EP 124: Emotional Self-Regulation for Leaders - Part 2 Interrupt Fear With Curiosity (Replay)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Conscious Entrepreneur — EP 124: Emotional Self-Regulation for Leaders - Part 2: Interrupt Fear With Curiosity (Replay)
Host: Sarah Lockwood with guests Marina, Sue Holutski, and Beck Seidow
Date: January 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is the second in a series on emotional mastery for entrepreneurs, focusing specifically on the role of curiosity as a tool for emotional self-regulation. Host Sarah Lockwood, alongside coaches Marina, Sue Holutski, and Beck Seidow, dives into practical techniques for transforming moments of fear into opportunities for growth, presence, and leadership. The conversation offers actionable practices that leaders can use personally and with their teams to create psychologically safe, resilient workplaces.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Bridge from Fear to Curiosity

• Fear contracts, curiosity expands: Fear is described as a physiological and mental contraction (tight chest, narrowed perspective), while curiosity opens up possibility and reconnects the leader to choice.
  • Quote — Marina (01:48):
    “Curiosity is that antidote to [fear]. It's sort of the, the expansion that follows after the contraction if you can have awareness.”
• The process:
  • Notice fear as it arises.
  • Pause to cultivate curiosity instead of judgment.
  • Use curiosity to return to clarity and choice.

2. Consciousness and The Power of the Pause

• Moving from the amygdala (fear center) to the prefrontal cortex (decision making and self-awareness) is vital.
  • Quote — Sue (02:45):
    “When we become aware of that, and then we move toward curiosity... we do need to be in the prefrontal cortex to ask that question. The amygdala is not capable of that.”
• The act of pausing is emphasized as a powerful tool to “seed” curiosity in stressful moments.

3. Curiosity Questions: Self-Inquiry as a Leadership Skill

• Sample powerful questions:
  • “What else is true?” (Sue, 03:40)
  • “What story am I telling myself right now?” (Marina, 04:32)
• Not about denying fear, but expanding perspective and possibility.

4. From Judgment to Expansion

• Curiosity cannot exist in the presence of judgment. Leaders should train themselves to recognize and release self-judgment to create space for curiosity.
  • Quote — Marina (07:30):
    “Curiosity can't exist where judgment exists. They don't hold the same space.”
• Turning curiosity into a ‘game’ or enjoyable self-inquiry practice.

5. Making Curiosity Portable: Practical, In-the-Moment Techniques

• These skills and practices are not reserved for reflective solitude but are portable and can be used in real-time, such as during meetings or high-pressure scenarios.
  • Quote — Sue (08:35):
    “What Marina and I help people do is discover portable, practical, and accessible practices.”
• Awareness of body and gaze (“edges exercise”): When in a stress response, your gaze may narrow. Expanding your field of vision physically can help create mental openness.
  • Quote — Marina (13:49):
    “Literally just sitting in a meeting and recognizing how far do I see? What are the edges of my field?... Can I expand my view peripherally?”

6. Modeling Curiosity as a Leader

• Leaders should welcome their present-moment experiences, even difficult ones, with a sense of openness (“this too”), using a gentle, self-encouraging inner tone.
  • Quote — Sue (10:49):
    “It's happening anyway, so the welcome to it is this Too this too, right? This is happening...So it's a softening, right? A smile is not a stiff thing to do. It's actually a welcoming thing to do.”
• Curiosity should be practiced and verbalized in leadership. Sharing self-reflection with the team encourages a safe, collaborative atmosphere.

7. Bringing Teams Into Curiosity

• Invite teams into the leader’s practice: Say out loud, “I’m working on being more curious,” or share what you notice in real time.
  • Quote — Sue (15:23):
    “Actually invite your team into your own practice process to say, I'm working on being more curious. I've noticed that I can get in the meeting, I can get a little tight and I can get rigid and want to move the meeting along...”
• Use open-ended “how” and “what” questions instead of “why”:
  • “How might this look…?”
  • “What can I do to support you?”
  • Avoid “Why did we miss our number?” which is less generative.
  • Quote — Marina (18:04):
    “Why is this happening? Not really helpful. What can we do about it? Very curious. How can I support you? Open ended?”

8. Curiosity as Confidence

• When leaders choose curiosity in tense moments, they demonstrate confidence — both in themselves and in their team's ability to generate solutions.
  • Quote — Sue (19:31):
    “It is an expression from the leader of confidence... that the team can resolve it and that there's possibility here.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Curiosity is that antidote to [fear]. It’s the expansion that follows after the contraction.” — Marina (01:48)
• “What else is true?” — Sue (03:40)
• “Curiosity can't exist where judgment exists. They don't hold the same space.” — Marina (07:30)
• “What Marina and I help people do is discover portable, practical, and accessible practices.” — Sue (08:35)
• “It's happening anyway, so the welcome to it is this too, right?” — Sue (10:49)
• “How can I support you? Open ended?” — Marina (18:04)
• “It is an expression from the leader of confidence... that the team can resolve it and that there's possibility here.” — Sue (19:31)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• 00:00–01:48: Introduction; the interplay of fear and curiosity for leaders
• 01:48–02:45: Defining curiosity as expansion; its value in leader self-awareness
• 02:45–05:12: Sample curiosity questions; the shift from judgment to openness
• 07:30–08:20: The relationship between judgment and curiosity; self-inquiry as a ‘game’
• 08:35–09:59: Making self-regulation habits “portable” and “practical” for busy founders
• 10:49–12:23: Modeling curiosity and welcome in high-stress leadership moments
• 13:49–14:59: Somatic exercises — expanding your gaze as a stress-response tool
• 15:17–16:47: Modeling vulnerability and curiosity with your team in real time
• 16:49–18:21: Using better questions (“how” and “what” instead of “why”) to foster team curiosity
• 19:31–20:18: Curiosity as an act of leadership confidence
• 20:19–21:14: Wrap up and next episode teaser: self-honesty

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Actionable Takeaways

• Catch Yourself in Fear: Notice physical or emotional contraction as a signal to pause.
• Ask Powerful Questions: Shift from “why” to “how” or “what” — both for yourself and your team.
• Practice in the Moment: Use somatic tools (like expanding your gaze) to ground and reopen perspective during stressful meetings.
• Model and Verbalize Curiosity: Make your self-inquiry visible to your team. It invites psychological safety and collective problem-solving.
• Frame Curiosity as Confidence: Demonstrating curiosity, especially in tough situations, signals strength and generates possibility.

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This episode equips conscious entrepreneurs and leaders with practical, science-backed strategies for interrupting reactive patterns. The practices of curiosity and self-inquiry are presented as essential—not only for personal well-being, but for cultivating productive, inspired, connected teams.

Transcript

[A]

Fear shrinks our capacity, but curiosity reopens it. This is the second episode in our series on emotional mastery for entrepreneurs and today we're talking about curiosity. It's the skill that helps you reconnect to your choice, soften self judgment and return to clarity when things feel tight in your body. I'm joined again by Marina, Sue Holutski and Beck Seidow who coach founders on how to regulate their nervous systems and lead from a grounded present place. They if you missed the first episode on Fear and suffering, please go back and give it a listen and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you don't miss part three, which is about self honesty. Let's jump in. You're listening to the Conscious Entrepreneur and I'm Sarah Lockwood.

[B]

This is the only podcast completely dedicated to the well being of entrepreneurs. It's where we do the inner work to become the leaders our businesses truly need. A thriving business starts with a thriving you. Let's get into it. In this episode we are joined again by Beck and Marina to talk about the second stage. After we kind of find our fear and suffering and we have an opportunity to recognize that something's going on, the next step in this process is to become curious about it. So what I would love to know is you've, I've heard you talk about curiosity as a bridge between fear and possibility and that it's such an important thing to stop and sort of be curious about what is actually happening. Could you talk about why this moment is so useful and so valuable and why having that open mind creates new possibilities for us.

[C]

So we always like to talk about, you know, if we've been talking about fear and suffering is really a contraction in our experience. The tight fist, the, the, the tight chest. Curiosity is that antidote to it. It's sort of the, the expansion that follows after the contraction if you can have awareness. And so how do we identify, you know, the moments where we can be curious, where we might be telling ourselves old stories or maybe not stopping to take a breath to realize there's more available to us. That ability to expand, to be open, to take a breath is actually where the possibilities then start to come.

[B]

That pause is very powerful. Could you talk about maybe some of the curious questions or examples that you could, you know, maybe seed in our minds for when this happens to us?

[D]

Yes. And before we do that, let's talk about like we all care a lot about consciousness, right? So, so when we go from fear, that gripping amygdala we're pulling back, we're retracting. Right. We are not in our full experience. And so the curiosity move actually starts to help us have cognition, which is where we can start to understand being more conscious. Right. There's less consciousness when we're stuck in that fear, when we become aware of that, and then we move toward curiosity. We do need to be in the prefrontal cortex to ask that question. The amygdala is not capable of that. It has to allow that softness to happen. So one of the questions I love that really works, and I think you have to really develop your own questions. So whatever we offer here, hopefully will stimulate some way that you understand yourself in a way you can ask. I say better questions is, what else is true? And the inherent nature of that question that we can ask ourselves that moment we're aware something's happening. Okay, I'm kind of stuck in some fear here, and I say, what else is true? I'm not denying that whatever I'm experiencing about fear is untrue. Right. So the question is, what else is true? So we're not trying to push whatever the mind has brought to the forefront away. We're inviting the mind to say, we. What else? Do what? What else can I engage with? So that, by nature, is curious, and it shifts the kind of consciousness we have in that moment and that you can hear it. My voice, like, I just get so excited talking about that and watching people have experiences of that. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And a. Another version of that question, a similar train, is, what story am I telling myself right now? So there are two ways of kind of getting at very similar things. Noticing I'm in a story. Right. I'm in an autopilot response. Okay, Maybe I don't feel good enough in this moment. Maybe part of me isn't fully, you know, at my best, what else is true?

[B]

Right.

[C]

Understanding that there's something running and then bringing yourself to that prefrontal cortex, the ability to go, okay, what else? What else?

[B]

Well, and I do love that. The opportunity to choose what you believe and choose to believe or choose to think the thoughts that actually serve you versus the automated story that may actually do nothing but harm you. So, you know, what do you want to believe? What else might be true and maybe try to believe into that idea if it gives you an advantage.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

Well, and we're really talking about the move away from. We all know founders. We're entrepreneurs in our own rights, right? Senior leaders. When we talk about the word agency, right? We. We need more agency Often. And people are like, well, what does that word mean? Is like, can we be in the fullness of our experience? And so when we're in fear, right, when the amygdala is closed and can't soften, then we've reduced our ability to access agency. So the move toward curiosity helps us know we cannot manage this. Right. A lot of people want to, oh, I just need to come up with the skills to manage it. Right. Like, kind of get it in place and put it over there. It's like we actually need the skills to work with it. Right. To see it in a moment, to know that it's there, and then have the skills that invite us into our relationship with what's happening, which actually deepens our relationship with ourselves, which then helps us be in better relationships with all the people around us, whether they're the people we're leading in our companies or the kid that we're making a sandwich for that's having a meltdown before school.

[B]

When does all of this curiosity happen? Because as I'm thinking about these questions, they feel very reflective. They feel very like work, you know, to actually challenge your. Your automated ways of thinking or the. Your belief, even your belief systems. So to me, this sounds like something I need to go sit with my journal and a cup of tea and. And really think about. But we're talking about being really in the moment, right? Help me figure that out.

[C]

Yeah. So curiosity can't exist where judgment exists. They don't hold the same space. And what's happening when we say, I'm not good enough or. Right, I'm having a moment that Beck was just talking about. There's usually an accompanied judgment. If I'm telling myself a story about myself, there's usually a judgment hidden in the story. And so the game, you know, it's interesting because to me, it's, like, very, very fun to find these things.

[B]

It's actually really enjoyable once you know.

[C]

How to do it. The game is to go, okay, where's the judgment? Go looking for the judgment and go, okay, there's a judgment here. Cool. I can be with the judgment. Oh, and also, here's 17 other things that can exist when I drop the judgment.

[B]

Right? And this just might be your zone of genius, both of you. I think this has something to do with what you've chosen for your professions, because that does not sound fun to me. That sounds really hard to your point.

[D]

Around, you know, like, I need to go have some time with my journal. And that's not an incorrect way to think about it. Right. It is work. But when the work, when you start to have revelations, when you start to have insights and discernment and wisdom, when you practice, right. You can't hang out with Marina and I for five minutes without the word practice coming into the conversation. So there is some front end commitment around. Okay, you're practicing something anyway. It's just on automatic pilot. Do you have the interest and willingness to engage different practices that will shift your trajectory in any given moment? And I say all the time, what Marina and I help people do is discover portable, practical, and accessible practices. These aren't. I have to go to my journal, my meditation cushion on the vacation, Go get a mani pedi. Like all the things we do to take care of ourselves, Go run where we're not getting the full benefit of those things because we are also on some automatic turning inside of ourselves that we've laid into all the other automatic things we're doing. Yes, there's benefit to them, but we're not working with our mind often. So we're talking about learning to work with our minds.

[B]

So what does this look like in the moment I loved in episode one? If you haven't listened to episode one, go back and listen to that one.

[A]

We'll put the link in the show.

[B]

Notes, but you gave some modeling. What does this sound like? What does this look like when you're in a meeting, you're leading a meeting and somebody is challenging you or you've just gotten some terrible news, you know something has gone wrong and you're on stage here. And I loved how you shared a sound bite for like, wow, that's really upsetting news. I can feel my heart racing. I can feel I'm feeling a ton of stress about that information. And, you know, just you, you talked about being a vulnerable leader and sharing that. So when we're in this moment of curiosity, what does that look like and sound like in that same moment? Could you walk me through that?

[D]

And for me, it's welcoming what's here. So the tone, the attitude is, whatever's showing up is here anyway. Can I develop the skills and the practice to welcome it? And one of the things I love to do is just smile. Now, smiling is not always the right answer. Right. But when it is, it really works. And you can either physically smile when something difficult comes up or you can have an inner smile. And you can say this too, right? So one of the responses I love is that inviting, welcoming is. It's happening anyway, so the welcome to it is this Too this too, right? This is happening. And then, right. As we progress through this, we talk a little bit about active choice. The curiosity is important so that we have that precious moment of opportunity where the next thing we can put into our practice is make the next choice. So it's a softening, right? A smile is not a stiff thing to do. It's actually a welcoming thing to do. And the tone is, the way I've heard teachers of mine talk about it is it's like you were training a puppy and you speak to yourself that way, like, oh, okay, I'm upset right now. I'm having a hard time. Right? The tone is that encouraging, welcoming. It's not sappy, but it's, it's true. Like, ooh, this is tough. Or even like, you would speak to a child that was upset when you're your best self speaking to a child, right?

[B]

Yeah. And then, so what does this curiosity sound like? What, what does it sound like? What am I saying out loud? Yeah, I'm smiling through it.

[C]

And then what exercise in the, in the fear kind of part one that we described, how do we work with fear? Curiosity from a somatic perspective is an expansion. So body somatic, Right. So how do we introduce in the moment those portable, practical tools to recognize our own expansion? There's a, there's an edge. It's called an edges exercise. How do we find the edges of our own experience? And so you might again, just be sitting in a meeting, and you don't have to do anything except recognize how far your gaze is actually seeing. And this can happen two ways. Okay. So when we are in a stress response, some people have a very narrow gaze, so that you're only seeing exact, you know, it's like a pinhole almost. You can't see beyond. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm doing this wrong. I, I, I messed it up. You know, we're gonna fail. That's the only thing you can see because that's where your mind is going. It's the, it's the tight fist. It's the narrow view. And so literally just sitting in a meeting and recognizing how far do I see? What are the edges of my field?

[B]

Right.

[C]

And then what can you do if you go, deep breath. I'm clearly in a stress response. Can I expand my view peripherally? Can I maybe just take a quick look this way, this way? Just open my gaze.

[B]

Wow, that's a good one. That's a great tip. Nobody needs to see you doing that. It's easy.

[D]

Nobody knows what you're doing.

[C]

Nobody knows what you're doing.

[B]

And I think you guys also shared something at the Conscious Entrepreneur Summit, which was about kind of putting your hands on your lap. I don't know if that was necessarily around curiosity, but it certainly was a opportunity to just take a moment to. This would be a great time to kind of put your hands on your legs and expand your gaze so you can say, there's more out here. There's more out here. It's not just this one thing that I believe the story. I'm telling myself the story. They believe who, you know, even the other people in the room. So I think that's a. That's a really beautiful, actionable tip. So thank you for that.

[A]

I do.

[B]

I do want to know, as a person who's leading a team or who's trying to be vulnerable or authentic to your team and to help grow this sort of conscious leadership quality. Are we talking about curiosity to the team?

[D]

Are we.

[B]

Are we bringing them into this moment with us? How do we do that?

[D]

Actually invite your team into your own practice process to say, I'm working on being more curious. I've noticed that I can get in the meeting, I can get a little tight and I can get rigid and want to move the meeting along. So that's one thing. And then the other thing is actually tell people what you're noticing. So if you're working internally to notice more, one of the things to do is share that. I'm noticing. The room got really quiet when we put that number up on the board and everybody was like, that's unachievable. Or we're looking at the P and L and a certain number jumped out. You know, just whatever that thing is, is to name as the leader, to name it. I noticed the room got excited when this person talked about this possibility for a different way to do this project. So just noticing what's happening for you, noticing what's in the room and then sharing that openly, I notice I am having a hard time with the fact that this KPI has been read for four weeks straight, and I'm not hearing anybody talk about what we're going to do about it. Like, if a leader could say that, that's more of an invitation for the team to come up with something than, you know, this shit's got to get better, and it's got to get better right now. I mean, nobody wants to hear that, right? So that's one way.

[B]

That is a good way. Yeah.

[C]

Another Is, is just watching the, the way you ask questions.

[B]

Right.

[C]

From a curiosity perspective. So I agree completely. Sharing what your own practice is is if, if, if you can just do that, your team will soften. And within that, really be mindful, you know, Are you asking why questions? Why is this happening? Why did we miss our number? Why are you guys arguing all the time and shifting that into which, I mean, it's truth. There's just disconnection in shifting that into what questions or how questions. Right. How questions are super open ended. They actually encourage creativity. They encourage imagination. How might this look if we introduced a new way of doing things? How might this look if we stopped doing the thing that's been read for four, you know, for four periods? What, what can I do to support you guys? What's actually going on here? What do you think is contributing to the challenges we're seeing? Why questions are looping questions, which is ironic because purpose is also a why question.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And so you have to be thoughtful about where your why questions come in. Why is this happening? Not really helpful. What can we do about it? Very curious. How can I support you? Open ended?

[B]

No, I think that that is great advice and something that we could literally practice this week. So last week we practiced figuring out to catch ourselves, to find that pause moment and give ourselves that chance to recognize what's happening in our body and pause. And I think this week the, the small thing to try is to verbalize what we notice, name what we notice, and ask open ended curious questions that are. I mean, it's literally right in the words, right? How, what do you have ideas you could even say, I'm really curious. Is there another way to think about this? I mean, we could even say those words. It's very open and it invites conversation. I love the idea of bringing everyone into this together because I think it really does create more connection in the team and it lets people try to solve problems together or experience something together in a different way than maybe the autopilot way. Yeah.

[D]

I just want to add it is an expression from the leader of confidence. Right. So when a leader can be more in curiosity and lessen that stuck place of fear and make that trip up to the prefrontal cortex, ask the team a good question. It is a direct expression of confidence that that leader has one, that the team can resolve it and that there's possibility here. Right. So I'll end on that possibility note for, for this section of what we're talking about. But that is, that's the big move is can leaders engage curiosity? Not for curiosity's sake, but as an expression of confidence?

[B]

Well said.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

Thank you. That is really, I think, some incredible advice and action that we can all take into our businesses to strengthen our teams, strengthen ourselves as leaders, and, you know, actually give us opportunity to experience the world differently, to problem solve differently, to build relationships in a new way and just be more aware, which is always our challenge. So thank you guys for that incredible conversation. And if you're not already subscribed to this podcast, go hit the follow button on your app because we are going to be talking about honesty in the next episode. Listen to episode one. Thank you for listening to episode two. And be sure to listen to the.

[C]

Next episode, which is honesty.

[A]

Thanks for listening to the conscious entrepreneur. Every episode here is meant to sharpen.

[B]

How you lead and how you live.

[A]

If something landed for you, please share it founder to founder. I'll meet you here next week.