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- [00:01]
Jon Stewart
You're listening to Comedy Central. January 20, 2009. Live from New York City and Washington D.C. it's the Daily show with Jon Stewart's inauguration special. Change Fest 09 Rebirth of a Nation. A night of history and balls. What a day. The inauguration of the 44th president of these United States, Barack Obama. He is really? You didn't. I'm shocked, you guys. You really didn't know it was today? How long have you people been waiting in line in Washington D.C. the inaugural drew. My God, it must be one or 2,000 people to the mall. But for Barack Obama, the day began as it does for so many millions of Americans with the awkward co worker carpool boy. That's a sound Bush probably doesn't hear too often when he probably turned to Obama. What kind of booze are these? Happy boos. Better get in the car before they start throwing victory shoes. Actually, in the car, Bush gave his last piece of presidential advice, which I believe was. You know those movies, National Treasure. It's all true. Your gold is under your bed. Then it was off to the legislative red carpet, a veritable who's who of. Who's that? Statesman, congresspeople, senators, world leaders, and of course, twins. Yeah, the Bush daughters are fraternal twins. The first lady, Michelle Obama, looked absolutely gorgeous. The bow suggesting she is, in fact a gift for the American people. First lady of Seoul. Aretha Franklin took that idea to another, less fortunate level. And of course, in a blatant attempt to top them, Maya Angelou, ma beau sings of the triumphant freedom. Not a big poetry fan. Anyway. Of course, the ex presidents were there as well. There's Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, always up for an open bar party. George H.W. bush, resplendent in what appears to be a yellow dickie and purple Asco, as always, dressed as the world's most foppish Vikings fan. And of course, the Clintons came and. I'm sorry, are you on the list? It's C L I N T. Oh, okay. Boy, that's embarrassing. There's one other major figure we'd be remiss if we didn't mention. Over the years, we've made our share of jibes at Vice President Dick Cheney's expense, painting him as some type of a Blofeldian supervillain, someone out of Dr. Strangelove. But of course, he's not that. He's more complex than that. He's a human being who is not evil. Oh, are you kidding me? A wheelchair? I know you hurt your back, but you might as well get rolled out to Star Wars Imperial March with a white cat in your lap. For God's sakes. A wheelchair. You might as well just get drawn with black and white ink. That's what happens. You hurt your back when you try to move those man sized safes by yourself. Now, I realize that humanity has a general moratorium on poking fun at people in wheelchairs, but of course today is a day for making history. And as so many other barriers have fallen. Folks, I'd like you to watch this wheelchair inspired comedy as President Bush and Dick Cheney enter the inauguration festivities and keep an eye out for it. Zoink. Hey, what the. I thought I was. Hey, what the. Where am I going? Where are you taking me? Why do I always have to go to the undisclosed location? And then it was time for the benediction. The choice of Rick Warren was controversial because of views that many consider to be anti gay. So I assume the pastor of the not at all gay sounding Saddleback Church will bring a much needed butch sensibility to these proceedings. We now commit our new president and.
- [05:12]
Jason Jones
His wife Michelle and his daughters Malia.
- [05:17]
Jon Stewart
And Sasha into your loving care. Malia. Sasha. Dude, is that you're the anti gay marriage guy? And it sounds like you're quoting from all that jazz. Malia. Satcha. Is it me or did he pronounce Obama's daughters names like he thinks they're delicious? But no minor controversy is going to quell the enthusiasm of this crowd for this, the most highly anticipated inaugural address of our lifetimes. Our nation is at war against a far reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our healthcare is too costly. Our schools fail too many. The ways we use energy strengthening our adversaries and threaten our planet. And then things got a little awkward. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. We gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions, that time has surely passed. Psst. Barack. He's right behind. Here's the sad part. You know what Bush is probably thinking during that moment? Man, this guy's really sticking it to Clinton. This is awkward. So the big speech was finally over. And Barack Obama called for a new American era of responsibility. But one problem still remained. How do you clear 2.5 million people off the Washington mall? Now, I'm sure there's a button on Cheney's wheelchair that could accomplish that. But Barack Obama wanted a new approach. I have the distinct pleasure of introducing an American poet, Elizabeth Alexander. I know there's something better down the road. We need to find a place where we are safe. We walk into that which we cannot yet see. You know, I'm not a laureate by any means, but isn't this stuff supposed to rhyme? Can anybody help her out? And you know, it's also been about 20 minutes since we've had a prayer. Anyone who could kill two birds with one stone. You the most adorable civil rights legend I've ever seen. You try it. We ask you to help us work for that day when black will not.
- [08:38]
Jason Jones
Be asked to get back.
- [08:40]
Jon Stewart
When brown can stick around. When yellow will be mellow.
- [08:47]
Jason Jones
When the red band can get ahead. Man.
- [08:52]
Jon Stewart
When, When? Now. Hold on, hold on. When blue will be allowed in two. When puce will be set loose. When we rise above the minutia of fuchsia and orange. Screw orange. White House bureau chief Jason Jones was in Washington. Jason, Obama's speech. Obama's speech Today, John. The speech. The speech was incredible. Typical Obama inspiring rhetoric. This is the source of our confidence. The knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny mixed with square jawed determination for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you. Mm. It's what this country desperately needs at this time. You know, I have to say, Jason, our nation's relationship to the Almighty. A message for our enemies. Isn't that Bush? Ooh. What? I'm not following you here. No, no, no, no. This president had a new message for a new day. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense. There you go. Pride of country straight from the tap. All right. A real self esteem booster. But if I may, we will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. John, John, John. The cowboy days are over, okay? God, when I even hear that, it just makes me want to take off a shoe and just jam it down your right. But those. Those aren't Bush's words. That was me reading the Obama quote you just played for me. I just did it in Bush's voice. It's the same rhetoric. You're the same rhetoric. But watch this. Freedom is the universal gift of almighty God. The God given promise that all are equal, all are free. We will work with our friends and allies across the world to defend Our way of life. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense. We can usher in a new era of enhanced prosperity and peace. America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace. Did our generation advance the cause of freedom? We carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations. Why are you doing this site? I don't know. What am I supposed to do? It's all I know. It's hope. Day one. I know. I don't like it either.
- [11:44]
Jason Jones
I know.
- [11:44]
Jon Stewart
I don't like doing this either. Look, it's like, why is cheese delicious on Italian food, but when you melt it on Chinese food, it's disgusting? I don't know. I guess. Honestly, Jon, I guess when Obama says this stuff, I don't think he really means it. And that gives me hope. Can I go back to the party now? Yes, you can. Thank you. Jason Jones from the Washington Mall. Jason was down there all day in the freezing cold. Now, this inaugural is hard to compare to any in our lifetimes. Here now, reporting live from the Youth Inaugural Ball at the Washington Hilton is our own Wyatt Cenac. Hello, Wyatt, are you on? Can we hear you?
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Jason Jones
John? I'm here. And the excitement is palpable.
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Jon Stewart
Look, this is not a backdrop.
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Jason Jones
This is real.
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Jon Stewart
It's incredible.
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Jason Jones
President Barack Obama. This is something my grandparents thought they.
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Jon Stewart
Would never live to see. It's got to be a sentiment tonight shared by many black families. Wyatt. Black families.
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Jason Jones
Nah, I'm talking about cool families.
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Jon Stewart
Finally, America has a cool president. Look, check this out.
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Jason Jones
This is the president dancing to Stevie.
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Jon Stewart
Wonder two hours ago.
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Jason Jones
I want to make fun of it, I really do, but I can't. He's too good.
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Jon Stewart
And I'm black. Wyatt Cherry's a good dancer. He's cool, but that's not really the story here.
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Jason Jones
Maybe not to you, because you're not cool.
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Jon Stewart
Wyatt, I am cool.
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Jason Jones
No, you're not cool.
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Jon Stewart
You're.
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Jason Jones
You're all right.
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Jon Stewart
What's I?
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Jason Jones
Well, you're not cool, but you don't have to leave the party because you got, like, a hot sister or a car or something.
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Jon Stewart
But this. This is crazy cool.
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Jason Jones
Kanye west performed, and there was some.
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Jon Stewart
Other guy who was here.
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Jason Jones
He's so cool. I've never even heard of him. At Bush's inaugural four years ago, you know who performed?
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Jon Stewart
The Blowfish.
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Jason Jones
The Blowfish, John. They couldn't even get Hootie.
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Jon Stewart
Fine. Obama's cool. How is that groundbreaking? Cool people, by definition, have always had it easier Right.
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Jason Jones
In high school.
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Jon Stewart
But then everyone graduates and all the.
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Jason Jones
Nerds go into politics, and then they stick it to the cool guys by outlawing pot. Today, that shameful chapter in our nation's history is finally over.
- [14:16]
Jon Stewart
Thank you very much, Wyatt. No problem. No problem.
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Jason Jones
Hey, hey, John. John, quick question for you.
- [14:24]
Jon Stewart
Do you got any pot? No, I don't have any pot.
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Jason Jones
Oh, that's too bad. Barbara Boxer had some Portuguese red hair with resin that was, like, super glued. She is so cool.
- [14:36]
Jon Stewart
Thank you very much, Wyatt. Also in Washington tonight, senior White House correspondent, Samantha Bee. She joins us from the party. Sam, your thoughts on this historic night. Well, John, I was struck by Obama's message of responsibility and maturity. Moved by his quote from Scripture, it's time to put away childish things. I see. And tonight, as you go around, is that message being disseminated throughout the inaugural balls? Is that. Well, John, I attended the Commander in Chief's Ball and the Democratic Ball. Now, these two balls taken together. John, what I was struck by at these galas, these parties, was joy tempered with the knowledge. Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. So while you were working the balls, you were struck with something? I'm sorry, I was just at the dance. It's really. John. Okay. As I conversed with the people at the events, there was a cautious optimism about the new direction. Yes. Did you just say nude erection? All right, look, look, John, this isn't my first inauguration, okay? I've seen a lot of Washington balls. Oh, no. I know, Santa. Nobody's questioned how many Washington posts. Stuart, this juvenile crap is over. We have had eight years of frat boy culture in Washington, and it is done. Grow up, okay? No more Bush. No. No Bush. It is time for us to be responsible members. Members, do our duty. Oh, duty. Look, I'm sorry. You're right. I apologize. That wasn't right. I'm sorry. It's a new era. It's a new president, new challenges. It's my bad. I'm sorry. People were inspired today, Chuck. People like Aretha Franklin. I mean, did you even listen to her today, Joe? Actually, I did hear it. It was amazing. Chuck, can we roll that tape? I come. There was more to it than this. There was more to the song. That was good, wasn't it? I work with children. Okay? Thank you, Sam. Samantha, be everybody. We'll be right back. January 21, 2013. From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York, this is the Daily show with Jon Stewart. Welcome to the Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. To the main event, the First Lady. And those new bangs. Yes, that was. It's a new haircut. And it is difficult to pull off something fun and flirty, yet age appropriate. And she does it. She does it. So I'm not diminishing the significance of the haircut. The point is this. First husband Barack Obama also had his public oath administered today. Remember last inauguration when the two famously fumbled the task? That I will execute the office of President to the United States faithfully. That I will execute faithfully. The office of President of the United States. Yes, the President of the United States. Faithfully. Courteous, kind and forgiving. The president was nervous then. It's understandable. It was his first inauguration. Let's watch him do it again. This time, and just for schnicks, while you're watching, imagine you're Mitt Romney. That I will faithfully execute. That I will faithfully execute. The office of President of the United States. The office of President of the United States. And will to the best of my ability. You know, Romney's watching. And I guarantee you it's one of the first times a devout Mormon has ever used the phrase oh, sake. Of course, Mr. Romney was not in attendance, but not to fear. There were stars aplenty. Who better to spot them than Good Morning America contractual hostage George Stephanopoulos. And look at that crowd gathered now. There's Morgan Freeman, I think, right there on the Capitol steps. Bill Russell. I'm sorry. Thank you, David Rudnick. Now, in George Stephanopoulos defense, all tall people look alike to him. I see gray chins. I don't know. Still, for the rest of the morning, Stephanopoulos did a very good job right here. Of course, we got Venus and Serena Williams coming out. Oh, look at there. There's Danny Glover, star of the Lethal Weapons. Oh, the dazzling Miss Halle Berry, looking fine. And there's. Oh, look at that. There's General Colin Powell and his girlfriend, Motown great Diana Ross. And here's a treat, NBA hall of Famer Bill Russ. The crowd loves him. And then it was time for the main event, the President's second inaugural address. And just as feared, the President came out as a liberal. We will respond to the threat of climate change. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security, they do not make us a nation of. They free us to take the risks that make this country great. And one last thing. I want to make this clear. My health care plan is designed to kill your white grandparents. Kill them Dead. Yep. Thank you. We, of course, have full team coverage of today's historic events. We're going to start with analysis from Jessica Williams down at the Capitol. Jessica, what did you think of this speech? Hello, John. How was it? What did you think? Omg, John, I loved it. Okay. It was. It was new, it was unexpected, yet very classy. You know, I thought the speech really helped frame the president's agenda. And an interesting. And I think sexy's probably not the right word, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Jessica, I'm assuming sexy way. I get it. I'm assuming you're referring to your new bang. John, I'm not. What? I. What?
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Jason Jones
Oh, you mean my boop boop Bo.
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Jon Stewart
Yes, John, I just. It's a great new look, Jessica. It's clear the first lady has inspired. No, John. The first lady. I've been sporting this for ages. That's terrific. We're going to go out to Al Madrigal. Al Madrigal's at the White House. He is going to help us. John. With many of Obama's closest advisors set to leave. I'm sorry, I'm just going to. I'm going to interrupt you here. Yes, John, I. I think we're all slightly distracted by your. Oh, by my bubba bangs. Yes, your b. B, B bangs. You don't like them? No, I just. Be honest.
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Jason Jones
I mean, if you're not honest, we have nothing.
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Jon Stewart
All right, Al. Honestly, it's. It's not my favorite look for you.
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Jason Jones
So now I'm fat?
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Jon Stewart
No, I didn't say that. I didn't. Let. Let's go out to Jason Jones. Jason is covering things from. Jason. Thank you, John. The clear loser today. American values. I think that the America that I grew up. Jason, you're Canadian. Let me finish. That I grew up above that America is gone. I don't care for this new Ba. Ba. Ba Banged America. Men can marry men. Single women can get health insurance on preexisting conditions. What's next, polygamy and dreadlocks? Come on. Where does it end? So you're representing that viewpoint with Rue McClanahan's look? This is Nancy Reagan. How could you not have known that McClanahan wore floral prints?
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Jason Jones
Okay, I have to break in here.
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Jon Stewart
Yes, Al Madrigal.
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Jason Jones
Yeah. This is just a straight up attack.
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Jon Stewart
On a beautiful woman and one of her. My very dear friends, Michelle Obama. And you know what?
- [23:06]
Jason Jones
I will not stand for it.
- [23:07]
Jon Stewart
It's. Hey, Madrigal. Campaign emails isn't friendship, pal.
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Jason Jones
Shut up, Nancy, all right?
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Jon Stewart
It's not just campaign emails.
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Jason Jones
We talk all the time on the phone. Facebook. We've been closer three years after meeting on Twitter. Oh, my God.
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Jon Stewart
Al, have you actually met the first lady in person?
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Jason Jones
Not in person, but we were supposed to meet and she's so busy.
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Jon Stewart
Al, I think you've been had by Hawaiian uber prankster Renaia Tuyasopo. What? No. I'm so sorry, Al. That's just.
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Jason Jones
I got Tiwiasa soapboat.
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Jon Stewart
No. Wow. Somebody looks like an idiot. Thanks, guys. We'll be right back. I'll just.
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Jason Jones
It's finally happened. It took 11 long weeks, but it's finally here. I punched my 10th Subway sandwich card at Subway. Yes. Free sub for T. No. Tomorrow. No, no, I'm. I'm just joking. There obviously won't be a tomorrow, because today this happened. Preserve, protect and defend.
- [24:22]
Jon Stewart
Preserve, protect and defend. The Constitution of the United States. The Constitution of the United States. So help me God. So help me God. Congratulations, Mr. President. Yeah.
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Jason Jones
No matter how many times you watch that, I don't think you'll ever get used to it. It's like seeing your dad's dick. Like. Like I knew it was gonna be there, but it's still upsetting. One of the main things Donald Trump has promised is that he will drain the swamp. He said he will drain the swamp. That is Washington. And when you look at his inauguration crowd compared to President Obama's, you can see Trump kept that promise on day one. Washington is drained. Mission accomplished. Trump. Oh, if you. If you did miss the inauguration, or if you wanna suffer one more time, let's do a quick recap. So basically, it starts just before noon Eastern time. And here we see President Elect Donald Trump approaching the daisy as hellfire spontaneously bursts from earth below, followed by members of Congress performing the traditional wail of their submission to the new overlord. Yes, the peaceful transition of power. I'm just joking. I'm joking, guys. Of course I'm joking. I mean, it was much worse than that. Here's the thing. Historically, and not just in America, most functioning presidents generally try to make their inauguration speech one of unity and positive vision. And you would hope the 45th president would have brought some of that. But it turns out hope was the exact wrong thing to have.
- [26:01]
Jon Stewart
America's infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores. Mothers and children trapped in poverty. Rusted out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape. And the crime and the gangs and the drugs, we all bleed the same red blood. The ravages destroying, ripped, robbed our country. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.
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Jason Jones
Um, did anybody have carnage, blood and decay on their inauguration speech bingo card? Did anybody have that? Yeah. Yeah. Is that the first five minutes of a presidency or a Terminator movie? What the hell is that? Blood and decay.
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Jon Stewart
The bones.
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Jason Jones
You know, no matter how we feel about today, at least we know how Trump will remember it.
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Jon Stewart
January 20, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again.
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Jason Jones
Well, actually, I have a feeling January 20, 2017, will be the day time travelers go back to. To try and save the future. That's what I think we'll remember it as. In fact. In fact, around. Around 11:30 today, part of me was expecting Marty McFly to show up. Like, Doc, Doc, I'm so glad you're here. We gotta stop him. For the last time, I'm not Doc. I'm Bernie Sanders. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Jon Stewart
But.
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Jason Jones
But for many people, people, the truth is, today's speech didn't matter. What really did and what really hit home was once the ceremony was over and the Trumps were escorting the Obamas to their helicopter one final time. And they flew off into the sky directly at Lester Holt. Look at Lester. He's like, are they coming for me? What's happening? It's almost like Obama was flying. I'm leaving, and I'm taking all the.
- [28:13]
Jon Stewart
Black people with me.
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Jason Jones
Come on, Lester.
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Jon Stewart
Come on.
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Jason Jones
And while the Obamas took to the sky, the Bidens took to the rails. Yes. Look at that. I love that Joe Biden is just holding one suitcase like he's been living out of a single bag these past eight years. Of everything that happened, though, for me, the person who most captured the feeling of the day was First Lady Michelle Obama. It was all over her face. All over her face the whole time. It started in the morning at the White House when Melania gave Michelle a gift that she clearly didn't want, clearly did not want. Just hands it over to Obama. And look at Obama. Look at him. He's like, uh, just throw this anywhere. I'm moving. It doesn't matter. Yeah, throw it in the trash. And. And by the way, by the way, in case you were wondering what was inside that box, it was just a tiny note from Melania that said, help. The entire day. Michelle Obama's face was the barometer for most of America's feelings. Look at that face. Look at that. She's not. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. Look at that face. That face Is every emotion rolled into one. That's like. That's like. Bye, Felicia boy. Bye. I'd like to speak to your manager. I'm so done. All rolled into one. And you know what? It's not hard to imagine why Michelle was feeling that way. Because not only did Donald Trump move into the White House, but Republicans now control the House, the Senate, 32 state legislatures, and 33 state governors. Today almost felt like that scene in a Disney movie where the villain gets the upper hand. You know that feeling you get like, remember when Mufasa died and then Scar was the king?
- [29:59]
Jon Stewart
Yeah.
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Jason Jones
I was there that day. Damn you, Disney. Because today feels just like that. It feels like a Disney down day. Cause Trump controls everything, which makes me sad. But on the other hand, it also means that. No more excuses. No more excuses. It's time to take your red cap off and rarely do shit. Cause if you fail now, you'll look like douches. And then I promise you'll be hated like Ted Cruz is. There's no more blaming, no liberal shaming. And you can sign in any law. So we're waiting though. Trump is frightening to us all. Let's see him build that wall. If the bricks fit in his tiny little hand. You've got Paul Ryan as your bitch. And in the Senate, you've got Mitch. You've got the left in full retreat and a SCOTUS empty seat. You're the boss of the military now that I say it. That sounds scary, but it means that now we'll see just what the truth is. So Donald J. Trump. No more excuses. No more excuses. Let's see. You two are what you've been preaching all along. Now that the Kenyan Muslim's gone, it's time for you to carry on and make this country great again.
- [31:48]
Jon Stewart
No excuses.
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Jason Jones
No excuses.
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Jon Stewart
None. No excuses.
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Jason Jones
Today the sun was shining, the birds were singing. And McDonald's share price in Florida just went way up. Because America just got a brand new dad.
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Jon Stewart
Please raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Do solemnly swear. I, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Do solemnlys swear. That I will faithfully execute. That I will faithfully execute. The office of President of the United States. Office of President of the United States. And will to the best of my ability. Will, to the best of my ability.
- [32:35]
Jason Jones
Preserve, protect and defend.
- [32:38]
Jon Stewart
Preserve, protect and defend. The Constitution of the United States. The Constitution of the United States. So help you God. So help me God. Congratulations, Mr. President.
- [32:53]
Jason Jones
I don't know about you, but this moment will stay in my memory forever. Joe Biden's middle name is Robinette. What? But that's right. As of noon Eastern time today, America welcomed the fresh young face of Joseph R. Biden as its 46th president. And despite the pandemic, this inauguration had it all. Former presidents, the youngest inaugural poet, an amazing singer wearing her own Etsy store, an old man on his way to the post office, and even a lady whose outfit just called me a broke bitch. Biden was so committed to unity that he even invited enemies of the state. No, I'm joking. I'm joking, guys. I'm joking. Ted Cruz didn't try and overthrow the government. He just supported the people who did. Even Mike Pence attended the inauguration to honor the democratic transition of power. Kudos to Mike Pence. You can see him there with his mask featuring the vice presidential seal. And as tradition dictates, once Kamala was sworn in, he gave that very same mask for her to put on. But before the new president could walk in, the old one had to be kicked out.
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Jon Stewart
There you see Marine One on the lawn of the White House. President Trump's still there, but is expected to depart any minute for Andrews Air Force Base and give a final speech before heading to Mar A Lago. I can tell you that from the bottom of my heart. This has been an incredible four years. We rebuilt the United States military, We created a new force called Space Force, and now the stock market is actually substantially higher than it was at its higher point prior to the pandemic. So it's really. You could say we built it twice. I hope they don't raise your taxes, but if they do, I told you so. So, just a goodbye. We love you. We will be back in some form. Have a good life. We will see you soon.
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Jason Jones
Have a good life. That's not what a departing president is supposed to say. That's what you tell your best friend in high school when she starts dating your ex. I hope you two are very happy if he dumps you before prom. I told you so. Although I do like how he said he'll be back in some form. Because my man knows you gotta leave on a cliffhanger. I'll be back in some form. Maybe I'll come back as a politician, maybe as a mutant fish monster. Or maybe I'll come back as one of those old guys with a ponytail. Stay tuned. But Trump's last day in office wasn't all just whining and stealing silverware. No, my friends, he also made sure to hand out some very nice parting Gifts to all his friends.
- [35:41]
Jon Stewart
President Trump announces more than 140 pardons and commutations. The list ranges from the President's political allies to non violent drug offenders. Steve Bannon pleaded not guilty to defrauding donors in a fundraising campaign for President Trump's border wall. But before the trial could even get underway, the President gave him a preemptive pardon three former Republican congressmen and commuted the sentence of Detroit's former Democratic mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, who was serving time on corruption charges. The president also pardoned rappers Lil Wayne and Kodak Black on their separate federal weapons related offenses.
- [36:21]
Jason Jones
That's right, people. Donald Trump pardoned a ton of shady people in the last hours of his presidency. Which means those fraudsters can get back to defrauding and Steve Bannon can get back to selling Mucinex. The weird part, though, was how he kept trying to give prison time to Eric. I'm sorry, Eric. The rule in prison is one in, one out. It's just like the nightclubs. I'm gonna miss you, Eric jokes. Have a good life. Now, what was really crazy is that Trump pardoned Kodak Black and Lil Wayne, which sounds like a good thing. I mean, it's cool to pardon anyone, I guess, but it's a terrible thing to do to a rapper. Cause you're taking away their street cred. Now what are they gonna rap about? Yeah, young wheezy, baby, I can get an office job now. I can also get a mortgage at a good rate, legally buy a gun in all states. Now you see me on the street on my way to jury duty. Where they booty, Daddy's goody Where they do it, that's booty. Honestly, if you ask me, I think it's incredible that Trump didn't pardon himself. Because it means that even President Trump looked at Donald Trump's record and decided, man, I can't let this guy off that easy. Then again, some people actually speculating that Trump secretly wrote himself a pardon that he can use later. And honestly, I hope that he did, because he's Donald Trump. So you know he's just gonna end up wasting that pardon on some bullshit. Mr. Trump, your car is illegally parked in a handicapped spot. You're getting a ticket. Well, now's the perfect time to use my one and only pardon. I'll see you when I come back from my game of golf. Now, Trump is not the first president to issue shady pardons on his way out the door. I mean, Bill Clinton famously pardoned his brother and a really dodgy businessman whose Ex wife donated to Clinton's library. And yes, don't get me wrong, Trump took it to a whole new level. But he's not unique. If anything, I think he should have gone further. I'm not gonna lie. I'm really pissed off that of all the people Trump chose to pardon, he didn't pardon Joe. Exotic. I don't know about you, but I want. No, I need a second season of that show. I need more Tiger King.
- [38:33]
Jon Stewart
Now.
- [38:33]
Jason Jones
The only thing I can watch on Netflix is that Bridgerton show every day. Bridgerton, Bridgerton. Now I'm falling in love with that Duke. Now I'm sitting there wondering what our babies would look like if we were a couple. Probably like us. And it wasn't just last minute pardons. Last night, at literally 1:00 in the morning, Donald Trump also did this.
- [38:53]
Jon Stewart
Breaking overnight, President Donald Trump signing an executive order releasing current and former members of his administration from the terms of their ethics pledge. That pledge, one of Trump's first executive orders back in 2017, when he pledged to drain the swamp, it required Trump's political appointees to agree to the lobbying ban, as well as pledge not to undertake work that would require them to register as a foreign agent after leaving government.
- [39:18]
Jason Jones
So after all that time talking about how he's gonna drain the swamp, the one rule he actually made to reduce corruption, he got rid of right before he left office. But let's be real, though, people electing Trump to reduce corruption is like hiring Hilaria Baldwin to handle your PR crisis. The results are gonna be no bueno. But on the other hand, I do get why he's doing this. Trump staffers have to become lobbyists. I mean, where else are they gonna go with their resumes? So why do you think you'd be a good employee for pets? Well, you guys keep pets in cages, and we used to keep kids in cages. Uh, okay. We'll be in touch. And so, with Trump finally gone, it was time for President Biden to get the key from under the mat and settle into the house that they'd spent all day getting ready for him.
- [40:08]
Jon Stewart
Right now, the White House resident staff.
- [40:10]
Jason Jones
Are going around the White House and.
- [40:12]
Jon Stewart
Boxing up anything that the Trump family may have left behind. Behind. Trump officials insist that the place is going to be sanitized with particular care and COVID 19 in mind. Part of what is going to be moved in and different in the White House residence is that the Bidens will, I hear, share a bedroom. The Trumps, of course, had separate bedrooms. So this will be Switched. All the mattresses will be refreshed. We're so used to seeing the new president walk up the steps under the North Portico into the White House to be greeted by the eyes President of the United States. And there you saw Joe Biden and the first lady not greeted by anybody outside the front door of the White House. In fact, the previous president had skipped town before the inauguration. So Biden left there to sort of be a self greeter in many ways and let himself into the White House. Into the front door.
- [40:59]
Jason Jones
Yeah, Trump wasn't there to greet Biden at the White House, which is a snub. But on the other hand, I'm not sure that Trump needs to be there now because how would that conversation even go? You know what, I actually used to work here, so you don't need to show me where the Situation Room is. The situation. Now, I know it's Inauguration day and everyone wants to throw a party, but remember, it's also Wednesday, which means it's still a work day. And so after he got back to the White House, President Joseph Robinette Biden went straight to work. And let's just say the White House bathrooms aren't the only place Biden is looking to wipe out any trace of Donald Trump.
- [41:34]
Jon Stewart
Just hours after being sworn in, President Joe Biden is already putting the pen to a number of executive orders. This is common practice as presidents enter office. Biden expected to sign roughly a dozen executive orders undoing some of Donald Trump's most controversial moves. He will immediately rejoin the Paris climate Accord, reportedly cancel the Keystone pipeline, and will reverse the so called Muslim travel ban and take the first step in his fight against Covid. Mandating masks on federal lands and extending the pause of student loan payments.
- [42:07]
Jason Jones
Wow, that is a huge reversal of Trump's legacy. Rejoining the Paris Accords, canceling the Keystone pipeline, and even repealing the infamous Muslim ban. Although with America's Covid rates right now, I don't actually think that last one is gonna make much of a difference. Come on over Muslim countries. Come on to America. Actually we have Zoom now, so you guys kinda keep your coughing now. This is really. And I'm glad that America is rejoining the Paris Accord, but you gotta admit this back and forth. This must be so weird for other countries because under Obama, America celebrated the Paris Accords, but then under Trump it was like the Paris Accords let the planet burn. And then now under Biden it's like, alright guys, I'm, I'm back in the Paris Accord.
- [42:54]
Jon Stewart
Sorry.
- [42:54]
Jason Jones
Yeah. And I'M also back on my meds. Sorry about that. So my friends, Donald Jesus Christ, that was crazy. Trump has officially departed the White House for the last time. And I know, I know that many people are angry right now at the state that he left this country in. But I implore you to try and look at the few silver linings. One America survived Trump and in doing so displayed its resilience. And two, Trump's term has truly exposed so many of the flaws in America's system. And I know for some day one of Joe Biden's presidency may be too soon to think about fixing America's problems. But you need to start fixing them now. Because before you know it, 2024 will be here and Donald Trump might be back in some form.
- [43:44]
Jon Stewart
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