The Daily Stoic Podcast

Episode: “I Had 90 Minutes To Live” | Sebastian Junger’s Near-Death Experience (PT. 2)

Date: November 29, 2025
Host: Ryan Holiday
Guest: Sebastian Junger

Episode Overview

This episode of The Daily Stoic Podcast features a profound and intimate conversation between Ryan Holiday and author/journalist Sebastian Junger. Building on Junger’s recent book, In My Time of Dying, their discussion delves into his near-death experience, the importance of gratitude, the meaning of civic responsibility, and parenting in modern society through the lens of Stoicism. They explore how "memento mori"—the awareness of mortality—shapes what matters, and discuss what it means to live responsibly as an individual within a community.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Value of Ordinary Moments & Practicing Gratitude

• Cherishing the Everyday:
  • Ryan reflects on a simple evening with his family and recognizes it as the true reward in life, not the milestones we often chase.
  • Quote: “The extraordinariness of ordinary is if you can get there, you can get through a lot.” – Ryan Holiday [07:20]
• Gratitude as a Practice:
  • Sebastian asserts that happiness is not a prerequisite for gratitude; in fact, practicing gratitude leads to happiness, regardless of circumstances.
  • Quote: “You don’t feel grateful because your life is happy. You get a happy life because you practice gratitude.” – Sebastian Junger [08:09]
• Finding Beauty in the Mundane:
  • The hosts describe seeing poetry and magic even in ugly or frustrating moments (like being stuck in traffic).
  • Quote: “Being able to see the poetry and the beauty in the mundane or even the ugly, that’s the happy life.” – Stephen Hanselman [08:45]

2. Memento Mori: Near-Death and Its Lessons

• Junger’s Near-Death Experience:
  • He recounts the critical day: suffering undiagnosed abdominal pain, nearly fatally bleeding from a ruptured aneurysm while in a remote cabin.
  • The choice to spend time with his wife instead of going for a run ultimately saved his life; if he had gone running, he would have died alone in the woods.
  • Quote: “The choice to stay with my wife was what saved my life.” – Sebastian Junger [15:40]
  • He emphasizes the importance of making daily choices as if they could be your last.
• The Role of Connection:
  • Junger highlights that “we exist to be connected to the people we love,” and that true contentment comes from connection and community, not individual achievement or accumulation.
  • Quote: “Basically, we exist to be connected to the people we love. That’s what we are here for.” – Sebastian Junger [17:52]

3. Civic Responsibility & Meaningful Participation in Society

• Three Pillars of Citizenship:
  • Junger identifies three non-heroic acts essential to a functioning society:
    1. Donate blood
    2. Serve jury duty
    3. Vote
  • He stresses that while not glamorous, these actions are the backbone of societal health and fairness.
  • Quote: “If you don’t donate blood, you’ll get blood if you ever need blood, but you kind of won’t deserve it, right? ...And serve jury duty... And the final one is vote. And you don’t have to vote, but if you don’t vote, you kind of deserve what you get.” – Sebastian Junger [04:00 & 21:00]
• The Crisis of Moral Obligation:
  • Modern society gives the illusion that individuals owe nothing to their community; Junger sees this as a “real poverty” in contemporary culture.
  • Quote: “There isn’t a common understanding of the moral obligation that comes from being so incredibly fortunate that we live in this society, in this nation, in this democracy.” – Sebastian Junger [23:50]
• Freedom Paired with Responsibility:
  • Referencing Viktor Frankl’s idea, they discuss the need for cultural symbols and stories that balance freedom with responsibility.
  • Quote: “There should be a Statue of Responsibility... Freedom is not freedom from responsibility—it’s that it makes the responsibility more meaningful because you are choosing to do it.” – Stephen Hanselman [24:17]

4. The Allure and Loss of Collective Purpose

• Why People Miss Catastrophe:
  • Junger explains why people have nostalgia for times of crisis (like the London Blitz or Siege of Sarajevo): crises bring a feeling of belonging and moral clarity that’s often missing in peacetime affluence.
  • Quote: “It creates a kind of collectivism which replicates our evolutionary past in very satisfying ways, but also gives us the opportunity to act with...a kind of moral bounty.” – Sebastian Junger [27:44]
• Modern Paradox:
  • Affluent societies rarely require the “best version” of ourselves—the kind called upon in hardship—and thus people feel alienated or empty.

5. Leadership, Community, and Self-Sacrifice

• The Role of Self-Sacrificing Leaders:
  • Junger investigates why underdog groups prevail—self-sacrificing leadership is crucial. He contrasts this with self-serving leaders, who undermine group cohesion.
  • Quote: “One of the most important attributes [of facing adversity] is self-sacrificing leadership. Leaders who are prepared to die for the people they lead.” – Sebastian Junger [31:30]
• Modern Leadership Gaps:
  • The hosts lament the lack of courageous, self-sacrificing political leaders in contemporary America, especially under the pressures of party and status quo.

6. Parenting, Capitalism, and Modern Conveniences

• Parenting Without the Gadgets:
  • Junger is critical of the commercialization of childhood and parenting, arguing that products like strollers and cribs often serve to separate parents and children unnecessarily.
  • Quote: “What does capitalism do when confronted with this completely self-sufficient core human bond [of parent and child]? ...You separate the parent and the child at different stages of development.” – Sebastian Junger [45:23]
  • He and his family co-sleep and rarely buy child-rearing products; he extols physical closeness for building resilient bonds.
• Instinct vs. Industry:
  • Junger points out cross-cultural practices (like co-sleeping and carrying children) that bond families, suggesting many Western parenting “essentials” are inventions meant to create markets.
  • Quote: “Every mammal on the planet sleeps with its young. Every single mammal except Americans.” – Sebastian Junger [47:02]
  • They discuss the importance of fathers being involved in early childcare and how recent generations have regained this privilege.

7. Personal Codes and Sources of Meaning

• Choosing and Living Principles:
  • Identify and commit to your own personal and professional standards to derive a sense of meaning—even if you don’t have a formal “code.”
  • Name what you owe your community and what you’d defend or sacrifice for—this brings purpose and clarity.
  • Quote: “Try to answer these two questions... What would I die for? And what do I owe my community?” – Sebastian Junger [43:29]
  • This act of defining principles or values is key to transforming feelings of emptiness into a meaningful life.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You don’t feel grateful because your life is happy. You get a happy life because you practice gratitude.”
  – Sebastian Junger [08:09]

• “We exist to be connected to the people we love. That’s what we are here for.”
  – Sebastian Junger [17:52]

• “If you don’t donate blood, you’ll get blood if you ever need blood, but you kind of won’t deserve it... And serve jury duty... And the final one is vote.”
  – Sebastian Junger [04:00 & 21:00]

• “There isn’t a common understanding of the moral obligation that comes from being so incredibly fortunate that we live in this society...”
  – Sebastian Junger [23:50]

• “There should be a Statue of Responsibility... Freedom is not freedom from responsibility—it’s that it makes the responsibility more meaningful because you are choosing to do it.”
  – Stephen Hanselman [24:17]

• “One of the most important attributes [of facing adversity] is self-sacrificing leadership. Leaders who are prepared to die for the people they lead.”
  – Sebastian Junger [31:30]

• “Every mammal on the planet sleeps with its young. Every single mammal except Americans.”
  – Sebastian Junger [47:02]

• “Try to answer these two questions... What would I die for? And what do I owe my community?”
  – Sebastian Junger [43:29]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:00 – 05:00]
  Junger: Three pillars of being a meaningful part of society
• [07:20 – 08:18]
  Ordinary moments and gratitude discussion
• [15:40 – 17:52]
  Junger’s aneurysm story: the choice that saved his life
• [21:00 – 24:17]
  The “moral poverty” of modern society and discussion of responsibility
• [27:44 – 28:24]
  Why people miss collective hardship; crisis, connection, and meaning
• [31:30 – 32:14]
  Self-sacrificing leadership and group resilience
• [45:23 – 51:58]
  Parenting, the commercialization of childhood, and regaining instinctual bonds

Tone & Language

The conversation is candid, reflective, and open-hearted, marked by Junger's plain-spoken wisdom and Holiday’s confessional, down-to-earth style. The mood oscillates between philosophical musing and practical, personal advice. Both humility and urgency come through as core themes; there’s reverence for the simple, for service, and for the real work of asking what matters most.

Listen if You Want To…

• Contemplate mortality and what matters most in daily life.
• Understand what it truly means to be a member of society.
• Reflect on the responsibilities that come with freedom and good fortune.
• Hear raw, practical wisdom on parenting and resisting needless modern convenience.
• Discover how practicing ordinary virtues can lead to lasting happiness and meaning.

Summary prepared by The Daily Stoic Podcast Summarizer.