Walking The Cardboard Carpet!

Summary

The Commercial Break: "Walking The Cardboard Carpet!" – May 15, 2025

Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley
Guest: DJ Dan
Description: In this episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy, along with their guest DJ Dan, dive into a mix of humorous banter, behind-the-scenes stories, and candid discussions about their experiences in the podcasting world. The highlight of the episode is an entertaining recounting of a misadventure at a misleading Sweet 16 party, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

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**1. Social Media and Branding Mishaps (06:10 – 10:53)

The episode kicks off with Bryan and Krissy discussing their attempts to enhance the podcast's branding using AI tools. Bryan shares a humorous anecdote about trying to create a Grateful Dead-inspired logo using ChatGPT, which disastrously resulted in "a tie-dyed piece of poop."

Notable Quote:

Bryan Greene (06:31): "ChatGPT thinks so little of the Commercial Break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye."

Krissy chimes in, highlighting the challenges they've faced with their social media strategy and their ongoing efforts to engage listeners despite mixed results.

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**2. AI-Generated Content and Listener Feedback (10:54 – 15:18)

The hosts delve into their experiences with AI-generated content, particularly focusing on AI-crafted songs based on listener reviews. Bryan emphasizes that while the AI assists in music production, the lyrics are entirely his own, stemming from his passion for lyricism.

Notable Quotes:

Chris Hoadley (10:54): "I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that."

Listeners have provided mixed feedback, with some humorously criticizing the AI-generated song while others find it catchy and entertaining.

Listener Feedback (12:30): "TCB is terrible. Worst to you."

Bryan and DJ Dan respond to the feedback with laughter, turning the criticism into a comedic highlight of the episode.

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**3. Discussion on P. Diddy's Legal Troubles (15:42 – 26:34)

In a more serious segment, Bryan and Chris discuss the ongoing trial involving P. Diddy. They express their skepticism about his innocence, citing various pieces of evidence and public perception.

Notable Quotes:

Chris Hoadley (16:47): "He is the opposite of self-defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him."

The conversation touches on broader themes of celebrity accountability and the impact of legal issues on public image. They debate the implications of the trial and its potential outcomes, balancing their skepticism with an acknowledgment of due process.

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**4. The Sweet 16 Party Misadventure (34:07 – 75:44)

The centerpiece of the episode is Chris Hoadley's hilarious recounting of attending a seemingly glamorous Sweet 16 party organized by a mutual friend and a supposed Nigerian oilman, Simon Guabadia. Expectations of a high-profile event with celebrities quickly devolve into a chaotic and underwhelming experience.

Story Highlights:

• Invitation Deception: Chris received an invitation promising a well-attended party with media coverage, including appearances by celebrities like Gwen Stefani and Richie Sambora.

• Arrival Disappointment: Upon arrival, the "red carpet" turned out to be cardboard, and the venue lacked the opulence promised. Instead of celebrity guests, the party was attended by 16-year-olds with minimal amenities.

• Interaction with DJ Dan: DJ Dan, portrayed as the "guest of honor," attempts to manage the disappointing event with limited resources, adding to the comedic frustration.

• Media Intrusion: As the hosts try to navigate the party's reality, unexpected media crews arrive, prompting Chris and DJ Dan to attempt an awkward exit amidst confusion and laughter.

Notable Quotes:

Chris Hoadley (74:01): "This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and Cam."

DJ Dan (66:12): "I'd like a beer now."

The story culminates with Chris reflecting on the fiasco, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and managing expectations. The mishap serves as a humorous lesson on the pitfalls of networking and event planning in the entertainment industry.

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**5. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events (75:44 – End)

As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Krissy promote their upcoming "12 Hours of TCB" marathon scheduled for May 31. They encourage listeners to tune in for a continuous stream of episodes, celebrity guests, and interactive content.

Notable Quotes:

Chris Hoadley (75:44): "212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas?"

The hosts also highlight their social media channels, inviting listeners to engage through various platforms and participate in their interactive games and discussions.

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Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity Over Perfection: Despite technological mishaps and unexpected events, the hosts maintain their authentic and comedic approach, endearing them to their audience.

• Listener Engagement: By addressing listener feedback directly and incorporating interactive elements, Bryan and Krissy foster a strong community around their podcast.

• Humorous Storytelling: Chris's anecdote about the Sweet 16 party exemplifies the show's ability to blend real-life experiences with humor, making for an engaging and relatable episode.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Bryan Greene (06:31): "ChatGPT thinks so little of the Commercial Break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye."

• Chris Hoadley (10:54): "I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that."

• Chris Hoadley (16:47): "He is the opposite of self-defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him."

• Chris Hoadley (74:01): "This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and Cam."

• DJ Dan (66:12): "I'd like a beer now."

• Chris Hoadley (75:44): "212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas?"

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If you haven't tuned into The Commercial Break yet, this episode offers a perfect blend of humor, candid discussions, and relatable stories that showcase why Bryan and Krissy's chaotic charm captivates their audience.

Transcript

[Brian Greene]

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[Chris Hoadley]

Tell myself that the first step you.

[Brian Greene]

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[Chris Hoadley]

This.

[Brian Greene]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[Tina Tannen]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[Tina Tannen]

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[Chris Hoadley]

On this episode of the Commercial Break. Okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?

[DJ Dan]

I'd like a beer now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks. You want me to chip in a couple bucks? I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me, and you want me to pay a couple bucks for a natty ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. The guest of honor. Guest of dishonor. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts. Now. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the.

[Brian Greene]

Co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[DJ Dan]

Best you, Brian.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this lead.

[Brian Greene]

Up into the 12 hours of TCB.

[Chris Hoadley]

Everybody getting very excited. Very excited. Chrissy, mainly. Will she, won't she? I don't know. Tune in and see.

[DJ Dan]

Will she be here? I'll be here. I'm excited.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm excited too. I am excited. I like, I like a good challenge. This is a big one, but we're gonna tackle it.

[Brian Greene]

For those of you that don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

The 12 hours of TCB, May 31, that's a Saturday. We're gonna be starting 9, 10am Keep your, keep your phones close and you'll get that ding when that, make sure you're following us and then you get that ding when the first of many episodes comes into your phone that day. Ding, ding, ding, ding. So many episodes. We had to contact Apple to make sure that they wouldn't delist us on the RSS directory if we put out 12 episodes in one go. But so a little bit about the minutia of the 12 hours of TCB which we're talking about this week. So everyone get used to it. So Chrissy and I are actually going to be doing six or seven episodes on that day. Just about an hour before you hear it so that then we can edit it and publish it on the hour, on the next hour. And in between those hours when we're recording, you're going to be hearing an episode with a celebrity guest that we are pre recording because God bless us, that would never work out in our favor. Should we try and do that on the day though? We did have some guests that offered.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And one of those guests was Tom Papa, who I like very much. He's like, I just think he's one of the coolest guys out there. Another middle aged white man saying Tom Papa is cool. Tom Papa is cool. I like Tom Baba.

[DJ Dan]

I've loved him for a long time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. And so I wanted to share that I'm like keeping an eye on Tom Papa and all his social media. I have been for a long time. I was following him.

[DJ Dan]

We had him on last year.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, we had him on last year.

[DJ Dan]

So yeah, we've certainly been following him closely since then.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, the commercial break has at least been following him since then. We have this like sly move that we do on the commercial break, which might be part of the reason why no one follows us is that we only follow the people who come on the show. Why? I don't know. I don't know. Some strategy we were told to do. I don't think it's working out in our. I don't think any social media strategy is working out in our favor, but we are desperately trying. Just know that we are cutting up the exact same content we put everywhere else and putting it on Instagram. There you go. So much of it. So much. So I'm watching his social media and I think, you know, you and I have been talking about this. The Breaking the Grateful Bread tour.

[DJ Dan]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which he is doing right now. It's his stand up tour. He's running around doing theaters and he's got all the imagery and iconography of the Grateful Dead. And very interested to hear whether I think he is. He must be a fan of the Grateful Dead. He must be. But I love that so much. And I was telling Astrid, I'm like, we should do this. We should do like a Grateful Dead kind of thing for merch for the commercial break. To which she said, don't you think Tom might be a little bit upset if you just took his idea and ripped it off? And I go, it's the age of AI, babe. Everybody's ripping off everybody. Don't worry about it. So I said, let me go in that little AI thing that I've been playing around with. Let me see if it can whip up a commercial break logo. That. That would be a Grateful Dead ish type logo. Now, I'm not the world's biggest Grateful Dead fan. I do like them very much. I actually think they're the greatest American rock and roll band that has ever been and maybe ever will be. But not because I personally think that. Not because they're my personal favorite band ever, but just because they are the true American rock and roll story. Right. Okay. We've talked about this before. So I go and I say, give me the image. Chatty. Go for it. Give me that commercial break logo in Grateful Dead imagery. Now I'm going to send this to Marco so we can put it on YouTube. Or maybe we'll put it on it. Maybe we'll do something besides put a clip of our show on Instagram and I'll show this Chrissy. It's a tie dyed piece of poop is what it is. It's what it came up with. A tie dyed piece of poop that has the commercial break neon logo that says it all. ChatGPT thinks so little of the commercial break that it literally put a piece of shit in Tie dye. Where did it get this idea that that was the imagery that should be associated with. With the commercial break? I don't know. I really don't. But it's just another example of why you shouldn't trust everything that you find on Chat GPT. Chrissy.

[DJ Dan]

That's true.

[Chris Hoadley]

However, we have been getting a lot of feedback on the songs that we have been playing that I have been making through AI. Now, to be clear, I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that. None of these lyrics are written by AI because if there's one thing I've been known for in my life, it is my lyricism. I am a poet at heart. Sunny side up, Sunny side up is all you need to know. Exhibit A, Exhibit A, Sonny side up. Exhibit B. Dapper dialogue. Oh, it's not total shit, says the producer.

[DJ Dan]

Just tie dyed shit.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, just tie dyed shit. So lest you think that I am just asking Chad GPT to do this whole cloth, or Udio Studio, whatever I'm using. Udio Studio is a weird name for it, by the way. But anyway, I give it the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go well. The other day I decided, what if I just went out there? What if I just found a bunch of reviews and asked Chat GPT or udio Studio to make me a pop song based on nothing but the reviews. Now, if you've been listening to the commercial break, you'll know that this song played in front of an episode earlier this week because it was just too good to even let it. Wait one minute. Hot off the presses. It had to go out.

[DJ Dan]

We sent that out in the evening and it was a rousing.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was a rousing success.

[DJ Dan]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

Everybody. Everybody agreed. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.

[DJ Dan]

It's very catchy and hilarious.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh my God. And we have so much feedback about it. Were going wild. They loved it. And when somebody said, are those really reviews? Well, you can't get reviews to rhyme. So I had to take lines from certain reviews and piece them together. And I took a little artistic liberty with a couple. Some of the wording around some of them so that I could get it to be like a catchy song that I. The spirit is there. Trust me, if you heard it in the song, it's the sentiment of someone out there, probably most people out there. Let's be honest about It. TCB is terrible. All right? So for your own edification and at your request, in case you did not hear it, TCB is terrible. Or as Astrid said, it should be named worst to you.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, worst to you.

[Tina Tannen]

Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. The co host is asleep. She's pretty dull. Why people like the show? Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck they talking about?

[Chris Hoadley]

I turn it off when it starts.

[Tina Tannen]

TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian mouth.

[DJ Dan]

I remember that one.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's good. This podcast is fucking sad.

[Tina Tannen]

Is this what we think is funny now? How do I turn it off? My ears are saying, ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I did.

[DJ Dan]

In my defense.

[Chris Hoadley]

In my defense.

[Tina Tannen]

That is being kind. Both the hosts are hideous. They left the funny behind. What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Brian is a hack. These two aren't funny. And so old. All the hype. How did this get made so many episodes, none of which are great. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I like the harmonization afterwards.

[DJ Dan]

Oh, it's great. It is fantastic. I love it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, my God. So great. Thank you, Udio Studio, for one of the. One of the laughs I'm getting this week, because that was great. And by the way, someone actually did say that in an email.

[DJ Dan]

Worse to you.

[Chris Hoadley]

No. Well, worse to you. That's a joke that many people have said. That's not particularly original. We say best to you, they say worst to you. Worst podcast ever. But they said I'm deaf in my defense. So the actual comment went, I kind of like this show, but I'm deaf in my defense. So if you're reading it, I guess it's okay.

[DJ Dan]

We just talked about the. In my defense too.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, in my defense. In my defense, if you have to be defended. If you're starting in my defense, then it's already bad. Like Chrissy said, in my defense, I have to be drinking at all these. I have to stay up till four in the morning. So anyway, thanks to everyone who's written in, having a lot of fun with it. It's a week full of musical charm here on the commercial break. Musical charm and disarm. Yes. And experimentation, for sure. So the P. Diddy trial started. In case you didn't know, in case you're living under a rock, the P. Diddy trial has started and wow, wow, wow. I mean, if one third, one tenth of what is being said is even close to the truth. And we're only on like day one or two. Yeah, but if one. First of all, the video with Cassie of her being dragged down the hallway by her hair.

[DJ Dan]

I saw it once and I can't watch it.

[Chris Hoadley]

It is in fucking tense, man. It's intense and it's awful and I'm sorry if you're a man, you're not a man if you treat somebody that way. You're not a man if you treat another human that way, let alone a woman. And I know that chivalry is dead and equal and all that other bullshit, but I just am a firm believer in chivalry. And one of those things is, is that you never touch a woman in anger for any reason except self defense. That's it. Period. End of sentence. And this does not look like self defense to me. And I don't think there's.

[DJ Dan]

Oh, no, he's like coming after her.

[Chris Hoadley]

He's coming after her. He's running after. He's dragging her by her hair. He's throwing things at her. And he's got a million bodyguards. He doesn't need any self defense. No, he is the opposite of self defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him. Even that right there is enough for me to say lock away. Put him away for a little bit. But then all of the other drama that has come out around this. So many people saying so many things that are just quite frankly, base, violent and nasty. P. Diddy was, is not the superstar, you know, R B mogul that we thought he was. I mean, I don't know who we thought he was, but.

[DJ Dan]

And I don't know, I don't think he was that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, who hot Who? Not you, not P. Diddy. He just wasn't. And now this is making me. I say all this.

[DJ Dan]

No, he seemed like. Like a fun loving guy that liked to party. Maybe it was a little bad boy. I mean, he had the whole bad boy records, but.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[DJ Dan]

I mean, I did not know all of that was hiding underneath the surface.

[Chris Hoadley]

He.

[DJ Dan]

For years.

[Chris Hoadley]

Decades. Decades.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

He certainly had a reputation for having a strong arm when needed. He certainly had a reputation for not shying away from threats or violence when he wanted to get something done or he thought you were wronged. I mean, the guy, that's the. That was the guy's whole image. Bad boy records and people who worked for him said he was a real tyrant at times. But until a year or two ago, I don't think anybody really could have conceived the depths at which. The depravity that was going on. And here's two things that I just think. This makes me think. Number one, did Diddy have anything to do with Tupac Shakur's death? Because if you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of that? And a lot of people for a long time have believed that he had something to do with it.

[DJ Dan]

I'm sure there's some. Some kind of involvement, some kind of.

[Chris Hoadley]

But then number two, and I think maybe even more damning, how many people went to these parties and knew that this shit was going on and have not ever and not now said a fucking word? Nobody. Nobody. No. Famous person? No. Beyonce? No. I mean, I could. You could go on. You could name people forever up to and including, I don't know, the other day I saw like Seinfeld or somebody was at these parties.

[DJ Dan]

I can't remember the people were at these parties. It was a big deal every year, his white party. And I mean, I think there's a difference between going to a party and, you know, mingling around.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[DJ Dan]

Having some drinks and leaving. And then what was happening behind the scenes at these parties are after the party.

[Chris Hoadley]

Couldn't agree with you more. Being there doesn't implicate you in some crazy, illegal, violent sex party. That's not the truth. But there are certainly people who went to those parties who had to have known something was going on or participated in something or were forced to do something or were part of something. And no one, and I mean no one in the celebrity, you know, group of celebrities, big gold blanket here, has said a fucking word. No one. The only person I have heard that has talked about this is Howard Stern.

[DJ Dan]

And what did he say?

[Chris Hoadley]

This is what he said. And this is Howard's story. And so I might be bastardizing it, and you can text me and tell me if you know that you know something different. But what he said was he was invited to one of these white parties and that he went and that he was put in a cordoned off area at the house and he was not allowed to go to any other part of the house. And the cordoned off area where he was was not like where all the other big time celebrities were. That he was kind of just like shoved in a corner and had to stay.

[DJ Dan]

Like, with what? Like a little rope?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, like with a rope.

[DJ Dan]

And he's.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, that's. That's the way he tells the story. And that he was like, you know.

[DJ Dan]

Not in a corner, I'm sure. Why would he he wouldn't stay.

[Chris Hoadley]

He didn't stay.

[DJ Dan]

He left.

[Chris Hoadley]

I mean, I would, too. Yeah. I'm not gonna. You bited me here to put me into a corner. I can't even go into the house. What are you talking about? That's the kind of thing that happens to Brian Greene and Howard Stern. Because I have been to parties.

[DJ Dan]

Where they put you in a corner.

[Chris Hoadley]

I have waited so long to tell this story. It wasn't you. I don't think that went. Did you go with me to the party at the house in the mansion at Simcoe fm?

[DJ Dan]

No, I did not.

[Chris Hoadley]

All right, all right. I'm gonna tell this story in a few minutes. On the opposite side of the break, I'll tell a story, and you will be fascinated.

[DJ Dan]

I remember hearing about this, man, the.

[Chris Hoadley]

My sweet 16 party that I ended up showing up at, and not because I knew that it was a my sweet 16 party.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah. I did not go with you.

[Chris Hoadley]

All right, I'll tell you this story. Oh, it was me and Cam. I think. I think it was me and Cam that ended up duped into going to my sweet 16 party. And let me tell you about this party. I will in just a few minutes. But if you go to a party and they're coordinating you off and there was, like, security, armed security, not letting Howard go anywhere.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Why? Why wouldn't he be able to go anywhere?

[DJ Dan]

Because he's a huge mouthpiece.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's right. You got it. You got it. Because he is a huge blabber fucking mouth. Just like no one's ever gonna tell Brian a secret. My family stopped talking to me because they don't want to hear it on the air. They don't want to hear it on the radio. This is just like. It befuddles me. And no one has come out in the defense of any of these alleged victims, and no one has come out.

[DJ Dan]

I mean, I think other victims have come out in defense of the other victims. No one's coming out in defense of him.

[Chris Hoadley]

No one's coming out in defense of him.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, because I think everyone pretty much knows they got his number when you have 65,000 gallons of lube in your basement.

[DJ Dan]

Well, yeah. And this isn't just one person. This is tons of people coming out from 50, 60 over the years. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

What I'm. I guess my finer point is that none of these celebrities have come out like these people who are at the parties who may have known, who saw something, who could have just, like, had an inkling that something was going on like, you know, not everyone's super sharp, but a lot of people are, have good intuition and they go, so what's going on in that back room over there? And why are these people? And you know, why is this person, you know, completely plunked out? And why is that person doesn't have control over their arms and legs? Like.

[DJ Dan]

Well, I don't know. I mean, what I'm gathering is that was like a very, very inner circle, but basically the people that were in the room with these people that were drugged and incapacitated.

[Chris Hoadley]

Inner sanctum and your inner rectum. But I saw a video of like Leo DiCaprio at some of these parties and he was conked out. Justin Bieber and he was conked out. There's a lot of celebrities that were in like really weird states of mind that videos are now coming out from back in the late 90s, early 2000s. And they just look like they're in a different frame of mind altogether, like not their right mind. So anyway, listen, I guess it's all.

[DJ Dan]

Going to come out.

[Chris Hoadley]

Whatever the prosecution has against him. And listen, if this is a witch hunt, this is all alleged and innocent until proven guilty. I think one thing he's clearly guilty of is battering, that's for sure. Assault and battery without any doubt. Like aggravated assault and battery without any doubt. And for that there is indisputable evidence, indisputable proof that that happened. And he needs to have some time to think about that on his own. Right? And he needs to make amends for that. But if any of this other stuff is true, throw away the key now, if he's innocent, I'll be the first one to come on here and say they had it wrong.

[DJ Dan]

There's no way he's innocent. There's. There's smoke, there's fire. There's like so much evidence and so many people.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's it. It's.

[DJ Dan]

That's it.

[Brian Greene]

And you know, there's videos.

[DJ Dan]

He's not, not innocent.

[Chris Hoadley]

No. And you know, there's videos. You know, there's videos, pictures, pictures, whatever. Videos. People went home and took pictures of themselves battered, bruised in different states. You know that there's all kind of shit that's just going to come up to the wood, come up through the woodwork. And I think he knows. I think he knows that he's. That this is now got to be a. It's got to be a trial of public opinion. And that's the only way that he's going to win is if for some Reason. He gets the jury to believe that the government is after him for some reason. And we see that works all the time. So, you know, welcome to 20. 20 fucking 5.

[DJ Dan]

Let's have. Let's be optimistic.

[Chris Hoadley]

Let's be optimistic. Yeah, let's be optimistic that the prosecution gets this one. Right. And by the way, the government does go after people all the time that are innocent, so.

[DJ Dan]

Well, yes, there's that, but this.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm playing both sides of the fence. I'm like Perry Mason today. I'm like. I'm trying to. Trying to balance the. What do they call that? Balance the levers of justice. The scales of justice, Chrissy.

[DJ Dan]

Perry Mason.

[Chris Hoadley]

Perry fucking Mason, that's me. I am an investigator of. Of. With a keen eye and a good sense of smell.

[DJ Dan]

They're not going after somebody who's got that much money and that much power without cause.

[Chris Hoadley]

True story. And without a whole shitload of lube. That's all I gotta say.

[DJ Dan]

Big baby oil.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, Big Baby oil. Big baby oil is framing P. Diddy because they are. They have been moving oil across state lines illegally. And now Big lube is after P. Diddy. Big lube. Can a man enjoy his lube? Can a man have gallons? Can't a man take baths in lube? I literally have a lube Jacuzzi.

[DJ Dan]

Baby oil isn't even. Lube is the thing.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, but it is.

[DJ Dan]

I mean, it can be. It's not the proper lube.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's a. It's a. It's a tanning enhancer. That's what I like to call it. I have gallons of baby oil, too. I put it all over me before I go to the tanning bed. I slide right in and I slide right out. Baby oil is the worst kind of lube. If you're using baby oil for lube.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, that's. You're doing it wrong.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, well, it's like a last minute. Holy. What? Do we have anything in the house that could work, right? I'd rather use lotion before I use baby oil. That's all I gotta say. All right, well, those are my personal preferences.

[DJ Dan]

That's good to know, Mr. Mason.

[Chris Hoadley]

5:30. I sure hope the retirement village is listening.

[DJ Dan]

You can bet Judy is Joan.

[Chris Hoadley]

Joan. Yeah. Joan is definitely not on me. Yeah, I'm not worried about Joan. Well, that's true. Joan is on to me.

[DJ Dan]

She's gonna keep tabs on me.

[Chris Hoadley]

I bet you 1000 bucks that Joan hates me. But Owen thinks the show is great. Owen's listening. He's like I'll be right back. Joan. I gotta go to the grocery store. That's funny. He hasn't been to the grocery store by himself in 26 years. He's sitting out in the public's parking lot. Best to you, Brian. Best to you. All right, let's take a break and I'll tell the story about my sweet 16 party.

[DJ Dan]

I can't wait.

[Chris Hoadley]

We'll be back.

[Emma Greed]

Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us and reply then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the [e-mail] thecommercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game you wanna play. Come on. Bye.

[Brian Greene]

This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid iv.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love a beach trip and I' going on one.

[Brian Greene]

Can you hear in my voice just.

[Chris Hoadley]

How excited I am to get out of this studio?

[Brian Greene]

That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones. On warm beach days, Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take.

[Chris Hoadley]

On the activities and feel better for longer.

[Brian Greene]

Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my.

[Chris Hoadley]

Bag that I'm taking to the beach.

[Brian Greene]

There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hot. Hydrated flavors like lemon, lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my.

[Chris Hoadley]

Beach body slim and trim, I'll use.

[Brian Greene]

A sugar free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach or rainbow sherbet.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that.

[Brian Greene]

Turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when.

[Chris Hoadley]

You go to LiquidIV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout.

[Brian Greene]

That's 20% off your first order. Order with code [e-mail] get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquidiv.com and use the code commercial thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor.

[Chris Hoadley]

Of the commercial break.

[Kip Thordson]

I'm Emma Greed and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses. I've co founded a multi billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. Success. I've had the more people started coming to me with questions. How do you start a business? How do you raise money? How do I bounce back from failure? So it got me thinking. Why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How did they actually do what they do? I'm so incredibly lucky to know some of the smartest minds out there and now I'm bringing their insights along with mine, unfiltered directly to you. On my new podcast, Aspire with Emma Greed, I'll dive into the big questions everyone wants to know about success in business and in life. Through weekly conversations. You'll get the tangible tools, the real no BS stories, and undeniable little hacks that actually help you level up, Listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed and Odyssey Podcast. Available now. Wherever you get your podcasts, this episode.

[Brian Greene]

Is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand up, out and succeed online. Whether you're launching your first site or leveling up your business, Squarespace has everything you need. You can claim your domain, showcase your work with a beautiful professional website, and even get paid all in one place. Four versions of the Commercial Break website have been designed and built using Squarespace and one of my favorite things about Squarespace is how easy it makes offering services. You can set up a sleek, customized website that not only attracts clients, but also streamlines your workflow. You can schedule appointments, send on brand invoices, and even handle online payments. But we must talk about design because let's be honest, first impressions matter. With Squarespace's cutting edge design tools. You do not need to be a web designer to make something stunning. Their blueprint AI helps generate a custom website in minutes, or you can choose from their award winning templates and easily tweak them to match your brand. It's drag and drop simple, but the results look like you hired a professional. So if you've been thinking about building or upgrading your current website, now is the time. Head to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, you can use the code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com commercial and use the code commercial when you're ready to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace has long been a sponsor of the commercial break, and we endorse it because we use it. It helps entrepreneurs, content creators, small businesses and large businesses alike develop and design an online brand that is beautiful and functional. Squarespace.com commercial and use the code commercial and thank you to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of the commercial break.

[Chris Hoadley]

All right, real quick, there's a guy that I follow on. I don't follow him. He comes up my algorithm all the time because, you know, my algorithm. And he's just like, seems like a lonely Midwesterner. Maybe he lives in Canada. Not even sure. Here's how he looks. You know, maybe I'll send this video to Marco so he can put it up there. Seems like a nice enough guy. Likes to tell jokes. He just sits in his chair all day long and just reel after reel. Tells terrible jokes and says weird stuff into the camera, but nothing offensive. He doesn't get into politics. He doesn't talk about women in a. In a particularly terrible way. I mean, you know, he's just one of those guys. He just thinks he's funny, right? He's got his own audience. But to his defense, he's got already got way more likes than 99% of our posts. And this is the post here, let me play it for you to the tune of Gangsters Paradise. We've been spending most our lives watching streaming and eating potato chips. We've been spending most our lives watching streaming and drinking RC Cola. And he thinks that that's just great for him. He thinks that's funny. And listen, I would make it rhyme at least. But okay, whatever. To. To each their own. To each their own. So the year is the year and we have Chrissy and I have now left Clear Channel and I am working in marketing. I've started my own Internet marketing company. I can sell you SEOs.

[DJ Dan]

Top of the Googles.

[Chris Hoadley]

Top of the Googles. How about some pay per clicks? You know, those ones right up top, like you could pay to get there. And that's Gonna make boom. Your business out of control. 10X your business for $45,000 a month. Reporting. What's that? Chrissy sold SEOs, too.

[DJ Dan]

I did. I went to another. Another SEO company.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. One much. Anyway, whatever. That's not the point of the story. But then about two or three years into me owning this business with Rafael. Having this business with Rafael, I got a strange phone call from a mutual friend that had worked at Clear Channel with us. And the mutual friend says, there is a Nigerian oil man. Now, instantaneously, I'm skeptical, because Nigerian oil meant it doesn't necessarily have the best connotation in the world. Now, not that I want to paint all Nigerians the same way, but Nigerian oil scam is like the phrase you use when you've been duped online. That's what you use, right. I have $50 million in a bank account. If you could give me $5, then I could get you 5 million of it. You know, the whole thing. Anyway, yeah, so she says, there's a Nigerian oil man here. He's very prominent, he's very rich, and he has an idea to start an online radio station. Well, online radio stations at that time were just becoming kind of like a thing. Yeah.

[DJ Dan]

And they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station.

[Chris Hoadley]

Most of the time, they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station. You would take the feed from the terrestrial station, you would put it streaming on a website. You would, you know, you would go to the radio station's website, like, click, play, and then the feed would come up, the same feed you were hearing over air. That was revolutionary in the sense that you could be in Chicago and listening to Atlanta's radio stations, where before, you could never do that unless it was a clear night and the wind was blowing to the west or what. However the fuck all that shit works anyway. But what was becoming fad is for people, like individuals, to buy these, like, rather inexpensive licenses for music, and then they would have their own radio station online. They'd build a website, you'd press play, and they would be the one. They'd have their own radio station online, basically, is what was happening. And this is the. During the time of ustream, like very early live streaming technology. And this is before or right as podcasting is starting, like, maybe the same year. So podcasting is not a thing, certainly not like it is now. And this is kind of revolutionary, cool, cutting edge at the time. And he wants to start one, but he doesn't know how, and he has no idea who's gonna run it he just. This is an ego project for him, a vanity project for him. So. And I've told this story before, so I meet a man named Simon Guabadia. Now, those of you, there's gonna be just a few of you out there who are gonna know this if you're.

[DJ Dan]

A Real Housewife, if you're a Real.

[Chris Hoadley]

Housewives of Atlanta fan. That's right, you're going to know Simon Guabadia as the ex husband of Porsche. Porsche, who got married to Simon Guabadia after falling for the same scam that Simon has been running on everybody. That he is a Nigerian oil man who has millions and millions of dollars, who is a very successful human being who has created many businesses, all of them worth billions of dollars. There's only one problem. None of it is true. True. None of it. He actually is a guy from Nigeria that came to America illegally, got kicked out of the country, came back under a different name, got kicked out of the country again, came back a third time under a different name, and now he is currently sitting in a detention center, an ice. Detention center. Because Donald Trump don't play that. Homie don't play that anymore. So now the latest anybody has ever has heard of Simon is that he is sitting in a nice detention center center waiting to get deported back to wherever it is he came from or wants to go or they want to send him, and then he will never be allowed back in the United States. Once Porsche found all this out, she divorced him anyway. He also got us. He got. He scammed us. He told us we had hundreds of thousands. He asked me, how much was it would it cost to build an online radio station?

[DJ Dan]

And I mean well, too. He's like, picking you up in what.

[Chris Hoadley]

The Rolls or Rolls Royce Phantom?

[DJ Dan]

The Phantom.

[Chris Hoadley]

The Phantom. He's picking me up in a Phantom. He's driving me around town.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah. Going to the hottest restaurants, places, spending.

[Chris Hoadley]

All kinds of money, buying, you know, thousands of dollars in bottle services, taking me to studios, meeting famous people, parties with red carpets. He's wooing me to come over and work for him because I'm like, I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna leave the job that's paying me. Okay. Money. Yeah. I mean, let's be honest about it. I've never been rich, but, you know, I'm making a living.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I know what I'm doing, and I helped start this company, and I don't want to leave it for a wing and a prayer. And he is wooing me, showing me that he's got the means to not only pay for this, but make it happen the right way. And that's the one condition I had. I need a staff. This needs to be a job. You need to be able to at least provide one year of financing for this and then an additional six months. If it's not making its way at that point, then we can all say, maybe this didn't work, or we have to retool it. And he said, make me the budget and bring it to me. To which I did. And I'll never forget, I got this. I put the staff together from people that he knew and people that I knew. There was a big meeting at one of his restaurants that he, quote, unquote, owned, which turned out he never owned it in the first place. But anyway, I went. He was an investor, which meant that. That he pretended he put money into it, and then he took money out of the till to pay for Brian's bottle service at the hottest restaurants in Atlanta. And so I go upstairs. It's me and him and our mutual friend. We have this big meeting. I explained to him that this is gonna be between 6 and $800,000 on the low end for a year to pay for everybody and make this work. And he says. And he signs it, done deal. Right. Without questioning any of them. And I was like, I come back downstairs, there's, like, 20 people waiting for me, and I'm like, green light. Go, kids. Yeah.

[DJ Dan]

You're like, we're. We're doing it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, we're doing it. And within weeks, we had a space. We had bought equipment. We had the real deal. We did it the right way. We had, like, an actual radio station.

[DJ Dan]

I went over there quite a few times.

[Chris Hoadley]

Cameras, microphones, radio boards, thousands of yards of wire that somebody else helped me set up. Luckily, I mean, we just put it together. It was. It was an amazing feat. We did it in, like, two weeks, and we got that bad boy up and running. And we met many people along the way.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Celebrities and otherwise. A lot of the Real Housewives of Atlanta stopped by. This was a. What we called a genre free radio station. So every color, every race, every creed, every style of music, every. We had tons of different. It was kind of a good idea, like.

[DJ Dan]

Oh, yeah, it was. I mean, because there were, what, blocks of hours where people had their own shows.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[DJ Dan]

And it could be anything.

[Chris Hoadley]

Could be hip hop, it could be R and B and soul. It could be rock and roll. It could be. I did the morning show, essentially an early version of the commercial break, much worse, but an early version of the commercial break. And we would do that a couple hours in the morning and then late at night there would be. Louisiana. Reid's children were doing a show. Anyway, we met many people and one day Simon comes in with somebody that somebody related to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And, and, and right now, I won't, I won't say the name, but actually I'm gonna say the name Kim. Zak. Remember Kim?

[DJ Dan]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay. Early in the show's history, only in the Real Housewives of Atlanta history, there was a lady named Kim Zoliak who was on the show and she had a boyfriend and the boyfriend was married and the boyfriend was referred to as Big Papa. Big Papa was not almost ever on camera, but he was just known as Big Papa. But people who knew things here in Atlanta knew exactly who Big Papa was. He was a well heeled real estate developer, quote, unquote. Yeah, he was another Simon Gubadia turned out, but okay, all right. Simon comes in with this lady, not Kim, but another lady who is a person who is friendly with Big Papa. And they are going to throw a party. And this party is going to be covered by some of the biggest press outlets in the world. Elle magazine, Vogue, early tmz.

[DJ Dan]

I remember you talking about this party because I think you did try to get me to go.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, I think I did try to get you to go.

[DJ Dan]

I was like, no, I don't know what. Normally I would be right there with you. Yeah, I did not go.

[Chris Hoadley]

Rolling Stone magazine, everybody was going to be there. But the coup de grace was it was going to be filmed by MTV for a reality show for like a reality show about fancy parties, you know, big lavish parties that were gonna be thrown. And this was going to be thrown at a mansion directly across the street from the governor's mansion here in Atlanta. Now, if you know Atlanta, then you know that the governor's mansion is on a street called West Paces Ferry, which is the most expensive real estate in the state. It is. These are huge estates, opulent, crazy houses. Al Capone owned, bought a house for his wife right next to the governor. And it's like a six acre compound called like the Pink Mansion or the Pink palace or something like that. These houses are crazy. They're huge. Huge. But 32 rooms, that kind of shit. Yeah, so I see the address and basically the request is go cover it. Talk about it. Be there as a guest. A guest of honor was quote, unquote, a guest of honor. Brian Greene, President of Simcoe FM.

[DJ Dan]

Yes, yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

Morning show host extraordinaire on USTREAM to 110 people. Go cover it. What am I, Kurt Loder? I mean Dan Rather, Anderson Cooper? But at the moment I'm like sounded exciting. This is a, by the way, this is a birthday party. But it's going to be the bash of all bashes. You got to be there. It's at Big Papa's house, his personal house. And I thought to myself, well, how.

[DJ Dan]

Can I turn this down?

[Chris Hoadley]

How can I turn it down? Can I bring a guest? Sure, but give me the name. It's gotta be on the guest list. Okay, so I think I asked Chrissy. Chrissy said no or couldn't go or whatever the deal was. I think I asked another lady I was dating, okay, she said no or maybe she met us there later or something like that, I can't remember. But I asked Cam, who's my morning show co host guy to come with me at the time. And we go to this party in a cab and the cab drops us off in this crazy long driveway, this huge circular driveway. And I can see on the side of the house there's a red carpet, there are lights, there are, there's a big to do. And by the way, I think this is like February. It's like 42 degrees outside. It is freezing cold. Freezing cold.

[DJ Dan]

Cold for Atlanta.

[Chris Hoadley]

For Atlanta. Hey listen, 42. When it's nighttime and I think anywhere is pretty cold, but it's pretty bone chillingly to me. It's bone chillingly cold. So I'm dressed with a little sweater on figure.

[DJ Dan]

Dress for success.

[Chris Hoadley]

Dress for success. Chrissy. I had my best Doc Martens on your finest chain. I had my finest wallet chain. That's right. Only the finest wallet chain for you sir. Big Papa. So as we're pulling into the driveway I can see on the side of the house there's this little red carpet thing set up. Now the party, let's say it start. I don't know who knows this many years off but let's say it starts at 8:00. I think we got there 8:15, 8:30, knowing just to be a little fashionably late, right? So we get there and you know, I open the door and there's a guy standing there like we. It opens the door like near where the front of the house would be. This entire incredibly large mansion. Huge stairs leading up to the front door. There is a huge man standing there as I walk up to go to the front of the stairs. The Guy goes, here for the party? And I said, yes. Do you need my name? And I go, okay. And he goes, side of house. And I'm like, oh, okay. Side of house. I guess that's how we're entering the party. So we walked to, like, you know, football field over to the side of the house, and there's, like, mucky grass. We walk over to the side of the house. There's a little path. We get up to where I'd seen all the lights and the car and the carpet and the commotion. And Chrissy, I instantaneously know that I am in for not the night I expected, as what was going on was like, two rented lights, a rented heater, a backdrop that had been printed at Kinko's. Kinko's. It was hanging from a string by clotheslines. And the red carpet was not a carpet at all. It was cardboard, paper taped together.

[DJ Dan]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I was like, oh, okay. I guess this is how. And by the way, there is no one standing there. Not a soul. No cars parked in front. No one there. Not a soul. And I'm like, okay, I guess we have. I guess we should have been more fashionably late. We came a little bit too early. We walk down the red carpet. Someone pops out from behind a little clothesline, Kinko's thing, and is like, oh, hello. Are you on the list? And I go, I am Brian Greene, and who's with you? I said, cam, you know this guy Cam? And she goes, hmm. I see your name, Mr. Green, but I do not see Cam's name. Here, let me make a phone call really quick while we get the photographers over here. And I'm like, okay. Cam and I are looking at each other. We're like, okay, maybe we just. Yeah, maybe it looks better on tv. I don't know.

[DJ Dan]

We're here now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, we're here now. Might as well make the best of it. Yeah. They have to make a phone call to let us in. That's gotta be important, right? I mean, it's gotta be some kind of party. And even though this looks a little.

[DJ Dan]

Rinky, no matter of the cardboard I'm standing on.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, no, the cardboard. By the way, it's mucky and wet. So now we've just tracked mud all over the red carpet. We're the first ones to walk this red carpet. Red cardboard, I'm sure. The red cardboard. We're walking the red cardboard. So these terrible lights are, like, blaring down on us. I can see.

[DJ Dan]

I've seen those before where they're just like alternating and they're.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, they're. They're clinky and clunky and they're doing this. It's just terrible. And then you could see the clothes pins hanging, like holding this piece of flappy paper up and it's blowing in the wind.

[DJ Dan]

Step and repeat. Or they were taking pictures.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. Step and repeat. Step, but don't repeat. You might rip the cardboard. No repeating. Don't rip the red cardboard. Yeah, just step.

[DJ Dan]

Stand slightly.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. Can we put a towel down? So the girl is like behind the magic curtain and I can hear her on the phone and she's like, you.

[DJ Dan]

Know, the magic Kinko's curtain.

[Chris Hoadley]

The magic Kinko's curtain. And I'm standing on the red cardboard carpet and I'm like, I can hear her back there. And she's like, mm, mm, mm. Okay. Mm, mm. Wonderful. Okay, okay, okay. And then she pops her head back and she goes, well, I didn't get a hold of who I needed to get ahold of, but I'm going to allow it. And I was like, okay, and pictures, Are we supposed to take pictures? And she's like, I've called the photographer, please wait. And I'm like, oh, oh, okay. All right. Well, down comes from the front of the house, down comes running some light 15 year old dude with wild hair, like, dressed in jeans and a T shirt. And he's got like a. I don't know, like a Nikon. $35. Yes. And he's like, bazz, Bazz. B Z and Cam and I are just like, he doesn't tell us anything. So we're just like standing there and he's like, bz. Bazzit. Bazzit, like running around us taking pictures. And I'm like, wow, this is strange. And so then he stops and he starts to walk away. And I go, hey, is that like, are you the. What outlet are you from? And he goes, oh, no, I'm just taking pictures. And I go, I know. Are you from an outlet? And he's like, I don't get it. And I go, are you like from a magazine outlet? Are you from, like, is this for like, do you need my name or anything? You want to make sure you get the spelling right? You know, something like that. And he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. It's just gonna go. It's just gonna go in a collage. And I was like, a collage? What kind of collage is it gonna go in a collage? Like an art collage? Yeah. MTV does collages. That's what they're known for. They're collages. Collage. So now Cam and I are just looking at each other like, oh, God, at least we'll get drunk, right?

[DJ Dan]

Yeah. Like, where is the bar?

[Chris Hoadley]

Where is the bar? So I pop around the little thing and I go, can we go into the party now? And she's like, yes, yes. You're a little bit early. We're not expecting most of the big names for a little bit now, but there are some people in there. Please feel free to mix and mingle.

[DJ Dan]

It's me.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. And I go, wait, the big names are here? I showed up.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm me. And that cam is not even on the list. So I go, okay, all right, cool. And she goes, just right around the corner. And I'm like, okay. So we walk around this dark corner. No lights, no nothing. We walk around this dark corner. There's like two wrought iron gates. We walk into a little plaza area. Then you open up this, like, black door. This gate essentially an outdoor gate. You open it.

[DJ Dan]

Surprise.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's a courtyard. Yeah. Surprise.

[DJ Dan]

You're on cantic camera.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. Happy birthday. We open up this black door, and it's a pool with a courtyard around it.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And the house is like abutting two, like, two sides of it is the house. And then there's like a little pool house to the left and a brick wall around it. So we're talking like half a football sized field area right here. Right. And there are. And I shit you negatively. 50, 50 children under the age of 18 all hanging around like, this is a Sadie Hawkins dance and no one has been asked to do it. Like, it is the most unbelievable scene. Cam and I are like, dj?

[DJ Dan]

There had to be a dj.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not yet.

[DJ Dan]

No, no. Oh, not yet.

[Chris Hoadley]

But it started quickly after we got there, and it was like, DJ Dan brings you all the best from the 90s. And today your DJ Dan is starting in five minutes. And I'm like, holy shit. This is like a cruise ship for teenage. Like, we showed up at the. At a teenage nightclub. What is this? What are we doing? I look at Cam and I go, oh, my God, what is this? Like, these are kids. These are children. What are we doing here? And Cam's like, I don't know, dude, get to the bar, bro.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'd be saying.

[Chris Hoadley]

Immediately. I'm pissed off. I'm like, I don't know what's going on here. Maybe this is like the children of the celebrities hanging outside. Maybe they have like a. This is the playpen area. This is the area for. Right. All the.

[DJ Dan]

The big party. The main parties aren't even inside. Yeah. This is the children's table.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know it's got to be inside. I know it in my head. I'm like, it's inside. It's just. Don't worry about it. It's inside. Come on. Come on, Cam, let's go. Let's find the bar. Let's get in here so I can hear DJ Dan. You know, DJ Dan does all the parties, weddings and bat mitzvahs. Call DJ Dan 7777777. He's like, doing commercials for himself, testing the microphone. And I'm like, oh, my God. Meanwhile, there's one large speaker stuck on a stick outside facing the pool. That's the sound system going on in here. And there's like those rented twirly lights going all around.

[DJ Dan]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm trying to figure out what the scene here is. And all I can think of is the scene is these are the children of the people who are at the party. And it's just a weird mix.

[DJ Dan]

We've been directed.

[Chris Hoadley]

We've been directed into the kids angle. Now it makes sense. They thought I was like the high school teacher. The collage, the whole thing. They're doing an art project.

[DJ Dan]

Cardboard.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. I needed to go to the other side of the house where the adults are going in.

[DJ Dan]

You went to the wrong side?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. That's where Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear have showed up. I showed up. You know, I don't know. With that kid from Malcolm in the Middle. Like, I showed up on that side of the house. But it's okay. I'll figure it out. I'm determined. I'm here. I got a cab back. Then you didn't call an Uber. You called a cab. It was gonna take a half an hour. Might as well find the bar and get a shot of Jagermeister before you leave, right? All right. Okay. So let's take a break and I'll tell the rest of the story. We'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10:00.

[Emma Greed]

Hi, Cats and Kitt. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak Endlessly into the void like Brian. Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433.3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com thecommercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. Now I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously. Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Brian Greene]

This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid iv.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio?

[Brian Greene]

That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones.

[Chris Hoadley]

On warm beach days.

[Brian Greene]

Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great and I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach. There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon, lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my.

[Chris Hoadley]

Beach body slim and trim, I'll use.

[Brian Greene]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[Brian Greene]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[Brian Greene]

And use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code [e-mail] get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquid IV.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV IV for being.

[Chris Hoadley]

A sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry. It's just how easy it is to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are.

[Brian Greene]

For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted, but.

[Chris Hoadley]

In reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Yeah, 99%. So maybe now you'll think twice before.

[Brian Greene]

Judging a book by its cover. Unless it's a celebrity cookbook.

[Chris Hoadley]

In that case, judge away.

[Brian Greene]

Based on the February 2024 Nelson Report.

[Chris Hoadley]

Learn [e-mail] credit card. All right, so here it is. Me and my buddy, We've entered into the wrong side of the house. We've entered into the teenage part of the party, but we're going to find the adult part of the party. But the thing is, is that I, like, I can see up into the house, and I don't see a whole lot of lights on or anything. So I'm. But it's a huge house. So I'm thinking I just got to get in there and find the party maybe, you know.

[DJ Dan]

Sure.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's another wing of the building. Building. So I find my way into. I find my way to where this DJ Dan is. I can see him on a picnic table inside of a basement. He's got his equipment set up. I can see him in there. So I go and I grab the door to open it, and it gets pulled right away, closed back like it's a big glass door. And someone jumps right in front of it and pulls it back. And I was like, oh, sorry. And then he cracks the door open a little and he goes, yeah. And I go, yeah, I'm here with the party. Like, Simon, I got invited to the party. I'm supposed to be here covering it. Oh. Oh, you with that Simon guy? I said, yeah, I am. He told me to come here. All right, Simon guy. Okay. And then someone goes, I guess, man. And he's like, all right, man, come on. But you go, only in this room. Room. And I was like, oh, okay. All right. Only in this room, I guess. All right. So he opens the door. Cam and I go in. He closed the door right behind us. And he goes, you're only allowed in this room. That's it. That's all we've rented. And I go, that's all you've rented? And he goes, yeah, this is all for the party. That's what's rented is this room. And I was like, wait, this room and the outside? And he goes, yeah, that's a party. And I go, okay, can you explain to me what this party is? And he goes, I don't know. I'm just here for security. And I go, oh, okay. And where is the bar? And he goes, well, couple of us. A couple guys got some beers over there in the cooler. And I go, a couple guys got some beers in the cooler? That's the bar. The bar is. A couple guys got some beers and a cooler. And he's like, I don't know, man. Talk to dj. He seems to know what's going on. Okay, all right.

[DJ Dan]

Hey, Dan.

[Chris Hoadley]

DJ Dan. So I go up. He's like, you know, he's got that headset in, and he's doing a wiki wiki, wiki wiki. He's like doing his sound check or whatever, you know, you can't hear anything, but he's doing this whole thing. And so I walk up and he's like doing this whole number. And he goes. He points his finger up. One minute. One minute. Yeah, he's doing this whole thing one minute again. And I'm like, okay, all right. One minute. Like a third time now. It's like three minutes I've been standing there like a fucking moron to talk to DJ Dan, the bar mitzvah DJ at a party where Rolling Stone is supposed to be covered. Where is Richie Sambora? So finally, he takes the headset off and he goes, what's up, dude? And I go, hey, DJ Dan. What is this party all about? And he goes, Sweet 16, baby. And I go, Sweet 16? And he goes, it's sweet 16 party. And I go, It's a sweet 16 party. I thought MTV was gonna be here. And he goes, well, they applied to be on that show, my sweet 16. So they got, like, a camera crew running around to take some footage. Hopefully, they're gonna.

[DJ Dan]

I remember that show.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. They're gonna do it over at a different location, I think. And this is where. I swear to God, he says, I think they're gonna try and do it at Diddy's at a different location, a different day. But this is, like, the primer. They're doing, like, a cut reel, like a hype reel. And I was like, they're doing a hype reel for my sweet 16. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, and this is rented. And he goes, just this room. And I go, just this room is rented. The whole party is outside where those kids are. And he goes. He goes, yeah. I go, is any adults showing up besides Me, you and the security guard making sure that this one room you've rented doesn't get bastardized. And he's like, yeah, I don't know, I've been told a lot of people are showing up, a lot of people. And I go like, who is showing up? And this is what he says. He goes, I'm not supposed to say this, but you know that guy from Bush? And I go, gavin Rossdale? And he goes, that's right, the one that's married to, you know, Gwen Stefani at the time.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I go, really? And he goes, word is Gwen's in town doing a record and he's been invited and he knows somebody. And he goes, so I'm supposed to keep that on the hush hush. But we're hoping. And I'm like, we're hoping. And he goes, it'd be good for the real. And I go, and I'm not talking about a reel for Instagram, I'm talking about like a VHS movie that they're gonna send to mtv, hoping amongst hope that they get picked for a Mine Sweet 16 showcase on it. And I was like, oh my God, whose kid is this? And he tells me, and I know the name of the lady. And so. And I'm not gonna say it here, but it's a Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I was like, okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, I'd like a beer now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks. You want me to chip in a couple bucks? I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me and you want me to pay a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. Guest of honor, guest of dishonor. So I throw a fiber down and.

[DJ Dan]

I grab whatever tags. I need a drink.

[Chris Hoadley]

Absolutely.

[DJ Dan]

And I grab two in order to.

[Chris Hoadley]

Make this yes tall boy Natty Ices. Meanwhile, a couple other people have managed to mole in here to like, you know, mull it in, right? A couple other adults in this room now. And so I'm just standing there and guy comes up to me really nice and he goes, goes, so did you know this was a sweet 16 party? And I go, I had no idea. And he goes, he goes, that was not on the invite. He said I was supposed to show up, but going to be the rager. And he. And then the rager, the a Rager. That's what he said. And I go, yeah, man, I was totally not thinking this was going to be this. And I go, I feel a little strange about being a guy in a glass encased room overlooking A sweet 16 party with a tall boy of natty ice, you know what I'm saying? While DJ Dan has to sound check on a picnic table. I don't know what's going on here. And he goes, yeah, man, this is not how it was pitched to me. He goes, so I think I'm just gonna head, but you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, no, no, I'm cool, You know, whatever. So him. Him. And he goes back over. He. I can see him, he's rolling up something. And Cam and I are standing there talking. DJ Dan starts the music, which is the most obnoxiously loud thing you've ever heard for a party that is like, you know, not even the size of my house. Honestly, it's not. There's, there's. There's no need for all this loudness, but it's just going on and on. And then all of a sudden I see out of the corner of my eye, like moving lights. And what, what happens next has gotta be probably one of the funnier things I've ever seen in my life. Life as a crew of four or five people with cameras come into the party and are running around with those lights on. Like the, you know, like the mountain monsters have on top of the camera.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're running around filming as if this is the Vietnam War. They are literally filming everything from head to toe, moving their cameras so quick, all quick cuts, moving around, you know, going over to people, handing a microphone to them. There's a girl who's talking all this other stuff. I'm like, oh, wow, okay. This is crazy. Crazy so instant. Instantly I'm like, we gotta bail.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah, let's.

[Chris Hoadley]

Let's get a cue. I get a cab, I call the cab. They're gonna be here in 20 minutes, so let's finish these beers, let's get out of here. DJ Dan's loud. I'm not gonna be in some Sweet 16 super cut. Like, I'm just not gonna do it. Let's get out of here. And as we're leaving, as we open the door and now we're leaving, we get caught by one of the cameras, right? Like, you know, the guy's just doing this whole number around our heads and I'm like, oh my God. As we're trying to walk, I Don't know what to do.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

So I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to leave. And he's like, hold on, hold on. We got to get. We got to get some words from you. Words from you. Who are you? And I go, jason. Jason. That's my name. Jason. This girl comes running over with that microphone, little. Little like a tape deck recorder on her thing. And she's. She's like, what does it feel like to be at Daniella's birthday party? And I'm like, it's congratulations on turning 16. It really has been quite the surprise. We've all been very surprised about the turnout tonight. Me especially, I've been very surprised. And she's like, any words of wisdom for the birthday girl? And I'm like, make your invites more clear next time. I don't know. What do you want me to do? Actual carpet. Ready? Carpet. And as I'm leaving, I see two of the Real Housewives getting out of their car, getting. Walking the red cardboard carpet. And they have their own camera crews.

[DJ Dan]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Following them around.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Doing shot, you know, cameras, video, the whole nine yards. One of which I know. And so I wait for a second so I don't get in the middle of the it, but I'm still headed out the door. Like, I don't care who showed up. I'm out. This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and camp. We're going to go an adult place. But as she turns the corner, she's like, oh, hey, I'm so glad that you came. I'm so glad Simon invited you. So what I was thinking is you can do, like, a little birthday, like, little speech when the cake comes. Do a little birthday speech. And then I want you to talk a little bit on the camera. And then I want you to do a little number, a little song, you know, little thing, little song and dance. And I go, hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I actually just called a cab. I had no idea that this was a sweet 16 party, and I am not 16. Like, this is just. I just don't feel comfortable being here. I apologize. I don't want to do that. I'm sorry. And she goes, but Simon told me if I put you on the guest Listen that you would come here and you would do this whole, like, kind of be like the, you know, the thing of the night and, like the MC of the. And I was like, the jester. Yeah, the court jester. What am I supposed to do, entertain a bunch of 16 year olds. How do I do that? DJ Dan's doing just a fine job. All the 16 year olds seem just as uncomfortable as they did before DJ Dan started playing. They're all in little corner, they're all in their little groups hanging out around a cold pool. By the way, it's 42 degrees outside and I've dressed to be in an inside party. I gotta go, I gotta go. And she's like, I'm really disappointed. And I thought you were gonna stay. I said, listen, no one told me what this was, so I thought I was coming to like an adult party where someone had told me that Rolling Stone magazine was gonna be here. And she's like, oh, oh, they still might show up. And I was like, no. Rolling Stone magazine writer and the history of Evelyn has covered a 16 year old's birthday party for a Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm sorry, it just has never happened. And I go, listen, no offense, but there's not even a bar here. It's DJ Dan's personal stash of beer that he brought in a rollaway igloo. I'm sorry, but this is not my vibe. And I was indignant about it. And when we were leaving, here's the best part. When we were leaving, we got boxed up in like the cab got boxed in. So the cab's all. He doesn't know what to do. So he's like, I don't know what to do. Da, da, da. And these people have the nicest lawn you have ever seen in your entire life. And I said, roll over the lawn, go through it. Get me out of here. And he left tracks all the way to the street. I mean, that guy just tore up the grass from one end to the other. And I couldn't have been more happy about because I figured, well, I got duped, but at least I put a few dents in Big Papa's blonde. And that, my friends, is why you always should double check your invitations.

[DJ Dan]

Oh yes, that tracks with the the whole era.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, that was the sim Colmcolla FM was a comedy of errors and one wannabes. Quite frankly, me being one of them, I'm not putting myself on a pedestal here. We all were hoping amongst hope that for some reason this was the magic bullet that would send us all to fame and success. And I really thought this, this was another stepping stone to get there. I was gonna be filmed at this luxurious party with celebrities. And what I found out was Big Papa has no furniture in his House. That's what I figured out.

[DJ Dan]

Right.

[Chris Hoadley]

He wasn't even there.

[DJ Dan]

No, of course he wasn't.

[Chris Hoadley]

He wasn't even there. They rented the fucking property. That's. And not even the whole property. The pool and the room. Yeah. DJ Dan needed warmth. DJ Dan was smart. He got paid to show up. Yeah, he was the only one that got paid to show up.

[DJ Dan]

And a security guy.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. Anyway, very interesting. Very interesting.

[DJ Dan]

Years later, that has made the commercial break. So you know what? That was the. Listen, the payoff.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was funny when Cam and I got drunk later on that night. Of course, it's even funnier now.

[DJ Dan]

Remember, you call up me the next day, you're like, you're never going to play. And I'm expecting, like, oh, wow. You know, it was that good. You're like, no, no.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was a sweet 16 birthday party. And I could not have been more mad at our mutual friend because she had a lot to do with me showing up there because I was a little reluctant because I really didn't know what to expect. And she was like, oh, my God, you gotta go. Like, this is like, this is gonna be the it party of the year. And I'm like, the it party of the year. Don't even know what that means, but okay, I don't want to miss it. Yeah, God forbid I miss it. Anyway, turns out I don't think that girl ever got her Sweet 16 MTV show, but either did I. So there you go. Fair enough. All right. 212-4333. TCB 212433 3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? Or call us on the 31st of May to be on the 12 hours of TCB. TCBpodcast.com all the information and your free swag. And YouTube.com thecommercial break for all the videos the same day. They air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today?

[DJ Dan]

I think so.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[DJ Dan]

I love you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

[Rachel]

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[Unknown]

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[Chris Hoadley]

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[DJ Dan]

I.