The Daily Stoic Podcast — “They Should Have What They Want”
Host: Ryan Holiday with Stephen Hanselman
Date: March 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this contemplative episode of The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman discuss the timeless Stoic lesson that pursuing external desires rarely brings true satisfaction. The conversation centers on the wisdom of letting others seek what they think they want, reflecting on why external achievements so often fail to deliver happiness. Drawing inspiration from historic figures like Cato the Younger—and their role as moral exemplars—Holiday and Hanselman urge listeners to adopt their own personal models for virtue and to strive for internal fulfillment rather than external validation.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Paradox of Getting What We Want

• Main Idea: Achieving external goals and desires rarely provides the lasting satisfaction people expect.
  • Ryan Holiday (00:00): “They should have what they want. It's probably not going to be what they hope. It's not going to feel as they dreamed. It's not going to make them happy. It's not going to satisfy them. It rarely does, right?”
• Many historical figures, from conquerors to writers, have been unsatisfied even after great achievements.
  • Ryan Holiday (00:28): “Has any conqueror ever been satisfied?... How often do any of the things that people dream of and lust for and fight over end up producing happiness? The Stoics knew this, and deep down, we do too.”

2. Focus on Your Own Desires and Attachments

• Instead of judging or interfering with others' pursuits, return attention to our own attachments to “externals.”
  • Ryan Holiday (00:38): “It's not our place to yuck other people's yums. It's not our place to judge. It's not our place to interfere. What we should focus on is where we are lusting and dreaming and fighting for so-called externals.”
• Holiday suggests reflecting on where we've made our happiness conditional on achievements or identities outside our control.

3. The Role of Exemplars: “Find yourself a Cato” (04:03)

• Hanselman introduces Seneca’s advice to have a moral exemplar (“Cato”) in mind to guide decisions.
  • Stephen Hanselman (04:29): “The soul should have someone it can respect by whose example it can make its inner sanctum more inviolable. Happy is the person who can improve others, not only when present, but even when in their thoughts.”
• Cato the Younger serves as a historic Stoic model—though he left behind no writings, his example influenced generations.
• Modern parallels: Adam Smith’s “impartial spectator,” cartoon “angel on the shoulder,” or the “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelet.

4. Using Exemplars as a Practical Tool

• Having a mental model or hero can elevate everyday choices.
  • Stephen Hanselman (06:45): “Who is your hero and what decisions would they make in those situations?... So not like, what would you allow yourself to get away with, but what would so and so expect of you in this situation?”
• Example: John Wooden’s poem “A little fellow follows you,” invoking behavior as if children—or anyone—were watching.
• Important insight: Living so well that others may one day take you as their Cato.

5. Striving for Exemplary Living

• Challenge yourself with the question, “Who do I want to be?” and act as that person would.
  • Stephen Hanselman (08:00): “Who am I aspiring to be? And what would that person do in this situation? Would they take the shortcut?...”
• Ryan and Stephen encourage listeners to set high standards and pursue virtue, influencing others through example.
  • Stephen Hanselman (08:30): “Washington built his whole life around living up to the example of Cato. And he didn't always get there, but he pushed himself to get there.”

Memorable Quotes

• Ryan Holiday (00:00): “They should have what they want. It's probably not going to be what they hope. It's not going to feel as they dreamed. It's not going to make them happy.”
• Stephen Hanselman (04:29): “The soul should have someone it can respect by whose example it can make its inner sanctum more inviolable. Happy is the person who can improve others, not only when present, but even when in their thoughts.”
• Stephen Hanselman (07:45): “Perhaps we too can, can later serve as someone else's cato or a spectator when someone else needs it.”
• Stephen Hanselman (08:00): “Who am I aspiring to be? And what would that person do in this situation?”

Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Summary | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Introduction; the emptiness of external achievements | | 00:26 | Reflection on conquerors and the pursuit of happiness | | 00:38 | The importance of self-reflection rather than judging others | | 04:03 | “Find yourself a Cato”—the value of having a moral exemplar | | 04:29 | Seneca’s advice; Cato’s influence; Adam Smith's impartial spectator | | 06:45 | Practical application: acting as if one’s hero is watching | | 07:59 | Internalizing your chosen exemplar for personal growth | | 08:30 | George Washington’s admiration of Cato and striving to embody high standards |

Overall Tone and Style

The tone is introspective, encouraging, and practical—imbued with a gentle, conversational wisdom. Ryan and Stephen balance historical references with actionable takeaways, inviting listeners to higher standards not with severity, but with warm, supportive guidance.

Takeaways for Listeners

• Pursue contentment with what you have, recognizing the emptiness of chasing externals.
• Choose a moral exemplar—ancient or personal—to hold yourself to a higher standard.
• Strive to live in a way that sets a virtuous example for others.
• Reflect on your own life and ambitions rather than judging the pursuits of others.

In essence: “They Should Have What They Want” is a reminder that external goals are fleeting, and that the Stoic way is to cultivate internal virtue by following the example of great figures—or by living so well that you become such an example for others.