The Chicken Apple Sausage of Quarterbacks? | Local Hour

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show – Local Hour

Episode: The Chicken Apple Sausage of Quarterbacks?
Date: August 7, 2026
Setting: Live from The Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Hosts/Regulars: Dan Le Batard, Dave D'Amaschek, Mike Ryan, Tashay

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Episode Overview

This Local Hour kicks off the football pre-season with Dan, Dave, Mike, and Tashay cracking wise about breakfast meats, quarterback aesthetics, college football ranking gripes, and NFL teams set up to disappoint fans in 2026. The crew’s signature blend of sports debate, local Miami rooting, and food nerd-out is on full display, with banter swinging from sausage links to quarterback jersey numbers, all while taking pointed shots at preseason polls and the politics of college football rankings.

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Key Discussions and Insights

1. Breakfast Meats and the Chicken Apple Sausage Debate (02:47–05:00; revisit at 26:50–28:26)

• Breakfast meat preferences: The show launches with a spirited debate over the best breakfast meat. Dan reveals a recent shift from bacon to sausage links:
  • Dan: "I was a bacon guy forever...and I recently—the last year or two—I've turned the corner. I'm a sausage man now." (03:00)
• Sausage link vs patty: The group trashes sausage patties as inferior, with specific derision for their lack of snap and their compromise as 'rookie' breakfast moves.
  • "I think patty's a rookie move." – Dan (03:16)
• Chicken apple sausage love: Tashay passionately defends her favorite:
  • "If I can get a chicken apple sausage somewhere, it's the thing I'm going for." – Tashay (03:37)
• Revisiting the discussion: The versatility of links vs patties resurfaces, with arguments over the sandwich utility. Mike insists on the primacy of the link:
  • "There is actually zero versatility to a patty...just splay that wiener out real nice and put it betwixt the bread." – Mike (27:48/28:07)
• Memorable banter:
  • "Part of the delight of the link is its snap, you know?" – Dave (28:03)

2. Sunburns, Zazlow, and Breakfast Meat Metaphors (02:39–04:03)

• The group jokes about Zazlow’s cruise sunburn looking like a sausage link, lampooning his baldness and questionable sun protection.
  • "That's his new name now. Apple, chicken sausage." – Dave (04:14)

3. The Nonsense of College Football Preseason Polls (07:00–26:04)

• Ripping into the preseason ranking process: Mike and Dave go hard at the absurdity and real-world consequences of preseason college football rankings:
  • "What you are seeing on your screen right now of the Top 25 coaches poll will, in a roundabout fashion, keep one deserving team out of the cfp. Just because the entire season is an exercise in confirmation bias..." – Mike (09:37)
  • "Why would we have a preseason poll when you don't have any information yet except what you think is going to happen? It's a ridiculous way to approach things." – Dave (11:15)
• SEC bias and the “rigged” system: The hosts torch ESPN and the rankings establishment for propping up SEC teams even as Big Ten has dominated championships in recent years.
  • "But again, talk about accelerating the situation. ESPN now openly touting the SEC despite the fact that the Big Ten has won the last three titles." – Dave (19:54)
• Coaches poll as a farce:
  • "The most ludicrous of them all has always been the coaches poll, who by definition, ironically or otherwise, are not seeing the games. Why? Because they're playing games themselves." – Dave (12:44)

4. NFL Preseason Power Rankings, Odds, and Team “Certainties” (12:44–13:28; 38:34–44:15)

• NFL vs CFB poll legitimacy: The group distinguishes between NFL preseason odds (useful for fans/betting) and college polls (used to wrongly shape postseason eligibility).
  • "Odds are not used as a metric to determine a playoff ranking. It would be just as ridiculous to have NFL preseason rankings..." – Mike (12:50)
• Who will be bad, who is overhyped?:
  • Dave proposes a “No Playoffs for You” segment, asking panelists to pick three NFL teams guaranteed to miss the playoffs—with finger amputation as a facetious penalty. (39:37)
  • Dan’s picks: "Jets. Dolphins." (40:33)
  • Mike: “Dolphins, Cardinals...Browns.” (40:51)
  • Discussion centers on the risks of writing off first-year starting QBs and new head coaches (like Malik Willis and Jeff Hafley in Miami), and how easy it is to “talk yourself” into any team thanks to NFL parity.
  • "To identify bad teams that are expected to be bad, what is really difficult is taking teams that are expected to be good and looking at that group and said one of these teams is going to have a sucky season." – Mike (43:19)

5. Quarterback Jersey Number Obsession (34:36–38:58)

• The hosts veer into a quirky, impassioned debate over the aesthetics and history of quarterback jersey numbers:
  • "19. That's the number you choose? You're a quarterback...maybe the worst number for a QB." – Dave (34:39)
  • Dan and Mike debate the merits of numbers 2, 7, 17, and others—with shoutouts to Johnny Unitas (#19), Matt Ryan (#2), and infamous “bad number” wearers.
  • "The two best numbers are 12 and 7 and 7 wins because it's aspirational. It's an arrow pointed upward." – Dave (35:33)
• Playful mocking ensues of bad jersey number choices—especially #2—blending light potty humor with sports nostalgia.

6. Previews: Carson Beck and Arch Manning (33:36–45:52)

• Carson Beck’s preseason hype:
  • Dave laments his own susceptibility to getting lured in by preseason performance but concedes Beck looked great in his first pro drive.
  • "Don't look at preseason football. It's only going to trick your brain. It's a month-long lie for your eyes. And I watched one drive from Carson Beck and I was seduced." – Dave (34:03)
• Arch Manning potential:
  • Tashay and Mike claim Arch Manning “looks good” and speculate on his future.
  • "He looks good in shorts. That's a huge part of it." – Mike (44:28)
• Transferring college identity to pros:
  • Mike lays bare his true colors: "With Carson Beck, it's a little bit more complicated. He did substantial winning over at Georgia...but here's what I'll say. If he's good, I will claim him." (45:23)
  • "And if he's not, that's a Georgia [Bulldog]." – Dave (45:48)
  • Dave dubs Beck “apple sausage”, playfully connecting the show’s two running debates.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On preseason polls:

  • "It's abject jive. Except that we then by the end of the season...if it's a close call between a couple of teams, they do tend to lean on that information." – Dave (18:35)
  • "I think Indiana, I don't know how intentional it was, but...they are doing the opposite of what everyone counsels these days, which is, boy, you better have a tough non conference game or two to legitimize yourself." – Dave (23:46)

• On jersey numbers:

  • "All our bodies make number two, which is why you shouldn't wear number two on purpose." – Dave (37:27)
  • "Number two is a very cool number." – Mike (36:18)

• Breakfast meats as life philosophy:

  • "Let me like what I like." – Tashay (04:52)
  • "The best number...is 7. It's aspirational. It's an arrow pointed upward." – Dave (35:33)

• On team self-belief:

  • "It's very easy to convince yourself. Listen, everybody knows what this season is. Don't worry Malik Willis. But Arch Manning, let's say he does fulfill his destiny as the next Manning." – Dave (44:08)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------| | 02:47 | Kicking off debate: Best breakfast meat | | 03:37 | Tashay’s chicken apple sausage confession | | 04:14 | Zazlow as “Apple, chicken sausage” | | 07:00 | Purdue AD’s rivalry joke and preseason setup | | 09:37 | Mike’s rant on confirmation bias in polls | | 12:44 | Dave and Mike lampoon the coaches poll | | 26:50 | Sausage debate returns: link vs patty | | 34:03 | Dave on the dangers of NFL preseason seduction | | 34:36 | Quarterback number debate peaks | | 39:37 | “No Playoffs for You” NFL futures segment | | 44:08 | Arch Manning talk and Miami QB outlook | | 45:23 | Claiming (or not) the "apple sausage" quarterback |

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Tone & Style

The crew maintains their signature, irreverent, quick-witted style—mocking the stupidity of legacy sports traditions and loving (and lightly roasting) each other’s quirks. There is a palpable affection for Miami and all sports that make Miami feel relevant, as well as a healthy skepticism toward anyone peddling sports “expertise” (including themselves). Food debates are treated with as much gusto as sports debates.

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Summary

This Local Hour is textbook Le Batard: food, fun, Miami-centric sports takes, and a heavy dose of poking at the absurdities of sports media. If you want to hear why preseason polls make no sense, whether NCAA or NFL, and how a chicken apple sausage might just become the true mascot of quarterbacks with something to prove, this episode is a treat. And as always: don’t jive the audience—and definitely don’t jive yourself.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

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[Dave D'Amaschek]

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[Dan Le Batard]

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[Dan Le Batard]

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[Tashay]

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[Mike Ryan]

You are listening to the Dan Levatar show in partnership with the DraftKings sports app. Now live in all 50 states.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I mean, I guess football's back kind of sorta. I mean, let's really wait for the regular season, right everybody? Hi and hello LeBatard universe. It's your old pal Dave, Dave D' Amoshek in the big chair. Where's Dan? Where's Zaz? Where's everybody? Oh, there they are. Behind the glass. What a gang. In honor of Zaz, let me say we made it the Friday, everybody.

[Mike Ryan]

All right. This girl hasn't worked.

[Dan Le Batard]

I can only imagine.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Definitely.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know, about that Friday. I can only imagine how sunburned Zaz is right now. A week on a cruise.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I saw a photo.

[Mike Ryan]

You don't have to imagine. Let me share it with you.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I just had. While you do that, and it might look similar. I just had a sausage link to Zaz. I mean, I'm comparing the sausage link to burnt Zaslow. Best breakfast meat. Good place to launch the show here.

[Dan Le Batard]

I was a bacon guy forever.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

And I recently. The last year or two, I've turned the corner. I'm a sausage man now.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, I think it's important that you distinguish what kind of sausage, too. If you're going to lean in, go all the way. Sausage link.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, I go link. I think Patty's a rookie move.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah, I agree. But does anybody want to tache? It looks like you're maybe chomping at the bit and at a sausage patty to defend the. The flat circle.

[Tashay]

No, I'm not going with the sausage patty, but I will tell you something that's unsurprising, which is that my personal favorite is the chicken apple sausage.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Of. Of all the sausage.

[Tashay]

Yeah. Of all breakfast meats. If I can get a chicken apple sausage somewhere, it's the thing I'm going for.

[Mike Ryan]

You know, about that fennel.

[Dan Le Batard]

Dave had the interesting strategy of eating a sausage link out of a cup.

[Mike Ryan]

I've never seen that before.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Doesn't make it wrong. You know, I've advocated for some years now, you know, a lot of.

[Dan Le Batard]

Holy crap, look at this sunburn we have.

[Mike Ryan]

So.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Sunburn? Oh, no.

[Mike Ryan]

A little bit of Zigaki.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Got to get the cheeks, man.

[Tashay]

When you're that bald, is it just forgetting that you have to put sunscreen elsewhere?

[Mike Ryan]

He was definitely wearing shades and a hat, but he forgot that the sun bounces off the ocean.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

That's his new name now. Apple, chicken sausage. That's what he looks like when he's out at sea. First of all, the people who eat the patty, and they'll try to justify a sausage patty because it's better on a bagel or an English muffin, but it's not. You just have to split your sausage link and lay it flat in that way. Now I feel bad for tache that chicken apple sausage, you know?

[Tashay]

You feel bad for me.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, you know, another thing.

[Tashay]

These are my taste buds, okay?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

But listen, there's a difference between truly living.

[Tashay]

I've had enough of an assault on the things that I like over the last couple of years. First pure jelly beans, now chicken applesauce. Let me like what I like.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Hey, Mike Ryan. I know you're upset about the or the pregnancy of Miami not having an athletic director as we launch into another football season here, but as always, there are certain brands that will remind you that it could always be worse. You could be them. Did you hear the Purdue athletic director.

[Mike Ryan]

Yes, I did.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Tommy McClelland at his introductory press conference in West Lafayette, which also, you know, I went to Indiana University, to be clear. And you know, West Lafayette stinks. And it begs the question, how bad must East Lafayette be? But either way, Tommy McClellan steps to the microphone to introduce himself to the world and Purdue's new wave. Go ahead.

[Mike Ryan]

Is East Lafayette just lafayet?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, I don't know why the distinction? Why would we have to carve out the western portion? Also, is it so grand a Land Lafayette that we have to carve it up?

[Mike Ryan]

Also, like, there is a common misnomer with the southern tip of the United States. It's actually, like, more central than people realize. You can draw pretty much a vertical line from Miami to Cleveland. There's parts of Florida that are in the central time zone. So I'm not even sure if Lafayette is east of West Lafayette.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Boy, that's a good point. You know what's the weirdest state in the Union in terms of, like, the amount, its geography, and how many states it touches is Tennessee. It's very skinny. It's a short state. But it's wide. It's very wide. I'm trying to think. Trying to make a joke out of somebody, but who is like Maurice Jones.

[Mike Ryan]

Drew.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Maurice Jones. Drew. Okay. I was looking behind the glass there. No one really fits that description. But anyhow, Tommy McClelland. Now, as a reminder, you guys remember the national championship game, right?

[Mike Ryan]

The. Yeah.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Carson Beck is in the news, and we'll get to him in just a second here. He's. He's now on a pro football team, bro.

[Mike Ryan]

You remember it? Yes, I remember how it ended.

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Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

Had nothing to do with it.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, either way, Tommy McClelland is. Is now the Purdue athletic director. And. And six months after Purdue's arch rival Indiana won the national championship, here's what Tommy had to say. Every recruit, every current student athlete will hear this message repeatedly. We are here to win championships. If you don't want to win championships, go to Indiana.

[Mike Ryan]

I like a banter ad. That's a banter ad. That's a bar. He workshopped that. It killed in the room.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, it's right. He's headed in the right direction, which is the one that Kurt Signetti, the head coach of Indiana University, took a couple years before they won the national championship when he said, we're going to beat Michigan and Ohio State and we're going to beat Purdue and all of that. And the crowd obviously went wild. Tommy's trying the same angle here, but he's ignoring.

[Mike Ryan]

Did he also say we're going to beat Central Michigan and Eastern Michigan, Arkansas State, perhaps. That's our non conference schedule.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Where is, by the way, well, fair. And they are kind of daring. Indiana University, the reigning national champion, is kind of daring the committee to leave them out because they're, even though they're in the Big Ten, the best conference in America the last few years, they have a cupcake out of conference schedule and they really only play one good team, which is Ohio State. And so Signetti and company are daring the committee to leave us out. Ohio State came to Bloomington and whipped us. It's our only loss. You're going to leave us out. We're the defending national champs. It really does set up already to play tricks on the polls and the entire approach to evaluating who makes this tournament. Where is Miami ranked? I haven't even looked yet.

[Mike Ryan]

Believe we're number seven, just behind Indiana. Seven is the absolute floor. I'm okay with seven, but if we were eight, I'd be pissed.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

You legitimately anticipate a big run out of the U this year?

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, in large part due to the fact that the team is very good. We're a loaded team and you know, the conference is. I mean, the national perception is accurate. It's not one of the top two conferences. I'll concede that. While I will also admit that I think the top two conferences are a little overrated too, in terms of the narrative around them. But yeah, seven's okay. We should be behind Indiana. I look at this top 10 and let's throw it back up there. This preseason top 10. I got so many issues with the preseason top, I just hate the notion of it.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Correct.

[Mike Ryan]

Makes no GD sense to me, especially since it actually has actual ramifications. What you are seeing on your screen right now of the Top 25 coaches poll will, in a roundabout fashion, keep one deserving team out of the cfp. Just because the entire season is an exercise in confirmation bias for what we are Seeing right now, and even more ridiculous, ridiculous then the coaches poll top 25, which is just basically for entertainment purposes. It's a TV construct to try to get you to watch because the number next to it incentivizes it is the. The ESPN FBI FPI preseason index, which actually is used as a metric by the College Football Playoff committee. When you look at it before the season, I don't know how they determine FPI before any games have been played. And 25, 75% of the top 25 R SEC teams, they've already gamed the system a little bit. They've already rigged the election on the front end in so many ways.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

How. I mean, what is for real? If you're going to have a preseason poll based on what would you not have the reigning champ at number one?

[Dan Le Batard]

Right.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Doesn't that.

[Mike Ryan]

I mean, they got. I know they lost Mendoza, who is a generational college football player. Right. One of the best, most successful seasons ever. They brought in Hoover. They're still very loaded. They brought in a ton of talent. They were by wins and losses, the greatest college football team ever. Right. I don't, I don't get putting them at number six.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, I don't understand, you know, you

[Mike Ryan]

and I. I don't get putting them in next any number.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

We park our cars in the same garage. The confirmation buys. Why would you have a preseason poll when you don't have any information yet except what you think is going to happen? It's a ridiculous way to approach things.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's equally ridiculous, though, to take, let's say like the number one team and they beat some like FCS school the first week and now they're number one because they beat some shitty team, like, then you're okay with it? I mean, it's all kind of. So you're saying what, after week five, then we come out with our first rankings?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I don't care if you do it after the first week. What you can't do is say, I think this is going to happen because part of the human condition is that we all want to be proven right. And so if Notre Dame loses its first game, shame the devil its first two games like it did last year, and they still stay in the top 25, then what are we doing? You guys decided to abandon the polls, remember? You guys decided to have a tournament in place of the polls that always existed. And Mike is absolutely right. The most ludicrous of them all has always been the coaches poll, who by definition, ironically or otherwise, are not seeing the games. Why? Because they're playing games themselves. How would they have any opinion on games that they haven't seen? How would they know anything about it? By the way, coaches polls predate cable tv. So literally you would not have any information. If you're Joe Paterno, how would you have any ability to UCLA looks real good. You have never seen them play a game.

[Dan Le Batard]

Are you okay with NFL preseason odds to win divisions like we know guys

[Mike Ryan]

that are going to be on these

[Dan Le Batard]

NFL rods, odds are different.

[Mike Ryan]

Odds are not used as a metric to determine a playoff ranking. It would be just as ridiculous to have NFL preseason rankings and we all

[Dave D'Amaschek]

would eat that up though.

[Mike Ryan]

You would eat it up.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Can we do a top 10?

[Mike Ryan]

You would eat it. You would eat it up. And by the end of the season it would be incredibly wrong. And let's not pretend like there weren't massive impacts from last season's preseason top 25. Alabama's a preseason top 10. That preseason ranking got them over the line ultimately in the end to the cfp. Notre Dame's preseason ranking too allowed them to maintain a ranking when they started the season 02. It's a ridiculous thing.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm going to come up with my preseason NFL top 10.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

You know Chris, I think. I feel like you think you've just landed on a billion dollar idea there. There's something called power rankings and almost everybody who talks about pro football does them.

[Tashay]

No, this is different.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Not Dave Damaschek. Dave d't do it because Damoshek is no dupe. Dan ain't about jiving you folks listen up.

[Dan Le Batard]

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[Mike Ryan]

Going for 2 when you're up by 5.

[Tashay]

Switching the zone when man isn't working.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Oh, and building your new stadium in

[Dan Le Batard]

the state your team actually plays in.

[Tashay]

In sports, some things just make sense.

[Mike Ryan]

You know what else makes sense?

[Dan Le Batard]

Drinking Jagermeister shots. Ice cold.

[Tashay]

Drinking it any other way would be

[Dave D'Amaschek]

like punting on first down or letting your worst hitter bat first. Or like going for two when you're down three.

[Dan Le Batard]

With a second ago it wouldn't make any sense.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

So don't let the team down. When it comes to Jagermeister, drink it cold or don't drink it at all. Jagermeister. Damn, that's cold.

[Mike Ryan]

Drink responsibly.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jagermeister Liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mast. Jagermeister U.S. white Plains, N.Y. dan Lebatar,

[Dave D'Amaschek]

the person who insists that Dave Demachek when they make a list of the great first. Well, the first one is when they say of all time.

[Mike Ryan]

This is the Dan Levatar show.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

By the way, I'd like to establish early on here today for the rest of this Friday, my no jive policy. Please don't jive me, don't jive the audience, and most importantly, don't jive yourself. And the power rankings thing, I don't know if everybody heard about about the power that everybody issues week after week. We Have a, a thing called the playoffs. And those are determined by seedings and those seedings are determined by your win loss record. College football. I don't know if they're up to speed on that. That's what they've established for themselves now. You don't need to do the polls anymore. Except as Mike says, rightly, they did impact who made last year's tournament. You can't vote on that and have an element of it. And the idea was the trade off was, okay, we're going to get rid of the polls. They no longer matter why we're still doing them. I don't know. And as it turns out, they did still influence who wound up playing in

[Mike Ryan]

the tournament because here's how the College Football Playoff committee does it. For all the dilution of polls and the fact that, well, we can't trust these polls and we certainly can't trust the computers is they, the way that they make their rankings is they get the AP top 25, they get the coaches poll and they figure out what do I want to change about this? So it's hugely impactful whether people want to admit it or not. I know the line that they say is we rank our top 25 totally independent of all that stuff.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Bullshit.

[Mike Ryan]

They look at the other rankings. It is very clearly a roadmap. You're never looking at a college football playoff ranking, comparing it to the other ones being like, how the hell did they come up with this? It's, it's not its own thing. It's heavily influenced by the, the, the other rankings.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

By the way, a lot of it is based on who the coach is at this point because nil has really accelerated this. The notion of what I'm, what I have always argued, which is based on what you have that team as the 17th best in the land. What went into your thought process there? You know nothing about them, about all the kids who transferred in there. It's, it's abject jive. Except that we then by the end of the season it is a point of if it's a close call between a couple of teams, they do tend to lean on that information. And the, the NFL comp Chris Cody is when you start doing power rankings and everything else and like we know. Yeah. When, when an element of the conversation is yeah, but you know, you know that team is better than the other. That would be the equivalent of the reference I always make with that is in the early 90s when the, the Chargers beat the Steelers in Three River Stadium, when everybody knew the Steelers were the better team over the season and Stan Humphries is now going to a Super Bowl. Would have been for the NFL overlords to be like, yeah, but you know that, you know, the Cowboys are, are better than the. Let's just send the Cowboys to play Steve Young's char ners again. That, that'll be better. Everybody gets.

[Mike Ryan]

The Chargers beat the Dolphins, but the Dolphins are better.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Come on, you know, what do we do in here? I mean, it's a, it's, it's an asinine approach to things. And then I did love espn. Now, the relatively new wrinkle. Obviously network partners have always influenced these things to some extent, but again, talk about accelerating the situation. ESPN now openly touting the SEC despite the fact that the Big Ten has won the last three titles. Making the case. But come on, you know the SEC is tougher.

[Mike Ryan]

How are we still doing this? They haven't been featured in any of the last three national championship games. And every year the narrative is there come CFP time. But they play. You got to put Oklahoma in there. They did it in the sec. Why? Because they beat Bama. Yeah, but Bama did it in the sec. Bama couldn't do it at Tallahassee. Yeah, but the week in, week out grind. And then inevitably you have a team say like last year, Miami and the year before that, Notre Dame that'll just run through a handful of SEC teams during the College Football Playoff and it doesn't carry over. We still continue with this narrative and it happens again during the preseason in the coaches poll, as you mentioned. Dave is ridiculous. I happen to know what goes into coaching ahead football program. Just seeing what Mario Cristobal does. Right. And whatever you think Mario Cristobal does, however obsessive you think Mario Cristobal is about talent acquisition and his job, it's undersold. He's a maniac. I cannot fathom asking Mario Crisoball at any point of the year, let alone right before the year. Hey, what do you think of the Houston Cougars this year?

[Tashay]

Yeah, what?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

BEU versus A and M. Who do you. I mean, which of those two teams do you rank?

[Mike Ryan]

Mario, what do you think about Boise this year? You know, probably 31st best football team in the nation. I don't know. I haven't really put pen to paper. Well, we're going to ask you to tell us about the Cincinnati Bearcats. Mario Cristobal, hop off the phone real quick. Stop game planning. Stop trying to be a maniac about talent acquisition. Tell me about the Cincinnati Bearcats, Mario, Crystal.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

By the way, the reality is, is that the coaches themselves don't typically do that. The result is, you know better than I do. AD or information guy. You cast our vote for us, Tashay.

[Tashay]

No, I mean, look, not to hold up a decade old gripe that I really try not to bring up anymore, but we have examples of teams that have literally gone undefeated and then not gotten to a playoff because the. No, because the argument is, oh man, we all know that that schedule was more difficult, so who cares that those teams lost. We all know that team's better. Just look at their recruiting rankings and that really is. It's no different from the SEC to the ACC as it would be from the ACC to the Big 12 or the Big 12 to the AAC or all of these conferences look up and go, well, why, why do we automatically say that you're better even though you've lost three games just because of the recruiting rankings that are in the uniforms? You have to see those teams play. Well, we decide to play it out.

[Mike Ryan]

We know because at the preseason they had a 17 next to their name.

[Tashay]

Exactly.

[Mike Ryan]

And that basically sets the table for the rest of.

[Tashay]

We park our cars in the same garage, my friend.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, the imbuing of powers that you may or may not have is. Is never truer than in the sec. This thing that everybod everybody is expected to just accept as fact. But Bama had that gauntlet that they had to run through mid season last year. Go through those teams, go through them one by one. Tennessee wasn't a tournament team. I mean they're some decent teams there,

[Mike Ryan]

you know, power fat off Tennessee and Mizzou. Two teams that did not beat ranked teams.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's right.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

You know, and the U. So like I said a few minutes ago, I think Indiana, I don't know how intentional it was, but where it lands is they're kind of now in a spot if they do. And if you go through their schedule, you know, Washington probably is going to be good this year back into the season. Off the top of my head, I can't recall who they play at Michigan. Do the Hoosiers. I think they play USC and Bloomington. But. But bottom line is it's not a real rugged schedule. Ohio State is the toughest game. Let's say that's the only game they lose. They are doing the opposite of what everyone counsels these days, which is, boy, you better have a tough non conference game or two to legitimize yourself. I think this is the opposite. We're in the Big Ten. You know what? It's an SEC sort of approach too, in fact, because the sec, the other thing that they get away with ongoing that everybody just abides by is them, what in week 10, just playing a preseason game against like a Division 3 school or something.

[Mike Ryan]

I don't want this to sound like sour grapes. I don't want to use the example of last year, Indiana, because I truly think Indiana was one of the best teams ever. Well coached, incredible execution, their talent undersold. They have a lot of NFL guys on that team. The example for Indiana and a soft schedule and gaming the system to get in the CFP was probably the year before where they played absolutely nobody and they weren't like CFP worthy.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Maybe I'm a hypocrite then because get I could kind of understand. I think they did earn it and obviously they wound up in the playoff. But there was some case against them because they had never been there. And what is going on in Bloomington, Indiana, the basketball school and all of that. But now with the information that we have, oh, they, they ran the table. They, they. They beat all those heavyweight teams to get to number one and, and, and win the national championship. Maybe I am being influenced now by the. The. The new powerhouse program that Kurt Signetti has built over there in Bloomington, Indiana. We don't cry in the big in the Midwest. We don't get all down in the dumps if we lose. We pick ourselves up and we, we dust ourselves off and we come back the next week. We ain't no crybabies like our down in the SEC country.

[Mike Ryan]

Is that your Bill Simmons impression on.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

No, that's Kurt. That's Coach Kurt Signetti.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, it's just. It's really a testament to how bad

[Dave D'Amaschek]

your don't know what you're talking about. What Mina Kamsky, you on with. You're on Football America with Dave Danishek. I don't care about the Steelers. I care about Drake May. Drake May's the best.

[Mike Ryan]

It's truly the worst Bill Simmons impression.

[Tashay]

It's the worst impression I've ever heard.

[Mike Ryan]

Are you jiving?

[Dan Le Batard]

You sound like a South park character.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I am not jiving. What I am doing is. It's. I'll pull it back a little bit here. Everybody knows cousin Sal from the Kimmel show.

[Dan Le Batard]

Of course.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

That's his impression of Bill Simmons. And that's me doing my impression of Sal doing Simmons. You know, kind of.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's kind of like when I do Harry Carey. I'm doing Will Ferrell.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah, you get it? You get it. Any more thoughts on the breakfast meat discord?

[Tashay]

Yeah, actually, I wanted to bring that back. I'm really glad that you did.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, it's a very weird chicken. Okay, so first of all, chicken, apple,

[Tashay]

sausage, I like, move on from that

[Dave D'Amaschek]

because, I mean, that's what you said is the best. It's great. Why I would move on from the

[Dan Le Batard]

patty created simply for the breakfast sandwich.

[Tashay]

This is what I was about to ask, because I think that we. Similar to the way that the coaches poll dismisses Mac teams like the Toledo Rock Rockets, I think we dismiss the sausage patty too quickly because ultimately it's versatility is what jumps to the front of the table. Because yes, you can have it the same way that you would have a sausage link and having it on its own. But really the benefit is that it can go in an egg and cheese sandwich. And now you got a sausage, egg and cheese. You put that on a bagel, can

[Mike Ryan]

also be placed between bread. I would argue the sausage.

[Dan Le Batard]

Slice it.

[Tashay]

What you're gonna. You're gonna take a hot dog bun, put a sausage and a little bit of egg around it, and maybe you gotta splay it.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

That's what you do.

[Dan Le Batard]

You cut it at like an angle. You get it like the little flat slices.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

That's. That's what splaying is. You gotta do work.

[Mike Ryan]

There is actually zero versatility to a patty. No, you put the patty in the sandwich for a sandwich.

[Dan Le Batard]

Although I do enjoy picking it up with my fingers, the patty and eating it like a cookie.

[Tashay]

Well, but you already picked up the sausage link from earlier.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Dip it in milk. But part of the delight of the link is it's snap, you know?

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, that snap. You're right. You don't get the snap with the patty.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

You want the nice snap. There's nothing really better about the patty. And as Mike rightly points out, you just splay that wiener out real nice and put it betwixt the bread.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Do what though?

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, I find it very satisfying to take it out of the casing and grill it up real nice.

[Dan Le Batard]

What do you do with the skin?

[Mike Ryan]

Play with it a little bit and then throw it away.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

So wait, you're doing homemade sausage patties? I mean, then you put the skin over your face.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, sorry, when you say homemade,

[Dan Le Batard]

like we're not filling the casing, we're

[Dave D'Amaschek]

just getting some sausage of the lambs.

[Mike Ryan]

That's what I'm doing. Which is again, an impression of an impression. Jim Carrey, Cable Cat.

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[Tashay]

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[Mike Ryan]

Offer down Levitar.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I hope he goes to your town so I can laugh because you think he'll make you a contender.

[Mike Ryan]

Who's that impression of the sports guy?

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, okay.

[Dan Le Batard]

Do some more.

[Mike Ryan]

What part of Massachusetts is that? Let me hear some more. Dave Demichek.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I don't do a good Simmons, but that's what I'm doing right now.

[Tashay]

That's maybe the worst cinematograph.

[Dan Le Batard]

Hey, man, that's a bad impression.

[Mike Ryan]

This is the Dan Levatar show.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I don't want to throw a grenade into the conversation, but at least on the very short list, the best breakfast meat. Bone in ham.

[Dan Le Batard]

Bone in. I do like a breakfast ham steak. Yeah, I'm at bone in File this

[Dave D'Amaschek]

went away for the holidays, people. A lot of people have a have a big ham at their Christmas table, and then there's invariably gonna be leftover ham. Here's what you do. You throw that ham into the fridge overnight. You pull it out first thing when it's time for breakfast. You carve off some pieces of ham. You drop it into a pan, listen to it sizzle up. Next stop, nine, right?

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Hey, Mike. Or the gathered group.

[Mike Ryan]

I'll take it.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

The guy who lost in the national championship game and assumptions made about him as a college quarterback now turning into assumptions about what kind of pro football quarterback he'll be. And I, you know, like the late, great Jerry Orbach at the end of Dirty Dancing when I'm wrong I say I'm wrong. And this is an offshoot of that. I counsel everybody every summertime. Don't look at August. You know, it's like in the movies, like don't look directly at it kind of thing or you'll turn into stone kind of thing. Don't look at preseason football. It's only going to trick your brain. It's a month long lie for your eyes. And I watched one drive from Carson Beck and I was seduced.

[Tashay]

Did you know that Jerry Orbach donated his eyes to an eye bank? So there may be people walking around on the planet Earth with Jerry Orbach's eyeballs in their face.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Look close at my left eye. Notice a difference there?

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, hey, Jer, when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. Carson Beck looked incredible last night, huh?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

He sure did. I do have to take a quick. If I can critique one thing before we jump into the good of Carson Beck. 19. That's the number you choose. You're a quarterback. Like what? You can have anywhere from one up to 19. And we can, we can have a conversation about zero. And I don't know if they've now completely outlawed 20 for QBs, but 19, maybe the worst number for a QB.

[Mike Ryan]

I find it aesthetically pleasing. Why? I think it makes a quarterback's body look good.

[Dan Le Batard]

I think 17 is the worst. I've often argued. I think 17 is just a number I don't like.

[Mike Ryan]

Got the elbow sticking out in 17. It's. It's usually tucked over Philip Rivers beer belly. I don't like it.

[Dan Le Batard]

The only numbers that work with a 7 in it are offensive lineman. 70. I don't like. I don't like 17. I don't like 27. I don't like 37. I don't like 47. I don't like 57.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Not enough 70 sevens on the defensive front. That's a, That's a bad number that a lot of people don't. Don't pick up on. The best number. The debate boils down to, you know, you know, spoiler alert. The two best numbers are 12 and 7 and 7 wins because it's aspirational. It's an arrow pointed upward. You know, that's where you're headed if this is your QB. Yes.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Roy.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

You said 19 is the worst number that was worn by Johnny Unitis. Does that change I know who?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

No, it doesn't change anything for me. And by the way, that was a Bernie Kosar I tried to get into poorly. That's right. Montana Chiefs well, the worst one is

[Mike Ryan]

16 is worse than 19.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

No, two is two.

[Dan Le Batard]

Two is great. I was going to say two and

[Dave D'Amaschek]

two looks cool as shit.

[Dan Le Batard]

Two and ten are my favorite quarterback.

[Mike Ryan]

Number two is a very cool number.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

You just said it. Mike Ryan. It's. It's shit.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, you can't do that.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Number two. You want to be number two?

[Mike Ryan]

You know what sucks as a quarterback?

[Dan Le Batard]

Number.

[Mike Ryan]

And I love Cam Ward and I love Warren Moon and I love Cam Newton, but number one, I don't think

[Dave D'Amaschek]

it's a great choice.

[Mike Ryan]

How many white guys have worn number one?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Wow. Probably a lot of them.

[Mike Ryan]

How many white quarterbacks have worn number one?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah, the only guys I can really think of are Moon.

[Mike Ryan]

Half of them are named camp. Mike Adamley from. Wait, from American Gladiators.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Mike Adamley, the running back turned broadcaster wore number one when he was matriculating. He was a student athlete.

[Mike Ryan]

Eh, Mike Adamley. Remember when he called Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yes, that's some memory. Anywho, 19 is a bad number. I once said to he looked good in that uniform.

[Mike Ryan]

He did.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I said to Matt Ryan once I had the occasion to talk to him and challenge him on his chose injured two. Same conversation.

[Mike Ryan]

Why did you get a bad body for two? You have to have the right body for number two.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

But all our bodies make number two, which is why you shouldn't wear number two on purpose. One is a weird choice because it means that you're the guy and it's

[Mike Ryan]

kind of making Matt Ryan made a mistake. He's not a number two.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, I asked Matt Ryan, why number two of all the numbers that were available to you? And he said, because my favorite player growing up wore number two. And I said, who was that? And he said, tim Couch. And I said to him, how great is it? How many people can rightly claim that they ended up being better at the activity than their favorite player growing up? That's pretty cool.

[Mike Ryan]

The Tim Couch number two Cleveland Browns jersey, the one that started them all.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

That's right.

[Mike Ryan]

That's the one that you see when people have all the other patches of the names. It's a good looking jersey. Tim Couch was the guy that made me think number two is actually a cool quarterback number. And here's a misnomer about Tim Couch. He actually wasn't that bad. Yes, he goes in the books as a bus because he was the number one overall draft pick and Kelly Holcomb supplanted him. But they made the playoffs largely due to Tim Couch's heroics. He Wasn't a bad quarterback. He got injured.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Year of the Lord, 2026. Here's Mike Ryan making a case for Tim Couch being number two. But you're now off the Cleveland Browns. And so now let's turn back to the Arizona Cardinals.

[Mike Ryan]

I don't like number four, I'll tell you that much.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Really?

[Mike Ryan]

Number four for a quarterback inoffensive. No. Really? How about the Sean Watson?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Okay.

[Mike Ryan]

Dave Damoshek? Deshaun Watson does not offend me.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Yeah, okay. Okay. I take it back. You're right.

[Mike Ryan]

Brett Favreau. It's me, man. Well, Brett Favreau, bad number. Zach Prescott.

[Dan Le Batard]

You referenced the Cardinals. Do you want to see if they're on the preseason producers poll?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Oh, here we go. There are 32 teams. You ran out of gas at 25.

[Mike Ryan]

You're throwing up there. Feed. Main feed.

[Dan Le Batard]

Take it. All right, tops. Top 25 preseason producers poll.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Wow.

[Dan Le Batard]

Anything stand out to you? I don't see the Cardinals on there.

[Mike Ryan]

Were they others receiving votes?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

They got a vote.

[Mike Ryan]

So Dolphins, Browns, Cardinals, all others receiving votes. Who else didn't get Chris Cody.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

This brings me to on football, America. It's a game that we play in August. It's a really difficult game. It's a. It's a sneaky, tough game to play right now. And really, basically, from the draft and free agency on, it's way easier, given the structure of the postseason in the NFL to talk yourself into. In the parody that they shoot for and all the other reasons why, it's way easier to talk yourself into why a team could make the playoffs than why a team has absolutely no chance of making the playoffs in a given year. It's time to play. No playoffs for you. I want you to name three teams that you are absolutely, positively sure are not going to be in the postseason tournament. And if you're wrong, I take one of your digits on the other side of the new year.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jets. Dolphins.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I mean, the Jets. The jets are not a crazy. You know, all. Wait, you. You just went three teams from one conference.

[Dan Le Batard]

I thought you just said two teams.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I said three teams, and you went three teams from the same conference. That's pretty bold.

[Mike Ryan]

You keep your fingers.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, I don't think those three teams are making the playoffs.

[Mike Ryan]

I would go Dolphins, Cardinals, Cardinals. I actually don't think the Cardinals are that. That bad, even though Nathaniel Hackett's their offensive coordinator. But that division is just murder. No playoffs for you And Browns, while

[Dave D'Amaschek]

the Dolphins are one of the best plays in this regard in the last decade because they have announced we don't intend to make the playoffs. I just wonder what that conversation is to Malik Willis, Halfley and company. And then I do want to get back to Carson Beck. But I. What. What do you think that conversation goes like everybody, it's one of the narratives that they're tanking the season. And as I've said on this show before, poor Malik Willis. Maybe he benefits from it because the coaches brought him in because of the past relationship and maybe he understands no matter what he is going to be the starting quarterback next season. But imagine what is it for Halfley to step in front of that room of people and try to convince them to put out their best when the organization intends to not make the playoffs.

[Mike Ryan]

You want to answer the question?

[Dan Le Batard]

Not really.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I mean what do you. How do you inspire? I understand the idea.

[Mike Ryan]

You're the Dolphin guy. You're literally wearing a Dolphin shirt. Were you not. You weren't listening.

[Tashay]

I don't like that team.

[Dan Le Batard]

I was reacting to the reaction of my poll here.

[Tashay]

Yeah. Just reading the polls.

[Mike Ryan]

I will say that picking the Dolphins to be certainly bad is risky because there are unknown factors in Halfley and Malik Willis. Like it is a little dangerous for a starting quarterback getting his first shot as QB1 and a first time head coach. That could be a spark, that could be something special. Whereas like the Jets, Geno Smith, you kind of know what you're getting right. Last year was. Was pretty much time to write back. He famously didn't write back. He started to write back.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

If you're wrong about one of those. Even though the Cardinals are probably better, I think the team that would have a shot at least of making you look bad is. And taking away which digit would it be by the way, Chris, that we take? I'll give you the choice.

[Dan Le Batard]

My right ring finger.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, ring finger is the move. You can't go pinky or thumb. A lot of your strength in your hand comes from those outside fingers.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Oh no. Yeah. You need the opposable digit that's off the table. But your ring finger will be sitting on the table.

[Mike Ryan]

Dave, what you're doing is actually pretty easy. Like to identify bad teams that are expected to be bad. What is really difficult is taking teams that are expected to be good and looking at that group and said one of these teams is going to have a sucky season.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

I love it. The Rorschach team, who is the team that we are imbuing with powers that are not actually there. We just talking ourselves into them by looking at them briefly. I don't think that. I do think it's a fascinating spiritual conversation In Halfley's first year with his new qb, who just moved down there, it's very easy to convince yourself. Listen, everybody knows what this season is. Don't worry Malik Willis. But Arch Manning, let's say he does fulfill his destiny as the next Manning.

[Tashay]

He looks good.

[Mike Ryan]

He hasn't already fulfilled that.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Well, he is in fact the next Manning. You're right about that. But I mean the next great.

[Mike Ryan]

Promises made, promises kept.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Great, great Manning is what I should have. I should have put that word in there. But yes, I. If Arch Manning's there, let's we have some B roll here of him looking

[Dan Le Batard]

good at Texas camp here. Yeah. I mean he's just.

[Mike Ryan]

He looks good in shorts. That's a huge part of it.

[Tashay]

That looks like a spiral.

[Dan Le Batard]

Is that a 70 yard throw?

[Dave D'Amaschek]

He did throw a spiral, which is nice for him.

[Tashay]

Wow.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Which is unlike his uncle, old 18, didn't throw a ton of spirals.

[Mike Ryan]

I'm taking the courageous stance of thinking them Arch Manning is going to be okay. I think he's going to be all right. Last year a lot of people jumped off. I held on to that stock.

[Dan Le Batard]

But did you just bring him up through the context of should the Dolphins if like I just think it sets up for.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

It's a really weird spot for Malik Willis to be in. Don't worry, man. And it does question. It does call into question his decision making as well. Okay, we got to talk about Carson Beck because I want to know from the U fan's perspective, if you're now excited, are you now going to vibe away from Cam Ward? Or at least now make room in the garage for Cam Ward and for Carson Beck.

[Mike Ryan]

Cam Ward is always a cane. Always going to be a cane, no matter what. Even if he flames out in the NFL, always a cane. With Carson Beck, it's a little bit more complicated. He did substantial winning over at Georgia. When people close their eyes, I think they still think of Carson Beck as a Georgia Bulldog even though he threw the last pass of the last football season. But here's what I'll say. If he's good, I will claim him.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

And if he's not, if he's not, that's a Georgia.

[Mike Ryan]

And call him a Georgia Bulldog.

[Dave D'Amaschek]

Apple sausage.

[Dan Le Batard]

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