Podcast Summary: The Daily Show: Ears Edition Episode: TDS Time Machine | Even Steven with Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell
Release Date: June 2, 2025
Hosts: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Steve Carell

Introduction In this episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, Jon Stewart moderates a series of humorous and contentious debates between Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell. The segment, aptly titled "Even Steven," delves into a variety of timely and provocative topics, blending sharp political commentary with comedic banter.

1. Islam vs. Christianity Debate Timestamp: 00:43 – 04:14

The episode opens with a heated discussion on the potential for peace between Islam and Christianity. Jon Stewart introduces the debate, emphasizing the complexity of reconciling the world's two largest monotheistic religions.

• Stephen Colbert (01:19): "If you were God, would you manifest your divine glory to a shepherd in a cave in Saudi Arabia in the seventh century? Or as the son of a carpenter in a manger in Judea in the year zero?"

• Steve Carell (01:42): "Look, let's assume for the sake of argument that your God is the one true God. That would mean Allah is not the one true God, which we know he is. Don't you see? Your logic eats itself."

• Notable Interaction (02:19): Steve suggests a "prayer off" to determine whose deity is supreme, leading to both participants claiming they remain unharmed by divine intervention.

The debate escalates into personal jabs, with both hosts making stereotypical remarks about Jews before Jon Stewart interjects to steer the conversation back to common ground, albeit unsuccessfully.

2. Weather and Natural Disasters Timestamp: 04:22 – 07:27

The hosts transition to discussing recent natural disasters, mocking the government's role in weather control and the financial burden of disaster relief.

• Stephen Colbert (05:08): "Every time a Floyd or a Gert lifts their skirt and relieves themselves on the East Coast, Uncle Sam feels obliged to crawl underneath the plate class coffee table and throw $20 bills around."

• Steve Carell (05:29): "The federal government should stay out of the natural disaster business. Today they're controlling the weather, and tomorrow, who knows? Federal income tax."

Their mock-argument continues with exaggerated proposals like installing giant fans on borders to "control" undesirable weather, showcasing their comedic disdain for political solutions to natural phenomena.

3. Halloween Traditions Timestamp: 07:27 – 11:58

Halloween becomes the subject of debate, with Stephen portraying it as a sinister, pagan ritual and Steve defending it as innocent fun for children.

• Stephen Colbert (07:53): "It's time to just say no to pagan rituals that lead our youngsters toward the pit of damnation."

• Steve Carell (08:11): "It's about kids dressing up one night a year, ringing doorbells for treats... And then drop a cement filled pumpkin off the overpass onto the windshields of an oncoming car."

The segment humorously portrays the clash between genuine concerns and the trivial nature of Halloween festivities, culminating in a playful trick-or-treat skit that underscores their comedic chemistry.

4. Patient's Bill of Rights Timestamp: 11:58 – 16:00

The discussion shifts to health policy, specifically the proposed Patient's Bill of Rights. Steve supports the bill as a means to empower consumers against HMOs, while Stephen critiques it as potentially disastrous.

• Steve Carell (12:35): "The Patient's Bill of Rights would guarantee consumers the right to sue their HMOs if they fail to provide critical care."

• Stephen Colbert (12:59): "This legislation is a prescription for a recipe for disaster. If bureaucrats at health maintenance organizations are constantly worrying about lawsuits, where will they find the time to play God with our lives?"

The debate becomes philosophical, touching on themes of divine justice versus legal systems, ultimately ending with an irreconcilable clash that Jon Stewart humorously attempts to mediate.

5. Stem Cell Research Timestamp: 16:00 – 20:53

Stephen and Steve engage in a convoluted discussion about stem cell research, mistakenly referencing Dutch prostitutes before clarifying the true topic.

• Stephen Colbert (17:38): "Tonight's topic, stem cell research."

• Steve Carell (18:45): "This is the reason because unlike someone I could name, I am not a big fan of people dying. So I say stem cell."

The conversation highlights their comedic misunderstanding and shifting focus, ultimately leaving the debate unresolved as they playfully toss the topic back and forth.

6. Government Transparency in War Reporting Timestamp: 20:53 – 24:25

The hosts tackle the sensitive issue of government transparency during the war in Afghanistan, mocking classified information and media's role.

• Stephen Colbert (21:27): "It's information that is classified in nature. I've said about all I'm gonna say on this topic."

• Steve Carell (22:44): "I am a journalist. That's not my job."

Their mock-serious discussion satirizes the tension between national security and press freedom, culminating in a humorous exchange about fabricated news stories involving clowns.

7. The Death Tax Timestamp: 24:25 – 32:11

The debate turns to the controversial death tax, with Steve advocating for its economic benefits and Stephen arguing against its fairness.

• Steve Carell (28:13): "It sends a powerful social message that even the children of the very rich must make their own way in the world."

• Stephen Colbert (28:54): "The death tax is inherently unfair. It taxes the same money twice. Once when you earn it. And once more after you die."

Their exchange delves into hypothetical scenarios and ethical considerations, ultimately leading to a begrudging concession from Stephen, underscored by their characteristic humor.

8. Negative Campaigning in Politics Timestamp: 32:11 – 37:00

Delving into the realm of politics, Stephen and Steve debate the merits and drawbacks of negative campaigning, reflecting on historical precedents and contemporary practices.

• Steve Carell (33:25): "Less than 30% of Americans vote and most of them are drunk or bussed in by the Chinese to do their bidding."

• Stephen Colbert (34:03): "Negative campaigning has denigrated the political process."

They reference historical figures and political strategies, blending humor with critical insights into the state of modern politics.

9. Clinton Presidency Evaluation Timestamp: 37:00 – 44:39

The hosts reflect on Bill Clinton's presidency, juxtaposing economic achievements with personal scandals.

• Steve Carell (37:22): "In 1992, our country was in a severe economic recession. Eight years of unprecedented prosperity later, America is richer and stronger than it has ever been. And the man responsible, William Jefferson Clinton."

• Stephen Colbert (37:39): "The only thing Bill Clinton has brought us these last eight years is moral turpitude and national shame."

The debate intensifies, highlighting contrasting viewpoints on Clinton's legacy, and culminates in a personal fallout between Stephen and Steve, adding a layer of theatrical drama to the segment.

10. Republicans and Bill Clinton Timestamp: 44:39 – 45:02

In a final debate, Stephen and Steve discuss the Republican stance towards Bill Clinton, blending factual arguments with their signature humor.

• Steve Carell (40:45): "Yes, Stephen. The Republicans are trying to humiliate Bill Clinton."

• Stephen Colbert (41:19): "Blind as masturbating bats with glaucoma."

The segment ends with a mock reconciliation attempt, maintaining the comedic tension that defines their interactions.

Conclusion Throughout the episode, Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell deliver sharp, witty exchanges that parody political punditry and media discourse. Their "Even Steven" debates encapsulate the blend of humor and satire that The Daily Show is renowned for, offering listeners both laughs and reflections on pressing societal issues.

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert (01:19): "If you were God, would you manifest your divine glory to a shepherd in a cave in Saudi Arabia in the seventh century? Or as the son of a carpenter in a manger in Judea in the year zero?"

• Steve Carell (05:29): "The federal government should stay out of the natural disaster business. Today they're controlling the weather, and tomorrow, who knows? Federal income tax."

• Stephen Colbert (07:53): "It's time to just say no to pagan rituals that lead our youngsters toward the pit of damnation."

• Steve Carell (12:35): "The Patient's Bill of Rights would guarantee consumers the right to sue their HMOs if they fail to provide critical care."

• Stephen Colbert (28:54): "The death tax is inherently unfair. It taxes the same money twice. Once when you earn it. And once more after you die."

• Steve Carell (37:22): "Eight years of unprecedented prosperity later, America is richer and stronger than it has ever been. And the man responsible, William Jefferson Clinton."

Additional Information Listeners are encouraged to watch The Daily Show weeknights on Comedy Central at 11/10c or stream episodes on Paramount+. Use discount code "TDS20" for 20% off all The Daily Show products at ParamountShop.com.