TDS Time Machine | Surviving Thanksgiving and Black Friday

Summary

The Daily Show: Ears Edition Episode: TDS Time Machine | Surviving Thanksgiving and Black Friday
Release Date: November 27, 2024
Host/Author: Comedy Central and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the "TDS Time Machine | Surviving Thanksgiving and Black Friday" episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, the team delves into the chaotic yet culturally significant periods of Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Through a blend of humor, sharp commentary, and insightful discussions, hosts dissect the traditions, challenges, and absurdities that come with these holidays.

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Surviving Thanksgiving at Home

The episode kicks off with Leslie Jones addressing the familial tensions that often surface during Thanksgiving gatherings.

• Leslie Jones emphasizes her role in diffusing political tensions at family dinners:

  "Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And that means getting together with family members who you might not see eye to eye with. But this Thanksgiving, Leslie Jones will come to your house and politely interject when the conversation becomes political." (00:36)

The conversation quickly escalates into a humorous portrayal of family dynamics:

• Keegan-Michael Key sarcastically remarks on the political climate:

  "I'm just thankful that Roe v. Wade was finally overturned." (00:50)

• Jessica Williams adds to the humor by highlighting the superficial attempts to maintain happiness:

  "Right now at this table while everybody's happy during Thanksgiving, while we trying to be happy." (00:54)

This segment showcases the show's knack for blending topical issues with relatable family scenarios, highlighting the stress and absurdity of maintaining peace during holidays.

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The Great Shopping Frenzy: Black Friday Madness

Transitioning from family gatherings, the hosts shift focus to the consumer frenzy that is Black Friday.

• Jessica Williams introduces the topic by mocking conventional shopping tips:

  "Black Friday is just around the corner, and it seems like everyone on television has tips for shoppers." (06:36)

The discussion evolves into a satirical take on racial profiling during Black Friday shopping:

• Jessica Williams humorously suggests that bringing a white friend can prevent profiling:

  "Everybody knows you're supposed to bring your white friend with you when you go shopping at a place like that." (07:40)

• Jordan Peele shares a personal anecdote about racial profiling:

  "When I left the store three blocks away from the store, four undercover cops told that they would like to see what I purchased." (07:38)

This segment effectively highlights the serious issue of racial profiling through a comedic lens, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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The Evolution and Impact of Black Friday

Delving deeper, the episode explores the historical and societal implications of Black Friday.

• Colin Jost provides a humorous yet insightful history:

  "Black Friday is actually quite interesting. It started in the 1920s, when retail stores wanted to set a clear beginning to the Christmas shopping season." (Not timestamped)

• Michael Che laments the extension of the Black Friday season:

  "Black Friday itself is turning into an entire season. Do I hope Black Friday ends? Absolutely. I can't stand that day." (11:05)

The hosts discuss the commercialization and relentless expansion of Black Friday, critiquing how it overshadowed the original intent of the holiday season.

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Worker’s Rights and Corporate Greed

A critical look is taken at how Black Friday affects retail workers and the broader implications of corporate decisions.

• Colin Jost raises concerns about workers being forced to work on Thanksgiving:

  "What about the workers at these stores?" (12:53)

• Jessica Williams highlights the lack of genuine concern from corporations:

  "They keep saying that they care about their associates. That's not the." (12:16)

• Michael Che mocks the notion of companies enforcing operations on holidays:

  "It's like Sharia law for capitalism." (13:38)

This segment underscores the exploitation of workers during peak shopping seasons, using humor to shed light on serious labor issues.

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The Absurdity of Consumerism

Closing the main discussions, the hosts explore the extreme lengths to which consumers go for deals, emphasizing the irrationality of consumerism.

• Keegan-Michael Key introduces fictional drugs to cope with Black Friday madness:

  "Introducing Happy Narrow. It sends everyone's oxytocin levels through the roof." (04:17)

• Colin Jost satirizes the lengths people go to for shopping:

  "Hello, my shopaholics, maxinistas, mall rats, coupon clippers, bargain bitches, capitalism warriors, and sales sluts. It's the holidays. And that means one thing. Family. No, I'm kidding. That means shopping." (14:11)

The absurdity of consumer behavior during Black Friday is lampooned, highlighting how the pursuit of deals often leads to irrational and hostile interactions.

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up by juxtaposing the commercial aspects of the holidays with their original intentions of family and gratitude.

• Colin Jost reflects on the history and future of Black Friday:

  "Now that you know its history, don't forget to keep it in perspective. Sure, saving money is great, but this season isn't about fighting some stranger at a store. It's about gathering your family and fighting with them." (18:27)

The hosts leave listeners with a reminder to prioritize relationships over consumerism, blending humor with heartfelt advice.

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Notable Quotes

• Leslie Jones:

  "Leslie will even stop by the kids table to teach them how to shout down problematic relatives." (02:04)

• Jessica Williams:

  "Oh, watch out. Cops, cops. Clearly, it's time to give black Americans my own Black Friday shopping tips." (08:25)

• Michael Che:

  "Cyber Monday is the worst thing I've ever heard." (11:12)

• Jordan Peele:

  "When they finally came up to me, I thought they were going to help me, and they didn't. They actually asked me to leave." (07:57)

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Key Takeaways

• Family Dynamics: Thanksgiving can be a battleground for political and personal disagreements, but humor and proactive strategies can mitigate tensions.

• Racial Profiling: Black Friday shopping can exacerbate issues of racial discrimination, highlighting the need for societal change.

• Consumerism Critique: The relentless pursuit of deals during Black Friday and Cyber Monday underscores the excessive nature of modern consumerism.

• Worker Exploitation: Retail workers often bear the brunt of extended shopping seasons, showcasing the darker side of holiday commercialization.

• Historical Context: Understanding the origins of Black Friday provides insight into its pervasive influence on American culture and economics.

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Conclusion

In this episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, the hosts expertly navigate the complexities of Thanksgiving and Black Friday, blending humor with critical analysis. From family tensions to consumer chaos, the episode offers a comprehensive look at the multifaceted nature of these holidays, encouraging listeners to reflect on their personal experiences and societal norms.

Transcript

[Jordan Peele]

As a kid growing up in Chicago, there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror. But did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was.

[Jordan Peele]

Listen to Candyman, the true story behind the Bathroom Mirror Murder. Early and ad free with a 48 hours plus subscription on Apple Podcasts.

[Leslie Jones]

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And that means getting together with family members who you might not see eye to eye with. But this Thanksgiving, Leslie Jones will come to your house and politely interject when the conversation becomes political.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

I'm just thankful that Roe v. Wade was finally overturned.

[Jordan Peele]

That's the conversation you want to start.

[Jessica Williams]

Right now at this table while everybody's happy during Thanksgiving, while we trying to be happy.

[Jordan Peele]

You know what?

[Jessica Williams]

Have some dry ass and shut the up.

[Colin Jost]

It's insane.

[Jessica Williams]

The way I. The way I see it is your.

[Colin Jost]

Generation are all a bunch of lazy socialists.

[Jessica Williams]

Who is you calling lazy? You can't even bring proper pie to Thanksgiving. And stop kissing the kids in the mouth. That's nasty. They don't like that.

[Leslie Jones]

Plus, Leslie can help prevent annoying conversations before they even begin.

[Jessica Williams]

Try that mag of shit. Try it and I'll tell everybody in this room that you use Nana's wifi to jack off.

[Leslie Jones]

And if that doesn't work, Leslie goes back to basics.

[Colin Jost]

I'll just say these transgender people.

[Michael Che]

Ah.

[Colin Jost]

I just.

[Jordan Peele]

Can I have something?

[Colin Jost]

I feel as.

[Leslie Jones]

Leslie will even stop by the kids table to teach them how to shout down problematic relatives.

[Jessica Williams]

No. No. Okay, look. From the diaphragm. You ready? One, two, three.

[Leslie Jones]

Talking to your family is hard. Watching Leslie Jones shut them down is easy.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

And I think it should be acknowledged that this dinner is taking place on Cherokee land.

[Michael Che]

Shut up.

[Jessica Williams]

All this land is Cherokee. If we talking about. Can you spell indigenous? You can't even spell it, can you? Shut up. Don't agree with me. Thank you.

[Michael Che]

Shut up.

[Jessica Williams]

Who invited me to this?

[Leslie Jones]

Available for all holidays where family are included.

[Kenan Thompson]

Michael, how will Ozempic affect Thanksgiving this year?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Well, it definitely comes with its own problems. If everyone in the family is eating less, that means most of the food is going to waste. Unless you take it to the homeless shelter. But come on, that's like a 20 minute drive.

[Kenan Thompson]

Okay, but I. I guess the family could just make less food.

[Michael Che]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Let's not go that far, okay? There's actually a much better solution. Gluttony. It's a new drug that dramatically increases your Appetite during the 24 hours of Thanksgiving. You inject Ozempic into your thigh, you inject Glutinol into your neck, and boom, you're deep throatin Aunt Karen's fingerlings all night long.

[Kenan Thompson]

Yeah, okay, but isn't that gonna up your metabolism?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Oh, yeah, big time. If only there was a drug that could fix that. Well, guess what? It's called Compoxo. You pop a couple of these pills up your butt, and your metabolism is evened out for the day.

[Kenan Thompson]

Okay, okay, hold on, hold on. Kosta, you're putting these drugs up your butt at Thanksgiving table. Won't that weird out your family?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Oh, oh, it will. Which is why you'll have to drug your family. Introducing Happy Narrow. It sends everyone's oxytocin levels through the roof. Just slip a tablespoon of this in the gravy boat and let the hugging begin.

[Kenan Thompson]

Okay, wait, isn't oxytocin the hormone that makes people horny?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Yes. Yeah, a family orgy is a possible side effect, which is why you need Demerolin. Just put a few drops in your eyes, and voila. You're as flaccid and dry as Grandma's brisket. Now, you do have to take it at the same time as the butt pills, otherwise you'll die.

[Kenan Thompson]

Okay, okay, stop. Okay, this is dumb. Instead of people taking all these drugs, why can't they just not eat as much?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry that some of us need a little help to eat less and then eat more and then talk to our family without having sex with them.

[Kenan Thompson]

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Okay, I, I, I guess I just wish there was a way people could enjoy life without putting drugs in their veins and up their butts.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Well, there is. Ronnie introducing cocaine. Cocaine is one of the.

[Kenan Thompson]

All right, enough, Enough.

[Jessica Williams]

Michael.

[Jordan Peele]

As a kid growing up in Chicago, there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. The scary cult classic was set in the Chicago housing project. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror.

[Jessica Williams]

Candyman. Candyman.

[Jordan Peele]

Now, we all know chanting a name won't make a killer magically appear. But did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was.

[Jordan Peele]

We're gonna talk to the people who were there, and we're also going to uncover the larger story. My architect was shocked when he saw how this was created. Literally shocked. And we'll look at what the story tells us about injustice in America.

[Jessica Williams]

If you really believed in tough on crime, then you wouldn't make it easy to crawl into medicine cabinets and kill our women.

[Jordan Peele]

Listen to Candyman the true story behind the Bathroom Mirror Murder. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Welcome back. As you know, Thanksgiving is a time, a blessed time of year, and we all give thanks for our families and our health and prepare to beat the out of people to go shopping. Jessica Williams has more.

[Jessica Williams]

Black Friday is just around the corner, and it seems like everyone on television has tips for shoppers.

[Leslie Jones]

Deals are in the back.

[Jessica Williams]

Prioritize by price.

[Colin Jost]

Don't buy toys, don't turn right, and.

[Jessica Williams]

Most importantly, don't be black.

[Colin Jost]

Two black shoppers in just one week are accusing the department store of wrongful detainment.

[Jordan Peele]

He was racially profiled in Macy's, Herald Square.

[Colin Jost]

She used her tax rebate money to buy this bag at Barney's and was.

[Michael Che]

Then stopped by the cops.

[Jessica Williams]

It is hard to take advantage of all the Black Friday steals when you're being accused of stealing.

[Jordan Peele]

When I left the store three blocks away from the store, four undercover cops told that they would like to see what I purchased.

[Jessica Williams]

And what did your white friend say?

[Jordan Peele]

Uh, my white friend?

[Jessica Williams]

Everybody knows you're supposed to bring your white friend with you when you go shopping at a place like that.

[Jordan Peele]

I should have. Next time I know to bring my white friend.

[Jessica Williams]

Oh. So the problem isn't racial profiling in stores. It's that black people have forgotten how to shop.

[Jordan Peele]

When they finally came up to me, I thought they were going to help me, and they didn't. They actually asked me to leave.

[Jessica Williams]

Just because you look like a Gap model doesn't mean you won't get profiled. I went into a store and asked a sales girl if I could see some jeans, and she said they're so expensive, I felt like I was pretty womaned. You thought because you're very well put together that you could just go in and shop anywhere you want without getting racially profiled? You do know you're black, right? I know.

[Michael Che]

Uh.

[Jessica Williams]

Oh, watch out. Cops, cops. Clearly, it's time to give black Americans my own Black Friday shopping tips. Let's start simple. When entering a store, alert everyone to your presence. Hey, everybody. My name is Jessica Williams, and I intend to buy a pack of gum. Reaching into my pocket right now to pull out money, not a gun. Permission to approach. But upscale stores are the trickiest. To be sure that you don't get arrested, try making friends with security. I baked some cookies. Can I go shop now? Or if that doesn't work, ask a white person to shop for you. Do you think that you can buy me that watch on the display? You can totally use my credit card. All you have to do is sign my name and then just bring me the.

[Michael Che]

I really don't feel comfortable doing that.

[Jessica Williams]

Excuse me. Excuse me. You look white. Can I ask you a favor? What? Do you think that if I give you $140, you can buy me those sunglasses in the window right there? Yeah, sure. Oh, thank you. Hey. Finally, for a more tangible shopping experience, hire a middle aged white lady as your personal shopper and equip her with a hidden camera inside a neck brace. Now she's ready to go. All right, we're in. Go left. No, your other left. Okay. Hat. Let's try on some hats.

[Colin Jost]

Oh, my God. Would you look at this?

[Jessica Williams]

Put that shit back. I am not feeling it. Where are you handbags? Let's move on. Peggy. Oh, look, you found my cat.

[Colin Jost]

Oh, Jess, this is just perfect.

[Jessica Williams]

That's not really my style. Because my style is not ugly. Good call, boots. I am digging those knee highs.

[Leslie Jones]

These would look good in da club.

[Jessica Williams]

Did you just say da club? Maybe a little makeup, my friend.

[Colin Jost]

At more of a darker complexion.

[Jessica Williams]

Darker complexion?

[Michael Che]

Mmm.

[Colin Jost]

Like a deep tan.

[Jessica Williams]

I'm black. Peggy, you can say black. So that was a bust. But thankfully, when all else fails, there is one other way to avoid getting racially profiled. Cover your skin.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Oh, got it.

[Michael Che]

Next week is my favorite day of the year. Black Friday. Trample a guy on a Tuesday afternoon, you get charged with assault. But do it at a Walmart. On Black Friday, you get a PS4. But this year, something about Black Friday is twisting everyone's panties.

[Keegan-Michael Key]

Black Friday itself is turning into an entire season.

[Michael Che]

Do I hope Black Friday ends? Absolutely. I can't stand that day.

[Colin Jost]

The event is becoming so long. Starting Black Friday on Thanksgiving should be illegal. Black Wednesday. Great Thursday, Small Business Saturday.

[Michael Che]

Cyber Monday is the worst thing I've ever heard.

[Colin Jost]

We might as well call it Black November.

[Michael Che]

What the hell are you complaining about? Oh, no. Now blenders are on sale for a whole month. God, why have thou forsaken us? Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. You can shop. You cannot shop. You can do what we Jews do and wait until the day after Christmas when they're practically giving away. But there is one group of people who should be complaining.

[Colin Jost]

What about the workers at these stores?

[Jordan Peele]

Yeah, when exactly do they get to celebrate Thanksgiving with their families?

[Colin Jost]

Workers are upset, forced to work.

[Jessica Williams]

They keep saying that they care about their associates. That's not the.

[Colin Jost]

The daughter of a Kmart employee asking Kmart to change his Thanksgiving hours so.

[Jessica Williams]

Her mom can spend the day at home with her family.

[Colin Jost]

I think we should all have the.

[Leslie Jones]

Ability to say, I don't want to work Thanksgiving.

[Michael Che]

Well, personally, I'd much rather spend Thanksgiving at Kmart helping a fat guy shove his way into a pair of crocs. Beats listening to my nephew explain again how he's allergic to beets. No, you're not, Matthew. You just don't like them. Nobody does. But you're gonna eat them. But if this lady wants to spend Thanksgiving with her family, who can blame her? Turns out everybody.

[Colin Jost]

They should be happy that they have.

[Michael Che]

A job to work at. What's wrong with a little capitalism? Company wants to open up on Thanksgiving, Let them open up on Thanksgiving.

[Colin Jost]

Richard writes to us.

[Michael Che]

He says, you gotta be kidding me.

[Colin Jost]

Lady, just go to work. You can celebrate by eating a turkey sandwich while on break.

[Michael Che]

Sure, Thanksgiving is just as good. Eating a cold sandwich alone in the back of a Kmart. You don't even need cranberry sauce. You can season it with your tears. But this year, it's not just employees getting screwed into working on Thanksgiving. It's the stores, too.

[Colin Jost]

Stores at the Walden Galleria have a tough choice this year. Open on Thanksgiving or possibly pay a lot of money in fines and penalties.

[Michael Che]

You're taxing stores for observing Thanksgiving? That's the most anti American thing I've ever heard. It's like Sharia law for capitalism. Why don't you just kick George Washington in the nuts? But if no one cares when stores force employees to work on Thanksgiving, who's gonna shed a tear when malls force stores to stay open?

[Colin Jost]

A mall in upstate New York is strong, arming its retailers into opening on Thanksgiving. So much for the holiday spirit.

[Michael Che]

So let me get this straight. You can't make a store open on Thanksgiving. It's just a poor, helpless corporation, but people punch in and shut the up. You can see your family in.

[Colin Jost]

Get back. This one's mine. You all ready to die for this flat screen? Cause I am. Hello, my shopaholics, maxinistas, mall rats, coupon clippers, bargain bitches, capitalism warriors, and sales sluts. It's the holidays. And that means one thing. Family. No, I'm kidding. That means shopping. Family. What the f. Like Many of you, I, too, will be going out on Black Friday. One of America's most treasured excuses to buy shit. And Black Friday seems like something that's been around forever. I mean, I can't remember a time when Black Friday didn't exist. Then again, my memory is a little fuzzy from all the head trauma from previous Black Fridays. The history of Black Friday is actually quite interesting. It started in the 1920s, when retail stores wanted to set a clear beginning to the Christmas shopping season. So department stores like Macy's created grand parades to signal to Americans it's time to start spending cash. Although back then, parade balloons weren't as cute as the ones today. You know, classics like Puff the Meth Fueled Dragon, Whimsical Drifter Murderer, and Thick Daddy Superman. Maybe they were hoping to scare people to run inside the stores. I don't know. The point is, retailers depended on a big Christmas shopping season and were willing to do whatever it took to make it as long as possible. In fact, during the Great Depression, they even lobbied President Franklin Roosevelt to move Thanksgiving a week earlier to allow for more Christmas shopping. And after his cousin finished giving him a hand job, FDR agreed. Eventually, they moved Thanksgiving back. But the retailers got what they wanted. Because over the next few decades, more and more people began their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. But the first time the day was called Black Friday was in the 1960s. It was actually coined by the Philadelphia Police Department because the day brought tons of traffic and chaos. And for shopping to cause chaos in Philadelphia, it has to really be chaos. I once set fire to a mannequin at a Zara in Philadelphia, and they didn't even kick me out of the store. They just threw it in the burnt mannequin pile. Sorry. It was in the 1980s that Black Friday finally went nationwide. And it was all thanks to America's obsession with the adorable little vegetable human monster hybrids known as the Cabbage Patch Kids. I got this one for $3,000, and I had to get punched by a lot of grandmas to get it. But it was worth it. The toys were in such high demand that it caused literal riots across America. People fought their neighbors tooth and nail to pay for some lettuce shaped plastic. But all the violence was worth it for that precious Christmas morning when their kids would open the box, see the Cabbage Patch Kid, and then play with the box. The Cabbage Patch Kids set the standard for all sorts of Black Friday crazes throughout the 90s, from Furbies to Beanie Babies to Tickle Me Elmos to countless Other toys bought by newly divorced dads trying to buy their way into their kids hearts. By 2002, nearly three quarters of all shoppers were in stores over Black Friday weekend. It was paradise for people looking for deals and robbers looking for unguarded homes. Black Friday was so successful that stores started pushing the start time back from Friday morning to Friday at midnight, and then all the way back to Thanksgiving night itself. They called the new holiday Gray Thursday as a tribute to the moral gray area of abandoning your family on Thanksgiving to choke out a stranger for an instapot. Oh, it's ready. And throughout this time, Black Friday doorbuster sales became more dangerous as consumers turned every big box store into a big octagon arena.

[Jessica Williams]

It got.

[Colin Jost]

It got so bad that in 2011, you were statistically more likely to be injured in a Black Friday sale than from a shark attack. Unless that shark is also at the Black Friday sale. And then it depends on whoever wants that blender more.

[Jessica Williams]

Got it?

[Jordan Peele]

Yes.

[Colin Jost]

But sadly, the good times and horrific injuries couldn't last forever. With the dawn of online shopping, Black Friday became less relevant than the newer, shinier, two day primer holiday that took its place. Along came Cyber Monday, an easier way to score deals while avoiding the mobs at in person stores. It's just another way technology has pulled us further apart. I mean, sure it's more convenient, but think of what we lose when we no longer have that one on one air fryer to skull contact. Sad. Also, in recent years, retail employees have begun pushing back on so called holiday creep. Which is a term for stores expanding their holiday shopping periods into Thanksgiving. Not what happens when your weird cousin hits the eggnog too hard and tries to go FDR on your underparts. But even as its golden days are behind it, Black Friday is still an American institution. Standing tall beside Thanksgiving and the super bowl and the purge. And now that you know its history, don't forget to keep it in perspective. Sure, saving money is great, but this season isn't about fighting some stranger at a store. It's about gathering your family and fighting with them. So happy shopping season. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta start practicing for the big day. Hey, step away from that, Dyson. You think I won't pull out this pin? Well, guess what, TikTok motherfucker.

[Jordan Peele]

As a kid growing up in Chicago, there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror. But did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder?

[Keegan-Michael Key]

I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was.

[Jordan Peele]

Listen to Candyman the True Story behind the Bathroom Mirror Murder early and ad free with a 48 hours plus subscription on Apple Podcasts.