Nobody is Coming to Save You (And That’s Good News) | Ask Daily Stoic

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Daily Stoic

Episode: Nobody is Coming to Save You (And That’s Good News) | Ask Daily Stoic

Host: Ryan Holiday (with Stephen Hanselman)
Date: December 18, 2025

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Overview

This episode of The Daily Stoic podcast explores the core Stoic idea that "nobody is coming to save you" and why this is empowering news. Through a blend of personal reflection, insights from Stoic texts, and listener Q&A from the “New Year New You” Challenge community, Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman underscore the importance of self-reliance, personal responsibility, and the pursuit of virtue. The episode features practical Stoic advice on choosing personal guiding words, dealing with parental emotions in youth sports, and building self-value and discipline.

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Main Themes and Purpose

• Stoic Self-Reliance: The notion that external rescue is unlikely—and how this empowers us to take command of our lives.
• Year-End Reflection and Goal-Setting: Using the Daily Stoic’s annual challenge to foster actionable growth through Stoicism.
• Listener Q&A: Addressing real-world applications of Stoic wisdom, including parenting, building self-worth, and habit formation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nobody is Coming to Save You (00:20–03:52)

• The Challenge of Our Times: Ryan outlines the feelings of uncertainty that plague modern life: AI, economic instability, political chaos.
  “There’s plenty to be outraged by, plenty to fear… it’s natural to want someone, anyone, to step in and fix it. But they’re not going to. That’s not how this works.” —Ryan Holiday (00:30)

• The Stoic Response: Drawing from Tolstoy, Kierkegaard, and Marcus Aurelius, Ryan reiterates that change must start from within.

  • Key Stoic Quotes:
    • “Blow your own nose.” —Marcus Aurelius
    • Epictetus’ advice: get active in your own rescue.

• Active Self-Command:
  “Command yourself. Get your body under control. Eliminate the vices that weaken you. Be useful to others. Build skills that last no matter what the world throws at you. Make a difference where you can. Be the savior you’d otherwise have waited around for. Because that’s the only one that’s coming.” —Ryan Holiday (02:45)

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2. New Year New You Challenge (03:52–07:24)

• Personal Action: Ryan promotes the annual 21-day challenge as a way to operationalize Stoic wisdom:

  • Each day offers “one clear, actionable challenge” rooted in classic philosophy.
  • Emphasizes compounding daily effort rather than wishful thinking.

• Community and Resources: Invitation to join the challenge and Daily Stoic Life for support, courses, and ongoing engagement.

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3. Listener Q&A Segments (07:24–20:13)

A. Choosing a Word for Your Year: Past vs. Present vs. Future (Caller Richard, 07:24–10:12)

• The Question: Should your “word of the year” be rooted in the past (e.g., “broke”), the future (“save”), or the present (“stillness”)?
  “What do you think the Stoics would say about choosing a word based on the past instead of the present or the future?” —Caller Richard (07:56)

• Ryan’s Insight (and Stephen’s):

  • Focus on what you are moving toward, not just what you wish to leave behind.
  • Seneca quote: “If you don’t know what port you’re sailing towards, no wind is favorable.”
  • Try “the opposite” approach per Epictetus — choose a positive anchor rather than a reminder of past mistakes.

  Quote:
  “If you just have the negative… you’re going to be a little bit reactive, and you’re not going to necessarily be moving forward.” —Ryan Holiday (08:55)

• Memorable Moment: Caller chooses “stillness” as his word, influenced by Ryan’s past picks, to weather what may be a “chaotic, dysfunctional, noisy” year. Stephen affirms:
  “Stillness is always good.” —Stephen Hanselman (09:56)

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B. Parenting, Youth Sports, and Stoic Presence (Superintendent, 10:12–15:23)

• The Challenge: A school superintendent seeks advice on being a more Stoic parent when watching his kids play sports—combating overwhelming emotions and the impulse to coach or criticize.

  “It feels like my heart is on the court... I want to be more stoic when it comes to parenting them with their athletics and try to separate some of the emotion from the games.... I want to be a better dad in those moments where you want to coach, you want to help, but the reality is incredibly counterproductive.” —Superintendent (13:07–13:59)

• Ryan & Stephen’s Advice:

  • Use memento mori (reminders of mortality and impermanence) to stay humble; the “honor” of being in charge is fleeting.
  • The most important thing is: are your kids having fun? Are they learning?
  • Don’t let your ego or unfulfilled dreams get tangled up in your children’s activities.
  • Reference to Rich Cohen’s Pee Wees: “Is your son having fun?... So why do you give a shit?” (Paraphrased, 15:15)

  Quote:
  "So much of it is us and us inserting ourselves into it. That's what I try… what matters is: are they having fun?" —Ryan Holiday (15:19)

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C. The Struggle to Value Yourself and Build Discipline (Caller 1, 15:23–20:13)

• The Admission: Caller shares difficulty building discipline and valuing his time and work, despite exposure to Stoic concepts.

  “I struggled in all my life… almost self-sabotaging myself because I didn’t have this way of finding value in the things I do… struggle with building discipline… and seeing value in the actions.” —Caller 1 (15:23–16:54)

• Stephen’s Response:

  • Referenced James Clear’s work: it’s about identity, not just habits.
  • “A lot of what holds us back from forming positive habits or making positive changes is that we don't really believe it." (16:54)
  • Sometimes, the issue is upstream—self-worth, which might require therapy in addition to Stoic practice.
  • Stoic Inspiration from Epictetus, who was born a slave and “not seen as having any worth” but developed unshakeable self-respect and strength anyway.

  Quote:
  “He [Epictetus] has to see that he’s worth something, that he matters, even if legally he doesn’t...” —Stephen Hanselman (18:43)

• Further Insight: Find control “where it matters”—even if life beats you down, put energy into what you can change.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Nobody’s coming to save you. And that’s good news.” —Ryan Holiday (00:20)
• “If you don’t know what port you’re sailing towards, no wind is favorable.” —Ryan Holiday (quoting Seneca, 08:55)
• “Stillness is always good.” —Stephen Hanselman (09:56)
• “You can read the books and you can see how other people… break them apart for us… but obviously inherently they are part of your life. This is how you have come to some of those things.” —Caller 1 (16:47)
• “He [Epictetus] has to decide that he’s powerful and important… even though legally he doesn’t [have power].” —Stephen Hanselman (18:43)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:20: Main theme — “Nobody is coming to save you”
• 03:52–07:24: 2026 New Year New You Challenge intro
• 07:24–10:12: Caller 2 (Richard) — picking a word for the year
• 10:12–15:23: Superintendent discusses parenting, youth sports & presence
• 15:23–20:13: Caller 1’s struggle with valuing self and building discipline

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Flow & Tone

Ryan and Stephen maintain a thoughtful, encouraging, and direct style—balancing philosophical clarity with warmth. The callers’ questions feel genuine, and Ryan’s responses are both practical and grounded in Stoic tradition.

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Summary

This episode delivers a hopeful yet challenging Stoic message: self-rescue is your responsibility and your privilege. Through annual community challenges and real-life listener questions, Ryan Holiday demonstrates how Stoic philosophy isn’t just intellectual—it’s a daily practice of setting intention, aligning values, and accepting responsibility for one’s life and impact. The answers given are rich with ancient wisdom but tailored to modern dilemmas, making the episode a compelling guide for anyone seeking to end the year with purpose and begin anew with intent.

Transcript

[Caller 1]

Foreign.

[Ryan Holiday]

Welcome to the Daily Stoic podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Each one of these episodes is based.

[Ryan Holiday]

On the 2000 year old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. Help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit Dailystoic.com. Nobody's coming to save you. And that's good news. What should we do? What can we do? These are disorienting times, cruel times, dysfunctional times. There's plenty to be outraged by, plenty to fear. There's AI disruption, job uncertainty, economic instability, political chaos. And it's natural to want someone, anyone, to step in and fix it. But they're not going to. That's not how this works. As Tolstoy put it, everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Kierkegaard put it even more it has often been said that reformation should begin with each man reforming himself. The Stoics had the same we don't control what's happening in the world around us, we control what we do, control how we respond. We have to get active in our own rescue. Marcus Aurelius wrote, blow your own nose. That's what Epictetus said. It's our job, nobody else's. So let's get after it. Command yourself. Get your body under control. Eliminate the vices that weaken you. Be useful to others. Build skills that last no matter what the world throws at you. Make a difference where you can be the savior you'd otherwise have waited around for. Because that's the only one that's coming. And that's what we try to do here at the eve of every new year. The Daily stoic New Year New you challenge is a 21 day reset. One clear, actionable challenge per day built around the best, most timeless and most empowering wisdom in Stoic philosophy, designed to help you change yourself and create ripples of positive change in the process. No flux, just daily work that compounds. It's not about hoping that things get better. It's about making things better, making yourself better and making the world around you better. We'd love to have you join us in the 2026 Daily Stoic New Year New YOU Challenge. You can sign up right [e-mail] challenge. I'm going to be in there, along with thousands of other Stoics all over the world. And I want to see you in there. You you can sign up right [e-mail] challenge and if you join Daily Stoic Life or if you are a Daily Stoic Life member, you get this challenge and all our challenges that we do throughout the year, plus our courses, plus a bunch of other awesome stuff. Totally for free. So you can sign up [e-mail] or just go to dailystoic.com challenge and I'll walk you all through it. I hope to see you in there. Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Bastow County, I drove my car about halfway down the dirt road that we live on.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Thought this isn't going to work.

[Ryan Holiday]

Stopped parked it walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove into Austin and bought a truck. What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation. It getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for us, not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns. There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in. We got to go deep into the.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Hill Country's wild beauty.

[Ryan Holiday]

We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven it across the country. And by we, I mean not just my wife, but both my kids, who I drove home from the hospital in that truck. Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course, because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota Adventure Detour. And of course, this is stoicism, too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you, discover your uncharted territory. Learn [e-mail] Trucks Adventure detours the world.

[Toyota Ad Voice 1]

Is full of tours, but you don't choose a Toyota truck to follow the beaten path. You choose it to find the places in between the detours, where each adventure pulls you toward the next. And wrong turns turn out right. So why would you ever take a tour when you could take a detour? Toyota Trucks.

[Ryan Holiday]

Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another Thursday episode of the Daily Stoic podcast. It's almost almost done for me. I think this week I don't know when you're listening to this. I have no sense of what day it is anymore. I'm sorry, but I think I have one more trip for the year. I was just in New York a day or two ago. I did an event at the 92nd Street Y. Then I did a podcast while I was there. Got a nice run or two in around Central park, and then I've got one more talk for the year and then I'm done for a while. So, as you know, sometimes on the Thursday episodes, I bring you questions that people are nice enough to come up and ask me in person. But I also get to answer your questions as part of the Daily Stoic New Year New you Challenge, which we do every single year. We've done it for almost 10 years now, and we're about to kick off the 2026 New Year New youw Challenge. Here are some questions that I got asked in the course of the Challenges over the years. We do new challenges every year and then new Q and A sessions every year. We do three over the course of the three weeks. So sort of a review each week of how people are doing, what they're struggling with, how stoicism can help you have a better year. And I thought I'd bring you a couple of those. Now. I would love to see you in the Daily Stoic New Year New Challenge. We're going to kick it off on January 1, but in the meantime, here are some questions that will hopefully help you as we wind down the year and you try to get serious about who you want to be in 2020.

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

Yes, sir. This is Richard. How are you?

[Stephen Hanselman]

Hey, tell me about your word.

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

Thank you so much for having me. So I think I have it narrowed down to two, but I wanted your opinion from your podcast. You've chosen Stillness in the Past, and I have been doing some reading up on Aristotle's Rule of the Golden Mean. And I was imagining the past, the present, and the future. And I think when you chose stillness, it was to keep you in touch with the present.

[Stephen Hanselman]

And a lot of the words I've.

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

Seen on the Challenge message board so far have to do with the future, such as improvement or growth. What do you think the Stoics would say about choosing a word based on the past instead of the present or the future?

[Stephen Hanselman]

And what do you mean? So you're picking a word that's like in response to how things have gone in the past? Is that what you mean?

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

So as a very basic example, in case you asked that question, say that Your word for the future is save for money, but your word from the past is broke. So every day I want to think about broke and how I want to get better, but a positive light would be save.

[Stephen Hanselman]

I see what you mean to me. I think you're picking a word that's what you're aiming at. That's what you're directing at. Like, Seneca talks about how if you don't know what port you're sailing towards, no wind is favorable. I think if you. If you just have the negative, like, you just have the mistake you've made.

[Ryan Holiday]

Or the place you don't want to.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Be anymore, you're going to be a little bit reactive, and you're not going to necessarily be moving forward. So that's why I picked two words. I picked a personal one and a professional one. And the personal one, just like as a parent and at home, is going to be positive, Like, I'm not going to think about how I've been too negative in the past as my sort of daily word, because that is, by definition, me doing more of that thing that I'm trying not to do. And Epictetus talks about this a little bit, sort of trying the opposite, like, what's the countervailing habit? So, for me, I think you want to focus on the positive thing that you're aiming at the place you're trying to go. Are you going to get there all the time? No. Is it a destination that you actually reach? No, but it is a navigational set point that you are navigating towards. That's kind of how I would think about it.

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

Yes, sir. I appreciate it. I'll choose stillness for this year because.

[Stephen Hanselman]

That'S a great word.

[Caller 2 (Richard)]

You're a hero of mine and you've chosen it, so I'll use it. But thank you for your time.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Well, look, it's going to be a crazy year. I'm sure all years are crazy, but I would suspect this is going to be a chaotic, dysfunctional, noisy one. And stillness is always. Stillness is always good.

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

Hey, Ryan, how are you?

[Ryan Holiday]

Hey. I'm good. How are you?

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

Good. This is like my third or fourth year in the Challenge. I feel like it's a great RE energizer for me. I'm a school district superintendent. The January start to get be the dog days of the school year. So this is a good little shot of adrenaline for the year.

[Stephen Hanselman]

What's one of your favorite parts of it? Or what's something that stayed with you from a past one?

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

The cold plunge. My wife actually Bought me a. A little mini cold blunge tank from Target for Christmas set up.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

So it's something that's really stuck with me.

[Stephen Hanselman]

There you go. Beautiful. What you got?

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

A couple things real quick. One is the visiting the graveyard. We have one that back like 1795. And at my first superintendency, they had all the different superintendents from the past in the boardroom. And I always, I always kept it in mind. The guy that was the superintendent in 1863, that looks like Ulysses S. Grant. He's been passed. So I can't sacrifice my career for my family.

[Stephen Hanselman]

That's one of my favorite passages in Meditations where Marx Rius lists the names of a bunch of emperors that came before him. And he goes, you know, like, how. Where are they now? He says, how archaic and unfamiliar these names sound. And yeah, realizing that it's kind of this honor, this special thing when your picture goes up on the wall and you feel important and you feel recognized, and then, you know, there's that sort of ceremonial or unceremonial day where, where they put up somebody else's picture. I think, like, look, in the next couple weeks, all the pictures and all the airports and all the federal buildings all over the United States, one picture comes down and another comes up. And within a gener, you know, within not that long, we go, wait, who.

[Ryan Holiday]

Who was the president before so and so.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Or who was the vice president back in, you know, this year or that year? And so, yeah, it's. It's super humbling. And that I. I think about it when I walk through a cemetery. You think, what did this enormous monument cost? I remember I was just. When I was in Australia over the summer there, I. I was walking by, there's this big monument and there was like a plaque, like, you know, so like a historical plaque where they're explaining. And they were saying like 200,000 people attended this person's funeral. And this is like in Australia like a hundred years ago. So trying to wrap my head around how big a deal this person was. Not only had I never even heard of them, I hadn't even heard of any of the things that they did or were a part of. And so that is the sort of ephemerality of. Of all of it.

[Ryan Holiday]

And that's, that's what the stoic practice.

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

Is about for me. It kind of calms me down because if you drive your superintendent of a school district, but if you drive 10 miles in either direction, nobody knows who you are. But my question Is my kids are 14 and 13. This is part of the reason why I do the stoic challenge is try to be a better dad and better husband.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Yeah.

[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

They play a variety of sports and totally out of my control when they're on the court or on the field. Son plays football, baseball, basketball, daughter volleyball, and basketball. And when I watch them play, it feels like my heart is on the court. It feels like there's a miniature version of me out there, and it's so hard. And after the games, I'm trying to get better, but I can be so critical. And I coach them when they may not want to be coached, but we have great relationships. My question. I know you have young kids. I don't know what activities they're in, but I want to be more stoic when it comes to parenting them with their athletics and try to separate some of the emotion from the games and try to work it as a blessing to be present. I have two kids that are healthy enough to play, not get so caught up in the outcomes. What advice would you have for me? To be a better dad in those moments where you want to coach, you want to help, but the reality is incredibly counterproductive.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Stephen Hanselman]

There's a video I saw on the Internet the other day of. Of this family. Their daughter was like, an Olympic athlete or something. And it was like watching these parents in the audience, you know, some. Some important competition. And they just seemed tortured. Like they weren't, like, yelling and screaming, but, like, you know, they couldn't move, and they were, like, feeling. And on the one hand, it was kind of beautiful, and on the other hand, I thought, like, I think you guys just. You're putting way too much of yourself in this. You know, I think about this. My kids are young, and I try to remind myself that it doesn't say anything about me, whether they are good or whether they are really terrible. And I just try to ask, you know, are they having fun? There's a book by a guy I love, an author I love named Rich Cohen, called Pee Wees, and it's all about his son's journey. Yes, the hockey book. Yes, I read that. Yeah. There's a great scene in that book where, you know, he's complaining to the coach about, you know, playing time or this or that, and. And then, you know, he goes up to him and he's complaining, and the coach says, well, let me ask you a question. Is your son having fun? And then he's like, yeah, of course. And then he says, so why do you give a Shit, you know, And I do try to remember that is like what matters, you know, is are they learning what matters? Are they being active? What matters is are they having fun? So again, so much of it is us and us inserting ourselves into it. That is a thing that is, you know, primarily, that's what I try. Yes, totally, Ryan.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. So the question I had, so this is second year, amazing. But the question that I have, and it's something that I kind of struggled with entering this set of challenges is the value. So it's something that I struggled in all my life. And I'm not going to go on the tumultuous history of my family, but essentially I was never taught how to value my own time, how to value my own work. And it's something I've realized. I found out that I realized that, you know, over my work and that I was almost self sabotaging myself because I didn't have this way of finding value in the things that I do. And that obviously had disastrous consequences in my life, you know, and I'm kind of building my. And so, you know, after the first challenge, I've struggled a little bit. I've struggled with, I'm going to be honest with you, I struggled with building those habits. I've struggled building in building discipline. And then over kind of a lot of self reflection, I've realized that I have trouble with seeing, yeah, value in the actions, you know, and seeing this, this translating all those, all this amazing information that you put in your books and what I'm learning from Marcus Aurelius and actually translating that into my life. So actually seeing those things, you know, so you can see, you can read the books and you can see how other people, you know, like yourself as well, how you put those things out, how you discuss them, how you kind of break them apart for us to understand them. But obviously inherently they are part of your life. This is how you have come to some of those things. And what I'm struggling is, is, is seeing not only seeing value in those things, but translating them into my life. I don't know, I don't know if I'm making sense and.

[Stephen Hanselman]

No, it does. I, I think I was thinking about James Clear this morning because I was reading there was a little article about him in the New York Times and, or no, maybe it's the Atlantic, but anyways, I was reading this article about him, but they were pointing out, is that that sort of the, the fundamental premise of his work, which I think is right, is that it's not so much about habits as it is the identity that you have for yourself. And a lot of what holds us back from forming positive habits or making positive changes, that we don't really believe it. We don't really see ourselves as the kind of person who could do it, who's capable of doing it, or I think, in your case, sort of worth doing it. It's good that you're asking this question, right? Because instead of just trying to throw more and more energy and more and more discipline at the problem, you may have to go a little bit upstream and fix, like that sort of inherent self worth issue, which is probably going to be above my pay grade and maybe even above the stoic pay grade. This is probably something you would want to work on in therapy, but just the idea of being a person of fundamental worth and dignity and uniqueness and having unique skills. I do think the Stoics have something to teach about this. I mean, look, obviously Marcus Aurelius is celebrated as this really powerful, important person. He has a good bloodline, he comes from a good family. He's anointed with all this power. And so maybe that's what people's idea of Stoicism is. But his favorite philosopher is Epictetus, who's a slave. Epictetus. You want to talk about not having any worth? Epictetus name means acquired one. It's not even a real name. His name is just guy or person or, or like animal.

[Ryan Holiday]

Right.

[Stephen Hanselman]

It doesn't mean anything because he wasn't seen as, as having any worth. And what he realizes is that, is that he has to see that in himself. He has to decide that he's worth something, that he matters, even if legally he doesn't. He has to decide that he's powerful and important and, you know, in control of something that counts again, even though legally he doesn't. And so I think Epictetus might be the Stoic for you to look at, because there is something inspiring about someone seemingly so lowly.

[Caller 1]

There you go.

[Stephen Hanselman]

Having this just powerful, strong sense of self and self ownership. But that might be a place to.

[Caller 1]

Start just very quickly. Yeah, the control, I think what you, what you're talking about, and it's. I think it's a big aspect of that feeling in control of your life or actually have, you know, in the control. So don't get me wrong, again, in the sense that that's, you know, in control of the things that we can actually have control over, because that's, you know, when, when you feel already beaten down and I'm not saying just specifically my mate, but, but, you know, a lot of people that I've meet as well, because I'm trying to help others as well, as much as I can. Yeah, this, this sense of having control where it matters, I think this is, I've kind of identified that as another thing that I need to, that I feel genuinely like the philosophy of stoicism is going to be the key to help. Helping me find and actually putting, and helping me put the effort when it's actually valuable. Let's put it like that, you know. So, yeah, the control. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, thank you very much, mate.

[Ryan Holiday]

Of course.

[Stephen Hanselman]

I love it. Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything.

[Ryan Holiday]

I just wanted to say thank you.

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[Caller 1]

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[Caller 3 (Superintendent)]

In between.

[Toyota Ad Voice 1]

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