You Can’t Join Them

Summary

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The Daily Stoic Podcast

Episode: You Can't Join Them
Date: February 25, 2026
Host: Ryan Holiday (Daily Stoic)

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Episode Overview

This episode, titled "You Can’t Join Them," explores the enduring Stoic principle of refusing to become corrupted by the negative behavior of others, even in a world rife with dishonesty, arrogance, and jealousy. Host Ryan Holiday draws directly from Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, reflecting on the challenge of maintaining virtue in the face of darkness and urging listeners to rise above the ugliness around them.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The World’s “Darkness” and Human Behavior

• Ryan describes the world as "a dark world, filled, sadly, with dark people," elaborating that there will always be individuals who "lie, cheat, [and] steal."
• He quotes Marcus Aurelius’s well-known anticipation of difficult people:

  "The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly, he says. And he was right, as we all know.” [00:34]

• This acknowledgment is not meant as an excuse to give up on virtue or be complacent.

The Stoic Response: Do Not Join Them

• Ryan emphasizes a core Stoic principle:

  "It’s important to understand that Marcus Aurelius didn’t use this as an excuse. And more importantly, he didn’t join them." [01:04]

• Marcus Aurelius’s guidance:

  "No one can implicate me in ugliness." [01:16]

• The episode highlights that we cannot control others’ actions, but we can always control our own reactions and behaviors.

The Call to Remain Good

• The host insists that while we cannot change the world's fundamental nature, we have complete autonomy over our own integrity:

  "It’s ugly out there, but we don’t have to be ugly. We can be beautiful. We can be kind. We can be honest. We can be decent. We can be good. We have to be." [01:43]

The Eternal Challenge

• Marcus Aurelius’s wisdom is presented as perennially relevant—people will always be flawed, but the choice to resist becoming like them is a daily personal challenge.

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Memorable Quotes

• Ryan Holiday (quoting Marcus Aurelius):

  "The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly, he says. And he was right, as we all know." [00:36]

• Ryan Holiday:

  “But it’s important to understand that Marcus Aurelius didn’t use this as an excuse. And more importantly, he didn’t join them.” [01:04]

• Ryan Holiday (summarizing the Stoic stance):

  "We control whether we let them drag us down. We control whether we become like them." [01:29]

• Ryan Holiday (resolutely):

  "It’s ugly out there, but we don’t have to be ugly. We can be beautiful. We can be kind. We can be honest. We can be decent. We can be good. We have to be." [01:44]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30 – 01:43: Main Stoic lesson: Acknowledging the world’s flaws and our responsibility to maintain virtue
• 00:34: Quotation from Marcus Aurelius about difficult people
• 01:16: Emphasis on not being implicated in others' ugliness
• 01:43 – 01:54: Final call to action: Choosing goodness and resisting corruption

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Tone & Style

The tone is direct, reflective, and encouraging—typical of Ryan Holiday’s practical application of Stoicism. The language is plain yet firm, modeled after the blunt truths Marcus Aurelius confronted in his own life, with a persistent and uplifting resolve to be and do good despite external negativity.

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Summary Takeaway

"You Can’t Join Them" challenges listeners to confront the darkness and dishonesty present in the world with steadfast personal virtue. Drawing inspiration from Meditations, Ryan Holiday reminds us that we cannot escape the difficult people or ugly behaviors around us, but we are always free to choose decency and kindness. This is the true Stoic path: not withdrawal or despair, but quiet and courageous resistance—refusing to join them.

Transcript

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[B]

Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key Stoic virtues courage, discipline, justice and wisdom into the real world. You can't join them. It's a dark world, filled, sadly, with dark people. People who lie, people who cheat, people who steal, people who do all the things that Marcus Aurelius opens that passage in Meditations with. The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly, he says. And he was right, as we all know. But it's important to understand that Marcus Rihlis didn't use this as an excuse. And more importantly, he didn't join them. As he says just a few lines later, no one can implicate me in ugliness. Elsewhere in Meditations, Mark Srulis talks about not becoming like our enemies. And it's the same idea. People are the way they are. They will always be this way. We don't control them. We do control who we are. We control whether we let them drag us down. We control whether we become like them. It's ugly out there, but we don't have to be ugly. We can be beautiful. We can be kind. We can be honest. We can be decent. We can be good. We have to be.

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