EP 113: The Secret to Loving Your Business—Even When It’s Driving You Crazy

Podcast: The Conscious Entrepreneur | Leadership, Self-Awareness & Mindset
Host: Sarah Lockwood
Guest: Debbie King, Business Mindset Coach & Author
Date: November 3, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Sarah Lockwood delves deep with business mindset coach and author Debbie King into the cognitive psychology tools that fundamentally transform an entrepreneur’s relationship with their business. Centered on Debbie’s book Loving Your Business, the conversation unpacks how self-awareness, structured thought models, and conscious emotion management not only combat burnout and resentment but pave the way to sustainable entrepreneurial fulfillment—even during the hardest, most frustrating moments.

Together, they break down practical, actionable ways founders can shift from feeling trapped or overwhelmed by their companies to loving their work and achieving better results. The episode balances theory with real-world application, equipping listeners with the “model” for reflective leadership, better team relationships, and strategic business resilience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Consciousness in Business (00:00–02:17)

• Sarah introduces Debbie and frames the discussion: a thriving business begins with a thriving entrepreneur.
• Debbie emphasizes, “You can’t fix what you’re not aware of. So right away you must be conscious in order to make a change.” (01:30)
• The episode focuses on a core tool from Debbie’s book: the five-part “model” for understanding how your internal world shapes business results.

2. Introducing “The Model”: Five Components of Experience (02:17–07:55)

Debbie explains the model’s five elements:

1. Circumstance: Objective, irrefutable facts—always neutral.
   • “A circumstance is always a fact… something that is irrefutable and could be proven, say, in the court of law.” (03:32)
2. Thought: The meaning your mind assigns to circumstances—shaped by beliefs.
   • “These thoughts are not facts. They are optional interpretations that make us feel bad. And when we feel bad, that’s a problem.” (04:51)
3. Feeling: The energetic, emotional response your thoughts generate.
   • “Feeling is the energy, and energy is everything... feelings are the fuel for your actions.” (05:48)
4. Action: What you do (or don’t do) because of your feelings.
   • “If you’re feeling doubt, fear, or frustration... you’re not going to do the thing, you’re not going to take the risk.” (06:50)
5. Result: The outcome, including both what is done and the energy behind it.
   • “How you feel while you’re doing it affects the quality of the result... it comes with collateral damage.” (07:20)

3. Applying the Model for Business Relationships & Growth (07:55–14:02)

• Debbie elaborates: Four key relationships define your business experience—yourself, your team, your customers, and your solutions.
• Example: If you think “No one does it right,” you’ll likely feel frustrated, over-manage your team, and stifle growth.
  • “We are so negative about ourselves, doubting ourselves all the time, thinking we’re not doing it right. These things... actually affect the quality of our relationship with the business.” (10:34)
• The model isn’t a one-time insight but a continual practice—what you repeatedly think and feel becomes your “default model.”

4. Practical Use: Developing Awareness & Changing the Script (14:02–21:15)

(a) Thought Downloads and Emotional Awareness

• “If you have a very active mind, which most founders do... you don’t realize you’re thinking—just like a fish in water.” (14:17)
• Debbie urges listeners to notice negative feelings and, in the moment, ask: “What am I thinking?” Journaling or recording these can reveal origin thoughts.
• Debbie: “A negative emotion is a result of focusing on what you don’t want... It’s that simple.” (15:51)

(b) The Real Goal: Generating Desired Feelings

• We chase outcomes (money, success) for how we hope they’ll make us feel. The secret is to cultivate that feeling now.
  • “If you can create that feeling in advance... you get the feeling you want before you actually have the result. And that makes the process so much easier. Well, that’s the secret, actually, because that’s the secret to everything.” (16:44)

(c) Structuring Your Thought Exploration

• Use the “C-T-F-A-R” (Circumstance, Thought, Feeling, Action, Result) structure to disentangle and rewire patterns.
  • “You can use the model as a template... plug it in at any part and move up or down.” (18:16)
• The model is both linear (a sequence) and cyclical (each result becomes the next circumstance).

5. Visioning, Future Self, and Rewriting Beliefs (21:15–26:59)

• Debbie introduces “working backward” with the model: Put your desired outcome in the Results line, then identify:
  1. What actions that future “you” would take,
  2. What feelings would drive those actions,
  3. What thoughts produce those feelings.
• “Who you are being is always more powerful than what you’re doing. Who you are being will drive what you do.” (24:31)
• Debbie references quantum mechanics—“everything is possible”—to inspire a mindset of choosing possibility over limitation.

6. Transforming Frustration into Strategic Insight (26:59–32:29)

• Debbie reframes frustration as a signal of business risk (deliverability, complexity, overdependence on the founder, etc.).
  • “Everything that frustrates you is a risk... you can turn it into a scavenger hunt.” (26:59)
• Simplifying, systemizing, and productizing services are key steps. “If you think ‘I can't do that,’ that’s going to be your reality. But if you think ‘How can I?’... Then you start to have a different feeling and a different energy.” (29:35)
• Curiosity and challenging your own limiting beliefs become vital skills.
  • “Play the debater... ask, is there ever a time that this isn’t the case for anyone else?” (30:50)

7. Processing Negative Emotions and Letting Go of Judgment (32:29–34:18)

• Don’t suppress difficult feelings; surface and analyze them with compassion.
  • “People who try to like push it down is like pushing a beach ball underwater, like, it is totally going to pop back up again.” (32:54)
• “Be kind and gentle... the point is to surface the awareness and to notice what is this signal telling me?” (33:32)

8. Separating Drama from Data—Neutralizing Results (34:18–37:36)

• Results are neutral—just data, not evaluation of self-worth or the team.
  • Debbie: “The number one mistake... is that we forget that all results are also neutral.” (34:28)
• Structuring evaluation (what went well, what to change, what you learned) leads to improvement, not shame.
• Debbie likens the entrepreneur’s process to agile software development: “Evaluate results and iterate.” (36:06)

9. Subconscious Resistance & The Necessity of Self-Compassion (37:36–40:13)

• Debbie notes: If your subconscious associates business growth with more pain (burnout, deprivation), it will resist growth.
  • “If you think that you’re already suffering now... your subconscious brain is going to keep you from trying to grow it because it thinks you’ll have more pain.” (38:23)
• Solution: Consciously choose kinder, more empowering thoughts; practice self-compassion and love. “Loving your business means loving yourself, your team, your customers and what you do.” (39:15)

10. The Ultimate Takeaway (39:44–40:13)

• “Your outer reality is going to be reflecting your inner reality. So the way you think and feel inside affects what you do and what the results are on the outside. It’s a job of becoming aware, becoming conscious, and it’s totally within your control. That’s the best news.” (39:44)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Debbie King (On thought awareness):
  “You can’t fix what you’re not aware of. So right away you must be conscious in order to make a change.” (01:30)
• Debbie King (On mindset’s role in outcomes):
  “These thoughts are not facts. They are optional interpretations that make us feel bad. And when we feel bad, that’s a problem.” (04:51)
• Sarah Lockwood (On conscious business design):
  “Once you’re aware of what you’re thinking... it’s a choice. The default model doesn’t have to be the way that you think about any of these models.” (13:10)
• Debbie King (On negative emotions):
  “A negative emotion is a result of focusing on what you don’t want... It’s that simple.” (15:51)
• Debbie King (On the “meta” concept):
  “Who you are being is always more powerful than what you’re doing. Who you are being will drive what you do.” (24:31)
• Debbie King (On watching for business risks):
  “Everything that frustrates you is a risk... you can turn it into a scavenger hunt.” (26:59)
• Debbie King (On judgment and self-compassion):
  “Be kind and gentle... the point is to surface the awareness and to notice what is this signal telling me?” (33:32)
• Debbie King (On results):
  “The number one mistake... is that we forget that all results are also neutral.” (34:28)
• Debbie King (Concluding insight):
  “Your outer reality is going to be reflecting your inner reality... and it’s totally within your control. That’s the best news.” (39:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:17 | Consciousness as the bedrock of leadership
• 02:17–07:55 | The “C-T-F-A-R Model”—explanation and breakdown
• 07:55–14:02 | Applying the model to all business relationships
• 14:02–21:15 | Journaling, emotional awareness, and choosing new thoughts
• 21:15–26:59 | Visioning, “future self,” and aligning identity with action
• 26:59–32:29 | Reframing frustration and risk; productizing services
• 32:29–34:18 | Embracing difficult feelings and self-compassion
• 34:18–37:36 | Treating results as feedback, not personal drama
• 37:36–40:13 | Subconscious resistance, self-kindness, and the power of conscious inner work

Final Thoughts

This episode delivers a thoughtful, actionable blueprint for founders feeling stuck, burnt out, or disconnected from their own business. By harnessing awareness, examining and redirecting habitual thoughts, and intentionally recasting feelings and actions, leaders can realign with their companies, build healthier work environments, and—crucially—fall back in love with the journey of entrepreneurship.