I Went Around the World to Find Longevity… Then Realized My Parents Had It All Along

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: The Dan Buettner Podcast
Episode: I Went Around the World to Find Longevity… Then Realized My Parents Had It All Along
Host: Dan Buettner
Guests: Roger and Dolly Buettner (Dan’s parents)
Date: November 20, 2025

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Overview of the Episode’s Theme

Dan Buettner sits down with his parents, Roger and Dolly, to reflect on the simple yet profound lifestyle habits, mindsets, and values that have allowed them to thrive well into their 80s and 90s—including 66 years of happy marriage. Drawing from his Blue Zones research, Dan discovers that the very principles of longevity and happiness he’s found in the world’s longest-lived cultures have been alive and well in his own family all along. The episode covers practical relationship advice, the benefits of a strong work ethic, social connection, volunteerism, finding purpose, and embracing contentment.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Secrets to a Long, Happy Marriage

Staying Close and Enduring Together

• Roger and Dolly have been married for 66 years, among the longest-lasting marriages.
• Dolly’s Take: Endurance and consistently focusing on the positives:
  • “For the one thing he might not be perfect at, he's perfect in the other nine out of ten.” (03:25)
  • “Nobody’s perfect, but they couldn't be more perfect in my eyes than Roger.” (04:11)
• Roger’s Philosophy:
  • Give each person space to have their own life and interests.
    • “Make sure that they have friends and they do things with friends and you don't feel bad when they're gone doing something on their own.” (04:28)

Resolving Disagreements

• They maintain a ritual of kissing each other goodnight—every night, even when angry.
  • “We make sure that we kiss each other before we go to sleep at night… even when you’re mad.” (05:22)

Advice for Young Couples

• Courtship should be long enough to get to know each other deeply (“at least a couple of years” —12:48).
• Respect and accept your partner for who they are.

2. Family Values and Hard-Earned Wisdom

Hardship as Blessing

• Roger grew up on a poor farm, often working long hours, but recalls a strong sense of togetherness and self-sufficiency.
  • “We were forced to work together… There was always a togetherness from farm to farm.” (08:41)
• Farm life built a strong work ethic, resilience, and discipline into the family.
  • “You developed, just gradually developed and learned that positivity of work ethic.” (10:36)

Intergenerational Influence

• Roger and Dolly see their sons and grandchildren benefiting from the same values.
• Dan’s observation: “I have you to thank for it” (27:14).

3. Blue Zones – Parallels at Home

Diet and Self-Sufficiency

• Roger notes a diet rich in vegetables and low in meat due to practical circumstances, mirroring Blue Zones findings.
  • “We had more vegetable, vegetarian kind of thing than we did the meat.” (14:58)

Daily Activity and the Value of a Garden

• Roger’s passion is gardening—staying physically and mentally active and always learning.
  • “I think you have to have a passion in your life. And my passion is growing…” (21:41)

4. The Importance of Social Connection

Lifelong Friendships

• Dolly describes decades-long connections, monthly card games, and world travel with friends.
  • “A kindergarten girlfriend called me… to wish you happy.” (23:04)
• The secret: take initiative and maintain contact, even if you’re always the one reaching out.
  • “Somebody I know says, well, he don't call me. I'm not going to call him. …I call her.” (23:33)

Volunteering

• Dolly volunteers at a retirement home, often with people younger than herself, and finds joy in small acts of kindness.
  • “I just love going over here and seeing them… I don't think some of them even get… touched ever. So I make sure.” (25:39)

5. Managing Stress, Frustration & Finding Contentment

Coping with Challenges

• Roger believes learning to deal with frustration is essential.
  • “You have to learn to deal with frustration.” (28:21)
• Dolly finds peace in the outdoors.
• Both emphasize focusing on what’s in your control and finding passion as an antidote to stress.

End-of-Life Wisdom and Contentment

• The story of caring for Dan's grandmother at home: an act of gratitude and source of profound meaning for the family.
  • “It was one of the most memorable times of my life.” (31:18) – Roger
• Both Dolly and Roger express a deep sense of satisfaction and gratitude for their path.
  • “Oh, 10… Well, definitely I've had… my parents loved me, my husband loved me for the last 66 years, my children tell me they love me, I have friends…” (37:00)

6. Practical Longevity Advice

• Kiss your partner every night. (05:22, 55:54)
• Let your partner have independent interests (04:28)
• Eat mostly plants, have a garden (14:58, 21:41)
• Cultivate lifelong friendships and stay socially engaged (23:04, 24:37)
• Regularly volunteer or serve others (25:25)
• Call your parents! (50:22)
• Embrace contentment and gratitude, even as life changes (33:54, 40:47)

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• On relationships:

  • Dolly: “For the one thing he might not be perfect at, he's perfect in the other nine out of ten.” (03:25)
  • Roger: “Make sure that they have friends and they do things with friends and you don't feel bad when they're gone doing something on their own.” (04:28)
  • “We make sure that we kiss each other before we go to sleep at night… even when you’re mad.” (05:22)

• On hard work and family:

  • Roger: “There was always a togetherness from farm to farm.” (08:41)

• On social connection:

  • Dolly: “I have a girlfriend from high school. She doesn't call me, I call her… I've been waiting for you to call.” (23:33)
  • Dan: “Call your parents, and they’ll probably appreciate it.” (50:22)

• On contentment:

  • Dolly: “Oh, 10… Well, definitely I’ve had… my parents loved me, my husband loved me… I have friends…” (37:00)
  • “I’m satisfied. I’m content.” (33:17)

• On advice for younger generations:

  • Roger: “Let the other person have a life… make sure that they have friends and they do things with friends… don't feel bad when they're gone.” (04:28)
  • Dolly: “Mind your parents.” (48:57)

• Summing up their philosophy:

  • Dan: “Kiss your partner every night before you go to bed, even if you've had an argument… Honor your partner. Garden. Volunteer. Have friends. Play cards. Have a passion. Eat your vegetables and call your mother.” (55:46–56:11)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening and the Value of Endurance in Marriage (00:06–03:55)
• How to Resolve Disagreements (05:14–05:42)
• Growing up with Hardship and Togetherness (06:43–11:04)
• Comparing Farm Life to Blue Zones (14:31–16:49)
• Gardening as a Lifelong Passion (21:41–22:54)
• Lifelong Friendships & Social Engagement (23:04–24:37)
• Volunteering and Helping Others (25:14–26:22)
• Living With and Learning From Frustration (28:21–29:36)
• Caring for Elderly Parents – Finding Meaning at the End of Life (30:01–32:50)
• Reflections on a Life Well Lived and Advice for Younger Generations (37:00–41:46)
• Advice to Children Caring for Aging Parents (49:26–52:02)
• Looking Forward and Maintaining Joy in Old Age (53:18–54:31)
• Final Summary of Lessons (55:46–56:11)

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Concluding Thoughts

This warm, genuine episode distills the lessons from decades of a happy marriage and fulfilled lives, showing that intentionality in relationships, community, purpose, and service unlocks the same longevity secrets Dan found worldwide. The simple, time-tested wisdom of Roger and Dolly Buettner is a roadmap for well-being at any age: nurture love, foster connections, keep learning, serve others, find contentment, and always call your mother.

Transcript

[Roger Buettner]

Lemonade.

[Dan Buettner]

When there is a serious disagreement, how do you resolve it?

[Roger Buettner]

Well, we make sure that we kiss each other before we go to sleep at night.

[Dan Buettner]

Every night.

[Roger Buettner]

Every night, yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

So even when you're mad?

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah, even when you're mad.

[Dan Buettner]

Have either one of you tried to change the other person?

[Dolly Buettner]

I tried to teach them to dance.

[Dan Buettner]

Mind your parents.

[Dolly Buettner]

Mind your parents.

[Dan Buettner]

How would you rate me? My job at minding you guys.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, Lordy.

[Dan Buettner]

Oh, come on. My mom and dad, Roger and Dolly, join us today. Very wise people. They've not only given me my actual genes, but they've actually given me a set of values and a lifestyle that I believe I've converted into a secret to longevity. I can't wait to share with you. The highlight, I believe, is how to stay together two thirds of a century. 66 years in marriage.

[Dolly Buettner]

And.

[Dan Buettner]

And love it. This is a thrill for me. As you know, I've had celebrities on this podcast, studio executives, the greatest scientist, and now I'm most proud of having the greatest experts in my life. Roger and Dolly Buettner. Other people worship the Dalai Lama. I have a Dolly Buettner, which I love. So I. I've asked you to come on. As you know, I spent 25 years studying longevity, and I have largely done it by going out and finding people who've actually achieved the outcome we want. The aging success. In Blue Zones, there are people who've made it to 100, and they've done so largely without disease. Their journey has been joyous. They have good family. So you guys, in my book are already Blue Zones, all stars. And I've learned so much from you. I think much of my healthy longevity is because of you. Much my happiness is because of you. I've decided to do the world a favor and ask you to share some of your wisdom with them. And so, welcome.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, thank you. Nice words.

[Dan Buettner]

Let's start with relationships, because one of the things I've admired about you two, you've been married 66 years, which is two thirds of a century. That is in the top 2% of the longest marriages in. In history you've done. So. I mean, I've been. I've had a front seat to it. There's been no great drama. There's been no great misbehavior. And what I mostly see is joy. You two still hold hands, and you're very different people, but you still love each other. And I'm just wondering what lessons you might be able to give to newlyweds today. Are people thinking about making a Partnership, commitment. What advice would you give them if they want to be together 66 years later and still love each other?

[Dolly Buettner]

I live in a family, you know, of five males, so I might as well get the ladies point of view out there first. What makes us happy after 66 years or what's the trigger? Endurance. I mean, it endures. It's not been perfect all the time, but it's been in the top 95%. Somebody asked me once, I think it's a perfect story. We were with a travel group.

[Dan Buettner]

And.

[Dolly Buettner]

We went for a long walk and one of the guys was walking with him and he said, raj never waits for you, does he? He's always ahead of you or whatever. And I looked at him, I said, I really don't let that offend me because for the one thing he might not be perfect at, he's perfect in the other nine out of ten.

[Dan Buettner]

So do you think you have an ability to see Roger's good traits better than you are able to see his negative traits, or do you just think he's objectively has 10 good traits for every negative one?

[Dolly Buettner]

I think that's it. I think nobody's perfect, but they couldn't be more perfect in my eyes than Roger.

[Dan Buettner]

So you picked the right.

[Dolly Buettner]

I did, man.

[Dan Buettner]

In the first place.

[Dolly Buettner]

Yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

How about you, dad? Is there what's, what's, what's your secret to.

[Roger Buettner]

Well, I think you have to let the other person have a life, a life of their own. And it's not that they. You allow them to go to work or do those kinds of things, but make sure that they have friends and they do things with friends and you don't feel bad when they're gone doing something on their own.

[Dan Buettner]

Have either one of you tried to change the other person? Did you marry a different person than you ended up with?

[Dolly Buettner]

I tried to teach them to dance.

[Roger Buettner]

How did that work?

[Dolly Buettner]

I didn't get an A in that class, but I tried. And that's only one point that taken off your 100 good ones.

[Dan Buettner]

So, you know, I've been around you. I haven't seen a lot of. Of serious arguments. But when there is a serious disagreement, how do you resolve it?

[Roger Buettner]

Well, we make sure that we kiss each other before we go to sleep at night.

[Dan Buettner]

Every night.

[Roger Buettner]

Every night. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a way of.

[Dan Buettner]

So even when you're mad.

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah, even when you're mad.

[Dolly Buettner]

Sometimes we had to go kiss the one that went to bed first.

[Roger Buettner]

But we got it done.

[Dan Buettner]

We did. So there's never not been Any, really, any serious arguments that have endured?

[Dolly Buettner]

No.

[Dan Buettner]

And, and how, how do you get to the point where you're with somebody where there is. Because you've had four children. I know, dad. When you were, when we were young, you were a school teacher and you weren't making a lot of money. We were living in a house that I happen to know, six of us, 990 square feet. So a tiny little house. You couldn't jet off on vacation. You didn't have a fancy car. We had one car for the family.

[Dolly Buettner]

Two door, two door.

[Dan Buettner]

Reason I'm so flexible is crawling in the back seat for 25 years. How do you avoid even letting those pressures which would cause so much stress for most people, how do you keep them from overtaking your life but also interfering in your relationship?

[Dolly Buettner]

Why would you let it interfere?

[Roger Buettner]

I'm stuck because I don't ever remember being in that situation. I came from being on a farm and we lived pretty much within, you know, 10 miles of that farm. And so, you know, you didn't, you didn't try to change people or.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah, yeah, you, you have very different backgrounds. You grew up with six siblings on a farm, very poor. You didn't have electricity or running water until you were a teenager. You walked a mile or so to school, uphill both ways, as you famously used to tell us. You tell us this great story where you worked all summer once for a nickel to buy a box of Cracker Jack, mainly to get the toy, and your Cracker Jack box didn't have a toy and you cried. Meanwhile. And you're German, hard working and meanwhile, mom, you're, you come from a Italian dominated family. You lived in the city.

[Dolly Buettner]

But I am half German.

[Dan Buettner]

But you're half German, so maybe that's the connection point here. But, but the dominant side of your family was the Palermo's, which was every party was. You'd walk through a gauntlet of kisses and you'd be plied with more food than you can humanly eat. And the uncles were all in the corner having high balls and brandies and laughing and a very supportive family. It seems like two quite different people. Do you think it's those differences that have made the relationship stronger or do you think you've just been able to overcome those differences?

[Dolly Buettner]

You could say opposites attract. But I think what really, I saw an honest, good, moral person at 19, 20 years old. Somebody that worked hard, but he was a good man and that was important.

[Roger Buettner]

You talk about, you know, living on a farm and being poor. We, we I cannot ever remember that. We didn't have plenty of food, and most of it came from the farm. And with, you know, at that time, when we were on the farm, we had my. I was with five sib. Five siblings at that time. And we just kind of worked together. We were forced to work together. We didn't, you know, hire extra people. Corn had to be picked. You went out and picked corn. And in my particular case, there were only two people in the same grade. And so the two fathers used to talk to each other and make sure that when it was corn picking time, we would. Both families would be picking corn. It's kind of like some of the blue zones where you worked a lot. But there was always a togetherness from farm to farm. They would get together for all kinds of activities. And it was a much smaller world at that time. You had fewer friends and you had fewer things to do. You didn't have television and all of those kinds of distractions that families have today. And I think it's got to be really hard with all of that kind of need to have all of your children in activities 24 hours a day and all summer long. They really don't have time, I don't think, to develop creativity and kind of having that feeling of. That you have time on your hands and you can kind of get a little bit more relaxed.

[Dan Buettner]

So you think the hardship and the chores of farm life was actually a blessing. Many of us would look at that as, oh, my God, I gotta. I gotta work. You think that maybe you were more blessed as a child than a child growing up today in a fluent suburb with two cars and jetting off to fancy vacations and.

[Roger Buettner]

Well, I think it did develop a need or want to work hard. And, you know, I think that kind of was reflected in the four of you where you all started working when you were very young. Whether it was in a restaurant or selling newspapers or delivering newspapers, all of those kinds of things. I think you. You developed, just gradually developed and learned that. That positivity of work ethic.

[Dan Buettner]

By the way, my first job was hawking your garden vegetables to the neighbors.

[Roger Buettner]

In a waygon, I want to talk.

[Dan Buettner]

More about the farm and the blue zone nature of that, but just. Just to kind of tie off the. The relationship, because I want our listeners. You guys don't realize it, but your achievement of 66 happy years of marriage. You're still together now. You're still. By the way, I actually saw with my own eyes how a good marriage can add years to your life. You're probably not going to remember this, mom, but it was during COVID you tripped in the kitchen and you started to fall and your head was going right for the corner of the counter. And if that would have hit, I'm not sure if you would have pulled out of it. Dad happened to be there, turned around and rather heroically caught you. And that was a very tangible example of the way marriage, staying together for 66 years into your 80s, and in your case, dad 90s, are helping each other to survive. So maybe you have more examples of how you, your marriage has helped you reach, you know, to your ninth and 10th decade. And you're so sharp and you're so vital and you're fun to be with and, and what, what would you Advise for a 30 year old contemplating marriage? What would be your advice if they wanted to still be together 66 years later?

[Roger Buettner]

I think a longer courtship before we're moving in together. I like that because, because I.

[Dan Buettner]

How long?

[Roger Buettner]

I think it ought to be at least a couple of years. So you really get to know each other and you get a feel for each other and you've had a lot of opportunity to interact over those years and I think you get a much better feel of whether that relationship is the real one or not.

[Dan Buettner]

That's a great piece of insight.

[Dolly Buettner]

I remember going back to St. Thomas.

[Dan Buettner]

With you boys and just for context, when, when I was 18, after you had raised four boys who went back to school and got your college degree 18 years after I was born. Do you think that education is now contributing to your longevity? Has it indeed helped you with living longer, do you think?

[Dolly Buettner]

No, I think more on longevity is the evenness in our relationship. I think the fact that we are together and we honor one another by accepting one another as they are, that's an important point.

[Dan Buettner]

Okay, let's go back to the farm a little bit. Dad, you travel with me to three of the Blue zones. Okinawa and Sardinia and Hawaii. And you were a great contributor to the Blue Zones kitchen. Blue Zone, American kitchen. I brought you aboard because I know you grew up on meat and potatoes on the farm. And I figured that if you tasted the recipe and didn't like it, I was gonna be pretty sure the rest of middle America wouldn't like it either.

[Roger Buettner]

So.

[Dan Buettner]

But I remember you and I in Sardinia and we were talking to these guys who weren't that much older than you in the Blue Zone.

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

And I was talking about their Life in the 50s and say their lifestyle, the Blue Zone lifestyle of tight family and growing their own food. And I remember you telling me about your root cellar. Can you talk about how you ate on the farm? The reason I'm asking is I suspect that the way you ate as a child and as a young man is contributing to your health now.

[Roger Buettner]

I remember when we were. When we were on those trips, thinking how close their lives were so similar to the farm where, you know, you had to work and you ate the food that you raised on the farm. Yes, we ate meat, but we didn't. Back then. We didn't eat very much meat because we didn't have any way of curing it other than canning it. You didn't have refrigeration, so no refrigeration. So if you had a cow, you butchered a cow, that all had to be canned. And that didn't happen too often. So we didn't. We really had more vegetable, vegetarian kind of thing than we did the meat. But we also had that relationship of, of all of us working together. Both mother, you know, mother and dad and I, and my older sister and my younger brother would go out and we'd. Before we went to school in the morning, we would all have some responsibility for milking. You'd have some responsibility for that farm afterwards, you know, after you came back from school. So just building that kind of relationship, I think helps longevity.

[Dan Buettner]

Do you think it made you more disciplined or harder working or somehow favored your adulthood?

[Roger Buettner]

No, I don't think so.

[Dan Buettner]

It was just that those young years of the physical activity, the. The mostly plant based food or the simple whole food anyway, that you grew yourself, there weren't hormones or pesticides or. Well, and then also the fact that your family pretty much had to make their own entertainment, right?

[Roger Buettner]

That's right. Mm. So we, we played a lot of cards. We had a lot of neighbor kids coming over at night, popping popcorn, playing different kinds of games and checkers and those kinds of things, so.

[Dan Buettner]

And you're still close with your siblings? You're.

[Roger Buettner]

Yes, six.

[Dan Buettner]

They're all live, right?

[Roger Buettner]

They're all alive.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah. All alive, yeah.

[Roger Buettner]

So far.

[Dan Buettner]

Knock on wood. Yeah. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Not for the food, though. I'll never pass up those sweet potatoes, but for what it represents. Gratitude. In the blue zones, I've seen that gratitude isn't just a once a year thing. It's a daily practice time with family. Good food, laughter and belonging. These are the ingredients that keep people happiest and healthiest well into their later years when. Which is why every November, I head to my lake home up in Wisconsin. My family gathers around the table, we cook together, play cards and tell stories. At some point, someone always raises the glass and says what they're thankful for. In fact, I make them do that. It's simple, but it's the kind of moment that literally adds years to your life. I love that MySpace can offer these moments of gratitude to to other families whenever I'm not using it. While I'm off traveling or filming, I host my home on Airbnb. I actually love knowing that other families can experience the same warmth, the same gratitude, and do it all under the same roof. Hosting fits naturally into my life. It keeps my home alive and it helps spread a little of the good energy forward. Have you ever considered doing the same? You know, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host you know, I've spent my life exploring the world. Not chasing adrenaline, but meaning. From the blue zones of Costa Rica to the highlands of Sardinia, I've learned that adventure isn't about going further, it's about going deeper. That's why the Defender caught my attention. It's not just built for the toughest roads. It's designed for people with a purpose, a vehicle capable of great things like the people who drive it. When I'm planning a new expedition or just heading up to my lake place, I want something that feels as durable and capable as the journeys themselves. The Defender, whether the 2 door 90, the 110 or the 8 seat 130, gives you the confidence to explore wherever your path leads. Because adventure isn't just about conquering the landscape, it's about connecting with it. Explore the defender@land roverusa.com you've been around me for 25 years. The last 25 years as I've talked about blue zones. And I'm wondering what I've brought back and talked about in my books or in the Netflix documentary series that really resonate with you guys or if you've changed the way you've eat or realized anything about my work. I've never asked you this question, but I'm really interested if any of it resonates or is useful to you.

[Roger Buettner]

I think we've gradually turned to well, I have a huge vegetable garden and do a lot of canning so we have a lot of vegetables naturally have a lot of vegetables all year long.

[Dolly Buettner]

But I think we've shifted your lifestyle has emphasized some of our behavior because we, we do have vegetarian meals.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah.

[Dolly Buettner]

And we have had. But not when you Kids were home because we felt you needed the protein and you needed this and mm, that. Not on Friday. She had to have tuna fish.

[Roger Buettner]

Tuna fish casserole.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah. You know, one of the great discoveries in blue zones is the importance of having a garden. Gardens are a source of daily physical activity. You have to water them, weed them, harvest them at a certain point, plant them. It's stress relieving and you emerge from the activity with vegetables that you presume, well, you're going to eat. One of the things I admire about you, dad, you know, I'll get up and. You've already been up for two hours. Already been to the garden. I wonder if you think independent of what I just told you, if you think the garden helps explain the fact that you're 90 and so healthy right now.

[Roger Buettner]

Well, I think you have to have a passion in your life. And my passion is growing and, and not necessarily ending up with a product, but trying to learn along the way. I just, for instance, discovered that I plant after all these years of planting and that's probably 75 years that I've been planting gardens. I plant my tomatoes too close to each other.

[Dan Buettner]

So few.

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah, so. So they don't produce quite as well if they spread apart. I had a couple of plants left over this spring so I fit them in a spot I had in my garden and the spot was bigger than I normally would for six and they're the ones that are just booming and growing away and. But again I, I've had that passion all of my life. And I think Dolly has passion too in terms of your card playing and your friends. She probably has more friends than anybody I know. And it's starting to, they're dying to notice it because they're starting to die at all. So it's harder to find a bridge, a group of bridge free. But still.

[Dan Buettner]

I remember your 70th birthday. We had a party for you and you said, just invite my close friends. And we had 103 people and a mariachi band for your 70s.

[Dolly Buettner]

I remember. But I think this morning's a perfect example. A kindergarten girlfriend called me. I want to be the first one this year. So I'm calling you a day early to wish you happy.

[Dan Buettner]

82 years later, the kindergarten friend called. What is the secret to having friends? To being such a good friend and creating 80 year long friendships as you've done.

[Dolly Buettner]

Somebody I know says, well he don't call me. I'm not going to call him. Well, I have a girlfriend from high school. She doesn't call Me, I call her. Oh, I've been waiting for you to call. Why don't you call me? I don't have anything to say, but I know when I do, I'll call you.

[Dan Buettner]

So calling people, just letting them know.

[Dolly Buettner]

You'Re thinking of them, I think that's important.

[Dan Buettner]

You're also a good card writer.

[Dolly Buettner]

And I like to play cards.

[Dan Buettner]

No, I mean writing cards. Yeah, like birthday cards. You remember people. Yeah.

[Dolly Buettner]

Playing cards is important, too. And having subgroups of friends. The friends I traveled with, we had a traveling group that at one time there was 42 of us, and we went all over the world.

[Dan Buettner]

So these aren't Facebook friends. These are friends that you.

[Dolly Buettner]

Facebook friends.

[Dan Buettner]

They. You actually travel.

[Dolly Buettner]

And I still see them, minimum once a month. Core of that group.

[Dan Buettner]

Tell us about cards. Tell us about who they are and how often you play and. And. And how that connects you.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, we play bridge, and I think bridge, you gotta think a little more. And. And I think that keeps your brain sharp. We play 500 and we play Texas hold'. Em. Only for nickels, though. And $10. Depression, poker playing, you can only lose $10, and you can play for nothing.

[Dan Buettner]

And you play regularly. Right? Is it every week or every month?

[Dolly Buettner]

Every month.

[Dan Buettner]

You know, one of the other things I admire about you, mom, is that you go help out the old folks. Every Tuesday, you go and volunteer. And a lot of these people are actually younger than you.

[Dolly Buettner]

I know that really hit me when I found that out. You're only dado. All of you look good for your.

[Dan Buettner]

Why do you still do that? You don't make any money. You're older than most of them. It's not.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, I love it. I love it. I just love going over here and seeing them. And you know what I do.

[Dan Buettner]

And you go to a retirement home, right?

[Dolly Buettner]

I go to. I take their hands and I. How are you today, Raj? I don't think some of them even get. Yeah, no, they don't say that. I think there's some that don't get touched ever. So I make sure men are ladies. I just. John, how are you? I haven't seen you for a week, and I enjoy the people that do it with me. And the head of the volunteers, she is. I have made a friend with her. I've made a friend with another teacher.

[Dan Buettner]

I get this idea to reverse engineer longevity, and I literally travel to the farthest reaches of the earth to find what really works for longevity is having a sense of purpose, is finding a good social network of having a partner of Volunteering of having a faith, of growing a garden. And then I come home and I realize this is exactly what my mom and dad have been doing all along. And I think there's this great line where you never really discover your home until you travel around the world and find out that it was there all the time. And I realized that some of these things that I've observed and found, the science that underpins it are things that I do naturally. Why? Because you taught me. And you didn't teach me by saying you do this.

[Dolly Buettner]

I mean, that was.

[Dan Buettner]

I'm just now learning how to garden and, and realizing the great joy of having a garden. Dad, you've never pushed gardening on me. I've asked you to kind of help me and you kind of patiently helped me build my raised beds. And you're after you or you sort of teach me the, the fundamentals of gardening, though my tomatoes are too close to each other thanks to you. But otherwise my beats are just raging right now. My beats are growing great. You know, I guess it's just, you know, saying publicly that you guys have been my greatest blue zones teacher and also to say publicly, thank you and, and I don't know if we thank our parents enough for the gifts they've given you. Not only for, you know, taking 16, 18 years to raise you, but also the hard learned lessons that they pass on. And I've been fortunate to, to be given lessons that really have made my life better and longer. And, and I have you to thank for it.

[Roger Buettner]

So that's.

[Dolly Buettner]

So thank you.

[Roger Buettner]

I wonder if sometimes if it isn't frustrations that help your longevity, that you learn, you have to learn to deal with frustration.

[Dan Buettner]

What do you got? What are you thinking?

[Roger Buettner]

Well, you know, going raising boys. Yeah, well, that, I mean, when you, you raise four boys, you get frustrated.

[Dan Buettner]

Let me tell you that.

[Roger Buettner]

But I, at least I think I have to watch that. Being frustrated doesn't really bother me that much. I have. For instance, you're talking about your beets are growing well. Well, my beets were growing real well until the deer decided that they, they like the leaves better than I do. And you got to live with that. That's, that's part of life. And I think that happens not with beets, but it happens with a lot of things in your life. And I, you know, I notice a lot of people really get frustrated and they just can't live with, they can't deal with. Haven't learned how to deal with frustration.

[Dan Buettner]

How do you override? I think we, I Think frustration is part of the human condition. How do you. How do you not get stressed out and angry?

[Dolly Buettner]

And I think the outdoors does it for you somewhat. Okay.

[Roger Buettner]

I think you have to find. I think you have to find something that, that you're really passionate about and, and, you know, think and do that instead of worrying about, you know, the deer having to eat, eating my leaves, or this kid not behaving themselves or, you know, this problem in your life. You need to learn how to deal with those.

[Dan Buettner]

We were blessed, both of us, with a grandma, my grandmother, your mother, your Dolly's mother, Irene Palermo. I remember as she approached her death, first of all, you guys took her in.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

And, and, and, and, and this is something I hope people listening, pay attention to. My grandmother came home to die. She was in a wheelchair. She had to be cleaned. She had to be taken to the bathroom at the very end. She could barely get out of bed. I've heard both of you say that that time was a blessing, especially you, dad, because that was not your maternal. That was not your family. That was not your blood mother. But you treated her like that. And tell me how you get joy out of that experience.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, the joy I remember is after I got her, or we got her all settled, she'd be in the wheelchair. I'd push her over by the dining room window, and I said, now you watch me. And at that time, I'd be hanging clothes on the line, and she'd wave to me, and I still see her in her blue robe. And I'll look up at the dining room. See, it still gets me.

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah, I think it was one of the most memorable times of my life. She couldn't hardly walk, so she would. And our. Our bathroom wasn't the handicapped bathroom, so she couldn't take the wheelchair in there. So she used to step on my shoes and we would dance over to the bathroom, and Dolly would take over. And when it was done, and, and just to see when I'd take her out in her wheelchair, to see how she really enjoyed being outside, it was just. I don't know. It was the most memorable times of my life.

[Dan Buettner]

But how do you find joy in that? I mean, you.

[Dolly Buettner]

Other men would see her smile. You know, you're filling her life.

[Roger Buettner]

It's doing things for others. Doing things for others.

[Dolly Buettner]

Yeah.

[Roger Buettner]

And in that case, it's giving back to all the, you know, all the things that not only did. She did with Dollywood in childhood, but all the years of the things that she did for us that she did for you kids but. And she drove right away with you know, real young. She learned how to drive. So you. She used to take all the aunts and uncles to their doctor's appointment. She spent.

[Dolly Buettner]

Yeah, they didn't drive. Grandma Palmell didn't drive.

[Roger Buettner]

It was up.

[Dolly Buettner]

Terry didn't drive. They'd be her.

[Dan Buettner]

So part of the joy of taking care of her at the end was thanking her.

[Roger Buettner]

The gratitude of payback and thank you.

[Dan Buettner]

Payback and the gratitude that gave you.

[Dolly Buettner]

But also, well, we know we made her life easier and that was joy.

[Dan Buettner]

But there was some big end of life wisdom from her. So this was a sort of matriarch of our family that you have learned Dolly, because I've heard you say it grim at the end of her life used to say I'm satisfied. Her body gave out on her cancer started to take over. She'd lost her husband, she lost her siblings but somehow she lost all her cousins.

[Dolly Buettner]

She was the last one.

[Dan Buettner]

And yet she said I'm satisfied. And I've heard you, you're now, I think almost as old as she was when she died. Maybe. Yeah. Approaching it. And I hear you say, I'm satisfied. I'm content. How do you. How does one find that contentment with. With the body inevitably kind of going out and friends dying and your ability to go do diminishing?

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, I think you can look around, you can see people worse off than you always. Always.

[Dan Buettner]

You know, in the blue zones, people don't just happen upon old age. They design their lives to manage stress. They nap, they pray, they gather for happy hours. They have what I call a downshift routine that's part of the Power 9. But today there's a new invisible source of stress that can derail your health span. And it's called digital anxiety. In other words, or worrying about identity theft or a data breach or online fraud. You know, it's a modern stressor and it causes chronic stress. And we know chronic stress shortens your life. You can't control every hacker, but you can optimize your environment so you have less stress. That's why you need Nord Protect. It's a 247 expert watching your back, constantly monitoring the dark web and and your credit activity. For you. It's your automatic digital downshift. Get peace of mind that adds years to your health and happiness. Go to nordpreduct.com livebetter to get an exclusive discount on your plan. Take identity theft off of your mind and add a little bit more longevity to your life. You Know, the best trip I took in recent memory was a divine trip. I gathered up 10 of my best friends and we took a trip to the Blue Zone with Duvine. They took of of everything. And as a cyclist who likes to have a bike that's working, who likes to eat good meals, and who likes to know what I'm seeing as I go, I could not have asked for a better experience than with D Vine. And not only that, it turns out that cycling is one of the best activity for longevity. It's one of the top three. Why? It's easy on the joints. You get regular, low intensity physical activity. It's not boring. It requires some balance, something you can do for the long run, you know? Duvine believes cycling is for everyone. So they design trips for all levels of experience. And they'll take you anywhere from easygoing bike paths and how into epic climbs in France. Plus they offer E bikes to make the trip accessible to everybody. And this. And the support van is always with you for not only emergency repairs or water or snacks, or to carry your extra gear. So whether you're a seasoned cyclist or a total beginner, if you're ready to give it a try, our listeners get $150 off per person. When you book your first Divine tour, head to divine.com livebetterlonger to book now. If you were to think of your life as a whole, from, you know, how you grew up and how you did professionally, and your how your family turned out, how you feel right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, and I'd like you to answer separately here, scale 1 to 10. 10 being your best imaginable life, what number would you place on your own mind?

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, 10.

[Dan Buettner]

A 10.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, definitely I've had always myself personally, my parents loved me, my husband loved me for the last 66 years. My children tell me they love me. I have friends that tell me, well.

[Dan Buettner]

What'S the secret to that happiness? Because I'll guarantee you there's lots of people watching or listening right now that may be saying, well, she just got lucky. I mean, what a 30 year old woman who's stepping on a path similar to yours. Marriage, career, children, taking care of parents, inevitably, what, what advice do you give them so that they're at 87 saying, scale of 1 to 10, I'm a 10.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, I think all they have to do is look around in this world of our media, we can see it on TV 24 hours a day, we can see it on the news. And I'm a news junkie Anyway, I love the newspaper and listening to the news. I'm lucky. I'm content. And I have a wonderful family. And I have a sister still that I have a history with.

[Dan Buettner]

Aunt Judy.

[Dolly Buettner]

Aunt Judy and I have friends I have history with. Just think, Shelly called me from Rhode island this morning and she is.

[Dan Buettner]

This is your kindergarten friend?

[Dolly Buettner]

Yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

What were you always a 10? Were you always this happy?

[Dolly Buettner]

I think I was up there pretty high most of my life. Yeah, maybe it's.

[Dan Buettner]

But I think, you know, for people listening, I think it's just a reminder of the statistics, actually, that people are afraid in this country of getting older. But actually in this country, people get happier after about the age of 50 on average, happiness goes up and it keeps climbing. And I think your life of service, of focusing on others, of building a social connection around you, of working at a marriage, these are the things that people don't think of when it comes to longevity or happiness. They think of, know, positive psychology or Tony Robbins classes or. Or the supplements. You don't do any of that yet?

[Dolly Buettner]

No, I don't even take vitamins.

[Roger Buettner]

Candy. Candy works.

[Dan Buettner]

Oh, yeah.

[Roger Buettner]

Y.

[Dan Buettner]

That's amazing.

[Dolly Buettner]

Candy.

[Roger Buettner]

Drawer candy and beating your sons in. In cribbage.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, that makes me happy.

[Dan Buettner]

Every once in a while we let you sneak one of them. How about you, dad? Scale one to ten?

[Roger Buettner]

I would say a ten. But looking forward, I still have. I have some questions. My eyesight is starting to go. My memory is starting to go. Five or six years ago, I had to stop backpacking because I couldn't do that anymore. I quit canoeing and going up to the Boundary Waters about four or five years ago because I know I'd. Part of that is it just doesn't seem like it's as fun anymore. But I, you know, I look forward to the next 5, 10, 1, 2, 5. Whatever it is. There's going to be some real. Some real changes. We've been in our house now for what, 53 years in the same house, and we're going to have to leave that. So it's kind of scary. And so I know I'm going to. I'm going to have to make some kind of adjustments to adjust to that.

[Dan Buettner]

How do you make your peace with those changes after a lifetime of getting used to them?

[Dolly Buettner]

I think we got to look at alternatives.

[Roger Buettner]

I still, I still have. I get great joy in my gardening. I have. I get great joy in teaching my granddaughters, my two granddaughters, how to cook and bake. They've been cooking and baking with me for their, what, long time? 30, 18. 18, 20 years for one and, you know, 15 years for another. So, you know, it's that kind of thing that I think you have to. You have to make a shift and I haven't. I guess I haven't settled on what my shift is going to be right now, but, you know, it's going to have to be a shift.

[Dan Buettner]

Do you think you would be happier if you had a couple million dollars in the bank or even.

[Roger Buettner]

No, no. I have all the money I need. Money is. Money is. Money has never really been a concern of mine.

[Dan Buettner]

But you don't have a lot of it.

[Dolly Buettner]

We got enough.

[Roger Buettner]

I have enough.

[Dolly Buettner]

So I don't want to see my closet.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah, but I don't.

[Roger Buettner]

I don't have.

[Dan Buettner]

But you don't think more money would make you happy? Do you think more money would have made you happier throughout your life?

[Roger Buettner]

No. Yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

And you were making about $40,000 a year, I think, when you were.

[Roger Buettner]

I started it when. In 1962. And a year I make a year, and now I make more money than I did my last years of teaching. So I. And we've been able to save and we've made some good investments over the years, so we have all the money we need.

[Dan Buettner]

That's such a great attitude.

[Roger Buettner]

Don't have to worry about that.

[Dan Buettner]

You have great, a great grandchild, Maverick. I want you to think of Maverick. Just play. Think of him in your mind. And you're sitting down with your great grandson and he says, grandpa, I want to live. I want to live to be 90 and be as healthy as you are. What advice are you giving him?

[Dolly Buettner]

It's a different world that he lives.

[Roger Buettner]

It's a scary, scary world out there. I think it really is. You know, at a time when we know climate change is changing this world, and yet we can all of a sudden come out and say, okay, we're not going to worry about emissions from tailpipes anymore. And it's. It's really scary. People don't have the kinds of relationships that I remember on the farm with 25 or 30 kids that lived in my neighborhood, and the kind of relationships that those parents and families had with each other, those are gone. And those relationships that you had in those years where your friends all came over and played in the basement and you were there almost every night. You had your music and your fireplace and your ping pong and all of the rest of that. You had all of those relationships.

[Dan Buettner]

Somebody had some beer down there.

[Roger Buettner]

Yeah, you had beer. You probably had a joint too. And I know you found out about that. Oh yes. You want to know how I found out? I'll tell the story about how, how I found out about it. All of a sudden he's probably 10 years old and he takes an interest. He wants me to show him how to plant in a pot and plant the pot and how do you do all of that stuff? So I told him, and he has.

[Dan Buettner]

A room in the house, purely horticultural interest.

[Roger Buettner]

He has a room in the basement. And then I was back there once and I was looking in there and I looked on the desk in there and I said, geez, I think I recognize that plant.

[Dan Buettner]

He was 16.

[Dolly Buettner]

I think.

[Roger Buettner]

So you kids, you had the neighborhood to roam and you would leave in the morning after breakfast and you'd come home to make sure that you ate at lunch and then you were off at the playground and you went to the playground and the playground had all kinds of activities going on. In the summertime you could watch a puppet player, you could go get involved in some kind of thing in there. And today it's, you have to be in a, in an organized sport. And you know, parents spend all kinds of money. And I think of my, your son, they live in a community where there's a lot of interest in sports and hockey and baseball, but primarily hockey. And they have like 60 hockey groups out there, hockey teams out there. These kids play it and they're playing all the way through the juniors and when they get into high school there's only one team to play with. And so they're going to lose all, and all of that time and all of that energy that goes into that and that kind of a disappointment.

[Dan Buettner]

So you wish it was back to kids organizing their own fun as opposed to.

[Roger Buettner]

No, I just think that kids having freedom to, to do and interact with each other in a non controlled kind of a setting and I call them a football team or a basketball team or any of that, a kind of a controlled setting. Or they right away have to be in dance programs and those kinds of things that there's just no time for them to kind of sit back and, and be kids and look around and learn how to be, you know, a.

[Dan Buettner]

Kid again, develop on their own.

[Roger Buettner]

But. And then this whole idea that we don't, we don't talk to each other anymore. I'll go, I'm going on walk to my garden and I meet my neighbor taking the dog and you say something to them and they don't respond to you and so you Take a look in here. They got the earplugs in their ears or. You know, I bet 10 times in the last three weeks I've run into, I've walked past somebody who was walking, whether it was in our neighborhood or someplace else. And you say hi and you don't get any response. We just don't have the getting together anymore. People are in their own house.

[Dolly Buettner]

But we are blessed. We have more communication than with a.

[Roger Buettner]

Couple of neighbors, probably, but outside of that, there's not a lot of that kind of.

[Dan Buettner]

You were lamenting about the environment, emissions. And if you look outside right now, Take a look outside, you can see that haze. Right. Right now. This, this is a pristine part of Wisconsin. The air out there is dangerous. Have you seen that before in your life?

[Roger Buettner]

Not. I remember, you know, the, the pollution so bad from, from exhaust pipes and those kinds of things that you couldn't in the 70s, breathe, they would shut it down. But we made some changes that stopped that.

[Dolly Buettner]

Do you think part of it is the media because they talk about it, makes people aware, the negativity part of things, and then somebody else builds it up further and further.

[Dan Buettner]

Well, I hate to break it to you right now, but right now, mom, you're the media. So what you're saying, hopefully it'll be the counterbalance. How about you? You have a affinity for your great granddaughter Brooke.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh my goodness, she is a cutie.

[Dan Buettner]

So you're so imagine Brooke comes to you and says, grandma, I want to live as long as you do and I want to be as happy. What advice are you giving your great granddaughter?

[Dolly Buettner]

I think that's a pretty hard question because we both live in a different environment, a different culture.

[Dan Buettner]

How about of the things you can.

[Dolly Buettner]

Control, I have to mind her mama, that she has good parents and to remember when they tell you something as you get a little older, don't argue with them about everything and don't make a division between you and your parents.

[Dan Buettner]

Mind your parents.

[Dolly Buettner]

Mind your parents.

[Dan Buettner]

How would you rate me? My job at minding you guys?

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, Lordy.

[Dan Buettner]

Oh, come on.

[Dolly Buettner]

Remember you wanted to go to Washington D.C. with some kid that I knew was really into drugs to a certain point at that time. And I thought, there's no way my 14, 15 year old is going to go off by the next year. He went, but I guess survived. Yeah, you survived.

[Dan Buettner]

What advice do you have to children of my age, I. E. 50s, 60s, who are going to need to be able to take care of their parents? Because I understand that you guys have been Independent your whole life, and there's some dignity in that that you may be uncomfortable letting go of. But on the other hand, there's health challenges coming up and mobility challenges. What advice do you have for. I guess, what's the right balance in taking care of parents?

[Dolly Buettner]

We could go to any one of you and say we need help, but you don't push it on us. Again, you find out in your own way. There isn't a day that goes by that one of you don't call sometimes all four of you. That means a lot.

[Dan Buettner]

So that this is. I love having takeaways for this. So call your parents. Call your parents, and they'll probably appreciate it. How about showing up unannounced? Is that something.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, that's welcome. As the flowers of me.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah. How about bringing food as opposed to letting you guys cook for us? What do you prefer?

[Dolly Buettner]

Little. Both.

[Dan Buettner]

A little bow. And. And what. What would you say is a. Important to do? What. What else can children do for their aging parents that make a difference?

[Roger Buettner]

I think sometimes to. To remember that they have a life, too, and that, you know, they have a. They might not be, you know, going to work every morning and, you know, being, you know, busy with that all the time, but they're. But they have a life of whether it's sitting and watching TV or whether it's reading or whether it's. You have. You have a plan for your day. I mean, all of us, I think, have kind of a plan for your day. And as you get older, it's harder for that plan to change. It's harder to accept.

[Dan Buettner]

Like I did to you today. You were supposed to be in fixing your car right now and. And going out to dinner, and I hijacked you to come and do this. And by the way, thank you again for doing this.

[Roger Buettner]

No, I. No, I think it's in other ways to recognize that, you know, that you. That even though you're old and you might be, you know, sitting in your house, seem to be sitting in your house all the time, you're actually doing. You still have a life.

[Dan Buettner]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Roger Buettner]

There's still a life. And you like to have.

[Dan Buettner]

You.

[Roger Buettner]

You like to have to live in a. You know, live in a routine, to have kind of.

[Dolly Buettner]

And I think, routine. We are both. We have two of our children now, and the other two would. We got trips planned with them. They want to go with their old lady and old man to wherever.

[Dan Buettner]

Dolly and I have an annual New York jazz weekend where we stay up late and go to clubs and Go to Broadway shows.

[Dolly Buettner]

It's wonderful. And we talk. We really have the time. The phone isn't ringing.

[Dan Buettner]

And that I will chime in with that point though I will say that I come over for a visit, you have superficial talk. But when we're together for three or four days, something that I find shockingly enjoyable, by the way, that's when the really great conversation happens. It could happen at day three, at 10 o' clock at night, after your third cocktail. But that's when I find out that great grandma had an affair. No, something like that. That was some other family.

[Roger Buettner]

You haven't told me about this three cocktail night.

[Dolly Buettner]

Well, we're in the hotel.

[Roger Buettner]

What are you gonna break down?

[Dolly Buettner]

The gimuts are good.

[Dan Buettner]

So you're 87 and 90. What do you look forward to at this age?

[Roger Buettner]

Tomorrow? Nothing past tomorrow.

[Dolly Buettner]

And we are content. We really are content. There's very few days.

[Dan Buettner]

But do you, do, do you, do you have plans for, well, you know, next year? I know you have trips.

[Roger Buettner]

I have. I have plans with your granddaughter, with your daughter already about, you know, her next step in learning how to garden. I'm thinking about how I'm going to change the things I do next year. I started at 90 years old. I started a new, new strawberry patch and I have to figure out how to keep the damn deer from eating the strawberries. But yeah, yeah, I got plans for next year and plans to go fishing and hunting it and things like that. So once in a while I even get the urge to go backpacking or canoeing.

[Dan Buettner]

But then you lay down until that goes away.

[Roger Buettner]

Luckily, luckily, the person I lobby you every year, luckily, the one who lobbies me to go canoeing goes up there in July when the mosquitoes are terrible.

[Dan Buettner]

Oh, they're not that bad.

[Roger Buettner]

And the fishing is terrible.

[Dan Buettner]

So, I mean, just, you know, one of the great gifts. 60 years ago you took me to the boundary waters for the first time and these. This vast million acre of lakes and streams and portages and I think one of the greatest gifts you can give a child is to take them into nature and let them expose them a little bit of hardship, expose them to physical exertion and how to pitch a tent and build a fire and cook off of that fire. And you taught it to me. I taught it to my son. My son just taught it to his son. We had the joy of bringing the fourth generation up there just last week. And that all dates back to your selflessness and choosing to spend your vacation in the woods with your sons as opposed to, you know, in Vegas or something, gambling or.

[Dolly Buettner]

Oh, we did that, too.

[Roger Buettner]

And when we had to, when we had to bet more than a dollar, playing three dollars. And she'd say, oh, there goes another quart of milk.

[Dolly Buettner]

Case of milk. We used to buy it at the dairy store.

[Roger Buettner]

Case of your then. Or a case. Case of beer and a case of milk.

[Dan Buettner]

So the the great summation here. Kiss your partner every night before you go to bed, even if you've had an argument.

[Dolly Buettner]

Yep.

[Dan Buettner]

Honor your partner.

[Dolly Buettner]

Yeah.

[Dan Buettner]

Garden volunteer.

[Dolly Buettner]

Have friends.

[Dan Buettner]

Play cards.

[Roger Buettner]

Have a passion.

[Dan Buettner]

Have a passion. Eat your vegetables and call your mother.

[Dolly Buettner]

Call your mother.

[Dan Buettner]

I love you guys. Thank you very much. It's been fantastic.

[Dolly Buettner]

Thank you.

[Roger Buettner]

Thank you.