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Jon Stewart
You're listening to Comedy Central. Now, whoever our next president may be will face many challenges, especially in the foreign policy arena. The greatest of which may be how to deal with the overwhelming volume of goodwill left over from still President Bush's, let's call it two term democracy spreading jamboree. To examine the bounty one of these lucky contenders will be reaping, we check in with our new segment, fruits of Democracy. Tonight, our latest democratic offspring, Iraq. Did you know our baby turns five this month? And you're not going to believe this, she's already having playdates. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became the first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein fell of, let's say, natural causes. Now, obviously, a visit from the Iranian leader to Iraq prompts some concern. And still, President Bush has a clear message he'd like the Iraqis to deliver to Ahmadinejad. The message needs to be, you know, quit sending in sophisticated equipment that's killing our citizens. Stop exporting terror. That the international community is serious about continuing to isolate Iran. Strong message to send, but the Iraqi government owes us. I mean, they owe their life to us. Certainly, the president's message will be delivered. Here's Ahmadinejad getting off the plane. Obviously, they're going to hit him. No sugar coating, just direct and stern. Listen, Mother. Wait, what? Okay, there appears to be kissing. All right, now, here's where they execute him. No. He's being greeted by a child with flowers. Okay. A red carpet and a child with flowers. Okay, okay. To the untrained eye, that may appear to be gracious, maybe even a warm welcome. But I do want to point out that that little girl gave him chrysanthemums. And everyone knows he's an orchid guy, so that's a bit of a. You okay? That's a nice reception there. Let's compare that to what happens when our president visits. He has to arrive unannounced, under cover of night. Is it me, or did Al Qaeda blow up the sun? What? It's just nighttime. Phew. I say few out loud. Phew. Not a lot of people read that. Phew. Not only did Ahmadinejad announce his arrival in advance, but he was able to drive the infamous airport road that our people can only chop her over, walk flak jacketless outside the Green Zone, and visit some of Iraq's holiest sites, which we are not allowed into. Hey, Iraq, can we. What are you doing? It's your old buddy, us. Maybe we didn't make this clear, but we think the guy from Iran is a bit of an Ahmadikinajad. Um. And we're out there all day with the surging and you're back there sharing sweetbreads with Johnny Leisure Coat. Did you think we wouldn't find out? I don't wanna. I don't wanna say anything, but one phone call and you get this. That's right. We can put those statues right back where we found them after we built you an entire green zone. We could have gone with any color, but you wanted green, we wanted lavender.
Trevor Noah
But no.
Jon Stewart
It would be nice when our sworn enemy visits your country that you give him a slightly tougher reception than the one he gets at Columbia University. Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty, cruel dictator. You know, it's things like this invasion clearly strengthening the hand of the person our president believes is the greatest threat to the world's security. That makes me think maybe this whole thing was a mistake. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Be right back. Don't look at me. For those of us invested in the US economy who aren't able to consistently avail ourselves of the urgent, contradictory mumblings of the CNBC oracles, times have been tough. We're down in the dumps, feeling like perhaps this time there'll be no rabbit to pull out of the hat. The perhaps. Perhaps America's time is over. But you know who's hearing none of that talk? Our best pal, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
John Kerry
Your creation of America was the boldest possible affirmation of faith in the future. A future you have built with your own hands. People said it couldn't be done, but America did it. America is not just the indispensable nation. You are the irrepressible nation.
Jon Stewart
Now get out of bed, slugger, and go out there and invade the subcontinent. How must we be when Britain is trying to cheer us up? That place gets like two hours of sunshine a year. It's like a coffee less Seattle. Not that we don't appreciate the effort. Clearly Brown likes Obama, but what type of relationship will they have? Will they be unlikely partners like Bush and Blair? Inspirational allies like Roosevelt and Churchill? Or will they have more of a cool black guy, white nerd vibe to them, like Hitch or Silver Street? That's my man. That's my man. Gordon Brown's not going to be copying Obama. Or is he trying to horn in on Obama's mojo at this defining moment in history?
John Kerry
So at this defining moment in history.
Jon Stewart
What we need is real change.
John Kerry
Change is essential.
Jon Stewart
It is that American spirit.
John Kerry
It's the essence of America's spirit.
Jon Stewart
All of us are going to have to work together.
John Kerry
Let us work together.
Jon Stewart
We have to seize the moment.
John Kerry
We should seize this moment.
Jon Stewart
What are you, a Barack Obama cover band? Gordon Hopefoot and the yes we can five. But in this buddy comedy, it was the white guy who taught the black guy something. Prime Minister Gordon Brown showed up to Washington like any decent house guest, bearing gifts. Brown brought Obama a penholder made from the timbers of the Victorian anti slave ship the HMS Gannet, which is the sister ship of the HMS Resolute, from which the Oval Office desk is carved. That is a fantastic gift. Thoughtful, unique, entrenched with layers of deep meaning that connect Barack Obama's ancestral past to the lineage of the presidency interwoven with the centuries old special relationship between the United States and Britain. It is a gift wrapped inside a present, stuffed inside a thoughtful gesture. It is a Hallmark turducken. And what did our new president give in return? Well, he gave the Prime Minister 25 DVDs. You gave the guy a DVD box set? Guys are visiting head of state, not a PBS donor. You live in the White House. It's a museum. Give him some from your new house. Harding's chair. The Eisenhower spittoon. The Taft toilet desk. More of a necessity than a luxury. He couldn't move very fast. Of course, the UK is just the tip of the Obama World Reconciliation Plan. We're also trying to reconnect with Russia. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had a meet and greet with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov.
Trevor Noah
I wanted to present you with a little gift.
Jon Stewart
Please don't be DVDs. Please don't be DVDs. Please don'T be DVDs. Mrs. Clinton presented the Foreign Minister with a little box with a button on it and a sign that said reset. We want to reset our relationship.
Trevor Noah
We worked hard to get the right Russian word. You think we got it? You get it wrong. I got it wrong. It should be paired as Zagowska.
Jon Stewart
And this says beregluska, which means overcharged. Oh, and one more thing. Putin's father was killed by a red button. Other than that. So did the button work to reset our relationship with Russia? Let's do it together. So we will do it together. Okay, that's not going to help. We'll be right back. Our top story, new reports that could make our already icy relationship with the country of Pakistan colder than a witch's Frozen dessert treats tit. 2 influential human rights groups are out with scathing new reports this morning about US Drone Strikes overseas. The groups claim more civilians have been killed in Pakistan than the US has acknowledged. The new Prime Minister is not going to be very happy about all of this. Oh, I'm sorry, Pakistan. I didn't know you didn't like your citizens being sky sassinated on the whims of a foreign superpower. We thought you were cool, I guess. It's unfortunate, but. Good thing is I guess we can just lay low for a while and just get back in touch with Pakistan when the wounds aren't so fresh, you know.
Trevor Noah
Tonight, Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is at the White House for his first face to face meeting with President Obama.
Jon Stewart
Awkward. Boy, that's the sort of meeting when you really need old Bo in the room, you know what I mean? Just have just to have something else to talk about, like. Yeah, I know those drone strikes are up. Hey, look, he loves that bone though. He really loves going for that bone. Oh, look at that. He's licking his own ass. What were we talking about? I tell you who Obama wishes he was right now. Secretary of State Kerry. Because when this went down, Kerry had the good luck to be visiting our ally, France. Kerry's timing could not have been better.
John Kerry
The timing could not have been worse. As US Secretary of State John Kerry stepped off the plane in Paris, he was immediately embroiled in an embarrassing controversy between France and the U.S. oh, what'd we do?
Jon Stewart
France to cause a controversy? What'd we drink out of the bidet again? What happened? Did we call sparkling wine champagne again? We know the difference, we just don't give a. Did we make a mockery of your most cherished athletic event by having an American win it seven times in a row through a sophisticated blood doping scheme? That last one we did do, actually. Is that what it is?
John Kerry
The National Security Agency spied on millions of French citizens, according to the leading newspaper Le Monde.
Jon Stewart
Oh, that. Awkward. Good thing our top diplomat's on the case.
John Kerry
At the end of a day of Rapid Developments, Mr. Kerry offered this explanation.
Jon Stewart
Kerry said to the French, quote, nations be spying, yo. This ambassador knows what I'm talking about. Actually, that's not really what he said. This is really what he said. As President Obama said very clearly in a recent speech that he gave at the United Nations General assembly just a few weeks ago. He said, we in the United States are currently reviewing the way that we gather intelligence. By reviewing the way we gather intelligence, we mean from now on, we're going to try and do it secretly. In our defense, though, our monitoring 70 million French conversations wasn't espionage. It's just French phone calls are all so hot. It's like a nationwide sex line. Even French people talking about their mortgage payments. It's all like, oh, mon cher Marie, when can we run the roof? Oh, the 2.5% APR. My loans, they a. For your deposit. Your other bank. You must never tell her. And by the way. All right, we're spying on France, not like we're spying on our other allies. In what appears to have been a blunt and embarrassing phone call today, the Chancellor of Germany told President Obama to stop tapping her phone. Ladies and gentlemen, my impression of how that phone call went. Hey, how are you, Angela? What do you mean? You know how I am. Although it is impressive that we managed to put a tap on the actual Chancellor herself. Who could have gotten close enough to do something like that? I mean, it's. Oh, my God. That's what it was. He was planting the bug. Unbelievable. White House, you got some explaining to do. White House. I can tell you that the President assured the Chancellor that the United States is not monitoring and will not monitor the communications of. The Chancellor. Is not monitoring. Will not monitor. I think you're missing a tense there. You got your present progressive there, and you got. You got your simple future, but you're missing your past progressive, AKA the We were not. Where's your past progressive tense, Jay Carney, by the way, that joke brought to you by grammar. Grammar? Yeah, grammar. It's the rules. What? Make your mouth feel dumb. All right, so Pakistan, France, and Germany might have a few tiny reasons to be mad at us. We could get back from this. In Mexico, many remain angry over reports the NSA hacked into the former Mexican president's email. The Brazilian president said she was forced to postpone a planned trip to the US following reports the NSA spied on her personal communications complaints from nearly 40 other countries over revelations that the National Security Agency has spying on their internal communications. Awkward. So what are you guys saying? We have a problem. We're somehow addicted to paranoid snooping on everyone and everything around us. How dare you. I am so offended. I bid you good day. But as a parting gift, if I could just leave this right here. It's just an innocuous toaster. Don't use it just when you're saying things. If you could make toast, we would. Rest of the world, meet me at camera three. So you guys are all upset we're spying on you and drone striking you, and you're really upset. But I just have one question. Have you met Us meddling in your affairs for our national self interest is kind of our thing. What part of everything we've done since the Monroe Doctrine don't you get? I mean, bugging your phone's pretty weak tea for us. Do you know how much cigar shrapnel Castro is still pulling out of his ass? Besides, if it makes you feel any better, our government isn't doing anything to you that they're not doing to us. See, right there. Boom, boom. They're spying. Get this. They're spying on our studio. And I'm literally saying that into a camera that is going to broadcast it. Seems kind of redundant. I don't even know. Okay, I didn't even know about that one. Did not know about that one. So, look, world, you want an apology, fine. We're sorry that you forgot that we are kind of dicks. But you know what? All nations act in their own self interest. Don't act like your don't stink. It does. And we know because we have a super secret program that goes through. But by the way, Germany might want to ease up on the everything you eat and drink. France, you don't like our hubris now? You sure liked it when we were handing off the Vietnam War to us. Hey, can you guys hold this war for us for just a little bit? We just got something to do over in Algeria and Pakistan. We know that some of those drone strikes were at your request. And by the way, when were you going to tell us that Bin Laden was crashing on your couch? And you, Germany. Yeah, you. Do I really have to justify myself to a country that invaded Poland because they thought Poland was looking at them funny? So get over it. Or better yet, turn that frown upside down. Don't think of us as an overly aggressive, paranoid superpower. Think of us as what anyone's looking for in a partner. Good listener, a great listener, the best listener in the history of the world. So before you say thank you, I would only ask one thing. Can you say it a little closer to that toaster? We'll be right back.
Ronan Farrow
Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is Apuna to is a senator prize winning investigative journalist who writes for the New Yorker and is the author of the new book War on the End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence. Please welcome Ronan Farrow.
Jon Stewart
Hello.
Ronan Farrow
Welcome to the show.
Trevor Noah
A pleasure to be here.
Ronan Farrow
You are an overachiever in the journalistic world. So many people talk about all the stories that you are breaking. I mean, the MeToo movement was broken by your story. Like I Mean, it's what sparked a movement.
Trevor Noah
Well, there were very brave women who were sources. There were great activists who preceded that. But I'm honored to have been a conduit for some of those stories. They were tough to tell.
Ronan Farrow
They were tough to tell for the women involved. They were also tough for you to tell as a journalist. Like, we read all these stories about Harvey Weinstein and these people that he was hiring. And were you ever afraid? Is that a point where you go, like, maybe I shouldn't break stories. I'm just gonna tweet 10 most likely things that people want to click on.
Trevor Noah
I mean, I'll do that too. Cat Listicles are the future guys.
Ronan Farrow
Right?
Trevor Noah
But, but it is, it is true. You know, look, there was intimidation. There was a system designed to shut down these stories. And that affected not just me, but a whole range of brave journalists going up against this thing. And sure, like the moment when you find yourself sort of deciding, do I go home tonight? Cause I'm getting staked out and like, if I do go home, I go in with my keys and I'm like looking under the bed and pulling back the shower curtain. It's like, okay, either I'm crazy or actually the story is stranger than fiction. And as it turns out, what we were able to break is he was hiring, you know, former Mossad agents, combat ready operatives that were in fact following people around using false identities.
Ronan Farrow
The news that you just broke today, for instance, or that just broke today, is a story of how the Trump administration was secretly hiring an Israeli team of spies to dig up dirt on, on people who worked on the Iran deal. Is that correct?
Trevor Noah
In fact, the same Israeli spies from a firm called Black Cube, the same as the Harvey Weinstein that Harvey Weinstein hired, and in some cases using the same false identities and front companies that I heard from when I was getting stalked by these guys.
Ronan Farrow
Wait, so explain to me just a little bit of the details. So they were hiring these people not to undermine the deal itself, but to undermine the people who put the deal together.
Jon Stewart
Why?
Trevor Noah
So that's the surprising part of this.
Jon Stewart
The.
Trevor Noah
These are policy wonks. You know, these are Obama advisors. And you know, we don't have all the answers yet, but sources close to this and documents that we obtained at the New Yorker show very clearly there was a seemingly political in focus operation designed to smear them seemingly all connected to their work on the 2015 Iran deal.
Ronan Farrow
It's interesting because this sounds less like a story you would hear in a first world country or a country that claims to be pro democracy than you would in a country that's totalitarian. You talk about this in the book War and Peace, the End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence. It really speaks to, in a way, what's happening with the Iran deal. It seems like Trump and his people do not care about the diplomacy that America conducts in the world. It's now just become war or no war, talking or no talking. Why do you think that's happened?
Trevor Noah
Yeah, these stories all connect. Look, these are individuals fighting desperately to save a deal because they believe if we unilaterally as a nation back out of the Iran deal, for all its imperfections, it's worked in its narrow goal of containing them for a time. And if we back out, their fear is it drives a wedge between us and our allies and it potentially sends a message to North Korea and other rogue states that we don't want to be sending, that they shouldn't come to the table. And as you suggest, this is all connected. They are getting smeared and intimidated.
Ronan Farrow
Right.
Trevor Noah
It's in a context, as I outline in War on Peace, where their profession is endangered, where people who make our deals and negotiate and hopefully secure options for addressing conflicts around the world that don't involve going in guns blazing, they are under attack, they are getting fired en masse. People don't understand what they do anymore. And more and more that work is being outsourced to the military, to our spies, to the intelligence community.
Ronan Farrow
That's interesting because you, you spoke to every living Secretary of state and you spoke about how America's diplomacy has been on the decline. This isn't something that started with Trump, but it may be accelerating now. Is this a sustainable way to conduct oneself in the world where it is military first, diplomacy second?
Trevor Noah
Well, what I chronicle in War on Peace is in place after place when we sabotage opportunities for political settlements and peaceful ways out and we go in shooting first, it really comes back to haunt us. Trevor, again and again, we see situations where we end up lying down with warlords and strongmen and unsavory characters, and then we have no leverage over them because we have fired all of the diplomats who could negotiate and play hardball in that way.
Ronan Farrow
Right. And if you look at the current situation, there are countries where America doesn't have a diplomat right now. There are countries where there is no one handling that high level negotiation. What happens in that case.
Trevor Noah
Yeah, so you're exactly right. This is happening to a new extreme right now. Donald Trump has unceremoniously fired basically, you know, ambassadors across the world, assistant secretaries that run some of the most sensitive regions in the world. Right. So we have an understaffed, unmanned diplomatic operation. There is precedent for this before. We've seen other administrations, Democratic and Republican, sort of sideline diplomats and see how disaster it is, disastrous it is. But this is new in terms of what an extreme it is. And when you look at the consequences, we see situations where there are active opportunities to make peace and we just give them up. We see situations where you could bring people to the table potentially and spare brave servicemen and women going into the line of fire and we give those up. It's a real problem. And I'd also point out for people who kind of don't want to think about those high level talks, these are also the people that screen dangerous interlopers from coming into the United States.
Ronan Farrow
Right. Right.
Trevor Noah
That stamp your passports, that save you if you're kidnapped abroad. This is unglamorous work, but it's life saving.
Ronan Farrow
It's life saving. It's integral and it's currently crumbling. It's a fascinating book. You're a fascinating man. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Trevor Noah
Pleasure to be here. Really appreciate it.
Ronan Farrow
War and Peace is available now. Ronan Farron, Everybod. Be right back.
Trevor Noah
Thank you.
Jon Stewart
Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts.
Summary of "TDS Time Machine | International Diplomacy" Episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Release Date: March 14, 2025
In the episode titled "TDS Time Machine | International Diplomacy," hosted by Jon Stewart alongside The Daily Show News Team, the discussion delves deep into the complexities of international diplomacy, scrutinizing past and present U.S. foreign policies. The episode balances satirical commentary with serious analysis, providing listeners with both humor and insightful perspectives on global affairs.
Timestamp: 00:01 – 06:39
Jon Stewart kicks off the episode by highlighting the challenges the next U.S. president will face in foreign policy, particularly addressing the aftermath of President Bush's two-term administration. He introduces a new segment, "Fruits of Democracy," focusing on Iraq's five-year anniversary post-invasion.
Iranian Leader's Visit to Iraq: Stewart humorously critiques Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to Iraq, contrasting it with the U.S. administration's more covert diplomatic efforts. He mockingly notes, “Ahmadinejad becoming the first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein falls of [natural causes]” (01:30).
Contrasting Diplomatic Approaches: The segment underscores the stark differences between Iranian and American diplomatic receptions. Stewart sarcastically observes, “To the untrained eye, that may appear to be gracious, maybe even a warm welcome” (03:15), referring to Ahmadinejad's reception in Iraq.
U.S. Diplomatic Shortcomings: Stewart lampoons the U.S. President’s clandestine arrival methods, “He has to arrive unannounced, under cover of night. Is it me, or did Al Qaeda blow up the sun?” (05:00), highlighting the awkwardness and perceived ineffectiveness of American diplomatic gestures compared to their counterparts.
Timestamp: 06:29 – 19:19
The discussion transitions into a critique of U.S. interactions with key international allies and adversaries, emphasizing diplomatic faux pas and surveillance controversies.
U.K. Relations and Gift Exchange: Jon Stewart humorously dissects the exchange between U.S. President Obama and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. He highlights the disproportionate gift exchange: “What did our new president give in return? Well, he gave the Prime Minister 25 DVDs” (07:45), underscoring perceived triviality in diplomatic gifts.
NSA Surveillance Scandals: Stewart addresses widespread international outrage over U.S. surveillance activities. He states, “2 influential human rights groups are out with scathing new reports this morning about US Drone Strikes overseas” (09:02), linking to broader NSA spying allegations in countries like Pakistan, France, Germany, Mexico, and Brazil.
Apology for U.S. Actions: In a satirical apology segment, Stewart mocks the U.S. government's attempts to justify its intrusive actions: “So you guys are all upset we're spying on you and drone striking you, and you're really upset. But I just have one question. Have you met us meddling in your affairs for our national self interest is kind of our thing” (18:30).
Timestamp: 19:19 – 25:27
The latter half of the episode features an in-depth interview with Ronan Farrow, a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist and author of "War on the End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence."
Impact of the MeToo Movement: Farrow discusses his role in breaking the MeToo movement, highlighting the challenges and dangers faced by journalists: “There was intimidation. There was a system designed to shut down these stories” (20:23).
Trump Administration’s Foreign Policy: The conversation shifts to the Trump administration’s approach to diplomacy. Farrow asserts, “Donald Trump has unceremoniously fired basically, you know, ambassadors across the world” (24:08), emphasizing the destabilizing effect on U.S. diplomatic efforts.
Consequences of Undermining Diplomacy: Stewart probes the ramifications of sidelining diplomatic channels, to which Farrow responds, “This is happening to a new extreme right now. We have an understaffed, unmanned diplomatic operation” (24:18).
Sustainable Foreign Policy: Farrow critiques the shift from diplomatic negotiations to military interventions, arguing that “These are individuals fighting desperately to save a deal because they believe if we unilaterally as a nation back out of the Iran deal... it's worked in its narrow goal of containing them for a time” (22:58).
Timestamp: 25:32 – End
Jon Stewart wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to explore more content within The Daily Show podcast universe and tune in to upcoming weeknight episodes on Comedy Central or stream them on Paramount+.
Satirical Critique of U.S. Diplomacy: The episode uses humor to highlight serious flaws in U.S. foreign policy, emphasizing the need for effective diplomatic strategies over covert operations and military interventions.
International Relations Discrepancies: Stewart contrasts American diplomatic approaches with those of other nations, pointing out inconsistencies and failures in maintaining strong international alliances.
Importance of Diplomatic Roles: Through Ronan Farrow's insights, the episode underscores the critical role of diplomats in maintaining global peace and the detrimental effects of underfunding and understaffing these positions.
Call for Reinvigorated Diplomacy: The overarching message advocates for a renewed focus on diplomacy to address international conflicts and strengthen America’s influence globally.
Jon Stewart (01:30): “Ahmadinejad becoming the first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein falls of [natural causes].”
Jon Stewart (05:00): “He has to arrive unannounced, under cover of night. Is it me, or did Al Qaeda blow up the sun?”
Jon Stewart (07:45): “What did our new president give in return? Well, he gave the Prime Minister 25 DVDs.”
Jon Stewart (09:02): “2 influential human rights groups are out with scathing new reports this morning about US Drone Strikes overseas.”
Ronan Farrow (20:23): “There was intimidation. There was a system designed to shut down these stories.”
Ronan Farrow (22:58): “Donald Trump has unceremoniously fired basically, you know, ambassadors across the world.”
This episode of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition" serves as a compelling blend of humor and critical analysis, urging listeners to reflect on the state of American diplomacy and its implications for global relations. Through sharp satire and informed discussion, Jon Stewart and Ronan Farrow provide a thought-provoking examination of international diplomacy's current trajectory.