← The Daily Stoic
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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to the daily Stoic podcast, designed to help bring those four key Stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice and wisdom, into the real world. You made that up. If you don't answer this call, you could lose your job. If you keep passing on these opportunities, you could get passed over in your career. If you miss this flight, the vacation could be ruined. If you let your employees do that, they'll think you're a pushover. In the course of a day, we make hundreds and thousands of assumptions. We rely on causal links. If this, then that. If not this, then that that. While rarely spelled out explicitly, they cause us worry and concern. The problem is, most of this logic is spurious at best. Most of these assumptions are faulty. We're just making them up, even though they make us miserable. And this is why the use of reason as well as reflection was so important to the Stoics. Because in pausing and examining, we find that much of our anxiety, much of our franticness, much of our suffering is self inflicted and totally unnecessary. One missed meeting or a phone call or an opportunity is not going to determine the future of your life. Sometimes you have travel difficulties. That's just how it goes. Your employees don't think you're a pushover and probably appreciate what you did for them. So what is real in these moments? What are you making up? Stop extrapolating. Stop adding in the lens of anxiety. Stop putting your worries and stress and assumptions on it. And when you remove these self inflicted and likely incorrect assumptions, you are able to face whatever comes with the right reaction. If your communication process system, whatever is messy, customers feel it, your team feels it. Missed messages, dropped threads, slow replies. It's one of the easiest ways to lose momentum. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo. Q U O That's how it's spelled. The business communication systems so you never miss a call. Quote is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews. Built for how modern teams work. More than 90,000 businesses, solo operators, growing teams, all use it. It's not just a phone system, it's a smart one. AI automatically logs the calls, summarizes them, flags next steps so nothing falls through the cracks. You can even qualify leads or respond after hours so the business stays on even when you're off. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free plus 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.comDailystoic Q U O.comDailystoic as a business owner, I'm super familiar with how important a strong Internet connection is to keeping everything running smoothly. A slight delay in the Internet connection in the store, it could mean missed sales. A lag in a zoom call or a podcast recording could mean you lose everything you were doing. When every minute matters, every transaction, every customer, you cannot rely rely on a subpar Internet connection. You need a provider that's reliable. You need Spectrum Business. Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes seamlessly connected with fast, reliable Internet, advanced Wi, Fi, phone, TV and mobile services. They offer 100% US based customer support 24. 7 to help you stay up and running and are sure to have the right plan for you. With tailored connectivity solutions and packages built for every business budget. Millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business to keep them connected. Visit spectrum.combusiness to learn more Restrictions apply Services not available in all Areas we
- [03:55]
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tend to think of philosophers as people who lived a really long time ago, right? They've got these unpronounceable names and they talk about these big abstract ideas. But in fact, there are brilliant, wise philosophers walking among us right now. In fact, no one has taught me more about applying Stoic wisdom to your actual life than than the one and only Robert Greene, who I think is one of our great living philosophers and thinkers whose works will be read hundreds and hundreds of years from now. I'm Ryan Holiday. I've written books about Stoic philosophy. I've been able to speak about it to the NBA, the NFL, sitting Senators and Special Forces leaders. But almost every step of my career I've been following in the footsteps of Robert Greene, who has been my mentor, who I was lucky enough to be a research assistant for. And Robert has, over the years, in many conversations, express to me the essence of Stoic philosophy. And although Robert's books are controversial and sometimes poorly understood, in fact no one has taught me more about Stoic philosophy than Robert Greene. Robert himself once showed me his copy of Marcus Aurelius, which had tons of little notes in the corner. So he's been a practitioner of Stoic philosophy for many years. And in today's episode I want to give you some more Stoic wisdom from the one and only Robert Greene
- [05:18]
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Realistic Outlook on Life, where I get rid of all the bullshit, all the things that you learned in university, all the bad ideas that you got from your parents, all the bad ideas that you get from your peers, and you're able to look at the world relatively objectively. And I mean relatively. And it doesn't mean that life becomes this kind of boring, gray world of just. It actually becomes more exciting and fulfilling. And so I learned that the hard way, with that kind of realistic attitude, which I was forced through a lot of battles, is really, really what allowed me to write the 48 laws of power. Then the second thing was the power of daily practice, of habits. Now I've been meditating for about 11. Exactly 11 years now. Every single day, I don't miss a single day. I miss one day. I make sure the next day I do it two times. And the habit of doing it every day is just very fulfilling. It becomes something I look forward to, and it's really helped have a profound effect upon me. But habits of work and discipline, where every day you attack something, is where the power of our brain operates maximally.
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We so intellectualize and verbalize things. But life is a feeling inside your body. It's an energy, it's a force. How could you ever put the words that would describe what it's like?
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B
It's ineffable.
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D
It's ineffable, but you know it when it's like leaving you. But that feeling is like. So there was another woman who I've. She wrote a great book about her stroke called Stroke of Insight. Jill Bolte. She became a neuroscientist. She had a much worse stroke, and she literally felt all of the life draining out of her body inch by inch by inch. It's like as death was passing through her, I had a little bit of that. And I also felt that this kind of force that is being alive is like being drained out of me. It wasn't as strong as that because my stroke wasn't as bad, but I did connect to the feeling of life and the feeling of death, because I had the feeling of death in my body as I described earlier. The sense of my bones kind of shriveling and melting and getting soft and kind of everything that makes you alive kind of leaving your body. So it makes you aware that there's a physical physicality to being alive, to being conscious, and to that you carry your death within you.
- [07:47]
B
I love this quote, and I read it at the beginning of the pandemic, and it's been helpful to me. I think it kind of connects to what you're talking about. In the sublime book Marx Rios and Meditations. He says he learns from one of his mentors that the key to happiness is to be free of passion, but full of love. What does that mean to you?
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I'm not quite sure.
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I don't know if I.
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Can you help me?
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A Little bit.
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And then I'll riff.
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B
I was taking it as meaning like you're not angry, you're not jealous, you're not frustrated. Like the passions, the sort of negative emotions as the. So.
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D
So love isn't a passion, but that
- [08:28]
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love is some sort of deeper emotion, some better way to go through the world, that of all the passions, that was the one that was okay. Love.
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D
So love is a passion? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it's something that, you know, I believe very much so. And it is, it is kind of touching upon the sublime. But all the other passions are very inward moving, Right. They're about you, about your anger, they're about your frustration.
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Yes.
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You could be angry because some people are doing some really fucked up things to you at some point. Right. So it's not completely you, but the emotion is geared towards how you feel. And you want to get retribution. If someone's hurt you, you want revenge, you know, so it's all very kind of self centered. But love is the one emotion that forces you outside of yourself. True love, because there can be fake love where you, you're really. It's just a form of narcissism where you want people to give you the attention and feed the image you have of yourself. But true love, the ability to get outside of yourself and to feel what other people are feeling, which is empathy. And empathy, which is a word. I'm afraid it's overused and I'm getting a little tired of it. I wish we could find a better word. But it's a major theme in the sublime because the idea is the highest mental power that we humans have. The source really of our intelligence is what they call theory of mind, that we are able to place ourselves in the bodies and the minds of other people. What's made us the supreme social animal, right?
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To be able to think about what someone else is thinking.
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Yeah. And it's not only just for love, it's also for fighting your opponent, et cetera, and for dealing any kind of social situation. But it's the source of all of our intelligence. Right. It's the source of our science. A great scientist like an Einstein is thinking inside the very subjects he's trying to get into. Right.
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And that's where his metaphors and analogies often come from, because he's able to think about it.
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Oh, this is like this, right?
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Yeah. So that's the source of our power. And so high level empathy, where you're able to think inside of other people, to kind of imagine what they are going through what their feelings are, is to me, the highest passion of all, which is a form of love, and it is extremely sublime.
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I'm actually not as secure and certain of myself as people think I am. Whenever I hold a belief or I'm writing a book, I always start with the premise that I'm probably wrong, that I'm actually quite ignorant, that my idea is pretty stupid, and I look at the evidence on the other side and I examine it and I try and convince myself that my initial idea was right. And if it isn't, then I change it. But it's very painful because you want desperately to. To hold onto those beliefs that you had initially. So the number one thing about reality is confronting yourself. The fact that you are a limited human being with a limited cognitive abilities. You are emotion based. And so your relationship to the world is usually through thick layers of illusions that come from the media, that come from your childhood, that come from your culture that you live in, and that you have to cut through those layers, but you have to confront yourself and see yourself as the source of them.
- [12:00]
E
One of the things in our nature that's extremely powerful is our ability to get inside the perspective of others and get inside their world. But empathy is a really hard thing to write about because it's not something you can quantify. We're such a culture that loves data and quantifying things. You can't really write a book about empathy in any kind of realistic, practical way, because it's a feeling, it's a visceral emotion. It has to be a feeling. And we have this power because as primates, for hundreds of thousands of years, we lived without the ability of language in our early, earliest ancestors, and we had to understand each other with, without being able to speak words. We're incredibly attuned to the emotions and moods of people around us. And I know in my life I practice empathy on a very deep level. So when I go, I'm out in the world and I'm in the store or something or wherever, I'm on the streets and I see someone, I go through this process where I go, what is it like to be that person? What is it like to be them, to feel like them? You know, what is it like to grow up in a house? I imagine a background for them and I use my imagination to get inside their world. And sometimes I get this sort of shudder, this feeling like I actually can be them, that I actually can feel what it's like to be in their world. Now, obviously, I'm probably Inaccurate, but I get closer to it than if I'm sitting there judging and criticizing them. And so I've been doing this for probably my whole life because it's kind of what a writer does. A writer has to get into other people's skin. So you might say, well, Robert, it's easy for you because you know, that's who you are. You were born that way. But I wasn't born that way. It's a skill you develop, practicing it endlessly, using your imagination to get inside the worlds of other people. It's obviously a little bit harder to cross gender and ethnic lines, socioeconomic lines, but it's certainly not impossible. And I know I've done it on several occasions. So it's an incredibly valuable tool that each and every one of you is born with, but that you don't use.
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It's like a tool in your box
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that just lies there and just gathers rust. And so I know it's hard to talk about and write about in a practical way, but I did my best to sink into it and explain to you how. How you can develop this extremely critical tool.
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F
If I'm talking about how we have certain qualities that we have to accept, and through accepting them, try and move past them. So I'm trying to tell you you feel envy. Accept that and now find a way to make envy useful. And I explain how you can start instead of feeling envy, you can start feeling sorry for people who have less than you, you can start using your envy of powerful people to emulate them, etc. Well, death is the ultimate barrier for all of us, not just physically, but psychologically. I maintain that human beings are messed up, screwed up in so many ways, because of their awareness of death and their fear of death. It is through this fear that we created all kinds of superstitions, that we created the idea of an afterlife. And so it's like Montaigne. I end the book with a quote from Montaigne, and he says, the ability to think about death and overcome the fear of death is the ultimate freedom. You're enslaved by this fear. You're not aware of it, it's controlling you. Overcoming it is the ultimate freedom. I have to end the book on that. But the idea is most people are going to say, oh, that's not me. As they say for all of these
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chapters, the other people, they're irrational.
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Not me. Yeah. Oh, I'm not really afraid of death. I play video games and I'm always killing people. I watch movies and people are always dying. I'm not afraid of that. That's a cartoon version of death. Our culture was permeated with cartoon versions of death. Your death is something physical. It's going to happen to you. It's a very visceral thing. You are afraid of it. No matter how many video black ops games you play, you are still afraid of your own death.
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Sure.
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F
And that fear creates what I call latent anxiety. It makes you fearful of a lot of things in life and you're not aware of it. It makes you cautious about failure. It makes you cautious about taking risks. So I'm trying to show you that your fear of death has infected you on many, many levels. And so I compare it to this. I use the metaphor in the book, I don't use many metaphors, but this is one I use is that death is like this vast ocean that we stand on the shore of. Most animals are not aware of their mortality. We are the only species, as far as we know that's aware of its mortality. And here you are on the shore of this immense vast ocean. You don't know what death is or what it's going to be. And you're afraid of it and you turn your back to it. And we humans have the ability to explore things, to conquer our fear. And I want you, instead of turning your back, to actually enter that vast ocean and get and explore it. And I show you ways of exploring the actual thought of your own mortality and how it can free you and inspire you in many ways.
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