Right? I mean, the truth is AI can probably has already sucked up all the commercial break. They could probably make a better episode of the show than we could now. I'm not going to allow it to do that. Not quite yet. When I'm in the Villages, then I'll let AI take over.

[Joy Hoadley]

We're down there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'll be driving my Margaritaville 2016 Honda Civic while I'm living in the broom closet at the Villages, promising to pay rent next month.

[Joy Hoadley]

Checks in the mail.

[Chrissy]

Check.

[Brian Green]

What's that? What that. But it's a cautionary tale, I think. And the way that this guy put it together on the video made it seem at least this was the listen. This is also very, you know, narrative focused. It's not like some, you know, huge unbalanced expose a. That this guy did. He really had a. He had a narrative and he went for it and he made it appear that that's what's going on with the audience. Then you can go and you can read the comments and the reviews and you can see that they. That's how people are feeling. And you know, it Again, I have nothing against Tom or Bert. I think they're probably lovely guys, but you got to be careful when you. When all of your audience is the everyman and the every woman, and then you start talking like you're anything but the every woman.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. They can't relate.

[Brian Green]

They can't relate. So, again, I just want to make another promise to our audience that we'll always be able to relate. Cause it's likely we'll also always be poor, so don't worry about it. It's okay. A thousand episodes in, nothing's happening.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm thinking about right now who, to me, has continued to stay even though she's fabulously wealthy. But, you know, somebody like Oprah, and she does her, like, favorite things, which kind of helps you be like. You can have what Oprah has. You know, she's very, very, very wealthy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she got billions of dollars. Yeah, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

But she's never really like, seemed to be completely out of touch.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I always felt like Bill Burr was the kind of guy that I felt like was in touch, like a George Carlin type. Like, even though he probably doesn't need to work another day in his life, he's still out there hustling and doing it. But then Bill Burr went and did the Riyadh comedy.

[Joy Hoadley]

God, this. I mean, people are getting major backlash from that. And I agree, Bill.

[Brian Green]

I can find forgive, but that's a hard one to forget. That's really shitty, dude. After you railed against them for years and then you sucked up the blood money, dude. Yeah, Blue agrees. That's right. Blue's an. I guess Blue's feeling better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're not feeling better. What is going on in that chair? Are you allergic to that chair?

[Joy Hoadley]

I swear, I don't do this as soon as I step out of here.

[Brian Green]

Here.

[Chrissy]

I don't.

[Brian Green]

You must be allergic to the chair.

[Joy Hoadley]

We. Maybe I'll bring my.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to get the air filter in here.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, get the air filter.

[Brian Green]

I. I vac. We vacuum. I vacuum once a week, so. Yeah, but it could be the rug, you know, doing all this stuff.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Anyway, anyway, best to you, Tom and Bird. I hope you guys survive this. I know you will. I'm not worried about it. Yeah, yeah. That's the other thing, too, is that maybe there's just a portion of the audience that just at no stage of.

[Joy Hoadley]

Wealth do you want somebody feeling like they're better than you. I don't care if I have no penny. Nope. I have one penny. And you've got two. And you're acting better than me. That's not cool.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. No, just don't do that.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Go back to the self effacing humor that brought you there. I don't think this is a bird problem more as it is a Tom problem. But they were like on Rogan talking about, about buying themselves Rolexes and you could see how it might fall the wrong way. Like, you know, here's Rogan half a billionaire.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

With Bert clearly a millionaire and Tom probably getting close to Rogan type money. You know, all talking about their fancy watches and their nice houses.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. With the food shortages and things that are happening right now all across not only our country, but the world happening right here.

[Brian Green]

The single biggest cost at the commercial break, health insurance is about to triple. Triple if they don't figure something out. Triple.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There might not be lights on in here. We might be doing this in the dark. That's no joke because we got to have health insurance. We have too many children anyway. All right, 212-4333 TCB 212-433822. Get involved in the conversation. We would love to hear from you at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on Tick Tock. And you can watch every single episode on video the same day it hair airs here on the audio by going to YouTube.com the commercial break. Also, if you'd like your free TCB sticker, we'll give one to you. TCB podcast.com just go there, hit the contact us button, give us your address and we'll send you one. Also, do yourself a favor, go listen to the two hour long Nacho Redondo interview.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's really good.

[Brian Green]

It is a good one. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

[Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you and best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

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