Dan Le Batard And Jonathan Zaslow Call Bradley Cooper "Ugly" | Hour 3

Summary

Podcast Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Episode: Dan Le Batard And Jonathan Zaslow Call Bradley Cooper "Ugly" | Hour 3
Date: June 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This hour of The Dan Le Batard Show features the signature blend of sports, pop-culture, and offbeat humor that defines the show. The discussion jumps from the drama around Cristiano Ronaldo's role in the Portugal national team, to a uniquely chaotic New York parade report, and closes with a comedic, oddly deep-dive into heredity, masculinity, and Hollywood's obsession with cosmetic surgery—specifically, Bradley Cooper's recently changed appearance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cristiano Ronaldo Portugal Debate (00:09–08:20)

• Dan and the crew kick off by analyzing Portugal’s struggle in an international tournament and debate whether legendary stars like Ronaldo should bench themselves for the team’s sake.
• Dan Le Batard voices skepticism that a star would voluntarily step aside:

  “No player in his circumstance has the self-awareness to be like, 'Yeah, I’m an all-time legend. Let me go here. I can’t help.' What are you talking about?” (03:38)

• Mike Ryan pushes back, evoking parallels in American sports, mentioning Clayton Kershaw and LeBron James accepting reduced roles, though none have done so from the bench at the peak moment.
• The segment highlights the tension between individual legacy and team performance.

Notable Quotes:

• (Dan Le Batard, 03:38): “Can you give me, in the history of American sports, someone who’s done it?”
• (Mike Ryan, 05:14): “Look, there’s another option here on the table for Ronaldo, and that’s play much better than he played. Right?”

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2. Tournament Star Power & Emerging Stories (07:04–08:15)

• Mike Ryan surveys the broader tournament, spotlighting superstar narratives: Harry Kane for England, Messi still chasing greatness, Mbappe overcoming a bad first half, and Spain’s young sensation Lamine Yamal.
• The show spotlights Cape Verde’s 40-year-old goalkeeper as a human interest story, who soared to 10.7 million social media followers after his performance.

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3. Parade in NYC: Chaos and Civility (13:42–19:47)

• Amin Hassan calls in, old-school war-correspondent style, from a parade in NYC, painting a picture of wild, yet surprisingly polite, citywide chaos:
  • Full toilet rolls thrown from windows:
    (Amin, 14:17): “There are people throwing toilet—full toilet rolls…because they could then throw it back and then have…the whole toilet roll.”
  • The Wu Tang Clan perform “live on the float,” and people “commandeer a fire truck” without incident.
  • Notably, even with the madness, NYPD is calm:
    (Amin, 16:33): “No one was angry…there were no fights, no arrest, nothing. Everyone was kind of cool and chill about it.”

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4. Giannis Antetokounmpo Trade Rumors (19:02–20:55)

• Amin provides inside talk from the parade about possible Giannis trade destinations, focusing on Miami’s trade package and the Celtics’ rumored Jalen Brown offer.
• The deliberation covers whether a blockbuster trade would re-set the Bucks or just keep them struggling.

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5. Polls Review (22:43–23:31)

• Juju shares poll results, including:
  • “Have you ever heard of a sold-out parade?” 88% say no.
  • “Is Mike Breen always in a suit even when he’s naked?” 97% say yes.

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6. Dan’s Jealousy of Mina Kimes (23:31–26:15)

• Dan Le Batard admits, half-jokingly, to modern media jealousy:
  (Dan, 24:21): “Mina has created a world where Mina does absolutely everything she wants…I haven’t felt jealousy toward a colleague that made me mad in probably 25 years.”
• The crew nods to their own comparative media frustrations, and the perks of being a true tastemaker.

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7. Wrestling Talk: AEW & Greg Cody Easter Eggs (26:42–29:04)

• A lively, layered bit around AEW wrestler MJF referencing the show's inside jokes on TV, with the phrase “catch as catch can.” The team debates whether this is a hidden tribute to Greg Cody or just coincidence.

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8. The Bradley Cooper “Ugly” Debate: Cosmetic Surgery in Hollywood (29:04–35:33)

• The episode moves to the day’s oddest question: Why does Bradley Cooper’s face look different?
• Dan Le Batard is perplexed by Hollywood’s surgical pressures, and jokes abound about Cooper morphing into Ellen DeGeneres:

  “Put it on the poll: Does Bradley Cooper now look like Ellen?” (Dan, 30:06)

• There’s cheeky speculation on eyelid surgery, inside jokes about studio qualifications in judging Cooper’s looks, and bemusement that even Hollywood’s most beautiful feel compelled to tweak.
• Jessica Smetana delivers a rare moment of practical info:

  “They just raise your eyelids. Like, if you start to feel self-conscious about the droopiness of your eyelids, they can raise them up.” (32:36)

• The segment ends with Dan clarifying the intent:

  “Very rarely has anyone ever heard me say someone else is ugly…That's not something I’ve done. My body of work speaks for itself on this.” (33:49)

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9. Zaslow Family’s “No Daughters” Streak (36:38–41:26)

• Zaslow reveals an astonishing family record: No female Zaslows born in over 100 years. Another cousin’s pregnancy continues the streak—it’s another boy.
• The crew spirals into a comedic (and occasionally raunchy) debate about heredity, “positions” that (supposedly) determine gender, and Zaslow’s “primitive” masculinity.
• Dan jokes:

  “If it was only Zaslos at the end, friends, the human species ends because the Zaslos would make us go from endangered to extinct.” (39:46)

• No scientific answer is reached, but much laughter is had.

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Notable/Pivotal Quotes & Moments

• Dan, on sporting legends benching themselves:
  “No player in his circumstance has the self-awareness to be like, 'Yeah, I’m an all-time legend. Let me go here.'” (03:38)
• Amin, on NYC parade civility:
  “No one was angry… Everyone was kind of cool and chill about it.” (16:33)
• Greg Cody, mocking the studio’s judgment:
  “This studio in particular, super qualified to call Bradley Cooper unattractive.” (30:19)
• Dan, humor on body image and Hollywood:
  “This is not the face I wanted. It’s the one I was given.” (34:58)
• Zaslow, on his family:
  “My family, for whatever reason, don’t produce girls anymore.” (40:56)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Portugal & Ronaldo Debate: 00:09–08:20
• Parade Report from NYC: 13:42–19:47
• NBA Giannis Trades: 19:02–20:55
• Polls: 22:43–23:31
• Media Jealousy / Mina Kimes: 23:31–26:15
• Wrestling Easter Eggs: 26:42–29:04
• Bradley Cooper Cosmetic Surgery: 29:04–35:33
• Zaslow Family No Girls Streak: 36:38–41:26

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Tone & Style

• The show remains irreverent, rapid-fire, and heavily reliant on inside jokes and playful ribbing.
• There’s emotional range—a touch of real admiration for Mina Kimes, actual curiosity about superstardom and legacy, and self-deprecation about their own looks and media status.

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Summary Takeaway

This hour offers a quintessential sample of the Dan Le Batard Show: topical sports talk, wry pop-culture detours, chaotic live reports, and a closing segment that transforms an offhand joke into an existential riff on family and fate. The much-touted ugliness of Bradley Cooper is less an assertion than an allegory—a highwire act of poking fun at both celebrity culture and themselves. The comedic energy, good-natured teasing, and semi-stealth social commentary haven’t flagged, making it an hour equal parts absurd and insightful—even for first-time listeners.

Transcript

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with

[Mike Ryan]

the Stugats podcast,

[Dan LeBatard]

Jeremy Tasche's pitch clock and baseball in general gonna be even more segregated than baseball. And Jeremy is usually around here. It has been made and it is ready, but it will be hanging and dangling off of the show instead of inside of the show. You can find it wherever it is that you find these things, but it won't be in inside of our show over the course of hours, one hours, two hours, three. But it's good. And it's baseball and it's segregated.

[Greg Cody]

I've never seen it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Juju is going to join us earlier than usual because we have to get to the polls and we also have to do something else with the post game. So juju will be here shortly in order to update the polls. But I really did want to put in front of you guys the incredibly delicious majesty of being given early in a tournament where Portugal, this is what they have in sports every four years. This is their big thing to the world. And their best player that gets exported to the world is by Mike's suggestion and the suggestion of many others, bench. The legend is happening right off the top because of how a favorite performed in the first game or underperformed their first game. And here, when. When you think about players getting power over the course of whatever has happened to sports internationally and nationally, okay, here is Roberto Martinez, the head of Portugal, telling you, Martinez telling you that he is an administrative assistant for the greatest player in the world. Because when he's asked, hey, have you considered benching him? He got in the way of the great goal scoring chance last time. His quote is, it makes no sense to get the best score in world football out in a game that you need goals. Your questions, media make no sense. You're questioning this human being who is old, his coach who works for him. Don't get it twisted. Like, I understand that all of you think, ah, it's team sports. No, Roberto Martinez works for Ronaldo. You talk about insult Zaz. He's sitting here defending the guy right now, game one, telling you it makes no sense for a favorite in this tournament, one of the best teams in the world, and the only thing Portugal has makes no sense to bench. Guys, stop. Don't bring your sports radio around here. Respect the legend. I don't care what you think. Ronaldo's my guy.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

If the coach says something so definitive like that, then. Then that's it. Like, he. He's never gonna have him come off the bench. That that was he. He said that you're stupid if you're not gonna play the greatest goal scorer in the world. So he. You can't then go back on something like that.

[Mike Ryan]

Sure you can. You absolutely can. But also, I don't think this needs to come from the coach. I think this needs to come from Cristiano himself. But Roberto Martinez is on his way out at Portugal. This is the final World cup, not just for Ronaldo at Portugal. It's the last World cup for Roberto Martinez, who has been successful on the international stage and on the club stage. Like, he's going to go on. He's even been rumored for a very long time to be the next U.S. men's National Team head coach. So he's got options.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I'm a Ponchettino guy.

[Dan LeBatard]

Why are you guys though, skipping right past this part? Mike, I mean, I honestly, I mean you no offense when I ask you this question. When you say Ronaldo himself has to do it, I'm gonna ask you what the bleep are you talking about? No player in his circumstance has the self awareness to be like, yeah, I'm an all time legend. Let me go here. I can't help. Like, you're. What are you talking about?

[Mike Ryan]

He's an all time legend. That can't help. He can help. He can help, I think later in games. Look, I don't want to overreact either. I thought Der Congo played inspired early on. Portugal was just outclassing a team that was all effort. And I think if you look back on that performance, Congo is going to be like, man, we left some goal scoring opportunities on the table. I look back, I'm like, man, they were wasteful. They could have won that match. But I don't want to overreact to one match. And I'm not. This was a narrative headed into this.

[Dan LeBatard]

I know a lot of people are questioning him, but like, I really just. Can you give me the example on the comp, what you're asking Ronaldo to do? Can you give me, in the history of American sports, someone who's done it?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's what I'm wondering. Like, is there no scenario?

[Dan LeBatard]

Because you're asking him now to do it in the single most important thing. It's not even a random guy doing it, like, yeah, load management. But give me the guy who puts up his hand, who's like an all time immortal and says, you know what, it's better for the team if I don't. Clayton Kershaw.

[Mike Ryan]

Clayton Kershaw. Like, I'll assume a role for this team.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

How's it going?

[Mike Ryan]

All time. Great. One of the best pitchers. Some would argue the best pitcher of our generation. A titan in that franchise. He accepted a role. LeBron James said, I'm not good enough to be 1A for the Lakers. Luka's team now I'm going to be a third piece.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's not the bench, though.

[Jessica Smetana]

And then as soon as the season

[Mike Ryan]

might as well be for LeBron.

[Jessica Smetana]

But then as soon as the season ended, he said on a podcast, I'm always the first option.

[Dan LeBatard]

But it's not. I mean, it's not the bench. And Kershaw, I guess in that one, it's so irrefutable because the number he was getting pelted. Right. He's a guy with a career under two and he's. And that you can't even argue that he's summoning something because the radar gun shows you that it's seven miles an hour slower than it used to be.

[Mike Ryan]

Look, there's. There's another option here on the table for Ronaldo and that's play much better than he played. Right. He was pretty terrible. It. It. I don't really see a scenario in which he could be that bad again. And their opponent is lesser. They play Uzbekistan next. Uzbekistan looked last night like they're susceptible to opponents scoring on them. So maybe that's a get right opponent for Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal. However, this is not going to go away. It's not. Even if he has a goal, it'll only diffuse it for a little bit. Because entering this World cup, the only way this tournament gets a little screwy for that team is if the Ronaldo thing gets in the way. And yesterday he was physically getting in the way. Discombobulated. Totally not on the same page with his teammates. His teammates that are all about precision. Guys. They had the game winning goal. Ronaldo deflected the pass.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The teammates hate him. Right?

[Mike Ryan]

No, he's a. He's a legend. Chris Cody are the greatest footballer. What?

[Jessica Smetana]

Are you distracted just watching the parade?

[Dan LeBatard]

Is it Spanish television?

[Jessica Smetana]

Because, you know, actually you're.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're gazing with awe and distraction.

[Jessica Smetana]

I wish it was Spanish.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're not listening to anything Mike Ryan is saying. Nothing. You're not.

[Jessica Smetana]

I did have a panic.

[Dan LeBatard]

No. When I saw. We caught you. We all caught you on camera. Just staring longingly at something on television. It was just a parade. You had a big smile on your face and it wasn't with anything. It's not because you were enjoying our show.

[Jessica Smetana]

That's Right.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, I think for the casual that is paying attention to soccer maybe as much as Chris Cody is right now, the cool storyline so far of this tournament is the narratives around the superstars wearing the weight of the badge on their shirt. Can Harry Kane be England's captain to carry them to the promised land? And it wasn't just the goal scoring. It was the passing, the defense. The defending was out outrageously good the entire match. Him and Jude Bellingham tracking back, showing, leading by example. Messi obviously still trying to prove he's the goat, trying to be the best player. Mbappe a terrible first half and then in the second half shows you entirely what he is capable of. He is a dynamite player. Lamina Mall, not great in what was one of the stories of the first round, Spain drawing against it. If you want to talk about a human interest story, what's happening with Cape Verde right now and their goalkeeper that started with like, I want to say, like 7,000 followers.

[Dan LeBatard]

So great. He's 40 years old. His mom couldn't get in, right? His mom couldn't get in for the game.

[Mike Ryan]

Dan, you want to know how many followers he has? The last I checked?

[Dan LeBatard]

No, we did this.

[Mike Ryan]

It's 10.7 million followers.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's a really good follow.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah. And he started following all sorts of women, maybe even Jess's friend, who knows. Everyone's on the table right now for this guy. There are so many great stories. Lamina Mall, who. Who was a dynamite player as a teenager, still is, by the way, but at 16 years old, was Spain's best player. If he gets right, Spain's going to need him right now. All the stars are stepping up. And then you have Ronaldo, who we. We just chewed on the storyline around him, but he has an opportunity to step up. The names that if you're familiar or kind of familiar with soccer, recognize. They're all at the center of every great story right now in this tournament. It's why it's the best. Boar's Head brings to the deli the taste of deep fried turkey. One bite and flavor takes over. Perfectly seasoned and deliciously golden fried boar's heads. Get it right like they always do. And take it from a guy who knows a little bit about turkey. Boar's Head should be your go to Deli Meat, a backyard tradition available at the deli. Presenting the fryer's turkey breast only from Boar's Head. Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at your local Boar's Head Deli or Boar's Head. Committed to craft since 19 oh, five.

[Greg Cody]

Hey, it's Greg Cody's inner monologue. You know, every friend group has that one person who's somehow better at summer than everybody else. Weekends. You'll never see me without a beer in my hand. Straight up. That time is Miller Time. As soon as I finish the column, I'll say a little something, head over to the garage, crack open a nice cold Miller Light, and I'll stay there for a good 90 minutes, listen to my own voice, watch back some videos, see some feedback of people loving me. Then I'll. I'll send a voice note to YETI or something. And then more, you know about myself, more talking about myself, that kind of thing. Legendary moments. Start with Miller Time, and they're made even better by a Miller Time MVP like me. We all have that one friend who makes every game better. Now it's time to give them their moment. Head over to any of Miller Lite's social media pages and learn more about being a Miller Time mvp. You can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Amin Hassan]

Hey, that's what I'm talking about,

[Jonathan Zaslow]

folks.

[Jessica Smetana]

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[Dan LeBatard]

Don LeBatard.

[Juju]

I ain't never met nobody in the world that's done hate on.

[Jessica Smetana]

Great nomination.

[Juju]

Like who don't like Blues Clues? Bruh, if you don Blues Clues, you're a loser. Stugarts, look, you get one paw print. That's the first clue. You put it in a notebook. Now what do you do? Blues Clues. Blues Clues.

[Jessica Smetana]

Sit on the chair and think about it.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats.

[Mike Ryan]

That's right. This Thursday Thunder is presented by DraftKings.

[Jessica Smetana]

DraftKings.

[Juju]

The Crown is yours. Juju, Go ahead.

[Mike Ryan]

I like Thunder Thursdays as a name.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah, yeah.

[Juju]

Thunder Thursdays go crazy. Last week we was one away again. The one away boy strikes again. But this week, the dream. We got the fever. East coast versus west coast beef. Caitlyn versus angel tonight. But everybody knows two things. One, my boy Zaslo is not a cook. Stop playing with my boy. And number two, I don't bet on the dream because my heart is too involved. So tomorrow night, my sister Satu Sabali will get over 11 and a half per tomorrow. Lock it in. Next leg, my sister Anissa Morrow dab over eight and a half rebounds. She been on a double double streak. You better lock her in right now. And last leg, my sister Gabby Williams for over 15 points. They got Olivia Miles and the Lynx coming in town. And if you know anything about Valhalla, they don't play that stuff in there. Lock in Gabby Williams, the crown is yours.

[Dan LeBatard]

Juju, can you get the polls ready for us? We're going to get to them in a second. But first, Amin is calling in on. I don't know if this is an old fashioned landline from Hoboken, but we do not have video from the parade. We've got Amin somewhere on a telephone. Even though we've sent him and an army of people to cover the parade, there is the ambient parade noise. Amin, can you give us a not visual in 2026 when everyone wants to see everything? Report that is old timey war correspondent from an AM radio from New York about the parade, please.

[Amin Hassan]

Yeah, I'm calling from a pay phone. By the way, Dan, you keep apologizing all the time to the audio audience. Oh, sorry, we're seeing these things but you can't see it. Guess what? Today's their day. Hey, audio audience, you're getting the full work because guess what? Nobody can see what I'm seeing. And now what I'm seeing is an amazing day, man. There are people throwing toilet. Full toilet rolls out the window to people down on the street, because they could then throw it back and then have, you know, the whole toilet roll.

[Mike Ryan]

They do that all the time.

[Amin Hassan]

What's up?

[Mike Ryan]

They do that all the time over there. The nightmare.

[Amin Hassan]

Well, also got a. The Wu Tang Clan was on a float. They were performing live on the floor. I've never seen that before. We had a whole concert. It was kind of crazy. Me and Sean saw people commandeer a fire truck. That's right, a fire truck, an FDNY fire truck. People on top of it. We saw them. People on top of police vans. It is absolutely chaos. But I looked at Sean, I said, you know how I know this is a real special day? Because everybody was nice, even the cops. I've never seen ny. Thank you. I've never seen NYPD be this polite and cordial and patient, despite people doing all sorts of things. We also saw some dude jump the barrier, get caught. They kind of hemmed him up, and then they let him know and say, hey, if you just go back, everything's cool. And so he got up and he walked back, which is an amazing sight to see. Usually that guy's got stitches and he's going in the lockup, but not today.

[Dan LeBatard]

What a heartwarming story. A guy who, you know, broke the law, was allowed to break the law in front of the police, and it was okay. He was just told to go back. And New York has won. We tried warning you at everything. Can we get someone here to throw a roll of toilet paper from the highest point in this building at some point?

[Mike Ryan]

I'll do it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Look at Mike's face right now.

[Amin Hassan]

This seems like a part you guys are getting. Someone threw it back. Like, back up to the window, and the guy caught it, too. I was like, what the hell?

[Mike Ryan]

What a chooch from that guy.

[Dan LeBatard]

I mean, what else have you seen? Are we going to you again here in the last 20 minutes? Because I was hoping for more reports from there, and I understand that we're limited because it's so crowded. What else do we need to know from the scene?

[Amin Hassan]

Well, I gave you the report of the day, which is that the parade was stalled because literally, they couldn't get to the start of the parade route because there were so many people in the streets. Like, as we kind of discussed the technical difficulties, I don't think you guys really grasp how many human beings are in a very small air radius here in lower Manhattan. We saw Blackhawk helicopters flying above. Like, this is crazy. I've never seen New York like this. And again, I cannot touch another. Enough. No one was angry. Thank you. No one was angry. No one was, like, out of sorts. There were no fights, no arrest, nothing. Everyone was kind of cool and chill about it. And you know what? That's a report for making. Also, I saw someone with a Raymond Sultan jersey just walked by.

[Dan LeBatard]

Juju.

[Mike Ryan]

Was it Raymond Felton?

[Dan LeBatard]

We'll get to the polls here with juju in a second. And I actually want some Giannis commentary from Amin at the. At the parade, but just quick follow up. The commandeering of a fire truck. Yeah, that's it. That's my question. Like, what they did? What? They took a fight. They took a fire truck.

[Amin Hassan]

They didn't drive it, but they took. They took it over. They were on top of it. On. And jumping up and down and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And by the way, it was a block from the firehouse, so I don't even know that. The fire department didn't know about it, but they let it happen.

[Dan LeBatard]

Are you embarrassed at all that Jessica had video from her phone and that Sean McGill is fumbling around in a bag that the authorities are going to think is dangerous?

[Amin Hassan]

It all depends on where she's at. I'm on the phone, but depends on where she's at. Like, where we were wearing, like, I hate to. Poor choice of words there. We're literally at ground zero. All right, so not literally literally at ground zero. Yes, I'm looking at it right now.

[Dan LeBatard]

Are you actually at a payphone? You're joking about a payphone, right? There's not a payphone there, buddy.

[Amin Hassan]

Cell phones are not working out here. That's what I'm trying to tell you. So you guys are like, oh, hell, it's pixelated. There's. There's no signals.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay. They've commandeered the fire truck. All right, so it's an actual. You found a payphone, You. That's a functioning, working payphone in America.

[Amin Hassan]

Yeah. And you guys put me on hold for 10 minutes. I gotta listen to you guys complain about Ronaldo? Who cares? Who cares?

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, Good commentary from you. Thank you. Thank you for critiquing our show from over there.

[Mike Ryan]

To be fair, it cost him 10 bucks to listen to the Ronaldo thing. He could have listened for free.

[Jessica Smetana]

Tell us about Giannis.

[Mike Ryan]

To be fair, I mean, Gera Lopez.

[Jessica Smetana]

Be an all star.

[Amin Hassan]

Donna Lopez. Who's Donna Lopez?

[Dan LeBatard]

Jeremy. Like, Jeremy sounds like Jeremy Epically. Bad judgment by you there. Giannis Antetokounmpo from the parade. What are your thoughts? I mean.

[Amin Hassan]

Well, I think Milwaukee is just trying to shake the. The branches of one more time, see what falls out. Everyone expects this thing to be wrapped up by around the draft because the offers don't get better after the draft. So we've got. What's that, T minus six days, five days before they're going to either get off the pot. But again, I think everyone knows Miami has the best hand, and it's just an idea of, like, is someone going to step up and propose something a little bit meatier?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I mean, Mike has spoken to people who are confident that the Celtics have offered up Jalen Brown. My contention to that is, if they have offered Jaylen Brown, what are we still doing?

[Amin Hassan]

Well, yeah, I mean, I think it all depends. Who does Milwaukee want? Jalen Brown? And it might sound ridiculous, but we know that Giannis, who's a great player, when he played for the bucks, they were a.500 team there. I think two games under.500. So, like, Jalen Brown ain't gonna make that that much better. So if you're Milwaukee have to be focused on how can I reset the reset button, how can I shed salary, how can I add big, how can I add young talent? And that's kind of what the Miami package does. They're the only ones that can offer all three of those things. And that hero's a guy that could play right now. Pocket is a guy that could play right now. Where is a guy for the future? And then there's some picks involved. And by the way, you're gonna take some of these salaries. And that's the name of the game when you are starting over, when you are hitting your superstar, your books are all terrible. Getting another superstar who's making a ton of money doesn't really help because we've already established this team isn't that good.

[Dan LeBatard]

Amin, thank you for the hard work from there. If you have anything in the next 18 minutes. We're almost out of time here, but Good job. Sean McGill, if anything is worth reporting from out there.

[Amin Hassan]

Yes, Sean, do you have any more quarters? It's running out.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, yeah, get some more quarters when you can. And call us back from a landline from the New York parade. And also the lowest rung on the show business ladder. Juju, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long on the polls, but it was very urgent that we go to no Video Video in New York and a payphone in New York because I mean, we've spent money to send people there and then they spent more money put into a payphone to not get us video.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

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[Jonathan Zaslow]

Terms at DKNG Co Audio Don LeBatard

[Dan LeBatard]

Amino Hasson Stugats Amino Acid this is the Don LeBatar show with the Stugats. Juju what are the polls?

[Juju]

Well said. I like to remind the audience that these polls are sponsored by you. You are the lifeblood of these polls. So hop on over on Instagram, hop in the stories and let your voice be heard. Have you ever heard of a sold out parade? 88 of the audience says no they have not. Horny's ass. Last poll is Mike Breen always in a suit even when he's naked. 97 of the audience says yes and those are your polls.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you juju. We appreciate it. I've got to tell you guys, something happened to me here recently that caught me a bit off of guard. Like it it really. I was surprised to see it swell up in me because at this point in my career, I've told you before that I'm not as I've aged, I haven't seen as much nobility or value in competing in competing against others the way sort of Nick Wright does where he wants to be better than Pablo and Mina and everyone likes competition and there's nobility in it. But I I just think there's A lot of room at this trough for everybody. Sports pays a whole bunch of people a lot of money to just talk about sports. And there are plenty of avenues where you can get at a career in here without having to be better than everyone else. But I am officially now jealous of someone in the media, and it's one of our own. Mena Kimes is doing everything that she wants to do, including Vulture will call her up and just be like, hey, can you tell us what you're watching, listening to this summer? Because you're one of America's tastemakers, and we want to know what you think about everything. You get to win all the game shows. You get to be on a spelling bee. You get to do your dream job, which is somehow talking to Dan Orlovsky when you can do anything you want anywhere in sports media. And you want to be breaking down the Rams second quarter from week eight because you didn't like what their nickels did. And Mina gets to do what. Mina has created a world where Mina does absolutely everything she wants. And I haven't felt jealousy toward a colleague that made me mad in probably 25 years. Maybe more than that. Maybe it's been more than a quarter of a century since I felt that, because she's got more than us and nobody gets to have more than us.

[Mike Ryan]

Boss and Connor, for me.

[Jessica Smetana]

Yeah, same.

[Mike Ryan]

Those guys.

[Amin Hassan]

Have fun.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, man. Just give it up for them to be liked by espn. We kind of botched that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Mina Kimes has not botched that. She is navigating the wonderful freedoms of being able to. I'm joking, of course, about everything that I said. I'm wonderfully happy for Mina because she has fought her way through the system with her weird tastes, and now everybody wants to know what she's listening to and. And reading this summer because she's a legit, a legitimate tastemaker. Zaz, you're going to have a hard time becoming that man.

[Jessica Smetana]

What are you listening to, Zaz?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Pearl Jam.

[Dan LeBatard]

What are you reading? What do you want?

[Jessica Smetana]

What are you watching these days?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Oh, I'm watching. I'm watching my stories. Watching Raw and smackdown.

[Dan LeBatard]

He man.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Oh, Dan. Oh, my God. He man. Movie's so good. You want to go? I want to see it again. If you want to go, I'll go with you.

[Mike Ryan]

So you mentioned your stories. You mean professional wrestling?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah, of course.

[Mike Ryan]

Your core discipline is wwe, right? Yeah. Well, can I sweeten the pot for AEW All Elite wrestling? Because, guys, we might have a thing going on over here. Mjf.

[Amin Hassan]

Mjf.

[Mike Ryan]

Tweeted the other day, catch is catch can. And he does feature a shirt that says better than you on the front, but. And you know it on the back. So I. I posted on social media last week. Is MJF a huge Greg Cody guy? And AEW responded with a gif of Greg Cody. All right.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Get the hell out of here.

[Mike Ryan]

All right, all right. So this is all circumstantial, right? Play some audio here and video from this week's Dynamite.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, I would say so.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Sure.

[Amin Hassan]

Definitely.

[Dan LeBatard]

So, yeah. First name is Kyle.

[Greg Cody]

Never know.

[Jessica Smetana]

Oh, a catch is catch can. You never know within 16 seconds. I don't know what I just did

[Mike Ryan]

there, Mad Dog, which is what Zaz does. Let's be real.

[Jessica Smetana]

But I'm being told Zaz said earlier that catches catch can is a wrestling term. It is. So is there any scenario where this is just coincidence?

[Mike Ryan]

You never know.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Like, are you saying. Is there any scenario where. Where your father stole a phrase? I think it's possible.

[Dan LeBatard]

No.

[Mike Ryan]

You're gonna do that? And when he's not here.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's not what we're saying. Weak encounters in here. That's not. No, I'm. There's no possibility that's a coincidence that happened on purpose. That was an homage. Some announcers throughout. This happens a lot in the minor leagues, actually, where broadcasters can get away with a little bit more Minor league baseball. People who travel a lot, they use our show phrases and make some inside jokes. But you guys are voting yes. That's something. That's an homage to Greg Cody or

[Mike Ryan]

that's a coincidence that you never know at the end because catches catch can. That makes sense. MJF recently tweeted that people are being alerted to that as a wrestling phrase, but that you never know in the cadence that it was delivered. Investigation still ongoing to find out if there are Greg Cody marks inside of all elite wrestling. But this is two consecutive weeks where it seems as though they're flirting with our audience. And Greg Cody, it's your turn.

[Dan LeBatard]

Michael Cole, we mentioned earlier Sean Penn for some reason, and he's directing a movie that's coming out about friendship with Bradley Cooper. And I just. I wanted to ask you guys something because this is something that I have heard people talking about that I had no knowledge of. None. Absolutely zero knowledge of, which is the pressures in Hollywood to change your face, no matter how beautiful you are, to keep aging away is something that everyone, obviously, in Hollywood is doing. But. But Bradley Cooper has done something that seems like he's either had a botched eyelid surgery or he was going for something with his eyes that has made him look a lot different than he used to look. And I just thought that Bradley Cooper was universally regarded as smoldering the way he was and didn't have to do anything to his eyes or his eyelids. What was wrong with his eyes before?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The one on the right. That's Ellen. That's not Bradley Cooper.

[Dan LeBatard]

Put it on the poll. Does Bradley Cooper now look like Ellen?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's Ellen.

[Greg Cody]

Yeah. This is a good look for us.

[Dan LeBatard]

Bradley Cooper is beautiful in whatever incarnation he chooses to take, including Ellen.

[Greg Cody]

This studio, in particular, super qualified to call Bradley Cooper unattractive.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm not calling him unattractive.

[Greg Cody]

He ruined his face. Bradley Cooper no longer attractive. That's what we're saying.

[Amin Hassan]

Nope.

[Greg Cody]

You heard it here from Jonathan Zaslow and Dan Lebatard. That's right.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's not right. I am not saying that Bradley Cooper is now unattractive. Unattractive. He was perfect the way he was, and I don't understand why he would need. I was not aware. Were you guys aware that there is eyelid surgery? Cosmetic eyes off.

[Amin Hassan]

Like, what did he do?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know what he did.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Why would he go into the doctor and say, give me the Ellen?

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, it's a. It's not a. It's not a great look. And there's some miraculous work being done right now in Hollywood in credible miracles being done. They have. The death becomes her thing going on in Hollywood right now. And, you know, Bradley. Bradley found a different choice.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay. I feel like what you guys did there is in creative ways that mock me, not answer my question in any way, which I was not aware of any of what I've just been presented with. When I see Bradley Cooper and I'm like that. He doesn't look the same. What. What's happened there? It's not obvious in his face. What am I missing? And then I realized, oh, wait, there are a lot of people talking about, why did Bradley Cooper do this? His face was fine the way it was.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Do you think it's like a barbershop where he walked in and there are pictures in the wall and he saw Ellen. He said, give.

[Mike Ryan]

It's like number 36, please. I'm gonna go on the record and say, I think Bradley Cooper figures this out.

[Juju]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

I think we will all regard him as super handsome in short order. You know why? Money.

[Amin Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jessica Smetana]

I think we should all keep an eye on it, though.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're gonna walk yourself out.

[Amin Hassan]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

He can't do that.

[Amin Hassan]

I liked it.

[Dan LeBatard]

You liked it?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I liked it.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right, you can go with him. You can go with him. Eyelid surgery. That's something.

[Mike Ryan]

You take them off. Yeah. So he's just got open eyes for eyes.

[Jessica Smetana]

They just raise your eyelids. Like, if you start to feel self conscious about the droopiness of your eyelids, they can raise them up.

[Mike Ryan]

They could do that with anything.

[Dan LeBatard]

I just. I'm again gonna say. Wait a minute.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Wait a second.

[Dan LeBatard]

Chris Cody did throw into the penalty box. He went and got the food first.

[Mike Ryan]

This is bullshit, man.

[Dan LeBatard]

And it was good food. I saw it. Yeah. Wait a minute. That's not a punishment. Can't do that. That's not a punishment if all they do is get time off and get to go make themselves a plate of food.

[Mike Ryan]

I'm interrupting you. I'm talking over you. You should kick us out for not respecting you.

[Dan LeBatard]

Fine. Get out of here.

[Mike Ryan]

That's barbecue.

[Dan LeBatard]

Fine. Everybody get out of here. You can all go. I'll sit here and talk to Jeremy and.

[Jessica Smetana]

And that's a good idea.

[Dan LeBatard]

And. Yeah, no, but they'll. They'll be blamed for ruining the show because they had to hurry up and eat instead of doing their jobs. And instead of answering my question about eyelid surgeries.

[Jessica Smetana]

I tried.

[Dan LeBatard]

You did try, But I'm informing you guys of this. I don't believe that. I was calling him unattractive. I don't think anybody heard. Very rarely has anyone ever heard me say, someone else is ugly. Someone else has something wrong with them, like in their appearance. That's not something I've done. My body of work I think speaks for itself on this.

[Mike Ryan]

Your body speaks for itself?

[Dan LeBatard]

That, too.

[Jessica Smetana]

That's.

[Dan LeBatard]

My body speaks for itself. My body of work speaks for itself. My body not working speaks for itself.

[Mike Ryan]

Dan, if we can get into, like, a South Beach Sessions mode here, like a mini one. Have you ever felt the pressures of Hollywood to change your face?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't understand what Bradley Cooper just did.

[Mike Ryan]

I avoided the question.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, I don't feel the pressures to change my face. My face. Tony. You think this is how I want this one to look? You think. You think that I. This is what I decided on television when I'm flipping tires in a parking lot trying to get exercise and my trainer, holy cortisol is shooting to your face, and I'm trying to lose weight and I look like I'm 40 pounds heavier than I was in the morning. You think I'm going for that? Trying to be a pioneer on fat faces through sports journalism? So Wind Horse could find work again.

[Mike Ryan]

I feel. You felt a lot of pressure throughout the years, especially post pandemic. Building a plane in the sky. You know, all that stuff that you would.

[Jessica Smetana]

Hollywood collapsing.

[Dan LeBatard]

You would go to a doctor and

[Jessica Smetana]

be like, hey, look.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, infrastructure. What can we do here to make me look a little bit more gaunt? Make me look a little bit more thin?

[Dan LeBatard]

This is not the face I wanted. It's the one I was given.

[Jessica Smetana]

Put that in the club.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's. It's the one I was given. You putting down your chomping on over there. You putting down a giant with. With cornbread to make that joke. With food in your mouth. Making fun of chicken drinks. Making fun of my fat face. As if I haven't been a guide and a pioneer for your red wine. Your red one physically filled with food.

[Jessica Smetana]

Damn good food.

[Mike Ryan]

Mac and cheese.

[Dan LeBatard]

His spoon fell.

[Jessica Smetana]

I'll eat it with my hands. I don't care.

[Dan LeBatard]

Eyelid surgery. I just didn't know that that was a thing. And so I'm done with this subject. Now, to be clear to America and everyone else, I was not saying that Bradley Cooper is ugly. I am saying that Mike Ryan is morally abhorrent. Zaslo, welcome back here.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Burn tips.

[Mike Ryan]

Dan.

[Greg Cody]

You.

[Mike Ryan]

You.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't understand what's happening with you and your bloodlines. Like, I don't. I don't believe that this is a story that's being covered enough around here or anywhere else. It seems like the Zaslow family.

[Jessica Smetana]

Wait, there's some inventive stuff happening back here. I'm sorry. Chris is using his fried cheese as a spoon to scoop up the Mac and cheese.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's really good.

[Dan LeBatard]

How does your judgment get worse than that Otto Lopez question to Amin at the parade?

[Jessica Smetana]

You don't think that that's important, that the camera needs to see the fried cheese?

[Mike Ryan]

Scooping the Mac and cheese?

[Jessica Smetana]

Now, that is worth a toast.

[Dan LeBatard]

Zaslow. The fact that generations of Zaslows are fundamentally incapable of making a girl. So that what stands before us or sits before us today is such a primitive male that he says out loud, without meaning to, in front of Jessica, to everybody, an inner thought that should have stayed on the inside. The record. Whoa, who's that? The record.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You're telling me you see somebody you don't know, you don't say, whoa, who's that?

[Dan LeBatard]

The record. Act not like that. And not with a whoa in front of it. Sometimes I do ask, hey, who's that? But it's not. When you can hear my nether regions Talking. The record. The woe betrays you on the front end. It's not an innocent question. The Record.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I just. I just like to get to know new people. What was that?

[Dan LeBatard]

The record. Zaslow. Your bloodlines. Your bloodlines.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's been over a hundred years, Dan, since the Zazlows have produced a female. Over a hundred years. Just boy after boy after boy after boy. My. My father's aunt, my great aunt, is the last female zaslow born over 100 years ago. Not live anymore. And we had. We had big news yesterday. Or at least I found out the big news yesterday. My. My cousin. My cousin's wife is pregnant. Great. Awesome. Another chance to, you know, try and break this streak of over 100 years. Can we get a female Zaslo? And he told me yesterday they found out the sex. It's another boy. It's another boy. It's another boy. It's unbelievable. It's another boy.

[Mike Ryan]

This is great.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's another boy.

[Mike Ryan]

This is like your man. I wish I would have seen the Undertaker lose, but I kind of like having this streak.

[Jessica Smetana]

Is it possible that all the Zazzlos just. Just do the same position?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, I certainly believe that. I think there is a position that guarantees no. Okay. Yeah.

[Jessica Smetana]

Chris. Men have one position. This is what we do.

[Mike Ryan]

You give courses to radio producers.

[Dan LeBatard]

I do believe that can't be science. Well, you can believe it. There's no way that science. That there's a position that makes a boy. And all the Zazzlers have learned it. They've all right.

[Jessica Smetana]

They play missionary.

[Mike Ryan]

I think you're a missionary man.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's.

[Jessica Smetana]

It's not just chest to chest.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's not. And it's not. It's not.

[Mike Ryan]

That's a shocking development.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's ingrained in us. That's how you make a boy.

[Mike Ryan]

We know it's probably something. Wild swings involved. The way that you spoke earlier. Little bit of a freak.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Over a hundred years. The streak continues.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's great.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

This is not a bit.

[Dan LeBatard]

I know.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's very real.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't. Do we know the science of this? Is it possible?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

Dangerous position.

[Jessica Smetana]

Still collecting data.

[Mike Ryan]

Be careful. Chair involved. Do we know you can break it?

[Dan LeBatard]

If it is possible for a family lineage to be so hereditary with everything that a family scientifically cannot not ensure. If it's only Zaslos at the end, friends, the human species ends because the Zaslos the would make us go from endangered to extinct. Because they cannot make a woman. They'd only make other little apes who would go, Whoa, who's that? If there was a woman. Because there would be an Earth with no women. If it was only Zazlow's. The report, it's not like. Is that science? Is it possible that there's a family that has a bloodline that simply can do nothing but produce men? Do you guys believe that's a thing?

[Amin Hassan]

That.

[Mike Ryan]

Is it the Amazon position? Yeah, that one's wild. That one just doesn't even make sense when you look at it for the first time. Wait, whose penis?

[Amin Hassan]

Mm.

[Jessica Smetana]

Done it.

[Dan LeBatard]

No one has answered any of my questions for the last 25 minutes.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, you keep saying, is it possible? Of course it's possible. It's sitting next to you. I'm the possible. My family, it's a real thing. Our bloodline, for whatever reason, don't produce girls anymore.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't think we have time for Jeremy to actually find here what I need in terms of information. If this is a scientific thing, I don't think we can do this.

[Jessica Smetana]

I googled what positions make boys.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Such a good looking guy. He's like, let me make me into Ellen.