TDS Time Machine | Winter

Summary

The Daily Show: Ears Edition

TDS Time Machine | Winter

Date: December 26, 2025
Host: Jon Stewart & The Daily Show News Team

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, hosted by Jon Stewart and featuring the classic news team, takes a comedic time machine trip through memorable winter moments and headlines. Covering a bevy of extreme weather events across America—real and exaggerated—the crew delivers their signature blend of satire and news commentary. Highlights include on-the-ground (and in-the-snowbank) reporting, spoofs on winter survival and politics, and a playful look at how Americans cope with the wintry season, from snowstorm panic to the loss of snow days for kids.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Winter Storms Across America

[01:18–06:13]

• Jon Stewart opens by riffing on a massive winter storm sweeping from D.C. to Boston, noting how some areas were spared while others were “better covered up.”

• Stephen Colbert acts as the on-the-scene meteorologist in (supposedly blizzard-blanketed) Maine, gradually spiraling into absurdity as he claims to have crashed his car, locked himself out, and ultimately resorts to cannibalizing the sound guy within just 20 minutes.

  • Satire unfolds as the team throws out increasingly ridiculous responses to the “storm,” culminating in Colbert's faux-dramatic “freezing to death” monologue.

  "Yeah, but we'd already cut him open and tried to crawl inside for warmth, so I figured as long as the meat was exposed, you know, none's the wiser."
  — Stephen Colbert on eating the sound guy ([05:10])

  "No, Stephen, that means you're freezing to death. Don't lie down. You gotta keep moving."
  — Jon Stewart ([05:56])

2. The Endangered Yellowstone Snowmobile

[07:10–10:53]

• Stacey Grenrock Woods delivers a satirical report about the “endangered” snowmobile in Yellowstone National Park, parodying wildlife documentaries and environmental activism.

• The crew jokes about government interventions, environmental policies, and the improbable “birth of snowmobile pups.”

  • Jon Stewart (as a park ranger/fan) and others play along with mock concern for these “magnificent creatures.”

  “Years ago, the snowmobile roamed free in Yellowstone Park. The natives called them Yamaha and used every part of them out of respect...”
  — Stacey Grenrock Woods ([07:37])

  "If you looked out on a trail and saw no snowmobiles, what would go through your mind?"
  — Stacey Grenrock Woods
  "What a waste. What a waste."
  — Jon Stewart ([09:20-09:30])

3. First Big Snowfall and Political Fallout

[10:57–12:23]

• Discussion of winter in the Northeast, highlighting snow-induced travel chaos, canceled flights, and political reactions by NYC Mayor Bloomberg (for using the storm for family sledding) and others.
• Segue to coverage of the psychological impacts of winter.

4. Seasonal Affective Disorder and the “Holiday Blues”

[12:23–16:05]

• Ed Helms delivers a parody piece on dealing with winter depression, from clinical symptoms to mockable home remedies.

• Satirical “budget treatments” are discussed, including using a strobe light as a sun lamp, writing a threatening letter for “free psychiatric treatment,” DIY electroshock, and the ultimate solution: “Just act Jewish.”

  “It's a type of depression that starts in late fall, continues through the long winter, all the way to early spring…”
  — John Oliver ([12:37])

  “The Jews are a traditionally mopey people and their expectations around the holidays are low. You'll never be disappointed being a Jew.”
  — John Oliver ([15:49])

5. Atlanta’s Two-Inch “Snowpocalypse”

[17:08–23:40]

• Satirical panic in Atlanta after a mere 2 inches of snow brings the city to a halt: stranded children, abandoned cars, and zombie apocalypse analogies.

  • Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert lampoon the city’s unpreparedness, official excuses, and media overkill.
  • Asif Monvi gets lost in a wall of on-air newsboxes and delivers a hilarious riff on the “size” of the snowfall.

  “Is that what happens when the south is confronted by something not specifically mentioned in Revelations?”
  — Jon Stewart ([17:44])

  “Well, what do you mean, just two inches, John? I can tell you from personal experience that 2 inches is a lot more impressive than it sounds. Okay. People talk about other cities having 12, 13 inches... Trust me, there are plenty of cities out there who fight two inches way too much to handle.”
  — Asif Monvi ([22:19])

  "Are you trying to tell us you have a 2 inch penis?"
  — Jon Stewart ([23:21])

6. NYC’s Snow Removal Showdown (De Blasio Era)

[24:04–27:01]

• The show covers de Blasio’s performance during a major NYC snowfall, comparing it to predecessor Bloomberg and highlighting class-based snow removal grievances.

• Field reporters (Samantha Bee in Times Square, Jessica Williams in Brooklyn, Asif Monvi on the Upper East Side) offer “local” perspectives—some genuinely snowy, some absurdly tropical or snowbound, leading to jokes about Brooklyn’s weather advantage and plows piling snow onto the wealthy.

• Hyperbolic “urban survival” scenes play out (“Somali warlords battling polar bears on Park Avenue”) as the rich struggle with too much snow.

  “It seems that De Blasio's plows are actively bringing snow in... It is hell bent on making the city unlivable for the rich.”
  — Asif Monvi ([26:16])

7. Nationwide Winter Mayhem & Modern Snow Day Losses

[28:10–31:29]

• Review of wide-reaching winter storms: Texas power blackouts, drivers sliding on ice, and the American grid’s fragility.

• Commentary on climate change upending traditional expectations—Minnesota should buy a sunhat, New Yorkers need anti-scorpion spray (joking about the host’s lost pet).

• Grievance of the week: New York City ends snow days for kids, switching to Zoom classes. Host and crew reflect on lost rites of passage, using biting humor.

  “By 2026, this is basically gonna be Florida with better bagels. That’s all it’s gonna be.”
  — Josh Whalen ([30:53])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Cannibal Humour:

  “I managed to capture and eat the sound guy.” — Stephen Colbert ([05:07])

• Storm Reality vs. Hysteria:

  “Three feet, ten feet, two inches of snow hit the area. Really? Two inches of snow?” — Jon Stewart ([17:40])

• Snowmobile as Endangered Species Satire:

  “The natives called them Yamaha and used every part of them out of respect for the snowmobile.” — Stacey Grenrock Woods ([07:37])

• Atlanta’s Unpreparedness:

  “The Weather Channel is located in Atlanta. It’s right there…”
  — Jon Stewart ([20:23])

• Sexual Innuendo in Weather Coverage:

  “It’s not the size of the snowfall that matters, okay? It is the duration of the condensation, if you get my snow drift.” — Asif Monvi ([23:11])

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Timestamps: Important Segments

• 01:18 — Opening monologue, first snowstorm jokes
• 03:11–05:19 — Colbert’s blizzard misadventures
• 07:31–10:53 — Yellowstone snowmobile mockumentary
• 12:23–16:05 — Fighting the “holiday blues”
• 17:08–23:40 — Atlanta’s “snowpocalypse,” reporting chaos
• 24:04–27:01 — NYC’s snowy boroughs & class satire
• 28:10–31:29 — Texas storm fallout; end of snow days for NY kids

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Tone and Style

• Consistently irreverent and quick-witted, blending real news with deadpan hyperbole.
• Frequent use of recurring comedic devices: on-scene “reporting,” absurd escalation, character banter.
• Lampooning both governmental dysfunction and media overreaction.

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For New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’re in for classic Daily Show winter-time satire. From faux-survival reporting in snowdrifts to the cultural loss of snow days and American ineptitude around a few inches of snow, the show is fast-paced, packed with memorable punchlines, and sharp social observation. Winter never felt so ridiculous—or funny.

Transcript

[John Oliver]

Tis the season to cozy up with all your favorite holiday movies and shows.

[Jon Stewart]

You coming where to the North Pole, of course.

[John Oliver]

Like a very Jonas Christmas movie. And Home Alone on Disney.

[Jon Stewart]

Did I burn down the joy?

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

I don't think so.

[John Oliver]

Then snuggle up with the Polar Express at National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. With Hulu on Disney, I think we're.

[Jon Stewart]

All in for a very big Christmas treat this season.

[John Oliver]

There's something for everyone with Hulu on Disney plus bundle subscription required terms apply.

[Jon Stewart]

Visit disneyplus. Com Hulu for details.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, what's up y'?

[Jessica Williams]

All?

[Stephen Colbert]

Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. My favorite thing about the holidays, Decking out my whole house. It's not a competition, but if it was, well, I'd win the season with Wayfair Outdoor inflatable Santa. Got it on Wayfair. Trees, lights and ornaments. Wayfair hosting must haves like dining sets, beds, sheets and towels. Wayfair for everything in your style, delivered with fast and free shipping. Visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app to win the season. But again, it's not a competition. Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Josh Whalen]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[Jon Stewart]

Finally, an excuse for my sedentary lifestyle. A huge winter storm that dumped more than a foot of snow on the plains states, who, it should be noted, have good personalities, has moved eastward in a 75 mile band stretching from Washington, D.C. to Boston. There was snow. Snow mixed with rain. Just rain and what many are calling roe or snain. All right, not that many cities hit particularly hard. Included Cincinnati, whose residents were just starting to dig themselves out when they decided things looked better covered up. In West Virginia. In West Virginia, thousands of people. But officials promised that someday soon the state will finally get electricity. In Kansas, we're going around the country. In Kansas, the storm shut down Interstate 70 from Waukeni to the Colorado border, bringing hate crimes to a standstill and all but ruining the fog. Hat Tavern Tour 99. But right off the bat, many of you know there was a gigantic snowstorm that was slated to hit the Eastern seaboard earlier in the week. And man, oh man, did that do nothing here in the city. It was actually 72 degrees and sunny yesterday, but it was a storm. It moved up north and we did want to keep track of it. So we sent our Daily show meteorologist Stephen Colbert up to northern Maine to check out the storm that wasn't. There you go. And we're going to go check that out now. We're going to go up to Stephen as He's up there. Stephen Colbert. I understand conditions where you are are actually a little worse than they were in the New York area. Indeed they are, John.

[Stephen Colbert]

Indeed they are.

[Jon Stewart]

Stephen, that looks like a blizzard. Put on a coat, for God's sakes.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm afraid I can't do that, John. I didn't bring a coat. Whole idea of the story was that there wasn't gonna be a storm, if you'll remember.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, there was no storm here in New York. Steven, just listen to me. Get in your car and come home.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's afraid I can't do that right now, John. As you can see, I had a little trouble here with my Camry. I rolled it.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, at least get in the car and get out of the cold until it blows over.

[Stephen Colbert]

I can't do that either, John. I locked the keys in the car. Honest mistake. Could happen to anybody. Keep reminding the crew of that.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, just flag down the first car that you see and get some shelter. It's dangerous.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can't do that either. Evidently, the state is closed down this stretch of the highway, so it's just sort of a wait and see situation right now, John.

[John Oliver]

Wait and see.

[Jon Stewart]

Back to you. Well, Stephen, stay warm, okay, buddy? Okay.

[Josh Whalen]

How.

[Jon Stewart]

We'll check back in with Stephen later, time permitting. Boy, that sh. We didn't think it was snowing. We apologize. I'm getting word that Stephen Colbert's checking back in. If I can just go over there. Stephen, are you okay? What do you have for us?

[Stephen Colbert]

John? Do you know the best way to get away from a wolf?

[Josh Whalen]

Is.

[Jon Stewart]

All right. I like riddles. What's the best way?

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know. I'm asking you, John. What's the best way to get away from a wolf?

[Jon Stewart]

I don't get it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Jon Stewart]

We'Ll be right back. Once again, we're going to go live to Stephen Colbert stranded in Maine. It looks like Penobscott or Kenneth Bumport. How you holding up?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm feeling a little bit better, John. Got some strength back. I managed to capture and eat the sound guy.

[Jon Stewart]

You ate him? You've only been trapped for 20 minutes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, but we'd already cut him open and tried to crawl inside for warmth, so I figured as long as the meat was exposed, you know, none's the wiser.

[Jon Stewart]

Stephen, how can you justify cannibalism, John?

[Stephen Colbert]

I just want his family and loved ones to know that he was delicious. We didn't waste anything. Not a scrap.

[Jon Stewart]

Very thoughtful, Stephen. You. You hang in there, buddy. He ate the sound man. That's our show for tonight. Before we leave, we want to check in one last time with our own Stephen Colbert. Stephen, I gotta say, you're not looking good. How you feeling?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm actually feeling pretty good, John. I'm actually getting kind of warm.

[Jon Stewart]

No, Stephen, that means you're freezing to death. Don't lie down. You gotta keep moving. You.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love you, Timmy.

[Jon Stewart]

Timmy, I'm sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

I told mom about that baseball you stole. I'm sorry, Timmy.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, my God. You know what? We gotta get him out of there. We gotta send the Daily show chopper to get it. How much it costs that much? Can we send an intern? Well, I'm sure he'll be fine.

[Josh Whalen]

Acting.

[Jon Stewart]

Welcome to our ugly home.

[John Oliver]

Reddit is back. For a historically hideous season.

[Jon Stewart]

It's our 100th ugly house. This place is mayhem.

[John Oliver]

That is impressive. And if these walls could talk.

[Asif Monvi]

Do you cry a lot?

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

I do.

[John Oliver]

They'd have a lot to say. What in God's name is this pit?

[Jon Stewart]

Don't get too close. If you've seen the show. I'm scared of that.

[John Oliver]

Ugliest house in America season premiere Wednesday, January 7th at 8 on HGTV.

[Jon Stewart]

Now, despite its troubles, Yellowstone remains, along with Bronson Pinchot, one of America's national treasures. Oh, Balki. But it does have at least one endangered species does Yellowstone. As our own Stacey Grenrock woods reports.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

From the bison to the elk, Yellowstone national park is home to some of America's most spectacular wildlife. But there's one amazing creature here that is in grave danger of extinction. That creature. The snowmobile. Years ago, the snowmobile roamed free in Yellowstone Park. The natives called them Yamaha and used every part of them out of respect for the snowmobile. But in the late 1990s tragedy. The snowmobile's natural enemy, Wild Bill Clinton, tried to rid the park of them. Things looked bleak. Their numbers began to dwindle. But then, hope environmentalist George W. Bush signed an order reintroducing these magnificent creatures into the delicate Yellowstone ecosystem. Look, right here. You can see fresh snowmobile tracks. Let's follow them. If you listen closely, you can almost hear them. John Catton of the Greater Yellowstone Coalition describes the joy of having the snowmobile back in the park.

[Jon Stewart]

You can leave the park sometimes with your ears ringing, with the taste of the snowmobile pollution in the back of your throat. Being able to smell it in your clothes. I mean, I literally one time had this sensation when I went home that I had been using a power tool all day.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

And he's not alone in his love of the snowmob.

[Jon Stewart]

I never can see him enough. It's something to respect, but don't fear it.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

If you looked out on a trail and saw no snowmobiles, what would go through your mind?

[Jon Stewart]

What a waste. What a waste.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

But there's good news. This month has seen the birth of several snowmobile pups. If the snow, if a snowmobile is to flourish in the park, it will be because of people like Randy Roberson, who cares for them, tags them and releases them.

[Jon Stewart]

These parks here are all the same model. These are the Polaris Trail Touring.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

What's this one's name?

[Jon Stewart]

Trail Touring.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

Randy brought me into the snowmobile infirmary. What's wrong with this one?

[Jon Stewart]

We're probably doing an oil change on this one.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

So it's injured.

[Jon Stewart]

Stacy, I don't know where you're going with this. I mean, it's a vehicle, right?

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

Must be very scared. Yes, scared. Because if the snowmobile can't go into Yellowstone, it will have nowhere to go except the 10,000 trails just outside the park. On this magnificent day, Randy and I were lucky enough to release trail touring into the wild. Should we let him go here?

[Jon Stewart]

Sure.

[Stacey Grenrock Woods]

Go, little guy, go.

[Asif Monvi]

Fly like the wind.

[Jon Stewart]

Don't look at me.

[Asif Monvi]

Don't look back.

[Jon Stewart]

Just go. But here in the Northeast, the talk isn't of politics. Old man winner left work angry on Friday and the results can only be described as the storm of the weekend. A torrent of snow buried the Northeast this weekend in a blanket of fluffy white stuff we all knew was coming, but nevertheless pretended was somehow different than in previous years. The pre winter storm caused multiple from traffic tie ups to canceled flights to the very dangerous wet camera lens. The heaviest snowfall came in Pinkham Notch, New Hampshire, which got almost four feet, disrupting the New Hampshire campaign season and almost completely obscuring Dennis Kucinich. He's not a tall man. No blood for New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg saw the weather as a perfect chance to spend quality time with the family. It's a good time to take the kids and go sledding in the parks.

[John Oliver]

They're safe, they're clean, they're open.

[Jon Stewart]

Adding. Well, they're open. This weekend's weather marks the unofficial start of winter, a season full of holiday cheer for most Americans, but not all. Our own. Ed Helms has more.

[John Oliver]

The Christmas season is here again. And you know what that means. That's right, the holiday blues. Or as I like to call it, crippling depression. The professionals call it seasonal affective disorder. It's a type of depression that Starts in late fall, continues through the long winter, all the way to early spring. I asked psychologists Ella Laski what the quote symptoms are.

[Jon Stewart]

They would feel blue, they would feel.

[Stephen Colbert]

Down, no energy and a lot of overeating of sweets and starches in a misguided attempt to make you feel better.

[John Oliver]

And there are other symptoms. Sleep disturbances, tensile failure, listless festooning, inability to finish figgy pudding, nat king, cold sores, FA la la la, lethargy, mistletoe, performance anxiety, enlarged fruitcake and jingled balls. Luckily, there are solutions.

[Stephen Colbert]

Medication, the light box and or therapy.

[John Oliver]

Oh, but those things are expensive. Which is why I'm bringing you tips to beat the holiday blues on a budget. There are plenty of people who will listen to your problems for free. Then my mom jumps in and she's.

[Jon Stewart]

Like, you have bad posture.

[John Oliver]

Maybe the shoes I'm wearing maybe arched my back over a little bit. Or maybe it's the fact that they were Velcro and the kids made fun of me. And every time the kids made fun of me. Do you have to get that? Okay, fine. Get plenty of sunlight. But I don't have a sun lamp and I can't afford a trip to Florida. But what I do have is this killer strobe light from high school.

[Jon Stewart]

I feel great.

[John Oliver]

A cheap way to get good meds is to write a threatening letter to the president.

[Jon Stewart]

It's like sending away for free.

[John Oliver]

Psychiatric treatment should be any second now. You'll be held for a cheerful observation period and pumped full of complimentary medication. Try electroshock therapy, which you probably thought you couldn't afford. Fortunately, with a little creativity, there's a cheaper and more convenient alternative.

[Jon Stewart]

Hit it.

[John Oliver]

The cheapest treatment of all is good old fashioned exercise. It doesn't cost a thing to do the one exercise that makes it makes everyone happy. Skipping. None of this working Christmas still getting you down? There's one last resort. Be a Jew. Or at least act like one. The Jews are a traditionally mopey people and their expectations around the holidays are low. You'll never be disappointed being a Jew.

[Josh Whalen]

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[Jon Stewart]

You know, I didn't really. I didn't take Graham seriously. You know that the world's about to blow up. You know how excitable southerners can get. Till I saw this. The metropolitan Atlanta area largely paralyzed.

[Stephen Colbert]

Pregnant women and children trapped on the roads.

[John Oliver]

Children left to spend the night in their streets.

[Stephen Colbert]

An abandoned car.

[Jon Stewart]

Purgatory.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like the zombie apocalypse.

[Jon Stewart]

The walking dead. Lord have mercy. Linda. Graham was right. He was right. Oh, I've always depended on the kindness of strangers to give me a ride. The ice age zombie doomsday apocalypse has come to Atlanta. Damn you, gay marriage. Why didn't we listen? I can't. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine how much snow it must take to bring about the zombie apocalypse. 3ft, 10ft, 2 inches of snow hit the area. Really? Two inches of snow? I mean, is that what happens when the south is confronted by something not specifically mentioned in Revelations? Is that we're ready for the holster of the apocalypse and rivers of blood? But Jesus didn't say nothing here about snow tires. And that is not to diminish the real trouble the storm has caused. I would not want to be in Atlanta's snowshoes right now.

[Stephen Colbert]

Jennifer Wilkins has been in her car.

[Jon Stewart]

For more than 20 hours.

[Josh Whalen]

My brother in law spent the night.

[John Oliver]

In a Home Depot.

[Jon Stewart]

A woman who has been sitting in.

[Stephen Colbert]

A Walgreens for 19 hours.

[Jon Stewart]

They had to sleep in their car. They had a friend come and deliver food to them. Friend didn't have any extra space in their car. Maybe giving them a ride home so they wouldn't have to sleep on the front. Hey man, I heard about your trouble. Here's some cocoa and Slim Jims. Gotta go. You know they could have shared the. It's okay for two people to share a car, right? I mean, I know the last time anyone in Atlanta Carpooled was this. But still, you know, this is an emergency. How was Georgia so ill prepared?

[Josh Whalen]

Governor, we have been confronted with an unexpected storm.

[Jon Stewart]

There's not anybody in this room that.

[John Oliver]

Could have predicted the degree and the.

[Josh Whalen]

Magnitude of the problem that developed.

[Jon Stewart]

Sure. No, I guess that's probably the case. Unless anyone in that room had been watching what I guess you call the weather.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Weather Channel's Mike Seidel has the very latest.

[John Oliver]

We have winter storm watches and warnings into Atlanta.

[Josh Whalen]

There'll be snow, sleet, and freezing rain.

[John Oliver]

2 inches of snow that will literally shut down.

[Stephen Colbert]

The city could see accumulations of 1 to 2 inches.

[Jon Stewart]

For God's sakes, Governor, you were given a memo. Snowstorm determined to strike within Atlanta. Not only were they warned, but the call was coming from inside the house. The Weather Channel, which is actually located in Atlanta. The Weather Channel is located in Atlanta. It's right there. Also located in Atlanta. Also located in Atlanta. The Society for Prevention of Highway Stockage and the National Department of Seeing coming. Now, I'm gonna ask again. Where were the mayor and the governor when the citizens of Atlanta were stuck in their cars eating their own pea sicles?

[Josh Whalen]

Yesterday morning, Atlanta Mayor Qasem Reed tweeted.

[Jon Stewart]

Atlanta, we are ready for the snow.

[Josh Whalen]

And here he is a short time.

[Jon Stewart]

Later, not in some kind of situation.

[Josh Whalen]

Room or emergency operations center, but with.

[Jon Stewart]

Georgia Governor Nathan Deal accepting an award for Georgian of the Year. He got an award for. Who did he beat out for Georgian of the Year? Paula Dean and the guy who raped Ned Beatty in Deliverance. How'd the local media handle it?

[John Oliver]

This is our continuing coverage of the winter storm and our state of emergency.

[Jon Stewart]

Right now we have a team of.

[Stephen Colbert]

25 reporters spread out all over the world over metro Atlanta and North Georgia.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, my God. It's a 25 news box pileup. We go now to Asif Monvi live there in Atlanta. Asif, how are you? Good.

[Asif Monvi]

The situation on the ground is just chaos.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm sorry, Osif, I don't know where you are. Which box are you in?

[Asif Monvi]

Oh, no, no. I'm third row down, John. Four columns in.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, that's one, two.

[Asif Monvi]

I'm one of only two brown dudes, John.

[Jon Stewart]

I see the one guy there is a brown dude.

[Asif Monvi]

I see him.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes. I see you. There you are. There you are.

[Asif Monvi]

Finally.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. Austin. One thing I'm unclear, though. How could Atlanta be so strongly affected by the snowfall when it's just two inches?

[Asif Monvi]

Well, what do you mean, just two inches, John? I can tell you from personal experience that 2 inches is a lot more impressive than it sounds. Okay. People talk about other cities having 12, 13 inches.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, right.

[Asif Monvi]

Maybe in the movies. Trust me, there are plenty of cities out there who fight two inches. Way too much to handle.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, I, I guess, I suppose in some situations I, I, I could see. Asif, where did you go? You moved into a different. Where are you?

[Asif Monvi]

I think, I think they moved me. Jon, I'm telling you, it is chaos down here.

[Jon Stewart]

Where, where are you now? Because I have no idea.

[Asif Monvi]

I'm being, I'm being told that I'm now at.

[Jon Stewart]

Up here.

[Asif Monvi]

It's, it's, it's up, it's in, it's in the messenger. I got you, I got you.

[Jon Stewart]

I gotcha, I gotcha. Okay, okay. Tell me, tell me what's going on.

[Asif Monvi]

Anyway, the point is, it's not the size of the snowfall that matters, okay? It is the duration of the condensation, if you get my snow drift.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm sorry, Ossif, are you trying to tell us you have a 2 inch penis?

[Asif Monvi]

What? I wish. In this cold, it's half that. Okay. At best.

[Jon Stewart]

All right.

[Asif Monvi]

No, it's happening again.

[Jon Stewart]

What's happening? What? No. Asif, what's happening?

[Stephen Colbert]

No.

[Asif Monvi]

Tell Jason's wife I love her.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Asif. Take care. Asif. Monmi, everybody. We'll be right back. The mayor, Bill de Blasio is here, apparently to shovel outside today, New York hit with 6 to, let's say 28 inches of snow. It's actually providing the mayor with a chance for some snow removal redemption.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is the first significant snowfall that Mayor de Blasio has had to deal with since he came under a fire for his handling of the last snowstorm in late January. Many on the Upper east side and in other areas in Manhattan complained that snow plows did not get to them for about 24 hours. While other arteries in places like Brooklyn and Queens were fully clear, you can.

[Jon Stewart]

Imagine de Blasio got an earful from the Tony or upper side residents used the Mayor Bloomberg carrying them individually from their apartments to the chopper. Did de Blasio handle today's snowfall better? Best snow team on television has the answers. First we go to Samantha Bee in Times Square. Sam, nice to see you. How are you, Sam?

[Asif Monvi]

Look at that.

[Jon Stewart]

That's incredible. It's looking really good there, Sam.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, they cleared the snow right away. It means business is booming for this quintessential New York landmark district. Yeah, places like Ye Olde Disney Store, sure. New York's famous Olive Garden The M and M store. And you don't get more New York than the historic Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.

[Asif Monvi]

Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

Shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, barbecued shrimp, shrimp cocktails. Only in New York, kids. Only in New York.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Sam. And he also apparently made it day. Jessica Williams, Right now out in Brooklyn, a borough traditionally left slightly underserved. Jessica, how did it go out there in Brooklyn today?

[Asif Monvi]

It went pretty good, John.

[John Oliver]

Wow.

[Asif Monvi]

There are no traffic problems.

[Jon Stewart]

In fact, it's 82 degrees and it's sunny. Mayor de Blasio made it. Summer in Brooklyn.

[John Oliver]

How?

[Jon Stewart]

How is that possible?

[Asif Monvi]

Oh, yeah, I don't know.

[Jon Stewart]

But the only snow in sight is right here.

[Jessica Williams]

Thank you.

[Asif Monvi]

The man. The man loves Brooklyn, so stay cool.

[Jon Stewart]

All right. Thank you, Jessica.

[Asif Monvi]

Mm.

[Jon Stewart]

We're gonna go back to Manhattan, though, and check in on the Upper east side. Asif Monvi. How are conditions there, Asif?

[Asif Monvi]

Well, not good, John. Not only has the city not cleared the streets, it seems that De Blasios are plows are actively bringing snow in.

[Jon Stewart]

Holy. Asif, are you. You look completely buried in a snow bank. Are you cold? Are you okay?

[Asif Monvi]

Well, I can't feel my legs, John. But hey, that was life in de Blasios, New York. Seems that he's hell bent on making the city unlivable for the rich.

[Jon Stewart]

But it can't Ozza. It can't be that bad. It's.

[Asif Monvi]

Everyone's so covered in snow that the Barney security guard even know who to detain anymore, Right?

[Jon Stewart]

Well, I can see it covers up. Everybody looks white. Who do you hold? Listen. It sounds Osif. Osif. Osif. What is that?

[Asif Monvi]

Osif, John, that's the Somali warlords. They've kind of taken over Park Avenue. They're battling the polar bears for dominance.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, Asif Manby on the Upper east side. Ladies and gentlemen.

[Jessica Williams]

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[Jon Stewart]

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[John Oliver]

And Doug, here we have the limu.

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[Josh Whalen]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Uh, Limu is that guy with the.

[John Oliver]

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[John Oliver]

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[Jon Stewart]

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[Josh Whalen]

Let's kick things off with the crazy weather sweeping across the United States today. Because right now, everywhere in the country, if you look outside your window, you're seeing snow. I mean, except for Florida. If you're looking outside your window, that white stuff you're seeing, that's probably cocaine. But for the places that aren't used to having winter, this storm is causing major problems.

[John Oliver]

Nearly 200 million Americans are now in the path of a dangerous winter storm system with warnings and alerts now stretching from the Mexican border all the way to Maine.

[Jon Stewart]

44 states on alert this morning. About 70% of the continental US is covered in snow right now. That is the highest in a decade.

[John Oliver]

Nowhere is harder hit than Texas, where more than 3 million homes and businesses are without power and heat. The electrical grid simply can't handle the demand. Officials imposed rolling blackouts, saying the lack of energy is due in part to frozen wind turbines in West Texas knocked offline pipes freezing and bursting across the state. And these power lines sizzling, taken out by heavy ice in Louisiana, frozen Road sent an 18 wheeler careening out of control near Austin. And a man nearly lost his life jumping just seconds before a car lost control and crashed into a police cruiser. Oh, hell no.

[Josh Whalen]

Trucks spinning around, cars flying off the road. This storm has turned Texas into that ice level from Mario Kart. If I was in Texas right now, I'm carrying around a green shell with me just to be safe. And how about that guy who jumped out of the way of a flipping car? That was some real action movie shit. Like real life action movie. The only thing missing was him turning to the camera afterwards with like one of those cool one liners. I straight buddy. And you gotta understand this is especially tough for Texans because they're not equipped for snow. They don't have snow shovels out there. Their best bet is to grab their AR15s and shoot each snowflake before it lands, go back to Canada where you belong. But this just goes to show you that with climate change, everyone has to be prepared for every kind of condition, no matter where you live. You're in Arizona, well, you better get a parka. Minnesota, you need a big sun hat. New York, you start carrying around an anti scorpion spray. And that's not a climate change thing. My pet scorpion has escaped. So if you find Roger, please, please return him. Meanwhile, in education news, New York City has announced that students will no longer get snow days and will instead attend classes on Zoom. Yes, this is a thing. No snow days, only Zoom. Yeah, I mean, luckily this isn't too.

Big of a deal.

I know it's sad, but you realize thanks to climate change, New York's getting Snow for what, two years max now? Yeah. By 2026, this is basically gonna be Florida with better bagels. That's all it's gonna be. But I do feel bad for these kids, you know, missing out on such a big part of childhood. I mean, like, when I was growing up, there was nothing I loved more than waking up and checking the TV for school closings. And then, you know, and I'd be like, oh. And then I'd remember that I grew up in Africa, you idiot. There's a snow day. Think I give a shit about you losing snow days? The hell out of here, you dumb kids.

[John Oliver]

Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show.

[Jon Stewart]

Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the.

[John Oliver]

Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on.

[Jon Stewart]

Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount.

[Josh Whalen]

Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

[John Oliver]

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