Transcript

Ryan Holiday (0:00)

So on Monday I had a talk.

Ryan (0:01)

I was flying to Florida for a.

Ryan Holiday (0:03)

Talk, but I took the kids to school. I worked at the office and then I picked them up from school. We went to Whole Foods, did our weekly grocery shopping as the boys and I do every week. And then I drove. We met at a parking lot near the airport. I handed my wife the kids and all the groceries. And then I flew to Florida, flew home. And then when I got back the next night, I made myself a sandwich from the groceries that I had just bought. And actually the week before I took them to Whole Foods for a weekly thing and I had a phone call.

Ryan (0:33)

I had to do.

Ryan Holiday (0:34)

They played upstairs on the, on the playground. The Whole Foods headquarters here in Austin has a second story playground. They played on that while I did my phone call. And then together we went and did all our grocery shopping.

Ryan (0:44)

I love Whole Foods.

Ryan Holiday (0:45)

I don't have to worry about what I'm feeding my kids.

Ryan (0:47)

They, they love the, you know, the hot bar, that's what they love.

Ryan Holiday (0:50)

They love getting macaroni. My son loves orange chicken. They love the sushi there. We love Whole Foods in our family. And you should make Whole Foods your destination for all things wellness, including high qual organic options to help you make better choices. Their 365 brand has delicious and wallet friendly varieties of ready to eat salad kits. Plus ready to heat rice and bean blends to pair with lean proteins. You can also save big on supplements and vitamins this month. Check out their high quality multivitamins, probiotics and protein powders for all your new Year's resolutions and goals. Shop all things wellness at Whole Foods Market. As you know, it's the start of the new year. We all have our resolutions. We wanna exercise more, we wanna eat healthier. One of mine is I love running.

Ryan (1:36)

But I wanna do some other working out.

Ryan Holiday (1:38)

I wanna be a little stronger in 2026. Well, that's where today's sponsor comes in. Tonal provides the convenience of a full gym and the guidance of a personal trainer anytime at home. With one sleek system, it's designed to reduce your mental load, which frankly is part of the reason I don't work out. It's like running is simple. I'm just go, go this place, I turn around and then I come home, right? I don't have to think about how much weight I'm gonna lift, how many sets I'm gonna do, am I doing it right?

Summary

The Daily Stoic Podcast – Detailed Episode Summary

Episode Title: Mel Robbins | What Would a Stoic Think About The Let Them Theory?
Host: Ryan Holiday
Guest: Mel Robbins
Date: January 3, 2026

Overview

In this engaging conversation, Ryan Holiday and Mel Robbins explore the intersections between Stoicism and Mel's viral "Let Them Theory," delving into how these philosophies help people respond to external circumstances, personal challenges, and the chaos of modern life. The episode covers deep personal stories, practical mindset tools, discussions about success and jealousy, and applies Stoic principles to everyday relationships and societal challenges.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. The "Let Them" Theory and Stoicism: Common Roots

Introduction
Ryan and Mel dive quickly into discussing the massive success of Mel’s latest book, "The Let Them Theory," and its surprising cultural resonance (07:40–09:00).
Philosophical Overlap
- Both Stoicism and the "Let Them" theory stress separating what’s within your control from what’s not, focusing internal energies on the former.
- Mel describes how she essentially wrote a book about Stoicism "without truly being a master of Stoicism" (12:26).
- Ryan notes: “It’s basically Stoicism, Buddhism, detachment ... the core of several things ... your happiness depends on you figuring out the difference between those two things.” (12:32)

2. Coping with Comparison and Success

Jealousy and the Challenge of Others’ Success
- Ryan observes how difficult it can be to "let others succeed" and not fall into zero-sum thinking (10:08).
- Mel candidly recounts how others’ successes would once trigger jealousy and self-doubt, confessing, “Of course it used to bother me… I have watched somebody else succeed ... and I have sat in the corner in my house and thought, ‘How did they get that?’” (11:07).
- She emphasizes the need to focus on one’s own actions and growth: “You don’t have control over when things happen, but you have control over what you do about it.” (12:23)
The Role of Timing and Preparation
- Mel asserts, “I was building in the dark and I was learning and growing and failing and preparing for the at-bat moment that mattered … this book is not only the best thing I have ever done ... it’s the legacy that I’m going to leave on the planet.” (13:42)
- Ryan frames delays as potentially leading to better outcomes or readiness (14:03–14:23).

3. Defining and Measuring Success

Stoic Metrics vs. External Validation
- Ryan shares the Epictetus quote: "If you only run races where winning is up to you, you will always win." He cautions against hinging success on metrics out of one's control, like bestseller lists: "Stop trying to impress certain people or check certain boxes, because that’s what you’ve decided success is." (27:28–28:41)
- Mel talks about setting her own measures for success. For her podcast, she doesn’t track downloads: “That’s not the metric that matters … The second you take your eye and you start measuring success up here, you take your eye off the ball of the thing in front of you.” (29:09–29:33)
- When touring, she prioritizes fun, creativity, and improvement over ticket sales or profit. “How you measure success is actually everything.” (31:25)

4. Letting Go: Acceptance and Empowerment

Balancing Detachment and Agency
- Ryan: “It’s a beautiful tension between resignation and empowerment ... you’re giving up your delusions of agency about the parts that are not up to you, and then seizing your agency on the parts ... that actually are up to you.” (34:31)
- Mel: “The number one source of everybody's stress is other people ... I have tried to let things go, but to me, letting something go feels like losing ... [but] ‘Let Them’ and ‘Let Me’ are tools.” (35:15–36:24)
Practical Application, Especially in Relationships
- Mel describes transforming her relationship with challenging family members—accepting them exactly as they are. “The major mistake I was making is I thought if they changed, things would get better. What this taught me is the moment ... you force yourself to accept people as they are, which actually is love ... you create this space for acceptance and non-judgment.” (43:04–44:08)
Stoic Parallels
- Ryan reads Marcus Aurelius on dealing with difficult people: “Obstructing each other is unnatural. ... You let them be them, and you still have to make sure you are who you are supposed to be.” (41:16)

5. Transforming Difficult Situations & People

From Obstacle to Opportunity
- Ryan shares Marcus Aurelius’s insight that obstacles can be opportunities (45:29–46:19): “This person who you are seeing as an obstacle ... is actually an opportunity.”
- Mel observes, “Typically in a family dynamic, the most immature and challenging person has the most power. ... When you start to say, let them ... you are now the most powerful person in the room.” (47:00–47:56)
Setting Boundaries, Not Allowing Abuse
- Mel clarifies a misconception: “You’re not saying, I’m letting them do this to me. ... When you say ‘let them’, you’re forcing yourself to recognize that this is who this person is. ... If the number one rule about life is you cannot change another person ... then when you say let them, you have to see with clear and sober eyes the situation you’re in.” (49:49–51:23)

6. Dealing With Critics and Letting Go of Others’ Opinions

Letting Criticism Go
- Ryan points out the inevitability of criticism when achieving large-scale success. Mel responds: “If you wake up every day and you do the best that you can ... you can lay your head down ... and be proud of yourself. And when you’re proud of yourself ... you don’t think about other people at all.” (53:29–54:09)
- Mel: “I cared a lot about what people thought about me when I didn’t like me. ... That’s also why this [Let Them Theory] has been so transformative for people, because it reveals ... that the default is to stop and think about what somebody else might think, before you do anything.” (54:10–54:49)
- People-pleasing is reframed as manipulation: “You’re acting in a way to try to manipulate people to like you. ... I used to be a huge people pleaser and this taught me that people are gonna think what they’re gonna think.” (55:31)

7. Directing Energy Where It Matters

Finite Resources and Control
- Ryan: “We have a finite amount of energy. Are you gonna throw it against the brick wall over here, or … on the open road over here?... Are you gonna put it where it makes a difference?” (67:06)
- Mel jokes on how good it feels to blame others, but recognizes it’s a trade-off: “It feels so good to complain … but it’s safer, for sure, because there’s no chance of you actually getting the thing.” (67:18–67:34)
- Application isn’t instant: “Knowing it and then being able to apply it ... it takes a while ... gradual ability to apply it more and more in your life or the situations that actually matter.” (67:39–68:19)

8. “Let Them” as Universally Relatable Tool

Why the Theory Resonates
- Mel credits its simplicity, tool-ish nature, and universal applicability: “There’s a very big difference between what you need to know or why things are happening and how to apply.” (68:20–68:48)
- The theory is passed on by readers who want loved ones to let go of fruitless attempts to change others (69:01).

9. Stoicism, Injustice, and Social Change

Not Ignoring Real Problems
- Ryan acknowledges criticism that Stoicism and the Let Them Theory can seem passive about injustice, but argues it’s about acting where you do have power:
  “Let evil come into the world, let untruth come into the world. But you have to say, not through me.” (69:47–70:04)
- Mel echoes this: “The kind of transformative change ... never comes from the top. It always comes from within.” (70:07)
Collective Illusions & Real Social Values
- Mel describes guest Dr. Todd Rose’s research: 90% of people want similar things; the loudest—and most negative—voices merely dominate online, while most self-silence out of fear (72:26–74:28).
- Social change, such as legalizing gay marriage or the Velvet Revolution, starts with individual values, then ripples outward.

10. Community, Local Action, and Everyday Impact

Finding Purpose Locally
- Mel and Ryan stress “bringing the weather” with your presence and energy. Mel: “You can be a storm or you can be the sun ... when you set the tone ... that changes everybody around you.” (79:31–79:45)
- Ryan: “Your kids are actually the place you’re going to have multi-generational impact.” (79:52)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Mel Robbins: “You don’t have control over when things happen, but you have control over what you do about it.” (12:23)
Ryan Holiday: “If you only run races where winning is up to you, you will always win.” (27:28)
Mel Robbins: “How you measure success is actually everything.” (31:25)
Ryan Holiday: “You’re giving up your delusions of agency about the parts that are not up to you, and then seizing your agency on the parts … that actually are up to you.” (34:31)
Mel Robbins: “The major mistake I was making is I thought if they changed, things would get better. What this taught me is the moment ... you force yourself to accept people as they are, which actually is love ... you create this space for acceptance and non-judgment.” (44:08)
Ryan Holiday: “This person who you are seeing as an obstacle ... is actually an opportunity.” (46:01)
Mel Robbins: “You’re not saying, I’m letting them do this to me ... when you say let them, you’re forcing yourself to recognize that this is who this person is.” (49:49)
Mel Robbins: “People are gonna think what they’re gonna think. They’re gonna say what they’re gonna say. ... Let them give them the dignity of their own experience and let me focus on living my life...” (55:31)
Ryan Holiday: “We have a finite amount of energy ... Are you gonna put it where it makes a difference?” (67:06)
Solzhenitsyn (via Ryan Holiday): “Let evil come into the world, let untruth come into the world. But you have to say, not through me.” (69:57)
Mel Robbins: “You can be a storm or you can be the sun ... when you set the tone ... that changes everybody around you.” (79:31)

Important Timestamps

07:40–09:00 – Setting up the conversation: Mel’s success, impact of her book
10:08–12:26 – Jealousy, comparison, control over others’ success
13:42–15:00 – Reflecting on timing, letting go, working in the dark
27:28–31:25 – Stoic ideas about success, redefining what counts, measuring outcomes
34:31–36:24 – Resignation vs. empowerment; practical application of letting go
41:16–44:08 – Marcus Aurelius passage; accepting difficult people; family dynamics
45:29–47:56 – Obstacles as opportunities; how power shifts when you detach
49:49–51:23 – Boundaries, misconceptions about “Let Them"
53:29–55:31 – Dealing with criticism, people-pleasing, approval-seeking
67:06–68:19 – Focusing energy where it matters; application takes time
69:47–70:07 – Stoicism and social responsibility: “Let untruth come into the world, but not through me.”
72:26–76:28 – Collective illusions, common values, self-silencing, local impact
79:31–79:52 – Bringing “the weather,” generational impact at home

Tone & Language

The conversation is authentic, personal, occasionally vulnerable, practical but philosophical, filled with humor and relatable anecdotes.
Mel shares personal and sometimes painful stories in a candid, energetic tone.
Ryan brings a mixture of philosophical rigor, humility, and practicality rooted in daily life.

Summary

This episode offers a rich, highly relatable dialogue about the modern applications of Stoicism and radical acceptance, with Mel Robbins illustrating how her "Let Them" theory aligns with, and is informed by, ancient wisdom. Both speakers discuss handling envy, measuring success on your own terms, transforming frustration with others into opportunities for growth, and maintaining agency in the face of chaos or criticism. The episode is packed with stories, actionable advice, and many memorable, quotable moments—making it a fantastic resource for anyone seeking resilience, perspective, and peace in a turbulent world.