Podcast Summary: The Daily Stoic

Episode: Who Decides Who Gets What? | What Young Men Get Wrong About Stoicism
Host: Ryan Holiday
Date: January 12, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Daily Stoic explores two intertwining themes: the importance of intentionally allocating your time and energy—the idea of "who decides who gets what"—and a critical examination of how young men often misinterpret or misuse Stoicism. Host Ryan Holiday draws from personal anecdotes, Stoic texts (especially Marcus Aurelius and Seneca), and current trends to challenge misconceptions and encourage a deeper, more communal understanding of Stoicism.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

I. Who Decides Who Gets What? (00:08–02:59)

• Earning your role vs. controlling your priorities:
  • Ryan frames the issue: many people work hard, become successful, yet still feel their lives are out of alignment—their best effort is not always going where it matters.

    "You earned it. And yet, despite this success, this track record, this leverage you have, your life is so backwards." (01:08–01:14)

• Seneca’s Lesson with Alexander the Great:
  • Holiday recounts a story from Seneca, where Alexander corrects rulers by stating he'll determine what they get, not the other way around.
  • The analogy is applied to how we allocate our time: You should decide what gets your best time—not leave important things (like philosophy or your family) with just the leftovers.

    “Philosophy should not get the leftovers. Or as we said in a Daily Dad email and podcast about this same idea, neither should your family... It is the key to everything we are trying to do. It’s a compass, a guiding light. It’s what we owe our ultimate devotion.” (01:52–02:24)

• Redefining Success:
  • Holiday encourages listeners to reconsider what true success and leverage mean, suggesting it’s about slanting your best effort toward what matters most (not just what pays the bills or strokes your ego).

    “You're not really successful if success doesn't allow you to do that… you're not really in charge if you can't say my work on myself comes first, you shall get what's left over.” (02:46–02:57)

II. What Young Men Get Wrong About Stoicism (06:00–12:33)

• Why Stoicism attracts young men:
  • Acknowledgement of the loneliness and lack of guidance facing many young men; Stoicism feels like a powerful, actionable guide.

    “There's no one that says, hey, here's how you live a good and meaningful life, but also a challenging life. ... You're not worthless. You're not a piece of shit. Society is not discarding you. You have value. You can make a positive difference.” (06:07–06:40)

  • Holiday shares his personal discovery of Marcus Aurelius in college as a transformative moment.

    “When I got Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations … it hit me like a ton of bricks. I described it as a quake book, a book that shook everything that I thought I knew about the world.” (06:43–06:55)

• Personal Development vs. Broader Purpose:
  • Holiday explains that many people (himself included, initially) are drawn by the self-help side—mastering emotions, being tough, handling adversity—but miss Stoicism’s ethical core.
• Misappropriation and “Grifters”:
  • The podcast critiques figures like Andrew Tate who conflate Stoicism with a cold masculinity, emotional repression, or even self-serving rationalization.

    “They pervert the ideas in Stoicism. They take some of these core ideas and they mix it with notions of masculinity, other cultural traditions... it's easy to direct them towards a kind of a resentment.” (07:40–08:00)

• Lowercase vs. Uppercase Stoicism:
  • Holiday distinguishes the stereotype of Stoicism (stoic = emotionless, repressed) from its true philosophical meaning, which includes compassion and connection to others.

    “The Stoics weren't emotionless. There is a part of Stoicism that's about being less emotional, particularly destructive emotions. So the Stoics were not repressed, emotionless robots. And if you think that's what Stoicism is going to help you do, you're doing it wrong.” (08:18–08:36)

• On Misusing Stoicism:
  • Specific criticism of applying Stoicism to justify bad behavior or emotional numbness, especially towards harm done to others (e.g., as in the case of Andrew Tate).

    “If he thinks Stoicism is this a way to not have to feel human emotions about the women that he's exploiting... that's not what fuckin' Stoicism is at all.” (08:43–08:53)

• Justice and the Common Good:
  • Stoicism’s aim is to build good character and act for the common good, not to retreat into selfishness.

    “One of the best quotes from Marcus Aurelius: he says the point of life is good character and acts for the common good.” (08:54–09:00)

  • Holiday notes that Marcus Aurelius constantly wrote of “the common good,” justice, and cosmopolitanism.

    "For a guy that had unlimited power, he never lost his compassion and his empathy and his and his love for his fellow human beings. He saw himself as a true cosmopolitan, a person of the world, not just a member of a race and tribe..." (11:05–11:22)

• Service to Others:
  • Genuine Stoicism is about engaging with the world and serving others, not withdrawing.

    “The purpose of Stoic philosophy, the irrational purpose, was to pull these outer rings inward, to really care about other people and to try to make the world better for them. Sometimes, especially even at the cost of one's own interest. This is the kind of Stoicism that we have to be focused on.” (12:13–12:33)

III. Memorable Quotes & Takeaways

• On priority and time allocation:

  “Make sure that you are giving your best, your most productive hours to the most important things because you're not really successful if success doesn't allow you to do that.” (02:38–02:45, Ryan Holiday)

• On true Stoicism:

  "The point of life is good character and acts for the common good.” (08:54–09:00, quoting Marcus Aurelius)

• On misinterpretation:

  "Lowercase Stoicism is all the stereotypes... has no emotion, invulnerable, repressed. That's not what Stoicism is." (08:09–08:28, Ryan Holiday)

• On moral responsibility:

  "We should do the right thing because it's the right thing. And we should resist that hardness of heart that can so easily come from a philosophy that is so focused on being in command of oneself and mastering one's emotions." (12:34–12:55, Ryan Holiday)

Important Timestamps

• Defining who gets your time: 00:10–02:59
• Seneca, Alexander the Great story: 01:10–01:52
• Transition to topic of young men and Stoicism: 06:00
• Distinction between ‘lowercase’ and ‘uppercase’ Stoicism: 08:00–08:36
• Critique of using Stoicism for harmful or selfish ends: 08:43–09:00
• Justice, common good, and cosmopolitanism: 09:35–12:33
• Closing reflections on goodness and love: 12:33–13:06

Conclusion

Ryan Holiday uses this episode to remind listeners that true Stoicism is not about emotional repression or ruthless self-advancement, but about prioritizing what truly matters and contributing to the common good. He calls for a return to Stoicism’s core virtues—courage, discipline, justice, and wisdom—while warning against its distortion for selfish or resentful ends. The episode closes with a call to keep love, goodness, and the welfare of others at the center of Stoic practice.

For more daily Stoic content, Ryan invites listeners to subscribe to the Daily Stoic email: dailystoic.com/email.