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Jon Stewart
Men.
Stephen Colbert
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Correspondent
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Jon Stewart
Wall street gets a kick in the NASDAQs. The World Wrestling Federation is going public on the New York Stock Exchange, hoping to body slam the market, pile drive its competitors and put a sleeper hold on investors in a story that can only be described as full of dumb metaphors to welcome the WWF to the big board. Today's trading session ended with Stone Cold Steve Austin slamming Alan Greenspan's head into the closing bell. Now Daily show chief financial correspondent Stephen Colbert has been following this story very closely. We go now live to Wall street for a report. Stephen, what's the advance word on the trading floor for the wrestling public offering?
Stephen Colbert
Well, Jon, the WWF IPO is creating quite a buzz. Investors are looking for product branding and long term growth.
Correspondent
You want more geek? I will kick your short term bonds so far up your withholdings, you're going to be picking Fannie Mae's out of your ass for a week. James Wa.
Jon Stewart
Stephen. What? Is everything okay down there?
Stephen Colbert
It's nothing, Jon. Some of the Morgan Stanley foreign debt guys are trash talking.
Jon Stewart
Has this wrestling IPO really changed the mood down there on the floor?
Stephen Colbert
Well, there's a sense of increased optimism, but that could be attributed to the Fed's restraint on interest rates.
Jon Stewart
Steven, I don't mean to interrupt. Who. Who was that?
Stephen Colbert
Oh, he goes by the name of the underwriter. You don't want a piece of that junk.
Jon Stewart
I can't. This is shocking. It seems the floor has really gotten caught up in the spirit of this ipo.
Correspondent
You want to know why the yen is down, Yamamoto? Because you panty wastes can't handle a gold backed currency. Never could. The Nikkei is for old ladies and bedwetters. Oh, oh, nunchucks. Right, Stephen, is that.
Jon Stewart
Did I just hear the closing bell?
Correspondent
No, John. It's the opening sounds of whoop ass season. Come on. You.
Jon Stewart
You.
Correspondent
You will taste the sweet dish of my wrath. Thank you very much, Stephen Colbert on.
Jon Stewart
The floor of the Wall Street Trading firm. Some of you may have watched the program last night. You know that Barack Obama was our guest on the program. He was not actually here in the studio. The good news, of course, hope can be transmitted via satellite now just flies through the air. We've actually had now all the presidential candidates on our show, the three that are remaining. And I would like to think that appearing on this program is as low as they're going to go to pander for votes. I would like to think that we truly are the bottom of their barrel, or even not even just whatever it is that grows under the bottom of barrels. That would be us. That would be my hope for them, for our country. But last night, I go home after the show as I usually do on a Monday night. Put my feet in some Epsom salts, light a cinnamon candle, and I turn on my WWE Raw. And I.
Correspondent
On the eve of the Pennsylvania primary, all three presidential candidates will be specifically addressing you, our WWE fans right here tonight.
Jon Stewart
Let's get ready to stumble.
Hillary Clinton
I'm Hillary Clinton. But tonight, in honor of the wwe, you can call me Hill Rod.
Jon Stewart
No, I've got one question.
Correspondent
Do you smell what Barack is cooking?
Jon Stewart
No. Of course, Senator McCain. He's got the nomination sewn up. He's not going to have to pepper his message with embarrassing wrestling affectation. What you going to do when John McCain and all his McCaniacs run wild on you? Generally, when McCainacs run wild on me, I rub some lotrimin on it. Why do the candidates humiliate themselves in cable backwaters like WWE Raw and the Daily Show? Because they're running for president and the chance to humiliate themselves on a network.
Correspondent
I'm thrilled to be on Deal or.
Stephen Colbert
No Deal with you tonight. Come to think of it, I'm thrilled.
Jon Stewart
To be anywhere with high ratings these days. He's incredibly unpopular. For more, we turn to Daily show senior political analyst Wyatt Sinak in Washington. Wyatt, you know, I'm about done. I gotta tell you, as you scroll down through all these scandals, it's hard to imagine that any of these people believe in any. Their ethics are purely situational. Or perhaps they're brain damaged and have no short term memories. I don't know.
John, here's your problem. You think politicians Want to win their arguments when all they really want to do is keep having them. They know arguments are interesting. They energize voters. They keep the money flowing in.
You're telling me that their interest is in conflict, not in resolution?
Yes. Jon, do you watch professional wrestling?
Yes.
So then you know that right now Shawn Michaels is angry at the Undertaker.
Rightfully so, yeah.
But they're gonna settle it in the squared circle, so it will be done. Well, unless something were to happen to keep the fight going.
I get it. They have to keep the conflict going, but at least in wrestling we know the good guys and the bad guys. Shawn Michaels is a good guy, Undertaker is a bad guy.
Until the swerve when they switch, it keeps the audience interested and the money, again, keeps flowing.
You're saying that congressional leaders flip on issues to keep conflict going and keep the money flowing, keep their bases interested?
John, congresspeople are in office for like, 80 or 90 years. You can't just expect them to do the same character that whole time. It gets.
So you're saying, like, Harry Reid's flip flop on whether he would like to amend the filibuster is just a pro wrestling move? That's nuts. That's nuts, Wyatt.
Really? Okay, look, Jon, I didn't want to have to do this. Mick.
What?
Correspondent
No, no.
Jon Stewart
I brought in D Senior ass kicker Mick Foley to show how easy it is for a politician to work both sides of the filibuster. Foley. Save the filibuster.
Correspondent
America, today is your lucky day. The evil majority think they can shut me up, that I'll give up. But today, one man can make a difference. I'm going to step in that ring all alone, and they can come at me with chairs, with bats, with chairs made of bats. But none of that matters as long as I have my one special move, the filibuster. All right.
Jon Stewart
It's a very persuasive argument. Very persuasive, patriotic argument for the filibuster.
I know he's good. Now, right now, check this out. Watch the swerve, Mick Foley.
Correspondent
Destroy the filibuster. You little piss ant pencil neck geeks think a filibuster can stop the will of the people. Well, I got two words for you. Reconcile this. It's time for one man, one vote, one beat down. You arrogant windbags think you can obstruct progress. Well, you might love the sound of your own little voice, but the only thing you're gonna hear tonight is my fist down your throat. Yeah. Yeah. John, did you hear that. Did you hear his fist? I believe I heard it, yes.
Jon Stewart
So both sides can take a position. But isn't that what the news media is for, to provide context? Break through the posturing and create a little clarity?
Context, John. No, the news guys, they're more like the manager. The color guys, they got their own take on the filibuster, too.
Correspondent
Foley.
Jon Stewart
So what you're saying is. Is the whole thing is fake. The whole thing is fake? Like professional wrestling? Is that what you're saying?
Correspondent
What did you say, John? I said it. You just.
Jon Stewart
It's all fake.
Correspondent
You just used the F word on me. Hey, I thought you got the water. Take a look, Stuart.
Hillary Clinton
What?
Correspondent
This used to be my ear. No. Who's ripped off the side of my head? You still want to talk? I want to tap. You want to talk about it? I want to tap. You want a piece of me? You want a piece of. Get him. Get him. Get him. We'll be right back. Get him. Phone.
Hillary Clinton
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Correspondent
Now, as we've seen. As we've seen recently, it's kids, not politicians, who seem to be pushing political change. In fact, most politicians can't even manage to get their own messages out there. And that's especially true for the Democrats. But luckily, we might have found a way to help the Dems out. Ronny Cheng reports.
Dan Richards
Democrats might know how to rally their base, but when they reach out to middle America, they say things like, for.
Wyatt Cenac
Working families to get a share of.
Correspondent
That prosperity that they're creating, we need.
Stephen Colbert
Some serious enforcement of competition laws.
Dan Richards
You're boring.
Correspondent
Single payer. Single payer. Single payer.
Dan Richards
It's like you don't even care about what you're saying.
Correspondent
Can you hear me now? It's not working. Not working.
Dan Richards
No, it's not. And it's no surprise. Last election, people in swing states went for a guy who said things like.
Correspondent
Who'S gonna pay for the wall? Like to punch him in the face.
Dan Richards
I'll tell you, Trump honed his trademark oratorical style. Where else in professional wrestling? And if Democrats were gonna fight back, they needed someone who could go head to head with a WWE hall of Famer like Trump. And in the heart of cold country, we found him.
Correspondent
Shut your ignorant mouths. Cause a progressive liberal has something to say.
Dan Richards
Finally, a Democrat who doesn't make me want to change the channel. Dan Richards has been making headlines wrestling as the progressive liberal and riling up small town audiences all over Trump country.
Correspondent
Hillary, I should have done this a long time ago.
Dan Richards
How hard is it to pretend to have these liberal values?
Correspondent
Oh, I'm not pretending. You're on the wrong side of history. And shut up.
Dan Richards
But even if the crowd hates him, the progressive liberal could teach swing state Democrats some classic wrestling techniques for getting voters attention.
Jon Stewart
Do you want to stick to broad brushstroke talking points?
Dan Richards
Right. So middle America would rather learn about politics through a mostly naked man than by reading a book. Yeah, but Dan assured me that besides wearing shirts, politicians and wrestlers had one key difference.
Correspondent
People in politics will say anything to get elected, whereas a good wrestler, they're only going to say things that they truly believe in.
Dan Richards
So what you're saying is that the level of political discourse in wrestling is actually higher than in politics.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, yeah.
Dan Richards
But with Congress immobilized bipartisan politics, what advice did the progressive liberal have for Democrats? Let's say you're Chuck schumer and Mitch McConnell put you in a headlock. What do you do?
Jon Stewart
Um, I would reverse it into a.
Correspondent
Top wrist lock and I would stomp.
Stephen Colbert
On his elbow, breaking his wrist.
Dan Richards
And then the issue will be resolved?
Correspondent
Without a doubt.
Dan Richards
The progressive liberal had some great ideas for updating Democrats messaging. But could he take on the heavyweight champ in the White House? Unfortunately, he was busy golfing, so we cast someone else to approximate Trump's rhetorical style.
Correspondent
Shut up.
Jon Stewart
Yeah.
Correspondent
Introducing the commander in priests.
Dan Richards
Is it just me or is it getting cold in here because there's a snowflake in the ring?
Correspondent
I'm not a snowflake. Snowflake. I'm not a snowflake. Snowflake. Quit pandering.
Dan Richards
I'm not pandering. I'm one of them.
Stephen Colbert
My pandering was working.
Dan Richards
Time to take this to the next level. Do you know what this man wants. Let me guess what you want to do with the guns in this country. Just let me guess. You want to take them away.
Correspondent
I don't want to take away guns. I'm just for really strict background checks, okay?
Dan Richards
That wasn't too hard to understand, and the audience was into it. Okay, fine. Whatever about guns. Let me guess what you want to do about marijuana.
Correspondent
I think what people want to do.
Jon Stewart
Behind closed doors should be their business.
Dan Richards
I tell you, Joe, that is my.
Correspondent
Position as the progressive liberal.
Dan Richards
Looks like broad brush. Talking points work. Especially that marijuana one. Democrats. So maybe let wrestlers craft slogans for your next campaign, like lock guns up or make America great. US or just 420 for 2020. But let's face it, what really turns on swing state crowds isn't words, it's action. I don't care about your positions. Cause you suck. Middle America wants a strong hero who won't back down from a fight. So, Democrats, if you want to beat a wrestler president, keep it simple and go on the offensive.
Correspondent
Fake news. Oh, fake news. Oh, it's fake news.
Dan Richards
Welcome to the future of American politics.
Stephen Colbert
So immigration, clearly a dominant issue in the country right now, is being discussed everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.
Correspondent
I am speaking to you from within a country that is under siege. Every day we have foreigners flooding our country, sneaking across our border like rats in the streets.
Stephen Colbert
Hey, hey, I'm one of those rats. And I'll have you know I crossed the ocean on a very comfortable Virgin Atlantic flight. The time flew by. So get your facts straight. So even the WWE currently has a storyline around the immigration debate. And to give them credit, they actually had a good discussion about the ambivalence and hypocrisy at the heart of our policies.
Correspondent
Zip Coulter comes out here. He preaches about how Jack Swagger's a real American. People from other countries shouldn't come in here. We shouldn't take our jobs. Antonio Cesaro's from another country. Yes, and he's now associated. So he didn't have a problem with other countries. He has a problem with people coming from other countries. You come here the wrong way, the wrong way. He's changing his argument tonight to bring in this guy Antonio. He should be afraid.
Stephen Colbert
What beautiful dream of television is this? Not only was that technically more articulate a debate than anything we've heard in Congress, but it came with half naked men fighting. It's like C Span with elbow drops. Please give me more.
Correspondent
Zeb was even mad that John Oliver said, oh, this to John Stewart was Very British comedian. He's been over the Daily show for a couple of months is what John's referring to.
Stephen Colbert
What is happening? What, you're mad at me? You're mad at me? Oh, now this is personal. I know how pro wrestling works. You trash talk about me, I got a trash talk right back at you. So come on, Zeb, if that is your real fake name, let's do this. Do this thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am here to. I am here to represent for all immigrants. Give me some fire back there. Yes. Yes. And let me say, if Zeb wants to go after immigrant rats, he better be prepared to get. To get gnawed on. Cause we got teeth. I may not quite have the muscle mass for this. I might need a little help. Mick. Mick, do you mind helping me, Mick? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Jon Stewart
Oh, yes.
Huh?
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Correspondent
I got this, John.
Jon Stewart
Okay.
Stephen Colbert
Take it. Take it.
Correspondent
Hey, Zeb, you got a problem with immigrants, now you've got a problem with me.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, dear.
Correspondent
Oh, dear.
Stephen Colbert
Zeb, you done poked a bear, son.
Correspondent
Zeb, if you don't like immigrants coming here and taking our jobs, why don't you get your ass out of the ring and pick vegetables 14 hours a day for 50 cents an hour?
Stephen Colbert
Exactly.
Correspondent
Strong point.
Dan Richards
Or.
Stephen Colbert
Or whole set. Would you rather the strawberries in your protein shake cost 75 bucks? Because that is the economic reality of the situation. It's complicated. Complicated.
Correspondent
At this point.
Stephen Colbert
Yep.
Correspondent
Immigrants do our toughest, dirtiest jobs.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Correspondent
Do you have what it takes the gall the stones to step into a basic cable talk shows host chair if your boss goes away for the summer?
Stephen Colbert
I don't think you do. I don't think you got it.
Correspondent
But this immigrant does. Yes, I got it.
Stephen Colbert
I'll do it.
Correspondent
Even though Jon Stewart is a TV icon whose hard won legacy, Oliver is pissing away. Whoa. For an audience watching out of nothing but habit.
Stephen Colbert
No, that's not. No, no, no.
Correspondent
Yearning for the real John's return in September.
Stephen Colbert
Let's get back. Let's get back on point, Mick. Let's get back on point. Let's go. Yeah.
Correspondent
So the next guy who tried to talk smack about immigrants is going to have us to deal with.
Stephen Colbert
Exactly.
Correspondent
You. You.
Stephen Colbert
You tell me to speak English. You speak English, you do it.
Correspondent
While immigrants are taking the path to citizenship, you'll be crawling down the path to the emergency room. Yes.
Stephen Colbert
And the oath. You will only need one document there. A prescription for morphine.
Correspondent
That's a painkiller, Mother. Boom. Bo. So you come here next week. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
You come here Next week. And we will take these chairs, these.
Correspondent
Cold steel chairs, and we will unfold them.
Stephen Colbert
We'll unfold them. Yes, we will. And we will sit down and we will discuss the complexities of immigration reform with you.
Correspondent
We will do it because immigrants built this country and helped weave it into the vibrant tapestry we call the American Dream.
Stephen Colbert
So if you think you can bully the dreamers, we'll make your life a nightmare.
Correspondent
We will crush you with charts and graphs showing the net economic benefit of an inclusive policy that embraces the tired, the poor, the huddled mass is searching, searching, searching for a better life. Shoe, if you, Zeb, have the guts.
Stephen Colbert
To debate, we'll be here anytime. You come down here next week and you say to my face, I'm not.
Correspondent
Gonna be here next week. I'm producing a documentary on Santa Claus.
Stephen Colbert
That actually sounds interesting. In which case, Zeb, you should come back in September and ask for Jon Stewart, the host.
Correspondent
And take it up with him. Take it up with him.
Stephen Colbert
But the point about imm stands.
Correspondent
Yes, it's good.
Stephen Colbert
McCooley, everyone.
Hillary Clinton
Hey, friend. I know how this feels. Waking up exhausted after multiple trips to the bathroom and feeling embarrassed by sudden leaks. I used to be constantly on edge, searching for a restroom whenever I was out. Then I discovered Better Woman. I was skeptical at first, but two months in, everything changed. I experienced improved bladder control. No more heart stopping moments when I laugh or sneeze, less urge to go deeper and more restful sleep. I finally felt like myself again, confident and in control. Better Woman is natural, effective, clinically tested and trusted by Women for over 25 years. Ready to take back your control? Head over to be betternow.com to order your supply today. That's be betternow.com these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Use as directed. Individual results may vary.
Jon Stewart
All right, everybody, that is our show. Here it here's your moment of Zen.
Hillary Clinton
Officials in India want to set the record straight.
Correspondent
Stewart.
Jon Stewart
Hey, Stewart, look, I've heard every single thing that you've been saying about me. I hope, my friend, that you are prepared for a world of hurt. WWE Superstar and poster boy for the authority, Seth Rollins. How did you interrupt my moment of Zen? Oh, please, please, Stuart. You know me better than that. I can do anything I want. I am all powerful. Settle down, Obi Wan.
Correspondent
You're not all powerful. Mind your manners.
Jon Stewart
You know, I've got a little wrestling in my background as well.
Correspondent
I've got a little wrestling I'LL put you in a half nelson. Maybe a little jibbity jab. Little jibbity jab everything. Maybe a little flip flop. A little flip flop behind the.
Jon Stewart
He's right behind me, isn't he?
Correspondent
Is he right behind me? Is he?
Jon Stewart
Real, real tough talk. Why don't you shut your mouth and bring it, pal?
Correspondent
Huh?
Jon Stewart
Let me just say this, a little beard conditioner would go a long way towards May. And let me tell you this, Rollins.
Correspondent
I will bring it.
Jon Stewart
Although unfortunately, I don't have it with me right now. So I will perhaps look for it and meet you somewhere at a later date, like gentlemen. Well, you know what, but it's funny you had mentioned that because I actually came here to give you an invitation. Really?
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
Jon Stewart
How about you show up this Monday night on Monday Night Raw at Newark at the Prudential Center. You got the guts, Stewart?
Correspondent
I have more than the.
Jon Stewart
Ah, Jesus. I think I just pulled something when.
Correspondent
I turned on there.
Jon Stewart
But I do have the guts and I. Oh, you're taller than I thought on that. On the television, it looks like he's all right. Well, Seth Rollins, everybody. We'll be back next, next week. Unless I get crushed on the.
Explore.
Correspondent
More shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount Podcast.
Wyatt Cenac
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The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Episode Summary
Title: TDS Time Machine | Wrestlemania
Release Date: April 19, 2025
Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts
In the "TDS Time Machine | Wrestlemania" episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, Jon Stewart and the comedic news team delve into a satirical exploration of the intersection between professional wrestling and American politics. Utilizing the colorful and exaggerated world of WWE, the episode offers sharp critiques of political strategies, media dynamics, and contemporary societal issues, all through the lens of wrestling metaphors.
Segment Overview: The episode kicks off with a humorous take on the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) making its Initial Public Offering (IPO) on the New York Stock Exchange. Jon Stewart narrates the enthusiasm and chaos on Wall Street as the WWF attempts to dominate the financial markets with wrestling theatrics.
Notable Discussions:
Notable Quotes:
Segment Overview: Transitioning from Wall Street, Jon Stewart shifts focus to politics, drawing parallels between political maneuvers and wrestling storylines. The correspondents portray presidential candidates as wrestlers, infusing their campaigns with over-the-top personas and tactics.
Notable Discussions:
Notable Quotes:
Segment Overview: Exploring Democratic communication challenges, the episode satirizes how the party's messaging struggles to resonate with middle America. The correspondents suggest that adopting wrestling-style rhetoric could energize Democratic campaigns.
Notable Discussions:
Notable Quotes:
Segment Overview: Addressing the contentious issue of immigration, the episode presents a mock debate between Stephen Colbert and a correspondent portraying anti-immigration sentiments, all set within a wrestling match framework. This segment critiques the polarized and often superficial discourse surrounding immigration reform.
Notable Discussions:
Notable Quotes:
Segment Overview: The climax of the episode features a fictional confrontation between Jon Stewart and WWE Superstar Seth Rollins, symbolizing the clash between media satire and entertainment spectacle. This segment blurs the lines between reality and performance, highlighting the performative aspects of both politics and professional wrestling.
Notable Discussions:
Notable Quotes:
Episode Wrap-Up: In the concluding moments, Jon Stewart ties together the episode's themes, emphasizing the performative and often superficial nature of both politics and professional wrestling. The mock confrontation with Seth Rollins serves as a final commentary on the spectacle-driven aspects of modern discourse.
Final Insights:
Notable Quotes:
This episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition masterfully intertwines the theatrics of professional wrestling with the intricacies of political discourse, offering listeners a humorous yet insightful reflection on contemporary societal dynamics.