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Mandy Patinkin
Hi, it's Alexa Weibel from New York Times Cooking.
David Marchese
We've got tons of easy weeknight recipes.
Mandy Patinkin
And today I'm making my vegetarian mushroom shawarma pitas. This recipe is just built for efficiency.
Kathryn Grody
You toss your mushrooms and red onion.
Mandy Patinkin
In your spices, throw them in the oven. By the time they're done, you've chopped your cabbage and you're ready to assemble. It feels crazy that this takes just.
David Marchese
20 minutes of active time.
Mandy Patinkin
It's just delicious. New York Times Cooking has you covered with easy dishes for busy weeknights. You can find more@nytcooking.com.
David Marchese
From the New York Times, this is the interview. I'm David Marchese. Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody are a highly successful artistic couple. He's a Tony Award winning star who's also been acting in movies and TV for decades. You probably know him as Inigo Montoya from the Princess Bride or maybe as Saul in Homeland. She's an award winner, too, for her Off Broadway acting work, and she's also an accomplished playwright and author. But in the last few years, they've achieved newfound fame just by being themselves. During the pandemic, Catherine and Mandy's younger son Gideon started posting these zany TikTok videos of his parents as they bickered, chatted, joked, needled, and were affectionate with each other. Those videos found a giant fan base online at a time when people were hungry for a dose of family closeness. Clearly, people respond to them. So now the trio is in their early stages of making an advice podcast. They're also shopping a TV pilot co written by Gideon that's based on their lives called Seasoned. I talked with Mandy and Catherine, who've been married for 45 years, about finding viral success later in life, the ups and downs of their relationship, parenting, their passionate political activism and feelings about Jewish identity, and a whole host of other stuff. And thankfully, Gideon came along too, both to help wrangle his mom and dad and to offer a little perspective. Here's my conversation with the Grody Patinkin family. Thank you all for being here. This is the biggest group I've ever interviewed before. To have a family also is very nice.
Mandy Patinkin
You need to take some medication.
Kathryn Grody
I might.
David Marchese
Maybe at the end. Maybe we'll see how it goes. So in the social media post where you said you were working on an advice podcast, Mandy, you referred to you two as messes. Katherine, do you think that you're messes?
Kathryn Grody
Oh, definitely. What do you call purposeful messes? I mean, I actually, it's interesting. I embrace being messy more than I ever have as a reaction against the whole AI chatbot algorithm world. It's like I want to be messy, I want to be human, I want to make mistakes, I want to apologize, I want to be tactile, you know? So, yeah, we're messes.
Mandy Patinkin
Speaking of mess, I'm also a mess, emotionally a mess. And I lost a friend and the memorial was on Monday. I needed to speak and I was extremely anxious about it. And that's why I have this cold sore on my lip, which no matter what, it's not gonna be hidden. I'm sorry. I'm a member of Spinal Tap, right?
David Marchese
Yes. For people who don't know, there's a scene in Spinal Tap where all the.
Mandy Patinkin
Members of the band have cold.
David Marchese
So cold sore, you lean into it.
Mandy Patinkin
Thank you. Come back to her.
David Marchese
Mess. Yes.
Kathryn Grody
I mean, how you know by mess I just mean we're not careful with each other. We've all react well, he's not reactive and our older son is not reactive because I think in reaction to seeing us be so immediately hysterical about things their whole lives, they've lear to embrace taking a breath. But it's funny, over the years, when I tried to contain the mess, I now just think it's human and I'm letting it out.
David Marchese
Gideon, do you think what your mom just described about how your parents messiness maybe led to a particular emotional reaction from you, does that sound accurate? Is that how you experienced it?
Gideon Patinkin
Yeah, 100%. I mean, they've been great teachers in what to do in the world and what not to do in the world. And I think one of the gifts is I've seen their often hysterical, emotional, painful response to things not be in service of their life and joy. And if they could take a beat, take a moment and have a little more perspective or gratitude or just air in their lungs, that they'd enjoy their experience a bit more.
David Marchese
What do you think about the idea of your parents making an advice podcast?
Gideon Patinkin
Well, I think that idea and experiment, and we're just in the process of making a pilot right now to see what that would be like, is kind of like an outgrowth of the conversations and play we've been having creatively since COVID And these two never think they have much interesting to offer. They talk, they respond and communicate their life experience. And many people find it illuminating and hilarious and bizarre and they see their own parents in it. But they're the farthest thing from thinking that they'd have any advice to give you Know, one of the potential ideas for the name of it was Don't Listen to Us. Just to clarify that these two don't have any expertise in anything.
David Marchese
Do you, too, have a hunch for why people respond so positively to you? What's your thinking?
Kathryn Grody
I have a couple. First of all, all of this was an accident of the pandemic, Dana. People were terrified. They were stuck in their homes. And I think we were unknowingly an antidote to the youth bias in the culture. So that for people that couldn't get to their parents or couldn't get to their grandparents, and they were stuck and terrified, one, we seemed to offer some comfort or warmth. And I think it shows that people don't have, in general, the bias about elders or people with white hair that the culture would think that you do. You know, I've been furious about this for years, since I was, like, 50. Do you know, because you don't.
Gideon Patinkin
If somebody would offer her a seat on the subway, that was a big mistake. She would tear into them like a really crazy person. But now it's a little different.
Mandy Patinkin
I used to pity these people who would try to help her.
Kathryn Grody
No, there was this one woman once. I remember I'd just come from working two hours in the gym. I get on. I have my New York Times in one hand. I'm holding onto the bar of the other, and I see this young woman get up, and I actually thought, oh, that's really nice that she notices some older person needing. Is that for me?
David Marchese
Right?
Kathryn Grody
You're standing up for me. I just was at the gym for two hours. And she's like, I'm so sorry.
Gideon Patinkin
I'm so sorry, but that was maybe 15 years ago. And now you're like.
Kathryn Grody
Now I'm like, excuse me. Excuse me.
Mandy Patinkin
I can't figure it out. I don't understand it.
David Marchese
What the logic is.
Mandy Patinkin
I don't understand the logic of why they would pay attention to us. I mean, there's a lot in this world I don't understand. And that is one of the things, because we're just ourselves.
Kathryn Grody
But it brings it back to the mess that you talked about, David. I think that authenticity. We're not selling anything. I have no brand of makeup.
Gideon Patinkin
Obviously, it's not always true. Sometimes you're selling yourself.
David Marchese
Sometimes, yeah. What do you mean?
Mandy Patinkin
Sometimes I take a little kombucha, you know, like I'm drinking it or something, and then I can't say it right. Then he makes fun of me. And the next thing we know, we get boxes of it.
Gideon Patinkin
That's not what I mean. Those are happy little accidents where you get a free thing, but you're not sponsoring anything. I mean, that we started sharing things with no intention of self promotion or anything. And that's like a very pure thing. And the initial intention was to get more eyeballs on posts about the International Rescue Committee and support of refugees around the world, which they've always been attached to. But as time goes on and you build a following, then sometimes you do have a project that you're making a post about or sharing. I mean, Mom's got a play she wrote coming up, so we do. I just want to be truthful when you're like, we're not selling anything. But the purity of the initial thing can change.
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah. And it has changed. The reason that we're here today in truth is we're having a lawn sale and we're hoping that we'll give the address before it's over.
Gideon Patinkin
Wonderful items.
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah, we have wonderful items and we're hoping that they're going to come gently. Used some broken, but you know, you can get them fixed.
Gideon Patinkin
Lovely bench.
Mandy Patinkin
Lovely bench. The bench. Oh, don't talk to me about the bench. I'd give that one away. A bench that she insisted on buying that nobody sits on because it will cripple you instantaneously. It's really beautiful in the center of the. The room. The kids don't love sitting.
Kathryn Grody
They love standing.
Mandy Patinkin
They never sit on it.
David Marchese
Stop her.
Mandy Patinkin
They don't.
Gideon Patinkin
Feel free to stop them. Plenty of time.
Mandy Patinkin
David, come over, set up a camera, you know, night vision, whatever you want. The children don't sit on the bench.
Gideon Patinkin
David, to get you through this family experience, we give you carte blanche to just stop anyone.
Mandy Patinkin
No one sits on the bench.
David Marchese
I have to say, even just in the. In the few minutes we've been talking, the way that you two instinctively held each other's hand, the way that you, Catherine, patted down Mandy's hair.
Mandy Patinkin
What's left?
David Marchese
What's left of Mandy's hair. It's just very sweet. And I'm curious, are there ways in which you see your dynamics as having changed over the years? Because the way I often think about it is early in a relationship is when the dynamics get established and. And then it seems to me that things solidify and everyone plays their roles and there's not a ton of deviation. But I've only been married 14 years, so.
Kathryn Grody
Baby, beginning.
David Marchese
Can you tell me about how your sort of roles with each other have changed or not over time?
Mandy Patinkin
You Go first.
Kathryn Grody
I think there is so much sturm and drong in the beginning of relationship. Do you know? I mean, I'm six years older than him. I had had two serious relationships when I met him. I considered him. I mean, the only thing I knew when I was 20, I was gonna have a life in the theater. I was gonna be a mom. Different than my mom, but I was gonna be a mom. And I was never gonna have anything to do personally with an actor. Cause I thought one in the family was enough. I was right. You know, at our first date, very first date, he said, before we eat, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna marry you.
David Marchese
Right.
Kathryn Grody
Okay. I had not had coffee with this guy. I really thought he was insane. And I said, well, I don't believe in marriage, so that's not gonna happen. Six weeks later, after we'd been dating, he said, let's just stop.
David Marchese
Stop dating.
Kathryn Grody
Stop dating? Yeah.
David Marchese
So he went from, I'm gonna marry.
Kathryn Grody
You to let's stop dating.
Mandy Patinkin
Okay.
Kathryn Grody
I think he wanted to still sleep together, but basically stop having a relationship. It was not my thing.
Mandy Patinkin
I don't know if that's true. I'd just like to have my lawyer here for the rest of this conversation. Go ahead.
Kathryn Grody
We went to the reflecting pool at Lincoln center, and I said, if you can let go of the future and if I can let go of the past and we can just be in this moment, let's take it day to day. And here we are, 45 years later. It's all that you don't know. David. Am I gonna find my person then? The person you find is totally not who you expected to find. And it's all the unknowns that you. Our rabbi at our wedding said, marriage is a real leap of faith. And just beginning careers and children and figuring out what our differences were. There was just so much high drama and joy and passion and love. But it was also exhausting.
Mandy Patinkin
Well, I knew. Go. I'm sorry. I thought you were done. Mandy, you asked about what's the trick? What's the secret? Why are we together?
David Marchese
Or how the roles that you play with each other either have or haven't changed over time.
Mandy Patinkin
Have or haven't changed. Yeah. Two things that I've noticed. One, there were times where things got pretty scary, ugly, frightening. Maybe we made a mistake. We were separated, I think, on two occasions. I think once for six or eight weeks, and then once for, like, two or three months. Right.
David Marchese
You refer to these periods as the troubles.
Kathryn Grody
As our troubles.
Mandy Patinkin
Right. I got pretty Close. But we saw each other every day. We spoke every day.
Kathryn Grody
We.
Mandy Patinkin
We met at popovers on Columbus every day next to Barney Greengrass. Amsterdam on Amsterdam next to Barney Greengrass. Every day. Every day. We were. We couldn't be apart. And so on our 25th wedding anniversary, she gave me this wedding ring, this silver one. And it has two bumps on it to represent our two troubles. And from those troubled times, I feel during the previous times when somebody said this to me once, I thought it was. When you can't even watch the person you chose to live your life with eat, it so repulses you. You can't watch them eat. You don't wanna hear them speak. You're just looking for the exit constantly. I just learned let it go and move on, as the song says. But something's happened.
Gideon Patinkin
He's talking about the song from Sunday in the park with George, not Frozen. The.
Mandy Patinkin
That's what I thought it was. Oh, no. Frozen yogurt. Different Frozen.
David Marchese
It's a different Frozen.
Mandy Patinkin
Let it go.
Gideon Patinkin
From the movies.
Mandy Patinkin
No, it's called Movie. But the key thing that I feel has changed is time and what it means. And Catherine would, like, she said, be in a rage if you tried to give her a seat on the subway and things that had to do with age or whatever. But she has stopped obsessing and screaming about aging and being terrified. What's changed is she's not worrying about time like she used to. She recognizes it is moving way too fast. And if we worry about it and complain about it, we're gonna miss a lot.
David Marchese
Yeah.
Mandy Patinkin
And that has changed exponentially. And I'm so grateful that we've accepted that we're older and there's such benefits to it. We're always saying to each other, if you could be whatever age, what age would you be? And I would say, well, I'd be 25, the age I was when I met you. Only if I can know what I know now. You take away what I know now, all bets are off. And I.
David Marchese
Talk to me. Well, you're looking skeptical.
Kathryn Grody
No, I just. I mean, it's completely different response. I'm just listening to this, seeing what parts of it I identify with or not. I mean, the question was, what has changed over the years, David? And first of all, it's all the things you don't know. It's. Are you going to be able to have children? Are you going to be a good parent? Are you going to still be able to work? Are we gonna be able to make a living? Do you Know, and it's also, I think at the beginning of the relationship you make a lot of assumptions about commonalities. Cause there were certain things that drew you together and you make big assumptions about what those things are. And then when you commit to each other, you discover, oh, I'm a social person. He is not a social person. Do you know I love people. He is more.
Gideon Patinkin
He likes some people.
Kathryn Grody
He likes some people. I was gonna say selective.
Mandy Patinkin
Okay.
Kathryn Grody
One, you know, Maureen's nice. Maureen know.
Gideon Patinkin
Rosemary Ellen.
Mandy Patinkin
Rosemary Ellen.
David Marchese
Bills in the abstract.
Mandy Patinkin
They all got in the article. Look at that.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah, really. You know, so I think the.
Mandy Patinkin
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Kathryn Grody
The inherent tension of not knowing all of those things brings out the best and worst in you. You know, I mean it was very funny recently we were talking about when the kids were little and I mentioned that when he was four days old and our oldest son was four, Mandy came to Central Park. We had a birthday party for the four year old and then kissed us goodbye and went to Europe for several months to do Princess Bride. So we were talking about. And I was alone with the four day. And Mandy went. I would never have done that. That didn't happen. I said, honey, who you are now wouldn't have done it. But who you were then. Yes, yes, you did that. No, Katherine, that's not. And I had to go back.
David Marchese
And I was like, yeah, that could be fact checked pretty easily. But you.
Kathryn Grody
I came when he was three months old, honey. So you didn't see him for three months. And when we arrived.
Gideon Patinkin
I'm still sore about it.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah.
David Marchese
Really get it. Have you seen a change in your parents relationship?
Gideon Patinkin
Yeah, totally. I mean in their troubled times. There was a period when they split up and I was teenager, I think 16. Yeah. That I was sort of at a certain point happy for them. I was like, these are two people who are so enmeshed and codependent like might be having an experience in their adulthood where they could get to discover who they are without the other. And that could be really great for both of them in different ways. And then I saw two people who were trying to separate. Completely incapable of being away from the other. And I remember thinking as they were getting back together, like, oh, I just kind of gotten used to the idea of them being part. I was like kind of excited for how they develop in ways that maybe they couldn't while stuck together. But that was a long time ago.
Mandy Patinkin
And we haven't developed at all.
Gideon Patinkin
That was 20 years ago. And now I've gotten to see two Meshigano people, you know, stick it out for better and worse. And, you know, that's a beautiful thing.
David Marchese
Katherine, you were going to.
Kathryn Grody
That's what I was gonna say. One of the bigger things is, I think, in the initial coming together of relationship, you assume you're one person, which is a big error. You know, I never understood that, that settling down thing. You know, I thought of dust mites. When you shake a blanket, it's like who he is, who I am, and who we are as a couple. And I think it takes a long time to figure out that you have permission to be your totally different selves and who you are as a couple. And so I would always, you know, I understand. I would try and fix what ailed him for years, which just usually had the opposite effect of making things worse. And I would also try and talk him into, you know, things that I wanted him to be at.
Gideon Patinkin
And now you're doing that less, and.
Kathryn Grody
I do it a lot less. I just say whatever you need to do. And if he has permission to do whatever he needs to do, he most often shows up than not. So it is not being threatened by the fact that you're two really different people that have chosen to share life and make a life and make family together. But there's.
David Marchese
Amanda, you have something to add?
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah, two things. I want to grimace, bring me back to the word fix. But also I want to talk about your earlier question. Being together. I wish for everyone to have a companion to go through life with, to do nothing with, to have in the other room, to just think about calling. You don't have to be married. I don't care what the circumstances are. But someone, when you meet that someone, if you're lucky, which many people are, and you feel that something that you cannot put into words, that is what you should hope and pray for and be available to the possibility of that taking place in your existence. And the thank God part of that is when the shit hits the fan. And in every relationship, if it's worth its salt, it will hit the fan. You will reflect on that moment in the beginning of hello. Where you couldn't put into words what you felt about that person. And that is the gold. The other word you hit on that I heard, I think Kathryn said it was fix.
David Marchese
Fix.
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah, the word fixed. And my teacher for the past, since about 2005 or 6, started teaching me the Buddhist idea of stay in the moment and don't be in the past or the future and don't Try to fix what's wrong. You know, you fix things in every imaginable way. You drink it, you drink yourself, you eat yourself, you divorce, you run away. Fix, fix, fix. As opposed to staying in that discomfort. One of my favorite things was with little babies, when they fall down, you say, let me kiss it and make it go away. Don't make it go away. Kiss it if you want to, but it doesn't have to go away. It hurts. It's okay. And I just think the whole world would be better if we learned to stay with our discomfort, learn to live with it. Stop running away. Stop trying to fix everything. And I could go on, but that's.
David Marchese
You know, you made me. Emotions.
Mandy Patinkin
I somehow wanted to. Somehow wanted to, just because that's the teaching of my life. If I was on my deathbed and you said anything lasting other than love to the kids and grandkids and Catherine, I would try to communicate this idea of just be in this moment.
David Marchese
Oh, Katherine, go ahead.
Kathryn Grody
You know, I can sum up when a huge difference just occurs to me.
David Marchese
Yes. Go for it, Mandy. And then I have. Then I do have another question.
Kathryn Grody
No, it's just very funny. I used to want to share my feelings about politics, about a book I read about an article about a person, and it would drive him crazy, and he would say, I just want you to be a body in the other room. And I would be furious. A body in the other room? Get one of those dolls they have.
Mandy Patinkin
In which we looked into.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah. And now it's just so funny. I found that so insulting in the beginning of our relationship.
David Marchese
It sounds dehumanizing.
Kathryn Grody
Just dehumanizing and not seeing me and my needs and screw you. Now it's. I'm really. I know what that means. The comfort of just having somebody you know really well. There's company there, and we're sharing the same space, but very comfortably being each other's body in the other room and knowing we're there.
David Marchese
This is sort of a difficult question, but, you know. So all three of you are. I was about to say, obviously, but I don't want to assume anything, but you're Jewish.
Kathryn Grody
Yes.
David Marchese
And you are also politically active in your way, including on social media. And you talk about your hope for a ceasefire in Gaza and the tragedy of that situation. And then that's on one side. And then by nature, of being Jewish at this moment in history, antisemitism is obviously heightened right now. It can be a conflicting set of feelings for Jewish people. I'm Jewish also, and I Just wonder, are you thinking or feeling any differently about what it means for you to be Jewish in this moment?
Mandy Patinkin
Yes, I am. I'll let them go first because I don't want to take up too much space.
Kathryn Grody
I've always loved the concept tikin olam to heal the world. If you save one life, you save the world. And so my, I hate the way some people are using antisemitism as a claim for anybody that is critical about a certain policy. You know, as far as I am concerned, compassion for every person in Gaza is very Jewish. And the fact that I abhor the policies of the leader of that country does not mean I'm a self hating Jew or I'm anti Semitic.
David Marchese
You mean Netanyahu when you say the leader of that Benjamin Netanyahu?
Kathryn Grody
Yes. I feel this is the behavior, the politics of what he's doing is the worst thing for Jewish people. It's like lighting a candle for anybody that has any anti Semitic feelings. It's creating a generation of wounded and hurt kids who will understandably be very angry. So that is how I feel. And I feel, I really feel deeply troubled and horrified by what is happening in my name because it is the opposite. You know, it's that old hurt people, hurt people thing. I see people acting the way they supposedly created a place out of the horror of the hatred. So I am, I am very proud of every Jewish person that stands up for the humanity of people in the Middle East.
Mandy Patinkin
May I get. Do you want to speak first, please? So I'm sitting here praying. As I'm listening to Catherine, I'm asking Hashem who I like to refer to and ask for his strength for me to be of service to your question. I'm going to say several things and if I go all over the place for a minute, I'll try to make sense.
Kathryn Grody
Okay.
Mandy Patinkin
I want to take you back for a moment. I came back from Europe after working. We had our firstborn son, Isaac Grody, Hyphen Patinkin. And he was about this big on my arm. He came to about here. He would suck on my bicep and give me a hickey. And I was asked to sing the Israeli national anthem at one dog Hamasalt square in front of the UN for a Soviet jewelry rally. I believe. I was on the podium with my baby son. Mario Cuomo was on my right. Ed Koch was sitting behind us. And the stranger was next to me. This stranger next to me. I didn't know who he was, but he had a very distasteful vibe. And I took my baby son and I moved him from my left arm between the stranger and me to my right arm so my baby would be between Mario Cuomo and me, not between this man. This man got up to speak. And I remembered that he was introduced as the ambassador from Israel to the United Nations. And I remember sitting there because I'd often hear my parents say this phrase on the south side of Chicago, in the Jewish community, that's good for the Jews or that's bad for the Jews. And in my mind out loud, I heard that's the definition of what's bad for the Jews. And I didn't know this man. I knew nothing about him. I just knew he was a threat to my child. And later I learned that that man was named Benjamin Netanyahu. And I loved that. I had no idea who he was or what his position meant.
Gideon Patinkin
You felt the vibes?
Mandy Patinkin
I felt it then. I don't remember exactly when. I think what age it was a while ago, 10, 15 years ago, I was in Philadelphia getting ready to do a concert with my dear friend Patti LuPone. And then I go up to the hotel room. Catherine was in the hotel room and the movie the Princess Bride was on. She was watching it. And just as I walked in the room is that final scene in the movie where Inigo is sitting by the window with a man in black. And the man in black asks Inigo, would he like to be the next Red Pirate? Robertson and the Inigo Montoya actor who was me, said these words, which I did not really know what they meant, that William Goldman wrote, which I think are the singular greatest words I've ever read. And those words are, were, and always will be. You know, I have been in the revenge business so long now that it's over, I do not know what to do with the rest of my life. And I ask Jews all over the world to consider what this man, Benjamin Netanyahu and his right wing government is doing to the Jewish people all over the world. They are endangering not only the State of Israel, which I care deeply about and want to exist, but they are endangering the Jewish population all over the world. He is the most dangerous thing, not just since October 7, it has been a deeply troubled situation.
Gideon Patinkin
And endangering the Jews by endangering those in Gaza.
Mandy Patinkin
And to watch what is happening for the Jewish people to allow this to happen to children and civilians of all ages in Gaza is unconscionable and unthinkable. And I ask you, Jews everywhere all over the world to spend some time alone and think, is this acceptable and sustainable? How could it be done to you and your ancestors? And you turn around and you do it to someone else?
David Marchese
I appreciate all of your honesty and.
Mandy Patinkin
Sorry.
David Marchese
I think I'm going to take a sip of water.
Gideon Patinkin
Just give a moment.
David Marchese
Yeah. And then whether Jewish, not Jewish, whatever you believe politically or about the world, it does feel like we're living at a moment that's sort of pervasive with uncertainty and despair. But I think it's hugely important, just as a person, as best you can, to not succumb to despair. And I want to know where and how you find joy in the world.
Gideon Patinkin
Can I chime in?
Kathryn Grody
Yes.
Gideon Patinkin
I think one little place I find joy in the world, and that I remind my parents often is just, you know, being very proud of them when they speak up for things. They believe it. And it always feels good to remind them that I'm, you know, always proudest of them when they speak for people who have less power in a. Being harmed.
David Marchese
And Catherine, you have more.
Mandy Patinkin
No, that's just our grandchildren.
David Marchese
Yeah. Tell me about your grandchildren.
Kathryn Grody
It's such a strange thing. I still can't get over that I'm old enough to be a grandmother. I mean, my parents didn't get that gift, and so I am very grateful for it and the sense of wonder. My grandson, my granddaughter, is nine months old, but she's just simply. She sees you and she goes. And I remember being out on a deck when a sudden downpour happened. I mean, just, you know, one of those things like God dumped water, big water. And our grandson was 18 months old, and he was there. And his response, David, was just. He thought it was so extraordinary that this thing was happening. And it was the same thing. I remember walking with him in the fall and he said, look, Grangey, the leaves are yellow. And I remember thinking, yeah, it's gonna be one of those yellow falls. Where's the red? And I stopped myself and went, jesus, what is with me?
Gideon Patinkin
That is your lesson.
Kathryn Grody
That is my lesson. This is it.
Gideon Patinkin
To notice the yellow leaves.
Kathryn Grody
To notice the yellow leaves and to suck in and drink that wonder and joy. And that is my antidote to grief.
Gideon Patinkin
I think you guys find joy still in, you know, the creative practice. I mean, dad, with your singing and Mom, I mean, we had an incredible time making this TV pilot together and writing this show, which came out of their incredibly generous willingness to let me and my dear friend and collaborator, Ewan Wright take their most vulnerable lived experiences and Write stories with them and turn them around and say, look, these things that felt painful or embarrassing or useless or a waste of your time or the family's time can actually be like relatable, hilarious connective tissue for other people.
David Marchese
And the show is essentially. I saw the pilot. It's essentially a fictionalized version of your relationship.
Mandy Patinkin
Yes.
David Marchese
There's a scene in the pilot where you two, or your characters, you and your characters, hard to take responsibility for. You have this big argument. And you, Catherine, have this line that you say to Mandy where it's not always easy because you take up all the space.
Gideon Patinkin
Your feelings are so big.
David Marchese
Your feelings are so big, yours have to shrink. Assuming that you figured out how to work through that problem or manage it, how did you do that?
Kathryn Grody
I think it was a weird trick. It was very easy to avoid my own Misha grass because his was so big. And, you know, I once said publicly I was supposed to marry a rock so I could be the lunatic I am, and instead I married a lunatic, so I have to pretend to be a rock. And don't forget to say, I'm not always. And he's not always a lunatic at all. And, in fact, this came out very nice. I have my own lunaticness. And I think that I realized at a certain point that I could avoid dealing and improving on my issues. I could avoid it because I was so busy taking care of him.
Gideon Patinkin
You do that with your children, and.
Kathryn Grody
I do that with my children.
Gideon Patinkin
I've said to you. I said, mom, you know, I really also want to be good friends with you, but that involves being able to communicate things that aren't positive in my life. And it's very difficult to do that with you when you're so ravenous to take your children's problems or anybody else's problems and then blow them up and make them a bigger thing and repeat them to your friends and live in them so that you can avoid your own life. And I think that's something.
Kathryn Grody
So that's an improvement, right?
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah, sort of.
Gideon Patinkin
We're getting there.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah.
David Marchese
I actually had emailed Gideon maybe last week or something and asked him, because he obviously knows you a lot better than I do. He knows as well, you know, are there any things that might be interesting to ask your parents that they haven't been asked before? And he sent me a long, pretty long list.
Mandy Patinkin
It was a long list, comprehensive, and you feel free to publish it as a book.
David Marchese
And one of the things that he brought up was that, you know, he's noticed that you Kathryn seem to have developed an interest in sort of expanding the mind a little bit. You know, sort of. He said that you've got into astrology or learning about string theory. I think the way you put it was, you know, that you, Catherine, are toying with the idea of taking psychedelic mushrooms. And I want to know, sort of, do you think about the balance between pushing yourself intellectually and emotionally as you get older versus a completely understandable comfort with, you know, just being who you are and kind of settling down, not in a negative way.
Kathryn Grody
You know, there's an aspect of this is who I am.
David Marchese
Yeah.
Kathryn Grody
All those questions about, will I find love? Will I be a mother? Will I have a career? Those have all been settled. But I don't feel who I am sitting here right now is who I want to be in 10 years or 20 years. I'm so drawn to physics, the concept of one thing being in two places at one time. There was this article in the Atlantic, June of 23, called something about, we're all part of the cosmos, but you still have to buy groceries. I cannot tell you, David. My brain is not able to. To really grok those concepts. But I am so drawn to the description that we're all part of a cosmic hum. That energy really doesn't ever die. I read this article, I said to my director, we were doing a workshop, I have to put this in tonight. This is the thing about time. It's about time we don't ever really die. Ovid was right. Whitman, they're all right. It just transforms. And she's just going, what? What are you talking about? And I did try and put it in that night, and it was a complete disaster. But. But I want not to be afraid to learn new things or change my mind about things. You know, I am very drawn to the idea of microdosing. You know, you're drawn to the idea.
Gideon Patinkin
Of all kinds of dosing. You just haven't crossed over yet.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah, right.
Mandy Patinkin
I've learned something that works every time.
David Marchese
Which is what?
Kathryn Grody
Oh, no, honey, it's not gonna work now.
Mandy Patinkin
It will work. No, it won't. Not if I tell you I adore you.
David Marchese
Wait. Tell me.
Mandy Patinkin
She laughs whenever I say I adore her. She can't stop laughing when I say.
David Marchese
Were you going to say something else again?
Mandy Patinkin
No. I want to just tell her I adore you. Anytime I say, I adore you, she starts laughing.
Kathryn Grody
It's just a very funny thing.
Mandy Patinkin
Why do you think that is?
Kathryn Grody
Because, honey, it does not. The word does not accurately describe your Feelings toward me on a 24 hour basis.
David Marchese
But Mandy, how do you think about at your age, balancing still wanting to grow and learn new things and change versus an understandable inclination, maybe to just rest in who you are?
Mandy Patinkin
Resting in who I am will bore the shit out of me and dissatisfy me. I have so much growth to do. I came to puberty very late. Mark Freifeld in the sixth or seventh grade said, what's the matter? Thinking you don't have any pubic hair yet? Well, I'm just trying.
David Marchese
I thought you were speaking metaphorically at first. No, no, you meant that literally.
Mandy Patinkin
I tried to get back at Mark Freifeld forever because I was late to everything. And I'm late to being a human being and growing up and changing. I struggle continuously with panic attacks, with anxiety, with trying to live that lesson of being in the moment and not going back and not going forward, but being right here. And I want to get better at it before it's over.
Gideon Patinkin
You've gotten so much better at it. You have that shit under control in a way that you can't see or understand because you live with that. But those around you see a person who has learned that part of themselves and learned to manage it and learn to deal with it.
Mandy Patinkin
Thank you beautifully. Thank you. But when. Oh, gosh, where was I going? Where was I going? Oh, but Catherine, Catherine sometimes, and she's gotten so much better at it since all the changes have gone on in the world. She'll go to sleep reading every difficult article, you know, dark stuff, every podcast, and then she goes to sleep crying, wakes up crying, and she wakes up with me. So I'm the first one who hears the tears and needs to be held and everything. And we're begging her as a family, please stop reading everything. Please stop listening to the podcast. Please put other things in your way. It's an addiction that she works very hard at trying to break.
Gideon Patinkin
I mean, she's not alone.
Mandy Patinkin
She's not alone.
David Marchese
Addiction.
Mandy Patinkin
But there are moments that are going on in this world, in this life, at this moment, globally, home, everywhere, in our personal lives, in every aspect. That put me in the reverse gravity chair the other day, and I'm upside down with my head back and I can't. And I'm weeping for maybe 35, 45 minutes. And Catherine and I couldn't control it. I just couldn't hold. I just couldn't hold on anymore. But she just sat next to me, didn't say a word, and just held my hand and I started to get it together. And then it would come again. The floods would come again. And she just held my hand till we were done. And then we went to the kitchen, I think, and we had more of her number one dish, which was rice and vegetables that you have to put on so much dish and special sauce that Gideon brings to make it taste like something. But we made it through it and I believe there's so much good ahead. Go ahead, ask the next question item.
David Marchese
You know, you pretty clearly let it all hang out and do it in public. Is there anything that you think that you would like people to know about the Patinkin Grody family that maybe they don't already?
Mandy Patinkin
We've given up on boundaries.
Gideon Patinkin
No, we'd like to take things back. Yeah, we'd like to take too much.
Kathryn Grody
They do. Yeah. I believe in boundaries, actually, because I do. I was kidding, but it's a very. We just stretch them.
David Marchese
After the break, I get more quality time with the Grody Patinket family.
Mandy Patinkin
Emma Question was for me to answer the question. He was talking to G. Support for this podcast comes from GoodRx. GoodRx can help you save money and better manage your health this summer, GoodRx lets you compare prescription prices at over 70,000 pharmacies and instantly find free coupons. You can find big savings at the pharmacy for the whole family.
David Marchese
Pets too.
Mandy Patinkin
GoodRx is not insurance, but may beat your co pay. If you do have insurance save at the pharmacy this summer, go to goodrx.com.
David Marchese
This is A.O.
Mandy Patinkin
Scott.
David Marchese
I'm a critic at the New York Times. These days, there are so many movies.
Gideon Patinkin
And books and television shows and songs.
David Marchese
That it's hard to make sense of it all.
Gideon Patinkin
At the New York Times, what the.
David Marchese
Critics do is sort through as much.
Mandy Patinkin
Of that as we can to come.
David Marchese
Up with advice with recommendations to guide you toward the stuff that's worth your time and attention. But we don't only offer guidance. Critics are here to help you make sense of things, to get you thinking about the way a movie connects with history or politics, the way a song opens up emotion, how a piece of art illuminates the world in the magical way that only art can do. Really, what I do and what the other critics here do is part of the same project that all of the journalists at the New York Times work.
Mandy Patinkin
On every day to give you clarity.
David Marchese
And perspective and above all, a deeper understanding of the world. When you subscribe to the New York Times, it's not just here are the headlines, but here's the way everything fits together. If you'd like to subscribe, Please go to nytimes.com subscribe. You guys can hear me okay?
Kathryn Grody
Yeah.
Mandy Patinkin
Yes.
David Marchese
All right. Mandy and Catherine, where are you?
Kathryn Grody
We are in upstate New York at the place we've had since our oldest son was 2. And we came very, very periodically because of our unpredictable schedules. And then in the pandemic, this is where we came to wade that out. I am a deeply urban person, so I'm still adjusting.
David Marchese
Gideon, where are you? Are you at home?
Gideon Patinkin
No, I'm in a big artists collective studio in Jersey City.
Kathryn Grody
What are you doing again?
Gideon Patinkin
I am doing a variety of things.
David Marchese
That is a child's answer to a parent if I ever heard one.
Mandy Patinkin
Undercover.
David Marchese
When we spoke last time, I had asked if there are things that are kind of off limits for the public, and you said there are boundaries. So without being specific, where are your boundaries for what you'll share with the public?
Mandy Patinkin
Go ahead.
Kathryn Grody
Go ahead, kid.
Gideon Patinkin
Well, well, I. Yeah, yeah, It's a good question. I. I find that you often put up a boundary for yourself, and as soon as you claim there's something or a space you don't want to share or talk about, you might enter into that space. But it's about knowing that you can feel you don't have to talk about anything that allows you to talk about more than you'd expect.
Mandy Patinkin
Would you agree? No. No. No photographs and. Or videos of our grandchildren, Especially one. Well, sometimes we say name. I think we have. And. But no videos. That's one thing. And. And. And just an endless list of all the things that are deeply personal and deeply private in both our personal lives, our family lives, with our children, our lives individually, professional things. The list is things that are just too private. It seems like we'll talk about anything, but we're very selective. And the beauty, which we do not have the luxury of while we talk to you is when we do social media or anything. Social media, particularly. Gideon is also the editor, not just the interviewer, and that gives a great sense of safety.
Kathryn Grody
You know, it's respecting the privacy. We've been very open about what we call our troubles, our true separations, you know, years ago. But I'm not going into the specifics of that. The only people that need to know about is me and him. And, you know, what we want to share with our kids. So that's an area. I once did a play years ago at the public called Falling Apart Together because I was frustrated with people being together for two years. Separating have another marriage for two years, separating. And I wanted to show how a family could go through wonderful things, horrible things, and then infold all of that in their story. And I was insensitive. I used my kids real names because I was advised to. I thought they were years away from how I was portraying them. And I really learned a lesson, David, about respecting my sense of my privacy about my life is one thing, but I really have to respect what they feel comfortable sharing and not sharing.
David Marchese
Catherine, you did talk about this idea of, I think the way you put it was lunatics and rocks and how your maybe more naturally a lunatic, but you kind of had to be a rock.
Kathryn Grody
Yeah.
David Marchese
How did you learn to be a rock?
Kathryn Grody
God, David, you ask really good questions. I think I love this guy a lot. And I loved. I really needed my family to be an intact family because my parents died when I was 25. And I think think I didn't realize how much that impacted me in terms of family separation was kind of death, you know. And I honestly think even though I have lunatic qualities, I am also, even though I find it boring, I'm kind of a rock, you know, I kind of naturally am a rock.
Mandy Patinkin
You're a pretty rock.
Kathryn Grody
Thank you, hon.
Gideon Patinkin
I mean, therapy helps.
Kathryn Grody
Oh yeah, therapy helps. And having to be where your kids need you to be, you know, they gave a structure that was sort of a rock like place too.
David Marchese
Gideon, from our brief time together, you sure seem like a rock.
Kathryn Grody
Thank you.
David Marchese
Do you have any lunatic in you?
Gideon Patinkin
My. He was talking to me.
Kathryn Grody
Oh, you know, that's actually true. Gideon. Gideon. Our sons are more rocks than either of us could ever be.
Mandy Patinkin
Let Gideon answer the question.
Kathryn Grody
Okay.
Mandy Patinkin
He was talking again.
Gideon Patinkin
He's asking do I have any lunatic in me? I mean, you know, my family would probably have a different response to this question, as would my partner. But I think.
Mandy Patinkin
I definitely get very.
Gideon Patinkin
Like hot and tense inside. I think that's in part a result of having like very emotional parents and maybe countering that. So I think most of my lunatic is tight and contained within me. Maybe that's my. The toxic masculinity influence.
Mandy Patinkin
Who knows?
David Marchese
Mandy, you know, I read about this incredibly intense formative experience you had in your family as a young man where your father was ill with cancer and then for some reasons that your family decided not to tell your father that it was cancer, that it was terminal. And you sort of all engaged in this deception in the hopes of not crushing his spirit. And you found that experience so difficult or distasteful that as A result, you had a real hunger and yearning for the truth. You only wanted honesty. I would be very surprised if your own family dynamic, the four of you, including your other son, involved something quite as intense as that. But do you think there is sort of a Rosetta Stone incident for the.
Mandy Patinkin
Family or can you define what a Rosetta Stone incident is?
David Marchese
Something that explains the dynamics of the family?
Mandy Patinkin
Yeah. Well, I can only explain it through the window of my existence. You are correct. It was one of, if not the singular most formative event that took place in my younger years. That the truth means everything to me, almost to a fault because I feel that I don't deserve to live. If I do a take while I'm making a movie with Elmo and my concentration failed while I was talking to Elmo and I'm back in my trailer literally thinking about calling my therapist because I failed Elmo. And that's to the degree of what I'm dealing with here. And when I didn't tell my father the truth that he had cancer because my mother and his two elder sisters and the doctor and everybody who was the grown up to 18 year old Mandy said, you mustn't tell daddy because he had an earlier accident where he broke his neck and it was very traumatic for him when he was like 17. And if you tell him he has cancer, he'll probably take his life. So I put myself in the position to do what the grownup said. And I never got to sit with my father to tell him the truth of his condition. And when we lied to him and told him he had hepatitis, my father was not a fucking idiot. He knew he didn't have hepatitis in five seconds and we never got that moment. And you don't get back. And I'll never forgive myself for it. And the way I deal with it is I try to be truthful to you, to my wife, to my son, to my audience and to the world. And. And it is. It is not hard. It is not hard to be truthful.
Gideon Patinkin
I never heard that about grandpa. I never heard that. You guys told me I had hepatitis. I didn't know that was part of this.
Mandy Patinkin
I thought I told you a million times, but maybe you didn't. Maybe I didn't. I don't. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what happened. I wish to God I could answer any of your questions without getting so intense I don't know how to do it. I wish I could.
David Marchese
Maybe you could help me bring this question home.
Mandy Patinkin
Let me get out the fire extinguisher.
Gideon Patinkin
I mean, the truth, you know, is there, Is there?
Kathryn Grody
No.
David Marchese
Is there? Do you just in your own memory, is there a moment that you think kind of encapsulates what your family is about?
Gideon Patinkin
No. I think we're just as messy and complex and contradictory as like any other family that's trying to get along, trying to understand ourselves and each other. And kind of the pathway, I think, towards having more peace and less misunderstanding is like trying to talk to each other about our shit when we have problems with each other. I don't think there's a singular moment. I don't think there's a singular saying. I think it's just a big, swirling, beautiful mess.
David Marchese
I want to thank all three of you for letting me and our audience sit with you and your various feelings of discomfort and comfort and being a family. So thank you for taking the time. I really appreciate it.
Mandy Patinkin
When's the next session? David?
David Marchese
Well, then I start charging. Then I start charging. That's the grody Patingit family. Catherine's one woman show the Unexpected Third will be at the People's Light Theater in Malvern, Pennsylvania from September 17th to October 19th. This conversation was produced by Wyatt Orme. It was edited by Annabelle Bacon, mixing by Sonia Herrero, original music by Diane Wong and Marian Lozano, photography by Devon Yalkin. Our senior booker is Priya Matthew and Seth Kelly is our senior producer. Our executive producer is Allison Benedikt. Special thanks to Rory Walsh, Renan Borelli, Jeffrey Miranda, Nick Pittman, Matty Masiello, Jake Silverstein, Paula Schuman and Sam Dolnick. If you like what you're hearing, follow or subscribe to the Interview. Wherever you get your podcasts. To read or listen to any of our conversations, you can always go to nytimes.com theinterview and you can email us anytime@theinterviewytimes.com Also, we have a new YouTube channel where you can watch this interview and many others. Subscribe@YouTube.com BeTheInterview podcast next week, Lulu talks to actor Sandra oh live on stage at the Tribeca Festival about her life and career, including her 10 seasons on Grey's Anatomy.
Kathryn Grody
I wanted to leave well, and I think that for me, one of the proudest things that I have in my life is how I left the show.
David Marchese
I'm David Marchese and this is the interview for the New York Times.
Mandy Patinkin
When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.
Kathryn Grody
I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night.
David Marchese
Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up and suddenly we're at greater risk for long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression.
Gideon Patinkin
Reason enough to rethink the drink more.
David Marchese
At rethink the drink.com Noha initiative.
Podcast Summary: "The Interview": The Grody-Patinkin Family Is a Mess. People Love It
Podcast Information:
Hosts: Michael Barbaro, Rachel Abrams, Natalie Kitroeff
In this engaging episode of The Daily, host David Marchese delves into the intricate dynamics of the Grody-Patinkin family—a couple celebrated for their artistic achievements and authentic online presence. Married for 45 years, Mandy Patinkin, a Tony Award-winning actor known for roles such as Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride and Saul in Homeland, and Kathryn Grody, an acclaimed Off-Broadway actress, playwright, and author, offer a candid look into their relationship, parenting, and recent foray into viral fame through their son Gideon's TikTok videos.
The Grody-Patinkin family's unexpected rise to internet fame began during the pandemic when their younger son, Gideon, started posting videos of his parents interacting candidly. These clips showcased their bickering, joking, and affectionate moments, resonating with audiences craving genuine family connections.
Notable Quote:
Gideon elaborates on their viral success, highlighting that their authenticity—caught on accidental and unscripted moments—has created a relatable and beloved online presence. Their approach has been rooted in sharing without any initial intent of self-promotion, focusing instead on fostering connections and supporting causes like the International Rescue Committee.
Embracing their "messes," as Mandy describes, the Patinkins discuss the imperfections inherent in their family life. Kathryn emphasizes the importance of being "purposeful messes," valuing human unpredictability over the rigid structures dictated by modern algorithms and AI.
Notable Quotes:
Their candidness about their emotional struggles, including Mandy's recent loss and anxiety, adds depth to their public persona, endearing them further to their audience.
The interview provides an intimate exploration of Mandy and Kathryn's enduring marriage. They reflect on the early days marked by passion and high drama, and the challenges that tested their bond. Mandy shares painful memories, such as the loss of a friend, leading to intense emotional moments.
Notable Quotes:
Despite periods of separation, their commitment remained steadfast, symbolized by Mandy's wedding ring with two bumps representing their troubles. Over time, they've learned to accept each other's differences, emphasizing the importance of staying present and not obsessing over time or change.
The Patinkins openly discuss their political activism and Jewish identity, particularly focusing on the complexities arising from current events. Kathryn expresses strong opposition to the policies of Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu, emphasizing that advocating for the humanitarian plight in Gaza does not equate to antisemitism.
Notable Quotes:
They navigate the delicate balance of supporting Israel while advocating for peace and condemning actions that harm innocent lives, highlighting the broader implications for Jewish communities worldwide.
Amidst the turmoil and activism, the Grody-Patinkanins find joy in their family life and creative endeavors. Kathryn shares moments of wonder through their grandchildren, emphasizing the importance of appreciating simple joys like the changing colors of leaves or the marvels observed by their young granddaughter.
Notable Quotes:
Their ability to find happiness in everyday moments serves as a testament to their resilience and the strength of their familial bonds.
The Patinkin family navigates the challenges of public exposure with thoughtful boundaries. While they openly share aspects of their lives, they maintain privacy on deeply personal matters, such as their children's lives and professional endeavors.
Notable Quotes:
This balance allows them to engage with a broad audience while protecting their family's intimacy, ensuring that their public persona remains respectful and authentic.
Throughout the interview, the Grody-Patinkanins discuss their ongoing personal growth and strategies for managing emotions. Mandy speaks about embracing truth and staying present, drawing from his experiences and teachings in Buddhism to handle discomfort without the urge to "fix" everything.
Notable Quotes:
Their journey reflects a continuous effort to evolve individually and as a couple, fostering a supportive and understanding environment within their family.
The Grody-Patinkin family's story, as explored in this episode of The Daily, offers a profound look into the complexities of long-term relationships, the impact of sudden fame, and the intersection of personal identity with broader social issues. Their honesty about being "messes" resonates with audiences, providing both relatability and inspiration. Through their shared experiences, the Patinkins exemplify the beauty and chaos of family life, demonstrating that love and resilience can flourish even amidst imperfections.
Final Notable Quote:
Their story underscores the universal truth that every family navigates its unique challenges, and it's their authenticity and willingness to embrace those messes that endear them to the world.