Podcast Summary:

The Daily Stoic
Episode: Feeling Scared and Overwhelmed? Start Here
Date: January 25, 2026
Host: Ryan Holiday with Stephen Hanselman

Episode Overview

This episode addresses how to handle overwhelming feelings, anxiety, and fear during difficult times by turning to the wisdom of Stoicism. Ryan Holiday, joined by Stephen Hanselman, breaks down timeless Stoic practices and perspectives that have helped generations—from ancient philosophers to modern leaders—survive and thrive amid adversity. Drawing heavily on the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, the hosts discuss how to focus on what is in our control, respond with virtue, and find meaning and strength in hardship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Adversity is Timeless and Universal

• Ryan Holiday opens the episode by reminding listeners that hardship is an inevitable part of life. He references ancient Stoics who faced challenges like slavery (Epictetus), tyrannical rulers (Seneca under Nero), and plague and war (Marcus Aurelius).
• The central question posed: "How are you going to toughen yourself up to be able to deal with it? How are you going to make it through? And how are you going to derive meaning from it?"
  (00:14)
• Notable Quote:
  “You think you're the first person to live in political dysfunction? … No, you weren't. The ancient Stoics lived in the time of Nero.”
  — Ryan Holiday (01:03)

2. Focus on What’s In Your Control

• The Stoics’ core teaching is to focus on what you can control—your response, actions, and values—rather than external chaos.
• “All that matters is how you respond to it. All that matters is what you make of it. That’s where you do have a choice.”
  — Ryan Holiday (02:43)
• Reference to Marcus Aurelius: The obstacle isn’t the end—it’s the way to grow.

3. The “Let Them” Theory & Accepting Others’ Flaws

• Stephen Hanselman references the opening of Meditations, where Marcus Aurelius advises preparing for daily interactions with difficult people (meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, etc.):
  “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I will deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly...”
  — (04:23)
• Importance of not letting others’ behavior make you lose your own virtue:
  “My job is just to not let myself be like them and also to work with them regardless. That, to me, is stoicism.”
  — Stephen Hanselman (05:16)
• Frustrating people become opportunities to practice virtues like patience and forgiveness.

4. Don’t Compound Pain; Avoid the “Second Arrow”

• We add pain to ourselves by fixating or ruminating on slights and setbacks:
  “You don't control what happened... but you control how you respond to what happens. You control the story you tell yourself about it.”
  — Ryan Holiday (06:40)
• Seneca: “We suffer more in imagination than we do in reality.”
• Ryan Holiday:
  “What we're effectively doing is borrowing that suffering—we're like, I want to deal with it now, I want to sit in it now, I want to feel it for longer.”
  (07:40)
• Parallels with Buddhist wisdom: don’t get hit by the ‘second arrow’ (the suffering you add by how you react).

5. On Anger, Especially with Loved Ones

• We often reserve our worst tempers for those closest to us, which is fundamentally “unstoic.”
  “Let us not be angry with good people, right? But that's what we do. …the fact that we can get mad at someone because they love us enough to put up with it… it's not an excuse.”
  — Stephen Hanselman (11:23)
• The call to practice more patience and gratitude for those we love.

6. Doing Your Duty in Spite of Struggle

• Stoicism is not about denying feelings but about carrying out your responsibilities despite them.
  “You feel it, but then you do what you have to do anyway, because it's your duty.”
  — Ryan Holiday (12:13)
• Reference to Marcus Aurelius motivating himself to get out of bed, or Seneca coping after losing a child.
• Taylor Swift reference:
  “You know you're good when you can do it with a broken heart.”

7. The Value of Adversity – ‘Antifragility’

• Hardship, resistance, and adversity are what make us stronger and teach us what we’re capable of.
• “Doing hard things generally is good for me. It is making me better, it's making me stronger, it's making me wiser, it's making me more resilient. So I'm grateful for it and I'm going to lean into it.”
  — Ryan Holiday (13:49)
• Seneca: We should pity those who haven’t faced adversity.

8. History is Always Difficult

• There is a persistent myth that the past was easier or more idyllic. Reality: “History has always been one thing after another.”
• The lesson: You can't choose your historical era, but you can choose to be a “bright spot within it,” rising to meet the challenges of your time.
  “We don’t control the awfulness of our times—only whether we are the exception to it…”
  — Ryan Holiday (15:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You got to focus on what’s in your control. You got to figure out how to not let the assholes make you an asshole.”
  — Ryan Holiday (01:20)
• “Are you going to let inhumanity turn you into someone who is inhumane?... Are you going to focus on what's in your control? Are you going to practice the very best revenge... which is to not be like those people?”
  — Ryan Holiday (03:46)
• “So frustrating people are a chance to practice patience. People who wrong us are a chance to practice forgiveness. …they’re testing us, they’re making us better.”
  — Ryan Holiday (05:30)
• “It’s not just that we suffer more in imagination than we do in reality, as Seneca’s life says—it’s that we add suffering, right?”
  — Ryan Holiday (07:03)
• “Try not to choose pain on top of pain. Try not to hit yourself with, as the Buddhists say, the second arrow.”
  — Ryan Holiday (10:21)
• “A broken heart can slow us down, but we can’t let it stop us.”
  — Ryan Holiday (12:33)
• “If it was easy, I wouldn't get better.”
  — Ryan Holiday (13:54)
• “We don't control what happens. We control how we respond to what happens. That's stoic philosophy.”
  — Ryan Holiday (15:02)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14 — The inevitability of suffering and the universality of adversity
• 01:00–02:43 — Historical context of Stoicism in difficult times; focus on what you control
• 04:23–05:30 — “Let Them” theory; responding to bad behavior with virtue
• 06:00–08:09 — Compounding suffering; the trap of negative imagination
• 09:18 — Choosing not to add pain; the “second arrow”
• 11:23–12:33 — On anger towards loved ones and duty amidst heartbreak
• 13:49–15:10 — Using adversity as an opportunity for growth; being a bright spot in tough times

Tone & Takeaways

The language is direct, candid, and occasionally profane, echoing the ancient Stoic bluntness about life’s challenges. Both Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman balance practical advice with references to classical Stoic wisdom, urging listeners not only to endure tough times, but to use them as opportunities for moral and personal growth.

Key Takeaways

• Adversity is a constant; how you respond is your choice.
• Don’t let external events or others’ bad behavior make you lose your virtue.
• Most suffering is self-inflicted through rumination and resentment.
• Practice Stoic patience, especially with those closest to you.
• Duty and resilience mean acting with integrity even when times are tough.
• Embrace and lean into hardship—it makes you stronger.
• Your era is not uniquely bad; every generation has its challenges.

This episode serves as both a reassurance and a challenge: accept the difficulties of life, focus on what is in your power, and strive to be a positive force, no matter the circumstances around you.