Podcast Summary: "You Are Responsible For How They Make You Feel | Watch Over Your Perceptions"

Podcast: The Daily Stoic
Host: Ryan Holiday
Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Main Theme Overview

In this Daily Stoic episode, Ryan Holiday explores the essential Stoic lesson that “You are responsible for how they make you feel,” focusing on the discipline required to manage one’s emotions and perceptions. Drawing on classic Stoic texts from Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca, Holiday discusses the principle that while external events, provocations, or unfair treatment are inevitable, our reactions and feelings are within our control. The episode offers practical advice for guarding your mind, striving for tranquility amidst a flood of impressions, and finding peace without disengagement from the world.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Core Stoic Principle: Emotions Are Your Responsibility

• Take Ownership of Emotions:
  Ryan opens by asserting that although someone may act badly or say hurtful things, our reactions remain our responsibility.

  • “It's still your fault if it makes you feel bad, if it provokes an angry response from you in turn. At the core of Stoicism is this idea that our emotions are our responsibility.” — Ryan Holiday [00:36]

• Complicity in Offense:
  Refers to Epictetus, stressing no one can offend us without our consent.

• The Second Arrow Metaphor:
  Don't inflict additional suffering by responding poorly to an initial slight.

2. The Practice of Pausing & Reflecting

• Moment to Consider:
  Before reacting, pause to question the validity and utility of your feelings.

  • “I see this, I have this feeling, but do I trust this feeling? Do I like what this feeling is evoking in me? Is this feeling true?” — Ryan Holiday [01:17]

• Seneca’s Mirror:
  Draws from Seneca the Younger: Look at your expression as if in a mirror to understand your reactions.

• Daily Stoic Pause and Reflect Medallion:
  Ryan shares a personal tool—count the letters on a medallion before reacting, highlighting the practical need for a physical reminder to delay response.

  • “It's just a great reminder... before you put the blame on the other person for how they made you feel.” — Ryan Holiday [02:06]

3. Guarding Your Perceptions

• Flood of Impressions:
  The modern world brings constant mental stimuli; Stoics teach vigilance over what we allow to influence us.

  • “The Stoics teach us that we must keep a constant watch over this flood, as if we are standing guard to protect of vital importance. What is it that we are protecting? Our peace of mind, clarity and freedom, all of which are anchored in our perceptions.” — Daily Stoic Narrator [05:09]

• Epictetus on Protection:

  • “Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting but your respect, trust, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear. In a word, your freedom.” — Epictetus, cited by Daily Stoic Narrator [05:30]

4. Engagement Without Disturbance

• Active Engagement, Inner Peace:
  Ryan discusses the Stoic challenge of participating in the world without losing composure.
  • “The tricky thing is to find peace now, within yourself, while engaged, while fully aware of what's happening in the world.” — Ryan Holiday [06:51]
• Seneca vs. the Epicureans:
  Epicureans suggest withdrawal; Stoics look for tranquility within engagement—be the unmoved rock in the storm.

5. Discerning What to Care About

• Discernment as Discipline:
  The art isn’t not caring, but prioritizing what to care about.

  • “The subtle art of not giving a fuck is not caring about anything. It's about finding the right things to care about and the things not to care about.” — Ryan Holiday [08:16]

• Personal Application:
  Even with a peaceful rural lifestyle, Ryan emphasizes he too must daily choose what influences to let in.

6. The Freedom You Are Safeguarding

• Guard the Gates:
  Vigilance over your perceptions protects not only tranquility but your freedom, reputation, and trustworthiness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Emotional Responsibility:
  “At the core of Stoicism is this idea that our emotions are our responsibility. No one can make us frustrated. No one can offend us, either, Epictetus said, not without us being complicit in the taking of offense.” — Ryan Holiday [00:36]

• On Pausing Before Reacting:
  “I see this, I have this feeling, but do I trust this feeling? Do I like what this feeling is evoking in me? Is this feeling true?” — Ryan Holiday [01:17]

• On the Importance of Perception:
  “Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting but your respect, trust, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear. In a word, your freedom.” — Epictetus, cited by Daily Stoic Narrator [05:30]

• On Tranquility Amidst Engagement:
  “The tricky thing is to find peace now, within yourself, while engaged, while fully aware of what's happening in the world.” — Ryan Holiday [06:51]

• On Discernment:
  “It's about finding the right things to care about and the things not to care about. So that sort of discernment is really essential to managing our emotions and our perceptions...” — Ryan Holiday [08:16]

Timeline of Important Segments

• 00:00-02:30: Introduction to emotional responsibility and taking ownership of reactions.
• 02:31-03:58: Practical tool—Pause and Reflect medallion and strategies for temper.
• (Advertisements omitted)
• 05:08-06:10: The importance of guarding perceptions and what’s at stake (Epictetus discussion).
• 06:11-08:20: Balancing engagement with peace, references to Seneca, Epicureans, and modern application.
• 08:21-10:10: Discernment: caring selectively, dealing with distractions and guarding focus.
• 10:11-11:00: Final reflections and call to vigilance over perceptions.

Summary & Takeaway

Ryan Holiday’s message is clear: While the world and other people may act in ways that provoke or annoy, it is up to each individual to pause, reflect, and decide which emotions to grant power. Citing ancient wisdom, he urges listeners to stand guard over their minds diligently. The true Stoic challenge is not found in retreating from life’s difficulties, but in cultivating tranquility—and therefore, freedom—amidst the noise and chaos of daily existence.