Alley Oop 152: NBA Trade Chaos Incoming Kuminga, MPJ, Morant & Zion Rumors + LeBron Retirement Talk

Summary

Alley Oop 152: NBA Trade Chaos Incoming – Kuminga, MPJ, Morant & Zion Rumors + LeBron Retirement Talk

Podcast: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Date: January 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

Broadcast from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, this episode dives into the emotional reality of LeBron James’ looming retirement, NBA trade chaos centering on stars like Jonathan Kuminga, Michael Porter Jr. (MPJ), Ja Morant, and Zion Williamson, and the wider context of personalities, culture, and rumors swirling in the NBA world. The crew layers their signature irreverence and rich sports knowledge with personal anecdotes, social commentary, and a healthy dose of self-aware humor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

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1. LeBron James’ Imminent Retirement & Legacy

• Emotional Response to “Fade to Black” (00:00–03:30)

  • The hosts get visibly emotional reflecting on LeBron’s career and his subtle hints at retirement, referencing Jay-Z’s “Fade to Black” and the fear of his absence from the league.
    • “I’m not ready for LeBron to retire.” — Speaker A (00:23)
  • They acknowledge his polarizing persona but emphasize respect for his never-scandalous career and unique durability.
    • “As a black man in these streets, we just gotta salute LeBron more than anything else. That basketball, that’s a whole ‘nother thing… my brother’s a stand up guy.” — Speaker C (02:32)

• On LeBron’s Professionalism and Criticism (03:31–04:46)

  • Discussion shifts to LeBron’s rumored locker room detachment, with tongue-in-cheek jabs at his hairline being the only thing he “cheated.”
    • “The only thing LeBron’s ever tried to cheat the game with is his hairline.” — Speaker A (03:30)
  • Hosts question the expectation for LeBron to learn from new coach JJ Redick, referencing the awkwardness of role shifts.
    • “What does LeBron need to learn from JJ Redick’s ass, truthfully?” — Speaker A (04:32)
    • “Now you the coach. Salute. I’m not hating. Get your money, JJ Redick.” — Speaker C (04:38)

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2. Cooper Flagg Discourse & Racial Preconceptions

• Tony Allen’s Apology to Cooper Flagg (05:26–07:44)

  • Tony Allen admits he underestimated Cooper Flagg, calling out his earlier comparisons to Andre Karolenko and Brent Barry.
    • “He’s been showing me so many signs of a superstar… His ceiling is way higher than I thought.” — Tony Allen, audio clip (06:35)
  • Hosts salute Allen’s accountability.
    • “A lot of folks, I don’t think, admit when they wrong enough, bruh… Salute for Tony for that right there.” — Speaker C (07:44)

• Cultural and Racial Bias (07:45–10:12)

  • The hosts discuss how Cooper Flagg’s whiteness, Duke affiliation, and aesthetics (e.g., “white ass haircut”) fueled skepticism among older sports fans.
    • “It’s really just that Cooper Flagg’s white. That’s really it. He looks as white as they come. And he played for Duke… It’s thin slicing at its finest.” — Speaker A (08:30)
  • They point to the impact of tournament performance and time zones on perception.
    • “Duke games come on at 7pm Eastern time… Man ain’t gonna be watching no damn Duke play North Carolina State.” — Speaker C (10:12)

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3. NBA “Trade Chaos” & Team Dynamics

• Donovan Mitchell’s Controversial Play (10:48–12:19)

  • Instant analysis of Mitchell’s questionable move — clear as “a walk” to the hosts — and a quick riff on NBA officiating.
    • “That’s absolutely a walk… This needs to be called to travel.” — Speaker A (11:53, 12:15)
    • “Whatever the name of that referee is right there in the corner, brother, you are on watch.” — Speaker C (12:19)

• Jonathan Kuminga Demands Trade from Warriors (12:27–14:06)

  • Kuminga’s demand to leave Golden State is discussed within the context of Coach Steve Kerr’s lack of patience for young players and the franchise’s failed attempt to balance two timelines.
    • “Steve Kerr doesn’t want anything to do with pacifiers or bottles or ball-handling drills… you need to be a pro as soon as you walk in these doors.” — Speaker A (13:20)
    • “You can’t have two timelines… the second timeline needs to be in diapers and pacifiers.” — Speaker A (13:28)

• Golden State’s Disinterest in MPJ (14:06–15:19)

  • The podcast skewers the Warriors’ public disavowal of interest in Michael Porter Jr. and likens it to unnecessary, preemptive romantic rejection.
    • “Why would you… if I’m not interested, I’m going to let you wonder.” — Speaker C (14:14)
    • “Maybe MPJ don’t want you.” — Speaker A (14:50)
  • The hosts question if Golden State is spiraling and ponder their aging core’s durability.

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4. Zion Williamson & NBA Stars: “Where Should They Go?”

• Zion’s Off-Court Distractions & Trade Value (15:19–18:50)

  • The panel pivots into a comedic (but biting) discussion of Zion’s off-court escapades, debating which NBA cities are bad fits for his lifestyle.
    • “You can’t go to Miami. Houston, we already know what time it is… Atlanta, you’re not going to Atlanta. The lemon. Magic City is not just for the wings, okay?” — Speaker A (16:58, 17:28)
    • “They will get your Venmo so fast, that is drained. You will be drained in both ways.” — Speaker A (17:47)

• Cities “Safe” for Zion (19:15–20:50)

  • The group jokes about sending Zion to Portland or San Antonio to avoid temptation, riffing on Portland’s “granola chicks” and lack of expensive nightlife.
    • “Even if you get caught up with the granola chicks, they’re not hitting you for more than an Alberta food co-op card, okay?” — Speaker A (19:55)
    • “Maybe Denver. Denver’s a good spot. I mean, these are not basketball situations I’m talking about, just to keep Zion off the streets.” — Speaker A (20:47)

• On Ja Morant & Market Rumors (20:51–22:28)

  • The similarities between Ja Morant and Zion are drawn, noting both came from small Southern towns and the potential danger of large-market cities.
    • “I don’t think heat culture can overcome the booby trap culture in Miami.” — Speaker C (22:11)
    • “Another town Zion can’t go to is Memphis.” — Speaker A (21:39)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On LeBron:

  • “I’m not ready for LeBron to retire.” — Speaker A (00:23)
  • “The only thing LeBron’s ever tried to cheat the game with is his hairline.” — Speaker A (03:30)
  • “We just gotta salute LeBron more than anything else. That basketball, that’s a whole 'nother thing… my brother’s a stand up guy.” — Speaker C (02:32)

• On Tony Allen & Cooper Flagg:

  • “He’s been showing me so many signs of a superstar… His ceiling is way higher than I thought.” — Tony Allen (06:35)
  • “It’s really just that Cooper Flagg’s white… and he played for Duke. It’s thin slicing at its finest.” — Speaker A (08:30)

• On Golden State & Trades:

  • “You can’t have two timelines… the second timeline needs to be in diapers and pacifiers.” — Speaker A (13:28)
  • “Maybe MPJ don’t want you.” — Speaker A (14:50)

• On Zion & NBA Cities:

  • “You can’t go to Miami. Houston, we already know what time it is… Atlanta, you’re not going to Atlanta. The lemon. Magic City is not just for the wings, okay?” — Speaker A (16:58, 17:28)
  • “Even if you get caught up with the granola chicks, they’re not hitting you for more than an Alberta food co-op card, okay?” — Speaker A (19:55)

• Boy Stop Segment (24:03–26:32):

  • Hilarious play-by-play of an internet fight going viral — “Skinny jeans and church shoes. Danger. Danger, brother.” — Speaker C (24:13)
  • “There’s people that just let you know they’re a problem based on the sheer ridiculousness of what they’ve pulled up in.” — Speaker A (25:02)
  • “Boy, stop. Exactly. Taking your shirt off in the club to square up with a brother in some tight jeans and some church shoes. Boy, stop.” — Speaker C (26:22)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | LeBron’s potential retirement and emotional impact | | 03:31 | LeBron’s professionalism, hairline jokes, JJ Redick coach | | 05:26 | Tony Allen apologizes to Cooper Flagg, accountability | | 07:45 | Racial/cultural bias around Cooper Flagg | | 10:48 | Donovan Mitchell’s controversial move, officiating riff | | 12:27 | Jonathan Kuminga trade demand, Warriors' “two timelines” | | 14:06 | Golden State’s lack of interest in MPJ, aging core | | 15:19 | Zion’s off-court drama, bad cities fits | | 19:15 | Cities “safe” for Zion, Portland/Denver/San Antonio riff | | 20:51 | Ja Morant market discussion, comparing to Zion | | 24:03 | “Boy Stop” viral fight breakdown |

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Tone and Style

The exchange is lively, a mix of barbershop real talk and comedic takes, peppered with social commentary and self-awareness. The hosts play with absurdity (“you can’t go to Miami, Houston, or Atlanta”) while never straying far from a deep, sometimes affectionate understanding of their subjects — be they LeBron, Cooper Flagg, or the fate of Zion’s wallet in “the lemon.” Honest, irreverent, and self-referential, this episode exemplifies the unique voice of Dan Le Batard and company.

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For New Listeners: Why This Episode Matters

This episode is a perfect snapshot of the contemporary NBA conversation — where stats, culture, and personalities are all in play. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a casual observer, their blend of humor, insight, and self-deprecation makes the league’s rumor mill accessible and engaging, with enough emotional resonance (see: LeBron) to satisfy both the heart and mind.

Transcript

[A]

When he said, maybe you'll love me when I fade the black.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

I swear to God, juju, it's happening again. It's happening again. My eyes started to water up.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I started. So that's how it hit your heart?

[A]

Yeah, my heart.

[C]

Oh, damn. Okay, so you getting emotional about the King, My baby Mufasa.

[A]

I'm not ready for LeBron to retire.

[C]

Oh, damn. Breaking news. The Besmercher has a heart, and it starts with Mufasa himself. Say more, bro. I'm sorry for interrupting. Go ahead, brother.

[A]

Listen, you see what? We can talk about how corny he is. And I love that Kevin Hart's telling him on the DraftKings segments, hey, we don't believe you. We think you lie all the time. But what he continues to do at 6ft 8, 6ft 9, 40 years old, with the force and the skill level, skill we see him play with, and then imagine he's just gone. He just doesn't play anymore. The league is. Doesn't have him. And he knows that he's underappreciated and under loved. And maybe, like, it's almost a plea. Like, he. He heard that song was like, I need to tell David McMenamin. Maybe you all will love me when I fade to black. And the fading to black is, like, right around the Kona.

[C]

But see, the thing about that is that we both got to understand about LeBron and Jay Z. Jay Z put that song out, what, six albums ago?

[A]

I was in high school.

[C]

That boy said, this is it. This is the Black album. It's over with. I love you and. But we don't have him and the Carter. We don't have him and the Kanye. We done got so many tracks. So I think this is one of those situations to where I understandably, I do not think LeBron will ever try to play or cheat the game. I'm not one of them detractors in the streets that just be like, Ah, LeBron Lane, LeBron B. You know? I mean, I respect the greatness, you feel me? Like, LeBron been doing this thing for so long, and with that impeccable resume, like, my boy ain't never. I don't even think I remember my boy getting a dui. I don't think I remember. You feel me? I don't think I remember my boy ever punching a guy, let alone a domestic violence dispute. Never. Not one on his record. So as a black man in these streets, we just got to salute LeBron more than anything else. That basketball that's a whole nother thing. That's a game they playing. He getting paid for that. Imagine you getting judged for your job, your performance on your job. Like, who gives a damn how I am at work? I'm a stand up guy out of work. And so that's what I think we should lend LeBron a little bit more, bro. My brother's a stand up guy. Of course I'm still playing.

[A]

Look at me, not even a jaywalk. I'm so. I'm so into my craft.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen, no matter how much we love what we do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No matter what we do in our careers, though, before we go to the funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There are days where we want to cheat the game. Come on. I'm tired. I got a migraine, I got cramps. I'm on my cycle. My.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Puppy just threw up. But no LeBron. The only thing LeBron's ever tried to cheat the game with is his hairline.

[C]

Today we go preach. Check out my bow on the bench, man. You could tell my boy checked out, man. This is. That makes me lose it with LeBron. You got J.J. redick trying to talk to the team, right? Where is LeBron? Anybody see LeBron? He's over there pounding like a little. Nah, see, nah, See that? And look, we can. We could play that one time, but we can mute, bruh. Bruh, hang like hell. You at your house, recording your tv, hanging on a guy on a multi damn near billionaire. So first of all, you can sit yourself down. But yeah, bruh, I relate to LeBron. How you feel about that video, bruh?

[A]

You know, it's maybe it's just the emotions in me, the heart that's been touched by LeBron.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But the Besmircher, I don't even think would go that far, to be honest.

[C]

I don't think exactly.

[A]

I think it's mostly like, what does LeBron need to learn from JJ Redick's ass, truthfully?

[C]

Come on, man. They were parting about two months ago. Then they, they. Oh, shoot. You now you the coach. Salute. I'm not hating. Get your money, JJ Reddit.

[A]

But yeah, bro, it would be like juju. It would be like all of a sudden, me and you doing this pod, and it's like, yeah, now, now I'm your coach, the.

[C]

Bro.

[A]

No, you're my podcast co host, fam. You're not. What are you trying to do, right?

[C]

You could be my Gino Ariana, bruh. You. You look like Pat Summer off real if. If you cut your hair and. And went with the Ball Pat Summerall or Pat Summit? Look, see that? I was wrong. I said Pat Summeral. I got you a football coach. D line.

[A]

I have a question for you. Yeah, about. And I texted you about this yesterday.

[C]

Shoot.

[A]

Tony Allen, a legendary besmircher.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Came out and issued an apology to Cooper Flag. Let's play the clip. I have something really important I want to ask you about this on.

[C]

Okay, give me.

[D]

Give me two seconds. I know which one this is. It's happening.

[C]

Let her shoot. Mama's got it.

[D]

We're right here. We're right here. Okay, here we go. Mama's right there. Mama's right there. Here we go.

[C]

I feel like mama ain't right there. It's like, what do you say? Right there, right? Oh, who? Yeah, he said he owes an apology to somebody. He's like ving rhames.

[B]

Oh, man. Boy. Cooper Flag.

[A]

Run the clip.

[C]

Speeder.

[B]

Oh, man. Listen, bro, who you compare Cooper Flag to? What's your comparison? So I thought he would be more like a Andre Karolenko, you know, Brent Barry kind of guy. Right. I was absolutely wrong, man. And I truly want to take that take back, but it's unfortunately I can't, man. And man, he's been showing me so many signs of a Superstar. It was one game, he had 40 not too long ago and he playing both sides of the floor is what's surprising to me. And like that, like I say, them breakaway dunks and all that is just electrifying. His ceiling is way higher than I thought. I can't front. It was way higher than I thought.

[C]

I like it.

[A]

Okay, this is the question that I have for you, Juju.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Why did every 40 year old man inside the culture.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Pre judge Cooper Flag like he was the second coming of Christian Laetner.

[C]

Bruh. You know what I think it is. First of all, before I say anything, I want to say salute to Tony for being accountable. You did. Because a lot of folks, I don't think that get enough play as it should. Like we as podcasters and, and sports analysts or sports talking heads, we don't admit when we wrong enough, bruh. You ain't gotta come in here and concoct 12 reasons why you still right, bruh. Say you feel me, bro? Oops.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

I messed up right there. So salute for Tony for that right there. But I do think that's one of them factors of, you know, how folks be talking about stuff that they don't necessarily watch. You feel me? I think a lot of them 40 talking heads when watching a lot of Duke basketball at this time of last year, they might have tuned into the tournament. They saw him go down in attorney, but against what Auburn. But they didn't watch how he was playing all year. So I think that that's just a result of that. You did. I don't think he. If he. Because if you saw Cooper flat, boy, what the hell? You would never say no. Damn Andres Carolenko. Salute to AK47. But this ain't that and that ain't this.

[A]

I think it's one of those scenarios where it's one of the only scenarios of reverse racism that you can find would that of prejudice. Because it's really just the Cooper flags white. That's really it. It's like he's any looks as wide as they come. And he played for Duke. It's thin slicing at its finest. He had the pitchfork on Slam Magazine. What did they say? It said something crazy that that was like very racist. Like it was like, he's coming. It was really wild. I forget what the Slam cover said, but I remember being like, this is a bad look for Cooper.

[C]

Flag salute Islam.

[A]

So he goes to the whitest school with the whitest, like sniveling, like villain reputation. Yeah, he's long and lanky like Christian Laitner. Christian Laitner goes to Duke. He's on the team, on the dream Team. Flames out. And so then it's like Cam, because Cam and May said this to me. I remember being like, they use the exact same analogy.

[C]

The.

[A]

Oh, he just reminds me of a Christian Lakener. I think he's going to be an Andre Karolenko. And I'm like, I think it's your age. First of all, you're scarred from how bad Christian Laetner was. And I think it's just Cooper flagging his. His white ass haircut like the bull cut. And he's a killer. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but I needed your thoughts on it. You think that's like a fair now like analysis of what happened?

[C]

Yeah, I mean. And the New Balances didn't help along.

[A]

No, it didn't.

[C]

Further down the line. But New Balances, the grass cutting New Balance did not help. But I think it's that what you said as well as shoot, bro. Duke games come on at 7pm Eastern time. That's that 4pm on the West Coast. That's 4pm In Vegas. What came and them be man ain't gonna be watching no damn Duke play North Carolina State, man. They Just saw them that boy in the tournament. And his tournament was a little bit subpar, so they judged him off that. But still cool, man.

[A]

And salute to gonna go down as one of probably the best two way players in the last 15 years.

[C]

You got to know. Moving on though, man. I. Donovan Mitchell, he had a. A controversial move in the NBA last night. They went up against. I forgot. Who the hell but Ms. Rebecca. Do you got the Donovan Mitchell clip? All right, now we pick up here. All right. Donovan Mitchell, a controversial move last night. And I know the Besmircher. Mrs. Prostep herself. I. I had to understand what she comprehended from this move from the spider man.

[A]

Yeah. Hold. I need to see this many times.

[C]

Jump off the floor, then bounce the ball. Still dribble Quinn Grimes. Like, what. What universe is this? And then you did his ass. That's the problem. Nah, hell no. Don't not call it. And then I get. Did.

[A]

Did he touch the ball? Hold on. Okay. Did Quentin Grimes touch it? No.

[C]

No, he did not touch it, bro. Travel, man. I'm gonna just say, wow. Ain't no way hell you can jump.

[A]

That's a. That's a. That's a walk. That's absolutely a walk. And then. And then he. Jump. Stop. Floater cooked you. Why would you think you could do that? I don't. You know what he tried to do is he tried to. He tried to dribble as he was up, which is technically you can jump while you're dribbling.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's bad. This is. This needs to be called. This needs to be called to travel.

[C]

Exactly. Whatever the name of that referee is right there in the corner, brother, you are on watch. We are watching you. We are watching these.

[B]

Look.

[C]

Salute the draftkings. We love you. That's all I'm gonna say. We got our eyes on you. This is a travel. Moving on. Breaking news out of the NBA. Jonathan Kaminga has demanded not. Please trade me, sir. Please, sir. No, no, no, no, no. Get me the hell up out of here right damn now. To the Warriors. What you think about that, bro? Is it justified?

[A]

I don't think Jonathan Kaminga has played a game in 30 days.

[C]

Come on, man.

[A]

I. I'm ready to say there's certain coaches that are built for certain things. And like, you know. You know, Trick Daddy is like, oh, trick love the kids.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like the exact, exact opposite for Steve Kerr. Steve Kerr doesn't want any thing to do with pacifiers or bottles or ball handling drills or teaching you how to be a pro, you need to be a pro as soon as you walk in these doors. Now, the problem is that he has an owner trying to do the whole two timeline thing. You can't have two timelines. If there's one timeline that doesn't have a pacifier, they all need diapers. The second timeline needs to be in diapers and pacifiers. And basically beyond their AAU coach's teeth, essentially.

[C]

Also coming out of the warriors camp, they say they are not interested in mpj. They. And this is from my boy Sean Sharania. They say they are not interested. Like, who even puts out that statement? Why would you. Yeah, I mean take the chance. I wouldn't even do that. Like, if I'm not interested, I'm gonna let you wonder, oh, taste to see you did. But what you think about that? Are they tripping? Should they be having my boy MPJ on his radar? On their radar?

[A]

Have you ever done that to a girl before? Like, listen, I'm just. I don't even know where your level of interest in me is. I'm not interested in you though.

[C]

Exactly. Hell nah, bro. I'm just sitting here randomly. I. I know you didn't taste me, but I'm not thinking about you.

[A]

So let me just take somebody and be like, listen, I just want to let you know I'm not interested. If I see you in San Francisco, I'm. We're not. We're not laying up together. I'm sorry. It's like nobody want. Listen, maybe MPJ don't want you.

[C]

Exactly. Because I saw my boy laying up this week. I saw some photos of my boy linked up in a new relationship. I'm pretty sure he would love to stay in the bx the South Bronx. You did. Across the bridge is over. The bridge is over. Put it. Bye bye.

[A]

The Golden State needs to do something fast. They are. It's a rap for them.

[C]

Yeah, man, because they. The problem with them I think is going to be the injuries. Because once you get a little older and older that ankle injury take a little two extra weeks. That, that, that wolverine quality used you used to have in your back. Ah, I'm gonna need three more sciatica excuses. You did so. Yeah. Get well soon, warriors. Lastly, before we go to boy stop, Zion Williamson, man, he been in the streets now. He been getting a lot of headlines for the wrong damn reason.

[A]

You could have just stopped before lines.

[C]

My boy been in the streets, man. My boy. We gotta. He need a bit now, bro. Like, we gotta get my boy beat down and be like, bro, this is the ropes. Don't go over here, don't go over here. This is cool. Come. My boy keep getting played by only fan after only fan. I don't even see nothing in his roster that's even. Like. I ain't even gonna. Matter of fact, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna go there. I'm just saying, as crazy as an off the court season as my boy has had brush. Still got it, man. I say all that to say my boy. Still got it, man. Will you right now sitting on the Portland or whatever team you got. If you were the gm, are you going halfway in, if not all in, on the Zion Williamson trade right now?

[A]

It depends what city my team is in.

[C]

There we go, talk about it.

[A]

So let's talk about the cities we don't want him to go to. Let's go Miami. There's a lot of temptation in Miami. Temptation on all levels, in all fronts.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Can't go to Miami. Houston. We already know what time it is in Houston.

[C]

You can't go, Prince. Hell yeah. Houston. Atlanta. Vegas.

[A]

Atlant. Yep. Atlanta. You're not going to Atlanta. And the lemon. Listen, Magic City is not just for the wings, okay? We're not. And the girls will eat you alive. They will see you coming, and they will get your Venmo so fast, that is drained. You will be drained in both ways.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

And on the court. And they will drag you through the streets and talk about your name. Professionals. They're different in la. They pretty faces, a lot of ambition. Girls from all around the world. Russia, Slovakia, and. And like Middle America. They're coming for you, Zion.

[C]

So no, listen. No Soros.

[A]

Okay? So you can't go there either.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We need to get. And I think maybe even Utah is a no go. Because those women.

[C]

Oh, I see. What, you tip the scale. Yeah.

[A]

They'll come at you with the good news.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it'll be all bad. You know what I mean? They'll hit you with the LDS book and it's a rap for you. So you need a place with the. With a bunch of uglies.

[C]

Yeah, bruh. I don't think you can say that, bruh. Cause now I can't ask the following.

[A]

We gotta stop him from bumping uglies. That's what we gotta do.

[C]

There we go. Now. Totally not related to that. What cities do you see him being safe in? This is not saying these cities got uglies. For the record. Not allegedly.

[A]

Listen, ultimately, ultimately, penultimately, I. As somebody that's from here, there's not a lot going on in Portland. And as. As fine as I would like to consider myself, I think, hello, I got finer when I left this city.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

I saw the world, okay? I. I found a contour brush, all right? I found a way to get my hair blown out. I found my swag outside of Portland.

[C]

Listen, so maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline, the granola chicks.

[A]

Even if you get caught up with the granola chicks, they're not hitting you for more than a Alberta food co op card, okay? We got very, very low standards in terms of what tricking looks like.

[C]

So you didn't hit us with that Portland lingo, bro. Like right there, that was like a LA guy hitting us with rosecrans. Competent, like he just gang bang you just gang banging us with Portland.

[A]

Listen, it's $5 every six months for the Alberta co op card, but you get 20 off on February's between the 1st and the 7th. So that's what they will do for you. They'll hit you with the juice card. So I think Portland, I think San Antonio, I think there's very little. Maybe Denver. Denver's a good spot. I mean, these are not basketball situations that I'm talking about. I'm just talking about to keep Zion off the streets. Where should he go?

[C]

Yeah, see, and that's why I was surprised, or I mean, still at. At the. The time of this taping, right now, everybody is still playing for their teams. There has been no John Morant move. There has been no trades, no blockbuster moves in case by the time this come out, it happens. But that's why I'm surprised that people are even kind of putting the respect on Ja. Wanna go to Miami? Excuse me. How about no? How about no, thank you? We good. My boy, My boy messing up in Memphis out there. My boy got Memphis going crazy like, I'm sorry. Like I don't know. Now Memphis is one of them pro, super pro black towns. You did. So you want to be extra, extra black if you ain't come up.

[A]

Another town Zion can't go to is Memphis.

[C]

No astronaut extra no. Like. But at the same time, I think John Morant is in that same boat as I am, because John Morant come from that too. John Morant come from South Carolina. What is it? Down from Spartanburg, Wherever Zion from. Yeah, so they got that same. Now that. Now that we popping vibe like it's up and so. Yeah, I think you right, bro. We Gotta send. We got to send one of them boys to Portland. We got to send them boy to Milwaukee. You know what I mean? Toronto. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm. Take that back. No, Toronto. I'm sorry. I got ahead of myself. But yeah, somewhere like that, because that's where you going to get the most. I don't think heat culture can overcome the booby trap culture in Miami.

[A]

One time, Juju. I thought it was when the super bowl was down in Miami.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I. I thought we were. I was going to. To one place.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it sounded like the booby trap, but it was really the booby trap. I think I told you this story before, and I put it into my Uber, and the. The Uber driver was like, you sure you want to go to the booby trap?

[C]

All right?

[A]

And I said, isn't it just a bar? They're like. And I'm not gonna stop you from going wherever you're supposed to go. You got people you're meeting there. And I said, yeah, I'll meet my. My friend there. We gotta get out of here.

[D]

Dylan threw that one in because. Because we're on this a long time. We're already 28 minutes in. So I'm just.

[A]

I'm just gonna tell you. Google the booby trap. Ms. Rebecca. I was the only white woman in there. It was. It's a. You don't want to go to the booby trap. Like, jock can't go to the booby trap.

[C]

Exactly. And he culture can't overcome Opalakagoon culture.

[A]

No.

[C]

But moving on, man. And we will be right back after these messages. Yeah. And welcome back to the Alley oop. We are about to head into a segment that we like to call Boy Stop.

[D]

To set this Up. It's two men. They're about to square off. One of them has to strip down. The other one is in skinny jeans and church shoes.

[C]

And that's. That's all I need to hear right there. Skinny jeans and church shoes. Danger. Danger, brother. And a vest. And he ain't even pop nuts. Exactly. See that one lick you flying. Oh, my God. Two licks you threw. And you're lucky my boy was a good, good man.

[A]

Did he try to pick him back.

[C]

Up, bro, you lucky this man ain't have hating in heart, bro. He like, he ain't even want to do this to you, bro. Like, do you not see the church shoes I have on in this in the club? But, like, you playing. You're extra playing, bruh. What would you do If. If a girl in some church shoes and a vest walked upon you, I'll.

[A]

Go the other way. I mean, listen, there's people that just let you know that they're a problem based on the sheer ridiculousness of what they've pulled up in. The amount of confidence and the ability to back it up is what is required for those tight ass pants with the church shoes. He came in there rocking Krav maga.

[D]

Yes. He didn't even use his fist. He's got an earbud in, for God's sake. I'm not even sure he's paying attention. I mean, look closely. He's got an earbud in.

[A]

The earbud didn't move.

[D]

Yeah, he's listening to a track. He hasn't even stopped his workout.

[A]

It was legitimately light work for him. The dude put. Took his shirt off for no reason just to get clapped up.

[C]

I'm talking about Baraka.

[A]

Baraka tripped into the front, kick down to the ground, and then he tried to pick bro up like, you good? You good?

[C]

Exactly, bro. The first move is a Baraka trip. That's where you know danger. Danger. Because most intermediate fighters run up on you with a fist, right? My boy said, oh, you leaving that thigh wide open for me.

[A]

Touch earth.

[C]

Exactly how do it.

[A]

Yes. Why you. Boy, stop.

[C]

Boy, stop. Exactly. Taking your shirt off in the club to square up with a brother in some tight jeans and some church shoes. Boy, stop, man, Come on, man, wake up.

[A]

I love this show.

[C]

Thank you as always, for pulling up on us, man, at the alley. Oh, thank you as always, to Mr. Distinguished. Dylan. My boy, my brother, man. And Mrs. Rebecca Donahue, as always. Any last words on the way out, sis?

[A]

Listen, if the Hurricanes beat Indiana, I want to see Mario crystal ball at the Booby trap.

[C]

And there it is. I'm pretty sure you ain't gotta hope for that. My boy. My boy got a table already paid for.

[A]

He's got a monthly membership. His shirt is the booby trap.

[C]

Catch us on Tuesday. Same bad time, same bad channel salute. Booby trap.