Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (3:03)

But you.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (3:04)

I thought the blacklist was me. And Hattie McDaniel.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (3:07)

Hi, Goldie. I curse. Sit down.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (3:13)

Later, while apologizing to the Academy, the streetwise Whoopi inadvertently used the word 14 more times, along with seven hos and one b otch. Tom Hanks showed up. Tom Hanks showed up with a beard just so that hilarious guy at the water cooler could do that shaving Private Ryan bit he's been dying to use. Other big names on hand included Celine Dion, who can be seen here arriving from the filming of a Virginia Slims commercial. And check out double winner Roberto Benigni, displaying the joy of a man who's never had to work within the Hollywood studio system. Here, Benigni learns Life Is Beautiful just won Best. And later learning he's won for Best Actor. And here is Roberto when it was announced that he had to move his car because it was blocking the fire lanes. The winner in this year's Best Actress category was Shakespeare in Love's Gwyneth Paltrow.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (4:10)

Thank the rest of our miraculous cast and crew.

Ali Jackson (Podcast Host) (4:13)

Our producers, Donna Gilotti and David Parfit.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (4:15)

I didn't forget you this time.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (4:17)

Gwinny wore a fabulous pink satin gown and was so overcome with emotion and you could barely hear her shoulder blades rubbing together. Gwyneth left the stage with Jack Nicholson because it's her turn. The highlight of the evening had to be the spellbinding dance number that interpreted the meaning of the five nominated films, including this number for Saving Private Ryan.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (4:42)

Oh.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (4:43)

Oh, yeah.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (4:43)

That's definitely where the guy gets his leg blown off. Right here. Spanish flamenco dancer Joaquin Cortez interprets a scene from Life Is Beautiful before going backstage to have sex with everybody. Acclaimed director Ilya Kazan, perhaps best known because his Name appears in 95% of all crossword puzzles, was honored for motivating Senator Joseph McCarthy to perhaps his finest screen performance ever. Some of the stars refused to stand and applaud Kazan because they're Communists undermining the very fabric of our great country.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (5:19)

Go back to Moscow, Ivan.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (5:23)

During the presentation, director Martin Scorsese stood behind Kazan, trying to protect Himself from the angry protesters who surrounded Robert De Niro in the parking lot and gave him this haircut. Producer of the Goonies and batteries not included, Steven Spielberg took home the Oscar as best director for his work on Saving Private Ryan. What I'd like to do is just thank very, very sincerely the families who lost sons in World War II. He also won four years ago for Schindler's List, which means Spielberg's now made more money off of World War II than most Swiss banks. For more on all the Oscars happenings, we're joined by John Oliver in Hollywood, California. John, thanks so much for joining us.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (6:14)

It's great to see you. Little bit of a stretch late, but

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (6:22)

listen, John, thank you so much for joining us.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (6:27)

Well, thank you for leaving me behind here, John.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (6:31)

Well, John, it was quite a night, especially for Europe, John. Daniel D. Lewis, Javier Bardem, Marianne Cotillard, Tilda Swinton, all the major acting awards.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (6:40)

Absolutely, John. A triumph for the old world. A throwback to a simpler time when we Europeans first swept down on this continent, plundering your gold, leaving you humiliated, bitter and dying of smallpox. It was a magical night, John. And may I say your performance was terrific.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (7:00)

Wow, John, that's very kind of you.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (7:01)

Thank you so much for saying absolutely that was. No, no, absolutely. And far, far superior to the crap fest of two years ago.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (7:16)

John, that was. That was me as well.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (7:18)

Yeah, indeed it was. But this was quite a turnaround for you. Thank you. And it's not just me saying it, John. That's the consensus of the millions and millions of people all around the world who read about it

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (7:37)

and tsi.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (7:38)

No, just read about it. Nobody saw it.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (7:43)

Well, obviously it wasn't the highest rated Oscars ever.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (7:46)

No, it wasn't, John. Unless by highest you mean lowest, in which case it was. It was the lowest or the least high. Is that what you meant, John? The lowest? Because it was that. The lowest rated Oscars ever of all time.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (8:06)

To be perfectly fair though, it's almost

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (8:09)

funny when you think about it.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (8:12)

Why? What do you mean?

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (8:13)

When you did it before, you were horrible and millions of millions of people watched it. Yeah, John, when you deliver a good performance, it disappears into the atmosphere to exist only as a brief moment in future Oscar montages.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (8:33)

That is somewhat ironic.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (8:34)

I mean, two years ago with the whole world as your audience, you delivered a basic cable performance, yet on Sunday night with a world class performance, you delivered a basic cable audience. It must be truly upsetting.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (8:53)

Well, you know, you certainly can't control an audience.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (8:56)

You certainly can't. John. Adults 18 to 24, down 15%.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:03)

Yes. No, I heard that.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:04)

Women 35 to 54, down 28%.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:08)

I know.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:08)

That was people who know you. Aged 18 to 49, down 72%.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:15)

Yes. No, I understand that.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:16)

People who gave birth to you, down 100%.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (9:20)

No, that is not true.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:22)

That is not true. John Oliver. She said she watched it.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:28)

Nielsen says no.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:29)

All right, but you thought the performance was good.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:34)

I wouldn't know, John. I didn't see it.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:37)

You didn't even watch.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:39)

No, of course not. There was some quality counter programming up against you. While ABC aired the Oscars, ABC Family was showing the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (9:52)

You're obviously making that up for comedic effect. That is not.

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (9:55)

I wish that were the case, John. But ABC Family actually was showing

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (10:02)

the

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (10:02)

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. And in your defense, John, Billy Crystal never had to compete with Traveling Pants.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (10:12)

Well, how was that movie?

European Correspondent/Commentator (possibly a comedic character) (10:14)

It was absolutely brilliant. The pants traveled everywhere, John, in the Sisterhood, you have got to see it.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (10:20)

All right, thank you very much, John Oliver, everybody.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (10:22)

We'll be right back.

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Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (11:41)

The Oscars are just around the corner. That magical night when America's finest actors seethe with rage while British people pretending to be Americans steal their awards. And if you're not excited about the Academy Awards, welcome to the club. They suck. For years, the Oscars broadcast has drawn fewer people than the strip aerobics class I teach. It's exercise and it helps me unlock my sensuality so this year, the producers are trying to get us watching again in ways that range from the idiotic to the insane.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (12:18)

The producers of the Oscars are slimming down the broadcast in an effort to boost slumping ratings. Eight awards will now be presented off air, including the Oscars for film editing, makeup and hair styling, and music original score. The ceremony for those categories will begin an hour before the telecast. The winners will then be sprinkled into the three hour broadcast. The president of the Academy says the changes are necessary for the future success of the Oscars.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (12:43)

You can't cut out the men and women who work behind the scenes. Without them on stage, the Oscars are just awards for Hollywood's greatest sex criminals. How sad is it that the Academy has decided that the reason people don't want to watch its award show is that there are too many awards. Recognizing excellence through awards is the whole point. Without that, the Oscars are totally meaningless. Also with that, the Oscars are totally meaningless. It's especially unfair not to broadcast the makeup and hairstyle Oscars. Those people are the backbone of our industry. I have a whole team of people working hours to make me this beautiful. Now, if people simply don't care about the little awards, then sure, cutting them will make the show more appealing. The problem is nobody cares about the big awards either because they keep nominating movies nobody has seen. Okay, I did see the Power of the Dog, but only because they tricked me into thinking it was a superhero movie. If the dog doesn't fly, that's not a power. So now the Academy has a real problem. Sure, they could just nominate movies ordinarily people like, but that wouldn't be a good idea either, because ordinary people are morons who only like dumb movies that don't deserve nominations. So instead, they've come up with the perfect way to pander to fans while also insulting our intelligence.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (14:15)

And the Motion Picture Academy is looking to get film fans involved. The Hollywood Reporter says this year folks on Twitter get to vote on their favorite movies of last year using the hashtag Oscars. Fan favorite can be any title, so you're not limited just to this year's nominated pictures. The movie that gets the most fan votes will be recognized during the Oscar show.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (14:42)

What a great idea. Let's let Russian bots choose the Oscars. They did such a terrific job with our elections. There's already a vote for fan favorite. It's called buying a ticket, asshole. If the Oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or Polling, Twitter. How about a halftime show? It works for the Super Bowl. Also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage? It works for the Super Bowl. But really, we all know what makes the Oscars such a drag. Those interminable speeches. And clearly, playing people off with music doesn't do jack shit. And that's why I've come up with a way to guarantee the winners don't wear out their welcome. All right, everyone, let's keep it short. My bus transfer expires in 15 minutes, and I intend to use it.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (15:45)

Thank you to the Academy.

Sponsor/Advertisement Voice (15:47)

Our heroes unite us.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (15:48)

You know, the best among us, who inspire us to find the best in ourselves. You know, when they unite us, when we look to our heroes, we agree.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (16:01)

Yeah, we all agree. Your speech has gone on long enough. Save the rest for your diary. Bridget Jones.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (16:06)

Venus and Serena and Selena. Bob Dylan. Scorsese. Fred Rogers.

Sponsor/Advertisement Voice (16:14)

Harriet Tubman.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (16:16)

Neil Armstrong.

Sponsor/Advertisement Voice (16:17)

Sally Ride.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (16:18)

Dolores Huerta.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (16:19)

Neil Armstrong's speech was one sentence. You're a disgrace to his legacy.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (16:29)

Thank you.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (16:29)

Thank you all so very much. As the hottest year in recorded history, our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (16:39)

You gotta be kidding me. The glaciers may be melting, but at least they move faster than this. For the last time, keep the speeches short and to the point.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (16:48)

We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow, and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. And then we take her milk that's intended for her calf, and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (17:04)

Oh, come on. Not for nothing, but if you'd wrapped that up earlier, I wouldn't have needed a midnight snack. That's not only a great idea, it's a great performance. Where's my Oscar?

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (17:20)

I wanted to take a moment to talk about the Academy Awards. The nominations just got announced today, and everyone's excited because it looks like Leonardo DiCaprio might actually get the Oscar that he deserves. Come on, Leo. We're behind you. But while this might be the year that the model dating environmentalist finally gets his due, other marginalized minorities haven't made the same level of progress. I'm specifically talking about black people. For more, please welcome Roy Wood Jr. Everybody.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (17:56)

Trevor, you know, man, this whole thing gets messed up because it's the same thing every year. Great movies made by black people come out, everybody goes and sees the movie, the movie gets great reviews, and then the nominations come out, and we spend the whole day feeling Like. Like.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:11)

Like black people.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:11)

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:12)

Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Roy. I hear you. You know, the big question is, though, did any black movies really deserve to get nominated this year?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:21)

Well, let me ask you, what did you like this year?

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:23)

Oh, it was easy for me. I mean, Creed was one of my favorite movies.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:26)

Oh, yes.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:26)

Yeah. I mean, Michael B. Jordan was fantastic. Ryan Coogler did an amazing job directing.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:30)

Tessa Thompson. Tessa Thompson was good. Yeah. And you know who got nominated? Sylvester Stallone. The only white dude in the whole movie.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:37)

Okay, okay, but, Roy, let's say the writers of Straight out of Compton, they got nominated for Best Screenplay.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:43)

You mean these writers. That movie was about gangster rap, and they still found a way to nominate white people. Straight out of Compton? More like straight out of Cornell.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:56)

Okay, but look, Roy, let.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (18:57)

Let.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (18:57)

And let's be honest. Let's be honest. It's easy to point fingers. But you and I, we both know that the problem isn't the Oscars.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:04)

I know.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:05)

You know who's to blame?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:08)

White people.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:10)

No, no, no, no, Roy.

Kenya Barris (Narrator/Promoter) (19:11)

No, no.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:11)

You know who's really to blame?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:14)

The media, Roy. It's not the media.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:18)

You know who it is?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:19)

Black people.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:20)

That's right, Roy. Black people are to blame. And not just any black people, but black filmmakers. It's time for black filmmakers to rise up and admit that they know the only way to win Best Picture is by pandering to white Oscar voters.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:35)

Yeah, that's right. We know the rules. If we want to win an Oscar, we have to make a movie about black people being oppressed.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:41)

Yep.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:42)

I called out these past. I'll call out these past nominees, and you tell me what's the first thing that come to mind when I call out these movies? Django.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:49)

Angry Slave.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:50)

Selma.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:50)

Still angry about the slavery thing.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:53)

12 years a slave.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (19:54)

Well, I mean, slave for 12 years.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (19:57)

Exactly. White people love feeling bad about how they treated black people. So to make a hit black movie, you need a whip, a fire hose, or a Negro spiritual.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (20:09)

No, no. You know what? This is so true, now that I think about it. You know, the only black prominent person who got nominated for an Oscar today, that was the Weeknd. Yeah, for that 50 shades of gray song, which is basically a movie about a rich white guy who likes whipping people.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (20:23)

Exactly. I rest my case. And here's the thing. White people know how to get that Oscar attention. They do what they gotta do. They gain weight, they lose weight, or

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (20:33)

they get really ugly.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (20:34)

Exactly. White people play to their strengths, and black filmmakers need to understand that.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (20:39)

Man, look, I hear you there, Roy, but I think it sucks that if black people want Academy Awards, we can't just make movies about anything but slavery.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (20:47)

No, no, no, no, no. We can make any movie we want. We just have to trick white people into thinking the movie is about slavery. What do all award winning slave movies have? They have scenes like this. Tell you, man, you put that humming underneath that map, dude. Straight outta Compton would have been nominated five times if they replaced a gangster rap with spirituals like that.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (21:17)

They want nwa, let's give them NWA. That was. Yeah, that was deep, rough.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (21:40)

Yeah. You know what you're feeling right now? That's that slavery sauce I sprinkled on that movie. You gotta drizzle that on there if you wanna win. Look at Creed. It's a great boxing film. Coulda got an Oscar nod if they'd have put a sprinkle of little slavery in there.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (21:56)

His great grandfather was a slave and

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (22:00)

now he has to fight for his freedom.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (22:02)

I've been fighting my whole life, but he can't do it alone. Yeah, I wanna talk to you about training me. Hey, I'm sorry your great grandfather was a slave.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (22:10)

To honor his ancestors, he has to fight every alive.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (22:16)

His journey will be dangerous.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (22:18)

People get killed, but his destination is dignity.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (22:22)

Again, kid, you know, I'm sorry. Your great grandfather would have lived this fall.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (22:28)

You can't run from 400 years of oppression. You have to stand up and fight.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (22:36)

I just want to reiterate. I'm sorry your great grandfather was.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (22:42)

Sprinkle that slavery, man.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (22:43)

And the winner is. Roy Wood Jr. Everyone.

Kenya Barris (Narrator/Promoter) (22:45)

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Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (24:31)

It's now been two weeks since the craziest Oscars moment in living. And yeah, I'm talking about the fact that House of Gucci didn't win best hand makeup. The whole movie was hand makeup. How did they not win? That was truly the craziest thing that happened at the Oscars. Yeah. Oh, I almost forgot. There was also the moment where Will Smith introduced his hand to Chris Rock's face, which had everyone asking, how will the Academy Awards punish Will Smith? Well, now we're finding out.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (25:00)

It was the slap heard round the world.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (25:02)

And after slapping Chris Rock during the Oscars, actor Will Smith has been banned from attending any Academy events for the next decade. The Academy issued a statement yesterday saying this in part. The 94th Oscars were meant to be a celebration of the many individuals in our community who did incredible work this past year. However, those moments were overshadowed by the unacceptable and harmful behavior we saw Mr.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (25:26)

Smith exhibit on stage.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (25:28)

The board's move will keep Smith from attending, presenting or performing at the Oscars. It won't bar him from being nominated or even winning an Academy Award in the future. And he gets to keep the one he has now.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (25:41)

Damn. Will Smith has been banned from the Oscars for 10 years. 10 years. Realize by then I am legend. It's just gonna be real life. Although I will say this, I will say this. When I first read the headline, I thought this was the worst punishment ever. I was like, 10 years, the Oscars. You're ridiculous. But then I won't, I won't lie. I got into the details and I realized he gets to keep his Oscar and he can still win Oscars even though he's banned. So in many ways, this isn't a punishment. Yeah, this is a favor. Will Smith doesn't have to go to the ceremony. Yeah. He doesn't have to get dressed up. He doesn't have to sit through a bunch of boring awards that he doesn't care about. Oh, best punctuation in a digital recycled film. Kill me. He doesn't have to pretend to be happy when he loses. I wish I could get banned from the Emmys. I wish every year I have to go and act like I might beat John Oliver.

Ali Jackson (Podcast Host) (26:36)

It's a nightmare.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (26:36)

Nightmare. Oh, put on my hopeful face oh,

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (26:39)

it could be me.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (26:40)

It's not gonna be me. It's not gonna be any of mine. It's gonna be John Oliver. I also think they should have at least consulted Chris Rock before choosing the punishment, you know, because if Will was still going to the Oscars, that's at least four hours where Chris Rock knows where he is now. He could be anywhere. Honestly, I don't think they should have banned Will Smith at all. I'll be honest. Yeah. I actually think they should have hired Will Smith to replace the wrap it up music that they play at award shows.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (27:14)

Yeah.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (27:15)

Do you know how quickly winners will finish their speeches when they see Will Smith watching them from the side of the stage? And I just want to thank my agent and my publicist and my agent's publicist, and I just want to. Oh, okay, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (27:34)

I'm done.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (27:34)

I'm done. The main thing is. The main thing is we can finally move on and stop talking about the slap. All right, it's done now. The punishment's doled out. The man made a mistake. We move on. Let's move on. Everyone everywhere is still trying to figure out what in the living room, what the happened at the Oscars. Here with his expert analysis is our very own Roy Wood Jr. Everybody.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (28:04)

Thank you, Trevor.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (28:06)

Roy, welcome to the show. Real quick, though. What's going on with the outfit, man?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (28:11)

I dress up whenever a black movie wins best picture. You should have seen me after 12 years. A slave won. Look, in order for you to understand what happened last night, you have to understand the phenomenon known as peak blackness.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (28:29)

I'm sorry, Roy. What the hell is peak blackness?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (28:32)

Trevor? Peak blackness is a rare metaphysical anomaly that can only occur when an amalgam of black excellence comes together at the same societal intersection.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (28:41)

What the hell are you talking about?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (28:44)

It's when a lot of dope black happen at the same time. It's Gotta all happen together. Going into last night, you had Black History Month. Beyonce's pregnancy with Jay's twins, multiple black movies were nominated for Oscars. And Frederick Douglass came back to life. Trevor, we are operating at maximum levels of blacktivity that we haven't seen in decades. Better known as peak blackness.

Comedian/Commentator (possibly a female comedian or Daily Show contributor) (29:16)

I don't.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (29:17)

I don't wanna call you out, but I'm from Africa and I've never heard of peak blackness.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (29:22)

That's. Cause y' all get it all the time. Like, Africa is peak blackness, but for us, it's special. Peak blackness is the only time you can see a brother doing this.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (29:32)

In South Carolina, a protester was arrested

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (29:35)

at a demonstration in downtown Charleston.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (29:37)

Police say the man jumped a barricade, tried to take this Confederate flag from a man.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (29:49)

Define the police. To fight the Confederacy, while at the same time setting a high jump record. Peak blackness. And that is what happened last night. All of this blackness culminated at the Oscars. You knew moonlight was winning. Cause a brother from Chicago was taking selfies and touching people's trophies. See? See? Jimmy Kimmel thought he was pranking some old black dude. And at any other month, that prank would have worked. But Gary's peak blackness could not be contained. What's your. Oh, I see. Gary is your name.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (30:24)

My name is Gary.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (30:25)

Gary Allen Coe from Chicago. You know, we're on tv, so you don't need to do that.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (30:29)

I know, but I want to.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (30:30)

I want to.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (30:32)

Let me give you a little tour.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (30:33)

It's Octavia.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (30:35)

Yes, yes, yes.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (30:36)

We have quite a few stars.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (30:37)

Here's Emma Stone and her brother Spencer. Emma brought her brother. Ms. Jackson, I feel like you're ignoring the white celebrities.

Correspondent/Reporter (likely Roy Wood Jr. or a Daily Show correspondent) (30:47)

Yes, I am.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (30:51)

Oh, my God. That is amazing. Gary was straight up. Just. Whoa, wait, wait. What's. What's happening? What's happening to my hands?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:01)

What is this Peak blackness, Trevor?

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:04)

That's what's happening.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:05)

Oh, that's what's happening to you, Trevor. The Oscars were so black, they was turning to Mel Gibson. Like, hey, you just gonna sit there or you gonna do something?

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:13)

Boy, this is. This is great, man. We've hit peak blackness.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:16)

Mm.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:16)

You think it'll ever end?

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:18)

Oh, no, no, Trevor. Peak blackness is here for a long time. Real hip hop is back. Yo, man, Remy Ma is beefing with Nicki Minaj. There is nothing that could end peak blackness.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:31)

Nothing could end it. Blackness, baby.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:33)

Peak blackness.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:34)

Peak blackness.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (31:35)

Ha. It's over. It's over.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:42)

We had a good run. Thank you, Roy Roywood Jr. Everyone with

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Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (31:49)

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Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (32:52)

The Oscars was amazing. No, genuine. It was my first time there. I eternally grateful to anyone who, like, made it happen. I was in heaven. I was like, this is genuinely insane. Like, everyone tries to act fancy about it. I see people tweeting all the time like, oh, nobody cares about the Oscars. Who cares? Who care? I don't care about them. I don't care. And then it's like, Helen Mirren. Was that Helen Mirren? Oh, my God, Daniel Craig.

Ali Jackson (Podcast Host) (33:18)

I care.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (33:18)

I care now. I care. People try and act cool all they want, man. It's like, no matter who you are around the world, you watch movies. Do you know what I mean? Like, movies that'll make you happy, movies that'll make you sad. These people, you see them as part of your life. You've grown up with them. Then when you see them in person, it's a magical experience. It genuinely is. Like, the event was amazing. And there's all these after parties that come afterwards, and I didn't know about these things. So it was like, there's the main event and there's like, the first after party, and then there'll be, like, the next after party. It's called the Vanity Fair after party, and it's super, super exclusive. And then you go there. And so we get there. And this is also where you see, like, levels of fame and stuff, which I really love. Cause, like, we're all standing in line. Everyone there has achieved something in some way. You know what I mean? So I'm standing there, it's myself, it's Terry Crews, you Know what I mean? It's like you standing in the line with people. People know. You know what I mean? It's Keegan, Michael Key. They're here. It's like, yeah, we've done stuff, you know, us. And then we're moving forward. And then they stop us. They're like, please move aside. Jennifer Lopez is coming through. And literally, we all. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (34:29)

And.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (34:29)

And JLo walks in, and she goes. And she stands. And this was the funniest thing. Cause there's all these photographers taking pictures, right? And they're, like, taking pictures of us while we're standing there. And then when J. Lo comes, it's almost like the photographers wish they could untake our pictures. Like, they wish they could be like, ah, I wish I hadn't wasted any battery on these. Cause she. I don't know if you saw the pictures of. She looked amazing. She had, like, this glitter ball gown thing. It was like mirrors. It was reflecting. It was like, just like. It's like. So she's walking through, and everyone is just like, she looks stunning. Everyone. Everyone just wanted a picture of her. Like, no one. We. We didn't exist anymore as people, as. As anything. Like, even. Even my. Even my iPhone started deleting my own pictures by itself. It was just like, no, no. Make space. Take pictures of JLo. I was like, this is.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (35:17)

Scream.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (35:17)

My family. Screw your family, Trevor. Take pictures of J. Lo. So that was the one after party. And then, in my opinion, probably the best after party of the night is the Jay Z Beyonce after party.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (35:31)

Yeah.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (35:32)

So they throw. And it's like the coolest thing ever. There's no social media. There's no anything. There's just people having a great time. And, like, everyone's just having fun. But again, it's a little weird. Cause, like, if you're not used to it, you. There are moments when you go, like, this is surreal, right? Cause, like, one moment, I'm on the dance floor. I'm dancing. I'm like, dancing. Dance. Cause the DJ Black Coffee was there. South African dj amazing.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (35:53)

And.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (35:54)

And he's on the. And so I'm dancing. I'm like, yeah, South African. South Africans. And then. And then Usher comes onto the dance floor, and he's like, let's dance. And it's like, no, no, no. Usher. No. You're like a professional. No, like, the rest of us are just like, eh, eh. And then Usher's like, move. Move to the other one. To the thing.

Kenya Barris (Narrator/Promoter) (36:16)

Do it all.

Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (36:16)

Yeah. Bam. And it's like, no. There should be, like, a professional dance floor and then a dance floor for the rest of us. This is both, like, the rest of us are just, like, making our bodies move and Usher's dancing. It's like, what's next? Karaoke with Beyonce? No, it's not fair. It's not fair. You go dance over there. And speaking of, like, Beyonce and Jade, like, just sweetest, nicest people ever. You know, this was the weirdest moment of my night and maybe my life. I will see where I categorize it was. I'm on the dance floor, everyone's having a good time, and then Beyonce starts walking in my direction. So I'm like, oh, I should move, right? Cause it's Beyonce. Where she is going is not to me. So I'm like. I'm like, I must move. It's Beyonce. And I also do not want the beehive coming after me. Cause they're like, yo, you blocked Beyonce's path. I don't want to be involved. So she, like, walks towards me, so I, like, turn to move out of the way. But it turns out she was coming to say hi. She says hi to everybody. Like, just like. Like a nice hi. You think she'd be, like, sitting in a box, like, waving? No, she's saying hi, and she's really cool, and she comes over to say hi. But now I'm, like, moving away from her, and she's, like, trying to, like, come in and hug me and say hi, and I'm, like, moving, and then I realize I'm like. I'm like, I'm making Beyonce do this weird move, and I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, Beyonce. I'm so sorry. It was. Yeah, it was. If it never happens again, it's fine. I'm done. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount.

Trevor Noah (Host of The Daily Show) (37:54)

Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

Sponsor/Advertisement Voice (38:02)

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Roy Wood Jr. (Comedian and Correspondent) (38:04)

Exhale. Feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

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