Podcast Summary: The Daily Stoic

Episode: This Is The Highest Form Of Courage | Stop Caring What People Think
Date: May 26, 2025
Host: Ryan Holiday

Episode Overview

This episode explores the highest form of courage: heroism that goes beyond personal gain, focusing on sacrificing for others and the greater good. Timed to coincide with Memorial Day, Ryan Holiday uses the lessons of Stoicism—and examples from history—to discuss selflessness, the nature of true valor, and the perils of overvaluing others’ opinions. The episode weaves together meditation on sacrifice, memorable stories of Stoic heroes, and practical advice on caring less about external approval.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Courage and Heroism

[00:05–03:57]

• Different Levels of Courage:
  • Regular courage is often motivated by clear rewards or personal gain, but true heroism is driven by self-sacrifice for the benefit of others.
• Memorial Day Reflection:
  • Holiday draws from Memorial Day to urge listeners to consider "human valor"—why some people give everything for ideals or others.
• Misunderstandings About Sacrifice:
  • Some people are baffled by selfless sacrifice, with Holiday citing a "craven man" who, upon seeing a military cemetery, asks, “What was in it for them?”
  • He distinguishes between humility-driven wonder at such sacrifice and transactional, selfish confusion.
• Historical Examples:
  • Stoic figures such as Cato and his daughter Portia, Thracia, Helvidius, and Rutilius Rufus are cited as epitomes of heroism:
    • Cato: “chose death over kneeling to Caesar.”
    • Portia: “following suit by swallowing hot coals.”
    • Rutilius Rufus: “gave up his home and his livelihood rather than be sucked into Rome’s culture of corruption.”
    • James Stockdale: as a POW, tried to take his life to end the torture for others.
  • Emphasizes there was “nothing in it” for these people except adherence to ideals.
• The Power and Rarity of True Heroism:
  • True heroism “shames us, humbles us…moves us beyond reason.”
  • “It came from something beyond reason...they died so that we could live.”
  • Listeners are encouraged to actively wrestle with what this level of sacrifice means for their own lives.

“True heroism shames us. It humbles us. It moves us beyond reason because it came from something beyond reason.”
— Ryan Holiday [03:35]

2. The Stoic Practice of Not Caring What Others Think

[04:46–08:40]

• Marcus Aurelius on Self-Esteem vs. Others’ Opinions:
  • Daily Stoic Quote (Meditations 12.14):

    "I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others. Yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self."

  • Reflection: We often discard our own judgments in favor of what others think, leading to self-doubt and insecurity.
• Practical Examples:
  • Changing feelings about clothes based on comments from others.
  • Only feeling validated when third parties approve of our talents or successes.
• The Danger of Outsourced Validation:
  • We control our opinions, not others’, so striving for approval is “a dangerous endeavor.”
  • Focus should be on "the results, the impact, and whether it is the right thing to do."
• Cato as a Role Model:
  • Cato’s chosen lifestyle (walking barefoot, no fancy clothes, no hat) was an exercise in “not caring what other people thought about him, not caring about his reputation.”
    • Prepared him to withstand public judgment and be the lone voice against Caesar and dangerous trends.
  • “He’s practiced for this very moment.”
• Personal Relevance—Parenting:
  • Holiday relates not caring about others’ judgments to parental choices:
    • Prioritizing time and authenticity with family over pleasing others.
    • Warning that worrying about looking “silly or stupid” can rob you of joy and memories with children.
• Call to Action:
  • "We respect ourselves. We know what’s important to us...So why do we care what other people think?…We have to get comfortable being judged.”

“Like most Stoic exercises, this one attempts to teach us that although we control our own opinions, we don’t control what other people think about us…putting ourselves at the mercy of these opinions...are a dangerous endeavor.”
— Ryan Holiday [05:47]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sacrifice and Valor:

  “There is courage, we could say, and then there is heroism, the highest form of courage...”
  — Ryan Holiday [02:35]

• On the Opinions of Others:

  “How quickly we disregard our own feelings about something and adopt someone else’s… We can be immensely happy with our own lives until we find out that someone we don’t like has even more…”
  — Ryan Holiday [05:31]

• On Practicing for Adversity:

  “Cato sort of marches to the beat of his own drummer…these things he was pursuing were good unto themselves. But what he was really doing is practicing not caring what other people thought about him, not caring about his reputation.”
  — Ryan Holiday [06:30]

• On Parenting Giving Clarity:

  “Being a parent has been very good for me in this… If I say yes, yes, yes to all the stuff I don’t want to do, that comes out of the time that I spend with my family.”
  — Ryan Holiday [07:13]

• On Living Authentically:

  “We have to get comfortable being judged. We have to be comfortable sitting with our own self estimation. We have to be comfortable with what we know is the right thing to do…”
  — Ryan Holiday [08:05]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:05 — Introduction and theme of courage & heroism
• 01:20 — Story of misunderstanding sacrifice (“What was in it for them?”)
• 02:35 — Historical examples of Stoic heroism
• 03:35 — Reflection on the transformative power of true heroism
• 04:51 — Transition to theme: Caring less about others’ opinions
• 05:47 — Marcus Aurelius quote; the dangers of wanting approval
• 06:30 — Story of Cato as a Stoic exemplar
• 07:13 — Parenting and making values-based choices
• 08:05 — Conclusion: Seek impact, not approval

Episode Tone and Takeaways

Ryan Holiday’s delivery is contemplative, admiring the gravity of self-sacrifice and the challenge of real independence from others' judgments. He encourages listeners to reflect deeply on the meaning of valor, especially on Memorial Day, and to cultivate the courage to live on their own terms, both in grand moral matters and in daily life.

“We know what we value. So why do we care what other people think?”
— Ryan Holiday [08:00]

For more Stoic meditations, visit DailyStoic.com