TDS Time Machine | New Year's Resolutions

Summary

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

Episode: TDS Time Machine | New Year's Resolutions
Date: December 31, 2025
Host: Jon Stewart and Comedy Central News Team

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Overview

This episode of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition" takes a comedic, satirical look at the perennial tradition of New Year’s resolutions. Jon Stewart and the News Team resurrect their 2006 segment "American Resolutions," following correspondents Rob Corddry, Nate Corddry, Ed Helms, and Jason Jones as they embark on hilariously misguided attempts to improve themselves—exploring self-delusion, the difficulty of breaking bad habits, the awkwardness of personal change, and journeying into parenthood. The show wraps up with a cameo from Stephen Colbert, offering tongue-in-cheek resolutions for Jon Stewart.

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Key Segments and Insights

1. Introduction: American Resolutions

• Jon Stewart introduces a new series spotlighting the News Team’s efforts to better themselves for the new year.
  • “In 2006, our correspondents will be sharing their personal challenges with our viewers in the new series American Resolutions.” (01:02)

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2. Rob Corddry: Breaking the "Threesome" Obsession

Segment Start: 01:29

• Rob Corddry humorously confesses his lifelong (and troublingly persistent) dream: convincing his wife to have a threesome.

• He details seeking professional help (Dr. Stephen Lamb) to curb the obsession:

  • Is prompted to remove stimulating "cues" (i.e., canceling then immediately reinstating Cinemax).
  • Struggles, relapses, and uses comedic inner monologue revealing the depth of the challenge.

• Memorable Quote:

  • “As a young boy, I always dreamed about growing up, marrying a beautiful woman and convincing that woman to have a threesome. My dreams were almost fulfilled...but Sandy wasn't buying it. And soon my obsession started to affect our marriage.” (01:29)
  • “Yeah, hi, I would like to cancel Cinemax. And if I call back, don’t let me reinstate it…Yes, hello, I would like to reinstate Cinemax.” (02:52–03:15)

• Therapist’s advice: Remove environmental triggers, explore new sexual possibilities—with consent.

  • Dr. Lamb: “I think you need to expand the sort of sexual activity that you actually have with your wife.” (04:43)
  • Corddry: “No one’s 100% comfortable with the ass.” (04:58)

• Wraps up in-studio with Jon Stewart and wife Sandy: Corddry insists he’ll persevere, with Sandy’s support.

• Comedic callback: The infamous “threesome chair” is “put away.”

  • “Sandy will be glad to know that the threesome chair can come down.” (05:51)

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3. Nate Corddry: Project "Show Them"

Segment Start: 06:47

• Nate Corddry wants to finally “show them all” after years of being overlooked, bullied, or snubbed.

  • Recalls being “small, asthmatic and not terribly bright,” harboring grudges.

• Guided by therapist Dr. Belgray, Nate starts a video diary and a semi-deranged “Project Shoenum.”

  • Initial acts: stealing neighbor’s newspaper, setting flaming bag of feces on an old boss’s porch, plotting vengeance against “How I Met Your Mother” for not casting him.

• Quote: "Okay, it's January 1st, New Year's Day, and Project Shoenum is off to an awesome start." (07:59)

• Project spirals into absurdity (mailing a deadly snake to Neil Patrick Harris, plotting with crossbows, and “bone saws”).

• Dr. Belgray’s concern rises as Nate asks about making “room in his crawlspace.”

  • Dr. Belgray: "There's some discomfort in the room right now as you ask me this question. What's this about?" (10:56)

• The segment ends with a gag about a “bowling ball” (with drilled holes) and the sense that revenge is ultimately futile.

• Standout moment:

  • Nate: “Suit yourself, Doctor. But just remember, if you’re not with me, you’re against me. Just ask Neil Patrick Harris. You sent me a dead snake.” (11:10)

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4. Ed Helms: Escaping a Soul-Crushing Job

Segment Start: 12:43

• Ed Helms’s resolution: quit the Daily Show and get a new job.
  • “My job sucks, Jon. And my New Year’s resolution is to get a new one. Roll it.” (13:11)
• Visits a career counselor (Keith), hilariously misrepresents his “skills” and hobbies (collecting 3,000 ceramic shoes, pornographic embroidery).
  • “I embroider scenes from my favorite movies.” (13:57)
• Awkwardly navigates resume-building and job applications:
  • Divulges inappropriate details, debates paper colors, and presses for fireball fuchsia resume paper and matching suits.
• “Would it be a good idea if the suit that I’m wearing matches the paper that I printed my resume on?... Yeah, but it’s probably like that extra detail that’s gonna get you the job.” (15:55–16:11)
• Describes a toxic work environment (“My boss is like, if you took Willy Wonka and mixed him with Hitler”), and realizes job-hunting is its own full-time job.
• Ultimate (unachievable) goals: astronaut, Academy Awards host, kickboxer, delicious candy taster.
  • Jon Stewart: “I just don’t think those are very realistic.” (19:48)
  • Ed Helms: “Fine, shoot me down. Always shooting down, Ed.” (19:54)
• Asks for a letter of recommendation, closing his farcical journey.

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5. Jason Jones: The Road to Emotional Correspondence / Fatherhood

Segment Start: 21:15

• Jason Jones aims to “catch up” with his peers by taking on Anderson Cooper’s emotionally involved reporting style.
  • “He’s not afraid to show emotion or involve himself in the story... I’m trying to show my own human side in my stories.” (21:55)
• Initial attempts at “vulnerability” on screen fall flat—until his wife brings home their baby.
  • “A baby. Our own little Katrina. I decided my New Year’s resolution would be to take viewers on the journey of discovery that is fatherhood.” (22:29)
• Hires parenting coach Julie Ross to manufacture moments of parental vulnerability.
  • Attempts to create emotional “ratings gold” by lamenting not knowing his daughter.
• Brings the baby to the office, combines world events with “dad life,” and obsessively films “enough to send to the networks.”
  • “But my journey into fatherhood isn’t just about showing I can cry. It’s about showing I can care…” (24:09)
• Memorable exchange:
  • Jon Stewart: “...you’re a terrible father.”
  • Jason Jones: “Really, John? Well, you’re in the minority because I don’t think they sell these to just anyone.” (25:22–25:36)

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6. Stephen Colbert: Resolutions for Jon Stewart

Segment Start: 26:01

• Stephen Colbert checks in with typically dry wit, rattling off “resolutions”—not for himself, but for Jon Stewart:
  • “Lose that embarrassing muffin top,” “Start composting,” “Demonstrate basic human decency toward employees.”
  • Rob Corddry (as Colbert): “No, John, these resolutions aren’t for me. They’re for you.”
  • Jon resists, but Colbert pushes, “Stop undercutting the premise of these end of show chats.”
• Playful, meta banter closes the episode in true Daily Show style.

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Notable Quotes

• Rob Corddry: “No one’s 100% comfortable with the ass.” (04:58)
• Nate Corddry: “God was on my ‘to be shown’ list. But I like the idea of asking for help.” (09:35)
• Ed Helms: “My boss is like, if you took Willy Wonka and mixed him with Hitler.” (15:36)
• Jason Jones: “A baby. Our own little Katrina. I decided my New Year’s resolution would be to take viewers on the journey of discovery that is fatherhood.” (22:29)
• Jon Stewart to Jason Jones: “You’re a terrible father.” (25:22)
• Stephen Colbert: “These resolutions aren’t for me. They’re for you.” (26:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:02] Jon Stewart introduces "American Resolutions"
• [01:29] Rob Corddry’s absurd sexual resolution
• [06:47] Nate Corddry’s revenge project
• [12:43] Ed Helms’ career change quest
• [21:15] Jason Jones’ emotional journey into parenthood
• [26:01] Stephen Colbert’s guest appearance with “resolutions” for Jon

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Tone and Language

Consistent with “The Daily Show,” the episode is laced with rapid-fire satire, exaggerated self-deprecation, absurdist humor, and meta-commentary. Jokes land swiftly, often building on prior bits, and the news team members remain in character as both earnest New Year’s strivers and deeply flawed, hilarious cynics.

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Takeaways

• New Year's resolutions are comically difficult, often setting us up for more self-delusion and absurdity than real growth.
• The quest for self-improvement offers as much rich ground for satire as it does emotional truth.
• The correspondents’ journeys poke holes in “resolution culture,” spotlighting our universal struggles with change—while lampooning both personal ambition and the media’s style of “meaningful” storytelling.

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This episode is a perfect snapshot of The Daily Show’s signature approach: taking cultural rituals, skewering them, and making you laugh at your own foibles—with just enough heart behind the punchlines.

Transcript

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[Rob Corddry]

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[Rob Corddry]

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[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

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[Rob Corddry]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[John Stewart]

The it's a time to challenge yourself to be a better person. In 2006, our correspondents will be sharing their personal challenges with our viewers in the new series American Resolutions. Here to kick off the series for us is our own Rob Cordry. Thank you so much.

[Nate Corddry]

Thank you.

[Rob Corddry]

Thanks, John. This year I was one of, let's say, billions of Americans who made a New Year's resolution to improve some aspect of their lives. As I found out, sticking to a resolution is a struggle requiring motivation, self discipline and the support of loved ones. As a young boy, I always dreamed about growing up, marrying a beautiful woman and convincing that woman to have a threesome. My dreams were almost fulfilled. I met Sandy and I thought our wedding night would be the perfect time to have a threesome. I suggested Jesse Scott, Table 3. American Idol's Randy Jackson. But Sandy wasn't buying it. And soon my obsession started to affect our marriage. So this year I decided to do something about my problem and seek professional help. Right after I hit the free buffet. Then I spoke with Dr. Stephen Lamb.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Can I assume that the third party or guest is a female?

[Rob Corddry]

Dude, Chick. Chick was guy with pie. I don't care.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

I think it's important for you to remove the cues the environment which induces you to to start thinking about this.

[Rob Corddry]

Simple enough. I just needed to remove the things that were fueling my fantasy. Yeah, hi, I would like to cancel Cinemax. And if I call back, don't let me reinstate it. But before I got to step two, there was one more thing I had to take care of. Yes, hello, I would like to reinstate Cinemax. Oh, come on. I was kidding before. What are you wearing? Yeah, what kind of pants?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Hello?

[Rob Corddry]

No matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about my problem. Aye aye aye aye aye If I was going to succeed, I just needed to put these thoughts out of my head.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Rob Corddry]

Take your clothes off first. Three dead in a car bomb attack.

[Ed Helms]

Three miles outside of Tikrit. Three Iraqis in the Sunni triangle awoke to chaos. It was the third attack of its.

[Rob Corddry]

Kind in the last three days. It's an all too familiar scene this morning. I think all this space doll stuff has gone to Gleek's head. Yeah, totally. That Purple Monkey.

[Ed Helms]

3 is a magic number.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes, it is.

[Rob Corddry]

It's a magic.

[Ed Helms]

Rob.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

What are you watching?

[Ed Helms]

Nothing. Somewhere, news.

[Rob Corddry]

Get away from me, you hot purple monkey. I was just two days into my resolution and already I was failing. I needed a new arrival.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

I think you need to expand the sort of sexual activity that you actually have with your wife.

[Rob Corddry]

Are you talking about the ass?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Well, you need to discuss with your wife what she's actually comfortable with. She's comfortable with it. You don't need my permission.

[Rob Corddry]

No one's 100% comfortable with the ass.

[Advertisement Voice]

No.

[Rob Corddry]

That takes practice. Maybe that can be next year's resolution.

[John Stewart]

Thank you very much. We're back, Rob. Nicely done. And obviously I want to introduce your wife, Sandy. Thank you so much for joining us.

[Rob Corddry]

Thank you, John.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Hi, John.

[John Stewart]

It's nice to see you. So how is the resolution going?

[Rob Corddry]

Well, John, of course it's not easy, but with Sandy's love and support, I'm going to get through this.

[John Stewart]

And what's next for you guys?

[Rob Corddry]

Well, I think we're just going to go get a drink, celebrate our progress. You should come with us. You like champagne? You drink? You like champagne or.

[John Stewart]

Rob Cordray and Sandy Cordray, everybody. We'll be right back after this.

[Rob Corddry]

Sandy will be glad to know that the threesome chair can come down.

[Nate Corddry]

That's a threesome chair.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[John Stewart]

We now proudly present part two of our ongoing look at our correspondent's brave struggles to stick to their New Year's resolutions. Tonight we check in with Nate Cordry. Nate.

[Nate Corddry]

Thank you, John. In 2006. I vowed to make good on a promise I make every New Year's, but never get around to actually doing. Showing them. Showing them all. Growing up small, asthmatic and not terribly bright. I've spent 28 years being taken advantage of by others. Every January 1st, it's the same old story. I tell myself, this is the year I'm finally gonna show em. But I always wind up losing my will. No one gets theirs. And the anger just builds.

[Rob Corddry]

Hey, what's up, bitch? Oh.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Oof.

[Rob Corddry]

Where'd you get that suit?

[Nate Corddry]

Baby gap.

[Rob Corddry]

Oh.

[Nate Corddry]

I was determined that this year I would keep my resolution.

[Dr. Belgray]

The first thing that I would recommend is to make this a project. The New Year's Resolution Project. It's not a bad idea to write down the list. And you write out your thoughts and.

[Nate Corddry]

Your feelings in a feelings journal.

[Dr. Belgray]

Exactly. And this will help you with the resistances within yourself to deal with your New Year's resolutions.

[Nate Corddry]

God, you're good at what you do.

[Dr. Belgray]

The way to growth is through all the struggles.

[Nate Corddry]

Was that a dig on my height?

[Dr. Belgray]

I didn't have your height in mind.

[Nate Corddry]

Yeah, okay. I know I'm not as tall as my brother. Taking the doctor's advice, I made a list of the people who most needed showing. Some for what they'd done to me, some for what they were currently doing to me, and some who'd made direct eye contact with me. And since feelings journals are for girls, I set up a video diary. Okay, it's January 1st, New Year's Day, and Project Shoenum is off to an awesome start. I have a neighbor who refuses to turn down his stereo. Blasts it all night long. So I stole his newspaper. Shone, that's on to my old boss's house with this bag of human feces. And I'm gonna set it on fire. And then I'm gonna FedEx this deadly black mamba to the producers of How I Met yout Mother because they decided to cast Neil Patrick Harris instead of me. Well, I would have gone the other way, but that's. You know, their producer is like, ah.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Ah.

[Nate Corddry]

Well, things haven't been going so well since the incident last week. I've fallen way behind. I was on the brink of giving up. I asked Dr. Belgray how I could improve my methods of showing them.

[Dr. Belgray]

What would you like to show them? What would you like them to know?

[Nate Corddry]

That I'm not gonna put up with their bull anymore.

[Dr. Belgray]

Oh. Seeking revenge can be very destructive.

[Nate Corddry]

And self destructive and very messy. Requires a lot of cleanup.

[Dr. Belgray]

You may want to see if you have a somebody you can talk to, it could be a good friend. It could be a clergyman.

[Nate Corddry]

As it happens, God was on my to be shown list. But I like the idea of asking for help. Yeah. How much would it cost to get two pulleys, an anvil, and a length of rope? Yes, Los Angeles. Last name, Harris. First name, Neil Patrick. No number. Just the address. Yeah. Do you guys rent crossbows? Yeah, you could call it hunting. Everywhere I turned, there were people willing to help me. Go ahead and close the trunk and see if you can hear me screaming.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

You want me to close the trunk?

[Nate Corddry]

Yeah. Wow. I've been totally overpowered by Nate Cordry. I can't believe how strong he is. And handsome. How unbelievably handsome. And hilarious as well. I've been totally shown. Could you make that out?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Yeah, I can hear you.

[Nate Corddry]

What if I use a ball gag? And with that, I just needed one more thing. Hey, you're a doctor, right? Would you happen to know where I could get a bone saw wholesale?

[Dr. Belgray]

Wait, you get a bone saw? Before I give the recommendation for that, I want to know, what do you want to use it for?

[Nate Corddry]

I'm going to put a lot of stuff in my crawl space, so I need to make some room.

[Dr. Belgray]

There's some discomfort in the room right now as you ask me this question. What's this about?

[Nate Corddry]

It's from my industrial saw collection.

[Dr. Belgray]

I don't know. It's not a field of my expertise. Sorry.

[Nate Corddry]

Suit yourself, Doctor. But just remember, if you're not with me, you're against me. Just ask Neil Patrick Harris. You sent me a dead snake.

[John Stewart]

Make cordry. Everybody make cordry. That was. That was. That was interesting. What was? What's in the bag?

[Nate Corddry]

It's just. Just a bowling ball.

[Dr. Belgray]

Good.

[Nate Corddry]

I mean, at least I. It could be used as a bowling ball. I mean, I drilled three holes in it.

[John Stewart]

Oh, thank you, Nate. Nate Cordra, everybody. We'll be right back after this.

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[John Stewart]

We now proudly present part three of our ongoing look at our correspondent's brave struggles to stick to their new year's resolutions. Tonight, Ed Helms.

[Nate Corddry]

Ed.

[Ed Helms]

Thanks, John. As you know, New Year's resolutions are all about change. Getting yourself out of those impenetrable ruts that crush your very soul. And for me, that one thing, I guess, that truly fills me with despair is my job.

[John Stewart]

I'm sorry.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Did you see?

[Ed Helms]

My job sucks, John. And my New Year's resolution is to get a new one. Roll it. Every year, millions of people who are routinely insulted by their superiors get new jobs. I wanted to be one of those people, so I sought the help of a career counselor.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

It does all begin with a resume that's together. Neat. That corresponds to what you have done and accomplished from a professional standpoint and from a little bit of a personal standpoint, whether that be hobbies or interests.

[Ed Helms]

My hobbies include collecting ceramic shoes like this one. I have 3,000 of these. And pornographic embroidery.

[Nate Corddry]

Mm.

[Ed Helms]

I embroider scenes from my favorite movies.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

No. Inappropriate. You want to show interests that relate to how you can be an asset to an organization.

[Ed Helms]

Obviously, my resume needed work, but I had to stay under the radar.

[Nate Corddry]

Hey, Ed.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

What?

[Ed Helms]

What's up, man?

[John Stewart]

What?

[Nate Corddry]

Uh, I was just.

[Ed Helms]

I'm not doing anything. You should knock.

[John Stewart]

Okay.

[Ed Helms]

You should really knock more. Who better to help with resumes than the people who do lots of resumes? These look great. These are a lot nicer than my res. Okay, I'll take 1,000 of the John Q. Public and 1,000 Johnny applicants.

[Advertisement Voice]

Well, this is just samples, right? Do you have something that's finished?

[Ed Helms]

Well, this one looks pretty good. District sales manager for five years. Who wouldn't hire that guy, right?

[Nate Corddry]

Indeed.

[Advertisement Voice]

However, it's not yours. It's not your credentials.

[Ed Helms]

A classic resume conundrum. What paper to use?

[Advertisement Voice]

You'll want to use the executive stock I recommend.

[Ed Helms]

I'm go with the pink. Is this the hottest pink you have?

[Advertisement Voice]

It's the hottest pink. However, this is cardstock, and you do not want.

[Ed Helms]

This is hotter. This pink is hotter than this pink.

[Advertisement Voice]

Fireball.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Fuchsia.

[Nate Corddry]

Fireball.

[Ed Helms]

Fuchsia.

[Advertisement Voice]

Nice color. However, I don't believe.

[Ed Helms]

Do you like your jab here? He's doing a good job.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah, I do like it.

[Ed Helms]

Is your boss cool?

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah, he's cool.

[Ed Helms]

My boss is like, if you took Willy Wonka and mixed him with Hitler. He's got, like. He's crazy like Willy Wonka and he's psycho like Hitler. He doesn't have a mustache. With my credentials in order, it was time to get my appearance in order with a visit to my local haberdashers Would it be a good idea if the suit that I'm wearing matches the paper that I printed my resume on? I would say that's a little over the top. Yeah, but it's probably like that extra detail that's gonna get you the job.

[John Stewart]

It'll get you noticed.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah. Get you noticed. Do you have fireball fuchsia suits? You know what this says? Trim you gimme a job. That's what it says. That's a little. Seriously, you give me a job. No, seriously, give me a job, Ken. Seriously, give me a job. Decked out in my dazzling new duds. I needed interview tips from Keith.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

You want to stay open, no arms folded, no legs crossed. You want to give the right body language signals.

[Ed Helms]

Has your boss ever poured scalding hot Celestial seasonings Lemon Zinger onto your arm?

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

No.

[Ed Helms]

It doesn't just burn.

[John Stewart]

Okay.

[Ed Helms]

It's also citrus. And the citrus stings. That's tough. And then they filled the pockets of my jacket with cockroaches. I work for a child.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

Doesn't sound like it's a good environment. Working environment for you there.

[Ed Helms]

So where exactly are the job openings? I searched websites like Hot Jobs and Career Builder, but came up empty handed. Clearly I just needed a little focus. Back to Keith.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

What do you think you're good at? What do you think some of your best attributes are from a professional standpoint?

[Ed Helms]

I'm good at conducting satirical interviews during which I make the interviewee or patsy feel tense, awkward, and often foolish. You know what I'm not good at is handling the awkwardness that ensues.

[Nate Corddry]

Yeah.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

I think you just have to, you know, just move right through it.

[Rob Corddry]

Good.

[Ed Helms]

Moving right along.

[John Stewart]

Right through it.

[Ed Helms]

Okay. Keith put me through my paces in a mock interview. I got a pretty good skill set. I think you're gonna like it. I'm really good at not taking less than $25,000 a year, period.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

Interesting. How do you think you'll be an asset to our organization?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Okay.

[Rob Corddry]

24.

[Dr. Belgray]

5.

[Keith (Career Counselor)]

I think we're a little bit early in the interview process to really discuss money and salary at this time.

[Ed Helms]

22. I had learned the art of hardball. Now, John, as you can see, preparing to get a job is itself a full time job.

[John Stewart]

Willy Wonka and Hitler. So what kind of job are you interested in?

[Ed Helms]

Well, that's a good question. I've actually listed a few here. Astronaut would be very cool. That would be awesome. But I don't want to be some bull orbiter. I want to land on a planet. Okay. Also delicious candy. Taster is on the list. Host of Academy Awards would be nice. And finally, this is really where my skill set kicks in. Kickboxer.

[John Stewart]

And I. I just don't think that those are very realistic.

[Rob Corddry]

Fine, Fine. Shoot me down. Always shooting down, Ed.

[Ed Helms]

That's the way it goes here.

[Rob Corddry]

Fine.

[Nate Corddry]

Geez.

[Ed Helms]

I'm gonna need a letter of recommendation.

[John Stewart]

Ed Helms, everybody.

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[Ed Helms]

1-800-Contacts.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Now.

[John Stewart]

Since the beginning of the year, we've been following our correspondents as they fulfill their New Year's resolutions in our let's say award nominated series, American Resolutions. Tonight, we check in with Jason Jones. Jason?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Thank you, John. You know, I've been watching a lot of the other correspondents present their resolution pieces, and I've seen how they've grown and what they've learned. Well, I'll tell you what I've learned. I better get one of these things on the air right quick or those guys are going to bury me. While watching Anderson Cooper report from the disaster in the Gulf Coast, I noticed something.

[Dr. Belgray]

Actually.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

He's not afraid to show emotion or involve himself in the story. And while he may seem like a pussy to you and me, viewers, eat it up. I'm trying to show my own human side in my stories. I won't interview a woman who's menstruating. The execution of the retarded child is only moments away. But without a national disaster to stand in front of and weep, it just didn't work. Then my current wife brought home a little bundle of opportunity.

[Ed Helms]

Babe, where you been?

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

There's no food in the house.

[Nate Corddry]

It's a girl oh, great.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Does she bring any food with her? A baby. Our own little Katrina. I decided my New Year's resolution would be to take viewers on the journey of discovery that is fatherhood.

[Ed Helms]

I'm sorry, guys.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Can we get a little softer? Focus on the lens. A little softer.

[Ed Helms]

All right.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Yes. Perfect. So come along and watch as this pissing burden becomes my stepping stone to the big time. From the first day, my daughter changed my daily life. To guide me through those changes, I hired a parenting coach. Julie Ross. She's created a safe space where I can appear more vulnerable. So the reason I've come to you.

[Ed Helms]

Is.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

I feel like my baby is growing up, and I don't even know her. Um, can we get better music on that, or. I feel like my baby's growing up and I don't even know her.

[Nate Corddry]

Well, she may not know you quite yet.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

At four weeks, I decided to let that news devastate me. Yes, pure ratings gold. But my journey into fatherhood isn't just about showing I can cry. It's about showing I can care whether it's bringing her to work with me. Well, John, the good news is that the US has shut down Saddam Hussein's rape rooms or exposing her to my interests. I know firsthand how hard it is to raise a child. That's why every week, I share my experience with other dads and a full.

[Nate Corddry]

Camera crew above the world. So I twinkle, twinkle, little. You're the sweetest little girl in the world.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Now, do you have a song I could sing that would make me sound less gay? You see, I'm a parent, just like you. And when I'm not reporting on world events, I'm hanging out with my daughter. Yes, the first month of my child's life has been a journey. It's had its share of highs and lows, but I've forged a connection with my daughter that will last a lifetime. And more importantly, I've shot enough footage to send to the networks. Suck it, Anderson Cooper.

[Ed Helms]

Wow.

[John Stewart]

Great report.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Thank you.

[John Stewart]

I'm going to, you know, say this as gently as I can, obviously, but you're a terrible father.

[Dr. Stephen Lamb]

Really, John? Well, you're in the minority because I don't think they sell these to just anyone.

[John Stewart]

Thank you, Jason Jones, everybody. We'll be right back after this. Before we go, we're going to check in with our good friend Stephen Colbert with the Colbert Report. Stephen. Happy New Year, sir. Any resolutions? Nice to see you back. All those look at my hand motions. Very nice. Exits are located here and here. What do you got for us resolutions.

[Rob Corddry]

Oh, I got New Year's resolutions. John, first of all, lose that embarrassing muffin top.

[John Stewart]

Yep.

[Rob Corddry]

Start composting. Demonstrate basic human decency toward employees.

[John Stewart]

Well, those are all valuable, valuable goals. And you got your work cut out for you. I think it's an excellent job.

[Rob Corddry]

No, John, these resolutions aren't for me. They're for you.

[John Stewart]

That's not really how resolutions work.

[Rob Corddry]

John, you're breaking resolution number 432. Stop undercutting the premise of these end of show chats.

[John Stewart]

I say, what should I do? Should I do?

[Rob Corddry]

John, you're breaking another Jon Stewart resolution.

[John Stewart]

What is that?

[Rob Corddry]

Stop talking during the end of show chats. Just put the camera on me and let the money roll in. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

[Ed Helms]

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