Best of DLS: Zaslow Travels to South Bend

Summary

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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Best of DLS: Zaslow Travels to South Bend
Date: December 29, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this “Best Of” compilation, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew deliver the kind of sports talk, irreverence, and storytelling that defines The Dan Le Batard Show. Broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, the episode features fan-favorite segments, with a focus on Jason Zaslow's hilariously disastrous travel adventure to South Bend for an ESPN assignment, Tony’s NFL Top Five, insider Miami Dolphins commentary, and a lively debate about Shohei Ohtani’s supernatural baseball achievements. The show packs in their signature banter, running jokes, and local flavor, making it a highlight for longtime listeners and a great entry point for newcomers.

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Key Segments and Highlights

1. “Best Of” Format, Fan-Powered Selections

(03:20 – 05:16)

• Dan and Stugotz explain that the episode draws on “best of” moments as chosen by their Twitter audience.
• “I outsourced my work to the fans... Basically, the ones that showed up the most, that’s what you get today.” — Dan [04:07]
• Teased highlights: Two favorite hours — Zaslow’s story, and the first ever “thai food” drop.

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2. Tony’s Walk-On FIU Quarterback Story

(06:19 – 10:14)

• Tony describes his college football walk-on at FIU, famously never being given a real football, only air passes.
• “They didn’t even give him a football. He was just throwing air passes and then he went home, and they never gave him his real chance.” — Dan [06:41]
• Tony explains that NCAA bylaws would've penalized the team for using real footballs in walk-on tryouts.
• Comedy ensues as the crew riffs on whether using a Nerf or “animal skin” ball would count against practice days.
• “That was the house I could have built if they had let me.” — Tony [08:12]

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3. Tony’s Top Five NFL Observations (Rapid-Fire, Analysis, and Absurdity)

(10:14 – 21:36)

Tony presents his “Top Five NFL Observations,” infused with chaos, tangents, and Miami Dolphins distress:

• Jags Frustration: Stugotz and Tony rail against the Jacksonville Jaguars’ lack of discipline.
  • “The Jags, every good play they had was undone by penalty... They're not serious people.” — Stugotz [11:24]
• Chiefs Rising: “I think we were wrong. Here come the Chiefs... Rashee Rice makes a big difference.” — Tony [13:02]
• Cowboys Not Dead: “When Dak Prescott is healthy, that team is always a 12-win team... they win.” — Tony [15:41]
• Colts Love: “The Colts are the most complete team in football... They’ll put 38 on anybody.” — Tony [17:06]
• Dolphins Despair: Tony launches into a satirical breakdown of Dolphins management, using only the letters in their names:
  • “One of the M’s in Mike McDaniel stands for Miserable Muerto...” [18:51]
  • “The M in Miami Dolphins stands for... Mahong... just a single piece of... not even a pile, just a single turd.” — Tony & Dan [19:44]
• Slapstick wordplay, continuous riffing, especially targeting the hometown Dolphins’ dysfunction.

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4. Zaslow’s South Bend Travel Fiasco (Main Feature)

(42:21 – 48:12)

Context:

Zaslow, working ESPN’s college football coverage, details a “flight” to South Bend, which turns out to be an airline ticket with a shock twist.

The Story:

• Zaslow books through the ESPN travel system, planning to fly from Miami to South Bend via Chicago O’Hare.
• Upon landing at O’Hare, he’s perplexed that the connecting ‘flight’ to South Bend is listed as 2 hours and 45 minutes—far too long for the short hop across state lines.
• As he prepares to “board,” he’s sent down steps to what turns out to be... a bus, branded with American Airlines livery.
• “Are we taking this bus to South Bend?” — Zaslow to the driver [45:54]
• “Yes.”
• Quickly realizes everyone has assigned bus seats, complete with boarding passes.
• The bus driver makes flight-like PA announcements, “We’re waiting for the go-ahead from the air tower,” prompting Zaslow’s total confusion: “Woman, air tower? We're on a bus!” [47:12]

Memorable Quotes:

• “Can the second leg of your first-class flight ever be a bus?” — Dan (poll suggestion) [46:59]
• “Why would the bus say American Airlines on it? You’re not an airline, you’re a bus!” — Stugotz [47:25]
• “I just want to go.” — Zaslow (after texting Amber Wilson about the entire ordeal) [48:12]

The Crew Reacts:

• Collective disbelief and laughter about airline-branded buses as “connecting flights.”
• Jokes about assigned bus seats, snack service, and “turbulence on the drive.”
• Ends as one of the show's most iconic travel fails.

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5. Shohei Ohtani Is Not Human: Baseball Segment

(32:47 – 41:29)

• Dan goes on a passionate, almost reverential tangent about Shohei Ohtani’s otherworldly playoff performance.
  • “The most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shohei Ohtani... an extraterrestrial that has never existed on earth before.” — Dan [33:53]
• Recites Ohtani’s stat line: three home runs (one out of the stadium), 10 strikeouts, and a World Series berth clinched.
  • “The playoff game he just had is something they will talk about 100 years from now.” — Dan [40:40]
• Explores the rarity of pitchers who can hit, minimizing the “put every major league pitcher in a HS game” debate that erupts.
• Babe Ruth vaudeville side tangent offers a rare historical nugget and classic show humor.

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6. Precision in the NFL & Quarterback Play

(27:01 – 31:56)

• Dan discusses the “precision” required at the top levels of pro football.
• Fascination with how QBs like Stafford, Mahomes, and coaches like McVay operate military-style offenses.
• “The precision of the Rams is a tribute to excellence... If he plays them in the playoffs, [Stafford] is going to beat them.” — Dan [29:00]
• Miami Dolphins and Tua Tagovailoa as cautionary tales—“a Ferrari with a spark plug that went wrong.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The show will still party around Dolphins football... We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team.” — Stugotz [05:17]
• “You can’t be sloppy against [the Rams]... When Brian Flores is working his way back into the league... Military schools. Giant economies studying all day and night. The precision of the Rams is a tribute to excellence.” — Dan [29:00]
• “One of the E's in Stephen Ross stands for... He's in cojoná. That's what he is.” — Tony [21:00]
• “The only information we have on Tony’s FIU career is he tried out as a walk-on one time. They didn’t even give him a football.” — Dan [06:41]
• “Can the second leg of your first-class flight ever be a bus?” — Dan (regarding Zaslow’s travel misadventure) [46:59]
• “Why would the bus say American Airlines on it? You’re not an airline, you’re a bus!” — Stugotz [47:25]
• [On Ohtani] “Someone who would make Babe Ruth pale in his shadow.” — Dan [40:40]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 03:20-05:16| “Best Of” Episode Intro, Fan Picks Explained | | 06:19-10:14| Tony’s FIU Walk-On Story | | 10:14-21:36| Tony’s NFL Top Five, Miami Dolphins Rant | | 32:47-41:29| Shohei Ohtani Superhuman Baseball Segment | | 27:01-31:56| Precision in Football, Dolphins/Tua Talk | | 42:21-48:12| Zaslow’s South Bend “Flight” (Bus) Story |

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Tone & Style

The crew is energetic, self-aware, and sarcastic, perpetually poking fun at each other, Miami sports pain, and their own alleged expertise. Much of the humor is rooted in self-deprecation, wordplay, and fake outrage layered with actual sports insights.

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Summary

This “Best Of” episode is a showcase of The Dan Le Batard Show’s distinctive blend of sports analysis, improvisational comedy, and relatable storytelling. Zaslow’s travel misadventure stands out as an instant classic, while Tony’s top fives and NFL takes deliver plenty of fuel for Miami Dolphins fans (and haters). Dan’s admiration for baseball phenom Shohei Ohtani brings genuine awe, and everyone’s quick wit keeps the episode brisk and engaging.

Recommended for:

• Longtime fans seeking pure show essence
• Listeners who love deep sports talk with a twist
• Anyone who’s ever had an airline bus ordeal

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

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[C]

Hate Smirnoff.

[A]

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[D]

Today's episode is brought to you by Venmo. Look, no matter how your favorite team does this season, there's still one way to feel like a winner, and that's with Venmo. That's because when you use venmo to transfer $50 or more to a DraftKings DFS account for the first time or the first time in three plus months, you'll get $25 in DraftKings bonus credits. Terms apply. Just go to draftkings.com venmoffer to activate your offer. Then choose Venmo to add Funds to your DraftKings account. Add $50 or more and boom, 25 bonus credits will appear in your DraftKings account. If you're eligible. This offer is only good through February 15, 2026 or while supplies last. So don't fumble your chance before time runs out. Here's the deal. Venmo is a fast, easy way for you to add money onto DraftKings. And if you don't have a Venmo account yet, don't sweat it. You can download the app and sign up in minutes. So what are you waiting for? Just add $50 or more to your DraftKings DFS account with Venmo and you'll get $25 in bonus credits. Go to DraftKings.com venmoffer and go get that bonus. Gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler in New York, call 877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny at 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9777 or visit ccpg.org 18/plus in most eligible states, but age varies by jurisdiction. Eligibility restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. 1 per customer minimum 50 transfer from your Venmo account to DraftKings DFS account 25 reward issued as non withdrawable DK dollar site credits that do not expire while rewards last 20,000 total transfer redemptions available see [e-mail] Venmoffer ends February 15, 2026 at 11:59pm Eastern Brooks running reminds.

[C]

Us that we're all powered by something. Whether it's the me time energy of a run after a day at the office, the elect of your first marathon, or the infectious energy of a group run with your friends.

[A]

No matter what energy powers you, Brooks has gear specifically designed to unleash it. So lace up and let it out.

[C]

Let's run there.

[A]

Visit BrooksRunning.com today to learn more. This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast. Okay, so this week we're doing something.

[D]

A little bit different. Chris.

[C]

Hey man.

[D]

Week two we are back. Fresh content. Not pre taped. We did this this week. We we are not pre taped. We are working hard Pre taped at all.

[C]

We're here on the 29th.

[A]

That's the day it is right now.

[B]

As we record this.

[D]

Okay. Wearing the same clothes we wore for all the pre and pre. They don't know that last week. They don't know that cuz it's audio only.

[A]

It's audio only.

[C]

Cut that part then.

[D]

You didn't need to expose that to everyone. That part.

[A]

We've been wearing the same clothes for a week.

[D]

Okay Chris, here's where we're at this week. We're going to air some of the best episodes from this past year. I crowdsourced on this one. I'm being honest. I outsourced my work to the fans of the show. On Twitter. I put out, like, hey, what were.

[A]

Some of your favorite episodes of the year? And what I compiled here are basically the ones that showed up the most.

[D]

Please tell me Thai food is somewhere in here. Thai food is somewhere in here. That's actually today. How about that? This guy thought. Jeremy. Who would have thought? Who would have thought?

[A]

So today you're going to hear two different hours.

[D]

We're just going to. We're just going to tell you about that here. And then, like, next hour, you're not going to get a little intro from us.

[A]

You're just going to hear it here.

[D]

So you're going to get two hours. First, you're going to get Zaslow's story of his travels to South Bend. Dude took a train. I don't mean spoiler alert, spoiler alert. He's pathetic.

[A]

And then the second episode.

[D]

How about the first time my man ever said, thai food? It's a drop now forever.

[A]

It's going to be a part of.

[D]

This show for the. For the next 20 years. So that's. By the way, Zaslo's wife at the holiday party revealed that he is like a child when it comes to eating Thai food. That doesn't surprise me at all. He doesn't eat any. Like, it's just like he gets, like, fried rice. How do you think that guy has got his soda drinker's body? Fried rice and orange chicken, which is not Thai food. Zaslo day. Let's get to it.

[B]

No matter what is happening around the Miami Dolphins season, this show will still party around Dolphins football. We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team. By getting an entire block and sectioning it off wearing costumes. My kink. I can finally admit it. Right around Holly, right around Halloween, we're going to do this watch party. We don't do a lot of this. Greg, Cody, are you coming. Are you coming to the Kendall watch party?

[D]

Are you.

[B]

Are you holding out? Is there an appearance fee involved?

[E]

No, I would do it for free if I. If I do end up going. But I am scheduled to be at that game. But my. My knee situation complicates it. That's right around the time of my surgery. I'm going to try to actually make that event if I can.

[D]

It's a Miller light watch party. October 30th. It's a week from this upcoming Thursday at the Flanagans in Kendall, Southwest 88th street and Kendall Drive. Fifteen hundred dollar costume contest. The whole crew will be out there, come check it out.

[B]

We will, we will section off a block and it's going to be fun. We will make it fun. The thing that I just heard and I wish we had this audio and I wish we were secretly recording Tony because I can't believe it happened. He's at FIU stadium and he actually said into a hot mic sort of muttering to himself, the house I could have built if they had let me. If they had just let me. Now the only information we have on Tony's FIU career is he tried out as a walk on one time. They didn't even give him a football. He was just throwing air passes and then he went home and they never gave him his real chance. But can you guys please explain to me who overheard that and why it is that he was muttering that into the microphone when he was off air?

[D]

I heard it and it's just as Tony as it can be. Least surprising thing I've ever heard at the time.

[B]

It was crystal ball. Was it Crystal ball.

[D]

Classic Poor coaching decision when you walked on.

[A]

No, Dan, it was not Mario Crystal ball. So I would have walked on around 2013, 14, I think that's when they were in kind of flux. Crystal ball had just left and before Butch Davis I want to say. So it was kind of somewhere in, in between.

[C]

Long Kruger, was it Isaiah Thomas?

[A]

Might have been long. That's, that's. No, it wasn't.

[B]

Turner.

[A]

Ron Turner. I think I made him an NBA coach.

[B]

Ron Turner coaching like Oklahoma.

[A]

Yeah. Long Lon Kruger. I don't think it was but I think it was Ron Turner. But yeah, Dan, I did say. Because I have to test the mic. When I go to things I get Ron and Lon confused all the time.

[B]

I'm sorry Tony. I missed that. I didn't understand why he was employing the Illinois basketball coach at fiu.

[A]

But this isn't hired an Illinois football coach.

[B]

FIU basketball and football are a bit of a way station here for minor league football under the University of Miami. And Tony tried out without a football with an air football and he could have built that. Is that Pitbull Stadium?

[A]

Dan, I am right now in the Pitbull Stadium in the bowels of Pitbull Stadium, walking into one of the, one of the tunnels here. And if you can see right over my left shoulder right here, that's actually where I was. When I was trying out. So about Midfield, maybe the 45 yard line, they had a fake under center like this. And I was ready to call my plays, and I was ready to call my stuff. Three step drop. Okay.

[D]

Boom.

[A]

We're throwing. All right, give me a five stepper. Okay. One, two, three, four, five. Bounce, bounce, throw.

[B]

But, Tony, do you know. Do you know why did they not have enough footballs? Like, how many guys were out there? And why wouldn't they just have brought out like a dozen footballs that everyone could have reused?

[E]

Yeah. Or at least a nerve.

[A]

No, see, that's a great point, Dan. Yeah, no, that would have been a great point. They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs, which I could have thrown the tennis ball. But the. The information that I was given as to why they didn't have footballs for us to try out was because that would have actually taken away practice time in some sort of NBA NCAA bylaws, that if they would have brought out footballs for the walk ons, they would have actually lost a day of practice with the real team, which I didn't feel really great when they said that to me. I was like, well, we're trying to make the real team, aren't we? And he's like, yeah, but, you know. And then I was like. He's like, all right, bye, Steph.

[D]

Talk.

[A]

I was, all right.

[D]

Tony's top five is presented by Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the National Football League. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Vodka, 40% alcohol by volume.

[C]

I like the idea of Tony arguing with the coach why he can't have an. A real ball.

[A]

It was a quick argument because he's like, yeah, the real team. Then I was like, okay. And then he said, five step drop. And then I just went back like a robot and started doing five step drops.

[B]

Quick question. Had they used not a real football, like maybe a Nerf football or maybe one of like that Nickelodeon ball we.

[A]

Have behind us here?

[B]

Does that count as practice or.

[A]

No? No. I think it's got to be pig skin, right? I think if it's pig skin, then they can. Then they can get docked. But if it was foam, if it was maybe some sort of animal skin that wasn't pig, maybe we could have used it. But again, that's. That. That's 10 years in the past, Dan. It could have been the house that I built.

[B]

Tony says he's loaded today. Top five too many OLIs. Let's get through this. Let's. Let's start with the first Oli Tony's top five observations from the NFL weekend.

[A]

We'll bang out through the olive really quick. Michael McCorkle Jones keeps getting it done. Dano, Thank you. I was waiting for that. Appreciate it. That's my second olive Braves revenge game. Yeah. Michael McCorkle. Jones.

[B]

McCorkle.

[A]

I'm gonna ask this one to the class. Ask Trey McBride who he'd rather have at QB. Did you guys see the stats with him and Kyler Murray versus him and Jacoby Brissette? Do you guys know that stat or no.

[B]

Brissette targets him so much.

[A]

And throws touchdowns to him. Imagine that. You have a really good tight end. Kyler Murray's like, you know what? I'd rather not throw touchdowns to him. I'd rather throw touchdowns to Michael Wilson. But Jacoby Brissette's like, man, this guy's really good. Let me throw him the ball in the end zone. Which is usually a good thing when you have a guy who's 65 and runs a 4 6. But alas. All right, second last, Oli Jags. Just when I think I'm in, they push me back out.

[B]

I mean, they're not serious people.

[A]

Dan, do you want to, do you want to set. Do you want to say the text that you told me on you text me privately when that game started?

[B]

Yeah, sure. I, I just said I, I, I have just bet the Jags and I know I'm going to regret it. Like, I know I. The game had not started.

[A]

Down 21 nothing because.

[B]

Yeah, no, because I, I believe in them athletically, but they're not serious people.

[E]

What do you mean by that?

[A]

Insane, Dan. Insane.

[B]

I'll tell you. No, I'll tell you. Thank you for asking the question. I'll tell you what I mean by that. What I mean by that is the Jags, every good play that they had in yesterday's game was undone by a penalty. So they had they. At one point, the announcer said, and the 11th and 12 12th penalty of this game wipe out a third and seven sacks for the Jags. Again, the Rams are playing three tight ends and one wide receiver. Three tight ends and one wide receiver. When I'm telling you that Stafford and Devonte Adams beat the Jags by themselves by just standing there watching them implode. They're not serious people. Like Matthew Stafford is doing no look passes in the super bowl because he knows exactly where to throw the ball. That's really three inches. Brian Thomas. You hit him and hit him with a face mask. Trevor Lawrence cannot be trusted to do anything but buck and Bronco like a Clydesdale. They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools. They exhibit the behaviors of a fool.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

They're not fools. Just act like.

[A]

I don't know. You haven't been watching the Jags that closely then. All right, last Oli.

[D]

Oh, shit.

[A]

Here come the Chiefs. Dan, I think we were wrong.

[B]

So wrong.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

So Rasheed Rex makes a big difference.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's good.

[A]

Pretty good. Yeah.

[B]

And then. And that decision thing, all right, where you can throw it to one guy seven times and every time it's gonna be open. Yeah. It makes everybody a little bit better.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. We'll get into the top five now.

[B]

Except Baker.

[A]

5.

[B]

Baker doesn't need anybody. Baker doesn't need precision with anybody.

[A]

Get somebody off the couch. You'll catch a touchdown with Baker. Only if we could teach that to Trevor Lawrence, who is still again, throwing touchdowns to nobody but throwing the ball to Parker Washington, of all people. Anyways, we'll get off to number five here. The Eagles are going to be all right. Eagles are going to be all right.

[B]

Dan, remember I said that Jalen Hurts.

[A]

Had the best team on both sides.

[B]

Jalen Hurts had the best game non Drake May division that was had by any quarterback in the league yesterday. And is it not funny to you guys the way these guys now treat fourth downs? God almighty. They've gone in the other direction now. These guys are throwing deep on 4th and 1 all over the place because it's a calculated advantage because everybody's selling out to stop the yard. It's crazy.

[A]

Dan. I will say this, though. Brian Flores, for as much flack as we gave him here in Miami, has figured out the tush push. I don't know if you guys have talked about this. I was getting here to the field. Okay, you line up a guy just on the floor, just in front of the line of scrimmage. Don't let him be on a three point stance or five point. Just lay him down horizontally on the floor so the guys can't get underneath him. It's probably the greatest way to stop the tush push. I wonder if people are going to use that going forward against Philly or not.

[C]

I think the next move, you stack defensive tackles on top of each other. Lying. Lying on top of each other.

[A]

Wow. Have four guys.

[B]

It's so fun.

[A]

Yeah. This way. Yeah.

[C]

You build a Wall.

[A]

Yes. Shout out to Stan Van Gundy.

[B]

You're screwed.

[D]

If they do play action but.

[E]

Or if they go wide.

[A]

We're trying to stop the tush push, guys. Come on. What are we doing here?

[B]

They throw a fade to A.J. brown against the corner. Who's six inches shorter?

[A]

Number four. The Cowboys aren't dead yet. Keep an eye on them. I know their defense isn't great. Keep an eye on the Cowboys. Keep an eye on them, Dan.

[B]

Tony, their defense is so.

[A]

Keep an eye on them. I mean, what happened to Trayvon Diggs where he got hurt at his house and is in concussion protocol?

[B]

An accident in his home.

[A]

When. When Dax Prescott is healthy, that team is always a 12 win team. Now they may not make it to 12 wins, but when he is healthy, they win. We got to get used to that. Bingo. Bingo. Number three. Through three quarters, I was getting ready to vehemently defend the top five intriguing teams list I did earlier this season where Dan laughed at my Giants selection and called it garbage. Then in the fourth quarter, Denver scored 33 points and I realized I still won the take because I'm a bow. I'm a pro bow. Knicks guy not being take accountable, Dan. That's the best part of my job. Bo Nicks, 33 points, two rushing touchdowns, two passing touchdowns in the fourth quarter. That, that Jackson dart interception was an absolute backbreaker. And then the Giants kicker missed the extra point. I could have kicked the extra point with a bad leg and made it maybe.

[B]

No, no.

[E]

How's that lawsuit going, by the way?

[A]

I would have pushed it wide right. I'm actually in talks with. With your wife to see what's going on here. Good to figure out how I can sue the company.

[B]

You need your support.

[A]

I might make an appearance over there. Yeah, a lot of. A lot of. A lot of people won't touch this case, Dano, because of your name around the city. But I finally found an attorney who I think knows you enough to make something happen. So I'm very excited about that.

[E]

I need your support.

[A]

Exactly right.

[B]

Number two.

[A]

Gonna continue to beat the drum on this, but the Colts are the most complete team in football.

[B]

So that's an interesting thing that happened, huh? Like it can't even be denied right now in terms of efficiencies marching down the field. They'll put 38 on anybody in a way that's a bit different than the way Kansas City does it, right? Because they've got the great. They're still using the great running back. Nobody needs one of those anymore. But they've got one that's better than all the rest.

[A]

And Tyler Warren, who's a really good rookie. Tight end, Michael Pittman. The ghost of Michael Pittman all of a sudden catching balls all over the field. They've got 19 guys that can just go out and get a 55 yard bomb. The Colts are exciting. And defense. Luana Rumo's got the defense playing really well. Dano, they are the most efficient offense this century when it comes to points per drive. I saw that.

[B]

No, but beyond that. I remind you that a couple of weeks ago, Zaslow over here was telling us Harbos to go greatest coach there's ever been. Because the Chargers had two good games of defense.

[D]

All right.

[B]

No, but the Colts can do that against anybody.

[A]

He was right back then.

[C]

I was talking about what they were that moment.

[B]

Can't be late with an opinion.

[D]

Dan, have we had a younger ghost of than Michael Pittman?

[A]

Why was he a ghost? Because he hurt his ankle. I mean, for years the guy didn't do anything. Now he hurt his back, hurt his ankle. He was all over the place, getting hurt in the injured reserve and whatnot. And then all of a sudden, he's just catching passes from everywhere. From Danny Dimes.

[E]

Crazy Jen hurt.

[A]

Good one, Greg.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

All right, Dano, number one. We can only save this for the hometown team. Dano, I'm going to give you a couple of letters and I want you to see what they stand for. Okay? You ready?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. One of the M's in Mike McDaniel stands for.

[B]

Oh, are you gonna insult him?

[C]

Miserable muerto.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were doing. You got.

[A]

Okay, we are playing Spanish.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, that's good.

[C]

Do you.

[A]

Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, Dano.

[A]

I thought it was gonna be cool. Chris Greer stands for. Oh, that's another one.

[B]

All right, but you. I don't want to. These people. It's calling. It's calling. Chris Greer.

[A]

A. I didn't say it. You did.

[B]

Trapped me. He exhibits the behaviors of someone who eats.

[E]

Yes, that's correct.

[A]

Sticking. Sticking with the. With the sandwich here. The M in Miami Dolphins stands for.

[D]

Mahong.

[B]

Ah, Mahong. Another. A synonym for M. Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd. Just a single piece of. It's not even a pile of it. It's just a single turd. That's right. A. Just one set apart from the others. One lonely turd.

[E]

Patrick Mahone.

[B]

That was a good One got a good.

[A]

Greg's on his game today. Un Unleashed. Dan, what does the T in TUA stand for?

[B]

Oh, for the love of God, Tony.

[A]

Tre.

[B]

Tre.

[A]

Dan. A tremendous turd.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Of tremendous turds.

[B]

A collection of tremendous turds. Is correct. Exhibits the behavior of a collection of tremendous turds.

[A]

All right.

[B]

These are all important distinctions. You're doing important work, Tony. Thank you for your help. He is making the distinctions.

[A]

I've got one last one.

[B]

Okay, I thought that was another.

[A]

I've got one last one. No, no, no. That's a continuation. Last one. We'll save it for the boss. One of the E's in Stephen Ross stands for what? Dan? No. Say, you gotta think about this one. Gotta think about this one. Think about what he's doing, where he sees his team right now. One of the E's in Stephen Ross stands for. You ready?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

He's in Cojonau. Dan. He's in Cohonau. That's what he is.

[B]

That is right.

[A]

He's in Cohona with the team.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

He has lost and Cohona with the team. Dan.

[B]

It's. He. So how do I translate in?

[C]

What does that mean?

[B]

It's with.

[A]

He's so obsessed. Upset. He's so upset that he's without balls. Yeah, his balls fell off from how upset he is.

[C]

Mangina.

[B]

No. Well, okay. I didn't think we could descend further than turds, but thank you, Tony, for taking us.

[A]

I liked that one.

[B]

Thank you. Appreciate.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

The awkward.

[A]

Dan, we got to get rid of these cucarachas in the house. It's over. Clean house for the dolphins. The entire thing.

[B]

That's right. I don't know why, Greg. I don't know why your son just shouted. Seeing Binga into the sky, trying to get in on. On the mer and the fun.

[A]

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[C]

LeBatard. John, can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's Way if I do it for you? I think it's pretty.

[A]

Good. Yeah. Okay.

[C]

Stugats. You think you're big time or you're gonna die big.

[D]

Time. That is on my infamous scale of 1 to.

[B]

10. That's.

[C]

A. That's a 7.6.

[A]

Solid. Good.

[D]

Job. Good.

[A]

Job. That's a SU nominee right.

[C]

There. This is the D Ler show with the St.

[B]

GS. I did want to talk for a second because I've.

[D]

Rambled. Told Tony has one more.

[E]

Thing. Really.

[A]

Quick. Really quick. Dan Tomorrow behind me Vice city situation at FIU Stadium. The FIU Panthers paws up. Are playing Kennesaw State right here 7pm at Pitbull Field. They may invite me to be on the. To be on the field here. I don't know. That's what I've been heard from my boy Darren, who's letting me know giving me a thumbs up. I don't.

[B]

Know. Okay. So thank you. I'm glad we went.

[A]

Back. Honorary.

[B]

Captain. Okay. So.

[A]

Yes. Honorary captain. By the way. Seems like it was probably contingent on him getting that last line out.

[B]

There. That's.

[A]

What. That's what access at Pitbull Stadium.

[B]

Causes. What gives you. What gives you that suspicion, Mike? Was that how smoothly he threw it? Just one more thing at the.

[A]

End. What does the F and F.

[B]

After I've given you in cohonavo as the last one more thing. I forgot the more important one more thing. Which is why I got active to this stadium that I could have built if my air passes a million years ago hadn't violated NCAA practice.

[A]

Rules. The I in FIU stands for. I gotta get this one in.

[D]

Boys worry with those practice.

[A]

Throws. Tony, I don't want you to get hurt out there. By the way. Really quick. There's one more thing. There's one more thing. Really quick. I promise. I promise. It's really quick. Look what I discovered back here. Danny, swivel the camera really quick. This goes back to last week. We were talking about this. Here we go. Hold on. Hold on. Can you guys tell me what that looks like right there? That seems to be a goalpost. Right? That looks to be a goalpost right here. And where the kid was was on will come.

[D]

In. That was such a.

[B]

Still. So wait. So.

[E]

Heavy.

[C]

Wow. Look at.

[B]

That. Okay, so it's not the 4,000.

[C]

Pound. Look at that goal.

[B]

Post. Look at that weight distribution. You look at that Tony. Karla you'd find out Tony Kaladi you'd finds out a new podcast where.

[A]

You want me to pick them both.

[D]

Up. He exposes that looks like a dollar.

[A]

Store.

[B]

Phil. He'll go.

[A]

Post. Thank you for doing this.

[B]

Tony. Good.

[A]

Work. Asinine conversation last week Good work.

[B]

Tony. We appreciate the help. I don't think you.

[D]

Could. The bigger schools have, you know.

[B]

Bigger heavier ones, just FCS goalposts that.

[A]

We say what are we doing.

[B]

Here? How do you imagine the tryouts are for the bigger school where the kid goes out who throws air passes there like. Do you realize how far from the very fringes of football Tony was throwing walk on air passes in a stadium where he couldn't even get footballs. The big schools do air passes but you wear full pads, everything full.

[D]

Contact. Well, could have built that house.

[B]

Though. So I want to talk to you though, guys about the. The. I've rambled a bit on the subject, but the precision of football, right? Because I do. I do get fascinated by the idea that Devonte Adams, who I didn't think was a number one wide receiver, has dedicated his life over the last 15 years to. I will run exactly 14.3 yards on this route. I'm going to practice it and I'm going to keep practicing. It's not going to be 15.3 yards. It's not going to be on Devonte.

[A]

Adams. You were right at the.

[C]

Time. That's what I'm.

[B]

Saying. Can't be late with an.

[A]

Opinion. Dan, it was.

[B]

Bad. He had a lot of drops his first season. But the idea that athletes of this caliber would dedicate themselves to staying atop money by being as precise as the Rams demand, you must. McVeigh's ahead of the game. Got to stay ahead of the game. Tua can get stripped down to nothing that fast. McDaniel too, he was first to. I'm the next Belichick. I can have any broadcasting job. I'm smarter than everyone else. I'll do it. If I've got Whitworth, I'll do it. If I've got Gurley, I'll do it. If I've got Goff, I'll do it. If I've got Stafford, I'll do it. If I have no wide receivers yesterday and I'm going to London and playing at 6am for my fans and I'm going to drag Jacksonville that has all the number one picks in their offense because I'm a better organization, because I'm the Rams and I will be feared by everyone in the playoffs because the military school we run on numbers and precision. Just get Puka's hands open. It doesn't have to be the rest of him, just where his hands are. You can't be sloppy against that. You can't when. When Brian Flores is working his way back into the league because a discrimination lawsuit is laughed at as everything he told you about the organization comes unraveling and he's devising how do I stop that play that Jason Kelsey is arguing for is that team wins 20 of 21 because there's a play that can't be stopped. No, Flores, let me see if I can figure out how to stop it. These are military schools. There are giant economies that are studying all day and night to how do we beat the Eagles? And you fall behind like that. The precision of the Rams is a tribute to excellence. And Stafford, I will add, because Stafford survived everything that the Lions were organizationally got out. And I'm telling you, if he plays them in the playoffs, he's going to beat them. And I'm telling you that if he played for that team right now, he's the one who could go get Mahomes. Because they figured out at the top of the game that if you're healthy and precise, Drew Brees was trying to beat them. They've got a precision that is so crazy that Jacksonville, with Travis Hunter out there, they're just slinging it. So Devonte Adams has never had that kind of game. And Stafford hasn't either. And they've got no wide.

[C]

Receivers. Remember, before the season started, we weren't sure, like, it felt like Stafford wasn't going to play this year. That wasn't that long.

[E]

Ago. He's the fourth best quarterback in the league, right after Allen Mahomes and a healthy.

[B]

Job. I want to talk, though, I want to get back to talking about the idea, though, of when we're doing this stuff that we're watching happen with Belichick, where you see how quickly someone can get stripped of genius. The quarter McVeigh cut bait on golf so fast. Nobody cuts bait that quickly on, like, nope, let's go get Stafford. We were just a Super bowl team. People hold onto their jobs. They're afraid. But if you're in your early 30s and you're actually smarter than everyone else, you're not pretending all the time and you get the right quarterback with which all you have to do is, yep, Matt, I'll support you everywhere. Just keep being that precise. Please meet me at precision. Keep throwing the ball there and there and there. Every time no look passes. Mahomes did that yesterday. You saw Mahomes did the no look pass because he's feeling comfortable again. Because. And. And Rice is pointing to him like this. The miles that these men run in, feet that get Deion Sanders amputated toes like in precision of. No, we'll do it. 14.3 yards. 14.3.

[A]

Yards. It's all right, Dan. It's a little too much. I can Deion Sanders toes. And if you say they just need Puka's hands open for a fourth time this show, we're stopping you penalty.

[B]

Box. I probably deserve it. I just can't believe that there's a machine that's more precise than all the others in that game. Like, we marvel and value all this stuff, and then Baker Mayfield gets out there and we can't explain how it is that he got to. How he got to 35 points when none of his receivers are there. Compare it to what we just happened in Miami, which was a Ferrari with a spark plug that went wrong. Like you a fragile thing that if. If a leg breaks, you're done. You're finished. You're finished.

[A]

Historically.

[E]

So. Yeah, but, but, but accuracy was supposed to be to his strength, and it.

[A]

Is.

[E]

He. He has the. Going into yesterday, he had the best red zone passer rating in the league. His completion percentage was like second best in the league. So accuracy. You mentioned precision. Accuracy is supposed to be his forte. So theoretically, Mike McDaniels agrees with McVay. He just can't pull it off like McVay.

[C]

Does. Yeah, but it's not just the accuracy with two of these days anymore. Like, I and I know Xavian Howard said this after week number one, but it really does appear if the first option in the first second of the ball being snapped is not there, it is panic.

[E]

Time. I agree with that. I agree with that. And plus his lack of a running option is just extreme to the point where he's one dimensional in a way that hardly any other quarterbacks.

[B]

Are. Doesn't even make sense to me when you're talking about that was number one in the league in passing. Like the second option and third option were there because he was getting rid of the ball faster than everyone else was, faster than Tom Brady ever did. Before we go any further, I've got a couple of things that I'm remiss on. One, I have failed today. That it is a couple of hours into the show, and I've not mentioned that in a baseball game, unlike anyone I have ever witnessed. And whoever it is that saw Babe Ruth play does not have the story to tell that we do if we're not numb to these things. The idea that Shohei Ohtani hit three home runs in a playoff game to clinch a World Series berth, one of them out of the stadium and also struck out 10 men. Throwing the ball 100 miles an hour makes him an extraterrestrial that has never existed on earth before. And that game is the single best playoff game a player has ever played, Babe Ruth included. Like, there is no there. There's no getting around. We saw that the by leaps and bounds. The most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shohei Ohtani. And there is no close second.

[D]

Place. There will never be a close.

[A]

Second. Only 12 hitters ever had hit.

[D]

Three homers in a postseason.

[A]

Game. Only 26 pitchers ever had recorded.

[D]

10 strikeouts in two hits or less and no runs in both.

[A]

Seasons. He did both. That's.

[D]

Project. I mean, he's the only pitcher they're letting hit nowadays though, so how's anyone else wants to do.

[B]

It? It's. It is superhero athleticism. It is stuff you will tell people about 100 years from now and they will not believe it existed. Timeout, Chris, what did you just.

[A]

Say? What in the.

[D]

World? What other pitchers are hitting in today's.

[B]

Baseball? That's why. Because they're not allowed to. Oh, if you gave Max Scherzer's like if you put me at play, man, I'll take one yard. That's what you're.

[D]

Saying. I'm just saying one pitcher is currently hitting these days. They should let more.

[A]

Pitchers. Did you hear the numbers I just.

[E]

Said? You're not.

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[C]

Done Levatar My algorithm on Instagram is Dan. It's all.

[A]

Boobs.

[C]

Stugats. It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Le Avatar show with the.

[E]

Stugats. I mean, I'm not saying any other pitcher would be Otani, but all half of the major league pitchers hit.488 in high school.

[A]

Right? Like. Like, keep.

[E]

Talking. Like, pitchers in high school were probably the best hitter on their team as.

[D]

Well. Who's the.

[B]

Pitcher? Wait, Jeremy, what'd you.

[D]

Hit? Who's the pitcher that's being held back right now? Who could be.

[B]

Hitting? Okay, you guys need to stop doing this because you're really minimizing the level of expertise that it's taking present day to hit a baseball. Like, pitchers can no longer do.

[E]

That. No. Ohtani is a unicorn. And look on. By some metrics, he's having a bad postseason in that he's hitting like.208 or something. But he's got five home runs and two pitching victories. There's been.

[D]

Nobody. There's got to be a pitcher right now that's like, let me get some ABs.

[A]

Coach. I could help 12 hitters ever.

[D]

With three homers in a postseason.

[A]

Game. 12 hitters that were just hitters.

[D]

Have ever hit three home runs in a.

[B]

Post. One of them went out of the stadium. I have not seen that there before. I have. I. I don't. Maybe that happens all the time now that he plays.

[A]

There. No. They put a marker out in right field for Kyle Schwaber's homer in an earlier round this postseason because nobody hits the ball.

[D]

That. And he hit it like 30ft.

[A]

Further as he struck out 10 guys in a.

[B]

Game. It is. It is absurd. Beyond absurd. And that you guys would make it a conversation of, I want to see Chris Hammond hit.

[C]

More. Poll.

[D]

You. I swear I was going to say Mike.

[C]

Hampton. He won.

[D]

Bad. I also had Chris Hammond. My whole Mike Hampton right now is sitting somewhere saying, hey, give me 600.

[E]

Bats. Yeah, damn right he could.

[D]

Hit. I can't believe you just pulled Chris.

[B]

Hammond.

[D]

Yeah. You're not my.

[A]

Brain. Yeah, pinch hitter. In the World Series.

[D]

Oh, you don't think there's any pitchers? I know. I'm obviously. Obviously, Ohtani's great. There's got to be some pitchers out there, like, coach, let me get an.

[B]

Ab. But this is the part. This is the only part I understand. This is the part that frustrates me. I would say, just in general, wherever it is that language barrier and baseball and foreignness makes someone not the star they should be. Because in the sport of Mike Trout, somebody who hits and pitches, what he just did is so Ruthian, so superheroic. The people who appreciate baseball understand that no other human being who has ever lived has that collection of talents in his body. It's the kind of game he just had. If we sent a major leaguer to play against sixth graders where he'll hit three home runs and one of them will be further than any of the sixth graders have ever seen, he's playing against all other major leaguers. They can't hit him at 100 miles an hour. And he hits the ball further than I've ever seen it.

[C]

Hit. And he only started pitching again in the middle of this.

[E]

Season.

[C]

Yeah. He had not pitched in over a.

[B]

Year. Dan, I kind of need CSI baseball to take a look at the Anaheim Angels or Los Angeles Angels or California Angels or whatever Angels. They were like, you guys had Trout and Shohei at the same time, and you were horseshit. And pools. How did that.

[C]

Happen? How is that.

[B]

Possible? And rendon, they paid 250 million for him, too. And then they had no pitching is how it.

[D]

Happened. I think you could put every.

[A]

Major league pitcher in a high school.

[D]

Game right now against one of. Keep.

[A]

Talking. The better high school pitchers and not one of them would have the.

[D]

Game. Shohei Ohtani just did in the.

[B]

Mlb. It's luna. It's total. What that man just did. Like, what I was beginning to say is I wish the American media knew how to cover this person in a way that would grant him the stardom that would make him a bigger thing beyond over the land. That this is no problem in Japan, obviously. Right? They. They recognize the history of the game. Hell, the game grew as the comp. The cultures shared it. And what has been birthed is the single greatest baseball player that has ever existed. Someone who would make Babe Ruth pale in his shadow. And the playoff game he just had is something they will talk about 100 years from.

[C]

Now. How much is he making this.

[B]

Year? $2.

[E]

Million. That is.

[C]

Hilarious. A good.

[E]

Value. That's crazy. But there is one measure by which Babe Ruth continues to be the most talented player ever. And let me give it to you. And this is. You think I'm setting this up for a joke. I'm not. This is the truth. Early in the 20th century, baseball players used to work during the off season to make extra income. Babe Ruth worked during the off season singing on a vaudeville stage. So I want to see Ohtani do that.

[B]

Okay. What got you there.

[E]

Dan?

[B]

Gotcha. Can we look that up, see if it's factual? How much. How much Babe Ruth earned singing in a vaudeville show in the off season to make extra.

[E]

Coins? A lot of players did it because they were trading on their name. They were celebrities. So people would go to the.

[B]

Vault. They would be shows. They'd be shows. And there's the great Babe Ruth in the before television, cable, or the Internet influencers of their day. Kind of like how every athlete has a podcast now. The.

[E]

1920S.

[C]

Yeah. Yes. Babe Ruth did sing in vaudeville. During tours in the 1920s, he performed a variety of acts that included singing, telling jokes, and even trying his hand at mind reading. These performances were part of his postseason tours and were popular attractions due to his celebrity.

[D]

Status.

[B]

Booyah. Being Babe.

[E]

Ruth.

[B]

Booyah. Was not allowed back then. Yeah, that would have had you sat in a different.

[C]

Section.

[B]

Booyah. I don't know why you would. Then do it.

[E]

Again. I don't even know what that means. That kind of.

[B]

Thing. Do it.

[E]

Again. That's a three facts, Jack, from the Greg Cody show. By the way, that fact on Babe Ruth. I'm there for you people. I'm there.

[B]

For. The other thing that I'm remorseful about today is that I have not gotten to Zaslow's travel.

[C]

Story. Oh, my.

[B]

God. Mike Ryan embargoed from me earlier the show. What are you saying? Oh, yeah.

[E]

About. I want to hear.

[B]

It. You don't know anything about it. Two people know about this story, and Mike Ryan embargoed the story. I've never had such trouble getting a story. I wanted it. Neither one of them would give it to me. What.

[C]

Happened? All right, Dan. Well, you know how I travel with espn college football campus or this weekend, I was in South. South Bend. All right. Notre Dame, usc. Fun game. You know how they treat me with the travel? They treat me very well. Matter of fact, sometimes first class available. Like when I flew home yesterday, I sat first class. They treat me very well. ESPN on my travel. But I book my travel, okay? I book it through a system. It's on me. Obviously, they pay for it. I Have a certain status, blah, blah, blah. So I'm flying to South Bend on Friday morning, but I have to stop through Chicago, through o' Hare airport. Okay, fine. I've done.

[D]

That.

[C]

Stop. Okay, I've.

[B]

Done.

[C]

I. You can't.

[B]

Fly. South Bend is tough from.

[C]

Miami. They have one terminal. There's, like six gates. It's really.

[B]

Small. It's going to take a couple of. Do they still call it international.

[C]

Airport? Which is my biggest, because they apparently have one flight that fly. It probably flies to the Caribbean. So they get to call themselves an international.

[B]

Airport. Anyway, it's a ridiculous place to put a football.

[C]

Stadium. I'm flying to South Bend through Chicago, and when I get to Chicago, very short layover, I'm walking over to my gate. Okay, no big deal. I get to the gate, I sit down. I see on the board there, it says South Bend, and it says the time of the next flight is 2 hours and 45 minutes. And I'm confused as hell. I'm trying. 2 hours and 45. That's how long it took me to get here from Miami. Two hours. I take out my phone, I open up a map of the United States on my phone. Illinois and Indiana are right next to each other. How can it be 2 hours and 45 minutes? I send Amber Wilson a text message. Amber, I'm sitting here at my gate. It says, 2 hours and 45 minutes. Is that possible? She says, are you sure you're flying to South Bend? I go, I think so. She goes, it's not possible. I go, right. I'm really confused. It gets to the point where they're calling the boarding groups group one, group two, group three. American.

[B]

Airlines. I'm.

[C]

Flying. They get to my group. I'm one of the first people to board. I, you know, got good status, Greg. I get up. I show my boarding pass on the American Airlines app. They scan it. You're good to go, sir. So I'm walking, and it's one of those deals where you got it, you got to go outside. You know, it's a really small airplane. You know, I saw the seating map. It's, you know, two seats on one side, one on the other side. I'm in one of the ones. Get my. Got a lot of room. All right, small plane. I'm walking through the terminal gate now. I take the steps downstairs. There's a bus waiting for me. No, it's a.

[B]

Bus. Is it taking you to the.

[C]

Plane? The bus. On the side of the air of the. On the side of the bus. It Says American Airlines. I'm like, okay, cool. Shuttle bus taking me to my plane. Like a minute. No big deal. I get on the bus, I sit in the first seat. It's gonna be a quick flight. Quick, quick ride. 30 seconds. I sit in the first. I don't even take my backpack off. I sit in the first seat immediately behind the driver. People are starting to get on. They're looking at their phones. They're sitting in assigned seats. Why the. Why the fuck are you sitting in an assigned seat on this bus right now? And all of a sudden, this woman is standing next to me. She's confused. I'm apparently in her seat. I'm looking around at all these.

[D]

People. She got that good bus.

[C]

Seat. I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes.

[D]

Yes. I go, now it makes.

[C]

Sense. Okay, I'm in the wrong seat. And I get up and I go, I'm in 4C. I get up and I sit down. I'm so confused. And then. And then moments later, the bus driver, she, by the way, if you're wondering if there's going to be, you know, drink and snack service, there's not. But the bus driver, she gets on the pa. Yeah, she gets on the PA and she says, just so everybody knows this bus is heading to South Bend, some people might be confused. I'm sitting on this.

[B]

Bus. I can't believe you thought it was two airplanes. Two little.

[C]

Airplanes. Two hours and 45.

[B]

Minutes. You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus. Put it on the poll at Lebaton show. Can the second leg of your first class flight ever be a.

[C]

Bus? This. This woman then gets on. We haven't gotten. We haven't gotten off the. You know, we haven't pulled out yet to leave. She was, we're waiting for the go ahead to pull out from the air tower. I'm like, woman, air.

[B]

Tower. We're on a.

[C]

Bus. Air.

[A]

Tower. I mean, you're a seasoned travel veteran. Has anything like this happened to.

[B]

You? Have I ever taken an American.

[C]

Airline? I mean, why would anyone book a bus through American.

[B]

Airlines? Why would the bus say American Airlines on it? You're not an airline and you're a.

[D]

Bus. And it was just a normal terminal, like one of the.

[C]

Gates. Completely normal. How full was this flight? Oh, the bus was full. Was it a cheap.

[D]

Flight? Did you think, wow, this is a cheap.

[C]

Flight? I don't know. I don't pay for it. ESPN does. I have no idea. Why would I assume that when I'm booking my air travel through American Airlines that it might be a.

[E]

Bus. Was there any turbulence on the.

[B]

Drive? South Bend. South Bend is about a three hour drive from Chicago Airport. Right. So you couldn't just take another small flight anywhere closer to that? The funniest thing was when Zaz started the story, I was going to say, you flew to South Bend. Why didn't you just fly to Chicago and drive from.

[D]

There? I thought he had. I thought there was a different Chicago in another state. That's where I thought we were.

[C]

Going. I text Amber Wilson, I said, you're not going to effing believe this. And then I just wrote, I want to go.