Why Bert Kreischer Thinks He Needs a Stoic Coach

Summary

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The Daily Stoic: "Why Bert Kreischer Thinks He Needs a Stoic Coach"

Host: Ryan Holiday
Guest: Bert Kreischer
Date: January 31, 2026

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Overview of the Episode

This episode features the second part of Ryan Holiday's interview with comedian and actor Bert Kreischer. The conversation revolves around Stoicism, navigating public opinion and criticism as a performer, personal success, sobriety, and the relentless drive that often comes with creative careers. Bert's candid reflections on vulnerability, self-discipline, and seeking fulfillment beyond external validation are at the heart of this engaging and humorous episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Desire for Stoic Coaching: Bert’s “Seneca”

• Timestamp 04:08–05:00
  • Bert expresses a wish for a wise advisor or sponsor (“a Seneca”) to help navigate his chaotic life:

    “I would love like a 70-year-old man…I’m really jealous of people who are in recovery who have sponsors. Like someone you call before you do something dumb…It would be wonderful to have a sponsor.” – Bert (04:16)

  • Both discuss the challenge of managing busy, high-achieving lives, and how addiction to “work” can mirror more obvious addictions.

2. Examining Burnout & the Addiction to Busyness

• Timestamp 05:00–06:13
  • Bert details his relentless touring schedule and longing for a reset, drawing parallels between his lifestyle and those in rehab:

    “Maybe that’s your addiction—work.” – Ryan (05:00)

  • The difficulty of scheduling true rest as a sign of underlying problems with overwork.

3. Sobriety, the Pandemic, and Life Changes

• Timestamp 06:42–08:26
  • Bert recounts the start of his pandemic sobriety and the unexpected mental clarity it brought:

    “Seven days in, I fell asleep in a hammock in my backyard…and I didn’t have any thoughts, I didn’t have any fears. It was the craziest fucking feeling…” – Bert (07:18)

  • Reflects on how not drinking changed his experience of daily life, sometimes resulting in strange dreams about drinking and unexpected joy in sobriety.

4. The Endurance of Shame & Pleasure

• Timestamp 08:26–11:16
  • Ryan shares a Seneca-inspired quote:

    “If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures. If you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures.” – Ryan (08:32)

  • Bert responds with honesty and humor, discussing addictive behaviors and how the fleeting nature of pleasure can leave lasting feelings of shame.
  • Bert opens up about his love for “closing the bar” and the contradictory motivation he finds in punishing himself with grueling workouts after a night of drinking.

5. The “Witching Hour” and Maintaining Playfulness

• Timestamp 11:16–15:26
  • Bert describes the daily challenge of the “5 o’clock witching hour” and the energy it brings, and how he manages it during sobriety by staying busy or giggling with his team.
  • Insights into his motivation for working out—sometimes harder when hungover as a method of self-punishment (“exercise bulimia”).

  • “I can wake up hungover as fuck, go to the gym, kill it. The endorphins that hit me, cold plunge sauna, are like through the roof. I feel better after that than I do waking up sober.” – Bert (11:05)

6. Journaling, Original Thoughts, and the Clarity of Sobriety

• Timestamp 12:35–13:59
  • Bert shares how he began journaling at 53 for clarity and more original thoughts.
  • Describes the expanded perspective that sobriety brings:

    “When you’re sober…my blinders are out here and I’m seeing the trees…I’m shooting videos to my daughters about, like, ‘I just want you to know how happy I am.’” – Bert (13:47)

7. Handling External Opinion & Metrics of Success

• Timestamp 16:23–28:35
  • Both discuss the challenges of releasing creative work into the world—Netflix rankings, reviews, and public response.
  • The mental negotiations and anxieties over where Bert’s show will land on Netflix’s “Top 10 Trending” list.
  • Ryan’s stoic approach:

    “I’m going to do my normal routine. As if…I don’t like news good or bad. And then that way, whether the news is good or bad, I’ve had a good morning.” – Ryan (19:14)

  • Bert candidly shares how good or bad news can disproportionately affect mood and productivity:

    “It’s almost like the gratitude disappears and I don’t have full grasp of how much that should mean to me.” – Bert (23:13)

  • Ryan’s framework for success: focusing on the process, craft, enjoyment, and self-improvement rather than public validation.

8. The Trap of Online Commentary and Letting Criticism Steal Your Joy

• Timestamp 24:35–26:42
  • Bert tells a story about reading one negative comment among thousands of positives, and how it ruined his day in his idyllic backyard:

    “I just couldn’t appreciate my backyard for this comment…I cannot allow someone who doesn’t know me and absolutely doesn’t like me…own a day of mine.” – Bert (25:22)

  • This becomes a breaking point: avoiding comments becomes an act of self-preservation.

9. Process Over Result: The Stoic Reframe

• Timestamp 26:42–29:04
  • Ryan walks Bert through a process-oriented self-inquiry:

    “Whether people like it or not is like the 15th layer of success.” – Ryan (27:24)

  • Bert and Ryan agree: while audience response matters, the true win is in the making and the growth.

10. Navigating Contradictory Feedback and Believing Your Experience

• Timestamp 31:26–36:40
  • Bert recounts the varying responses to his projects (“The Machine,” the Tom Brady Roast) and the emotional whiplash from success and critique.
  • The tumult between his own experience and external validation, including pressure from friends and the “Internet.”

    “Am I a delusional kid that goes, my experience trumps it?...That I stand by. I was in that room, not one person…told us we bombed.” – Bert (36:15)

  • This tension prompts Bert’s deeper interest in Stoicism.

11. The Reality of the Business, the Importance of Returning to the Work

• Timestamp 36:40–38:07
  • Both acknowledge the reality of audience reaction in show business:

    “If the book sells zero copies, that’s going to affect the advance next time…and then there probably won’t be a time after that.” – Ryan (36:47)

  • However, recovery from external judgment requires returning focus to the work and what’s within one’s control:

    “You got to get out of the ‘what do they think’ and back into the thing…as quickly as possible…the part that’s in your control, which is the act itself.” – Ryan (37:18)

12. Playfulness, Joy, and Stoic Play

• Timestamp 37:33–38:22

  • Bert’s aspiration:

    “My big force lately has been, pull out both sides, try to get rid of both sides and just stay playful in life…I want to giggle. And there’s like a sparkle in life, that if you can hold on to that, I think that’s my driving force.” – Bert (37:33)

  • A wholesome reminder from both: life and work should have moments of fun, regardless of outside pressures.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mentorship and support:

  “I would love like…a 70-year-old man…someone you call before you do something dumb.” — Bert (04:16)

• On the cost of busyness:

  “But actually, you have no power because your calendar is in charge.” — Ryan (05:02)

• On the real nature of pleasure and work:

  “If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures. If you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures.” — Ryan (08:32)

• On negative comments ruining enjoyment of life:

  “I just couldn’t appreciate my backyard for this comment…I cannot allow someone who doesn’t know me…own a day of mine.” — Bert (25:22)

• On success by internal measures:

  “I already got 95% of what I’m going to wring out of this thing…all the parts out of it that were in my control.” — Ryan (27:24)

• On combating online feedback:

  “Am I a delusional kid that goes, my experience trumps it?... I was in that room, not one person told us we bombed.” — Bert (36:15)

• On preserving playfulness:

  “I want to stay playful. I want to giggle. And there’s like a sparkle in life…that’s my driving force in life.” — Bert (37:33)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 04:08 — Bert on wanting a Stoic “sponsor”
• 06:42 — Bert’s pandemic sobriety and life changes
• 08:32 — Seneca quote, shame vs. pleasure
• 13:47 — Bert on sobriety opening his vision
• 19:14 — Ryan on waiting to check news, maintaining discipline
• 24:35 — Bert’s story of a negative comment ruining his morning
• 27:24 — Ryan’s process-driven definition of success
• 31:26–36:40 — Bert on whiplash between public and personal experience
• 37:33 — Bert on playfulness and sparkle in life

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a candid, funny, and deeply human exploration of how creative fulfillment, personal discipline, and Stoic principles can help someone like Bert Kreischer navigate fame and feedback. Both Ryan and Bert offer listeners practical wisdom on enjoying achievements, letting go of external judgments, and striving to maintain playfulness and presence—on and off the stage.

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Recommended for:
Anyone searching for practical stoic wisdom, artists or creators wrestling with public opinion, or fans of Bert Kreischer’s disarming humor and honesty.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice and wisdom into the real world. Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic podcast. You know, it's hard to put stuff out in the world, right? You work really hard on something, then you put it out there, and then other people get a say, right? They decide whether they're gonna laugh at the joke or not. They decide whether they're gonna buy the thing you're selling or not. They decide whether to vote for you. And that's really hard, right? In a way, it challenges one of the most important principles in Stoicism, which is to not care about things that are not in your control and that is outside your control. And yet you can't do your job well or be compensated for that job. If you can't figure out a way to both care and not care, I don't know. It's a challenge. So when I had Bert Kreischer on the podcast, this is one of the things we talked about, because his new show, Free Bert, had just come out. Like, I heard him walk in. I was sitting in the back of the studio working on something. I heard him come in, and he was just hearing from, like, people on his team about where it had landed. Like, how it was doing on Netflix. Like, because Netflix in real time is showing, like, what the most popular stuff is, right? In some ways, Netflix is a black box. They don't tell you exactly how many downloads or how something's doing. Like with Amazon, you know, there's a ranking, and you obviously want to do well on that ranking. It's really challenging, right? It makes you vulnerable. Even if you think what you did is awesome. Well, now there's a big thumbs up or a big thumbs down telling you whether that's true or not. So that was something we talked about on the episode this is part two. And he had just found out that he had debuted at number two, which was well deserved because it's a great show. Samantha and I watched all six episodes. I thought it was really funny. And in part two of my interview with Burt, we talk about why he wants a Seneca in his life. His definition of success, his current sobriety. And as we were just talking about not letting other people's opinions determine your mood or your sense of whether you did a good job or not. And of course he tells some insane stories. If you didn't listen to part one, you should. You could start with that. But Bert Kreischer is a stand up comedian and actor. He's the host of Two Bears, One Cave. You can watch his movie the Machine on Netflix and then his new show, Free Bert. He is a touring standup comic who sells out arenas all over the world. Not only was Burt hilarious, but he was super nice. He invited everyone on the Daily Stoic and Painted Porch team to come see his show. A bunch of the people went and they said it was hilarious. He let them come backstage after, invited them to the after party. I had to leave to go pick up my son from school right after the interview. And he shot the shit with Samantha and everyone. He was like, you gotta talk to my wife. And the next thing you know, she's FaceTiming with Leanne. He is just a incredibly sweet and kind human being. I asked Whitney Cummings what I should ask Bert and she just said like, Bert's got it all figured out. He's just winning. Not just he's successful, but he like is in a loving marriage and has great relationship with his kids. She's like, he did it. That was totally the vibe I got. I think that's the vibe you are going to get even if you're not a fan of his comedy. I think you're really going to like this episode because you just get a glimpse into who he is and I like what I saw. You can follow Bert on all platforms Ertkreischer. You can watch Free Bert on Netflix. And I hope you like this episode. Enjoy.

[A]

How do we get Seneca's in our lives? Like how do you.

[B]

Oh, an advisor.

[A]

Well, I would love a. I would love like right now. I got a personal trainer and an assistant.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

And all we do is giggle and just fuck around. But I would love like, yeah, I would love like a 70 year old man.

[B]

I was thinking about this, like, I'm not like an addict. I have some addictive tendencies. But I was like, I'm really jealous of people who are in recovery who have sponsors. Like someone you call before you do something dumb, you know, or just Like, I mean, I just had a shitty day. I'm thinking about it. You know, what do I. It would be wonderful to have a sponsor. That should be a concept we have. I mean, ideally, your parents are this or your grandparents are this, but not everyone gets that deck of cards.

[A]

So at a certain point, it's like.

[B]

You know, they can't understand because you're doing. Dealing with things that they've never dealt with.

[A]

I'm always jealous of people that go into rehab. I would love to go into rehab. Just three months of just. I can't. I got too much shit going on.

[B]

Maybe that's your addiction work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That you can't take. I think about this. I did a thing once. I went to a. It's not a rehab, but it is a rehab. But they have a thing. You go for, like, a week, and you just work on all this stuff. You go through the program, but not the addictive part. And it was just like, the amount of work I had to do to get seven days in a row off my schedule was like, oh, I do have a problem. Like, oh, yeah. You know, it's like, what Good. Cause it's something to think. It's like, you have all this success, you have money, you have. Theoretically, you have power. And then you're just like. But actually, you have no power because your calendar is in charge.

[A]

I'm on the road for 25 days straight. Like, every day for 25 days straight. And then I'm on the road touring for nine weeks straight, and I only have, like, a couple days here and there to get back. And a lot of times, like, this week, I'm just going to drive to Alabama because I'm like, you know, screw it. It's easier to stay in the bus than to fly home on Sunday or fly home Monday to come home to go back on the road Wednesday. You're like, it doesn't make sense.

[B]

Yeah. And your kids.

[A]

My kids are in college, and it's just me and my wife. But at the same time, I go, like, I had a buddy that went to rehab, and it was, like, perfect timing. It was so great. And he came back and he was so grounded.

[B]

I was talking to Matt Berninger that he's the lead singer of the national, and he was saying, like, you know, you think, like, a week will be a vacation. And then he was like, it was only in the pandemic, where it was like, he started calming down, like, six months in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you think. You think you can get restored or relaxed or back you know, with taking a couple days off and then you're not even close. You haven't even. You haven't even begun to start winding down.

[A]

I remember on the ride back from the pandemic, we were in New Orleans and we were driving back and I had said I had been in D.C. the weekend before and I was.

[B]

And I was like, to go into the lockdowns.

[A]

Go into the lockdowns. We were in dc, we were doing dc, Boston, and then we went to New Orleans. And in D.C. i was partying in the mornings, doing a radio, and I knew I was partying that night and I knew that we were going out and we were pulling all nighter and going to Boston. And I said casually to my, you know, laying in my bus, I was like, I was like, God, I got. I need like a break. Like, if you can give me, like, just. I don't know how it's gonna happen. And I'd said, like, give me a TV show or something or like a movie or something to slow me down because the road's killing me. And then the next weekend, the pandemic hit and they're like, yo, you gotta drive back to la. And on the ride back, I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna stop drinking when I get home. I'm not drinking through this as long as this lasts. I didn't know it was gonna be that long. Seven days in, I've never to this day, done this. Seven days in, I fell asleep in a hammock in my backyard, in a hammock. And I woke up and I went. And I didn't have any thoughts, I didn't have any fears. I didn't have, like, oh, I'm late for this. It was the craziest fucking feeling I know. But anytime I quit drinking, I'm not drinking now. And anytime I quit drinking, I literally, I'm like, amazed at how easier life is.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, I went to bed the other night, I'd press at like 6 in the morning, and I'm in New York and the National Championships game is on, and it's a great one. And it's now midnight, 12:30, and I'm like, God dang it. So I got drinking brain in my head and I'm like, I'm gonna be a mess tomorrow. I go to sleep, I wake up at 6:30, and I was like, I feel great, right? I was like, wow, this is. Why do I, you know. And then I'll have dreams about drinking and think I'm gonna be Hungover. And then I wake up and I'm like, ah, that was a dream actually.

[B]

Okay, look, I gotta quote. That relates to this. I'm giving you this quote. You tell me what you think of it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures. If you do something shameful in the pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures.

[A]

Oh, I just think about Jack Shacks. Can't imagine those dudes who go to Jack Shacks and they're like, just like, you know, like a massage parlor where.

[B]

They get jerked off.

[A]

I had a friend who was married and had kids and he was just. He was addicted to Jack Shacks.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

He was like, it's crazy. All the feelings going in are so great. And it's like my heart's racing in this and that. And then the second I come, I am filled with shame and I'm like, that's why I don't go.

[B]

We think about like, it's gonna be fun to go out drinking. And so that's like the pleasure part. And then it's like the hangover the next day. That's a different person. Like it's not all part of the same. Like if you had to take the pleasure and then you put the afterward feeling on top, you're like, oh, this probably isn't worth. But when you separate the two, you're able to rationalize it to yourself.

[A]

No, not me. So the. Okay, so I'll tell you the difference. I have. So I'm very punitive.

[B]

Okay, so.

[A]

And I love to close a bar at fucking 3:30 in New York City. I love to close a bar at 4:30 and see the. See the lights starting to change up in the sky. I love that feeling. I love.

[B]

It's my worst nightmare.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah. I don't even want to be up till midnight.

[A]

Okay. I love the feeling of getting after it. I love when someone goes, are you gonna have one more? And then you go, yeah. Or when you get there and you're like, do you want a drink? And then you watch the room crumble and everyone's like, are you gonna get one? And then you start seeing everyone's. I'll get one, I'll get one. And then you get lit. I love that feeling. Now here's the problem with me. And this is. I think I know for a fact what I'm dealing with in my head right now. Because this sobriety is very different than any sobriety. It is a health induced sobriety it is like we had a health scare. You gotta be on these pills and you can't drink on these pills for six months. And so I had to look at that as a very different beast. Usually I get sober for a month and I'm like, great, I feel great, let's get back after it three months, great, let's get out. So I had to think more long term about this. But the problem is I love closing it down. But I also love getting up a little hungover with my brain thinking a little sideways. This is why I had a problem with the Hemingway quote is a little sideways. Getting a cup of coffee, getting in the gym, murdering at the gym at like 8am, 10am and then that endorphin rush that I have through the whole day is crazy. The problem is if I can get rid of any part, it's not that morning tax that everyone feels like they pay. And it's not that I'm out too late they pay. It would be five o', clock, what I call the witching hour.

[B]

At five o' clock the next day.

[A]

Or the in between days. Every day at five o' clock I have this feeling of like, it's almost like a hopeful, like, what are we doing tonight? Like, where's the adventure at tonight? Like what? Who wants to have drink? Like that energy of 5 o'. Clock. Usually when I'm not drinking, I just am very mindful of busying myself in the witching hour. So standup is really great. If I do stand up, I don't drink. I would never drink until 9:30 at night. But that witching hour, that's where it's tough for me, waking up. I have no problem waking up hungover. As a matter of fact, I would argue it's my superpower, is that I can wake up hungover as fuck. Go to the gym, kill it. I mean kill it. And then after I do, the endorphins that hit me, cold plunge sauna are like through the roof. I feel better after that than I do waking up sober. That's the truth.

[B]

Even if you do all like. So if you, you woke up, you're stone cold sober, you work out, you do all this stuff, you have a great creative. You think you're worse off if you haven't drank.

[A]

Sometimes you wake up when you don't drink and you didn't sleep well, but you have no excuse, right? And you're tired, but there's no reason you're tired and then you're like, ugh, all right, let's just start. And then if you're on blood thinners, you're not supposed to have coffee. So you're like, I guess I don't get coffee.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I will tell you the one difference. And I'm journaling about this now. I started in my 53. At 53, I decided I would journal, okay? Because I wanted to have more original thoughts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I woke up, national championship, 6:30 call time. I woke up a little early, and I was gonna go work out, and I went to the gym. I was very tired, and I was at the gym, and I was like. I was like, I feel good, but I'm like, I don't want to work out. I go to the gym and it's packed because it's fucking 20 degrees in New York. And then I decided to go for a walk in Central Park. Here's the difference. And I saw this. When you're sober, and you've been sober for a week, couple weeks, few weeks, the blinders open up. When you're hungover, you do get blinders. And I watched a dude with blinders just smoking a cigarette, trying to get his dog to take a shit in the snow. And he was like. And you could tell his world was right here. He had been out all night. He was like, come on, booty, let's go. Come on. God damn it. Shit. Already.

[B]

All right.

[A]

And he's smoking a cigarette, and he's cold. He doesn't have gloves on, no coffee yet. And he's like, God damn it. And he just wants to go back to bed because his blinders are here. And I'm, you know, I'm sober. I feel great. I got a new lease on life. I'm healthy right now. And all of a sudden, my blinders are out here, and I'm seeing the trees and I'm seeing the rocks. And I'm going like, I'm shooting, like, videos to my daughters. I'm sending videos to my daughters about, like, yo, I just want you to know how happy I am.

[B]

And that seems better.

[A]

It is better. But, you know, I mean, you look at, like, people with depression, and you're like, they're not drinking.

[B]

Maybe they are.

[A]

Maybe they are.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I know, but I think I'm a little bit of a different. I feel like I beat myself up in the morning if I've been drinking. And I go, let's get after it. Let's get in the gym. Let's push it. Let's see how hard we work.

[B]

You have, like, this kind of like Dr. Drew said to me one, he called it exercise bulimia. Where you, you, you eat bad and then you work out. Like.

[A]

Yeah, My sister called it hypogymnasia. She's like, you go to the gym too much. You're going to the gym because you punish. If you don't punish yourself as much, you don't have to work out as hard.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was like, y. But I don't think, like, I don't think sober I work out as hard as I do hungover.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. So maybe it's like that little bit of shame is kind of like an edge for you and it makes you feel a little bit alive.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing like getting up and going like, you piece of shit, you earned this. You wanted to be out last night. You earned this. No, no, no, no, no, no. You want to be the fun boy, you want to be the party boy? That's great. That's great. But you're not going to be the fucking joke. You get in the gym, you sweat this out. And that first second you feel sweat again.

[B]

I like that feeling where it before you sweat and you feel like you're like a little bit all clogged up and then it breaks.

[A]

It breaks. Dude, I hate stretching. And I will lean into a stretch and go like, we do shoulder taps every morning and I'm doing shoulder taps going like this. Going like if I go slower, the sweat starts sooner. And I love that feeling of the first sweat. And I love. My favorite feeling of any workout is when you finish and you lay down on the floor and you just. I love that feeling.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I went to the gym yesterday. I don't do a lot of gym stuff. I usually just run or swim. It was a good workout. But then I was like, I still have to do the cardio thing to get that feeling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where I'm not like.

[A]

Even when you're hungover, useless sweat kicks in so quick.

[B]

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[A]

What does a day of yours look like? Do you read at night?

[B]

Yeah, I usually read before bed.

[A]

Really? Like, like my manager. It's. The show just came out, everyone's trying to talk to me.

[B]

I know that feeling very. I was going to ask you about that. Like, you know that feeling. I think about it. It's positive and negative. It's like you have a day where you crush it or the day that's bad. And it's like I. I try to go like, am I going to waste this entire day either like doom scrolling or celebrating, or am I going to tune it out? And just like for book publishing, the sales are basically Sunday to Sunday, but then you don't find out whether you hit where you hit the New York Times list until Wednesday. And so I go, like, I'm not gonna fucking waste Wednesday. Or to. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna have an unproductive day because I'm waiting around for news. Or I get the news and then I spend all day celebrating, or I get the bad news and I spend all day like, you know, how the fuck.

[A]

You know, that's really funny. I was thinking about that. Cause I was like, well, tomorrow's either gonna be a good day or bad day. But I was thinking about that last night. And I'm listening to you talk about stoicism. And in this stoicism conversation, I heard the boxer slept 11 hours.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And 11 and a half hours right before his fight. And then he slept four hours before.

[B]

Floyd Patterson.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Floyd Patterson.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I know that at like, probably what, three in the morning, Netflix will get numbers. Four in the morning, five in the morning. Whenever. Like six in the morning. Whenever they get numbers. And I know that they're gonna text me. Yeah, not numbers, but they're gonna text me where I land on the chart. And I was in my head, I was like, I'm doing negotiations. In my head, I'm like, all right, if Freeburt gets In the top 10 breaks, top 10 trending, that's a win. Let's just leave it at that. That's a win. And I go, what if it doesn't get in the top 10? I was like, don't think like that. It's gonna get in the top 10. It's gotta get in the top 10, right? And then I was like, wait, I don't look at the top 10. There's a lot of big ones. His and her is like the hottest show Right now. And I'm like, okay, stop. So it's not going number one. We get that. But like, where are we gonna go? I go, if it gets to number six, that's a win. I go, if it got to number like four, there's. I mean, look, it's got America's Got Talent or whatever. The big star search just came out and all. I go, all right, stop all this. I'm listening. I go. The stoic just goes to bed. And the stoic doesn't worry about it.

[B]

One of my proudest accomplishments is not the first time I hit number one on New York Times. I remember I was in LA doing press. This is when stillness was coming out. And I was staying at the Los Angeles Athletic Club, which is one of my favorite places in to stay because they have this amazing swimming pool. And I get up because it's west coast, so the news is on the east Coast. So I get up, even though I'm getting up early, they have the news. And I can see there's just like, you know, my alarm goes off, my phone, I can see just a bunch of texts. And I go, okay, so this is either good news or bad news, right? It's my agent either being like, you did it. It's amazing. Or like, don't worry about it. You just got, you know, like, it's about the. It's about. It's a marathon, not a sprint or whatever it is. Yeah. And I was like, you know what?

[A]

But the guy with the marathon is in at the back.

[B]

I was like, I'm good. I was like, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to go swimming. I'm going to do my journal.

[A]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is crazy. Talk to me.

[B]

Keep going. I'm going to. I was like, I'm going to do my normal routine. As if I don't like news good or bad. I'm going to do the routine and. And then have a good morning. And then that way, whether the news is good or bad, I've had a good morning. And I'm like, prouder of the discipline to do that than the discipline to. That was my first time hitting number one, so the news was good, but I'm actually like, I think back. I was like, when I think back of whether I'm a person who's capable of delaying gratification or like exhibiting some sense of self control, it's that I looked at my phone, knew it was news I wanted, and then made a good, healthy decision instead of deciding to blow up My day right there.

[A]

Okay, I'll give you the exact opposite. Okay, So I Woke up at 6 o' clock this morning, and I just woke up naturally, like, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom and I'm like. Cause I drink a ton of water before I go to bed. I go to the bathroom. I get back in bed, I'm still really tired. And I go, I'm go to sleep. I go, there's no way they got numbers yet, because I'm thinking la. So I go back to sleep. I wake up at eight. Now, I know that sometimes when you're in la, the numbers, you don't get answers until later in the morning. Like, 9 o' clock in the morning is usually where I get it at in. In la. And I go, don't look at Netflix. And then I was like, well, who doesn't look at Netflix? I was like, wait, the answer's there. Why are you afraid of the answer? Why don't you find out your truth now? And I go, but don't do it. And I go, why don't you just start your day? And I go, yeah, but the answer is there. What are we going to not look at? The answer. So I go to Netflix, and it's just the wind's wheel spinning. And I go, no, that's the Lord telling me not to look at Netflix. Don't look at Netflix. I closed it. And then I was like, I'm out. And then I was like, hold on. Okay, let's just go to the. Let's go to the login page and see if Free Birds. On the login page. Like, where your names are. Yeah. So I go, and it's goddamn Mike Epps. And I'm like, okay. So I go, all right, we didn't have a good day. I would be on the. I would be on that. On the login, meaning not. Not the.

[B]

Where.

[A]

It's got the. I'm telling where your. All your accounts are. So I go, no, no, no, no. And so I go to my texts, and I got like four texts. And I go, okay, all right. No one's up. I get it.

[B]

And then.

[A]

And then one of the texts is a group text. And in the group text, I see a name who works at Netflix. And I go, it must be from last night. It must be from late last night. Congratulations. We were in a group text with all the Netflix people. And so I click it and it's a screen grab of the top 10 trending and Free Bird's number two. Which I was like, if I get.

[B]

Better than you expected.

[A]

Wildly, like beyond my imagination, better. And then I'm like. And then I read the text and they're like, like, congrats. Fucking all these great things. And then I go, great. And then I go, yeah, thank God. And then I go to Netflix. I look at Netflix, I see it, and then I see me on the front page and it's like top 10 trending. And I'm like, nice, nice, nice. And then I'm like, it's almost like I got. I'm gonna this. I apologize to your listeners. Sometimes I tell a story to explain a story, and it's so not helpful.

[B]

No, you're good.

[A]

I was in Naples, Florida, one time and I got out of a Starbucks and. And I heard a crash. My glasses had been fogged over because from the cold to the hot, and I heard a crash. I thought a transformer exploded. And there was a French guy walking towards me. And he goes, you are a lucky guy. And I went, oh, yeah. And I thought he just knew me. I was like, I actually am. I'm very lucky.

[B]

He's in life.

[A]

Yeah. And then he goes, one inch, you're dead. And I went, yeah, one inch and I'm dead. And I was like, huh? And as he walked by, I turned around and a huge palm frond, like a 400 pound palm prawn, had landed at my heels. And it just missed my head. And I realized, had I not stopped, had I not moved forward or had I stopped a foot earlier to clean my glasses? Had I stopped a foot later, I'd be dead or very badly injured. And I said, wow, I have a second chance at life. And I wish that lasted longer than 30 minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so as today I get that news, I go, that's great. And I don't realize, hey, Bert, let's take this good news and figure out how we would have worked out if it had not been good. And let's work on that side of you, because also you will get bad news one day. And that bad news would have ruined my. I would be a much different interview today had I not gotten that. And it's so crazy. I have no control over that. And as we talk about stoicism, I go, so I'm sure there's times George Washington was like, that's not the turnout I wanted, goddammit. Bunker Hill or whatever, you know.

[B]

No, he f. He. He lost like a lot of battles in the Revolutionary War, like, way more than he won.

[A]

And I bet he fucking Journaled the next morning, and it was like, God damn it, Martha. This isn't what I thought was gonna happen. My teeth hurt. Like, I'm fucking getting fucked in the ass left and right by these. And then I just go like. Instead of going like, it's almost like the gratitude disappears and I don't. I don't have full grasp of how much that should mean to me. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I think there's a couple things there. Number one, it's like, if you can get good at not seeking out or being so dependent on the good news, it means you're also going to be not so wrecked and vulnerable to the bad news, which is inevitable.

[A]

Okay, so can you work it backwards, forwards? Can I work it where I want to start with not getting wrecked by bad news?

[B]

Yeah, that's a better place to start, right?

[A]

Have it help me with not getting, not getting and working with the good news, because the bad news will defeat me. I have one day in particular that I remember reading something a guy posted and it was like. I was just like, like you said, I hit a post and I go, Wow, 98,000 likes. And I go, oh, let's see what the big boy's doing today. And then you hit comments, and the first one's fucking horrible. 148 Comments all defending me. But that first one hits me. And I walk through my backyard, which is beautiful. I mean, out of all the things.

[B]

Better than you could have ever dreamed of getting in your life.

[A]

I will say that in my life, I wanted yards. I want space. I want yards. And in la, they're hard to come by. And we got so lucky with this house that we have such a spectacular backyard, that I had to stop doing the podcast at my house because people would come into our backyard and go, what the fuck? And I was like. And it started making me self conscious. This backyard that I love, and I love walking through the grass, under the huge trees in my backyard in la. I love walking that long walk to my gym. And as I was walking it, I just couldn't appreciate my backyard for this comment. And I really thought I got on the treadmill and I go, I can't. That's the day I literally had to stop reading all comments because I said, I cannot allow someone who doesn't know me and absolutely doesn't like me, but doesn't know me, doesn't know me and doesn't like me for whatever reason is internally has to be theirs. I can't have them own a day of Mine. And then they have real estate in my head, and I no longer get to enjoy my day when I've. I deserve to. Everyone deserves to enjoy their day. Of course I listen. I get it. I put myself out. I'm putting myself out here. And there are people that won't like this. You talk too much. Why don't you talk more about Socrates or whatever and then. Or Socrates and. So sorry, it's a Ted and Bill. But like. Like, I understand that I put myself out and I understand that if you're listening, you're allowed to hate me.

[B]

Sure. You're allowed to live your life and, like, your life. You just have to figure out a way to do that. Everyone does that isn't dependent on what other people say or. And that's. I think that's the work of it. I try. Like, here's what I would say. Like, let's say you were sitting here on your show. Was it number 22? Because, I don't know, something else happened, Right? Here's what I would walk through. I'd be like, do you like the show?

[A]

Yes, I'm very proud of it.

[B]

Did you have fun making it?

[A]

I loved it.

[B]

Did you get better making it?

[A]

Yes. By the end, I'm such a better actor.

[B]

Does it say what you set out to say?

[A]

Yes. Well, okay, that's complicated. Yes.

[B]

A lot of what you wanted to say, I wanted.

[A]

Yes. 100%. 100%.

[B]

And then did you make some money on it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you're going down the list. Like, whether people like it or not is like the 15th layer of success. Do you know what I mean? Like, what I've tried to do on my books, and I'll give you a thing afterwards where it's a little bit of the downside to it, but I try to go like, hey, I already. I already fucking won. I, like, first off, I get to do my dream, so that's a win. Second, like, I challenge myself on the project. I got better, by the way, the way advances work. I'm already in the money, right? And I said what I wanted to say, you know, I had fun while I was doing blah, blah, blah. Like, I already got 95% of what I'm going to wring out of this thing, you know? Like, now, if it happens to become a flywheel and it's spinning off royalties, that's extra. And if people. If it's winning awards and people are saying they like it and it helps them, again, that's all extra. But I already got most of what I could ever expect to get out of it. And I got all the parts out of it that were in my control. Right. Like, you don't control where it debuts. You don't control what people say about it. So, like, if your version of. If your definition of your definition of success for a project, is it largely based on the parts of it that are up to you, or is it largely based on the parts that are up to other people? To me, that's what you want to think about.

[A]

Okay, well, that's really tough. That's really tough because I will say, as a standup comedian, my success is entirely based on their response. So, like, I can't go, But I did great. They just, you know, I got the money, I got the. Like. Like, say I do tonight's show or. I don't know. I don't know where the fuck I am. I thought I was at a theater and I'm not. I'm at, like, some different venue. So I thought I was. I thought there was a place called the Moody Theater.

[B]

The Moody Theater is an arena.

[A]

Okay, whatever. Well, I don't know what the fuck I'm at.

[B]

There's like five Moody's in Austin. It's really.

[A]

I'm one of the Moodys.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so.

[B]

But I think you're in the big one where the. Where the. Where UT plays.

[A]

No, I played there before. I'm in the smaller one. I'm in like. But it's like a three tiered kind of like. It's like ACL Live or something.

[B]

Yes. Okay.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Moody Center. Moody Theater.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's Moody Amphitheater, which is outside.

[A]

And then there's a Moody Blues. You're not old enough.

[B]

That's the band.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I was like, is there a Moody? Yes.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

I'm 38.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There's an episode of the Simpsons where they drive through Vegas and it's just the Moody Blues are playing at every casino. And I think about it all the time.

[A]

What's your favorite Simpsons quote?

[B]

Favorite Simpsons quote?

[A]

Oh, like, do you have a. Like.

[B]

Well, my favorite Simpsons episode is the Trash. The Trash Commissioner episode when it becomes the trash commissioner. And then the food critic. Those are my two favorites.

[A]

My favorite. So, like, the things that live rent free in my head. Number one is when Homer's making hot dogs for everyone. And he goes over to the cop. Not Barney. What's his name? The cop. And he has a drink and he goes, topper for the copper. I say that almost every Topper for the copper. I say that all the time. And then my favorite quote out of any Simpsons is when they have stampy the elephant. And Lisa gets stampede the elephant. And Homer brings clearly an ivory salesman over. And Lisa goes. She goes, dad, I think he might be an ivory dealer. And he goes, lisa, what makes you say that? And she goes, well, I don't know. His boots are made of ivory. His keychain's made of ivory. His belt buckle's made of ivory. His hat's made out of ivory. He goes, lisa, clearly was someone that. That with that much ivory, would not be in need of more ivory. I told Conan o' Brien wrote that episode. Oh, he did, I think. I'm almost certain I told him the first time I ever met him. The ivory salesman's my favorite line. And he just rattled it off. I forget what I was saying. Oh, I was saying, stand up.

[B]

Yes, the audience matters.

[A]

The approval. So, like the machine, my movie did not do well in theaters, and I ignored that. And it was Tom who brought it to my attention. Maybe rightfully so, or not rightfully so. But, like, it came out. I got a text from Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he was like, number four in the theaters, in the box office isn't bad. Congrats. That's awesome these days. Well, it only made like $14,000 in the theaters, and $14 million. It would cost 35 million. DOL not do well in the theaters. But I was like a first grader looking at my lunchbox going like, fuck, yes. I love peanut butter and jelly. I love Twinkies, and I'll eat an apple. Cause mom says I'll eat an apple, right? And I didn't look at any other people's lunchboxes. And then I think Tom was the one that was like, so how do you feel about the machine? And I go, fuck, I'm excited. I go, it's awesome. All I was thinking about what you said, I moved to Serbia for three months to make a movie. I made a movie. I starred in a movie. And I saw a premiere of a movie where the response was through the roof with everyone in the theater. Everyone told me how much they love. And in my head, I was like, yeah. And Tom goes, but casually, just like, it didn't do well in the theater. Not to like, but just my best friend. And I went, yeah, but I think it did number four. And he goes, out of five. And I was like, in my head, I'm really glass half folding it. And then I started reading like I was like, this is when I was reading comments. I would read, like, reviews of the movie, and they were somewhat. I mean, they had to be accurate because I feel like reviewers. I don't feel like reviewers have a grudge against someone they don't know. Right. And so. And they were like, what a narcissistic move to make a movie about yourself. And then I was like, oh, I.

[B]

Mean, that's like 90% of art.

[A]

Yeah. And then. And. But then I'm reading them, and I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I remember some at Netflix was like, casually, we're at a Lakers game. This guy that works at Netflix who's pretty big up, he was like, nice. I said, what? And he goes, tanks in the movie theater is going to crush on Netflix. And I was like, huh? But I was already in failure mode. I was like, wow, this thing I was so proud of. It's almost like having your kid and sending them to first grade and then finding out your kid's a nerd. And you're like, but I like my kid. And then I came back, and then it streamed number one on Netflix movies for a month. It was number one for a month. And then the reception was crazy. But I already had this negative.

[B]

See, this is what I mean. Like, you're whipsawing around. And something closer to your original opinion of it was actually the accurate thing.

[A]

I think that's the accurate thing. And I remember. I remember going, I'll tell you another one. I'm gonna give you a perfect one. This is the most accurate one. And by the way, this is one that your listeners will be able to go, okay, I can't. I'm not gonna sit and watch the movie. I'm not gonna watch burst new TV show. Please do. It's Rebirth. It's streaming on Netflix. I really stand by that. It's really good, I think. Yeah.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The Tom Brady roast.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Tom and I did it together. I saw it, we got done, and I was through the roof. I was ecstatic with the experience. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done. I think Tom and I did great. We had a solid double. I don't think we were. Or Tony. But listen, we weren't Kim Kardashian or Ben Affleck. Right. So anywhere in between there, I was like, listen, as long as they're not talking about you. Tom came in the next day, and he's like, you know, we bombed. And I went, what? And he was like, we bombed. They say we bombed. I go, who? And he goes, the Internet's saying we bombed. And I went, I'm not listening to him. And he goes, but they're saying we bombed. And I go, I don't give a fuck. I go, I was there with you. You stood next to me. Like, when we got done, we hugged because we did great. The room responded. We were in the room, Tom. And then no one that night told us we bombed. They hugged us and said, great job. So wait, what are we listening to the Internet or what our experience was? And he goes, the Internet. And I went, why would we listen to the Internet? And he was like, that's what they're saying. I mean, you gotta acknowledge it. And I was like, I don't. And he goes, well, we're having Tony on the pod, Tony Hinchcliffe on the podcast. And then Tony really reads the Internet. And then Tom's like, the Internet says we bombed. I go, not me. And then Tony just comes, goes, I guess you weren't in the room. And I was like, what the fuck are you. I literally, I think in the pockets, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, I'll give you flowers and say you crushed. But let's not. Let's not Monday morning quarterback this and say we bombed. We didn't. But then I was. I'm torn on that Tom Brady roast when people ask me about it, because I go, I have Tom, the Internet, and Tony's response. And then I go, am I a delusional kid? That goes, my experience trumps it. But when you say that, that I stand by. I was in that room, not one person. Listen. The biggest backlash I got out of that is I read everyone's prompter and I'll stand by that, and everyone can suck my dick. I think I fall in love with the idiot that reads everyone's prompter. I can't believe that you wouldn't love a what About Bob character who just sat there reading everyone's prompter and giggling to himself. I was shocked that that made people hate me.

[B]

I thought it was hilarious.

[A]

I was, like, blown away that I go. So in my head, I was like, if you hate me for reading Prompter and you're saying, I bombed, I can't be on your page. And that was the first. Right after that was my first lean into stoicism of like, well, hold on. Am I crazy if I make my truth the truth? Yeah.

[B]

I mean, look, obviously, there's the realities of the business. Like, if you're Getting up there, you're on 200 and it's getting no laughs in the room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, like, if I go, hey, I care about whether I accomplish. If the book sells zero copies, that's going to affect the advance next time and then the next time and then there probably won't be a time after that. Like, there is the reality. It's like same goes. Like, if you're a salesperson, you're like, well, the call went well to me, like, at the end of the day, like, if they don't buy, you don't get your commission and then they fire you. But like, an athlete that is like, an athlete's got to go, hey, the shot felt good coming off my hands. It's not going to go in 100% of the time.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

So, like, you. You got to get out of the. What do they think? What's. You got to get out of that and back into the thing as quickly as possible.

[A]

Back into the thing that makes you.

[B]

The part that's in your control, which is the act itself and the. The doing of the. Whatever it is that you do.

[A]

My thing, my big. My big force lately has been pull out both sides, try to get rid of both sides and just stay place playful in life. I want to stay playful. I want to giggle. And there's like a sparkle in life that if you can hold on to that. I think that that's my driving force in life. And I want everything to have that shine and that sparkle, you know, and not have to attach alcohol or food to it to get the shine and sparkle. Just to be able to go walk down the street and go. Or walk through Central park and go. I'm seeing all the trees. Like, oh, this is beautiful. You know, like, it should be fun. This should be fun.

[B]

It should be fun.

[A]

Stand up should be fun and silly and goofy and. And it's like, that's.

[B]

I just told me life. Why should life. Like, life sucks in a bunch of ways. So the parts of it that are up to you should be good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thanks so much for listening. If you could rate this podcast and leave a review on itunes, that would mean so much to us and it would really help the show. We appreciate it. And I'll see you next episode. Sam.